Mrs. Jim Ward Morris: Mother's Moxie

Rose Colored Glasses: or Accept that Life is Annoying

2012-01-17T15:15:00.000-08:00

Peace is man's idea. The idea that we could, in the midst of survival, of reproduction of life and death be in stasis, is laughable, but when we consider peace, we seem to think of this state as something physically attainable- alone, seated in a lovely room with a lovely breeze, perhaps a book or music, but peace is not a physical state. Imagine yourself seated in such a room. You sit there for a few moments, and then you realize that the breeze coming in through the curtain is a touch cold, or perhaps the music you're listening to stops. The physical state of peace as we imagine it is either not attainable or not sustainable. We must find peace by accepting.

I myself am searching for the physically unattanable peace right now. I'm seated at a coffee shop, Mozart in my ears, little flecks of snow falling outside. I am escaping a husband who never leaves the house and a child who feels I am his personal plaything. I wanted a little space. But guess what? I'm cold. The people around me are around me, they cannot be avoided. This is related to the "grass is always greener", or the "you don't know what you got till it's gone." (props Joni). I am missing my life before marriage and children when there was quiet and lonely- but when I was single, I was quiet and lonely, and frightened, and had no trjectory. And now, I am married to someone who suits me and I love very much, even when I hate him, I have foci, I have children (I ironically want more). So life is good. But it's still annoying.

I am seeking to understand that there will be more disasters. And it's ok. And I'm going to be frustrated with my loves. And it's ok., I accept this annoying and chilling and frustrating life. I must put my rose colored glasses and imagine that there's a touch of romanticism in everything I do. Because the imagining part is often the romantic part I seek. Rose colored glasses.

Sleeping Arrangements

2012-01-16T12:09:00.000-08:00

Huggins is 3 and 3 months. Until now, he has been sleeping at least part of every night in our bed. Now, I'm proud to say, we're on day 2 of him sleeping all night in his bed. This is something that Jim has been focused on for a LONG time- for about 3 years and 3 months. I have had many anxieties about Huggins' sleep, or more accurately, my sleep. I've been afraid that if I fall asleep something might happen to him (all of the scary things that mothers imagine might happen to their children). I remember our first nights with him being some of the most anxious of my life. We'd be in bed together, and if I'd drift off, I'd suddenly wake up, feeling guilty and check to see if he was still breathing, it was a rough couple of... years.

This thing of Huggins sleeping in his bed has been a big deal. I've had to "let go" a little. All these mommy feelings I thought were about personality, really aren't. They're about position- I'm a mom. This stuff comes with the territory. The other thing I learned is that teaching kids takes time. You have to try something for a month to see if it works. I've been looking, not for a quick fix, but for a quick answer. I've been expecting some big giant neon signs to point me in the right direction. I felt that my experience as a nanny, coach, teacher should all help me in parenting, and maybe it has, but it doesn't mean that it's not still hard. It is.

What's lovely is: My husband and I have a huge king bed, all to ourselves, and the boy has a cute little red cowboy bed.

Snow Day

2012-01-16T11:55:00.000-08:00

The big snows of my childhood are filled with stories of blizzards and trees falling and hiking in groceries on a sled. I remember sliding off the roof of the garage into a bank of 5' snow. The snows of Huggins childhood are a big less dramatic but just as fun. Santa brought him a sled this year and he's been getting some good use out of it.

Jim's family moved here from the LA area the year that Jim and I were married, and until then had little experience with snow- being SoCal natives. They've acclimated pretty well, but there are still moments where it's clear that they're just not from around here. I find that kind of thing very amusing.

The neighborhood kids and I are hoping that school is cancelled tomorrow. :) Keep your fingers crossed!

What if I don't want to have my ass kicked?

2012-01-03T15:11:00.000-08:00

I am in the middle of a master's program that is for me a liberal arts major is very challenging. I am relearning much of the math I've forgotten over the years and doing ok, but not cruising along in Chemistry. I'm attempting to add an endorsement to my run-of-the-mill Elementary Ed Degree, and become a high school (with the possibility of college) chemistry teacher.

I enjoy science and was and am always interested in how things work, what the universe is made of, etc. But at this point in my life (mother, wife, teacher, landlord) and I able to tackle this? If I elect to get a MA in ELL or Instructional Design or something similar, will I always look back on the program as a failure, or something that could have been? My father always encouraged me that I could do whatever I wanted, and I believe him to be true, but is this what I want- in perspective to everything else I want?

