Music=Love and Life

I'm a pretty cool guy.

2013-03-09T03:34:00.001-08:00

Why you shouldn't date me.

1. I'm not a cool guy.

2. I take a lot of the blanket.

3. I'm like a 6/10, optimistically

4. I play World of Warcraft

5. I have an "alternative" sense of humor

6. I won't like 90% of the food you cook for me

7. I say bad words a lot

8. I like to talk about science and most people don't

9. I often have trouble showing emotion and I appear to be a sociopath

10. I have no idea what I want to do with my life and that's likely to not change for a few years.

Open Your Eyes.

2011-09-06T21:04:00.000-07:00

Every time I see you
I have a great time talking and laughing with you
Then I think.
I think about so many things
I go through thoughts faster than I can collect them
Like a dream
Thousands of visions and ideas running through my head in such a short period of time
I can't even remember half of them by the time I'm done
When we say goodbye
I say "I love you" in my head
Sometimes it slips out a little
Like the dozens of times I've called you "sweetie" or "honey" without thinking
Then
I want to cry
Not because you've left
Not because I'm heartbroken
But because I know what the future holds for you
That guy is going to hurt you
When I drive away
I talk to you
You can't hear me
I don't know why I do it
I cry out to you
I yell
I let out some tears as I tell you that you're making a mistake
I don't understand it

I wish you could hear me.

Generic Heartbroken Poetry.

2011-08-29T21:01:00.000-07:00

She says it's for the best
Since when does she know what's best?
Better as friends?
I don't feel better
Do I look better?
You don't seem better
You seem as hurt as I am
Hurt by your own words
Words as sharp as knives cutting through me
Words that used to soothe my pain
Your words were always the sweetest to reach my ears
I did anything for those sweet syllables
I still would

Everything is different now
My days and nights now uncertain
Spending every moment in this open doored prison
Not afraid to leave
No reason to

I can't say how many times I've asked for a second
third
fourth chance
Undeserving as I may be, I still think I'm worth a try
We shared the sweetest of moments
I was always there for you
I still am
I long for that feeling again
To love and be loved in return
You say you still love me
I'm not sure of much anymore
There are two things I am sure of
I love you
We belong together

I will not lose hope.

Dedicated to Samantha, and written late at night, like everything else.

Recently.

2011-08-13T15:04:00.000-07:00

My girlfriend of 2.5 years broke up with me.
I've already been replaced by a guy 2 years older than me.
I've been rejected, replaced, and ignored.
We used to say things like "I'm never too busy for you"
But now she breaks that promise all the time.
Anytime I want to talk it's "Sorry I'm busy right now"

We said we'd be together forever.
I'm sure you've all heard that one before.
I learned something
There's no such thing as forever.
It's all made up.
Just to make people feel better about their uncertain future.
The future isn't always certain, but one thing is for sure.
There's no such thing as forever.

We used to fight fairly often.
We still fight, but now there's nobody to say "I'm sorry, I love you sweetheart" when all the fighting is over.
I don't get what the difference is.
We still fight.
She didn't fix anything by leaving me.

I doubt she'll ever read this.
She's never really cared enough about what I write on here.
She should start caring because a lot of the stuff I write is with her in mind.
I doubt many people will read this.
But I think that's ok.
I'm not writing this for anyone but me.
I need a way to get my thoughts out.
I guess this does it.

She was the best thing that ever happened to me, hands down.
Just looking into her eyes was enough to make me happy.
I've only seen her twice since we broke up.
The first was to try and talk things out.
The second was so she could get her things that she left at my house.

That other guy she's with is kind of annoying.
I met him once.
I pretended to like him but I really didn't.
I could tell he liked her.
I somehow knew something like this would happen.
Where she would leave me and turn to another guy for comfort.
Then one thing leads to another...

I've been listening to a lot more music recently.
I can't listen to half of the songs I have because they make me think of her.
I would love to think of her all the time if it didn't make me so sad.
Well, I do think about her all the time.

My moods change a lot now.
One second I'm having an okay time.
Then I start missing her.
And I get sad.
Then I text her and try to remind her of back then.
And she'll mention that guy.
And I'll get angry.
And then it just cycles back to getting sad.

I don't know what I want anymore.
I've told her I want to leave and never come back.
She said that wasn't a good idea.
Now I'm not so sure about it.
I don't know what I want.

I don't really go anywhere anymore.
I sleep til one or two in the afternoon and just sit around on my computer.
I feel so pathetic.
I used to go out nearly every day.
Now I don't even shower every day.

I guess this is the end.
I don't really have anything more to say.
I have a lot to say to her, but I guess it'll have to wait until she's not busy.

