Mr. Wendell and Peppers Big Adventure

My brother...the gorilla. By Mr. Wendell

2010-05-26T19:03:00.000-07:00

I am announcing a new edition to the family. Ivindo the Gorilla.

What? A gorilla he said? I did not stutter.

For my mom's birthday, my dad adopted a gorilla. Why you ask? Well...a few weeks ago, there was a segment on the Today show about Damien Aspinall, a guy who has done some pretty amazing work protecting endangered animals.

In the segment, they show a reunion between Mr. Aspinall and one of his rescued gorillas that had been returned back to the wild. The footage (below) is pretty amazing. Real evidence that animals do have memories and feelings and connections.

Well, my mom was really touched by the reunion. My dad, being a guy who really cares for my mom (he also has a softspot for animals), went to the Aspinall Foundation website (http://www.aspinallfoundation.org/) and adopted us a brother!

Ivindo is his name. Here is a picture of him...

He is calm and quiet reportedly.

I welcome him to our family! Pepper is pretty miffed. She thinks it will dilute her inheritance.

Mr. Wendell

Vacuum Cleaners Must Go! By Mr. Wendell

2010-05-09T12:13:00.001-07:00

I hate vacuum cleaners. I don't know why. Is it the noise? The motion? The color? I don't know. All I know is it makes me crazy.

The vacuum cleaner coming out of the closet makes my hair stand up on the back of my neck. I feel compelled to bark at it as my mom or dad take it into the living room.

As soon as it is plugged in and the switch is clicked on, I go into action. I chase the stupid contraption across the floor. Back and forth...back and forth....back and forth. It feels like my mom is teasing me with it...pushing it to me and pulling it away from me.

No wonder I go into a tizzy and bite the darn thing. One of these days, I am going to make it stop!!!

On another note...

Here is a picture of my two ladies...Miss Freda and Miss Pepper. I am a lucky dog indeed. W

Kibbles and Bits...Pepper and Wendell

2010-05-05T18:58:00.000-07:00

There is not much new going on here. There are no big themes for this post. We do have a few odd bones and treats to toss about.

First, we have a new cousin. Nicky is his name. Our Aunt and Uncle who live in Carmel by the Sea adopted him last week. He is 10 years old and was previously being cared for by an elderly lady who could no longer give him the home that he needed. Cute little guy. Who could hate this face? Well, maybe Pepper could. But who listens to her? -W-

Secondly, we had company this weekend. One of my dad's old work buddies from many years ago and his wife came by. They were nice enough people, but they got in the way of our Sunday walk on the beach. The guy made weird noises at us to. I am not sure what that was about. It made my brother angry for sure. I bet they will be surprised when they unpack thier suitcases. I left a little momento in there for them to remember me by. He-He! -P-

Thirdly, Mr. W had to go to the vet for a check up. Now that he is over a certain age, they wanted to check out his rear end. That was not something he appreciated. You should have seen his eyes bugging out. -P-

Irresponsible Humans by Pepper and Mr. W

2010-04-25T15:58:00.000-07:00

Observing dog owners, like we get to do a lot, reveals a lot about them as citizens of the planet. There are many great dog owners. They are good to the dogs and good to the people around them that may live in our world...yeah, thats right...It is a dogs world!

(Need proof? You feed us, pick up our poop, bathe us, water us, spend hundreds of dollars on outfits, toys and snacks. Don't doubt for one minute that we are YOUR masters...not the other way around. Pepper!)

However, we have seen a lot of bad dog owners out there. Here are our top five pet (pun intended!) peeves!

Pet Peeve 1) Bad dog owners don't pick up their dog's poop! Who wants to see Ruff's pile sitting on the grass in the park? No one. Is it too much to ask to walk over to the plastic bag dispenser that the city offers everyone for free? Please!

Pet Peeve 2) Bad owners, who may have at least bagged the poop, will leave it sit in the bag on the grass. Why? Do you think someone else will pick it up? Come one!!!! Lazy.

Pet Peeve 3) Bad owners will let feisty dogs run around unleashed and terrorize other dogs. Hey dumb ass owners of Brutus who were walking along the bay today...your dog going after every dog it saw today agressively will some day get you in legal trouble. I hope the dog comes out okay, because it is your fault that Brutus was not on a leash today. Oh yeah, you creatins, acting like you don't see your dog act this way is not going to make it go away. Another thing...your poor kids who lost the birth lottery when they ended up with you as parents are learning nothing good from you,.

Pet Peeve 4) Bad dog owners let dogs jump on strangers. Do I even need to tell you how stupid that is?

Pet Peeve 5) Bad dog owners let little Bingo run loose on the bike trail. Sooner or later, stupid little Bingo will run in front of a cyclist, get seriously injured and probably seriously injure the rider. Of course, even though it is clearly marked a cycling lane, this does not apply to your dog...because Bingo is special and doe'nt have to do what other people or dogs do. (You probably eat boogers when no one looks as well. Slack jaw!)

