There's a Mouse in My House: Tales of College Woe

2010-01-09T11:03:00.003-05:00

I fell asleep at 10:45 last night. And I don't mean I got in bed at 10:45, or that I turned off the light at 10:45. I mean I turned off the light at 10:44 because I could not hold my eyes open one moment longer; I couldn't read one more word on the pages of my book. I turned off the light, closed my eyes, and was out.

Teaching has been by far the most exhausting experience of my life. I'm still not quite sure why. I can pay lip service to the ideas - you're on for six hours of the day, non-stop, you take the stress home, you wake up early and go, go, go. But I guess at some point I expected that I would just get used to it, you know? My body would get used to the routine. Maybe sometime I will, but right now I haven't. I still fall asleep early on Friday nights and want to stay in bed all day on Saturday.

You know what I've also noticed? Teaching has made me more thankful for little things - the calm and quiet of my house when I get home at night, an adult conversation, weekend - beautiful, delicious - weekends, an unexpected hug with two tiny little arms wrapped around my legs. Even swearing, for pete's sake. If I let out a damn or shit in conversation after school hours I always, always feel a little like I'm getting away with something. Still! Six years after moving out of my parents house and away from my own primary education career. It's great. Just great, I tell you.

So this is my thank you, kids. Thanks for keeping the thrill of being an adult alive for me; you're the best.

xxoo

Quotes from the Classroom

2010-01-07T20:06:00.003-05:00

"I don't have no sharpened pencils!"

"You don't have ... what?"

"I don't got any sharpened pencils!"

"You don't what any sharpened pencils?"

"I don't have any sharpened pencils."

"Okay, how can I help?"

"May you sharpen my pencil?"

" .. Yes. Just ... yes I will. Thank you for being polite."

:o)

Random Thoughts, aka Blogging 2010

2010-01-07T19:44:00.004-05:00

So tonight was supposed to be my night to stay at school and plan for next week. I just remembered as I hopped out of a deliciously hot shower and thought, "Why do I have so much free time tonight?"

Ahh, oops! I stayed late and helped with OM practice, then bailed. Because face it ... once it's dark, you should really be snuggled up at home, isn't that right? Also, I decided this morning that if I'm supposed to get out of bed at a reasonable hour, I should really get a less comfortable bed. My four-inch foam-topped, clean sheet-covered bed just isn't cutting it for getting-up-early mode. Every time I hear the alarm I burrow deeper and tell my alarm, "Just nine more minutes ..."

Actually, I'm not really telling my alarm that. I'm actually ... and this is weird, but I'll share it anyway ... in my head I'm actually talking to the floating head of one of my co-workers. She's there every day at 6:45, and usually she's the voice inside my head that motivates me to get up and get there at least by 7:00. When I hear that alarm in the morning I also see her face, and I plead ... nine minutes more (that's how long one 'snooze' is). Usually she says, "NO!" But this week, man, she's been far too understanding. I need a little more judgement in my life, Mrs. B! (That's my co-worker's name, not me talking to myself. As if that helps.)

Well, this is just a amalgam of stream-of-consciousness, so here -- a list of reasons why I know I'm a teacher (I started this list in my head when I caught myself thinking about item #1 on the list):

My mom sent me home from Christmas with a bag full of goodies, all neatly packed in ziploc baggies. Last night I caught myself thinking, "Hmmm, these are really nice ziploc bags. I need these for crayons ..."
Most meals I make are assessed for their lunch pack-ability.
Speaking of meals, I can eat an entire meal in seven minutes flat. (That's NOT a good thing.)
I have a wide range of hand motions that I can use in place of speaking, for virtually any statement, question, or command. And most of the time, my kids understand what I'm saying.
I've begun to dislike rap/hip-hop for the "message" it sends to kids, and some adults. I hate me for that one.

Okay, done for now. xxoo

Things I Am Thankful for (in no particular order)

2009-11-26T17:04:00.002-05:00

My own little house, that I get to decorate and keep clean (or not) and come home to every day - I love it ...
Squash casserole and oreo truffles (mmm)
Netflix and Seasons 1, 2, AND 3 of 30 Rock (and a whole Sunday to lay in bed living in 30 Rock land)
Friends who make me feel loved, even when they're far away
Friends who make me feel loved, even when I get to see them every day
A boy who makes me smile and gives me butterflies
Kids who say silly things - ("I am seven now! My parents RESPECT MORE FROM ME!" and ... "Sally was on red yesterday, but not me! Jane Doe is BACK ON TRACK!") - not their real names -
Kids who think cans of vegetables dumped in a crock pot is AWESOME and totally worthy of being called "stone soup"
Co-workers who rally the troops when the troops need to be rallied
A family who knows a good day is one where you have just the right balance of getting things done and getting nothing done
Space heaters
Space heaters with remote controls
A job which makes me feel like I've accomplished something
People who help me to do my job to the best of my ability
This quote, and the peace that comes from feeling like I'm actually doing that:

"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams; live the life you have imagined."