2011-06-03T13:15:00.000-07:00

This girl can sing! Give it a listen!

Risen.

2011-05-29T19:36:00.000-07:00

Raise your hand if you've ever felt like you don't belong
Raise your hand if you've ever felt like the world is against you
Raise it if you've ever felt like you can't do anything
Or if you stay up at night thinking about how you'll be able to make it
Raise your hand if you still cry sometimes
If you've ever had someone tell you they've been thinking about ending it
Raise your hand if you've ever gone a whole day without talking
Not to see if you could do it, but because you didn't have anything to say
Raise your hand if you've ever seen a loved one die too early
Raise your hand if you want to say goodbye
Raise your hand if you want to say hello again
If you've ever wanted to turn back time
If you've ever saved someone
A friend or a stranger
Because you never know who might be in danger
Raise your hand if you've taken the time to really notice what's around you
It's worth it
Are you raising your hand yet?
If not, you will soon

Soliloquy.

2011-05-16T21:02:00.000-07:00

Would you be mad if I left tomorrow morning to go off and live my lifelong dream?
Surely nobody would forgive me if I came back in six months and told them that my lifelong dream didn't work out
Would you be mad if I didn't come back in six months?
If my lifelong dream was to make you happy and the only way to do that is to leave
Would you be mad if I told you what I think all the time?
If you ask my opinion you must want it, right?
Would you be mad if I told you I'm not ready?
Not ready for anything
Better off waiting
Better off being alone
Would you be mad if I left your side because I think it's best for you?
If I think I'm holding you back from your full potential
Would you be mad if I never amounted to anything?
A poem is a tricky thing
You can either spill your guts or barely say anything
What I'm trying to say is..

Are you mad?

Angry Poem

2011-05-16T19:51:00.000-07:00

Put them in my ears
I don't give a fuck if the left is on the left or the right on the right
I need an injection of notes and rhythm before this lethal injection takes its toll on me
A blast of inharmony and cacophonous waves rips through my flesh
It's too loud but I don't care
I need it more than ever right now
I'm home
I feel like I've been trekking across the desert and I've been given my first taste of water for days
I'm home

Tear.

2011-05-07T19:30:00.000-07:00

The first falls gently
Then one is taken away by an absorbent piece of cotton
One rolls down a soft pale hill
Like an owl at midday they shouldn't be coming out
You don't give a typical "something in my eye"
For the one you're with is no fool
You've known that since day one
Hell, you've known that since before day one
No, she's different
Able to sense your emotions before you even realize you have any
She can read you, not like a book
But like a billboard
Big arial lettering scattered across
Deception is not something she takes
You're not sure what's wrong so what can you tell her?
The common "it's nothing" will do
She knows you'll come around so she says nothing
You'd think her to be an FBI agent the way she reads you
You're just a criminal and she's the one hired to figure out how the gears turn
She watches
You talk
She listens
You stay silent
That seems like the best thing to do at a time like this

2011-05-02T23:54:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j7mqptpXSLc

Indicator.

2011-04-15T21:49:00.000-07:00

Press play

Stop listening

Start the song over

Fade away from the attention I've been giving it

Something’s wrong

I know because the music isn’t comforting me as it most often does

Busy.

2011-04-12T20:35:00.000-07:00

Imagine
A world where everyone's busy all the time
Nobody stops to smell the roses
Nobody stops to do anything
It's all work
All the time
Then
In an instant
Everyone in the world looks up
Everyone notices the sky
We all see a beautiful blue canvas with soft gray clouds painted across
For once, we stop to smell the roses
And the tulips
And every other sweet scent
It's all there at once
Then
In the blink of an eye
Back to work

Found.

2011-04-11T22:04:00.000-07:00

I went through page after page
Just looking for that one poem you read to me
So long ago, yet the memory is so near
I look for hours
I look for the chance to go back into that moment
You're flipping through the book of at least a thousand pages
You find your favorite
Soon to be mine
You read it aloud
You speak so eloquently
The words dancing off the page
Expressive and remarkable
I bathe in the light of a simple poem of only a few stanzas
Everything about it is beautiful
The best I've ever heard, by far
And now I can only remember bits and pieces
And an idea of a title
I found it
I'm there again
I found it

Music.

2011-03-10T17:35:00.000-08:00

When I listen to the music

Nothing can hurt me

When I listen to the music

I’m as happy as I’ll be

When I listen to the music

I’m in a safe place

When I listen to the music

My worries are erased

When I listen to the beat

I simply drift away

When I listen to the beat

There's nothing I can say

When I listen to the beat

It's the only time I feel

When I listen to the beat

Nothing is real

When I listen to the words

I try to sing along

When I listen to the words

I feel like I belong

When I listen to the music

There's nothing I can't do

When I listen to the music

The feeling is so true

I wrote this several years ago. Nothing was capitalized, so I fixed that. It was back when I didn't capitalize anything. It looked like e. e. cummings wrote it.

