Television, Transformers, and Tebow

I'm here, but don't tell anyone.

noreply@blogger.com (WoodimusPrime) — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 15:21:00 +0000

For some reason I just really want to write about things. I don't know what things, but some things. I haven't written on this thing in over a year. A year! I loved it when I was doing it, and I think about it all the time, but I'm much older and lazier now.

In the year since I wrote in this thing I graduated from Fountainhead College of Technology. I graduated with perfect attendance, and a 4.0. I'm particularly proud of the 4.0, since I was always accused (fairly) of being someone who never lived up to his potential in high school. Now, as I fail to live up to my potential in life, I can point to one 16-month period where I actually DID do what I was capable of.

My brother moved to Huntsville, AL. He's a super-powerful manager of a high-profile luxury steakhouse (or something). It's been lame without him here. I think him being far, far away has actually decreased my love for sports. I did manage to finally get him to watch LOST, and he plowed through it in like a month, and loved it (even the finale). Soon he's going to be in Birmingham, AL. He's got some awesome things going on in his life, and I'm proud to be his brother.

My sister is currently teaching at every middle school in East Tennessee. She has 13 Bachelor's Degrees, 74 Mastter's, and now she wants to teach. She was previously teaching the "Dangerous Minds" class, she was playing Michelle Pheiffer. I'm super proud of her too. She's chosen a tough profession, but she truly wants to help these kids. And that's what we all need, someone who wants us to succeed, and is willing to help us get there.

A lot of you may not know me that well, but I have an amazing family. I had that amazing family when I was blogging before as well, but I just decided to put that in here. We spend a lot of time together (not enough, if you ask me), and the halls of Wood Manor echo with laughter and merriment when we convene. I've been blessed beyond measure, and I am not nearly grateful enough. My parents are incredible. They've raised three solid adults (yes, I'm counting myself). They get to watch their 3 kids work, and not only work, but work doing what they love. I have two kids of my own, and it makes me happy to think of them growing up, being out there in the work force, and getting to do something they're passionate about. I don't want to see them going through life as a drone.

Also, I'm officially an IT dude now. No longer am I a guy you can call when you can't get on that there Internet (I mean, you can still call me, but you're paying now). I am a paid computer fixin' professional. That's how I roll. I was fortunate enough to get a job with one of the best IT companies in the Southeastern United States, right out of school. They've really been a blessing to me, and I have learned more in 10 months with them, than I ever thought possible. I feel like soon I may get to move up a level on the IT Professional Scoring Chart. Maybe all the way from poor, to mediocre. Fingers crossed!

I have also lost some things that were very important to me in the last year. Two things to be exact, LOST and Friday Night Lights. LOST was/is my favorite show ever, and it ended last Spring. And you know what? I LOVED THE FINALE! So what? Say something! Friday Night Lights, I believe, is the best TV drama ever filmed. The ending was very emotional, and very satisfying. And yes, there were tears in the Wood living room.

I also lost the great Urban Meyer. Although, if he's coaching AN Ohio State University in 2012, he's dead to me. Thanks for the rings, and good day sir!

So that about gets you caught up with me. I'm not doing this to try to get back blogging again. I just wanted to slap some words together. Maybe I will try to post every once in awhile, maybe I won't. I'm an enigma. There's some good new TV on, maybe I'll write about that. I discovered Mumford & Sons, there are about 10 good posts in that album. It's mind-blowingly good. Maybe I'll write about that. Maybe I'll throw something together on the current geek-renaissance. We're cool now, you know?

I'm not planning on telling anyone that I put this up. It was cathartic for me. Glad the empty Internet could be here for it.

So all-in-all, I'm good. How are you?

Test Live Blog

noreply@blogger.com (WoodimusPrime) — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 16:06:00 +0000

Test

Best of the Decade - TV Shows

noreply@blogger.com (WoodimusPrime) — Thu, 31 Dec 2009 05:00:00 +0000

I was going to do my countdown of the Top 11 shows of the decade, but then I realized I had kind of already done it. I only became addicted to TV in 1999 so my 10 favorite TV shows of all-time can almost double as my tops of the decade. So instead of rambling on and on endlessly about each entry in the countdown, I'm going to just list all 11 and call it a day. Some of them are different than my all-time top 10, but the gist is the same. Here we go.

1. LOST
2. Friday Night Lights - I will say this for FNL, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE watch this show when it comes on NBC in January. You don't know what you're missing.
3. 24
4. Angel
5. The Office
6. Arrested Development
7. Chappelle's Show
8. American Idol
9. The Sopranos
10. Scrubs
11. Glee

So there you have it. The top 11. Hooray for Luke! For the rest of the list avert your eyes one inch lower again. Back tomorrow with my top ten TV episodes of the decade. Peace!

The rest - House, Bones, Monk, Las Vegas, Band of Brothers (I know technically a miniseries, not a show, but it had to be included somewhere.)

noreply@blogger.com (WoodimusPrime) — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 19:19:00 +0000

So the decade is over? Isn’t a decade over every year? I’m pretty sure it is. One of my favorite things about the end of each year is reading all of the Top 10 lists that people do. I like to see how my lists compare to theirs, and I enjoy seeing how many random movies they’ll throw on there just to make it seem like they’re edgy, and cool. So this year (decade) I’ve decided to do my own lists. As anyone who has read this blog before knows, I love me some lists. So this week I’ve got three of them for you. Today we’ll be tackling my Top 12 movies of the decade. Why 12? Well I just couldn’t pick two of these to take off the list to make it 10. So here we go.

1. The Lord of the Rings – I’m counting this one as one movie. It deserves to be seen as a whole story. A cinematic masterpiece, rivaling any of the classics of yore, it is the most brilliant thing I’ve ever watched on screen. The Return of the King is also the best experience I’ve ever had in a theater. The crowd was into it, and there were cheers aplenty. Not, Ooh Jacob just took his shirt off, cheers either. Real, Holy cow Eowyn just stabbed dude in the face, cheers. And the best part was when they showed the trailer for the Garfield movie, and everyone in the entire theater booed with all they had. Classic. If they rerelease these to celebrate the anniversaries of the original releases, they’ll be number one on that decade’s list too.

2. The Dark Knight – As a comic book geek I must say that this was all comic book geeks had been waiting for for years. The perfect adaptation of one of the greatest comic book heroes of all-time. Everything about this movie is absolutely perfect. It’s dark, gritty, and violent. And that’s before I include the Joker. Heath Ledger’s performance as the Joker is the greatest performance I’ve ever seen on film. It captures everything the Joker should be. Psychopathic, evil, and malevolent, it is a master class on acting. I don’t think the Joker should ever be on film again after what Heath did with it, unless they do it in more of a colorful way with Mark Hamill. This movie also passes the “Premium channel test”. It’s on the premium channels 12 times a day, and I’ve seen it about 4,000 times since we got the premiums, and it still holds up.

3. Love Actually – I think this movie has been on every list I’ve done on this blog. I love love, and I love stories about love. I also like the British accent. This movie is happy, sad, hilarious, inspiring, and fun all at once. It is like 8 different stories, which are all connected in some way, and are all about different relationships. It stars every famous British actor, except for Sean Bean and Clive Owen. If you don’t feel good after watching this movie then you need to check your soul, it’s dead.

4. 300 – This movie has a lot of haters out there, and I don’t get it. I’m feel certain Zach Snyder was trying to make a killer action flick based on Frank Miller’s graphic novel, which is LOOSELY based on a true story. Did he succeed? Absolutely he did. There are four or five scenes in this movie that always get me fired up and ready to battle Xerxes. I love Gerard Butler in this movie, and like to imagine the outcome if he and Jack Bauer got into a shouting match. I bet the world would stand still.

5. Sin City – Just typing the name of this movie makes me want to watch it. However, my kids are home, and I don’t know if it’s appropriate for them. Another entry for Frank Miller on the list, the man is talented. Mickey Rourke as Marv, complete with his mitts, is on my favorite movie characters of the decade list, (Which I haven’t made) and Clive Owen’s story is my favorite. There’s so much that is great about this movie. I love the way it looks, because I don’t like gory movies, and the cartoonish effects make it easy to take. I’m a big fan of movies that don’t pull punches, and this is most definitely one of those. I think you have to be of a certain mind to watch this movie, and a lot of people may not like it, but this guy loves it.

6. Wall-E – As I said above, I love love stories. This movie is one of my favorite love stories ever. I can ignore all the silly environmental messages, and watch this movie without feeling like I’m being preached at. I don’t know how these Pixar guys do it, but they seem to have the best staff of writers in the world. They manage to convey more while only using 2 words than most movies can convey while using 10,000. And that’s not to mention how incredible the movie looks. The scene where Wall-E and Eve are “dancing” is just beautiful. In my opinion the greatest Pixar movie ever.

7. Snatch – This is just one of those movies I can watch at any time, regardless of how many times I’ve seen it. Brad Pitt is absolutely hilarious in his second best performance ever, behind 12 Monkeys. The way Guy Ritchie makes all of these stories come together never ceases to amaze me. And the scene where the dudes back into the van is absolutely hilarious. Vinnie Jones as Bullet Tooth Tony is fabulous, and his speech about his “point five oh” is one of my favorite movie speeches. Just a good time for all.

8. Ocean’s 11 – Cool. That’s really all that needs to be said for this.

9. Mr. Brooks – In my opinion one of the most underrated movies ever. You never hear anyone talk about this flick, but it is incredible. One of the four good Costner movies, he is excellent here. However, it is William Hurt that steals the show. This guy seems to be great in everything he’s in. You also get to see Dane Cook do something that people have wanted to see Dane Cook do for a long time. If you haven’t seen this movie, give it a shot. You’ll be pleasantly surprised.

10. Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind – Number one on the longest title list. A really strange flick, but yet another great love story. With an amazing performance by Jim Carrey, in a drama role no less, this movie has to be seen to be believed. Although, if you’re one of those people who has a hard time following movies, you might want to stay away from this one. In the end love seems to conquer all.

11. The Last Samurai – How did Tom Cruise not get an Oscar nom for this? A crime I tell you. Another extremely underrated movie, this one gets me in tears every time I watch it. It is a great, great story. One of those where I distinctly remember the first time I watched it. It was me, my brother Andy, my dad, and my friend Clint. After it was over we all kind of just sat there in awe. All we could say was, “Man that was awesome.” If that’s your response after seeing a movie, then you have probably just watched a winner.

12. The Hangover – Comedy of the decade. Just an incredible ensemble cast, and a great story. Bradley Cooper can’t quite steal the Coolest of the Decade award from Brad Pitt and George Clooney in Ocean’s 11, but he comes close. One of those movies that you just kept hearing about, and then when you saw it actually exceeded the hype. I’ve seen it about 10 times now, and it’s still just as funny as the first time.

There you have it, my Top 12 movies of the decade. There were a few that I had a hard time leaving out, but in the end these were the ones that I just could NOT leave off the list. I’ll be back tomorrow with my Top 11 TV shows of the decade. To see the flicks 13-31, in random order, just move your eyes down about an inch.

