THE MOVIE WAFFLER

New Release Review - A Dangerous Method

2012-02-16T14:33:00.000Z

Directed by: David Cronenberg
Starring: Michael Fassbender, Keira Knightley, Viggo Mortensen, Vincent Cassell, Sarah Gadon

Cronenberg is that brand of film-maker I struggle to appreciate, an intellectual. His movies are devoid of emotion and while that helped make him a unique voice in the horror genre I don't think his cold style works well with more dramatic fare. His movies are like a metaphor for his native Canada, too European to be American, too American to be European. The one thing you can say is that he is always the controlling force behind his movies, a sort of Woody Allen of the shadows, but here it feels his cast have pushed him aside and it's ultimately to the film's detriment.
Something that always riles me is when a cast can't agree whether to attempt accents or not. In Fincher's remake of "Girl With The Dragon Tattoo" he keeps the story in Sweden yet while some actors try their best at Scandinavian accents, some just stick with their own. Here, as Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung, Mortensen and Fassbender speak in that kind of Mid-Atlantic neutral dialect, ironic given the Teutonic heritage of both actors. Knightley though goes all out at an awful attempt at a Russian accent. As if this wasn't bad enough she employs a range of ridiculous mannerisms that render this the worst performance by a mainstream actress I've seen in many years.
The director's attempt to make this movie as cold and passionless as the characters involved quickly backfires. Discussing bizarre sexual fetishes with straight faces while stroking their whiskers, the two leads turn this movie into little more than an extended "Two Ronnies" sketch.
While the director and his leads may have damaged their reputations, in the background a lot of impressive work was done on this movie. Cinematographer Peter Suschitzky, Production Designer James McAteer, and Costume Designer Denise Cronenberg can all be proud of the visual elegance they gave this film. Much more so than "The Woman In Black", this looks like a classic Hammer Studios production.
3/10

New Release Review - Star Wars: The Phantom Menace 3D

2012-02-15T18:35:00.000Z

Directed by: George Lucas
Starring: Ewan McGregor, Liam Neeson, Natalie Portman, Jake Lloyd

Yesterday "The Muppets" reminded me what a fun place a cinema auditorium can be, today this showed me it can also be depressing and soul destroying.
In order to put an eighteenth generation of his family through college, George Lucas now presents the "Star Wars" movies in 3D. All that jumps out of the screen is sheer unbridled cynicism, this is the worst 3D I've ever seen and that's saying a lot after some of the shoddy affairs Hollywood has thrown at us lately. 3D gives most people a headache and when it's your beloved "Star Wars" being butchered you'll have your heart broken too. The awful retro-fitting of 3D here makes everything look like it's made out of cardboard. Scenes involving actors standing in front of a greenscreen look exactly like that, it's akin to watching an intergalactic weather report.
I've been sitting on the fence regarding 3D but this has cemented my opinion, it's not just a gimmick, it's a scam, one which adds nothing to a film other than an extra few dollars on your ticket price. Likewise I've been passive about Lucas, always giving him a bye for making my childhood so much richer, but no more. This man is ruining cinema! That might seem like an over-reaction but consider this; in 2005 at the ShoWest movie exhibitor’s convention in Las Vegas, he along with James Cameron and Robert Zemeckis made a presentation which ultimately convinced the owners of cinemas worldwide to switch from film projection to the digital alternative. The result of this has been the redundancy of thousands of projectionists across the world, skilled professionals, some who had been in the business so long as to have handled thick crispy 75mm prints of "Ben Hur". Now cinemagoers place their faith in IT specialists who control eighteen separate screens from one control room and think celluloid is something women get on their asses when they eat too much Haagen Dasz. The switch to digital was mainly to facilitate 3D but also to give more power to bearded butchers like the three mentioned. Some cinema chains literally "dial-up" Hollywood and stream the movie from a server somewhere in Silicon Valley. This gives the suits at the studios a scary amount of power. Let's say a movie is released with a downbeat ending, I'll use David Fincher's "Seven" as an example. It opens poorly on it's first weekend so the studio decide to give it a happy ending using footage the director was forced to shoot as a backup. See it on Friday and Paltrow's head is in a box, see it on Tuesday and she's walking off into the sunset with Brad Pitt.
As for the movie itself, it's in no way a good film but viewed in the context of the prequel trilogy it's watchable, I recommend the Blu-ray release from last year if you have to see it.
I've spent a fortune on "Star Wars" over the years and despite Lucas' constant tinkering they've always brought me joy but this is the end of the road. Should you go see this? To use a word Lucas seems all too fond of: Noooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!
1/10

New Release Review - The Muppets

2012-02-14T22:41:00.001Z

Directed by: James Bobin
Starring: Jason Segel, Amy Adams, Chris Cooper, Rashida Jones, The Muppets

