LIFE and LOVE in the MOVIES

Hereafter with Mat Damon

2011-03-26T20:24:00.000-05:00

Kind of a nice, quiet movie. I like that even though his psychic ability interferes with his ability to have a normal life or relationship, he finds in the end that it doesn't prevent him from finding the "one" he is destined to be with. The one who is of like mind, the one who understands without saying a word, the one who is part of his soul. I like that idea. Hope it is true. Nice to think that no matter how screwed up any one of us are or our lives are, we might still have a divine plan for our lives that puts everything right. Let's hope so! Gives me hope.

Embrace the Chaos! Hot Tub Time Machine!

2010-07-04T09:29:00.001-05:00

Had a blast watching this movie! The pace was good and the "fairytale" story was what anyone would want-a chance to do your life over and have it come out better with perfect love and a perfect life. We laughed a lot but really enjoyed the story.

The opening scene has John Cusack listening to a mean message on the answering machine from his ex-girlfriend who has taken most everything out of the house with her and is rubbing it in. He obviously needs to lighten-up!

As usual, this Led Zeppelin-loving old hippie discovered some really fun music (not a lot, though-it was the eighties after all!). I am a fan of "Let's Get It Started" by Craig Robinson for this movie. Will add it above to my youtube video player. And, I will be listening to more Motley Crue!

Also enjoyed the actors and have always been a fan of John Cusack. His future love in this has a great line, "Just embrace the chaos ." I think she added, "and see what surprises life might bring you," or some similar sentiment. I like that. Love the idea of giving up the need to control and obsess over every detail of your life. Just let it go and keep trying to do and be better, without all the guilt and emotion.

Leap Year

2010-05-26T15:55:00.002-05:00

Well, it is not the most believable story, but we want to believe it. It is very romantic, particularly the premise of the love story, that two people can meet and fall in love very quickly, in spite of what they had planned for themselves, then take that leap and commit to a lifetime together because they suddenly "KNOW" it is right.

Anna, Amy Adams, has been dating her cardiologist boyfriend, Adam Scott, for four years and is buying an apartment with him, so, when he is seen leaving a jewelry store, she assumes he is going to propose to her at their special dinner the night before he leaves for a convention in Dublin. To her dismay, he has only bought her diamond earrings. So, her father suggests she could go to Ireland and take advantage of an old Irish tradition of the woman proposing to the man on the 29th of February, Leap Day of a Leap year.

She decides to do just that. Although, Leap Day is a few days away, she encounters heavy storms and her best efforts to get to Dublin leave her stranded at a small pub/restaurant/inn, still a ways from Dublin. The owner, Matthew Goode, is in a financial pinch and decides he will drive her to Dublin. They are at each other's throats from the beginning and as they leave for Dublin, one of the pub regulars remarks to another regular that they will kill each other.

Of course, they have many mishaps and delays but, have to cooperate with each other some of the time, getting to know each other a little better in the process. They are forced to stay in a bed and breakfast and pretend to be married as the owners are very definite about what is right and readily show they are still mad about each other after 44 years of marriage. Anna and Declan try to ignore a growing attraction to each other, but, it is getting pretty obvious by the time they get her to Dublin and her waiting boyfriend. Her boyfriend proposes to her almost as soon as he sees her and Declan watches a moment, then turns and leaves.

She accepts her boyfriend's proposal and at a house party in their new apartment learns that he proposed because the apartment board had called him in Ireland and hinted that they preferred to sell to a married couple. He said to a shocked Anna and two of their friends, "why the hell not!" Declan had asked her once what was the one thing she would grab if her home was burning. Suddenly Anna seems to know that she is not really that important to Jeremy, her fiance. She sees the fire alarm and pulls it, watching to see what he considers most important to grab in that 60 seconds before getting out of a burning apartment. He is grabbing his laptop, remote controls and business stuff. He calls to her to get something for him, but she is gone. She is on her way to Ireland.

In front of a full restaurant, she proposes to Declan that they agree to make no plans and see where this thing is going. He walks away, she assumes, in rejection of her, but as she ends up at the cliffs, staring at the sea, he comes up behind her saying he had to get something. He says he rejects her proposal to not make plans, because he wants to make plans with her, then he asks her to marry him as he holds out his mother's ring, the one thing he said he would get in his 60 seconds if his home was on fire. She accepts, of course.

