Mumologues

Lives cut short

2012-02-19T12:57:00.001+10:00

For boys born with Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy, playing ball would be a dream come true

Imagine your baby son learning to sit up, crawl and take his first steps.

It’s milestones like these that parents remember forever, but for some parents it’s a joy short-lived as their son is headed for a life in a wheelchair due to muscular dystrophy.

Muscular dystrophy is a neuromuscular, genetic disorder which results in the progressive deterioration of muscle strength and function.

The most common form in childhood is Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy (DMD), and it’s the number one genetic killer of boys in the world.

Next week is Duchenne Awareness Week, so I hope today’s column raises your awareness and perhaps inspires you to help in some way.

DMD occurs when there is a mistake in the gene responsible for producing dystrophin, the protein that maintains the structure of our muscle membrane.

“Genetic” does not mean it is confined to certain family trees.

In more than a third of cases, the genetic mutation happens spontaneously, without any previous family history.

DMD affects one in every 3500 boys around the world.

Due to progressive deterioration of muscle, loss of movement occurs eventually leading to total immobilisation.

When a boy is diagnosed with Duchenne he will lose he ability to walk somewhere between the ages of seven and 13 years and is usually dependent on a wheel chair by the age of 12.

Arm strength is gradually lost, making simple everyday activities we take for granted such as cleaning teeth, turning pages of a book and giving a loved one a hug, impossible.

As the disease progresses to the heart and breathing muscles, the boys cannot breathe unaided and their heart loses the ability to pump effectively.

DMD has a 100 per cent fatality rate so naturally when a child is diagnosed it is heartbreaking for the whole family.

Life expectancy for this disorder is usually only until early adulthood, therefore time is the most precious commodity of boys with DMD.

In the 1960s, the likelihood of a boy with DMD reaching the age of 25 years was zero. By the 1980s, 12 per cent of boys with DMD lived to 25. By the late 1990s, this climbed to 52 per cent.

The Duchenne Foundation provides support to families living with Duchenne, raises community awareness and vital funds to support research and quality of life issues.

Australian scientists are leading contributors to global efforts to find cures for Duchenne and other muscular dystrophies.

For example, in Western Australia, scientists have developed compounds designed to encourage cells to skip over any type of genetic error (called exon skipping). Clinical trials will start this year on DMD patients aged in their 20s.

There is also a great deal of research into development of therapies, prolonging mobility and the strength of the limb and breathing muscles of boys with DMD.

The research and trials cost millions of dollars, yet receives no government funding.

Donations are tax deductible and can be made at the Foundation’s website www.duchennefoundation.org.au or at www.blueball.org.au

If a cure is found in the next five years, the boys diagnosed today could possibly walk, play and enjoy a long and fulfilling life.

Are you a good sport?

2012-02-04T10:42:00.000+10:00

Good sporting parents support their little athletes in positive ways, not through bad behaviour

With school starting back this week, soon there will be plenty of sporting clubs holding sign-on days.

And just as I wrote last week about how I encourage all children to learn music, I also encourage them to participate in sport.

Sport gives children so many benefits from learning about teamwork and discipline, regular exercise, sportsmanship and having fun.

You may remember in the news last month about former Labor leader Mark Latham’s outburst at his child’s swimming teacher, Bev Waugh (the mother of cricketers Steve and Mark).

Mrs Waugh, aged 65, runs a free government swimming program that aims to teach a broad range of skills with an emphasis on water safety.

On the second day of the program Mr Latham, however, verbally attacked Mrs Waugh in an intimidating manner, saying his two children had learned nothing.

The incident has since been reported to the Department of Education, though I doubt it will go any further.

Just what Mr Latham thought he could achieve by intimidating his child’s coach is beyond me.

But this is only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to bad sporting parents.

In more serious, though thankfully rare cases, there are parents who scream obscenities at their kids on the sporting field and at the coaches and other spectators, and it often gets physical.

There is a theory that parents who are “bad sports” are just failed athletes trying to live vicariously through their athletic children.

Some of them push their kids to become elite athletes with specialised training, camps and personal coaches, whether the child wants it or not.

Most incidents of violence by parents on youth sports fields are from America, not Australia, but that doesn’t mean we can’t all learn how to avoid becoming a crazed, overbearing parent with a stressed-out, unhappy child.

So here’s a no-nonsense list of what is and what is not acceptable on the sidelines.

What not to do:

Yell and scream from the sidelines.
Undermine the coach.
Dispute the umpire’s decisions.
Insult opposition players.
Urge kids to go harder or do better.
Argue with other spectators.
Complain when your child is sitting on the bench and is not on the field.
Set unreasonable expectations.
Make threats towards other spectators, coaches or players.
Tell your child what they did wrong after every match.
Don’t define success and failure in terms of winning and losing.

What to do:

Encourage participation.
Remember that kids play sport for fun.
Respect the umpire’s decisions and teach your child to do the same.
Respect all officials, coaches, players and other spectators and teach your child to do the same.
Congratulate all children regardless of the result.
Applaud when either team makes a good play.
Avoid comparing children and respect developmental differences.
If you have a complaint or concern, don’t raise it in the middle of a game.
Praise your child for their efforts, and don’t get mad at them for losing.
Teach your child how to settle disputes on the field without resorting to violence or verbal abuse.
Ask your child if they had fun, before you ask who won the game.
Don’t accept or encourage violence or abuse from any member of the sporting community.

It can be stressful to see your children playing sport, especially when you see what you might think is an unfair call.

But remember that children see sports in a different way to adults. To them it is not as competitive as you may think, it is a chance to play on a field with their friends.

Music matters

2012-01-23T10:38:00.000+10:00

Why every child should learn to read music and play an instrument

As children across the Far North prepare to return to school next week, I thought that instead of writing a cliched column about the first day of school, I would write about something close to my heart that is often overlooked by many parents in regards to their child’s education – and that is, music education.

There are multiple reasons why I believe music should be a part of every child’s education, and this involves learning an instrument, not just singing the national anthem at school assembly.

Children who learn music have high self-esteem, high cognitive competence, and generally outperform non-music students in reading and maths. These differences become greater the longer the students participate in music.

This then has a flow on affect as high performing students contribute positively to the school environment.

Music is also a wonderful and meaningful way to integrate different cultural attributes into a curriculum.

Music instills positive attitudes, a positive self-image, a desire to achieve excellence, an ability to set goals, co-operation, teamwork and self-discipline.

In other words, children who learn music achieve greater success at school, and this will carry on into their adult life so that they have more chance at success in society and their chosen career.

Many studies have shown that music study actively contributes to brain development, so music does make kids smarter.

Children raised in cultures rich with music tend to develop learning and communication skills more quickly than other children.

Unfortunately, not every child has the opportunity to learn to play an instrument, and therefore learn to read music, but that doesn’t mean they can’t have music education.

If your child loves singing, please don’t hush them... encourage it and expand their vocal range.

Consider singing lessons, but more importantly, open them up to a wide variety of music from the latest rock and pop, to world music, classical, opera, jazz and many more genres.

Music has the most powerful effect on the human spirit.

Studies at Columbia University have shown that surgeons who use music during operations, on average, were better performers in the operating room.

And if I have come home from a shopping trip with two screaming kids and my hair falling out from stress, I find music helps us all to feel a lot less tense.

Music stimulates brain waves which help to release tension slow the heart rate and breathing, and this means that you can use music to help calm your children in times of stress (or simply to help baby get to sleep).

Music is also a great way to improve a child’s emotional awareness. For instance, play your children different music that represents different moods (pop for happiness, heavy drumming for anger, slow classical for sadness), and then ask them what feelings the music reminds them of.

The ability to identify emotions in yourself and in others, as well as the ability to express emotions will facilitate healthy relationships and helps their resilience.

There are plenty of websites for children to play musical games, and this is an ideal stepping stone to find out if your child wants to learn music.

If the enthusiasm is there, deciding on a more specific musical education is easy – just choose an instrument, find a tutor and let them play.

If you really want them to become proficient at an instrument, it is vital that they learn to read music too.

Don’t forget that music is always meant to be fun. Whether your child is playing in tune or out, it is a great form of self expression, and the more they play, the better they will get.

Having played the piano since the age of eight, I understand the frustration kids can feel when they can read the music but their fingers just don’t play it right.

At this point, you want to quit and you tell your parents over and over again that you don’t want to play music anymore.

But parents, please don’t give in!

It won’t be long before practice pays off and suddenly your child is playing music that they previously struggled with.

I remember so clearly when that moment happened, and I suddenly regained my love for playing music (it also coincided with me starting with a new teacher who was enthusiastic, instead of the previous one who used to go and do her washing while I was playing for her!).

I am now teaching my eldest daughter to play piano (that's her pictured above) and instead of boring her with repetitious scales and music she has never heard of, I have found some amazing resources online where we can play games, mini duets and have fun with music that she recognises and really wants to play.

And there’s the key: If learning music is fun, your child will thrive.

A is for App

2012-01-14T01:00:00.000+10:00

Is it really necessary for kids to have the latest gadget instead of an old-fashioned toy?

Every week I see a new one advertised and I wonder if my kids are missing out.

I wonder if I’m missing out.

Google them and there are Top 10 lists of the must-have ones and they target everyone from toddlers to doctors.

