Formerly Mr. & Mrs. Espionage

2010-05-01T03:01:00.000-07:00

Fengle Sculpture Park; Taichung, Taiwan.
Cool Pics By Dave

2010-05-01T02:55:00.000-07:00

Fengle Sculpture Park; Taichung, Taiwan. The sculpures are ugly, but the kids are cute.

Above: A balloon of Open Jiang, the mascot of 7-11 convenience stores in Taiwan.

2010-05-01T02:42:00.000-07:00

Fengle Sculpture Park; Taichung, Taiwan
April 25th, 2010

Taiwanese Spork

2010-05-01T00:41:00.000-07:00

Betel Nut Beauties

2010-05-01T00:26:00.000-07:00

Betel nut beauties, or scantily clad women selling betel nut from a glass booth, are a common sight in Taiwan. The betel nut (or areca nut) is actually a seed from a type of palm tree. This stimulant produces a mild buzz when chewed, much like chewing tobacco. It is a common habit among taxi drivers and truck drivers.

The learning curve

2010-04-19T17:32:00.000-07:00

When learning a foreign language, I'm certainly spoiled. I was educated in French from kindergarten (grade 0) through grade 10. The first six years of that education were in an immersion program. Half of a day of class was spoken and written entirely in French. My middle school years (grades 6-8) were at a bilingual school that tried to place multi-lingual teachers in common subjects, such as math and science.

That's how I found out that the Belgian way of counting is different than French, but only in certain sets of 10 (70,80,90.) The confusion about what to call dinner is another interesting difference.

Now, in Taiwan, I see that the playing field of language is even further mingled. The mainland Chinese way of saying 一 or 1 is pronounced differently in some cases than it is in Taiwan, but not in normal counting. I've even heard that 0 is pronounced differently. In Chinese, the number 二 (er4) or 2 is pronounced differently once you count above 100, or when you are asking for 2 of something (it becomes 兩 liang3.)

All of this does not consider localized dialect issues, and the fact that there are two major languages in Taiwan (Taiwanese and Mandarin Chinese) as well as all the tribal languages.

So, for a first time visitor, I was thinking it would be useful to give a few tips.
In America, people have all sorts of dialects, accents, slang, incongruities, and odd language behaviors. The proper English way of saying "Hello, how are you today?" is the way children here in Taiwan learn to greet someone in English.

Now, when I'm saying hello to someone in Ohio in a casual atmosphere, it usually is spoken as "'sup man, how you been?" Completely slang, partially abbreviated, and ultimately hard to explain to someone that is just starting to grasp the English language.

So, in that respect, let's consider the following:

In Taiwan, when someone says "hello" (in English) to you, typically there are one of two possible reasons why.

1) Hi! I'm saying hello!
2) Hello! I need your attention, you forgot something/are holding up the line/need to go back!

This is important, you'll find yourself waving at people who are waving for you to come talk to them, not as a greeting, but as a polite and friendly way of drawing your attention to the fact that you are walking away from a buy one get one free table with only one item in your hands.

When someone says 光臨 (guang lin2, or gwang leen,) when you walk into a store, they are saying "welcome." You'll hear this in a phrase at almost all stores. It can be confusing because you will hear a similar phrase when leaving the store, which is a greeting, saying thank you for coming.

With Taiwan, the slang issue isn't one of misspoken words (though words with shi4 are sometimes pronounced sih4, that can be challenging.) Chinese idioms are even well-recorded. What is a challenge is when someone will be describing certain things using Taiwanese words, and the translation to English is a touch harder. An example is the oyster omelet. Most vendors know the name in Taiwanese, but if you ask for it in Chinese, it can sometimes get you strange looks.

Patience, curiosity, and tenaciousness are key. Learn the phrases that will help you understand the conversation better, such as "what does this mean," "what is the English word for this," "can you speak English," and "can you please help me."

Learn to be polite when speaking. People will respond even if you don't ask nicely, but things go much better if you show respect to the person you are speaking to. In many situations its not critical, especially when ordering food (often the lao3 ban3 just wants you to get your order in and get to the next person in line.) However, in any social or business situation, it's very important to be polite, as it can affect how people treat you, and how much they open up to you.

There are many resources out there that can help you get to know the language. I think this article touches on the other important aspect of the learning process; learning and loving the culture and the people.

Without the environment to surround you, and the experience of hearing and reading the language as part of your everyday activities, you might miss out on some critical aspects of the language.

Cori vs. Nature

2010-04-06T04:36:00.000-07:00

Cori standing in the road in 貓空.

Some amazing tea was had that day.
On our way to Taipei, we realized we had forgotten both of our cameras. Our friend Mei was kind enough to both ask her husband to give us a ride to the HSR, as well as to let us use her camera. We were very grateful.

The Kings of Convenience show was fun. They played at a nice modern venue that was recently built (on Google maps it is still an empty lot) called Legacy. The surrounding shops and bars in that area are really neat, but we didn't have time to explore. The line for the show was huge, and after the show we were exhausted from standing on a concrete floor for several hours.

