Living with Intention

Life with Four

2017-07-18T22:28:00.002-05:00

Things I don't want to forget:

The fourth kid does not guarantee calm and cool parents. I fought against the inner fears but they still hung around the first few weeks. I worried about his eyes not focusing (based off an offhand comment from the pediatrician at the hospital... she didn't mean to worry me, I'm sure, but I heard it and it stuck in my head) and about bumps I felt on his head (lymph nodes, I later learned). I constantly watched to see if he preferred one side when turning his head. Of course, I also worried that he wasn't eating enough. He cluster fed like crazy the first two days before my milk came in and his latch wasn't quite right yet so I ended up with a blister. Thankfully, I was able to get a shield to protect it and let it heal and he had no problem latching with that. After two weeks of using it, his latch was perfect and I was healed with no pain during nursing sessions. With Amelia, it took up to six weeks before I realized it never hurt, so this was wonderful.

I can't remember how to get him to sleep at night. I've successfully got three babies to sleep at night, laying them down awake but sleepy, not nursing them to sleep. Yet this time, I find myself wondering, "how do I do this again?"

The girls have all reacted and adjusted differently. Josie is surprisingly motherly. She's been my go to girl when he starts fussing and I'm in the middle of something. She gently puts his pacifier back in, will sing to him (It works! It's amazing!) and does some pretty crazy stunts to distract him. Audrey will happily give him a hug or kiss if prompted and has held him a few times (the sweetest!) but she generally acts indifferent to him. She will, however, push his stroller every chance she gets. I'll give her that. Amelia is a fan. She was excited in anticipation of his birth and it didn't go away after he was born like I feared it would. She demands to hold him (that lasts about seconds before she says that she's done) and sometimes sings "Dennett Dennett you otay" to him in the car when he cries. It's the sweetest thing! She insisted on calling him Dennett or Be-dennett the first month or so even after she figured out that it wasn't right. It didn't help that we all laughed every time she said it. She randomly tells him that she loves him and I melt each time. It's adorable of course.

We've had some pretty chaotic days. Consecutive days, where we thought we were all going crazy. Bennett prefers to eat when we are all ready to eat, so many meals have been spent with everyone eating except me, only to find me wandering around looking for something to eat after they are all in bed. I've been known to lovingly shove the kids outside for large chunks of the day which helps a lot. Thankfully, Amelia has been much better about playing with her big sisters out there without me right by her side. It was worth the practice rounds we did while I was still pregnant. Hubby has stepped up his game and can get all three girls fed and ready for whatever activity is next leaving me to just take care of Bennett and myself. It's not perfect but we manage and it's getting easier every time.

On that note, though, there has been a shift in attitudes. Amelia is no longer the baby sister. She's become one of the big kids and they treat her as such. They don't willingly help her unless asked and she doesn't even want to be helped because, well, she's two. She pushes their buttons with incredible purpose and she's good at it. She knows it's not worth it to pull Josie's hair because she'll just laugh, but Audrey will lose her mind over it every time. She knows to take out bookmarks or move around toys that Josie perfectly arranged and that sets Jo over the edge. Audrey, on the other hand, doesn't seem to be bothered by that. She also walks around bopping on the heads (reminds me of the song Little Bunny Foo Foo) just for fun. I'd say she's definitely scrappy. Both of the older two take turns being her best friend which then leaves one of them out. It's a learning process.

We took the kids to Bismarck for a wedding when Bennett was a mere two weeks old. He did amazing. It was a great trip. He slept the whole way there and back, the kids danced and played at the wedding with minimal whining and mischief, and we got to enjoy time with family we don't see often enough.

He doesn't love the carseat when in the car. He screams about 50% of the time because his pacifier falls out and nobody can help or reach him. Not ideal. I cannot wait until he can put that thing in himself. He's so great when he has it, and I do think it's worth it but he has no idea how to hold it in his mouth himself. Gahh! Also, he just loves movement. He sleeps great in the little swing we pulled out of the shed (the one that none of the girls liked and we almost gave away) and will sleep fairly well when being pushed around in the stroller, but he wakes up almost immediately when stopped. It's not my favorite.

Part two coming some day...

Bennett Owen's birth story

2017-07-01T21:35:00.001-05:00

While I doubt he'll want to know the details of his birth when he's older, I still feel compelled to write out his birth story like I did for his sisters. I suppose I should start about two weeks before his due date.

On Wednesday, I went in with the girls along for the ride (almost always, it's just what we do). So far, nothing had been alarming and the appointments were fairly quick. This time, though, my blood pressure was elevated and it wouldn't come down. I also had protein in my urine test which meant I had to do a more intense version, the 24 hour test, at home to make sure there wasn't anything wrong. I spent the next day collecting everything that would normally go into the toilet in a large jug. It was not fun.

On Friday, two days since my last appointment, I brought my urine jug to the hospital clinic (farther away, much busier, and generally more expensive after going through insurance). I expected to be in and out, but my blood pressure was even higher (around 160/70) and wasn't coming down. My midwife was fairly alarmed by all of this so she admitted me to the OB floor on the hospital side. I had Audrey (4 years old) and Amelia (just barely 2 years old) with me and they were pretty wide eyed the whole time. I'm sure seeing mom suddenly in a hospital gown laying in bed is pretty crazy from their perspective. Thankfully, my parents were coming to town to bring back Josie, so they were able to swing by and pick them up while I waited. Trying to keep them entertained and calm while laying in a bed was not ideal. I had not brought in an extra diaper for Amelia (it was in the car but I couldn't go get it) and only had two books with and no food.

After they left, I learned that I no longer had protein in my urine and that my resting blood pressure was better than when I had first come in. I was told I could go home as long as I rested as much as possible over the weekend. For sure, baby boy would be induced the following Wednesday (at 39 weeks) if not sooner based on the numbers they'd been seeing. I asked what all of these tests were indicating, and my midwife explained that protein in the urine means that something is stressing my body out. A higher blood pressure could lead to calcium deposits on my placenta. If there were enough of them, it could limit the blood supply going to baby. Spoiler: I asked if there were any visible deposits on my placenta after he was born and there weren't. No wonder he wasn't showing signs of stress even with these higher numbers.

On Monday, I left the girls with a friend and headed back to the hospital/clinic. I was expecting to see the high BP numbers and be told that I'd be staying to have the baby, but instead I was pleasantly surprised to see a completely normal number. My midwife was happy to see that and said that I could go home and rest until Wednesday morning. This was such an answer to prayer because I had rescheduled my piano recital from Wednesday afternoon to Tuesday afternoon, just barely avoiding canceling it. I really wanted to have it since the kids had worked hard all year and I knew I wouldn't see them again until the Fall.

Wednesday was pretty uneventful. As always, with extra fluid in my body (usually the case when I'm at this point in pregnancy), finding a good vein for the IV was challenging and the fancy nurse with a good reputation for getting IVs set up was able to it going in the worst place (my left arm, I'm left handed, right by the elbow which meant that every time I bent my arm it would set off alarms). My nurse, Amanda, was wonderful and so patient. She kept raising my pitocin levels until they were maxed out but all I felt was some discomfort. My body was basically rejecting the push to go into labor.

The midwife on call came in and said that we could either break my water now and push things along more forcefully or call it quits until Thursday morning, give my body a chance to rest, and do another step that would soften my cervix a bit more. She ended up going with option two, so I settled in for a boring night sleeping in that uncomfortable hospital bed, most definitely not in labor.

On Thursday, after a somewhat decent night of sleep and some stronger contractions from the meds to get my cervix softer, I was pleased to hear I was a little farther along. Now remember, I had never progressed quickly until I got an epidural and then I'd go from a 3 or 4 to a 10 in just an hour or two. I was happy going from a 1.5 to a 2.5 overnight. Once the pitocin started, the contractions got intense quickly. My nurse (same one, which was awesome!) showed no mercy on me and said at one point that she wanted to see the pain level in my face. Ha! The midwife chose to break my water just an hour later and she gave me the okay to get an epidural anytime after that. At 11;15, I was more than ready. I had no illusions that it was worth trying to have a natural birth since my body was not picking up the labor on it's own.

With Josie and Audrey, a nerve was hit when the epidural was being put in and it was ridiculously painful. With Amelia, I was so tired and overwhelmed after being in labor for fourteen hours that I sobbed through most of it, fearing and anticipating that horrible pain. This time, I prepped the anesthesiologist with these details. This guy was a character. He was from an Eastern European country and had a strong accent to show it. He meant serious business and came across direct and intimidating. My nurse had warned me that he was just like that, and I actually liked it. He was direct and to the point. This time, like with Josie, Mike got queasy and had to sit down, It ended up being a good distraction for me as I waited for it to be over.

The epidural was a little stronger on one side, but other than that it worked great. He warned me that it takes away pain but not pressure, and again, I preferred that. I wanted to be able to feel progression and know when to push. My nurse checked me often because of my history, but I wasn't progressing very quickly at all. After two hours, it was clear that this was going to go differently than the girls' labors so she told me to call her if I felt like pushing and gave us some time to rest.

I noticed that I felt that urge to push soon after that. It wasn't very strong but it was definitely there. When she checked me, I was only at 6 cm. Why was I feeling that urge to push? She decided to check me through a contraction and realized that he was sliding down really low but then going back up after it was done. Knowing this, I really doubted if I would know when it was time to truly push. Thankfully, after another hour and a half, I was at 9 cm. She said that basically I was there except for the last part of the lip of the cervix. She went to call the midwife since she could manually help with that part, but within seconds of her shutting the door it was very clear that everything was ready to go.

I have never felt an urge to push like that. I imagine that the epidural was not doing much because it was excruciating. The nurse came running in, begging me to wait for the midwife. She was on her way but it seemed to take an hour. I am sure it was less than five minutes, but I was losing it. She came in, got the gloves on, exclaimed about his thick head of hair (yes, he was already crowning, there was no slowing him down) and basically caught him on the next contraction. I remember her telling me to slow down, and I remember screaming that that was impossible. I guess she was turning him a little bit so his shoulders would come out smoother and cause less tearing, but it was intensely painful, the worst ring of fire of all four kids.

Once he was out, he was on my chest immediately and he stayed there while everything else continued on. I did bleed more than normal but thankfully it was nothing compared to Amelia's postpartum hemorrhage. I had so much more energy because labor had only been 8 1/2 hours with only 3 of them without an epidural.

Bennett was born at 4:30 PM weighing 8 lbs 9 oz. He was 20 1/2 inches long with beautiful pink coloring and a solid cry. The girls were very eager to come and meet him so my parents brought them over past their bedtime. It was completely worth it. They came all dressed in pretty dresses with cards for us parents and a present for him. Mike's mom was able to come too (the rest of his family had colds so they didn't come to the hospital). It was perfect.

The next morning, I got the good news that we could be discharged after his 24 hour tests. He didn't have any problems so we left the hospital at around 5:30 with a baby just barely 25 hours old. I still felt great, tired, but not as physically fatigued. I had been able to walk around and bathe the night he was born and the rest of the recovery was much less intense since I hadn't lost as much blood. It was refreshing and a huge relief since we were coming home to a house full with four kids. Four kids! It'll take a while to get used to that.