13-31 – Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, Black Hawk Down, V for Vendetta, Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl, Jarhead, Revenge of the Sith, The Incredibles, Casino Royale, Minority Report, Anchorman, Iron Man, Catch Me If You Can, Collateral, The Kingdom, The Prestige, Serenity, Star Trek, Superbad, Unbreakable

2009 Football Talk

noreply@blogger.com (WoodimusPrime) — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 00:14:00 +0000

After a two week hiatus, I’m happy to say I’m back. I know you’ve missed me. I heard your collective heart sighs each day that went by without a post from me. Well, you can quiet your suffering hearts, I have returned. With that, I must apologize to the ladies, this posting won’t be for most of you. I feel a sports posting in me, and since the college football season officially kicks off on Saturday, I’m going to put it on paper/screen. So here we go.

Before I get on my soap-box I must confess a major bias here. As you all know, I am a HUGE Florida Gator fan. I am an even bigger Tim Tebow fan. As the season has gotten closer there has been many different discussions about the “big 3” QBs in college football, Sam Bradford, Colt McCoy, and Tim Tebow. They range from which one will win the Heisman, to which one will be better in the NFL. ESPN’s two draft “experts” both think that Tim Tebow will be unsuccessful in his attempt to play QB in the NFL. I personally think that both of these fellows are wrong. With all we’ve learned and seen from Tim Tebow throughout his high school and college career it would be foolish to discount him in anything he attempts. I firmly believe that Tebow is the greatest college QB of all time, and he if performs up to his normal standards this season, he will finish as the greatest football player of all time.

I also think the notion of the “big 3” QBs in college football is ridiculous. I think you have Tim Tebow, and two really good QBs. Don’t get me wrong, I think Bradford and McCoy are both excellent QBs, but they’re not in Tebow’s league. One of the reasons I think that is that they both play in the “defense optional” Big 12. They’re putting up these monster numbers against pathetic defenses. I know everyone outside of the Southeast is tired of hearing about the SEC, but it can’t be stated enough, the SEC is clearly the most dominant conference in college football. Anyone who thinks differently, like Mel Kiper Jr, is just wrong. You would think that winning the last three national championships would be enough. Or that winning five of the eleven BCS championships would end the argument, but people always want to try to disagree. I really don’t know what it is going to take for people to realize that arguing this subject is pointless. Anyway, back to the original thought. Fifteen years from now, when you’re bouncing your children, or grandchildren, on your knee and you’re talking to them about football, unless you’re a Texas or Oklahoma fan you probably won’t remember much about Bradford and McCoy except that they were really good. You’ll call a friend who knows way too much about sports and say, “Hey man, what was the name of that really good QB who played for Texas? (or Oklahoma) He played in the late 2000’s.” However, regardless of where you’re from, or who you cheer for, Tim Tebow will never be forgotten. People will always remember him, remember the way he played the game, and the things he did outside it. He is one of a kind, and deserving of every accolade he has gotten, and probably more.

I’ve also wanted to put my SEC picks for the season in a column, so I can have them on record when they all go miserably wrong. So I’m going to give you what I believe the SEC will look like at the end of the year, along with my pick for the national championship game, and the other conference winners.

SEC East Conference Record Overall

Florida 8-0 12-0
Georgia 5-3 8-4 (Losses to OKST, LSU, UT, UF)
Tennessee 4-4 8-4 (Losses to UF, Bama, USCe, Vandy)
Vanderbilt 3-5 7-5 (Losses to LSU, Ole Miss, UGA, UF, USCe)
South Carolina 2-6 6-6 (Losses to Vandy, UF, Arky, Bama, Ole Miss, UGA)
Kentucky 2-6 6-6 (Losses to UT, UF, Vandy, UGA, USCe, Bama)

SEC West Conference Record Overall

LSU 6-2 10-2 (Losses to UF, Bama)
Alabama 5-3 9-3 (Losses to Arky, Ole Miss, Auburn)
Arkansas 5-3 9-3 (Losses to UF, LSU, Bama)
Ole Miss 5-3 9-3 (Losses to Arky, UT, LSU)
Auburn 3-5 6-6 (Losses to LSU, Arky, Ole Miss, UT, UGA, West Virginia)
Miss State 0-8 3-9 (Losses to The SEC, Georgia Tech)

SEC Championship Game – Florida over LSU

ACC Winner – Virginia Tech
Big 10 Winner – Ohio St.
Big 12 Winner – Texas
Big East Winner – South Florida
PAC-10 Winner – Oregon

BCS National Championship Game – Florida over Texas

Heisman Trophy Winner – Tim Tebow QB, Florida

So that’s that. I’m sure I’ve made some errors in the records in my SEC standings. It’s actually kind of hard to do with so-and-so beating so-and-so, so they finish here over so-and-so. So now you’ll all be able to make fun of me when my predictions go terribly awry. I’ve also placed the ultimate jinx on my precious Gators, but I just don’t see how we lose.

For all the people who read this whole thing even though you don’t care about sports, thank you. I’ll be back with some links tomorrow. Long days, and pleasant nights everyone.

Luke's Links 8-10-2009

noreply@blogger.com (WoodimusPrime) — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 22:06:00 +0000

I'm here to put an extremely needless debate to rest. Today I was searching around the internet, and I stumbled upon several articles debating the best Starburst color. I'm here to end this ridiculous discussion once and for all...PINK! Pink is hands down the best "flavor" of Starburst. It's as easy to pick this one as it is to decide that watermelon is the best Jolly Rancher. (Which it is. If you say another flavor I will stab you in the jaw. Dane Cook shout-out.) There are just certain things that don't need discussion, like putting ketchup on hot dogs. The pink Starburst is definitely one of them. Seriously, it's like an explosion of wonder in your mouth as soon as you bite into one. Awesome. I'm glad I got that cleared up. The world is a better place now.

Since I've gotten that off of my chest, let's get to the links. Today's first link is one that I should have made myself, but I didn't get around to it. It deals with a product that I consider a symbol of everything that is wrong with our society. We complain about the economy, yet will spend money on something this stupid. If anyone owns one of these, I'm sorry...they're stupid. WARNING: Contains some language. Buyer beware. Blankie

This one is apparently one of the most viewed YouTube videos of all-time, but I had never seen it until today. It's really funny/cute. Plus, I've never heard Star Wars explained so clearly. Cute Star Wars

Another classic clip from Monty Python and the Holy Grail. My brother and I mentioned this in conversation on Saturday, and I hoped it was on YouTube so I could see it again. Is there a scene from this movie that ISN'T classic? Holy Hand Grenade

I'm loving these compilation clips from different TV shows. This one is from The Office. It's every "That's What She Said" from the first four season of the show. For those of you who don't watch the show, "That's What She Said" is Michael Scott's catch phrase. It's good stuff. That's What She Said

Here's today's mystery video. It's a mystery. That means I won't be able to tell you what it is, because that would ruin the mystery. I promise it's good. Mystery

Well, that's it for this week. I hope everyone has a wonderful week. Long days, and pleasant nights everyone.

Top Ten TV Characters

noreply@blogger.com (WoodimusPrime) — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 15:32:00 +0000

I was trying to think of something really off the wall, and different to do a list of today, but my imagination let me down. Instead, I’ll be doing my Top Ten TV Characters. The only rule for this list is, NO REALITY GARBAGE! These are characters from scripted TV shows only, and no, I do not mean The Hills. (Rimshot) So let’s not waste time. To the list!

Angel (David Boreanaz, Buffy the Vampire Slayer & Angel) - Everyone's favorite vampire with a soul. He was the best thing about Buffy during it's first three seasons. (which were the best) You could tell, because when he left the quality of the show dropped off quite a bit. I love so many things about this character, I could never list them all. If you were a fan of both Buffy and Angel, then you got to watch both the character, and the actor grow into something special. I remember when Buffy started I thought the character was awesome, but you could definitely tell that it was David Boreanaz's first acting job. He continued to get better, and better, and now he is phenomenal on 'Bones.' I like to think I was there from the beginning. Oh, and there's this too; Angel would rip Edward Cullen apart in about three seconds flat. Angel Clip
Jack Bauer (Kiefer Sutherland, 24) - I can tell you this, I hope America has people like Jack working for it in real life. This man has gone through it all. I wonder if anyone has ever had a worse collection of days than the eight days we've watched Jack endure? If I were somewhere, and I saw Jack running around the streets I would sell my house, and hop on a plane IMMEDIATELY! Where Jack is, bad things happen. After watching this show since 2001, I've become convinced that no one else could play this role. The Kiefer Sutherland casting choice was a stroke of genius. I hope the person that made that decision got a raise. Bauer Clip
Tim Riggins (Taylor Kitsch, Friday Night Lights) - I think I'm going to make it my goal to work 'Friday Night Lights' into every column I write from here on out. If you've been reading my blog for any amount of time, you know how I feel about this masterpiece of a television show. I think Tim Riggins is the heart of the show. I know Coach Taylor is awesome too, but there's just something about Riggins. He has so many issues, and so many times he's done really crappy things to other people, but you just can't help but cheer for the guy. He wants to do the right thing, he just doesn't always know how to go about it. I really hope they find a way to work him into the story this season, since he "graduated" at the end of last season. The writers would find a way to make it work without him, but it wouldn't be the same. Riggins Clip
Barney Stinson (Neil Patrick Harris, How I Met Your Mother) - Let's go ahead and get this out of the way, as far as TV characters go, Barney Stinson is legen...wait for it!...dary! He's a womanizing, suit wearing, catch phrase spewing dude. He's one of those transcendant characters that begins to dominate a show as a fringe character. The show is about Ted meeting the future mother of his children, but they've done such an unbelievable job with Barney, that most people don't even care about Ted anymore. Barney is the main reason people watch the show. The first time you see it, he's the character you remember when it's over. He's such a terrible person, but you laugh so hard at what he does and says, that you just don't care. NPH is simply brilliant in the role, and I hope he wins the Emmy this year, but he won't. Barney's Resume
Dr. Perry Cox (John C. McGinley, Scrubs)/Dr. Gregory House (Hugh Laurie, House M.D.) - These two have to share a slot because they're pretty much the same character. The only difference is the genre they perform in. They're both brilliant doctors, with some severe issues. Neither of them like to sugarcoat anything, regardless of who they're talking to. They both seem to be attracted to high-powered women. And most importantly, they're freaking hilarious. Hugh Laurie is, perhaps, the finest drama actor on TV right now. He gave some incredible performance on the last season of House, and I can't wait to see how he handles the cuckoo house this season. McGinley, while not as accomplished an actor, plays Dr. Cox with such passion that you find yourself wondering if anyone else could pull the character off. These are my two favorite medical shows on TV, which is saying something considering there are about 4,356 of them on right now. Cox Clip & House Clip
Stewie Griffin (Seth McFarlane, Family Guy) - Ah, Stewie. What to say about him? I mean of all the animated characters who are intent on world domination and matricide, he is, hands down, my favorite. I don't know why I love him so much, it must be the accent. Who doesn't want to say cool stuff like, what the deuce? I know I do. They could get rid of every character on the show, and just make it a half hour of Stewie, and I don't think the quality would drop off at all. One thing I've always wondered, did Lois have a C-section? I sure hope so. Stewie Clip
Jim Halpert (John Krasinski, The Office) - What a great dude Jim is. Of all the characters, on all the shows I watch, he is probably the one I would most like to hang out with. I would love to sit and listen to him pine about Pam, or help him pull a prank on Dwight. One day I may do a list of my top ten duos, and he and Dwight will definitely make an appearance. My favorite Jim prank is the one where he made Dwight hit himself in the head with the phone by adding nickles inside the handset, little by little, to get him used to the weight, then one day took them all out. Classic stuff. I really don't think the Jim/Pam storyline get the props it deserves. It was really well done. I mean they were so close, so many times, and it just never happened. And when it did, it was awesome. It takes skill to build a story up that much, and make the payoff worth it, and they pulled it off. I'm excited to see if they finally get married this year. Halpert Clip
Spike aka William the Bloody (James Marsters, Buffy the Vampire Slayer & Angel) - In the paragraph about Angel I said that the quality of Buffy dropped off after Angel left. Well let me tell you this, if it wasn't for Spike, I don't know that I would have even continued to watch. They did so much with this character in the four years post-Angel. He was a villain, he fell in love with Buffy, she used him as her very own "stress release", he begins to fight with the good guys, and then he ends up as THE hero. Just an awesome display of acting by Marsters as well. I remember when they announced that Spike was going to join the cast of 'Angel' and I was giddy like a school girl. The chemistry between Boreanaz and Marsters was great on 'Buffy,' and only got better in their time together on 'Angel.' Marsters has been saying for years that he wants to do a Spike movie, and I say get on it. I would love to see more of him, even if it's straight to DVD. Spike Clip
Chuck Bartowski (Zachary Levi, Chuck) - I can tell you exactly why I like him as much as I do; he reminds me of me, minus the good-looking, human computer part. If my lunch with Jim Halpert needed a third, it would be Chuck. We could kick back and talk about Star Wars, play some Halo, and go save the world from Fulcrum. All in a days work, right? Who doesn't love the stories where the super geek, with the computer in his brain, gets the ridiculously hot, super-spy to fall in love with him? I am so thankful for the thousands of people who went to Subway in order to save this show. With the way they ended last season, a cancellation, would have been heart-breaking. Even though this season doesn't start until March, I still cannot wait to see how it turns out. Should be great. Chuck Clip
Jack Donaghy (Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock) - If they ever do an episode of How I Met Your Mother where we find out who Barney's REAL dad is, (not Bob Barker) I would imagine that Jack Donaghy would be it. As a matter of fact, I probably should have put these two together like I did House & Cox, but oh well. I don't know how many of you watch 30 Rock, judging from the ratings, not many, but it is a great, great show. Tina Fey is a phenomenal writer, and she does wonders with Jack. I've always wondered how much input Alec Baldwin has into the character. I don't know why, but I feel like he has a lot to do with the way Jack is scripted. I think it's because Jack is what I imagine Baldwin to be like in real life. I wish they would do a DVD special feature of nothing but Jack's scenes. That would be great. Ironically, I said I didn't think NPH would win the Best Supporting Actor in a Comedy Emmy for Barney, and that's because Baldwin will win it for Jack. And I can't say he doesn't deserve it. Jack Clip

