Musing...becoming a better me.

Yes, I am Fat

2025-10-06T09:57:00.000-07:00

This poem is for my sister who is blessed with an abundance of fleshly endowments. It is for my friend who is adorned with the embellishments of surplus. For that woman whose fashion finds live in the plus section. You are beautiful. You are special. You are valuable.

I am fat. Yes, that's what I am.

Please don't try to talk me out of it

I saw myself this morning

Yes am fat, and it's okay

I am fat and it shows on me. You can see it in...

the opulence of my body mass

my body's expansive surface area

them thick thighs, love handles and voluptuous curves

I am fat and the reasons may be varied. It could be because...

I inherited the genes

the medications prescribed by doctors "added" to me

life’s curve balls taught my hormones to wrap me in bodily comfort

Whatever my reason, this fat doesn't make me less. It doesn't...

reduce my intelligence, empathy or humanity

break down my spirit unless you try to

make me undeserving of love, kindness or care

My fat is a body composition not incompetence. It doesn't mean am...

lazy

a glutton

dirty

You will say I shouldn’t say that, but please…

don't demonize the word

don't feel sorry for me

don’t try to "comfort" me

Fat is just another adjective that I choose to own positively. So when you say fat...

don’t be ashamed

say it with respect, loud and clear

say it and see me – alive, whole and valuable

Yes, I am fat.

For the Mother That’s Not Loved by the Father of Her Children.

2025-09-19T03:03:00.000-07:00

For the mother that’s not loved by the father of her children.

You know yourself. You know your situation. And the Lord knows too, and this is His Word for you.

You have been shown and been told that you’re not loved by the father of your children. This may have nothing to do with anything that you did or have not done, but this is the situation that you’ve found yourself and it hurts. To make matters harder, you share children with this man and the research out there about such situations is scary.

Yes, you know that the research says that children who grow up in homes where the father is absent, are more likely to struggle with depression, anxiety, or schooling. Studies even show that when a father is physically present but emotionally absent, they can leave wounds just as deep as one who isn’t there at all.

When you look at your children and then look at what you’re going through with their father, you worry. You may even be seeing some behaviours from them that make you worry whether your children are already a statistic. And you are terrified about their future.

But our God is an awesome God and He turns scientific studies on their head.

Look at the story of Leah.

The Bible records that right from the get-go, Leah was not loved and she knew it. But the Bible tells us that because God saw that she was not loved, He opened her womb, He gave her capabilities that her rival did not have. Also, from among the children of Leah, the woman that was not loved, God established the lineage of the one that saved us - the lineage of Jesus, the Savior of the world.

He also did this in the story of Haggai. She was not loved. In fact, she was used, abused and thrown out. But the Lord established the lineage of her son Ishmael.

In Leah and Haggai’s story, we see that God knows and sees women in such situations. In fact, Haggai was the one that first called God, El Roi - the God that sees me, in the bible.

So if you are a woman who knows what it is to be unloved and emotionally abandoned, and you are worried about your children’s outcomes, please hear this: the statistics do not get the final say. Social workers do not get the final say. Psychologists and therapists do not get the final say. Your God does.

Your children may even be grappling with challenges from this situation already, but know that God can still step in. In fact, He will definitely step in.

Yes, the world’s numbers say your children are at risk. But the Word of God says your children are blessed. The world’s reports predict brokenness. God’s Word declares restoration. Where man’s absence leaves a wound, God’s presence brings healing.

You may also be living with the guilt of having put yourself and your children in this situation by not leaving. But you also know that the situation you’ve found yourself is so complicated by various realities that you only have the emotional bandwidth to do what you can where you are at this time.

Your God sees you. Even if your mistakes led you here, He will not abandon you. That is His promise in Romans 8:38, nothing can separate you from His love.

Take your eyes off the man who does not love you and focus your thought and mind on the God who does. He is writing a story for you and your children that no study, no statistic, and no physically or emotional absent father can destroy. It is well with you and your children.

In Jesus Mighty Name. Amen.

Are you being stressed? Use Your Childhood Picture to Guide Your Self-care

2024-09-09T12:44:00.000-07:00

I recently stumbled on my one-year birthday picture and it got me thinking of what I was thinking about when I was a toddler. Was I filled with fear or was I sure that I could get anything I wanted by using my voice? As I looked at the picture, my heart soared with the joy of freedom and faith and it led me into exploring how to use our childhood pictures to guide our self-care practices when we are in a challenging life situation such as an unhappy marriage.