I think it was David Lynch who once said that as long as Jimmy Stewart is still around, the world can't be a bad place. Sadly Stewart is no longer with us but I think you could substitute his name with the Muppets and the quote would work just as well.
As an eighties kid, The Muppets were as much a part of my childhood as the creations of Lucas and Spielberg. Following 1992's "Muppet Christmas Carol" they disappeared into the background, producing two very average movies in the meantime. Thirteen years after "Muppets In Space" they're back, and judging by the reaction of the young audience at my screening, they're here to stay.
Sometimes a franchise needs a fresh take and wisely the Henson family have stepped back for this reboot. Taking over are Jason Segel and Nicholas Stoller, and it's clear they have a love for the material, this is a movie made by fans for the fans.
Where the likes of "Treasure Island" and "Christmas Carol" were constrained by the source material, this has an anarchic feel much more in keeping with the original TV series. If you've seen "The Blues Brothers" you'll recognise the plot, and the movie shares the same comic spirit as those early eighties comedies. The gag per minute ratio is one of the highest since the "Airplane" movies.
Like 1995's "The Brady Bunch Movie", this plays on the conflict between it's protagonists and the cynical modern world. Unlike that movie, which made most of it's jokes at the expense of the Brady family, here the joke is on contemporary culture, it's the Muppets who have the last laugh. They get the chance to get the show back on TV because a reality show has been taken off the air.
Surprisingly this is a really good-looking movie, the use of colour is fantastically vibrant in a way you rarely see in these filtered, desaturated times. The song and dance numbers will have you tapping your feet and grinning like a donkey on coke. If you were alive in the eighties this might mean more to you than younger audiences but I can't imagine anyone not thoroughly enjoying this joyous and yes I'll say it, life-affirming movie. Take your kids, take your parents, take anyone, everyone should see this sensational, inspirational, celebrational, Muppetational movie.
8/10

Picture Show - Blood On Satan's Claw

2012-02-13T18:41:00.001Z

Classic British horror from Tigon studios who were the low budget version of Hammer. This one's not safe for work by the way.

New Release Review - Carnage

2012-02-12T16:26:00.000Z

Directed by: Roman Polanski
Starring: Jodie Foster, John C Reilly, Christoph Waltz, Kate Winslet

Strained is the best way to describe this adaptation of the successful stage play. It may have been billed as a heavyweight bout between two of cinema's most talented actresses but it's the male leads who carry this film. Foster and Winslet really struggle through this, especially in the more comedic moments. Reilly however is right at home here given his background in comedy. Waltz is a revelation, displaying a sense of comic timing made all the more impressive given that English isn't his first language.
Though only 80 minutes long, the script struggles to fill the running time. There are several opportunities for Waltz and Winslet to leave yet unconvincingly they stick around. If your movie is completely set in an apartment it better have some good dialogue but I can't recall one memorable line from this. A quality sitcom like "Frasier" could pull off this sort of story with more aplomb in 22 minutes. Polanski is a talented director so it's strange he would pick such a visually uninspiring story as this.
At one point a character vomits profusely and Polanski lingers his camera on it to a point that is just plain disgusting. Maybe he should work with Adam Sandler on his next project?
5/10

New Release Review - The Woman In Black

2012-02-12T15:42:00.000Z

Directed by: James Watkins
Starring: Daniel Radcliffe, Ciaran Hinds, Janet McTeer

Though they now have a few movies under their belt since their reincarnation, this is really the first Hammer production that recalls the gothic tradition we associate the iconic studio with. As it turns out this has more in common with Asian horror of the noughties than British horror of the sixties. Watkins styles his title character after the long dark haired spirits of movies like "The Ring" and "The Grudge". With "Eden Lake" he showed he could pull off visceral horror but when it comes to building atmosphere he's not quite so skilled. There are so many fake jump scares in the opening act that the genuine scares lose their impact when they arrive. Every scare moment is accompanied by a loud, crashing, and totally unnecessary sound effect, as if he worries the audience might be nodding off. The music too is hackneyed and overblown, if you watched this with the sound down it would be a far more effective film.
There was a lot of debate about whether Radcliffe was the right choice to carry this film but he's perfectly fine here. Yes, he does look very fresh faced despite his designer stubble but at the time the movie is set people grew up a lot faster than in the modern world. Hinds is perfectly suited to this type of movie and if Hammer continue down this road he should become part of their stable.
The UK TV network ITV produced a far superior version of this in 1989 and on a tenth of the budget. If anything the extra cash available to Watkins is the movie's biggest hindrance, horror is best kept in the shadows, here there's too much on display.
4/10

Great Movie Posters - Over The Edge (1979)

2012-02-12T15:11:00.000Z

Why Kim Novak Has The Waffler's Support!