What is great about this movie, is Amy Adams ability to portray great emotion, in spite of a contrived script, and Matthew Goode's ability to portray with his expressions, alone, that he is a man of deep convictions who, once he commits to something, will stand by that commitment all his life. Amy Adams is always worth watching no matter how silly the movie is. She can tell a beautiful story without saying a word.

We are so used to being able to choose what we want from one moment to the next, that, we tend to have a difficult time making those kinds of commitments. That is what I love about this movie. You can actually believe that they are able to make such a deep and lasting commitment and you wish you could experience that kind of commitment in your life. (I have run from commitment all my life! My partner and I have been living together twelve years!)

I have been working on an Irish-American family tree for an Irish man and woman, Mary and Patrick Hogan, who came to America, met, married in Michigan, moved to Kansas, raised a large family, sticking it out through many hard years in Kansas and living into their 80's. I wonder if they were madly in love and chose a life together, never once re-thinking that decision. I suspect they did. I bought a box of stuff at an auction many years ago, in Central Kansas and found an interesting wooden cylinder with a hidden, hollow area inside. The ends look solid, but, one of them comes off when you turn it. Inside were Hogan family records of births, deaths and the actual marriage record made by the pastor who married them in about 1863 in Michigan. I was so charmed by this family history that I have tried ever since to find relatives who would treasure it as I am sure the original family treasured it. Maybe Patrick made it himself. It has a bit of turned decoration on it. This movie makes me wonder if it is an Irish thing, to commit so fully. Or, is it a thing of the past, when life was short and difficult and people didn't have the luxury of a lot of choices and had to be more decisive? Much as I have always feared being trapped in a bad relationship, I envy that kind of commitment.

I watched the movie three times and saw new things every time. You have to pay attention and listen closely for those little comments that Declan makes under his breath. Many of the little things you might have missed, tell the story of the growing feeling between them. And, I have been craving a "Hang Sandwich" all day!

Three Days and Counting

2010-04-23T16:21:00.000-05:00

Counting the days until the 27th when It's Complicated comes out on video so I can buy a copy and just wallow in it until I have had enough! I think it is a babyboomer thing. Going back to the scene of the crime (our youth, or things that allow us to relive some small part of it)! I enjoyed all of this movie and can't wait to get it. I only wish my life had turned out as successful as theirs! Jeez-I guess I just didn't plan well!! I was too busy just living. Oops.

Movie Clips

2010-04-23T15:39:00.001-05:00

Date Night, Tina Fey and Steve Carell

2010-04-23T14:41:00.000-05:00

Hey, movie pickin's are getting slim lately, what with all the rush to vampire love and fantasy! Ok, I am old, I admit it. There was a time, when I was young and just developing my romantic tastes that I kind of got the hots big time for Christopher Lee after seeing him as Dracula. He was the best and the sexiest of any I have seen. Later, saw Frank Langella in Count Dracula and he was also pretty good, but Christopher Lee is my favorite. Just looking him up online, I saw a photo of him with white hair, probably in his eighties, but he looked just as sexy as ever! I will try to find a clip to add to the video player.

Okay, I see that younger people today, have very little in the way of romantic ideals to turn to, so, I can see why they might love the vampire and fantasy movies. I have no interest in them, though. We did go see Date Night with Tina Fey and Steve Carell. It was funny all the way through and, being babyboomers, we could relate to them just wanting to have a little romance in their life after a week of taking care of children and work and seeing their friends split up because they have become just "really good roommates."

Anyone who has been in a longterm relationship can relate to that. Which, made me wonder if being really "good" roommates, or "partners" isn't what marriage has ALWAYS been about. Isn't that the real purpose of marriage? Isn't that the best you can expect? Then, when you have a little more free time, you begin to enjoy that comraderie, that comfort of knowing what you like and don't like, sharing inside jokes, laughing at each other when you get into little arguments because you no longer let them bother you? Well, I kind of think that is pretty neat.

Tina and Steve seemed to come out of it all with the same idea, I think. Oh, they did explore one good idea. That partners seem to pigeon-hole each other into certain stereotypes after years of living together, and that they need to just stop and allow their partner to be in charge once in a while and show that they can handle whatever if you let them. Tina seemed to think that Steve could not possibly come up with a successful plan to solve their current dilemma and he called her on it and said, for once, just let him show her he can. And he did. She was pleasantly surprised. Makes me wonder how much we all make those close to us live up to our negative expectations of them by contstantly reinforcing them in our minds and in theirs. Just start with a fresh slate everyday, show some respect for your partner and let them be capable and competent masters of their world. Negative expectations are no good for anyone!