Pepper and Mr. Wendell

A PG Rated Post...Ed

2010-04-18T16:16:00.000-07:00

Pepper and Wendell are currently sleeping like zombies.

The reason the wallet-emptying little fur balls are sleeping like zombies is that we got them out for a long walk along the Bay this morning. It was 75 degrees here today and to not get them out would have been a crime.

We must have encountered 400 dogs today on our walk. No kidding. There were dogs of all sizes, ages, colors and temperments out on the trail today. We usually let Pep and Wendell be approached by other dogs and approach other dogs as well, as long as everyone seems to be behaved.

I never cease to be disgusted and amused with how dogs greet each other. Okay, I have enough 13 year old boy left in me to be a little gross...so, to be clear, this is a little immature!

Dogs huff butts when they greet other!

No matter what, the doggie greeting always degrades to one of the dogs taking a deep sniff of the others posterior region. Sometimes, you may even get the dual doggie huff as the dogs position themselves front to back.

What do they learn? What could possibly be that important about what one ate the day before? MMMMMM....Pepper, it smells like you had some beef jerky yesterday. Ahhh...Freta, smells like they tried to give you Chef Michael's Filet but you opted to eat table scraps. Is that meatloaf I smell? How are you?

Yuck! It is funny to watch the humans attached to the dogs pretend not to notice. Me? I think it is gross and try to use it as a teaching experience.

"Mr. Wendell! Gentlemen shake hands...not sniff butts! How many times do we have to talk about this?" He looks at me like I am from Mars. He is still not getting it.

I want to go on record that I am so fricking happy that humans don't greet each other that way. Can you imagine?

Picture two guys in business suits over a board room table...nose to tail. "Good to meet you Joe." Sniff. Sniff. Sniff. "Good to see you again Bob" Sniff. Sniff. Sniff. "Great job on the McDermott deal, Sally" Sniff. Sniff. Sniff. Yikes!!!!

How disgusting! But maybe no more disgusting than shaking hands...because we ALL know that everyone has clean hands!!!!

E

My Brother, the dog model...By Pepper

2010-04-11T11:22:00.000-07:00

My brother has been bragging about his modeling career lately. My brother? A model? Yeah right, and my dad is a brain surgeon. My brother has a better chance of landing on a "Ten Most Unwanted List" than he does landing on the cover of Chihuahua Quarterly or Vanity Fair for Canines.

What got my brother's head thinking he was a runway dog? Apparently, there was some stupid spam email contest that my mom found about a month or two ago. Click here to vote for Mr. Wendell . The general idea is that you submit a photo of your pet to this site. Then, other schmuckos with no life vote on the cutest pet (oh yeah, you can vote for you own pet as fast as you can hit enter on your computer). If your uglier than me furry kid gets voted into the Top 1,500 they end up in a book. (Of course, there were more instructions on how to buy the book than instructions on how to vote...)

So, my mom submitted this photo:

It is a dapper picture of the lad. I get that. However, I doubt he will get a 4 page spread in PawBoy.

Now his head is bigger than normal, even for a Chihuahua. He wants his nails done. He sniffs disapprovingly of his camo dog jacket. He has started eating tissues and ice cubes so that he can control his weight. He is even practicing walking around with one paw crossing the next so that he can walk like the rest of the models. Give me a break.

Your hair is thin. Your eye balls are big. You have spots instead of a lustrous shiny coat like me. I should be on the web site...not you!

I may pee on the carpet and try to make it look like you did it. Ugly boy!

Ms. Pepper...the real model

The Kind Diet...not a dog's best friend! Pepper and Wendell

2010-03-28T16:47:00.000-07:00

Two weeks ago, my mom and our dim bulb dad saw some lady named Alicia Silverstone on Oprah talking about the Kind Diet The Kind Diet: A Simple Guide to Feeling Great, Losing Weight, and Saving the PlanetShe was talking about how a diet that had no sugar, no caffiene, no gluten, no dairy and no meat made her feel good, her coat shiny and all of that. We pretty much laid around like normal...

Until we heard my mom say "Lets try it! We can do it!". Our ears perked up...hoping my dad would say no, this sounds like a bad idea. However, my dad agreed immediately...probably because he knows life just goes easier when he agrees with her 100%. So for the last two weeks, these two faux west coasters have been eating veggies, beans, tofu, nuts and all other sorts of crap. What is next? Birkenstocks?

About now, you might be asking..."Why do you dogs even care?"

Here is the deal...they are not eating meat. So... you ask? Do I have to spell it out for you? No meat for them, means no table scraps worth eating for us. We could always rely on some steak, some chicken, some sausage or some turkey dangled off the edge of the table. Tofutti does not graze in an open meadow. You cannot barbeque a Soy!

We hoped they would crack and for a days it looked like they would. But now, they say they feel great and have more energy. They may never go back.

