iComplexity

The Descent

2011-09-20T11:02:00.000-07:00

My love lingers a desperate aroma,

Haven't the faintest why.

My visions are of white dressed cakes, a moon of gold honey

and children possibly.

Death comes later!

A sharing perhaps.

I long to see your heart agree.

Probably not.

So sits me and my thoughts... hopes also.

Can I find someone like you?

Who makes me think of them as well...

Before the aftermath.

The Car Accident

2011-07-15T12:38:00.000-07:00

There was a fire truck. Two ambulance. Seven police cars. Twenty-eight bystanders. An overturned big rig. Fifteen cars, single file. And a grieving husband.

Serena laid ten feet away unresponsive on a white gurney. Four medics hustling to revive her while her husband, Marshall examined the confusion from where he laid. There was vainness in the labor of their hands, the work worked to no avail. Only a quick moan. An M sound as if she was singing in a key. When Marshall heard it, he lifted his head. Her moan gave him hope. Though hope quickly died the instant her moaning stopped. A calming occurred. Twenty minute passed and so did she. From his own laying position he understood the woman he'd married near the Gulf of Mexico in the summer of '76, was now dead. Not because he'd saw her die, but the gestures of the four medics surrounded her started at the base of a frantic search to bring her to consciousness to muffled halt of surrender. It was over. Heads shook and bowed. Once the medic with the gray eyes turned to the other and he said, "Call it." The other medic looked at his watch and said, "Two-thirteen." And Marshall heard.

“Serenaaaaah.” Marshall screeched with the terror of a small kitten stretching, both hands towards her to hug her but couldn't for his body would allow him the benefit. Crying so deep that it settled in his wounds and the tears made it difficult for him to see within reality. When he looked on his wife, he looked into the void of helplessness. Two of the four medics walked towards Marshall and he attempted to look around them. The two left with Serena began to zipped in a black bag over her body.

"Wait," Marshall said. Right before her head was enclosed.

"Don't move Mr. Morris." The medic with the gray eyes instructed.

"Let me see her."

"Don't move Mr. Morris."

"Let me see her."

The gray eyed medic motion for the two left with Serena, who wheeled her slowly towards Marshall. He looked to his left, Marshall did. The black bag was fastened to her chest and he followed the zipper with his eyes until he met her eyes, bone wide and chilling. He breathed deeply and felt a new pain. Not from the gash in head nor the bruise in his shoulder. Physical pain was one thing but the pain of knowing death met him at his love was unresting. Marshall looked upon the bag embracing the one he'd made love to and thought about the child she carried and waved his hand in the air. One layer of black covering above two dead lights never to see the light of life again. He screamed again. And they wheeled her out of sight.

“Mr. Sanders please calm down.” The gray eyed medic must have been in charge. He did the instructing. Nodding his head towards another who pulled out a stethoscope and pointed to the other then at the ambulance. That medic ran immediately and slid the back of the ambulance door open. And the gray eyed medic said, "We're doing everything we can."

“Calm down?” Marshall asked for no answer. "Don't tell me shit." Bending the wheels of the small white bed Marshall laid upon, two medics slid him in the ambulance. Three medics accompanied Marshall but not the one with the gray eyes. While the door of the ambulance closed he saw the gray eyed medic standing outside softly gazing at only him when the door closed a shadow of the sheltered ambulance gifted an awful feeling. As if he was going to miss the gray eyed medic. But it wasn't that. Perhaps it was the closing of the ambulance door. Or maybe the chill of the metal objects violating the rips of his skin. But when his body jerked from the attention he'd notice his legs hadn't moved.

"I can't feel my legs," Marshall Senior said.

"We're doing everything we can," the medic said. "You just have to calm down."

"Calm down?" Marshall Senior fanned away an oxygen mask, "I can't feel my le--" -- he suffered through two shallow breaths, violently threw his head back, turned a shade darker and stopped breathing at once.

Opposite Side Of Prayer

2011-07-11T16:53:00.000-07:00

How my heart felt? I hadn't the know-how to express because if my words met your maturity, had you the know-how to understand with clear understanding? I thought quite possibly. And determined as long as my words borrowed the language from logical [and not emotions] you'd be foolish to take them any other way but clear.

Then I had an epiphany:

Logical becomes the interpreter of a heart when the heart speaks in confusion.

