Mr Baldy's Lymphoma Fun!

We are going to hit the press! (only the local one, the nationals can wait ;) )

2014-03-20T02:47:00.001-07:00

I had a call from the Maidenhead Advertiser this week wanting to run a story on why I am running the London Marathon. Anything that can potentially lead to more sponsorship is more than fine with me. So the journalist called and asked me questions about Richie, about living with cancer, its impact on the family and then training for the big day. It wasn't a particularly long conversation but it felt uncomfortable remembering what life was like during that terrible year. It's not really what I want a story about Richie to be about, I wanted it to be about how amazing he was and how brave he was throughout the horrible experience he had to endure. But then I suppose you never get what you want when dealing with cancer from any angle.
Yesterday a photographer came to the house to take a photo to go with the article. Dressed in my sexy running leggings and bright yellow charity t-shirt I got snapped running in my garden! Which means I will likely look a complete idiot in the photo!! I'll past a link to the article when it goes live :)

In the meantime please feel free to:-

Run With Me (not literally…… but heres how you can help…..)

2014-03-12T09:20:00.000-07:00

So they say to estimate the time it will take you to run a Marathon you should double your half Marathon time and add 30 mins. This means I am looking at circa 4.5 hours of running, which is pretty daunting.

Whether I am out on my Sunday long run, shorter recovery run or getting in some threshold training I always have my iPod plugged in. Not only can the music be a nice distraction but it also helps me keep my pace up. Here are some of my all time favs for running:-

Waiting All Night - Rudimental
Not Giving In - Rudimental (I think I will try and time this one to play when I am at the 20 mile mark!)
Alice - Chase & Status
Control - Matrix & Futurebound
Happy - Pharell (plus was mine and Andy's wedding song so makes me smile…… albeit we fell over during our first dance! My foot caught in my dress, defo not all the champagne! I promise!!)

My 'Running Favourites' playlist is aprox 2.5 hours long at the moment….. I therefore need to get a fair few tracks on there. Now this is where you can help…… Please add a comment with a song for me to listen to as I am pounding the streets of London. Make sure its got a nice fast beat to keep me going. This is your way, my lovely friends and family, of making sure you are with me spiritually and keeping me motivated through one big flipping long run!!!

www.justgiving.com/samantha-wildman
Just Text Giving SEAL78

The 3 M's

2014-03-12T09:08:00.000-07:00

Since December last year I have had 3 milestones to achieve in a relatively short period - Move, get Married and run the Marathon. 2/3 have now been completed so now its time for 100% focus on those 26.2 miles!!

I spoke on a previous post about moving to our new house - or home as we now call it. We've not done much to it yet aside from settle in and get use to our new surroundings. But now the better weather is coming I can feel the start of our first project is imminent!! (Well for Andy at least, I'll assume my usual advisory/co-ordination type role and then come into my own when we need to do the fun stuff like pick furniture or wall colours etc. I'll leave the hard work to my new husband!).
Andy and I tied the knot on his 40th birthday on the 28th Feb. We had a fantastic day surrounded my our wonderful family & friends and our brady bunch family is now complete. I would like to say a massive thank-you to those that donated to Leukaemia and Lymphoma Research as our wedding gift - as we have everything we need it felt the right thing to do for our gift to be a donation to help cure and eradicate blood cancers.

I also have to mention the totally awesome band we had, who made the evening reception a real party. If you are ever in need of a band then I highly recommend these guys. Check them out (and also see some of the photos they took of the party themselves):-
http://www.daftonline.co.uk
http://www.daftonline.co.uk/galleries/?id=10152259050616649

So the final M is now drawing near. I think its roughly 5 weeks away. So after a week in Lanzarote for our honeymoon I am home and have switched my beach flip-flops for my scruffy old runners and back in the swing of things. My first run yesterday felt great. I was going to keep it fairly short and build myself up but as I was feeling great I covered nearly 10 miles. Am amazed that I could every feel that a ten mile run is fun!!

My big sis is heading down this weekend so I will have company on this weeks long run. We have 3 hours to cover this week eeekkkk!

www.justgiving.com/samantha-wildman
Just Text Giving SEAL78

Pilates

2014-01-09T07:06:00.001-08:00

Part of my training plan for the 'big long run' includes a weekly Pilates session. Usually on a Monday after the Sunday long run. Recommended as it will help build core strength, flexibility and also a good stretch after pounding the roads for a couple of hours the day before. I have also been advised it will be beneficial for the stress related symptoms I am currently experiencing. So today I decided to give it a go.
Overall, the class was pretty good. My body feels like it has had a good stretch out and I have worked some muscles that I did not know existed, therefore I expect to ache a little bit tomorrow. In terms of overall well-being improvement, hmmmm not sure. I definitely felt more calm after the class, which will no doubt be destroyed the minute Harry aka 'the ball of energy' comes home from school. However I massively struggled to relax and breath the correct way during the class - but I suppose this comes with practise so I should keep it up! Will give it another go next week.

www.justgiving.com/samantha-wildman
Just Text Giving SEAL78

Fundraising Ideas Urgently Wanted!

2014-01-07T10:03:00.004-08:00

I have no idea how many people read this blog - if any at all now as it has been so long since I kept regular posts (this is now changing, promise!).

So, as you know I am running the London Marathon in April this year. Running in memory of Richie and therefore raising as much cash as possible for Leukaemia & Lymphoma Research. I have called on the generosity of my friends and family that I can not rely on their deep pockets (which have been extremely deep when it comes to raising cash in memory of Mr Wildman) Actually lets unbracket this and take a look at the stats - 11,561.25 raised to date across a mix of charities (Lymphoma Research Trust, Make A Wish and Leukaemia & Lymphoma Research). A massive thank-you to all our friends and family who have supported us to get this fantastic target :)

Anyhow, I digressed, the point of this post is I need some fundraising ideas people - and it would also be nice to see that there is still a following out there for Wildo's blog, so any ideas you have - big, small, wild and/or wacky then please add a comment with your idea....... It will be very much appreciated. Alternatively if you are out of ideas, how about a small donation (or a big one!) to our fantastic cause :)

www.justgiving.com/samantha-wildmanJust Text Giving - SEAL78

Fartlek Tuesday

2014-01-07T09:50:00.000-08:00

I am not feeling well at the moment, not physically unwell but mentally unwell and exhausted. However, exercise is suppose to be a good tool to support this type of illness and therefore I am working to my 'Unstoppable' training plan as much as possible.