The Next Few (In Random Order) – Adrian Monk (Monk), Benjamin Linus (LOST), Rupert Giles (Buffy), Special Agent Seely Booth (Bones), James “Sawyer” Ford (LOST), Michael Westen (Burn Notice), Dr. Sheldon Cooper (The Big Bang Theory), Lorne (Angel), Sylar (Heroes), Jack Carter (Eureka), Coach Eric Taylor (Friday Night Lights), Tami Taylor (Friday Night Lights), Landry Clark (Friday Night Lights), The Rest of the Cast (Friday Night Lights)

Luke's Links 8-4-2009

noreply@blogger.com (WoodimusPrime) — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 16:53:00 +0000

I’m back baby! A friend of mine from school made me some homemade, homegrown salsa yesterday. I went home and dove in with wild abandon, and apparently Amos (my stomach) isn’t really that fond of salsa by the gallon, and he let me know all about it. So I had to add that to my lessons learned column, on my Excel Spreadsheet of Life. So after my one day hiatus I’m making a “Jordan-esque” return to blogging. Meaning, I’ll be really rusty for a column or two, but ultimately I’ll be back to my poor writing self. That’s just a little something for you to look forward to.

I know most of you have Facebook accounts, because it seems that 95% of the traffic to my blog is generated by my “New Post” status updates. Have you ever stopped to wonder why we care what color Skittle we are? Every day my front page is littered with all of these ridiculous quiz results, stupid game updates, and someone sending hugs, drinks, pokes, hookers, or lines of cocaine to someone else. Every day I look at all those posts and get so mad that they are cluttering up my front page, and then I’ll start to wonder “Hmm…I DO want to know what kind of panty I am.” I get in these moods where I’ll take quiz after quiz, and just can’t seem to stop. I don’t think anyone cares, but I can’t help but click the little “Publish” button. So to anyone out there who gets tired of seeing all of the superfluous garbage on their front page, I’m sorry. I hate myself when I do the quizzes, but I can’t seem to stop. Now I’m going to go see if I can top my 108,000 on Bejeweled Blitz. I’ll be right back.

Okay, I’m back again! This is the second time I’ve had to come back in the same column. Is this a column? Or a posting? I never know. I’m going to stick with column, because it makes me sound like an actual writer. I came to the realization yesterday that I am linking to my favorite videos faster than I’m finding new ones. I have another 160 or so, but only around 50 of them are appropriate for linking. I’m not sure of the ages of the people who read this mug, but you never can be sure. So one day if “Luke’s Links” disappears, just know that I have probably run out of videos to link to. I do, however, have some for you today. Let’s get to it.

I have wanted to link to this one since the inception of this feature, but was always afraid of offending someone. I can wait no longer. If this offends you, I’m sorry. Behold, “Asian Trix.” You Share!

I hope there is someone out there besides me who loves “The Flight of the Conchords.” If you’ve never heard of them, let me introduce you. They bill themselves as "Formerly New Zealand's fourth most popular guitar-based digi-bongo acapella-rap-funk-comedy folk duo." They are brilliant. Their HBO show was recently nominated for the Best Comedy Emmy. This is one of my favorite songs of theirs. Listen to “Business Time.” It's Business Time!

You know when you watch a movie on TV and they decide to edit out some of the curse words with some completely ridiculous substitutes? Well, this is one of the best ones I’ve ever heard. It ranks slightly behind Die Hard’s “Yippee-ki-yi-yay Mr. Falcon.” It’s from the legendary “Snakes On A Plane.” We love you Samuel L.!

I would love to know what is behind this video. This woman has apparently done something terrible, so terrible that she deserves to get punched right in the freaking face! I like to see people punched in the face. You know, I also laugh every time I see someone on TV, or in the movies, get hit by a car. What’s wrong with me? Anyway, here it is. In yo face!

Here is today’s mystery video. I’m not going to tell you anything about it other than, it’s awesome. And, if you watch it all you’ll get a check for a billion dollars. * Mystery

That’s all I’ve got today. I’m going to do five a week, so they last longer. I’m trying to think of a list to put together for tomorrow, but I don’t know what to do. We’ll see what I can think of tonight. I hope you enjoy the vids. Long days, and pleasant nights.

* You’re not getting a check. You just got to watch a video of the Florida Gators football team, you should be paying me.

You do NOT put ketchup on hot dogs!

noreply@blogger.com (WoodimusPrime) — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 12:48:00 +0000

So has anyone seen that Sprite commercial where it's a hot day, and there are some dudes who are hot? (Not hot like that! Get your mind out of the gutter!) Apparently it's so hot that these dudes feel the need to run really fast, and jump into each other, and explode into a shower of liquid. If you haven't seen it, here's the link to the video. Sprite So here's my question: Did they know when they jumped that they were going to explode? I have never been so hot as to willingly accept exploding. I mean it can't be that hot, can it? Also, are we supposed to think that those dudes are now dead? They never reappear in the commercial, so I guess they're dead. Seriously, how is that smart? I imagine it went a little something like this: Dude, are you hot? Me too. You want to jump into each other, so we can explode into a shower of liquid? Awesome, let's do it! Great job Coca-Cola! Who doesn't want to see a commercial featuring mass suicides?

There hasn't really been anything going on here lately that interests me, so I think I'm going to bust out another list on you. Today I'm going to do my Top Ten TV Shows of All-Time. My TV Shows list has one rule: To be included you must have been on the air for a minimum of 3 seasons. That's the only rule. Keep in mind, I'm not saying that these are the best TV shows ever, they're just my favorites. (Although I do think my number 1 is the best show ever made, but let's not spoil it.) Anyway, on to the list!

#1 LOST - As I said a couple lines above, I think this is going to go down as the greatest show in history of television. It is just so complex, and smart. I really can't explain everything that this show is, to people who have never seen it. The upcoming season is its last season, and after it's over I suggest that anyone who hasn't seen it get their hands on the DVDs. You'll be hooked after the premiere, I guarantee it.

#2 24 - This is another incredibly smart show. I remember the first time I read about the premise of this show before it aired in 2001, and thinking that it was going to be huge. I was right. For those of you who don't know, each episode is one hour out of a day in the life of Jack Bauer. Each season is about him trying to save LA, or DC, or the country from some threat. That already sounds awesome right? Well it is, and on top of that the writers manage to pack so much intensity into each of these hours that you actually feel drained after they're over. It is so awesome. Get your hands on the season 1 DVDs and see what I'm talking about. They have also managed to give us one of the most memorable TV characters in history, with Jack Bauer. He is a man who loves his country, that is for sure.

#3 Angel - Angel is a spin-off of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer." Angel is a vampire, with a soul. He given a soul as a result of a curse from a group of gypsies. The reason that sucks is, he remains a vampire, needing blood to live, but he regains his human side's feelings of guilt, and remorse. Therefore he decides to try to "balance the scales" in his favor by fighting on the side of good. Sound a little cheesy? It is, but it's also brilliant. Joss Whedon, the creator, is a genius. His writing style is very distinctive, and you can see his influence in many shows that are on today. The only thing I wish would have been different about the way this show ended up, is that I wish he would have had more time to end it the way he wanted. The WB cancelled it in the middle of it's fifth season, (Even though it was one of the highest rated shows on the network) and Joss had to scurry to throw together a series finale. Considering the circumstances he did a brilliant job. This show, along with Buffy and Roswell, is responsible for making me the TV lover I am today.

#4 The Office - Ah, The Office. It has taken over the top spot in my favorite TV comedies category. A spot that was held by "Arrested Development" for many a year. It has been on for five years now, and they have aired ONE episode that I didn't like all that much. I love the characters so much. I love the Jim-Pam romance, it makes me feel good inside. The first three seasons are flawless, and despite what people say, the last two have been awesome as well. I think I have watched the entire series from beginning to end five times. Every time I see an episode, or see a clip of one, or even do Office trivia I want to watch the seasons again. It's one of the few shows that I can watch any episode of no matter which one is on. I love it, and it's silly humor.