And so it stands that...

...in the beginning our eyes met and became comfortable.

And that comfort was with love.

And this comfort was love!

Over grits and pancakes that first night I had no clear understanding why I sat perfectly still and calm on one side of the table looking at you, but my inside burned a dancing tango conducted by my heartbeat; quickened and loud. And this dance overshadowed the night, for even in sleeping my heart found no rest [quiet as its kept, if rest found my heart it would only avoid, dancing around it] trying to get to you...

Two day later, we kissed.

Our kiss was electric with heat similar to something cosmic.

Burning my consciousness then created a enlightened memory.

A miracle...

What miracle? The melting of an iced heart of bitterness. My icy bitterness.

I trusted few until you... :)

And when love was made I met perfection.

Perfect love quietly engaged, communicating only through the soft chatter and harsh whispers.

You loved me.

Perfection continued when we spoke of the whatness of God...

...the universe and its process.

...the Spirit and its progress.

...the Almighty and HIS deliverance.

You perceive without saying.

For even in nakedness our spirit bore witness of each other.

Perfectly...

You betrothed my wisdom one day and I gladly said I do the next.

While you accessed my love for God through my embrace, I looked upon all the love we made and said that 'it was good.'

I may not agree but I get it...

God tells you to love me from a distance now.

You prayed to say yes only to God and this yes built a wall.

On one side your answer and the other mine.

You know I prayed too...

I prayed...

to be wanted.

to be kissed.

to be held.

For my lover to understand my love for the Father.

Understand my unspeakable joy...

I prayed for a helpmeet...

And as soon as I stopped looking...

God sent me you and place you on the opposite side of my prayer.

Rolling In The Deep [@B_Ames Remix] | Adele

2011-05-19T10:05:00.000-07:00

Words couldn't articulate my pride or my love for his music. His treatment of his mixes is similar to my approach to writing; intentional and personal. He's easily a remix genius and I also consider him a friend.

Last week came and settled and B. Ames sent an urgent request via tweeter for me to hear his new remix. I was at work working and had to wait until I had time. So when my break came, straightaway I bolted to the game room with my headphones around the back of my neck. I sat at one of the three computer, began to listen and got a little emotional. I was NOT close to tears but in revelation.

This new remix Rolling In The Deep featured a evident sample of Vanessa Williams' The Right Stuff.

Where's the revelation? Well, a month prior I'd wondered how it would sound if B. Ames remixed this very song. And then he weaves it into an Adele mix? Can someone say 'law of attraction?'

Of the MILLIONS of songs. Out of the multitude of closeable tunes. Of, not only, all the song ever created [let alone the amount of songs Vanessa Williams has recorded], he remixed the one song I mysteriously desire in my heart. :)

Talk about amazing!

Jeremih Motivation [ft. Kelly Rowland & Lil Wayne] [#Remix]

2011-05-18T09:55:00.000-07:00

This has to be one of the most sexiest remixes ever!

I loved the original.

I didn't think the remix could be AS sexy.

Future Happiness

2011-05-07T13:28:00.000-07:00

"Happiness is not something you postpone for the future; it is something you design for the present." - Jim Rohn

It's A Sin?

2011-05-04T23:04:00.000-07:00

Oh, this was soooooo funny to me!

Encourage Yourself - Donald Lawrence

2011-05-02T13:17:00.000-07:00

Generally, I would construct a long drawn out blog. A testimony of why this song is so beautiful but today I'm gonna let the song speak for itself.

Dangerous Mediocrity

2011-05-01T12:50:00.000-07:00

There's danger in saying 'yes' to mediocrity. When one determines you to be an option, you hold a deprecated importance. Something like day old bread. :)

Know Your Worth!

I LOVE MY #EVO

2011-04-28T23:11:00.000-07:00

THIS PHONE IS PURE HEAVEN!

Run The World (Girls) [@B_Ames Remix] | Beyoncé

2011-04-28T13:38:00.000-07:00

OF COURSE B. AMES SLAYED IT!

Just as with Nicki Minaj's "Massive Attack" he made me like this song!
And so I made a video for it!