That’s right, I’m talking about apps.

The App Store is full of programs from recipes, music, news, games, educational resources and much more.

There are even apps that can monitor your child’s use of the internet and block them from accessing adult and other inappropriate sites.

I must have missed the memo that said smart (and affluent) parents were now giving children expensive technology as gifts instead of dolls, cars, bikes and board games.

I believe it’s a luxury to have the latest gadget, especially when I don’t see a need for it.

For instance, I have an ancient mobile phone that has no bells or whistles, because I don’t see a need for all the other stuff that comes with an expensive iPhone.

But there’s the catch: I don’t really know what I’m missing out on, and I feel like I’m being left behind because everyone else has one.

I have seen three-year-olds flipping through photos, watching YouTube and playing games on their parents iPhones and it amazes me that this is a generation that will never know a world without ubiquitous handheld and networked technology.

In the same way Sesame Street helped to teach me letters and numbers, apps are teaching a new generation but there’s one big difference.

Instead of sitting down passively watching the box, children using an app have to use fine motor skills to move things around, figure out puzzles, and hopefully learn something new.

And it must be helping as schools around the world are embracing the technology.

I’m using flash cards with my kids, but will they be more keen to learn if the flashcard is on a shiny gadget?

On the other hand, I bet there are hundreds of apps that are completely useless, mundane and take you away from your real goal.

For instance, there is one app that I have read about that was named Best Parenting App of 2011.

It’s a glorified version of an old-fashioned rewards chart where children do chores to earn points which can then be exchanged for rewards.

Families don’t need an app to get children to do housework, they should do them because their parents tell them to, and also not because there’s a reward at the end.

The reward is that they are contributing to the running of the household, and therefore contributing as a member of the family.

I also don’t believe a child should have a mobile phone until they can take personal responsibility for them (and that includes paying the bill).

But then, my kids are still young, so I may end up changing my mind when I have teenage daughters!

My eldest daughter, who turns six in February, asked for a Nintendo DS for Christmas, but I’m pretty sure she doesn’t really know what it does. All she knows is that some of her class mates have one.

I want to teach her to save up her pocket money for expensive purchases like this.

I don’t buy the argument that kids need to keep up with technology; the real reason parents buy these gadgets is to keep up with the Joneses.

Don’t get me wrong, I can see some of the positive benefits with access to educational apps, portable entertainment for long car trips, suitable for adults to use as well as their children and music on the go.

But I’m already worried enough about the amount of screen time she has with the TV and computer, and adding another gadget to the mix would tip the balance even further towards technology instead of running around and just being a kid.

I did buy my daughter one gadget that she asked for this Christmas - a digital camera.

I felt that this was a gift that would allow her creativity to grow and force her to get up off the couch and interact with her surroundings.

I have set myself a goal this year to make my youngest daughter a complex quilt (it’s called Fairyland by Natalie Bird, if you want to look it up), so for now I’m happy that I don’t waste time hurling angry birds.

And I’m happy that my daughter doesn’t have her nose buried in a gadget, and still loves playing outside.

One of these days the technology revolution will knock loudly on our door, and when it does we’ll be ready to embrace it.

TIPS FOR PARENTS

If your children do have the latest touch-screen gadget (such as an iPhone, iPod Touch, iPad), there are certain things parents should do before handing it over.

Apple has built tools into the operating systems to let parents control the content and the apps that can be accessed, so be sure to set this up, as well as the parental controls built into iTunes.

You should also set up a passcode so that if your child’s gadget gets into the wrong hands, they are unable to access personal information.

Set up an iTunes allowance so the kids don’t break the budget buying music and apps.

Get a case and a screen protector to prevent scratches, cracks and other damage.

Consider getting the extended warranty, and insurance.

Also educate yourself about any health risks such as RSI, or risks to their hearing.

Fancy feet

2012-01-07T08:25:00.001+10:00

If you’ve got a toddler with pigeon toes, flat feet or some other foot condition, it may go away on its own, but sometimes treatment is needed

My youngest daughter is almost 19 months old, but for the past few months I’ve noticed that the way she walks is different to her older sister.

She started walking at around 13 months of age, but it’s clear now that she walks pigeon-toed, also called intoeing.

So I’ve spent many hours reading about feet and I’ll try to condense it here for you as a quick guide to common foot problems in children.

The foot is quite a complex structure of 26 bones and 35 joints, and a baby’s foot is padded with fat and is highly flexible.

Foot conditions that your child may exhibit in their first years of life are flat feet, clubfoot, walking on their toes, feet turning outwards or inwards, bowlegs and knock-knees.

Clubfoot is a birth defect that is often hereditary.

The ankle of the foot is turned to the side and is usually smaller or shorter than the normal foot, although it can also occur in both feet.

Left untreated it can lead to disability, pain and trouble walking, so it must be treated with methods such as stretching, casting, special shoes, braces or if these don’t work, surgery may be required.

Bowleggedness is an exaggerated bending outward of the legs from the knees down that can be inherited.

It is commonly seen in babies and most often corrects itself as the child grows.

If it has not improved after the child turns two, it may be a sign of a larger problem such as rickets or Blount’s disease.

Rickets is a bone growth problem usually caused by a lack of vitamin D or calcium, and is much less common today than in the past.

Blount’s disease causes an abnormal growth at the top of the tibia bone by the knee joint. It can appear suddenly and it’s cause is unknown, but to correct the problem the child may need bracing or surgery.

If bowleggedness occurs on only one side, or gets progressively worse, you should take your child to the doctor to rule out any serious problems.

Between the ages of three and six, many children show a moderate tendency toward knock-knees as the body goes through natural alignment shift.

Treatment is not usually required as legs tend to straighten on their own, but if one side is more pronounced than another, then see your doctor for advice.

Most toddlers are flat-footed when they first start to walk, or they tend to turn their feet inwards because of poor muscle tone or weak ligaments.

Often this is simply a result of being cramped up in the uterus for so long.

In some children the arch in the foot never fully develops, and they appear to have weak ankles which turn inwards.

Flat feet is not usually considered an impairment, unless it becomes painful, and in this case, seeing your doctor is advised.

Special footwear, such as high-top shoes is not necessarily the solution, but arch supports may help if your child has pain. By the age of five, children should have normal arches in their feet.

Toe walking is common in toddlers, especially in their second year of life, and is not usually a cause for concern.

However, if your child walks exclusively on their toes and continues to do so after the age of two, they will need to see a doctor for treatment.

Sometimes this can be a sign of other conditions such as cerebral palsy or other nervous system problems, or the child may require casting around the foot and ankle to help stretch the calf muscles.

Sometimes toddlers walk with their feet turned outwards, and this tends to be more common in children who were born prematurely.

In most cases, it corrects itself as balance and posture improves as the child grows.

As for walking pigeon-toed, this is common when children are learning to stand and walk as their feet naturally want to turn inwards to help with balance and posture. It can also be hereditary.

In toddlers around the age of one, it is often caused by an inward turning of the shinbone, while in children aged older than three, it is due to an inward twisting of the thigh bone.

Treatment is almost never required as it resolves itself between the ages of three and five.

However, if it is severe or seems to involve the leg and hip, as well as the feet, or if it isn’t improving by the time they are two year old, see a doctor for advice as it may be a sign of other conditions involving the hip joint.

Fortunately, most feet and leg conditions correct themselves without treatment as the child grows and develops.

Others can persist or become worse as they may be linked to other conditions, so if you are at all concerned see your doctor, paediatrician or a podiatrist.

One important thing to know is that toddlers should go barefoot as often as possible to encourage balance, posture and co-ordination.

A baby learning to walk receives important sensory information from the soles of their feet and some shoes, particularly those with hard and inflexible soles, can make walking more difficult.

Children’s feet grow very quickly so their shoe size may need updating every few months.

Happy New Year to all my readers!

Foot problems that need professional attention:

* Abnormally shaped toes

* Flat feet beyond the age of five

* Severe intoeing or out-toeing

* Bunions or other deformaties

* Ingrown toenails

* Stiffness in the foot

* Limping

* A sudden change in the way your child walks

* If your child isn’t walking at all by two years of age

* If your child complains of pain while walking or standing

You should see your doctor or podiatrist if you are worried about your child’s feet or gait.

Aspire to be a better parent, and you will be

2011-12-31T12:50:00.001+10:00

It’s New Year’s Eve and this time every year we party like it’s 1999 and the next morning decide to make resolutions to be a better person for the year ahead.

I don’t really “do” resolutions. It seems to me that they are always made to be broken and that the really important ones should be thought of all year through, not just on January 1.

But with a new year ahead, it’s natural to have hope and optimism.

Everyone can remember a “bad” year that they have had in the past where one horrible thing after another occurred in their life.

So we start 2012 with hope that it will be a good one, and this is where parenting resolutions – let’s call them aspirations instead – can help.

The following words of wisdom I found written on the back of a bookmark printed by Just Kids, an early childhood organisation in Parramatta Park.

If I had my child to raise over again,

I’d finger paint more often and point the finger less.

I’d do less correcting and more connecting.

I’d take my eyes off my watch and watch with my eyes.

I would care to know less and know to care more.

I’d take more hikes and fly more kites.

I’d stop playing serious and seriously play.