Dinner time now sucks!

This must end. Scientists must some how discredit the Kind diet...before dogs all over the US are subjected to this meatless torture nightmare. Burn the book!!!

Pepper and Wendell.

p.s. We are sad to say good bye to our dear friend and cousin King Cyrus. (Who, we know would agree that dogs deserve meat from the dining room table.) Cyrus, passed this week after 17 years of tail wagging and long walks. We know his mom and dad miss him and we do to.

I hate pigeons!!! By Mr. Wendell

2010-03-21T11:08:00.000-07:00

I hate pigeons. What good are they? They are dirty. The poop all over the place. They strut around like they own the city. I want to get ahold of one or eight of them and rip them to shreds. Grrrrr!

Every day some guy in a beat up red pickup truck drives by our house and tosses a milk carton full of bird seed onto the corner sidewalk. It attracts little winged rodents like mosquitos to a bug light. Dozens of these disease infested beasts then congregate until all of the seed is eaten...leaving behind them a 12 x 12 foot section of bird poop covered sidewalk.

I loathe this man in the red pick up truck. May his transmission fall out on Van Ness Blvd.. and may the pigeons land on him and pick him to the bone. They probably would too...birds cannot be trusted.

My cool dad lets me chase them to the end of my leash. Most of the time, I get so enraged that I forget that I have a leash on. The centrifugal force of me running then hitting the end of the leash as I leap into the air to catch the flying birds causes me to swing up 3-4 feet in the air...all the while barking my little furry butt off!

If my mom is with us when this happens, she usually yells at my dad while trying to keep a laugh in. She hates pigeons as much as I do, but acts like she is annoyed when my dad lets me have some fun.

I am not sure of the purpose of pigeons...all I know is that I want them out of my neighborhood.

Mr. Wendell

Thank you Aunt Nola! Pepper and Wendell....

2010-03-14T18:57:00.000-07:00

So my mom and dad went to New York City for a few days. And all we got was this lousy picture of my mom in Times Square in the rain...

No new bones, no snazzy toys...not even one of those stinkin I "heart" New York T-shirts...

I think Mr.Wendell and I had a better weekend than my mom and dad. It all started on Wednesday when my mom left that house and came back with someone we had not seen in a long time! Our Aunt Nola! What a surprise! Mr. Wendell barked because he is just an idiot...but I was happy to see her!

She is more fun that my mom and dad. She plays with us. Lets us have beef jerky for breakfast and takes us for longer walks than my lazy mom and dad take us on.

Mr. Wendell wanted to short sheet her bed, put a tootsie roll on the floor (to make her think we had an accident) or put cellaphane on the toilet lid for a laugh, but I talked him out of it. We want her to come back as she is a lot of fun! We even felt comfortable enough to curl up and sleep with her last night...we have never done that before.

We were sorry to see her go today.

Thanks Aunt Nola!

Dogs should be tax deductable....just like kids!

2010-03-07T11:28:00.000-08:00

Today, my lovely wife and I made our bi-weekly sojourn to Target. Our contribution to the gods of retail happens every two weeks like clock work. As we live downtown where everything is more expensive and usually smaller sized, we try to save up our purchasing needs and head out to the burbs.

Today, as I unpacked the bags I noticed that our bi-weekly purchases are more and more for the furry kids.

Pee Pads                            Dog Food
Baby Wipes                       Bully Sticks
Dog Treats                         Denta Sticks
Beef Jerky                          Dog Shampoo
Poop Bags

This got me thinking about everything else we do for these "best friends"...

Doggy Nanny Care (Aunt Nola visits)
Vet Bills
Dog Clothes (Sigh...a dog jacket costing $60 each....yes)
Doggy Vitamins
Dog Harnesses
Doggy blankets
Doggy dentistry (teeth cleaning)
Doggy workouts

Some kids should have it as good as my dogs...
I came to the conclusion that these little tail wagging furballs are pretty darn expensive.

Why aren't they tax deductable??

Pepper can spell...Mr. E

2010-02-28T13:13:00.000-08:00

Have you ever found yourself spelling words in front of your dogs so they do not understand?

Like, "Hey Christine, do you want to take the D-O-G-S on a W-A-L-K? Or, this B-O-N-E is too small, lets get them a new one."

What happens when the D-O-Gs get smart enough to figure out what you are spelling?

It is scary, but we are now at that level at our house. Both Wendell and Pepper have figured out many of the words that we have resorted to spelling to keep thier little ears from hearing. Pepper is so good, she is ready to enter the Scripps National Spelling Bee. She would likely take a trophy at some level.

We came across this a few times with some specific words. "N-E-W B-O-N-E" as in, "Let's get Pepper a new bone." Spelling NEW BONE will now get her off of the coach and running to the pantry where she will stand wagging her tail waiting for the treat. T-R-E-A-T can get her off the coach after the letter "R".