Hopeful Thoughts - Wayne Dyer #Fate

2011-04-27T12:01:00.000-07:00

"Go to sleep with visions of what you love. Let your dream vision marinate overnight. Wake up with your positive, hopeful thoughts in place, ready to guide you through a day in which you step ever closer to the life you dream of." - Dr. Wayne W. Dyer

Lesson #1

2011-04-25T22:26:00.000-07:00

Today's Lesson: I pray the Lord never takes the emotional pain away until I'm delivered from the event that birthed it.

Classroom Management

2011-04-24T16:48:00.000-07:00

Life is a classroom. You must teach people how to treat you. People learn how to respect you based on your teaching methods; what your permit and restrict. If someone doesn't agree with these methods... they don't have to come to class.

My #Photoshop Creations

2011-04-24T12:18:00.000-07:00

THERE ARE MY PHOTOSHOP CREATIONS

If you click on the picture a link will take to you, either their twitter or facebook page [not both].

Leah Labelle [@LabelleMusik] - Bed [J. Holiday Cover]

2011-04-23T14:11:00.000-07:00

Leah Labelle is a vocal masterclass. Since her debut on American Idol I've been a fan and can't apply any patience until the world catches up with her gift. Few have this kind of control.

I heart Leah Labelle!

Rah Rah Ha (Roman's Revenge) Nicki Minaj [@B_Ames #Remix]

2011-04-22T09:56:00.000-07:00

THI S MIX SLAYS!!!! THAT IS ALL!!!!

Superficial Social Expression

2011-04-22T04:02:00.000-07:00

Michael Bernard Beckwith

"Often times individuals hold themselves hostage to the false beliefs they have about themselves, while demanding a ransom from a world powerless to give what they are unwilling to give themselves. Becoming trapped in the dilemma of authentic self-expression versus superficial social expression, an existential identity crisis occurs. Let's stop identity theft & be courageous enough to be authentically OURSELVES!"

Practice, Practice, Practice

2011-04-21T19:30:00.000-07:00

"That which transforms our lives is not what we merely believe in, but what we practice - which constitutes our personal laws of life. Your philosophy might give you a temporary state of euphoria, but if you want to be anchored in Reality, it takes practice! What we practice, we ultimately embody, paving the way for breakthroughs, insights and fresh realizations." Michael Bernard Beckwith

Click on picture to visit Agape International Spiritual Center where he ministers.

In The Life

2011-04-21T10:30:00.000-07:00

Essex Hemphill

April 16, 1957-November 4, 1995

In The Life

Mother, do you know
I roam along at night?
I wear colognes,
tight pants, and
chains of gold,
as I search
for men willing
to come back
to candlelight.

I'm not scared of these men
though some are killers
of sons like me. I learned
there is no tender mercy
for men of color,
for sons who love men
like me.

Do not feel shame for how I live.
I chose this tribe
of warriors and outlaws
Do not feel you failed
some test of motherhood.
My life has borne fruit
no woman could have given me
anyway.

If one of these thick-lipped,
wet, black nights
while I am out walking,
I find freedom in this village.
If I can take it with my tribe
I'll bring you here.
And you will never notice
the absence of rice
and bridesmaids.

This HAS to be one of the best poems! #WONDERFUL

Anger Management

2011-04-20T17:00:00.000-07:00

This is acting at it's finest!

I love Tyne Daly! 

This performance is one of the reasons why!!!!

Tyne Daly as Maxine Grey

Somebody

2011-04-19T19:33:00.000-07:00

She pulls me. Her voice and personality. Deeply, she pulls me.

For 15 years Reba has been one of the select few country artist who has the gravitas to force my attention. Have I bought albums? No. But through the years Reba resonated with something deep in me. I've never been able to find out why and I don't care to. The mystery of the why, to me, would cheapen the how's value.

So, last night, after a fulfulling night of Twitter and Facebook I doozed off around three in the morning. When I woke up my T.V. was on CMT [Country Music Channel] (don't ask me how) and this video was on. I laid there silent, looking through my sleepiness, balled tight in my Aztec printed bedspread with great emotional attention and fell in love. The song apparently has been out for more than a year but this morning created a newness of life for me. The feeling I felt when the song played and the lyrics ministered is the feeling I desire when/if I meet 'The One.'

Most know I don't have the desire to be in a relationship. One reason is two relationships, each lasting three years, left me disinterested in romantic unions of even the fourth kind. But honestly, it's funny how I can wake with morning emotion and gaining a new way of thinking. This coupled with the powerful words of the song rekindled two things for me: my love for Reba and my desire to desire somebody.