I’d run through more fields and gaze at more stars.

I’d do more hugging and less tugging.

I would be firm less often and affirm much more.

I’d build self-esteem first, and the house later.

I’d teach less about the love of power and more about the power of love.

To add to this are some of my personal aspirations which you may also recognise in your family life:

I will yell less often, and listen more.

I will read Hairy Maclary at bedtime, even though I’ve read it 50 times before.

I will cut up your dinner, even though you can probably do it yourself.

I will let you watch ABC4Kids, but I’ll watch it with you and we’ll dance together.

I will rock you to sleep, even though my arms are aching.

I will let you fill up your room with box constructions, even though I find them messy.

I will be a good role model and stop swearing in front of you.

I will try hard to stop saying “I’m busy” when you need me.

I will toilet train you.

I will not think about the housework when I’m snuggling with you.

I will continue to say “I love you” many times a day.

I will care less about the small stuff.

I will take more photos and videos of you.

I will allow you to express a range of emotions without putting a good or bad tag on them.

I will try to be more patient.

I will not say “stop crying” when you are upset and need to express your emotions.

I will not say “shut up” when you talk non-stop.

I will try to be more organised.

I will try to take each moment as it comes and not get worked up about you peeing on the floor, drawing with pen on the couch/quilt/floor/walls, or screaming at the dinner table.

I will try to be more tolerant of the chaotic times.

Being a better mother or father or grandmother or aunt or sibling of a child is something you won’t give up on, you’ll always strive to do better.

So may 2012 be a year where all families connect, love and prosper with good health and happiness.

Are we there yet?

2011-12-19T11:40:00.001+10:00

Road trips with children don’t have to be a painful experience

So Christmas is just around the corner and many families will be packing the car full of presents to travel to family in other far flung places (that is, if you haven’t made plans to fly there instead).

Road trips when you’re 22 and carefree are fantastic because you can stop where and when you want and there’s no stress about where you eat and sleep each night.

But add a child (or children) to this scenario and you’ve got a full-scale operation complete with contingency plans, accommodation bookings and a boot load of “equipment”.

For those of you taking long road trips with children this year, I’ve compiled a list of ideas they may prevent you tearing your hair out at the end!

* Get the car serviced before your go to make sure it’s roadworthy and so you don’t have any unexpected breakdowns. Do the same for your tyres.

* Take rubbish bags for rubbish or car sickness, and some zip-lock bags for keeping souvenirs, toys or for snack packs.

* Take spare batteries for iPods, handheld games, etc.

* Take a small first aid kit, tissues, wet wipes, spare toilet paper and anti-bacterial gel.

* Rolls of masking tape can keep kids amused for ages as they mark out their territory in the back seat.

* If travelling at night, take a book light or small torch so children can read or play after dark.

* Make an enlarged copy of the route map and cover with clear contact paper. Let the kids mark the route and discover on their own “Are we there yet?” Get them to identify landmarks on the way.

* Try story CDs or podcasts of classic children’s literature read by actors. Local libraries have them to hire and it will entertain everyone including the driver.
* Take favourite music to listen to including children’s choices and a lyric sheet so they can sing along. You can also get your kids to create their own “mix tape” of favourite songs.

* Hands-on toys and art projects with washable crayons, stickers and felt kits will keep young children amused, and to limit the mess give them large placemats to put on their laps.

* There are plenty of mini board games in toy shops and department stores from checkers to snakes and ladders, and most have magnetic pieces so they don’t fall off the board.

* Card games are good for older children.

* Show a movie on a portable DVD player.

* Keep babies amused with cloth books, dangly toys, soft cuddly toys and plastic mirrors.

* Start your journey after a good night’s sleep and breakfast. Some parents swear by the early morning start but from my experience, this only works if you can get your child to the car without waking them. Otherwise, you end up throwing their sleep routine out the window.

* Stick to the same routines as home and take lunch at the usual time as well as regular stops for breastfeeding, nappy changes or toilet breaks, as well as a driver reviver.

* Take lunch breaks near parks or playgrounds so the children can let our their pent-up energy.

* Take plenty of snacks and finger foods such as fruit, sandwiches and muesli bars, as well as water but not orange juice as this is notorious for making young kids carsick.

* During night drives, simulate bedtime by putting children into their pajamas and share a story or book.

* Long periods of confinement and constant car motion will make most children under three very sleepy, so expect restless babies at night.

* Reward patience and good behaviour. Some parents hand out extra pocket money or some start with a set amount and then deduct money for each squabble they have. You could also stash a bag of sugar-free sweets in the glovebox and hand them out for good behaviour.

* With a carload of kids, try changing seats at regular intervals for a change of scenery.

The curse of Christmas shopping

2011-12-10T00:30:00.000+10:00

Why do kids push all the wrong buttons at all the wrong times?

I still don’t know why I thought it was a good idea.

Perhaps it’s because I had my Mum with me as a kind of back-up should things go bad, and who doesn’t count on their Mum when you’re ready to have a mental breakdown?

Perhaps I was feeling a little anxious that it is getting close to Christmas and I hadn’t bought one gift?

Perhaps I just wanted a change of scenery and thought that this change of scenery might be a good thing for all of us?

But it wasn’t. It was a nightmare. And worst of all, I don’t think I have ever seen my children be so naughty in so many public places in their short little lives.

If you haven’t guessed already, I thought it would be a good idea to take my two children and my Mum to the big smoke for the whole weekend to shop till we dropped.

And when it was all over, I literally did drop into my husband’s arms pleading with him to pour me a big glass of wine and take over the parenting duties.

The weekend started out okay... well, apart from the youngest screaming for at least one hour of the car journey.

Once in the shopping centre, she continued screaming, which only made the older one scream too (why do kids have a fascination with high pitched noises?).

Department stores like Kmart turned them into monkeys wanting to climb the shelves, test out all the toys, open all the books and throw christmas baubles down the aisles.

Clothing stores were ideal for hide-and-seek which is normally fine if they leave the clothes alone. But not this time, as the youngest one (who I’m now calling Miss Firecracker) thought it would be fun to pull all the clothes off the racks and climb into the window display.

The eldest one joined in the hype and decided to lock herself and her sister in a change room.

“Great,” I thought, “I wonder if I can sneak out and leave them there for a bit?”

Aah, no luck. The gap under the door was large enough for them to crawl out.

Gift shops were an absolute no-go-zone as there were far too many breakable objects.

I tried strapping Miss Firecracker in the pram, but little did I know that her middle name is Houdini – she squirmed her way out, no matter how tight the straps were fastened.

Mum tried the same trick in the shopping trolley, but she got out of it, too.

Then we thought we would try taking one child each, but I drew the short straw with Miss Firecracker still testing her vocal chords and running as far away from me as she could go (I now fully understand the concept of child leashes – no more judgment from me).

The only peace we had was putting them on an overpriced joy ride outside the store with Mum and I taking turns to try on clothes or make our purchases (lucky we had a lot of $2 coins in our purses).

The only store where staff showed us sympathy for our predicament was Lorna Jane where they blew up balloons for the kids to play with (thank you!).

I used to think that some stores involuntarily put curses on kids as soon as they walk in the door.

Officeworks always had this affect on my eldest daughter (when she was three).

I could never go in there without her playing up. We could go to plenty of other stores on the same day, but Officeworks was always the place where she would turn feral (needless to say I am a very happy customer at Officeworks, just only when I go in alone).

Our weekend finished with me at the end of my tether – still cross at the kids and picking a fight with my Mum.

Thank goodness my Mum never holds a grudge – I love her dearly and could not possibly have survived the weekend without her. And thank goodness the kids fell asleep on the drive home. Peace at last.

So why do kids push all the wrong buttons at all the wrong times?

This is a parenting mystery I will never get my head around, but one thing is for certain, I am NEVER taking them Christmas shopping again... well, at least not this year.

No more sipping on air

2011-12-05T11:05:00.001+10:00

There are plenty of sippy cups for toddlers on the market, some with retractable straws, some with leaky mouth pieces and others with lids that are tricky to attach correctly.

But I’ve found a sippy cup that is leak-proof, light weight, is easy to assemble, and has the unique feature of a weighted straw that moves with the liquid.

This means that whatever angle the cup is tilted, your toddler won’t be sucking on air, they will be able to drink every last drop.

The new Essential Sippy Cup from b.box is free of BPA, Phthalates and PVC, dishwasher safe, has a soft silicone straw, easy grip handle for little hands and a flip-top lid is very easy for children to use.

My daughter, aged 17 months, took to the cup with ease. She is not yet old enough to understand that some sippy cups have to be used on one side only, so she often has the spout on the wrong side and tries desperately to get a drink.

However, the b.box essential sippy cup can be used from both sides as it is the straw that does all the work making sure it stays in the fluid and not in air.

The cup is available in apple, blueberry and raspberry, and is only $14.95.

After all the accidents we’ve had with other cups, I wish I had this sippy cup months ago – it’s a definite winner.

For more information visit www.bbox.com.au

Remember common sense?

2011-12-05T10:33:00.001+10:00

Nurturing clear thinking needs to come from parents who set an example

I read a story this week in that left me wondering if parents today lack one basic skill: common sense.

The story was about how feuding parents are turning to the court system over petty disputes.