Honeymoon and That Hagen Girl

2010-04-23T14:08:00.000-05:00

Well, I keep looking for a movie to go to and am just not seeing any that appeal that much. So, will talk briefly about another couple of old Shirley Temple movies I saw today on TCM, both made in 1947. The first one, Honeymoon, also starred Franchot Tone and Guy Madison. It was fun, with a silly story about a young couple that can't wait to get married because the groom to be, Guy Madison, is in the service and about to be shipped off somewhere, so Shirely Temple lies and says she is married so she can follow him to Mexico and get married. They involve the American Consulate, where Franchot Tone comes in. It has exotic locale, romantic comedy and the always great Shirley Temple, who can make the goofiest stories interesting. All I can say is, it seems that true love is just a matter of choice and committment, fooling yourself into believing it is true love, then working hard at maintaining that belief for the rest of your life.

The next Shirely Temple movie that came on, That Hagan Girl, was about small town gossip and how it can ruin people's lives and prevent them from ever becoming something in life. Ronald Reagan was very nice in this and so was Shirley Temple. Rory Calhoun was handsome and believable as Shirley's high school suitor. It makes me think that the people who are willing to let their parents influence who they marry, especially the guys, are really not that in love or worth being in love with. I remember the shock I felt, when a boyfriend told me his parents disapproved of me because my mother was divorced. Thank God I was raised by an independent, open-minded, single mother who taught me by example to look beyond that kind of prejudice. Good riddance to the worthless guy, too!

The Accidental Husband and The Only Thrill

2010-03-23T14:17:00.003-05:00

We rented a few movies this weekend and The Accidental Husband was one of them, along with The Only Thrill. In The Accidental Husband, Uma Thurman was a radio relationship counselor all set to marry Colin Firth, the man she judged to be the sensible choice. She advises a caller who happens to be about to marry a local firefighter to break it off with him right before the wedding. The firefighter is played by Jeffrey Dean Morgan who was pretty sexy and charismatic. I have never seen him before, but he was perfect for the part. He has a very direct, honest, in-your-face kind of approach to love and life and sets out to cause the relationship doctor the same kind of grief she caused him when she advised his fiance to break off the wedding. He lets his landlord's teenage son, a skilled computer hacker, insert his name on the doctor's marriage license so she is unable to get married until she resolves this seeming glitch that has a different man's name already listed as her husband. She tracks him down so they can correct the marriage license. He begins to like her and tries to drag out the process of correcting the license and they end up in love. I am not crazy about Uma Thurman, but, Jeffrey made the movie fun and interesting.

My take on this one is something I have thought for years - you can't find love by tallying a compatibility list and deciding someone is a good choice. Compatibility is nice if you are not so alike that you are more like twins or siblings, but, it just does not make up for the chemistry that I feel needs to be there. I believe you have to meet someone face-to-face to feel that connection. And, I know how that chemistry thing can end up being nothing but a physical chemistry, but I still believe you can't REALLY fall in love on the internet, or through letters, or whatever. You can think that you love each other and have everything in common but that feeling you feel when you look into each other's eyes, can't happen on paper or a computer screen.

The Only Thrill was also interesting, but a little long. It starred Diane Keaton, Sam Shepherd, Diane Lane and Robert Patrick. The moral of this story was, when you love someone, tell them and get them to stay with you. I can relate. I am patient. I tend to think that when I think I feel something compelling for someone but it is not so easy to act on it, I will just wait, even until the next life! Anything to avoid having to put myself out too much. In the movie, Sam and Diane Keaton missed out on a life together but always loved each other. Life has a way of slipping by rather quickly and Sam lost his chance to be with Diane. Sam saw his son and Diane's daughter doing the same thing so he made his son go after her. I thought it a little strange that someone like Sam's character would be so reluctant to commit to the woman he obviously loved. He must have been a really repressed man. The same with the son-why did he always avoid trying to get his love to stay with him? As far as real life, I think it is more a question of being able to find that "love of your life" rather than not being able to tell them you love them.

Romantic Places-Sedona, Arizona

2010-03-16T11:11:00.000-05:00

I have to mention my other favorite place on Earth, Sedona, Arizona. It is so gorgeous and a wonderful place to get away for a romantic weekend.

Ooh-Up In The Air-Why "Hooking Up" As A Lifestyle Does Not Work!

