Mumbai Wedding

How to have the perfect Sangeet

2014-08-13T23:00:00.002-07:00

Song and dance have played an important part in Indian weddings. Some communities particularly in the South have professional musicians to entertain the crowd - either eminent or not so eminent singers or dancers or even taped music in the background.

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

But of late, the Sangeet or the traditional song and dance that was customary in North Indian weddings has somehow transcended all castes and communities and become de rigeur for all Indian weddings. Even communities that didn't traditionally have sangeets have started observing this pre-wedding celebration.

Traditionally the Sangeet was an ice breaker and a way to introduce the members of the family to all those present. Thus the Uncle of the Bride would be called upon to come and dance etc etc. In some communities the women of the family sang traditional bridal songs while in some the families came up with skits.

Choose the right choreographer :

The dancers are culled from the wedding guests themselves and are most of the time unfamiliar with both the songs and the moves. So it is important to get a choreographer who will come in and "train" the dancers through their steps. However one should keep in mind that the choreographers don't get carried away and teach the performers steps that look lewd or suggestive but are age appropriate and in keeping with the sanctity of the occasion. I would suggest tracking sangeet choreographers for at least a year before your wedding so that you get the right one suiting your budget and your style.

Choose the right songs:

To have a successful Sangeet one must have a well chosen repertoire of songs and dances.
What is the theme of your sangeet? Is it your love story ? Is it a narrative introducing different members of your family? Whatever it is, choose the right songs that carry the storyline forward. Today's wedding sangeets are based on popular Bollywood numbers which get the audience to tap their feet and sing along with familiar lyrics.

Choose the right dancers:

Apart from choosing the right choreographer one should also choose enthusiastic participants. The sangeet often requires a week's dedicated practice so one should make sure that those who attend the dance practice actually show up at the wedding!

If your dancers are unable to practice at the same place and at the same time i.e if some of your dancers are going to be practicing on their own, make sure that they know the theme of your sangeet and don't just choose a dance that they do well or simply showcase their talent. Remember it is YOUR sangeet and even if your bossy aunt wants to showcase her daughter to a potential groom in the audience, don't let her bulldoze you into stealing your thunder.

Choose the right Master of Ceremonies

At the risk of looking too synthetic, it is always a good idea to have an MC who maintains a semblance of order and ensures that everything happens at the right time. This avoid unnecessary and embarrassing delays between performances and also ensures that the audience is properly engaged . Make sure your MC doesn't overenthusiastically share parts of your life that you wouldn't rather share.

Create the right ambience:

Part of the wedding festivities, the sangeet sets the mood for the wedding and is often held the night before the wedding. Fairy lights, flowers, flowing refreshments add to the enchantment of the evening ahead. Make sure that the dancers are visible by either putting them on a stage or elevated platform or are visible to all on screens placed in different parts of the venue. Ensure that the sound system works perfectly and you don't have those embarrassing blank moments or screechy mikes.

The Hope Chest

2014-07-31T03:48:00.001-07:00

English: Girl Inspecting Her Hope Chest; 17 inches x 12 inches Deutsch: Mädchen an ihrer Aussteuertruhe (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Definitely NOT a dowry

In the good old days every girl had a "Hope Chest" or a "dowry box" where mothers collected bits of odds and ends to avoid the last minute rush around when one's daughter had to get married.

While the concept of Dowry is abhorrent simply because it has now resorted to a form of compulsion and harassment for the new bride, the concept of giving something for the young couple to start out their life is indeed a good one. So while I do not advocate a Dowry per se, I do think it is a good idea to send your daughter off with some basic stuff that can make her life comfortable.

Of course all this is on contingent on whether she is going to start her own home because if she is going to be moving into her husband's family home, there is no question of taking anything along apart from perhaps the traditional requirements of every community.

But if you do want to send your daughter off with something, it is a good idea to start collecting. Some mothers collect just out of whimsy, picking up things along the years that they think will be useful for their daughter. Others have a planned approach much like a general, setting aside a certain budget of both time and resources towards setting up a hope chest.

Linen :

It's always a good idea to start off with two sets of linen - one that can be used while the other is being washed! A basic set of a double bed sheet, draw sheets, pillow cases, quilts/comforters, bed spreads, bath towels, hand towels and bath mats are the basic requirements. It is best to keep the collection all white or cream. If you start collecting for your hope chest after the engagement and you know exactly where you will be staying after your wedding, you could possibly decide on a theme and get the linen co-ordinated with the walls of your bedroom and bathroom. You can fancy it up with lace or cutwork or embroidered monogram entwining your's and your husband's initials. A good place to get customised linen in Bombay is RTI or the Ratan Tata Institute at Hughes Road which embroiders towels and bed linens. There are other embroiderers too who can oblige with both designing and executing the linen with piped edges, satin trims or anything that you fancy.