Here's what I want: I want to enjoy my life. I find that I sometimes get frustrated with my son because I feel the pressure of working and he wants me to play (which is something else I feel pressure to do). I want to be a good wife. I want to have the energy to do many other things that interest me. I think teaching is what I want to do with my life, it seems to fit my personality, though I'm not completely sure that I will always want to teach the same level of student and may be interested in getting into adult ed. I think I am at least kind of interested in getting a PhD at some point. I may consider principaling (maybe). I want to have time to read and write and take yoga and have another baby and spend time with my husband and children. I want to make the home life for them that I missed out on. I may be interested in teaching in another country when my kids are bigger or grown.

I have always been a bit of a grasshopper, and wanted to work less than the fun I have. I skated through much of my education, and honestly, I'd like to continue to skate. Just something I'm thinking about.

RIP Chrismas, 2011

2011-12-29T09:26:00.000-08:00

Wow, I'm glad that Christmas is over. I'm not grinch or anything. I try to make sure that everyone's christmas lands some where between magical and not over indulgent. I bake, I take my family to church, we attend the annual family festivities. But- it's a pain to keep everyone happy all the time, and to mitigate inter-family relationships, to negotiate, to put some of my needs on the back burner, and I'm always relieved when it's over.

When I was growing up it was almost always me and my dad, and thus pretty mellow. If you wanted to have something different for dinner, you could. This has it's good and bad points. On the one hand, I'm creating family traditions out of thin air in hopes that my children feel like we did things together during the holidays. On the other hand, I don't feel any pressure to continue to make great aunt Martha's candied yams even though no one likes candied yams, just because they've been present at the Christmas table for the last 50 years. My husband's family does not come from the same place I do. The proverbial yams are present as well as the pressure to produce them.

The step child situation also presents it's issues, mainly related to the pressure to do something everyday that is fun and memorable as she's not here everyday like our son is, days we often "take off" from doing anything organized or high pressure. We did attempt to go sledding at Mount Baker, I organized the shebang including the 3 year old, the 13 year old and a friend of said 13 year old, several sleds and gear and lunches and the dog. On the way up to the mountain the 3 year old threw up in his car seat. The girls were (as 13 year olds generally are) not much help, and we bagged the trip and went home. After that, it was a crappy day. I tried to make sure that everyone was having fun, and took the girls to the mall, leaving potentially puking son with husband, who has a real issue with vomit. He did not vomit, and was fine the rest of the day, but everyone's day had been thrown. It was the low point of my holiday season.

So now, I am planning a new year's eve party for friends with small children who don't get to go out. The families are coming together and the kids will have a play area, we will have potluck dinner and (hopefully) dancing. I've been working on the awesome sound track for several days already.

Here's to a fabulous 2012.

My son, the tyrant.

2011-12-19T15:04:00.000-08:00

I'm going to just lay it out here. I'm pissed.

My son is driving me crazy. He will not hold my hand in the parking lot, he will not climb into his car seat, he will not eat his lunch, or drink his water, he will not clean up toys, he will not stop pulling on my clothes, he will not talk to me, he will not play nice, he will not.

He will scream in my face. He will kick me in time out. He will squirm out of my arms, he will argue. He will push me and pull me. He will hit the dog on the head (completely unprovoked). He will wake up at 6am and while I'm half dozing on the couch he will climb on me. He will eat 5 cookies while no one is looking.

I have completely had it. I'm trying new things and patience right now does not seem possible. I am trying to be calm, and patient. But I feel the frustration running through my veins. And because I cannot hate my son, I hate everyone else. That's right, my husband, my friends and you: happy couple who's high fiveing at the play gym. You. I hate you because you seem so happy and in control. It's not funny. I hate you mother of baby. I hate you because mothers who do not have toddler + children are the same, smug happy people that I used to be- imagining that you will do it right, avoid the pitfalls that we the "less experienced, educated, whatever" mothers seem to have fallen victim to. That some how you're using your superior mother powers to will your children to be perfect and never experience the rough times that (as the more experienced mother, I can tell) are in everyone's future.

-Grumpy Mom

Resembling the Original: Truck v. Bus

2011-11-13T19:07:00.001-08:00

Today, I sold the old pick-up. She still runs good, but the family doesn't fit in her anymore. Tonight Huggins fell asleep at the table. I hope his run till he drops phase is over soon. And I hope it's a phase. Pearl is here for 4 days and is thinking she'll be back next weekend as well. Everybody says the end of an era, and as far as I loved the truck- I didn't, but it was reliable, but as far as shedding the materials of my pre-marriage self, it is something.

We're purchasing something interesting in the truck's place: 1969 VW Bus. The VW is something both Jim and I wanted. We each had one when we were growing up (though in radically different decades!). It will be an interesting, fun, family project for us. And it will have seats for all the kids. Finding seat-belts however, will prove interesting (and important!).

The night before we went to see the bus, I had a dream that my husband was in love with someone else and had bought her a ring and intended to move with her back into our beloved house. This is the complete opposite of the kind of husband Jim is, because apart from his high moral fiber, it would just make him nervous.