Erlend Øye was sleepy. He had to go offstage for a minute to recoup because he was so tired, leaving Eirik Glambek Bøe to hold the fort for a few songs until Erlend came back and they finished off with a fantastic rendition of "I'd Rather Dance With You." The encores were amazing too. The hard part was getting the audience to not be shy, but they tried, oh they tried. When the audience sang together it was beautiful.

We got back to the Tango LinSen (天閣林森) and promptly took soothing baths in the jet bathtub and passed out.

The next morning we were prepping to get ready to check out the MaoKong (貓空 maokong4, named for its lack of cats,) area. We discovered a CD on the table:

Its hard to express the feeling I got when I saw this. Track 3 is "Hotel California," (this is a CD supplied by a hotel, mind you.) Track 4 is "Killing Me Softly With His Song." When we put the cd in, we were treated to some very well performed lite jazz versions of everything we'd ever heard.

I was laughing at every other track, I won't lie.

Now, if you have an opportunity to check out the Tango website you'll note that one of the features they list for almost all rooms are televisions.

One in the main area.

One in the bedroom.

That combined with a stereo system with the speaker wattage advertisement still on it and a dvd player made the whole situation really funny, since Cori and I don't tend to watch tvs or movies when we're at hotels. Still, the hotel does not hold back.

Before I even left for breakfast, I had already tackled the beverage tray.

Seriously, an entire thing of oolong (Ten Ren's 烏龍茶)

and coffee (咖啡), and powdered milk tea (奶茶) AND tea bags of black tea (紅茶,) green tea (綠茶,)

and puerh tea (普洱茶.)

The puerh was a little weird because I'm not used to it in tea bags. It wasn't bad, but the loose leaf is better, and if you have a cold, get the loose-leaf tea. Your muscles will thank you for it.

AND A TEA POT.

Why, might you ask, am I going on about a tea tray so much? The whole point of the trip was to see Kings of Convenience and then go to the tourist tea area of Taipei via the 貓空 gondola (吊籃 diao4lan2,) and here was a full tea set in the hotel room.

CANCEL THE TRIP, WE'RE STAYING HERE.

Or not.

So we made our way to the gondola (我們在貓空吊籃去來... ok, fine, I'll stop.) The hordes of people running screaming from the cars convinced us that it was a great idea to get on.

This gentleman was not pleased with the idea of travelling across a mountain in the rain while being held up by a single wire.

His girlfriend was comforting him frequently. I mean, let's be honest, the gondola has had an interesting history, so I wouldn't say his concerns were completely unfounded. However, it had just reopened after a full inspection and testing.

I'd say the risk was worth it.

Fun fact: when in a gondola, you're not necessarily level.

I was still acclimating to Mai's camera, but its interesting that you can travel across the entire Taipei Zoo (台北動物園 tai2bei3 dong4wu4yuan2,) to a temple/mountain stop and then to MaoKong. For the gorgeous scenery, its a relatively functional method of transport.

No shortage of impressive vantage points.

As well as no shortage of adorable animals painted on the cars.

After serious issues with erosion and landslides, it looks as though extensive steps have been taken to support the surface level of the hills that the pillars rest upon.

Or there's going to be a new waterpark with concrete slides opening soon called "brush burns."

"Hi, while I may be an important structure, my primary function is to be photogenic."

No really, those are TEA fields. TEA.

In Taipei you may only cross the street if you have been doing proper upper-body exercises and are wearing a fedora.

It was rainy. The hotel loaned us umbrellas.

There were many walking paths, but the conditions were less than awesome for hiking. Cori's boots severely disagreed with brick pathways as well.

So we found a tea house with a patio, an all-Chinese menu, and a man who spoke very good English.

Then we went walking, and came upon the "Cat's Got Nothing To Do Cafe." (in Chinese, MaoKong4Xian2, MaoKong leisure/calm,)

and although the design was awesome, we had just eaten and overdosed on tea and coffee, so we passed by.

We seriously had seen signs for "Pothole" every 50 ft. It was a destination on every path we were near. At the tea education center we found some photos of it, which sadly convinced us that it was not a destination for us to check out... because its a big sinkhole of rock.

Then we found a tea house that had amazing design, really cute decor, and we both loved the tea. So much so that Cori and I bought some in a cute little tin, similar to the white one in the bottom right of the above photo.

Tea service for two, complete with towel, clay pot, strainer, holding pot, smelling cups, and drinking cups.

Then after returning to the hotel, it was time to meet up with Pamela and make new friends... but that's for next time.

I'm reminded of my childhood...

2010-03-01T07:31:00.000-08:00

In Taiwan, there's the official end of the new year (Chinese new year, that is) and its celebrated with a lot of fireworks, and attempts at seeing how many people can fit into a city bus.

Its also known as Lantern Festival.