B-E-D is a word she can also spell.

We now have to speak in code using words that are synonyms of the intended words. Soon, we will have to spell those! Then what will we do?

E

p.s. as I read this stupid post to Christine P-E-P-P-E-R went into a frenzy resulting in Christine getting her a N E W - B O N E....I guess that was BONE HEADED of me!!!

A Challenge to Cesar Milan...by Pepper

2010-02-21T12:26:00.000-08:00

Dear Cesar,

My name is Pepper Penelope Roshitsh and I hereby challenge you to a face off. You name the time. You pick the place. I will have you quitting your show, recalling your books and surrounding yourself with cats. I (ahem) double dog dare you to try that "pshhhh" "pshhhhh" crap with me. Some lady with a clicker and a line of references a mile long is now in a padded room muttering my name. You don't scare me!

I have had a long line of victories over dog trainers, dog whisperers and other charlatans who believe they can teach me how to behave. I have been kicked out of two dog obedience schools. My mom had to do the walk of shame past all of the other mom's whose dogs were behaving as we were escorted to the door.

It is not that I don't behave. Oh, I can behave when I want to. It is a matter of motivation for me. WIIFP? (Whats In It For Pep?)

Your little dog whisperer sorcery may work on furniture chewing beagles, barking dalmations and puddle making poodles. However, I will turn you into the Dog Whimperer after you view my Pepperness.

Leave me a comment Cesar....bring it on.

Pepper.

Yesterday was the best day of our lives...

2010-02-15T15:30:00.000-08:00

Yesterday may have well been the best day of Pepper and I's lives. We have expereinced years of first class air travel, five star hotels and Zagat survey rated meals prepared by Christine, our very own personal chef. Pepper and I are two very hard dogs to impress. However, my dad managed to pull it off with a simple car ride to a new place.

Yesterday was a sunny beautiful day. My dad thought a trip to Golden Gate Park to let us take a walk would be a good way to spend the day. He is kind hearted, but generally slow and he failed to realize that every other person in San Francisco would have the same exact idea. Knucklehead. This is what it looked like going into the park..

Anyways, after driving around futiley looking for a parking spot, he said "I know exactly where we will go". This brought a yawn from Pepper and a few grumbles from my mom about he should have probably knew that today would be a bad day for this sort of thing. Stubborn he is, I will give him that. He pressed on.

We landed at Crissy Field and hit the doggie day jack pot. There are all sorts of paths, dogs to meet, bushes to take leaks on and fields where dogs do not need to wear leashes. At a website called "Dogster", Crissy Field gets five paws out of five for us dogs. (Click here to visit Dogster review of Crissy Field).

Of course, my attention deficit disordered father forgot the camera in the car. You will have to look at this stock photo he shamelessly grabbed from someone else's web site to get the idea. Anyways, Pepper and I enjoyed about an hour of walking around. We met dozens of other dogs and had a great time. There were no barks, bites or other bad behavoir.

Both Pepper and I agreed that the old man had made real beef gravy out of a nasty can of Alpo!

Two paws up!

Pepper and Wendell

The Woman of My Dreams...by Mr. Wendell

2010-02-07T10:53:00.000-08:00

Blonde silky hair...

Long shapely legs...

The way her breath smells of MilkBone dog bisquits...

I cannot get her off of my mind. I have been seeing her 3 or 4 times a week for the last several months. Her name? Frida. I love the way it rolls off of my tongue. Freeeee-da. Yes...Freeeeee-da.

We meet in the courtyard of the City Hall building daily. Her owners let her and I run around together, chasing each other and enjoying each others' company. She does not seem to care that I came from the other side of the tracks. She is the girl of my dreams.

I cannot get her off of my mind...

Evil comes in a can...by a very distressed Pepper

2010-01-31T16:22:00.000-08:00

Nothing good to eat ever comes in a can.

Exhibit A:

Need more evidence?

Get my drift? Canned food typically sucks. So, you can clearly understand my dismay and, yes horror when my mom decided to take off her Head Dog Chef apron today and serve us food from a can.

I did not recognize the noise when I heard it. Sort of a metal on metal sound, a hollow grinding noise, a couple of clunks and then a snap. Then, there was a sucking, vacuum-ish plunk as she tipped the can upside down and plopped some gellatin-like slop into our metal bowls.

"Kiddies........"

"Ohhhhhhhhhh Kiddies, it is dinner time...come and get it!!!!" my mom sang out. You would have thought she was the head chef at a Michelin Five Star restuarant saying "Bon Appetit" as she served us various unidentified beef and chicken parts.

My brother and I ran out with all of the hopes for a nice Sunday dinner our little brains could envision. My sycophantic brother wagged and went to town on his bowl. Me? I looked at the bowl as if my mom had decided to serve cow butts on a stick...which was probably the main ingredient in this meal.

