MrsPilgrim

Long time update!

2023-08-30T17:53:00.000-07:00

I pretty much forgot that this blog existed, and although I doubt anyone will ever read this, I thought it might be fun to put some life updates on here.

Since I last updated here, I:

1) Got a great autism therapist for my oldest son, who helped him grow and develop into an amazing young man.

2) Transitioned my oldest son from regular homeschooling to some online schooling with just a couple of subjects done with me. He is now almost entirely independent with schoolwork!

3) Got my oldest daughter diagnosed with ADHD and dyslexia and got her meds for ADHD and a math tutor to help us keep up and make progress. It took several years of hard work but I taught her to read and she loves books! I also found her a great therapist who uses art to help her with emotional regulation. I feel that with so many siblings with special needs, she needs her own support.

4) Got my student loans discharged by the DOE based on my income and autism diagnosis!

5) Got my younger daughter through years of ABA, speech, and occupational therapy. Got her sleeping meds and just finally got her to sometimes sleep through the night in her own bed.

7) Had the bad kind of covid and survived. It took me two years to finally get over it!

6) Developed a disorder called diabetes insipidus (not related to sugar or insulin), and after almost a year got diagnosed and treated. I will have it for the rest of my life but it's usually easily managed with pills. It does limit the kinds of workouts I can do and I have to be careful about staying out of the heat, but otherwise I am fine!

8) Had my second baby boy! Teddy is healthy and happy!

9) Had my third son Robert McKenzie! We survived three weeks of Robert in the NICU. Since he came home, we've taken him to the regular pediatrician, the developmental pediatrician, the audiologist, the physiatrist, he sees an OT, PT, and DI through EI. He also does outpatient therapy through our insurance and gets PT, OT, speech and feeding therapy. He began seeing a GI and recently had a g tube placed. We have lots of case managers and a couple of social workers as well. Managing Robert's medical care has been almost a full time job this past year.

10) Did countless house projects. Some of the big ones were replacing our fence, finishing the basement (this one is almost complete), redoing our half bath and moving everyone around so that everyone has their own bedroom.

11) Got the best dog ever and trained him pretty well :) My labradoodle Bluey is a great comforter when things get tough.

12) Applied for respite care and finally got it after six months of paperwork and waiting. We now have assistance towards hiring an occasional babysitter and I have weekly cleaning help!

13) Worked on becoming a better writer. Now have drafts for a tv script, outlines for multiple film scripts, a novel, countless short stories and articles, and several children's books.

14) Kept up my job, never missed a deadline, even when in the hospital giving birth!

15) Celebrating all holidays, birthday, and special occasions.

16) Figured out how to afford to go to Disney on the regular. Had awesome vacations and memories.

17) Got handicap placards for W and R.

Going forward, I have so many hopes and dreams. I may not reach all of these goals, but here they are:

1) Support my oldest son on his journey toward adulthood. This means having him take the SAT/ACT, helping him achieve great grades in school by giving him whatever support he needs, making sure he is in challenging classes with good teachers, making sure he has appropriate supports and accommodations where necessary, helping him get his driver's license, and just generally making sure that he knows everything he needs to know in order to be a good human.

2) Focus on academics and bonding with my girls. My older daughter has learning disabilities and my younger daughter has moderate autism, so school is difficult for them. I want to make sure that even while we are trying our best to meet goals and get them up to grade level with academics, I also take time to feed them spiritually and creatively. They are both talented with art and music and I want to make sure that they have the opportunities to grow in those areas. Learn French with Stella.

3) My toddler Teddy is pretty happy go lucky, for him my goals are simple, potty trained, tot schooled, able to buckle himself into the car and get dressed on his own!

4) For Robert we are pursuing lots of options, including home nursing care for night tube feeding, getting fitted with thumb and ankle braces, getting a stander and then later a gait trainer, researching more about treatments like stem cell therapies, getting him into a medical day care program that has even better therapies and equipment to help him make progress, and getting him on medicaid to help pay for his extra medical expenses.

5) Finish up all the little odds and ends and projects around the house, and organize all the things so that everything has a home. Along with this I want to have better routines for housework and upkeep, and train my kids so that they can help with some of the household maintenance.

6) Do a couple of larger projects, like finishing the basement steps, and as a stretch goal I would love to add on a large family room and a handicap accessible bathroom.

7) Have more regular date nights with my husband.

8) Have more routines overall, and build in more special times with my kids and all my family.

9) Take some really awesome trips. Go to Japan with Henry, go to France with Stella.

10) Figure out how to get my writing out in to the world. Have a plan in place to get paid for something I've written by the time I'm forty.

11) Buy a van that fits our whole family and any equipment Robert needs.

12) Figure out how to pay for the kids who want to go to college, (scholarships, make extra $).

Update

2019-02-06T10:21:00.001-08:00

Since my last post on this blog, I have:

1) Started a business making girls' clothing called prettybyrdie

2) Decided I couldn't expand that business ethically

3) Turned it into a hobby instead

4) Got a real job (part-time and working from home, but with a salary)

5) Starting homeschooling all three of my kids

6) Bought a fixer upper

7) Spent 8 months renovating that fixer upper

8) Moved us out of our two bedroom apartment into our new 5 bedroom house!

9) Found my son in-home therapists

10) Got my younger daughter diagnosed with autism

11) Got sued by my husband's former client (details: not his fault, but cheaper to go bankrupt than to fight the lawsuit, so....)

12) Declared bankruptcy, bringing my near perfect credit score down to not so perfect

13) Realized after educating myself about autism that I'm likely on the autism spectrum

14) Suddenly understood why I've always struggled with certain things

15) Worked to accept myself and invested in friendships with people who are understanding and accepting of me, just the way I am

16) Decided to be authentically myself, at least some of the time, and allow myself to partake in special interests that other people might not find cool or interesting, but that fulfill me and bring me joy

17) Realized that I probably need to do something creative in order to live

Going forward:

I would like to keep updating this space, even if it's only once a year or so, as a sort of record of my journey. I'm also working on a new website and blog that will have less personal topics, more posts geared towards helping other people with specific issues, and expressing myself creatively. The domain I've set aside for that is gracebyrd.com. On it I'm planning on posting about motherhood, being a working and homeschooling mom, being a homeschooling mom of kids with special needs, having special needs, and how all of those things fit together. I also have a lot of creative content, like sewing and crafting info that I'd like to share somewhere, so I may end up making a second wordpress site for that as well.

A Little Insomniac Poetry

2016-01-23T22:26:00.002-08:00

-->

I was born hungry

from my mother’s breast

took, took, took

Nine I looked

into a hell

and shuddering, backed away

Fourteen swaying to the beat

of love, love, love

In love with all

the world

and its people,

and its places,

and creations

Twenty when I felt the earth

open and expanding

Funny how I thought I’d be

the exception to the rule

Twenty-three the

tiny beating mixing with my own

slave, slave, slave

Thirty and I gave

away all those little things

and I imagine

I will die hungry as I am

Debt Update 1/19

2016-01-18T21:50:00.000-08:00

Christmas, a trip down to Georgia for a funeral, and medical expenses have killed my paying off debt plan. As it stands, I am basically treading water this month trying to keep our finances moving in the right direction. In order to stay somewhat on track, I think we are going to transfer our credit card balance to a zero interest card and stick to the original plan of attacking our bar loans.