#5 Arrested Development - If LOST is the smartest show of all-time, Arrested Development is, hands down, the smartest comedy of all-time. It is barely able to fit into the requirements for the list, as it was cancelled after it's third season. I will always believe that it wasn't more successful because people weren't smart enough to appreciate it. It actually won the "Best Comedy" Emmy, even though next to no one watched it. It seems the only people who truly appreciated this masterpiece were me, and the critics. Usually I would hate to be grouped with them, because I despise most critics, but this time it's cool. The performances in the show were all incredible. They were all so phenomenal there were no real stand-outs. Every single actor in the cast hit a home run in every single episode. Oh, I miss this show so much. There is supposed to be a movie coming out in the next 12 - 18 months, but that will only make it hurt more that it's gone.

#6 Friday Night Lights - I know, I know, I go on and on about this show. Seriously people, it's that good. I am of the belief that "The Sopranos" is the best acted show ever, but this is close. The writers on this show have a real gift for realism.(With the exception of the actual games they show.) Each one of these characters goes through things we go through, and you will find yourself cheering for them. There have been at least three moments in their three season that have made me cheer out loud from the couch. You just get so wrapped up in the lives of these coaches, and their kids, that you can't help a cheer every now and then. This year is going to be a little different, as several of the cast members have "graduated," and moved away from Dillon, Texas. However, I have no doubt that the writers will do a great job of introducing us to the new players, and I'll be along for the ride. Give it a shot.

#7 Friends - Do I really need to explain myself on this one? Is there anyone alive who hasn't watched this show? One of the best ensemble comedies of all-time. Have you noticed how many times the networks have tried to copy its success, and failed miserably? You just don't find six actors with chemistry that great every day. No one has been able to do anything like it since it went off the air in 2004, although "How I Met Your Mother" is very close. It's just one of those shows that seems to be on at every hour, of every day, but I can always turn it on and watch it. I seem to know pretty much every line, from every episode, but I still laugh while I say them. Good times had by all.

#8 Bones - Bones is a surprise entry on the list, even for me. It's one of those shows that you don't realize how much you enjoy until it goes off for the summer. Even though it is technically a procedural, which means character development always gets the backseat to the murder of the week, it goes way beyond the norm for the genre. Sara and I sit at home and watch the reruns on TNT every night. I've seen some episodes three or four times, but I still enjoy each one. The character development is what really sets this show apart from the other procedurals on TV. Each character has a fully fleshed out backstory, and they do a great job of making you care about even the little guys. Also, the "will they, won't they" relationship with Booth and Brennan is very well done. It's on a Ross & Rachel level. David Boreanez actually makes the list twice! He's been the lead in two shows in his career, and both of them are on my all-time list. I hope he appreciates that.

#9 The Cosby Show - What a great show this was. Greatest family show ever? I think so, and you can get over it Andy Griffith fans! Home to the best TV dad, and mom, ever. Bill Cosby did the world a favor when this show started. It loses a couple of spots on the list because of the last couple seasons. When they brought in Pam, and Elvin and Sondra's twins, it all started going downhill. However, the first four or five seasons were genius. There are so many wonderful episodes, that I can't even begin to name them. Well, I'll name a couple: the one where Denise makes Theo a "Gordon Gartrell" shirt is probably my favorite. I also love the one with the fan dancer and the BBQ, with Elvin saying, "Give me a breast! A big one!" Just an absolute classic show. They sure don't make 'em like this anymore.

#10 Transformers - The one and only cartoon on the list. Did you guys know I liked the Transformers? My favorite cartoon as a child, continues to entertain me even as I am now a man...child. My favorite pre-Sara Christmas memory involves a little boy who wanted nothing more than Optimus Prime for Christmas. He had only one more present to open, and he hadn't gotten him yet. Imagine his pain when he saw that his last gift was a very big one, far too big to be his beloved Prime. He opened this gift with tears in his eyes, and disappointment in his heart. (He was young! Of course he was selfish and ungrateful!) But wait! Taped to the bottom of the box was his precious Prime! Let joy rain down! This once downtrodden boy, has received this wonderful gift! Just when he thought all was lost, a miracle occurred. A miracle involving a large box, and Scotch tape. What an uplifting tale.

So there you have it, my Top Ten TV Shows. I hope you have enjoyed this trip through the mind of a TVaholic. I love doing lists. I will be doing more. If you have any ideas for things I can do a list of, feel free to comment. Or hit me up on Facebook. I love comments and suggestions. Thanks for reading. Long days, and pleasant nights.

UPDATE

noreply@blogger.com (WoodimusPrime) — Mon, 27 Jul 2009 14:56:00 +0000

If you haven't noticed I've added a Donate button for those of you who would like to give to "The Luke Wood Wants To Go See Tim Tebow's Last Game In The Swamp Foundation For Underpriviliged, Unemployed, & Overweight Part-Time Blogging, Full-Time Student Fund."

I suggest you take advantage of this opportunity to make your soul feel good.

And yes, I am kidding. Unless you're serious. Are you serious? No? Then I'm kidding. Unless you're serious.

Yes, the link works. Just in case.

Luke's Links 7-27-2009

noreply@blogger.com (WoodimusPrime) — Mon, 27 Jul 2009 13:05:00 +0000

Monday is here again! Who's excited? I know I am. Last week was the unofficial beginning of college football. After SEC Media Days comes practice, and after practice comes kickoff! I can smell it in the air. It's almost time to knock some heads. While we're on the subject, I heard about a charity this weekend that I think you all should consider donating to. It's called "The Luke Wood Wants To Go See Tim Tebow's Last Game In The Swamp Foundation For Underpriviliged, Unemployed, & Overweight Part-Time Blogging, Full-Time Student Fund." I think you'll agree it's a worthy cause. Give accordingly.

So today we've got some HOT LINKS! Get 'em while they're hot! I love writing these links posts. I enjoy sharing, especially when it doesn't cost me anything! Ha ha! See what I did there? Anyway, let's get it on!

In honor of SEC Media Days, I have a video for you featuring Urban Meyer, and Lane Kiffin. Good stuff. DRAW!

I've got another quality commercial for your enjoyment. It's a beer commercial, as all the good ones seem to be. They have some awesome advertising departments. Swear Jar

Today's American Idol clip is on the other end of the spectrum from the ones I usually put on here. The video is almost five minutes long, but you only need to see the first couple. Presenting my favorite Idol audition of all-time: Mr. Leroy Wells

I've want to put another commercial on here, but I don't know if I can. Let me ask the boss. Okay! He said I could. This is another brilliant commercial, in a long line of brilliant commercials, by Nike. If features LT, and Troy Polamalu. This may be my favorite Nike commercial. It is actually directed by David Fincher, who was the man behind the classic movie Seven. Seven ranks in my all-time top ten, but I don't want to spoil that list. Anyway, here's the commercial. Fate

You want to know how to know it's your day? When this happens to you, and your son, and you both walk away. Awesome

If I've said once, I've said it a million times, Keep your babies away from break dancers. You won't want to laugh, but you will. Break it down!

Here's my music entry for the day. Unfortunately, there isn't a high quality copy out there, but you can still hear the awesomeness in this one. It's David Cook & Carrie Underwood singing a duet on "You Can Go Your Own Way." Their voices sound as if they were created for each other. If they got married, and had twins, their twins would cry in perfect harmony. UPDATE: I found a pretty good quality version. Sing it!

To day I'm going to leave you with a video that no one will care about, but me. Why am I putting it on? I really don't know. It's really well done. And if you just try to appreciate the awesomeness instead of focusing on your innate hatred, you might like it. Check it out. That's G!

Well that does it for this week's links. I just got another chill from the "G" commercial. That thing rocks! Enjoy the links people. Links make the world go 'round. Remember to send in your donations to "The Luke Wood Wants To Go See Tim Tebow's Last Game In The Swamp Foundation For Underpriviliged, Unemployed, & Overweight Part-Time Blogging, Full-Time Student Fund." Long days, and pleasant nights.

Luke's Lists - Top Ten Christmas Movies

noreply@blogger.com (WoodimusPrime) — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 14:50:00 +0000

I thought since it was the middle/end of July, that now would be a great time to talk about my favorite holiday movies. I have to say "holiday" instead of Christmas, because one of my favorites is about Hanukkah. So anyway, I've thrown together my top ten Holiday (Christmas) Movies Ever. And before you ask, no I did not forget "A Christmas Story." I HATE that movie. It's one of those flicks everybody likes, and they always tell me I need to see it again to appreciate. Well guess what? I've seen it a few times, and I still can't stand it. Anyway,I think I'll call this feature: Luke's Lists. Here we go.

#1 Love Actually - I almost left this one off the list, even though it's my second favorite movie ever, because I forgot all the stories are set at Christmas. That makes it a Christmas movie. If you've never seen this movie, and you aren't offended by the occasional bad word, and a quick scene or two with nudity, then I HIGHLY recommend it. It is a romantic comedy that features eight connected stories. It is all about Love. If you're not smiling at the end you have no soul. It never fails to make me happy. They've started showing it on regular TV now, so if you are offended by what I mentioned above, catch it when it's on sometime, and you won't have to worry about it.

#2 - National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation - Does this one really need an explanation? Probably one of the five most quotable movies ever made. Chevy Chase at his absolute best. Randy Quaid's "Cousin Eddie" is one of my all-time favorite movie characters. I love how this movie captures the madness of a family Christmas. It is simply brilliant. The one question I always have after watching is, what is it that Clark, and every other employee in the company, buys his boss for Christmas? It looks like it might be a Post-It pad with a pen attached, but I'm not sure.

#3 Die Hard - What's that you say? Not a Christmas movie? Poppycock! It all takes place at Christmas time! They even use Run DMC's "Christmas in Hollis" on the soundtrack. What's more Christmas than that? The story of John McClane is one that always brings a tear to my eye, and joy to my heart. The thought of gathering with my family around the fireplace, with the Christmas tree in the corner, while watching this tale of Christmas wonderment fills my soul with glee. I advise you all to try it.

#4 Elf - Regardless of your feelings on Will Ferrell, this wonderful story of Buddy the Elf is, what I would classify, a new classic. It's the story of one young elf trying to find his father on the cold streets of New York City. It's a tale of building relationships, bridging gaps, and eating spaghetti with syrup. This is one of the movies my family watches over and over during the Christmas season. My favorite parts are definitely any parts that feature Zooey Deschanel singing, her voice is amazing. If you're in need of a little Christmas Spirit give this one a try.

#5 Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer - I don't know what it is about this one that gets me, but something does. I love the claymation. I love the songs. I crack up everytime I hear Yukon Cornelius shout, "Gold!" I always hope Hermie ended up a successful dentist. I wonder if the lion who's the king of the Island of Misfit Toys is supposed to be Aslan/Jesus. I just love this movie. I also think it's funny how Santa Claus kind of comes off like a jerk. At least he always does to me.

