Only one game this week on the Live Arcade, a $15 online FPS in the Battlefield series. On with it… or not really.

Battlefield 1943

We’re pretty sure Battlefield 1943 is a great game. In fact, if you’re a fan of this franchise, we will offer a conditional money back guarantee* that you’ll love it. However, since we couldn’t actually play the damn thing, we can’t offer our own opinion. See, EA severely miscalculated the popularity of this downloaded title, and after trying for an entire day to find ONE game, we simply gave up. As such, here is our current review:

“Battlefield 1943 offers a kinetic title screen, which is unfortunately covered up by a box that states it is searching for a match. The music is epic, and the still pictures look purty.”

*Money back guarantee is not real and merely a figment of our imagination.

Okay, that headline sums it up, but let’s process this idiocy for a moment.

Four movie studios (yes, four) entered into a bidding war over the rights to make a movie based on Asteroids. Yes, the classic vector based shooter in which player controls a triangle shooting rocks in space. Nope, it had no story. It really was a ship against a black background in space.

Someone spent money to actually turn that into a movie. Idiocracy is becoming closer to reality every day, and now a movie studio actually goes and does something this ridiculous? Seriously, what good is the license if the license provides you with a freakin’ ship shooting space rocks? Hey Universal, how about you forget the rights and just call it “Space Rocks?”

One would think that a whopping 100 milion used games floating around stores would be cause for concern in the battle over used/new game sales. According to always mentioned game industry analyst Michael Pachter, it’s not.

The used games bring in $2 billion a year, but Pachter says they are usually traded in two months after release, past their usual market prime which is sadly only around a month. Pachter also believes used games help gamers purchase new ones, so those that believe Gamestop selling a used copy of something is hurting a developer are not correct.

Then again, Pachter doesn’t seem to have any actual factual data to back this up. It is all a best guess, so take it for what you will. Still, 100 million used games a year… wow.

Yes, it has been 10 years since NBA 2K wowed everyone on the Dreamcast, and 2K Sports wants to ensure you know this by releasing what we will affectionately call the “Holy Crap” edition of the game.

The $100 “Holy Crap” edition comes with a limited edition McFarlane Kobe Bryant figure, a Bryant poster, exclusive video about the franchise, exclusive lobby for online matches and… ready for this? A freakin’ storage locker big enough to hold 20 games. Yeah, now you know what we meant by “Holy Crap,” huh?

While the price is high, the stuff included isn’t too bad (McFarlane figures run $15 on store shelves, already putting the price at $75 with the game). Plus, the locker is freakin’ awesome.

The beta may continue, but 1 vs 100 will begin offering prizes for the mob and “The One,” which sounds like it should be a Jet Li movie… oh, it is.

Anyway, the interactive TV show will still be in beta for 13 weeks, although that period began on June 1st. That puts the real show set to begin in September. The question is if prizes are being offered, what could possibly change for the full game.

Prizes in the beta are the same as they will be for the “full” release, including $125 in MS Points to the winner, plus entries into a contest for TVs and Zunes for every question answered correctly. In other words everyone playing has a chance to win.

Are you bored with being a good guy? Looking to turn into a total *^&%*%& and switch sides to the Horde? Blizzard will finally let players become *^&%*%& with an upcoming feature. No word on whether this will cost any money (more that likely it will because hey, it’s a MMO), but you will finally be able to make the switch to a similar character of the opposite side. All of your levels and weapons will make the switch.

Blizzard notes there is still work to do and failed to offer a date when this functionality will go live. There seems to be some apprehension on the official forums, but most seem pleased with the decision.

If history is truly doomed to repeat itself, then the video game industry has found its ultimate sin. Superman 64 should have taught us that taking a licensed character and flying them through rings is an atrocious way to treat the source material.

Apparently, the developers of Half Blood Prince failed gaming history 101.

Instead of excitement and freedom, Quidditch, the fantasy game created for the franchise in the first book, players are heavily confined on a pre-selected path. Rings appear and for whatever reason, the player must guide Potter through them.

How in any way does this resemble the sport? Granted, the field is not covered in a thick fog and the controls are easier to handle, but this is the same challenge from Superman 64 presented in a shiner package. Any excitement created by the ability to generate motion blur and thick, bassy audio on this hardware doesn’t change what this is. Slamming into a wall doesn’t even generate ill effects, instead flicking Potter to the side as if it can’t be bothered with such details.

