Moving Yogi Blogi

Opportunity. Patience. Opportunity.

2014-02-03T08:25:00.000-08:00

In Kundalini Yoga and Meditation class last night, this title is what the theme was. We did mantras and a chant in regards to when opportunity shows up in our lives and how we respond/receive it. This nailed it for me! This was so in align with what's been happening in my life, and I've been receptive and open to what's shown up.

In January, I felt that itch for change in my life. The area is career. There are lots of things I LOVE to do, which I do part time and make some money doing it. But I also, have so much fun doing them. My day or "real" job (if I even want to call it that) is as an Office Administrator at a CPA firm. I've been doing office work both full and part time for a LONG time. I've gained great skills and training along the way. But ya know what? It's JUST. NOT. ME....ANYMORE.

Although, I want the "security" that I receive from my current day job at the moment, I know I can find another place to work that is more ME. I'm a health and wellness individual.

So it's no accident that my current job is taking on an Integrative Medicine Center that offers Acupuncture, Massage Therapy, Yoga, Integrative Medicine, Naturopathic Medicine, etc. It's NO accident that I happen to be modeling for a figurative drawing session with an artist who knows the owners personally (she even told me she would pass my contact info along).It's NO accident that they happen to be looking for an office person for one of their new locations.

Mind you, I'm NOT reading or analyzing too much into this. It's just information I'm receiving. I'm not writing my resignation letter as we speak.

I'm allowing myself to hear, see and feel what is being presented to me. What's showing up. Of course, I put it out there that I want a change in career with specific details, and I even told my husband and a few other people. So it's out there.

Now, the patience comes in. Oh Boy!

How can I not get excited about this? How can I not jump for joy? Oh sure, I can. But the patience is, in a way, what is going to protect me from getting too attached to the result. I'm not saying you can't get excited about things or opportunities, but I know for me, in the past, I would be stuck on the ending result; therefore ending in incredible disappointment. Seriously, I don't know if I'll like these people; the way the place runs; the location/commute; the compenation; benefits, etc.

I want to be open about this information and opportunity. I've got the skills, but is it a good fit? I feel a "yes" now, which could be my ego most definitely. I have days at my job where I get antsy and don't want to be there anymore. But who doesn't? It's not frequent. It may be stronger on other days. But, hey, it's paying my bills at the moment and I'm grateful to even HAVE a job!

Opportunity presents itself in many different ways and areas of our life. Pay attention. Take a breath. Practice patience, especially if you're waiting. Nothing is definite. It's all very challenging stuff, I know, and writing about it in this blog, is actually helping me a lot. I hope it gives insight to others too.

New Classes, New Formats, New Year!

2014-01-03T07:04:00.001-08:00

I will be teaching new classes with new formats! Check 'em out below, and you can also view them on my website.
I'm so excited to be able to offer, along with my yoga class, other types of classes. I'm still vamping/revamping my movement class, so stay tuned for that.
I accomplished a lot in 2013. So let's celebrate that: willPower & Grace Phase I training; Subbed new formats at the gym; completed and got certified as a Group Exercise Instructor; and completed two Beachbody home workout programs.

I'm also thinking about intentions for this year. So what do I want for this year? What things do I want to do that I didn't get to do last year? I'm still meditating on it and that's fine with me. No pressure. I'm creating intentions throughout the year, month, day, hour anyway. I don't believe that you HAVE/MUST start at the beginning of each year. Why not now? Or tomorrow? Next week? What's doable for me? That's what I ask myself, because as a recovering perfectionist, I can be hard on myself.

So write them down, share them with someone, put them on your fridge or wall. Celebrate what you DO accomplish.

Join me!
Tuesday evenings 6:30-7:15pm
Insanity
Best Fitness - Albany, NY

Wednesday evenings 6:00-7:00pm
Cardio Flow
Best Fitness - Albany, NY

Great for any kind of teaching!

2014-01-03T06:46:00.001-08:00

This is a great article from the Mind Body Green website about 10 New Year's Intentions for yoga teaching. Although, it's focused on yoga, it totally applies to any type of teaching you may do. These are great!

Kundalini Yoga

2013-12-09T07:58:00.000-08:00

I took my very first Kundalini Yoga class last night. I was "humming" if ya know what I mean. I was "blissed out" if ya know what I mean. Boy, do I like to feel high from a yoga class and no drugs involved!

