Mulligan Memories

Back at Square 1

2014-03-09T15:18:00.002-05:00

I would just cry, only if that would help.

This past year, I learned A LOT about myself.

1. I don't handle high stress as well as I thought I could.

2. I stress eat.

3. I internalize my feelings until I burst. Which is odd, since I am an "oversharer". Believe it or not, I am selective on what I do share.

With this, I have GAINED all of the weight that I had lost.....back. It seriously depresses me.

It has been a tough year. Won't go into too many details about that, however, did find that when I am stressed - like I work, I snack. Snack to comfort. Snack to fill voids. Snack to comfort. Snack when I just need a good cry or a hug.

I wish I was one of those people who could run off my stress. That would mean I would have to like running. Or exercising. We all know I don't.

Had a meeting with my fav Doctor a couple of weeks ago. First thing first. Managing these CRAZY panic attacks that I am having. Unfortunately, that is through meds for now. Then, we will begin to focus back on weight loss.

Which may be on hold until we see what the Urologist says about the wonderful little benign (yah!) tumor that is growing on my kidney. More news on that front when I get closer.

In the meantime, I am working to move stress out and trying to retrain my thinking on food....again.

How are you doing on your life changes?

July 30, 2012 Eating, Ate, SO HUNGRY! and lost what?!

2012-07-30T20:03:00.003-05:00

July 30, 2012

Day 2

Breakfast

1c of coffee - with splenda and Sugar Free Vanilla Cream (2TBSP) Coffee Mate

Sugar Free items vs Non Fat - you will see that many items will be lower in Calories when sugar free than if it is low fat. So beware of what you are buying and compare it ALL.

I will NOT give up my coffee. WILL NOT!

Calories - 15

Yogurt - Blueberry flavored - Dannon Lite and Fit.

1/4c of fresh blueberries

Calories - 120

Total Breakfast 135 calories

Remaining Calories - 865 to work with

Snack

100 calorie pack - mini striped fudge cookies

Zero Vitamin Water

If you don't have these in your home - MUST buy. These help with the sugar cravings and snacking. As a tip - always try to keep your snacks below 100 calories. If it is already portioned for you, so much easier for you. Less likely to cheat.

Remember it is mind over matter.

Don't forget the water or low/no calorie drinks.

OH and if you have to ....well, pee, GO! Don't hold it. Pee is how you get rid of fat and toxins!! DO IT! And if you can, lots - that is why drinking a lot of water helps. You literally FLUSH it out! :-) I know, TMI?! But I swear it is true.

Total Snack 100 calories

Remaining Calories 765 to work with

Lunch

1/2 of a Lavish Bread (see previous posts about foods I like for more info)

2 slices of ham

2 slices of thin swiss

mustard - 2 tbsp

2 dill pickles

Lavish bread is 50 calories, ham is 30 a slice and the swiss was 80.

My mustard says 0 calories unlike the mustard listed on the subway site. Why, I don't know!

Pickles - if you like dill pickles - they can be you friend! They are ZERO in calories and you can snack on them ALL DAY LONG!

Total Lunch 160 calories

Remaining Calories 605 to work with

I WILL NOT LIE. I AM HUNGRY. BUT, did you know that I have already LOST 2LBS! So, this is what I am doing! Keeping up this work.

Snack

100 Calorie Pack - Ritz mixed Snack pack.

Was craving a tad bit of salt this time. See you have to check these out!

Oh and more water!

Total Snack 100 calories

Remaining Calories 505 to work with

Dinner

Sweet Onion and Spinach BURGERS!

OH MY OH MY - if you have never had these! Let me tell you they are delish!

These are in the Dieter's Cookbook.

The burger has 281 calories including the lavish bread, cheese, spinach and onions. Cooked with oats and brown sugar. Even has cheese!

The picture doesn't do it justice but trust me YUMMM!

Guacamole - home made - because the avocados were going to go bad! Made with onion, tomato and dash of salt, pepper and squeeze of pepper.

Estimated calories - 115 calories

Total Dinner 396 calories

Remaining calories 109 to work with!

Maybe some ice cream? - I could not have another bite!

A REMINDER to Myself

2012-07-29T21:30:00.001-05:00

Wait!!!! Why am I doing this?

This is why I am getting back to it! This is where I was and NEVER want to be. Though by no means am I in trouble with my weight - but also don't want to be there either. As a reminder, I put together this collage.

I am sharing the same before and most of you have seen the after pics too. But being together. In one spot. In front of me. Brings it to a whole new level.

Why I work so hard. I don't want to ever be "back there". I can't stand the thought of gaining back and loosing out on all that hard work. Let alone the whispers of - she lost all that weight. What a shame. Blah blah blah.

Love,

Kerryanne

July 29th - Dinner

2012-07-29T20:13:00.000-05:00

July 29, 2012

Dinner

Tonight's Dinner

Strawberry Spinach Salad with a Grilled Boneless Skinless Chicken Breast. Skinny Mix Appletini and a glass of water to drink.

Salad

4 strawberries - 7 calories

spinach approx 1 cup - 11 calories

1/4 cup of feta cheese - 90 calories

4tbsp of Fat Free Balsamic Vinaigrette - 30 calories

Chicken - grilled with Mrs. Dash Chicken seasonings - 100 calories

Drink - 0 calories. Mix had none and add vodka - none. WHOO HOO!

Dinner Calories - 238 calories total

Dessert

Baked Peaches with Vanilla Ice Cream

I found this recipe on Pinterest. It was delish.

http://thekitchenismyplayground.blogspot.com/2012/07/brown-sugar-baked-peaches-healthier.html

I did change the butter for coconut oil at the recommendation of a friend. It was very good.

Peach - 31 calories

coconut oil - 39

brown sugar - 11

Cinnamon - 0

Ice Cream - 1/2 c - Slow Churn Vanilla - 100c calories

Dessert Calories - 181 calories total

Total calories 419

Today total eaten 919 calories

Still have 81 more to go...hmmm :-) I can still have a snack!

See, I eat a lot of food and keep around my calories. You can do it too. Just takes some research when shopping and cooking.

Love,

Kerryanne

Lunch - July 29, 2012

2012-07-29T17:21:00.002-05:00

July 29, 2012

Lunch

We went to Subway - which I am NOT a fan of - but if watching what you eat - it is the best best option while out and about.

6 in Black Forest Ham w/NO CHEESE -

pickles, onion, lettuce, banana peppers and mustard

on the 9 Grain Honey Oat bread.

unsweet iced tea with on sweet and low

MISTAKE was that I had it on the Honey Oat and not the regular 9 Grain Wheat. Difference of 50! Calories. I could of had the White and would have been better off with the calories by 60!!

The reason why Subway is great - you can add and add as many veggies as you want on your sandwich. ALL without adding any calories or very very little.

Total Lunch Calories = 350

(290 if I had got the right bread plus 10 for the mustard - 300. Boo me for not paying attention).