It described a number of bizarre cases arising in custody battles in the Family Court and Federal Magistrates Court.

Examples of cases in recent months included a father ordered to put sunscreen on his children when they were outside; parents who were ordered not to allow their children to watch R-rated movies; parents who were ordered to toilet trained their children aged four and five; and a father told not to swear around his children.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but aren’t these orders common sense?

My next thought is what kind of parents let their children watch R-rated movies anyway?

But rather than go into a rant about bad parents, I thought I’d write about why teaching common sense to our children is so important.

Common sense is defined as sound judgement based on a simple perception of the situation or facts.

We learn common sense through nature and nurture, but the best way children can learn is by parents leading by example.

However, if parents lack common sense, what hope have the children got?

Gertrude Stein once said “Everybody gets so much information all day long that they lose their common sense”.

She may well be right. Parents today receive such an overwhelming amount of advice from books, television, websites, magazines, doctors, educators, friends, family and so on, that they lose confidence in their ability to raise their offspring.

They no longer trust their own minds to make good decisions for the benefit of their children and turn to these endless sources for wisdom and encouragement.

Parents today need to feel that they are doing a good job, otherwise we would all start rocking in the corner in the foetal position.

Some people believe common sense is either something you’re born with or not and can’t be taught. I disagree.

Common sense tells us that we should foster our children’s common sense as they grow up, and cultivate their capacity to think clearly and act wisely.

But this isn’t something that they can learn overnight.

Studies have shown that children’s brains function differently to adults.

The frontal lobe is late to develop and it is this part of the brain that regulates aggression, long-term planning, mental flexibility, abstract thinking, the capacity to hold in mind related pieces of information and even moral judgement.

So it’s no wonder some kids appear to not think before they act, and why teenagers can make bad choices.

There are endless common sense lessons that we can teach our kids right from their first steps.

Some examples include teaching them about rules and boundaries such as why we don’t play soccer on the road and why we wear seatbelts, good manners such as why we should be quiet when someone else is talking, stranger danger, why we must brush our teeth everyday and why we don’t spend all our money on lollies.

Help your children learn from their mistakes, rather than avoid them, and talk to them about the choices they make.

Allow them to work out solutions to problems and eventually they will seek out problems to solve before the obstacles are in their path.

Potty talk

2011-11-26T05:00:00.000+10:00

Toilet training toddlers doesn’t have to be a battle

ONE of the biggest challenges faced by parents of toddlers is toilet training.

I am a big advocate of early toilet training having had success with my first born who was toilet trained not long after she turned two and within two weeks (that is, two weeks of no daytime nappies, several accidents but eventual success), and now observing my second child who is 17 months of age and has been wearing her big sister’s knickers in the backyard and showing me that she has had an accident (early signs of becoming aware of her bodily functions).

It makes sense that the earlier a child has been introduced to the toilet or potty in a positive way, the less likely the child will be afraid to use it.

Many parents choose to toilet train when they are ready instead of picking up signs from their child, but this may be too late and further problems can occur. Lazy parents be warned!

Research undertaken last year by the University of New South Wales showed that the window of opportunity to start toilet training is when they are aged 18 to 24 months.

Any later than 27 months can result in harmful effects on the child such as longer bed-wetting.

If you wait until the child is two, you may end up with more tantrums than success, because at this age they are engrossed in making their own decisions. They are very good at saying “no”.

Also, some children become attached to their nappies as they offer security and familiarity.

Signs that your child is ready for toilet training include: being able to walk and sit for short periods of time, becoming more independent, interested in watching others go to the toilet, has dry nappies for extended periods of time, tells you when they have done a poo or wee in their nappy, begins to dislike wearing a nappy, has regular bowel movements, can pull his or her pants up and down, can follow simple instructions such as “give Mummy the ball”, and shows understanding about things having their place in the home.

Here are some tips that will help parents and toddlers during this stage in their development:

* Introduce the potty into your daily routine by regularly taking them to the potty or toilet at appropriate times (ie. first thing in the morning, after a meal, before bedtime).

* A child should never feel pressured as this may hinder their learning and understanding. The child may become afraid of making an accident and in turn find it hard to go to the potty if they are stressed or upset. Any stress within the family or major changes (such as moving house) could also set back potty training.

* Give praise for small steps as your child learns and offer rewards such as a sticker. Go at your child’s pace and don’t expect too much.

* Never punish your child for mistakes or accidents. This is a learning process and there will be good days and bad days.

* Make sure your child is wearing something easy to get on and off, and easy to wash, such as training pants. Nappy-free time is also a good idea as nappies are essentially a portable toilet.

* Watch your child for signs of wanting to use the toilet, such as expressions on their face or stopping very still for a moment, and guide them to the potty saying something like “let’s see if there’s a wee coming”. Eventually the child will understand and get there himself.

* Toddlers find it hard to “hold on” for more than a few seconds, so if they tell you before they do a wee or poo, thank them and take them to the potty straight away. If they don’t make it in time, still offer praise.

* Don’t make a child sit on a potty for a long period of time as it will feel like punishment.

* If your child is afraid of the toilet, you may need to flush it once they have left the room, then gradually offer them the opportunity to try flushing the toilet after it has been used.

* Teach proper hygiene when using the toilet, including washing hands. Toddlers cannot wipe their bottom properly, so parents will need to do this until they get it right.

* Some children start hiding in strange places when doing a poo. There is no clear reason why they do this, but parents shouldn’t punish them, just make sure they have easy access to the potty.

* Give your child plenty of water and fibre in their diet so they don’t become constipated.

* It is very normal for toddlers to be fascinated by their own poo and many will put it on their hands and spread it around like playdough. While this is unpleasant to deal with, your child is not trying to upset you so don’t punish them.

* Make it clear to your child that you will help them in the middle of the night if they wake up needing to go to the toilet.

* Children are often busy with what they are doing and don’t always notice that their wee or poo is coming until it happens.

It is a big task for a toddler to learn to control their bowels and bladder. Children become toilet trained at various ages. Some are ready at 18 months, some take a lot longer.

Even if your child uses the toilet or potty during the day, it’s not time to throw away the nappies as night-time training may be as late as six years.

Above all, toilet training is a big deal for a child so if you celebrate it the transition will be much easier for both of you.

A good place to go for further tips and toilet training aids is: www.pottytraining.com.au

Letters from Santa

2011-11-20T21:17:00.001+10:00

If you’ve got children who are desperately trying to be good before Christmas, there are some great websites to help you get in the spirit of the season

With only 43 days until Christmas, I’ve found some fun ways to make this year’s event even more memorable, and particularly fun for the digital generation.

NorthPole.com presents an animated village where each house offers something new.

There are dozens of games, activities, recipes, weather station, e-cards, letters to Santa, freebies, crafts, stories and lots more.

This is a great place for kids who are bored during the holidays, but probably the best feature is the personalised Christmas stories that you can print featuring your child’s name.

SantaTelevision.com has short videos of real life at the Santa Claus’ Village at Rovaniemi in Lapland, as well as footage of the Northern Lights, Christmas around the world, places to see in Finland and more.

This site shows Santa in his everyday life, with the reindeers and elves – helpful for kids who are unsure if he’s real or not.

There are also lots of links to associated sites such as Santagreeting.net where you can order an official letter from Rovaniemi, Santa Claus’ home town at the Arctic Circle.

SantaClausHouse.com, based in Alaska, is another site where you can get a letter from Santa, and each letter includes a keepsake photo of Santa, Santa’s Good List sticker, Santa dollar, and stamped with an “official mail” seal and North Pole postmark.

This site has been sending letters for almost 60 years, putting smiles on the faces of nearly two million children all over the world.

Letters are mailed to arrive just in time for Christmas, but you need to order by November 25.

They are available in 25 different formats for boys, girls, pets, grown-ups, couples, baby’s first Christmas, and much more.

There are also plenty of sites offering emails from Santa, but I personally think a letter in the mail is far more special for a child.

If you want to teach your kids about the history of Santa Claus, as well as traditional activities, then visit StNicholasCenter.org where you will find crafts, printables, recipes, stories, games and lots of culture.

I particularly liked the section on Christmas traditions from more than 30 different countries.

How would your child like to see a video of Santa personally welcoming your child, congratulating them for being well behaved and hints at what special treat might be under the Christmas tree?

PortableNorthPole.tv asks you a few questions about your child and then produces an adorable video.

SantaClausLive.com promotes holidays to Finland to meet Santa Claus in person.

Since most of us are staying down under for Christmas, there is an interesting Santa Cam which starts on December 1, where you can see inside and outside of Santa’s office as they prepare for Christmas.

For lots of laughs, go to ElfYourself.jibjab.com where you can upload pictures of yourselves that are turned into dancing, singing elves.

You can create up to five elves, choose from numerous dance styles and then email the final video to friends and family.

AKidsHeart.com has a multitude of Christmas themed games, printables and more. Click on “Holidays”, then “Christmas” to get to the right section.

Then on Christmas Eve, don’t forget to log onto NoradSanta.org to track Santa’s journey around the world.

Minor meltdowns

2011-11-12T08:25:00.001+10:00

Are you dealing with toddler tantrums? Try these tricks to tame your tot

My youngest stomps her feet, lets out an ear-piercing scream and then throws her body on the floor in a rage.

