Musings and Mismash of an Adoptive Mom

Finding Sweet Slumber

2010-04-23T14:58:00.000-07:00

Jetlagged parents and children find sleep one of the most challenging aspects of returning home after travel. Comatose parents are jolted out of sleep by the sounds of anything from night terrors to a child awakened by strange noises. This is obviously a result of children overwhelmed by an environment much different than the one they are accustomed. Sounds, smells, and language all stimulate the emotional wellbeing of a child first arriving home. This is not only overwhelming for the child but difficult for parents and other children in the family. While nothing is a cureall to sleep issues, a few tips can ease this time in your families transition.

Split sleepless nights: Couples can take shifts and divide the night. Single parents should consider finding someone for the first few days until some type of routine is established. It is most advantageous to get a block of sleep. In other words it might be easier to function the next day with a few hours of uninterrupted sleep. Choose to split the night by having one parent attend to the needs of the child until 2am. Obviously, this is not feasible for some parents whose children have not attached to both parents. Try to find blocks of time during the day to nap, if you are not already back at work.

Sooth without stimulating: Many parents try playing a CD or rock. This is ill advised. Most of our children have not been rocked or soothed back to sleep. Simply sitting and allowing your child to be comforted by your presence can be an extreme help. Sleeping on the floor next to their crib or bed can also be extremely helpful. Soothing can also take place without physically picking a child up. This is most true in the case of night terrors.

Set a routine: As soon as possible begin setting a routine in your household. Obviously, this routine will become altered if parents go back to work. This will not only help your child’s transition but help them to understand, for example, bedtime comes after dinner, bathtime, and quiet play. Sleeping can also be aided by a routine which includes outdoor time when weather allows. Fresh air will allow your child to become sleepy faster.

Keep expectations realistic: If children have been seen by a doctor and there is nothing medically wrong, attempt to keep anxiety about sleep to a minimum. This is easier said than done, however the first couple of weeks are not an accurate indicator of the future.

This is certainly not a comprehensive list but will allow parents to form the basis of healthy sleep patterns.

2010-04-21T19:26:00.001-07:00

I think the article speaks for itself.

Old folks held to force relatives' sterilizations by -- HUNDREDS of people in a southern China city, mostly senior citizens, have been confined in dozens of government-owned offices and kept from leaving until their sons or daughters who have violated the nation's family...

Read more: http://www.shanghaidaily.com/article/blog.asp?id=434385#ixzz0lnA67S7H

A Sibling Scorned

2010-04-21T09:59:00.000-07:00

I vividly remember looking for smoke to come out of my son’s ears in the weeks after we returned home with our daughter from China. My normally sweet natured, easy going seven year old had suddenly turned into a mouthy, unbearable child. Quite simply he was angry. He was not acting out in a deliberately unkind manner toward his sister, but he was acting out toward me. Me, the mother who stayed home over seven years, soothed countless ear aches, had my son in gales of laughter on a daily basis, and did anything I could to help him grow into a well adjusted child.

Could I have predicted this might happen prior to coming home? Yes, however I somehow thought he might instantly look at his sister’s angelic little face and the rest would fall into place. The storm took a few weeks to brew. When the novelty wore off, I began noticing not so subtle clues.

He was acting out to get my attention. What was most interesting is that he never acted out toward his sister. Quite the contrary, he was the first person in our house to get a genuine belly laugh out of his sister. He also made sweet gestures. Her first weekend home, he constructed a crown for his sister, because he simply though she might like to feel like a princess.

Because I am not a child psychologist, the best wisdom I can impart is to give it time. Our son needed to find normalcy and gain security in our new family. He needed to see our family dynamic play out over time. Once he was secure in having an addition family member, the behavior began to wane. Yes, traditional means like doing a favorite activity worked, but he needed to become grounded in this new atmosphere.

Occasionally, when something happens that draws attention to his sister, he will begin acting out. When his sister went to the hospital and had a cast or over her birthday, we saw the old behaviors resurface. The difference between when we came home and now is that I can predict when this behavior will occur and now his behavior is what can typically be expected when there are two siblings in the home.

Subtle things helped to ease the transition. I stopped trying to squelch my son’s anger. Instead, I admitted that my life had changed too, and there were times I felt frustrated. We all know as adoptive parents of the many stressors upon returning home. Maintaining our original routine, prior to travel, also helped my son to feel a sense of security. Our daughter began falling into this schedule after a few weeks.

Open communication has always been the backbone of our house, so frank conversations took place about our feelings. After an appropriate amount of time had passed, I sat him down. I asked if he knew what I felt like when a friend at school hurt his feelings. When he concurred that he did, I asked if he understood he was making me feel the same way.

