Musings of a Midwest 'Mo'

Father's Day 2026

2026-06-21T13:31:44.671-07:00

Happy Father's Day, Dad. There are so many things I miss about you. Your wry smile, your quiet strength, your strong dedication to your family.

Never a day goes by that I don't think about you. I don't think you ever really knew how much of an influence you had on me. Your strong work ethic was an example of what was needed to be successful as a person.

You taught me that a person can survive struggles that life attacks them with. Your ability to accept the fact that you were losing your leg to circulation issues after three bypass attempts, almost made me think you were superhuman. I'm not sure how I would've dealt with that kind of pain and suffering at your age and all just shortly after you retired. Your strength and faith in God and the support of your family helped, but you were the one to ultimately deal with all the pain you went through.

Today I think more about you because of all the division in our world. You believed in morality, faithfulness, equality, and, from what I saw, skin color wasn't something used as an indicator of who a person is.

Miss you, Dad. You were the rock of our family and someone who always stood up for what's right. You never judged me even if you didn't understand me and who I was. That meant a lot to me. Your love was unconditional. It always was. Just know that I will always love you and will keep your life lessons and love in my heart.

Mother's Day 2026

2026-05-14T09:15:01.460-07:00

Another Mother's Day that is a mixture of emotions. I still miss Mom on a daily basis. Loved her unconditional love, her ability to be open minded when it was hard to do so, and her general joy of life and her deep love of family.

Mom was the rock of our family. She was caring, abundantly forgiving, and embodied her Catholic faith in all aspects of her life.

She didn't judge people, consider people less than because of their race or their beliefs, or ever show anyone disrespect. She was the embodiment of love thy neighbor, which is everyone.

Mom had a great sense of humor and was always willing to laugh at herself and some of her silly antics. She was also the sounding board for so many of my family members over the years. Everyone respected her opinion and benefited from her wisdom.

I will always miss my Mom and what she brought to our family. Sometimes I wonder what the family would be like if Mom were still around. No doubt we would be better people.

Happy Father's Day 2023

2023-06-19T09:48:00.000-07:00

Although I miss my Dad every day, Father's Day makes the intensity of his loss even stronger. I sat in church yesterday thinking about the blessing the priest gave on all fathers living and deceased. It made me think of the times when the family would go to Mass en masse (fancy word for the large presence of my family), and what a solemn and respectful time it was.

Well, most of the time. I still remember sitting next to Dad in church when I was 7 or 8 and being somewhat bored but sitting quietly while the priest gave his sermon. Dad looked down at me and reached over to pick lint off my Sunday pants. Knowing how intensely ticklish I was, after he pretended to brush lint off a spot, he suddenly grabbed my knee, which made me burst out laughing as well as almost jump out of my seat. I looked up at Dad who put his index finger up to his lips to let me know to be quiet, all the while having a mischievous grin on his face.

There are so many things I admire about my Dad besides his dry sense of humor. His respect and love for my Mother, the quiet affection he gave to his kids, his empathy, and general morality of what is right and wrong. There are many examples of how Dad lived his life fostering the physical and spiritual well-being of his family and helping others.

I know that his example (and Mom's) made me the person I am today. All because of being raised by an amazing Dad.

Happy Father's Day, Dad. Miss you every day.

Father's Day 2022

2023-06-18T11:21:00.001-07:00

This amazing man inspired me to be the best person I could be. His example of discipline, love, empathy, and caring gave me the basis for how I should live my life. I haven't done that perfectly, but who has, and Dad's shoes were big ones to fill.

He was a strong and quiet man but always tried to do the right thing. I'm not sure what brought up the one conversation we had, but Dad told me about defending a Black coworker friend that had shown up one evening to talk and have a beer.

While they were sitting on the porch, Dad said a KKK member approached and demanded that the Black man go with him (referred to him in the typical KKK way). Dad told the KKK member that his friend was not going with him. The guy got angry and Dad finally picked up a bat and told the guy to get the he** out of there. The KKK guy fled.

Back in the 50s, there could be serious consequences from standing up to a KKK member. Dad did the right thing, and I was surprised I had never heard that story before. But, like I mentioned, he was a quiet man and always tried to do the right thing. I think my respect and love for him grew even a little more after hearing that.

I miss my Dad every day. I am grateful for the example he provided to me and serves me well to this day.

Happy Father's Day in heaven, Dad. I Love you!

Happy Birthday to My Wonderful Sister, Suzie, Who Passed Away in 1979 (March 2023 posting on FB)

2023-03-21T14:43:00.005-07:00

Today is my older sister, Suzie's birthday. She died in 1979 at the age of 34 leaving three beautiful daughters and a loving husband behind. This isn't the only day I remember her. I don't think a day goes by that I don't think about her

She was such a vibrant, caring, loving, smart, funny, and beautiful person. I was always flattered that she seemed to have a close connection to me in spite of our age differences.

She taught me how to dance when I was fairly little and took me to the local teen hangout to "show me off", which made me both embarrassed and proud.

When she had her kids--Amy, Theresa, and Christy--she had me babysit with them often, and those are some of my best memories of growing up. I felt honored that she and Jerry trusted me with such precious babies.

Suzie always looked out for me and there were few things that I didn't feel comfortable sharing with her. She never judged, and she offered her opinion only if asked. I appreciated that.

She had such style and grace in adversity and faced her Cancer diagnosis far better than I think I would have. She always smiled, was kind, and remained devout to her faith. I always admired her strength.

I think, most of all, I miss our conversations, our sharing funny stories, her laughter, her honesty, and her devotion to her family. There is an empty place in my heart where my sister used to be. She's still with me, but I selfishly would prefer being with her in person again and enjoying each other's company.

May she rest in God's eternal peace.

Happy Birthday, Suzie!

Mother's Day 2022

2022-05-11T10:50:00.008-07:00

Happy Mother's Day to my Mom in heaven. She passed away in 2005 and not a day goes by that there isn't something that reminds me of her. If I'm having a particularly bad day, I just have to look at the picture of Mom and Dad and it seems to remind me of how much I was and am loved by them.

I really miss the heart to heart talks Mom and I used to have, how much fun she was to tease and to make her laugh. And her laugh was such a joyous thing that it always seemed like a gift whenever I heard it.

Mom always had strong opinions but she seemed to mellow some as she got older. There were times we disagreed about some things, but we settled into a pattern of agreeing to disagree and respecting each other's opinions. Not so much the case when I was in high school (I was wise beyond my years--or so I thought).

She was a great influence in my life. She taught me to care about everyone--young, old, all races, and all religions. Her basic belief was to treat others as you would treat yourself, no matter who that might be.

I'm not sure what she would think about the world we live in now. I think she would be shocked and dismayed at how selfish and self serving that a lot of people have become. There were a couple times, years ago, that she commented about maybe living too long to deal with changes that were happening in society. Hearing her say something like that made me panic a little bit inside. It may be selfish on my part, but I would give anything to have her in my life now.

Mom was such a wonderful example of what a person should be, and she lived her life loving and caring about all she came in contact with.

I strive every day to understand and accept people for who they are. Most of that open-mindedness is due to my Mom and Dad. I think it is one of the greatest gifts that she bestowed on me.

Love you, Mom! Happy Mother's Day!