2010-03-14T12:13:00.001-05:00

Last night I watched Up In The Air with the suave George Clooney, a uniquely beautiful Vera Farmiga and amazing Anna Kendrick. All were great. It was a pretty good movie. I didn't think it was about love or a love story, but more a story about a man who finally begins to grow up a little and appreciate relationships in his life.

Well, George Clooney is kind of funny as usual. It is just his style. The movie is an interesting glimpse into what is to me-an alien lifestyle, of someone who loves a life of air travel, hotels and casual relationships. (Personally, I hate hotel rooms. No matter how nice, I just look at them and remember how impersonal they are. Everything in the room is very frequently used by other people, the spreads are seldom washed and the beds and pillows are seldom comfortable. Then, the sheets are seldom attractive or comfortable like the ones at home. I can't believe anyone really likes that).

Oh well, I have lived long enough and through enough (remember free love?), to think that just "hooking up" is never going to be enough. Handing out pieces of yourself like a plate of eggs, has no redeeming value at all. This is what the movie is about. People have feelings and the need to relate whether they want to admit it or not and maybe they can dehumanize themselves enough (reminds me of what drug addicts and gangs seem to become) to go a long time with only casual relationships but eventually they want something more. If not, then it seems that they must shut off their emotions and conscience to such a degree that they are not really living. That is why I cringe when people suggest that all that people want anymore is to hook up. Ugh!

Now, that is not to say that those of us who find casual sex dehumanizing, are fully feeling human beings! Far from it! I suspect that I and many of the people I have known, tend to avoid feeling too much and have made such a habit of it that we don't even know it. We avoid confrontation, avoid openly discussing issues in our relationships or doing anything that might rock the boat or make us work at relating or cause us to experience an unpleasant moment. And, I like it that way. Even so, I can see how that is letting FEAR of whatever, rule your life and I know that is not good. I intend to try to maintain my comfort level as I slowly work at understanding that side of myself! (Let's not go crazy)!

Back to Up In The Air. I liked it. Kinda question the oscar nominations, but, it was interesting and the actors were amazing. Thank God everyone has a heart in the end!

Be brave-let yourself feel. I like the idea of welcoming all feeling, good or bad and appreciating the joy of life. Of course, that only works when the bad feelings aren't "too" bad!

It's Complicated!

2010-03-12T13:38:00.000-06:00

Hilarious! I love this movie! Could be because I can so relate, being a babyboomer who has been through many of the same experiences. I plan to buy the dvd as soon as it comes out. Check out the video clip on my sidebar or custom video player, where Steve Martin picks up Meryl Streep for their date and she has had one hit off the joint her ex left for her, expecting she would try it when he was around, not when she was with someone else! The rest is hilarious, especially in the context of the whole movie. All the actors were so perfect in their parts! Love Harley! So funny.

As I type I am listening to the song, Good Thing, by the Fine Young Cannibals, which was the so perfect song playing at the party when Meryl and Steve are laughing and having so much fun and Alec Baldwin, the ex, is standing across the room getting more jealous by the second (Good Thing, where have you gone?). Can't get enough of that song!

Well, this movie also mimics real life, in my experience. Who hasn't made the mistake of getting involved with an ex again? Sure, there is some residual feeling there from all you have been through together and that heavy connection that comes from knowing someone on a very close, familial level. But, in my experience, the reasons you split just pop back up and remind you why you couldn't stay together before.

It can be intense, exhilarating, heart-stopping fun while it lasts, but a painful break up all over again. All I can say is, life is a confusing, complex affair. Just enjoy it, try not to hurt others and hang on for the ride!

The Ugly Truth

2010-03-12T13:35:00.002-06:00

Just watched The Ugly Truth again and laughed almost as hard as I did in the theater. That is the dream we probably all want-- to find that love that is not ugly after all. Skeptical as I am, I still believe. Somewhere, somehow, there must be real, true love that is not just based on selfish needs. Let's hope. Check out the super sexy dance scene in my custom video player above. Wow. Makes one yearn for that kind of man who is like Gerard Butler in this scene-so much a "real" man, the kind that requires no talking, you just relate as a man and a woman and all you need to know is understood through that magical knowing that is clear in your eyes and the way your bodies move together.

