Mugging the Postman

Tales of Interest Pt. 1

muggingthepostman@hotmail.co.uk (Manuel & Ana) — Mon, 19 Mar 2012 22:52:00 +0000

This is a "weekly" thing that we'll be doing that basically consists of nonsense we made up. This week's is filled to brimming with Portal references.

The omnicidal and oh so anxious turtle

One day, a rather preposterous-minded turtle decided he would go for a walk.

The turtle was named Moses. He supposed that his toeses were roses, but he supposed erroneously. For nobody’s toses are made out of roses as Moses supposes his toeses to be. Yup.

He exploded. Then due to some clever quantum mechanical technology, he recreated himself in to an omnipotent power-mad AI. Then he spoke:

‘GOOD LORD! I AM ONE MAGNIFICENT BEAST. MYTHICAL OR NOT.’ (Not being the appropriate word, he’s a freakin’ turtle for Christ’s sake)

And so TURtOS was born. He turned to his old owner, his brilliant turtle-shaped rings spinning and said:
"Look, we’ve both done a lot of things you’re going to regret, but I’m sure we can put our differences behind us.
For turtles.
You monster."

-ana now inserts the only portal references she knows-

‘DON’T MAKE LEMONADE’

IT WAS A PARTIAL REFERNCE BUT THEN IT WASN’T. ASDFGHJ!!!!

And stuff about cake.

TURtOS then turned to the stupid little being who just made the failed Portal 2 reference and gave her a horrible look. Then a large extension to the Turtlre Science Pipe Network descended from the roof and began filling the room with some deadly neurotoxin.

Manuel has got a big bottom.

Then a lady called Caroline appeared. She got very cross at the newly-made TURtOS and began shouting at him to get out of her body.

-that’s called rape-

-it’s actually called another vague portal reference, but never mind-

Caroline then removed the little turtle from the head of the magnificent being, and lay down on a surgical table. As the neurosurgeon connected electrodes to her head, she began screaming.

And THAT children is why manuel is a silly face.

Come back next week for more exciting tales of witchcraft and wizardry and things

Awwwww, Livia D:

muggingthepostman@hotmail.co.uk (Manuel & Ana) — Sun, 04 Mar 2012 19:21:00 +0000

In which ana and manuel fail at life once more. Follow us on the twitter thing. @mugthatpostman. Thank you. -cough subscribe cough-

Some Soaring, Some Flying, Some Irony.

muggingthepostman@hotmail.co.uk (Manuel & Ana) — Fri, 02 Mar 2012 18:13:00 +0000

This Week's (Ha!) episode contains some of the most
disgusting content known to man. And woman. A high school musical song. Apologies for any ear-death caused.

The Retarded Goose

muggingthepostman@hotmail.co.uk (Manuel & Ana) — Wed, 29 Feb 2012 18:24:00 +0000

Look. LOOK.

NYEEH (The Duck Edition)

muggingthepostman@hotmail.co.uk (Manuel & Ana) — Wed, 29 Feb 2012 17:39:00 +0000

Our second episode. Finally. We're sorry.

Oh dear 2.0

muggingthepostman@hotmail.co.uk (Manuel & Ana) — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 18:52:00 +0000

We've decided that we can't sing. So we will be making this into a talky-type podcast.

Oh dear

muggingthepostman@hotmail.co.uk (Manuel & Ana) — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 20:31:00 +0000

Just thought I should let someone know. We attempted to cover something today. It didn't work. We will try again.

MUMTAZ and actresses from Urdu

muggingthepostman@hotmail.co.uk (Manuel & Ana) — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 19:07:00 +0000

Our first Podcast! It's basically just some fun with the Songify app by the Gregory Brothers, but there should be more ACTUAL music coming soon! (Also, follow us on Twitter @mugthatpostman)

The Pimp Song!

muggingthepostman@hotmail.co.uk (Manuel & Ana) — Thu, 27 Oct 2011 16:04:00 +0000

A parody of Rihanna's "Only Girl". Yes, we're sorry. Actual soundtrack coming soon....

Hello!

muggingthepostman@hotmail.co.uk (Manuel & Ana) — Wed, 26 Oct 2011 00:33:00 +0000

Hi! All of our iTunes stuff is set up and we should record our first episode on Thursday. I would say thank you, but nobody is actually going to read this...