I mentioned this dream to him as we were driving to Deming to check out the new bus. He asked me if the dream might be more about what I am thinking about. I rejected this theory, as I intend to be married to Jim forever, but it did get me thinking. In my dream, I felt a lot of fear, and I think that Jim in my mind represents safety and consistency. He sets the pace in our life, he keeps me steadily working in the right direction. I think my dream was about my loosing my safety in him, maybe it was more about selling "my" truck and investing that money into a family mobile, that I am now less independent than I was. It is interesting as we become spouses and parents how our single personalities become family personalities.

As I am doing this with out seeing the example growing up, I do feel like I'm discovering this on my own. I feel good that I'm creating something that only exists in my mind. Like trying to draw a recalled image, if I squint just right, I can see that it resembles the original. T

Life as a trip to Disneyland. It will end.

2011-11-07T17:26:00.000-08:00

I work constangly to accept the bitter parts of life in addition to the sweet. Life is ugly and gritty and raw in addition to being sweet and wonderful. It's ok. In light of that, I accept my own mortality and have no illusions that somehow I and my loved ones will escape death. The world as we know it has been here long before us and will continue relativley unchanged after we are gone. You will die. I will die. It's ok, that's what's supposed to happen.

In light of that, I intend to treat life as I would a weekend trip to disney land- I intend to pack as many experiences into my stay as possible, to eat good snacks to keep me going, go to bed at a reasonable hour (in order to be ready for the next day and to rise early and get started.

For example, I believe I will categorically refuse to put off experiences. I may, after all die at any time. Accidents happen. So, my husband and I will have another baby. We will get a doggy. We will work hard, and have a satisfying life. I will finish as much college as I humanly can, and continually work for what we want to acheive in life, because we are not in charge of the getting off point. Back to work.

The Pit of Lonely & My Donkey

2011-10-20T21:26:00.000-07:00

Tonight we decorated the house for Huggins 3rd Birthday Party. We put up spider webs and pretended to be on our way to "Huggins House" an "I wonder what it'll look like" and "I wonder if Huggins will have cake and balloons and presents?"

As I was tucking him into bed, I told him about a stuffed donkey that I had as a child, and about all the hugs and love I had given it over the years when I was sad or lonely or missed my mom or my dad. Huggins liked this conversation, and he asked if he could sleep with my donkey and have some hugs from him too. I do still have the donkey and I intend to find it for him to sleep with.

This discussion of the donkey made me think of my own growing up and how morose it was. My favorite memories were of spending time at other people's houses- such as my grandparents who'd had 9 children, like The Hedgpeth's who'd had 4, my other friends whose parents were together. I remember a pit of lonely in my belly all the time. I always missed somebody. Even now, neither of my parents are too interested in my son and my family though I am blessed to have married into an attentive sister and mother in law.

Today my mother called. I am through trying to explain her, because I don't understand her myself-and that's the truth. She called I believe to check in and to tell me that she's sending money for me to buy Huggins some presents from her. She asked about my job at the school of hard knocks, and I began telling her, but as so often happens, she moved the conversation on to her somehow. I made a joke about her always making everything about her (which really isn't a joke) and she ended up talking to me about an argument (she's still not over) she had with my dad 15 years ago. She talks to me about these things like I'm against her, and really, my whole life, I just wanted family that liked each other and was a bit more fun. I said, "I don't want to talk about this, I don't want to talk about this!" And then I raised my voice and said, "THIS DOESN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH ME!" and then she hung up.

And frankly, the way I feel about both of my parents is this: You weren't very good. I don't know how I'll fare, but for completely different reasons you both fucked up and I got pushed away and around and denied the experience of living in a family, and that's all I ever wanted was people to love and to be loved by.

I'm your basic accident. I am the product of a girl who was sewing her wild oats, and a man that wanted to follow the rainbow. It is not to say that I don't think my mom and dad are interesting people, what I mean to say is that neither of them wanted to be parents- neither of them ever had any more children, and neither of them wanted to be together- they split when I was 2.

As I grew up I tried and failed to ever become attached to any of my respective parents' spouses. My mom was married again three times and my father has been in two official marriages and so many other "serious" relationships I've lost count. Growing up I felt included into a family and then I'd never see them again. I have memories of step-siblings, cousins and grandparents whom I can no longer name, and haven't heard anything of them in a decade. I have always been the outsider- welcome, but never a true part of anything.

I have embarrassing memories of asking new "members" of the family if they loved me. I remember the uncomfortable moment when they struggled to say something they did not feel.