Father's Day 2021 Tribute to My Dad

2021-06-21T07:52:00.002-07:00

Happy Father's Day to my Dad in Heaven. Miss him every day. He accepted me for who I was, even though he didn't understand why I was "different." He was a strong, quiet, hard-working Father and his love for family was very important to him. He sometimes had trouble connecting with me and sometimes me with him. I regret the years that we both could've tried a little harder but, with Mom telling all of us that we need to express our love with a hug and the actual words, I actually got comfortable hugging my Dad. Thinking back, it was a little forced on both our parts at first. It was something that neither of us was used to and was a little awkward for awhile.

I think the ultimate honest expression was when I went to hug Dad before I left to return home one evening and he wrapped his arms around me and said, "I love you" and then continued to hold me even though I started to stand up to leave and he wouldn't let go. I settled into his hug for about a half minute and felt myself smiling and getting a little teary eyed.

I always knew my Dad loved me. I just wondered whether I had disappointed him. That hug and his words seemed to make all my doubts disappear.

I've heard stories about Dad's who had trouble expressing love and affection to their kids. Some of it was generational and some of it was just an inability to let themselves express what they actually always felt. I will always be grateful for that evening when my Dad embraced me and said the words, "I love you." It's probably the best gift he ever gave me--that and being my Dad.

Happy Father's Day Dad. I love you.

Only Benefit of Trump's Culture of Hate and Division Exposed the Homophobes and Racists in My Family

2021-05-15T10:08:00.013-07:00

When I was growing up, my family meant everything to me. We were all close, cared about one another, and had each other's backs.

Something changed in recent years. The relationship with my family that were Trump supporters seemed to become more and more strained. As time went on before the 2016 and 2020 election, I noticed that some family members would post misinformation on Facebook that I would politely note was not true, was misconstrued, or taken out of context. I was respectful with my replies and provided reliable sources that explained why the post was incorrect. Eventually, some members of my family unfriended me on Facebook, which was okay.

Maybe I should have just left all of the lies alone, but I wasn't raised that way. Lying was punished and truth was always what we were taught to be important and moral. My job for over 30 years was researching, fact checking, and writing. Also, being a kid from the 60s revolution period, I felt morally responsible to point out lies, especially when they were used to destroy another person's reputation. Mom once told me that she didn't like gossip (not sure what we were talking about at the time) and that destroying someone's reputation through lies and half-truths was one of the worst things that a human being could do to another.

So, the night of the 2020 election, my sister calls, who is out-of-control upset about Biden winning the election. She launched into an angry tirade about me betraying her, voting for a guy whose party platform contained Pro-Choice language, and generally spouted Trump-based talking points that I'd seen on social media by many other Trump supporters that usually had no basis in fact. She continued with how much I hated her parish priest (I didn't, but knew he was homophobic and racist). Also, I had never actually come out and stated that I voted for Biden. She and others pretty much figured out that if I was shooting down lies that were being posted (some were left-wing lies but most right-wing), that I voted for Biden.

In an effort to get a word in edgewise during her tirade, I mentioned that Mom and Dad often didn't agree on who to vote for. Mom always voted for the platform that had anti-abortion language in it, Dad voted for the person. My sister replied, angrily, that Dad would never vote for Biden. I replied calmly with, Dad would never vote for Trump as immoral as he was. My sister angrily replied, Then Dad wouldn't have voted. I replied with, "Maybe he wouldn't." I left it at that, and she continued on with more ranting, while I waited for her to run out of rage. Before that happened, she hung up on me.

After a period of time went by and my sister and I had not spoken, I hear from another brother that my sister is upset because I haven't contacted her since she had Covid. I saw that she and another brother had posted that they were through with anyone that didn't vote for Trump. I sent a letter to her asking where we go from what happened on election night. I told her she can't have it both ways--wanting me to stay in touch and wanting nothing to do with me. We agreed to meet and discuss what had happened with the guarantee that no politics would be brought up. She had just walked into the restaurant and before sitting down announced, "I don't apologize for anything I said. I do apologize for hanging up on you." I thought that this was not a great start. She then brought up politics four times during the lunch. I politely listened, diplomatically pointed out when she said something that was not quite accurate, and parted ways with our family signature, "I love you." We both agreed that talking about politics was a no no in the family and that it would not happen again.

So on May 14, 2021, I get a very disturbing and equally unhinged Instant Message from my older brother. Evidently my sister, who vowed not to talk politics with family, had contacted him after our meeting and told him that I said Dad would have voted for Biden--at least that's what her takeaway was from the November 3 call. Again, I never said that. My sister evidently thought that lie was worth sharing with him, which she obviously went out of her way to tell him. So much for not talking politics. So my brother sends me the following (the all caps are his):

AS STUPID AS YOU ARE, DO NOT EVER SAY MY FATHER WOULD HAVE VOTED FOR BIDEN. WHEN CLINTON WAS IN OFFICE, HE SAID HE WOULD NEVER VOTE FOR A DEMONCRAT AGAIN.YOU ARE PATHETIC. YOU BETTER HOPE , YOU NEVER RUN YOUR MOUTH ABOUT MY FATHER AGAIN OR I WILL BE UP TO SEE YOU. I SUPPOSE TRUMP WOULD HAVE BEEN FINE , IF HE WAS DATING THE BOYS. YOU HAD BETTER STAY AWAY FROM ME.

I was pretty much speechless. How had our family lost our love for each other and put someone like Trump before family? My head is still reeling. I've decided that I will no longer allow myself to be a target for the Trump side of the family's rage. In hindsight, I probably should've just left the lies alone. Unfortunately, that's not my nature.

So, though my heart is broken that the family has descended into the Trump supporters versus mostly me, I won't allow myself to be put in a position for them to vent their frustration, rage, anger, homophobia, or whatever Trump has programmed them to believe. Trump has truly brought out the negativity and division in everyone he touches, and sadly that includes my family. It is ironic that my brother threw in the homophobic dig at the end when the person he voted for is currently in litigation, along with Jeffrey Epstein, for sex with a minor. I guess that's okay with my brother.

https://cdn.factcheck.org/UploadedFiles/Johnson_TrumpEpstein_Lawsuit.pdf

Bottom line, I no longer feel safe around some members of my family. I know the brother that Instant Messaged me carries a loaded gun with him at all times. I know he is also inclined to rage at times. My sister evidently has decided to continue her campaign to alienate me from the rest of the family. It's the only conclusion I can see for why she would contact my brother and get him inflamed with political issues directed at me.

I will, sadly, be taking a break from my family for awhile. I love them all dearly and cherish all the memories of growing up together, family reunions, and occasional get togethers. It just seems that, in the current family environment, Trump has emboldened them to show how they really feel about me and, evidently, it's hate and disgust.

UPDATE: In 2022, I attended the family reunion in Seville, Ohio. I figured the venue, my oldest brother's house, was big enough and open enough that I could avoid my sister and older brother. The reunion was going fine. I got to spend time with most of my family, including new nieces, nephews, great nieces, and great nephews. Had many laughs and shared some great memories.

On the second evening of the reunion, the evening before we left the next day, I went to the outdoor pavilion where my sister-in-law was cleaning up the area after the festivities of the day. I wanted to thank her for providing the family with such a good time and providing food and drinks for everyone.