She’s having a tantrum, and since I can say I’ve “been there, done that”, it doesn’t faze me quite as much as it did with my first born.

But that doesn’t mean tantrums are just something to get used to, because there are many differences between one toddler and the next and it’s these differences that can leave some parents tearing their hair out and others smiling as if they have been given a secret recipe for taming their child.

Toddlers are extremely self-absorbed, developing their own personalities and learning about how the world works.

Tantrums are the most common way for a toddler to let out their anger, frustration, fear, jealousy or other similar feelings.

Often tantrums come from being unable to do something that they can’t yet do, such as dress themselves, or being prevented from having or doing something, such as getting a sweet treat from the supermarket.

Toddlers don’t have the inner strength that adults have to be able to cope with stress and frustration, even if it appears to be over something very trivial.

They also don’t often have the words to express what they need or want, so this is where parents need to get down at their level and show a lot of patience.

Young children often learn that parents will give in to what they want if they carry on long enough, so do not give in.

If your toddler learns that tantrums are having an effect on your behaviour towards them, they will end up throwing deliberate tantrums well into their fourth and fifth years to get whatever they want.

Say “no” and give them a reason why you are saying no, such as “You can’t have an iceblock because it’s almost time for dinner”.

Also remember that saying “maybe” means “yes” to every child, no matter what age they are!

Try to distract your toddler by giving them something else to do.

Ask them to make an important decision so they feel valued, such as “Shall we have a banana or watermelon for morning tea?”

Quite often the easiest way to stop a minor tantrum is to ignore them. But if tantrums happen often, think about what might be stressing your child.

Is it because your child seeks attention, is tired, hungry, unwell or are there changes in routine such as starting childcare, or a new baby in the family?

Is your life so busy that you find it easier to give in every time your child has a tantrum?

If this is the case, then your child has learnt that tantrums are the best way to get what they want so they will continue with this type of behaviour.

To avoid tantrums, make sure you spend regular one-on-one time with your child. It’s a simple fact that if you give a child enough attention, they don’t need to misbehave to get your attention in the first place.

Other ways to avoid tantrums include putting things that your child wants, but cannot have, out of sight; go on outings after sleep time but not when your child is hungry; sticking to a routine, especially with meals and sleep times; and make sure there are lots of positive, fun times in your child’s day.

When girls play with trucks and boys wear tutus

2011-11-05T05:00:00.000+10:00

While we all aim to let kids be kids, it’s important not to influence them with gender stereotypes

Before I had children I hoped I would one day have a daughter.

Having come from a family of mostly boys, I worried I would end up with a football team, and no opportunity to indulge in playing Barbies, and become a “ballet mum”.

However, why should I have worried about these things, when playing with dolls and dancing is perfectly fine for boys as well as girls?

Now I’ve got two daughters who love pink, dolls, dancing and all things girlie, and I’m clearly guilty of gender stereotyping.

It worries me that I’m not passing on a message of equality between the sexes.

Children learn gender stereotypes from adults, the media, religion, toys, clothes, books and their peers.

Right from the start, parents are painting the nursery in blue or pink, and from then on the gender differences carry on throughout their childhood.

Finding gender neutral clothes and toys is not always easy, but what we can do as parents is choose how we act and behave.

We can behave like the stereotypes and act out gender roles in relationships, or we can challenge our children to view their parents as equals.

For example, if Dad does some of the cooking, then his son will see that it is a perfectly normal thing to do.

This is a huge challenge for my family as I do tend to follow the traditional housewife stereotype while my husband is the breadwinner (although before kids both of our careers were of equal importance).

I try to provide a variety of toys for my daughters from the traditional dolls and dress-ups, to blocks, Lego, cars and trains, but it is fascinating the way children have a natural inclination to follow gender specific pursuits.

For example, my daughter’s best friend is her next door neighbour Charlie, aged 5.

They play lots of role-playing games and while Charlie wants to be a dinosaur or an astronaut on a rocket ship, Laura wants to play mummies and babies.

What’s nice is that they compromise and play both games.

So if your daughter wants to ride a motorbike, or your son wants to wear a tutu, it’s okay, and it’s not going to cause them long term damage.

In fact, it may well be healthy as boys who play with dolls will learn to be more nurturing and verbally expressive, while girls who kick a soccer ball around will learn spatial skills and confidence.

Although we want our children to feel free to express who they are and follow whatever interests them, we also have a duty to protect them from potential backlash.

A boy wearing a pink hat to school may be teased by his peers, while a girl who cuts her hair really short may be shunned by her friends.

Finding a balance is certainly not easy.

In recent news we’ve seen the Canadian parents who decided not to share the sex of their newborn, named Storm, as “a tribute to freedom and choice in place of limitation”.

And in Stockholm, Sweden, a preschool has been carefully planned to make sure the children don’t fall into gender stereotypes.

From staff who avoid using the words “him” or “her”, to the colour and placement of toys, the preschool is on a mission to break down gender roles.

While these are extreme cases, the problem children face is that gender expectations are firmly rooted in our culture.

With this in mind, the best way to parent boys and girls is to counteract the negative messages that society sends them.

Girls need to learn that there is more to life than meeting a prince, that dump trucks are cool, that maths and science can lead to great careers, that while it’s okay to be pretty ad nurturing, you can also be strong and smart, and that no one is allowed to hit them ever.

Boys need to learn that it is okay to cry and express your emotions, that it’s okay to like flowers, pretty colours and cute furry animals, that they can play with dolls, that they can be stay-at-home fathers, that women are people not objects, that while it’s okay to be strong, you can also be nurturing, and that violence is not acceptable ever.

No cotton wool here

2011-10-31T12:12:00.000+10:00

Give your kids good old fashioned fun and adventure that’s more than just camping and biscuits

What do Bert Newton, Jamie Durie, Peter Garrett, Dick Smith and Sir Jack Brabham have in common?

They were all Cub Scouts in their younger years.

Last week I wrote about the importance of children learning life skills such as self-defence, but just as important is also getting kids outdoors.

There have been many articles written about how today’s children are wrapped in cotton wool, or being watched over by helicopter parents, and this can cause any number of problems.

Parents are so worried about their child’s self-esteem that they praise them continuously, won’t let them make mistakes and do everything for their children from tutoring at the age of six to taking down the back yard swing after one knee scrape.

However, studies have shown that this can lead to your children becoming less resilient, have an inflated sense of their abilities and unable to cope with failure.

If we worry about our children constantly, we are actually raising them to be anxious and unadventurous.

Then what sort of world would we live in without girls like Jessica Watson, indigenous role models like Tania Major, sporting heroes like Casey Stoner and Lleyton Hewitt, and Victoria Cross recipient Corporal Mark Donaldson – all of whom have be awarded Young Australian of the Year.

In my circle of friends, I see this trend swinging back to the old days as parents give their children the room to explore, fight their own battles between friends and siblings, ride their bikes to school (on their own) and let their adventurous spirit run free.

Another way to get kids to become adventurous (and away from the screens the gadgets) is to join the Scout Association (and its sister association Girl Guides).

Run entirely by volunteers, Scouts and Guides offer young people friendship, fun and adventure, as they have done for the past 100 years.

The Association’s fundamental aim is to encourage and promote the physical, intellectual, emotional, social and spiritual development of young people.

It achieves this through progressive self-education programs which focus on initiative, teamwork and co-operation, as well as community spirit and service.

Ultimately, children who are actively involved in Scouts or Guides develop leadership skills and the opportunity to achieve goals, improve communities, grow in confidence and develop skills to be their best.

Scouts is open to both boys and girls and is divided into age groups with Joey Scouts for age 6-8; Cub Scouts age 7-11; Scouts age 10-15; Venturer Scouts age 14-18; Rovers age 17-26; and Adult Leaders.

Since 1996, all members of Girl Guides have been referred to as Guides.

The younger girls (formerly Gumnut Guides aged 5-6 years, Brownie Guides aged 7-11 years, Girl Guides 11-14 years, Ranger Guides 14-18 years and Rangers 18-25 years) wear the same uniform as their older sisters and do similar activities at an age-appropriate level.

Children and young adults aged from 6 to 25 can join at any stage of Scouting and participate in a program that encourages them to grow through adventure by experiencing new challenges, making new friends, building confidence, taking responsibility for themselves, and being provided with opportunities to explore their own abilities and interests.

All adult members who are involved in the Scout Movement undertake an extensive background history check and are required to be a holder of a blue card issued by the Commission for Children and Young People and Child Guardian.

For more information visit www.scouts.com.au or www.girlguides.org.au

Grateful for small things

2011-10-15T01:00:00.000+10:00

It’s simple daily rituals that really enrich a child’s life and happiness

In the past couple of weeks my family has adopted a little ritual that I thought probably wouldn’t last, but it has become an integral part of our day, improving our children’s behaviour and making us all feel more loved, more appreciated and more in touch with one another.

But before I divulge this little gem of an idea, I was inspired to write this column after reading a news story last week entitled “Dads missing out on important family time”.

Apparently a report by the Australian Institute of Family Studies found that dads who worked longer hours were less likely to make it home for the evening meal, and therefore missing out on precious bonding time.

Sitting around the dinner table with the children is an integral part of family life and has been for many generations.