His official hospital photo, tongue out and all

Checking in

2017-06-14T16:00:00.004-05:00

Are you ready to hear the saddest thing? I had Bennett's entire birth story (yes, he's born! He's here!) written up and it didn't save after the first paragraph. Finding the motivation and time to do it again hasn't been a priority, but I will do it soon. I'm determined to get it written down before I forget most of the details. In the meantime, here are a few pictures of our lovely little man, taken in the first few weeks.

Baby #4

2017-02-10T13:58:00.000-06:00

28 weeks! This pregnancy has felt like it's going in spurts. First, being so sick, it felt very slow and tedious. That passed and suddenly it seemed to jump ahead six weeks. Now, I'm in the third trimester and it seems as though I got here in a blink of an eye while also feeling like I've been pregnant (and will be) forever.

Funny how it works like that, isn't it?

The baby is the size of a large eggplant. I jump between feeling huge and feeling like I am doing pretty good for this far along. See for yourself.

I've avoided getting injured in my lower back during the second trimester (which happened with all three pregnancies prior) and I also gained less weight by about five pounds. That surprised me because I'm generally not eating great. I just can't avoid those sweets/larger quantities when I'm in the second trimester. But low and behold, I've reached the third trimester and suddenly I can only eat about half the amount before I feel sick to my stomach. I usually only gain around five more pounds from this point on, assuming I go overdue. I'll take that! Less to lose later. (I should point out that while I have not been injured, I am definitely feeling the sciatic nerve pain that seems to be inevitable from this point on as well as braxton hicks already.)

Speaking of going into labor later, I'm fully expecting that I will this time too. At my appointment this week, I did measure bigger by about half a week, so hubby is wondering if that means I'll go into labor sooner as well. I don't know about that, but it is possible I guess. Audrey and Amelia always measured about a week behind, and Amelia ended up being my biggest baby (and the latest to come past her due date). Either this boy is generally bigger, or he's not as tucked in as the girls were in my torso. I'm guessing it's the latter.

He's active, but not as much as I had initially thought he'd be when I first started feeling him move. There's a lot of movement from 7 PM to 8 AM and then I don't notice it much, mostly because I am moving around enough to likely keep him sleeping. There are times I notice it throughout the day, but it's nothing like the evenings, middle of the night, and when I wake up.

The girls have all had the chance to feel him move, although I doubt they actually understood what they were feeling. Josie jumps at every chance, but she doesn't have the patience to wait for him to kick again and usually ends up saying a few things to him before moving on to whatever activity she abandoned, missing out on actually feeling anything.

I've had a few friends share what their life was like when their last baby was born and it seems like so many had kind of intense newborns/life adjustments. I feel like we went through that with Amelia, and I can't even imagine a kid more challenging than she was unless there is a disability to work around and learn about. It's totally possible, but I just doubt it will happen. First of all, I got through Amelia's challenging first year because I was way more laid back than I had been with the other two. Each kid has me more laid back than the last, so odds are good with this kiddo, right? I don't expect it to be a breeze, but I do feel confident that we will get through it and I'm hoping and praying I can enjoy the newborn and baby stages of this little guy and not just wish him to grow up.

I'm slowly running out of clothes to wear since most of my older maternity clothes are in rough shape and of course my regular clothes don't fit over the bump. I'm fine with rotating between four or five outfits though, because most days I'm just at home and who cares?

It's way more fun to think about the baby's clothes. I have a few struggles when it comes to buying clothes for him:

1. First of all, Audrey, and even Amelia who was so big at birth, needed newborn clothes for a few weeks. If baby boy is similar, he'll need newborn clothes until around the beginning of June. I have maybe three pieces of newborn clothing, but I'm not as worried about that because if we need some I'm sure those around us will borrow some to us for those few weeks.

2. What concerns me is that May/June is really not hot yet and then July/August is super hot. Those months will all work for 0-3 months. I feel like I have two separate wardrobes going on for the beginning. I really don't want to have more than we need, and then there is always the chance that he's huge and jumps to 3-6 months early.

3. I have hand me downs for that size for now, but I just can't buy hardly anything for that first year until I have an idea what size he'll be and how he'll grow. My babies generally don't end up being bigger than average size, but who knows with this one? I am a planner and like to be on the ball with this stuff, but I'm stuck waiting until after he's here to do much of anything. It's driving me crazy.

4. Even if I was going to buy a bunch now, it's the wrong season. I really need to just wait a few more months and then start looking at what my options are. (I have no idea. How have I not noticed what boys wear in the summer before? Winter is no problem, but summer... I am drawing a blank.)

Anyways, these are minor problems to have and just gives me something to think about when I picture our summer. I still hope that we will be able to be outside a lot, go hiking, swimming, etc, just with a baby in tow this time. We had the best summer last year and I really believe that babies adapt and learn to love what they are introduced to early on. Amelia absolutely loved being outside that first year, and it ended up being my saving grace when she was so fussy and unpredictable. Now, she still adores being outside and does a great job sticking close by and exploring with her sisters.

Baby boy will just have to figure out our family culture, hopefully sooner than later!

Old fashioned ramblings

2017-01-09T09:38:00.001-06:00

I miss the days of old when bloggers would write whatever was on their minds or going on that day. It felt like catching up over a cup of coffee whenever I got to sit down and read it. Nowadays, blogs have to have so much purpose, often trying to sell a product or tutorial. Those are great, but I do miss the way it used to be.

On that note, how about some ramblings from this old blogger?

1. We have been postponing and avoiding the inevitable vehicle upgrade. When we got the Expedition after Audrey was born, it felt enormous. We couldn't imagine outgrowing it. Honestly, we haven't outgrown the vehicle size, but we are outgrowing the seat count. One of the things that made this vehicle affordable to us back then was that there were no third row seats. We didn't need them and we loved all the space in the back. It was quite convenient to leave the double stroller, beach toys, beach chairs, towels, a box going to the thrift store, and books in the back all of the time. Every time hubby thinks about buying something new, he laments over how we'll fit all of that and finally I just admitted to him that it's completely unrealistic to think that'll be possible. Nobody else does that! We just got used to it.

Well, this week the Expedition decided not to start when the temps were well below zero. We've had no problems with this vehicle (seriously, we've never had to replace anything at all) so whatever it is, I'm not too concerned. Hubby has an idea what it is, has bought the part, and plans to give the vehicle a good cleaning once it's good to go and running again. And then we sell it. Just like that! Now I'm driving the (nicer, newer) truck while hubby drives the (older, very simple) work truck. He was a little upset that he couldn't get it running before he had to leave town for work, but we put things into perspective quickly when we realized that we are so blessed to have three vehicles so that we can do this shuffle, sell the vehicle, and take our time looking for a new one instead of buying the first thing we find. Also, a huge thing that we are so used to and take for granted, we'll be able to buy a new-to-us vehicle with cash, no loan needed. How can we grumble when we have the means to do that? So we start the week with good attitudes, knowing that God will provide what we need before we have four kids to seat instead of three.

Well that one was long.

2. I keep asking Amelia where her baby brother is, just trying to get used to that word brother. She's been great at saying hi to the baby, giving my tummy hugs and kisses, and even initiating this little bit on her own without being asked. Mommy is the one that needs the help now. I've also been doing some online window shopping. I have a vague idea of what I want, but in all honesty the budget matters more than the style, so it's just for fun right now. I've never dressed a boy! It's so fun to look through all the options (there's more than you fellow boy moms let on) and see what I like and don't like. Already I've gotten some resistance from my hubby. He is not so much into anything hipster-like and apparently I am when it comes to baby boys. Who knew?

I'm hoping to keep things veeeeery simple with this little guy. Think minimalist wardrobe. Naturals, earth tones, mix and match clothing, etc. With the girls, I always knew there'd be another girl to follow to wear what didn't get worn by older sisters. With this guy, I want to make sure we wear everything we have. I hate the idea of being wasteful. Or having way too much. It'll be a balancing act.

3. I'm itching to go through the clothes Amelia has outgrown. Those bins are absolutely overflowing and there are really only a handful of neutral clothes in there that I can set aside for this baby. I walk into the nursery and see those bins and just dream about how roomy that closet will be. When I see the overflowing dresser (also full of outgrown clothes) I dream about seeing it neatly divided into clothes for the toddler and clothes for the baby. I'm adulting hard over here. Who dreams about clean rooms?

The big girls' room is actually not overtaken with clothes. I know, that's shocking. Because Audrey can wear the next size below Josie, I don't have to pack it up and store it in between. The only thing that I store for them is summer clothes (one bin total) and shoes (another bin). Everything else is what Audrey has outgrown, waiting for Amelia, so it's in Amelia's room. That's also only two more bins. It's so nice to open their closets and see a reasonable amount of clothing that they can actually wear right now.

4. Hubby busted me the other day on my lack of cooking this season. I was explaining to him how little I have to do throughout the week because of weekend leftovers, small group, etc, and he reminded me that he has been doing most of the weekend cooking. I can't help it that I'm always completely uninspired when pregnant. He comes up with all these great ideas while I sit there nodding, saying, "oh yes, that sounds good!" and then he says, "I'll just make it" since he has the idea in his head anyways. I want to enjoy cooking again, but I'm also realistic. Its most likely not going to happen until about six months after baby is born. Insert sad, frustrated face here.

5. I'm surprising myself with how little disappointment I've had with winter this year. I missed most of fall weather because of being sick all the time, so when winter came, I think I was just relieved to be able to hunker down at home without being sick. The older two girls are big enough to play outside without me so I'm able to lovingly shove them outside when they are driving me crazy. I know we have a solid three months more of winter, but I actually don't mind the cold and snow as long as the temps stay above or around 10 degrees or so. Of course, that won't happen consistently for a while now but it's a season, and right now I'm okay with being stuck inside most of the time.

Josie's been staying up a little later than her sisters these days and I've been teaching her how to play Crazy Eights to pass the time. Hubby saw this and immediately sat down to teach her Gin Rummy. It's harder so she wasn't quite as into it, but it was a blast and a peak into our future with more kids able to play our favorite games.

Baby #4 with all the details

2017-01-07T10:44:00.004-06:00

Well look at that! Happy New Year, since this is my first post of 2017. And what a great year it's turning out to be. We are seven days in, and we've already made this fun announcement:

I've already posted it on facebook, so if you aren't feeling like watching, or you already have, the short summary is this: We are expecting our fourth kiddo, due in May, and we found out that it is a boy yesterday at our ultrasound. Josie thought or at least hoped it was a boy, and Amelia copied Audrey with her guess that it was a girl. Hubby and I both assumed girl, because up until now that's all we've known.

Alright, so now a bit more information, because I know you love the details.

The first trimester coincided with starting homeschool which worked in my favor in multiple ways. When most of the kids were going back to school and starting strict schedules to follow and new routines to get used to, we resumed life as normal and added in an hour or two of school. I was very typically nauseous almost 100% of the time so you can imagine my relief when we were able to stay home and take things slow. Because I had expected this, I had worked hard with Josie to get ahead in her formal books (math and writing) so when the sickness hit hard we were able to take days off here and there without falling behind. The younger ladies have loved "doing school" at the table with us so I haven't had to worry about them causing trouble while I'm focusing on Jo.