2012-02-09T17:19:00.001Z

In the excellent "Martha Marcy May Marlene", John Hawkes plays a cult leader who preys on teenage girls. Part of his technique is to rename them with old folk song titles, so Martha becomes Marcy May, partly after a song by sixties troubadour Jackson Frank. Another of Frank's songs is titled "Marlene". In a sinister twist on a scene from Robert Altman's "Nashville", Hawkes sits down with a guitar and performs a cover of "Marcy's Song" for the formerly named Martha. She is captivated as she thinks Hawkes has written this song for her himself. Of course Hawkes knows that the chances of a nineteen year old girl being familiar with a singer like Frank are pretty slim.
The director of "The Artist", Michel Hazanavicius, is the film-making equivalent of Hawkes' cult leader. In the climactic scene of his very enjoyable but ludicrously over-hyped homage to the silent era, he chooses to steal part of Bernard Herrmann's magnificent score for Hitchcock's masterpiece "Vertigo". I say steal because there's really no other word for it, you certainly can't say he's just borrowing it. By doing this, Hazanavicius is treating his audience with the same cynical contempt that Hawkes shows for his teenage victims. The piece of music used is so powerful that I could lay it over footage of me typing this article and it would seem like a great piece of cinema. The effect on a cinema audience is the same as a gullible teenage girl hearing her name mentioned in a song. Just as Hawkes presumes his victims have no knowledge of fifty year old music, Hazanavicius presumes his audience have no knowledge of fifty year old movies. While sadly Hitchcock and Herrmann are no longer here to defend their work, the star of "Vertigo", Kim Novak is, and she's not going down without a fight. She took out a full page ad in Variety denouncing Hazanavicius' use of the piece. The reaction from Hollywood and many critics has been to defend the Frenchman, essentially telling Novak to "get over it". How can they defend a movie that celebrates one golden age of cinema yet treat the star of another with such contempt?
I was delighted to see Novak take this stand as it's something that really sticks in my craw and it's something we're seeing, or rather hearing, more and more of. One of the aspects that garnered so much critical praise for Tarantino's first two movies was the use of obscure old music, we had never heard any of those songs accompanying visuals before. This ended, along with his career in my view, with the opening credits of "Jackie Brown", accompanied by Bobby Womack's theme song from the movie "Across 110th Street". Since then almost every piece of music in his films is stolen from a previous movie. He presumes nobody watching now has ever seen "Kelly's Heroes" so why not steal it's soundtrack for his own war movie?
At least Tarantino waits for some time to pass before ripping off music, some film-makers aren't so patient. For his 2011 movie "Drive", director Nicholas Winding Refn stole part of Trent Reznor's score for the er...2010 movie "The Social Network". If Refn's talent was as large as his balls he'd be the new Hitchcock! Don't get me started on Zak Snyder, his soundtrack for "Watchmen" is probably the most unoriginally assembled in history.
So I commend Novak for taking a stand. You can argue she went a little overboard in the language she used to make her point but it was indeed a point that needed to be made. If I hear Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah" on one more soundtrack I may cut my ears off!

New Release Review - Young Adult

2012-02-09T15:50:00.000Z

Directed by: Jason Reitman
Starring: Charlize Theron, Patrick Wilson, Patton Oswalt

Screenwriter Diablo Cody is often criticised for writing teenage characters who talk like they're middle aged. Fitting then that her latest script is about middle-aged people who behave like teenagers.
Theron is by far the best thing about this, genuinely scary as a semi successful writer of young adult fiction who returns to her home town to seduce her teen love Wilson. The fact he seems happily married with a newborn daughter is just a minor obstacle as far as she is concerned.
For me, this needed to be a much darker film but it never gets scathing enough. It seemed like the perfect opportunity for a Todd Solondz style examination of both snobbery and small-town attitudes. Oswalt's character suffers from penile dysfunction due to being beaten to a pulp as a teen by local jocks who thought he was gay. How much more interesting would it have been if Wilson's character had been one of the perpetrators?
There are a lot of inconsistencies through the script; at a midway point Theron and Wilson lock lips yet it never gets mentioned again despite a climatic scene where Theron is trying to convince Wilson's wife that he still wants her.
I'm sure this will be one of the better comedies of the year but essentially it's just an average entry into the reunion genre, check out "Grosse Point Blank" for a better attempt at this sort of yarn. Seeing as the Oscar panel don't know who Elizabeth Olsen is though I'd have to recommend Theron for a statuette.
5/10

New Release Review - Martha Marcy May Marlene

2012-02-08T18:35:00.001Z

Directed by: Sean Durkin
Starring: John Hawkes, Elizabeth Olsen, Sarah Paulson, Hugh Dancy