There are lots of places from where you can buy basic sheets from Mill shops like the traditional Bombay Dyeing or the more modern ones like Portico which manufactures a range of international style linen. There are other companies too like Maishaa on Peddar Road and several other privately owned companies that provide high end linen at high prices too!

The things that you buy obviously depend on your requirement and your budget but it would be safe to start out with a simple bed sheet and towel set for the young couple!

A Parsi Wedding

2014-01-13T17:37:00.000-08:00

One of the joys of living in Mumbai is that you don't have to go very far to attend a variety of weddings. With Mumbai truly being the melting pot of India if not the whole world, you can make friends with all kinds of people from any part of the world. Consequently, you have the opportunity of attending weddings of people from different religions, communities and ethnicities.

The Parsis, as we all know, are Zoroastrians who migrated to India all those hundreds of years ago. Promising to merge with the locals like sugar in a pot full of milk, the Zorastrians who sought refuge in Gujerat adopted the language and dress of the natives but kept their religion to themselves. They are a small, sadly shrinking community, but their contribution to this country has been immense - far disproportional to their numbers. They have contributed in fields ranging from medicine to athletics, cinema, literature, architecture, industry and social reform. But nowhere is their contribution more significant than in their everyday food. Parsi food is distinct from other Indian food and it is best showcased at their weddings. Hence an invitation to a Parsi wedding is much sought after during the Mumbai wedding season.

So what is different about the Parsi wedding?

First of all, only Parsis can marry Parsis and though there are inter-religious marriages among them, I don't want to court any controversies by talking about that. The Parsi wedding is normally a small, intimate family affair held either at the Agiary ( their Fire Temple) or at home in the presence of witnesses and officiated by the priest. While I am not familiar with the actual ceremony, what I am familiar with is the feast that accompanies such a joyous occasion.

Parsi wedding receptions are grand functions held normally in the compound of a Fire Temple. While the number of guests differs from wedding to wedding, certain things remain the same.

The Parsi groom will always wear his traditional white jacket(dagli) which is held together with bows rather than buttons, matching trousers and topped off with the traditional hat. Most Parsi guests too will sport the dagli while the women wear their best saris normally a gara. The bride generally wears a sari of Chantilly lace (in white) delicately sprinkled with crystals or fine embroidered details. The wedding is a very formal occasion so all guests are expected to dress formally too !

While flowers are a must, the arrangements have a western touch and are predominantly white with to with traditional garlands made out of roses and torans made out of delicate spider lilies.

Rangoli or chalk designs are a must as they are on all holy days and the preferred symbol of luck is the fish.

Parsis accept wedding gifts and traditionally the guest is supposed to give a cash amount that is equivalent to the cost of the meal he will eat. These days one is expected to gift around Rs.1000 per person attending the dinner.

The receptions are always in the evening and the agiary compound comes alive with fairy lights and a band that belts out foot stomping music which most guests are familiar with : songs from the 50's and 80's like "Come September" and "Congratulations" being staples.

Liquor is flowing and depending on the host's hospitality, you can enjoy the best of champagnes, whiskeys and cocktails.

The Parsi bhonu or dinner is always a sit down where dinner guests can eat in comfort. With a splendid meal of fish, chicken and meat accompanied by exotic pickles and dessert and drowned in gaudy coloured drinks (Raspberry and colas) one needs to sit down to truly enjoy this gastronomic treat.

With a declining population, invitations to Parsi weddings are getting quite rare but I remember at one time people actually stood behind the guests who were dining only to ensure that they got a seat in the next sitting.

Related articles

Making your Mehndi a special function

2013-02-21T07:44:00.000-08:00

One of our pastimes in the summer holidays was gathering Henna leaves and grinding them into a thick paste. We would then make simple patterns of dots and lines on our palms, with toothpicks or matchsticks. After the patterns dried, we'd dab them with cotton dipped in sugar and lemon juice to prevent the mehndi from falling off and leave it overnight . In the morning we'd dab some eucalyptus oil and rush to the kitchen and place our hands above the toaster trying to "fix" the colour before scraping it off with a dull butter knife. Then, we'd gingerly wash off the mehndi paste to reveal a deep dark maroon pattern on our hands oohing and aahing over the colour, the deepness of which signified the love of one's (future) husband

Somewhere down the line, Mehndi application became more sophisticated with Mehndi cones replacing the clumsy stick application. The advantage of this was the ease with which more complex patterns could be drawn.

Certain motifs are popular in certain cultures and communities so don't get confused if the mehndiwalli asks you if you want "Arabic Mehndi" or "Marwari Mehndi" or "Gujerati Mehndi" or "Muslim designs".

You can also have the finger tips blocked off in a paste which actually is better if your mehndi ceremony is 4-5 days before the wedding as the designs on the tips tend to fade faster when you wash your hands.

Some brides get their husband's initial entwined in the design while others actually have a bride on one hand and a groom on the other.