Today's session is all about threshold running, our running coaches describe this as the 'holy grail' of marathon training. When I first received my training plan I thought these sessions were the same as speed intervals and wondered why I was failing - sprinting full on for 5 mins is not within my current gift! However, I recently attended a training session organised by the charity (Leukaemia & Lymphoma Research) and our training coaches (full potential). The day was packed with useful information regarding how our training plans are devised, what to expect on the day, nutrition etc. There was also a practical session out on the running track showing us the correct way to have a 'threshold session'. The basic routine is to warm up, and then run x number of mins at threshold then recover at jog pace and repeat. Threshold equates to aprox 80-85% effort - you can speak a few words if somebody asks a questions but you couldn't have a good old natter! It is also described as controlled discomfort (which does not sound pleasant!). The end result is that I now understand how these sessions work, and how important they are in the plan to get 'marathon ready'!

The goal for today was 60mins run, including 6 x 5 mins at threshold with 90 secs recovery in-between. Due to the horrible weather conditions I decided to go to the gym for this session today. Plus given my current well-being state, running outside could have been more hazardous than normal! So 15mins at 11.5 on the treadmill, followed by my threshold runs up to 12.5. Managed 5 of the 6 okish - could mostly tell my body was not happy about a hard workout today so stopped half way through the final threshold run and took it down to a fast walk to finish off. Didn't meet the entire goal, but close enough and hopefully will still get the benefit from a threshold session.

www.justgiving.com/samantha-wildman
Just Text Giving - SEAL78

2014, A New Start

2014-01-04T11:18:00.001-08:00

Life has certainly been a roller coaster since Richie started this blog back in 2008. And my family and I have seen many changes, some sad, some bad and some fantastic.

The saddest is the loss of our beloved Nanny Joan, my inspirational Nan and the pillar of our family. As with all those we have lost she is never forgotten and discussed frequently as we share our memories of a most fabulous (and glamorous) lady. I am happy in the knowledge that she is back with Granddad Owen and no doubt they are dancing across the stars every evening.

The bad, for allowing work to dominate my life and make me unwell. My new years resolution is to ensure that I continue with a proper work/life balance, bring my blood pressure back to normal and make sure my family is not compromised because of my job. I share this on the blog as Richie once told me that if you write it down it strengthens your resolve to make the thing happen (I should possibly add lose 10lbs, stop eating chocolate and cut back on my wine consumption, but lets take it steady!!). Richie also taught us that life is precious and sometimes far too short, so I will not waste any further time stressed out and covered in eczema!!

Now the fantastic, of which I have much to share. I type this blog from my new home, I moved house on 20th Dec. I have not gone far, literally around the corner, but it is a home I share with my partner Andrew. It was a hard decision to leave the house that Richie and I lived in together, and I am blessed with lots of happy memories from the home that we shared when he was alive. Summer BBQs with Katy, little Richie and Pokes :) Richie and Henry singing Happy New Year everybody in our garden on New Years Eve :) Our adventures with the Mad Cat Woman! Petey the cat getting stuck up a tree in the school playground opposite! Answering the door to Becs whilst we were dressed as a pantomime horse called Magic! Rich painting the back gate after a few beers! Bringing our son home in 2005, seeing him take his first step their (pushing a bright pink pushchair) and watching him grow into a giant just like his Daddy. This is just a small snippet and I am thankful that I have so many.
I share my new home, or our new home with our Brady bunch family, and we are quite the troop to mobilise! Andrew (almost 40!), Sam (a lady never tells her age!! Let's leave it as 30ish), Bec (15 going on 20!), Lauren (9 but with the intelligence of a 15 year old), Harry (8, but the height of a 12 year old!) and Heather (5 high maintenance but gorgeous so gets away with it!!). We have only been in the house for a couple of weeks but it is already home. To complete the Brady bunch look, Andrew and I are getting married on his 40th birthday in February (I should really get serious about this 10lbs business!). Andrew proposed to me on my birthday last year, an emotional and private moment that will stay with me always. I am blessed to have found another man that I love so very much.

Whilst life moves on and changes Richard is always in my thoughts. In 2014 I will continue to raise money for Leukaemia & Lymphoma Research, and will be running for team unstoppable in the London Marathon in April. Every inch of the 26.2 miles will be with him, I will run it for him and run it with his memory getting me through every step. I will use this blog through the final 99 days of my training to keep you up to date on how the training is going - so far it has been tough but manageable. Last Sunday I ran for two hours - this time last year I would have laughed in your face if you said I would get up on a Sunday morning and run for a couple of hours!! It means I can totally stock up after on Sunday roast calories though so every cloud!

Tomorrow's training is a 90 minute run, which feels like a treat after last weeks two hours! But then next week we are up to 2 hours 15 eeekkk. Lets hope that rain stays away tomorrow............

www.justgiving.com/samantha-wildman
Just Text Giving - SEAL78

Race For Life

2012-05-10T03:13:00.000-07:00

Once again it has been far too long since I have posted on Richie's blog, so many apologies for anyone who still reads this blog.

However I have some exciting news to share with you all, Rebecca has decided to start helping us raise money to support other families that have been affected by cancer. We are therefore running race for life the weekend of Fathers Day in Richies memory. Whilst the distance is not great (5k), this will be Rebecca's first attempt at running (in this type of environment, clearly she has ran before!!) and is determined to run the entire distance - she wants to do it for him, which makes me amazingly proud.

So its time to get our trainers on and get in practice - along with our lovely friends Trish & Kat.

We have set ourselves a fund raising challenge of £500 - if you would like to donate towards Cancer Research then please use the link below:-

http://www.raceforlifesponsorme.org/DaddyRichie

Happy Fathers Day - From Harry

2011-06-19T05:41:00.000-07:00

A fathers day message from Harry, written as directed from your little man:-

I miss you Daddy really lots. I wish you didn't die so you can cuddle me and kiss me loads and loads and loads. For fathers day I would like to get you loads and loads of beer!
Happy fathers day love from Harry
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Teenage Drama!