A Little Vampire Flavor

2008-12-26T18:24:00.003-05:00

It has been way, way too long since I've read something other than international affairs theory, teaching theory and/or a picture book ... and/or a trashy romance novel. Okay, and the good ole NYT occasionally as well.

BUT the point (that I've almost demolished) being that it's been a while since I read a novel, a fiction series, etc. for fun. Ding ding ding! Welcome to the working world, I guess? Still not sure I want to make a world without reading my reality, but we'll leave that thought alone and move back to where I was going with this: vampires.

Specifically, Stephenie Meyer's vampires. You know, that Twilight craze? Bandwagon ... jumping now. But oh. my. gosh. Anna warned me that I should just put aside four days because I wouldn't want to put them down once I started and ... yeah. She was right. The vampires are consuming my thoughts! I have a two hour attention-span where I can do other things before my mind starts pulling me back to my bed where I can read more about Edward and Bella. Even when I'm not figuring out how to escape the clutches of family time (they want to hang out with me?! THE AUDACITY!!!) ... I'm imagining the vampire world. Thinking about what will happen next, or imagining how Edward and Bella and Renesmee would look in real life. Then imagining myself as a vampire ... and this is how we reach this point: self-photo shoot time.

It really isn't my fault. I needed a new Facebook picture and I was inspired my the vampires, okay? They're supposed to be beautiful, you know? Haunting. Sparkling. I just wanted my own crack at haunting.

And you know what? My vampire photo shoot was fun. I mean, I'm not Esme, Rosaline, Alice or Bella, but I definitely have the dark circles going on right? A vampire really can't ask for more than that. So, yeah. I bet you're jealous, Internet. Iffffff you're not laughing at me. Odds are more likely in favor of the laughing.

Are those vampire-y enough?

Overheard: Chatting With Anna

2008-12-23T16:36:00.004-05:00

I promise that occasionally I talk about serious things. In fact, go back in time to the March/May/June posts to see just how serious and sad I can be.

BUT FOR NOW! A piano/Ninja/dance troupe for your reading pleasure.

Edited to add: I don't always talk about Ninjas either ... must be the Christmas spirit making me a little giddy and wanting to turn my hands and feet into lethal weapons.

me: hahaha

do you play piano?

Anna: yesh

in fact

that's what i'm going to do right now

and then perhaps bed

omg my life is thebesssst

me: haha

i want to hear you play

Anna:

i wish i had a piano in charlotte

me: i'm sure we could find something

even if we have to kick the old woman off the one in dillards

Anna: hahahaha

me: wouldn't THAT be interesting

Anna: that would be amazing

i smell a fun saturday activity!

me: mmm

i'll figure out the specific movements we'll need

i'm thinking a combination of tae kwon do, jujitsu, and sheer badassery

Anna: hahaha

me: maybe a song thrown in for kicks

Anna: a double dose of sheer badassery

me: make it a musical, why not

Anna: and matching sweaters

just because

me:

OH! nice

maayyyybee differentiating brooches

Anna: hahaha

me: cause we each have to have our own identities

and yet ... keep it classy

Anna: that's how we roll

me: on twenty-fo's

with our ho's in the back

Anna: hahaha

me: our HO HO HO's

Anna: YEAHHH BOYYYYYY

me: um, anna

it's BOIIIIIII

sorry you weren't informed earlier on this change in the Thug Life (tm) dictionary

Anna: oh geez

i'm still on the 2006 edish

me: yeah

this is the abridged edition

of the 2010 dictionary

Anna: oh wow

me: took out a few things

Anna: you are so ahead of the game

me: added a few necessities

jumped forward in time

you know

it's like cars

it's really only 2009, but we're already on 2010

Anna: OMG

i was SO going to say that!!!!

.... And thus, we just achieved the highly sought-after mind-meld.