But this post isn't about homeschooling. This post is about this baby! We told our friends and family around seven or eight weeks because I cannot hide my fatigue and sickness well, ever, and we wanted the support and prayers that we knew we'd get (and did get). Once those people knew, I basically just stayed at home as much as possible and kept the schedule clear.

It felt like forever! But as always, it eased up around 13 weeks and I was able to resume life. Around this time and the few weeks prior, I had a handful of friends text or message me wondering how we were doing, saying they missed us, and making sure everything was okay. Can I just tell you how much that meant to me? If you ever think of someone and have a fleeting thought to reach out, do it. It's always worth it.

Health insurance being as awful as it is, and this pregnancy going as smoothly as it did, I pushed off the first appointment until I was 18 weeks along. The ultrasound was at 23 weeks, which is where we are now. My midwife was definitely surprised that I had waited to come in, but this is not my first time. She quickly got over it and agreed that we can play it by ear for future appointments and not necessarily have them quite as often. Whew. Glad to get that part out of the way.

So, other than normal sickness, how has this pregnancy been? Because I'm in that joyful second trimester, it's quite easy to say that it's fabulous. Ha! I have minimal discomfort, and really only have any when I push myself physically with house cleaning, shoveling, and snowblowing all in one day. I've gained a fair amount as I always do in the second trimester, and I can already tell that my appetite is diminishing as baby takes up more room against my stomach. I do feel like I've had a few more days of general stomach discomfort, where foods don't sound as good or I just feel full enough to be uncomfortable even if I haven't really eaten much. It isn't all the time and it's nothing to complain about but I don't want to forget one of the few differences I've had with this baby.

Honestly, there aren't a lot of differences! With the girls, none of them were positioned exactly the same (high vs low, centered vs more to one side). This baby seems to sit pretty high, but I know he's not the only one that did. The sickness was almost identical, and the weight gain has been too. I've had some bad headaches but it's not a regular thing. No wonder I assumed he was a girl, right?

I had such a clear vision of a family of four girls. I could picture them in a year, five years, ten years, even as young adults. I had been saying "she" accidentally for this whole pregnancy, so now my brain is freaking out a bit trying to get used to the thought of a boy.

I've been asked a few times if I'm disappointed, rightfully so because we were expecting a girl, but I can say wholeheartedly that I'm not. Sure, it'll be completely different to have a son in many ways, but I was shocked when we had our first girl and that turned out to be great! I'm excited to pick out boy clothes since I've spent years avoiding that section and buying them only as gifts for others. There are some cute clothes out there for boys that I can finally get into! Ha!

In all seriousness though, it'll take me a while to get used to the thought of a boy in the various stages. A baby isn't so hard, but an eight year old? A teenager? A young adult? I can't see it. Not yet, and that's fine. The other thing I'm allowing myself to grieve is the thought of not having another baby girl. It may seem silly because we already had three, but when Amelia outgrew things or stages, I told myself that we'd have one more lady coming along and, well, now we don't! It's funny how little things will hit me, like seeing these little newborn moccasins that we won't use. They were so cute, but they will be the wrong season, or the little girly bonnets that are nowhere near worn out, or the little baby swimsuits, Christmas dresses, and hair bows. You get the idea. It's making me appreciate Amelia in a different light as our baby girl. She'll always be our youngest girl. So many thoughts running through my mind.

I'm ready for the typical questions or statements and I'll just throw out a few of our responses in case you were wondering.

"Now Mike isn't so outnumbered!" True. Good math, my friend.

"Now Mike has a hunting buddy" He's working on the girls and they aren't against it, so more accurately, one could say that he may have another hunting buddy. One can dream, as I tell him.

"So now you can be done, right?" Such an inappropriate question to ask someone, yet it comes up all the time. We had no plans to try for a boy if this had been a girl, and we don't have any permanent plans to prevent pregnancies in the future, so we answer that this is our last planned pregnancy and we'll happily take any other babies God sends our way. I mean, I'm thirty, so there's quite a bit of time left where that could happen. Who can know for certain?

"You finally got your boy!" I see why this is a popular one too, but I cringe a little when this is said in the vicinity of the girls, as if we were just biding time with them waiting on the beloved son. My response is that we are happy to mix it up and have a boy but we sure do love our girls, each and every one of them.

And before you think I'm persnickety with those responses, I want to assure you that I realize people just want to talk about it because having a baby is exciting and it's fun to dream together. I'm not knocking the typical questions. It's really just a way to start the conversation. It's just funny how many times I hear the same questions over and over again.

How long do you give me before I start the purging process of baby girl items? I won't necessarily get rid of it, but it's definitely got to stop taking up precious storage space in the nursery. I'm giving myself a month tops.

Oh, and because I'm sure a few will wonder, how confident are we about the boy proclamation made by the ultrasound tech? When she was looking between the legs, I was looking for the three lines (sign that it's a girl) and was annoyed that there was clearly something else in the way. Then, she pointed to that something else and declared him a boy. What?? I didn't even realize it when it was staring me in the face. I think that was hubby's experience too. A while later, he had moved a bit and she had an even better view and said that he was making it very easy to see now. Before she had even checked, the heartbeat was 132 which was quite a bit lower than the girls' were at any point in my pregnancies with them. Apparently, when the heartbeat is below 140, that often means boy. All that to say that yes, we're pretty confident.

Really, this is the only time it's appropriate for a shot like this, am I right?

See any resemblance yet?

The sweetest thing.

I just can't get used to saying "he." Give me a minute or two.

Merry Christmas!

2016-12-25T08:00:00.000-06:00

Merry Christmas from our family to yours! We are celebrating with family today and hunkering down as the snow storm rolls in. We couldn't ask for more. We pray that your Christmas is a bright spot in your year and that you are able to celebrate with loved ones as well. Mostly, we pray that Christ is the center and that you can grow in your relationship with Him this year.

Again, Merry Christmas!

(fun fact: the original meaning is "Rejoice! Christ was sent!")

Little bakers

2016-12-21T12:05:00.000-06:00

I've cut back on yearly traditions. We know this, though, right? I've written about this before. A few have stuck around, and one of my favorites is decorating sugar cookies. I've spent a lot of my time finding good recipes, techniques, and even tools to do a decent job without a lot of frustration. This year, we didn't do a cookie exchange with anyone and we don't really have a reason to have dozens and dozens of them, so I just made one batch. I grabbed a few for me to decorate and then handed the frosting over to the girls and let them do their child magic.

She's cute, but she didn't decorate. She's more like our comic relief.

I love them. Imperfect, beautiful, touched with their love cookies. I learned while watching them that they are very neat, almost to a fault. They didn't get any on their clothes and hardly any frosting got on the table. In fact, I had to keep reminding them to put more frosting on each cookie because I hate throwing it away and we all know it's more fun when the cookie is loaded down with sugar.

We didn't do the white base because of lack of time (that's a whole additional step that takes time to dry) but again, they are just for us. It doesn't matter!

Also, the girls have already requested heart cookies, so we will be baking and decorating again come February. I'm already excited about it.

My imperfect few, blurry and all

Josie's on the left, Audrey's on the right

The one time of year that dirty dishes are kind of pretty.

Birthdays and snow days

2016-12-09T08:00:00.000-06:00

Audrey Joy had her 4th birthday a few weeks ago and we celebrated her exactly how she wanted. In the morning, we went to our favorite place, Sandy's Donuts for breakfast. It snowed that day so the big girls went outside during quiet time. When they came in, I had hot chocolate ready in their tea cups. I got the meal ready for her party, and we had our close family over for some pasta, cake, and play time on that evening. It was not a long get-together but it was exactly perfect for our girl that doesn't necessarily love having a lot of attention aimed at her. Can I just say that this girl is such a delight? She had been building excitement for weeks about her upcoming birthday but it was so innocent and sweet. {sweet -- the word forever tied to this girl, it seems} She so happily shared her birthday treats with her sisters and it just didn't go to her head at all that it was her special day.

Just one week later, we headed to the lake to celebrate Thanksgiving with my family. We had so much fun with everyone that I didn't even think to get photos of it. Puzzles were made, naps were had, food was consumed. What more can you ask for? I did snag a few family photos. The first is us, the second is my aunt Shary's family.

The rest of the weekend involved us going to a horse and light's parade in a nearby town and going on long walks through the woods and field. The snow was melting rapidly but we managed to hunt down some that had managed to stick around. It was a beautiful weekend.

Pretty close to perfect

2016-12-08T09:36:00.005-06:00

The other day ended up being an almost perfect day. We were in the middle of a Blizzard watch and the wind was howling outside. Hubby was out of town and our small group was canceled. I realize that doesn't sound like the makings of an almost perfect day, but somehow it was.

We worked our way through school in the morning. Audrey and Amelia have really gotten good at playing together away from the table which means Josie can focus a little better and I can help her more one on one. We had lunch, nothing special, and quiet time like always. I figured after quiet time we could go outside and shovel the drifts on the driveway. We have a huge driveway so I know it'd take quite a while. We hadn't left the house in two days and I was itching for some exercise, so I was pretty determined to get us out there. Surprisingly, the girls were happy to go out. They'd been looking out the window at the snowy conditions all day and were excited to go and play.

We bundled up excessively. That North Dakota wind is no joke and I knew we'd need the extra scarves and warmer mittens. Jo and Audrey grabbed their mini shovels and I dug through the shed to find one I could use. Amelia was happy to just walk around. We (I) got most of the shoveling done before the girls were shivering from the wind and dropping temps. We grabbed our Christmas cards for our neighbors and hand delivered them. The girls were happy to be coming inside afterwards but they kept a great attitude the whole time we were out.

After we warmed up, I got out all the ingredients for gingerbread cookies and all three girls helped me make them. Somehow, that worked. I honestly don't know how, because most of the time I freak out from the mess and chaos or one girl feels left out or something goes awry. This time worked. I threw together a quick dinner while the cookies were baking and the Christmas music was playing. The girls set the table while dancing and singing along. It was kind of magical.

After dinner, the girls got their Christmas jammies on and we sang some Christmas song favorites that we haven't heard on the radio much (Go Tell it on the Mountain, Away in the Manger, Do you Hear what I Hear, and Oh Christmas Tree). Afterwards, we read a few Christmas books and then Amelia went happily to bed. (Seriously, she's so easy to put to bed so that was nothing special. I just appreciated it particularly that night.) Since hubby wasn't home and I had a long evening alone ahead of me, I let the big girls stay up and play beauty salon with my hair. They will do anything to stay up later so there was no complaining on their part! Plus, it was fun to visit with them without any distractions.

They went to bed quietly which doesn't always happen. I watched an episode or two of something insignificant on Netflix and went to bed. End scene.