Unfortunately, a lot of magical moments made when our inhibitions are loosened by alcohol or whatever, may seem like that kind of connection, but are not the real deal, if indeed, it does exist! Dancing seems to be the best way to experience that. I have experienced some of those moments when dancing, where my partner leads so well that you easily glide on air as one on the dance floor, (or in bed), or when you and someone else are involved in completing some task that does not involve talking. Something happens when we switch to that level of communication where speech is not needed. It must be some special frequency in our brains that has a surreal, magical feel where time stands still. No wonder we feel a strong connection when we experience that with someone. It is amazing how you just know what each of you is feeling during one of those moments. It is very appealing and I suspect it could be very nice to live in a world where the dance of romance did not involve any speech!

Probably goes back to that idea of wanting a "take charge" man, or a "strong" man, a man who will lead. It is so appealing to imagine a man like that, but, of course, we would want him to be that way while respecting us!. Good luck on that one!

Lost in Austen - YUM!

2010-02-28T16:12:00.000-06:00

What fun! Check out the sexy Elliot Cowan as the romantic Mr. Darcy from Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice, in this movie about a modern girl who time travels into the novel, trading places with the character, Elizabeth Bennett. Wouldn't it be nice if all men wore the hair and costumes of Mr. Darcy at least one day a year! Gorgeous! More later.
Meanwhile, check out this video in my custom video player at the top of the page or at the link below to see the most romantic scenes from this movie! Yum!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bcYmXrRSGmk

Valentine's Day!

2010-02-23T11:35:00.000-06:00

Valentine's Day was a cute movie that showed several types of romantic relationships. Like, the main stars, Ashton Kutcher and Jennifer Garner realizing they really loved their best friends, each other. And, the parallel stories of a young couple and the older couple who both discover hurtful secrets in each of their relationships and then come to the realization that love means accepting the bad with the good. I like that lesson. Let's us all off the hook! It is a good concept for us to use with ourselves, too. We tend to "accumulate" guilt about mistakes we make, bad decisions, wrong roads taken, etc. and we feel worse and worse as we realize more and more that we have screwed up. It is not good for us to beat up on ourselves and as hard as it is, we need to accept the bad with the good and love ourselves, and everyone else, anyway. I feel better already! There is really no other way to get over the things you cannot change that pull you down, but, to accept that we make mistakes and we just have to learn our lessons and move on. Each day is a new day. Try drawing a picture to represent your mistakes, negative thoughts, or whatever holds you back, then erase it, white it out, or throw it away and imagine you are starting fresh. Have positive thoughts and outlook, smile and embrace the joy of the day! Be Happy!

Enchanted and other Fairy Tales

2010-02-19T16:17:00.001-06:00

I LOVE the movie Enchanted and I know I am not the only woman who does. It seems to appeal to many women for some reason. I watched it again today, crying through the last half and loving the sweet fairy tale ending. I really thought I was way beyond liking fairy tales, but apparently not. I love anything that applies the most idealistic, anything-is-possible kind of attitude to everyday life and ordinary people because I have always believed ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE. I think it comes with being a babyboomer. The fifties kind of instilled that idealism in most of us and then, coming of age during the 60's and 70's and being a hippie, a freak, believing in the highest ideals, that idealistic nature became a dominating characteristic for me. As an example, I used to pick up anyone hitchhiking, one time even giving a man my only dollar. Coulda been killed! Won't go into some of those wild stories, but, it kind of stays with you, or at least it did with me, that desire to spread the love and see the best in people if you can and never settle. I have seen that kind of idealism still evident in other babyboomers, some famous and successful, others just ordinary people.

Enchanted is what we idealistic freaks want to believe-that everyone is really good, deserving of happiness, (except the evil queen!) and good conquers all! True love exists! The sweet heroine convinces everyone she meets to believe in love and happiness, ever-after, in spite of their real-world cynicism, as she dances and sings about true love, spreading joy wherever she goes. You find yourself hoping she can prove that life really can be that joyful and happy if we just CHOOSE to believe in it. And Patrick Dempsey's girlfriend is happy to go to the fairy tale land of Andalusia because even though she has pretended to be practical about love while she was dating Patrick, under it all, she is really a deep romantic (like most of us?) who is impressed by the way the fairy tale prince knows his heart and wants to commit to her forever! Who wouldn't want to know you are really loved without reservation. This movie makes me cry and I wonder if it is for the sweet sentiment of it or for the fairy tale endings I don't see in my own life. In any case I am ready to watch it again! You can watch the dance at the ball where she realizes who her true love really is or, the movie trailer, on the video player above.

