musings of a servant princess

the life cycle of basketball players

2012-01-28T18:19:00.002-06:00

our local homeschool group has a pretty good (well, as homeschoolers in the state go) basketball team. Or rather, TEAMS. it used to be 'jr. high' and 'sr. high'. My husband and brother in law were on the very first Patriot's team. Now we have girls teams, and instead of just jr. and sr. boys, we have 18 under, 16U, etc, all the way to 10U, which began recently.
Youngest BiL, samuel, is ten this year (secondyear playing for the patriots, i believe? or maybe it's the third... i think he was on the first 10U team, at any rate ). Before Patriots, he played upwards basketball, with some of the same boys he's playing with now.
Not many groups have 10U teams, so Samuel's team hasn't had many games, but they're pretty good anyways. this was our first time to watch him this year - Samuel hit THREE three-point shots today. Way to go, Sammo!
They've got some big kids on their 10U team, but they're still pretty little, and cute. .... in 6 years, they are going to be huge and pretty good, from playing together for so long (more or less; there's not a ton of moving around, in our little community of friends). And they are gonna all be bigger than me.
Caleb (whom we also got to watch today) is on the 14U team, and they're a good team. Caleb is getting all handsome and grown-up looking. (my brother brandon, who doesn't play basketball, is too. And tall! what is happening to kids these day? all getting bigger!)
In the stands were several former patriots (who were, in general, very loud with helpful advice ;) ).
all in one gym on one saturday, we saw everything from Future Patriot baby siblings, to former patriot college graduates with 'real jobs' and babies.

It was an interesting look at the 'life cycle' of Patriot basketball players :)

It doesn't really seem that long ago that I was 16 and in the stands cheering for my brothers (TJ played his senior year), and my friends (Luke looked pretty dorky-cute in that basketball uniform :D ) and helping with my little brother Jeremiah and my little friend, Samuel. Now Samuel is a Patriot and a glance at all the teams shows me he's rapidly headed towards the senior team and then graduation, and I'm in the stands with handsome Luke and our two boys, who seem rocketing toward basketball age themselves.

Sequined 'Patriot MOM' shirt, here I come!

jezebel

2012-01-26T23:08:00.000-06:00

Been reading through the Bible really quickly (hoping to finish in 90 days from the start - i'm almost a 1/3 of the way through it, but a little behind - i should be in Chronicles now).
I noticed a nice little irony in 1 kings 21.
Ahab is skulking because Naboth won't sell Ahab a certain vineyard. Jezebel is Ahab's infamous wife - the first we hear of her is this sentence "Then, as if following the sin of Jeroboam son of Nebat were a trivial matter, [Ahab] married Jezebel, the daughter of Ethbaal king of the Sidonians, and then proceeded to serve Baal and worship him." - 1 kings 16:31
It was Jezebel who led Ahab into being the most evil king Israel had yet seen - she enticed him to follow the Baals.
So back to the vineyard - Jezebel devises a way to get Naboth, the vineyard owner, killed, so that Ahab can take his vineyard. She sends letters in Ahab's name to nobles in the city where Naboth lives saying:
“Proclaim a day of fasting and seat Naboth in a prominent place among the people. But seat two scoundrels opposite him and have them bring charges that he has cursed both God and the king. Then take him out and stone him to death.”
That's just an appalling thing, to me. That Jezebel, JEZEBEL, people, would have some guy killed on the grounds of 'he cursed God'. You know, the God she spent her life defying, YWHW whose prophets she killed, and whose people she led to prostitute themselves to Baal. That God and that Jezebel.
She used His commands and His holiness for her unholy purposes. for murder.
Had she NO fear of the Lord?

... probably not.

I'm not sure what lesson there is in that, except that just because people appeal to some aspect of God's holiness, or to His commands - just because they know how to sound holy - doesn't make them Godly leaders.
And just because we think we are judging others based on the law, doesn't make us righteous, either.
There are religious people who have no fear of God. (now that reminds me, for some reason, of the witch of Endor, whom Saul asked to raise the spirit of Samuel, and who was terrified when the spirit actually came).
I am not bashing religion (that seems to be a trend among people my age, especially), but there are people who use religion and spirituality for gain, financial gain, gain of reputation as a good person, or of the ability to feel good about yourself because you're religious (as in, self-righteousness)
I am scared of being around those people, of raising my kids to be those people, of being one of those people myself.

The idea that we could raise kids who know how to' talk christian' and yet don't fear the Lord or love Him, or keep His commands is an idea that makes me feel very sick to my stomach.

'Act justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with your God.'