Drink had no calories

Had 850 left - 350 for lunch = 500 for dinner, dessert and/or snack

Weight. WAIT! WHAT? Breakfast

2012-07-29T13:21:00.001-05:00

WEIGHT WAIT!

OKAY - summer, vacations and all this fun! Thinking I am moving more equals I can eat more. NOPE!

I have put on about 25lbs since the beginning of the summer. Between Disney and everyday cravings for ice cream - correction frozen custard - I am killing it!

SOOO - since many ask what I ate while loosing weight - I am going to put it ALL right here for you to see. GULP. HA! Keeping myself accountable too! (I can do this).

I will include my cheats. Common sense should tell you what I am doing right and wrong. BUT I want to see (and for you) to see what I am doing and how I rebound - or NOT. Like the yummy Jitterbug Jackhammer with Hot Fudge from Andy's. GOOD GOLLY! You have to google that one or I will salivate more than I am on this 104 degree day!!

OK - Here we go! Comments and recommendations are always welcomed. I am always looking for better ways or recipes or anything to help with my diet.

Plus, share what you are doing and how it has helped you in your lifestyle!

July 29th - Breakfast

2c of coffee - with splenda and Sugar Free Vanilla Cream (2TBSP) Coffee Mate

Sugar Free items vs Non Fat - you will see that many items will be lower in Calories when sugar free than if it is low fat. So beware of what you are buying and compare it ALL.

Calories - 30

Yogurt - Blueberry flavored - Dannon Lite and Fit.

1/4c of fresh blueberries

I chose the Dannon, as the flavor is the best, in my opinion. But it also has the best calorie to portion that gets me full. I used to buy the big container and measure it out. You can do that or buy the individuals - they are perfect.

I mix the extra berries into the yogurt for extra yumm - though good with out. But Blueberries are good and good for you. Not to mention it helps fight so much. I am not going to mislead and quote - so if you don't know the benefits of blueberries on things like AGING - google. it.

Calories - approx 120

Total Breakfast 150 calories

Remaining Calories - 850 to work with

**diet for me is 1,000 calories based on my activity level per my DOCTOR. There are sites that help you determine this - see previous posts for more info - BEST YET CALL YOUR DOCTOR and find out what is best for you.

***per previous posts - I have been off all and any meds since February of this year (2012).

Love and XOXO,

Kerryanne

Date Night: April's Surprise Date

2012-05-09T21:57:00.000-05:00

APRIL DATE NIGHT - BOWLING

This month's Date Night was so much fun!

We went out for dinner - something fun and quick. Then we went bowling!

I will say, it was so tempting to call it a night and go home and crawl into bed. But most of the date's are designed to be quick and not take all night. We want to go out and have fun. But we have responsibilities at home - kids and the occasional work Saturday.

Of course when I say we went Bowling, you all know that there is no way we JUST WENT BOWLING. What would be the fun in that?!

Thanks to the wonderful Ladies over at The Dating Divas, I found the following date idea.... Funky Town Date - Group Date Idea. It is one of the most fun and hysterical date ideas that I have ever read! But since our dates are suppose to be just us, the Group Date was out. But it did not mean I could not take some of the ideas from it.

Now, I knew there was no way I was going to get my husband to dress all crazy in clothes from Goodwill.

But the Bowling...the bowling by color based on the M&M you pulled out of the bag, yes that would work!

Best part of it is that Dating Divas have the card all done on their website and all you have to do is print it!

Sean bowling after drawing a blue M&M

Me bowling because I got the same M&M

At first people were looking at us weird. Then they were asking us questions. I would show them the print out - they LOVED it. Funny thing was, it was the MEN asking not the WOMEN!

Ladies, try it - love it and enjoy having a fun, different, change of pace date with your HONEY!

XOXO and Love,

Kerryanne

My Mom and Weight Loss: Second Month, Exercise and Loss

2012-05-09T21:18:00.000-05:00

My apologies for being behind and not doing a good job at keeping up my blog. I know that many of you have been asking about it and waiting very patiently for my next entry.

I want to THANK YOU for your support and for your patience!

As you know, I have been caring for my Mother. The last few months have been, trying to say the least. Unfortunately, my Mom became very sick and got a staph infection from her dialysis catheter. It settled into her and -- well long story short, I had to have her hospitalized. It was probably one of the worst experience I have had to date. I will never forget that day, as I thought she had a stroke - it was THAT BAD! She was in the hospital for over a week.

She is now on a long road to recovery. But is MUCH better. She has some issues with her arm and shoulder as the infection had set in there and she had to have surgery. Now she is being rehabilitated and back onto the road of recovery.

Needless to say - my blog was the thing that had to be one of the things I had to let go of. So, where did we leave off??? Oh, yes!

Doctor Visit: After First Month - Continued

As mentioned in my last update, I had lost 20 lbs! My first month - no help, no guidance - just told to eat only 1,000 calories a day. I made progress! I was thrilled and I am pretty sure that my Doctor was shocked. But he for sure knew that I was serious and here to do this.

This is when we discussed realistic goals. He asked me about what I weighed in High School, a whole 125 - 130 lbs.. Then when I got married at and when I began to put on the weight (moved to Arkansas and all that (see first entry)) I weighed 165 and started increasing steadily year after year and month to month. We had conversations about my pregnancies - before and after and any other diets I have been on. Then he asked me what weight did I see myself at - I told him I would be thrilled to be at 150lbs.. He shook his head and said that I could probably get to 175 lbs and maintain that. But nothing below.

For those who know me, when I am told no, or that I can't, or I won't be able to - like most, I will prove you wrong. I was determined that I was going to do this.

My doctor decided at this time he was going to prescribe a medicine for me to assist with the food cravings. Most of you have heard it and I am sure have been on it - Phentermine. I have been on it before. It is a stimulant. Most Doctors will easily write you a RX knowing that you will try the diet for a month and fail and be done with it. Which annoys the HECK out of me!! Phentermine is a stimulant that helps with cravings and does make you a little - jittery. However, if not taken correctly, you will not succeed at your diet. The biggest mistake people make is thinking that they can eat normal foods and loose weight. THIS IS WHY I NORMALLY DO NOT TELL PEOPLE I TOOK Phentermine! But I feel that I have to share my whole story, and be truthful about every step. This was part of it.

Here is my take - most write you the Rx and don't tell you anything else. Mine barely did either. I had to research and do my homework. I wanted to be thin again that bad! I really do think that they should only allow Dietitians write these Rx's. Because if they are not going to take the time to teach you to eat correctly, you are not going to be successful. The meds will not matter. Trust me. There are no magic pills. If there were - we would all be skinny!

Anyways, I started on the Phentermine - a half a pill, until I could no longer feel the effects (months) before going up to a full pill.

I continued on my 1,000 calories a day. Which became hard to do because I would not be as hungry going into the second month. I have begun to shrink my stomach, the meds were working and I had to remind myself to eat something. Always make sure you are eating something. Not eating only instills bad habits and won't help you. This is a time not only to work on loosing the weight but learn good eating habits.

Remember this is a LIFESTYLE. It is not a diet. It is a change that needs to be there forever. Once you can embrace that, you will be that more successful!