Women in challenging life situations, such as unhappy marriages, often face unique stressors and emotional burdens. Research shows that women are more likely than men to report being stressed, anxious, and overwhelmed, and that women who are in difficult relationships may be particularly vulnerable to these negative emotional experiences.

For women in difficult relationships, self-care practices can play a particularly important role in promoting emotional well-being and reducing stress. As Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby, a licensed marriage and family therapist, explains, “In order to have healthy relationships, we need to take care of ourselves first. That means doing things that make us happy and help us relax, even if it means putting our own needs before our partner’s sometimes.”

So, whether you’re in an unhappy marriage, dealing with the challenges of single parenthood, or facing other difficult life situations, self-care practices can be an essential tool for promoting well-being and reducing stress.

How can we use a picture of ourselves as a child as a source of inspiration and strength to guide our self-care routine?

A childhood picture of yourself can be a powerful tool for self-discovery and self-care. It represents a time of innocence, wonder, and joy, before the stresses and responsibilities of adulthood took over. By looking at a picture of yourself as a child, you can tap into that sense of wonder and inspiration, and find new ways to navigate the challenges of your adult life.

One reason why childhood pictures can be so powerful is that they provide a window into our past selves. We often forget who we were as children and the dreams and desires we had. When we look at a childhood picture, we are reminded of the hopes and dreams we had and the things that brought us joy. This can be a powerful motivator to bring more of those things into our lives as adults.

Another reason why childhood pictures can be so powerful is that they can help us reconnect with our inner child. As adults, we often become disconnected from our inner child, which is a part of us that is playful, curious, and full of wonder. By reconnecting with our inner child, we can tap into that sense of playfulness and curiosity, and find new ways to approach the challenges of our adult lives.

Childhood pictures can also remind us of the love and support we had as children. Looking at a childhood picture can bring back memories of people who loved and supported us, whether it was a parent, grandparent, or teacher. By reconnecting with those memories, we can tap into a sense of love and support that can help us navigate the challenges of our adult lives.

According to research by the American Psychological Association, reminiscing about positive childhood experiences can be a powerful tool for promoting emotional well-being and reducing stress. The study found that people who engaged in positive reminiscence experienced a reduction in negative emotions and an increase in positive emotions. By tapping into the support and love of our inner child, we can access a sense of comfort, safety, and joy that can be incredibly healing, especially in the midst of difficult life situations.

For women in unhappy marriages, reconnecting with their inner child can be particularly important. As Dr. Sheryl Ziegler, a licensed professional counselor, explains, “By embracing our inner child, we can begin to release old patterns and beliefs that no longer serve us. We can tap into a sense of playfulness and spontaneity that can help us navigate difficult emotions and situations with greater ease.”

So, whether you’re dealing with the stress of an unhappy marriage, a challenging work situation, or any other difficult life situation, remember that you have the power to tap into the feelings of joy, wonder, and innocence that you had as a child.

To use a childhood picture as a guide for self-care, first find a childhood picture that resonates with you. Look for a photo that evokes a positive emotion or memory, such as a picture of you playing with friends, enjoying a favorite activity, or spending time with family.

Next, reflect on what the picture represents to you. Start by simply looking at the picture. Observe what comes up for you. What memories and emotions does it bring up? Do you remember anything about the day the picture was taken? What stands out to you in the picture? Take some time to think about what the picture means to you and how it relates to your self-care. For example, if the picture is of you playing outside, you might connect it to the importance of spending time in nature as an adult. By reflecting on these, you can gain valuable insights into your own needs and priorities for self-care.

The next step is to explore the connections between your childhood picture and your current struggles and challenges. What aspects of your childhood picture resonate with your current life? Are there any themes or patterns that you notice? For example, if your childhood picture shows you playing outside, and you are currently feeling stressed and disconnected from nature, you might realize that spending more time outside is an important part of your self-care routine. If the picture is of you playing with friends, you might connect it to the importance of social connection and make it a priority to spend time with friends as an adult.