The Pasture

2012-01-26T19:18:00.003-06:00

I pretty much adore Miss Lichea. she's snarky and sparkly and lives on a farm, plus she's hilarious. (there's that little thing about her liking snakes, which i find alarming but i can overlook that).

She's only just started blogging, but her facebook statuses have provided daily laughs for me for awhile.
(plus i know her in person, plus she's my MiL's friend, plus she's my SiL's mom, so i'm really not some creepy stalker. just so you know.)

She writes about chickens (mostly dead), blessings from God (mostly live chickens), cows, calves, and friendly snakes. sometimes her statuses are in poem form - she's like a snarky Robert Frost with lipgloss and fluffy blond hair.

Sometimes she makes me think of the sweet, idyllic poem 'The Pasture' ( http://www.bartleby.com/118/1.html) by Robert Frost.


I’m going out to clean the pasture spring;
I’ll only stop to rake the leaves away
(And wait to watch the water clear, I may):
I sha’n’t be gone long.—You come too.

I’m going out to fetch the little calf
That’s standing by the mother. It’s so young,
It totters when she licks it with her tongue.
I sha’n’t be gone long.—You come too.

It reminds me of her because when she writes, i always feel like she's inviting us along to see what she's seeing.

But really, Frost's views of farm life are probably too idyllic. Too little carnage.

After the story she posted today: http://poultryprincess.blogspot.com/2012/01/i-do-believe-cows-are-trying-to-kill-me.html, I decided i better offer a rewrite:

I'm going out to save the little calf,
in peril cuz his mother is so dumb,
she birthed him by the creek, in the mud.
if I'm not back in ten, you come too.

I'll probably have to fight an angry cow
She'll think i want to take her calf away
but still i must try to save the day
if I'm not back in ten, you come too.

secret recipe chef

2012-01-20T12:00:00.000-06:00

I come from a family of food-loving cooks. Most of us love to make food and we all love to eat :D
I have seven siblings, six of whom still live 'at home'. up until recently, when they added 'the LEM', my family's house was smaller than ours. Space is still an issue.
So what can you get for a family member who doesn't need 'stuff' and doesn't have room for it anyways?
FOOD!
For Jeremiah's birthday in early december, i made a secret recipe kit and a wrote a few recipes to go along with the ingredients.
If i were getting fancy, i'd have made him an apron, bought nice little containers, and designed little labels to tie it all together. As it was, i scrounged up disposable containers and just gave the food and the 'recipe book' :) (someday i hope to be more 'together')
I tried to give him a little of everything Tony and I used when we were younger and made 'secret recipes' in the microwave whenever we were allowed
There were:
marshmallows
chocolate chips
powdered sugar
cocoa powder
coconut
raisins
cheerios
sprinkles

I actually just repackaged ingredients from my bigger bag - i bought most of these in much larger packages than he would need them in :D

(peanut butter and nuts would have been excellent additions to that list).

writing the recipes was an afterthought, but was actually my favorite part of the gift - feel free to borrow from my list if you want to make your own secret recipe book :D

Jeremiah helping mommy make bread, many years ago. interesting side note, through the window behind Jeremiah, you can see the side of the home of the locally famous painter John Bell Jr. ... i miss them, and i still miss that big white house we used to live in, it seems like a lifetime ago.

Secret Recipes:

Some ideas to help you get started making your own mystery desserts.

Muddy Creek
It might look muddy, but it’s so much better than mud pies.
Melt chocolate chips and marshmallows in the microwave - add peanut butter if desired (optional)
mix in cheerios and raisins.

Dry Creek
This will look like a creek or riverbed getting dry and dusty in the summer.
toast a slice of bread (not included)
melt chocolate and mix with peanut butter (not included),
spread mixture on toast, sprinkle with cocoa powder (that’s the dry dirt).

Icy Creek
This is the last creek recipe i can think of. can you think of more?
Make Dry Creek toast, and sprinkle with coconut instead of coca powder

Groundhog Day
Didn’t we eat this yesterday?
mix chocolate and marshmallows, microwave, mix in cheerios, top with a light dusting of powdered sugar snow, and place a few tiny groundhogs (raisins) peeking out of the snow.

Power Outage Trail Mix
For when there’s no electricity or when you take a snack on a hike
mix together cheerios, chocolate chips, coconut, and raisins - eat just like that :D

Fairy S’Mores
These are like S’Mores, only teeny tiny!
poke a chocolate chip inside a marshmallow, place on top of a cheerio, microwave briefly, place another cheerio on top, and enjoy!

Snowy Mountain Range
put a sprinkling of coconut on a plate, top with a few chocolate chips - upright. microwave just a second and then sprinkle with powdered sugar.