Question: EXERCISE

Many have asked about what I did for Exercises. I did not begin exercise at first. It was a few months in before I even felt comfortable to do so. Or even want to. It was not until I lost about 50 or 60 lbs that I began. I chose to do Hot Yoga.

Why Hot Yoga. Because I HATE to exercise. Come on - if I liked it, do you think I would of ended up where I was? HA!

Hot Yoga is Yoga - stretching and balancing in a heated room. It is wonderful. You don't realize that you are working out until the next morning when you feel the "pain"! Not to mention the about of calories that you burn doing Hot Yoga. You can burn up to 500-700 calories in one hour of hot yoga! Can you believe that?! It is amazing. If you have never tried it, you really should. AND I really need to get back to doing it. Yes, I stopped doing it. It is a bad excuse, but life gets so busy. For me, crazy busy with the boys, Mom, Dad and trying to balance my own life and work. (WOW I am exhausted just thinking about it!).

I know you are going to ask -

SECOND MONTH WEIGHT LOSS

My second month on my diet, I lost another 20lbs! In two months total I lost a total of 40lbs!! I was well on my way and lost more than I ever imagined. I was seeing real results and fast! I felt amazing, not healthy or better - just AMAZING! It is hard to explain unless you gain and loose (don't do it - unless you need to - trust me!). But it is wonderful.

I know small handful of you are doing a diet just like the one I did. I am very proud of you! I am so happy that I can inspire you to make adjustments in your life to become a little more healthier. It is weird how many people come up to me to hug and thank me. I have come to realize that I am one of the few people that they know that have actually done it. I am very happy that you have allowed me to help you and inspire you. It is an odd place for me to be....so if I blush - sorry. :-)

I will follow up with another entry soon!

XOXO and Love,

Kerryanne

Weightloss: First Month, How Much Lost?

2012-03-19T23:38:00.001-05:00

First Month

The dreaded first month.

After my appointment with my Doctor, I came home and told my husband, Sean, about my conversation. I told him that I wanted to start the following Monday. We talked about the point the Doctor made about "the average woman who runs on the treadmill for 45 minutes and burns 350 calories. How much running do you do and why do you need that many calories?" Ouch.

Anytime since I think of that comment. Do I need to eat this? Do I need these calories for what I am doing today? More often than not the answer is no. Not that it has made this journey any easier - even today.

At first I turned and put all of the responsibility on my husband. Yup. He does the cooking....I do the eating. I pulled out a great cookbook that we found the last time called the New Dieter's Cookbook by Better Homes and Garden. I did see if I could find if it was still available for you. It is hard to find, but came across it on Amazon.com. It is worth every penny!! There are some great recipes. I will scan some of my favorite ones in and share.

One of the things that I had to give up was.....are you ready for it....gasp.....the horror.....all alcohol! I say it like that because it is amazing the reactions that I that I get when I tell people this. It is as if I have 10 heads. To date, when people ask what I have done to loose the weight, I start telling them what I avoid and when I get to that - EVERYONE says oh, no way, forget it. Can't do it. Funny, when it comes to either hitting your goal of looking good and being healthy, people will choose their drink. Well, I chose to look HOT in my little designer jeans!

WHAT DID I EAT?

Easier to say what can I NOT eat? As mentioned in my previous blog entry, you can eat anything - as long as you count for the calories. CAKE - sure go for it - if it is going to be all you eat. Biggest devastation for me is that I LOVE ITALIAN food. No more cream sauces. No more cheesey gooey foods. GONE! You know those yummy calazones? Yeah, those babies are 1,400 calories on average BEFORE you add in meats! Yes, that is MORE than I am allocated to eat! CRAZINESS!

So, obviously - sugar is out. BUT, I did stock up on 100 Calorie snack packs to help with sugar and salt cravings. I made sure I had a little of something so I did not feel deprived. Also, ice cream - a little Edie's or Dryer's Slow Churned Ice Cream. Measure it out to the serving size and enjoy. But make sure you budget it in!

Flour and White Foods - I already shared that I gave up most bread and switched to Joseph's - see previous blog entry. For Pasta's I searched and found that I could have almost of the Wheat type spaghetti's. You need to keep to the serving size. It is not much, you may want a salad with little dressing on the side to go with it. There are only a few Sauces in the jar that you can use - but they are out there. I like Muir Glen Sauce - low in calories but difficult to find. You can add to it if you don't eat a salad by putting in fresh vegetables. Make sure you account for the calories.

Beef - yes, Beef. Another favorite. Means no more good, yummy, taste aka fatty cuts of meat. It does go with out saying this includes no ground beef. Which with all of the press about pink slime, I am grateful that habit had been kicked! :-) When you look at the calorie count of most cuts of beef, you come to realize that it is just not worth it! I did eventually go back to eating beef after some time. But I keep it to small cuts and lean fillets. No burgers. No briskets. No good ol' BBQ.

I do eat a lot of veggies, a lot of chicken and a lot of turkey. I have come to LOVE ground turkey and use it to make tacos, etc..

I don't like fish. GROSS! People always found that odd since I grew up in MA. But I tell them that I have seen the water that the fish has swam in - THAT is why I don't like eating it! However, I have opened up to it as I got bored of my selection of food. I now eat Mahi Mahi, Halibut and a little Talapia. Though I don't like the Talapia - tastes like dirt to me. But that is my opinion.

One thing I did do - I DID EAT PIZZA THE ENTIRE TIME! Yes, I would eat pizza OUT at least once to twice a week every week. WHAT? Am I serious? Yes!!! Ask the wait staff at Johnny Brusco's in Bentonville. What I found is that you can order their thin crust NY Style Pizza - THINNER. It tastes better and knocks off some of the calories. You still need to eat some salad and not eat more than one slice - two tops.

Speaking of salad. Low Fat Vinaigrette's, on the side with no cheese and no croutons. Always order this way. People always think salads are okay and the safe thing to eat. Salads can be as bad as a Double Quarter Pounder if you are not careful! You want only the veggies. Also, if you put your fork into the dressing then the salad - you get a lot of dressing per bite and it is YUMMY. Or so you think. You would be amazed how much is left behind. TRY IT!!

HURDLES

The first month was February of 2011. This month includes the wonderfully romantic day of Valentine's, which for some reason includes a lot of chocolate. LOTS AND LOTS of ....mmmmm....yummy chocolate. Then there is Seamus' birthday. Which includes a Rick's Bakery Cake - for those not in North West Arkansas. Ohhhh MY GOODNESS good! Then you have my Mother's birthday and the fact I just started -- making it easy to just say screw it lets wait.

Seamus' Birthday Party was wonderful. Great cake from Rick's and I did not have a piece. I was so proud of myself. Yes, this is a HUGE accomplishment!

Then on Valentine's Day we went to Ruth's Chris Steakhouse. If you are not familiar with this restaurant, lets just say, as great as it is - they drown your steak, chicken or fish in butter. I am completely convinced that this is part of their secret and to their wonderful seared meals. I will tell you - not so yummy when you all of sudden are aware of what you are eating and feel like you need a shower from all of the butter. Or a drop cloth! I still have dinner there, I just order my meal with out butter. NONE!