Beyond Quidditch, the game delivers two (yes two) other gameplay mechanics stretched thin over the entire length. That could be pushed to three types if you include sluggishly navigating the castle ground to reach the next disappointing location. That doesn’t count because you don’t want to remember doing it.

First is potion making, an atrocious, appallingly bad piece of game design in which the player must grab specific ingredients and pour them into a pot. Half Blood Prince mixes in shaking, stirring, and heating in a desperate attempt to make things interesting. Dropping items into the pot is ridiculously frustrating due to the angle of the screen making it easy to miss the pot completely.

As you are introduced to new ingredients, similar looking bottles make the task an irritation, and picking up the wrong one far too easy. A timer exists because the designers could find no other means to generate a challenge.

Dueling is the last piece of game design, the only one worth anything. Spells are mapped to the right analog stick, and while they are simple to pull off, offer no satisfaction in executing them. Most battles come down to who can throw the most offense to break through a weakened defense system.

Worse is how the game integrates these terribly disguised mini-games. Going to a party deep in the castle? You have to make punch first. Trying to meet someone on the other side of the yard? You need to enter into a random, needless duel that does nothing to progress the story. Then again, all the story does is destroy any sense of pacing or progression. Oh, and cinematics cannot be skipped, further leading people to believe the game has value in its length.

If Hogwarts was like this in real life, no one would attend.

China is known for two things in the gaming world: MMOs and gold farming.

The latter may be coming to an end if the government has anything to say about it. Apparently a significant crime problem, money laundering specifically, has popped up via selling fake gold for real money.

While there is a legitimate buisness at work here, employing 400,000 people within the country and generating $500 million, the government feels there is a reason to crack down. The new law would prevent fake currency from being sold for tangible goods, only virtual ones (i.e., you can still sell in-game or cross game). Unless lawyers find a work-around, be prepared to actually have to play the game for your gold needs.

Combine that with the countries crackdown on Internet porn, and what do those people have left?

Near the end of Call of Juarez – Bound in Blood, the two main characters, Ray and Thomas McCall, stand off against their nemesis. He is a Confederate Army General who has yet to relinquish his post despite the end of the war, carrying a grudge against the anti-heroes for leaving the war to save their family homestead.

The setting is perfect, if not cliché, for the western. The town is deserted, and looks to have been for some time. Wind sweeps dust and debris across the front of a broken down saloon wherein the general stands, silhouetted against the hard, grungy environment.

This is where Bound in Blood should end. It’s perfect, beautiful, and tense. Sadly, the design goes elsewhere, choosing to cap the story with countless shootouts and enemy characters that all die in memorable ways more in tune with a summer action movie than meaningful plot device.

This sequel is short, coming in at around six hours when playing on normal, but even without the final hour, it would still have been a satisfying experience.

At the core is a wonderful, forceful feeling from the guns, especially the rifle. Despite the repetition, the immense sense of power generated from aiming down the sights and firing has rarely been captured better in a first-person shooter.

Despite the sluggish movement and canned turret sequences, Bound in Blood generates excitement, and wisely holds off until the end to generate the full thrills. The game builds to its climax without expending its programmed energy too early. A memorable river chase down winding rapids is thrilling, as are the events leading up to it. Enemy counts also stay low until the story requires them to pick up logically, as the remnants of the Confederacy seek their revenge on Ray and Thomas.

Players can choose to play as either character before each mission (although no co-op exists sadly), and while they each have their own attributes, it is not always logical. Thomas can use rifles, but is unable to throw dynamite. An unknown handicap apparently affects his throwing arm, but not his lasso. It makes more sense that Ray has trouble climbing ledges given his gruff, aged exterior.

Levels are generally linear, with open world aspects offering side missions between two of the acts. Bound in Blood succumbs to clichés, including the explosive red barrel, which has to be an inside joke being played on all gamers this generation. However, the wide, usually empty streets of various towns and slower paced shooting offer a unique, captivating experience.

However, it is an experience that fails to translate into multi-player, although the barren lobbies also contribute to the disappointment. Those accustomed to fast-paced space shooters such as Unreal probably won’t make it out of a single match on the eight included maps given the weapon selection and speed. This is a vastly original effort, but sadly one that will be unlikely find an audience.