Two exciting new talents explode onto the screen in what could be the best American movie of the twenty-first century.
Regular readers of the site may think I don't like movies very much due to the poor reviews I give most new releases. The truth is the vast majority of what I consider great films were made before 1982, by film-makers who are either dead, have sold out, or have simply lost their talent. Looking at the year ahead there's simply nothing that gets me excited, I couldn't care less what the Coen brothers next movie will be, I have zero interest in the latest round of superhero movies. It often feels like movies just aren't made for me anymore. Until now.
This movie is a throwback to the independent American horrors of the seventies, made with a youthful brashness but also with a reverence and understanding of the history of cinema. While being one of the most original films for many a year, it finds time to reference movies like "Halloween", "Nashville", "Once Upon A Time In The West", "Marnie", "Leave Her To Heaven", "Blue Velvet" and "Shadow Of A Doubt". Unlike Tarantino and Hazanavicius, Durkin's obvious love of cinema never comes across as a lecture, the references are purely visual, and he certainly doesn't need to steal from another film's soundtrack.
To me the mark of a great director is economy, they should be able to make their point as quickly, simply, and quietly as possible. At the start of this we have a scene establishing the cult that Olsen later flees from. We see the male members eating a meal at a large table, then we cut to the females standing patiently in the kitchen, and cut again to the table where the females have now taken their place. With three shots, two cuts, and zero dialogue, in about twenty seconds Durkin tells us more about the group dynamic than some modern directors would convey in a half hour of pointless editing, strained camera moves, and clunky exposition. He uses the widescreen frame to create tension in a way I haven't seen since the heyday of John Carpenter. If you didn't know better you would swear this and "Halloween" were made by the same person. Like Carpenter, he intercuts between wide shots and tight close-ups to keep us in a state of paranoia. When the screen is full of empty space we worry about who might enter the frame, when all we can see is Olsen's face we worry about what might be lurking offscreen.
The real genius of Durkin is that he exploits our expectations of the suspense genre but never gives in to them, the viewer is often allowed to fill in the blanks with our own ideas and prejudices. When you're dealing with a character who is ultra charismatic it can often be a problem. What if the audience don't find Hawkes convincing as someone who could seduce people to follow every whim? Durkin wisely chooses to start his story after that point, Hawkes is already in control and we can form our own theories as to how he got there. The last time I saw a debut this assured was Vincent Gallo's "Buffalo 66" all the way back in '98. Hopefully Durkin will have a better career than Gallo though.
If it wasn't enough for one exciting talent to emerge from this, we also get Elizabeth Olsen, younger sister of the infamous twins. Her performance is one of the most natural I've seen from any actress, of any age, she's realistically disturbed without resorting to hysterics. I just hope she sticks to her guns and doesn't get sucked into the romantic comedy vacuum.
The American release of this qualifies it for Oscar contention and it's snubbing is nothing short of a disgrace. If this doesn't end up as my favourite film of 2012 then it will have been one hell of a year.
9/10

New Release Review - Two Headed Shark Attack

2012-02-07T22:59:00.001Z

Directed by: Christopher Ray
Starring: Brooke Hogan, Carmen Electra, Charlie O'Connell

Two heads are better than one is the thinking behind this latest effort from The Asylum Studios. It's as bad as you would expect from the studio who gave us titles like "Mega Piranha" and "Transmorphers". The CGI is particularly dire in this one and in some shots it seems like they forgot to add in the second head on their creature.
Most of their previous productions have been pretty kid-friendly, hence their popularity with the SyFy network, but with this one they've gone for a more adult approach. We get nudity, lesbianism, and some extreme gore. It's a lot more nihilistic than you may expect from such a jokey concept and most characters meet a bloody end.
It seems everyone involved is related to someone more famous than themselves. The director is the son of eighties schlock king Fred Olen Ray, O'Connell is the brother of "Piranha 3D" star Jerry O'Connell, and Hogan is the daughter of wrestler Hulk Hogan. The closest to a star is Electra but her role mainly consists of sunbathing montages.
If The Asylum dumped the cheap CG for old school rubber monsters and employed some wittier writers their movies may live up to their titles. They may claim that their sole aim is to make "six-pack" movies but you need something a lot stronger than beer to get through most of their product.
3/10

New Release Review - Beneath The Darkness

2012-02-05T22:50:00.000Z

Directed by: Martin Guigui
Starring: Dennis Quaid, Tony Oller, Aimee Teegarden

This attempts to do for "Psycho" what "Disturbia" did for "Rear Window", update it for a teen audience, but where the latter film succeeded this fails miserably.
Quaid is cast against type as a deranged mortician who lives with the corpse of his wife. When a bunch of uncharismatic "One Tree Hill" type teens catch on to this, one of their number becomes his latest victim. As is usual in these films, the adults of the town don't believe them so they must expose him themselves. Quaid has fun with the role and plays it well over the top but his performance isn't enough to elevate a bland script.
The budget for this borefest was seven million dollars and it's hard to see where it was spent. Maybe most of it went to Quaid, it seems the only explanation for an actor of his quality appearing in something as bad as this.