With technology encroaching on our face-to-face time, I have no doubt that many families eat their evening meal in front of a computer, iPad or television, and quite often in separate rooms.

But how is that engaging with your loved ones?

Figures show that nearly half of fathers with partners do not make it home for dinner every night when their children are aged 2-3, while more than a third are at the dinner table only a few times a week.

The figures improved as the children got older as 65 per cent of kids aged 8-9 had their dads home for dinner.

There have been other studies of this nature in the past and the results have been the same.

Families with older teenagers eat fewer dinners together than those with young children, Late working hours, long commutes and other conflicting activities (such as taking children to sports) are to blame.

However, according to Dr Timothy Sharp, in his book 100 Ways to Happy Children, eating together as a family can have extraordinary benefits.

Various studies have found that children of families that eat together regularly are:

- less likely to use drugs, alcohol and tobacco

- more likely to eat their vegetables, and have better nutrition generally

- less likely to suffer from depression later in life

- less likely to become anorexic

- more likely to do well at school.

Dr Sharp says this does not mean that eating together causes these outcomes, but there is a strong correlation between eating together and whole range of very positive behaviours and outcomes.

“Eating together provides nourishment and provides a sense of emotional connection, ritual and the opportunity to share information,” he said.

For many families eating together every night is not a realistic expectation, so it’s important that parents work hard to ensure they spend quality family time together at other times during the week.

My family have always enjoyed our evening meals together at the table, and although the television is on most nights, we regularly hit the mute button.

But here’s the bit you’ve been waiting for... we’ve been practising gratitude.

Sound cheesy? Perhaps it is, but we all feel so much better for doing so.

Miss Five has become very eager to participate each night, declaring all the things that happened in her day that she is grateful for, then both my husband and I express our gratitudes.

Sometimes it’s as simple as being grateful it didn’t rain so the nappies would dry on the line, or something deeper relating to health, relationships, finance or family.

In this busy world we live in where we are constantly trying to be better at everything, earn more money and be more successful, we get stuck in the cycle of wanting more, and forget the gifts of what we have right now.

By eating together every night, and practising gratitude, I’m in no doubt that our measure of happiness is growing each day.

"In daily life we must see that it is not happiness that makes us grateful,

but gratefulness that makes us happy."

- David Steindl-Rast

A tough decision

2011-10-12T10:59:00.000+10:00

How do you know when you’re family is complete?

A doctor once said to me: “If you have two, why not three? And if you have three, then you may as well have four!”

He, of course, has four children and adores kids, but his words have always stuck in my head when it comes to how many children is the right amount for us.

My littlest one is now 15 months and a few people have already asked me if we’re going to try for a boy (since we have two daughters).

But my husband and I are undecided.

We’d love to have a son, and would also be happy with three girls – after all, pink is my favourite colour.

But after a rough night of no sleep, I’m in the “no more, no way” camp, but a Huggies advertisement pulls me back to the “awww, perhaps just one more” side.

It’s a tug-of-war between my heart strings and precious sleep and so far there is no clear winner.

Sometimes the decision seems so easy. I had an intense longing for another baby after my first, but now I’m not so sure.

Having my second child was easier than I expected but I think that’s because there’s a big gap between the baby years.

Despite this, I often feel like I’m in a constant state of exhaustion.

I ask myself: “Do I have the energy for another two years of pregnancy, breastfeeding, nappies and sleep deprivation? Will I have the energy to do another set of homework, another bedtime story, another ballet run, and can I afford to feed another hungry teenager?”

Many women will cringe at the thought of doing it all again, whereas others have made up their minds even before they have their first child.

I asked a few friends and their answers were all different.

“I’ve been feeling clucky for so long now that I knew I wasn’t finished, and luckily my husband felt the same way,” said a mum who is pregnant with her sixth baby (yes, number six, that’s not a typo).

“I’ve got three boys and I’m really happy, so even though it would be lovely to have a little girl, I don’t think we’ll go again, and my age is a factor as it might be a lot harder for me to conceive,” said another mum, aged 36.

“My husband had a vasectomy after our last baby, so he made the decision for us, because I would probably keep on having more babies,” said one mum of three children, two boys and a girl.

I have plenty of friends who have their pigeon pair of boy and girl, and plan on having no more, but there are LOTS of couples who continue to conceive to get the gender they want.

I once met a woman with four sons, who was pregnant, and with an expression of great relief announced she was expecting a girl.

I wonder how she would have reacted if she was expecting another son, or perhaps twins!

Sometimes the decision is completely out of your control.

Fertility, health, age and financial stability all contribute either directly or indirectly to your decision.

You might also worry about how much time you can devote to each child, the growing piles of laundry, unending housework, excessive noise, sibling fights, zero personal time, the logistics of getting three or more in the car and actually going somewhere, grocery shopping... see, now I’m talking myself out of it again.

The one thing that I know for sure is that you can’t always decide these things for yourself, quite often nature has a way of making that choice for you.

If you’re thinking about having another baby, or have three kids already, check out www.havingthreekids.com – it’s one of the funniest blogs I’ve ever read about this very topic.

Granny nanny

2011-10-01T10:13:00.000+10:00

Should grandparents be paid for babysitting?

I have been very fortunate in the past couple of months to have my parents babysit my children for various lengths of time.

And although I’m taking full advantage of having family support it got me thinking: should grandparents be paid for their childcare services?

Grandparents across the country are saving their children millions of dollars each year by taking on childcare duties for no payment.

According to the Australian Bureau of Statistics, the most commonly used type of child care is “informal” care which refers to non-regulated care by older siblings, grandparents, other relatives or other people such as friends, neighbours, nannies or babysitters.

Grandparents are most likely to take care of younger children aged 0-2 and 3-5 years, but it was also the most popular choice for school aged children.

However, when your own mother or mother-in-law is taking care of your child, it can raise all kinds of emotional and logistical issues, so here’s a quick guide on how to make it work.

1. You’re still the boss: It may seem strange laying down the law with your own parents, but make sure they understand and are willing to co-operate with your rules about things such as what the children eat, sleep, television, junk food, outings, routines and appropriate discipline. But be flexible as too many rules will make them feel that you don’t trust their judgment.

2. Have faith in their ability as parents (after all, they raised you). Don’t worry about the small stuff, as long as the kids are alive, safe and happy, that’s all that matters.

3. Don’t involve the children in your battles: If you have relationship issues with your parents, the last thing you should do is put your kids in the middle of a decades-old power struggle.

4. Keep them up to date: Before leaving your children with their grandparents, make sure you keep them informed on anything that is going on that may affect your child’s mood or health. This might include sleep issues, signs of an oncoming cold, recently developed fears (such as a fear of dogs or loud noises), separation anxiety, or trouble at school or with siblings.

5. Don’t make assumptions: Grandparents have their own life too, and if you continually assume they will be available for childcare duties, they will feel like they are being exploited leading to resentment.

If grandparents provide regular ongoing care, then they may wish to be paid for their services.

Be sure to discuss openly how much to pay, how much notice to give in the event of a cancellation, what if the child or grandparent gets sick, and who organises and pays for activities such as classes or outings.

If grandparents provide regular care for their grandchildren, they may be eligible for Government assistance (visit Centrelink for more information).

If you are fortunate to have your parents or in-laws who want to regularly take care of your children, it can be immensely beneficial for everyone.

You get comfort knowing your children are with people who love them, and the children and their grandparents will develop a loving bond, and someone else they can turn to when they need extra support.

Hidden from sight

2011-09-28T14:53:00.000+10:00

Your child may have an eye condition and not even know it

Milestones in a child’s life are often accompanied by a trip to a health professional.

Immunisations require a visit to the doctor, new teeth trigger a trip to the dentist and as they get older various tests are undertaken to make sure our children are developing normally.

It is obvious when a child needs extra support, such as speech therapy or if they have hearing loss or a physical impairment.

But what about a child’s sight?

As far as I recall, my daughter’s sight was tested when she got her four-year-old immunisations but it is was simply looking at a wall chart and recognising animal pictures.

Fast forward 18 months to last week when I happened to go to an optometrist for a routine eye examination.

I had always assumed that if there was a problem with my daughter’s eye sight, she would be able to tell me, and so far she has never complained about her eyes, or showed other symptoms such as headaches or squinting.

So perhaps it was instinct, or just pure luck, that I decided to book her in for a check-up, believing that the optometrist would say her eyes are fine.

Instead, she was diagnosed with astigmatism in both eyes.

Astigmatism is a structural problem of the eye, and it is fairly common.

The cornea of the eye is normally a spherical shape, but if you have astigmatism, it is curved into an oval shape.

The cornea needs to be a perfect curve in order to bend (refract) light properly.

Astigmatism causes light to bounce unevenly off the flat and steep curves of the oval shape, and hit more than one focal point in the eye.

This impairs the ability to focus, and causes blurred vision.

Symptoms of astigmatism are blurred or distorted vision at all distances, sensitivity to light, headaches, excessive squinting and eye strain.

Most people with astigmatism are born with it, but the awareness of it increases with age. This means that children with astigmatism are unaware that what they are seeing is not normal.

Reading and concentrating at school may be affected if a child has undiagnosed astigmatism, but the long term problems are even greater.