As a yoga practitioner for (Wow) 13 years now, I ALWAYS enjoyed that "high" after a class. You feel light as a feather and happy as a clam. Of course, I kept going back to get that "high" and sometimes I would get it, and sometimes I would get something else. But after this class, I had that high!

People I know who practice Kundalini Yoga have explained it to me, but I just never got around to trying out a class. YOU TOTALLY SHOULD! Taken from good 'ol Wikipedia, "Kundalini yoga derives its name through a focus on awakening kundalini energy through regular practice of meditation, pranayama, chanting mantra and yoga asana. Called by practitioners 'the yoga of awareness', it aims 'to cultivate the creative spiritual potential of a human to uphold values, speak truth, and focus on the compassion and consciousness needed to serve and heal others.'" So it's not all asana (poses) in most yoga classes out there. It combines breathwork (pranayama), meditation and mantra, and poses. In addition, some lovely, inspiring affirmations through music.

It's for for all levels and no prior meditation, yoga experience necessary. Just tell the teacher and they will support you. If you get tired from the poses, breathwork, exercises etc., take a break. There's chanting involved, so if you feel weird or uncomfortable doing it, just listen. I listened a lot before participating, and I have to say, just being there with everyone chanting was quite calming, soothing, and healing.

I tend to have a very active yoga and fitness practice. In other words, even in my yoga practice, it's more on the active side. I have fallen out of incorporating some restorative sequences every once in awhile. In fact, once a month is ideal. We all need to rest, recover, relax and renew our whole body from whatever we're doing, and from whatever is happening in our lives.

I knew I needed to slow-it-down, and by going to this Kundalini Yoga class, I did. It was a step toward stillness. If I'm not at my job, I'm teaching, rehearsing, or filling the time with something. A couple weeks back, I acknowledged the fact that I needed a refresh and a rest from that, and I'm SO happy I took action towards starting it.

The class that I went to and will BE continuing to go to is on Sundays from 4:00-5:30pm at Heartspace Yoga in Albany with teacher, Sat Kriya Kaur. She teaches on other days and at other locations as well.

When yoga makes you feel bad....

2013-11-20T05:53:00.001-08:00

I have to be honest in this blog post. Why does yoga make you mad sometimes? Or feel more tense, when you expect it to release tension and everything will feel better again? Not that I was super tense prior to my morning practice, but I was a little sore from rehearsal last night and knew my physical body could really use it.

So....why did every little freakin' thing start to trigger me? My wet bath towel falling into the litter box. Do I wear this sweater? That shirt? These pants? Or fuck this outfit! Let's wear something else. Only to go back to the exact same thing I put on first. Do I eat the leftover soup for lunch, or a salad? Then....where the hell are all these cars coming from and why can't a space clear for me to turn onto the road?! Yes! I could go on and on with everything little, but don't worry I won't. However, I know you can relate ;-)

Could it be the moon? Perhaps. My menstrual cycle? Of course, that too can play a part in it. But as I drove to work this morning, I thought about my yoga practice. I recall it feeling quite invigorating and relaxing during and after. All the lengthening and stretching of my side body really helped bring space into my shoulders and hips. AHHHH! That was so nice. But, why didn't that feeling continue?

Throughout my 10 (now almost plus) years practicing yoga, I remember coming out of a class or practice feeling amazing, and not so amazing. I recall teachers I studied with discussing how yoga shifts the whole body on many levels: physically, mentally, emotionally, energetically, and spiritually (also known as the five sheaths). You could call them layers as well like tension can have layers. If you've heard of the metaphor peeling the layers of an onion, there are quite a few, wouldn't you think? So, when we start to practice yoga and go deeper, layers begin to peel off and "stuff" happens. Sometimes we have NO idea what it is. For instance, we start crying in the middle of pigeon or savasana; We envision ourselves reaching a goal we have been working on in some area of our life: Or simply, while standing in tree pose, imagine that we are actually a tree!

Whatever it is, yoga brings us home to ourselves. It shows us those light and dark places. When the dark parts arise, we may resist, and create more tension in the body. Perhaps, this is what was happening to me. Maybe something was trying to acknowledge itself. Something from the past or present that needs to be heard, seen or let go. We have so many layers, upon layers, upon layers of within ourselves, sometimes we, after years of practice, may just scratch the surface. Unless we are willing to go there, that is where we find the answers, and the healing can begin.

That is what yoga does for me. It is what I transmit to my students when I teach. I may not literally say in the above paragraph everytime, but I share with them, that it's okay to feel frustrated during a pose. It's okay to feel off balance one day when you were on the day before. It's okay to walk out of class not feel as good as you did the last class. Use those feelings as a learning tool and guidance.

