Mrs Hannigan's Home for Girls

unCooking

Administrator — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 19:24:44 +0000

Evelyn Eating Avocado Maybe

So I’m pretty sure that I once wrote a blog post comparing the benefits of home cooked meals vs fast food with the benefits of homeschooling vs public education. I summized that depending upon institutionalized forms of education for children was like eating fast food all the time, crippling the brain as much as fast food cripples the body.

But today I have a totally different observation that COULD be just as much of a deep thought if I had time to think deeply. (truth be told, I think deeply all the time and rarely have the time or memory enough to type it up)

Anyways, I am an uncooker. I don’t use recipes, I’m never sure what we’re having until it looks like it’s almost done. It really hasn’t been much of a problem in our lives, in fact it’s been an asset. I can whip up something delicious with very few ingredients. I can transform a package of top ramen into a curried thai noodle dish. It’s not a bad meal for 15 cents.

Usually.

My husband on the other hand, likes recipes. And he’s been the one making dinner lately. He runs the kitchen like a restaurant (without all the Chef Ramsay stuff) having each child cut something, stir something, wash something, etc.

I pride myself on never using a hundred ingredients.

He sits his ingredients out into pre-measured portions, like on the cooking shows on TV.

I advise all moms to mount a little mirror under the kitchen cabinets, so really little kids can see what you’re doing, there’s my free tip.

He has the kids lined up standing on chairs all along the counter to do their jobs. They even wear little aprons.

His food is always delicious, and each meal takes over an hour to prepare.

My food, even when I dare to add 50 different seasonings, sometimes tastes like hamburger helper but I can serve 8 people in under 20 minutes.

He serves “themed” meals, so that when he asks the kids what they want for dinner, they’re naming countries. “How about Mexican? Chinese? Irish?

When I ask the kids what they want me to make, after I convince them their Dad can’t cook it, they ask me to “start with noodles” or “how about something cheesy” knowing full well that that’s about as precise as my cooking goes.

It’s not that I don’t know how to use a recipe, my Mama taught me well. She’s a recipe user, I could use the back end of a knife for precise flour measurements when I was 4 years old.

But I learned, later in life, that you can just scoop the flour, too. And if the cookie dough is a little runny, just add some more until it feels right.

Either way, it all comes out the same in the end. I guess you could say the same for education. Until then, though, I prefer my husband’s cooking over my own, but I’m glad I won’t starve to death if he can’t feed me. And if I wanted to make a fancy meal, I could. I just choose not to.

You might have thought this blog post would be touting the benefits of a raw food diet. Certainly, I do think it’s probably a fantastic way to eat, and we do eat a lot of whole foods around here, fresh and raw. But we like hot food meals, so maybe technically we’re not un-cooking, we’re just un-recipe-ing, but whatever.

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Poverty is not a problem

Administrator — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 18:25:54 +0000

Madelyn, 2005

I’m kinda sick of seeing so many programs for kids in poverty.

All over the place, it’s like saying that it’s expensive to help your kids learn or something. That could not be farther from the truth. Knowledge is everywhere, information is free. Everything a child could ever want or need to know can be conveyed without spending a dime, simply through conversation.

There’s absolutely no logical reason that a child from a family with an income of x should be at a disadvantage upon entering kindergarten than a child whose parents earn xxx,xxx. no reason at all. In fact, I will speculate that a mom who makes it her job to communicate with her kids all day, playing games and having fun, instead of working outside the home will bring down the family’s income base and possibly cause her kids to be “at risk” from a financial standpoint.

Oh wait- our government offers financial incentives for working women, bringing down their base income so that they can afford childcare. Does that mean that two-income families can also be “at risk?”

I think we need to change the terminology here because raising kids on a low income doesn’t automatically make them less intelligent, less healthy or otherwise place them at a disadvantage, period. In fact, I reckon that the TRUE cause of poor health in children is not poverty, but poor nutrition and lack of exercise.

Growing your own food and eating fresh local produce is not expensive. Eating processed foods causes malnutrition. For children to get exercise, all they need is open space outdoors. Most parks don’t charge admission. If you have a yard, that’s even better. People give away bicycles all the time if you don’t have the $100 or so that it takes to buy one brand new. You could also get one cheaper at a yard sale. Working in that homegrown garden is also a great way to get exercise. Perhaps children who aren’t getting exercise, regardless of their parent’s financial situation, are lacking energy from proper nutrition or aren’t allowed to play outside.