Which brings up the topic....which I will talk about tomorrow as I catch up on the blog . Eating out and what to ask for and be aware of. Also, if there is a question that you have, don't forget to let me know what it is!

So.....how much did I loose my first month?

20 POUNDS from my first appointment to my second appointment. That is 5 pounds per week.

No working out. No medicines. No supplements or crazy drugs. Just changing the way I eat. Embracing a new eating LIFESTYLE! (notice the word - lifestyle!! not DIET!).

XOXO and Love,

Kerry

March's Surprise Planned Date Night

2012-03-10T17:37:00.002-06:00

DATE NIGHT

For Christmas, one of the gifts that I gave my husband was a year's worth of preplanned date nights - all scheduled, with a babysitter and all! There are no excuses at all not to go on the date!

Here is the deal - each month has a sealed envelope marked with the month and date to open the envelope. In each envelope, there is just enough details about that days date - so he can be prepared. Such as, what to wear if there is special attire, etc..

Rules -

No cell phones. We have them with us because of the kids, just not to use them (well except to take a pic or two!).

If at dinner - sit close and next to one another. If in a booth, same side. Yup, giddy like teenagers! You should see the looks we get. It is funny.

Hold hands. A lot. Touching is encourage. Now, I am not a big fan of PDA. So, we keep it PG and to the hand holding.

Each date is something that is out of both of our comfort zones. Things that we would not typically do. No mundane dinner and movie nights here! All things that will make us laugh and enjoy the evening.

Last night's date night theme was ROCK STAR! It was to involve anything to do with the words Rock and/or Star.

I began the date by presenting my Husband with a gift - I bag of STARbursts and told him he was my ROCK STAR!

We don't have too many options that fit into the theme - but one that was fun sounding and why I chose to go ahead with this theme when I saw it - ROCK wall climbing! We went to Lewis and Clark Outfitters. Very cheap and SUPER fun! You can climb the wall for $2 a try!

I did the driving, to keep Sean in the dark about our date plans. All the way until we walked into the store! I have to admit that I was nervous at first! I made Sean go first!

I got the hang of it and scaled the wall pretty quickly. Yes, I am proud! Not only because I did it, but because I have found that as I have grown older, I have also a fear of heights. So, this is a big deal on many levels for me!

The next part of the date is suppose to be dinner at a location that includes rock or star in the name. But there is not any local. Especially any that I can keep to my diet and keep to my diet during Lent. So, we went to Copeland's and enjoyed a wonderful dinner and each other's company.

The final part of the date Sean had to choose Novice, Armature or Expert. He went with Novice out of concern of what I was going to have him scale next! It was to go home, snuggle and watch a movie with ROCK or Star in it. We were going to watch School of Rock.

The unfortunate part of the Date Night is that we go on Friday nights. With the schedules of having to be up very early to bring Mom to dialysis in the morning and Sean having to be to work in the morning for the Saturday work meeting. To say the least, we were exhausted before the movie and both opted to pass out! ROMANTIC aren't we!

I highly recommend doing these date nights. They are a lot of fun. They have to be dates that are not typical. I found the ideas for mine on the following sites:

The Dating Diva's - which is where I saw the Rock Star theme - and the ideas were from this specific entry - Rock Star Date

Shannon Brown: Finding Joy in the Journey

Six Sisters Stuff

Which I found these and many others through Pinterest!

HAPPY DATING! If you have an amazing date theme or idea, share with me! I am open to ideas!

Love and XOXO,

Kerry

Day in the Life of Me

2012-03-08T18:14:00.001-06:00

Thursday's begin very early in our house. I have to be out the door by 6:30 am to go pick up my Mother to bring her to dialysis. I bring Seamus with me and Sean will bring Liam to school. That way no one is overly rushed.

Many days Seamus requests Krispy Kreme Donuts for breakfast or sometimes it is what I have to bribe in order to get him up, dressed and out the door quickly!
He loves watching the donut assembly line. Then picking out which ones he wants. For those who have never met Seamus, my little boy has an amazingly big heart, or generous one at the least. He is always asking if we can bring back donuts for his classmates.

On days that I get really lucky, I can talk Seamus into eating breakfast at IHOP. What I love here, and if you have been following my blog posts - is they have menu options that include calorie information. They have a good egg white omelet with spinach, onions, tomatoes, and mushrooms with swiss cheese. Great thing is - Seamus LOVES mushrooms a.k.a. MARSHMALLOWS. Don't ask....I don't know why he calls them marshmallows, as he knows what a marshmellow is. Silly little boy is all I have to say!

On Saturday mornings, Liam joins us if Daddy has to work!

Mom had an okay day at dialysis today. Every day is different and you have to take the good days and enjoy them and on the bad ones, she just relaxes and does the best she can.

As an adult, it is hard to watch a parent go through something that you can't fix. Similar to that of your child. It is a strange position to be in. I want to and wish I could make everything better for my parents. I want to know that they are going to be here for when and if I need them for many years to come. But not just for me - also for my children. Is this selfish?

Other issue is - my parents are not old! They should be healthy and getting ready to retire and travel the world. Not dialysis. Not lung issues (Dad). I just hope that they have and get to enjoy some of things that they have wanted to. Checked off some things on their bucket lists.

Speaking of Bucket Lists...Do you keep one? A TO DO before you Die List? What is on it? This year, after seeing one on Pinterest, I decided to do a Before the End of Year Bucket List. It is more of a 2012 Wish List for my Family. We came up with some things we would like to do this year. Some of the things that we have on there are things that we do every year - go camping, go to Silver Dollar City. Others are wish list items - Go to Disney Land, Disney World, Disney Cruise, Universal Studios, Sea World and such. (We best start playing the lottery!!). There are smaller fun things too.

Would love to hear what is on your Bucket List!

Weightloss: Clarification and Question of Week - Breakfast

2012-03-07T18:35:00.000-06:00

As I am going through this process and seeing everyone's feedback and comments, I want to say Thank you for the kind words and support. I am overwhelmed!

CLARIFICATION - HCG

I have been told that I was not clear on my opinion on something. So I am going to be straight out - and remember it is my opinion. HCG. I do not like HCG in regards to weight loss. I think it is a crock. I think HCG is dangerous and not the best route to go. My statement in my earlier blog about HCG is that what I do like HCG is that it was one of the medicines that I used in the infertility study to help me get pregnant. If you are using HCG to get pregnant, I applaud you! It is great for that!

There are so many other ways to loose weight that are much healthier. If you are looking for a quick easy way to loose weight with out work or a magic pill - then I am sorry to tell you - You are NOT going to find it. Put it this way, if it were as easy as popping something, wouldn't we all be perfectly skinny?!

NOW onto the important stuff! :-)

QUESTIONS

Question this week is "What Do you eat for Breakfast?"