When I entered and thanked her, she very seriously said she wanted to talk. Her youngest son was nearby and told her to "stay in your lane" because he evidently knew what was coming. She literally screamed at him to get out. I was shocked that she seemed a little unhinged. My nephew said, "Sorry. I tried," and walked off. My sister-in-law started off with screaming at me, "YOU HURT YOUR SISTER! with a rage that I had never seen in her. When I recovered from the shock of being screamed at, I asked calmly, "How did I hurt my sister?" Her reply again was, "YOU HURT YOUR SISTER! I again asked, "How did I hurt my sister?" She said, "I can't say." I was in shock. She was so enraged about something my sister had said to her but was sworn to secrecy by my her (I later found out from another family member that it was something so ridiculous that all I could think of was how petty and small my sister and sister-in-law were). What she was angry about was more about her mutual sisterhood with my sister as a fellow Trump supporter.

Although I was promised that neither politics nor drama would be tolerated by the hosts, my sister-in-law concluded the conversation with, "I can't stand Biden." I think that was the bottom line to her anger and it being directed at someone (me)--i.e., that Trump had validated their justification for hating me (as a Gay man).

I have decided that I can't make myself vulnerable to the Trump cult of hate that exists in a family that I thought was all about love, acceptance, and caring. I will not be attending any family reunions or functions that require interacting with my siblings. It isn't good for my mental health, and I won't tolerate being treated like I'm the enemy.

I have never attacked any of the family members that thought it was okay to use me for their verbal punching bag. I have also never responded to any of the individuals involved. They are who they are and I can't fix their prejudices and hate. Only God can do that.

Christmas 2020

2020-11-08T08:34:00.003-08:00

This year has been a tumultuous year, to say the least. Between dealing with a pandemic and on-again, off-again regulations and the political divide of our country, it has been a year filled with anxiety and tension. I'm not expecting much from Christmas this year--similar to last year after my medical issues. For me it will be a season of isolation and reflection on Christmases past.

Looking at the Christmas decorations and the beautiful lights, I think about family members who have passed away--Mom and Dad, Suzie David, and my wonderful sister-in-law Paula. I will always be grateful for their guidance, their compassion, their sense of decency, and their humor. Their examples have guided me during my life. Because of their example, I live every year thinking about how I can help others and doing the right thing. I know I have them to thank for all that I have.

My family is a lasting Christmas gift from God that makes me grateful for them, as well as my friends who are like family, and being able to live a life that is filled with love and understanding.

Happy Mother's Day--2020

2020-11-08T07:54:00.000-08:00

Another Mother's Day without Mom. I guess I could look at it that way. The thing is, when I think about it, Mom is still with all of us. She's here in the way my sister smiles. She's here by the caring people that she and Dad have created. She's here in the legacy of unconditional love that she surrounded our family with for most of our lives.

Though Mom is not physically with us, she will always be spiritually with us. I remember that every time I pick up a rosary to pray, every time I enter a church to worship, and every time I go to a family gathering and marvel at the amazing diversity of people and personalities that she and Dad have fostered and nurtured.

Are we perfect? Not by a long shot. Are we a reflection of the wonderful and amazing woman that gave us life, yeah, we are. She will always be a blessing and an influence in my life. Happy Mother's Day, Mom. I love you!

Republican, Democrat, Independent--or Just Someone Who Uses Common Sense?

2020-03-04T18:11:00.002-08:00

Okay, here's the deal. There are people who are steadfast Republicans, Democrats, and Independents. I consider myself an Independent and not as it pertains to people who run under that party name.

I consider myself Independent, as in "independent thinker." Also known as someone who tries to use common sense and facts to decide on for whom to vote.

How did I come up with this radical idea? My Dad. Dad would get annoyed at Mom for basing her vote on one issue or the political party. Dad would point out that the character of the person running for office was more important than what his/her party stood for. I thought that this was pure genius and made my voting choice easy.

Because of that, and because of all the misinformation that was put out before the election of 2016, I used my journalism and library science research skills to fact check things when they popped up on social media.

I sorted out the lies and the innuendos that each candidate threw at each other--one threw much more than the other, based on my research--which kept me pretty busy sorting through the facts, lies, and half truths.

After researching, Trump had so many more negatives in his column than Clinton. She had negatives in her column, too, but Trump made her look like a Girl Scout in comparison.

In my naivete, I thought that common sense would win out and the best person for the country would be Clinton. Well, that didn't turn out to be the case.

Instead, one of the least qualified of people (and, in my opinion, one of the poorest excuses for a human being) was elected president of the United States. I'm still surprised and shocked that someone as self-serving and privileged would've been elected by people who have little or nothing because of people like him--that is, most corporate billionaires that have always thought only about themselves and their own interests.

After Reagan started "trickle down" economics that have crippled the country and made it easier for the 1% to continue to rake in millions of dollars at the expense of middle- and lower-income people, Trump is pushing to continue the economic rape of the middle and lower class with his tax cuts and his destruction of the Affordable Care Act. He's doing this by his bait and switch tactics of saying one thing and doing another. His tax break only benefited the 1%, in spite of him saying that the opposite is true. Yet his followers believe every lie that comes out of his mouth. I don't get it.

He sent the National Guard to the U.S./Mexico border to keep the "caravans" of Mexicans from swarming into the U.S. Seems that those caravans evaporated not too long after he got his base stirred up with fake images of people storming our border. Anyone with any common sense would realize this is just another scare tactic on Trump's part to further the joke that is the Trump wall. The funding for this wall will cost billions of dollars, money that could be spent on social, veterans, and homeless programs, and food for kids and adults who are starving in this country. Maybe even using that money to pay back the Social Security system that our politicians and a few of our past presidents, both Republican and Democrat (beginning with Reagan) have stolen from the fund and are now considering stealing even more, all affecting middle- and low-income Americans.

Going back to my Dad and his philosophy about politics, I believe Trump is probably one of the most morally bankrupt person in the United States. Seriously. Early in the pre-election of 2016, I started researching Trump. One of the things I found was a recording of Trump being interviewed on the radio by Howard Stern. Stern asked all kinds of disgusting details about his girlfriend, Melania, who he was shacked up with while cheating on his second wife, Marla Maples. Melania wandered into the room where Trump was talking to Stern and Trump and Stern proceeded to talk about her like she was some common tramp. From her tone of voice when she eventually excused herself from the disgusting discussion, you could tell she was getting very uncomfortable with the conversation. Trump and Stern continued to talk about her "attributes" in the most vulgar terms with Stern asking Trump if he could have sex with her (Stern used more sexually vulgar terms) and of course Trump encouraged Stern.

Next I found different stories (they were numerous) about Trump and his dirty business dealings. He screwed over so many people with whom he had contracts. When he was confronted by various vendors and contractors who had trusted that he would pay for the services they had performed, he would suddenly tell them that he wasn't going to pay or would pay pennies on the dollar of what he had agreed to. When they challenged him, he told them that he would keep them wrapped up in litigation so long that they would be bankrupt by the time he was finished with them. They all thought that a millionaire like Trump would be good for his debts. They were wrong. He was, and is still, one of the shadiest conmen of our time. He had a reputation in New York as being a conman and shady businessman.

Then there are his sexual escapades. We all heard about his philosophy of life. Going after women, married or not, like an aggressive sexual predator. Trump currently has over 20 assault allegations against him, the most recent being E. Jean Carroll. My Dad and Mom would never have voted for someone with that kind of reputation (Mom went totally Republican after the Bill Clinton scandal, can you imagine what she'd think about Trump?). Then there's his track record with wives. Cheated on the first, second, and third (Melania) Mrs. Trumps. His personal attorney who cleaned up his various legal messes paid off porn star Stormy Daniels while Melania was pregnant with their son. He also was alleged to have had sex with a Playboy Playmate. His lawyer admitted to paying off both to keep the affairs from being aired before the election.