Overheard: Chatting with Asheley

2008-12-23T15:47:00.002-05:00

me: hmm

i can envision you with a large brood

Asheley: but i think i want to adopt more than birth more

me: yeah i can see that for sure

Asheley:

i want Asian babies

is that wrong?

okay, i want Ninja babies

there is a difference

i know that

me: hahahahaha

Asheley:

i wish you were around more often

these bitches just look at me funny when i say things like that

i think they're AWESOME

they think they're weird

me: well they're dumb

and don't have a sense of humor

Asheley: true

cuz seriously, NINJA BABIES

me: i KNOW

Asheley: i would have the best ninja babies

me:

you could run a ninja school

Asheley: they'd be witty and wise and cunning and stealthy

me: yeah!

and when people came to visit

they'd drive up winding road to your adorable cottage/villa

and kids would drop out of the trees

!!!!!

Asheley: SEE

you get it!

why doesn't anyone else?

me: you're just telling the wrong people

Asheley: i know

... you do realize that now there's a lot of pressure to keep the conversation humorous?

Asheley: i don't know how much of it you're going to blog

me: oh

Asheley: yes

me: ... a lot of it

Adorable Christmas Gift, by Ashley B.'s Mom

2008-12-23T11:41:00.008-05:00

Just kidding! She'd never blog. She lifts her top lip in disdain at the word "blog," in fact she told me I shouldn't blog this. I'm not sure how that logic works, though, because if she doesn't know what a blog is, and doesn't read any blogs, how would she know what to include on a blog? We'll investigate this further at some point.

For now, the anatomy of an adorable Christmas gift:

Take one glass nail file:

Glue on fancy beads and sew a pouch for it out of brightly-colored felt:

Attach a Mary Kay Satin Hands set for manicures galore:

TA-DA! Adorableness, embodied. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Reflection: Six Months In

2008-12-23T10:28:00.008-05:00

Trying to break the last six months into pieces to share has been really difficult, which I why I haven't been blogging, I think.

I know that this is a time in my life that I'll probably never have again - an experience in which literally every moment of the day I come to a new conclusion or figure out or am taught something new. Isn't it funny? That I, the teacher, am learning something new every moment of the day? I am.

Quite frankly, it's exhausting, and there's no end in sight. One of the first things I learned about being a teacher is that your to-do list never ends, and once you hit one plateau, there's always another to climb. You'll always need to adapt, to change, to learn new things if you want to be the best teacher you can be. This is true in all professions, sure. But in teaching, those changes come at you like a truck: fast, and unexpectedly sometimes. All the sudden your perfectly crafted day is ruined by a child who didn't get breakfast this morning and is unintentionally taking that out on every other child in the room. And it's your job to find some string cheese and try to make it right before the carnage spreads. I kind of love those days.

I love teaching. I love the kids more. I love the challenge, but I love the rewards more. I'm learning about myself every day, learning that I am a person who craves routine, but who likes flexibility to change that routine on a whim. Who dislikes someone looking over my shoulder, but is pushed to greater achievement when held accountable for my work. Who'd rather wing it than plan, but who feels better about the day when it's mapped out ahead of time. I've said it before, but I'll say it again: it's exhausting.

I've rambled a little bit here, I'll do a better job of forming coherent thoughts and lists in my next post. For now, pictures:

One of my kids wrote this for me - one of the unexpected aspects of teaching second graders are the love notes, which serve to bolster my self-esteem when they line-item veto my literacy plans as I talk with their sighs of discontent.

One of my favorite parts of the classroom, we did this the first week. I was surprised at how accurate they turned out, it makes me want to hug them all over again. Ah, I miss my kids! How did this happen?! :)

A looooonnng time ago. This is what a perfectly arranged math board looks like. It doesn't stay like this, I'll be perfectly honest.

Reading: Young People Can Find Jobs!

2008-12-23T09:58:00.002-05:00

Good to know!

Thanks to my friend Kelly, who always has the best career-oriented posts to share on Google Reader, I ran across this awesome awesome blog, the most awesome of which is this post about how young people aren't so hard-up for jobs as our parents and grandparents would have us think. That is, unless you're in the banking industry. If so I hope you hoarded your millions like a good little banker and are sitting on a pile of cash that will see you through until you're back at your best.

Watching: This and This

2008-12-22T18:14:00.004-05:00

This I think, is what I want to do for my birthday. I wonder if we could do it? Gather a whole bunch of people together and make something lovely? It would be amazing.