Chewbacca Delight
I almost named it Chewy Delight since it’s chewy, but Chewbacca sounds much cooler.
Melt chocolate, mix in marshmallows if desired and melt a little more, add desired ingredients like raisins and coconut, then place on wax paper to cool. Dust with cocoa powder if you want to get fancy.

Tips:

If you want the cereal to stay crunchy, don’t microwave it - add it later.

Remember: Chocolate chips need to be stirred before they really look melted.

Be careful not to burn yourself!

Experiment with amounts, ingredients, and method - see what you can come up with!

Give funny names to your favorite creations.

Make small portions so the fun tastiness can last longer :D

Make anything you want, any way you want.

Enjoy!

pretty good

2012-01-19T23:22:00.002-06:00

I got to talk on the phone with my friend Stephanie tonight :D it's been awhile since last time! We actually had phone time 'on the schedule' - planned since tuesday.
If you don't be deliberate about things, sometimes they don't happen.

Anyways, we were catching up; i talked a good bit about me, about this new diet with lots of fresh veggies and healthy fats, about the boys and their developing skills and Kieron weaning, Aiden obeying better and giving me 'loves' when i appear stressed, Luke liking his job....
and she said something like, 'well, it sounds like you're all doing pretty good'.
And ya know, we are.
We are doing pretty good.

Despite being more crunched, and not building up the savings as quick as i want, due to our new-old Lumina breaking down, we'll be alright financially. It is of course frustrating and stressful, but not devastating and impossible. 6 months ago it would have been devastating.
We are eating plenty of meat and healthy veggies - 6 months ago, we couldn't afford much of those.
Kieron has started sleeping through the night on occasion, Aiden's my helper, Luke's gainfully employed and mostly enjoying his job, I am working with my diet and praying that i am finally on the road to healing - i have a bit of hope, and some money to pad my grocery budget. We even have an 'out to eat' budget*, for a date night, and that is awesome :D
I'm reading and busy and learning and growing and finding balance and trying to find joy in life and some things are still hard - no one ever said life was easy :)
But we do not have the choking feeling of floundering, and barely treading water that we'd had for so long - that feeling of constantly fighting worry and wondering how much longer we can do this - two babies, too little sleep, too little rest, and barely enough money - and stay sane.

But praise God, life is getting a bit more rhythmic, more peaceful, and more fun :)

I think when life is hard, you have to trust that God is the I AM. that he is good, and that he is The One Who Sees, regardless of how hard your life is and whether the hard part will end soon, or get harder. But I am only human and I gotta say, I certainly do like it when things get easier.

We *are* all doing pretty good.

And that is nice.

*Luke's goal for the year is to take me out at least once a month. and being the good wife that i am, i aim to help him with that resolution :D

random thoughts

2012-01-17T17:52:00.000-06:00

* Kieron hasn't nursed in a week - well, in 2 hours or so, it will be a week.
- that was not his choice, not at all. but one week later, he can snuggle up to me, and fall asleep with a bottle. without getting mad at me.
- i would have quit weaning after a few hours (would have quit every few hours for the first 5 days) if Luke hadn't encouraged me to keep going (encourage isn't the right word. MADE would be nearer. i'm glad he did.).
- i weighed the decision for awhile, and we finally decided to cut back on nursing. But cutting back was not a good solution for Kieron - he didn't understand that he sometimes had to take a bottle from daddy when other times he'd nurse whenever he wanted, if mommy could possibly manage. So we finally decided to just go cold turkey weaning...
- despite making a measured, careful decision, i feel like a bad mom, weaning before he's ready to quit. mom guilt is powerful. (i weaned Aiden when he WANTED to quit and also felt really guilty about that.)
- but i'm glad we're done, and past the hardest part of weaning. last week went by in a fog of fussy, fussy days and nights. Terrible while it lasted, but much better already.
- now i don't have to worry about Kieron getting toxins through milk, as my body detoxes when i change my diet. I was kinda concerned that going wheat free was putting me through a milk detox that was affecting Kieron.

* speaking of diet and detox, i think i'm gonna do the GAPS diet.
- i haven't decided whether to do the introductory diet or not
- i haven't decided whether or not to have the whole family do GAPS, or the intro (if i do it)
- if i do the intro diet, i am going to be well-prepared. better than when i jumped into going wheat-free.
- i am trying to ease us into a lifestyle of eating more of the GAPS-friendly foods and less of the forbidden foods.
- that means i need to make some lacto-fermented vegetables. my first batch of sauerkraut is on the counter...