We are ever-changing, fluctuating beings with so much more stimuli around us than years before. Our bodies and mind are always moving toward balance. Yoga is something we may not master in this lifetime, but it is an amazing tool for growth, balance and support now.

Butoh Class: COME SEE FOR YOURSELF!

2013-10-04T06:27:00.000-07:00

I will be teaching a NEW class: Butoh! Check out more information HERE:

Invest in yourself for you

2013-08-29T06:24:00.003-07:00

"You will come to know that what appears today to be a sacrifice will prove instead to be the greatest investment that you will ever make." - Gorden B. Hinkley

I have days when reading the quote above I will say, "You're kidding, right?" It's amazing what we ask for and the Universe hands it right over to ya. It comes in all shapes and forms and beings. It's the process towards our goals and desires that we wish (sometimes) could skip over. It's those "learning" curveballs that get thrown at us and would rather duck and cover. It's the bumps along the road that makes us trip and fall. Yes, we stamp our feet, get irritated, and we may want to stay down, but we must trust that there's a reason for everything that we experience.

I remember the time when I decided I wanted to be a yoga teacher. At the time, I really didn't think about what it involved. All I knew was that I loved doing yoga and how I felt after practicing it. September of 2004, I started teacher training at the Iyengar Yoga Institute of San Francisco. I chose this style because my first teacher in Boston studied and taught this style, plus other styles as well. This style really helped my posture and alignment, which benefited my whole body.
To be honest, I really didn't know what to expect; however, I didn't expect it to be so demanding and intense. The teachers were amazing, but yes, there were some whose style of teaching didn't resonate with me; therefore I created tension around the situation. I didn't allow myself to be open. I didn't know how to communicate my needs or ask for support.
Since this was a 500 hour program (2 years long), by the 2nd year, I really started to question my future as a yoga teacher. I began to feel drained and not excited about yoga anymore. I didn't know how to balance it with life, so I began to resent it. I even dropped out of a class because it was being taught by that same teacher and I didn't want to deal with it. However, although there were other things going on in my life that needed more attention, it was a GREAT excuse to get out of it. I knew I needed to do this for my health, but then I began to beat myself up over it. I looked at myself as a failure and a quitter. I let that belief imprint itself within me, which then affected other parts of my life such as relationships, jobs, family, etc. If there was something I was interested and excited about doing or sharing with others, I would talk myself out of it. Tell myself why I couldn't have or do it.

The first time I taught I was TERRIFIED! But who isn't nervous doing something for the first time. Of course, as a recovering perfectionist, at the time, I had to do everything right every time. Boy, did I learn that's not how it goes! Did I get frustrated? Yes! Did I cry about it? Yes! Did I want to run out of the room in the middle of class because I made a mistake? YES!

But I kept doing it. As I learned more self-care tools, I learned to ask for support and feedback from teachers, students, friends, mentors.

Of course, now I look back on it, and I don't really wish I did anything different. Sure, it's normal to think, "if I had done that instead of that..." But, honestly, I look at myself now and I'm doing pretty great. I acknowledge the changes I have made to this point. I love teaching more now because I realized the more I did it, the better I got. I now teach other fitness formats and will be attending a training soon to become a Certified Group Exercise Instructor.

Why?

Because I have a need to contribute and connect with others. I have a need for knowledge, and I want to share my knowledge and experiences to inspire others to want to change a part of their life, and be happier and healthier. I know this now to be my intention for teaching others, but I sure didn't know it before I went into yoga teacher training.

We need to invest in ourselves, especially if we want to grow and prosper. It's freakin' scary, so we need to surround ourselves with people that are going to "Woot! Woot!" for us; and help us when we fall or want to quit.

So, in regards to the quote above, my yoga teacher training was the best investment I ever made. It broke pieces of my barriers and walls that I had built around me for years. Was the work done? Hell, no! That was only the beginning. And so it continues....

Shifts....they keep happening

2013-06-28T09:10:00.000-07:00

So, yes, it's been awhile since I've written here. From the last time I wrote, I ended up getting my letter from NY State about my remaining massage therapy license requirements; taught another willPower & Grace class (and rocked it!); and then took a training to be certified to teach Insanity. I also will be starting to teach Tabata class as well, which is very similar to Insanity, but has a different class design. Yep, I've been busy! But it's really been a good busy because I'm growing in so many ways. I'm stepping more out of my "protective-familar-feeling" shell and taking chances. Chances I would've NEVER taken in the past.