Paisley, swirls, trellises and flowers are very popular motifs.

Once again, make sure that your mehndiwallis come well in time. It is also a good idea to try out a mehndiwalli before your wedding or at least ask for an album so that you have an idea of how good the artist really is especially if you're not too familiar with the whole "mehndi" thingy.

Also make sure that the Mehndi cones are filled with the real stuff. Nowadays mehndi is often mixed with chemicals to ensure that the designs are a deep dark brown, almost chocolate, but which fades in no time at all!

The Mehndi Party

Choose a venue depending on the number of people invited/attending the party. Remember applying the mehndi takes time, especially for the bride so be prepared for a function that will last for at least 3 hours.

Keep it festive with flowers and brightly coloured/ brocade pillows and spreads.

Plan a simple menu and remind your guests that they will not be able to eat once their hands are patterned so they should eat before the application!

Negotiate the rate BEFORE you contract the mehndiwalli as there are different rates for the bride, her mother, her mother in law, her close relatives and her friends. Mehndi is also charged per hand and ensure that the hand includes both the front and the back. Keep a tab of exactly how many people really put the mehndi............

As a bride, remember that your outfit should be simple yet festive. Don't go for something long and flowing like an Anarkalli or a lehnga with a dupatta.......Remember you have to sit around for at least four hours so wear something comfortable.

If you are planning giveaways, make sure that they aren't tacky. There's no point in giving away cheap bottles of nailpolish, bindis that don't stick or bangles with glitter that falls all over the place. Remember, no one needs a cheap gift!

Set the mood with music - either choose a song list of your favourite tracks, or have friends and family sing along.......

Deploy a friend or relative to look after your guests. Not everyone will no everyone but you can always make sure everyone is comfortable and has a great time.

Make your Mehndi a special function !

Kick starting the wedding festivities

2013-02-20T07:28:00.000-08:00

In the good old days weddings were a family affair and even though involved tremendous preparations, these are nothing compared to the weddings of today. Thanks to the Hindi movies of the 80s, all Indian weddings have now more or less adopted a pan-Indian flavour with all couples wanting their wedding to be more of a production rather than an intimate ceremony for just the friends and family.Largely depending on the enthusiasm and depth of one's purse, weddings can extend over two days to well over a month!

What is important is to remember that while a wedding is a celebration , it also marks a commitment so there should be a semblance of solemnity at least during the actual ceremony be it a simple signing of the Register or an exchange of vows. Similarly while the pre-wedding ceremonies are all about song and dance, care should be taken that it does not deteriorate into something vulgar and crass with an over dose of hip-shaking and inebriety!

Most couples these days opt for a bachelor/bachelorette do as the last fling with their individual group of friends before they lose their singlehood. The Hindi movie "Zindagi na Milegi Dobara", has set the trend of having one last holiday with friends but normally, the bachelor/bachelorette do is a sleepover with close friends.

Another popular trend is to have a youngsters party where all the friends and younger cousins get together for a night of roistering. When guests come from out of town and are going to be spending 3-4 days for your wedding, this party is particularly fun for them.

The mehndi has now become a big function in itself organised at wedding halls with caterers and both the bride and groom and their friends and family getting together. As part of the wedding, guests are usually given tokens like bangles, bindis and some other doodads. The little gifts are usually packaged in attractive pouches and depending on your budget you can make the item as funky or traditional as you like. I remember once getting a crystal nail file which was unique as well as useful and definitely a keepsake hard to forget!

Sangeets which were traditionally purely North Indian are acquiring popularity in other parts of India as well. I even know of Parsi weddings where sangeets are now held . Formerly a completely homespun affair meant to introduce different family members to all those present, Sangeets have now become choreographed affairs a la Bollywood.

Traditional get togethers or intimate dinners arranged by groups of friends and family prior to the wedding .

Whichever way you intend to kick-start the wedding festivities, remember the key word organisation

Plan the menus and venue -
Plan the guest lists
Book the mehndiwallis and choreographers way in advance
Make sure your dancers aren't going to ditch you at the last minute

Inviting the guests

2013-02-15T20:28:00.001-08:00

In a previous blog post I had mentioned how important the invitations were. I forgot to mention the content:

I cannot fail to emphasise how important it is to CHECK and recheck the printed matter.

The persons who invite are generally the parents of the groom/bride as the case may be. Couples from certain communities have joint invitations from the groom and bride mentioning their respective parents. Whatever may be your preference, it is important that all the spellings are perfect. I once saw a sample card at a printer's with the common word SATURDAY spelt wrongly! And the card sample I was shown was the actual card that was sent out to over a 1000 people . So if commonly used words are wrongly spelt, there is every chance of your name or the name of the venue being wrongly spelt too!