Ignoring multi-player faults, Bound in Blood is one of the few games that delivers legitimate tension. Stand-offs are nothing short of epic, despite their overuse and touchy controls. Players use the right stick to control their arms, and the left to pace sideways keeping the foe in view. Knowing a bell could signal it is time to fire at anytime, these are some of the best offerings from this sequel.

It’s a shame so few games can capitalize on a concept such as this, one so lovingly crafted, the obvious flaws are secondary to enjoying the experience. That’s Bound in Blood all the way through.

Whether or not you realize it, there is an entire sub culture in gaming that revolves around fighting games. Tournaments are prevalent, and the the small subset has its own stars. That’s the premise behind an indie documentary appropriately titled “I Got Next,” a phrase that will be familiar to any arcade gamer from the early 90s looking for a fight (or playing any series of street sports, but let’s stay on track here).

A trailer is online at the properly named igotnextmovie.com, and the feature length film will be released for free at an unspecified date via torrent sites (see, you can download movies legally via torrent… sometimes).

Had the fates been altered slightly, you could be playing Starcraft II right now. Instead, World of Warcraft happened, and took the Blizzard development time away from the hugely popular RTS series Starcraft.

A “fair amount” of the Starcraft design team went over the WoW design team to finish off that MMO juggernaut for the better part of a year. Honestly though, it is highly doubtful anyone is financially angry by their decision considering they probably all live in solid gold houses with robot maids from the future taking care of their household duties… or maybe not.

Player controlled Michael Ford walks through an airport, blasting away at US agents who have been overtaken by an as of yet unidentified alien species. As the agents attack, they pass through loud metal detectors, of course sending off a warning signal to the player that an assault is underway.

It is important to note that prior to this action, the airport was evacuated by mere minutes according to the in-game dialogue. This begs the question as to why explosive oxygen canisters (red, of course) are sitting all over the hallways, primed to blow with a few bullets. Apparently the metal detectors do not work as advertised for people to come through the que with those in tow.

That is only one example of the last generation logic and design on display in The Conduit, a rather vapid first-person shooter on a console that can certainly deliver a fun experience in the genre.

Wrongly hailed as some form of savior for the Wii, the game might have made it as an amateur design, possibly as a Xbox Live Arcade or PSN affair. After all, such thrilling concepts as an alien race fighting against the player as they attempt to take over Washington are all the rage. As if that plot development wasn’t primed for a Sci-Fi Channel original movie, the inevitable line, “We don’t know who you can trust” ruins all suspense.

Mechanically, The Conduit is sound. Guns deliver a fair sense of satisfaction, particularly alien weapons which deliver significantly more push. Aiming is wonderful, although tossing grenades with the nunchuck is miscalculation considering how easy mistakes can be made.

Multi-player is fine and enjoyable since the mechanics are sound, including a unique mode entitled Bounty Hunter. Here you only earn points for killing your target; other enemies are fodder although also looking to kill you to clear their path despite a point loss.

Back to single player, Conduit delivers average and marginally enjoyable play until the A.S.E. (All Seeing Eye) comes into play, an impossibly stupid concept that stops the game cold. It is used to find secret objects, but also to unlock doors which have hidden switches on the wall (planted by the aliens). They can only be found with the A.S.E. out, meaning you are defenseless should the room still contain foes.

The problem is compounded by breaking one of the key rules of game design: Infinitely spawning enemies are not fun. Conduit has these points by the hundreds, requiring grenades to be thrown into the holes transporting aliens to stop the flood (or busting open egg sacks). However, battling through countless tiny enemies with an AI pattern set to “swarm” and hopefully getting a grenade through is a battle that is played out the first time you encounter it.

Adding to the aggravation is the sound hidden objects make when you’re near them. It is needed because these objects are never logically hidden, fine for unlockable extras, not so much for door locks. As you’re fighting, the game is constantly prompting you to pull out the A.S.E. to look around, breaking another critical design rule: Avoid repetitive noises, which could have been solved here by waiting until the room is clear before sounding the alarm.

Don’t worry Wii owners, there has to be something else coming down the line that doesn’t commit such blatant design errors.