2011-06-15T05:08:00.000-07:00

Rebecca turned 13 last Friday! 13!!! I am the mother of a teenager - eeek! This prompted my forgetful brain to do a reflection on birthdays gone by with our beloved Daddy Richie:-

Age 4 2002
Becca’s fourth birthday party was a traditional at home party with a bouncy castle in the garden (albeit in my Mum & Dad’s garden as mine was resembling a jungle at the time!). This was only a short period of time after Becca had met Rich with her introductory kick on his shins (mentioned on previous blog posts!). Egg sandwiches, party games, bouncy castle and obligatory party bags for all the mini-guests! Once all the children had left and Becca was tucked up in bed, myself, Katy and Richie tucked into some Smirnoff Ice (classy!) and took over the bouncy castle! Luckily breaking no limbs in the process.
We also took Becca out the following day for an additional birthday treat for a trip to Legoland. At this point Becca still had a very much love/hate relationship going on with Richie – jealous of anyone taking her Mum’s attention! We had a nice day at Legoland up to the point of exiting the amusement park. Anyone who has been knows that there is a fairly steep climb to reach the entrance and out into the car park. Richie therefore took the helm pushing the buggy much to Becca’s disgust. Who shared her distaste by screaming and putting her feet to the floor to make pushing her as difficult as possible. With grim determination Richie would not be beaten, and gritted his teeth, laid the buggy backwards and carried on pushing! Slightly stressful experience at the time but no doubt highly amusing to all the passers-by!

Age 5 2003
For Rebecca’s 5th birthday we decided that as a grown-up school girl she could invite her entire class to a party at our local village hall, and we hired an entertainer to look after them all – sounds easy! Add in a few ham/jam sandwiches, crisps and some cakes to sugar up the kids! The party was a roaring success aside from one of her little friends complaining about the ‘cheap’ ham I had put in the sandwiches – who knew that 5 year olds could be so precious about a slice of ham!

Age 6 2004
Rebecca’s last birthday as an only child J
We had moved to Maidenhead at this point so we felt it was important to do an invite the entire class again! This time we made it easier on ourselves and booked Cheeky Charlies and associated catering so it was easy peasy!
Worst part was burning my elbow on the slide on the way down and the majority of the kids freaking out when ‘Cheeky Charlie’ (Large yellow and green dinosaur!) comes to say Happy Birthday!

Age 7 2005

With a small infant in toe you would think we would go for an easier option again, but no alas not! We booked the local church hall and a DJ for a fancy-dress disco! Myself, Katy and Richie frantically making sandwiches to cater for the masses and my bright idea for cutting the sandwiches into animal shapes was very much being frowned on by us all mid way through the catering process!
Bex was dressed-up as Cinderella and Harry a frog! We have lots of video footage from the day which Harry loves watching – especially seeing his Dad and hearing his voice.
I very much remember at this party beginning to panic about Harry growing up as we watched the 7 year old boys have ‘play’ fights with lightsabres and swords etc!

Age 8 2006

Back to good old Bouncy Castle in the garden. School friends invited over and we had to extend the time they could stay so we didn't clash drop offs or pick-ups with the England game that was playing that day! It meant we had a house of 8 year olds for 4 hours!!!!

Age 9 2007
Argh memory blank on this one (I told you I had the memory of a sieve!). When it comes back to me I will add on the detail. I know that we were pretty tight for cash as it was less than 2 weeks to our wedding date so there was definitely no party but I cannot remember how we celebrated.

Age 10 2008
How one year can make a massive difference on your life. Rewind one year and not only were we celebrating Becca turning 8 but me and Richie were very excited about our upcoming wedding celebrations and honeymoon in Thailand, and now we were faced with cancer.
We planned Becca’s birthday celebration around Richie’s chemo regime and hoped that he would be strong enough to celebrate with us. We booked a day at Thorpe Park with Becca’s extended family and her cousins. Unfortunately Richie never made it as his treatment had made him weak and unwell so we had to go without him. Myself, Harry and Becca met with her Dad and his family at Thorpe Park. We had a great day, although Richie was sorely missed – especially as we loved going to theme parks together and have lots of happy memories of our numerous theme park outings.

Age 11 2009
The first without Richie, just 6 months after he passed away. It all seems like a long time ago, and not the situation we had envisaged the year before. This year Rebecca had a party at Spa Kool a local spa salon. Her and 5 friends made bubble bath, soap, had their nails done and glittery temporary tatoo's (which were pretty cool and secretly I wanted one too!)

Age 12 2010
Pink ugg boots was the theme of this particular birthday! The much wanted boots went down a treat when they were unwrapped! We celebrated with dinner at TGI Friday's with all of the family. Rebecca has 9 cousins - all boys - so it was an extremely noisy affair!

Age 13 2011
And now she's a teenager argh! Birthday celebrations covered a plethora of things, sleepover, dinner out, BBQ, hottub with her friends and then Chessington World of Adventures. Needless to say that we were exhausted by the end of it!

Rebecca with her Daddy Richie:-

Harry

2011-03-28T09:11:00.000-07:00

In one weeks time Harry turns 6! Time goes so fast, I can remember the look of shock when Richard realised he was to become a Daddy!

This has also made me realise that my memory is at times shocking, therefore thought it was important to reflect back on Harry's birthdays gone by as when we get to next week he will have only shared half of them with his beloved Daddy.

4th April 2005 - Harry was born a few minutes before midnight, so only just managed to grab the easy to remember 04/04 birth date! We both cried the moment we first saw our little 'peanut'. Richie also cried in relief a few days later that I was no longer pregnant - apparently I was a bit of a hormonal nightmare but surely this isn't true ;)

4th April 2006 - Harry's 1st birthday was celebrated with a boozy BBQ in the back garden. Perhaps not the theme that Harry would have wanted but he had lots of cuddles and fuss so pretty sure he didn't mind too much! Our friend Gary made Jamie Oliver burgers on the BBQ which were lush, although Richie couldn't appreciate their quality being a devout veggie :)

4th April 2007 - We had a chilled day swimming and playing in the park, followed by a family tea in the evening. In general fairly low-key but just 2 months away from our wedding we were rather skint!

4th April 2008 - The last with his Daddy. We spent the day at Chessington World of Adventures. Harry had a blast, particularly on the Jumbo's with his Dad

2009 and 2010 birthdays were both tainted with the sadness that Richie was not there to see Harry grow (and get more boisterous!) something that Richie himself reflected on in earlier blog posts before he passed away. Next week I am sure will be the same but we will be keeping busy with a bouncy themed party on Saturday and family dinner on the Monday with our new unique little family.

Positive Attitude

2011-03-21T10:40:00.000-07:00

This blog post comes from Tim Elliot. Tim emailed me a week ago to see if he could write a 'guest blog' for Richie's site. Tim is very passionate about maximising cancer patient's mental and physical health, and how best to cope with terminal illness. I'm sure Richie would be well impressed to know people want to guest write on his site. Anyway, here goes.........