But once you've finally got the cards printed out, I had mentioned that you should make sure that they reach the guests on time. Several people like to personally invite their guests, a traditional practice that is slowly becoming harder in today's day and age with large distances and smaller families. However, should you wish to individually invite people, it may be a good idea to call before dropping off the card especially if you are giving something along with the invitation. While it is not compulsory to give anything more than a traditional Haldi Kumkum with the card ( as is the case with my community), many people now send along a box of sweets or chocolates or ladoos or even a gift for he family. In that case it would do well to check in advance if your guests are going to be home when you deliver the card!

Tradition demands that the hosts who thus give the invitation are given something sweet to reciprocate the sentiment. A phone call will thus ensure that both the invitees and the invitor are prepared .

While it is great to personally get an invitation, it is not always possible to do so, especially when there is a shortage of time. In such cases, phone call will do as well especially to ensure that postal or couriered invitations that were sent without acknowledgements were received on time. If you cannot personally give out the invitations, it is a good idea to depute someone from the family to do so. It not only adds tht special touch, but is also to find out how many guests are actually going to show up because there is nothing more frightening than having guests cancel at the last moment. Equally
embarrassing is having food run out when more than anticipated guests land up!

So once the invites are handed out, do take the trouble of following up with the guests just so that you can get the numbers right.

Organising the perfect BFIW - Invitations

2013-01-23T22:00:00.000-08:00

Earlier this week I attended a Big Fat Indian Wedding which was really very well organised.

The success of any function depends on how smoothly things run. The main difference in the BFIW is the scale of operations. With more guests and more functions, there are more things to manage.

Mix of wedding invitations (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The success of the BFIW depends on the numbers who attend. A wedding is only big if there are huge numbers attending. Very often one feels that big weddings are truly impersonal but that is not the case, the hosts really want you to be there even though you are just one of the crowd.

With many functions and many invitees, care should be taken that each envelope contains the right invitation. Unlike the small compact wedding which just consisted of the ceremony followed by a celebratory feast, the BFIW is a series of events - right from the pre-wedding festivities to the post. Very often the invitation lands up looking like a mini calendar of events! I remember receiving a very fancy invitation last December with NOTHING inside the envelope! Either we were not really invited or what is more likely is that the person filling up the envelopes forgot to put it in.

While empty envelopes are bad, duplicating invitations is worse! I remember for my own daughter's wedding there were some guests who got two invites which are both wasteful and quite unnecessary.

Go through your guest list carefully making sure that the right number of people are invited to the right function. An Excel sheet is the perfect way to track invitations. Also make sure that the invitations are sent out well in time. Currently people send out a SAVE THE DATE card around six months prior to the wedding just to ensure full attendance.

Lastly, ensure that the guests actually receive the wedding invitations. The Post Office is most helpful in making sure that they accept the cards, even franking them in your presence but that doesn't guarantee that the guests get them on time! December weddings particularly have to compete with the extra work of Season's Greetings and quite often the regular delivery time of 2 weeks can extend to 2 months. So it is best to post invitations in tranches or at different offices and better still, sending invitations off through courier services which are more reliable.

Even though the BFIW has far too many guests to invite personally, you can arrange to have special invites hand delivered with a box of chocolates, or mithai, or dry fruit or any other gift to personalise the invitation. Follow this up with a telephone call if possible or delegate someone to do so.

But do try and take that special effort to make your wedding guest special.

The big fat Indian Wedding

2013-01-22T01:47:00.000-08:00

Shy is one of those ladies in the building who I always chat with in passing. Over the years we've exchanged information about our children's school leaving examination results, discussed our health problems, bitched about pesky in laws, grumbled about servants all while going up and down ten floors together or sometimes going round and round in the compound in an attempt to lose weight. We've also broken bread a few times when the ladies in our building are suddenly grabbed by the urge to eat and meet and choose a nice place to go Dutch. So even though our interactions are few and far between, our association is deep enough for us to invite one another to our children's weddings. I can't remember if she attended my daughter's wedding and I doubt she'll remember I attended her son's wedding today, but this is one wedding I won't forget for quite a while.

To start off with last week there was a sudden buzz in the building as lift loads of pretty ladies left with beautifully decorated gifts for the bride and her family. At that time I should have realised that something was afoot but since our building is known for its low key weddings, I just assumed that Shy was a more exuberant mother-in-law and just wanted to make her daughter-in-law feel extra special.

This morning while saying goodbye to Hubby Dear I was amazed to see a brass band in readiness for the groom. I was even more shocked when I spotted the groom's car all decorated with orchids and lilies parked squarely in front of Hubby Dear's car making it impossible for him to get to work on time. We tried to get the watchmen to activate their walkie talkies but they seemed most reluctant to do so. Hubby Dear solved the problem by jumping into his Vintage Premier Padmini circa 1979 rather than disturb the wedding party which by that time had begun dancing to the raucous music of the brass band.