First, let me share one of the many cool tools that are on the web that are very helpful in research when it comes to calorie diets. Or any diet that you need to know your nutritional values. I love Calorie King!

They have books, apps and all sorts of tools. The one I use the most is the Food Search function on their website - which is FREE! Here you can get the information on any food, including at most restaurants and for most brands. Best part is that you can choose and adjust the serving size so you don't have to try and calculate it all out.

When it comes to food, we all have some things that are non negotiable. You know, those things that you WILL NOT give up. Mine is my morning cup and sometimes cups of coffee. No hope and no chance. The key is to NOT give them up but to find healthier ways to enjoy them and or make them work. What I did for coffee in the beginning was cut back on it, one cup a day. I already drank it with Splenda, so there was no adjustments there. Now, the problem was that I liked it LIGHT. I looked and found that Sugar Free Creamers had the least amount of calories than the others. Found one flavored kind that I liked and could tolerate drinking the coffee a little darker than normal. Then I was good to go.

1 Cup of Coffee - 8 oz is 2 Cal

2 tsp of Coffee Mate Sugar Free Vanilla Creamer - 10 Cal

1 Splenda - 4 Cal

Total Calories - 16 calories for cup of Coffee

Food itself - varied on what I wanted. My target for Calorie allotment was to try to stay within 300 calories for breakfast. (remember, I worked with 1000 cal a day)

Some mornings I had Light and Fit yogurt by Dannon. As it has the best flavor and the least Calories. 80 Calories in a container. If I had this, I would also add fresh fruit to round it out. 1/4 c of blueberries has 21 calories. 1/4 c of sliced strawberries has 13 calories.

Other mornings I would make a breakfast burrito. I would grill chicken, onions, tomatoes, sometimes mushrooms or other veggies. Most veggies for a 1/4 c is about 20-40 calories at MOST. I would scramble egg whites and put it in Lavish Bread. My favorite is by Joseph's Lavash Bread and can be found at Walmart and most Supermarkets. I like their pita pockets also.

3 egg equivalent of egg beater egg whites - 75 calories

onions 1/4 c chopped and sauteed - 17 calories

1 serving (4oz) boneless skinless chicken breast - grilled - 100 calories

2 tablespoons of salsa - 18 calories

1/2 of Joseph's Lavish Bread - 50 calories

Total calories - 260 calories for Chicken Burrito Wrap

As a side note - for a butter, I use the "I Can Not Believe It's Not Butter" in the spray bottle. It has 0 Calories. I use it on foods and to cook. As an FYI, it has less than the same kind in the tub.

I like Oatmeal, my favorite being Raisin Spice Quaker Oatmeal which has 150 calories per packet. Only issue with eating something like this early on in the diet is that you will not feel very full. Which brings me to brings me to one very important point.

To be successful on this diet, or any for that matter, is to do your research and find foods that you will like, that you will eat and that will fill you.

Example, notice a trend with most fruits and vegetables listed above? They are LOW IN CALORIES!! When people ask what I did to loose the weight and I tell them, their first comment is "well you must of starved!" Well, no, I didn't! I ate a LOT of vegetables and a lot of fruits. Which are very healthy for you and low in calories. However, as a caution - always check them out first, as not all are low in calories. Example is Potatoes, a medium baked with nothing on it is 161 calories. Cup of Mashed Potatoes is 237 calories when prepared with milk and butter. That is half the meal.

What I love about this diet is that I can eat what ever I want. All I have to do is keep it with in the days allowed calories. So if I want that chocolate cake with frosting (1/8 of slice on an average brand is 235 calories) then I could have it. However, I would really recommend sticking to the healthy habits in the beginning until you get used to it and staying away from the cake. But the point is, if you are craving it - go for it. Just count it! When you are working with such little amount of calories, you have to make each one count!

I hope that this answers the question about breakfast and gives you some ideas.

Some others are....

egg white omelets (use Swiss cheese - less calories)

Whole Grain Strawberry Pancakes

If you come across some good recipes, please share in comments!

XOXO and Love,

Kerry

Weightloss - How Did I "Let" it Happen? What Motivated Me? and First Visit to DR

2012-03-06T15:33:00.000-06:00

Okay, here it goes, the beginning of all of the embarrassing details. All of the truths that I tried hard to hide from those who had not seen me in a long time.

BEING HEAVY

It is ironic. For those that knew me growing up - I was never a big girl. Average sized and "shapely" in the "good" way, in the way you want to be. I can remember telling a friend that I would rather die than weigh 150lbs.. I made her promise me that if I ever got that heavy, to just KILL me! How awful it must be to get that large.

Speed up to age 24. Planning a wedding and Husband-to-be received a job offer from the Walmart Home Office. In middle of it all, we pick up and move to North West Arkansas from South Shore Massachusetts. Away from all of our Friends and our Families. On top of it all, I am now unemployed and need to find a job. This is May, 2000. We found a house, bought it and moved into it in a week. LITERALLY! I found a job the same week with in the Walmart Home Office. Then, I continued to plan my wedding, which was to be back home, in Plymouth, MA - where I was not. Can you say stressed?!

What I found with all of these changes was comfort where I never looked for it before - FOOD. As we got settled (took a year!) and made friends we found that we would entertain and that would involve FOOD! See the pattern? Then, one thing led to the next and I weighed 220lbs.. You think that was my heaviest and wake up call. NOPE!

After a few years of trying to get pregnant and not being able to, I found out I had Poly cystic Syndrome. With this, it complicates many things - pregnancy to weight loss. I had visited with an Fertility Endocrinologist in Tulsa, OK to see what we could do and if I would ever be able to get pregnant. Finally, I asked if there were any studies I could participate in - as IVF was too expensive and I tried everything else, he said yes. BUT I had to loose at least 20 lbs first to be able to qualify. He put me on a 1200 calorie diet. It was TORTURE! But I did it! Long story short - I have Liam and Seamus now. And before you ask how I feel about HCG.....guess what I helped test for the study??!! So, HCG is AWESOME!! I am blessed with two amazing little boys because of HCG!

After my pregnancies, my weight went down, then up, and up, and up and up. I finally topped out at 285lbs when I visited the Doctor in February of 2011. YES!! 285lbs.! Now, I have NEVER told ANYONE that number until today!

By the way - this is NOT what motivated me to loose the weight!

MOTIVATION

Many people asked me what motivated me. It is an embarrassing moment.

One thing that happens when you go from being thin to not so much is - you are aware that you are no longer thin - but you are not REALLY aware how bad it has gotten. What I mean is, even though I knew I was no longer the small size 8 or what have you - I did not see myself as this big woman. Only time I did was in photos. So, I just avoided them! If I had to be in them, I sat in a certain way to ensure it was not all that obvious of HOW big I had gotten. I was not unhealthy. I could "run", play and skate with my kids. I didn't like doing much of it and it was my excuse not to. Never did it click that I probably would if I lost some weight.