There is no way I am going to eat this slop. I don't care if it is fortified with essential vitamins and minerals to keep me strong. Give me some fresh, free range chicken or grass fed beef...this stuff is not suitable for consumption.

Day One of my hunger strike starts today.

Quit Barking at Me...by Pepper

2010-01-24T11:57:00.000-08:00

Can someone please explain to me why you humans feel compelled to bark at me when I go for a walk?

Narry a week goes by that I don't hear "Ruff" or "Woof" or "GRRRRRRRRR" from the lips of some two legged idiot. I must point out that it is never a woman that does this. It is always the boys.   Young men, foreign men, poorly dressed men, business men and even old men...it does not matter.   They all seem compelled to bark at me. Do they really think it is funny?

Most of the time, it is while my dad takes us for a walk and we are stopped to cross the street. However, it does sometimes happen while we are in motion. "Woof"   "Grrrrrrrr"   it never ends.

You don't hear dogs yell "Hello" or "How are you" or other common noises humans make. What if I walked around and said stuff like "Grande Latte" "SuperSize the fries" or "Get me a beer". Nope. It never has happened.

What always makes me angry is that after some drooling, mouth breathing numbskull barks at me and I decide to open up some Chihuahua whoop ass on him, they always look surprised and give "The Look" to my dad. The Look? You know...a look like "You need to controll your dog." or "I am calling Animal Control to report a viscious lap dog". One time my dad looked at the guy and said, you started it idiot...that stopped his growling.

So, if you are reading this and you have ever barked at a dog...this one is for you.

Shut up!

Quit Barking At ME!!!!

Pepper

Duck Breast and Sweet Potatoes...

2010-01-17T11:46:00.000-08:00

Mr, Wendell and Pepper's dad here.

Do me a favor. Stand up, walk over to your snack cupboard and count the bags of pretzels, potatoe chips, cans of nuts, crackers and whatever else you may enjoy nibbling on between meals. I will bet you five dollars that Mr. Wendell and Pepper's snack cupboard has more "quantity", more choices and probably a higher nutritional class of options inside.

Let us take a peek in Pepper and Wendell's Snack Bin.

Dried Duck Breast, Sweet Potatoe Chips, Turkey Treats, Pupperoni, Newman's own Turkey and Sweet Potatoe Treats, Snausages and T-Bonz. There are Milkbones and something called "Veggie Life Vitality" that boasts of containing Flaxseed (Flaxseed for Pete's sake!), bananas and chicken.

Vitality is low in fat, a great source of vitamins, digestible (good thing!), good for the eyes, skin and coat. No fillers, no wheat, no salt, no hormones, no artificial colors, no by products, no antibiotics, no sugar and absolutley no articficial flavors. Humans should have it so good.

This does not include thier favorite two treats...First, my love for beef jerky takes a second seat to Mr. Wendell and Peppers' taste for the stuff. I get admonished by Christine when I reach into the bag of beef jerky and grab a piece. "That is for Mr. Wendell and Pepper" she bellows out whenever she hears me rustling. I usually respond with "Give me a &*#E%$^ break!" This is usually followed by "I am the one who originally started eating beef jerky here...these little poop heads are not going to first dibs on my beef jerky." "Feed them the &$#*&$-ing duck breast!!!!" Even when I win this argument with Christine, I lose...both the argument and the beef jerky!

The other favorite treat is Pepper's bedtime snack...

Pepper will whine, cry, beg and throw a fit until Christine throws a handful of these in her direction.

Did you go to your snack bin yet? Send me the five spot if I am right...Mr. Wendell and Pepper have it made! Or come on over and we can crucnh some Vitality together!

They are deporting our brothers and sisters!!! By Pep and Mr. Wendell

2010-01-10T15:33:00.000-08:00

You may or may not have caught a number of news stories that have been bumping around the last few weeks, but Pepper and I are in deep distress over the plight of our brothers and sisters in California. Click here for an MSNBC Story

Apparently, over-indulgent parents who have bought little Heather and Haley Chihuahua's for thier 8th birthday have realized that we are not always the cuddly little lap dogs they thought we were. Now, they are dumping our brothers and sisters off at animal shelters in high numbers. Humans are trying to help by flying us to other areas of the country.

Our race of dogs are smart, fun and easy to care for. However, if you have kids, a lot of strangers in and out of the house or a lot of noises, we tend to not be the best kind of dogs for you to have around. Little kids running around and making loud noises make us nervous. We can get nippy, yappy and loud around kids. Also, when strangers come in the door, we try to protect our owners. We open up the big can of Chihuahua whoop-ass and go nuts...until folks call our bluff and we run behind our owners.

Just because Paris Hilton has a few of us, does not mean we are great for everyone else!

A number of charities have sprung up to fly unwanted Chihuahuas (who could have thunk we could be unwanted?) out of California to other locales. Please, think about spring a few of our brothers and sisters loose from shelters and into the hands of owners who will enjoy us for who we are!

