Ms.Direction

mystery solved

2010-05-14T09:23:00.004-04:00

In my last post I wrote about the draft I sent to Ms.D. To say it was a stressful event would be an understatement.

Yesterday my phone rang. I picked up. It was her. Oh crap. I thought. It's so bad that she actually had to pick up the phone.

This is where I need to point out that Ms.D is an email person. I am an email person. We communicate almost entirely online, which is fine, no, it's great. It works well because we're both so busy. So to have her calling me was very out-of-the-ordinary.

As it turns out she emailed me the day I sent the draft and then again the following week when I followed up to see if she'd read it. For some reason I didn't receive either of those emails. I combed my spam folders and came up dry. Email fail gives me the willies. I mean really, what else have I missed? It makes me so crazy I can't even think about it.

But, guess what, she liked the draft. She really liked it.

We chatted, I hung up, and then let out a big whoop. That icy anxiety inside of me melted faster than I could hang up the phone.

What a relief. I feel more more confident than ever. And now that I know I'm on the right track I feel like I am out of the limbo of unknowing and can truly forge ahead.

that draft

2010-05-12T09:06:00.003-04:00

Last week I emailed some draft text to Ms.D for her approval. As I mentioned in my previous post, I wanted to make sure that I was taking the right approach with things like language, tone and style.

I emailed it to her on Friday. My daughter had been home with a fever (which later turned into a rash which practically covered her entire body) and I was making last minute edits while the poor kid convalesced on the couch.

At one point – after I had made about 100 tiny changes and edits – I had had enough. I could have fussed with it for days, but it was time to let it go.

Normally I’m a lot more confident about my writing. I know what people want, and I know what I’m capable of, but this was different. I was relatively certain that this was the kind of writing Ms.D is after, but what if I got it wrong?

“What if she hates it?” I moaned to my husband.

His answer was something about taking another stab at it. No biggie, right? Although this kind of project is new to me I don’t believe that I’m over my head. I can handle revisions, sure, but I confess, if it’s totally wrong it’ll be a blow to my confidence.

Ms.D was worried about how she’d be portrayed. She is a positive person and wants to be seen as such. She’s very likeable and has a unique outlook on life. I think I got that. Even though I’m writing this from her perspective I think I portrayed her accurately, although there’s a very real possibility that she won’t agree.

I am happy with what I sent to her. I wouldn’t have sent it otherwise.

It’s early to say this – because I only sent an intro and a short first chapter, but by main worry is that I don’t have enough information. We’ve talked for hours, but is that enough to go on? I also worry that I’m not padding it enough. I’m not talking about fluffy space-wasting words, but that meaty in-between descriptive stuff that sets a scene and gets those big ideas across in the best way possible.

Here’s the thing: I sent the text to her last week and I haven’t heard back. And so, of course, I’m imagining the worst. The worst being (a) she hates it (b) she’s in the process of emailing it to her friends and they are all discussing it (b) she has been stunned into silence and doesn’t know how to proceed and is ready to throw in the towel.

But I’m not ready to throw in the towel. Not yet.

d-day

2010-05-07T09:21:00.003-04:00

I promised Ms.D that I'd be sending her a draft of the writing thus far. I have to confess that I am a little nervous about this. This week has been total chaos, and included a waterfall of unexpected work and a feverish child among the usual mayhem of everyday life in a young family.

As I write this, our puppy is chewing on one of the houseplants. *sigh*

I am turning away other work because this has to be a priority, otherwise it will never get done.

Anyway, yes, the draft. Today I will be sending Ms.D the first draft of the first chapter of this book. I am pretty sure she will like it, but... what if she doesn't?

I'm starting it off with a doozy of a story about something that happened to her on one of her long-distance runs. It's written from her perspective. I also want to make sure she agrees with the tone I've taken and that I've interpreted her words the right way. Cross your fingers.

Building it from the ground up

2010-04-26T10:06:00.000-04:00

I really enjoyed the discussion in the last post. Thank you to everyone who added their two cents!

I am working on an intro to this little book right now, which revolves around the running aspect of Ms.D's life. I've started it this way because the way she describes her experiences (and they are pretty wild) are extremely fascinating.

In terms of a direction, we're looking at something that is kind of a memoir, but also meant to inspire women in business without sounding like a self-help book. As a reader, what kind of things would you like to learn about Ms.D? How she does it? What drives her? Her recipe for success?

clash of ideas

2010-04-20T10:27:00.000-04:00

If I am understanding her correctly, Ms. D believes that anyone is capable of anything (that is, as long as they are physically able). Anyone can run a marathon, learn how to cook, lose weight etc ... they just have to want it badly enough.