While going to the wedding with Dee and Roo, I found out that the groom was getting married to the daughter of the newest and richest builder in town! That explained the reluctance on the part of the watchmen to ask the car to be parked elsewhere. It also explained the brass band and the fancy gifts.....

We walked to the wedding venue which was transformed into an Italianate palace or at least parts of it. The passageway was marked by ten foot deep arches each decorated with painted ceilings and cupolas. There were swags of gold and hundreds and thousands of orchids, lilies and all kinds of exotic flowers used exquisitely arranged on tables and all around.

While the wedding was going on under one gorgeous canopy, we got to see things up front via the huge screens put thoughtfully throughout the venue. With hostesses to greet you, serve you and waiters to attend to your every wish, the guests were kept happy with fruit juices, smoothies and exotic goodies like almond tulips and orange marzipan, fresh fruit and even tea and coffee!

Lunch was served on the side and we had a mind boggling array of food to choose from : a dhokla bar, a salad bar, gujarati food, traditional gujarati winter food, rajasthani food, punjabi food, oriental food and even food for those on a fast. There were sweet meats unheard of like lychee rabadi (lychee stuffed with pistas and served with thickened cream), a halwa made of almonds and figs and of course two hand churned ice creams, malai kulfi and the piece de resistance which was fresh mango with cream and custard!

I was glad I had two foodies for company and even though we had just a tea spoonful of each ( or nearly almost each dish) it took us quite a while to chomp through everything............but it was well worth it even though some fruit juice dropped on my sari........which I must say was a first for me.

This was a true blue Gujarati wedding where ladies swished by in gharcholas, patolas off set by sparkling jadau sets. Each gharchola and patola is a family heirloom and even though Gujarati weddings have a lot of flash it is subdued and sober. At night this Italianate wedding venue will be transformed into an even more luxurious locale ( I am giving the reception a skip) and the ladies will drip with diamonds and diamonds and wear designer labels galore.........I'm sure it will be my loss and I'm sure I won't be missed.

A word of advice - if there's one Indian wedding you shouldn't miss its a Gujarati one so if there is a Gujarati in your neighbourhood go break bread with him at once!

Dressing up and dressing down

2012-09-24T22:30:00.000-07:00

Most couples find themselves drawn into the family with pre-wedding functions on both sides of the family. So very often a bride needs to have clothes that suit such occasions as well.

I remember all those years back when my brother-in-law's recently acquired fiancee was attending a family do at the office, my brother-in-law actually asked me to take the young girl aside and get her to change her clothes into something more suitable. The poor girl was dressed in a new sari which she thought befitted the occasion but alas, it turned out to be something quite hideous. Our family is more subdued and sober while hers was more flamboyant so even though she was not "inappropriately" dressed, her colours and look did not match the families. So to avoid such embarassing situations, always check before hand with your sisters-in-law to be or mother-in-law to be what would be the right attire.

Anything you like-

This is most likely the answer you will get if you ask your husband-to-be his advice on what to wear. So don't make that mistake. Most men really don't care and are hardly aware of what the rest of the family is wearing.So even if you are not marrying into royalty, remember not to stand out like a sore thumb.

Conform

What you wear to these functions will depend on what kind of family you belong to or are going into. If your in-laws are laid back and casual, don't dress to the nines. Of course you can wear something smart and slightly more formal than your daily clothes but remember not to overdo it. Similarly, if your in-laws are the formal type who love dressing - wear more formal clothes, more jewelry and be the part of the family you are going to soon be.

Comfort

Remember ,everyone's eyes are going to be on you so make sure your clothes allow you to move freely. Avoid low necks because if you are going to be touching elders' feet remember you will be bending low and it will become embarassing for you. So plunging necklines are a definite no-no unless you want to give everyone a heart attack.

Similarly avoid tight fitting clothes. You may have to bend and it is awful dealing with a rip or tear.

An it goes without saying that short, short dresses, culottes, capris are avoidable too.........

In other words

Do not try to be different from the family you are going into -
You are the BRIDE so dress accordingly.

Pre-wedding parties organised by friends and family are a great way to get to know the people who are going to be your new family. So you should be at ease and dressing up or dressing down is the best way to ensure that you are part of them!

Buying a trousseau

2012-09-13T00:38:00.001-07:00

The Hope Chest

A trousseau is a very old fashioned word for an old fashioned concept - getting ready for your life ahead as a married woman. I assume men don't have a trousseau albeit they do have a new set of clothes to wear for the wedding functions!

The idea of having a hope chest actually stemmed from the fact that the young couple were given every thing that was necessary to set up house together. Most mothers begin collecting for "the wedding" almost since the girl is born but more practical mothers begin collecting the money instead.

However, there is something to be said for planning a trousseau at least a year in advance - very often if you buy over a month, you will end up buying almost everything of the same colour.......(Aren't there times in your life when certain colours appeal to you?).

Do you really need a trousseau?