In all the teaching and learning I've been doing, I also came to the conclusion that I don't want to do Massage Therapy professionally, and want to do more teaching and coaching. Now, I know what you're thinking,"But you spent so much time getting all your stuff into NY State". Well, if you're not thinking that, I sure was!
But then I stopped myself from going down that road and said, "Hey! This is actually a good thing because now I know what I really want to focus on." Now I know what and where my passion truly is. I love to teach and have been going in that direction more. It makes me happy and energized, so why not go with something that makes me feel that way. When I thought about going back to massage school to get the rest of my hours, there was no excitement. Of course, I LOVE to learn, and I would be learning new things, as well as reviewing previous material. But that spark wasn't there, and it didn't feel right.

I want to inspire others to make changes in their lives. I want to teach people how to do it, where to begin, and give them the tools to do it.

I can teach them self-massage and bodywork, so they learn how to ease discomfort or tension in their body. I can also use ALL the tools I've learned from yoga training, dance and butoh, holistic health training and the fitness programs I completed.

Ever since I made this decision, I have felt lighter, happier, and excited! I feel more space and more flow. Of course, I hit bumps, and sometimes a halt, but I keep going. Even when I don't want to.....

The seaweed body

2013-03-24T16:47:00.004-07:00

Check out a poem HERE I wrote inspired from an exercise I taught in butoh class :-)

The Insight Continues....

2013-02-13T06:15:00.000-08:00

I can't get over the insight I've been receiving for the past week. Since my last post, things have unfolded before me. I've realized how much I've been distracting myself from what's really been going on.

I was talking to a friend last night because I really needed support. I knew stuff was coming up and I didn't know why, yet I knew why. That's the way it goes.

I did some clearing out of stale, negative thoughts and beliefs. I couldn't believe what was coming up and then BOOM! It kicked me in the butt. My friend was a witness to this too.

I have a HUGE story about perfection. How I have to be perfect at everything I do, and if I'm not or don't do it right the first time, I'm a failure or not good enough. I continued to clear out more negative thoughts and beliefs around that and an inquiry came up, "why do I always feel like I have to prove myself?" Who am I proving myself to? Myself? My husband? A kid from elementary school who used to tease me? My parents?

SHA-ZAM!

My parents divorced when I was about 10 or 11 (and to this day I don't know the exact age). It wasn't a messy divorce, but still not a happy time. The BIG, BIG story that came out of all this perfectionism was that I thought I was the reason they divorced. That in some way it was my fault. Now, these beliefs age at about 10-11 years old because now, as an adult, I know that's not true. I love my parents and they love me, and have always been there for me.

But, WOW! What a heavy thing to hold onto! As I allowed myself to feel the emotions and release it, a lightness came over me. It was moving out.

I felt more clear and certain about my path in front of me. I found my passion and purpose again. I know I am love, and loved by others. I am full of wonderous possibility! We all are.

There was something my friend reminded me of and that it's important to have fun with what we do. We get so caught up in the doing and get so serious that we lose the "fun" out of life. If we're in a place that's not in alignment with our purpose, how are we going to enjoy life?

Where's the joy in that?

Lots of insight there.

Challenges make you grow

2013-02-10T09:53:00.000-08:00

I taught my first willPower & Grace class the other night. A moment I worked hard to get to. Then when I did it, I felt awful afterward. The inner critic buzzed in and gave it to me: "what the hell was that?" "you sucked!" "why are you even doing this? Just stick with what you know" "you were SO off beat", etc., etc.

The more I listened, the more awful I felt. For awhile, I really believed it. Some old patterns and ways of thinking/being came back and I felt like a failure. I had a need for compassion, to be seen, to be heard, and understood.

But this other side of me chimed in as well. The compassionate, supportive side. The accepting side. I really knew, deep down, that I did the best I could the first time teaching this new format. Yeah, there were some shaky parts, but overall, I actually had a good time (despite the negative self-talk) and it felt good to finally get an opportunity to teach it to the public.

Once I got to rehearsal and surrounded myself with fun, positive people, I felt a little better. Let's say it was a good distraction since I had to focus on the choreography.

I also got great support and insight from my fellow dancers because they noticed the headspace and mood I was in. At one point, I said out loud, "Why do I put myself through stuff like that?!" I knew the answer, and one of them said it. She said when we challenge ourselves, it helps us grow. If we just keep doing the same thing and not push the envelope, we really don't grow as a person and become better at the task at hand. It's so true; however, I still felt that inner critic telling me otherwise.