There are so many more reasons for not voting for Trump. His childish behavior, bullying, lying, constant golf outings, using taxpayer money for his rallies, his secret meetings with dictators, his policy of putting children in cages, and his lack of knowledge of the Constitution and how to represent ALL people and not just his followers. Seeing him mock a person with disabilities before the election, I thought that who, in their right mind, could vote for such a despicable human being. Apparently several million people.

It saddens me that he still has such a strong following. He represents the basest elements of a human being. He's greedy, selfish, childish, and ignorant (if you've listened to most of his speeches, they are a convoluted mess of incomplete sentences, inaccurate statements, and literally double talk). The fact that he tweets every feeling and emotion, no matter how childish and self-serving, has to be an indication to any thinking person, that Trump is not good for our country.

Since Trump was elected President, the country has become more and more divided in their views of what is right and wrong. I am not a fan of President Trump. I knew about his immoral character, his shady dealings, and his lack of a moral code before he was elected. Frankly, I was shocked that he had gotten elected. He embodied the worst of what a human being can be. Yet, he did get elected.

I stand by the above statements. If anyone needs facts to substantiate what I've written, I will do that. The thing is, will you be willing to read it with an open mind, or continue to blindly follow someone over a cliff who is bent on destroying our country as we know it? And that's not an exaggeration.

My Oldest Brother, Art

2018-04-05T06:02:00.001-07:00

My niece asked that members of the family write something about her Father, my oldest brother, Art, for his 75th birthday celebration. I found myself at a loss for words. Something that doesn't happen too often. I think the reason I had trouble thinking about something to say regarding my oldest brother is because I really never thought about why Art is such an important part of our family. I just knew that he was.

Art, being the firstborn, had the attention of the firstborn. Attention, photos, doting and all the other benefits of being the firstborn. That changed after my sister, Suzie, was born. Art suddenly became big brother and sometimes caretaker for my sister, who had many health issues as a child.

Art fell into the role of big brother very easily. In spite of being relegated to second fiddle by my sister, he harbored no resentments (at least none that I ever heard of).

Since that time, Art helped Mom and Dad with raising our substantially large family. Being the oldest and me, being the middle child (yes, all the things about the middle child are true--look it up), I don't remember a lot of the interactions with my brother. I just know he was there to play baseball with us, drove the Dairy Queen motorized vehicle with the freezer on it one Summer (he was my favorite brother that Summer), and was the first in our family to buy a new car (avocado green Pontiac Firebird convertible, which he allowed us to drive if we washed it. Trust me, we loved driving that car).

I also remember Art and Suzie performing on the local television station on The Hop on WCIA, an American Bandstand type show with dancing and pop music. We were so proud of them when we watched and Art was an amazing dancer. Not just making that up. Suzie and Art were often the featured "spotlight" dancers on the show. It was so much fun watching them. On a more practical note, we also loved it when they got the spotlight dance because they also got to bring home a case of Pepsi, something that we considered quite a treat and weren't allowed to have most of the time.

I also hadn't thought about Art's singing talents (yes, he was a singer--at least in church) for a long time. We were brought up to attend Mass every Sunday (and every day in grade school). Art was one of the first family members to be in the church choir, and he was very good at that, also. I remember he had a relatively strong, deep singing voice. I remember he either sang solos or he drowned out the other choir members with his voice, but he did have singing talent. People would complement him on his vocal skills after Mass. Though he was pretty modest about it, I could tell he was happy to hear the compliments.

I remember also that Art would do anything to help his family. I still remember one Christmas that Mom and Dad were struggling financially. Mom had tried to prepare us for Santa not being able to maybe make it that year (I'm not sure what year that was, but I know I hadn't known about the Santa thing for more than a year or so, so I was probably 8 or 9--don't judge me!). Art, with the help of Suzie, who were both working jobs--Suzie at a Pearman's Pharmacy and Art at Stipp's Shoe Store--decided that they wanted to help.

Art and Suzie bought a couple of gifts for each of us and Christmas went off as usual as the almost Norman Rockwell type Christmas it usually was. I never knew whether Mom and Dad let them know how proud they were of both of them, but I'm sure they felt it. I personally thought it was an amazing thing to do. Christmases were always special times for us. We didn't get many gifts, but each one was appreciated. The ones Art and Suzie bought for us that year were even more special--especially to me, because I knew where they had come from. Loved my brother and sister for helping Mom and Dad not disappoint us on Christmas and to help keep the magic of Christmas alive for my younger siblings.

When Art left home to start his own family with Clare, it was sad that he was moving pretty far away from home. He still had a special place in all of our hearts, but now he had his own family to support and build. He managed to raise five amazing kids who have subsequently created families of their own. The "kids" are a reflection of Art and Clare's dedication, moral character, and family values. You really can't hope for much more than that. Art has a wonderful wife, great kids, grandkids, and friends. I hope he cherishes them as much as we cherish the time he spends with us.

So, Happy Birthday, Art! I hope you have an amazing birthday filled with family and friends that love you and great food! Love you, Big Brother!

What Has Politics Done to Our Country?

2017-05-22T08:05:00.001-07:00

Had a conversation with a good friend of mine yesterday. Began talking about immigration and how illegal immigrants have negatively impacted our country. The negativity was pretty much on his end. I tried to point out that there were more positive economic impacts than negative impacts of illegal immigrants. The more I tried to reason with him, the angrier he got.

I can't really blame him. We were bombarded with so much negativity over a year before the 2016 election that it caused bad feelings directed at religious groups, ethnic groups, and pitted Democrats against Republicans in a very hostile way.

The problem I have with all this is that people are so willing to accept anything that supports their fears, biases, and beliefs, no matter how manufactured or untrue the information might be.

Before the election, we were pummeled with "facts" about both candidates that were either partial, half, or complete untruths on social media and political television ads.

The only thing that stuck in my head was what my Father had told my Mother while I was in the kitchen with them, and Mom said she was voting for a certain party because of its stand on abortion (they were against).

My Dad said that he voted for the man, not the party. He said that the character of the man (and, I would like to think, woman) was more important than what the political party said they were going to do. He added that there are so many more things to consider about a party than their stand on abortion, though he acknowledged that was important, also.

I took that to heart. From then on, I researched and fact checked any candidate that ran for office as far as their backgrounds and interactions with people in life and in business.

When I was in college, I majored in journalism and learned that true journalists have to have three reliable, factual sources of their stories to protect themselves from libel lawsuits. As a result, I believe that people who work for CBS, NBC, ABC, CNN, and Politifact have such standards.

I learned how to research, which continued into my career as a journalist/editor for the University of Illinois. Librarians are excellent researchers, and I added that ability to my journalism credentials.

What I'm getting at is that I don't accept propaganda as "facts." I've had people try to get me to accept their point of view based on propaganda manufactured by a political group. I usually tell them that if they can come up with a reliable news source (one based on honest journalistic standards), I will believe what they are saying. I would say that none that I've asked to back up their sometimes outrageous claims have managed to come up with anything factual.