Next: this video that cracks me up every time. My roommates Shannon and Rachel and I watched the AMAs together and rewound the video at least five times to watch one of the Pussycat Dolls get caught in her black leather trench coat and almost fall off her pole, while the lead singer almost loses her cool and starts laughing as she sings. Classic. Skip ahead to 1:40 to see the hilarity, or just watch the whole thing and cringe a for four whole minutes.

Reading: How I Came to Believe in Santa

2008-12-22T18:06:00.001-05:00

At DaMomma:

“Santa’s not coming to our house this year,” she said. “My mother says it’s because we don’t have money, but I know it’s because I wasn’t a good girl.”

...

While her mother stared in astonishment, the Marines began to move boxes of things into the house — food, gifts for everyone, and a tree.

The 20 year-old Corporal — stationed away from his own family (he would have dinner at Angela’s the following night) — stopped to speak to the little girl.

“Santa was worried he might not make it to your house this year,” he said. “So he called in the Marines and asked us to help out. He said to tell you you were a very good little girl and he was proud of you.”

“That’s Santa,” Angela said simply. How could anyone not Believe after that?

Christmas

2008-12-22T12:08:00.003-05:00

Moments from the first few hours home:

Convinced my dog I wasn't an intruder.
Forced my mom to try the kettle corn from one of my kids. Convinced her it was the best thing she'd ever tasted (or coerced her into saying it was the best thing she'd ever tasted).
Ate Kettle Corn for dinner and watch Extreme Home Makeover with my mom until the cheesiness overwhelmed me.
Laughed at the shortest, fattest Christmas tree I've ever seen, and listened to my Dad sputter on and on about how he thought it was a full one, and how we weren't here to help so it wasn't his fault!!!!!!
Found my brother in a Pokemon-induced stupor in his room (presumably the reason he ignored my asking for help with my ginormous suitcase).
Laughed at him and made fun of him before I plopped (or swung?) into his hammock chair and begged him to give me one of his old Gameboys and let me start a Pokemon game of my own.
Decide there's a reason why I teach second grade.
Am refused at every attempt to gain my own Pokemon game, because Christopher apparently, "has games saved on every one of his three cartridges," so I'll apparently have to wait "47 more hours" until he's beaten one of them again.
Call my mom in classic sibling fashion and get her to nag him about letting me play, making faces at him behind her back.
Am still Pokemon-less.
Retire to my room where I cuddle with Zoe and read about dragons.
Decide I probably never matured from fifth grade.

Edited to add:

Conclude that I'm alright with that.

At home!

2008-11-26T14:39:00.002-05:00

I'm sprinkling sugar on our leaves, my mom's at the table dolloping cookie dough onto wax paper.

Me: Do you know what time Christopher's coming home?

Mom: 375.

Me: .....

....

Is that a time?

Mom: [looks back] Wha .. what?

Me: Is that 4:15? A critical thinking activity?

and i miss youuuuu ...

2008-11-05T20:37:00.002-05:00

I think I have him to thank for this ...

Asheley: hey, when you're done with [teaching] I'll still be here

8:36 PM me: wooo!

that'll be fun timez

Asheley: and I will desperately hope you grow out of the -ez by then

8:37 PM me: BUT I WON'T

AND I WON'T.

A short essay

2008-09-30T15:11:00.001-04:00

So good.

"But great moments often catch us unaware—beautifully wrapped in what others may consider a small one."

Questionable Decisions, Part I

2008-09-17T22:17:00.004-04:00

I didn't wash my hair for the third day in the row.

It was picture day.

****

It's picture day, I haven't washed my hair in three days.
I say yes to see the picture she's just taken; it'll go in the yearbook.

I didn't need to see that.

******

We're walking to an assembly in the gym, I've just re-iterated three times my expectations for the way we walk to the gym - hands by your sides, feet on the silver line, eyes forward, lips zipped (side note: lips zipped ... this is my life). Understandably, I'm really bewildered to see one of my kids -we'll call him Ethan - literally fall out of line, diving straight into the floor.

"Ethan ... what? ... What is going on?" (sometimes you just have to give your honest reaction)

He's now lying on the floor, struggling to get up.

"I ... my shoes!"
"What?"
"My shoes are tied together!"

At this point the line is passing us by, trained second-graders that they are, dutifully ignoring the child lying on the ground with his shoes tied together. I look at Ethan's feet and ... sure enough, there they are. Knotted.

"... What?"
"I tied my shoes together!"

At some point in my teaching "career" I might've have spent time on a speech about responsibility or ... something. At this point, though, I'm down to my honest-to-God reactions, no filter. I really just don't have the energy for anything else.