Here are the balances:
Pay off credit card - currently about 5k
Pay off undergrad 1,703.96
Pay off Bar Loan #1 8,706.16
Pay off Bar Loan #2 8,697.12

Car #1 about 10K
Car #2 about 16K
Law School Loans about 250K

Goals for 2016:

Jan.-Feb.
Live on cash
Transfer CC balance to zero interest card, pay 3% up front for the year
Pay med. expenses from 2015, and pay out of pocket for 2016 until we hit our deductible (2,500)

March - May
Live on cash
Pay 6K on Bar Loan #1
Use tax return to pay off the rest of Bar Loan #1
Have a fun birthday party!

June - Aug.
Live on cash
Pay 6K on Bar Loan #2
Pay for Henry's co-op with cash

Sept. - Oct.
Live on cash
Pay off Bar Loan #2
Pay off Remainder of Undergrad loan
Celebrate Willoughby's First birthday

Nov. - Dec.
Live on cash
Pay 4K on zero interest card
Celebrate Henry's birthday
Travel for Thanksgiving
Have a nice Christmas

Goals for 2017
Pay off remainder of zero interest card
Buy a house

Debt Update 12/13

2015-12-13T05:07:00.000-08:00

I missed updating last time. Things got somewhat confusing for the end of the year because we were able to change our FSA withholding right at the end to cover some of the extra medical expenses. Since I knew we'd end up carrying some expenses on the credit card I focused on getting rid of the zero interest card instead.

Goals for Debt Payoff:
~~Pay off zero interest card #1 1000~~
Pay off credit card - currently about 2k
Pay off zero interest card #2 1,253
Pay off undergrad 1,745.56
Pay off Bar Loan #1 8,756
Pay off Bar Loan #2 8,747

Here's my end of the year plan:
11/24 - put extra on cc
Enjoy Christmas!

The plan for next year is a little different because our insurance will have a $2,500 deductible, so we'll pay out of pocket for that and then have no co-pays for the rest of the year. We'll have another $2,500 withheld and put into an HSA so that we'll have it saved for 2017 at the start of that year.

Here's my new plan up to May 2016:
1/7 - pay $ for medical expenses, pay down CC
1/21 - pay cash for medical expenses, pay down CC
2/4 - pay 1k on Bar loan
2/18 - pay 1k on Bar loan
3/3 - pay 1k on Bar loan
3/17 - pay 1k on Bar loan, pay 300 on undergrad
3/31 - pay 1k on Bar loan
4/14 - pay 1k on Bar loan
Use tax return to pay off remainder of Bar loan #1!
4/28 do something fun for Stella's birthday!

Expenses to plan for:
Disney - plane and package bought, just need incidentals
Gallbladder surgery co-pay- 250
New tires for van - 200

Debt Update 11/15

2015-11-15T17:58:00.000-08:00

I changed up the plan again, but we are still plugging along. We had a modest birthday party for Henry/Open house for people to meet the baby, so spent a little on that. We also bought our plane tickets for Disney because they were pretty cheap. Here's the updated balances:

Goals for Debt Payoff:
~~Pay off zero interest card #1 1000~~
~~Pay off credit card 662~~ Paid off but we used this card to purchase plane tix, will have about 1K balance until next paycheck
Pay off zero interest card #2 1,253
Pay off undergrad 1,780
Pay off Bar Loan #1 8,809
Pay off Bar Loan #2 8,800

Here's my continued pay-off plan from now until Christmas:

11/26 - put 1,000 on credit card to pay for Disney plane tickets

12/10 - Pay 1,253 to pay off zero interest card

12/24 - pay off hospital bills and use anything left over to reduce undergrad loan

In other financial minutia, we get to change our fsa withholding after having Willoughby, so we can adjust it to cover all of our extra co-pays and hospital bills with pre-tax dollars.

Debt Update 10/31

2015-10-31T17:03:00.000-07:00

We ended up deciding not to put an offer on the second house, but rather wait and see if something better comes along.

In the meantime we are plowing through debt and it couldn't feel better!

Goals for Debt Payoff:
~~Pay off zero interest card #1 1000~~
Pay off credit card 662
Pay off zero interest card #2 2,653
Pay off undergrad 1,824
Pay off Bar Loan #1 8,865
Pay off Bar Loan #2 8,857

Here's my continued pay-off plan from now until Christmas:

11/12 - pay 1,100 on zero interest card
- put 300 on cc

Use expected check from Greg's old practice (1,600) to pay off remaining balance of zero interest card.

11/26 - put 1,000 on undergrad
- put 300 on cc

12/10 - buy plane tickets for Disney (1000?)

12/24 - pay off hospital bill (500) and any leftover balances on cc's

House Search and Debt Update 10/15

2015-10-15T14:25:00.000-07:00

The first offer we put on a house was rejected and at this point it looks like we were outbid. However, the property has been under contract before and the deal fell through so we're not totally giving up on that house. In the meantime, we're looking at other houses.

Goals for Debt Payoff:
~~Pay off zero interest card #1 1000~~
Pay off credit card 1,542
Pay off zero interest card #2 2,700
Pay off undergrad 1,824
Pay off Bar Loan #1 8,865
Pay off Bar Loan #2 8,857

Here's my continued pay-off plan from now until Christmas:

10/29 - pay 1,000 on card
find additional savings somewhere else to really pay off cc?

11/12 - pay 1,100 on zero interest card

Use expected check from Greg's old practice (1,600) to pay off remaining balance of zero interest card.

11/26 - put 1,000 on undergrad

12/10 - buy plane tickets for Disney (1000?)

12/24 - pay off hospital bill (500) and any leftover balances on cc's

At this point all we will have on this round one list is about $750 left on my undergrad loan, and just over $17K on our bar loans. If we end up closing on a house around this time, we'd just continue to pay minimum payments on these. If we still don't have a mortgage, the next phase would involve paying off the bar loans, hopefully about 2K/month, with our tax return also going toward the debt reduction. Under this plan we'd be done with the bar loans by June or July 2016.

Debt Update 10/3/15

2015-10-03T21:51:00.000-07:00

We are putting an initial offer on a house!! That said, we're not expecting our first offer to be accepted. Because it's a bank-owned property it will probably take a very long time to find out the offer's been rejected. Still, we are extremely excited and nervous. Anyway, without further ado, here's my update:

Goals for Debt Payoff:
~~Pay off zero interest card #1 1000~~
Pay off credit card 2,259
Pay off zero interest card #2 2,700
Pay off undergrad 1,824
Pay off Bar Loan #1 8,865
Pay off Bar Loan #2 8,857

Here's my continued pay-off plan for October:
10/15 - pay 1,000 on card
10/29 - pay 1,000 on card
Use expected check from Greg's old practice (1,600) to pay off remaining balance and to pay for our hospital co-pay (500), put remainder of that money toward our plane tickets for our vacation in January.

Debt Update and House Hunting News

2015-09-21T12:15:00.000-07:00

Man plans and God laughs. But seriously, it seems like every time I have this money thing figured out, something unexpected comes along to change the plan. My debt pay-off goals have been going well, but we may have to switch gears soon, because we are considering putting an offer on a house much sooner than planned.

Basically, we started looking for a home recently, because we figured by the time we absolutely could no longer fit into our apartment we might be able to find something suitable that we could afford. We were assuming it would take many months to find anything in our budget. Well, lo and behold, we did find a foreclosure in a good location, with some renovation needs that might work. So we had a contractor come in to check out what needs to be done last week, and are now waiting for the bid to decided whether or not to make an offer.

