As usual, when I’m about to get my hair done, I seek the opinions of my internet girls who don’t actually ever get to see my hair in person. Makes perfect sense to me! I don’t see the problem.

I do value all your stylish little thoughts and would love to hear what you think would look best on me. Except don’t say bald. I will ignore and then kill you.

The current scraggly state of my grown-out ombré craziness:

YEESH. It’s basically been forever since I’ve had my hair cut or colored, hence the ragged state. (Also, hi. I rode a see-saw with my entire family on Mother’s Day.)

Here are my requirements for the next ‘do:

1) I keep it somewhat long because it’s taken FOREVER to grow and I’m finally happy with the length.

2) I stay in the brown family, but as far as high/low lights go, I’m down for anything.

3) To bang or not to bang? That is the question.

Here are a few ideas I’ve been throwing around:

Give me all her makeup too, kthx.

Probably not getting bangs that short though.

So to be clear, we’re choosing between a bunch of long brown hairstyles that all look the same. Unless you can blow my mind with something entirely different. As long as it wouldn’t make me look like Bon Qui Qui, I’ll probably be up for it since I take advice from the internet on everything in life.

Let’s do this!

It’s been a while, internet.

So I know that no one likes to hear “Sorry, I’ve just been SO busy lately!” under any circumstance, but it seems to make people especially stabby when it’s coming from a stay at home mom. I can recognize why that would be extremely annoying. Like, Morgan, we all know you’re just sitting on the couch playing Scramble with Friends and drinking your almond milk while your kids are beating each other over the head with pink pool noodles. So shuttup.

That just happened, actually…

(Never mind the classy bachelor lamp in the corner that my husband has owned since about 1998.)

*whiny voice* But guuuuuuysssss. I have just been SOOO busy lately.

I know you’re making the Michael-hates-Toby face at me right now. Stabs are welcome.

OKAY WOW. This post is already all over the place. I knew this was going to happen.

So back to the ‘busy’ thing. A few weeks ago, I decided to take a break from the internet to spend more quality time with my kids. It’s called Mommy Guilt and I seem to catch a giant case of it nearly every time I sit down at the computer while my kids are awake. I can’t help it. I feel like I’m neglecting them and it’s just not a great feeling to be… feeling. I know I have an online “life” to keep up with, but sometimes it’s really awesome to step away for a while. So these periods of silence on Mrs. Priss, Facebook, Twitter and email… that’s me off trying to be a better mom. I’ll find that balance eventually, but for now, it’s all my little stressed out brain can handle.

Other than trying to keep these two crazy kids entertained and this house clean (I sense you judging me by that photo above), I’ve been exercising like a mofo. Every night when Maddie and Jack go to bed, Justin and I clear out the living room and prepare to get all sweaty. Don’t be a perv. We’re in our 3rd week of this brutal, fetal-position-inducing workout program called Insanity.

I’m aiming to look something like that big black guy in the middle. Nbd. I think I’d wear that look well.

ANYWHO, what’s new with youuuu? Anyone want to shave my legs for me? I can pay you in sweaty hugs. Aaaand that’s my cue to stop writing.

So the kids and I just got back from a little place I like to call Hell (our local dollar store). We set out to take a short relaxing walk around the neighborhood since the weather is so lovely today and returned home an hour and a half later, sweaty and looking like we had just been caught in a wind tunnel. I have pictures as proof, but I’ll get to that later.

We stopped at Starbucks and got the kids a cake pop, to which I stared longingly after each slow, slobbery bite they took. Is that a sentence? I don’t even… whatever.

I almost remember what it was like to eat those. sob.

We walked over to the grocery store and bought some more apples for my juicing stuff. Maddie made friends with the cashier and Jack wore my sunglasses the whole time. Nothing too exciting.

THEN. The Dollar Tree. Now, I don’t have anything against dollar stores in general, but the one in our new neighborhood is, how do you say? Crackhead ridden. Something weird always happens when I’m in a dollar store and today was no exception.

First off, while I was looking at toilet bowl cleaner (it’s important, yo), an old man of the crackhead variety mowed me down while on his quest for popsicles. He rammed into me and I let out an actual squeal. He said something that sounded like, “whoopsie lady” and continued on to the refrigerator. While in line at the checkout, I saw him again and he gave me a flirty snaggle-toothed grin. Charming fellow.