My honest-to-God reaction, in this case was complete bewilderment, mixed with more than a little laughter. Like, a lot of laughter.

"Okay, just go over to the side of the hall and try to untie them. Meet the class around the corner."

He nods and squirms over to the side of the hall, owing to the fact that he can't stand ... because he tied his shoes together.

The class keeps walking, Ethan doesn't catch up. I look around the corner, and there he is, bent over his shoes, little fingers working furiously to try and untie the laces.

"What's up, Ethan?"
"I can't get them!"
"Okay."

At this point, it's decision time. We have to get to the assembly, we can't just stand in the hall waiting and holding everyone else up. Think quick.

"Okay, Ethan. Umm."

Stalling.

"Here's what we're going to do."

The classes are coming right up behind us! Decide, Ashley!

"You are, I am going to ... We are ... You know what? Just hop."

He looks up at me, nods, and guys ... He stood up and hopped to the gym.

I had to walk behind him so he didn't see me laughing at the absurdity of my life ... not even just mine, of HIS at that moment. Line of second graders walking in perfect form, and the one scraggler alternately hopping and scooting his feet in two-inch increments to try and keep up. It was completely absurd. It was what we had to do.

** Also, I got that knot out, yes I did. He had to take off his shoes during the assembly, but I salvaged them. Oh, and I got the whole story. Apparently he thought one lace from each shoe was really both laces from one shoe. And I believe him. Is that naive of me?

ohhh, I like this too.

2008-09-11T22:09:00.001-04:00

crystal, originally uploaded by ashley.b.

all the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on. -henry ellis

More Things I Like: Trader Joe's

2008-09-09T20:24:00.004-04:00

Trader Joe's is heaven. My old roommates used to visit the motherland and bring back these chips - Hawaiian Barbeque. Sound disgusting, are really delicious. Truth.

Okay so, picture this. First day of school, you come home, you're shell-shocked.

But you can spell words with your after school snack!!! And they're cinnamon-y. It makes anything okay. Haha, JUST KIDDING. Nothing makes poop okay. (Story for another time?) But it makes your heart a little happier.

Scale of one to ten, how lame is it to do this? Probably ten. But poop, people. It's the little things.

You know you want alphabet messages.

How you know you're a teacher: Installment #1.

Weekend Project II: You probably won't see this one completed either.

2008-09-09T20:13:00.003-04:00

Referencing the first weekend project ... or the first (and only) one that I mentioned on this blog ... I started another weekend project Saturday. I needed something to remind me of the world outside of sharpened pencils and endless questions and BOOM. Enter Really Big Canvas. Really Big Canvas isn't even the biggest one they had, it's just the biggest one I felt like I could feasibly hang on a wall. You know, without people being all, "ummm ... Ashley? Issues much?"

Not that they don't say that already.

Okay, so here it is so far ... !!!!!

Aren't you so excited?

Okay fine. That's just the background. Maybe I'll post pictures of the different stages.

Or not. I'm full of empty blog promises.

Things I Like

2008-09-09T20:04:00.002-04:00

... 70/30 sprinkle to ice-cream ratio.

Mmmmmm.

Overheard: You might need to redefine the term "boyfriend" ...

2008-09-07T11:38:00.002-04:00

2nd grader #1: OH! I wonder if my boyfriend is over there! [... sees me, eyes get wide]
Me: Ooo, a boyfriend!
2nd grader #2: Oh, there he is!
#1: Hey Ivan ... hey! [waves]
[Ivan doesn't look over.]
#1: [shrugs] He doesn't talk to me that much.

Later, at the end of lunch ...

#2: Ohhh, she also has Kirby!
#1: Yeah, I have him too.
... but I don't really like him.

Overheard: Not an exaggeration.

2008-09-07T11:33:00.002-04:00

Shannon: Ooo, your hair looks lighter today. Probably because you spent the day outside?
Me: Maybe.

... Also maybe because I haven't washed in so long we actually didn't know its natural color.

Overheard: Go here with me ...

2008-08-24T22:20:00.003-04:00

"I hate this phooooooonnneee. It's too fancy. It's too cool for me."
"Shannon, go here with me. Maybe you're too cool. Think about that."

Overheard: Culture

2008-08-24T22:17:00.004-04:00

"These are SO CUTE! The little kids, the wheelchair. So multi-cultural!"

"Ummmmm ... babe? Wheelchair isn't a culture. You can't be from the wheelchair society deep in the forests of the Amazon."

"Don't judge me."