Another important part of reflecting on your childhood picture is to identify any negative beliefs or patterns that may have emerged since the time the picture was taken. For example, if your childhood picture shows you singing, but you stopped singing because someone told you that you were not good at it, you might realize that reconnecting with singing could be a powerful form of self-care and healing.

Reflecting on your childhood picture can help you gain insight into your needs and priorities for self-care. It can also help you identify any negative beliefs or patterns that may be holding you back. By taking some time to reflect on your childhood picture, you can gain valuable insights that can guide your self-care routine and help you navigate life’s challenges better.

Connecting your childhood picture to your self-care as an adult can be a powerful way to tap into the memories and experiences that shaped you as a person. Here are some steps you can take to make this connection:

1. Use your childhood picture as a visual reminder. Print out a copy of your childhood picture and put it somewhere you will see it every day, such as on your desk, in your bedroom, or on your fridge. This will serve as a visual reminder to tap into the feelings of joy, wonder, and innocence that you had as a child, and to prioritize self-care practices that support those feelings.

2. Reconnect with activities you enjoyed as a child. Think about the activities that brought you joy as a child, such as drawing, dancing, or playing outside, and find ways to incorporate them into your self-care routine. For example, you might start a daily art practice or make time to go for a walk in nature every day.

3. Reconnect with positive memories and relationships. Your childhood picture can remind you of the positive memories and relationships that you had as a child. Take time to reconnect with those memories and relationships, whether it’s by reaching out to a childhood friend or spending time with family members who were supportive and loving.

4. Practice self-compassion. One of the key elements of self-care is self-compassion. Remember that your childhood picture represents a time of innocence and vulnerability, and that it’s okay to be vulnerable and imperfect as an adult. Be gentle and kind with yourself as you navigate life’s challenges, and practice self-compassion as you would with a child.

5. Practice mindfulness and meditation. This can be a powerful way to connect with our inner child and cultivate inner peace and calm. Research has shown that mindfulness practices can reduce stress, improve mood, and even enhance immune function. As the mindfulness teacher, Jon Kabat-Zinn, explains, “Mindfulness means paying attention in a particular way: on purpose, in the present moment, and nonjudgmentally.”

Overall, using your childhood picture as a guide for self-care practices can be a powerful way to tap into the inner strength and resilience that you had as a child. By prioritizing self-care practices that support the feelings of joy, wonder, and innocence that you had as a child, you can navigate life’s challenges with more ease and grace.

So, whether it’s through engaging in creative activities, spending time in nature, or practicing mindfulness, there are many ways to reconnect with your inner child and prioritize your emotional and spiritual well-being. Remember, you are worthy of love, compassion, and self-care, even in the midst of difficult life situations.

While engaging in self-care practices can be a powerful way to prioritize your emotional and spiritual well-being, it’s also important to remember that you don’t have to go it alone. There are many resources and support systems available to women in challenging life situations.

As Brene Brown, popular shame researcher and motivational speaker explains, “We don’t have to do it all alone. We were never meant to.”

In addition to resources like therapy where one can learn new coping skills, gain insight into our thinking patterns and improve on our self-awareness and self-compassion. Online groups can also provide inspiration, education, and supportive connections. Brene Brown said, “Connection is why we’re here. We’re hardwired to connect with others, it’s what gives purpose and meaning to our lives.” I totally agree with her! For many of us, challenges drive us to isolate ourselves but to overcome them, we need to connect with others.

So, whether it is through therapy, support groups, or online resources, remember that there are many options available to you as you navigate difficult life situations. You are not alone, and you are deserving of support, compassion, and self-care. You are worthy of love, care, and compassion.

Remember that self-care is an ongoing process, and it may take some time to find the practices that work best for you. Use your childhood picture as a guide to tap into the experiences that shaped you and create a self-care routine that is both meaningful and effective for you.

Prioritizing care for ourselves is especially important when life is hard. As Audre Lorde, the American writer and poet who wrote about her journey with cancer in the Cancer Journals said, “Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.”

Self-care is not always easy. When we’re facing difficult life situations, it can be hard to find the time, energy, and motivation to prioritize self-care. But by using your childhood picture as a source of inspiration, you can tap into your inner strength and resilience and overcome these obstacles. By reflecting on your childhood picture and using it to guide your self-care routine, you can find the strength you need to support your physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being, and live a more fulfilling life.