Can Cheering Up Help Your Body Cope With Cancer?
Scientists studying the new field of physchoneuroimmunology, which involves examining the nervous and immune systems interactions, have discovered that the advice “just stay positive” positive might actually have a physical basis in helping the body cope with cancer. New studies show that the power of positive thinking might actually help to increase cancer patients’ chances of survival because positive emotional experiences can actually often boost the body’s immune system.
Although the link between positive thinking and cancer treatment is still under consideration and further study, what is certain is that there is a direct, harmful connection between stress and cancer. Chemicals that are produced in significant amounts when you are stressed, such as cortisol and norepinephrine, are proven to have an effect on tumor growth. Norepinephrine in particular, has been proven to induce cancerous tumor cell growth in mice and is thought to play a role in ovarian cancer in humans. Even in cancers caused by environmental toxins, such as mesothelioma, and genetic factors, such as breast cancer, there are thought to benefits to staying positive that are attributed to the interplay between the improved mental and emotional condition of patients and their immune systems. For example, the average mesothelioma life expectancy is only a little over a year- but it’s believed that a positive outlook can extend it by up to several months.
Of course, it can be extremely difficult to stay positive when coping with cancer. With the increase in knowledge on how positivity can affect the outlook of cancer, more doctors have begun suggesting more measures aimed at boosting emotional and mental health. More and more often doctors have begun to suggest cancer patients participate in support groups, and exercise regularly. Exercise directly boosts people’s mood by stimulating various chemicals in the brain, and because cancer support groups present patients with a community of others who have been in a similar situation they provide an emotional buffer. In the end though it’s important to remember that that phrase we always hear- “Just stay positive”- might have a lot more power to it than you ever thought.

Its Been A While.....

2011-03-04T07:42:00.000-08:00

Its been a very long time since I have posted an update on here and I feel very guilty about that. I've been putting myself under pressure to make sure the long awaited post was witty/clever/inspiring by having sadly not had any writing brainwaves!

Luckily for me a lovely old school friend of Richie's - Gary - has recently been in touch and sent me, Harry and Becs some fab school photos, so what a perfect way to kick off some new bloggin!

No need to ask which one 'Tall Fella' is and if you coloured his hair blonde Harry would defo be his mini-me!!

Some Sad News

2010-06-28T12:11:00.000-07:00

I received an update email from Jeff, who emailed me back in May (see previous post). Very sadly his partner Bryan passed away last week after a brave battle against NHL. It is so sad that this cruel disease has taken so many important people away from their loved ones and families, its all so very unjust. What made Bryan's story even sadder was that his body was fighting the Lymphoma as it was responding well to a new chemo regime. Sadly the chemo had eradicated his body of all strength and along with it Bryan's immune system. He caught an infection and it spread fast.

Jeff informed me that he was there holding Bryan's hand at the time of his passing, and that must be of some comfort to know that he was by his side til the end.

Rest in peace now Bryan, and no doubt you will now be supporting Jeff from the other side as he tries to stay strong without you.

God bless x

Bryan & Jeff

2010-05-20T05:49:00.000-07:00

I wanted to share with all of the blog readers an email that I recieved yesterday from a couple going through a similar experience to myself and Richie, and hope that we can all send out positive vibes for them both that the outcome of Bryan's treatment is positive.

Thank-you for the letter Jeff, it means so much to know that Richie's words can still reach out and help people.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Sam,

I want to start off by saying how truly sorry I am for the loss of your Husband Richard. My Partner Bryan and I are now going thru a similar battle.

Bryan was diagnosed with NHL a few days before Christmas 2009 and is currently undergoing treatment.

Your husbands site was one of the very first blog sites I read all the way thru that dealt with NHL and the toll it takes on the person with the cancer as well as the care giver. Bryan and I are in our early40's and we are both in great health (or so we thought) Bryan's Lymphoma expressed itself in what he thought was an impacted tooth. It later turned out to be a cancerous tumor.

Bryan was a smoker (now an ex smoker) .. long story short, we are in the middle of the battle with NHL, and The blog you and your husband started and update made me start one with Bryan. The site is not nearly as well thought out as yours but we are also trying to be open and honest.

The Site is www.bryanandjeff.com . I would like to just tell you how much your site has meant to me. While I am deeply sorry for your loss I can also "see the writing on the wall" and while I hope and preyfor success in his treatment, I can not be ignorant to the possibilityof a similar outcome.

The strength both you and Richard write about and the passion you have for each other is very similar to the relationship Bryan and I share.

In closing, thank you for this site, thank you for continuing to update it and thank you for sharing the special man in your life.

Warmest Regards,
Jeff

James Adams

2010-05-14T06:21:00.000-07:00

One of the things that we are all very much aware of is how unfair life can seem at times. I have another example of this as sadly my personal trainer and friend James Adams was tragically killed in a car accident last weekend. James was just 26.I wanted to talk about James here on Richie's blog as he was instrumental in my grieving process last year and helped me out a lot.

I first met James when I joined the gym in my office at Cable&Wireless. James was the gym manager and signed me up and walked me round the equipment available in the gym. part of my initial routine in the gym was to pull the punch bag out in the studio when it was free and give it a good old whacking! I can't remember how long I had been going in, but it must have only been a few weeks in, I was in the studio and James walked in and said something like 'come on then, come and show me what you got!' He gave me a pair of gloves and he held the pads and we had a fab boxing session. I immediately signed-up for personal training!

Over the next few weeks myself and James got to know each other a bit better - he understood my fitness levels and had a regime to get me fitter which was ace. I also told James about Richie and everything that had happened. When I was having a bad day and feeling a bit emotional about everything James would happily don the pads and let me take it all out on him!

He was always encouraging me to do more with my boxing - he use to call me his little animal and pair me with guys in the boxing classes as apparently I punched too hard to be paired with a girl! He was also very proud after one of our training sessions when I left the gym with bleeding knuckles after he made me work really hard!

"Get in and get it done" was his motto and words he would shout loudly at the beginning of any session. Throughout a session he would be constantly shouting, calling me lazy as I wasn't working hard enough and adding more weight/resistance to make everything a big a challenge as possible. It sounds horrendous but mostly use to make me laugh, and there would always be lots of banter! When a session finished 9 times out of 10 I would get a text later on in the day telling me well done, good session today! I'd always say that I was saving the message to show him next time he shouted at me!

James was also always telling me off when he would catch me outside the office smoking a cigarette - and would often tell me he wasn't training me anymore if I was smoking. It took a while but I eventually gave up and have been nicotine free for aprox 2 months now. James was definitely instrumental in this as well.