When I started college, being from a rural Midwest town, I had biases, pre-conceived ideas, and prejudices about certain groups and people. The more educated and informed I became, the more I accepted people the way they are.

It's human nature to want to believe the things that support your general beliefs, prejudices, and biases. What I have a problem with are people who refuse to even consider that what they believe might not be true. They are unwilling to even entertain the idea that they might be wrong in their beliefs. I don't understand that kind of closed mindedness. I would want to know the truth.

Finally, I know I have been "unfriended," "unfollowed," and outright sworn at by various people. I believe in listening to a person's point of view, but when I know something is untrue, I can't let that go. I'm not trying to be a smart ass. I'm trying to get people to educate themselves before they continue to spread ignorance and hate based on lies and innuendo.

Please research before you post, write, email, or argue about something that may or may not be true. Start with the thinking that whatever you see on a political website is questionable. Look for a reliable source and actually find out if what you are seeing is true. That's all I ask.

My Amazing Brother David

2017-05-01T07:13:00.003-07:00

My youngest brother, David, passed away the 14 of April at the age of 58. It was very sudden and unexpected, which made it that much more painful.

I'm still processing what happened. I go back and forth with grief and disbelief. My brother was such an energetic and active guy. He played sports, watched sports, spent time with his wife and kids, and was a friend, as well as a Father, to his two boys, Matt and Brandon.

He had a great sense of humor that included everything from bad jokes to teasing sarcasm. He would banter good naturedly with his wife, Penny, and it was a joy to watch him and her interact with each other. There was never any real meanness to their interactions. It was just being playful with each other.

My grief for the loss of my brother was only surpassed by the grief I witnessed of his wife and children. I haven't seen that kind of devastation in quite a long time. Dave was an integral part of his wife and kids' lives. They were almost inconsolable during the first days of their loss. It was painful to watch. Yet, in spite of their loss, the three of them bonded closer together and did their best to console each other.

I can't even fathom losing someone that I had lived with and loved for 30 years. Someone that had been a partner, friend, and companion.

My sister-in-law has shown a strength and resilience that I'm not sure I could've mustered under such an emotional and devastating event. She has managed to fight through her grief and busy herself with getting her life back on track. She has had to sort out all the details of my brother's funeral, find legal papers, evaluate finances, and still find time to help her two sons deal with their Father's passing. I so much admire her strength and bravery. Again, I'm not sure I could function like she has under the crushing grief she has experienced.

I know grief and loss regarding a loved one lessens with time. I think if you manage to work through the initial grief period and manage to keep your sanity, life will eventually have some normalcy to it.

I love my sister-in-law and my two nephews so much. It hurt incredibly watching them go through this life-changing loss. I do find some comfort in the fact that Dave's wife and kids will be okay at some point. I pray that they do find the peace and normalcy that they had when my brother was alive. Together, they will heal their broken hearts and remember the wonderful guy that they've lost with a mixture of loss and gratitude that he had been a big part of their lives.

Rest in peace, Dave. We love you and will always miss you.

Friendship--Worth the Effort or Not Worth the Effort--That is the Question

2014-09-30T10:34:00.001-07:00

I sometimes wonder what I'm doing wrong when I make friends. My friends seem genuine, engaged, fun, caring, intense, quirky, frustrating, endearing, and open.

I hate to sound sexist, but I always seem to lose my female friends. I've had three women that I have gotten close to--or so I thought. One was a neighbor who lived across the street from my house. We will call her Doris. Doris bared her soul to me, sharing her darkest secrets. We had traditional rituals that we enjoyed. One was meeting on Christmas Eve for a glass of wine and appetizers before I headed off to my family's Christmas. We did this for several years. She cried on my shoulder about various tragedies and concerns in her life. I sympathized and offered advice when asked. Then a new neighbor moved in next to her.

The new neighbor (I will call her Melody) and Doris hated each other. It wasn't a silent, seething, below the surface kind of hate. It was a deep-seated, visceral, angry, screeching at each other, kind of hate that the both of them seemed unable to resolve.

I started walking my dog with Melody, since she had a dog and we were out at the same time walking most evenings. Melody was pleasant enough, but she was someone that loved gossip and would spread it as soon as she heard it--usually without verifying the accuracy. I was regaled with stories of incestuous relationships of some of my neighbors, of child abuse, of domestic fights and violence--real or imagined. I eventually figured that this is pretty much how Melody tried to make herself liked and any information she gave out was to be suspect. I never repeated her gossip.

I considered Doris and Melody to be my friends.Guess not. One evening, Melody and I were walking our dogs together. She proceeded to tell me about the property boundary dispute she was in with Doris. She asked me what I thought of someone who would do and say some of the things Melody claimed that Doris had said to her. I decided to keep out of it since I thought of both of them as friends. During one of our walks, after Melody launched into another tirade about Doris, I told Melody that I really didn't want to take sides. I remember the look she got on her face when I told her that. It was night time and her face was lit with unnatural light from the street light. She almost looked like she became possessed. She bared her teeth at me and screamed at me, "So just take her side! I'm through with you!" She stomped away, dragging her dog behind her. I was shocked at the level of hate and anger she had toward Doris (and now me).

So that was the end of my relationship with Melody. Then Doris, a few weeks later, saw me talking to Melody's husband. I had run into him while walking the dog and we generally just made small talk. Never had much to do with him.

Well, evidently Doris had witnessed us talking, and I got home later that evening to find a message on my answering machine telling me she could not be friends with someone who would betray her by talking to her enemy. We never spoke again.

Then there was the woman, who I will call Katie, who was my across the street neighbor. We talked often and became, at least in my mind, quite close (friend close, not lover close--I'm Gay and she knew that). I helped her through various crises in her life, had her over for dinner, counseled her in her relationships, shared intimate details of my life, cried on each others shoulders, and generally enjoyed each others company.

I mean, I took Katie to doctors' appointments, stayed with her in the emergency room a couple of times, drove her various places, had dinner in and out with her numerous times over the last few years, and took long walks in the local park with her. I enjoyed spending time with her and, I thought, the feeling was mutual.

Then I called her about a month ago and asked her if she wanted to do something that evening. She said weekends were better for her to get together. I told her I would contact her on the weekend then. I texted her the following Saturday morning about her plans for the day. She never responded back. Texted her again. Never responded back. Waited two weeks and texted. Never responded back. Finally, I got worried that maybe she was sick or something, so I contacted her daughter. Her daughter didn't respond until the following day. She said her Mom was currently isolating and would probably be doing so for the next several weeks. Hmmm. What the heck is isolating? Did she have some infectious disease? Anyway, I figured I would wait for her to contact me again. Never happened.

So, after her lecturing me about not contacting her often enough, she decides I'm not worth talking to or even worthy of an explanation for the sudden disconnect. This woman made it sound like we were soul mates (again, platonic). Forever buddies. Endless friends. She ended some of her evenings with me by saying she loved me. She knew I was Gay, so I figured it was a platonic love. I never use the "L" word unless I mean it. I told her that I love her, too (I assumed she figured as a friend). So this person, who professed that we were close friends and she loved me, couldn't be bothered to tell me why she dropped me as her friend. If her thinking was, "If he doesn't know what he did wrong, I'm certainly not going to tell him." Don't understand that thinking.

Now, I have several male friends and we have had our ups and downs in our friendships. We shared many personal details of our lives with each other. I have NEVER had one just up and tell me we couldn't be friends anymore or just stop talking to me entirely.