* I have found that the more whole, healthy foods and oils we eat, the more we like those foods and dislike others. (or, i do!)
-velveeta now tastes yuck to me.
-i could eat coconut butter (even coconut oil!) on a spoon, and i never liked olive oil-heavy dressings until last night.
- suddenly, plain yogurt with strawberry preserves is a great treat, and yogurt cheese is 'yummy cream' - says Aiden.(strain yogurt in a clean cloth, let it drip for a few hours, save whey to use in lacto-fermented recipes, and the solid part is the 'cheese'.). Before, yogurt would have been too sour for us to enjoy.
- I hope we like the sauerkraut i am making. Being lactofermented, and not cheap aldi's canned stuff, i'm sure it will be different...

* i wanted to plant a tree this winter, dead of winter is supposed to be the best time for tree-planting. but we haven't had much winter.
- I don't know what type of tree we should plant.
- i don't know if the warm weather will make it harder for the tree to be transplanted safely.
- I love the weather though! it's sunny and warm and feels like April.

*this year, i am going to have a garden again. I have a plot that has been tilled, and is now sitting with newspaper and plastic on it. Hoping for good, rich soil. Gonna take a sample to the extension office and see what minerals, etc, it needs. need to do that soon.

*we had another car emergency (our oldsmobile broke down in november, it was cheaper to replace it than to fix it, so we bought a lumina, which broke down the first of the month, and needs a new engine) has left us feeling broke again - gotta get a new car! or fix the old one, but we don't have the cash. We have driven in my parent's van more than we drove in our lumina! (thanks so so much for letting us borrow it, Mom and Dad!)

*my new spin dryer has made washing clothes at home in the 'wonderwash' a kajillion times easier. no more hand-wringing! If i'd known our car would break down right after we bought it, i might not have spent the money on it, but i guess i am happy i was ignorant :D i can wash five loads at once, and have no hand pain! awesome :D plus our clothes dry in hours, not days.

* this is what i am reading:
on the food/nutrition/health front: Guts and Psychology Syndrome, Nourishing Traditions, and Food as Medicine.
the Bible... in 90 days. I should finish in the end of March. reading it all quickly certainly has a different feel than reading a little piece at a time. I think both are good.
Think - by John Piper (Luke's christmas present from me, he says i should read it - i have so much to read, i have barely started it!)
and random stuff about 'systematic theology'. There's a book by Wayne Grudem (called, shockingly enough, Systematic Theology), that we will probably get later. Luke wants us to 'do class' together, and our first subject is going to be systematic theology. I'd just as soon our first class was some sort of nutritional study ;) then i could kill two birds with one stone.

* i will never get rich blogging. oh well :D

tadaaaaa, the red-lipped, gloriously hatted, vintage me!

2012-01-08T15:21:00.002-06:00

vintage hat from 'Coffee and a Good Book' in Van Buren - red flower and ribbon from michael's
necklace and earrings from the dollar jewelry store (love that place!).
ruby lipstick from walmart for $0.93 (now that i know i like the color, i might get something that stays on better.)
blouse and sweater (i have like 5 red sweaters) that mom got for me from a yard sale.
(Wait, no, i think this particular red sweater is from my mother in law)
velvetish skirt from mom,

red shoes from mom, given to go with THE DRESS. - still my favorite shoes and favorite article of clothing, by far!
(wait, the shoes don't show in any of the pics!! dagnabit!)
(.... i promise, i do have clothes that weren't given to me by my mom! it's just that, she has an oddly accurate knack for finding things that are in styles i love and that flatter me, colors that look good on me, and that actually FIT. I am the one wearing the clothes, and i don't have an eye like that! it's crazy!)

As you see, i am working on my 'resolutions': clothes i like, red lipstick, and I actually WORE my fabulous hat, even though i was pretty sure i'd be the only one in church wearing a hat (which i was.)

... i have been looking at pictures of vintage clothes on Pinterest - ah, those were the days when the hourglass figure was prized, and clothes were designed to flatter curves... and this chick has got curves :D
so then i hunted through my closet to see what, with proper accessories, would look vintage-stylish. Turns out i have quite a few clothes with a vintage, pin up flavor :D

i weed out my closet regularly, but instead of saying 'do i wear this?' i have begun asking 'do i like wearing this?' and i get rid of most clothes that i don't.
apparently I like jeans, vintage clothes, red sweaters, shirts with flowing sleeves and all SHOES. I almost never get rid of shoes.

this year...