I feel like that needed to be documented for my memory's sake. So many days find me frustrated or counting down the minutes to bed time. I've found myself wishing away the days until hubby is home too many times and not enjoying the gift of being home with all my girls every day. Days like this make me much more aware of these blessings that are no coincidence. It's amazing to me how God can use little details throughout a day to remind me of this. I don't want to forget to be thankful, even on the hard days. I do have to say that we've had a particularly good week which followed a particularly hard week. The cycle will continue I'm sure, but I'm thankful for being able to enjoy the good days when I get them.

{these pictures posted were not from that day in particular}

The new normal

2016-11-09T10:09:00.002-06:00

I love Jo's face here.

I think we've found our groove. It's been an adjustment to our schedules, mind frames, friendships, and goals. For one, we continue to be less social than we were before. Before you feel worried, I assure you that we were abnormally social before, and that cutting back to a more reasonable amount does not put us anywhere near "antisocial" (a fear a few have expressed to us when lovingly talking about homeschooling).

When I was a new stay at home mom with a sixteen month old and a newborn, the thought of being home alone with nobody to talk to and many physical needs to fill completely overwhelmed me. I learned to fill up part of each day with some kind of social event, anything to keep me from going crazy. We met with other friends, went grocery shopping, went to the bank, visited parks, and joined a moms group. It soon became the "norm" for us and the kids adjusted and did well with out daily outings. I give a lot of credit to how well the girls do in public to that time I powered through with them being so little. They learned how to obey me even with an audience and temptations all around. They learned to be patient if we couldn't leave right away or do what they wanted. They learned how to interact with strangers. They learned to enjoy the little things, like the sun shining or running into a friend while running errands.

Then the girls got older. They started talking a lot. They could hold decent conversations and could do much more for themselves physically. My days shifted, even with another baby to take care of, and I found myself not needing to talk to others out of desperation. Of course I still appreciated time with friends and other people, but it wasn't as needed.

Then we reached school age. We started homeschooling. Suddenly, our schedules and routines had to shift to fit in this new stage. I feared that we'd go crazy and drive each other up the wall. Instead, the girls are closer than ever. They can play together with minimal arguing for hours on end. They happily (most of the time) sit at the table to do their lessons. We read a lot, sing a lot, and discuss what is happening around us all the time. They are learning. It's working.

You can imagine my relief. I had no idea if I could really do this. I've read and heard from many how it's different for everyone and that you just have to find your rhythm. Yet I've also heard so many tell me that they could never do it, that teaching their own child would never work. I understand this, and it definitely stuck around in the back of my mind.

I'm thankful for the few months we've had at home. I continue to pray that the year goes well and that I can keep my endurance up along with us all keeping positive attitudes. I also pray that our social interactions can be intentional with good conversations and opportunities to grow and learn how to be kind friends with those that may be different than us.

Amelia has adapted to our new normal pretty well. She has her little activities she finds to do while we sit at the table. She loves when we read and sing, and she joins in happily to any new activity we start.

Audrey's school is very much led by her. If she wants to work on a workbook, I help her with it. If she wants to do a puzzle instead, that's just fine. I'm happy to have her sit by me at the table, but she doesn't have any required school to do.

We try to do the Pledge of Allegiance every day. They take it seriously and it's hard not to laugh at these three little ladies acting so stoic.

A glimpse at our days

2016-09-19T16:32:00.003-05:00

We've quietly started our school year with the girls still at home with me. There are not requirements for children under the age of seven, so we are taking it slow and doing what we feel is right for us right now. So far, this includes reading good quality fiction books (I say good quality because so far I've been fairly successful at keeping the junky books out of our library bags. I know I can't control it forever, but it's nice to enjoy reading the books that the kids enjoy hearing!). We are doing a math curriculum (Math-U-See) which is a tad bit simple for Josie. We've skipped ahead a few times and still haven't found the spot she should be at, but I'm thankful she isn't struggling with it. We practice handwriting and spend a lot of time working side by side. We have an art book that guides us with projects when I draw a blank. That's about it... I really believe that younger kids need a lot of time to grow their imaginations. It's a skill, not something that necessarily comes naturally to them, and I want them to develop it fully before moving on to school that requires much more time, taking away from that part of their play.

The girls have been building their own worlds all over our house. At any given day, there are two or three different scenes set for different games that cannot be cleaned up because they will come back to it. Amazingly, they actually do come back to it, playing for hours at a time. This is a huge change for our family. Sometimes, I find myself missing the girls when they've been in the same house as me all day long. Isn't that a little crazy? I can see a bit more why mothers of older children stress setting aside intentional time for their kids even if they are around each other quite a bit.

That said, it's made for easier routines around here. Since school doesn't take a lot of structured time, we fit it in where it needs to be throughout the day, leaving plenty of time for meal prep, cleaning (because there is a lot of it when we are all home all day), and book reading (the kids, but also for myself). We don't do nearly as much outside of our home as we used to. I used to make a point to leave the house every single day. Now, I try to only have activities two days a week. With our weekly commitments on Tuesday evenings and Wednesday afternoons and evenings, that is plenty. Surprisingly, this has been more than enough and none of us seem to be feeling cooped up or stuck at home. Ask me again in February if we still feel this way.

The biggest challenge we've faced with our little home school is entertaining Amelia. She is 19 months old, old enough to want to play actively but not by herself. She was making it a habit to climb up on the table to get some attention, but thankfully we've figured out a few tricks to keep her from seeking us out like that. She sometimes seems content sitting on my lap watching, and when that isn't enough, I give her colored pencils and paper and let her color as much as she wants. It doesn't always work, but school really doesn't last that long. My hope is that Amelia and Audrey can play together while Josie and I finish up her school work. So far, Audrey is not interested in that. She would rather sit at the table with us like a big kid. We shall see if she continues with this as the year goes on. Her school is very simple. If she wants to write letters, I help her with that. If she wants to color, she is welcome to that. I will reinforce letter and number work with blocks sometimes. She has mastered spelling her name (first and last), knows my phone number, and can count to about 20, but that is about it, and there is no rush for a three year old to do more than that right now.

I'm so thankful that the girls are willing and happy to learn. Next year will look quite different as we add more formal schooling, but this routine we have right now is working out great.

Summer activities (our favorites)

2016-08-18T15:28:00.001-05:00

One of our favorite past times this summer has been going to the Prairie Preschool Class at Buffalo River State Park. We follow it with a picnic and a beach day every Thursday. We missed a few in the beginning and weren't able to go this week due to rain, but we don't miss it if we can help it. This summer, we were able to go fishing (using pop cans, string, and hot dogs for bait, not necessarily successful or interesting to the girls who have fished with daddy the "real" way) and make homemade kites. We also got to walk out to the "buffalo rock" and learn about different kinds of bugs that live on top of the water. they read books about trees, flowers, leaves, and animals. They have show and tell and get to do crafts. It's just great.

I'm well aware that the girls will need other adults and influences in their lives who they can look up to and learn different perspectives. While I want them to love being outside, they won't necessarily develop a true love of it themselves without some outside help. This class has been so perfect in this regard. It's not long, so right when their attention starts to wander, we switch activities. Picnics are always fun. Water is fun. Sand is fun. Being outside, learning what is seasonally appropriate and enjoyable, and adapting to your surroundings help them to appreciate it in many different aspects.

I've gotten to talk to the park ranger who teaches the class. She's kind and encouraging. The girls, Josie in particular, adore her. I hope we can continue to strengthen our relationships with her. We will be going back every summer until the girls are too old.

With Josie finally overcoming her fear of swimming while not touching the bottom (we all celebrated that one, it's never fun to panic or watch someone else panic) we have been able to utilize my sister's condo community pool. The girls wear their puddle jumpers and swim around like little fish. Amelia is happy to hang out with whoever is currently not in the water. Otherwise, she wants to be held (not in a floatie device though) and is not too crazy. It makes it easier. She is not afraid of the water, though. I can see her learning to swim much younger than her sisters since she's not afraid like they were and she wants to keep up. Wouldn't that be awesome?

Water activity season is coming to an end. This year's summer season ended up being a pleasant surprise. I had mentally prepared myself for a tough time with Amelia, being that age where she wants to do all the big kid things but isn't able to or old enough. Instead, she participated when it was doable and happily stayed near me when it was not. She's always been well behaved and easily entertained when we get out of the house. Something about outside distractions and people to observe just keeps her focus and energy. She hasn't really held us back from many activities. What a blessing, right? I'm thankful for that.

The older girls mostly do well when we are not at home. I can usually count on an outing to brighten moods or at least provide a good distraction. I've noticed that their play is now different at parks. While they do still enjoy them, they are not necessarily entertained or enjoying them like they used to. They are ready to leave sooner and don't always jump right in with excitement. Actually, bringing them somewhere without obvious playground equipment can be more fun. Last summer, we visited parks and playgrounds in town at least twice a week. This summer, once every week or even every other week is enough.

Josie is riding her bike without training wheels as of late June. I knew she could do it with a little push from me (pun unintended) and as per her usual, she got it after a little frustration (tears, screaming, etc) and plenty of stubborn moments. Once she got it, she was off and riding without looking back. I shot myself in the foot a little, teaching her so young, because now she's always going at her one speed - fast - leaving us behind. It's hard for me to walk with the stroller if she's riding bike now because she's at the end of the block before I've left the driveway. She goes at a great speed if I am also riding bike, but we don't always do that. We certainly do it more, but not all the time.

Walking can also be frustrating because Miss Audrey wants to ride her "Honkah bike" (balance bike) instead of riding in the stroller. She is doing great on this bike, enough so that I am fairly confident she'll also be training-wheels-free next summer. The problem is that the bike is tiny and just can't go super fast. There is no way I could jog behind her, so we have a bit of a time butting heads about the speed we should go.

We enjoyed Summer as much as we could. No regrets here. :)

Chatty little ladies

2016-08-02T08:00:00.000-05:00

Josie often says "No thanks!" when she is asked to do something she doesn't want to do. While I appreciate her manners, she often doesn't have a choice in the matter and her assertiveness with it has me hiding a smile behind my hands while I insist that she does what she is asked to do. Also, it sometimes sounds more like, "No sanks!" which is just a tiny glimpse at the toddler/preschooler she is no longer. That part isn't so funny...why do they grow up so fast? She also says "No thanks!" when someone else is doing something she doesn't like. If a friend or sister is trying to take something from her or wants her to play a game she doesn't like, she looks around desperately while yelling ever so politely, "No thanks! NO THANKS!" Again, while the manners are appreciated, the tone is not the most pleasant. We are working on that part.

Josie can be very expressive with what is around her. She exclaims how beautiful the view is or pretty the sky looks. She is quick to tell me that the garbage smells disgusting. Everything is silly or crazy. It's neither a compliment or an insult, just an extreme. She is an excellent complimenter. She tells women that they are beautiful and men that they are handsome. She only sometimes adds the disclaimer that all men are handsome and all women are beautiful. She hasn't quite figured out that she is lessening her compliment when she adds that at the end. It does make for many smiles followed with many laughs.

Audrey still hardly uses the "sss" sound. Many words come out leaving everyone puzzled, silently adding an "s" to words to figure out what she is saying. She will say that something is 'parkly, that she doesn't want a 'pankin when we tease her about it, that she loves to 'twim, and that her favorite meal is 'paghetti. When we ask her say the words again, you can tell she knows why we are asking because she often takes the time to slowly say the "s" before each word. She is capable of it, but for whatever reason chooses not to. It creates many a head 'cratch in confusion.