From the questionable resource, wikipedia:

"In ancient times, the lanterns were fairly simple, for only the emperor and noblemen had large ornate ones; in modern times, lanterns have been embellished with many complex designs. For example, lanterns are now often made in shapes of animals."

We can now all be emperors. Along with all the bureaucratic nightmares that ensue.

"The Lantern Festival is also known as the Little New Year since it marks the end of the series of celebrations starting from the Chinese New Year."

As I was advised by our friend Jack, its the time after which you no longer say "新年快了" (happy new year, or for the literalists, new year happy.)

Of note, it is still acceptable to be happy after this time.

"In some region and countries, this festival is also regarded as the Chinese version of St. Valentine's Day, a day celebrating love and affection between lovers in Chinese tradition and culture."

Or, in this case, love and affection between you and your new found spirit animal, Tigger from Winnie the Pooh. (Year of the tiger, good mascot, and far less obesity inducing than Chester Cheetah.)

There are parades everywhere. We missed all of them. We woke up late, found out the HSR was derailed and out of service heading southbound to the "OFFICIAL" lantern festival of the year in Chiayi, no express trains were available in our time frame, and finding and catching the appropriate bus would have taken four hours.

To make up for this lacking of "OFFICIAL," I give you "Children in battle balls:"

"I'm helping!"

The playground was epic.

So, having paid our respects to the almighty Tigger and Pooh, we left WenXin (文心) Forest Park (森林公園.)

And became one with the crowd.

We had shown up so late that there were only performances happening on the outskirts of the park. In some cases it seemed that people's friends had hijacked stages so that their band could play, a BYOA (bring your own amp) atmosphere.

Heading home, I thought we could catch a bus. We got one 77 that wasn't very full, and it seemed to be fine, but then I realized it was going the wrong way at ZhongGang Rd. Cori was sleepy. It was time to get another bus and fast.

Whoops. The 55 was packed solid, to the point that I was surprised that the driver could even see. We got a taxi, which had an amazing dome light that was an obvious mod from the factory install.

It looked like a cake pan lit with LEDs. It was amazing.

I'm pretty sure we were just abducted by someone and "taken home" all as part of a ruse to make us think we were still in Taiwan, when really I'm writing this from the planet Biroborkendai, and not actually typing, but living in a simulation where I think I'm typing with my hands, but really I'm using my nose.

Man, that would be annoying.

Things you should know about Taipei 101

2010-02-28T05:41:00.001-08:00

Its pointy, while girthy. Square, yet rectangular. It is also a huge rocket. There's a button in the bottom of the food court that you jump up and down on to make it launch. No joke.

It has mirrors to sun itself with.

It reminds you where you are.

It contains a non-functional sundial.

They prevent counterfeiting of tickets by changing the color of the actual building, not the one on the ticket.

The fine print isn't so much fine as it is in Chinese.

The elevator is a roller coaster

Which dumps you into space, so you can take satellite-grade photos of just how huge Taipei city is.

And to keep the building from falling over, a monkey, a dog and a cat have to survive in harmony with each other inside of this ball for at least a year at a time. Coincidentally, it is also the shock absorber for the entire building, exposed so that people can see what they're buying souvenirs of later.

Taipei 101 is marketing genius.

They will try to sell you things more expensive and smaller than anything you would ever buy.

While you may experience some discomfort riding up and down the elevator, it is quickly soothed by the gentle music, the distracting shooting stars, and the feeling that you are falling faster than you've ever fallen in your life.

So, if you survive your first trip to Taipei 101, please buy SUPER BIG Wind Damper toys for your children and yourself, to remind yourself that all living things must live in harmony, even unnaturally.

Leaving Thailand

2010-02-18T06:29:00.000-08:00

To actually leave Thailand, its key to remember the nature of the environment.

First:

Everything is covered in dots. Do not be alarmed.

Second:

Those are not cakes.

Third:

That is not art.

Fourth:

The sky is molten lava. The plane is somehow impervious to its deadly deadly heat.

Fifth:

Sunsets are pretty awesome.

Sixth:

Cloud stains do not come off.

Memories of Thailand.

2010-02-12T06:23:00.000-08:00

By definition, we "shouldn't" remember this. That however would indicate that we had actually gone in. The woman in the photo is selling wooden frogs.

Award for "Best DJ at a Weekend Market" goes to you, sir.

When driving a boat, its important to be comfortable.

And always, always, ALWAYS, pound the red curry paste harder. HARDER. YOU'RE NOT DOING IT HARD ENOUGH. STOP POSING FOR THE PICTURE AND KEEP POUNDING.

So we just got back from Thailand...

2010-02-10T07:37:00.000-08:00

Cori and I enjoyed a lovely time in Thailand. We ventured to Chiang Mai, Bangkok, and Phuket.