SO, the day it all CLICKED!! I was at Silver Dollar City with my family. Which if you are a friend on Facebook, you know we go there often. Liam and Seamus have both come to the age and height where they can ride the kids roller coaster. But both need an adult to accompany them on the ride. Sean was going with Seamus and Liam had asked me to go on with him. Happy to do so, until I sat down on the ride with him. The operator pushed the bar down to lock us in and it would NOT CLOSE. I tried to sit at a different angle. I tried to suck in my tummy. I tried everything I could think of and think of fast to avoid further embarrassment. Nothing worked. I could NOT go on the ride with my child. My little boy wanted him Mommy to ride on the roller coaster with him and I could not do it - because I was too large. I could not fit into it and keep us safe.

This was August of 2010. I went through some back and forth personal thoughts and fights. What did I want to do? What was I prepared to do? What was I willing to do?

DOCTORS VISIT

In all of the years of visiting Doctors, I have never had one tell me that I should consider loosing weight. Only time it came up was for the Infertility Study. So, when I had an appointment with my Doctor that February 201 - I brought it up. I told him "I want to do something about this!", as I gestured to myself.

My Doctor's instant reply was that I needed to go on a 1,000 calorie diet. I looked him like he was NUTS! and then told him I thought he was. I told him I did 1,200 and it was hard and he wanted me to cut out an additional 200 calories!

This is when he replied " Think of your lifestyle, an average woman who runs 45 minutes on a treadmill burns 350 calories. How long are you running on a treadmill?"

Well, of course I am not. Which means - why do I need to intake so many calories? I don't. My body doesn't need them to sit at the computer to run spreadsheets and do analysis. And if I am honest with myself, I don't really run after the boys that much anymore - so the calories are not needed for that either. I live a very sedative lifestyle. In other words - I sit on my BOOTIE a lot!

So, that is where it began. He told me that I had to start the diet and come back in one month. At the next appointment he would want to see how I did and what he could do to help me. But first, I needed to prove that I was willing to do the work. Willing to show I could do the work.

1000 Calories. WOW! What could I eat for 1000 calories and still feel like I ate? Not feel like I starved?

ADVICE

If you are wanting to diet - 1000 calories is extreme. Most don't recommend going under 1,200 calories. Also, if you exercise, you need to account in your calories. Remember that calories gives your body the energy it needs to move and function.

ALWAYS check with your Doctor before going on a diet. Especially any extreme ones! Please note one constant thing. I worked with my Primary Care Dr through this whole experience.

ME - THEN

Here is a reminder of the BEFORE if you missed it!

or one that literally makes me cry as I wonder how I did not know I got this way. Why it took me so long to do anything about it?
I received a wonderful award from Walmart - being recognized from my hard work. This is what I looked like.

XOXO and Love,

Kerry

Children with ADHD and Tomorrow's Weight Loss

2012-03-05T14:33:00.000-06:00

Monday's are always crazy! Is there ever a time that they are not? I know, always consider that as a blessing that I have so much to do that I can complain. :-D

Family Update

Another update on the Family, for those that are not aware. I will be doing these only for the next few days to bring you up to date to where everyone is....

Today is Liam...

With the start of Kindergarten for Liam, many concerns that we had were confirmed.

Liam has always been one of those 90 to nothing type of children. Outgoing, center of it all, very "spirited" and not very shy. Which, I must admit - I LOVE!

Then, with Kindergarten, we realized that his not wanting to play with just one toy and wanting to go and have fun was not the best thing for a structured classroom. As school went on, and after many many days of Liam being on "red" for talking during class, not listening and other things as such, Sean and I had decided to have him tested for ADHD. We had come to realize that what we knew was possible, was true, Liam had ADHD.

Having mychild tested for ADHD is one of the toughest things that I have gone through. Mostly because I had to also evaluate my child and had to admit to myself that my child was difficult at times. Now, when I say difficult - know that there is a MAJOR difference between children with ADHD and children with behavior issues. Liam could not focus long enough to get his work done. He knew what he needed to do and how to do it, but could not do it.

When we sat with his Doctor to go over the results and decide where we were going to go from "here". Liam was explaining to her what a day at school was like. How he could not concentrate. How he was always in trouble for talking and not being able to sit still in class. You could tell how much this upset him. The Dr. turned to him and said "how about if I told you that this was not your fault and I could help you be on green every day, would you like that?" I can still remember the expression on his face, tears came to my eyes as he got very excited and confused at the same time. She proceeded to explain to my 5 year old how she could help him be a better student and what was happening was not his fault. He was so excited and ready to be a better student. I just sat, watched and cried at his renewed hope, and for the first time in a long time - his excitement to learn.

We are now two months in since this appointment. The decision was made, very strongly against my want, to put Liam on medication. We have tried one type and I did not like the side effects. He was irritable, moody, and depressed. He did excellent at school, but not worth it at the cost of the side effects. This month he is on a different type. This type has been much much better. School has been wonderful and he has been more himself. He talks a mile a minute. He is fun to be around most of the time. I say most of the time, because he is still a 5 year old boy! HA!!!

I love my kids and for those who know, I have PCOS and struggled with infertility. I prayed and worked with Doctors to have my babies. I don't take decisions that I make on their behalf lightly. The decision of putting Liam on meds was not taken lightly and I did a lot of crying and praying. I keep a journal on him and how he does everyday. This helps me report back to the Doctors and helps them make a decision on which way we need to go.

I am still learning so much about ADHD and what I need to do to help my son be successful in school and in life. Which to me is very important. I want him to be the best he can be and wants to be. Don't we all?

If you know more about ADHD or have a child with ADHD and I would love to talk!

Liam

Weightloss - Tomorrow's Entry

TOMORROW - yes, the DAY you have been waiting for! So....TOMORROW is day 1 of sharing my road to weight loss. I am going to share the following with you.....

1. My first visit with my Doctor.

2. What FINALLY motivated me.

and if you have a question that you want answered, don't forget to get it to me as soon as possible. I will answer one a week in my blog!

Now, I will say - a lot of this is going to be hard and embarrassing for me to share. But in order to help you - I am going to lay MOST of it out there for you.

I will add this disclaimer. THIS IS MY EXPERIENCE. This is what I went through. This is how I felt and what I did. ALWAYS check with your Doctor before going through a weight loss program. They feel the need to monitor (yes, that is meant tongue and cheek - you will understand later).

Until tomorrow!

XOXO and Love,

Kerry

My Mom.....and this weekends FUN!

2012-03-04T10:24:00.002-06:00

To bring those of you who are not aware up to date something that has also changed in our lives....