Even after we found the house, we were not thinking about moving this quickly, because we assumed it would take a few months to come up with our down payment, but my family generously offered to help us with the down payment!

We also have a friend who is a mortgage broker, and he made the process of getting approved way simpler than we were expecting. So...

For now my financial goals are the same, but I do think we may have to be flexible if this house works out. For instance, if we end up refinancing after the construction is completed (this has been recommended to us), we would likely fold some of our student loans into the mortgage and have a lower interest rate for them.

For now, here is an update on the debt progress:

Goals for Debt Payoff:
~~Pay off zero interest card #1 1000~~
Pay off credit card 3,180
Pay off zero interest card #2 2700
Pay off undergrad 1,865
Pay off Bar Loan #1 8,934
Pay off Bar Loan #2 8,926

Here's my continued pay-off plan for October:
10/1 - pay 1,000 on card
10/15 - pay 1,000 on card
Use expected check from Greg's old practice (1,600) to pay off remaining balance and to pay for some of our hospital co-pay (500).

Debt Progress 9/7/15

2015-09-07T06:38:00.002-07:00

Goal one is met! This week I paid off the first zero interest card. We had a couple of set-backs this month, one being that a friend of mine passed away suddenly and I decided to travel out-of-state for the funeral. While it was hard to have to use a credit card when I'm trying so hard to get rid of them, I also feel like this is why I have a credit card at this point, for the really unexpected stuff. Some day I will have a little savings account to buffer our expenses and won't need them anymore (fingers crossed).

Without further adeiu, here is my updated goals list:

Goals for Debt Payoff:
~~Pay off zero interest card #1 1000~~
Pay off credit card 4000
Pay off zero interest card #2 2700
Pay off undergrad 1900
Pay off Bar Loan #1 9000
Pay off Bar Loan #2 9000

As you can see, my "emergency" credit card did go up this month :( However, with my current plan I may be able to eliminate that next card before the baby gets here! Here's a general plan:
9/17 - pay 1,000 on card
10/1 - pay 1,000 on card
10/15 - pay 1,000 on card
Use expected check from Greg's old practice (1,600) to pay off remaining balance and to pay for our hospital co-pay (500).

I'm really hoping and praying that by Halloween, we will have a beautiful, healthy baby girl, Greg will have passed his next exam, and we will have one more goal crossed off our list!

Budget Breakdown and Debt Confession

2015-08-23T18:49:00.000-07:00

I'm putting my budget out here for a couple of reasons. One, I'm very curious about other people's budgets and I love when I find a post that's honest and that includes specific numbers. Two, over the past couple of years I've managed to pay off about 25K in debt, but I don't really have a record of it and I think it will be nice in the future to be able to look back and see how far we've come.

In order to pay down debt our family of 4 (almost 5) is living in a two-bedroom apartment in a house that belongs to my family, which is why you don't see typical housing expenses on here and why we are able to live with one income in a very HCOL area.

Income after taxes:
Bi-weekly paycheck 2,155
Residual payments from law practice conservatively 100/month
Monthly income approximately 4,400

Expenses:

Fixed
Car Payment #1 360
Car Payment #2 300
Ins. 120 (Life, Car, and Renter's)
Bar Loan #1 105
Bar Loan #2 105
Undergrad Loan 100
Netflix 12
Homeschool Website 6
Subtotal 1,100

Variable
Speech Co-pays 80
OT Co-pays 160
Social Skills class 80
Gas 250
Groceries 400
Other 500 (Clothes, eating out, entertainment, unexpected stuff)
Haircuts 25
Subtotal 1,495

Goals for Debt Payoff:
Pay off zero interest card #1 1000
Pay off credit card 3200
Pay off zero interest card #2 2700
Pay off undergrad 2000
Pay off Bar Loan #1 9000
Pay off Bar Loan #2 9000

Debts I Can Live With for Now:
Van 12,000
Car 17,000
Law School Loans 250K? (On income based repayment plan with 25 year cap, will likely never truly pay off until 20 years from now).

Since I last blogged...

2015-08-23T18:03:00.000-07:00

- My husband finally had enough of the law, and so we made a plan for him to change careers. He took two actuary exams, did an internship at an insurance company while still running his law practice, and finally accepted a full time position as an analyst. We now have health insurance, a 401(k), and a predictable paycheck every two weeks. - We prayed for a third baby, and I'm two months away from having another sweet baby girl :) At night I think about what to name her. - We took Henry out of state and had him evaluated by a team of child specialists. He was diagnosed with autism. If it was two years ago they would have called it Asperger's, but that's not a thing anymore, so everyone is on the spectrum now. - Over the summer we spent a lot of time finding and going to services for Henry. He does speech, occupational therapy, social skills classes, swimming and therapeutic horseback riding. He took piano lessons for most of the summer but is taking a break now.I would like to find a behavioral therapist next. - Now that we have a steady income, we've been trying to drop debt and save to buy a house. It is depressingly hard for a family with one income to buy a house in NJ. I so wish homeschoolers could opt out of property taxes or at least get a tax break for homeschool stuff. - Greg took and passed a third exam this summer, and decided that he would try for one more this year. The test he is currently studying for is Oct. 30th, exactly one week after I'm scheduled to have a C-section.

Update

2014-10-19T22:16:00.000-07:00

Time is a funny thing. Right now every day seems to drag on, but the weeks and months are flying by. Maybe because it's my favorite season I notice how quickly everything is moving. I can't help but feel nervous that I'm missing something, that I'm forgetting some crucial aspect of living, and that I'll wake up one day and realize how long it's been.

Life is a funny thing. It's so full and so scattered. I seem to be doing so many little jobs, taking care of so many little details. Sometimes I feel like I've just run into a little house, run right into some little wooden house in the middle of an incredible storm. I'm standing there, my clothes dripping wet, trying to figure out where I was going before the rain started.

Freedom is funny too. You want it so badly, that you'd do anything to get it, even enslave yourself to obtain the ideal. I think it is possible that we are slaves by nature, and the only choice is choosing between masters. I hope I've chosen well.

Love is ridiculous. How can being less be so much more?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This was supposed to be a straightforward update, and I've blown it. I will try to redeem myself.

Henry and I are working through some first/second grade type work, and he starts learning music next week at his little co-op. Some of older kids at church have been sort of bullying him, but it's hard to say if he's really hurt by it. When I think about it, I really just feel proud of him. Whatever his faults, he would never try to purposely hurt someone. He has a sort of guilelessness that I admire, and a very strong sense of justice. He pretends to be a superhero when he plays.

Stella is very sassy. I don't want her to get any bigger, because soon she won't want to lie next to me as she falls asleep, her hand rubbing my bare arm.

Greg and I started a new book in our marriage small group, and had one of the most honest conversations of our entire marriage this week. We weren't having problems before, but the book really did help us reach a new level of openness with each other. We talked about our ideals, and what we want our lives and marriage to be like. I think this could easily end up in feelings of criticism or guilt, but we stayed focused on the positives and it was nice to see each other in the light of our best intentions.

I'm sewing dresses for little girls, planning two trips, and a very easy birthday party for Henry. I'm doing the best I can to balance.