This trip has taught me many things:

1) Buddha, he is taller than you, even when he is not.
2) Thai people are impressed when you can eat the real "local" level of spice.
3) Always request a new credit card when the old one is shut down due to fraud. Always.
4) Do not believe a man who says he is an english teacher if he is hanging out on the street with a towel in the back of his shirt at 11am on a Thursday.
5) Just because a hotel has cleaners doesn't mean that they will follow their namesake.
6) Bangkok is hot.
7) All the hippies in California moved to Chiang Mai
8) Elephants make great gifts.
9) Bangkok is hot, but in the way Phoenix is hot if Phoenix was next to the Ohio river.
10) Would you like that fried? Of course you would.
11) Thai is a hard language to pick up once you start learning Chinese.
12) Just because a sign is in english doesn't mean its in english.
13) Pulling out a map near more than one taxi driver is like bleeding in the ocean near a reef with a family of sharks nearby.
14) Tuk-Tuks are lawn mowers with a roof and a steering wheel.
15) Things are sometimes more expensive if they have to be made cold, because you're fighting physics.
16) French men laugh funny.
17) Italians terrify me.
18) Australians are the reason beer exists.
19) The harder someone tries to lower the price to get you to buy it, the more likely its better that you don't buy it at all.
20) American panhandlers have nothing on babies with missing legs.
21) If something is named a goofy name, its more likely due to poor translation than actual humor.
22) "Sugar free" is a mystical concept, except with water.
23) The water has one temperature: on.
24) Khao San Road in Bangkok is eternally on Spring Break.
25) The shortest distance between two tourist sites is a zig-zagging, curved, and twisted path.
26) Get on the boat immediately, even if it looks like its going to pull away from the pier suddenly, because it is going to pull away from the pier suddenly.
27) If someone sighs and reaches for a calculator, the price of what you want to buy just went up.
28) Lizards live in rooms. On the wall. Do not attempt to change this law of nature.
29) Everyone you think is the same nationality as you is actually German, occasionally French.
30) Everyone the same nationality as you thinks you're German or French.
31) When the taxi driver "has no change" start to count coins. Suddenly the taxi driver has change.
32) If someone asks where you're from, they're asking your nationality, not point of origin.
33) Any name brand can and will be mutilated in the name of profit. Example: Puma becomes Punta (silhouette of girl,) Pumba (The Lion King,) and so on.
34) Anything name brand is probably not name brand.
35) Watches: the bigger, the better. Flava Flav had it right.
36) If someone tells you that something is closed and they do not have a gun, they are lying.
37) Smile first, ask questions later.
38) Something with the word "Chez" in it is most likely lower scale than something with the word "Hippie" in it.
39) The car that is moving the fastest is more likely to stop for you than the car that is going 5 miles an hour.
40) That thing you thought you would never see for sale again? Walk five minutes. There it is again.
41) Shaving with "womens" razors is somehow better than shaving with "mens" razors.
42) That prepackaged, sealed food you left in the hotel room? It is now a miniature ant colony.
43) Its really hard for salesmen to argue with people that are complimenting them.
44) If someone says its "a little spicy" and they do not have a gun, they are lying.
45) If someone says its "really spicy" there is no way to turn that spice level down.
46) The number of taxis around is directly proportional to the number of drunk people around.
47) If an escalator only seems to have a door at the top and no other way out, its a trap.
48) In one block it is possible to obtain a custom-tailored suit, a tattoo, dreads, a cd at one-third its retail, a hammock, a foot massage, fried everything, and enough beer to bludgeon someone to death.

(reposted from my livejournal account)

Indigo Pearl Resort, Phuket, Thailand

2010-02-07T20:51:00.000-08:00

After sensory overload in Bangkok, we headed south to Phuket for a little rest, relaxation, and sun. We stayed at Indigo Pearl, a 5-star resort on one of the northern beaches. We quickly realized we had crossed over into a world of luxury and extravagance as soon as we climbed into the sleek, black, hotel van. Before the engine was even running, the hotel employee in the front passenger seat reached back to offer us a platter with two neatly rolled damp towels for us to clean our hands with. During our 10 minute ride to the resort, we were given bottles of water as the driver turned up soft jazz music. I couldn't help but turn to Dave and giggle as we pulled up to our destination.

The resort is stunning; every room is a work of art. The design concept, created by visionary landscape architect Bill Bensley, is based on Phucket's tin mining past. The architecture and design are meant to evoke a Thai factory from a century ago. This concept is carried out down to the most minute details; for instance, the silverware handles in the Tin Mine restaurant are molded in the shape of wrenches. The tissue boxes are made with clear plastic encased with nuts, bolts, and screws. The landscaping is every bit as impressive as the interior design. Lush, green, and tropical, with every turn you are encountered with exotic plants and beautiful gardens.

We arrived on a Sunday and left on Tuesday, so we were able to avoid the weekend crowds. We only had to share the beach with a handful of others, mostly elderly french people unabashedly strutting around in their tight trunks and bikinis. There were a string of decent restaurants and bars along the beach, with quality food for a fraction of the price of meals in the resort. One night, I ordered lobster. Although I had to wait 45 minutes and eat it in the dark, it was worth every invisible bite.