This past January my Mother became really sick. Turned out that her kidney's partially failed - or to correctly state, her kidneys are only operating at 5% of what they should. This was in middle of my job switch. She had to be hospitalized as they tried to see why, what and how. It is now March and we still don't know the answers to these questions. But our lives have definitely changed. My Mother's especially.
During this time, my parents had decided to give me Power of Attorney for Medical, this allowing me to be present and discuss care with them and the Doctors in regards to medical treatment and care. I never understood what a responsibility this was.
In the short, I am now assisting by bringing my Mother to dialysis three times a week and back. I have learned so much about kidney's and their function. Also meeting some amazing people going through the same challenges along the way. What is heart touching is how you can decide to take on your challenge - with a smile and positive attitude or not.
Just to let you know - most people who have kidney failure got it because of damage from diabetes. Growing up with a Grandmother who had diabetes, I knew how bad it could be....but NEVER knew it could be like this. The majority of the patients I have met attributed their renal failure to diabetes. Also, did you know, the one thing that you need to live - WATER - can kill you as a renal patient?! They have to monitor how much fluid they take in, because their bodies don't release it like ours. So amazing to me!
If you don't believe that things happen for a reason and God always has a plan, you should really look again! If I had the other job during all of this, I would not have been able to assist my parents the way I have been able to. I am very thankful to the people that I now work with. I am also fully aware now that God had a bigger plan than I thought when I accepted the position.

I have a wonderful friend Chasity whose handsome young man Liam turned 7 this weekend! She is one of the most amazing women I have ever met! She put together a great Harry Potter Themed Party that the kids loved! She decorated the house with printables and banners galore. She had a wonderful food spread that matched the theme of the movie that included things like chocolate frogs! Here is a picture of some jelly beans with the "interesting" flavors that were shown in the movie also. No, I have not tried them....I am just not daring enough!

I will need to get permission before posting additional pictures!

Hope you are having a great weekend!

Love and XOXO,

Kerry

A YEAR Since!

2012-03-02T21:04:00.000-06:00

A full year has past and back then I had made the promise to do a better at blogging.

Of course, I didn't do a good job at that. Life - specifically work - got in the way. Here is to another good to honest try!

So we have made several changes!!

First - I have a new job! I am now working for a Toy company and at the moment it is a whole lot less stressful. Love love love it! I have a wonderful friend to thank for that it. This should help me keep my promise!

Then of course - if you scroll down and look at old pictures of me and look at the newer profile picture of me - you may notice something a little different!! Some maybe a LOT different? Like say....150lbs different?! Yup - finally decided to get healthy! I will go into more of that in some of my blog posts, covering tips on how I did it and what I am doing to keep it off!

Here is a picture of m celebrating New Years at the beginning of 2011. (Yes, I blurred out my friends face - just for privacy);

Here is a picture of me taken in December at my niece's birthday party!

I am so happy and it was much easier than I thought it would be. I can't wait to share the journey with you!

Then there are the boys! With Liam having started Kindergarten, Seamus just turned 4 and running crazy!

Till then -

XOXO and Love,

Kerryanne

SLACKER!

2011-09-08T22:55:00.003-05:00

I have been so busy that I have SLACKED on my blog! I feel awful. Between work picking up and being crazy - to the boys being home from school for the summer to life in general and trying to enjoy it!

Noticed it was February since I updated last - so I am going to update real quick through pics! :-)

March - We were invited to some Birthday Parties.

Can you find Seamus and Mommy?

How about Liam?

Here is Liam and his Elleanna! He loves her so!

University of Arkansas Diamond HOGS!!!

2011-02-20T20:19:00.005-06:00

We had another beautiful weekend in NW Arkansas! We took advantage of it by going to see the University of Arkansas Razorback Baseball team - during their opening weekend at Baum Stadium! This is the first time any of us have attended a game here.

It was cloudy and a bit more chilly than it was suppose to be - but that did not stop the boys from being super excited!

When we got there, Liam noticed a Lady was doing mascot face painting. He so had to have one!

He chose the Ball with the Bats and the Razorback in the middle.

Seamus went with something similar. He wanted the A for ARKANSAS in the middle instead of the mascot.

Liam got to meet Ribby! He is the Mascot for the UofA's baseball team.

Seamus loved the game. He was yelling "come on batter batter batter! Hit the ball batter batter batter". He loved cheering on the team!

They sang Take Me Out to the Ball Game.

Hope everyone had a great weekend!

Hugs!

Kerryanne

Seamus' Third Birthday (02/13/11)

2011-02-16T21:20:00.005-06:00

Catching up on my blog. Between Seamus' Birthday, Valentine's Day and my Mother's Birthday - it has been a tad CRAZY!

This Blog post is for my baby boy Seamus.....

Makes Mommy sad that you are not a baby so much anymore. Although, as the saying goes, you will forever be my baby no matter what! You are hardly even a toddler anymore.

February 13th we celebrated your 3rd Birthday.

This is the first year that you had an opinion about EVERYTHING. Literally! You wanted to have your party at JumpZone. JumpZone is one of those inflatable play places where you can jump and run around all indoors! www.jumpzoneparty.com

You even had an idea of what you wanted for decorations. I tried several times to try to talk you into Toy Story. But each and every time you said "NO, I want Mario!". So Mario it was. Below is your cake. We ordered it from Rick's Bakery (www.ricksbakery.com). They couldn't put characters on it - but did a great job with the background! I found the figures at the store and added them in.

I search for some ideas for Thank You gifts for all of your friends that came to celebrate your birthday with us. Found these adorable little bottle cap necklaces with Mario in them. My friend Dandi helped and found a great deal for us! I added in Playdough, bubbles and ring pops. They were perfect!

You wear your Mario Bottle Cap Necklace every single day. You make sure that Daddy puts it on your night stand every night. Each morning you bring it down to have it put back on.

Here are some of your friends that were able to come and celebrate with you.

You are a loved and lucky little boy.

Happy Birthday!

Love and Hugs,
Kerryanne

MORE Snow!

2011-02-09T19:39:00.003-06:00

What a snow day it was today! I have not seen this much snow - well since I lived in Massachusetts! We got a record breaking 23 inches of snowfall in one day. It broke a record from 81 years ago. Unfortunately, we get to break another record - coldest temps! -6 tonight, and no - that is with out the windchill factor.

Here is a pic of Sean and Liam cleaning off Sean's truck. Yes, I park in the garage.

Seamus wanted so much to be outside with them. But he is still not feeling good, so he was not allowed outside to play. Notice the amount of snow up against the window!!!

There was so much snow - it was up to the bottom of the swings.

At the end of the day, we were blessed with this BEAUTIFUL and amazing sunset!

Keep warm tonight!

Hugs!

Kerryanne

Superbowl Sunday and Winter Weather Week

2011-02-06T17:05:00.002-06:00

What a week for weather. I have a couple of pictures of the boys playing in the snow - but nothing available at the moment. We ended up with a TON by Arkansas standards. About 7 inches one day - another 3 the next. Two more systems should be coming through. Mommy has had enough, being stuck in the house really is not that fun. Boys love it of course. Sledding, building snowmen and making snow ice cream!

Today is Superbowl Sunday. Not a fan of either team - so for the first time in years, I am watching for the commercials. What were your favorite? Can't wait until half time too! Love the Black Eye Peas. Should be good!
Sean is missing the kick off. Seamus is sick again. I just want nothing more for my little boy to start feeling better. We are on week 3 now. He started to run a temperature last night. Woke up with one this morning. Then started getting sick. His lips, finger and toe pads turned blue. So Daddy and him went over to the ER to be sure that he is okay. Of course, the color has returned - took pictures to show them before it changed so they could see. Now they are just waiting on the DR to see them. Sean says it is pretty busy over there today. Here is to hoping everything is OK!