Many statements made by Audrey start and end with an affirmation. "Yep, I like this food, mm hmm." "Dad did you know that my hair is in an Elsa braid? Yep!" "Mom, this meal is so good for me. Yes!" It's like she is answering for you, even when it doesn't call for an answer. Or maybe she is reassuring herself that what she is saying is true. Either way, I often have to stifle a laugh or smile since she can be more sensitive to being teased.

Both Audrey and Josie often will say the word "even" instead of "too or also" Audrey will say, "I want to go to the park even!" or "I like ice cream even!" I don't correct it because I know how fast they learn and grow. It's so sweet with it's innocence. Both girls love to say one thing and then correct it by using the word "actually." "I want to empty the dishwasher! Actually, Josie can." "I want to go outside! Actually, I don't want to. I want to stay inside." (Most of the time, it's because they agree to something before actually processing it. Once they realize it's not the most fun option, they change their minds.) The other day, they sat at the table saying, "I am literally eating this bread. I am literally drinking this milk. I am literally using my fork." through the whole meal. What could I say? While kind of annoying, they were using it correctly.

The girls can't be bothered with details such as names while playing. The roles are often just "mother" and "kid" and that is how they refer to each other. I hear it constantly, "Kid! Come over here and eat your supper." "Mother, I don't want to go to sleep!" At least it makes it easy to tell when they are imagining and playing, because they never call me "Mother" and I never call them "Kid" in real life.

Audrey calls Josie "Jojo" when she's excited about something or when they are sharing a story or thought. Both girls alternate between Mimi and Millie for Amelia. Josie doesn't call Audrey "Audge Podge" anymore, though. Audrey is always just Audrey when they talk to each other. They don't seem to notice that she doesn't have a nickname. In fact, when asked what her name is, she insists that it is just "Audrey." Maybe she likes that she's the only one without one.

Amelia went from showing no interest in words and talking to trying to say everything. She succeeds at a handful: mama, mimi, da for dad, papa, nah for Hannah, mo for more, moo, neigh, meow, woo for woof, highn for hi, bye, wa for water. Then there are the words that only she knows. All day, she points and says words that we are not understanding. We look around and ask her millions of questions, and when we finally figure it out, she beams at us with satisfaction. She watches our lips very closely to try to understand how we make these crazy sounds. If I break words up into one syllable at a time, she copies me more and more accurately, and slowly some of them are coming together. Our absolute favorite right now is when she joins in with her sisters in excitement. I will ask, "Who wants to eat lunch?" and she'll raise her hand and shout "Me me me me!" when she sees the older two do it. There's nothing sweeter than an 18 month old trying to talk like her big sisters. We do it over and over and none of us have tired of it.

Kids are fun.

A season within a season

2016-08-01T12:45:00.001-05:00

I find it a little ironic that the last post on here was all about being outside and how to do that easily and often. It's not that my hopes or intentions have changed, it's that the usual summer activities, temperatures, and bugs have taken over.

Instead of being outside for hours at a time daily, we are outside for hours at a time a couple of times a week. We are often busy, going to parks, swimming, visiting friends, and going on bike rides, but we don't spend as much time hiking (at all) or being in our backyard unless there is a breeze. I could be hard on myself about this, but I've really come to an understanding about myself (ourselves) and this time of year.

It's a season that ebbs and flows. Just like in winter with the harsh wind and freezing temperatures, you have good days and bad. The beginning and end of the season are usually the best, for both our attitudes and the conditions. I'm finding that this is true with summer as well.

We had an amazing Spring. I would go so far as to call it almost perfect. It was dry with few rainy days, so the bugs were minimal. We were out and about daily and enjoyed it to the fullest. When the humidity hit, we slowed down. It just wipes me out, no matter if I'm pregnant, nursing, or just me. I used to blame it on those two stages, but honestly it's just exhausting. We still go outside, but we don't have the energy level or desire to do a lot. Now that the rain has come (a blessing, of course) and the humidity has lingered, the mosquitos are out and we are not. I have yet to find a spray that works effectively against them and we get eaten alive, as if they are magnetically drawn to us. It's not fun, and we find ourselves avoiding them at all costs.

I'm not complaining, though. This is my point: it's a season. I shouldn't feel guilty or frustrated about it, because in not too long, it will pass and we'll back to the best of times, when we can be outside all day without the humidity and bugs, maybe needing a sweater or blanket at times but possible nonetheless. I do so love Spring and Autumn. The end of a season leading into the start of another is one of the best things in life. I couldn't live somewhere that didn't have this transition four times a year. I cannot wait to feel that anticipation with my little girls.

While we wait, we will continue to do the activities that we do enjoy right now. We will continue to swim at our favorite spot, Buffalo River State Park. We will continue our random walks around the neighborhood (specifically the neighborhood behind us that winds along the river with hardly any traffic around). We will have picnics and play in the sand. We will stop for ice cream treats and splash pad visits.

When the humidity finally goes away and the sun isn't quite as hot, we'll eagerly get back on the trails and explore some more.

Outdoor living

2016-06-12T20:16:00.001-05:00

We've been soaking up the great weather over here and it's kept us busy. Any day now (I've been saying for weeks) the bugs will come out with a vengeance and we'll be forced to go back inside in the evenings or avoid the woods where they are the worst. Because we've been quite intentional with our efforts, we've already had a solid three months of "summer activities" in the books and we are ready for the next season. The girls are itching for any and all water activities, and I don't disagree. We're ready for sprinkler play, swimming in pools, water tables, and the lake activities.

I've been surprised with how many people have commented in wonder on our outdoor time and activities. I do understand it, because that was me just a few years ago, but what people don't understand is that this new way of living, incorporating the outdoors into our daily lives as much as possible, is relatively new for me. I didn't grow up spending my free time enjoying outdoor activities at all. I did them, sure, but it was forced and I rarely enjoyed it as much as I would now. Over the past few years, something in me has shifted and I have a new perspective on this gift given to us from our Creator. You don't have to go far to discover something new and there are great ways to spend time together as family just right outside your door. The kids and I can be active together and they aren't stuck in front of a screen for most of their time (I'm not either). They burn off a lot of energy and we don't drive each other crazy. That's important!

Moms with younger kids wonder how I am able to go exploring with three little kids under five. It's not anything fancy or mysterious. We start small and work our way to longer distances and time outside. For Josie's birthday, we got her a backpack full of adventure tools like binoculars, a magnifying glass, a fishing net, a flashlight, a compass, bird and tree books, and room for her water bottle and sweatshirt. When they seem to be growing tired of the hike or path we are on, we pull out one of the tools and their interest is renewed. Another trick up my sleeve is to always always stop for a snack or picnic lunch. It's worth the time to get it packed and ready before we head out because stopping to rest, sit, refresh with water and fuel, and let the baby move around (who usually rides in a pack on my back) is priceless and the second half of our time is usually even more fun than the first.

Audrey carries a backpack as well, usually filled with her water bottle, an extra pair of leggings (you never know if a kid will slip in mud or water and get soaked and leggings would fit either of the big girls) and a thin blanket we can spread out for our break. It's quite light but she feels important carrying it, so we never leave it behind.

I bought a Deuter child carrier backpack for Amelia because there's no way she could keep up with us and our Beco carrier that I usually use isn't ideal for longer time periods. This backpack has helped tremendously. It's even more comfortable (the Beco is quite comfortable for our usual usages) and she sits higher up, increasing her visibility and circulation. She also has shade and room to rest her head if she gets tired. There is a small pocket right behind her and a larger pocket down below where she sits, so I can carry water for us without relying on the big girls and most of the food, sunscreen, and even my nice camera (it's easy to keep it safe since it's nicely cushioned and won't get bumped). There's a stand for when I put her down, so she doesn't just fall over while I take her out, and there's a pocket on the strap that goes around my waist for my phone (easy access). Seriously, it's made our adventures much easier. The pace that the big girls set is fairly slow, so I have no problem keeping up as the family pack mule.

For clothing, I try my hardest to encourage jean shorts, capris, or pants, but honestly they don't ever seem to mind or seem held back by their usual dresses and leggings. Josie often wears a skirt with biker shorts underneath along with her Tevas. Audrey and I wear Keens when it's nice enough since they grip the ground a lot better. If it's chillier, I'll wear tennis shoes but I prefer not to since I slip and slide more and I really hate that while wearing a child. I usually wear workout clothes, like compression pants or yoga leggings with a tank top and light sweatshirt that can be tied around my waist easily. The girls also just got new baseball hats that I'm hoping will help keep the sun out of their eyes and keep their hair off their faces. Plus, they just look adorable in them. Amelia wears light layers and a bonnet along with her Saltwater sandals and a good layer of sunscreen. Nothing fancy for her, since she's not the one walking on the dirt trails amongst the plants and bugs.

I was worried about going out on my own with the girls, so we eased into it. First, we went out with the whole family (my parents, my husband, the girls, and myself). Of course that went great. We also went out with another mom and kids during the week. I had got most of the kinks out on these two hikes, so now we are confident enough to go on our own. I've been so impressed with what is available within 20 minutes of us. It's no big deal to get out of our house for 3-5 hours without having to sit in the car for an hour there and back. That's priceless! The more we explore and drive around, the more nooks and crannys there are that nobody seems to be aware of.

All that to say, I am hoping and praying that we stick with it. I hope that all three girls can find ways to enjoy being outside and that we can participate and support these efforts as they grow older and become their own individuals. I have dreams of us swimming, tubing, kayaking, biking, and hiking tougher trails together in the not so distant future. We are well on our way, I'd say.

This summer, Josie is in t-ball and seems to love it so far. I was not going to force her to be in it each year, but I did want her to try it at least for a season. I needn't have worried because she hasn't complained once. We walk there since it is at a park near us, and Josie often rides her bike. Any chance we get to choose time outside, we take. We could drive there and save the time, but I prefer that time together, breathing the fresh air, chatting, and moving our bodies around over what we'd probably be doing at home (sitting around, making a mess, bickering or whining if we're honest).

It does take work. It takes planning. It takes a will to go outside even when you'd rather sit inside and chill out. Sometimes it's rainy or windy and the sun refuses to shine bright. Sometimes the humidity makes me want to nap instead. Sometimes the girls don't want to go on the particular path I've found or chosen or they are just not in a good mood. Of course these things happen. More times than not, though, they cheer up once we get moving and their poor attitude is forgotten. We find our rhythm and all end up refreshed and happy. It's worth it.

Guest and Girls bathroom

2016-04-15T15:24:00.001-05:00

Nine months ago, my parents took the big girls with them to the lake for a few days. I was just coming out of a stretch of intense parenting with Amelia - no breaks, holding her constantly, feeding her constantly, all the fun newborn baby stuff - and was full of ambition. I got some paint picked out and brought it home to paint and got just the edges on one side of the room and the smallest wall done. That's it. For months, we're talking like seven months here, not just a few, that was how it sat. Along the way, I decided that the original paint color I had chosen was not the right color. Along the way, I had painted the hallway a great gray color that seemed to somehow brighten up while also make it fresh and less outdated. I decided this color would work better in the bathroom as well.

