One such idiot is Sean Done, from Ellesmere Port. Today Sean took it upon himself to begin insulting a lady on Facebook because she posted about a printer not checking their work before finishing a job. What this had to do with Sean Done is beyond me; perhaps he was offended at the thought of people being able to spell? Perhaps he was offended at the word ‘job’? Who knows.

Anyhow, Sean waded into the conversation with such intelligent swagger he made Frasier seem lead-footed in his responses. Sean opened up with:

Think you’ve got to much time on your hands, get a life you freak.

Let’s ignore the fact he can’t distinguish a ‘to’ from a ‘too’ for a moment, and ask ourselves why is he even getting involved? We’ve no time to ask that, however, as Sean backed up his argument with the almost literary classic:

Dog

Well played sir. You truly are a swordsman of the word. A further playground-esque “You are you biker slut” prompted a “go get em Sean” from his pal Calum Evans. Calum clearly recognises his intellectual superior when he sees him, and bows to his prowess.

After I congratulated Sean on his Wildean mastery of the burn, he threw down some paedophilia remarks towards me, because why not? Luckily, someone screen grabbed them too.

Now, we don’t want Sean getting distracted by me do we? As much fun as that would be, we want him focused. Not to worry, as Sean decided to turn his rapier wit back onto the original poster, commenting:

End of the day your just a cum bucket who sits on Facebook all day moaning about people and things rather than getting on with your life or doing something about it

Sean wasn’t finished there, either. He had more Shakespearean putdowns to dispense.

Why Sean, your parents must be so proud of you. Any employer, too, would be lucky to have you. Hopefully nobody Googles you before hiring you, or this could be very unfortunate. Just in case anyone is unclear about which Sean Done, from Ellesmere Port, this is all about – here is his Facebook Profile.

As you can see, he looks a bright one. He’ll probably read this (or have someone read it out to him) and think he’s won by getting to someone enough for them to write this. Of course, one… two… maybe three years down the line, when he’s matured as much as he’s ever likely to and this is first page of Google for a search on his name, he’ll realise just where he went wrong.

Hi Sean… and no, I won’t remove this to help you get a job.

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JD Sports, however, have contrived to take the crown for worst customer service. While some people at BT do attempt to help you, and when you eventually get high enough at Carphone Warehouse you get results, every single person at JD Sports was utterly useless and, as it turned out, simply made matters worse.

The story started when I placed an order for a Wales shirt on Sunday June 12th. The shirt was to have one of the players names printed on the back (I won’t even pretend you don’t know which one) and the number. I paid the offer price of a pound for next-day delivery, so was realistically expecting the shirt Tuesday – as you can’t really count Sundays.

However, later than evening I received an email saying my order had been shipped. Really? That was fast. Way to go JD Sports. I might actually get it on Monday. I was very impressed at this stage.

Just a quick update … your order JD88542857 has been despatched and will be with you shortly.

That email was sent at 22:54 on June 12th. The order was placed at 15:43 that afternoon.

Monday came and went with no delivery. No worries, I didn’t really expect it the next day. Tuesday arrived and… nothing. Oh, this is disappointing. As it was shipped Sunday, to arrive next day, surely it should have arrived Tuesday.

I feared the worst. I feared YODEL.

But no, JD Sports doesn’t use YODEL. They use Hermes. I know some people have had issues with Hermes but I’ve never had a problem with them. They can always find our address and always turn up when they’re expected to.

Wednesday came… and went. I tweeted at JD Sports and had the usual ‘send a DM’ response. I’d seen this with YODEL a million times before but I gave  them the benefit of the doubt. To be fair, they responded on the Wednesday with the following from ‘Dean’:

Apologies for the delay in getting back to you, It looks like you’ve ordered a personalised top, this means that next day delivery is not available as the item needs to be printed on and the personalisation applied.

This usually adds an additional 24-48 hours before the order is dispatched, as soon as the personalisation is completed, the order will be sent on a next day delivery service and should be with you the following day.