I'm having trouble coming to terms with this line of thinking. I want to believe it, I'm just not sure it's true. Is this idea simplifying things too much? Can anyone run a marathon?

recipe for success?

2010-04-13T10:29:00.001-04:00

Ms.D attributes a lot of her success to her mother. When Ms.D was growing up her mother constantly told her (1)she's smart and (2) has to work hard and that (3) education is the path to success.

"Adults have an opportunity to build a child up or knock them down," says Ms. D. "All you need to say is that a child is smart... You’re smart. You can do this. Try your best. If you really want to do it you can do it."

It seems this mantra has stuck with her, even into adulthood.

Ms.D has a remarkable and positive can-do attitude. Can anyone develop this kind of attitude? And what is our responsibility as parents to ensure our kids have it too?

Grappling

2010-04-12T13:18:00.001-04:00

... with the idea of full-time careers vs. motherhood, and all the challenges and guilt that arises from the decisions we make every day.

Is there such a thing as balance? Or is it an illusion? Those who say they've achieved life balance, are they telling the truth or just fooling themselves? Is it possible to find a balance between motherhood and a career that suits everyone involved?

the new world order

2010-03-08T10:16:00.001-05:00

The other day I promised myself that I'm going to work on this project every day (except over the weekends) and I am thrilled with how it instantly improved my General Sense of Accomplishment.

Ms.D is never far from my thoughts now. She's hovering. This is good.

Also, I am realizing why it is that we get our best ideas in the shower. There's no noise or thought or attention pollution... i'm alone with thoughts and water and soap and my ideas.

Long showers, quiet drives, powerwalks. I think I'm on to something.

the elephant in the room

2010-03-03T12:42:00.001-05:00

The subject of women in business is looming - on paper and in my head.

Ms.D and I have talked about what it's like to be a business woman in an executive work environment.

At one point I asked her about high school.

"The word that used to come back to me was snob," she said. "It’s all the same theme. You know whether someone in high school called me a snob or someone today tells me I’m unapproachable or uses a word like “intimidating” or “aggressive” or “type A” … it’s the same word. It’s the same thing. It’s the same feedback."

I'm asking myself:

- what personality traits does a woman need to be successful in business and how can those traits be cultivated?
- about the idea of friends in the workplace: necessary? doable? sanity-saving? a good strategy? overstepping? alienating? risky?

Oh man.

scheduling creativity

2010-03-02T10:47:00.001-05:00

It seems counter-intuitive, doesn't it - scheduling creativity - but if a project has to be completed it can't be done any other way.

For awhile I was devoting a block of time working on this job once a week. Fridays were interview and transcribing time. It took me a few months to figure out that this hasn't really been working for me.

It just takes too long to get into it after 7 days of going without it. (Although I do want to point out that I haven't exactly been twiddling my thumbs. I have other writing jobs, and I have been doing related reading!) But it just hasn't been enough.

I talked to someone about it recently and she gave me some great advice. I'm working on this project a little bit every day. I shut down my email and ignore everything else, and focus. Sounds simple, doesn't it?

Sometimes it takes someone else to point out the obvious.

The results have been good. Doing a bit every day has been keeping it all fresh in my mind. I feel like I'm in control and it all seems much more manageable.

fundamental

2010-03-01T10:20:00.000-05:00

Ms. D tries to be mindful in regards to everyday interactions with the people around her. Is she more mindful than others? Every time you interact with someone, she says, you have the opportunity to build them up or tear them down. Which are you going to do?

The "Shut Up" principle

2009-12-18T13:11:00.004-05:00

I'm still slogging through transcription of interviews.

It is hard work, and my wrists are feeling the brunt of it. I really should be a faster typist by now.

I shouldn't complain. I actually enjoy this part of the process very much.

I remember the first interview I had to transcribe. It was during my university days, for my radio broadcasting class. Our teacher (famous for being a stubborn "my-way-or-the-highway" kind of guy) made us type out our first interview in its entirety. Our assignment was to find a senior citizen and ask them about their earliest childhood memory. I went to an old age home and was matched up with someone there. He was a really nice fellow. We talked for a couple of hours. His first memory was of a shiny red fire engine he got for Christmas ... and he went on from there. You can imagine how many pages I filled up.

Anyway, yes, my interview had to be transcribed word for word. And it stuck with me - not the interview itself, but the process. I never forgot how pleasantly mindless it all is - at least - I used to think it was mindless, but it's not. My brain is quietly humming and processing everything while I tap away. Subconsciously I am sorting out my thoughts and planning how the story is going to unfold.

Thankfully, I've gotten better at it over the years. As I listened to my interviews over again from the perspective of an eavesdropper, not the interviewer, I quickly learned where I was making mistakes.