2014 - 2015 Curriculum Choices

2014-07-29T12:17:00.001-07:00

We have a child who doesn't easily fit into a box, and our curriculum for the year will be the same. We are calling this year "kindergarten" for Henry, although he would still be in pre-k if he was going to school (birthday is just after the cut-off).

Without further adieu, here are the resources I will be using this year:

BIBLE
Positive Action Preschool Bible Curriculum - using as an outline for the year, this curriculum goes through many stories in the Old and New Testaments, with suggested activities

Christian Light Education Bible Light Units - I will be using select Light Units for extra material both to supplement the Positive Action curriculum and for stories that the PA Curriculum skips

Abeka pre-k Bible workbook - basically some coloring sheets I'll use to supplement when needed.

My Father's World 1st grade Bible Reader - so that Henry can read the stories for himself.

In addition, we are doing Classical Conversations which I believe has some Bible teaching? As part of our memory work we will work on memorizing the books of the Bible this year!

CHARACTER/DEVOTIONS
Jesus Storybook Bible - My favorite children's Bible and the one we read before bed. I also bought the first of the animated dvds (basically just the Bible read aloud with some minimal animation), so we may use those occasionally

Devotions for Boys ages 2-5 - this is a great little book that holds Henry's attention very well.

Big Book of Devotions - I will probably select entries from the several versions of this book that we own that go along with our other lessons.

These character books - I may just read one a week or as needed to learn about appropriate behavior.

MATH
My Father's World 1st - Math Suggestions - In the lesson plans for MFW 1st Grade there are gentle math activities suggested, including literature that explains math concepts, games, and activities. We will use these guidelines and supplement with more traditional workbook and learning with flash cards.

Abeka Grade 1 Arithmetic - We will go though this workbook at a leisurely pace, just to make sure we're not missing anything crucial.

Cheap Math workbooks - I don't know all the names of these, but they can be found at bookstores or online, and cost $3-4. They are slightly smaller than the printer-paper sized workbooks, and usually cover one specific topic, like addition or telling time. We have a few that we'll probably utilize for extra practice.

Starfall.com and Kahn academy- just for fun.

LANGUAGE ARTS
Spelling Workout, together with our own spelling lists of sight words and special vocab for whatever we are currently studying. I am not sure how quickly this program will go, so I'm just planning for 10 min./day of spelling work.

First Language Lessons for the Well-Trained Mind - for grammar, we've already started book one and will probably move to book two sometime during the year.

Handwriting without Tears K - we've started this and will probably finish mid-year or sooner. I planned to take it very slow, but Henry's fine motor skills have suddenly improved so maybe we will pick up the pace.

Writing with Ease 1 - I plan to start this book whenever we finish HWT K. I'm sure if I will also move onto the next HWT when this happens, or if we will just continue on with practical applications of writing until the following school year.

Reading - As far as Phonics goes, Henry is pretty much done with instruction, and we will probably just focus on reaching fluency and stamina with reading. I plan to read for 30-60 minutes a day after lunch time, and to assign a 20-30 fun reading time at some other point during the day, possibly while Stella is napping. For book selection I am using a combination of Memoria's Kindergarten Enrichment books, Sonlight lists, recommendations of abcjesuslovesme.com, What Your Preschooler and What Your Kindergartener Needs to Know, and library discoveries.

HISTORY/SOCIAL STUDIES/GEOGRAPHY
Classical Conversations - We will memorize a history timeline and study specific topics in U.S. History.

SOTW - I bought the 3rd and 4th volumes along with the activity guides to supplement the CC history topics. We probably won't use most of this resource until the next history cycle, but I thought it would be good to have as a reference.

State Study - we will do a very cursory state study this year, learning the names, shapes, and locations of the 50 states and possibly the capitals. I'll be using some free resources and dollar section workbooks for this.

Continent Boxes - I have no detailed plans for these, but will bring them out once a month or so for a fun break.

SCIENCE
Classical Conversations - The Science topics for Cycle 3 are the Human Body and Chemistry. Since Henry has been absolutely obsessed with the human body lately we have plenty of books and some toys and games already. When they switch to Chemistry mid-year I will probably purchase REAL Science for Kids Chemistry. I'm planning on doing one or at most two science lessons per week.

ART
Classical Conversations - We will have art appreciation and some drawing from CC, also
Memoria K Enrichment has a once a week painting study.

As for making art, we will just continue to do crafts and art projects, some to go along with our other studies, some seasonal, some just for fun.

MUSIC
Classical Conversations - We will have basic music theory and learning to play the tin whistle, as well as some musical appreciation at CC. Memoria K Enrichment also includes a once a week music listening session that I am doing my (non-musical) best to plan.

If Henry enjoys the tin whistle I will likely get him into piano lessons soon, or possibly violin since we have a neighbor who teaches violin.

FOREIGN LANGUAGE
I have some Spanish and Latin resources, but I am waiting to see how we all adjust to the new routine before trying to incorporate those into the mix too.

STELLA/GENERAL PRESCHOOL ACTIVITIES
For Stella, I will continue with casual phonics and math instruction, and I will prepare some simple Tot School activities for her to take up to my mom's house while Henry and I work one-on-one with math and language arts. She will likely be around for Bible, Character Studies, and later on for history/science/art/music portions of the day. She will also participate when I read aloud, as much as she wants to.

As far as general pre-school type activities, I have planned out some fun things using Slow and Steady Get Me Ready and abcjesuslovesme.com.

Looking at this list it seems like a lot of stuff, but really our days should be fairly relaxed. We'll start out doing only Bible, Math, and Language Arts in August, and then add in the extras when CC starts in September. The extras will probably only be one a day, and we will school 4 days a week with no school on CC days. I plan to enroll Stella in some kind of mommy and me class on CC days, and Henry will go to CC with my brother-in-law and his cousin. On school days I am hoping everything should take less than two hours total.

101 Things in 1001 Days - not quite :)

2014-04-20T23:11:00.004-07:00

This was an old post I never published. I decided to update it to see how I'm doing :)

Spiritual
1. Read through Bible each year. - not quite, but doing better
2. Memorize scripture with the kids - check
3. Learn the words to a hymn each month with the kids - no way! I didn't count on a kid who hates singing.

Social
4. Have someone over or hang out with people every week (this doesn't seem like a lot to some people but for introverts like me this takes so much energy!) - doing better, more like every other week.
5. Stay in touch with old friends, go hang out with some north jersey people occasionally! - nope
6. Make a Passover meal each year and invite others to join - check

Personal
7. Eat breakfast - nope
8. Get sleep - nope

9. Grow hair out one last time before cutting it off forever :)- trying, but I might give in and chop it
10. Make one more beautiful baby :) - not yet :(

Financial
11. Tithe- definitely need some help here
12. Pay off all credit card balances (almost there) - working on it
13. Submit quarterly estimated tax payments - check
14. Replace $ borrowed from vacation fund - check
15. Make double payments on Bar Loans - not yet
16. Submit paperwork to stay on IBR plan for Direct Loans - check
17. Save 40K for house fund - hahahahahahaha
18. Check goodwill before running to the store (just bought Henry jeans for 99 cents each, plus a bike helmet for skating) - still do this

Professional
19. Complete Draft of first novel in series, complete outline of rest of series - still on the draft
20. Submit draft of book one to agents - no
21. Submit 3 short stories to be published - no but did write the stories, just too chicken to send them