I've been into the gym everyday this week and even though he's not here with us anymore I can still hear his words in my mind, telling me to push myself and work a little bit harder.

James - you were an inspiration and a legend, and I will miss you very much. Its so sad that you had to leave us so young, I guess the angels needed a work-out too. Make sure you hook up with my Wildo and teach him some new boxing moves.

James, Spencer and myself - happier times on a Xmas night out.

Sam & Ruth's Wedding

2010-04-26T05:17:00.000-07:00

On Saturday Ruth Armstrong, one of Richie's friends from University (or known via Ruth's brother John at University, one or the other anyway, my brain is never good at keeping up!) got married to her fiance Sam Mayer. I was invited to the wedding, which was lovely.

Sam and Ruth had the official ceremony in the Guildhall in Bath and then had a reception at the Limpley Stoke Hotel afterwards. Firstly they were blessed with a very beautiful and sunny day - perhaps Richie put in a good word for them to ensure the sun-shined! Secondly they were blessed with having one of the most fun weddings I have been too - lots of lovely people, fantastic food and then some cracking dancing in the evening with a Ceilidh band (hopefully I have spelt that correctly!) - oh and of course this was all mixed with a few glasses of Fizz and perhaps a few cheeky glasses of wine!

Congratulations Sam and Ruth, wishing you all the best for a happy and long future together.

An Update on Resolutions

2010-04-26T05:09:00.000-07:00

To esnure that I keep some level of focus on my resolutions, heres a sneaky update:-

* Stop smoking - its a filthy disgusting habit and will more than likely kill me if I don't - I am now cigarette free for aprox 6 weeks, so far so good!

* Run a half marathon - no times to beat yet, just dragging my ass round 13 miles will be an achievement in itself to start with! - I have started running again (much easier when not polluting my lungs with Nicotine!) however have not ventured so far as to register for a 1/2 marathon. Baby steps though!

* Visit Singapore - fingers crossed that C&W hit their targets so we get a bit of bonus which will go towards this one!

* Learn a new skill - not sure what yet but toying with Fencing - Doh no progress on this one! And still unsure what skill to delve into, maybe some kind of dancing.....

* Create a dream garden - this one is already started but needs more focus and a lot more work (and turf!) - ok so a slight improvement, but still require turf! I have had people round for quotes just need to follow this up!

* Re-ignite Summer Of BBQ's (Katy & Sarah will understand this one!)* Look after my financial welfare better (eg less shoes and more savings!) - the first BBQ was kicked off a couple of weekends ago thanks to our recent bout of glorious weather, next one is scheduled in for May!

There was also the point around saving money, but thats far to dull to mention! Especially when the sun is shining and new shoes are needed for the sunny weather hehehehe!

Psychics

2010-03-07T04:12:00.000-08:00

Richie and myself have never really shied away from sharing pretty much everything on this blog since he started it a couple of years ago (seems like a lifetime ago sometimes). Therefore I thought I should share a recent experience with a psychic I had seen.

Myself and Richie were always interested in the spirit world, never really having a firm view on whether spirits/ghosts existed but were both mutually intrigued and would fairly regular join Paranormal Tours to see if we could find any evidence. I think we went on 3 tours together and I have been on an additional one that Richie missed out on as he was on one of his NLP courses. The first one was held in the Wycombe Hell Fire Caves, where the only 'spooky' event was the Psychic lady getting freaked out by the bats flying in and out of the caves! The other events we went on all had interesting things happen/noises heard etc but nothing concrete to cement our view anywhere other than on the fence.

So, to get back to the point of this blog, a few weeks ago I had an appointment with a Psychic - Stewart Keeys. I had actually met Stewart a couple of months after me and Richie got married, he was the assigned Psychic to a Paranormal Tour investigation we had been involved in in Wokingham. Stewart was a similar age to us and had a very calming nature, and you couldn't help but warm to him. I had attempted to book an appointment with him back in October last year (around the time that it would have been Richie's birthday) but I had bottled it at the last minute and never finalised the appointment. Anyway, this time I felt ready to go and see him - when I say ready I meant that I was prepared for the eventuality that could have been him having no information/messages/history etc to link Richie to me, something I was desperate for and hadn't really appreciated that until I was driving to this mans house.

I barely slept the night before the appointment, I was nervous, and scared, and also very sceptical. But I wanted to go this time and knew that I wouldn't be backing out. I slept under Richie's coat (something I do from time to time when I want to feel him close, odd I know but its comforting at times), which helped calm me down so I managed a bit of sleep. During the journey to Stewart's house I was very emotional, struggling not to cry and my heart was beating very fast.

When I arrived Stewart was over-running with another client and I therefore had about a 5 minute wait whilst he finished up. He then came and led me into his sitting room, I sat down and we had a quick chat around the way he 'worked' and what to expect etc. He would also be recording the session so I could take away a copy on CD with me.

He could tell that I was not overly relaxed and very nervous! But immediately said that when I walked into his house I was accompanied by a female and a male spirit. The female spirit was older and stayed close to me and sat with me whilst I was waiting, but the male spirit was younger and excited! He straight away centred on the male spirit saying that he had to keep saying I love You I love You, and then described a picture of yellow roses that this 'spirit' was showing him - apparently this is in symbol of eternal love in the spirit world. I immediately cried like a baby! He went onto describe lots of things about this spirit of a young man, who had died before his time. It all felt so Richie - he described symptoms of his condition before he passed, he described the moment of his passing (apparently peaceful but full of anger that it had happened too soon (and apparently this anger dissipated very quickly and moved to peace)), he described personality, appearance, humour, our children, the situation that I was left in financially and legally - it was spooky and comforting at the same time. I will not leave any more detail here than that but for anyone close to either myself or Richie and would like to listen to this CD then you are more than welcome. But please believe me that as emotional and upsetting as this time was with Stewart, it was also wonderful and heart-warming and whether this is the kind of thing you do or dont believe, I left his sitting room feeling happier that Richie was happy, pain free and still looking out for us all with his fantastic spirit, courage, humour and love.

New Year, New Decade

2010-01-07T12:57:00.001-08:00

So 2010 is here, another new year and a new decade............. it still feels very wrong that Richie is not here with us for it.