A few weeks ago, I got the whole room painted. The gray is a much better choice than the original brown beige I had chosen (what was I thinking, really?) I replaced the towel bar with towel hooks (we have more than two girls using this bathroom now so multiple hooks is a necessity). I added a hand towel rack on the other side so it was clear which to use after washing hands. Finally, I put the other towel bar above the toilet and hung a basket from it (thank you, pinterest) below a wooden plaque picture I took of the girls in the tub. (Please note that when I say that "I" did this, I really mean that I thought of it and hubby did it. He's the real deal handyman, after all.)

My parents are combining their two homes (one in the city they work in, one at the lake) so we got their shower curtain, rug, and towels. These added just the pop this room needed. I cannot tell you how happy this room has made me every time I walk by. We haven't done a lot of updates to the house yet since most of them are major and will not be started any time soon. It is very rewarding to have another room done. More and more, the house feels like "us" and not like the previous owners. And bonus: I'm not embarrassed to have our guests use this room anymore. Here are the photos. Please remember how impossible it is to photograph a small, long and narrow room. :)

the little things

2016-04-12T10:46:00.003-05:00

This second wind of winter-like weather has got us locked indoors for the most part, so there's been much more puzzle playing and blanket forts than one would expect in April. I've been playing around with my DSLR more lately thanks to a Facebook group that gives feedback and support, so I'll be dumping a few here more often lest they get forgotten in the dark corners of my computer folders.

Meanwhile, Amelia continues to cruise around and get more teeth. That's about all going on in her world. On one hand, she's super happy to have more mobility. On the other hand, she's super crabby from a sore mouth. We're feeling a bit overwhelmed with her emotions lately.

This colder weather has be grasping at anything spring-like and colorful. I've been adding (and sometimes killing) plants around the house and grabbing clearance flowers from the local grocery store every other week or so. This brings me so much joy. How can such a small thing make me smile so often?

I got the Easter decorations put away (it took about three minutes, that's my kind of decorating) but left up my bunny banner over the sink because I can't bear to leave that spot empty but have no good summer replacement. I know I could make something, but I just keep hoping that the Target Hot Spot will come through again with the perfect thing.

I finally got the bathroom completely painted and hubby got all of the towel racks and rings hung up. That bathroom has never been finished since we moved in, sad I know, so it looks pretty great in comparison. I will post pictures of that once I get the shower curtain and matching towels put up in a few weeks. That sad "home" tab above needs a new room that is relevant to what our house really looks like right now.

Hubby has been putting in crazy hours for this time of year and recently hired a full-time guy that is not a student (re: can work during Spring and Fall busy seasons) and will have another student start when school is done. I'm hoping and praying that he reaps some rewards from this extra task (being a boss and spending the time teaching and guiding them) and that it's not more stressful. We'd love for him to be home more. And yet, even as I say that, I am so grateful that he is here most weekends and the later parts of each day.

I'm itching to go out exploring now that we have all we need (appropriate shoes for everyone, backpacks, water bottles, etc) but that mention of ticks being out and present made me instantly reconsider. I need to get over this, because we can't be inside forever, but after tick season comes mosquito season and I'm not ready.

My computer is about to die, so that is all for now. Happy Tuesday, friends.

Easter festivities... one for the books

2016-04-04T14:17:00.000-05:00

Literally, this one is for the books. As in I am writing it down so that it is properly documented. So much documenting...

Easter was a lot of fun this year. I didn't bring the girls to any big egg hunt and we didn't have the Easter bunny come to our house, although we did hide baskets full of goodies that was assumed to be from Mom and Dad.

We did do our traditional Easter egg dying with the Deyle's (I really want to just always call them the Smiley Deyle's but my husband does not agree with this nickname). Amelia was not interested at all. She was working on her walking skills (her first steps were the next day, so that makes sense now looking back). Josie and Audrey are old pro's at this and got to work right away. To keep it entertaining, my niece, Clara, who is just four months older than Amelia, did her job by throwing the eggs in as hard as she can while also climbing on the table when nobody was looking and probably eating some of the dye when she got the chance. Kids are fun, especially when they aren't yours and you can just sit back and laugh.

See that blurry leg? Always moving, this one. Also, she lost her pants due to a super wet diaper and then later lost her shirt, shoes, and socks due to other precarious situations. Twas a rough night for her wardrobe.

Lately, Audrey's posed smiles are a little painful. She was grinning and laughing right up until I put the camera (my phone) in her face. I don't know what she's thinking here.

Waiting for the eggs to be ready can be so very hard.

The business that hubby works with also did a candy hunt (they skipped the eggs and just put candy everywhere in their showroom) for the employees' families. There were just our kids and another group of two, so we came home with way too much candy. They loved it though!

As per usual, I decided to make something I've never made before that didn't have a good chance at succeeding on Easter morning. I'd heard of using hashbrowns as a nest and an egg as... an egg... for a great Spring themed breakfast, so that's what I did. You can't really see the hashbrowns because the eggs grew and overwhelmed them, but other than that it was a hit. I'll be making this again soon. With more hashbrowns.

The last few years, we've tried to stay home over Easter weekend since we are always traveling for the other holidays. It's really something special for us to go to our church on Resurrection Sunday. I helped out with the kids' program this year and got to see almost every single little kiddo in their Easter best. Precious, I tell you.

Our girls' outfits were thrown together that morning without much forethought. It worked out well if I do say so myself! In my effort to rid us of over-bright clothes, the girls' wardrobes have all taken on muted shades of blue, soft pink, whites, grays, and creams. It was simple matching their dresses to each other's. When we got to church, we noticed several other girls with similar colors. Maybe I'm not the only mom sick of the bright colors and excessive pink?

We had my family here for Easter, and the day was just about perfect. We all chipped in for food so nobody was overwhelmed. They also don't judge when my house isn't perfectly clean, so there was no stress there either. We got to spend some time outside (never a guarantee this time of year) and talked, drank tea, sang songs, and played all afternoon.

We are so thankful that we get to celebrate that Jesus is Risen. It's a gift. It really is. I hope and pray that my girls can appreciate it each year renewed.

The rest of these pictures were taken with my Canon Rebel. I'm working on having it readily available and using it more. These were on Easter while the weatherw as beautiful in the afternoon.

Charming, isn't he?

My parents. This one should be framed.

Every time she did anything at all with the hoola hoop, she'd ask whoever was closest, "Wasn't that ah-maz-in??" Not lacking in confidence, this one.

Snapshots of daily life

2016-03-25T10:14:00.003-05:00

I've been fiddling around with my fancy camera (aka not my phone) and tried to get at least one picture of each girl that represented them where they are right now. Of course, when I thought I had a good one, it didn't transfer well on the computer screen, and the shots I thought were too dark or blurry ended up being pretty good. I have a lot to learn! Either way, here is what I got.

Audrey's been focusing harder on her tasks and imaginative play. She quietly plays out different scenarios and conversations during quiet time that can last for over an hour. I hear her soft voice floating up the stairs, not clear enough to understand the actual words, but enough that I can hear the patterns of conversation and role play. Words are not in short supply, though. She can talk endlessly about the smallest details happening around her. She asks questions that she knows the answers to, waiting for affirmation which she rewards with a huge grin. She hates conflict and much prefers to return to her natural happy state, but also likes to reflect on what happened a little longer than necessary. She's a bit of a grudge holder, which seems to be in contrast to her sweet demeanor. She gives hugs and kisses willingly to those she loves. I hope she never loses that ability to love whole heartedly.

Amelia is walking now, just a little here and there, but her motivation is outweighing her actual ability which means she is stumbling and falling, bumping into hard furniture, acquiring bruises and earning a lot of attention. She knows we get excited and looks to us for affirmation. We are happy to cheer her on, but at the same time, slow down, little lady! I'm not ready for her to be a toddler. She is a fine mix of both girls. On one hand, she wants to go and explore like Josie, but on the other hand, she's happy to be held and will give sweet hugs like Audrey. She can be shy around others and will absolutely not go to them if asked (which I don't mind, stranger danger and all). She will, though, offer big smiles and waves as long as one of us is near or holding her.

As is normal for our dearest oldest, the characteristics usually attached to certain ages happen about six months early. Now that we are in the homestretch towards Josie turning five, it is clear that this age is no exception. She's developed a certain level of sass and girlish teen-like attitude that cannot be blamed on influences around her. Her independence is causing an inner battle to continue to obey and respect what we ask her to do. She wants to please us but also wants to try things her way. She's learned that she can ignore us or pretend that she can't hear us to get out of doing something right away. She tries to sneak away quietly and then runs at full speed once she's out of our reach. It can be exasperating, like when I'm asking her to stay by me while I car is about to drive by and she decides she can make it to our car across the street before the approaching car passes (yes, I almost had a heart attack, and yes, she felt really bad about it and apologized on her own). At the same time, she's asking great questions, retaining what she's hearing, and applying it in her own ways to her life. She's a great little conversationalist and provides endless entertainment if given the time to talk your year off. She's an independent person from me (us) and it's fascinating and delightfully fun to get to know her. Loving Josie is fierce and intense. She's a spitfire, but that's one of the great things about her.

Intentional parenting

2016-03-22T09:08:00.001-05:00

We've been parents for almost five years. In that time, many of my hopes and dreams for our girls have changed. Most of it is for the better, at least I am hoping so. When my first and second babies were born, I didn't think a lot past the infancy and toddler stages. That was overwhelming enough on it's own. The goal was to keep them alive, and slip in some character building along the way (don't throw things because that's not kind, don't use your hands to hit people, use manners) As they have grown and become real little people instead of the babies that they were, I've had to tackle my views and feelings about all kinds of things. You see, I didn't have concrete ideas or opinions. I knew what I knew well, but it was only on a limited number of topics. There are so many different views, lifestyles, and choices to make. I spent my time thinking about the right now and not so much about the future.

But then, the future snuck up on me. Suddenly, the kiddos have less physical needs and more emotional needs. They are asking questions that I have to be able to answer. They are learning about this world, and I've been given the task to guide them and show them how it works. It's got me thinking about how I actually feel about this world, about what I value and what isn't important. (I write this for myself, but obviously I've talked with hubby about it a lot and would assume that he's in agreement on most if not all of this.)

There are the preferential things, the things that I value greatly yet also realize are just that: preferences. They are important, but need to be put in their own category. I consider them important to our family culture, but not important to our actual salvation in Jesus. There are five that come to mind:

1. I want them to look put together. I want them to make an effort to take care of themselves, but to not value their appearance too much. They should respect themselves enough to get dressed, do their hair (and make-up when they are older), shower on a regular basis, and generally look respectable. That's important to me, because I learned early on that I do better when I make a small effort. If I do my hair, put on fresh clothes, and brush my teeth, I feel ready for the day. I have a cheerier disposition and am willing to take on whatever comes my way. I also learned that taking too much time and putting too much energy into one's appearance can be a negative thing in relation to other people. If it comes across as too materialistic, it's easy to isolate myself from others by appearing too perfect. This balance is so hard (hence people all across the country struggling with it) but I do want to teach my girls how to do it. Respecting oneself doesn't mean buying all the expensive name brand clothing. It doesn't mean having an excess of shoes, designer jeans, and jewelry. There is a huge difference that can seem abstract, especially to youth. It's my job to show them these differences.