Then another one of my fellow dancers said, "You are the expert...you know more about the subject than anyone else in the room."

Yes!

Of course, at the time, I was so worried about what the other students thought of me, but honestly, as Dr. Wayne Dyer says, "It's none of your business what others think of you." I'm also not the regular teacher for that class. I am who I am, and teach whatever I am teaching. We all have our own style and way of transmitting information.

When I first started teaching yoga, I went through the same experience and it took awhile to find my own style and way of teaching. It took time and practice, but I got better and better.

So, through this whole experience, I do want to become a better teacher than I already am. I am a great teacher, and with willPower & Grace, I want to be fabulous. More grounded, creative, and magnifying!

Ooohh! I like that. Magnifying. Magnetic. Inspiring.

So when faced with challenges, how do you approach it? Do you give up and walk away? What does your inner critic say to you?

It's done. Now what? Stay positive.

2013-02-05T17:03:00.000-08:00

So I accomplished one of the goals I declared HERE. I videotaped myself teaching a willPower & Grace class, and sent it in to be evaluated and now I'm an Official Instructor!

So, WOO HOO ME :-)))))

It feels great to get stuff done, especially stuff that you love to do. Of course, getting those certain things done (laundry, decluttering that drawer, etc.) may feel great too, but if it's a passion, dream, or a health/fitness goal, it feels different and so much better.

You feel like you could accomplish anything. You feel inspired to do the next thing.

So what is the next thing?

I know once I obtain that letter from NY State to continue my massage education to get licensed, I will be soooo psyched!

Staying positive is a challenge/goal in itself. So perhaps while I wait (patiently) for that letter, I can practice ways to stay positive. Hmmmmm, that's a hard one because there are times when we don't feel that way, or everything seems to be falling apart. Let's see:

1) I can visualize that letter arriving in the mail saying, "you have enough hours. Go practice massage!"

Or,

2) continue to visualize myself practicing massage in my own space, on my chosen time, and creating lots of income because I can charge what I want;

And/or,

3) perhaps, when I have "one of those days" call a friend who supports me; who knows my passion(s) and purpose; and can celebrate my awesomeness.

I like those!

How do you stay positive? When you feel down, or are thinking self-defeating thoughts, what do you do?

There's always a come-back after a set-back

2013-01-11T06:18:00.002-08:00

As I reflect back on the goals I made here, I did get about 50% of it done. That's awesome, considering I experienced some setbacks. So let's pay attention to the positive.

What I DID do:
- handed in my transfer application, personal statement, high school transcripts
-submitted a FAFSA form for financial aid (not on goal list but part of the process)
-sent recommendation forms to appropriate individuals to fill out and send to the school
-sent a NY State form to my previous massage school to fill out and submit
-scheduled my willPower & Grace videoshoot for January 20 (submission date may need to change since I put January 21)
-received a Cranio-Sacral session

Reading these accomplishments, I do feel good; however, there's that little voice inside my head saying,"You should've done more!", "you're not going to get it done", "this is too hard", "FUCK IT!". This is the setback that I experienced (and still experiencing).

That is an old part of me. A part of me that's protecting me from failure. Yes, I have a fear of failure. I've done a lot of work around it, but this past week it came back strong and kicked me in the ass HARD. Now, I'm working on turning it around. Changing that fear into love and compassion for myself with all this work I'm doing to do what I want to do.

I'm just trying to manage it all, and boy, is it tiring....I will get there. I will make a come back with this setback.

One thing at a time...my new meditation towards reaching those goals.

2013-01-04T08:07:00.000-08:00

It can be hard to stop being a certain way and totally shift toward another type of being.

In the past, I was one to pack it in the schedule and do it all. But that started to work against me, and the more I resisted changing it, the more frustrated I got. I know now that taking one thing at time is more my speed. Not that I'm an old woman! No way! It's also about patience and letting things unfold.

Sitting in meditation takes focus, time, practice, and....yep...patience. Whatever goal you set (losing weight, vacation, finishing that book) takes time. Meditation forces you to be present with everything that comes up, not just while you're sitting or lying there, but in your daily life.

I have a few goals I want to meet by the end of this month and it's going to require motivation and reminders of why I want to meet these goals. I totally want the outcome; however, I also keep in mind that there may be setbacks or bumps along the way. I keep in mind to not be attached to the outcome or result. So, if I don't get that particular application out on January 11, it won't be the END OF THE WORLD if it goes out the 12th, 13th, or 14th. What matters is that, I am doing it the best way I can.