Is it that women, as far as male friends are concerned, are unable to provide unconditional friendship? Unconditional friendship has always been my philosophy with friends. They can do many things to tick me off. Usually we talk it out or come to an understanding. I mean, if one of them did something like telling me they couldn't be friends with me anymore, that they didn't like who my other friends are, or attached conditions to the friendship, I consider that grounds for ending a friendship.

I treasure my friends. It is tough to find people that you can relate to and that you feel totally comfortable with. I've discovered over the years who my true friends are and who are people that just used me until they no longer had use for me.

I won't say that all of my friendships with females have been bad. I have two female friends that have been friends for over 25 years.

It makes me sad that Doris, Melody, and Katie chose to attach conditions to their friendships. It's not something I do and something I don't look for in a friend. I guess the bad friends eventually weed themselves out of your life. It hurts when you invest your time and emotion in the friendship and find that you evidently were the only one vested in the relationship.

I won't give up on making new friends. Maybe not having not-so-good friends is God's way of making you appreciate the true friends that you do have.

How to Survive Retirement

2014-06-17T13:32:00.004-07:00

I retired at a fairly early age--actually, I was laid off from a position I had held for 25 years at a major midwest university. It was a difficult transition, mainly because I was laid off two years before I was eligible for retirement. That meant that I had to scramble for work (which friends managed to help me with) to survive for two years until I was officially able to retire at 55.

So now I'm retired and really wasn't quite mentally set up to know what I was going to do with all my free time. My friends were having a run of bad luck with their living arrangements so my interest became helping them. Basically, I had friends that got used to being able to call on me, day or night, whenever they needed anything--and most of the time the things they needed were things with which I didn't really need to get involved.

When you make other people your reason for existing, you basically lose your reason for existing. I found myself obsessing about the boundaries that I needed to put in place with my friends. It made me realize that the reason I was obsessing about it was because I had no other interests. I had lost my way in figuring out what I wanted to do as a retiree.

There are several things someone can do who is thinking about retiring (or is retired):

1. Take a class that might interest you at a community college or local university.
2. Study a foreign language, either online or pick up software.
3. Visit relatives with whom you've lost touch.
4. Spend time with friends having dinner, going to a movie, or some other activity that everyone agrees on.
5. Exercise! Go for a daily walk (great way to meet neighbors), go to the gym, get an exercise ball or stretchy bands to do some simple exercises and help speed up your metabolism and keep yourself in shape.
6. Venture out on your own to go to dinner, a movie, or take a vigorous walk--some people have issues with doing things on their own, but these can be stress relievers and may open you up to meet other people and further your social group.
7. Start a blog page that showcases your interests (sewing, reading, scuba diving, gardening, or writing in general).

I'm not saying it's not a good thing to help people when you can, but it shouldn't be your only reason for existing, and it's an easy role to slip into and an even tougher one to slip out of.

My Dad--Father's Day 2014

2014-06-15T08:28:00.000-07:00

It's Father's Day and thought it fitting that I spend part of my day remembering the wonderful man that was/is my father. Dad passed away April 10, 1993.

My Dad's whole life was dedicated to his family. He gave up dreams to support and nurture us while we were growing up. I think most of us kids in the family took that for granted--I know I did. It took me years to realize how lucky I was to have a Father who cared for us. It wasn't until I looked around at some of the people that I've met and hear stories of their childhood to realize that my Father and Mother were probably the closest to being perfect parents.

I will have to say that Dad wasn't always the most affectionate man in the world. He was raised in a time that the man of the family put food on the table and made sure that his family was provided for, with not many outward displays of affection. I'm not saying that there weren't the occasional moments when he laughed with us, played baseball with us, made jokes and, yes, even hugged us. But for the longest time, I think he equated caring and providing for his family as affection.

To be honest, there were times when Dad seemed to me to be distant and detached after he retired. He would sit in his chair and read, watch tv, and kind of observe what everyone was doing. It turned out that the fault wasn't entirely his for the detachment. Mom took each of us aside and told us that we needed to sit with Dad and talk to him. She said it didn't matter what we talked about, she said he needed to feel a bigger part of his kids' lives as he grew older. She also told us to start hugging him when we arrived and hugging him when we left. She knew it was going to be uncomfortable on both sides, but she thought it was something that needed to be done.

So, I followed Mom's instructions. The day of her talk, after sitting with Dad for awhile watching television and making small talk, I said goodbye to both of them, hugged Mom and then leaned over to hug Dad in his chair. I could feel him tense up when I hugged him and, I will have to admit, I felt very awkward and a little tense myself. After awhile, it became less and less awkward. I remember a year or so before he died that I went to say goodbye to him and I put my arms around him and he put his arms around me and instead of the quick hug, he held me in his arms and said, "I love you, son."

I regret not reaching that point in our lives sooner so that we could've had that connection. I thank God that I had a few years to tell my Dad in words that I loved him and to hear him say it back with conviction and to be held by him.

Just wanted to say Happy Father's Day to my wonderful, loving Dad. I love you, Dad and miss you every day. Sending a warm hug your way.

Good Friday 2013

2013-03-29T11:12:00.000-07:00

Today is Good Friday. I admit to being a little lax in acknowledging the significance of the day in the recent past. I used to be a really strong believer in the Catholic faith, and I still am in many respects.

The Catholic church has given me a strong moral basis for my life. I was brought up to treat others with respect, to accept others' differences, to honor your parents, to forgive when you feel like revenge is justified, and to love God.

When I was very young, I blindly followed the teachings of the Church. As time wore on and I realized that the Church was not exactly supportive of Gay people, I had to readjust my thinking a bit. I realized that the Church was led by men and therefore was subject to human failing. I also realized that God created me the way that I am. No one, not even the Catholic Church, can tell me that I have no value or that I am immoral and going to hell because of who I choose to love.

I went through stages of self-loathing, thoughts of suicide, and maybe trying to be "normal" by getting married. I'm not sure where the turning point was that I finally accepted who I was and decided that I was a pretty good guy in general. I do have my flaws--we all do.

I think the one thing I worried about most was whether my Mother and Father would accept me as a Gay person. In their way, they did accept me. I'm not sure they ever accepted the Gay part, but they loved me for who I am. Dad didn't speak to me for a couple of weeks after he found out and then he gradually decided I was still his son and that he loved me.

Mom struggled with it most of the time. She told me she blamed herself in some way. She wasn't sure what mistake she had made that made me the way I was. I told her that God made me the way I am. I told her that she raised all of her kids the same way, and to my knowledge none of the others were Gay. I jokingly said that maybe Gay people were God's way of natural birth control. Bottom line, she loved me as much as she loved any of her children. My parents were true believers in unconditional love.

On this Good Friday I remember all the reverence my Mother attributed to this Holy Day and I try to continue that tradition of reverence by maintaining an hour of silence from Noon until 1:00--symbolic of the time that Jesus died on the cross. I also will Fast and Abstain according to the Church's teachings. I love the fact that I can honor my parents by respecting their traditions and beliefs and practicing the faith that I was brought up in. I thank God for my family, friends, and for my life. Without them, I would not be the caring, loving, accepting individual that I am today.

Happy Easter Everyone!