I have tried to make the best of my adulthood. It is true that I got a rocky start and college was tough for me for a while. I was unprepared and supporting myself and navigating the rocky channels of higher education all on my own. I was careful not to have children with men I knew I couldn't live a lifetime with. I chose a careful family man with a home and a career and a name for himself. I tried to be the best wife I could. I have tried to do everything as right as possible. So far, I have succeeded. My degree is finished, I have a license to teach and hope to be offered a contracted position somewhere. My husband is wonderful, and kind and a good parent, and unlikely (cross your fingers) to leave me for a strumpet. My son is 3- and smart and strong and funny. He's one year older than I was when my parents split up.

When my husband and I disagree and say things we probably shouldn't. I never say I will leave him. I am a good and reasonable and fair person. He is a kind and sweet person, we are kind to each other, and though we piss one another off now and again, there is no reason that we shouldn't be able to live the rest of our lives together and have a happy and secure family. (Cross your fingers)

The pit of lonely is still there. I still see constantly that people are not great to each other, that we choose unwisely and do not make sacrifices for our children and those we love. Sacrifices should be made and I must remind myself of this as well lest I do as I constantly fear and take after my parents- and put myself first.

2011-10-08T12:35:00.000-07:00

This old house is our new hobby. We are sprucing the old gal. Getting her ready for renters Summer 2012. She's getting a coat of paint on the outside, and a coat of paint on the inside. Her carpets are being removed and her floors are getting refinished. The old pipes are being replaced and the kitchen is being re-thought. This gal is going to help us make it through the recession and we are sweet-talking her every chance we get.

The porch is one of my favorite spots. Sitting out in the rocking chair at night with a blanket and a book or waking up with coffee in the predawn hours, waiting for the sun to crest the tops of the trees are reflective and important.

Even though I know that the Iron Street house is just a stop on the way back to our real house, it feels good to be here. I miss The Atomic House like crazy, I can't wait to get my hands back in the dirt (Huggins wants a goat, Jim said we could have chickens), but working on this place feels like progress made toward home.

The 99%

2011-10-07T15:34:00.001-07:00

Of course I am part of the 99%, but I'm glad that other people are starting to see themselves as part of that as well. We have been so divided by differing issues, and told repeatedly by those who try to take advantage that it's not you I'm talking about, it's some other poor creature. You're doing ok. We're not ok, we need some attention and focus on the everyman.

We have figured out a way to basically live in our home without having the mortgage come out of our pocket, but holding on to everything, and I am officially (under) employed. I desperately want a classroom of my own, and am working hard to make that a reality while I work on my MA. I will complete this temporary position and then be on the open market again December 1st.

The Department of Health and Human Services

2011-08-25T10:24:00.001-07:00

Dear Inhuman Social Worker,

I came to your office so that my son would be able to see the dentist to take care of a bad tooth. I have never had money, my parents never had money and I have worked very hard in my life to be where I am- a college graduate, a teacher, sitting in your cubicle, looking at photographs of your two sons and watching you fail to ever acknowledge my son, who sits in front of you.

Yes, my husband and I own two houses, technically. Yes, it does seem odd that a family who owns two houses would be here looking for state medical benefits for a dependent. I agree. Our income is very limited at the moment, remember the economic crisis, where public employees have trouble getting/keeping jobs?

Ok, I lied to you, you're right. It's true that we are fortunate to have my husband's mother to occasionally save our skins. This is not income. It is in no way ours and we have no guarantee of it's receipt. Please stop looking at me like that. I have 200 bucks in my checking account and I know it might look like we have money, we do not. Please understand that all I am asking for is medical coverage for my son. I'm not asking for money or food or even medical coverage for my husband and myself (though god knows we could use it). I'm sorry that you don't trust me now, and you'd like to go through my financial records with a fine toothed comb. I wish I hadn't mentioned my Mother-In-Law at all.

When I went out to the car, holding my son's hand, I started to tear up. I cried hard- not because I give a shit about what you think of me, but because all my efforts all this time I've spent locating documents and filling out applications has not gotten me one step closer to taking care of my son. I just want to make sure that my son is safe and healthy and gets the benefit of growing up like that. There must be an interesting middle ground of people who's children actually get poorer medical coverage because their parents have access to slightly more money. Poor little rich kid.

Insecurities

2011-08-20T13:10:00.001-07:00

Life in general is very frightening right now. This house project has been great and will turn out to be a really good thing for us but has been financially very draining at a time when funds are especially low. I've been noticing a general feeling of insecurity, related to child and family safety. I'm double checking locked windows and doors and bending over Huggins while he sleeps

and watching his chest rise and fall.

I never thought of myself as nervous or anxious, but this recent time period of being unsettled, moving, renting and doing it all with a young child, has made me realize what a worrier I can be.