I want to leave you with a quote from author and speaker Elizabeth Gilbert, who said, “You are allowed to take up space. You are allowed to have a voice. You are allowed to leave behind whatever doesn’t serve you. You are allowed to show up in this world exactly as you are.”

Remember to always be gentle with yourself, listen to your inner voice, and prioritize your own self-care. No matter how hard it looks now, the tides are turning in your favour. Believe it. When you do this, messy can’t stop you.

References

How to Thrive in Chaos: Harnessing the Power of Being Present for a Balanced Life in Difficult Life Situations

Self Care Series: Mental Health Advocate, Mayra Gonzalez shares how empathy, counselling and self care nurture emotional wellness

The Cancer Journals By Audre Lorde

This article is adapted from an episode of Messy Can't Stop Her podcast. Listen, follow or subscribe, and share on Apple, Spotify, and other podcast listening platforms.

Enjoying the Moments - Aunt Flo's Monthly Visits and All

2024-08-31T14:18:00.000-07:00

I turned 53 this past Spring, on April 29. Yup! 53 candles on the cake! (chuckles) Although, these days cake is more about portion control than indulgence.

There’s a certain liberation that comes with turning 53. Not only does it further establish my membership of the over 50 and fabulous club, I am free to be me. No more second-guessing myself, no more desperately trying to fit into some mold society created. I am comfortable in my own skin. And that’s pretty darn fantastic!

53 also means that my body is transitioning from the fertility that made me a mother of 5 children to the big M that some people find scary — Menopause. So 53 brings me closer to when Aunt Flo will pack her bags and take a permanent vacation.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I am not really going to miss the loss of my monthly visitor, the mood swings, the constant desire to put something in my mouth, and the constant fear of accidentally bleeding through my favorite pair of pants. But there is a sadness and something about it that feels… symbolic too. It feels like the closing of a chapter, the end of an era. And that part makes me a little nostalgic.

I remember back when I was younger, the period anxieties, those days of white pants terror OR the times that Aunt Flo came calling when I was out and about and totally unprepared. I remember those conversations with friends in my boarding school when we wished that we did not need to experience periods.

This got me thinking about life’s moments. Those milestones that come and go without much fanfare and those moments that we do not want to happen. Those moments that when they’re gone, we realize how much they meant to us.

Like my periods. Sure, they were a pain in my uterus, quite literally, but they were also a reminder that I was alive, that my body was doing its thing, whether I liked it or not. We spend so much time dreading and complaining about our periods, but wouldn’t it be amazing if we could tell our younger selves that it’s all worth it? That she should enjoy it while it lasts. That she should enjoy every cramp, every mood swing, every inconvenience because someday, she’ll look back and wish that she appreciated it more.

Life has a funny way of slipping through our fingers when we’re not paying attention, and it’s only when it’s gone that we realize just how precious those moments were.

So, how can we savour life’s moments even when they come with a side of hormonal shifts? How can we avoid getting caught up in the messy middle that we forget to breathe and appreciate the ride? Here are some strategies to help us soak in the moments before they fizzle away into our past.

#1 is Gratitude. Yes, gratitude — taking a moment or two to acknowledge the good around or in us. For example, being able to get regular periods like I did is a blessing. Some women spend lots of money to get their periods to come regularly. So thank God that you get to have those monthly visits.

#2 Be Present. Put down your phone Silence those notifications. When you’re with loved ones, be truly with them. My daughter and my sister went to be with the Lord last year and no matter how much I would like to, I will not have the privilege of spending time with them on this side of eternity again. When you’re with your friends and family, Listen actively, savor the conversation, and soak in the experience. Life is happening right now, not on some social media feed.

#3 Find joy in everyday life. The delicious smell of food, the laughter of your children, the quiet satisfaction of completing a task, the peace in your home. These little moments add up to a beautiful life. Embrace them with joy and gratitude.

#4 Take Care of Yourself. This one is especially important for us women because of the hormonal changes we navigate at different stages of our lives. Make sure that you’re getting enough sleep, eat nutritious foods, and exercise regularly. A healthy body leads to a happier, more present mind.