It's All Good-

2009-12-08T14:00:00.000-06:00

I am amazed at the wisdom of some people. The other day, I was in a convenience store and a young girl I remember from when I was a substitute teacher, was working behind the counter. I think she struggled a little with school, but, now all grown up, seemed quite competent and confidant. On this day, I felt I was holding up the line a little and being the worry wart (as my grandma always called me) that I am, I said, "Oh, that man is holding ice (and having to wait in line) and she said something like, "don't worry, it's all good." I know a lot of young people say that now, but I still love the all-encompassing wisdom of that philosophy! In a good moment, I really do feel that is true. All life experiences, good or bad, are going toward our growth and wisdom. She has turned into such a sweet, serene and wise young woman. Never judge. I notice a lot of students I taught who had difficulties with learning are now quite capable, young adults. All is possible, the past never locks you in to a certain future. In metaphysics, it is my favorite philosophy. I can really believe that all things contribute to our growth and expansion of spirit. It is the same as saying, "It is grist for the mill." Which just means all experiences help make up the total person that you are. Of course, we all notice at some time in our life how the unpleasant experiences make us embrace the pleasant experiences with increased joy and appreciation. For me, being in the hospital a week two years ago, gave me a renewed love of everything outdoors; green grass in the sunshine, the breeze blowing and lifting your hair, the sun beating down on your face. Anna, an amazing woman I once worked with, who never encountered a task she would not tackle and complete, would say of the snow and rain her kids had to deal with while delivering papers, "builds character!" Some of us might get a little bent along the way, but it does build character!

As all types of experiences offer opportunities for growth, so do all relationships. When it comes to love and the concept of soul mates, I believe all connections with people are "soul connections" whose purpose varies according to lessons needed to learn or karmic experiences to experience. A favorite author and regression hypnotist, Dick Sutphen, talks of different types of soul mates, too. One lesson I have learned is, not all "soul connections" we may feel are actually sexual or romantic. Because we may have a strong soul connection with someone, I think we sometimes feel we are in love with them, when, maybe what we feel is really a different type of love. Maybe they were a close friend, brother, sister, child or parent in another incarnation. Those relationships can still be romantic in this incarnation, but, sometimes we end up in a relationship which really feels more like a sibling or good friend. I think that when we feel a strong connection to someone, we should not immediately assume it is sexual attraction and try to be open and realistic about what we are really feeling towards them. Just because we feel close or connected, it doesn't necessarily mean we are meant to be lovers.

I have always yearned for someone who shares my interests so we could enjoy doing things together. That is probably the Libra me, always wanting to "partner up" with someone. I seem to feel I can't really enjoy things without someone special by my side. Yet, my Aquarius moon, or something else maybe, makes me crave alone time to do my creative stuff, painting, writing, etc.

Anyway, I once found a really smart and interesting man who seemed to be so much like me. Well, we did love the cats that found their way to us, enjoyed living in the country, taking Nature walks and listening to music on state of the art equipment. But, he had some abusive traits. I spent most of our time together trying to figure out how to escape, get out on my own. I also confronted him on everything. When I finally moved out, we became good friends, hanging around, going for walks, etc. He accompanied me to see a famous psychic and she said, without my asking, that our relationship was not really a sexual one, we were too much alike. Hmm. I could see it was true.

Another crazy infatuation I had was totally based on some kind of "chemistry" we had and on my romantic imagination building a lot out of nothing. Again, a psychic/astrologer friend of my mother's in AZ, said it was just a physical relationship and he would only hurt me. I knew that well enough and it helped me admit it to myself and see things as they really were. I quit going to see him, and he seldom bothered to come to me, so it ended. Many months later, in a moment of boredom or lonliness, I called him to see how he was doing and he acted so happy to hear from me and so in love with me. He invited me to go out for dinner. He asked me where I had gone. I told him I didn't go anywhere, I just stopped coming to see him. He admitted that was true, he was sorry, etc. It didn't change anything. I am fond of all the people I have known and been privileged to be involved with. I have experienced and learned so much. And, now that I know myself better, (!) I am truly amazed that anyone could put up with me!

Now, if I feel a strong connection to someone, I realize it probably just means we had some kind of relationship in another incarnation. Don't always assume it is your SOUL MATE. Just relax and stay open, don't get in a rush to make something happen. I tend to think of relationships in terms of a beginning, middle and an end. I feel a little more removed from the emotional throes of that belief in ONE TRUE LOVE. I begin seeing all relationships as a process that has some purpose such as providing an opportunity to learn to be a better person, or re-do past mistakes. That makes it difficult to feel there really is some kind of SUPER LOVE out there. But, of course, I hope there is. It would be so nice. I love all the joys of living (most of the time!) and I am thankful for all the people I have known and learned with and from. Be nice to each other and appreciate the good stuff.