Left untreated, a child with astigmatism may develop amblyopia, or “lazy eye”, in which one eye drifts inward or outward and may stop seeing.

Amblyopia occurs because the brain “turns off” the eye, not because the eye lacks the ability to see.

If amblyopia occurs due to astigmatism, irreversible functional blindness may occur if it isn’t corrected.

If the eyes do not work together properly, depth perception is also affected.

Astigmatism can be treated by wearing prescribed glasses or contact lenses, and if detected early in childhood, it can be corrected.

My experience has taught me that children really should have regular eye tests with an optometrist (don’t just rely on reading an eye chart on a wall).

In the UK, it is recommended that babies have an eye test soon after they are born, again at six weeks, a comprehensive test at the age of four, and then every year after up to the age of 16. Adults should have a test every two years.

We should also be following this standard because good eye sight is so important.

Thankfully my daughter is excited about wearing her new pink glasses, though I’m sure the novelty will wear off. I’m just so thankful that we can help her now.

* You can read more about my daughter's new spectacles on my other blog!

Beat the baby fat

2011-09-18T10:47:00.001+10:00

You can get your pre-pregnancy body back, with a little effort and a good pram

Over the past few months there’s been a lot of fluffy news about Miranda Kerr.

The stories painted her as a “the perfect mother” from the moment she went drug-free for the birth of her son Flynn, her amazing body when she returned to the catwalk and did a swimsuit photoshoot, and her love of coconut oil (‘nuf said).

In every story, the words and pictures celebrated her post-baby body.

But there is no secret why she looks as good as she did before she had a child. She’s a model... she was born that way, and on top of that she is still young (at 28 years of age, she isn’t yet fighting gravity), and she is breastfeeding (a key ingredient to losing the baby fat).

Getting your body back in shape after childbirth is one of the most common goals of mothers around the world.

Most mothers will achieve their goals through hard work and lots of pram-pushing, while others are fortunate enough to lose the extra baby weight without any effort at all.

I am one of these mothers. Breastfeeding has been a blessing not just for my children, but also my weight. As my baby got bigger, I got smaller.

It makes sense that breastfeeding will help you lose weight as the baby can take around 1000 calories per day.

Some mothers find that fat stores stay during the first year of nursing, but then disappear with the second (another reason to continue breastfeeding for at least two years).

But if you’re not as lucky as me (or not breastfeeding), here are some ideas to help you get back in shape.

All women, no matter what age, shape or fitness level, experience great physical changes during pregnancy, and it can take some time for you to feel like you are back to “normal”.

If you have also had a particular difficult pregnancy and birth, or had a caesarean, make sure you exercise at a safe level.

Regular exercise after pregnancy will not only help you return to your pre-pregnancy weight, but it will also reduce back pain, improve muscle tone, reduce leg cramps, swelling, constipation, improve sleep and you will get those “feel good” hormones circulating.

During the first four to six months after the birth of your baby, low impact exercise is recommended such as swimming, walking, water aerobics, low impact aerobics, light weights and yoga.

You can increase the intensity of your exercise as you feel able to, provided you do not experience any pain or discomfort.

Pelvic floor and abdominal muscles are probably the most important ones to work on and it can take as long as four months to strengthen these muscles before returning to normal exercise such as running or heavy lifting.

Women often incorrectly believe sport and other high impact exercise will take care of their pelvic floor muscles, but these activities may actually reduce pelvic floor strength and cause long-term bladder and bowel problems, including the risk of prolapse.

If you feel any back pain, pelvic or vaginal heaviness or urine loss during or after exercise, you need to slow down or reduce your intensity level.

Always wear a good supportive bra, maintain correct posture, drink plenty of water, and eat a healthy diet with plenty of proteins. And if you are breastfeeding, don’t skimp on calories, so your baby continues to get good nutrients too.

Remember, if it took nine months to gain the weight, it may take this long to lose it, so don’t give up.

Little noggins

2011-09-02T23:01:00.000+10:00

If you have ever seen a baby wearing a helmet, there is a very good reason

For many years now, parents of newborns are given lots of information about “safe sleeping” for their baby.

Much of the information focuses on how to prevent SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) and advises parents put their babies on their back instead of their tummy when they are sleeping.

While this is definitely the safest sleeping position for a baby, it has led to a rise in plagiocephaly, also known as flat head syndrome, which currently affects about one in 10 Australian babies.

Plagiocephaly is a condition where the back or side of a baby’s head becomes flat or mis-shaped due to prolonged pressure on the skull from flat surfaces, such as a cot mattress.

New babies spend lots of time lying down, and their skulls are quite soft when they’re very young, so sometimes their head shape is affected.

Plagiocephaly is more common in premature babies and mutiple births, as their skulls are very soft.

There are a number of different conditions related to flat head syndrome, including torticollis (where the head persistently tilts to one side), and sometimes facial features can also become unequal in children with plagiocephaly.

Studies have shown that some infants are more at risk of developing flat head syndrome, and some of these characteristics include: male infants, diagnosis of hip dysplasia, diagnosis of reflux, multiple birth and a head shape at birth that is naturally wider than deeper.

To prevent flat head syndrome, it is important to vary your baby’s play positions when they are awake and supervised, as this will enable your baby to strengthen their muscles for movement.

For example, enjoy tummy time with your baby three or four times per day with baby’s arms slightly forward propping them up on their elbows.

You can also put them on your chest, or over a small cushion or rolled up nappy.

Be sure to place baby on alternate sides during playtime and encourage your baby to turn their head to either side through talking and playing with toys.

Vary the positions you use to carry your baby by alternating your arms or shoulders.

Avoid laying baby on their back in car seats, bouncers or swings for long periods of time, and make sure baby’s head is not always turning to the same side.

When you put baby to sleep, continue to lay them on their back as recommended but alternate baby’s head position.

You can also try putting baby to sleep at alternate ends of the cot, place a mobile over the cot or change the position of the cot in the room, encouraging your baby to look in a different direction.

Experts advice not to put baby to sleep in the side position to prevent a flattened spot on the head.

It is possible to correct plagiocephaly if your baby is under four months of age, or still has a soft skull.

If the problem is severe, they may have to be fitted for a corrective helmet or band to reshape their head.

You can also buy special support pillows designed for babies less than six months old.

Until recently, medical professionals thought that a flat head only affected a baby’s appearance, but a recent study from the Seattle Children’s Research Institute suggests that it might be an indicator for developmental delays.

Clinical psychologist Dr Matthew Speltz found that about 25 per cent of babies who had flat head syndrome displayed motor or movement skill delays when compared to babies without the syndrome.

Other associated problems include orthodontic issues, visual disturbances, auditory problems, scoliosis and an increased need for special services when the child reaches school age.

If your child has plagiocephaly, it’s a good idea to speak to your doctor about developmental delays, but remember that babies develop at different rates, so don’t jump to conclusions without a professional diagnosis.

Remember, early prevention and treatment are vital as a child’s skull hardens through the toddler years.

Helping teachers teach

2011-09-02T17:00:00.000+10:00

You can improve your child’s education by supporting their teacher

Now that my eldest child has started school, I am amazed at how many times I’ve heard parents complaining.

They mostly complain about homework, believing that it’s up to the teachers to make sure their kids understand literacy and numeracy.

“After all,” they chide, “why else do we send them to school?”

This sort of attitude astounds me because our children are expected to learn a lot more than we ever did, and at a faster rate than before.

Chatting to the principal last week confirmed this as she used to be a high school English teacher.

She said there are several elements of the English syllabus that she used to teach to year 9 students but they are now part of the primary school curriculum.

With an average of 20 students in their care, and less than five hours a day to teach literacy, numeracy, physical education, studies of society and environment, music, science, art, languages other than English, technology and religious education, teachers need all the help they can get.

So I’ve got a list of ways to help support your child’s teacher, as well as supporting your child’s learning.

Get to know your child’s teacher. Don’t just rely on parent/teacher interviews for feedback about your child, stay on the radar by talking to them on a regular basis and take the time to look at your child’s books to see how they are progressing.
Attend school events. Show your involvement by going to as many events as you can including school assemblies, sports days, open days, awards nights and so on.
Join the P&C Association. Meetings are usually only once a month, so you only have to attend 12 per year or less. The P&C makes important decisions about the school, such as what to spend money on, fundraising and tuckshop, and if you go to meetings then you can have a say in those decisions.
Volunteer. If you are able, volunteer a few hours every week in your child’s classroom. Parents can assist with literacy and numeracy, and your child will love the fact that you are there and taking an interest. If you can’t go every week, you may prefer to volunteer at school dances, car washes, camps, excursions or fundraisers.
Share your expertise. If you have a skill that you think may assist your child’s school, then don’t be shy. For example, if you have I.T. skills and the school needs a website, help them build it. If you can sing, but your school doesn’t have a choir, offer to co-ordinate one for the students.
Make sure your child does their homework. Reading is an essential life skill, so encourage daily book time. Sit with them and help them when they need it.

If both parents are working full-time, I understand that it’s not always easy to support your child in their learning.

But every little bit counts, and neglecting their education for a sake of a few more dollars is not worth it.

Give yourself a break

2011-08-20T00:05:00.005+10:00

When mum is the one who needs to untie the apron strings

There’s something wrong with me. I’m sure of it.