2. I hope they love being outside. This is a newer one for me, one that hit me hard in the last year or so. I grew up inside. Ironically, my mom grew up on a farm and my dad grew up playing outside all the time. It didn't transfer to me, even though I participated in outside activities like sports and park play fairly often. Even my mission trip in Romania, where we lived completely outside for almost a month didn't seal the deal. It wasn't until I was older, a good way into adulthood, before I realized how nurturing the outdoors was for my soul. I've had to work at it to make it a part of my life, and even now I slip back into laziness and complacency to the point where I miss out on great opportunities to enjoy the weather and natural beauty around us. For my kids, I want them to enjoy it right from the start. I want them to crave fresh air and exercise in an internal, natural way. I want them to look around and see God's creation, see the proof He's given us of his existence and love for us.

3. I want them to love reading. I don't care what genre they land on as long as they love to read. Reading is such a great tool for learning. You can learn about almost anything by reading the right books or material. While it may seem counter productive to being outside, I hope they can integrate it together so that they can enjoy both without going too far either way. I've always love to read, to the point where I spent all of my free time inside, reading anything I could get my hands on. I went too far that way and missed out on the physical activity that would have been good for my soul as well. The balance is possible, but something we need to work on constantly.

4. With the love of being outside and reading, I want them to also love learning in general. As a child and teenager, I thought I hated learning. I had based my understanding on what learning consisted of around my experience in school. I didn't have a terrible school, but it was not an environment that I enjoyed on a regular basis. I thought of it as a means to an end. Once school was done, I could be done learning. I had no idea that what would really happen is my ability to learn and enjoy it would take off as soon as school ended. My hope for my kids is that they can love the process right from the start. Test results don't matter as much as what they actually learn and retain. The process is just as important as the end result.

5. Hubby and I both have hobbies that we really want to encourage. I want the kids to love music, each finding their own niche that they can foster and enjoy. I want us to enjoy it together well past their childhood. I also want them to love things that are old yet still valuable like old stories, traditions, and ancestors, still so very precious. I want them to appreciate the past in a way that helps them enjoy the present and future. Hubby wants them to learn to work with their hands like he does, although he says he's not picky about how they do it. He wants them to be open to knew things without letting fears take over. He would also love it if they loved to hunt or shoot at targets. I think that is a little bit of a stretch, but I will let him dream. After all, I don't mind target shooting and that probably surprises every single person that knows me. It's not impossible.

Those things are preferences. They don't necessarily form character traits on their own and definitely do not matter in regards to salvation. I'm learning how to separate the things that matter to me in this world with the things that will matter in the next world, the things that God desires for us to do now in preparation for the future.

The things that matter most of all involve their hearts. God gives us tools to use to overcome the evils of the world. There are important things to teach these girls that directly affect their relationships with God and others.

1. I want them to be kind first. It can be so simple to apply judgement to those around us based on our preferences. If we aren't careful, it's easy to apply things we read in the bible to those around us without first looking at ourselves. I want the girls to look at this world through a filter that emphasizes love and kindness more than people's sins or problems. I personally struggle with this all the time, which makes it both easier and harder to teach the kids. The struggle is to teach them something that I have not yet mastered. At the same time, I can use opportunities that challenge me to learn right alongside them.

2. I want them to be confident in their faith, even though the world tells them they are wrong. It's scary to be the different one, to be told over and over how awful you are for believing what you believe. I want them to be willing to stand up for Jesus, to not cower away in shame or confusion. This is going to be a lifelong battle for them as it is for me, and I pray that I can continue to help them with it on their journeys.

3. I want them to seek God first, and then focus on the facts and their emotions. The bible is not always crystal clear and questions pop up constantly that may cause doubt along the way. My hope is that they learn to love God and trust that his way is the right way while they work through their doubts and continue to learn about him. There is room for questions and there is room for struggles, but it won't mean anything if they lose their faith through it.

4. I want them to learn to love and love hard. I don't mean this in the typical hippy all-you-need-is-love kind of way. (All you need is Jesus, which leads to love.) I want them to learn how love affects every area of our lives. Loving Jesus, familial love, romantic love, love for strangers, love for friends, tough love, loving your enemies, it's all important, vital really. Each kind of love is different. Each kind draws from within you in different ways. I want to help them understand that all forms of love come from Jesus. He is our ultimate example and shows us how to do it if we just take the time to learn it. It's not nearly as easy as it sounds, and will most likely take more than their childhood years to learn.

These lists are evolving and growing as we reach new stages of this parenting journey. Maybe I'll come back to them, revise them, add to them, or just delete them. It's good for me to continue to think about it both abstractly and concretely. Having it listed out like this reminds me of the why's behind our actions. It helps keep our priorities on what is important to our Father and what is important to me, as a mom that can get sucked into worldly desires as much as anyone else. I also just think it's important to keep these lists separate, to see them both as important but with each having their place in our lives.

What they say

2016-03-15T09:10:00.004-05:00

Audrey: I want to get old. That's how I grow. I want to grow up!
Me: What does that mean?
Audrey: It means that you're going to be donezo!

Josie: when I go to bed, I sleep with my eyes open. I wait for daddy to leave, and then I open them.
Me: what do you do all night?
Josie: I just wait til morning.

Audrey: I'm Elsa.
Daddy: who am I?
Audrey: you're Audrey's daddy, Michael James.
Daddy: Ok, well, who's your daddy then?
Audrey: Mi--- (stops...) you don't get to know his name!

Busted wearing my lipstick. I got this sweet expression saying that I needed a picture to show daddy, so she took it very seriously.

Audrey on a pretend phone: Hello. my dad is not very listening. because he just runned to my room. because I left the door open. it can lock if I leave it open.

Audrey: My food is in my tummy and God is in my heart. All my food is in my heart! And God is going to juggle my food.

Being Hosts (Opening up our home)

2016-02-29T15:05:00.000-06:00

Last week, we hosted people in our home four out of the five week days ranging from over 20 people to a handful of people to a single dinner guest. One day, we even had two separate events, one in the morning, and one in the evening. Every week on average, we have people in our home at least two days, often three. This week, though, really required us to stretch our hosting abilities and comfort levels.

Can I tell you something? It's such a blessing.

This culture of ours can be so very strange. The middle class (huge as it is) emphasizes making your home beautiful, picture perfect, and ready to host large groups. The newer homes feature large kitchens with islands perfect for setting up buffets full of food or drinks, with an open concept to keep everyone together even while a meal is being prepared or served. There are multiple bathrooms available. The larger living room offers more options for comfortable seating with sectionals, chairs, couches, and loveseats. Some homes even have mini movie theatres, complete with personalized recliners and elevated seating.

Yet so often, these perfectly designed homes stay quite private. The movie theatres go almost unused since there are also large TVs in the other more commonly used rooms in the house. The family uses the home, sure, but the features that make these homes great for hosting do not get used for actual hosting.

Why is that? I cannot speak for everyone, but I know for myself there is a level of fear there that I have to work at to overcome. Part of the pressure to have a beautiful home means that there is a lot of room to fail, be judged harshly, and get burnt out. What if the people coming into my home look around and think, "This is it?" What if the kids destroy the rooms they play in, leaving little tornados everywhere for me to clean up later? What if I run out of plates or forks? What if I forgot to clean the lip under the edge of the table and my guest notices this? WHAT IF? The list can go on and on.

I actively fight against this. Well, I'm trying to actively fight against this. If someone comes into my home and thinks, "This is it?" the chances are they will not actually tell me. I may feel it when I watch them look around, or hear comments that aren't necessarily kind in nature, but ultimately, my imagination is really more of the problem here. I can only imagine what they are thinking and that does not usually work in my favor. The other side of this is a bigger issue. Am I actually closing up my home to others because of what others think? There's a word for that. Pride. The bible states clearly what we should do with this kind of pride.

Proverbs 16:18: Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.

Psalm 10:4: In his pride the wicked man does not seek him; in all his thoughts there is no room for God.

If we are focusing on ourselves and what others think of us, we cannot also be focusing on God. We cannot be using our gifts given to us to glorify Him. That's bad! Right?? I mean, isn't that the point of our lives? To use our lives to glorify Him?

I've been wrestling with this for years. My husband and I both enjoy hosting people in our homes. We get a rush from it, energy that kind of bursts out while we prepare and enjoy our guests and then fizzles out leaving us exhausted by the end of the day. It's convenient for us that we both enjoy it, but that doesn't really make it less work.

Hosting is a lot of work. It's helpful that we enjoy it, but that doesn't mean it's always easy. Whether or not you are aiming to impress or just trying to be prepared, your house needs to be relatively clean. I panic a little sometimes when I think of my standard of clean versus someone else's. Will they think we are huge slobs? Will they find that spot on the high chair that I keep missing, with layers of food stuck there for months? Will they notice that the floorboards in the bathroom are full of dust? Will they look at our floors and think that they are clearly not freshly mopped?

After years of hearing that hospitality is something God requires of his children, I learned that I am setting up obstacles that He does not require. God does not require us to have every room perfectly cleaned. He doesn't expect us to spend the entire day deep cleaning areas that nobody will notice anyway. He doesn't expect every pillow to be in place, every piece of clothing hung up, every dish cloth to hang perfectly. Those expectations are worldly, placed in our minds by the enemy, giving us reasons to say no, turn away people you otherwise could share your lives with, and close ourselves off to other opportunities. It pains me to think that we have done this in the past. If God has given both of us the gift of hospitality, why would we let anything stop us from doing it?

God does not require us to be perfect, either. There are things to consider and be aware of when someone is visiting. Where should they put their coats and bags? Do they need something to drink? Do they know where the bathroom is? The list can go on and on. If this is what overwhelms you, the need to be present and ready to jump up and serve your guest, I would like to remind you that our culture works in our favor here. In many other countries, the expectations put upon the hosts are nonverbal but very important. It would be rude to not offer drinks or food. Some countries expect slippers to be provided when guests arrive. Some countries expect there to be multiple courses to every meal. America's culture is so much easier than this! Most of the time, guests are welcome to grab a drink if they want one. They can leave their shoes on or take them off. There is not a list of things unsaid that are passively expected. America's culture is casual which makes hosting quite a bit easier.

In our home, we keep things pretty casual. I keep the bathroom relatively clean, I try to sweep the floor and wash the table. I prefer to have the meal at least mostly ready if the guests are coming to eat, but I don't mind finishing it up while visiting with them. Mostly, though, I am honest with myself that when we invite people into our homes, we are inviting them into our lives. They are going to see a little bit of our messes. They are going to see me disciplining my children because that's what happens when you are parents; you have to continue to do it even when other people are around. They are going to see that some of our rooms are much less clean than others. That's okay. In fact, most people are more comfortable when they see imperfection. It's a relief, isn't it? Personally, when I notice something imperfect in someone else's home, I think to myself, "Oh good! They aren't as perfect as they seem. I can relate much more now."