You may not believe it, but getting married definitely changes your life - and in a way your approach to clothes. No matter how smart or natty your clothes, being married means occasions you had never imagined you'd be invited to and consequently clothes you'd be expected to wear. Many a young girl has to tag along with her mother-in-law to a ladies' lunch, or a pooja or even to a casual visit to a Mall. While you can wear what you like in your mother's house, you are expected to be in sync with your in-laws. For instance if your mother-in-law dresses like a Christmas tree, you should at least wear one light bulb even though that is not your style similarly, if your mother-in-law is a simple dresser, it won't bode well for you to blind with your bling.

So prepare for a life that is no longer your own and dress accordingly - which means you will have to plan your wardrobe whether you are a fashionista or not.

When and where to buy?

The best time to buy clothes and accessories are during Sales because you really get them at half the price. Unless you are really into high fashion and the ultimate IT girl, the sales in Mumbai shops held during the monsoon and after Christmas are the best opportunities to pick up something trendy and affordable.

What do you really need?

While you can have the time of your life finding ready to wear or pret, you will also need to have some formal clothes like saris and suits.

Accessories! accessories! accessories! Too often we neglect this aspect of dressing but an outfit is often marred or enhanced by the right accessories. Handbags, belts, shoes,socks, scarves dark glasses and jewelry
Innerwear for that great look and feeling ! Abandon all schoolgirl prudishness if you still have sensible underwear and go for the little itsy bitsy lacy lingerie that will make you feel special and romantic. If budget is not a factor go for those imported brands like Victoria's Secret, La Senza and Triumph. There are wonderful Indian brands too like Lovable, Enamour. For more visit this site.
Make-Up! In case you are new to make up, this is the time to find your look to complete that "well groomed image". M.A.C., Estee Lauder, Lancome are brands that help you find your look and conduct personalised sessions for you with tips and products that will see you through. This is a good idea because you will even be able to get ideas for your own wedding day make up. There are other good Indian brands too like Lakme but it is a good idea to get some professional counselling if you are new to make up. Night creams, sun block, soaps and shampoos - stock these up !
Perfume - Unless you are allergic to perfume, please buy at least two - three fragrances including a deodorant spray. Perfumes smell different in the night and in the day and set the tone for how you feel.

Words of advice - never shop for shoes in the evening - that's when your feet are swollen and you may land up buying the wrong size.

Never shop with a domineering friend - you may land up buying a trousseau that suits her!

Don't get scared to try out what suits you.

You can save a lot of money by getting things tailored but make sure your tailor won't let you down.

Whatever you do, don't start collecting for your trousseau too early nor too late. Take about a year to six months over it so that you land up getting the perfect wardrobe to last you for the first few years of your marriage at least.

More on exchanging Vows

2012-09-10T01:35:00.000-07:00

In the heart of Pune is a Hindu reformist organisation called Jnana Prabodhini. Headquartered in the school of the same name in Sadashiv Peth, this organisation specialises in simplified Hindu rituals. While Jnana Prabodhini is based in Pune, their priests are willing to travel all over India to conduct the ceremony. All you have to do is fix the date and the time and they will show up.

The wedding ceremony is restricted to the bare essential rituals that constitute a Hindu marriage. There is no need to find an auspicious time or date. Nor do both the bride and groom have to be Hindus. The ceremony is conducted in Sanskrit with translations of the mantras in English, Hindi and Marathi ( I am not too sure about other Indian languages). The priests can also be women so please specify if you want a male priest to officiate.

Unfortunately this organisation doesn't have a great website.

If you are in Pune, visit their office ( after a prior appointment) which is in their school at

Jnana Prabodhini Prashala

510, Sadashiv Peth, Pune 411030

Call 020 24477691 or 020 24207000

eMAIL contact@jnanprabodhini.org

The wedding ceremony conducted by Jnana Prabodhini is short and simple. It costs around Rs. 4000-5000 just for the ceremony and you need just about a month in advance to book the priests. This ceremony is very popular among overseas Maharashtrians who come down to Pune to get married.

Exchanging Vows

2012-09-09T18:57:00.000-07:00

You can exchange vows in the traditional way or the completely modern way which is via the Registrar's Office. I have already dealt with the Registered wedding in a previous Blog entry .

If you are planning to get married the traditional way, you must ensure that your family priest is available to perform the rites. Priests are in short supply these days so you would be wise to book your priest well in time. And priests not only do weddings, they do other ceremonies as well such as house warming, naming ceremonies, engagements, Satyanarayan's and several other poojas,

Traditional ceremonies are usually decided by the families -but you may opt for a modern ceremony conducted by the Arya Samaj
This reformist organisation is headquartered in Goregaon in Mumbai but the priests are willing to perform ceremonies all over the city.

The Arya Samaj function is a simple ceremony conducted in Hindi and translations in different languages are also available.