#6 Dr. Seuss' How the Grinch Stole Christmas - I love the Whos down in Who-ville. I love their silly little song that doesn't seem to feature very many actual words. How high does "You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch" have to rank on the awesome movie songs list? Top 5? The thing I like about these animated Christmas movies, is that they're all quite short. They get their message across quickly, and don't dawdle on unnecessary plot devices. I think they're more powerful that way.

#7 It's A Wonderful Life - This one is a surprise entry. Not because it's not good, but because I never liked it before. I have found that as I've grown up my taste for certain films has changed. This is probably the one that made the biggest jump. As I said before, I never really liked this movie before, but now that I'm older, and I have a family of my own, it takes on a whole new significance. The power of the story is undeniable, and the performance by Jimmy Stewart is truly something. It makes me appreciate what I've got every time I see it.

#8 8 Crazy Nights - Weird how that worked out with the two eights over there. I dig it. Anyway, I'm fairly certain the members of my family are the only people alive who liked this movie. I remember we went and saw it at the theater, and all of us thought it was great. If you can get past all of the potty humor, there is a really touching story there. Every time I watch the last few scenes something gets into my eyes and makes them water. I just don't get it. If you haven't seen this one, give it a try. You may not like it, but you never know.

#9 Scrooged - I love Bill Murray. He is, without a doubt, one of the faces on my comedy Mount Rushmore. He is brilliant in this movie. This is one of my dad's favorites. He was the one who talked me into watching it, and I've loved it ever since. It's probably the only one on this list, however, that I've seen less than five times. I feel as if I need to watch it a couple more times so I can get everything out of it I can. I don't know why, but every time that golf ball falls out of his mentor's head at the beginning, it cracks me up. Tells you a lot about me I guess.

#10 A Charlie Brown Christmas - This is the easiest one to give an explanation for. Two reasons I love it: Number One - They read the REAL Christmas story in it, and they still show it on TV every year. I like to think that there are kids out there hearing those Bible passages read for the very first time. No better time to plant a seed, in my opinion. And Number Two - I love to hear my wife sing the songs. She loves Christmas movies, especially the cartoons. She knows all the songs, and she sings them when the movies are on. I love it. It makes me laugh.

So there you go. My Top Ten Holiday (Christmas) Movie of All-Time. At Christmas time I'll do my Top Ten Summer Movies of All-Time. I'm weird like that. Thanks for stopping by. Long days, and pleasant nights.

Luke's Links 7-20-2009

noreply@blogger.com (WoodimusPrime) — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 12:40:00 +0000

Why does Krystal waste their time with big burgers? Furthermore, why would anyone go to Krystal and order one of those big burgers? I don’t care if they’re good, they’re wrong. The Krystal, the way it naturally arrives, is a perfect union of burger, bun, and ingredients. It is the symbol of all that is yummy in this world. If someone doesn’t like the Krystal they should go to another restaurant, not have the ability to order a bigger burger. It’s just wrong. I am all for Krystal elitism. Their new slogan should be, “All of our burgers are little, deal with it.”

Before I get to the links today I would like to take the time to pimp a great summer TV show. “Leverage” started its second season on TNT last week, and I would highly recommend watching it to anyone who enjoys fast, fun, and funny television. It is basically a story about a group of thieves, led by a former insurance investigator, who come together to rip off the rich people who make a living screwing over the little people. It’s a lot like a high-tech Robin Hood. Each week deals with the crew helping out some person, or group, who has been taken advantage of by “The Man.” My main point of emphasis, when telling people to check it out, is that it’s like watching “Ocean’s Eleven” every week. It is really a fun show to watch. Each episode is stand-alone, so you don’t need to worry about being lost when you tune in. Anyway, check it out. It airs Wednesday nights at 9 p.m. on TNT (They know drama). On to the links!

I’ve got a couple good “Star Wars” videos to show you today. The first one is Darth Vader as you’ve never seen him before. U Can't Touch This

This next one is a commercial featuring Lord Vader that I hadn’t seen until last week, but it is good stuff. Enjoy. What's Vader's handicap?

Here is a video of Sacha Baron Cohen on Letterman. He appears as himself, which is rare, and he’s discussing the process of interviewing a terrorist for “Bruno.” It is funny in parts, but I found the whole thing to be really interesting. Regardless of what you think of Cohen’s comedy, the man is a genius. How to interview a terrorist.

Here is my favorite scene from “Monty Python and The Holy Grail.” Classic movie, classic scene. She’s a witch!

Today’s musical piece comes from Mr. Chris Daughtry. I saw some info about this song in last week’s “Entertainment Weekly.” It is an acoustic cover of Lady Gaga’s “Poker Face.” It is awesome. Some of you may not know the original song (mom), so you may not appreciate how good this is, but trust me, I’m an expert. The original is total rubbish, this one is good. Pa pa pa Poker Face.

It’s almost football time, so I’m going to start throwing some football videos on the links. Today’s video is one of my favorite Florida highlights, and no it isn’t against UT. Ben Troupe

Here’s one more Star Wars video to close out the day. This is a trailer for the upcoming video game Star Wars: The Old Republic. I highly suggest that if you are a Star Wars fan you give this one a view. If you’re not a Star Wars fan, I still highly suggest you watch it. It is absolutely incredible. I wish George Lucas would take writing lessons from these guys. Old Republic

Well, that does it for the links. Thanks for coming by everybody. I look forward to giving you more of poorly written thoughts on random subjects in the near future. Long days, and pleasant nights everyone.

Luke's Links 7-13-2009

noreply@blogger.com (WoodimusPrime) — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 13:27:00 +0000

Happy Luke’s Links day everybody! I figure it’s better to think of Monday as Luke’s Links day, rather than Monday. It makes it easier to get out of bed when you know at some point during the day you will get to watch a collection of videos that were painstakingly researched, and hand-picked, by a master of comedy like myself. My family has gone to the beach and left me home all alone, so what else do I have to do but watch YouTube videos? In honor of the excellent church service I attended yesterday, all the videos for today are church themed. So here we go.

I don’t know who thought it would be a good idea to ride a motorcycle into the church, but I don’t think they’ll suggest it again. Church + Motorcycle = FAIL!

This clip made the rounds via e-mail a few years ago, so I’m sure most of you have seen it. I’ve seen it 15 or 20 times, and it cracks me up every single time. If you haven’t seen it enjoy. Whoops!

Today’s music video choice is an interesting take on the classic hymn “O-mazing Grace.” This video had me in tears the first time I saw it. It reminds me of Carl Lewis singing the national anthem. O-mazing Grace

I have to give props to my mom & dad for showing me this one. It’s another one that I’m sure most of you have seen, but it never hurts to be reminded just how funny our gaseous emissions can be. And to be reminded that no matter how old you are, this stuff never stops being funny. Sometimes you just have to let it go.

I think this is a brilliant way to get folks to turn off their cell phones during church. If you don’t turn it off after this, then you need some help. Good stuff. Turn 'em off!

This is a great one. My mother and my aunt Tammy are going to love this, and I hope the rest of you do too. Make sure you’re paying attention as soon as it starts, because the magic happens a few seconds in. Wiggin' out.

The final video for today is dedicated to my sister, Hannah. She probably won’t think this video is very funny, but the rest of you will. When you see this video picture a young Hannah Wood (if you know her), because she did this very thing. And we have it on tape! Aquaboy.

That’s all I’ve got for today. I wish I could have video of my brother rolling up the aisle in the middle of church, but I don’t. Getting in little digs at Hannah AND Andy in one posting would have been too awesome. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed a little church humor. Tune in later this week for a column about…something I haven’t decided on yet. Hooray! Long days and pleasant nights everybody.

Decepticon testes are such a faux pas...

noreply@blogger.com (WoodimusPrime) — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 13:32:00 +0000

Let’s talk about Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. Now before I get into this I must confess that I am a Transformers freak. I loved it growing up, and I still love it now. I have a Soundwave bust on my entertainment center. I have a whole bunch of Optimus Prime toys, and t-shirts. I go out and buy new Transformers stuff whenever I have money. So with that being said, I’m probably not the best person to give their thoughts on the movie. But that’s why I love having my own blog, I can do it anyway.

When the first Transformers movie came out a couple years ago, I was very apprehensive. The teaser trailer they made, with the Decepticon smashing that Mars rover, was absolute crap. I didn’t like any of the pictures I had seen of the Transformers themselves. I couldn’t stand that they had added flames to my beloved Optimus Prime. However, I ended up loving the movie itself. It’s one of my five favorite movies ever. My wife and I have probably watched it 25 times. So needless to say, I was excited for part two.

Now let me say this first: If you went into this movie wanting more than giant robots fighting, stuff blowing up, and Megan Fox, then you were in the wrong theater. This is my main problem with all of the negative reviews. What did they want to see? Or I guess more importantly what movie did they expect to see? From some of the reviews I read it sounded like a lot of these critics were going into this movie expecting to see another Dark Knight. I just don’t get all the hate. They story wasn’t all that strong in the first movie, why were you expecting it to be in this one? The first one was full of silly, sometimes childish, jokes, why were you shocked about all of that in this one? Anyway, I’m getting ahead of myself.

Let me give you a plot summary: There are Autobots, and there are Decepticons. They are giant robots who transform. They fight over stuff. That’s about it. I will freely admit that I really liked this movie. After seeing it again, and thinking about it some, I didn’t like it as much as the first one because of a couple of things, but I still really, really liked it. The action in this one was much better. The fight scenes were very well choreographed, which also means the special effects were top-notch. Optimus Prime was a killing machine in this one, which I loved. I can’t stand it when he is portrayed as anything less than a bad mama-jama. I mean, he’s the leader of the Autobots, he didn’t get to that lofty post by having the best tea parties. I loved Megan Fox, even though she was pretty much useless in the story itself. Then again, other than Sam, no human was important in this movie. I must also confess that I would go see pretty much any movie with Megan Fox, regardless of subject. She’s purty.

Also on the list of things I loved, was the fact that they added the Megatron - Starscream dynamic. They had that one throw-away line in the first movie, but that was it. In this one they hated each other, and I loved every second of it. Also, the more I see of Shia LeBeouf the more I like him. I think he may end up being another Tom Hanks. He is an excellent actor, plus he’s very likeable. His, “find you a tighter t-shirt” line was classic. Anybody who does sarcasm, and does it well, is awesome in my book. I am always impressed when the acting is as good as his was, and he did the majority of his lines while interacting with a giant green screen. I also enjoyed Josh Duhamel and Tyrese, and I wish there had been more of them. I’ve been a big Duhamel fan since ‘Las Vegas’, and I would love to see him do more movies. I was shocked that I enjoyed Tyrese’s character in the first one, as I just knew he was going to be obnoxious, but I was wrong. They have good chemistry together, and I would like to see that explored.