I’ve refunded your next day delivery charge and these funds should be back in your account within 3-5 days, apologies for any inconvenience this delay may cause.

OK, fair enough. There is a note on the website saying next-day isn’t available for shirts which are printed. They still took payment for next-day though, the crafty geezers. However, as the shirt was ‘shipped’ Sunday night (and this is starting to sound unlikely) even if you add on another 24-48hrs it should still have arrived Wednesday.

I asked them about why it was still late and why it said it was shipped when it clearly wasn’t. Dean replied with:

The dispatch email would be because it that group would have been dispatched but because it was personalised, the order would have been removed and taken to be printed.

As this didn’t actually answer my question about why it was still late, I tried again. Dean’s response:

It’s most likely been delayed given the large influx of orders we’ve received, please allow an additional 24 hours and this order should be dispatched.

Another 24hrs went by, and no shirt. I chased them again. It was now Thursday. This time Rosy replied.

Our records show that your order has been despatched and is on its way to you. Your tracking number is 1287573806120172 for you to track your order on Hermes website. Thanks – Rosy

I was getting annoyed now, and I replied to Rosy:

Odd that I’ve had no dispatch email, as promised, apart from the dispatch email Sunday night – which was clearly lying. When was it supposed to have been dispatched?

Now someone called Nick chimes in:

I have looked into this and can see that your order had personalisation on the item. Personalised items can not be allocated for next day delivery due to the time required for personalisation. I can see that my colleague has refunded your delivery charge. Your order should be with you shortly as I can see that it has been despatched. I apologise for any inconvenience this may have caused. Thanks Nick

By which point I’ve lost the plot:

You’re just saying the same thing now. Personalisation should be an extra 24-48hrs, it’s still late. Your colleague said give an additional 24hrs. It’s still late. Then I was given a tracking number. It doesn’t work. This is pathetic.

It’s now Friday, and another JD Sports customer service rep takes over:

I have emailed the warehouse for an update in regards to your order. Once I hear back I will get in touch and advise further. Thanks Pete

I received nothing all day so chased them, before yet another new customer service rep takes over:

Hey Darren, yeah it’s shipped now 1287573806120172 (Hermes). Cheers, Lewis

I’ve still not had a dispatch email, so chase them about this:

Why the ridiculous delay? Why’ve I had no dispatch email? This is really, really poor.

To which Nick returns. I missed Nick. He was great.

Please accept my apologies regarding no despatch email, Our I.T team will look into this. Thanks Nick

That was the last message I received from them via Twitter, even after I chased them asking for clarification of what the holy hell this following email was about, which I received on the Saturday, 7 days after the initial order… wait for it…

In regards to your order 88542857, I am sorry to inform you that we were unable to print the selected name and number on your football shirt due to lack of customisation letters.

Could you please confirm whether you would like to the keep the item without the personalisation and receive a refund of £12 or to be fully refunded?

Please accept our apologies for the inconvenience caused.

What the  fuck? It hasn’t been shipped? I’ve just been told repeatedly by a veritable hoard of JD Sports idiots that it has been shipped. They given me tracking numbers, and apologies, and bull shit… and they were what… lying?

Just what is going on with JD Sports? Do they have any idea what has happened with the order? Am I just asking the wrong people?

Also, if they haven’t actually printed the name and number on the shirt what have they been doing for the last week?

I replied to the email immediately with:

So why have I been lied to via Twitter, repeatedly, and assured it has been shipped?

Then, before any email response was received, I had a ‘How did we do Darren‘ email from them asking for feedback on how well they had handled my query.

Surely they’re taking the piss now?

They haven’t handled my query at all. It’s been a week, I’ve been told contradictory information and I still do not have what I ordered.

Otherwise yeah, spot on lads. You’ll get my feedback alright, but it won’t be via a survey you can ignore. It will be via a blog, a blog you can’t do a damn thing about. Believe me, many have tried.

It’s not over yet, it gets better – or worse, depending on your viewpoint.

I was called at 12:05 on Monday June 20th by Abdul from JD Sports, from their Manchester office on 0161 767 1499. I can only really describe Abdul as disinterested and rude.