Meditation teaches us to listen to ourselves and the experiences around us. It also allows us to look at our emotions ,which isn't always pleasant, but, hey, we're human and we feel, right?!

So to keep myself accountable, I want to share my progress (and bumps in the road) either on this blog or my Facebook page because it will get me closer and closer to what I want and get support when I need it. It's also fun to create!

Thus far, I have:
-contacted two people to write recommendations and mailed out the form to one person (WOO HOO!)
-finished my personal statement for the transfer massage student application (WOO HOO!)
-finished form 1 and 2 of the NY State Dept of Education application, and will mail it out once I get it notarized (WOO HOO!)

That's pretty awesome! I want to acknowledge myself for staying on track even in the face of procrastination: my greatest teacher ;-)

At the beginning of any new year, we have goals, desires and dreams. What are yours? What have you done to start making them happen? Have you told anyone? Sometimes telling a friend or loved one makes it more real. Dreaming and talking about it gets you more excited and motivated. Visualizing yourself already there brings energy and joy around it.

So share it!

New Year's goals (to start)

2012-12-28T13:23:00.001-08:00

I like the word "goal" better than "resolution". I don't have a solid reason yet, but it just sounds better to me:

1) To complete my willPower and Grace evaluation DVD and send it by January 21.

2) To complete the Massage Transfer Student application and mail/hand in/out by January 11.

3) To complete the NY State Office of Professions application for transfer of massage credits by January 11.

4) Put $20 or more into my financial freedom fund every paycheck.

(one more)

5) To provide self-care once a month for myself -- massage, pedicure, watch a movie, play a video game, take a bath, take a nap.

What are yours?

Follow up to previous blog: willPower and Grace goals

2012-12-26T09:43:00.000-08:00

So....I've done pretty well in meeting my goals so WOO HOO! YEE HAA! YAY ME!

It's amazing how when we set our minds to something, things can happen. Although, I haven't taught a full willPower & Grace class to anyone or myself, I HAVE taught the whole cardio section to myself and my hubby; and got to teach the whole warm-up to a class an instructor offered to me to teach. So those two things are big milestones for what I had set here. Also, right before the holidays too!

So I'm hoping now, before this year ends (and that's only 5 days away, people!), I will teach myself and/or anyone up to the Flexible Strength section.

Is there anything you want to accomplish before the end of this year? Would love to hear :-)

willPower & Grace training goals for the rest of the month/year

2012-12-13T07:46:00.001-08:00

There's a part of me that wants to beat myself up for not being super on with my training, and I don't want to do it! That's such an old way of being for me and it sucks. So as my due date 2/1/13 approaches (and it's not that far away!) to get the evaluation dvd in, I'm setting goals of how I want to be committed to the practice and teaching of willPower & Grace. This also keeps me accountable and really does work. So here it goes:

1) Practice willPower & Grace, either with DVD or go to class, 2 times a week;

2) Teach a section of the choreography to myself or to at least one person once a week;

3) Review choreography, either with dvd or manual.

Okay. I feel like those are definitely doable! In the past, it was so easy for me to overwhelm myself over stuff like this. What's cool now is that I actually say (and believe), "Who knows? I may even be able to teach a whole hour through before the year ends!", "What if I teach a section more than once a week?!"

How cool would that be?

Very.....

What if you had to?

2012-11-28T07:33:00.000-08:00

Since I've moved back to the northeast, so many shifts have occurred. I have felt the fear and the joy of it. Within a month of moving, I got a full time job at a CPA firm as an Office Administrator; got a part time yoga teaching gig at Best Fitness; got invited to join a dance group; completed a fitness program; and now training to become a willPower & Grace instructor! Before I left San Francisco, I was so afraid I wasn't going to find ANY of these things and poof! See!

Yes, there has been self-doubt and fear.

Yes, there has been negative self-talk (aka mind chatter).

Yes, there have been moments when I wanted to throw in the towel.

But I've been finding more confidence in myself through the tough times. I love all the things I'm doing, and when I don't feel like it, I know once I do, I'm going to feel better and so inspired to do more. When I need support I know where to go and I receive it. I allow myself to feel the not-so-nice feelings, so then I can move forward. Instead of looking at it as a set back, I see it as a lesson or bump in the path.