One of the things I've learned is what I call the Shut Up Principle. I'm always thinking about it when I'm interviewing someone for a piece I'm writing. It's still a struggle, but I'm improving. I try not to interrupt, interject, or put words in my interviewee's mouth. And I try not to talk about myself. I did a lot of this early on. I never realized it until I was playing back the audio. The person would tell me something about themselves and I'd hear the recorded version of myself pipe up and say "I did that too!" or relate my own witty tale. Ugh. It made me cringe when I listened to myself.

I figured out why I was doing it. I wanted the person to like me, to trust me, to open up to me and tell me more. But I don't think it ever worked. On playback it just sounded ridiculous. After all, this is not about me, it's about them.

Now when I do an interview, I let them talk. I even let awkward silences remain awkward and silent. More often than not the interviewee will fill the gap. I certainly don't need to step in with any tidbit of my own. This is not a normal conversation. It's an interview.

How Ms.Direction came to be

2009-12-09T09:22:00.000-05:00

Before I started the blog side of this project I struggled with how I could write about Ms.D without revealing her real name. Clearly the way to go was to make up a name. But it couldn't be Betty or Jasmine or Diane. It had to be something meaningful.

Ms.Direction refers to a time when she got lost - and I don't mean this in a figurative sense, she was actually lost. Ms.D is a runner (this is not a full-time occupation, it is what she does when she's not working), and it was during a run that she took a wrong turn. There is a deeper story here, but I will say that she got lost through no fault of her own. I hope she doesn't mind my saying this, but she felt pretty stupid getting lost (don't we all?) and beat herself up over it for awhile.

I don't think she does anymore - beat herself up that is - I think she's able to see it for what it was. When she first told me that story it really stuck. I couldn't shake it. I think of her and I see a compass. She lost her way and found it again. Metaphorically, she has path that she has defined for herself. And it's a good one. She has direction. We all need direction. I think it's too easy a thing to forget.

How is it going?

2009-12-03T10:17:00.000-05:00

I have been getting this question a lot lately - over coffee, over sushi lunch with a friend, and in the school yard. I stumble over my answer every time.

Well, I say. It's going!

I compare this project to taking a flight. The airplane I'm sitting in has been making its way down a very long runway. We need to gather enough speed before lift off ... and to do so prematurely might result in a tangle of burning metal.

Ms. D and I have agreed to do weekly interviews and reassess after six months. So we're still hurtling down that runway.

Our weekly chats have been incredibly interesting and insightful. This is what happens when one person really talks and another person really listens. During the interview I keep having to remind myself that I'm this is not an ordinary conversation.

A normal conversation is a two way street, both parties doing their share of talking, listening, and asking of questions. But what Ms. D and I are doing is almost entirely one-sided. I'm the one asking all the questions and she's the one doing all the talking. But it's more than that. She's remembering, she's having to analyze her own thoughts, feelings and words. I can't imagine what it's like to be in her shoes.

Why Ms.Direction?

2009-11-28T09:19:00.002-05:00

This is a placeholder for future post. I'm just trying something right now.

But I will be talking about how we came up with the name Ms. Direction and what it means.

rejig

2009-11-27T17:50:00.000-05:00

Pardon the dust. I'm reworking this site - again! I just can't be happy if it isn't pretty.

I have a good idea of where this is going now. That's good.

The importance of Voice

2009-11-26T16:07:00.000-05:00

A couple of weeks ago, Ms. D looked at me thoughtfully and asked me about perspective and it threw me for a loop.

"Are you sure?" she asked. "Because it could be you, with your spin on it."

When we first started we had informally settled upon this project being written in the first person, that is, from her perspective (even though I was the person writing it). i.e. "I like pizza and long bike rides" as opposed to it being written in third person "She likes pizza and long bike rides."

Okay, pizza and bike rides are a lousy example, but you know what I'm getting at - whose perspective would be more compelling? Mine as an observer, or hers, coming from inside her own head?

I had already settled upon writing it from her point of view and her question made me less sure of myself at first.

It will take a lot more work, but think it should be her words, her voice. For some reason I have it in my head that this could be a kind of diarized (is that even a word?) kind of memoir. And a diary can only be written by the person whose emotions and life is invested in it.

Early inspiration

2009-11-05T11:06:00.000-05:00

The conversation was about early inspiration.

It is fascinating how relatively simple childhood events can be so incredibly formative:

"I remember my mom’s friend Shirley. I can’t remember her last name. She lived across the street. That woman had an incredible influence on me. She taught me how to swim. I was really young, under seven. Her daughter was named Drew. Maybe I was five or six. She had three or four kids and she used to take us all to the community pool in the summertime. Back in those days we just jumped in and started to swim. She gave me a little bit of guidance here and a little bit of guidance there ... but she gave me an incredibly powerful experience. My mom doesn’t know how to swim and is afraid of the water. Had it not been for Shirley I never would have learned how to swim. .... I remember the day. I remember the situation. I remember her telling me I looked like a little fish. I remember all of that, clear as day.