The conversation went around in circles quite a bit as I wanted to know why I had been lied to by their customer service team.

Abdul insisted they didn’t lie, they just didn’t check. He said ‘they didn’t do their job properly’. That’s nice of him to admit. I could have told him that.

“If you’d taken their names, we could have taken it further” he mumbled. To which I told him I had their names as I had a full transcript of the DMs on Twitter. Each one is signed off with a name. I’ve pasted their names above so you can see who said what.

I could sense Abdul couldn’t really care less and wasn’t going to help so I asked if he had a contact for the complaints department. “No, I do not” he mumbled. Well that’s nice isn’t it?

I asked if there was a complaint’s procedure. Yes, he said. The managers can call you back. He then asked for my details. What, like my phone number? The one we’re speaking on now? The one you just used to call me? What other details could you possibly need, my shoe size?

Abdul then offered me a £10 voucher for JD Sports, which I declined as I had no intention of ever using them again.

As it was evident Abdul wasn’t going to be of any help whatsoever, I left the call with him on the understanding the complaints manager would call me back. That was eight days ago. I have not received a call back.

Did I expect one? No, JD Sports clearly has some major customer service issues. The issues being they’re bloody useless and have absolutely no idea what is going on. Rather than help customers with orders they make shit up and lie to stall for time. They actually make things worse.

Meanwhile, however, here is the shirt I ordered without the name and number printed on it.

The more eagle-eyed among you will notice the word ‘Bale’ and the number ’11’ on the shirt. But how, you may ask. Seems JD Sport is so utterly incompetent that their customer service department has made a major issue out of something which didn’t even happen in the first place. Despite the tweets and emails saying it was shipped/not shipped, and it had gone to print/not gone to print, the shirt arrived as ordered – albeit over a week later.

If JD Sport only gave a shit and sorted out its dire customer service it might actually be OK. As it is however I’m never using them again.

Incidentally they did refund me the £12 for the printing. Yes, they’re that useless.

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This is that outburst.

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Last weekend was another near miss on the roundabout by Sainsbury’s and Cheshire Oaks, in Ellesmere Port. Some people just don’t know how to use a roundabout.

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This did, of course, mean I needed to buy a few of the Transformers missing from my collection – namely Beachcomber and Top-Spin. No hardship, I’m sure you’ll agree.

The more observant among you will notice that my Optimus Prime of 2014 is the short smokestack version, as it’s a reissue rather than the original – but never mind.

The house is different too. In fact, the country is different. The 1986 was south Wales, and the 2014 is Cheshire.

I like it though. Bonus points if you can name every Transformer in the photo.

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Twitter’s great isn’t it? It’s that place where you can say what you want, no matter how offensive or racist, and nobody cares. It’s all anonymous and nobody ever gets into trouble for anything. Even if you did go too far, if that were even possible, you can always delete your tweet and then the problem goes away.

No, wait. Hang on. That’s not right at all is it?

No, when you post something online, like Vegas, it stays online… forever. As for the not getting into trouble, that’s not right either. Come to think of it, there are plenty of examples of people getting into serious trouble for what they’ve said on Twitter.

Yet still people, mostly teenagers, think they can do what they want, say what they want, and it’s all fine. The problem is the Internet has always been this way, it’s just that it used to be only ‘Internet nerds’ or people who browsed blogs and forums who got into trouble with their posts – like Charles Evans here five years ago, when he abused me on this very website and was rewarded with his own blog. Charles regretted this as he emailed two years later, saying that someone else named Charles Evans had done this and he was having trouble getting into higher education because it kept showing up in Google.

What a shame.

Charles learned his lesson, eventually. Now it’s time for someone else.