3/10

New Release Review - Man On A Ledge

2012-02-04T14:12:00.001Z

Directed by: Asger Leth
Starring: Sam Worthington, Elizabeth Banks, Jamie Bell, Genesis Rodriguez, Ed Harris

When Worthington steps out the window of a 21st floor hotel room, logic doesn't waste any time following him. Personally I've never been a fan of movies that are heavily plot-driven. To me, plots belong in novels, not films. I much prefer to let a movie's atmosphere wash over me than spend ninety minutes trying to follow it's plot. A film like this lives by it's plot and in this case dies by it's plot-holes.
The reason Worthington is on the ledge is to distract from the diamond heist occurring in Ed Harris' building across the street. The perpetrators of this heist are Bell and Rodriguez who, despite having no military backgrounds, manage to pull it off with the efficiency of Mossad agents. The only explanation as to their competence in this field is that Rodriguez spent her teen years breaking into rich people's homes. You can't imagine a black actress being cast in this role but negative stereotyping of Latinos still seems to be fair game.
Characters actions in the movie's final act contradict those of the first act, all in the name of cheap plot twists. The hardest to swallow was the faking of the funeral of a character who is present all along but never gets recognised as Worthington's father.
I once read that the top screenwriters only have an average of one script produced for every twenty written. If that's the case it's shocking that something as poorly and amateurishly written as this makes it to the screen. Surely they could have brought in a writer to iron out the gaps in logic? It seems quality control is a thing of the past as is Hollywood's respect for audiences.
If you want to see a decent version of this type of story then check out last year's "The Ledge" instead.
3/10

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New Release Review - The Grey

2012-02-02T18:43:00.001Z

Directed by: Joe Carnahan
Starring: Liam Neeson, Dermot Mulroney, Frank Grillo, Dallas Roberts

The plot of this is basically "Alive" with wolves but where the focus of that film was on staying alive this takes a different route. This is a movie about preparing for death.
Considering it happens to every person on earth and will happen to you and I, there are remarkably few films about mortality. Last year's Golden Waffle winner "Melancholia" dealt with coming to terms with the inevitable and this mines similar territory. There's a powerful scene where a character decides to lie down and accept his fate because the Alaskan landscape is filled with the beauty his life has been lacking. The movie's mature view of suicide is refreshing to see and is commendable.
In a parallel to real-life, Neeson's character has recently been widowed. This can't have been an easy role for him or perhaps it was sadly all too easy. Either way he's fantastic here and is totally convincing as someone you'd want on your side in this situation. His character is an Atheist and thankfully the script doesn't give him any cheesy "enlightenment". He's always struggled with accents but here he actually plays an Irishman and his dialogue always sounds just how we Irish speak.
In a reverse of the "Lord Of The Flies" archetype, the characters start out at odds with each other but find their humanity along the way. Every time we think the film is veering towards a sentimental moment reality hits us with a bang. All the usual cliches of this type of tale are consistently subverted. The last mainstream American movie this dark was probably David Fincher's "Seven".
It's good to see the film-makers didn't go down the CG greenscreen route for this, the wolves are a combination of real and animatronic creatures. The location shooting adds a production value that could never be replicated in a warm cosy Los Angeles studio, the cast look absolutely freezing all through this.
That one of the most intelligent mainstream movies in years came from the director of "The A-Team" and "Smokin' Aces" means there's hope for American cinema after all.
8/10

New Release Review - Like Crazy

2012-02-01T21:43:00.000Z

Directed by: Drake Doremus
Starring: Felicity Jones, Anton Yelchin, Jennifer Lawrence, Alex Kingston

It's very annoying watching a terrible film made by talented people but it can be a whole lot of fun watching something like this, a terrible film made by untalented people. I had to check the age of the director and found he's twenty-eight, young for a director, but his film looks like it was made by a seventeen year old.
Usually when a drama is bad it's just plain bad but occasionally you get one that's so inept it's a joy to watch. The first mistake Doremus makes is in allowing his cast to improvise their dialogue. There's only one situation where this should be encouraged and that's when working with comedians. That's because comedians, even bad ones, are usually clever people and most have a background in improv. Expecting twenty-something actors to come up with great dialogue is pretty naive and some of the verbal excrement heard here will have you creased over with laughter.
The movie is set between London and Los Angeles and in the world of Doremus these two cities share the same time-zone. Yelchin is frequently seen boozing in LA as is Jones in London, at the same time. Despite an eight hour time difference it somehow always manages to be just as dark in L.A as it is in London.
If you want the audience to fall for your heroine, which should be quite easy given how beautiful Jones is, don't have her character behave like a psychopath. The first ten minutes had me wondering if this was going to be a teen remake of "Fatal Attraction". There's a hilarious scene where after saying goodbye to Yelchin at the airport, Jones stands motionless while crowds rush past in sped up time-lapse. Yes, just like that crazy bitch in "Paranormal Activity"!
I could go on and on but I just need to mention Doremus' bizarre use of props. At one point Jones' neighbour returns an item he previously borrowed. Some coffee? A torch maybe? Perhaps a screwdriver? No, it's a George Foreman Mini-Grill! I hope they release a director's cut so we get to see how he came to borrow this. "Excuse me, I was just about to cook some burgers when I realised I don't have a grill!" "No problem, you can borrow my lean mean fat grilling machine!" Oh and the title comes from the name of a chair that Yelchin makes for Jones. Yes, a chair! You see, despite looking about sixteen, Yelchin has his own successful carpentry business and nothing says "I Love You" like hand-crafted furniture!
Doremus is completely devoid of talent but like Ed Wood he's got a lot of heart and it makes me feel good knowing people like this are getting a chance. He's not intentionally insulting his audience, he just doesn't know any better. His IMDB page lists a forthcoming "Untitled Drake Doremus Project", and this should give hope to us all.
6/10