Cori

Television in Bangkok

2010-02-05T22:58:00.000-08:00

Rodent Show

National Anthem

Grasshopper Bike Tour: Bangkok, Thailand

2010-02-05T22:46:00.000-08:00

The Grand Palace: Bangkok, Thailand

2010-02-04T22:01:00.000-08:00

Making our way to the revered Grand Palace wasn't an easy feat.

Coming from the Khao San area, we fought through the crowds of people, dodging back packers and street vendors with every step. Emerging out of the hippie jungle, we found ourselves on a busy street corner. I looked up and saw the Chedis in the distance, glistening in the sun like the Emerald Palace in the Wizard of Oz. "We're almost there!" I thought.

However, directly in front of us was the dizzying sight of traffic whizzing by us in various directions. The last thing I remember is Dave grabbing my hand, then my mind went blank.

Somehow we made it across the road safely. In the intense afternoon heat, we continued to walk down a dirty, shadeless sidewalk lined with people that appeared to be selling trash. Feeling parched, we stopped to buy a bottle of water which was stocked in an old freezer box. Finally, we approached the Palace.

The first gate we approached was guarded, and had a sign that said "Tourists enter next gate." We walked on.

When we approached the tourist gate, the guards were waving us in fervently, pointing at their watches and shouting something in Thai. We looked at the sign and realized the Palace was about to close in 15 minutes. Rather than pay the fee to walk into the Palace complex, snap a few photos, and leave, we lowered our heads, defeated. We began to walk away, not quite sure of where to go next.

By the next morning, we had recovered from the previous day's disappointment and were ready to conquer the Palace once and for all. We followed the same path, trying to breathe through our mouths to avoid smelling the body odor of backpackers, who think life is better if you don't shower. Well, maybe it is for them.

We found ourselves on that same busy street corner. The Chedis looked beautiful in the morning sun.

I smiled; I knew the temperature wasn't yet hot enough for mirages, so we were on the right track.

"Where are you from?" As if materializing out of thin air, there stood a Thai man, wearing khaki pants and a polo shirt, sweating profusely.

Now, travel guides and signs all around Bangkok warn against talking to strangers or showing any small act of kindness towards someone you don't know because of the prevalence of con artists. Not one to refute the expertise of seasoned travelers and the locals, I usually follow this advice. However, with traffic buzzing all around us and no clear idea of where we were, there was no place for us to immediately escape.

We answered his question and he asked us some more: "What other places in Thailand have you visited? What do you do?" he asked, while removing a towel from his shoulder to wipe his forehead. I told him we had just visited Chiang Mai and that I was an English Teacher. "Wow!" he remarked, flashing one of those famous Thai smiles, "I am an English teacher from Chiang Mai!".

Rule #1 for scamming people: Pretend to have something in common with the person in order to develop rapport.

Next, he directed us over to a tattered laminated map hanging on a street pole by some thick rope. On the map were the normal tourist destinations, such as the the Grand Palace and various Wats, along with jewelry stores marked on the map by huge green diamonds. He proceeded to give us some "friendly" advice about our sight-seeing itinerary, "politely" informing us that the Grand Palace will be closing soon for lunch because a government official was dining there, so we should re-think our route. He "recommended" some great places to buy jewelery, as well as "designer" apparel at a discounted rate. He also happened to show us where we were in relation to the river.

He even made some suggestions on public transportation. He warned us that we should only use government tuk tuks, because private tuk tuks will overcharge foreigners. He went over standard prices for public transportation and taught us the Thai words for "too expensive" and "lower the cost", showing concern for our well-being.

Rule #2 for scamming people: Develop trust.

Eager for us to practice our Thai phrases, he flagged over a tuk tuk driver. He began to negotiate a deal with the tuk tuk driver to take us on the route he had mapped out for us, which just so happened to pass the jewelry stores. On cue, I blurted out my newly learned Thai phrases like a bewildered parrot. "Ah, so there you are, just hop in the tuk tuk and be on your way" the man said, to which Dave replied, "No, that's ok. We have plans." He continued to reinforce that the palace was closed, so we should just take a seat in the tuk tuk, it was only 30 baht, etc.

Rule #3 for scamming people: Be persistent.

Finally, I pointed toward the river and said, "We're going the the river, bye!" I grabbed Dave's arm and we walked towards the nearest river port which the man had inadvertently pointed out on his map. "Wait, what are you doing?", the man cried. "There's nothing over there! Just get in the tuk tuk!" His tone was growing increasingly agitated.

Rule #4 for scamming people: When persistence fails, be an asshole.

After some back tracking, we finally did make it to the Grand Palace, which we were pleased to find out does NOT close for lunch. It does, however, close earlier than most guidebooks tell you. You can read about our experience and look at the pictures below.

For anyone traveling to Bangkok, the Grand Palace usually is on the list of must-see destinations, and for good reason. This magnificent palace, built in 1783, housed the Royal family and government officials for 150 years. Now it is just an important historical and religious landmark, although some important ceremonies do take place there.