Wifey
22. Watch kids while Greg does something for himself at least once a week (men's time, skating, etc.) - compromise, Greg takes one to game night and I keep the other home
23. Plan something thoughtful for anniversaries, birthday, Valentine's Day, and Father's Day - not really

Daughter/Aunt
24. Plan and make the best dinners I can during my week - so so
25. Remember anniversaries, birthdays, Christmas, Valentine's Day, Easter, Mother's Day and Father's Day! - getting better?
26. Take Mercy to Thornley and play practice next year- looking forward to this
27. Do something special with Mercy now and then - I wish I could do something with just her occasionally

Mommy
28. Potty-train Henry to independence - yes! finally
29. Potty-train Stella to independence - half way there
30. Get Henry to sleep in a big-boy bed - check
31. Get Stella to sleep in a big-girl bed - check
32. Get Henry to feed himself- check
33. Teach Henry to do dishes and set table - can set the table and help clean up around the house
34. Teach Stella how to read - knows her letters
35. Do fun themes-of-the-week for Stella during the year - next year?
36. Teach Henry the 50 States and Capitals - not officially
37. Put continent boxes together and teach Henry the Continents - love this, half way there
38. Get Latin cd and work on chants - used prima latina to introduce the concept of Latin, big hit
39. Teach basic Spanish vocab - Elly is fluent
40. Get Henry through Right Start levels B, C, and possibly D- working on B
41. Make sure Greg has time to teach both kids to swim - we need to find a new pool
42. Take the kids skiing - nope
43. Continue Henry's skating lessons - skating was an epic fail, maybe we'll try again next year
44. Start Stella skating - ditto
45. Take Henry to a gymnastics class - not yet
46. Try the free ballet class - tried it, trying again in the Fall
47. Get Henry piano and/or violin lessons - not yet
48. Bring Henry to Thornley Chapel and play practice every day in the Summer - epic fail last Summer, hopeful for this year
49. Go to Bible hour in the Summer - not with my baby girl
50. Volunteer at NJ homeschool convention - did it
51. Investigate homeschool co-ops, classical conversations, play groups - done, going to classical conversations next year as long as they have room for us.

5 Ways to Enjoy Community Living

2014-04-20T23:05:00.003-07:00

--> About two years ago, my family, meaning my husband and kids, my sister and her husband and daughter, and my parents, all moved into one house. We were very lucky to inherit a large Victorian that used to be a rooming house, just a couple of blocks from the beach. We renovated the house into three separate apartments and started our adventure in community living. Our original intention was to save money while my husband started his solo law practice, but over the last two years we've found the benefits of living so close have far outweighed the disadvantages. Here are some unexpected ways community living has made us stronger and how you might be able to duplicate some of the benefits for yourself:

1) Food: For the last year or so we've had a dinner plan. For us it works like this: We rotate weeks to cook dinner. My mom, my sister and I each take a week, so each person is only cooking big dinners every third week. We make enough to feed everyone. Sometimes we actually eat all together but more often we just take a plate, grab the food, and go home to enjoy dinner with our individual families. We usually only do it Monday through Thursday or Friday, depending on everyone's plans. That way we get to go out to eat or cook what we prefer on the weekends.

Dinners don't have to be elaborate, there is plenty of spaghetti and breakfast for dinner happening over on Webb Avenue, but because I'm only cooking every third week, I have less cooking burnout and therefore tend to try nicer meals than I would if left on my own.

We have stopped eating out during the week, saving money and making much healthier choices.

It just seems easier to me to cook for six adults than to cook for two. Am I wrong? When it was just Greg and I, I had to halve or "third" all the recipes, and I always seemed to have too many leftovers that got thrown away. It created a disincentive to buy fresh food and an incentive to get take-out. Cooking a meal from scratch with fresh food was often more expensive than eating out, figuring in the waste. Now I seldom have leftovers and when I do, there are plenty of people to feed them to for lunch.

Only shopping for "real" groceries every third week saves so much time and possibly money. Going on a long grocery trip every week was eating up cash and time that I would have rather spent elsewhere. Now I run to Costco or Target for milk only visit the big grocery store just before my week to cook. I don't spend that much more to cook for the big family than I did cooking for my own, and I don't have to drag the kids out shopping so much.

At the end of my week, if I have fresh ingredients I think someone else can use, I pass them on to the next cook. That way my dozen eggs or pound of meat isn’t wasted on my off weeks.

How you can do it: I know most people don't have the option to form a commune with their families in a big house by the ocean, but are there other ways you can share some of the load? Maybe your extended family could start with having a family dinner one night a week, and trade off on who cooks. No family around? How about having a little dinner co-op with some mom friends one night? One mom could cook a jumbo dinner and drop it off or have it picked up, and then you switch. This would work great if you traded meals at a your kids' school or co-op. Or how about having a "cooking party" once or twice a month. You could get together and make some meals to freeze. Split up the ingredients ahead of time and then let everyone do the cooking tasks they enjoy the most or are the best at. Clean up together and be done! Even if it's just once a week, not having to cook dinner frees you up to enjoy your family, read your Bible, or just relax. Not to mention that dinner cooked by someone else always seems to taste better :)

2) Clothes: I admit it, I love dressing my kids up in adorable clothes. Finding that perfect little sweater for my son or a gorgeous dress for my baby girl gives me pleasure. I love hunting for just the right thing, I love finding just the right accessories, and I love dressing them. And then.... you have to wash them, and store them, and get rid of them when they don't fit anymore. All of this is a big time and brain suck. I find myself purging the kids' closet almost weekly, trying to keep up with all the growth spurts and seasonal changes. Just when I think I have it covered, my son rips through the last pair of un-ripped jeans, my daughter outgrows her only bathing suit, and everyone needs new shoes.

Some ways I’ve used community living to simplify the time and money I spend on kids’ clothes:

Hand me downs. (both giving and receiving) I have a friend with a son just a size or two larger than mine who hands down great clothing. Even though I don’t get everything we need this way, it still saves money, and more importantly, time to get clothes in a garbage bag instead of painstakingly shopping for them. My niece hands down fabulous clothes – I actually have to limit what I save from her because it’s often more than we actually need. I’ve also found great joy in handing down clothes to friends. When your babies have worn things it’s hard sometimes to dump them off at Goodwill and hope they end up in a good home. When I give a special dress to a friend, there’s a chance I’ll get to see the outfit again on another sweet baby and that makes me happy.

Sharing coupons. My sister loves Gymboree. So do I, but a Gymboree wardrobe is not always the first thing I want to spend my money on. Also Gymboree offers great deals, if you are buying lots of clothes every couple of months. I try to co-op with my sister and use our Gymbucks together to get the most out of the promotions. I might need something when they are offering the Gymbucks redemption. Instead of spending money on clothes we don’t need or trying to buy ahead for my unpredictably growing children, I give the bucks to her. In turn she does the same for me when she has bucks she doesn’t need. The same goes for Stride Rite promotions.

As much joy as I get from dressing up my babies, I hate dressing myself. I never seem to find what I'm looking for when I go shopping, and when I do find something I like, I tend to just wear it until it falls apart. Once upon a time I worked at a law firm and had a closet full of suits, blouses, and skirts, drawers full of earrings and necklaces, and boxes of shoes. I was very, very happy to downsize that closet and trade it in for my mom wardrobe of jeans, uggs and drape-y sweaters. That said, there are times when I do need to dress up, and my wardrobe that is just perfect suddenly seems terribly lacking. Instead of keeping half a closet full of options I rarely use, I've found ways to share the burden of getting dressed.