Zoo Day

2011-01-30T18:25:00.005-06:00

We decided to take advantage of yesterday's almost 80 degree day by heading out to Tulsa and going to the Tulsa Zoo. Along with thousands of others, I have never seen it so busy there!

This zoo is about 2 hours away from where we live. Sean and I feel that it worth the drive - and have been coming here before we even had kids to enjoy it with. We are also Members of this Zoo.

Here are the boys on a wagon - of course a perfect photo op and advertisement!

Most of the animals were out to play - it was a great day to be at the zoo! Over by the turtles, there is this....

Liam loves Meerkats!

Seamus was brushing the goat. Who, I think was hungry.... he was trying to eat the brush! Of course, Seamus found it HYSTERICAL!

We had a great day, It was a great "spring" day and took full advantage. Hard to believe we were sledding the weekend before and will be on Tuesday.

Hugs,

Kerryanne

Fun Friday with Friends

2011-01-28T21:49:00.003-06:00

With all that is going on, I decided that we were due for a much needed play date and day at the park. Especially since the weather today in NWA was a balmy almost 70 degrees.

We joined the Lattanzio Family at the new Horsebarn Trail and Park. If you live locally and have not been here yet, you need to check it out. It is absolutely beautiful - although right by the road and has a creek going through it (just warning you!). Today was very busy there - it was hard to find a parking spot! But do you blame all of us Mommies wanting to get out of the house and run the kids out?!

Of course, the boys and friends did not want to play on the several "jungle gyms" or swings - they wanted to toss rocks into the creek. Which Mary Anne and I were very happy to oblige! I tried to teach Liam how to skip rocks - but the bank was too high and the water to shallow. Can't wait until nicer weather that involves trips to the Lake to show him how to really do it!

Here are the kids throwing rocks!

Seamus was proud of the big sparkly (can't tell it sparkles in pic) rock he found.

We took a short walk along the trail. It is actually a nice walk. I was kind of surprised, especially since the location is between a bunch of major streets (ok, so major for NWA). They loved running ahead.

and of course.....more rocks!

Love these kids. Hugging them tighter this week.

Hugs,

Kerryanne

Arkansas Children's Hospital Children's Center

2011-01-28T17:29:00.005-06:00

I got the call this morning from Arkansas Children's Hospital, to bring Seamus in for the testing. We were out the door on the way to the Children's Center in Lowell.

I realized through all of the questions, I keep forgetting that we are trying to find out about more than his heart. His lips turn blue, mostly when he is not feeling well. Which we are also trying to figure out why.

When we got there, Seamus saw the waiting room aka playroom. It is brightly decorated with some wonderful paintings animals and toys.

First thing up on the list was the Echo. Which I never knew until today is basically just an Ultra Sound. They were so nice and easy going with him. They had cabinets filled with movies for the kids to watch. Helping deflect them from what is going on around them. Seamus chose Dora the Explorer to watch. It was the episode with the Pirates. He just zoned in and blocked everything else out.

They started by showing and doing the bottom of the heart from his stomach area. Then did a side view, straight on view and then from the top. It was VERY cool to watch - and maybe more so had it not been my child on the table. You could see the colors which showed his blood pumping through and the color showing if it was in or out. You could see the valves contract and all that! Almost wished I paid more attention in Biology!

Here is little man after that. It took about 45 minutes to do all of that. He was calm and quiet through the whole thing.

After the Echo we had to do some chest x-rays. In my opinion, this was the COOLEST room! You can see the animals painted in the background. They are painted as if you were seeing them through an x-ray. Bones and all!

When we were done, we went to lunch with Daddy. My boys LOVE Dickey's BBQ. Not because of the food - but because they have free ice cream!

Here is Seamus enjoying ice cream with Daddy,

Now we wait. ACH sends all of the x-rays and echo images to ACH in Little Rock, where a DR reads through them. We should receive a call next week some time with the results.

Prayers are that there is nothing or nothing major and back to life as normal.

HUGS,
Kerryanne

What a Day Wednesday

2011-01-27T10:38:00.003-06:00

The things that we are never prepared for as a parent. We know they happen - but when we are told that something is wrong with our own - it is amazing how quickly our minds go into many different directions.

Seamus has been back and forth with a fever. He has been on antibiotics for over a week. I decided to bring him to the DR. just to be sure that there was nothing else that could be causing this. There was only one opening and with a newer Dr. - at least to the clinic. I took the appointment - haven't come accross any of the other Dr's that I have had a problem with, so I was comfortable in doing so.

Through the questions - went through history and all - and then the exam. She was very direct and to the point. Which is great - those tend to be best DR's , the ones with zero personality. After she starts telling me how Seamus appears to still have sinusitis, so she is going to extend his antibiotics. He has a heart murmur and has anyone ever told me that? His lungs look good. His ears look clear....UM WAIT A MINUTE?! You asked what about my child's HEART?!!!

One would of thought she asked me if I needed a tissue. I came and went so fast. When I told her no - she said they will set up an appointment at Arkansas Children's Hospital's branch in Lowell, AR. for a chest x-ray and eco. UM - HELLLOOOOO?! What are you telling me? Should I be worried? But for some reason, I could not reach for these words.

I am a rational person. I know not to take the word of someone as fact until there is evidence to support it. So, I know not to panic - too much - until tests are done and results are in. I know that people live with heart murmurs daily. I know some never even know it and live normal lives. But could not help stopping and thinking - really? my baby? tear tear.

First thing I did was try reaching Daddy. Yup - in meetings. Grrr. Never so aggrivated that I could not reach my husband to tell him something. Called my Mom - I need you to be the voice of reason and confirm what I know - this is not a big deal and will be ok. Yet, through the conversation, I could not help but feel slightly paniced. Called my friend Liesl, girl, if you read this...thank you! Exactly what I wanted to hear - no worries, probably nothing....wait for tests....and DO NOT GOOGLE! Of course, when I got home - pulled up WebMD. Knowing that the worse of the worse is what they will tell you. Actually it didn't. Told me how there are different levels. Most are the normal and will be okay. Depending on how bad, slight lifestyle adjustments, no worse than an asthmatic child. Then the bad - But I know we will not fall into that, so no need to mention!

Today, I did put everything into perspective. The news came out that a 4th grade boy had lost his life at recess. A soccer goal fell on him and he died from his injuries. I cried for the loss of his life. For the feelings his Family must be going through. For the heartbreak and many feelings that I can not even begin to imagine his Mother is going through. I pray for them. Thought of them and realized that a heart murmur is okay. I can deal with that. My child is still with me. My hug is not the last one. I will tell you, we cuddled a little closer and hugged a little tighter.

GOD BLESS this Family. May You help them through this time. May they understand your plan and be somewhat at peace. Amen.

HUGS,

Kerryanne