You are required to wear long skirts or pants when entering the main grounds, and they offer rentals of both at the entrance. You'll get your deposit back when you return the clothes and the paper slip they leave on the counter (they do not hand it to you, if you do not pick it up, you do not get your money back.)

Here are some things that struck my curiosity while walking around the palace grounds:

The statues of bird/man creatures displayed around the palace courtyard.
In front of Wat Phra Kaew (Temple of the Emerald Buddha), people dipped lotus flowers in water and held the flowers over their heads, letting the water drip down.
The Thai King changes the robes of the sacred Emerald Buddha statue according to the seasons.
There was a long hand painted wall wrapping around the courtyard which illustrated stories from Buddhist scripture.

Of course there were many other wondrous sights within the palace complex, hence the amount of pictures we took. If you know anything interesting about what I have mentioned above, or about the Grand Palace in general, I'd love to hear it:)

Hemlock Restaurant: Bangkok, Thailand

2010-02-03T19:26:00.000-08:00

Our first evening in Bangkok, we ate at Hemlock, a Thai restaurant just north of the Khao San area. With it's dim lighting and white linen table cloths, the restaurant felt intimate yet upscale.

The menu was extensive, offering standard Thai dishes as well as some unusual ones. Our food was delicious as well, yet the prices were mid range.

Perhaps the most memorable part of eating at Hemlock was the fantastic view we had looking out on to Th Phra Athit Road:

In our direct line of vision was the Anal Tour sign.

Of course we had our share of laughs and juvenile jokes while nibbling on lettuce wraps and sipping on masala tea, but we found the most amusement in watching others as they confronted this absurd sign.

Some people stopped dead in their tracks, while others merely glanced at the sign and chuckled.Others strolled by the sign nonchalantly, did a double-take, then quickly back pedaled while reaching for their cameras.

My favorite was a solo traveler who after spotting the sign, continued to walk for a few seconds, and stopped. Self conscious about reveling in such crude humor, he sheepishly looked around before whipping out his camera at lightening speed and taking a shot.

He walked away briskly, never realizing that he was the butt of our anal tour jokes.

Chiang Mai Day 2: Wat Phrathat Doi Suthep and iberry

2010-02-01T04:27:00.000-08:00

On our second day in Chiang Mai, we set off to see the famous Buddhist temple Wat Phrathat Doi Suthep (Doi Suthep being the name of the mountain on which the temple is located). To get to the temple, we crammed ourselves in the back of a songthaew (red taxi truck), where we tried not to sit on the laps of elderly french people or fall out of the truck.

Once we arrived, we headed up a huge staircase flanked with Nagas, or mythical sea serpents. At the top, we purchased our tickets at from the "foreigner" booth. The ticket conveniently listed the Do's and Dont's of temple etiquette, and I found out that wearing a short skirt to a Wat is a bad idea. Not to worry though, with a small deposit I was able to borrow a sarong from the temple.

Wat Phrathat Doi Suthep, built in 1383, has many legends surrounding it. Perhaps the most famous is the legend of the White Elephant. According to this legend, a Lanna king wanted to build a temple. To locate a holy sight, he mounted a vessel containing a holy relic on the elephant's back and set the elephant free. The elephant climbed up Mt Doi Suthep while monks followed behind. Once the elephant reached the mountaintop, it trumpeted 3 times, turned around, and dropped dead. At the Wat you can see the White Elephant Monument, artwork depicting this legend, and the vessel which contained the holy relic.

Later that day, we followed the advice of the owner of our guesthouse and paid a visit to iberry homemade, a gourmet ice cream shop owned by two siblings, one of whom is an artist and comedian.

Perhaps the best part about iberry in Chiang Mai is the surrounding garden area which contains artwork by the artist/owner, as well as lovely little areas to relax and enjoy a tasty treat. The most striking piece of art is the huge yellow sculpture that resembles a dog with a man's head, or a man with a dog's body, depending on how you look at it.

The interior of iberry is equally as funky. There are light fixtures made with drinking cups, pop art paintings, and creative decor. iberry would have been a great culinary experience if they would have actually had ice cream. Unfortunately, when we arrived on a late Monday afternoon, they had sold out of all but one of their 100+ flavors (the remaining one no one bought any scoops of --Dave.)

After walking 40 minutes in 80-something degree weather with thoughts of delicious homemade ice cream keeping me going, I was pretty disappointed when I found this out. Luckily, we happened to find another iberry shop in Bangkok a few days later. Although the decor wasn't quite as hip and there was no garden, they did have ice cream.

Reasons Chiang Mai is awesome!

2010-02-01T04:11:00.000-08:00

Not 7, but 8 days of Buddha. THAT'S AN EXTRA BUDDHA FOR FREE!

They are not afraid to show you how ridiculous they think white people look.

Rawr. I'm a sea monster.

Their umbrellas hold THEMSELVES up.

Yo dawg, I heard you like roofs, so we put some roofs on your roof so you can have shelter beneath your shelter. While you ride.