If I need a dress for a wedding or holiday, I borrow one from my sister. If she needs flip-flops or tall boots or a drape-y sweater, I’m her girl. We’re pretty much the same size, so why have duplicates of every rarely needed article of clothing? This also works well for coats, shoes, and bags. Who wants to store enough handbags to match every outfit? If your love language is clothing you’re probably having a conniption right now, but for those of us for whom shopping for clothes is a burden, share some of it with a friend. I know some friends who pass around a box of maternity clothes, which I think is just brilliant. Not only do you not have to buy an entirely new pregnant wardrobe, you don’t have to store it all when you’re not using it.

3) Space: This might not be as big of a deal for some of you, but for other northeasterners like myself, space is at a premium. I live in a two-bedroom apartment with my family of four, and items in our space have to earn the right to remain. Because space is such a commodity for us, I’ve found ways to trade for it. For example, I lend out our baby equipment as soon as we are done with it. The deal is, my friends use it, if it breaks that’s totally fine. If it’s still useable when they’re done they give it back and we have it for the next baby. My friends don’t have to buy it, or store it when they’re done, and I get to retain ownership of some great stuff without it being in my house all the time. The same goes for some nice tablecloths, chair covers, and glasses I bought for a party. My friend who has ample storage space stores the boxes for me, and she gets to use them whenever she wants. Between us we’ve used the items for many events. She gets a free party stuff, I get free storage space, win-win. I have another friend who lives in Brooklyn, so she’s even lower on the space totem pole than we are. She lends me books to read; in return I put them in my bookcase until she wants them back. The space they take up is worth it because I get to read great books for free!

Trading spaces: Give away your stuff! If you’re not using something, then lend or give it to someone who can use it. If you have spare room for something, offer to store stuff for a friend. Sharing and lending is efficient and it shows that we trust one another. That said, don’t lend things if you’d be devastated by losing them. The trust should be proportionate to the relationship. I felt terrible when Hurricane Sandy destroyed some books I’d borrowed from a friend. Luckily our friendship was a lot stronger than some lost books.

4) Childcare: This is possibly the biggest advantage of our current living situation. My mom often watches my son for an hour or two just before dinner, allowing me some precious quality time with my daughter, or if she is napping, even more precious alone time. I watch my niece so that my brother-in-law can ref soccer games or volunteer at an after-school program for middle school kids. If someone needs to run out early in the morning or late at night when the kids are still sleeping, there’s always someone else around to cover. We take turns taking all three kids to the playground, to Sesame Place, to the beach, all freeing up parents to do other things. Having support with childcare has been life-changing.

How to do it: I understand this can be tricky. It’s not always easy to trust others with the care of our children. I don’t hire babysitters, generally, because I was a teenaged babysitter, and now realize how completely clueless I was. I was lucky that there were never any real emergencies when I was nanny-ing and babysitting, because I’m not sure I would have known what to do. I had never taken CPR or even heard of anaphylactic shock and people trusted me with their babies. I still can’t even believe it. Throw in my very clingy baby and finding a friend to share kids with can be daunting.

That said, finding people in your life you can trust can be incredibly freeing. Think about whether you can trade off something simple, like carpooling to sports or classes. Even a small change like carpooling could save you hours a week and give you and the other participants a much needed break. Or consider trading childcare for a date-night. You could offer to watch a friend’s kids once or twice a month so that the parents can spend time together, and vice versa.

One way we share childcare without going too far is by hiring a sitter for a group. My small group (consisting several families from church) gets together every couple of weeks. Now that the group has gotten bigger we sometimes find our own childcare, but for a long time we all met in one home and split the cost of a sitter to play with the kids, feed them dinner, and referee while we enjoyed a little bit of adult conversation. By sharing the cost we were able to afford wonderful adult supervision and the kids got a chance to socialize as well. This might be a good option if you are nervous about trusting others with your children or if you have children with special needs. The babysitter is a neutral party who keeps the peace, and parents don’t have to worry about stepping on anyone’s toes. Having our kids share a babysitter has bonded us as parents and has allowed our children to form their own little community.

5) Holidays: I used to love holidays. The change in decor, the yummy food, and buying gifts were all a welcome change from the mundane. Then I had two kids, and quickly became responsible for a slew of details, not just for me, but for our whole family. I had to decorate, plan the social calendar, food, clothes, and gifts. Suddenly Christmas was no longer a welcome break, but rather a trial to survive. I found myself so exhausted and burnt out by the holidays that I needed a vacation after the vacation. I no longer looked forward to planning fun themed birthday parties, I could hardly remember to do anything special for Valentine's Day or my anniversary. Instead of picking out cute outfits and lovingly signing photo cards, I became resentful toward all the work.

Right about the time my family started co-oping dinner time, we decided to split up some of the tasks for holidays as well. Now for birthday parties, my sister is mostly in charge of food, while I handle decorations and goody bags. Before Christmas photos we get a photographer for an hour to come to the house, and take every possible combination of picture for Christmas cards. Last year my sister handled the Easter baskets (much better than the first Easter when Henry got three giant baskets!), and this year I put them together.

Sharing some of the tasks involved in holiday prep allows us to spend more time focused on the purpose of the holiday and less time stressing over details. Think about ways you can cut back on holiday stress by sharing the load. Maybe you could do a stocking exchange with a group of moms, where everyone brings multiples of a stocking stuffer, and everyone goes home with full stockings for the kids with carefully chosen goodies instead of last-minute junk. Maybe you could have a present wrapping party and share wrapping supplies. If your kids are into crafts, but coming up with activities for every special day on the calendar is overwhelming to you, swap holidays with a friend. One house can host the Valentine-making frenzy while another does the Easter egg dyeing. Not only does this kind of community living relieve some of the pressure we put on ourselves during holidays, it also gives us the chance to make special memories. My kids will grow up sharing lots of great times with friends and families, and their mom will be less harried in the process.

The Lump

2013-09-04T08:46:00.003-07:00

I'm sitting in the waiting room looking through magazines, pictures of houses with gardens and wide plank floors, trying to forget why I'm here. I can't though. Stella is toddling around and everyone she meets lights up at her antics. Horrible, horrible thoughts cross my mind. I picture her in a wedding dress, someone putting lipstick on her, and I wonder, do I write her a special letter for that day? Is it fair, to make her sad when she should be so happy? Is it selfish? Would she even be sad, or just feel obligated to read it? It is fairly certain she won't remember me by then.

By then she'll have moved on, been loved, not quite so well as I would have loved her, but loved by someone. I think of this hypothetical someone and I'm at once grateful, jealous, filled with a sadness that pulls me apart. Of course I'd want him to move on. I never want him to move on! How could he? How could they all? All the earth, turning, people moving on and on without me as though I was a fly someone swatted away.

Calm down, calm down, I think. You don't want to cry here. Shouldn't my faith make me strong now? Shouldn't the way I handle myself show the world how Great a God I trust? But, my kids. It's not just me. If it were I could face it all, but my babies, without the insane love that a mother feels, who will help them, who will never give up on them, who will spend every last breath, dollar, minute on keeping them safe? And it dawns on me finally as I'm lying on the table, the gel spread over my breast and the tech asking me questions, that I know He will. He will protect them, guide them, love them and comfort them. He will never leave them or forsake them. And He'll do it all better than I ever thought I could. I don't feel insignificant now, only relieved.