This week a terrible thing happened at Alton Towers and, as is always the case, some rather unfunny jokes spread around Twitter. You expect this, people with a low IQ like to show others just how thick they really are. Anyway, some 30 hours later, Billy Taylor tweeted the following:

Look at this comedy genius, over 24 hours to come up with this gem. Bet Jimmy Carr's shitting himself #AltonTowers pic.twitter.com/HYFQB5iXnB

— Darren Jamieson / Engaging Marketeer (@MisterDaz) June 3, 2015

His tweet was immediately deleted, followed by a reply to me calling me a weirdo, denying he’d just done it. I know, what a genius. The fact I’d screen-grabbed his Tweet and shared it must have come as something of a shock to professor Billy.

It didn’t stop there too, as Billy had some mates who leapt to his aid in typical village-idiot style. Rather than just abuse me, or threaten me, they chose a very fashionable form of trolling – the accusation of grooming under-age children.

@willlmcnallly Funny. Screenshotting this for when you inevitably delete it. pic.twitter.com/4ltVpqQl6J

— Darren Jamieson / Engaging Marketeer (@MisterDaz) June 3, 2015

Yeah, class eh? I guess libel means nothing to these kids. It will, I’m sure. Not from me though, I chose the more direct form of response – the one you’re reading, and the one any future employer of theirs will also, no doubt, be reading.

The Tweet by Will Mcnally was, as I predicted, deleted immediately – but not before the other members of his Twitter gang waded in with their comments, suggesting to others I was, indeed, trying to groom a 13 year-old girl.

Now I’m sure this was hilarious to Will, Billy and the others (all named below) at the time but, sadly, it’s a lesson they will need to learn before it gets them into serious trouble. I also don’t think, for one minute, that this post will teach them that lesson straight away. No, it will take a couple of years for that – once they realise it will be online forever – sorry, 4eva (so they can understand it).

Here is the full gang, complete with each member’s Twitter account.

Say hi to them on Twitter at:

Will Mcnally
Lewis Bland
Liam Sellers
Tom Harwood
Ben Finegan
Billy Taylor

Remember, universities and employers now check social media and Google when looking at potential candidates. Good luck lads – though I imagine Maccy Ds will be less discerning when employing someone to serve fries, so you might just be OK yet.

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Well, now another member of Carphone Warehouse (one of their store managers) has decided to wade in to the abuse, calling me an ‘absolute tosser’. His full comment is below, with his grammar unedited.

Is this really the standard of employee that Carphone Warehouse attracts? If ever my decision to avoid that company like the plague needed reaffirming, this has done it. Thanks ‘Andy’.

MrDaz,

I appreciate this may be well overdue, and you may not even check this pathetic excuse for a website.

But you sir, are an absolute tosser.

Instead of having a “little bitch fit” on your own little pathetic website, why not try and sort the problem.

Yes CPW has changed over the years, and I pray that you have changed also.

CPW is filled with consultants and managers who want to help YOU, the customer, but this is not always pretty and straightforward when issues arise that have a strict policy to follow.

It is also not pretty and straightforward when we follow warranties, policies, regulations etc.

Unfortunately there are a few customers who don’t understand this and feel that the world owes them something and “just because they dropped their phone their entitled to another for free”. (for one little example)

I am a Manager at CPW, I can whole-heartedly say, with honesty in my words I do the very best for my customers but will not bend over backwards for arrogant, self righteous people such as yourself and break polices that good hardworking customers abide by.

So, just to recap, you sir, are an absolute tosser.

Good day

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You have? You’re in luck; Paolo Lorenzo Milardi has just what you’re looking for. He emailed me today and offered some paid links using keyword anchor text. His offer is great – completely screw up your website in Google for a small fee.

He says he already does this for other SEO agencies… so some lucky clients out there are already benefiting from Paolo’s work. Have a look for yourself and see if you can pick up a Penguin penalty.

From: Paolo lorenzo milardi [mailto:paololorenzomilardi@gmail.com]
Sent: 12 November 2014 10:37
To: Info
Subject: Ad inquiry

Hi,

I’m a blogger and content writer. I’ve a few blogs where I could place content along with client’s link. Some times Digital agencies contact to me about sponsored post & now I approach agencies directly, like yours.

Please have a look over the blogs.