Arya Samaj Goregaon, Mumbai
Jawahar Nagar, Goregaon (W),
Mumbai - 400 062.
(Opp. Mount Mary School)

Acharya Rajkumar
Mobile No. : +91-09323056222
E-mail: rajkumar_shastri@yahoo.co.in

Acharya Mithlesh
Mobile No. : +91-09324450646
E-mail: acharyamithilesh@yahoo.co.in

The Guest List

2012-09-07T08:42:00.000-07:00

The Guest list is as important as the venue because the choice of venue is dictated by the guest list. There are space restrictions as well as general restrictions like non-admission of children to some places. While you don't want your guests to be crammed like sardines in a can, you also don't want them to have a walk around the Race Course while they go from counter to counter filling up their plates!

Remember this is your wedding, but it also took a village, as it were, to raise you. Apart from the relatives who you have to call, this is also the time to remember the people who made you what you are. This is the time to acknowledge special people in your life like your teachers and colleagues and friends from the past. It is strange but old friends who you may not be in regular touch with, are happy to be remembered and will gladly come to your wedding, so please do not forget them.

But on the other hand, be judicious with your guest list. Don't just call every person you've ever met or return the hospitality of every person you've ever eaten with. Weddings essentially are a special occasion and the people you call should mean something more to you than just the obligation you have to fulfill.

Also remember that even though it is your wedding, it is also the wedding of your family - your grandparents, uncles, aunts, siblings also have friends who need / expect to be invited so keep in mind that your guest list will have lots of people whom you may not know.

It is understood that children will be brought to the wedding because that is what Indian weddings are all about - for friends and family so make sure to factor in the little ones in your guest list. Incidentally also ensure that children are allowed at the venue and if they aren't, please make it amply clear to your guests to avoid any embarrassment about being turned away despite the invitation! ( I know there are certain clubs where children are strictly not allowed ).

Start collecting names of guests well in advance. Keep track of addresses, email addresses as well as phone numbers. If you are calling guests from out of town, give them enough time to make arrangements to attend your wedding. People may have to re-schedule vacation plans or purchase tickets well in advance.

Lastly, consider also the guest list of your spouse! After all this is a celebration of two families so make sure there's place for everyone.

The Destination Wedding

2012-09-04T19:29:00.002-07:00

Come live with me, and be my love,And we will some new pleasures prove Of golden sands, and crystal brooks, With silken lines, and silver hooks ~ John Donne ~

With romance playing a large part in modern Indian weddings, the whole concept of the traditional wedding has undergone a change. Gone are the days when weddings were a simple affair, following the rituals and customs followed by your grandmother and her grandmother before her : a celebration with family and friends and the entire community.

Couples these days are opting for romantic venues - getaways where they would like to exchange vows in an intimate setting amidst their near and dear ones, leaving the community celebrations for another time and another place.

A friend of mine recently asked for my help in organising a destination wedding and that set me thinking. What should one consider while planning a destination wedding ?

The Budget : Obviously everyone has a budget even those who supposedly have no cap on spending. At the end of the day no one wants to waste money so always keep in mind the outer limit you want to spend. While calculating expenses take into account the travel expenses for your guests . Are you going to pay for their tickets? If not, will they be able or willing to spend?

The Destination : Do you want to get married in a Palace Hotel or would you like to be in the midst of nature? Whatever you choose, consider this - Will your best sari get spoilt on the beach? Will you be able to slip in and out of a boat gracefully? Apart from your own personal preferences, do take into account the ceremony that you wish to conduct - will that be possible in the destination that you have chosen? Remember to check out a venue completely - how many people it can accommodate, what are the restrictions applicable ( for instance some places do not allow covered pandal or fires for the hom.

The Guest List : A destination wedding is exciting for you and your guests. Many people feel that by having a destination wedding they will be weeding out a lot of extra guests. But be careful that you don't weed out so many that your wedding is just a big cocktail party rather than the rambunctious Indian Wedding.

The Logistics : How well connected is your destination? An out of the way romantic getaway should be easily accessible. After all you don't want you or your guest to arrive tired and out of shape. Are there convenient flights/trains connecting your destination from your own hometown?

After you have shortlisted your destination, make a dry run yourself to see how easy it would be for you and your guests to attend the function.

Discuss with the hotel manager/event planner the exact ceremonies you want to host and the decorations you would like to have. If possible, try and attend a function already going on to get an idea of whether things will be up to your expectations.

Do not rely solely on the advice of your wedding planner - their job is largely executive. Do not let them bully you into things you don't want or can't afford.

It is your wedding and you want it to be perfect so go ahead and enjoy.

The ceremony - Registered Marriage

2012-07-04T21:28:00.003-07:00

For those of you who were looking for more regular updates on this topic, I apologise. I had some personal issues which prevented me from updating this blog. But I hope to be more regular.