I think I also understand what my chubb is related to. I think I've been thinner during fatter-financially fatter times, and fatter during the lean years. It must be related to my general insecurity growing up in two struggling house holds. My dad is amazing, and has reinvented himself successfully countless times, and has even made a good deal of money occasionally, though he always was searching for something, and never felt satisfied to sit tight and be comfortable.

I have struggled though my adulthood. Mostly related to being a student (which I still am!) I hope though that I am able toake it out of this stage of my life and provide a more stable financial example for mu son. I hope I will even be able to provide the opportunity for huggins to never struggle as my family has struggled. Financial struggle has prevented me from exploring tue world and perhaps fully appreciating and contributing to our global exsistence. I hope that when Huggins graduates from high school I can take him someplace amazing, and help him transition from child to adult the way that I needed help.

The Rentals.

2011-07-01T19:30:00.001-07:00

The oddity is: my husband and I own two houses in Bellingham, both pretty nice comfortable homes, but we can't afford to live in either of them, so we're renting them.

I think because of my age or my blondness or the fact that I'm a woman, potential tenants don't take me very seriously. I'm having Jim (who fails in none of the previous categories) deal with all potential tenants.

I do have the impressive task of redoing the walls in the rental's bathroom. I shall be removing wall paper, cleaning nasty mold and painting. And what fun it shall be. All the while, my school work stagnates. C'est Lavie. I shall get along ok, eventually.

Summer Kid's Movies at Bellis Fair- Bring your ear plugs.

2011-06-28T12:44:00.000-07:00

I had a heck of a time finding this on-line, so I'm reposting. Free Summer Kid's Movies are now $1, thanks Corporate America.

SUMMER MOVIE EXPRESS

Welcome to Regal's Summer Movie Express 2011. Moviegoers of all ages can climb aboard to enjoy a great selection of films. During this 9-week festival, select Regal Cinemas, United Artists and Edwards Theatres will offer selected G or PG rated movies for only a dollar on Tuesdays and Wednesdays at 10:00am.

BELLIS FAIR 6

#5 Bellis Fair Parkway Bellingham WA 360-676-2280

see dates and movies

6/28-6/29 (10am)
CHRONICLES OF NARNIA

TALE OF DESPEREAUX

7/5-7/6 (10am)

CATS AND DOGS: REVENGE

MEGAMIND

7/12-7/13 (10am)

ALPHA AND OMEGA

DIARY OF A WIMPY KID

7/19-7/20 (10am)

CHARLOTTE'S WEB

PERCY JACKSON & THE OLYMPIANS

7/26-7/27 (10am)

FURRY VENGEANCE

SHREK FOREVER AFTER

8/2-8/3 (10am)

KIT KITTREDGE

LEGEND OF THE GUARDIANS

8/9-8/10 (10am)

GULLIVERS TRAVEL

HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON

8/16-8/17 (10am)

MARMADUKE

PIRATES WHO DON'T DO ANYTHING

8/23-8/24 (10am)

DESPICABLE ME

NANNY MCPHEE RETURNS

8/30-8/31 (10am)

RAMONA & BEEZUS

YOGI BEAR

I thought we were supposed to be the middle class?

2011-06-25T14:35:00.000-07:00

This blog has lost it's wings. It began like every other mommy blog. I was just chronicalling what it felt like to be pregnant and the process of having a young child. I still have a young child, he's getting close to three now, and he's great and I love him, but I'm finding myself unsatisfied by just continually posting family updates. Life is more than just the process and happenings of reproduction, creating new generations to then, what-blog about their own children?

And, honestly, I'm tired of pretending that things are just peachy. In reality, we're supposed to be the middle class, my husband and I. Jim is an artist and a teacher and has an MFA from CalArts, one of the most prestigious art schools in the country, he's famous for some of his album covers, Bellingham Wikipedia lists him as a resident of note. I am a teacher who graduated in December, I've applied for HUNDREDS of teaching jobs here, at home and across the country. Flew to New Orleans and interviewed twice in the last week for a total of 3 interviews in 6 months and I'm unemployed. I have excellent references, test scores, evaluations, I'm continuing my education to get a MA in Chemistry, and nothing. My husband and I own two lovely houses in Bellingham and we can't afford to live in either of them.

This greater depression we're in the middle of is real, it's not pretend and no amount of coverage of Anthony Weiner or Sarah Palin, or Hockey will make it go away. I'm really tired of pretending that everything is just fine. I think that's what's missing from this depression that the last one had. I think during the last depression, people knew it was happening. So, guess what, I will be accepting where we're at, and figuring out how not to loose everything we have while this thing gets figured out.

This blog just got real.