This songs let me know... maybe I'm not looking close enough. :)

The Gift, by TeaRon W

2011-04-18T21:03:00.000-07:00

After reading this poem by TeaRon W. I thought it well executed and deserving of being seen by as many as could read.

Although I had no hand in the writing of this poem, I feel it to be personal & articulate.

Hope you've enjoyed it as much as I did.

The situation you've put me in
is one that I can't run from.
It's either face that facts
or continue to wonder
where everything went wrong.

I accidentally fell in love with you
but I keep it going on purpose.
Longing for the day that everything
will come to surface.
Praying
Hoping
and wishing
that all my fears aren't real.
Praying that with my heart
I didn't make some top-heavy deal.

The situation you've put me in
is one that I can't hide behind.
It's like you know I'm hurting
yet you won't shield my eyes from the sun
you'd rather me be blind.

I purposely continue to love you
but I accidentally fell into this.
My heart yearns for answers
despite the fact that ignorance is bliss.
Wishing
Hoping
and Praying
for some positive change.
Will the day ever come
that we share the same name?

This situation you've put me in
is one that I am trapped.
It's like a bad gift
that I have accepted because it was nicely wrapped.

- TeaRon W.

Flash Fiction: The Soaring

2010-12-16T13:19:00.000-08:00

She heard the mailman leave five minutes prior. How did she know it was him? The angry bell on the mailbox sounded whenever it was opened and closed. Afterwards, Raven Burke walked out of the front door to mailbox on the other side of the sidewalk near her home on Jericho Way. The mailbox was a twenty-five foot journey Rachel took daily.

A block away an elderly man named Chuck Perry was driving a U-Haul truck safely but with eagerness. The morning streets in the small town of Warrenville, California was as smooth an empty sheet of clean paper as he drove with wanting. Granted the old man's new green house on Jericho Way hadn't feet to walk; nevertheless, Chuck couldn't halt the stampede of his heart's impatience. He'd just signed the documents granting him ownership of the home. Not often does a man own property, let alone an old black man at 85 years young. And since no one was on the road he sped faster to shave his patience by seconds.

Now Chuck's speed increase was perfect and easy when he bent the corner of Jericho Way. But his cellphone's ringing spooked him slightly and quickly, he grab the it from the passenger seat while he finish bending the corner on Jericho Way.

"Hello?" He answered before bringing the phone to his ear. What happened next requested the attention. For the premature hello prior to the phone meeting his ear delayed his eye's return to the road, where a woman stood at a mailbox in front of him. The truck finished rounding the corner and began rushing in pursuit of her safety; it was Raven. Chuck immediately dropped the phone near his feet and he slammed the brakes while assessing the honesty of the steering wheel to no avail. Raven pulled the mailbox's handle and reached inside in time to be startled by tires screaming as a hungry child. And when the truck attacked her, she was sent twenty-six feet in the air.

It seemed an eternity but the truck finally stopped.

The screaming tires hushed.

Raven continued flying.

Chuck witnessed her amazing soar.

Raven finally dropped from the air like a bird killed in mid flight.

The old man lost his breath.

Raven slammed on the sidewalk and Chuck died immediately following.

The death of Chuck came not by injury, for he hadn't one bruise or scratch. But his old heart closed silent the moment Raven's body slammed on the sidewalk. For right before they died he bore witness of a miracle, one of few he'd ever encountered in his long life. He became an eyewitness of a black woman flying without wings. And in mid-flight her eyes met his eyes in fear minutes before both met the eyes of God.

Love: Once Removed

2010-12-16T11:52:00.000-08:00

Loving isn't problematic, commitment is... but take not confusion my love. Faithfulness is comfortable, but presently selfishness has heavier interests than that of a romance once removed.

The education of self-love my dear.
To harvest wisdom..
The esteem of me,
-- this is my goal.

So if/when the moment presents me a sharing of myself then I'd be able. The extension of love then would be through mastering the routine of self acknowledgment. So, verily I say, you're granted a pardon from a heartbreak. For a yes to us is a no implied to the me. Indeed, this would be a harsh no to the root of my certainty:

I Am That I Am... Even if I'm alone...