So it seems a good time to start thinking about resolutions etc, things to do this year or decade (gives me a bit of tolerance if I slack off!). Richie always told me to write down the things I wanted to do/achieve - apparently it made them more 'doable'! So here goes:-

* Stop smoking - its a filthy disgusting habit and will more than likely kill me if I dont
* Run a half marathon - no times to beat yet, just dragging my ass round 13 miles will be an achievement in itself to start with!
* Visit Singapore
* Learn a new skill - not sure what yet but toying with Fencing
* Create a dream garden - this one is already started but needs more focus and a lot more work (and turf!)
* Re-ignite Summer Of BBQ's (Katy & Sarah will understand this one!)
* Look after my financial welfare better (eg less shoes and more savings!)

That will do for a start but I might edit/amend the list as I have more inspiration!

Although I started this blog in January its now March so its a little late to say Happy 2010 everybody but what the hell, Happy New Year anyway!

Christmas 2009

2009-12-30T11:10:00.000-08:00

Christmas 2009 was spent at Julie and Chris' new house in Devon aka The Big House! They have recently moved there - well Julie officially moved down on Xmas Eve and Chris will be there on weekends as he needs to be in the London area for his business, but needs must and all that jazz!

So anyway, Xmas 2009 was spent with the family in Devon.

Myself and Rebecca drove down Christmas Eve - Harry had gone down earlier in the week with my Mum, which had given me a few lush days of Sammie time as Rebecca had been with her Dad. Anyway this Sammie time was great as it meant that I could wrap presents in peace and not have that constant fear that one of them was going to burst in on me and cause a heap of questions as to why Santa wasn't wrapping the presents etc.

Anyway, luckily we had a seamless journey, no traffic and no need to stop - aside for a short few minutes whilst we met up at the services with my big sis to complete the final leg of the journey in convoy.

When we pulled up at the house Harry was jumping up and down like a mad thing, really excited to see us, and as much as I had enjoyed my few days of freedom (!) I had really missed him to so me and Becs rushed out of the car to give him a massive hug.

We spent the evening having some food and a few drinkies before putting two very excited boys to bed and then unloading all of the presents from the car and various places around the house Mum and Julie had stashed presents to keep them hidden from the kids. The house looked like Santa's grotto with presents everywhere!!

Christmas Day morning, and thankfully the children were not up too early, they woke around 8am and immediately delved into their Santa sacks at the end of their beds. Harry and Becs where very excited about the presents they received from 'Santa' aka me! We then dressed and had breakfast before diving into the presents under the tree.

Watching Harry open his presents caused a bit of an emotional overload for me and I got quite upset - these were the moments that Richard dreaded missing, and at that moment I missed him so much and felt so sad that he was missing this and that Harry was missing having his Dad get excited with him as he ripped open presents (especially the Lego and Transformers stuff that Rich would have probably loved more than Harry!).

My plan after presents was to take Becs and Harry down to Berryhead to go sit on the rocks and have a chat with Richie on Xmas day. So we piled into the car with Danielle and set-off. About 2 miles up the road however we got stuck!! The roads around Julie's house are very narrow country lanes and very undulating, the route we had taken meant we had to climb a steep winding road and unfortunately it was icy, and all my car wanted to do was slip back down and skid about. We therefore had to turn around (no easy accomplishment on a narrow country lane covered in ice) and head back home. We were out over an hour and had only managed a couple of miles!!! When I got back I got a big hug from my Dad and had a few tears, I felt like I was letting Richie down not getting across to Berryhead. But we decided to wait until Boxing Day and head across with Mum as well.

Christmas Day then passed in the usual format, a bucks fizz, a game of pool, loads of food, glasses of wine, loads more food etc etc! The kids had a whale of a time running around with their new toys (Harry particularly loving some Ben10 laser guns which we were all ready to throw out the window after aprox 1 hour of play!!).

Boxing Day after breakfast we headed back to Berryhead - taking a slightly longer but safer route this time. It was a beautiful sunny and crisp day so once we arrived and was beside the sea it was as breathtaking as it is in the Summer. Me, Danni, Becs and Harry climbed down to our usual spot on the rocks and had a few melancholy moments thinking about Richie before Harry got bored and began scaring us he walked along the rocks continuously getting far too close to the water! Danni therefore took the kids up to the hotel so I could have some peace and quiet and sit with my thoughts.

I often question if I did the right thing scattering Richie's ashes so far away from home, but the moment I am there and have some time to relax and think I know it was the right decision, its so peaceful, beautiful and full of our memories that it was defo the right thing to do.

Tha amazing and wonderful Richard Wildman, today we honour the time you were with us and all the magic memories x

2009-12-05T04:50:00.000-08:00

Chemomans Guide To Killing Cancer

2009-11-30T06:10:00.000-08:00

I'm pretty sure Rich originally had a link on here to the Chemoman & Radman radio interview he put together, however I think the link is broken (and not being an internet/computer whizz unsure how to fix). However, \i found a copy of the document on Richie's laptop - therefore I have posted this as a blog.

This transcript was taken from Chemoman’s 2008 radio interview by Richard Wildman. Also featured, are the wise musings of Chemoman’s trusty sidekick, Radboy.

I’ve broken this long and sometimes rambling interview down into relevant sections.

Introduction
RW: Hello and welcome to Chemoman and Radboy! I know you’re both really busy, out there fighting cancer, so we really appreciate you taking the time to come and talk with us.
CM: Hey, no problem.
RB: What? Oh, yeah, cool.
RW: So, Chemoman, how would you describe yourself, to someone who hasn’t heard about you and the work you do?
CM: Cancer killing superhero, I think sums me up.
RB: Yeah, me too, although I do have a more sensitive side as well. I like poetry, moonlight walks, holding hands on the beach, that kind of stuff.
RW: Right. Now, I’ve had a lot of questions in from listeners, regarding cancer. As an expert, how would you describe it?
CM: Cancer is a mutha f**ker man!
RB: Yeah, it sucks. Sucks real bad.
CM: My one aim in life is to rip every single cancer cell into gooey pieces. I mean real gooey!
RB: I like to flash roast ‘em!
RW: Not wanting to offend, but there are rumours that when you two go to work, you are sometimes a little over zealous…
CM: What do you mean?
RW: Well, there have been reports, dare I say, numerous reports, of not just cancer cells being killed, but innocent healthy cells too.
CM: Hey, if you’re making an omelette, you gotta break a few eggs!
RB: Yeah, eggs.
RW: That’s hardly reassuring…
CM: Listen man! (stands up) My job is to ice cancer! To save lives! (bangs oversized fist on table) Every last one of those squirmy little mutha’s has got to be wasted. Sometimes an innocent cell or two gets caught in the crossfire, boo hoo. Hey, I don’t always have time to check if its cancer or not, I sometimes get one shot at ‘em before they sneak away. I ain’t taking no chances. (bangs fist on table again) Shoot first, ask questions and send letters of condolence later! There’s lives at stake!
RB: Yeah, lives! Zap first, say sorry later.
RW: And what about you, Radboy? How do you respond to the allegations that innocent cells that stray too close to you when you’re using your rad blast, can turn into cancer themselves, sometimes many years later?
RB: Erm…
CM: Let me field this one. Things have changed a lot over the years. When we were just starting out, there was a little over zealous deployment of fire power and yes, sometimes, years later cells could mutate, but with experience and maturity, we’ve adapted our techniques and that sort of thing doesn’t happen as quite as often.
RW: But it still happens sometimes?
CM: Thems the breaks. Would you rather be dead?
RW: Fair point.
CM: Look, we try to cause as little collateral damage as possible. I mean, we’re always reviewing and discussing our tactics, weapon deployment and strategies and as long as the primary goal of cancer slaughter is served then secondary concerns, for example trying not to hose too many innocent cells, are worked on.
RB: Erm, can I add something?
RW: Sure.
RB: Can I just say, that all those rumours implying that Chemoman and me are lovers, they’re just, like, so untrue, you know?
RW: Sorry?
RB: I mean, there was this one time… but we were both really drunk and…
CM: Thank you, Radboy! Next question please!