#5 Be bold and do not be afraid to try new things. You should make this a priority if you are 50 and above like me. Just because you’re a queen with a crown, doesn’t mean the adventure stops! Take a dance class, learn a new language, explore that hidden hiking trail, or join a painting class like me! Step outside your comfort zone and embrace the possibilities.

So, to every young queen who still receives Aunt Flo’s monthly visits, do it with open arms and a smile on your face. They’re just a part of your journey. And trust me, the destination, with all its wisdom, confidence, and yes, even a little bit of hot flash — is pretty darn amazing!

For those who are transitioning into menopause like me, count it all joy that you have the privilege of entering into the next stage of womanhood. And for those who are in the middle of the big M with hot flashes and all, be encouraged because there’s a whole new level of freedom waiting on the other side.

So, here’s to embracing the messiness of life, to cherishing every moment, even the ones we’d rather forget. Because in the end, it’s those moments that make life worth living. So, let’s raise a glass to Aunt Flo and all the chaos she brought into our lives. May she rest in peace… or whatever it is that periods do when they retire.

Remember, you are worthy, you are powerful, and you are enough. Now go out there and embrace the messy magic of life! When you do this, messy won’t stop you.

This article is adapted from an episode of Messy Can't Stop Her podcast. Listen, follow or subscribe, and share on Apple, Spotify and other podcast listening platforms.

Love because…

2024-08-22T10:13:00.000-07:00

Love is a beautiful thing.

Love makes the world go round.

Love heals hurts and love mends broken hearts.

But love can be misunderstood, misrepresented, and misinterpreted.

Being loving can be seen as being weak, foolish, and not good enough.

Showing love could be seen as trying to deceive others to believe that you are a good person.

Working in love could be seen as a trick to hide your incompetence and inadequacies.

Love can cost you in many ways but when it pays, it pays well.

If you ask me, I will say keep on loving.

Show love when they are mean to you.

Stay loving even when you are sad and weary.

Continue to love when they have been deceptive.

Don’t stop loving even when they have betrayed your trust.

Keep loving in season and out of season.

Because you do not do it for them. Because you actually do it for yourself.

Love, because it is the right thing to do.

Love, because our world needs it.

Love, because it is a beautiful thing.

I’ve Forgiven Him

2022-08-30T16:27:00.000-07:00

I’ve forgiven him, she says

But start a conversation

And her bitterness will come spewing forth

I have forgiven him, she says

But to hear her speak about him

Is to hear anger in human form

She huffs and puffs

And blows her house down

Breaking her essence down

Physically, she breaks down

Mentally, she breaks up

Spiritually, she falls down

I do not hate him, she says

But if eyes were daggers

He would become a colander

Am over him, she says

But if hearts could be opened

Hers would be darkened by blame for him

Poisoning her from the inside

Stripping her of her person

Tearing her spirit apart

Yet she holds on tight to unforgiveness

Let go, let go, let go of him

Forgive, forgive, forgive him

Choose to heal, choose to live

Choose to let go and let God

23.06.2022: The Weird Day I’ve had

2022-06-25T07:44:00.005-07:00

Today was a weird day. I forgot so many tasks and responsibilities.

I had gotten my podcast ready on Tuesday and did a post on IG about it but forgot to post it until 3pm while lying on the massage table in the therapist’s room.

I had a meeting at 6:30pm on Zoom but forgot and went to the library where we normally meet. After parking my car in the parking arcade two floors above, I took the elevator down and as I stepped into the library, I remembered that the meeting was on Zoom.

I drove back home in a tizzy and got to the meeting late, missing most of the presentation, arriving breathless and flustered.

Well, lucky me, I sat down as they started the free writing bit and along came these words:

Being all mixed up

Late and forgetful

Not knowing what am supposed to do

Not remembering what am meant to do

I don’t understand

What have I had too much of?

What do I need much more of?

What have I dwelt too much on?

What do I need to dwell more on?

I hold my head in worry

I lift my hands in despair

Confused and worried

What is going on?

Am I losing my marbles?

Where do I go to find them?

Where do I need to go to?

Am still mixed up

Sad to say, still forgetful

I pray for you today, my son

2022-05-13T05:43:00.004-07:00

I pray for you today, my beloved son

That celebrations will never cease in your life

That your milestones will not be delayed

That the lines will always fall for you in pleasant places