So, now that you've decided the number of guests you are going to have and the time and place, it is time to look at the other things that matter :

The ceremony - What kind of a ceremony are you going to have? Is it going to be traditional? Is it going to be modern? Are you an inter-faith couple or an inter-cultural couple? What kind of traditions do you want to follow?

Are you planning a modern wedding ceremony or a Civil Ceremony where you call the Registrar and sign up in front of a few people? In that case you will have to give notice at least a month in advance. Find out the nearest Municipal Office where you reside and make an application.

Marriage in India under the Special Marriage Act

The Indian Special Marriage Act 1954 permits marriages between persons who are not of the same community or who have different religions or nationalities. The scope of the Act includes the entire territory of India and extends to intending spouses who are both Indian nationals living abroad.

The groom must be at least 21 years old, while the bride must be at least 18 years of age. Both parties should have full mental capacity and not be currently married. Parties to the marriage must provide notice of their intention to solemnize the marriage before a marriage officer in the district where at least one of the parties has resided for at least 30 days prior to the notice. Notice of the intended marriage is entered into the Marriages Notice Book, which is open for public inspection with an inspection fee. The public has the right to object to the marriage for the following 30 days. Any objections must be investigated and resolved within an additional 30 days.

Prior to the solemnization of the marriage, the parties and three witnesses must sign a declaration in front of a marriage officer, who will also sign the document. The marriage may be solemnized in any form that the parties wish to adopt as long as the solemnization occurs at the marriage officer's office or any place that the marriage officer sanctions. The marriage must include the exchange of the following statement: "I (name of self) take you (name of partner) to be my lawful (wife or husband)." After the solemnization, the marriage officer will enter the certificate in the Marriage Certificate Book. The parties and the three witnesses must sign the certificate. The entry of the certificate in the book is deemed conclusive evidence of a lawful marriage.

Any marriage in India may be registered under this Act. The parties must jointly apply for the marriage registration. After 30 days of notice to the public, the marriage officer will enter the certificate into the Marriage Certificate Book. The spouses and three witnesses must sign the certificate.

If you opt for a Civil Marriage, you must remember that you cannot have any kind of a religious ceremony held at the same time.

Once you've given the notice, you must remember to make an appointment with the Registrar and make sure that he shows up on time. It would help if you arranged to pick him up so that you are not waiting helplessly and perhaps even endlessly for him to show up. I remember once going for a wedding reception where the officiating Registrar came a whole hour late only because he was solemnizing a function at the other end of town!

So you've fixed the date

2012-01-19T21:43:00.000-08:00

Most people in Mumbai will tell you that even before you've chosen the boy, you should choose the venue and the menu. It's true, despite the several options available, getting the right wedding venue can be quite a nightmare.

Apart from the availability, the choice of venue depends on the number of guests invited and the number of guests who actually come. It also depends on the season when the wedding is being held. For obvious reasons, a closed hall is best when deciding a summer or monsoon wedding while the open air is doable in our mild Mumbai winters.

But before you actually decide on which venue matches your purse, you should also decide which venue will accommodate all your guests. For those with several outstation guests, perhaps a destination wedding would be a good idea as several hotels outside Bombay provide a complete wedding package which will keep all your guests happy and you even happier since all the arrangements are taken care of. And if you have a destination wedding during off season time, the packages are even more attractive making your wedding a dream for you as well as your near and dear ones.

There is nothing to beat those large maidans if you have a guest list running into thousands because not only are the maidans large enough, but you can also get a whole host of stalls catering to your guests' varied culinary preferences.

There are several indoor options available the most obvious being the five star locations. But obviously five star locations have five star prices so it is not everyone's top priority. But should you opt for a five star wedding, especially the Big Fat Indian variety, The Grand Hyatt at Kalina seems to be a popular choice these days. One of the reasons for this is obviously because it has the largest hall in Mumbai but another reason is that you can get a good deal for your guests even those coming from as far as South Mumbai thus ensuring that all your friends do show up for the ceremony and do not use the oft repeated excuse of traffic.

Other options are Mahila Vikas Mandal at Colaba for a more sedate setting , the various Clubs and Gymkhanas for smaller crowds and of course banquet halls like Mayfair, JK Banquets, Gallops, Tote on the Turf which incidentally has a new avatar as NEEL and Blue Sea by Worli SeaFace.

These are just a few, as you make your search you will find several more that meet up to your expectations and requirements.

A few tips to remember before zeroing in on a venue :
1) How many people will it accommodate. Remember you have his & her guests . Also remember that 20% of the guests don't show.
2) What time of the year is your wedding? While December is great, there are many things happening so traffic can be quite chaotic. Monsoons can get you great deals but the weather is totally unpredictable and has its own set of problems - dampness, wet guests, water logged roads .....Similarly Summer with its hot, humid days makes for wonderfully empty roads, great hotel deals and long summer holidays..........
3) The "freebies" that come with the rent - valet parking, piped music, decorations???