I have an opportunity to this week to have a night out - just for me - sans kids, sans husband (aka babysitter).

But I’m reluctant to go because I worry that my little family will fall apart without me and my conscience is having a tug of war.

Get a grip Shannon, your husband is perfectly capable of looking after his children, and has done so many times before.

But it’s arsenic hour, and there’ll be screaming for sure.

So what if they’re all screaming, he can handle it.

But, but, but...

See, it’s a ridiculous argument. I’m with my children all the time now since I quit my office job and work from home.

I don’t know when or why my anxiety came along because only a few months ago, both my children were in long daycare at least four days a week.

I felt guilty, but I didn’t stress about it, because it was just a part of our life, and I was happy with the carers they were with.

These days I play games with them, push them on the swings, cook, clean and dress them, change nappies, and read to them every night.

And there’s the rub.

I’ve gotten so used to doing everything for them, that I have some weird sense that no one could fill my shoes.

There’s a name for this sort of phobia: maternal separation anxiety.

Separation anxiety is usually an experience felt by children, but parents can become victims of this syndrome, too.

It’s not uncommon for parents, particularly mothers, to be filled with guilt at the thought of a short-term separation from their child.

Many first-time parents can’t imagine leaving their baby in the care of another person, no matter how much they may need time to themselves - even if it is to catch up on much-needed sleep.

But this intense desire to put your child above all your needs, and to protect them from the world outside, can lead to a number of problems for you, your child and your relationships.

Feeling anxious about separation from your child is normal, but if your feelings of worry, guilt or sadness are excessive, it can be detrimental to parents’ mental health which can create negative impacts on their child’s development.

It can also be worse for a parent if the child suffers from a health problem such as asthma or allergy.

The solution is to first of all realise that separations are a part of life and important for your mental health, and your child’s development, so here are my top tips:

* When you leave your baby for the first time, go on a short outing, and then gradually extend the time. Do something for yourself such as visit the hairdresser or go on a “date” with your partner.

* Introduce new carers gradually so that your child gets to know them before being left alone with them.

* When it’s time to leave, say your goodbyes and then leave without looking back.

This is probably the hardest thing for new parents to do, but if a goodbye turns into a long, drawn-out emotional time, it will upset your child (and you) even more, and then all prospects of an enjoyable time out will disappear.

* Get rid of the guilt by reminding yourself that you deserve some quality time out to “recharge” and this will make you a better parent.

How not to get a splinter out of your child’s big toe

2011-08-13T10:16:00.000+10:00

It all started with a small splinter in her big toe, and ended so badly that I’d call it one of our biggest parenting failures so far.

The screams from our house were so bad that it’s any wonder the neighbours didn’t call DOCs (thankfully we’ve got lovely neighbours with small children, so screams from either side of the fence are quite normal).

Our eldest daughter had been playing in the back yard, and quite happily showed off the little splinter she found in her foot and said proudly “it doesn’t hurt”, but we knew it had to come out.

After her bath in which we could thoroughly wash her dirty feet, my husband tried to get the splinter out with tweezers and a sterilised needle (as it had gone in quite deep), but one look at the needle was enough to send her into complete hysteria.

She was like a child possessed. Her face turned red and the panic in her eyes was something I’d never seen before.

So then it was time for strategies: my job was to distract her with singing, stories, books, TV, while hubby worked on the big toe.

But this was hopeless because she still knew there was a needle somewhere and it was going to go into her foot.

So she continued to scream and flail her arms and legs about, desperate to keep her toe away from our big grown-up hands holding a needle the size of a samurai sword.

Then things went from bad to worse.

I very stupidly tried to reason with her, and then inadvertently put more fear into her when I explained what would happen if we didn’t get the splinter out.

I can’t remember exactly what I said, but I know I used the words “infection”, “sick”, and “your foot might fall off”. What was I thinking?!My husband and I told her stories of when we were little and had splinters, and of how very brave we were while our Mums got them out. She kept saying “I’m trying to be brave, but I can’t”.

That’s when we should have stopped, but we were so frustrated by this seemingly simple task turning into a complete nightmare, that this scenario continued on for another five minutes with us yelling “Stay still!” and her screaming “NOOOO!”

The next day I popped over to the neighbours house to apologise for all the ruckus. She said she didn’t hear anything (whew!), and asked if we got it out in the end.

“No,” I said, “only half of it came out because she was wriggling so much, so there’s still half of it stuck in her foot.”

“Why didn’t you wait till she was asleep?” my neighbour said, “that’s what I do with my kids.”

Well, why didn’t we think of that? A simple google search on “how to remove splinters in kids” will find many parents recommending to wait till they are asleep. No pain, no screaming, and no fear.

Sometimes this parenting gig really does require more common sense than anything else, but on this particular day, ours was sadly lacking.

I’d love to hear your tips for removing splinters!

Pageant passe

2011-08-13T10:13:00.000+10:00

Why are our babies being turned into showgirls?

When I was a cadet journalist I was asked to judge a baby competition run by the newspaper I worked for.

I was happy to do it, but had then heard that the reason I was asked was because the previous year had ended with the judge in tears after she was accused of favouritism since she personally knew some of the entrants.

I was only 22 and didn’t know anyone with a baby, so the boss thought it would all be fine this time around, plus they decided to not to let me know any of the names of the babies, in case one did ring a bell.

So I carefully looked through dozens of photos of cute little babies and picked one who I thought shined the brightest in their photo.

And then I found out who the baby was.

As it happened, I did know a couple with a baby, and I picked their son!

Thankfully no one put up a fuss, and there were no tears from me, but plenty from the winning baby who had a full blown cold when he was photographed for the next day’s cover picture - snotty nose and all - and certainly didn’t look as cute as he did in his winning portrait.

The point of this little story is that every baby is cute... they just sometimes have their snotty days, just like bad hair days!

I’ve since judged other baby competitions and found it always hard to pick a winner, but delightful to look through pictures of smiling babies because the look in their eyes is of pure innocence. They are completely unaware that their round cheeks, dimply fingers and bright eyes are being judged by everyone.

Now take a look into the eyes of Eden Wood, the six-year-old child-beauty pageant queen from the US who I saw performing hip-thrusting dance moves on Channel 7’s The Morning Show.

I was shocked, disgusted, but most of all, I felt so sorry for her.

Her dance moves are something Beyonce or Madonna would perform, but certainly not appropriate for a little girl.

Add to this her heavy make-up, false eyelashes and fake tan, and you’ve got a recipe that forces a little girl to grow up far too quickly.

Eden has been making headlines in Australia for all the wrong reasons and it makes me angry that TV stations are at war over her.

First and foremost, she is a child. She’s not Oprah (remember the media frenzy over her?) - she is a child, just like all the other little girls who attended the Universal Royal Pageant in Melbourne last Saturday.

This is why Victoria’s Child Safety Commissioner Bernie Geary was also in attendance.

It is everyone’s responsibility to protect children from exploitation and/or abuse, and to many parents, these sorts of competitions sexualise children, instead of protecting them.

I feel sorry for Eden because she will grow up believing that people love her because of how sparkly her teeth are, how perfect her make-up and hairdo is, and because of the way she dances.

She is already forced to spend time signing autographs, posing for pictures, being interviewed and performing for crowds, which is completely unnatural for a six-year-old.

Throughout her childhood, Eden will always feel pressure to look like a doll and act like a grown-up, especially since she has her own lookalike Las Vegas Showgirl doll being sold on her website for $30.95.

It looks nothing like her - the dead giveaway being the doll’s breasts.

But wait, there’s more... the first 50 dolls sold will be signed by Eden, so the poor girl has to spend countless hours scribbling her name on 50 dolls!

Labelled “America’s Sweetheart” who has won more than 300 beauty pageants, Eden Wood just makes me want to cry.

And what about the girls who come last in these contests? To be rejected because they’re not pretty enough, is a surefire path towards body image disorders such as anorexia.

It saddens me that in a world where there are so many fantastic choices for girls, how could any mother encourage their child to change their appearance with make-up, waxing, padding, tanning, fake teeth or even botox, and parade around in high heels.

How does this give a young girl a sense of self respect? What values are they learning? What exactly is the point of it all?

But this issue is not always black and white.

If we oppose child beauty pageants, should we also crackdown on children who do modelling, or dance concerts and eisteddfods? And what about some of the dolls on the shelves in toy stores that are overly sexualised, obsessed with fashion and make-up, and clearly portraying a body image that can never be reality?

My eldest daughter loves dancing, and her participation in a ballet concert last year was a highlight of her young life.

But her performance was in no way sexualised, and she was not made to look like an adult. She was simply having fun.

There’s no doubt that young children love to dance and perform, and little girls love dressing up as princesses, but it is our duty as parents to set boundaries about what is, and is not, appropriate.

Something has changed in the last 20 years that worries me as a mother of two daughters.

When I was a girl (and when my mother and grandmothers were girls), there was no such thing as “tweens”, bras for preschoolers, t-shirts for kids that say “porn star” or cosmetics marketed to little girls.

We ran outside, loved playing with our dolls and colouring-in, rode our bikes and climbed trees.

I sincerely hope that most children are still enjoying these things and that the ones being persuaded to preen and perform in pageants are the minority.