Knowing When to Let Go

2013-02-12T09:49:00.000-08:00

One of the most difficult parts of owning a pet is knowing when to let go when their health is failing. It's a process that involves fighting the urge to hold onto something you love as long as possible, but realizing that you may be putting your feelings above the best interests of the pet you love.

I am currently deciding whether to have my beautiful Great Pyrenees, Chelsea, put to sleep. She's 14 years old, pants quite a bit, and paces constantly unless I force her to lay down and rub her belly until she falls asleep. She wakes up at least twice a night and starts pacing. I usually have to let her out on the deck to cool down and hope that she wets or poops if she needs to do that.

She woke up twice last night (February 12, 2013) and began pacing. I let her out on the deck to cool down (she was panting heavily and seemed agitated). I let her back in and got her to lay back down and to fall asleep again by rubbing her belly and stroking her muzzle. This happened twice last night--once at 2 a.m. and then at 6 a.m. Evidently I missed the first minute or so of one of the times she was up and moving around, because the next morning I found that she had thrown up in the living room and peed in the dining room.

It takes a lot for me to give up on an animal. I've had 4 dogs and 3 cats that I've had to come to terms with their deaths. Each one lived a long, full life (average age was 14 to 18 years--though two of the three Shar Peis had much shorter life spans due to genetic inbreeding--Teddy died when he was 8, Mona died when she was just over a year old. My last Shar Pei, Millie, evidently had a better gene pool, because she lived 13 years. I had to put my Chinese Crested, Connor, to sleep this past Christmas Eve. It made it the worst Christmas that I have ever had in my life.

I've decided I need to make an appointment to take Chelsea in. She is alert and drinking and eating, though not as much as she has in the past, she seems uncomfortable, agitated, disoriented at times, and has major problems with her hips (she stumbles quite a bit and has fallen down several times lately). In my heart, I'm hoping the vet decides to give her something to help her sleep through the night and that I can hold onto her forever. In my head I know that she is nearing her end of time here and needs to move on. She will be out of pain and, I hope, in a better place. That doesn't make it any easier to let go of someone you love (my pets are my family, my friends, and provide unconditional love that is often hard to find in a human being). I just hope the ache I have in my heart will ease with time.

You never forget your friends, furry or otherwise, who have impacted your life in positive ways. They all reside in a corner of your heart you reserve for loves lost.

Politicians, Conservatives, Liberals, and the First Black President

2012-05-10T10:45:00.002-07:00

There are so many discussions about conservatives and liberals in the political arena. Conservatives are now synonymous with Republicans and Liberals are synonymous with Democrats.

Not sure how this came about. Republicans use the word “liberals” like it’s a four-letter word. I’m not sure why being open minded and wanting fairness for all people—rich, middle class, lower middle class, poor—is such a bad thing.

Conservatives or Republicans seem to think that there is a different set of rules for the wealthy and for the not wealthy. They argue that the deficit wouldn’t be changed significantly if the wealthy had to pay their fair share of taxes as the middle class and the poor.

That’s not really the point. It’s about fairness. Why should the wealthy get a different tax rate than the not wealthy? I know Republicans have used the “trickle down” argument for years. They have stopped doing that. It’s obvious that there is no trickle down. The wealthy keep whatever they get and reinvest it so that they can make even more money. They downsize their enterprises and cut salaries, which causes the people still working there to have to work twice as hard to keep up with production. Yet, the CEOs, presidents, and executives have 8 figure salaries and higher and astronomical bonuses. Is that fair? The people doing the work get 5 figure salaries and enough to get by on and the executives just keep raking in the cash. Aggravates the hell out of me. Is that what a Conservative is?

To be honest, I suspect that it’s more about racism than it is about outrage regarding the Healthcare law. I've heard these people go on and on about how the President was ruining the country. I heard one of these people say that they would vote for anyone for President other than Obama. This person said he would even vote for Sarah Palin. That was a pretty solid tip off that this person was basing his opinions on race and nothing else. Anyone who would consider voting for a woman who has shown herself to be a ditz over and over again has to be off the deep end about the race of the President.

While I’m musing about politics, I would like to address one final pet peeve. If people are so against the President and have so many reasons to be anti-Obama, why are there never any accurate claims against him? The Republicans keep dragging out the birth certificate thing. That has been resolved over and over again. Anderson Cooper had Ted Nugent (a very far-right Republican) on his show to prove to Nugent that President Obama was a U.S. citizen. Cooper interviewed officials in Hawaii who knew the President when he was growing up, people who lived in his neighborhood, and they had an official with Obama’s birth certificate present it on air. Anderson Cooper asked Nugent if it finally put to rest the fact that Obama was a citizen. Nugent, with a sheepish grin, acknowledged that if Anderson Cooper says Obama is a citizen (and he proved it), then he (Nugent) believed Obama was a citizen.

Anti-Obama propaganda is all over the Internet. I will have to say from my experience that the propaganda is either an outright lie, or taken out of context, or full of half-truths. If the only thing that these people can come up with are lies against the President, then what is really the reason they don’t want him in office? They claim that he is ruining the country, but no one has presented anything to support those allegations. If they did, my guess is that their representatives in Congress would also be implicated.

True, the economy hasn’t made much progress in getting fixed. But, again, if there is an obstructionist Congress blocking most of the legislation that the President is trying to get passed to fix the economy, whose fault is it that the economy isn’t getting fixed faster? If Republicans think the President’s policies are going to fail, why not pass the legislation and see whether it flops? In the long run it would be a concrete example of the President’s ideas failing and would give the Republicans something solid and actually true about the President that they could use in their election strategies. Maybe the reason they don’t want to pass the legislation to improve the economy is because it may make the President look good if the legislation works and would jeopardize their election possibilities in November. Sound cynical? I have a feeling it is more fact than cynicism.

I think our politicians have lost their way. Not all, but most, are looking out first for themselves and secondly, if at all, for their constituents. Politicians should not be getting funds from special interests and lobby groups. Yet, that is exactly what is happening. Oil companies, special interest groups, corporations, utility companies all buy politicians by contributing to their political campaigns or by out and out giving them money and lucrative deals. If we are going to have a Congress that functions for the people, then the special interests need to be banned from buying politicians.

In closing, I would like to say I like the Buffet plan that has been circulating on the Internet (not sure of its accuracy, by the way):

Congressional Reform Act of 2011--or 2012:

        1. No Tenure / No Pension.

        A Congressman/woman collects a salary while in office and receives no
        pay when they're out of office.

        2. Congress (past, present & future) participates in Social
         Security.

        All funds in the Congressional retirement fund move to the
        Social Security system immediately. All future funds flow into
        the Social Security system, and Congress participates with the
        American people. It may not be used for any other purpose.

        3. Congress can purchase their own retirement plan, just as all
       Americans do.

       4. Congress will no longer vote themselves a pay raise.
        Congressional pay will rise by the lower of CPI or 3%.

       5. Congress loses their current health care system and
        participates in the same health care system as the American people.

        6. Congress must equally abide by all laws they impose on the
        American people.

       7. All contracts with past and present Congressmen/women are void
        effective 1/1/12. The American people did not make this
        contract with Congressmen/women.

As if any politician will promote this bill. They are, first and foremost, in Congress to serve themselves, their special interests, and then their constituents (maybe).