Dear Landlord,

2011-06-22T19:45:00.000-07:00

This letter is in response and in leu of your questionnaire received due to our notice to vacate. My husband and I are both teachers, both of us have graduate degrees and are property owners/landlords our selves, needed to move home to take care of some personal matters. After living at X Apartments, I have some feedback that did not seem to fit on the form.

The managerial staff, Jessica & Nick, while prompt with responses, have not been completely professional. They made a mistake on our lease and instead of explaining to us why they’d like us to come and sign a new lease, they left a note on our door in CAPITAL LETTERS ordering us to come and sign a new lease by a certain date- no explanation. When I asked why we needed to sign a new lease, they explained with out saying there was an error on their part, or apologizing for the inconvenience. When I declined, they sent another notice, again in CAPITAL LETTERS, with a deadline date. I asked them point blank if I was required by law to sign another lease (I knew already that I was not), and they simply stopped replying to my e-mails. If they had politely asked us, and acknowledged the inconvenience then we would have happily obliged. (Nick was the one who made the initial error and I believe that all the e-mails were from Jessica).

I had an issue with the dishwasher, it worked but did not wash reasonably dirty dishes. The repair guy came the same day and was very friendly. He said that it was going through all it’s cycles and didn’t see anything fixable. He recommended a brand of dishwasher soap that was not biodegradable, which we of course, didn’t purchase and left. The problem was never solved and my husband and I decided it was easier to wash all our dishes by hand, and haven’t used it since.

For every set of stairs (12 apartments, 20-30 residents), there are 2 bike parking places, I think that is very ecologically irresponsible. Every apartment has a car parking place and there are additional parking places for guest’s cars, bikers should be treated with the same (if not more) respect.

Recycling/Garbage area is quite filthy. There are an insufficient amount of recycling containers (residential sized recycling for paper, plastics, cans)-We were instructed to throw any additional recycling away (irresponsible). We were instructed that garbage MUST be placed in a plastic bag prior to putting in the trash compactor (creating unnecessary additional waste in the landfill). These practices are not ecologically sound, and did not seem to contribute to a clean garbage area- it is still rather disgusting.

The Grounds: the gardeners come very often, but I have never seen anyone cleaning in the common areas. The stairways and walkways are not clean. My young child needs to hold on to the railing when ascending/descending the stairs, but afterwards his hands are filthy. From your perspective- if the railings are too filthy to touch, fewer people will use them making it more likely that someone will fall and sue you.

When the pool opened on Memorial Day we received a list of rules in CAPITAL LETTERS WITH EXCLAMATION POINTS AT THE END OF EVERY SENTENCE! Mostly talking about how to keep the pool clean. Then, thinking that surely with this kind of attitude the pools must be very clean- my son and I went to swim in the pool. The pool was filthy. It was filled with duck poop and had lots of debris floating in the water. I did not feel comfortable allowing my son to swim in the water, and we have not gone back.

Rules: My husband and I own a mellow 75 pound dog, who is obviously over the 30 lb weight limit, we were not allowed to bring him although he is the least destructive, quietest dog I’ve ever met. We were very sad to have to leave him with family while my husband taught here. After moving in we noticed that there are many dogs living here that are similar in size to our dog- well over the 30 pound weight limit. Many of the rules that the complex has (and there are MANY) do not seem to be enforced. Also, there are many, many people who smoke in this building and on the grounds, which, we were told was not allowed on the property.

Notices: I know I have mentioned many times the notices that we have received. I have not found them to address the tenants in a respectful manner. This is not a particularly inexpensive place to live and the residents here are adults with respectable positions and it is not necessary to talk down to them or order them around. Capitol letters and exclamation points are disrespectful and unprofessional and I think, creates and adversarial relationship between tenant and manager or landlord, especially when it is clear that the manager is not following through with their duties as far as grounds up keep/ following up with contract breaches/rule breakers.

We have been landlords for quite a few years and we have always found that a respectful attitude is reciprocated, that allowing people to have the pets that are part of their family is important and we have never had a problem with tenant or pet. I understand that you are a corporation and not a small landlord with few properties such as we are, but I notice a lot of turnover here, and understand that that is one of the most expensive parts of being a landlord. If X Properties could be a little more professional, responsible and a little more respectful, I’m certain you’d have more long term tenants who really felt that this was their home.

We need to go back to Washington for the summer, but upon our return in the fall, we will not be moving into X Apartments. I have been greatly disappointed by the experience of living here and I would not recommend living here to a friend.

Distractions: An Explaination

2011-06-12T19:59:00.000-07:00

I've had some major distractions. We were freaking out about money and employment and stuff- you heard all about that. And, I got accepted to a program at Portland State University, and I was pretty thrown. My husband and I really loved the idea of living on campus and getting to do the whole in-person college thing, and actually, officially, I'm still considering it until sometime tomorrow night when my husband will demand a decision. (I'm an options kinda gal, and he's a planner so I talk possibilities and he makes plans.