There are a few things that we do in our home and with our family that have helped make it easier to open up our homes.

I work with the girls almost every single day to maintain a clean room. We take out most of the toys so there is less clutter, and I expect them to put away pajamas, dirty clothes, and clean clothes that are left out every morning before they can play. I also expect them to make the bed. Most days, if the bed was made the day before, it's quick and easy to make again. Most of it is done! You just need to straighten the blanket and pillow. It's when we don't make it for days that it gets completely pulled apart and messy. If they do this every morning, it's done in less than five minutes and they do it without grumbling. It's a habit more than anything. Sure, it was hard to get them to do it at first, but after a few weeks, they figured out that it was expected and that they could play quicker and sooner if they just did it.
I have streamlined how I clean the bathrooms. Keeping the cleaning supplies stored together, it probably only takes five minutes to wipe down the sinks and counters and clean the toilets. That's all I do! There's no need to clean the shower every time someone is coming over. The floor gets mopped when I mop the rest of the house. The mirrors are on an "as needed" basis. If there are toothpaste marks or finger smudges, I grab the Windex but if there isn't, they can wait another week.
I bought a sweeper that is much wider than a broom, kind of like you see in schools. I can whip around the edges of each room in just a few minutes (that's where the dust and dirt always seem to gather) and the room is instantly feeling cleaner.
Keep the counters clean! I hate when the junk drawer items linger on the counter, so I don't allow it to happen. Easier said than done, right? But honestly, it stresses me out, so I've just not let it happen, mainly by purposefully finding homes for the things that regularly end up there. Anything that can go in cupboards or be put away is put away on a daily basis. I've learned to throw the dish towel and wash cloth in the laundry room right before guests arrive. The less stuff there is to clutter it up, the easier it is to clean up quickly.
We keep folding chairs and disposable plates and cutlery stored in our storage room just off the kitchen so that they are easy to grab if we need them. They used to be in our basement, but it was inconvenient to go and get them. Just the thought of dragging them through all the twists and turns and up the stairs makes me break out in a sweat, so their new home is definitely better.
I keep bottled water on hand (stored with the other things mentioned above) that I take out just for our guests. We don't use them when it's just our family at home, so I don't need to worry about us running out or not having enough for everyone. Having them on hand is just one more way to make our guests feel at home (it's easier to just grab a bottle of water than find the glasses and figure out our filtered water). We don't always do this, but for bigger events, it's handy.

My prayer is that our culture can be more willing to open up our homes. With fences and attached garages, it seems harder and harder to get to know your neighbors, and more and more we find ourselves engaging with our devices instead of the people around us. My hope is that we can actively fight against the urge to shut others out, and instead connect with each other on a personal level. For us, that is done best when we are at our home.

Amelia's first birthday party

2016-02-24T14:25:00.000-06:00

Amelia's birthday party was a smashing success. We themed it "Winter Wonderland" and many of our friends and family were able to come celebrate our youngest lady.

With snowflakes hanging from the ceiling all over the place, the theme was kept simple by having a hot chocolate bar, homemade sugar cookies, and popcorn. It was fun to put it all together. The big girls were too busy playing with their friends to get in on many pictures, so you don't even get to see how sweet Josie's matching outfit was with the birthday girl. I guess I need to find another excuse for them to wear their gold and cream outfits!

I used my Silhouette Cameo to make the snowflakes and Happy Birthday banner. The monthly photos poster is from Shutterfly. (See a close up version below.)

I try to use any opportunity I can to make and decorate sugar cookies because it's fun and they are so pretty. Bonus: they tasted good too!

Instead of a cake, I freehanded a large "1" cookie and gave that to Amelia as a smash cookie vs a smash cake.

I had loads of help from hubby, although you wouldn't know it from this picture...

I found the chalkboard banner at Target in the Hot Spots section. It's definitely reusable and pretty generic, so I count that as a win!

Hot chocolate bar complete with toppings.

When it was time to sing to her, she looked around the room with a solemn look on her face. I don't think she quite believed it was all aimed at her, although everyone was grinning and looking at her the entire time. While leaning over towards the candle, I think I pinched her hand a little. Poor girl, she ended up crying and never got to even try to blow out her candle.

She did recover, and happily sat in her high chair nibbling on her cookie, one piece in each hand while she watched the chaos that was happening around her. She only ended up eating a tiny piece of the oversized cookie.

She got to spend a little more time with her cousin-twin, Asher (10 weeks younger). I love seeing them side by side at different ages.

I forgot to get a family shot until all the natural light was gone, but we still got a decent one considering the party was over and the sugar highs had run out. Also, Josie had already changed by this point, so no cute matching outfits here.

We like to do a bigger party for their first birthdays, and this one was perfect! Low stress, high fun, just the way we like it.

Amelia Jane turns one

2016-02-23T17:28:00.002-06:00

Amelia turned one a few weeks ago! I will post about her party soon, but this post is about what she's up to right now and how much she's grown in the last month. It's crazy (and if I'm being honest, a bit of a relief) that I won't be doing her monthly posts anymore. That first year of her life is done already. So fast, yet so slow.

We went to the doctor this week (two weeks late, as always) and learned that Amelia weighs 18 lbs 10 oz (29%) and 2' 4.5'' (22%) and her weight to height ratio is just under 50%. To put it in perspective, in the last three months she's jumped up on her weight by 13% (in a healthy way of course) and slowed down on her growth in length by about 25%. Josie was 22 lbs and 30 inches tall and I can't find Audrey's stats but I think she was just about the same weight and height as Amelia is now.

Teething has been a bear lately, with her getting two molars in and at least one more working it's way down and through any day now. When it's the worst, she wants to nurse (a lot) and be held. She wants to eat but doesn't want what she has to eat. It's a hard struggle for this one year old. She used to be such an amazing eater. Now, she spends more time playing with it, throwing it on the floor, and screaming for whatever else she wants but can't communicate. It's reeeeal fun. She took to drinking milk like a pro and downs her whole glass in under five minutes, but then she won't always eat what has been put in front of her. I refuse to play the "feed her only what she wants" game at this point because it'll only encourage her to be ridiculously picky. If she doesn't eat what we are eating, she gets some cheese and more milk or water. She gained enough weight the last few months so I'm not too worried. Usually, it's a phase anyway!

Mobility. So fascinating to watch her in this area. So far, she's still not walking, but man can she cruise once she's holding on to something. I really tried to get her to let go and only hold onto my hand with one hand and she's gotten pretty good at that. She still has a lot of work to do with her balance, but you can see the progress all the time. She finally full out crawls (happened about two weeks before her birthday) and as always, it's adorable. Any time a baby crawls around, exploring, it is just the cutest thing, right? She's so very happy now that she can make her way around the house freely.

In an effort to not drive myself crazy, our house is only somewhat baby proofed. Most of the outlets have plugs, the stairway is gated off (more to keep the older two from destroying the playroom at will than anything) and sometimes I make a point to close the toilet lids. Our cleaning supplies have been on a shelf out of kids' reach since we moved in. Other than that, I've worked a lot with the older girls to remind her not to put things in her mouth. We don't keep small things or toys out (I try to pick up everything as I notice it instead of letting it be like we did before we had little babies) and the girls know that each small toy has a home and to put the toys in their homes. Generally, it's been fairly easy to keep her out of trouble. Oh, and I'm encouraging hubby to secure our larger furniture to the wall (her dresser, bookshelves, etc). She's free to roam around the main level with her sisters so it gives me piece of mind when I know she won't be crushed. Logical, I know.

The coolest part with Miss Millie is that she is understanding us more and more. I can tell her to shut the cabinet door and she'll do it. I ask her to stop doing something and she can look at me, look back at what she's doing, and stop. The crazy part is 75% of the time she really will listen and even obey. Cool, right? I am always surprised when she actually follows through and does whatever it is I'm asking. She's barely one and can't talk yet! Yet she knows to shut a door or put the toys in the basket.

She signs "all done" and sometimes claps, which also means "more" in her world. I cannot get her to do "milk" but that's okay because lately it means nursing but soon it will mean drink in general since we are phasing out of nursing. That is confusing enough for me let alone for her... so I don't push that one. She love loves loves to help me clap my hands and the other day purposely entertained me by slapping her thighs before making a sly face, over and over again. It was admittedly hilarious, so I can see why she did it a hundred times. To really bring out the laughs, she plays hide and seek with all of us multiple times a day. Sometimes she just turns her head, sometimes she hides behind a wall, sometimes she lifts up her blanket over her head. There are a bunch of variations and they are all entertaining. She's really a true entertainer. She also busts a move when she hears a good beat. It's an elusive dance that only lasts three seconds at the most, so you have to watch carefully if you want to see it.

Mostly, she sleeps from 7:00 pm to 6:00 am. She still wakes up earlier most days but will often go back to sleep with the help of a diaper change or a pacifier find. She takes a solid two naps unless we aren't home in the morning, and once in a while she still squeezes in a quick half hour nap around 4:30. I thought briefly that we were done with the first and last one, but nope, it was just a weird day or two where she was too silly to sleep (and as always we all paid for it later that day). She still likes to be snuggie wrapped in her blanket, and so really fast at hopping out of her wrapped blanket to standing position the minute she is done sleeping (or thinks she's done before she's actually begun). Also, her wake up call is screaming, so there's that. She's not the happiest upon waking.

This month is the first month that she has truly played with her sisters. They've played...at her... in the past, but now they give her princesses, make room for her, play games centered around her (age appropriate for her) and purposely seek her out to play. Josie is much better about not dragging her around so I can leave the two of them to play in the big girls' room while I get something small done. This is one of the reasons it's easier having more than one kid. When it was just Josie, nobody else could distract her or entertain her so it was left to me to try to squeeze in housework and meal prep and do that at the same time. Now, I set her up with a few toys, a sister or two, and check in often and she's as happy as can be. It's a huge blessing and I'm thankful for it.

Her report card from nursery and the gym is glowing as always. Both places have pointed out how crazy easy she has been to watch and how she is hardly phased at all when other kids take something from her or trip over her. She's turned into the typical third child with her demeanor around a lot of people. Whew! I was hoping this would happen and it did. She's full of personality but much easier to be around.

What else? There is so much more. She's seriously full of life, full of personality, and full of specific characteristics that are unique just to her. I find myself thinking about summer with a one year old and can't hardly wait. The world is so fascinating and new and exciting to her and once again I'll get to experience it through a toddler's eyes. This time, I also get to share this with two sisters who delight in her just as much (I know, I mentioned this in another post, but it's worth pointing out again). Last summer, I witnessed a set of sisters that were about the same ages as what my girls will be this summer. The bigger two led the little one around happily and helped her when she needed it while also teaching her how to play. It was the sweetest thing, watching as I held my little tiny immobile baby and I cannot wait for it to be my girls this year (outside! in the sun! and water!).

She's a delight. We love her. She's one! Now, we have a 4 1/2 year old, a 3 year old, and a 1 year old. How is this possible?? Slow down, time!