In an effort to look busy and not make any more eye contact with Snaggles because it was quite unenjoyable, I took two steps to the left to look at sunflower seeds. I felt the woman behind me step up next to the stroller. I could smell her breath, she was so close. As soon as I turned to look at her with my “get outta my bubble” face, I noticed she was eyeballin my wallet. What the heck, man. I paid for my toilet bowl cleaner and some random princess wand Maddie just had to have and turned to run out the door. BUT I COULDN’T FIND IT. There were bunches and bunches of fake flowers as far as the eye could see, but NO DOOR. I finally found it hiding behind the blue “roses”, but g’lawd, those 10 seconds were terrifying. I thought I’d be locked in there forever with old Snaggles and Neck Breather.

The walk home took forever, but the kids were happy. It started getting windy and I could see Jack’s little tuft of hair blowing everywhere. Then he started barking and continued for the next 15 minutes until we were in the house. WHERE A BEE WAS WAITING FOR US. I shooed it out the door and started getting Jack ready for his nap when it APPEARED AGAIN. The stupid bee wouldn’t let up and it’s still hiding somewhere in here. I keep looking over my shoulder, all paranoid-like.

Anyway, all that to say, I took a picture after we walked in the door from The Dollar Tree/Snaggles/Wind Tunnel Adventure to show Justin how utterly beat up and sweaty I looked because he usually enjoys that.

That would be this photo:

Then I noticed the bee hovering 2 feet away from my face while snapping this one:

That’s all.

I was beyond excited when TheHairBowCompany.com sent a rather generous package of goodies for Maddie and I. Moms, LISTEN. If you have a little girl, this is your one stop shop for all the essentials. They offer the most adorable flower hair clips, headbands, tutus, fairy wings, hats, leg warmers… seriously, you name it, they have it. Everything is incredibly affordable and just plain cute!

Maddie has been wearing this purple Petti Skirt and refuses to take it off. She absolutely loves it and spins and twirls nonstop.

Isn’t it adorable?? And the flower hair clip just kills me.

Another one of our favorites is this super fun Korker bow. So colorful! And for $1.99, you seriously can’t beat it.

I can now tell you from experience, that the wonderful things I’ve heard about their customer service is true. They are amazing, helpful and respond so quickly.

Now that I’ve full on gushed, I have a sweet deal for my sweet readers! For a 10% discount on your purchase, enter the coupon code “ohmorgosh”. This is valid through 5/15/12 and each customer can use it TWICE. Not too shabby! Now go get your little princess something fancy!

Feel free to Like TheHairBowCompany.com on Facebook and Follow them on Twitter for more girly goodness!

Day 1 through 3, I wanted to punch the face of all things. I would love to tell you how amazing you’ll feel the entire time and how you’ll be a little Energizer Bunny, ready to conquer the world. But those, my friend? Those would be lies from the pit of hell. Something I wasn’t aware of before I started this fast was how intense your crashes are and how quickly they happen when you’re drinking so much juice. You know the feeling of a sugar crash? Exhaustion, moodiness, hopelessness, hunger for something that will stick to your bones? Well, it’s basically that, except NO FOOD FOR YOU. And YAY, you get to drink more juice and experience it all over again! -_- I would say the crash happens about an hour and a half after you finish drinking, so yeah. It’s a pretty vicious cycle, those first few days.

Struggles I experienced:

• Watching TV was painful. The Food Network is just pure torture. Characters on your favorite shows eat meals together every 2 minutes. BEGGIN STRIPS COMMERCIALS. I kid you not, I was so desperate to chew on something solid, those Beggin Strips were looking mighty tasty. SICK.
• I’ve never been a big breakfast person, so this is totally weird to me, but I would wake up each morning and be like, CINNAMON ROLLS. The next day: FRENCH TOAST. The next day: BANANA NUTELLA SOMETHING. It was a huge disappointment when I realized I couldn’t eat what I was craving. It would seriously put me in the most cranky mood.
• I realized how much focus I put on meal time and how excited I get about the act of eating a meal. I was made aware of the bad habits I have surrounding food and eating. For example, I eat some sort of snack every night while watching TV. BAD MORGAN. While reading blogs, I usually have something crunchy to snack on. While I watch the kids play outside, I have something sweet to snack on. While taking a shower, I have… kidding. But really, are we seeing a trend? I am a serial snacker.
• Food plays tricks on your brain. There is so much psychological mumbo jumbo tied to it and when you can break yourself free of the hold it has on you, you’ll be much happier and healthier. I’m still working on that.
• Cleaning the juicer several times a day is just a pain in the butt.

It’s not ALL bad though, I promise!