There were some things in the movie that I hated as well, so it’s not going to be all cupcakes and roses. Transformers do NOT have testicles. That needs to be removed from the DVD release. That, to me, is bad on the adding Hayden Christiansen to ‘Return of the Jedi’ level of badness. Also, the only humans who should be involved in the story are Shia, Megan Fox, Josh Duhamel, and Tyrese. You can have all of the fringe humans, like Glenn Morshower as that cool Army guy, but those are the only four who need substantial roles. John Turturro, Sam’s roommate, the “girl” at the college, and Sam’s parents need to go away. Let them be in the first ten minutes or so, then bye-bye. They served no purpose at all. You could have cut them out and no one would have noticed.

And those racist twin Autobots, just wow. I could spend all of this space telling you about why I hate them. They are the Jar-Jar Binks for the Transformer series. They were just absolutely horrible, horrible additions. The thing I hated the most about them was that they took screen time away from the important Autobots. How many lines did Ironhide and Ratchet have? Two apiece? That makes me so mad. I don’t understand why Bay wouldn’t add some classic Autobots like Wheeljack, Cliffjumper, and Blaster. I mean, when are we going to get a little Ultra Magnus? Why Michael Bay thought the world needed two racist Autobots I will never know.

I also wish they would have used Soundwave more, as he is my second favorite Transformer. I thought it was really cool that they made him a satellite. He is the Decepticons lead communications officer, so that seems like a good form for him to take. I wish they would have made him a triple-changer though, like Astrotrain. I would have loved to see him turn into some Cybertronian jet, and fly down to start whooping Autobot bootie in the last fight scene. And my last complaint is that my Megan Fox is too hot for the Sam-Mikayla storyline to be realistic. Sam won’t tell her he loves her? Bull. Sam misses a web-date with her to go to a frat party with his roommate, whom he doesn’t even like? Bull. In the real world when a guy is dating a girl that hot he would have been sitting in front of that webcam half an hour early guaranteed. I should know, since I married a chick that hot. (Anyone who knows my wife, please tell her about that comment.)

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is a great summer movie. It’s full of action, explosions, and Megan Fox. When I envisioned a sequel to Transformers, I envisioned action, explosions, and more Megan Fox, so I got what I wanted from this sequel. I do hope Mr. Bay listens to the reviews and executes the racist twins in the third one, on screen if possible. For any of you out there who went and saw it and didn’t like it, tell me why. I haven’t gotten a chance to talk to anyone who didn’t like it yet, and I really want to. I’m curious to know what it was you wanted to see from it that you didn’t, or what you didn’t want to see that you did. So go see Transformers, if you haven’t. Prepare yourself for a popcorn movie featuring giant robots fighting… and Decepticon testicles. I give it an 8 out of 10.

Luke's Links 7-6-2009

noreply@blogger.com (WoodimusPrime) — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 13:27:00 +0000

Monday is here again. This was supposed to be a long weekend, seeing as how I got four days off, but it sure didn’t feel that way. It was kind of poopy, except for dinner on Saturday night. A sick child, the death of a close family friend, and other things do not a great weekend make. However, Luke’s Links is going to push on. Let’s get this show on the road, shall we?

This first one is the TV spot for Gears of War, a video game that came out in 2006. This is an absolutely brilliant spot, featuring Gary Jules’ Mad World. This is the version Adam Lambert performed on American Idol this season, and it is awesome. It’s very haunting. I love it. Gears of War

This is one of the Orbit gum commercials with that blond, British chick. This thing cracks me up. It reminds me of watching an R-rated movie on television. Good times. Orbit

Last week I posted my favorite trailer ever. (Watchmen) This week I have my second favorite trailer ever. It is the full-length trailer from 300. The music in the second half of the trailer is “Just Like You Imagined,” by Nine Inch Nails. Man, I love this movie! I wish I could watch it right now. 300 Trailer You know what? While we’re at it, here’s the teaser trailer from 300, which is equally brilliant. 300 Teaser

Respect to my brother, Andy Wood, for showing me this clip. I figured since I posted the trailer from 300 I would post this one too. This is Robot Chicken doing 300. Great stuff. Robot Chicken 300

Since I’m in need of a football fix I’m going to throw a football video in today. Mr. Joey Kent, meet Mr. Lawrence Wright. And say goodbye to half of your tongue. (True story.) Joey Kent loses half of his tongue

Women driving. Hahahaha! Women Driving

Today’s American Idol clip is Blake Lewis doing “You Give Love A Bad Name,” by Bon Jovi. Blake is DEFINITELY not for everybody, but I love the beat box stuff. Blake Lewis

That's all I have for today. I'm starting a new class today, so I have to go learn SQL. Sounds like a blast. Long days, and pleasant nights everybody.

Luke's Links 6-29-2009

noreply@blogger.com (WoodimusPrime) — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 22:11:00 +0000

Well here we are on Monday once again. I’ve been way behind on my blogging, and I’m not happy about it. We were assigned an obscene amount of homework last week in class, and we’re just now getting caught up. I have four presentations, a job package, and a mock interview “final” all in three days. Not cool. So I’ve got some links to throw up, and I’ll hopefully be able to post my review on Transformers later on this week. So here are the links.

This week’s movie trailer is an oldie, but it is my all-time favorite trailer. The music in it is absolutely brilliant. I only wish the movie itself was half as good as the trailer. Here’s the trailer for “Watchmen.” Sorry about all the ads, but that’s the only one on YouTube, and it loads faster than Apple Trailers. P.S. The song in the trailer is “The End is the Beginning is the End,” by the Smashing Pumpkins. Trailer

Here’s an old blooper reel from Sportscenter. They’re all fairly funny, but Charlie Steiner’s response to Carl Lewis singing the national anthem is absolutely priceless. Check it out. Sportscenter

Here’s a look inside mornings inside the Wood house. This is how I get ready for the daily grind. WARNING: Lots of bleeped out bad words. John Henderson

This is a blooper from a local newscast. You won’t want to laugh, because the subject matter is so serious, but you won’t be able to help it. How do you screw up like this? Newscast Oopsie

This week’s American Idol clip is Chris Daughtry singing “Hemorrhage” by Fuel. Fuel was my favorite band until their lead singer, Brett Scallions, left. This was such a good performance Fuel actually offered Daughtry their front man job. Unfortunately, he turned it down. Good stuff. Daughtry

Finally, I leave you with one of my favorite videos ever. As soon as you see what it is you will know what happens. It involves a girl, and a treadmill. However, the fun in this one begins AFTER she falls. The treadmill introduces her, rather harshly, to the wall. Awesome! Girl vs. Treadmill

Well that does it for Luke’s Links. As I said before, I will hopefully be back later this week with my review of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. Until then, long days, and pleasant nights.

noreply@blogger.com (WoodimusPrime) — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 14:47:00 +0000

It’s Monday! Monday is Luke’s Links day. At least that’s what I’m going to call it. I have some good ones too, but first let’s get to some news. If you’ll notice, I’ve added a little gadget to the left side of the screen that will enable you to receive e-mail alerts whenever I post a new post. It doesn’t give me your e-mail address, if you were worried about that, it just lets you know when I post. So if you’re a faithful reader (Debbie Key) you can use it instead of checking the site itself. Also, I am proud to announce that I have lost 15 lbs. since June 1st. I just thought I would throw that in since I mentioned something the other day about trying to lose weight. If I put my progress in my blog posts it gives me a little extra incentive to work, since I don’t want to embarrass myself by failing publicly. Anyway, on to the links!

The first link today deals with the Miss California saga. I know that story is over, but this video is absolutely hilarious. It is from the Daily Show, and it is Jon Stewart’s take on the whole situation. And yes, I am aware that by linking to it I am only furthering the story, but it’s awesome so deal with it. WARNING: Some language, but the “worst” words are bleeped out. Daily Show

This one is a fake commercial for a WNBA video game. That should be enough of a description. Classic! WNBA Live

My random music video of the day is pretty cool. I’m sure most of you have heard “Crank That,” by Soulja Boy. I know, I know, it’s an absolutely terrible song. However, this video is drummer Travis Barker putting his own spin on the song, and I think it’s pretty awesome. He is not kind to his drums. Check it out. Travis Barker Crank That Remix

My instructor at school just showed me this one. It is a fan-made trailer for a Green Lantern movie. It “stars” Nathan Fillion, of Firefly and Serenity fame, as the lead role. The funny thing is that we were discussing who we thought should play different comic book roles, and I brought up Green Lantern, and said that Fillion should definitely get the part. So here’s what it would look like if he did. WARNING: There is one unedited curse word at the very end, it’s a Level-2 word. Green Lantern Trailer

Now here is the trailer of the week. It is Quentin Tarantino’s first foray into the war genre, and it looks fantastic. I must preface it by saying I am NOT a Tarantino fan. I enjoyed the Kill Bill movies, but I don’t like anything else. Yes, that includes Pulp Fiction. I always thought it was overrated. Anyway here is the trailer for Inglourious People who were born out of wedlock. Inglorious People who were born out of wedlock

And finally, here is this week’s American Idol clip. It is from my personal favorite female contestant, Carly Smithson. She will be performing “Come Together” for you this week, and knocking it out of the park. Enjoy. Carly Smithson

Let's play the recasting game...

noreply@blogger.com (WoodimusPrime) — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 19:39:00 +0000

Kristen Bell as Bella Swan - I've never met anyone other than myself who watched Veronica Mars. If anyone else ever saw it you can see why she is my choice. She has every trait that Bella has. She can do sarcastic, sensitive, and hot (which she'll have to do in the fourth movie.). She'll, obviously, have to go brunette for the role, which she did in 'Fanboys.' She's a no-brainer.

Ian Somerhalder as Edward Cullen - I keep hearing everyone say Robert Pattinson has THE look, I say poppycock! Ian Somerhalder has THE look. I cannot, for fear of sounding a little too "happy," explain why I see IT in him, but I do. And he can actually ACT. Wow! What a novel concept.

Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson as Shape-Shifter Jacob - Easiest choice of all for one reason, there's no one else alive who could do it. He has the build, and the look. And again, he can act.

Megan Fox as Alice Cullen - Let's see Alice is gorgeous, dark-haired, and a little crazy. Check, check, and check. Acting is still coming along, but still the choice here.

Taylor Kitsch as Emmett - This one was actually really tough for two reasons. 1. I liked the Emmett they cast. 2. No young guys are built like Emmett is built in the books. However, I LOVE Friday Night Lights, and he is the best thing about the show. He's fantastic. I definitely think he could pull this off. And, quick plug, if you've never seen Friday Night Lights, PLEASE watch it. It is the best written, best acted show on TV.

Jensen Ackles as Jasper Cullen - I must admit the only two things I've seen him in are Smallville and Dark Angel, and those were so long ago that I can't remember much about his roles. However, when I was reading the books, his face was the one that kept popping into my head. In my head, he has that quiet intensity that the role requires. Not that, I just escaped from the loony bin, and I look like a complete freak, like the guy they actually put in the movie.

Hayden Panettiere as Rosalie Cullen - The two things I got from Rosalie in the books were that she was supposed to be angelic in appearance, and she was supposed to be kind of off-putting. Hayden definitely has the gorgeous thing going for her, and she can no doubt do the off-putting thing. They would have to use some creative camera angles because she's like two feet tall.