It was a powerful feeling... one of my earliest memories of being empowered, she gave me the responsibility and accountability of learning how to do something. And I felt incredibly powerful."

Transcribing

2009-10-07T15:41:00.001-04:00

This week I've been slowly transcribing my first interview with Ms.D. I hear her talk, and hear myself talk, and I wonder if this the project that is going to kick my keyboarding skills into the next level.

Transcribing interviews is difficult and time-consuming, but it's worth it. It gives direction and narrows one's focus. The best thing to do is just to plow through it and get it done but at the same time there's a story in there that's slowly unfolding... a story that needs nurturing.

I have been highlighting details that grab me. Here's one I love, and it's straight from the Ms.D:

"... there’s this incredible thrill when you do something that’s that challenging after you’ve done it. There’s a before, there’s a during, and there’s an after. Before feels passionate, during is gruelling, and after is euphoric. In that stage of euphoria where you go “oh my god, i’ve just done something that looked impossible at the outset” it's in that euphoria you say “I want to do it again."

first official interview with Ms.D

2009-09-28T09:01:00.003-04:00

Ms.D and I have already met on several occasions but it was time to get started and record our conversations. Earlier this week I decided I was going to start taking the bus to our interviews. I grabbed the wrong bus to get downtown and arrived feeling rather frazzled and out of breath.

We sat down, ordered our lunch, started talking, and within about five minutes I realized that I wasn't actually recording. This is a bad dream come true.

(As I get older I am becoming increasingly OCD about a few things: forgetting my wallet, losing my keys and phone, and the audio recorder conking out during an interview. Just thinking about it makes me break out in a cold sweat!)

So I had looked down to see whether it was working (as per usual) and instead of seeing that reassuring "REC" symbol, the display read "DATA FILE SAVING." Uh, that's not right. And that's when it shut down completely.

Although I had fully charged my battery and tested it beforehand, it was clear that it was not holding the charge. Thank god I had a power cord. Thank god we were able to move to a table near an outlet! I apologized and we moved on, but I was (and am!) totally mortified.

I am glad I got my bad luck out of the way because the rest of the interview went well. I am going to start transcribing it today.

It's not clear in my mind yet how I'm going to structure all of the stories and information that she's giving me. Perhaps it's too early to start thinking about the timeline of her story. I have a feeling it will start to reveal itself once I really get started.

I am in awe of Ms.D and her drive to succeed. I need to figure out where this comes from. Is it nature or nuture? Are some people born to be big achievers, or does something happen to them when they’re young to make them into big achievers?
In the coming weeks I want to write about:

what it is about Ms.D that makes her different
is this a memoir or an autobiography or a motivational text
self-publishing
contracts
the "shut up" principle (from the perspective of the interviewer!)

Intro to the intro

2009-09-23T13:23:00.001-04:00

So this is the space that I've carved out for myself, separate from my other site.

As a person who is stuck on good design I hate that it's looking rather sparse, but I will have to wait until later to fix that.

First I need to give myself some guidelines.

This is my writing space.
This space is to help me sort out my ideas.

Ok. I know. That wasn't much of a list. But suddenly I'm looking at a blank page and I don't quite know where to begin.

*Deep breath.*

I've been talking to myself a lot about this writing project lately, so I suppose this site is a natural extension of those conversations.

This blog is specifically for a particular writing project. I've been asked to ghost write a book for a local executive. For now I'm going to refer to her as Ms.Direction, hence the name of this blog.

This name has really stuck in my head and I can't shake it. It fits.

Ms.Direction is an Ottawa-area executive who has challenged herself in ways that us regular people avoid. I will get into that more later (I know this is rather cryptic), but I will say that she is a very passionate and extremely motivated person.

When I first met her I was left breathless. And inspired. And I felt like I was floating. That's the effect she has on people. The things she has achieved in her life are amazing and I think I can learn a lot from this person.

She has a sense of direction in her life that many women are lacking. The book we're working on is ultimately to help inspire others to find their own direction and face their own challenges.

It will be our first "real" interview on Friday. I'll be recording everything, then transcribing it all.

A few years ago I would have been nervous about it, even afraid. (I hate admitting that, but there it is.) Today I am going into this with a clear sense that "I can do this." It feels pretty good.

the post to launch it all

2009-09-20T13:58:00.001-04:00

I'm tweaking the template and making it my own. This is the place I'll be hanging out for the next while...