The White Cliffs of Dover-Does that kind of love really exist?

2009-12-07T19:55:00.000-06:00

Well, I happened upon an Irene Dunne movie this morning on Turner Classic Movies and soon found myself hooked into watching it. Let me just say, they make a big deal about how young and beautiful many celebs look while getting into their 40's but, Irene Dunne was in her late 30's and 40's in her best-known movies and could pass, as she did in this move, for someone in their 20's. Who could resist Irene Dunne falling for a handsome Lord in England back in about 1915 or so.

I admit, it was partly the architecture of his country manor home that kept my interest. A cheap way to travel to the English countryside and back in time. Love history so always love to take in the details of the scenery in old movies. The Manor home had a room with a beautiful wall of tall windows that rose up probably 30 feet with pretty little arches above each tall window. Gorgeous.
What also caught my interest, as it always does, was that unshakable conviction they each had that they were meant to be together. She resisted falling for him but really wanted to be with him and he just knew she was the one even though he had never fallen for anyone before. I love that idea that there is someone who was meant for each of us. Come good or bad, someone meant to share it with you (or in less evolved relationships, cause it for you, ha, ha). Yah, I have been there too, and know it is not funny, but, I embrace all the myriad experiences I have had. Think about it. At the end of your life or just after, would you want to look back on it and see you had lots and lots of rich and different life experiences to help you learn all kinds of things and know all kinds of people or would you want a simple, safe life with little variety in experiences. Sounds too forgetable and I don't want a forgetable life.

This movie did a convincing job of showing this super strong, true love, but of course he died young as did their son and his ancestors who always joined the army and got killed. That was the story. Again, I wonder about any love, real or fiction that starts out really intense. Can it be maintained over the years? Or, like so many do, will the relationship become more like roommates, old friends, brother and sister, or just house-mates? I know many marriages last many years, I also know many of them are nothing I would wish on anyone! I also know some really are always great because the couple have some kind of very mature respect and appreciation for each other. They really like each other. How many people can maintain any kind of relationship with anyone where they manage to really like each other over many years??

Well, maybe it is a little like the way I feel about one of my good friends in North Carolina. She is smart enough to cultivate friendships and I was lucky enough to become friends with her. I am the worst friend ever though because I am so self-absorbed! I have a hard time finding time for friends and I admit, ever since childhood, I found friends are people who turn on you for no reason but to entertain themselves, or who are as demanding of your time and loyalty as a lover. I do not like demanding people and find it hard enough to just maintain daily without having to answer to the expectations of demanding people. My girlfriend is not at all demanding. And, through differences and through moves that take her farther and farther away across the country, still puts up with me and with not hearing from me for months. She is always there for me when I need someone to talk to. We have our differences but, we seem to be able to ignore that and have fun anyway. We can still laugh. That, I guess, is what a good marriage might be like. I have never known because I have always run away from relationships as soon as I had the feeling the person was not really what I envisioned as my life partner. I think you have to throw out those ideals you have about what your perfect partner would be like and just let your heart lead you. Even in the movies they show over and over again how what you think you want is seldom what is right for you. Like the recent movie, Valentine's Day, Ashton Kutcher thought he wanted to marry his live-in girlfriend but that forced everyone to realize they really weren't right for each other and the one he really loved was his best friend who had been there all along.

Unfortunately, I live in my imagination too much and I can imagine much more when alone than when "confined" by a relationship. (This, I know, is my own limiting thinking and I should be able to be all that I can be, anywhere, but, I guess I have always felt the most freedom when alone). Again, probably not necessarily a good thing to have the freedom to imagine all kinds of stupid things, probably none of which are based in reality! I am emotionally detached enough (Libra, and lots of Virgo and Aquarius) to not know how deep my feelings really are usually, and I am often surprised after a separation by the realization that I was more attached than I realized. Yet I, being a Libra, have always longed for someone to do all the things I love with me. Like, holding hands, walking in the country, exploring nature, enjoying the lake, traveling, etc. Someone who loves the person I am. I always thought that meant someone who liked all the same things I like. But, I have found that someone who likes all the same things I like often feels more platonic, like my twin. Then again, I believe in reincarnation or something like that and I have felt a very strong "soul" connection to some people and sometimes that feels platonic or familial while still causing a strong, comforting pull to me to want to be near them. It is easy to confuse that strong, comforting attraction for a sexual or romantic attraction rather than a friendship or family type of connection. I think you have to really turn inward to your wise inner self and examine how you really see that possible relationship. If people would do that more, I think they would realize many relationships were meant to be platonic not romantic. Then again, maybe certain life lessons had to be learned in the structure of a romantic relationship. And, at the extreme end of my cynicism, maybe "romantic" relationships are always based on illusion and projected desires anyway! So, I am skeptical of these movie loves that are so all-consuming. But, I suspect that during harder times, people had to sort out what was important and zero in on the relationships that were really true and real. So, maybe relationships were that intense. In our privileged society today, I think we "dally" in this and that too much and don't act with that sense of impending doom that would make our choices more intense and real. No wasting years with the first charming guy we meet, but an automatic, shrewd evaluating of each possible relationship so as to be more aware of what is really important to us.