In the willPower & Grace method, instructors ask their students the question, "what if you had to?" For instance, if you're holding plank position and you have that moment where you just want to quit, what if you had to hold it just another breath or two. Then you build that strength everytime you practice plank, and you will see how it supports you in your everyday life. It's like yoga! Or any other mind-body practice.

It's awesome!

The pleasures of the present: How you can bring yourself back home

2012-09-07T10:04:00.000-07:00

A quote by Lao Tzu really spoke to me yesterday, "If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present."

Definitely, easier said than done, I know. But what if everyone could just for a moment, just be. That would be wonderful! Again, it's not an easy task for everyone, especially when you got a lot going on such as work, school, kids, family, bills, fun, etc.

Whenever I find myself anxious, depressed or in a fearful state, I try to remember to do the following:

1. Stop and breathe. If possible, I find a space to be alone (even if it's in the bathroom!). I stand or sit and feel my feet touching the floor and wiggle my toes. Then I work my up to my legs, hips, abdomen, chest, arms, hands, and all the up to my head. From there I take a nice, deep belly breath. If I'm overly anxious, my chest area may be tight, so I give myself a few breaths until I can reach my belly. Rushing just makes it worse!

2. After I feel more grounded and in my body, I think of something that IS working in my life NOW. For example, I just leased a car; got a yoga teaching job; made a friend in dance class; or even getting laundry done.When we get anxious, we tend to go (as the quote says above) way ahead into the future and create a catastrophe or chaotic situation that we don't really want to happen anyway; if X doesn't get done, Y will happen. So shoot for what you DO want to happen!

3. If none of that works, I call a friend, a Life Coach, or someone that I can trust. This isn't always easy for people either, because if you knew me well, in the past, I thought I had to figure everything out on my own. Sometimes if we can't find a solution because we're too much in "our stuff" or our heads about something, it's great when an outside person can help reframe it for you and offer support. Dwelling on the problem or situation isn't going to get you anywhere. We tend to self-judge and be hard on ourselves.

When we are present, everything is clear. That doesn't mean it's always a happy time. But if we can allow ourselves to be more present with the situations, feelings and experiences at hand, all the uncomfortable will pass more quickly and with ease. We will be able to get to that joyful state faster because we've allowed ourselves to just be and nothing else. Just at home within ourselves.

Do you find yourself dwelling somewhere in the past that's holding you back from what you want now? When something comes up, do you automatically jump to the worst case scenario and get stuck there? What do you do for yourself to come back to the present moment?

Butoh Workshop = Outrageously Transformational

2012-08-24T13:29:00.001-07:00

Click here to read about the butoh workshop I attended last weekend.

It was "truly, truly outrageous", as Jem of the Holograms would say. But it was also transformational beyond belief. Holding eye contact and space with one other person can be very powerful.....

Check out my videos!

2012-08-05T08:07:00.002-07:00

I started video blogs of my movement practice. Ideally, I would LOVE to do this weekly.

Click Here to view #1

Click Here to view #2

Enjoy and I welcome any comments or feedback :-)

At Home

2012-08-02T08:54:00.001-07:00

As I practice yoga more and more these days, I love how my mind will connect to a body part and then figure out what else the body part can do while in the pose.

I've also realized how I practice regularly more when I'm going through transition. Since relocating to Albany, NY, it's been quite a change of scenery. I find that I write (and have written) a lot about change, shifts and transitions in my blog, or post/repost something on facebook about it. I guess I'm just REALLY appreciating my yoga practice right now, and my intention within this transition is connection and compassion.

Connection is for connecting back into my body when I get too much in my head about things. Compassion is for when I hit rough waters along the journey, so I can allow myself to feel the emotions, be okay with it, and move on.

I talked to a friend last night about how I want to step out of my comfort zone more. Whether in baby steps or bigger steps, I want to grow in my creativity and community. I'm thinking of ways I can do more of that. For instance, I emailed a healing/yoga space about teaching yoga there and got a response from them wanting to meet me. I also want to create more patience and trust as I put these desires out there into the Universe. If it's something I really want and can visualize it, then I can trust it will show up.

I have also been dancing in the outdoors, which has reconnected me with nature. Something I had wanted to do in the past, and now it's happening!

So as I connect with my surroundings and bring that onto the mat, I'm starting to feel more at home. Home in the literal sense, but also more at home with myself. Moving is a big change, and the compassion I hold for myself will make the transition a bit easier.

On that note, I am grateful. Grateful for my fun and loving husband; Grandma for providing a warm, welcoming place to stay; yoga for it's healing tools; and the rain for its cleansing and purifying qualities.