New Release Review - Chronicle

2012-02-01T20:55:00.000Z

Directed by: Josh Trank
Starring: Dane DeHaan, Alex Russell, Michael B Jordan

The found footage genre has sparked a curious phenomenon, that of Hollywood trying to make big budget movies look like amateur productions. It's similar to how white musicians repackaged black music in the sixties and the effect is the same, soulless. There's a moment in this where a character refers to the camera as a "piece of shit from 2004" yet the movie is clearly shot on film. In fact, with so many Hollywood movies being shot digitally, this actually looks better than many modern studio productions. The sound editing also utilises techniques which contradict the found footage style, for instance in one scene a song is played without interruption yet there are several cuts within the scene. There's a reason "Paranormal Activity" looks like it was shot by a nobody on a cheap camera, it's because it was shot by a nobody on a cheap camera. Watching Hollywood film-makers try to ape this style is like listening to a rich white girl sing the blues.
Some movies get a poster they don't deserve, this had a trailer it didn't deserve (and again some of the trailer footage is absent from the film.) The trailer looked so slick that it barely suggested it was a found footage flick, and tellingly it used the only few good moments of special effects.
On several levels this feels like half a movie. It's like the origin story of a villain cut out of a superhero movie. The running time is almost TV episode short. Worst of all some of the FX work looks like it hasn't been fully rendered. In one ridiculously shoddy moment we see the reflection of the camera in a mirror but when the camera pans away it's reflection remains still. How little respect do you have for your audience to release a movie with simple errors like this? The greenscreen work would look below par in a SyFy original production. A scene in Tibet literally looks like the actor is standing in front of a projected slide.
To say the script defies logic is putting it mildly. When the protagonist's father looks through the footage on the camera he remarks that his son should stop "goofin around" or words to that effect. That would be fine if the camera didn't contain footage of his son flying through the clouds and moving vehicles with his mind. Our anti-hero also uses his telekinetic ability to pull off some outrageous magic tricks at his school talent show yet none of the teachers think to ask him how the hell he did any of it.
On paper the idea of a found footage version of "Carrie" sounds fun. On film (not video) it's anything but.
2/10

Great Movie Posters - The Ides Of March

2012-01-31T14:21:00.000Z

First Time Watches - January 2012

2012-01-30T22:02:00.001Z

Snowbeast (2011)

Although not a remake of the Seventies Yeti classic, it may as well be. The monster is hilarious as you can see to the left and you can even see where the zipper runs up it's spine. I'm a sucker for any movie with a Sasquatch/Yeti so despite this being awful on pretty much every level I was kept entertained for it's running time. Expect to see it turn up on the SyFy network sometime soon. 5/10

Jack Goes Boating (2011)

Philip Seymour Hoffman's directorial debut borrows heavily from indie flicks like "The Station Agent" and the Hoffman starring "Love Liza" but lacks any of the wit and charm of those titles. He plays a thirtysomething who is working up to his first ever date but his character just isn't affable enough for us to root for him with the enthusiasm the other characters display. His directing is competent enough and doesn't have the stageyness that can often plague the work of thesps who move behind the camera, but he needs better material if he plans to pursue this line. 4/10

Yellow Brick Road (2010)

This movie has a great premise; in the thirties the residents of a small town disappeared after wandering on a trail. Now a documentary team discover the location of the trail and set off themselves to investigate, becoming more and more unhinged as they go. This promising idea is ruined by amateurish acting and directing and awful effects. A rare case of a movie that could be improved with a big budget remake. 2/10

Hugo (2011)

I missed this at the time of it's release but it hung on in cinemas so I was able to catch it at the end of January. It's shot beautifully and movie geeks will enjoy the recreations of early film-making but the script struggles to weave everything together well enough to make this anything more than a curiosity piece. Despite the marketing campaign I imagine kids would be bored senseless by this. 5/10

OSS117 Cairo Nest Of Spies (2006)

Before "The Artist" made him the current critic's darling, Michel Hazanavicius made this fun homage to the spy movies of the sixties. As with his latest work this looks just like it was shot in the period it references. "Austin Powers" fans should avoid, the jokes are far too esoteric and referential for mainstream audiences. The running time could be pruned a bit but it's an enjoyable diversion. 5/10

11/11/11 (2011)

There's been an annoying trend in horror lately involving characters rediscovering their faith. It's hammered home in this tale of an impending apocalypse and the conflict between an atheist and his Christian brother. The school of "flash/screech/bang" horror is where this one pitches it's tent. Directed by Darren Lynn Bousman who gave us Saw 2, 3, and 4, but the gore is eschewed here for a brooding atmosphere which he fails to pull off. 2/10

Scooby Doo & The Loch Ness Monster (2004)

The modern Scooby Doo movies can be hit and miss but this is a really enjoyable entry for my favorite animated series. The team visit Scotland to hang with Daphne's cousin (I knew she must have celtic blood with that fiery red hair) and take part in the highland games. Of course they run into the fabled monster and discover there's more than meets the eye. There's a nice sub-plot involving Scooby and Shaggy uncharacteristically refusing to eat because Scottish cuisine is so bad. 6/10

Picture Show - Double Indemnity (1944)

2012-01-29T23:22:00.000Z

Here for your streaming pleasure is Billy Wilder and Raymond Chandler's Film Noir classic.