Here is a link to a few...

Chihuahua Rescue and Transport

Chihuahua Rescue

Help a dog out!

Pep and Mr. W

Proof that Chihuahuas are supreme beings...By Ms. Pepper

2010-01-01T15:23:00.000-08:00

I have decided to let my sophomoric brother's attempt at humor slide by without even a snarl. I refuse to lower myself to his level.

As the page flips from December to January, I have decided to let human-kind in on an ancient truth. It may be tough for you to understand what I am about to reveal. Many of you will shake your heads in disagreement. Never underestimate the power of denial I say.

The simple truth?

Chihuahuas are a supreme race of creature who landed here thousands of years ago and decided to stay. Why did we stay?

"A nearly endless supply of human slave labor."

Want proof?

Humans go to work to earn money so that they can spend money on Chihuahua clothes, food, toys and medicene. Need proof? Go here Pet Supply Industry Statistics

Humans cook our food, serve our food and clean up our dishes afterward. Donald Trump wishes he had it so good. No Chihuahua ever has had to cook a meal ever. Humans serve us in this capacity.

Humans pick up our poop. This fact is the most glaring example of your servitude to the Chiihuahua race. Heck, I bet if you ask several Chihuahua owners, they even wipe a Huahua butt or two. Would you pick up your wife or husbands droppings if they left a large one on the floor in front of the TV? Proof positive. You are my slave.

I could go on. But I won't. These three points tell it all.

Bow before me.

Pepper

New Years Resolutions from Mr. Wendell and Pepper

2009-12-30T18:59:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year! It is your pal Mr. Wendell here with my and Pepper's list of New Year's Resolutions. Since Pepper refuses to have anything to do with self improvement, I will be designing New Year's resolutions for her.

Before I dive into New Year's resolutions, let me tell you about our Christmas. I must say, it was a real tail wagger. First, my grandma and grandpa came in from South Carolina. I really like when they come in. It is an extra lap or two to lay on, more food scraps at the table and my grandma has a secret stash of dog bisquits that she slips me and my sister at bed time. It does not get much better than that.

Anyways, they were here about a week visiting. I guess they went to some ballet "The Nutcracker" on Christmas Eve. My dad pretended it was a good time, but I could tell he was bored. I guess some 8 foot tall guy sat in front of him and besides the guys ears, my dad did not get to see much. On Saturday, we went to visit King Syrus and Ms. Tracy down in Carmel. It was a good time.

So anyways, here are my resolutions for next year. I am only going to do four, because any more than that and I will not be able to remember them. Here we go.

Resolution Number One: I will not lick myself in naughty places in front of company. It seems natural to me to want to take care of my hygeine, but I understand that sometimes I may be grossing people out.

Resolution Number Two: I will stop sniffing other dogs rear ends when there are humans around. My dad always says he is glad humans don't have the same practice.

Resolution Number Three: I will try to stay awake longer than an hour a day.

Resolution Number Four: I will stop kissing my dad's face after licking myself in naughty places.

I should be able to do all of these...at least for a few hours.

Here is a nice picture of my sister in New Year's Eve attire and the resolutions I designed for her.

Pepper's Resolutions for 2010

#1: I will no longer do the butt walk on my dad's pillow when I get mad at him. I will use his blanket instead.

#2 I will stop stealing all of Mr. Wendell's bones and hiding them in places that he cannot find them.

#3 I will stop using the carpet under the dining room table as a pee pad because I am too lazy sometimes to walk to where my mom usually puts them and blaming Mr. Wendell for doing it.

#4 When my dad says lets go outside, I will stop running under the bed and hiding from him.

#5) I promise to be nicer, less judgmental and patient with Mr. Wendell.

For the New Year's Eve celebration, my mom and dad will undoubtedly be sitting on the coach drinking wine and watching movies...just like all the other residents at the old folks rest home. Gee whiz guys, go do something!

Happy New Year!

Paw Humbug! By Pepper

2009-12-19T12:25:00.000-08:00

I want to go on record that I hate the holiday season. Why?

Take a look!

Every year, my mom gets the bright idea that sending the relatvies and friends pictures of me dressed for Christmas is "cute". I hate it. The SPCA is going to get a call from me about this continued exploitation of my image. Even Mr. Wendell looks like he hates it.

The whole process is a nightmare. First she dresses us up. This in itself is crazy. Think about it. A late 30's woman dressing furry dogs up. She usually talks to us while she does it...telling Mr. Wendell "Yoooooouuuuu look soooooooo handsome young man!" or baby talking to me "Ms Pepper, you are so prettttty in this dress". What is she? A 8 year old girl dressing up a Barbie for a tea party? Grow up lady!

Then she spends what seems like an hour prepping the area where she wants to take the picture. Hey! Get a clue, dress me afterward if you must. You wear a fur coat as an undershirt to a heavy red cotton jacket. It is hot!