Where is this information that impoverished kids are at a disadvantage? Seriously, I’d like to see something that proves, statistically (because that’s how I am) that children of any race are at a disadvantage simply because of their parent’s economic situation, and not because of the rest of their lifestyle.

The numbers in the checkbook don’t mandate which books I read my children. In fact, did you know that “The Classics” which are supposed to make kids smarter as per the Thomas Jefferson method of education and the Well Trained Mind, are available for free download because they’re in the public domain. So don’t go complaining that your extensive literature collection cost a fortune, that’s a CHOICE. Once again, an impoverished family could share the same exposure to The Great Books that a family with money can. And libraries are free.

I know plenty of families who manage to live well on a low income. I also know plenty of moms with high family incomes who are saving and investing much of their income, rather than spending it on whatever it is that is supposed to make their kids smarter, and basically enjoying the same free and cheap lifestyle choices that the “poverty” moms do. The children are experiencing the same lifestyle, and both thriving. It’s not the bank balance that gives kids an advantage.

We’ve had our financial ups and downs over the years and there are advantages to both. That’s right, there are advantages to poverty and disadvantages to having money.

Our health care needs have not changed over the years, we rarely get ill. Mainly, what we miss when our income is low would be traveling. Surely there are studies showing that kids who travel are at an advantage, right? And how do they define disadvantaged anyways?

I’m not that impressed by all these programs that spend a fortune buying formula (with taxpayers money) for women who could be nursing (for free) and so called “nutrition” programs that buy a certain number of dairy products and processed cereals, with no regard for their cost, instead of actually teaching women how to read nutrition labels and grow a garden. Then, when kids are pumped full of high fructose corn syrup (subsidized by the government) they get state-funded health care for all the cavities and medical problems that the processed foods cause.

It’s not poverty that causes children to be ill or lack intelligence, it’s well-intentioned “solutions” that presume to know all the answers without factoring in the importance of frugality, honoring nature’s design and the importance of healthy human relationships.

Even my very favorite magazine, Mothering, is guilty of this. So many times I’ve seen articles about “America’s poverty crisis.” In my mind, it’s not the poverty that’s a problem. It’s the decisions that families make about how to live, what to eat and how to entertain and transport themselves that impact a child’s experiences.

These programs for poverty do ONE productive thing, and that’s to send a message to parents and children that without money, you have no hope. Without money, you can’t take care of yourself. Without money, you have to depend upon the government for help. Why are these programs so widely publicized?

Surely the IRS could raise funds by operating an opt-in mailing program, distributing information to families whose income ratio meets certain requirements, based upon tax returns. That would probably be cheaper than having each individual poverty-based-resource out there posting billboards, television and magazine ads perpetuating the myth that lack of income is the sole factor in determining a family’s effectiveness, instead of focusing on the OTHER factors like lifestyle, nutrition and happiness.

Poverty is a symptom, or perhaps a side effect, but not a disease.

And with that, I leave you with a video that you simply MUST watch if you’re making any kind of car payment.

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Stop Being Consistent

Administrator — Sun, 05 Jul 2009 02:56:47 +0000

Time Out is Mean

I just had to say that. When I was a new mom, I read everything. I learned that in order to raise well-behaved children, we had to be consistent. Rules must never change. Consequences must always stay the same. Mom & Dad can’t have different rules. We must be solid, like a wall. We must be unified. Us against them. We must stand strong. Grownups vs the kids. We must———STOP THE INSANITY———– (Thank you, Susan Powter)

Someone actually once said “Oh you must be so consistent” when my oldest was little because she was so “well behaved.”

It makes me sick now.

I think the second sickest memory I have, looking back, was when my oldest was on time out. She’d go to time out really well, I’d say the word and she would run to the corner and stay there until I said she could come out. I put her there in front of people and they’d snicker behind her back about how compliant she was, whispering “she just stays there…hehe….wow” They were admiring my parenting skills, so I was proud. Little did I know that I’d look back at that time in our lives & wonder what the hell were we thinking. She was probably 3.

Consistency isn’t normal. It isn’t natural. The world is inconsistent. Unless children are violating laws of nature (gravity, centrifugal force) they’ll never experience consistency with humans, and that’s beautiful.

Mom & dad are different people, with different opinions and different perspectives, both of which are valuable. If we are to constantly grow & change and evolve as humans, and become better people every day, then what the hell are we worried about consistency for? Stop trying to be consistent and just be honest.