What is Cancer
RW: I have a question here from one of our listeners, Jimmy in Maidstone. He writes, “Dear Chemoman, I love your work, but I’m not sure I really understand what cancer is. Can you help?”
CM: Sure thing, Jimmy. Cancer is a filthy, snivelling, cowardly low life. Its an abomination and has no right to live on this sweet planet. Let me tell you a story. One day, an innocent, happy little cell, lets call him Joe, is happily doing his thing. All seems well, but what Joe doesn’t know is that something has happened to his DNA.
RW: What’s DNA?
CM: It’s like a set of instructions for how to make a new copy of a cell. They all have ‘em. So, anyway, Joe doesn’t know, but his DNA has become damaged. It’s like, some of the instructions have been lost or changed. Now, Joe reports in for copying. This is where new copies of him are made, based on his DNA. Blissfully unaware that his DNA instructions contain errors, he happily sets to work creating the next batch of Joe cells. He finishes this and blammo, cancer!
RW: Sorry, I don’t quite follow. How did we get from copying to cancer?
CM: Oh man! Okay, you see, Joe, the cell, has mistakes in his DNA, you follow me?
RW: Yes, I get that.
CM: Right, now he uses the DNA to make a copy. Still with me?
RW: Yes, of course. It was from copy to blammo that lost me.
CM: Right, okay. Well, you see, there are certain things that make an evil, stinking cancer cell different from an innocent, hard working, lovely normal cell.
RW: Like?
CM: Well, firstly, they don’t die when they’re supposed to. They just try and live forever. Second, they don’t make a sensible number of copies of themselves, they keep on cranking out more and more, faster and faster. Finally, they don’t stay where they are supposed to, they go off elsewhere and invade the homes of other cells. Now, that is just rude.
RW: Okay, so cancer cells are different. I get that, but I still don’t get the blammo part.
CM: I’ll go through this real slow for you. Damn it, even Rad boy gets this!
RB: Hmmm?
CM: Everything that a cell does is determined by his DNA, his instructions, okay? So, if Joe makes a copy of himself and the DNA is not right, then his copy, lets call him Joe2, may not do what he is meant to. If the right instructions are messed up, then what you have is cancer. Joe2 arrives on the scene. Joe and the rest of the body recognise Joe2 as being one of them, but Joe2 isn’t interested in doing an honest days work and striving to make the body a better place to live. No. He is bad. He has darker thoughts and goals. He wants to multiply, invade and live forever.
RW: That’s where you come in?
CM: If that was the case, life would be so much simpler. Usually, Joe2 and his rapidly copied buddies keep themselves to themselves, all hidden away, growing and copying. Smug and confident that no one knows they’re there. Every so often, one of them may leave the group and go out to set up his own little group elsewhere, thus spreading the cancer around.

When does Chemoman intervene?
RW: So, when do you usually get called in?
CM: When cancer starts getting cocky and effecting the cells around it, the bodies owner may start to notice. Sometimes it’ll be a pain or a cough that won’t go or a lymph node swelling up and not going down. Cancer always gets greedy and gives its position away. When it is found, usually after a number of tests, then its chemo-time and I’m sent in.
RW: What preparations do you take, before a mission?
CM: Firstly, I determine what I’m up against. You see, depending on the original cell that the cancer was created from, I may need to take a different set of weaponry or use different tactics.
RB: Or I might be sent in.
CM: Yes, sometimes Rad boy and I work together and sometimes separately. Usually, if the infestation is small and localised, they’ll probably send in Rad, or if I’ve kicked seven bales out of it and there’s just a bit left then Rad may go in and finish the job.
RW: So, he gets all the easy work?
CM: Pretty much.
RB: Hey! It’s not easy, man! I work hard. I’m a professional!
CM: Yeah, whatever. Anyway, when I was just starting out, I might have just relied on a single weapon, but I’ve found that cancer is a slippery devil and it doesn’t hurt to hit it with different weapons in different ways. Keep it confused and don’t give it a chance to adapt.
RW: It adapts?
CM: It tries to. That’s why, if I nearly wipe it out, but some sneaky suckers survive, when we next meet, they may very well have counter tactics to some of my attacks. I guess it’s that which keeps the game interesting.
RB: I like games.
RW: I’m always researching new ways to hit it. I mean, quite recently, I was able to add the MAB gun to my arsenal.
RB: I also like rainbows, ducks and those days when it’s a bit chilly but still sunny. Oh, I also like plums.

RW: What’s the MAB gun?
CM: MABs are monoclonal anti-bodies. They’re kind of like Y shaped self guiding micro missiles, that find and then stick onto certain cancers, lighting them up as easier targets for my bigger guns and the bodies own immune army.
RB: I don’t like swans. Their necks are too long. Makes them look suspicious.
CM: MABs are still pretty new stuff and the current designs are limited to what cancers they’ll lock on to, but we’re developing better ones all the time.

The document stopped there, I guess we have to move onto our next chapter for Wildo to tell us the rest.

x

Lets Party Like Its Your Birthday!