The Truth about Thunder.

2011-03-10T17:29:00.001-08:00

Have you ever heard thunder during a storm? I was always taught that when lightning strikes, it makes a really loud noise and we hear it as thunder. They tell you that in every school in America. But I know better.
Most people don't know this, but there's a dragon living in a cave on the other side of the river where I live. He's a very friendly dragon, but he really hates lightning. So, whenever there's a storm and he sees the lightning, he starts roaring. Every flash of lightning he sees makes him roar. Usually, he'll stay in his cave during a storm and just grumble on about the lightning. But sometimes he takes off into the sky, high above the clouds, letting his voice boom throughout the town. During the winter, he hibernates. There's no lightning in the winter so he can sleep peacefully.

Forgotten.

2011-03-10T15:34:00.000-08:00

There is a place
You've never been there
Nobody has
They can't remember where it is
It's the place where your forgotten memories reside
When you walk into a room and can't remember why you're there
The place gets a new addition to its collection
The older you get
The more you contribute to this place
It has a name
But nobody can remember it
We'll just call it the Place
You've probably experienced the Place
It's dark
Lonely
Scary
You'd know if you were there
That poem you memorized in high school but now have forgotten is there
The lead singer of your old favorite band
Your lover's birthday might even be there
Everything anyone has ever forgotten is there
Remember that guy you gave change to last month?
Of course you don't
He's there
If you ever find yourself there
Abandon all hope
You've forgotten yourself
But do me a favor
There's someone I want you to say hi to for me
Her name starts with an S

Wonder.

2011-02-08T19:21:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I wonder
"Sometimes" is an understatement
I wonder about a lot of things
I wonder why people use tanning beds
I wonder how hard it would be to completely disappear from everything
To erase everything about myself and go live in a cave in Spain
I wonder if there are any caves in Spain
I wonder what would happen if I would die
I'm not stupid enough to try and find out
But I wonder
As far as I know
I'm the only sentient thing in the universe and everyone else is just a figment of my nonexistent imagination
I wonder how big the universe really is
I wonder how many universes there are
I wonder what the basic building block of everything is
I wonder why people hate
I wonder why people kill other people
I don't understand it
I may never understand it
Yet still I wonder
It's in a human's nature to wonder
To question everything
Why does a watch tick?
How does a butterfly fly?
Why is it called a butterfly?
Who am I?
Why am I?
The world is one of those pictures where you have to find out all the things that are off about it
The man's shoes are untied
The tree is upside down
But instead of something simple like someone's eyes being two different colors
It's more like "Is the cat dead or alive?"
Some of these questions have answers
The answer is both
Some do not
I wonder why an answer is what it is
Why are firetrucks red?
I wonder if anyone else wonders
I wonder why I wonder
I wonder

Fears.

2011-02-06T21:53:00.001-08:00

I’m afraid of reaching into the oven and getting burnt
I’m afraid of accidentally getting hot sauce in my eyes from touching the bottle
I’m afraid of dropping my phone in the toilet
I am not afraid of heights
Or spiders
Or even snakes
No, I’m afraid of drinking sour milk
My fears aren’t exactly normal
Some people are afraid of public speaking
I’m not
I’m afraid of the guy serving my food not washing his hands after using the bathroom
When I was little, I was afraid of lightning
Now I love lightning
I’m still afraid of thunder though
I met a man who was afraid of shaking hands
I told him not to be self conscious
I’m afraid that my friends might actually be bears
Everyone has a fear
Some have many
Mine aren’t exactly normal
But neither are yours

That last one isn’t true

Park.

2011-02-03T20:32:00.001-08:00

Hey
You know that guy you saw yesterday in the park?
You probably don’t remember
He was wearing a black and white striped shirt with dark blue ripped jeans
Don’t worry
He didn’t buy them that way
He was your age
He was the one with the dark brown hair
You probably couldn’t see his eyes, but they were brown like his hair
He noticed your eyes
A beautiful green
He was on his iPod listening to something you’ve probably heard before
It was probably too loud
He had a black notebook and it looked like he was drawing something
He was wearing the same purple Converse as you
He was sitting on a bench when you sat on the other side
He gave a shy “Hello,” but nothing more
You gave a shy “Hi,” and nothing more
He thought of saying “Beautiful day, isn’t it” but he didn’t
He thought you might say, “Very nice. I love autumn”
He would reply with, “My favorite season”
But he didn’t
He started thinking too much
He thought about how you probably saw hundreds of people that day and you wouldn’t remember this one
He wanted to say so many things
His mind was racing
He couldn’t even push a little, “How are you”
You read him like a book
You said, “How are you”
He said, “I’m good. How are you”
“Pretty good”
He didn’t know where to go from there
Both you and he stayed quiet until you had to leave
You simply said, “Bye”
He said, “See ya” like you two were friends and you’d see each other tomorrow
You went on your way
He wished he would’ve caught your name
He wished you wished you would’ve caught his name.