Retro Review - Hell Night (1981)

2012-01-29T23:00:00.000Z

Directed by: Tom DeSimone
Starring: Linda Blair, Vincent Van Patten, Peter Barton, Kevin Brophy, Suki Goodwin

Nowadays nobody who wants a legitimate career in the film industry would dream about starting in porn but that wasn't always the case. Back in the seventies the technical specs of skin flicks were pretty much on a par with regular movies, they were shot on film and required a knowledge of lighting that non-professionals simply didn't have. If you were a director with a list of porn titles on your cv you were taken seriously by producers of exploitation fare. Tom DeSimone, director of titles like "Swap Meat" and "Heavy Equipment", was taken aboard by Irwin Yablans of "Halloween" fame to direct this slasher. He should have stuck with porn.
Having never attended college in the United States I didn't realise that Hell Night was an actual thing, the night when pledges are put through ordeals in order to be accepted into fraternities and sororities. Blair is one such pledge and to prove her worth she and her slutty English friend must spend the night in a purportedly haunted mansion with two guys who look like they belong in a "Hardy Boys" porn spoof. The fact that the guys in this movie are prettier than the girls is a clue to the directors previous career in gay porn.
You know straight away that Blair will survive the night as she instantly shows no interest in sex, in fact she seems completely disinterested in anything, mumbling her way through the script like she's hypnotised. Goodwin is doomed from the start as she takes drugs, drinks, and jumps straight in bed with a guy who seduces her by using surfing as a sexual metaphor. As far as easy lays go she's right up there with Jamie Lee Curtis in "The Fog", the early eighties must have been a great time to be a horny young man.
As slashers go this is particularly tedious, the kills are bland and badly shot, the attempts to build up atmosphere amounting to tedious scenes of characters walking through poorly lit corridors. Aside from a few amusing lines of dialogue there's little of interest here.
Screenwriter Randy Feldman didn't get another script produced for eight years after this but it was worth the wait, the buddy cop classic "Tango & Cash"!
3/10

For more opinions on "Hell Night" check out Final Girl Film Club over at Stacie Ponder's awesome horror blog Final Girl!

New Release Review - Intruders

2012-01-27T12:10:00.001Z

Directed by: Juan Carlos Fresnadillo
Starring: Clive Owen, Daniel Bruhl, Carice Van Houten, Kerry Fox, Ella Purnell

Back in the VHS boom of the eighties I spent way too much time watching horror movies. You see, back then horror was the genre of choice for straight to video productions and my local rental stores would get about five new genre titles a week. The most anticipated tapes were those featuring a recurring villain, Michael Myers, Freddy Krueger, Chucky, The Critters etc. The current cycle of horror has been lacking a franchise with such a character but "Intruders" may just have given us one. His name is Hollowface and his schtick is lurking in kid's closets, awaiting the chance to steal their faces. He's a pretty good addition to the horror villain roster, almost a cross between Candyman and Freddy Krueger, but sadly doesn't get the movie he deserves here.
Fresnadilla previously helmed "28 Weeks Later" and didn't do a very good job but at least here he eschews the rapid editing that butchered that movie. He instead goes for brooding atmosphere but lacks the skill to create any real tension.
For a genre film this has a lot of quality acting talent but it's Purnell as Owen's victimised daughter who really shines here. Last year she showed Kiera Knightley to be average at best by playing her younger self in "Never Let Me Go" and the Waffler predicts a big future for her.
The main problem with this movie is that the film-makers take it too seriously and just don't have the skill to aim so high. If they focus more on their villain this could potentially become a fun little straight to DVD franchise.
4/10

Academy Awards Preview

2012-01-24T21:11:00.001Z

With each passing year the Oscars get more ridiculous, it's only a matter of time before Adam Sandler receives a statuette. However here's my tuppence worth on how they should and how they will pan out based on the nominations.