Exercise and its purpose

2012-06-13T16:23:00.000-07:00

Do you have or want a fitness routine? When you fall off the wagon, what do you say to yourself? When you keep putting off starting a routine, what do you say to yourself?

It’s been proven in studies (time and time again) that exercise in any form can relieve stress, maintain a healthy weight and diet, improves sleep, reduce symptoms of depression and anxiety, and strengthen the heart. For me, it definitely helps my mental and emotional well-being, as well as the physical. I’m not a big “gym-goer”, so my fitness routine usually consists of yoga, dance (hip hop, and other forms), pilates, biking, walking, and other forms of cardio-conditioning. I love taking classes for the variety and the community.

So why at times do I find myself beating myself up if I skip a day or two? The intention is there, but I think I forget why I really do it. Why do I follow an exercise routine?

First off, I know it’s good for my health and physical body. Physiologically, it’s great for circulation, respiration, digestion and the immune system. It boosts my energy, so I can do the things I want to do. It increases the serotonin levels in my brain to help keep me lively and upbeat throughout the day.

Those are all great things!

But, again, why do I beat myself up if I skip a day or two?

I was on the phone with a friend, who had a similar situation. She talked about why she makes herself be this “work-out queen.” When she said that, a light went off and I could so relate to that statement. While she continued to tell me about it, I began to realize that whenever I don’t feel like exercising or even while I’m exercising, my soul purpose is missing. The reason why I do it anyway. I also realized that I force myself sometimes and that really just makes me not want to do it even more.

These are all good questions to ask myself. So, now, what can I do and say to myself when I start beating myself up?

Let me start with this instead: What do I WANT to say to myself?

-I am a healthy woman
-I am beautiful and perfect just the way I am
-I love and accept myself in all experiences, moods, and situations that may arise
-Exercise is creative and playful

Now, that makes me feel good.

Shifting toward ease

2012-05-30T11:05:00.000-07:00

Lots of shifts and transitions are happening for all. It’s amazing what comes up in the midst of it all.

I will be relocating back to the east coast at the end of June. This has been a desire for my husband and I ever since we moved out to the west coast back in 2003. Although, we allowed ourselves to settle, get jobs, get married, try new things, fall down, get back up, and try another new thing, it’s time to move back and move on to the next chapter.

Even though, we are moving back to an area that we spent most of our lives, it’s changed just as much (and even more) as we have.

For the past month up to now, I’ve been letting go of A LOT of stuff. As we de-clutter our apartment, I’m de-cluttering my whole being physically, emotionally/mentally, and spiritually. I’m learning and relearning about myself. One of things I’m grateful for is my yoga practice.

I had realized that I hadn’t practiced for a longer period of time. The most I was doing was 20 minutes here and 30 minutes there. Then, one day, I allowed myself to do almost 2 whole hours without realizing it, and so much healing occurred that was needed.

My yoga practice consisted of supported and restorative poses from a sequence out of one of BKS Iyengar’s books, “Yoga: The Path to Holistic Health”. It was a sequence aimed at decreasing anxiety. The sequence not only calmed my nervous system, it soften so many areas of my body, that I was able to release emotional tension that I was holding in. Once I was able to let go, cry and laugh out some of this energy and tension, I felt movement and tingling throughout my body. I knew I shedded and unloaded some old stuff because afterward, I felt clear, clean, and vibrant.

We all hold old patterns or ways of being within us. It’s usually held in the unconscious, and when we don’t deal with them or ignore them, they can work against us and keep us from moving forward in our life experience.

So when we begin to look at these old patterns that aren’t serving us anymore, and catch them in the present moment, we can start to look at them at a distant and give them more space. We can acknowledge the emotion(s) around these old patterns and the needs underneath them.

For me, a lot of my emotional release was sadness and anger. I was able to journal everything down, and realize that there was a need for acceptance, compassion, and ease, especially through my upcoming east coast move. I also remembered other people showing up in my space, which were, mostly, other people’s beliefs and stories that I was holding as my own. Again, old patterns, but some of these can be others’ such as parents, teachers, friends, lovers, partners, etc.

Are there certain words, phrases, or stories that you tell yourself frequently? Could they be keeping you from what you really want or to your most optimal health? Do areas of your body feel hard, tight, or blocked? What would happen and how would you feel if you could soften that area and feel more space?

The choice is always yours!

Pics from performance, "Awake"

2012-04-30T16:53:00.000-07:00

Check out my photos from my most recent performance HERE