In case of flood, remove shoes, hop three feet, but DO NOT ENTER.

The trees are covered in thoughtful Public Serenity Announcements.

There are hot girls there.

The animals live in perfect harmony. Perfect, tense, hair-raising harmony.

They have Monkey School and Elephant Camp. Your kids have to stay at the hotel, but your Elephants and Monkeys will be highly educated and entertained.

Your dad's old pickup with a custom cap and tail job is the new local bus.

They invented the StairMaster(tm)

Anyone can be a designer label there.

They have a super highway.

The children are well-versed in the art of commerce, having learned such phrases as "GIVE ME MONEY FOR PICTURE."

Even their statues know how to avoid excessive sun exposure.

They take "Your Mom" jokes to the next level.

Cats still don't care if you're watching them.

The turtles have many names. None of them "turtle."

They help you get over your addiction to coffee by only serving it on the roof.

Its never hard to find a laser pistol.

The dogs have easy to read expressions.

They warn you of doors with poor tact.

Goats and butterflies get along nicely.

They train lumberjacks to tear trees down with their bare hands.

All major western periodicals are available there, in a language the average westerner can't read.

and finally:

If you're ever lost, they'll tell you where to go, and how much to spend.

Chiang Mai Day 1: Temple Spotting and the Sunday Walking Street

2010-01-31T07:40:00.000-08:00

Chiang Mai has over 300 Buddhist temples, or Wats, so on our first day we put on our walking shoes and set off to see what all the fuss was about. Our first stop was Wat Phra Singh, one of the most venerated Wats in Chiang Mai, to check out some classical northern Thai architecture. After this, we headed north to visit Wat Chiang Man, the oldest temple in Chiang Mai.

Wat Phra Singh. According to Thai culture, the feet are the dirtiest part of the body. Therefore, one's feet should never point towards Buddha upon entering the temple. The feet should always remain below Buddha's head, as the head is thought to be the most sacred part of the body. This means no handstands, cartwheels, or back flips in front of Buddha.

The staircase ascending to the Bot, or the ordination hall housing the Buddha, is flanked with sea serpents known as Nagas. According to Buddhist scripture, this creature guarded Buddha while he was meditating.

This large dome shaped structure known as a Chedi is one of the most striking architectural features of the temple. Chedis contain relics and ashes of important spiritual leaders.

Dave spotted the cylindrical canister on a rope and pulley system and wondered what the hell it could be. Our only clue was a small and vaguely translated sign that read "Do not pull down water bucket." So, apparently it's a contraption used to collect water that has gathered in the dips of the Chedi and carry it down to the monks. What happens to the water after this, one can only speculate.

If you know, please respond to this post and we will be appreciative and greatly amused.

A Naga at Wat Chiang Man.Notice how the Naga is coming out of the mouth of another Naga. This is a common feature among Nagas. Sometimes, there are Nagas within Nagas within Nagas within Nagas within Nagas...you get the point.

Bird lady sits on the steps of the temple. Pay her 80 Baht and you can free a "family" of birds. "Mama, Papa, Baby, Baby...you make them free and good luck to you!" One glance at the pitiful birds stepping on each others' heads in that tiny wicker cage and my hand was in my pocket fishing for some change. I freed the birds, got my luck, and went on my way to see what this great temple had to offer.

Three days later, a tour guide in Bangkok told me that after the birds are freed by sympathetic bystanders such as myself, they fly away merrily-only to return later to common feeding ground where they are again captured by the bird people. Should I feel duped? Is this a valid profession? Do I still get my good luck even though these birds fly right back into the hands of their trappers?

One of the birds shit on Dave as it was flying away. Maybe in that action I have found my answer.

Apparently if you are stray dog in Thailand, the best place to be is at a Wat. Dogs can sunbathe, people watch, and even score bites to eat from the temple's patrons and monks who are inspired by Buddhism to show compassion for all living things. If I was a doggy tourist agent, my brochure would read something like this:

Come bask in the sun and roll in the mud in front of this glorious Wat. Take refuge in a place where Buddha's glow shines on your face-and the shaggier and more worn you are, the more you're loved.

I'm not sure if this is the infamous durian fruit or not, but it looks a lot like one to my untrained eyes. Let's pretend for a moment that it is.

The durian fruit is common in Southeast Asia and has developed a reputation for being one of the stinkiest, most pungent fruits around. It's overbearing odor has caused it to be banned from some hotels and forms of public transportation in Thailand. I was looking forward to trying the durian, I really was. I heard that if it's frozen first, it loses some of its pungency and has the consistency of custard. Doesn't sound too bad, right? Plus, I've endured the stinky tofu of Taiwan, so this exotic fruit pales in comparison!

The sad end to this story is that I actually didn't get to try the durian. I couldn't find it for sale anywhere-and I certainly didn't want to consume one of these durianesque fruits in the wild for fear of poisoning myself.