The specialist comes in and smiles and I know it will be ok. Just some bruised tissue he says, from when you offered your breasts to feed them. It happens, a little damage, a scar, a harmless mark of motherhood. No chemo, no cancer, no writing letters for the days I'll miss. And I say thank you, but I'm not so relieved as I was a moment before, because the burden is still lifted. I don't have to be everything anymore. He takes away and gives back so much more. So I thank God then, for the lump.

Just Some Old Poetry

2013-07-17T23:46:00.003-07:00

Here's a couple of old poems I found while looking for lost chapters of my novel. This is from at least 8 years ago, so pardon the angst.

Forgive this
insistence
on unveiling.
When hailing truth
the failing youth
doesn't seem to bring
the wisdom I thought it would.
My friend said,
and in the end bled,
"Love stands a test,
and time is but one."
What fun! This steadfast
head cast nobly
shoulders squared
and heart bared
a valiant soldier marching
his overarching ideals.
This feels too strong for me
Not wrong you see,
but I'm too tired for action
and words are all that's left
to give me satisfaction.

And another one:

You were mine, to have, to hold
You were warmth when my hands were cold.
And I loved you young, and
I loved you old
and I loved you even though.

Ephesians 5 Poem

2013-06-22T23:49:00.001-07:00

-->

I was proud and alone
Split the marrow, shatter the bone
His hands gathered splinters,
Pressing gently from the ash.
Trash into treasured child,
Our treasures now are trash.

And when we laid it out
On the altar where it burned,
The scent of the sacrifice.
The lessons that we learned
Rose with wafting pleasure
To heaven, and to God
It was absolutely nothing
It was everything we had.

Burnt the untrue word
Burnt the ragged shirt.
Burnt the clench of anger
Burnt the mocking smirk
Burnt the flippant turning
From the suffering of others.
Burnt the blindness that kept us
From seeing our own brothers
Burnt the comfortable chair.
The last, as it burned, sending sparks into the air.

And leaving all we were

Upon the soot-stained floor.
We arise, not less, but more.
A shining, glittering thing.
Duty, yes, to every cell, a promise.
Beauty, too, and know this
That God has formed us together
No longer two alone
A humble reproduction of the
Love that was his own.

So when the ghosts come whispering
Of two long gone lonely souls,
Banish with this thought
Those cold and doubting spectres:

There is no room for ghosts
In the space where our hands meet.
The bire, our bed
The fire, our sheets.
Recall then, the conflagration of the self
And the holiness of a creation
That began as destruction.

Filled so full of sacrificial love
That every step echoes with
It's gracious song.
A gift for a gift,
Not a wrong for a wrong.

From His face we learn the truth:
That truth from His eyes shone,
Whatever the circumstance
We will never be alone.

Great Expectations or On Turning 28

2013-05-02T10:10:00.000-07:00

If you had asked me at 18 what I thought the next ten years would have in store for me, I would have anticipated:

living in NYC
authoring several books
traveling to many new places
having lots of friends who were very different from me
becoming a professor
maybe finding a boyfriend that I could stand to be around
looking to make an impact on the world through my professional career

Instead I am:

living with my family in the town where I grew up
done with traveling for the near future
friends with other moms who are a lot like me
a lawyer

spending every day with the husband I adore
looking to impact the world by educating my children and living my life for Jesus

While most of us view 30 as the milestone age, I feel that today, marking 10 years into my adulthood, is as good a time as any to look back, to assess. Yesterday I pulled out a devotional book that I had started (and lost) as a teenager. I realized as I read through the verses that while the years have passed and I've accomplished some things, my spiritual life has been crawling along at a snail's pace. A few pages into the devotional was a pledge, unsigned by me, to commit to daily devotions for 10 weeks. I couldn't help but wonder if I would be different today if I had stuck with that Sunday school class, if I had made that commitment.

I do pray daily, but still read the Bible sporadically. Part of me (the prideful part) says go buy a devotional for adults, you've been a Christian almost your whole life, you don't need this kids' book. But deep down, I know that I'm just a baby, and that many of us are just babies in Christ. I don't know Jesus the way I want to. I've decided to finish this book, and to commit to daily devotions for the next 10 weeks. Hopefully I will be starting a habit that will continue long after the book is finished.

If anyone else wants to check it out, this is the little devotional book I'm talking about: Spending Time Alone with God It's written for middle/high school and it's simple but solid.

What Kind of Heroine Do We Need?

2013-04-17T23:35:00.001-07:00

I am currently writing a book in which the protagonist is a young girl. I am also raising a daughter who will grow up surrounded by fiction and will likely identify with at least some of the female characters in those stories.

I had a blog post drafted that singled out a few exemplary female characters in children's and young adult fiction, including Hermione Granger and Katniss Everdeen, as well as some less than inspiring characters, like Bella from the Twilight books. I looked at each one and decided which ones I thought would be the best role models for young girls, and therefore the "best" sort of female characters to create. After looking at the list and looking back at my own character, I started thinking about what it is that we really want and need from these fictional women.

I think it would be easy to say that what young women need are strong, independent, intelligent characters to act as role models for them and to promote self-reliance and maturity. But really, that way of looking at fiction might be too simplistic.

If the stories we read are just tricked out after-school specials, then yes, bring on the superwomen. But what is the real point of immersing oneself in a fictional story? Is it to practice the role of someone great, then put down the book and assume those positive qualities? I don't know anyone, (maybe with the exception of a biography reader), who really reads like this.

I do know plenty of Hermiones, but, luckily, very few if any Bellas. What I'm trying to say is that, in the real world, the women I know are strong, intelligent, creative, persevering, passionate, and not waiting around for a prince to come and save them. So why do some of these awesome women love to read Twilight (or Shades of Grey, for that matter)?

I don't think it's because they are secretly Bella, or Anna. I think that by entering a fantasy world temporarily, they are able to lay down the expectations of greatness that weigh on us constantly, and relate to the damsel in distress. By reading about characters who have nothing, (no skills, no advantages, no exciting abilities, who are utterly passive), and yet are thrown into excitement and adventure nonetheless, the readers stop putting themselves in competition with the character, and instead are able to escape into the fictional world.

What I think is attractive about these stories, usually romances, is that a character who is basically a blank slate at best, and offers very little to admire on her own, is still able to effect change, just by being present in the story. This kind of indulgent writing has a message all its own: everybody is special. Every lame-ass heroine deserves to have her story told, and "every pot's got its cover." (This last phrase was one my grandmother used when she heard that some particularly weird person got married.)

The message isn't true, not everyone is important, and not everyone will get a steamy romance, but it is comforting, isn't it? It may be the comforting message a young girl can escape to now and then, when she's facing the harsh reality, that women are expected to balance every previously delegated role perfectly, all while looking like a beauty queen, and princes are few and far between.

Needless to say, I hope to create a character young women can look up to, and I hope my daughter enjoys reading about female characters who get things done. But maybe I won't cringe if she wants to indulge in a dumb romance now and then. Because after all, who cares what she reads? It's what she does when she's done with the book that matters.