That angry, grumpy, cranky feeling goes away after a few days. I know all those yucky feelings meant my body was going through a major detox. Plus, psychological issues are surfacing. At least, they did for me. I just kept visualizing everything nasty and gross being kicked out by all the nutrients I was shoving into my body. By Day 4, I was feeling great and had the mental and physical energy to do a legit workout. The next day, I did it again. My old happy, ALIVE self was coming back. I was feeling pretty proud and was eager to keep at it for the next week.

Pros I experienced:

• 7 pounds down on the scale (in a week)
• Normally bloated belly is flattening
• High energy levels after those initial detox days passed
• Much brighter and clearer skin
• Slept like a baby every single night and wasn’t groggy in the morning, as I normally am.
• Sense of pride and motivation to see this thing through to the end!

Tricks of the trade (from myself and other juicing veterans):

• The first day (as I said before), you will want to chew on something. You’re so used to the physical act of eating and it’s a tough habit to break. If you can’t stand it anymore, take a bite of an apple, carrot or other raw fruit or vegetable. Take that ONE bite and refocus. Remember why you’re doing this cleanse and stay strong!
• Prepare your fruits and vegetables the night before for your morning juice. Chop the ends off of carrots, cut up your apples, rinse off your kale. Make it easier on yourself so you don’t chop off a finger in a fit of hungry morning rage.
• The ideal combination of juice is 80% veggie and 20% fruit. If you have a sweeter palate, it won’t hurt you to go 60% veggie and 40% fruit.
• Drink A TON OF JUICE. This is not a starvation cleanse. You don’t need to count calories. You need raw juice and you need enough to fill you up! Take a sealed container to work that you can sip on all day. If you work in an office, it will be easier to ward off temptation if you have your juice nearby.
• Get a good reusable, sturdy cup with a lid and a straw. Take that baby in the car with you, to the grocery store, to the restaurant where your family plans to eat in front of you, WHEREVER. That cup is your new best friend and you will get very close.
• Don’t forget your water! Drink up!

If anyone is interested, here are some helpful fruit and vegetable juice recipes.

Questions, comments? Ask away! I’ll do my best to get back to you quickly!

Before I go any further, I just want to thank each and every one of you who supported my angries in that last post. I get weird and quite psycho when I feel my privacy being threatened, but I didn’t feel one ounce of judgment from you guys. Is there anything better than a bunch of awesome ladies coming together in support of a mama bear’s rage? I think not. You’re my favorites.

Now onto the hippie stuff. The Cliffs Notes version of my health/weight loss journey (OMG STOP ME NOW I BELONG ON A VEGAN TREE HUGGER MESSAGE BOARD SOMEWHERE) is that I’ve been vegan for almost a year. That, along with regular exercise, has helped me lose nearly 50 pounds. I hit somewhat of a plateau at the end of 2011 and have hovered around the same weight since then, but am trying to get used to not focusing on that number. I want to focus on feeling comfortable in my body and happy in general, not necessarily on being 127lbs again.

I don’t have a ton of before/after photos because I basically will murder anyone who takes full body shots of me. They ALWAYS end up on Facebook and they’re ALWAYS THE MOST UNFLATTERING PHOTOS OF MY LIFE.  But here are a few anyway. Yipe. (I’m 5’5″, by the way. Don’t let the heels fool you!)

Still breastfeeding during this time, OBVIOUSLY. Boyoyoyoing!

I dropped some weight while nursing and then it just stopped around 170. Then I started eating vegan and sh** got real…

I injured my knee and couldn’t exercise for a while, so I stayed the same for several months. I recently started working out again (Zumba, Kettlebell and 30 Day Shred) and am starting to see some positive changes.

I have cheated MANY times and had some ups and downs, but still try to stay on course and plan on eating this way for the rest of my life. I love it, I really do. I’ve gone through several periods of raw-only eating, which was awesome, but is SO difficult to do for longer than a week or so. Plus, raw is just a ton of freaking work and no one else in my family eats that way. Laziness: 1, Morgan: 0

In an effort to bump up the health/crazy factor, I’ve been juicing at least once a day for the past month or so. There are so many benefits to doing this, my favorite being the ENERGY. I am a caffeine addict, no doubt about it, but when I replace my morning coffee with juice, I actually feel more energized, positive and ready to tackle anything crazy internet creepers throw my way! Karate kick! No, but really, I’ve enjoyed the heck out of this lifestyle. Which is whyyyy…

I’m doing a 10 day juice fast.

After watching food documentary after food documentary, most of them being informative but blah, I was told about Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead.

Super cheesy photo aside, I highly recommend it to anyone, not just the veg-heads. The story is incredibly inspiring and got me pumped about juicing and all the health benefits. You’ll love it. Plus, there are some insane before and afters. I’m such a sucker for those, obviously, haha.