2009-11-28T01:56:00.000-08:00

So tomorrow I turn 32 and will be my first birthday without Richie. Really strange feeling. Richie always use to make sure birthdays were lots of fun and full of surprises - with the exception of last year but we can let him off that one!

When I was 30 he took me away to Stratford for the weekend. He made up a travel itinerary pack and everything! He booked nice restaurants and booked me and Katy treatments in our hotel to ensure we had a fab weekend. In return me and Katy dragged Rich around numerous shops (!) which he managed not to complain about too much!! When I was 29 he booked a table at our favourite Mexican restaurant in Marlow for us and lots of friends and then had a limo turn up to take us all there.

One of my favourites has to be Barcelona - he booked Ryan Air flights for him, myself and Katy when they had flights for a penny deal on. We arrived in Barcelona aprox 10am and flew home the next day on a flight at around the same time! 24hrs in Barcelona! I had to get up really early on my birthday in order to get to the airport etc which I had the right hump with!!! I think, well I know, I must have been the most grumpy and ungrateful person to wake-up on their birthday. We even argued on the way to the airport I was that grumpy about it all. However, once I had chilled out (a little booze with breakfast does wonders!) the next 24hours became probably the funniest of my life! We arrived in Barcelona all a little jaded to say the least. We then had an hour coach trip into the centre of the city as the cheap tickets took us to some dodgy airport miles out of the city. So, when the coach pulled up we all toddled to the hotel and decided there and then that if we even attempt to drop our bags in the room then we will fall into bed and sleep as we were all so tired, therefore the best thing to do was just crack on with the sightseeing etc (etc probably being more accurate). We therefore walked to the first bar we happened across! A few drinks later (and a few breadsticks to soak up some of the booze!) we walked up the Ramblas to the Marina. At the Marina we managed to find ourselves in yet another drinking establishment (shocker!) where the 3 of us slowly got more and more merry! It must have been around 4 in the afternoon we decided to make tracks and headed back up the Ramblas randomly attempting to sing Happy Birthday in Spanish (Cumpleanos feliz!). Katy then decided it would be a great idea to buy 3 massive Sombreros and some disposable cameras, and once we found a shop selling them she immediately decided that she needed to put her negotiation skills into practice in order to bag a bargain! She ended up paying more than the advertised price! Bless her! After this it all pretty much becomes a blur, we find an Irish bar (why o why, wherever we go we always end up in an Irish bar!) and bump into a crowd of people also from Maidenhead who immediately become our new best friends!!!! More drinks, a few shots etc before we all crawl back to the hotel for a few hours sleep..... i will leave the story there as I wouldn't want to embarrass myself Katy or Richie by describing any other antics (just to note none of these antics were sordid in anyway!)! However the 3 of us awoke very early the next morning to catch the hour long coach trip back to the airport before catching our flight back to the UK. Once back in England the first thing we did was pull in at the nearest Burger King for some serious stodgy food and watery cokes - those where the days!!

A Year

2009-11-20T03:35:00.000-08:00

So its nearly a year since Richie left us. What a roller coaster of a year it has been as well. Grief is a difficult thing to explain and I guess one persons experience is very different from another.

In the early days numb is probably a good word to describe how I felt as well as shock, despair and a real pain that's indescribable. As well as the emotional feelings there were horrible physical symptoms too. Uncontrollable shaking at times, insomnia, being sick and a real lack of energy to want to do anything other than sleep. During this time I guess it was Becs and Harry that kept me going, they still had to be fed, washed and dressed, taken to school etc. The worst part of the early days was the fact that Christmas day was the week after the funeral. Celebrating Christmas and New Year was way down my lists of 'Things I Want To Do Today'! For the first time ever I turned into Scrooge and was bah-bloody-humbug to it all. There is still a big part of me that feels like that about this Christmas. However it was the children again that pulled me through it - they needed a good Christmas after everything that happened, so I plastered a smile on my face and we made it as special as we could.

As the new year progressed so did my fear of being on my own in the house - I have no idea where that came from but the thought of sleeping in the house without another adult was horrible. It has taken a really long time to get over that and its probably only been the past couple of months that I am back to normal on that one and can say I am 100% at ease with it. I started back at work way too quickly as well, as soon as the Xmas break was over I went back to work. At the time my head was wanting everything to get back to normal but the reality was I needed a break - the stress of Richies illness and then to them loose him so suddenly, arranging the funeral and then immediately having to cope with Christmas and New Year was way too much, but like an idiot I slammed myself straight back into work. The first week was horrible, I was on the edge of tears for most of it. Luckily I had an amazing boss who helped me out with a lot of the work I had on to take the stress out of those first few weeks back. Maybe it was good that I threw myself back into it - bringing back the normal routine for Becs and Harry etc, who knows, I guess the main thing is I'm still cracking on today!

The other change early on was my Jekyl and Hyde moments from feeling relatively normal to getting really angry - this was probably the period my friends suffered the worst! Usually after a few glasses of wine, I would find myself getting infuriated by the most ridiculous things and then just turning into a mad shouting woman. I was angry at everyone and everything. I hated the fact that peoples lives were carrying on as normal, and I struggled with peoples good news stories (engagements, births etc). However thats another phase that is thankfully long gone and these days I am back to the old Sam (hopefully a good thing, no doubt my friends will have some commentary around this!!)

I think overall we (as in me, Bec and H) are about as normal as we are ever going to get, Richie will always be part of our lives and be with us forever. There's not a day goes by where I don't think about him, mostly the good memories - the sadder ones are slowly disappearing and being superseded by the good/happy ones which is brilliant. Each day we all get a little bit stronger as well and sometimes I even think about what our future will be now he is not with us, but in a positive way and not the holy crap how do I do this without him way! Maybe that's because deep down I know he's always with us, and when he's not his positive influence certainly is.

Throughout the year there have been a number of charity type stuff myself and friends have been doing to raise funds for Lymphoma research - 10k runs, 3 peaks, Nottingham to Maidenhead bike ride. This Christmas the panto that I am involved with will be collecting money at the end of each show for Lymphoma research as well which is great. We have more events planned for next year - London to Paris bike ride and I am going to attempt my first half marathon.

The anniversary type dates are always the hardest - our wedding anniversary, Richie's birthday etc - I have always tried to make these special days where we celebrate the good times and try not to focus on how Lymphoma destroyed everything we had. Therefore December 5th this year will be about celebrating a wonderfully brave man and everything he meant to all of us - and in typical Richie style this means sinking a fair few drinks and dancing like a loon with massive grins on our faces!