The problem with Portland state is it's an ESL MA program, it wouldn't expand my grades- it would still be k-8 (really k-6). and even though it would be interesting, this chemistry thing is just so satisfying. So, unofficially, the plan is that we return to Bellingham, WA and sell our houses, because we really do want to leave there, and I'll continue in this MA Chem Ed program, and sub up there (I'm already on all the lists). I hope I am making the right decision. I want to leave this program and have a damned (excuse moi) job already. Maybe through my sub work I can meet some people, snag a science gig somewhere. I am really ready to work.

I tell you all the above so you understand what's up. I can work fairly quickly through things (generally- we'll see about the calc), but when I lag it's because somethings' up.

Of course, any reassurance you can give me helps. :) Somethings gotta happen or I'm going to end up living on the street teaching toothless guys for moldy blankets.

Thanks for help and encouragement. I'm back to work now.

My Feet

2011-05-17T14:33:00.000-07:00

You know, normally, I am a person who is confidently moving in the direction which I am supposed to move. I can tell, I can feel that I'm supposed to be doing what I am doing. Lately I can't seem to feel the path with my feet. I'm wondering somewhere in the woods, and I have no idea which direction I'm supposed to me moving in.

I felt confidently that we were supposed to leave Bellingham. I felt that we were going to find opportunities elsewhere, and indeed, Jim has this teaching gig and has been offered a couple of summer classes, but the future after that is hazy, as it often is for adjunct faculty during an economic downturn. I felt that "the force" was propelling me from Bellingham and into a world of possibility and fun.

I am not sure now what's up. I'm not particularly happy at the moment, and that could be due to a variety of factors including feeling guilty that my toddler doesn't have a yard in which to ride his bike or that when I look out my windows I often see cars driving past, or that I miss my doggy terribly (though I feel confident that he is perfectly happy and being well taken care of by my dog-loving mother-in-law who has nothing to do but pet doggies), or that I don't have a vehicle here (we decided to try one-car-ing-it), or that I miss my bike and guitar. I wouldn't say that I miss Bellingham, but I miss my previous existence, and I feel that as a parent it is my job to provide Huggins with outdoor play space and a doggy, so I am feeling guilty about that.

And, I thought I'd be teaching (at least subbing) by now. I'm being held hostage by the Teaching Practices Commission who is so far behind they're maybe gonna have my cred to me by the fall.

It's like I have this wealth of data and I'm not able to analyze it because I'm not sure what the graph looks like, so I don't know what any thing MEANS right now. I keep thinking, huh, I wonder what that means. For example: We ALMost sold one of our houses, they signed all the paperwork and we got to the very very very end, and right before the escrow/closing date phase they backed out. They had to give up their earnest money and everything. But what does that mean? Jim and I are talking about the possibility of moving back (temporarily) to this house and turning it into a duplex (can be done with one shower and a door), and working on both houses-painting etc.. I wonder if it is even a good move to sell the houses. That's another topic altogether. Certainly we'd make more money on the rental if it was a duplex and if Jim didn't have fall or winter classes, we could live in Bellingham for 6 months.. Hmmm...

And what's up with my lack of employment? I know it's only been 4 months since I got my credential, and I'm a brand new teacher and no one is hiring, but I'm not even being interviewed. Hmm.. Interesting, I wonder what it means.

In good news: My Dad with cancer is taking a drug that is shrinking his tumor- go dad! and I've found a glorious community center, part of Portland Parks & Recs and I LOVE it, they have two lovely pools, free drop in Yoga, Pilates, Zumba, Dance classes and cheap drop in childcare. Simply GLORious.

Master's at Coffee University

2011-05-15T17:30:00.000-07:00

In our modern world, I'm spending most of my study time at varying coffee shops, or the library (which has a coffee shop). But, as my dad says, a hundred bucks spends the same whether you work your ass off for it, or find it on the ground.

Huggins and I have spent the last 2.5 hours at Papaccino's Kid-friendly coffee house in SE Portland. The only complaint I have is that they're playing commercial radio- which sucks, and I plan to suggest a Pandora Station. They might eventually drive me away if they can't find some CDs or something.

Here's a picture of Huggins hard at work, helping me finish my degree.
I found the most glorious swimming pool/rec club at SW Community Center. It's rad. And I joined and they have MANY free (for members) drop in classes including Yoga, Pilates and Zumba. I plan to look fabulous very soon.

Meet: The URINATOR!

2011-04-26T15:00:00.000-07:00

My blogging has suffered, possibly because of this little pisser. I'm on my second day of laundry and I still have 2 or 3 loads left. This little guy can pee man. Yesterday I washed and changed the sheets on our bed because he'd peed in it, and last night he somehow pulled off peeing in his bed and then getting in our bed and peeing in that too.