The main reason I’m telling the internet about this is so I stick with it. I’m not perfect and flake out on a lot of the ideas I have, so now I’m being held accountable by all my girls. So today is Day 1 and I’ve had one juice so far (4 carrots, 2 green apples and a small sweet potato) and am about to go make some scary green thing I’m dreading. I CAN’T HANDLE THE KALE.

Here’s to better health, smaller waistlines and not barfing up my green juice!

For example, decent human beings do not take a post I wrote about my daughter’s terrifying visit to the hospital and turn it into an entire blog devoted to a sick child named Madeline who is dying from a heart defect AND USE ACTUAL PHOTOS OF MY KID. How freaking demented is that?! I can’t. I just can’t.

Also, to the girls who are using my pregnant belly photos as their own… by chopping off my head, you are not fooling me. I recognize my own badonk and so do my friends on Facebook who email me links to your fake profile and blog.

Now to the rest of you: Hi! I love you. Thank you for not being creepy weirdos. I appreciate that very much and you get props for being normal.

I hope none of this sounds self-important. I wouldn’t care so much if it were just photos of me being used, but do NOT mess with my kids. That crosses the line and I have every right to be angry. I won’t be giving credit to any of these women because they don’t deserve it. I will however be installing a panic room in my closet because HELLO. People are scary.

There’s this AT&T commercial with the flash mob guy who busts out dancing too early and it freaking KILLS ME every time. I’ve seen the thing at least 50 times and it still has the same effect. I’ll be cracking up when he does the bent over backwards-swimming arms-shuffle thing and look over to Justin on the couch, expecting him to be laughing alongside me. Yeah… he’s never laughing. He just looks at me with a disapproving stare and slowly shakes his head. Watch it.

Heeheeheee.

Back to Spongebob. There was a time when I absolutely loathed the show and wanted to beat myself over the head with something large and heavy anytime it was on tv. SO MUCH GOING ON. SO MUCH NOISE. And then there’s that thing about how it’s bad for the brain and causes learning problems of some sort. The show is just bad. The thing is, I don’t let Maddie watch it, but I will on occasion. WHAT IS IMMATURE ABOUT THAT, JUSTIN?! There’s this episode where Spongebob is so scared that his eyeballs start screaming. It sounds ridiculous and disgusting, and it IS… BUT I STILL DIE.

Now, movies that remind me of my childhood will always hold a special place in my heart. My brother and I watched Home Alone and Home Alone 2: Lost in New York all year round. Nothing beyond the first two movies though because they just started getting stupid. The originals, though? Comedy gold! Kevin beating up on The Wet Bandits still gets me every time. Apparently, my brother and I reference Home Alone often in everyday conversations because Justin is always saying how obsessed my family is with the franchise. Maybe we are… and MAYBE WE ARE.

Harry getting his head torched right before he jumps into the snow headfirst. heeeeeee

Marv trying to break in the house through the doggy door. He just saw Kevin sitting there with a bb gun. lawls

*ding!*

Don’t even get me started on Dennis the Menace, guys.

• Chiclets to replace the two front teeth in Mr. Wilson’s dentures
• “G.D. garden lanterns!”
• “Tastes like paint… and wood.”
• The little cross-eyed kid, Gunther

I’m so thrilled to be a part of the Sewing for ME series, hosted by kojodesigns and Sewing in No Man’s Land. Pop on over today to see how I made the Pipe Cleaner Headband from Anthropologie. And no, it’s not really made from pipe cleaners. :)

There will be tons of awesome sewing projects coming up on the girls’ blogs, so be sure to keep checking back!

Here’s a little glimpse of what I’ve been up to…

Working on an Anthro headband knockoff (tutorial to come later this week!)

Having a fun night out with the girls (Shea & Jimaie) for my birthday.

Making a couple more wreaths. BIG SURPRISE, I’m still addicted to them.

L: A gift for my mother in law. R: Yet ANOTHER one for our house.

Ordering tons of pretty wallpaper samples (for FREE). I’m thinking some sort of wall mural for the office…

Receiving this stack of gorgeous felt from Benzie Bazaar on Etsy. I can’t WAIT to do something fun with it!

Scoring a stack of awesome old books for a quarter each at an estate sale. Now THAT’S what mama’s talkin about.

Obsessing over Downton Abbey, aka THE BEST SHOW OF MY LIFE. A big thanks to Ashley for the recommendation!

And finally, wasting entirely too much time playing Draw Something on the iPad. Obviously, it’s distracting because I don’t actually know if I worked out that day or just got changed and then sat down to play. Be addicted with me! Username: ohmorgosh