Do you know (you probably do) that so many parents are alienating grandparents because the grandparents have “different rules.” Consistency is supposedly so important, or maybe kids are so stupid, that they can’t be exposed to any adult who has different rules. WHAT is that all about? Different employers have different rules, different cultures have different rules. LIFE is all about understanding how to work within several different environments. HOME shouldn’t be a place you have to learn how to “be” in. At home, you should just be you. Safe, loved and growing. What rule can be more important than that?

I just had to say all that. As we prepare (which really means scrimp & save & stick to our budget) to go to the Rethinking Education Conference again this year, I’m trying to reflect upon everything we’ve learned about gentle parenting over the past 12 months. We’re not perfect. We still have a VERY LONG way to go. We’re improving every day. We’re helping each other be inconsistent. Consistently improving.

Here are three of my favorite resources that we’ve been using over the past year, to be more gentle parents.

The Daily parenting emails from Scott Noelle, called The Daily Groove it’s a really quick read. I subscribed myself and my husband, each one takes less than a minute to read. I wish I could get it via text message.

Bob Collier’s monthly Parental Intelligence Newsletter, which is absolutely HUGE- it can take all day to read but it’s so worth it.

And our kids.

I list them last not because they’re least important, but because they require a longer explanation. The concept of consistency in parenting assumes that you have a motive and a prescribed means of reaching that goal. But our goal for the kids is that they’re able to communicate and have healthy relationships. I want them to spend their whole life growing and changing, evolving and improving. I don’t ever want them to feel like they’ve “figured it all out.”

In my opinion, the only way to reach that goal is to model ourselves growing & changing, To not separate so much between us and them. They need to be part of our family’s changes, especially right now the older ones who know what “the other side” is like.

In marriage and in business, the relationships you have with people define your level of success. A marriage without communication is likely to fail. An employer or employee who isn’t able to communicate with their co-workers, staff, clients, or vendors won’t be around for long.

Consistency represents a solid and steadfast commitment to NOT communicating with the children.

Nothing you say will change my mind. Cry all you want, see if I care. Go ahead, have a fit about it. I’m not changing my mind. It doesn’t matter what you say. It doesn’t matter how you feel. I’m the parent, that’s why. Because you’re a kid. When you’re an adult, then talk to me about it.

Parents may huddle together figuring out a “consequence” for some action, in an effort to represent an aligned front, but no one is communicating WITH the kids. The only REAL consistency is that the children’s voice doesn’t matter.

We just can’t do that anymore.

With six kids in the house the only way we can survive is with complete honesty.

“I know you used to get punished for that when you were little, but I’ve learned that it wasn’t really fair, and it makes a lot of sense to me now. Punishing you didn’t work, you still did it. You even did it behind our backs.”

or how about

“I’m sorry I snapped at you for that, I really freaked out when I saw you _____ because all I could think of was _____. I love you, and I know that wasn’t very nice of me. ”

or most often

“Because that’s how I was raised and I know it makes no sense, so let’s figure out what the root of this issue is, and let’s move on. Thank you so much for pointing it out. Really. You want this___ I’m thinking this_____ it’s really probably not a big deal, so can you just tell me when you’re done so I can clean it up. Thank you again, and I apologize for reacting so quickly.”

It seems to me like so many of my parenting role models have been perfect parents the whole time they were raising their kids. Like they discovered the secret to perfect parenting while they were pregnant and have been radiant beams of sunshine ever since.

Where are the flip flops? I’m sure they’re out there. I know I’m not alone. In my generation we were taught to keep our mouths shut. A lot. No back-talking. Don’t whine. Don’t complain. Don’t talk like that to your mother. Don’t talk like that to your sister. Not in my house. Not in my car.

Who is going to write the parenting book that teaches us how to move FROM authoritative parenting TO consensual, non violent communication? Has it been written? Please let me know because I have an Amazon.com credit that’s burning a hole in my… um… amazon.com, credit account.

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Art

Administrator — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 07:52:47 +0000

The Artist's Way

One of my favorite parenting books EVER- is called “Guiding Your Child to a more Creative Life” by Fredelle Maynard. It’s out of print and almost totally impossible to find. I’ve seen it at yard sales & thrift shops, I have a copy here at home & every now & then I pick one up whenever I stumble upon one. You should, too. I give spare copies away whenever I can. I first read it when my oldest was very small, it talks about how parents can avoid accidentally squashing their children’s creativity. It offers practical tips for encouraging play and exploration that help parents appreciate how kids naturally learn to think, examine, observe and interpret.

Normally I’d have a picture of this book here, because that’s how I roll but since the book is hard to find online, I couldn’t find pictures of it. Amazon didn’t have one.