The closest I came to this misunderstood fruit was at Iberry, where I tried the durian ice cream. It was sweet and musky, much like an overly masculine mango, with a good douse of skunkiness that Heineken lovers may find refreshing. I ate a couple spoonfuls and then turned my attention to the other accompanying flavors in my dish.

*Gade from Elliebum Guesthouse just confirmed that this is not a durian, but a jack fruit, which smells much more pleasant :) CS 2/15/10

Every Sunday afternoon, a major street in Chiang Mai is closed off and vendors begin to prepare for the Sunday Walking Street. This is a great place to buy local handicrafts and try some typical Thai street food.

This was one of my most pleasurable shopping experiences in Thailand. I felt that the quality of the crafts were higher than what you would find at other night markets, but prices were very reasonable! There were many foreigners in the area, but the vibe was more sophisticated and relaxed than other night markets I visited.

On our way to Thailand!

2010-01-30T00:00:00.000-08:00

On the bus to the airport, it finally sinks in that we are going to Thailand.

I always give Dave the window seat because he likes clouds...

and he takes beautiful pictures like this.

Tainan, Taiwan

2010-01-01T22:27:00.000-08:00

Day 1: Floats and Food on a Stick

Day 2 Confucius Temple and Chikan Towers

Day 3: Anping District

Things to remember on New Year's Eve

2009-12-31T20:00:00.000-08:00

When travelling, its best to remember a few simple safety tips on New Year's Eve. All the fun and enjoyment is great, but without some careful planning, you might end up in a bad state of affairs.

1. Know where your toilets are.
They're usually hiding, inconspicuously, trying to blend into the crowd, occasionally dancing, and in rare cases, getting horribly intoxicated and flipping over. You should probably stay at least 50-100 feet away from them at all times. I recommend using an air horn for storing urine. You'll find them everywhere.

2. Avoid Zombies
New Year's Eve is a prime time for zombies. They will usually hang out near the bathrooms. Some of them may pretend to be "into the music" or "really like this guy on stage," or even be so bold as to "have no idea who that guy is hosting." Remember to carry appropriate defense items such as crow bars, axes, and windshield washer fluid. Zombies hate being clean.

3. Be Wary of "Catchy Dance Music."
I once headed up an expedition to a "dance club" back in the 09's and few survived. Especially in cold weather, hypothermia, hypodermics, and general brain death tend to occur if you are in close proximity for extended periods of time. Smile, nod, bounce around if you feel like it, but don't get caught up in the mesmerizing rhythms, or else you'll end up in the emergency room, or worse, at an after-party.

4. Bundle Up
At least in the Northern Hemisphere(tm) its usually a bad time to wear shorts, tank tops, and American Apparel. Its advisable to wear as many layers as possible, and buy additional clothing to pile on top of those layers, essentially wearing three outfits by the time you get back home.

5. Look Out for Bears
They might not know they're dangerous, but when they realize it, we'll all be in trouble.

6. Explosives are Dangerous
Set them off as close to, if not on top of, the place with the most people getting the most attention. That way when they catch on fire, it will be more entertaining.

I hope that these tips have helped you plan appropriately for your New Year's Eve.

Thank you, and Good Day.
Dave.

Aboriginal Cultural Experience, if Nickelodeon was in charge.

2009-12-27T05:48:00.000-08:00

I'm very happy that there is a place and a way to examine one of the deepest historical aspects of Taiwan: the native tribes and their culture.

Our friend Jack was kind enough to get all the details in order so that Cori, myself, Mattheus, Isabelle and Jack himself could all go to the Aboriginal Cultural Village. After a long, soothing bus ride, and then a wobbly, car-sickness-inducing bus ride, we made it to the gates of the Village.

Upon entering, we realized we'd accidentally gone to Versailles, so we got back on the plane and went back to Taiwan.

After getting to the ACTUAL park, we were all perplexed (as Cori is seen here smashing her hand into her head) as to why aliens had taken over the park.

There were spaceships everwhere. The carnage was massive.

No one was safe from their armada.

We ran to the nearest cave, hoping to hide out until we could formulate a plan.

Regrettably, the cave was infested with dinosaurs.

Who were not happy with us.

Thankfully a local set of prehistoric tribesmen came with their woolly mammoths and turned the dinosaurs into legos.

Lego stegosaurus was not giving in to Cori's seductive advances.

We had to find a way out of the park. We located an enormous water slide the aliens had overlooked in their invasion.

But it was a trap.

Captured in their futuristic "sky car," we were being taken to the detention camp for other unsuspecting visitors.

Good bye, freedom.

We could see their headquarters, if only there was a way to get there...

AH! Some of the local tribes had found a way to get free of the camp, by using some rope, a woman with long hair, and a strapping young man, they were launching people out of the camp one at a time!

We asked if we could be sent next.

They contemplated.

Through a series of confusing and impossible to photograph events, the aliens were eaten by fish...

...and the tribes had a new stage to perform from!

Lugang, Taiwan

2009-12-12T19:53:00.000-08:00