So, ladies and gentleman, I present to you The Urinator. If ever a need arises- if ever a large amount of toddler pee can save you- call this guy.

In other news: Jim's classes are going well, Huggins is doing great, and I'm starting my Master's program on Monday. Happy Easter Everybody.

Daily Adventure: Ride the Tram & Street Car!

2011-03-24T14:26:00.000-07:00

An Apartment: The truth

2011-03-23T19:56:00.000-07:00

The truth is: It's not bad.

We've moved from a home we own in Bellingham, WA- now rented, into a third-floor apartment on the outskirts of Portland. I thought it might be kind of depressing to be under the thumb of a property management after being in charge (and being landlords) all this time, but the truth is it's ok.

Today, I was reading another Malcome Gladwell favorite while the lawn guys mowed and did trimming and leaf blowing- rad. And, you know who stays clean? Apartment people. I swear to god, this place is sparkling. My theory is that the dirt is three stories down and there isn't any between my covered parking place and my apartment door. I think I might buy a condo one day.

We are of course, immediately starting to scope Portland Neighborhoods for our next place. We're moving out of here September 15th, so we can have our doggy and live closer to cool stuff in PDX.

We left our other kid in Washington State with her mom, but we're only 4.5 hours away, so we plan to see her at least every month, and more in the summer and on breaks. She's coming down here for her spring break and I'm already planning LOTs of fun stuff to do with a fun 12 year old. I'm planning to take her to the amusement park and to the capitol, shopping and more. I'm *this* close to buying Katy Perry tickets for us in July. We'll see..

I plan to post on fun things in Portland, since I've been waiting all this time for an adventure. No doubt I'll be complaining about grad school and my toddler, cat, husband etc.

Next time I'll tell you about the odd-smoker-apartment people living across the street from us. They seem to stare at the windows like they're watching TV, which might be all they do...

Looking Up: Lots of Pictures!

2011-03-23T19:34:00.000-07:00

We're starting to feel like we really live here, and are even starting to enjoy it!
Today Huggins and I went with my friend-0f-10-years Chloe and her two year old buddy to Oaks Amusement Park on the river in Portland. It was SO rad. We rode the train and the carousel before it was nap time. Tomorrow we're going to ride the tram and the street car! I can't wait. I'm REALLY excited about the zoo and visiting other rad parks in Portland.
Here's Huggins on one of his many mini train rides.
Riding the Dragon- wait isn't that a drug reference? Rest assured, we rode the actual dragon.
Here's our cat George. He is not a good substitute for Snoopy-Dog, who sadly is staying with Jim's mom until September, when we'll be moving again.
Huggins has finally adjusted to his room and we have things worked out pretty well. When he says "lets go home" now he's talking about our apartment, not our house on King Street. :)

We're a nice little walk from Cook Park, which has a pretty cool playground. Jim and Huggins whooped it up!

Petting the dog.
Some of us are cooler than others.
Murrroww..... Murroooowwww.. darned cats.
Traveling in style.
Huggins and his paper Uhaul. They're "free" if you pay for a $300 dollar Uhaul.

More to come. Pictures from the Sky-Tram tomorrow!

Well, We moved.

2011-03-20T17:22:00.000-07:00

We are now officially Oregonians. It's good and troublesome. I'll catch you up on the move later.

Now that we are in our apartment, 3rd floor, very nice with a little deck, I am feeling lost and moderately aggravated. I spent the first 48 hours that we were here worrying about how Huggins was adjusting and trying to find stuff. Now that I've discovered what is in all the boxes, I am struggling to figure out what to do and how to get it done. I suppose what I need is to start working everyday, at least while Huggins naps. Jim is working very hard to get ready for his class that starts a week from Monday, and I need to use what precious hours I am given to get things done on my end. I need to get my Oregon Teaching License before I can begin to get on the substitute lists. So that's first. I just feel like I need to get my feet on the ground.

I am going to go into Portland tomorrow to see an old friend, so that will be fun. But then I am thinking that I will promptly return home to work while Huggins sleeps.

I had to leave Snoopy with Jim's mom for the length of our lease (6months) and I'm very sad about it. I keep looking at leftovers after dinner and thinking that I'll feed them to Snoopy... but he's not here *sniff. George, my dad's cat is here, and he is NOT a good replacement.

I am starting my master's program soon, but I'm not quite ready yet.

I don't have a desk yet, so I'm sitting at part of the dining room table, which blows.

But it is new here, and that's interesting, and we are saving some money and Jim does have a teaching job. I guess I'm just waiting for things to get going and settled again-maybe so I can spend my time exploring?

Check in with you soon.