Then, in a nightmare of flashes, she takes dozens of pictures hoping to get the exact right one. She would not sit still for as long as she wants us to sit still, yet she expects us to sit there waiting on her. This year, my idiot dad saved Mr. Wendell and I from hours of torture by whipping out some beef jerky and bribing us to look at him. If he had just pulled out the jerky I would have thought him brilliant. However, he must of asked Mr. Wendell and I 200 times in that stupid sing song "Does Pepper want a treat? DOES Missssster Wendellllll want a BIIIIG treat? What a jamoke.

Oh yea, I forgot this gem...

The building owners where I live decided to get festive and put a Christmas Tree in the lobby. However, they really went all out. They must have ordered it straight from http://www.artificialcrappytrees.com/. It is the artificial version of the Charlie Brown Christmas tree...3 feet tall, fake plastic foliage that is as thin as my dad's hair and a cheesey string of lights they must have stolen from a homeless guy. It is really, really bad.

If I sound bitter and angry about the holidays, it is because I am. Mr. Wendell is so angry he said he has been lifting his leg on the tree my mom put up in our living room.

PAW HUMBUG!!!!!!

Another weekend, another car ride....whatever! By Ms. Pepper

2009-12-06T13:28:00.000-08:00

I don't know why my hyper active dad thinks that I want to abandon my warm blanket, bones and toys to go exploring California...but he does. It is annoying and I generally don't like it. What really chaps my ass is the fake nice, motivated tone of his voice when he says "DOES PEPPER WANT TO GO FOR A RIDE IN THE CAR?" Then the bent over, hands on his knees....COME ON! COME ON GIRL! COME ON PEPPER" sends me over the top. Honestly, it makes me want put my leash on, tie it to something high off the ground and launch myself off a ledge. (Editor's note: As Pepper wears a harness, this would not have the impact she thinks it would!) Mr. Wendell, ever the sycophantic "Yes Man" wags his tail, runs around the house and generally acts like a fool. Just for a stinkin car ride usually to no where.

Anyways, my parents decided to take us to one of the many "Redwood State/National Parks" to go see some big trees. Big trees. Think about it. We were supposed to get excited about hopping in the car just to see trees that are big. What a waste of time. I could have been napping...instead I was held pawstage (instead of hostage!) while my soon to be granola chomping, flannel shirt and Birkenstock wearing parents went to go see big trees! They have been on the left coast for too long. Thats my opinion.

Anyways, these two pictures say it all. Mr. Wendell was shaking like a crack addict who just turned in a trash bag full of plastic bottles for rebate when he saw the trees. Needless to say he pee'd on everyone of these big trees that he could!

Then, as if the indignity of walking around the park was not enough, my mom and dad decided that they should take pictures of me and my brother next to the trees, in my mom's arms and in my dad's arms.

I am worried that there are more days of exploring in my future. I am going to try to figure out how to fake heartworms. Maybe then, they will just let me sleep in my blanket like some dog version of Ferris Bueller.

Oh yeah, I stole and chewed down to nothing Mr. Wendell's favorite bone after his stupid "Paws Up" sign off last time. May he get a lump of cat poop for Christmas.

Feeling Surly....

Pepper

I went for another ride in the car...Mr. Wendell

2009-12-02T19:43:00.000-08:00

Cheerio folks! Here I am behind the wheel of Benson. Benson you ask? That is the stupid name my dad gave to his car. He thought the it needed a name and since Land Rovers were British, that it should be named a good sturdy English name.

I was on the way down to see my Pomeranian cousin, Syrus (we call him King Syrus) for Thanksgiving. Syrus was in good health and a holiday mood. I was not in such a great mood. My dad must have been drinking a little sweet potatoe wine when he programmed the GPS. What should have taken about 2 hours took about four and a half. Four and a half hours with my sister, dad, mom and my human sister Cassie and her boyfriend was not a lot of fun. Anyways, we had a great visit with King Syrus, had a bit of turkey and got to stay in an overpriced hotel.

Speaking of my human sister. She and her boyfriend came to visit over the holiday weekend. It was good to see them. We did a bunch of cool things. We took them to the Golden Gate Bridge, took a double decker bus tour, ate at a few restuarants, toured the city and went to a musical down at the Orpheum theater called Wicked. They liked San Francisco!

While on the Golden Gate Bridge, we saw this sign. Now, I am not a psychiatrist, but I really wonder if this sign has ever done anything more than make people laugh and take pictures of it.

Imagine...you are at the end of your rope. Dispondent. Irrational. Ready to take yourself off the high diving board called the Golden Gate Bridge. You come across this sign. "The consequences of jumping off this bridge are fatal and tragic." If I was in the mood to take the plunge, reading this sign would be encouragement. Awesome, I came here to get the job done and this sign is almost a guarantee!

Paws up!