Angelina Jolie as Esme Cullen - Ladies, I do not want to hear what you think of her personally. It does NOT matter whose husband she stole, or how many foreign children she's bought. She is PERFECT for Esme. The look, the acting chops, and definitely the presence. I would love to have seen her do this. And by the way, Brad traded up.

Ben Affleck as Carlisle Cullen - This was another hard one. I have to confess that I love Ben Affleck, and I think he is unfairly labeled in Hollywood. I think he's a really good actor. I think there may be someone better out there for Carlisle, but I think Affleck would be pretty great at it. I think he has a great presence, and would do well as the wonderful Dr. Cullen.

Enrico Colantoni as Charlie Swan - If you've never seen Veronica Mars you probably won't get this one. Let me tell you this, he is, without question, the second greatest TV dad of all-time, behind Bill Cosby, of course. After much thought, and contemplation, I have become more and more convinced that he is the perfect choice for Charlie. I wish everyone could see Veronica Mars, it was a phenomenal show, and Enrico's Keith Mars is one of my favorite TV characters ever. If any of you have Netflix, it would definitely be worth your time to watch that show.

So there it is. I invite any discussion, or other suggestions. The best thing about stuff like this are the debates it brings. Any ideas on other movies to recast let me know. Long days, and pleasant nights.

One more thing, Blogspot's picture posting function is REALLY frustrating. I couldn't figure out how to put text above the picture. So here's what I would have said. This is a dream casting. Budget and acting salaries were not taken into consideration. The fact that Angelina Jolie makes more than the entire cast doesn't matter. Okay, I'm really gone this time.

Luke's Links

noreply@blogger.com (WoodimusPrime) — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 14:31:00 +0000

I think I’m going to steal an idea from the Sports Guy, Bill Simmons. I’m going to start putting up some links to various YouTube videos, movie trailers, and commercials that I think are cool, funny, or just generally awesome. I hate blood and gore, so you won’t see any of that on these links. I will also warn you when there’s foul language, so you know who you can, and cannot, play them around. So without further ado, here is my inaugural Luke’s Links List.

This is the trailer for a movie called ‘9.’ I think it looks absolutely incredible. The music in the trailer is perfect for the material. If anyone is wondering the two songs in the trailer are “Welcome Home” by Coheed & Cambria, and “The Captain” by The Knife. http://www.apple.com/trailers/focus_features/9/

This is a YouTube video I found a few months ago called, “Transformers Go Hollywood.” If you’re a mid-to-late twenties man, who watched cartoons when you were young, you’ll love this clip. If you don’t fall in that category, it’s still funny, but you may not get it all. Every time I watch it, I laugh, and I’ve seen it many, many times. WARNING: Some foul language, but it’s bleeped out. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PtSl3Khf1aE

Now this one is painful. I just stumbled onto this one this weekend. It is hilarious, but also cringe-worthy. It’s nothing bloody or gory, just an ouchie. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x0-iqt2C9ok

I found the next two clips this morning at school. As you may, or may not, know, I am very, very passionate about music. Actually more passionate than I am about TV, or movies. Anyway, these guys are an a capella group from Michigan State University, and they are amazing. If you like this sort of thing, they have several more videos on YouTube, but these are two of my favorites. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n1bHLf7VIbU & http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cwrL4mDLiz0

I thought I would also throw up some of my all-time favorite American Idol performances. A lot of them are hard to find, because FOX yanks all the newer ones off, but you can find some of the older ones. Today’s is David Cook’s Billie Jean. I know he didn’t arrange this, but I like it a lot better than Chris Cornell’s version. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vT0x7xDbxYE

Here’s today’s Luke Wood Safety Tip: Don’t mess with horses. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XqZ4UUDoZGs

That’s it for today. I may try to do this every Monday. I like to share. Long days, and pleasant nights.

How did we figure out fish like worms...

noreply@blogger.com (WoodimusPrime) — Sat, 13 Jun 2009 19:20:00 +0000

I’ve found my purpose! No more will I babble endlessly about things no one cares about! Well, yes I will, but first I’m going to tell you about a place I love. It needs our help. The last three times I’ve been in there, it has been almost empty.

Have any of you ever been to Little Italy, in Alcoa? It is a little Italian restaurant, off Alcoa Hwy., behind the Taco Bell. It is one of my favorite restaurants in this wonderful area. Now I must confess that I’ve not tried everything on their menu, but the things I have tried are simply phenomenal. Their calzones are excellent, as is their spaghetti. However, the thing that really gets my taste buds hopping is their pizza. I love pizza, and theirs is incredible. If you are a fan of cheesy pizza, then this is the place for you. If you simply order a cheese pizza with extra cheese, you will get enough cheese to give you a heart attack on-the-spot. That’s how I like it!

Another great thing about Little Italy is their prices. Their take-out family special is hands down, the best deal around here. I don’t want to put the price in here, because I don’t want to get it wrong. Trust me, you won’t find a better deal. Sara and I went there for dinner last month, ate to our fill, walked out with plenty to take home, and spent less than $25. That’s awesome. If you dine in you’ll enjoy the ambience, and the booths are super-comfortable. So everybody go give it a try. It’s really, really good, and I want them to get all the business they can. I couldn’t bear to lose another pizza place after Cosmo’s (or was it Cosimo’s?) closed in East Towne.

So, I’ve gone a week without updating. Do you know what that means? That’s right, I have nothing to talk about. I can’t find anyone to go see ‘The Hangover’ with me. I have no books to read. And I have no TV to watch right now. I mean I have a couple things to mini-rant about, but that’s it. What’s that? What do I want to rant about? Well I’m glad you asked.

I wish I could design restrooms for a living. And come to think of it, why are they restrooms in public, and bathrooms at home? I guess because there’s a bath at home. Anyway, why is it these people build these little, tiny stalls, and then make the freaking doors open in? I mean, I don’t know about you, but I absolutely love having to step into the toilet to get out of the stall. Always makes my day. And the toilet paper dispensers, why do they have to be so low? I won’t get into specifics here, because that’s gross, but they are way, way too low. Also, on the gross subject, let’s just say the water level is WAY too high in most public toilets.

Since all of these things could at least, kind of, be grouped together in the restaurant rant category, why in the world can I not order a cheeseburger at McDonald’s after 11 o’clock? I don’t mean a Quarter Pounder, or a Big ‘N’ Tasty, but a normal, everyday cheeseburger. Even worse than that, why is it that I can’t get a Big Mac? The Big Mac is their signature sandwich, yet they don’t serve it on their late night menu. I don’t get it. Krystal always serves Krystals, Burger King always serves Whoppers, Wendy’s always has Frosties, and Taco Bell always sends you to the, aforementioned, restrooms. All these other places always offer what they’re known for, why can’t McDonald’s. (See what I did up there with the Taco Bell thing? Cause they’re known for sending you to the pot. Get it? HA ha!) I’m going to have to get John and Sandra Faris to read my blog, and see if they’ll fix that late-night menu.

So to sum up, go to Little Italy, I hate public restrooms, and if I want a Big Mac at 3 am, I should be able to get one. Thanks everybody. Go to Little Italy. Long days, and pleasant nights.

I put my Pop Tarts on my hood, so the sun can cook them...

noreply@blogger.com (WoodimusPrime) — Thu, 04 Jun 2009 20:39:00 +0000

So I am having a hard time with my Twilight recast. I’ve gotten the casting itself done, but I can’t figure out a way to make it look cool. I don’t want to just throw some names up there and expect you faithful readers to head over to IMDB to see who I’m talking about. I would love to be able to attach pictures to each role. So until I figure out how this Blogspot stuff works my recast is on hold. It is done though, I promise. Hannah has heard most of them, so she can vouch for me.

So growing up is garbage. For eleven years my web handle, email address, and any user name I have, has always been WoodimusPrime. I have always prided myself on having a witty (to me) voicemail greeting. Now that I’m a marketable asset, because of my technological expertise, I have to be all professional and stuff. Boo for that! I’ve known my wife, Sara, for a little over nine years. I’ve been WoodimusPrime for 11! Who am I now? I’m really not sure. LukeAWood@gmail.com just doesn’t have the same ring to it. Am I really supposed to believe companies can’t hire Transformers fans? That’s discrimination! Sue for ten, settle for three! If this trend continues how long will it be before Luke Wood is gone as well? I’m a little scared. Although, since I have finished my A+ course, and I know a little bit about web design, I’m a hire-worthy commodity, so I’ve got that going for me, which is nice. So I got myself some bidness cards, and a company name, and I’m ready to go!

I was watching television last night, and one of those Wendy’s 3conomics commercials came on, and I have a question: Are they supposed to be funny? If so, I must not be “in” on the joke. I guess they’re trying to be relevant by addressing the state of the economy, but I think they’re ridiculous. Their marketing is on a whole other plane of bad from Hardee’s. Hardee’s commercials are just bad. These seem to be pointless. They’re trying to tell us they have a dollar menu. Doesn’t everyone have a dollar menu? Shouldn’t these commercials be memorable? The only reason I thought to write of this one was because I had my laptop sitting on my lap when it came on. I bet some of you don’t even know which commercials I’m talking about. What has happened to marketing in America? Beth Baker to the rescue!

I’ve finally gotten back into the gym. I’m hitting the Rush everyday after school, for some hardcore (for me) cardio. I’ve already lost five pounds in three days. I plan on weighing in at about 125 lbs. by July. Only 163 more lbs. to go, and 26 days to do it. Yes we can! I would love to write more, but school is over, and it’s time to go. Long days, and pleasant nights.

Why is it funny when people fall down?

noreply@blogger.com (WoodimusPrime) — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 12:45:00 +0000

As most of you know, I read the Twilight saga last week. I thought that they were absolutely phenomenal books. They are sitting at #4 on my all-time favorite book series list right now. So, against my better judgment I decided to watch the movie last night. I hadn’t heard anything good about it, so I went in with my eyes open, but I was still hoping I would like it. I understand how difficult it is to make a book to movie adaptation. Very few seem to get it right. In my opinion the very top of the heap is Lord of the Rings, and the bottom is Eragon. I’m sure there are some really bad adaptations I’m missing, but that’s the one that’s sticking with me right now. So let’s get to my thoughts on ‘Twilight.’

As I said above Lord of the Rings is at the apex of the book to movie adaptation mountain, that hasn’t changed. However, Eragon is no longer at the bottom! I’ve really struggled with what I could say about Twilight. Let’s do the good first. The town of Forks is exactly like I imagined it as I read. Setting is so important to me, and they definitely knocked this one out of the park. I don’t know if it was shot in actual Forks, Washington or not, but it sure looks like it. Another thing I really liked was the casting choice for Jessica. She fit what I imagined from the book very well. I liked her look, and the tone of her voice fit very nicely. That’s it. That’s all I liked.