Best Picture
My choice: The Tree Of Life
My prediction: The Descendants

Best Director
My choice: Terence Malick
My prediction: Alexander Payne

Best Actor
My choice: Jean Dujardin
My prediction: George Clooney

Best Actress
My choice: Meryl Streep
My prediction: Michelle Williams

Best Supporting Actor
My choice: Nick Nolte
My prediction: Christopher Plummer

Best Supporting Actress
My choice: Berenice Bejo
My prediction: Berenice Bejo

Best Screenplay
My choice: Woody Allen
My prediction: Woody Allen

Best Adapted Screenplay
My choice: Aaron Sorkin & Steven Zaillian
My prediction: Alexander Payne, Nat Faxon & Jim Rash

Best Cinematography
My choice: Robert Richardson
My prediction: Robert Richardson

New Release Review - Coriolanus

2012-01-24T20:39:00.000Z

Directed by: Ralph Fiennes
Starring: Ralph Fiennes, Gerard Butler, Vanessa Redgrave, Brian Cox, Jessica Chastain

The concept of staying faithful to a Shakespearean text is antithetic to film-making yet most film-makers insist on such reverence when tackling the bard. The language in Shakespeare's work is indeed beautiful but it's the stories themselves that form his legacy. If film-makers focused on just adapting the stories well rather than pedantically quoting the dialogue then Shakespeare's IMDB page would read a lot better.
All the classics have been taken already so Fiennes is stuck with one of the lesser known of the writer's plays, the tale of an excommunicated Roman General who returns for revenge. The reason we haven't seen this on screen before is because it's simply not a very good story, there's little dramatic meat here. Fiennes relocates it to an alternate Rome which resembles the contemporary Balkans and shoots it like a "Call Of Duty" video game. Personally I would have found the original setting of ancient Rome more visually interesting.
Despite the presence of Gerard Butler the well-assembled cast are superb, Redgrave especially as Fiennes' psychotic mother. Chastain has given more great performances in the last year alone than most actresses will in a lifetime and here she performs with a confidence that is often lacking in American thesps when tackling this material.
Many actors have turned their hand to directing and been found lacking, Fiennes is but the latest.

2/10

New Release Review - The Descendants

2012-01-24T20:02:00.000Z

Directed by: Alexander Payne
Starring: George Clooney, Shailene Woodley, Amara Miller, Robert Forster

Clooney is the only bright spark in this otherwise dull, charmless Golden Globe winner. He plays a wealthy Hawaiian coping with pulling the plug on his coma-induced wife whilst raising two troublesome daughters. This is the kind of movie award voters seem to love but personally I hate these Wes Anderson style tales of "eccentric" upper class families. None of the characters in this are remotely likable and the central idea is handled in a painfully bland manner.
The movie opens with a voiceover from Clooney telling us how just because he lives in Hawaii his life is far from perfect. It's a horribly cheap piece of screenwriting and reminds me of those tacky signs you see in offices that read something along the lines of "You don't have to be crazy to work here but it helps". It takes someone who is devoid of personality themselves to hang such a sign and it takes a screenwriter who has no faith in his writing to open a movie in such a blunt way. His wife may be dying but his life is a hell of a lot better than the average persons.
Payne has proven himself well versed in the art of black comedy but here the humour feels really forced, relying on cliches like the precocious pre-teen, the stoner boyfriend and the cantankerous grandparent. Despite the heaviness of the scenario it lacks pathos due to the absence of warmth from the characters. Clooney is his usual affable self but the character calls for a much shlubbier actor, it's hard to buy the sub-plot of a wife cheating on a multi-millionaire with Clooney's looks.
You could be forgiven for mistaking this for a TV pilot, the characters are so shallowly presented you would presume the writers have another twenty episodes to develop them. The awful use of grating Hawaiian music is reminiscent of a show like "Seventh Heaven".
We all know the Oscars have become an absolute joke and if this sweeps the awards it will most definitely confirm that view.

2/10

New Release Review - J. Edgar

2012-01-22T19:45:00.001Z

Directed by: Clint Eastwood
Starring: Leonardo DiCaprio, Judi Dench, Naomi Watts, Armie Hammer

This film faces the same hurdles as "The Iron Lady", how do you humanise such a controversial and largely reviled figure? Just as Thatcher was shown as a vulnerable old woman, here screenwriter Dustin Lance Black focuses on Hoover's secret life as a homosexual. Most of Black's previous screenplays have been gay romances and essentially this is what he's done here. It's a bit like writing a biopic of Hitler and focusing on how much of a dog lover the dictator was. It also seems a bit patronising, I'd like to think gay audiences aren't going to see Hoover as a sympathetic figure just because he shares their sexuality. The man was a huge enemy of civil rights and had he not been gay himself his politics would suggest he would have targeted that community too.
Dicaprio gives a fine performance as does Dench as his domineering mother, and Hammer as his secret lover, but the rest of the movie fails to equal the power of it's performers. The make-up on characters in their later years is really below par, especially on Hammer who kept reminding me of the aged astronaut at the climax of "2001: A Space Odyssey". The look of the film I found particularly ugly, regular Eastwood collaborator Tom Stern lights everything so low I found myself straining to make out facial details. It's also seriously desaturated, a technique I've never understood, if you don't want colour in your movie just have the balls to shoot in black and white. In a way it's quite fitting as this is the story of an interesting figure but sadly Eastwood and his team have drained any colour from it. I recommend Larry Cohen's "The Private Files Of J. Edgar Hoover" over this, it's a lot more trashy but a lot more watchable.

4/10