Religion

2012-04-24T09:22:00.000-07:00

People get WAY too hung up on religion. I am a Roman Catholic. My friends are Methodist, Lutheran, Baptist, etc. (the etc. is for the friend who keeps looking for a religion that suits her beliefs and has a congregation that will believe what SHE wants them to believe—I think it’s a control issue. She’s still looking.).

My Protestant friends have told me that they were taught that Catholicism is a cult. Who knew? Being taught religion in grade school, going to Mass every day (except Saturdays), and being reminded on a daily basis what right and wrong is might be a form of brain washing. I believe it made me a caring person who treats people fairly and goes out of his way to help friends, family, and sometimes strangers.

I love the rituals of the Catholic faith. The nuns who taught me in grade school were tough but fair (except for one nun who had issues about boys and would occasionally physically abuse them when they got out of line). I also had the utmost respect for the priests that I met while I was growing up. They were devoted, devout, and caring. I was an altar boy, a member of the choir, and I occasionally helped clean the church when asked. I was never abused by any priest or nun (oh, except for the above-mentioned nun who gave me an unexpected slap in the forehead for turning in my homework in less-than-pristine condition).

Being a Gay man, it was hard making the Catholic faith work for me. It seemed that everywhere I looked, when I started to mature and started having sexual feelings, I was made to feel like the very essence of my being was wrong. Catholicism, like many religions, is a heterosexual religion. There is no room in the Catholic thinking for Gay anybody. Oh, there are some clerics that “tolerate” us (condemn the sin, not the sinner), but most priests feel it’s okay to be Gay as long as you don’t act on the feelings. Wonder how many straight people are given that advice?

I still proudly state that I am Catholic. My parents were loving and caring people that felt it was important for me and my eight siblings to have some understanding of God and the teachings of the Bible. I am grateful to have had parents that cared enough about me to teach me the difference between right and wrong and that there is a spiritual life.

I do get frustrated and angry sometimes at the clerics who claim that homosexuality is the cause of pedophile priests (sometimes I think these clerics protest too much). Perhaps these people should educate themselves to learn that most pedophiles are heterosexual (according to the American Psychological Association)? I have almost walked out on a couple of sermons where the priest, in a very self-righteous tone, pontificated on the fact (in his mind) that homosexuality is the cause of child abuse by priests (this same priest said in an earlier sermon that one of the people he most admired was Dr. Laura—are you kidding me?).

I chalk these kinds of things up to ignorance and that a priest is just another human being and therefore subject to making mistakes. The fact that a couple of priests are uneducated about homosexuality cannot make me lose the core of my beliefs.

I have had to pick and choose what parts of the Catholic faith work for me. However, I will always profess my faith as being Catholic. I will have to say, though, that I do have to “edit” the religious teachings of the church at times. However, I do believe in treating people right, forgiving people that do things that piss me off (I struggle with that one), attending Mass every Sunday, and loving God the best that I can. After all, God made me Gay.

As a footnote, I have a brother who is a Catholic priest. He is a loving, caring, devoted, and devout individual. He and I have discussed my being Gay. I was always tentative about discussing that with him. I was pretty sure he would be accepting of me no matter what. As it turns out, I was right. He told me not too long ago that if I ever met a man that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with that he was completely okay with that and would support me 100%. He’s a good guy, a great priest, and a wonderful brother.

Rush Limbaugh Think Tank -- Isn't this an oxymoron?

2012-04-17T08:55:00.000-07:00

I thought it was pretty funny to hear that Rush Limbaugh's Think Tank filed bankruptcy a couple of weeks ago. You mean to tell me it took a group of opinionated morons to come up with the diatribe that comes out of that blowhard's mouth? I always thought he came up with his shock talk rants on his own. I had no idea it was a collaborative effort.

Sheesh. So, people have actual jobs where they think of horrible things to say about different groups of people--Gay people, liberals, women, African Americans. Paid hate. Whoa! Only in America. I may be different than most people, but I find that spewing hate over the airwaves isn't free speech. It's just bad taste. People like Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter are the worst examples of human beings. They fuel people's paranoia, fears, prejudices, and biases. I know some people enjoy this because it gives them validation in believing it's okay to hate certain groups of people. As a result, some of these people act out against some of these groups in inappropriate ways (e.g., Fred Phelps and his family of hate mongers picketing soldiers' funerals because the United States government tolerates Gay people--although Freddie has been doing this way before the likes of Limbaugh and Coulter started their rants). Just another example of a person who has gone off the deep end when it comes to hating certain groups of people.

I just don't understand how people can buy into the hate and mean spirit of these uninformed idiots. Just makes me angry and sad. Just sayin'.

Bullying

2012-04-05T09:18:00.003-07:00

I remember being the target of bullies in high school. Some of the comments suggested that I was a faggot, queer, whatever. Some of the comments by one individual suggested performing oral sex on him. I was even approached in the locker room by a naked jock who made sexual comments and suggestions to me. His gang of feeble-minded jerks thought it was the funniest thing they had ever seen. I was shaking after the encounter, mainly because of the general threat of violence by this guy's gang. For a teenager who is trying to come to terms with his sexuality, it scared me and made me feel like a freak and an outcast.

Needless to say, I hated grade school (where the harassment started) and hated high school even more. College was a little more accepting of who I was, though I wasn't exactly out of the closet then. I remember being blackmailed twice by two different students. One female, who wanted my position as an editor on the school paper, had seen me at a Gay bar with friends. She called me at home and told me she wanted me to resign from the paper, otherwise she would out me to everyone. Instead of knuckling under, I chose to take a chance and talk to the senior editor about it. It was extremely difficult to go into his office and discuss something I didn't feel comfortable talking about in general. After hemming and hawing for a few minutes, I just blurted out that I was Gay and was being blackmailed by a reporter on my staff.

I was surprised how he handled it. He told me he didn't understand the homosexual thing. He knew a few guys that were homosexual and thought they had a right to be who they were. He said no one had the right to blackmail someone the way this staff member was blackmailing me. He said he would take care of it. He fired the student and made sure that she never wrote for the college again.

Bottom line, no one should have to endure harassment because of who they are. I know there is a lot of ignorance in this world, but ignorance can kill. Words can hurt. Two out of three suicides of high school students are students who are Gay and have been harassed relentlessly at school.

Stop the ignorance. People cannot help how they are wired sexually. It's tough enough being Gay without all the stupidity that bombards you while you are trying to come to terms with it. You cannot change a Gay person anymore than a straight person can change into a Gay person. Just let people live their lives!

Stepping down from the soapbox now.

What I'm Doing Here

2012-04-04T07:45:00.001-07:00

Actually, I'm not sure what I'm doing here. I thought it would be good to keep my writing skills up. I also thought it might be therapeutic to vent once in awhile on things that my friends aren't that into, but things that I feel passionate about--or things that tick me off that I would like to find a solution for.

A little about myself. I'm a freelance editor/writer/proofreader that also happens to be Gay (hence the 'Mo' part of the blog url--meaning a contraction of the word Ho 'mo' sexual). It took me a long time to get to the point that I could actually talk about being Gay. Being in the closet was exhausting--a word used by many Gay people to signify they were tired of lying about who they are, pretending to be something they weren't, and worrying constantly about being "discovered" as a Gay person. It is exhausting and I don't recommend the closet for anyone. There are people who feel like their lives would be in jeopardy if they came out to homophobes. I can sympathize. Still, if there is no threat of death or physical abuse, why hide who you are?

This is my first blog and hopefully there will be more to come.