I have two theories for why this movie ended up like it did. First; Stephanie Meyer is a very, very greedy woman. She sold the movie rights to her creations for a big, fat check, and a producer’s credit. Not caring how it ended up, she just wanted her money. Second; she sold the movie rights to her creations, signed a contract, and without realizing it signed away control of the story. I really hope number two is the right one. I just can’t see how she could ever be behind this bastardizing (I hope that’s not a bad word. I don’t think it is, but I could be wrong.) of her work. I got ¾ of the way through the movie, and all I could think was, “Well, I guess Catherine Hardwicke hasn’t read any of the books.” A more likely scenario is me reading more into the books than I was meant to. When I read it I was struck by how full of emotion they were. Bella & Edward’s love will go down as one of the great loves in literature. Yet here I sat watching this movie, and there was NO chemistry whatsoever between their two leads. ZERO. How do you screw this up? I don’t care how your Bella looks, I don’t care how your Edward looks. If they don’t have chemistry there’s no point in the movie. Every single scene of them together was ridiculously awkward, and stilted. I guess this comes from casting two people who can’t act. Robert Pattinson is clearly a graduate of Joey Tribbiani’s “Smell the fart” acting school. His facial expressions were absolutely hilarious. You could see the gears in his head working to try to remember his next line. It was horrible. The relationship between Bella & Edward has no build-up whatsoever. One second he’s recoiling after she walks in front of a fan, and seemingly two minutes later she’s giving her “I knew three things…” speech.

Now as far as looks go, I definitely think Kristen Stewart has it. She looks like what Bella looked like in my head. Everything else about her is wrong. She can’t act, as I said before. I guess it’s a lot to expect for her to go from Zathura to headlining one of the biggest film franchises on Earth. As for Pattinson, I guess he looks okay. He’s pale. He has wavy, bronze hair. I don’t remember reading about Edward having eyebrows that weigh 6 pound apiece, but whatever. Every time you see him he either looks like he’s trying to remember what to say, like he thinks he’s better than everyone in the room, or like a statue. Again, this may be me reading more into the book than I should, but I always read Edward to be a very emotional character, who was constantly struggling within himself. Not struggling to remember lines, but struggling to deal with his love for, his worry about, and his fear of hurting Bella. I didn’t get any of that in this performance. I guess what it all boils down to with Edward, is I didn’t look at him and see him as a hero. In a story like this I felt myself wanting to be Edward. I mean, what guy doesn’t want to be super strong, fast, good-looking, and immortal? He’s a great hero, but in the movie I had to work to even LIKE his character.

As for the rest of the cast: Peter Facinelli as Carlisle? REALLY?! That’s the best you could do? This one is unforgivable. I’m sorry, but Mike Dexter from Can’t Hardly Wait, is NOT Carlisle. What a freaking joke! I can say no more on that, it gets me too mad. My biggest gripe with the Cullens is this: How many times in the book did Meyer mention their looks? Seemingly a billion. Yet, not one of the Cullens was more than mildly attractive. I mean, Rosalie was supposed to be other-worldly, and she was about a 5 on a scale of one to ten. And don’t get me started on Jasper. I read Jasper as a quietly intense person. With a constant battle raging inside his head. Apparently Hardwicke read him as a blank-faced zombie, who looks like he broke out of the insane asylum. I surely didn’t get that. Other than Jessica, who is such a minor part that is doesn’t matter, I don’t think I liked one casting choice. I’m sure they couldn’t afford to get name actors, but they could have done better than this.

I’ll fly through the rest of this. The special effects were horrendous. Heroes and Lost have effects that are hundreds of times better, and they’re TV SHOWS! This is one of the most successful book series of all time, and you couldn’t throw together a few bucks to make it look good? I know the vampires sparkle, but what is that sound they make in the sun? The popping sound? I didn’t get that. It felt like a Rice Krispies commercial, Snap, Sparkle, Pop. Ridiculous. I won’t even get into what it looked like when Edward ran.

Why were so many scenes left unscored? I noticed though the first half of the movie that several scenes had no music. Music makes films great. Do you think Lord of the Rings and Star Wars would have been as good without the tremendous scores that accompanied them? Maybe they ran out of time, and couldn’t work it in? And why all the plot liberties? I thought James' character was cool because all it took was Edward protecting Bella to make him want to kill her. We didn’t need all this superfluous garbage with them killing these factory workers, and fishermen. Why did they feel the need to take all of the emotion and romance out of the scene in the meadow? That was hands-down the most romantic scene in the book. Here it’s treated like time-filler.

I’m sorry this is so long. Thanks for reading it all, if you did. To sum up, I didn’t like this movie too much. I honestly don’t see how anyone who was affected, emotionally, by the books could like this movie. I will freely admit that I read more into movie than most people, but that’s just me. I’m sure I’ll get up getting suckered in to going to see New Moon. I guess I’m a glutton for punishment.

Also, since TV is pretty much over for me until August or September, I need some stuff to write about. If anyone has any ideas let me know. I plan on doing a Twilight recast in the next day or two, and I thought about doing some lists, i.e. my favorite movies, songs, books, and so on. I don’t do reality TV, except Idol of course. And I don’t do horror movies. Other than that I’m down for whatever. Let me know. Long days and pleasant nights.

I wish Chick-fil-a would do a commercial where a cow smokes...

noreply@blogger.com (WoodimusPrime) — Sat, 30 May 2009 03:21:00 +0000

My family and I had such a wonderful night together tonight. We’re all at home at once, which is rare. We decided to get some pizza, and watch a movie together. I wanted to watch Wall-E again, because Sara had never seen it. If you haven’t seen this movie, do yourself a favor and watch it. It is such a beautiful, moving, wonderful movie. One of the best love stories I’ve watched or read. The writers and animators for Pixar are, without a doubt, the best in the world. How they manage to convey such emotion with so little dialogue is incredible. There are four or five moments in the movie that I always seem to have dust in my eyes while they’re on. The scene where EVE watches the security footage, and sees how Wall-E took care of her while she was in shutdown mode is wonderful. So watch it, and if you’re someone who gets upset with environmental messages, don’t pay attention to that part. It’s an amazing experience.

I had a thought the other day. Just one, so it wasn’t the birth of an idea. I thought that if I continued to write these silly little blog posts, and you awesome people kept reading them, I could possibly be a bookmark in someone’s browser. I never knew that was a dream of mine until I had that thought. Anyway, on to other things.

So I rejoined the Rush last night, so I can stop being fat. I wanted to go today and get some 4x, plain, white undershirts to work out in. 4x because, after they’re washed they’ll be 3x, and I love loose clothes when I work out, and that should do the trick. So, Briana and I go to an unnamed big men’s clothing store to find some today. I found a two-pack of plain, white t’s, (haha) and I was all set to buy them, until I looked down at the price tag. $23 bucks for two plain, white t’s! What a joke! That’s astounding to me. It’s like they don’t know much t-shirts cost in regular stores. I found that to be quite insulting. I also looked around at the some of the normal clothes in the store, just for the heck of it. I learned that there are two rules in big men’s clothing sales; 1. Fat guys must be rich to afford the clothes. 2. Fat guys are only allowed to wear bowling shirts and khaki shorts with elastic waistbands. Again, quite insulting.

Strap in ladies, you’re about to be upset. Don’t get mad though, and please come back. I’m about to drop some knowledge on you. Ready? Here we go. Let me tell you a story that is loosely-based on the truth. By loosely based, I mean completely made up. Once there was a woman named Blah Bliggityblah. She made purses, only she wasn’t very successful. The reason she wasn’t successful was because her purses were horribly ugly. They looked like drapes and comforters pulled out of some pay by-the-hour hotel, somewhere in the middle of nowhere. She didn’t understand, however, that they were ugly, and thought the reason she wasn’t successful was because of bad luck. She had a friend who owned an upscale boutique in New York City, and Blah had an epiphany. She thought, “I’ll pay my friend to put my purses in her store, and I’ll get her to charge an obscene amount for them. Women will then think that because they’re expensive, they need them, and they won’t even notice how ugly they are.” So she did it. And they sold fairly well, but still not great. Then Blah’s friend told her she needed to throw some catchy designer sounding name on the purses, because no one wanted to buy a Blah Bliggityblah purse. So Blah thought long and hard of a designer sounding name to put on her ridiculously ugly purses. After, some time she came up with Vera Bradley. And ever since then, women have been paying obscene amounts of money for these unbelievably ugly items. She has since started making other things too; including pencils, sunglasses, and laptop cases. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the American dream. The end.

If I were a fish, I'd be a pimpfish...

noreply@blogger.com (WoodimusPrime) — Tue, 26 May 2009 23:35:00 +0000

Apparently without American Idol I’m a pretty boring guy. Last weekend I swept my wife away for an incredible weekend of sun and fun in the lush, tropical paradise of South Carolina! It was awesome. It was my last weekend of eating like a Wood, because I’m tired of being able to use myself as a punchline in my blog. I went out with a bang though! I ate a lot of awesome food. I made a vow to myself that we wouldn’t eat anywhere we had ever eaten before, with the exception of the Hard Rock Café, because it’s our favorite, and Crabby Mike’s, because I must have crab legs.. I’m proud to say we did it! Yes we can!

We had burgers at the River City Café. They were excellent, but the fries were terrible. I can’t stand home fries, and that’s what these were. We went to a NY pizzeria called ‘Little Italy,’ and it was great. I wanted to eat there again the next day, but they apparently open when they feel like it, and close when they feel like it. We spent two hours looking for a NY pizzeria, and just when we gave up all hope, we stumbled onto a place called ‘Amici’s’ at Broadway at the Beach. Let me tell you this, my friends, this was the BEST pizza I’ve had in a LONG time. I had to eat more of it later to make sure it wasn’t so good because I was craving it so much, and it was just as good then. When we got home Sara wanted me to find out if we could order it off the interwebs and have it delivered to Tennessee. It was incredible. There was more good food, but that’s boring.

So a good friend of mine talked me into reading ‘Twilight,’ and I as much as I tried to resist, I’m hooked. I read the first two books in less than 36 hours. We’re talking about almost a thousand pages folks! Just phenomenal books. I’ve got to stop fighting reading stuff just because it’s popular. It took years for me to give in to Harry Potter, and they’re now my favorite books ever. I must admit that, although I’m a dude, there’s something about love stories I’ve always, well, loved. And this one is great. Plus, I love vampires. I’d wanted to write a review of it for my blog, but I’m still trying to get my thoughts on it together. I know this though, soon there will be a blog recasting the movie, because they did a horrible job.

A weird thing happened while we were at the beach. We were driving around looking for the aforementioned pizza place, listening to top 40 radio, when the DJ came on and said this, ”And here’s Adam Lambert, with No Boundaries.” I was shocked. I thought Adam won the right not to have to record that trainwreck? I later found out Idol released Adam & Kris’ versions of the song. They must really want Adam out there in the public eye. I don’t understand why they just don’t release Adam’s ‘Mad World’ as a single. I’m sure they could get permission. Tears for Fears probably needs the royalty checks anyway.

Well, I’ve resisted the call of the third ‘Twilight’ book long enough. I’m half way through it, I need my fix. Long days and pleasant nights.