Here’s one Amazon does have, though. It’s called “The Artist’s Way” and I just got the “complete” book because it has three books in one, it’s like a big fat textbook of how to unlock your creativity. Why did I order this? I never felt like my creativity was blocked. I know I’m creative. The book talks about having little voices in your head that tells you you can’t paint, you can’t draw, you can’t write and I don’t think I can relate to that, but then again I’m pretty argumentative, too so who knows. I’m pretty sure I just have the tiny voices outside of my head saying “I want to paint, I want to draw, I want to write.” The book advocates a 3 page journaling blurt-out every morning to free your mind. I can vomit 3 pages waiting for coffee to brew and the computer to boot up.

Just to prove I wasn’t blocked, I blurted out an entire business plan of action to use art to solve all the world’s problems, on my very first day using The Artist’s Way.

There’s something powerful about creating art with another person. co-creating is a big thing. When you’re opening your heart up to make something, being vulnerable, expressing something free flowing and personal… sharing art can be a powerful bonding experience. When your art or your creation is validated, it’s empowering. It’s like deep down to the core of your soul, you’ve done something right.

I might have guessed, but last week at Girl Scout camp, it was reinforced. We haven’t been doing much art around here for the past month or so, I’ve been working my butt off, trying to get us to this Convention in Dallas, to get the transmission & brakes fixed, and exciting things like that.

We spent every evening last week making recycled art projects. It was nice to see how proud the kids (including mine) were of their projects. It was nice to see them focus on the task of creating something for hours on end. It was nice to spend the time with them like that.

I think that parents and kids can really bond together over art projects. I was shocked to see one of the mothers actually doing the project FOR her child. I wonder why she wouldn’t just make her own, instead of scooting the child away like that.

What could have been a relaxing, mellow, shared experience between her & her daughter ended up being a soul-crushing heart-breaking event. nothing the girl did was right, so finally she wandered away to play ball while mom sat blissfully gluing and cutting alone. Sadly, in the 7 yrs I’ve volunteered with Girl Scouts, this isn’t the first time I’ve seen it.

One woman, a grandmother actually, said “Let Gramma do it, so it looks good” while her daughter sat silently at the table watching Grandma play with the other kids. As soon as Grandma was out of earshot this little girl told all the other kids they were going to hell with the devil for some reason.

Either way, this Thursday we’re going to visit an Art Studio that’s run by a friend of mine and we’ll be filming ourselves doing an art project. My husband has agreed to edit it into a 15-20 minute video that we can put online so we can share the project with other families. At this point, we plan to make it a weekly family event. The goal is to show people what it looks like when you’re sharing creativity with kids, and to share projects that may look like fun- enough to inspire families to try.

Eventually, I think it would be fun to have an open studio where other people can come and do projects, too but for now we’ll just film our little show. The kids have all chosen projects they’d like to share. we’re co-creating, on many levels.

So anyways, do I have to finish this big fat book, or can I be excused?

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Cream with your 1/2 naked coffee?

Administrator — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 21:57:33 +0000

Wow- this crazy town I live in. Last week the news was all over the fact that our town was listed by Business Week magazine as the #4 best place to start over, something like that. Today, however, we’re making headlines for something a bit more… stupid.

Apparently coffee drinkers in this town need to be protected from accidentally seeing butt crack.

Recently, a rash of bikini coffee shops have been popping up in our town. Apparently it’s the work of the devil. Surely no one is really buying coffee there, right? I mean, why would someone get a cup of coffee at an independently owned coffee shop owned by a local who has found a funny little niche? Even if they make great coffee.

Nope- our city council has outlawed sleezy clothing.

WTF?

These coffee shop owners must be getting customers because they’re still in business.

If you don’t want a half-naked girl serving you coffee, go somewhere else.

If you want to get your jollies ordering a latte at “Brewlesque” then be my guest. The female body is beautiful, and people like looking at it. Period. Do we need laws that mandate what a Barista should wear?

So now Yakima is being made fun of on the news in stories like Yakima, Washington Bans Thong Underwear in “Cleavage of the Buttocks” Crackdown and by Seattle columnist Scott Sunde.

I always knew this was a weird little town- but this is ridiculous. I can hear my dad spitting out the word liberal now, as he gripes about stupid laws made to protect people from themselves but Daddy, these are conservative Republicans.

So shout out here- I wanna hear from Yakima moms and moms in more normal places- what do you think about this half-naked coffee situation? And the law that was made in response. Is our city council crazy or do you agree?

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