Obviously, no child or family is the same however for my family, consistently putting these small steps into practice made a huge difference in the behavior of our son.

Packing List

2010-04-19T19:44:00.000-07:00

So many families have asked me for a packing list, so I decided it might be easier to simply list it on my blog. I started making lists in 2006, and we did not complete the adoption until 2009! Every time I found something I thought we might need, I simply opened my trusty spreadsheet and added it. One other note. As you can see, we are quite practical. We packed our items together in the larger suitcase and used the second, slightly smaller suitcase, for our daughters items. We divided our clothes into two space saver bags, and the remainder of items was divided into labeled ziplocks. Sounds like a military exercise, I know, however it worked well living out of a suitecase for over two weeks. It helped us stay organized through all the hotel changes and allowed us to keep track of our more serious possessions like passports, adoption paperwork, and money. Essentials like our daily medications , our antibiotics, and the baby’s antibiotics were in our carryon.

If I had to do it over again, I think I might choose to bring less snack food items and more items which required only hot water for a meal. While it is convenient to have such food stuffs along, it is only truly necessary to bring those items for which you cannot live without. For example, I love chocolate. Perhaps, it was available, and I did not see it however after over two weeks without chocolate, nothing tasted better than a bag of M&M’s. Without further ado, here is my packing list.

Carry-On
Passport
Paperwork - Refer to list
Money / Travelers Checks/Orphanage Donation
Prescriptions & Antibiotics
Allergy Medication
Eye Mask
Neck pillow
Lightweight sweatshirt
Outfit for baby
Books
Change of clothes
Sweatshirt Coverup
Laptop with cord / Cord for Pictures
Paperbacks
Clorox Wipes
Calling cards
Sinus Sprays
Email addresses/ numbers
Phrase Book
Camera & Cords
Pen & Paper
Cell Phone
Cell Phone Cord

Mom & Dad’s Large Suitecase
Underwear, socks, bras
Shorts
5 Shirts
4 Pants/Shorts (a combination of)
2 pair of good walking shoes - Wore crocs on flight and packed tennis shoes
Flip flops.
Zipup Sweatshirt
Hat
Gifts for orphanage workers and officials when signing off on paperwork
Travel Alarm
Convertor
Plastic silverware (a couple of sets)
Food
Calculator
Flashlight and extra batteries
Duck Tape – Yes we did use it on a bag!
Toothbrush, toothpaste
Shampoo/Conditioner
Feminine products
Contacts, solution, and glasses
Band Aids
Ammodium AD
Tums
Cold Medicine
Cough Drops
Ibuprofen
Deoderant
Goldbond Antitch
Lotion
Small amount of detergent
Tucks
Yeast infection treatment
Mosquito repellent (did not use)
Sunscreen
Triple Antibiotic Salve
Mini packs of Kleenex (will need for public restrooms)
Antibacterial wipes (used a lot on the plane to wipe of seat at height of H1N1 scare)
Boroleum – Sinus moisturizer
Pen, paper, & sticky notes
Disposible razors
Shaving cream
Envelopes

Baby
Carrier
Diapers (16 - 20)
Wipes
Changing pad
Plastic Bibs
Baby Washcloth (2)
Baby Towel (2)
Blanket (2)
Baby Hat
PJ's - Long sleeved bc of air conditioning in room
Shoes / Sandals
Onsies
Shirts
Pants - Elastic waist to cover from sun
Shorts - Long over knee
Socks
Toys - Board Books, links, & stacking cups
Board Books
Baby Photo Album
Individual Packs of Rice Cereal
Balloons
Prescription Meds - In our name
Elimite - Scabies 20 gm
Lice solution
Baby Motrin
Baby Benadryl
Infant Cold Decongestant
Medicine Spoon Syringes
Pedialyte
Orajel / Ambisol for teething
Thermometer
Diaper Rash Cream - Bag Balm
Lotrimin
Baby laxative suppositories
Baby Sunscreen
Hair/Body Baby Shampoo
Baby Nail Clippers
Tongue Depressors
Toothbrush
Baby toothpaste
Saline Drops - Little Noses
Qtips
Anitbacterial Wipes
Cheerios Big Box Emptied into two gallon sized bags
Rice Cereal
Baby rice Cereal
Baby Food Prunes
Gerber Fruit Chews
Baby Food Bananas
Bottles w/ disposible liners / Sippy Cups
Biter Biscuits
Extra bottle nipples (to make smaller each day) or Dr Brown's Y cut nipples
Baby Utensils
Plastic measuring cup - Take small Pchef
Bowl & Spoon
Travel formula container
Something she can eat that is sweet (bonding & trust) -
Photo album with pictures of family
Cheerios