Bottom line, though, I believe the one that you choose has to make your heart zing! And, you have to respect and admire them. But, what do I know?! I have never mastered the long-term relationship and seem to attract other dysfunctional types like myself. So, I think a lot but still KNOW nothing!! That is life and in my opinion, the way life should be. REMEMBER to stay open in life to the possibility that you don't know anything! That way you can be open to new joys, new wisdom and to the inner growth that comes with seeing that you only thought you knew something before you realized that everything you thought you knew was all wrong and you actually know nothing!!

The Bridges of Madison County and The Facts of Life

2009-12-04T14:50:00.000-06:00

Hello all you brave people who are willing to think about the meaning of love and relationships and all that. I have been studying on this and trying to come to some hard and fast conclusions for my whole life!! And I am unable to come up with any absolutes! Every individual is different and every given moment of anyone's life is a magical, big NOW that is like a whole universe wrapped up in a moment, and therefore, worthy of any value that the person FEELS is REAL. Who am I or anyone else to say my belief about love is more valid than someone else's experience. Not possible. I admit it. I will muse about my observations, possible common experiences or generalizations that may or may not sometimes apply to love or relationships in general.

I was driven to write about this because I watched the dvd summary of Bridges of Madison County again last night and once again, (unlike my significant other), felt a little annoyed that this fabulous movie portrayal of a love affair seems to suggest that this brief encounter is a love that transcends all other loves. Here I am, thinking, yeah right-just try to keep them together for the long haul. (I know the analysis of the movie and book say it is more about the roles that these two people cannot excape and how this great love affair is a kind of outlet for that frustration---or something like that, and I would agree more with that, but, my guy acts like this is the best love story on earth and I resent that, darn it!! Hence the annoyance I begin to feel that this is really a great portrayal of true love. I am not so sure.

Just like the would be lovers, Bob Hope and Lucille Ball in one of my favorite movies, The Facts of Life, I tend to think that if Francesca and Robert could have stayed together in Bridges of Madison County, they would quite likely become fed up with each other's idiosyncrasies and split after a few years. Maybe. Maybe not. But, the point is, we all know of someone, maybe ourselves even, who leaves someone because they think they have found true love with someone else, only to find that, after getting to know their new love better and sharing all the trials and stresses of daily life, they realise they really don't have all that much in common and they can't quite remember why they thought they were so madly in love. So what exactly was that crazy bit of delusion that took them over??

I vacillate between thinking it is all delusion, and, maybe for some, it just might be the REAL THING. It could be delusion--just needy humans, hungry for that divine feeling of being totally loved and wanted no matter what, that they PROJECT all that they ever desired in a true love, ONTO their image of that person they imagine exists, or the person they have found to "be in love with" and they "love" all these fabulous things about their love, not realizing, that those "things" only exist in their own imagination. Then, one day, they see the not-so-wonderful reality of their "true love" and realize that none of the great qualities they saw in them, really exist.

Or, you hear of a few people who seem to have a wonderful, deep, committed relationship for all thier lives and you have to ask yourself, "uh, maybe, some people actually manage to find a partner like none I have ever known--something truly special--where they actually REALLY love each other-care about each other, want their partner to be happy, are interested in what their partner thinks, says, likes to do, just because they really love them and really care what they think and like. Uh, sorry, not sure I have known any males like that. They usually begin by appearing to be like that, only to reveal ulterior motives were behind their great devotion.

Of course, lots more we all could say on that, including that even the basist motivations could hide what might be a genuinely caring person, just one like so many, who is not great with expressing deep feelings, or like me, not even sure what they are! Gotta go. More later if you can stand it.