Wendell

Bums, Trust Fund Brats and Bart Bad Boys....Mr. Ed

2009-11-24T19:37:00.000-08:00

So, on the eve of the Thanksgiving Holiday time for a snarky rant or three!

Brats:

First, let me go off on the trust fund brats at the UC Berkeley. It seems that the laws of the economy don't apply to you if you go to school there. If you were not aware, California is a state the subsidizes college tuition for the kiddies who are residents going to state schools. A pretty cool deal for the residents of California. Until the economy went south. Currently, if the state of California were a company, it would be bankrupt and out of business. State government slack jaws have decided to tax businesses out of the state...but that is a different story.

Anyways, the state has had to reduce some services, cut some classes (Story Link Here) and the like to try to make up for the budget deficits. Included in these cuts have been a reduction in custodial services at UCB. So, this week the news has been filled with pictures of our future doctors, engineers, lawyers and leaders protesting, dumping garbage and damaging the school they go to. Trust fund brats who hop into BMWs and Mercedes to go home have decided that the economy does not apply to them and are protesting. Knuckle heads.

Bums:

Christine got an eye full today. Apparently a 19 year old female meth head decided to empty both tanks (if you get my drift) on the side walk right in front of Christine about three blocks from our house. Nice. San Francisco is a beautiful place...but a little less so on the side walk between our Condo and Costcos!

Bad Boys on the BART:

BART is the train system between downtown and most of the burbs of San Francisco. It is a great system, but as you are sharing it with all sorts of folks you get a slice of humanity cut in every direction. When the news took a break from the brats at UCB, they focused ad nauseum on the poor police officer who had to drag a knucklehead off of BART over the weekend.

Apparently, a guy (probably a UCB grad!) that had been arrested earlier in the day for public disturbance decided he needed to catch a train home. You guessed it...he decided to cause a disturbance on the train, prompting the train conductor to contact the police. The officer met the train at a station and attempted to talk to the bonehead like a rational adult. Said bonehead decided that yelling at the cop was a good idea. The officer grabbed the guy and yanked him off the train and out the door. The crowd on the train gives the cop an ovation as he takes the jerk off the train. Apparently, they had to put up with this numbskull for miles.

It is hard to see exactly what happened on the video (BART Story) but as the cop puts him off the train the guy falls and breaks a window with his head. It did not look agressive or excessive to me, but of course every citizen's group in San Fran is decrying the excessive force. I say shut up already! First, the idiot would not have been tossed off the train if he was not violating everyone elses rights. Second, the officer gave him a chance to act like a responsible adult and get off the train (he chose to yell at the cop). Finally, the officer did not beat the guy up or go over the top. He took him off the train and unfortunately a window got broken.

I cannot imagine what it must be like to be a good honest law enforcement officer these days. With cell phones, YouTube and a component of society that believes they have the right to act like fools it must be hard to do the job they do. Hats off to them!

A ride in the car...Ms. Pepper and Mr. Wendell

2009-11-22T16:25:00.000-08:00

Saturday, my mom and dad took us for a ride in the car. Usually this means we are going to visit the vet, so we were a little nervous and annoyed. I mean who wants to deal with a rectal thermometer, muzzles and yappy little misbreeds like Yorkie-doodles. Yorkie-doodles? They are dog breeding science fair experiments gone bad, in my opinion. Give me a break.

My dad took us over the Golden Gate Bridge and into what they call the Marin Headlands. The Marin Headlands, I guess, are part of the Golden Gate National Park. It is a beautiful, commercially undeveloped area of land about 7 miles from downtown San Francisco featuring spectacular bay and ocean views. My sister and I were amazed that even though we were so close to downtown there were hardly any cars. There are some buildings as the US Government during World War II decided that they wanted to fortify the west coast after Pearl Harbor.

Here are a couple pictures of the area...

My mom and dad took us for a walk around the beach area and up through some of the hills. It was a fun walk. At least I thought so. There were hardly any people, a cool little trail and plenty of things to pee on!

You can see that my sister, the always adventurous Miss Pepper, was not happy with the clean air, sun and scenery. She is never happy. She needs a pet therapist...or pet exorcist...or a good whack on the butt with a rolled up Wall Street Journal.

(Miss Pepper...in my defense, I was bundled in a warm blanket, enjoying the sun coming in the window when my chocalate dipped expresso bean chomping excuse for a father decides he needed "family time". Dad, next time you want to enjoy family time leave me out of it.)

Mr Wendell. Oh yeah, my dad is signed up for yet another Ironman. He is scheduled for an Ironman Lousville Rematch in August of 2010. Pepper says he is eating too much pizza and other things and will not be in shape for it. She is so supportive.

Finally, Pep and I want to give a shout out to Aunt Nola! We miss you a lot. My mom and dad said that maybe we can have you come stay with us for a few days next year when they go for thier annual gambling binge in Las Vegas. Part work, fun and part visit your old friends!

Two paws up! Mr. Wendell!