That guy was me.
I just wanted to say hi again.

A Moment In The Life

2011-01-31T22:22:00.000-08:00

I asked her, "Don't you ever want to just run away?"
She said, "I'm happy with what I have"
"You're happy living this life where everyone tells you what to do and how to do it?"
"That's not how it is"
To be honest, I only asked her because I wanted to be the one she runs away with

I've been told I'm different
Some people say that's a good thing
Others want everyone to be like them
I don't like people telling me how things should be done

I respect ligers

"I want to get lost"
"What do you mean?"
"I want to go out and drive until the morning light reveals where I am"
"That's interesting, I guess. What if you can't find your way back?"
"That's the fun part," I said

I wrote a song the other day
It's really bad
The whole song is just terrible

If I had a nickel every time I hear someone say "You don't apply yourself"
I'd probably have a dollar or two

"We said we'd run away together," I reminded her
"Yeah. We said a lot of things"
"We were so dumb"
"No, we weren't dumb. We're just smarter now"
"Hun?"
"Yeah?"
"I love you"
"I love you too sweetie"
We fell asleep in each others arms for the first time that night

I've been getting really into 9/8 time lately

I recently got an iPod
That's nice, because I used to have to say "mp3 player" all the time

Different songs evoke different emotions in me
Some songs make me happy as a penguin
Penguins seem pretty happy
Some songs make me cry
Other songs remind me how angry I am
Sometimes I need to listen to those songs
It's always good to have a reminder that not everything in this world is perfect
Imperfection makes up everything

I once made up a word
I used it 20 times in one day
Nobody noticed

Sometimes in class, the teacher gives us a packet to read and a highlighter to highlight important stuff
I don't highlight important stuff
I highlight words that are 3 letters or less

I told her, "I think I've got this love thing figured out"
"How do you think it goes?"
"Love is like a puzzle. There's three kinds of pieces. Sides, corners, and inside pieces."
"Ok, go on"
"The side pieces connect to 3 other pieces, but corners connect to 2, and the insides connect to 4. What if people are like puzzle pieces?"
"What do you mean?"
"What if we can connect to more than one piece? Some people are right for more than one person. Like us. Before we met, maybe I could've connected to another person. But I didn't. I'm with you."
"Hmmm"
"And if you already connect with someone else and you're in love with them, you don't connect with anyone else as much. But some people let their desires overcome their true feelings. That's when they break the scissors out. They cut the puzzle piece so it'll fit with another one. They're just lying to themselves."
"I guess that makes sense"
"Maybe I just don't know what I'm talking about"
"Let's just forget about it"
"Yeah, you're right. Let's just go to sleep"
"Goodnight"
"G'night"
"Sweetie?"
"What's wrong babe?"
"Nothing...forget about it"
"Umm...ok. Goodnight"
"I love you...more than anything"
"I love you too baby"
"I've never cut my piece"

Hobbies 4

2011-01-31T20:26:00.000-08:00

My hobby: Saying "no pun intended" when I haven't used a pun. People think "what did he say? Where was the pun?" all day.

< That has nothing to do with this. I just really like that song.

Creativity.

2011-01-27T19:37:00.000-08:00

I was feeling very creative the other day
Things were coming into my head every second
I was constantly thinking of ideas for poems
Short stories
Songs
Even plays
But the days have passed since then
I'm left with only a memory
Not even that
A memory of a memory
I can only remember the basics
But the poems are still there
Waiting for me to discover them again
Silently waiting
Waiting to shout
Waiting to whisper
Maybe waiting 'til I grab a pen and start writing
Or maybe this is exactly what I'm supposed to be thinking
This is the memory
I've found it
Exactly what I've been waiting for
The rhyme scheme is off a bit though

Hobbies 3

2011-01-20T20:57:00.000-08:00

My hobby: Going on computers at public places like libraries and changing the homepage to this

Hobbies 2

2011-01-18T18:33:00.000-08:00

My hobby: Searching for bluetooth devices in busy areas. When I find one, I put my device name as "I'm standing right behind you" then I pair with it, and stand behind them.

Hobbies.

2011-01-17T21:38:00.000-08:00

My hobby: Going on Facebook and finding a completely normal status like "Inception was a good movie" and comment saying "That's what she said"