Out of the Rut and Onto the Road

2013-03-17T18:43:00.000-07:00

I have bent over backwards to play this role. The perfect mom, the perfect wife. I have swept, mopped, dusted, organized, laundered, straightened, ironed, fixed, shopped, cooked my way through the dreariest parts of winter. I have researched, read, taught. I have nursed, changed, bathed, snuggled, kissed, and rocked to sleep. I am tired, and I am ready for a change.

It is time, I think, to say no to a few more invitations and requests, to let the dishes and the laundry sit until I'm ready, to let the kids stay in their pajamas. It is time to stay inside even when I just feel like getting out. It is time to let someone else have the babies for an hour while I sit and write. It is time to let Stella have a bottle, and let someone else give it to her.

It is time to take a week off from elaborate school plans, and just snuggle up on the couch and read books to my babies. It is time to say no to more work, even though I want to be making money so badly.

It is time to shut everyone and everything else out, and write the story I've been thinking about for so many months. It is time to treat my characters like the friends they are, instead of shooing them away so that I can check everything else off my list. It is time to be alone. It is time to enter a new world. It is time to write.

Luke 2

2012-12-23T09:33:00.002-08:00

2 And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Caesar Augustus that all the world should be taxed.

²(And this taxing was first made when Cyrenius was governor of Syria.)
³And all went to be taxed, every one into his own city.
⁴And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judaea, unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem; (because he was of the house and lineage of David:)
⁵To be taxed with Mary his espoused wife, being great with child.
⁶And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered.
⁷And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn.
⁸And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night.
⁹And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid.
¹⁰And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.
¹¹For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord.
¹²And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.
¹³And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying,
¹⁴Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.
¹⁵And it came to pass, as the angels were gone away from them into heaven, the shepherds said one to another, Let us now go even unto Bethlehem, and see this thing which is come to pass, which the Lord hath made known unto us.
¹⁶And they came with haste, and found Mary, and Joseph, and the babe lying in a manger.
¹⁷And when they had seen it, they made known abroad the saying which was told them concerning this child.
¹⁸And all they that heard it wondered at those things which were told them by the shepherds.
¹⁹But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart.
²⁰And the shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things that they had heard and seen, as it was told unto them.
²¹And when eight days were accomplished for the circumcising of the child, his name was called Jesus, which was so named of the angel before he was conceived in the womb.
²²And when the days of her purification according to the law of Moses were accomplished, they brought him to Jerusalem, to present him to the Lord;
²³(As it is written in the law of the Lord, Every male that openeth the womb shall be called holy to the Lord;)
²⁴And to offer a sacrifice according to that which is said in the law of the Lord, A pair of turtledoves, or two young pigeons.
²⁵And, behold, there was a man in Jerusalem, whose name was Simeon; and the same man was just and devout, waiting for the consolation of Israel: and the Holy Ghost was upon him.
²⁶And it was revealed unto him by the Holy Ghost, that he should not see death, before he had seen the Lord's Christ.
²⁷And he came by the Spirit into the temple: and when the parents brought in the child Jesus, to do for him after the custom of the law,
²⁸Then took he him up in his arms, and blessed God, and said,
²⁹Lord, now lettest thou thy servant depart in peace, according to thy word:
³⁰For mine eyes have seen thy salvation,
³¹Which thou hast prepared before the face of all people;
³²A light to lighten the Gentiles, and the glory of thy people Israel.
³³And Joseph and his mother marvelled at those things which were spoken of him.
³⁴And Simeon blessed them, and said unto Mary his mother, Behold, this child is set for the fall and rising again of many in Israel; and for a sign which shall be spoken against;
³⁵(Yea, a sword shall pierce through thy own soul also,) that the thoughts of many hearts may be revealed.
³⁶And there was one Anna, a prophetess, the daughter of Phanuel, of the tribe of Aser: she was of a great age, and had lived with an husband seven years from her virginity;
³⁷And she was a widow of about fourscore and four years, which departed not from the temple, but served God with fastings and prayers night and day.
³⁸And she coming in that instant gave thanks likewise unto the Lord, and spake of him to all them that looked for redemption in Jerusalem.
³⁹And when they had performed all things according to the law of the Lord, they returned into Galilee, to their own city Nazareth.
⁴⁰And the child grew, and waxed strong in spirit, filled with wisdom: and the grace of God was upon him.

Organized.

2012-12-11T13:36:00.003-08:00

This has been the mantra ruling my every free second since sometime last year. Getting the clothes organized, the closets organized, the finances organized. Organizing the grocery list, the library books, the social calendar, the traveling details. Saving receipts, clipping coupons, sending out bills.

Always in front of me there is this vision of my life completely organized. I sit at my cleared off kitchen table, drinking home-brewed iced tea, wearing clothes that fit well on the body I got from working out every day while my kids take synchronized naps, while the healthy made-from-scratch dinner bakes in the oven. All the projects are done, every inch of the house painted, swept, disinfected, steam-cleaned, pressed. I type the correct number of words allotted for that day, moving forward in a perfectly straight line toward the ultimate goal of my completed book.

I never spend more than I have to, I never waste time with indecision, never turn back once I've gone down a road, because I always choose the right road the first time. My hair is cut and my nails are polished and I remember everything I'm supposed to do this weekend.

Then the vision fades, and I am appalled by this person living in my house, this flighty, unfocused person who wanders the apartment retrieving socks and scribbling lines of plot onto old envelopes. The person who changes main characters and voice mid-novel. The person who, after feeling nauseous and tired for a couple of days, begins to agonize over the dreaded possibility of an unlooked-for pregnancy, and then, in the same day prays sincerely but futilely for the second line to appear, because salvation lies in the second line. She goes to the store in desperate need and then wanders around trying to remember why she came.

This person is unrecognizable to me, because inside I am a little girl who went to fairs and guessed the number of marbles in the jar, and put my name in hats, and never worried that I wouldn't win - such a thought was inconceivable! I always won. I believed in my own worthiness the way I believed in the infallibility of my family, the way I am tempted now to view the perfection of my children.

I am, in short, so disorganized that I'm not sure now whether the Good Things are a result of some hidden wealth of potential, or that self-centered, entitled bravado, or, most likely, the gifts of a benevolent God who pities my naivety. It is said, God won't give you more than you can handle, and I must be weak indeed for the charmed life I've led.

At the end of the year now, as I make lists and check off boxes and count the cutlery, I am determined to put aside these things sometimes, to stop and think about something deeper, more mysterious than the perfection I crave.

My friend died recently, an old friend. She did not go to the gym; she didn't wear makeup. The wallpaper in her hallway was torn and only some of her children are doctors and professors, only some are married :) She had things in order. Before she got sick, I decided to let go of some of the clutter, ever pursuing that simplified life. I threw out close to 27 birthday cards from this friend. Year after year, she'd taken the time to send me a card. Sometimes she wrote out a verse in her neat little script, sometimes a five or ten dollar bill would fall from the card, neatly folded in two by her honest hands. She never flattered, but sincerely encouraged, using all she had she pushed grace and kindness outward and it rained down on everyone she knew.

I know when I think of my friend, that no amount of planning and working can make me into a woman like her. There is no time to wait until all the dishes are done to develop spiritually. I know I need to invite others into my home even if my ego won't be stroked by them complimenting it. I know I need to go to parties and showers and dinners even though I feel like hiding my disorganized self away in the dark. It is time, my friends, to get the priorities straight.