Home

http://www.weddingdates.co.uk/
http://themastercleanse.org/
http://talent.adweek.com
http://www.behance.net
http://www.iphonecaptain.com
http://www.daddyshangout.com
http://www.techbanyan.com
http://www.magpress.com
http://www.dezzain.com
http://www.mkels.com
http://100goals.sportsblog.com/
http://www.wamda.com

I’d be happy to propose other ideas if you’d like. Thanks for your consideration, and hope to hear from you.

Best,

Just drop Paolo an email – he’s waiting to help you!

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A big part of doing what I do these days is removing links to clients’ websites and, while it’s not too difficult, it is bloody annoying – especially when you uncover a client who has had SEO before from someone else and their link profile is a web (if you pardon the pun) of spam and rubbish.

All of the following domains are on the same IP address, 192.99.1.151, and they’re all the same dodgy-arse crap directories. Whoever owns these damn sites (Ashwani Kumar, I checked) could you please wipe these stains off the Internet so I don’t have to waste my damn time disavowing links from these, and thousands of others besides?

http://www.weblogicspecialist.com/
http://www.webgeospatial.com/
http://www.webeksperten.com/
http://www.ttechdesign.com/
http://www.thepersonalweb.com/
http://www.techforpro.com/
http://www.optendowebshops.com/
http://www.kittechetc.com/
http://www.gtatechinc.com/
http://www.graggseo.com/
http://www.employmenttech.com/
http://www.ditech-networks.com/
http://www.directoryofsystems.com/
http://www.controles-techniques.com/
http://www.aztechsupply.com/
http://www.adactechnology.com/

If your website is listed on one of these garbage directories, you might want to add it to your disavow list now.

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Naturally I’m not doing it, and I’m publishing the legal threat too. Enjoy.

From: legal@performanceinsiders.com [mailto:legal@performanceinsiders.com]
Sent: 11 April 2014 13:07
To: ***@*******.net
Subject: Removal of disclaimer links from the http://www.thetransformers.net

Hello http://www.thetransformers.net,

My name is Craig Schwartz and I am duly authorized to act on behalf of PerformanceInsiders.com. The purpose of writing this mail is to get few of the links removed from your website which are pointing to http://www.performanceinsiders.com/. These links are not created by us and we do not have any idea about it.

In addition, Taking Google’s latest updates into account, my links on your website will also affect search engine visibility and online reputation of both of us.

Hence, you are requested to remove those links in good faith which are posted on your website without permission/notification of PerformanceInsiders.com.

Below is/are the link/links I have referring to –

[insert big list of spam accounts created on one of my forums linking to their website for various keywords]

I would really appreciate your help in removing links mentioned above to safeguard reputation of both of us.

Please let me know in case you have any queries or questions regarding the same.

Below is my contact info –

Name :- Craig Schwartz
Email ID :- legal@performanceinsiders.com
Skype ID :- craig.b.schwartz.

P.S.:- If those links are not removed in good faith within 48 hours, I will be forced to file legal court-case to recover possible cost of copyright infringement.

=================

Thanks

Craig Schwartz
Legal Compliance
PerformanceInsiders.com

Now, I was about to remove the links until I came to the part which read ‘If those links are not removed in good faith within 48 hours, I will be forced to file legal court-case to recover possible cost of copyright infringement‘ – who does this idiot think he is? Where does he get off threatening me with a ‘court case’ for the cost of ‘copyright infringement’?

He can piss right off. His dodgy company has paid some even dodgier SEO company to build spam links and now he’s trying to bully people into removing them.

Sorry pal, no can do. I replied with the following short, but forthright, email:

Hi Craig

Thanks for threatening me with a court case if I don’t remove the spam links to your website you have paid someone to add to mine.

Don’t think you can throw money at some unethical SEO company to build links to promote your crap, and then threaten legal action against any sites you have spammed when you realise it’s actually harming your rankings.

It’s companies like you who are the reason Google takes such action against paid links in the first place. You deserve all the Google penalties you get.

Reply and threaten me some more if you like. I like a good laugh.

If he replies I’ll be sure to post it here. What a tool (pun intended).

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