2012-01-03T15:05:00.000-06:00

(I don't usually do new year's resolutions, but these are things i have been trying to do for months now, and am continuing to work on, and it seems like a good idea to put some of them down on 'paper', and what better time than now?)
...
This year i want to work hard when it is time to work, play hard when it is time to play, speak wisely when it is time to speak and listen when it is time to listen. I want to rest peacefully when it is time to rest, and be reverent on holy days.
I want to feast on feast days and keep regular days simple.
This year I want to wear more makeup, read more fairytales, buy more lingerie, wear clothes I feel attractive in, and dance with the love of my life for at least a minute every day.
I want to snatch spare moments to sing, to count aloud with Aiden*, play with Kieron, catch up with friends, and to simply be aware of what is happening around me. (as a side note, here is an excellent post i read today on 'don't carpe diem' - seize kairos time VS. chronos http://momastery.com/blog/2012/01/04/2011-lesson-2-dont-carpe-diem/)

I want to simplify my closet, pantry, menu, house and life (well, our life is fairly simple, and i like simple. it's the house that's cluttered ;) ). I want to give because I can, do yoga because i enjoy it, and find some way to teach, because i love to teach. I want to invent new recipes and make things, because that makes me feel like a much cooler version of myself.

Sounds like a selfish list, doesn't it? but I think I am not likely to be any more frivolous, wasteful, or self centered with this list (like, i'm already so selfless, so doing things to make myself happier will make me suddenly selfish? uh-huh, riiiiiight.).
I'm just more likely to enjoy my life a little more.

.... I have this goal of being the awesome mom/wife/friend who helps people around me (Luke and boys especially), become better at what they want to be good at, uncover their talents, realize who they are and what they can do (to put it more in christian-ese: use their God-given gifts)....
I picture me cheering at baseball games (assuming someone plays), encouraging Luke to coach tee-ball, editing things Luke writes, sitting through cheesy piano recitals, trying to tune a guitar, helping kids with science experiments, taking trips to the library, going to concerts, playing catch.
'Yes, kiddo, you have great rhythm and i think God gave that to you and He can use it!'
I picture me being the encourager and the sunshine princess, helping people find courage, purpose, happiness, and sunshine.
but I wonder if I can give what I don't have.
I mean, if I am not being myself and using my own gifts in my life, am i really gonna be able to help all my guys be themselves? or will it matter?
I don't mean I need to become self-absorbed, i just mean, well, i am ME.
i am the Lana that Luke married and the Mom that Aiden and Kieron were born to, and there is plenty of room there for improvement, for sanctification... but, i am still and will still be me.

I can't find the words to express how I feel, though I think I understand myself.

And I am trying not to care so much what others think anyways. I guess i feel like i have had years and years of trying to be what i thought people wanted me to be, or just defaulting to whatever was simple, even if i didn't particularly enjoy it, b/c hard work that was enjoyable might be a selfish way to spend time (for example, writing well is hard and time consuming, but i like it, i like it better than not writing, yet it somehow seems like selfishness to me, to spend SO MUCH TIME. it's like refusing to buy a shirt you LOVE, for $20, and eventually buying 10 shirts that you only sort of like, for $2. ...who needs ten more shirts? but $2 at a time seems much less 'selfish'.) And that kind of self denial doesn't do much good for anybody.
So to make up for lost time, trying to be 'pure' enough, 'modest' enough, 'conservative' enough, 'christian' enough, 'smart' enough, 'proverbs 31' enough, 'selfless' enough - i am just going to be me, doing right because it's right, not because it's expected, welcoming God's grace and seeking His heart, and that's gonna be enough.
I guess i am saying, self denial for the sake of self denial is pointless, so I am working on being the dancing, singing, colorful sunshiney person i always wanted to be 'when i grow up'.

.... starting with a trip to Walmart for some red lipstick.

*speaking of Aiden, he counted like this the other day: 'one, two, seben, nine; one, two, seben, cookie...' Luke said "cookie?". Aiden assured him 'cookie is in there!'

brownies - coconut flour, low-carbish.

2011-12-30T20:08:00.002-06:00

i love baking success, and the coconut flour brownies i made tonight were successful :D
I didn't end up following my recipe exactly (surprise, surprise!). my first coconut flour baked good was edible but not great, and while making this one, i realized why, or i think i did.
See, i make my own flour from flaked, unsweetened raw coconut (blend that stuff into powder! best to freeze it first, then it won't turn into coconut butter so easily). Anyways, i think homemade flour sucks up less liquid than the storeboughts, and my first cake was a shockingly wet batter.... so i used this recipe for coconut brownies, and as i was adding the water, simply added much less than recommended, until it seemed about the texture that batter ought to be.

the picture of the brownies from the recipe i modified. they sure look yummy, and mine are very similar and also yummy! just picture some whipped cream, chocolate syrup, and a cherry on top, cuz i'm a sucker for cherries!

Also i used 1/8 cup of truvia (cutting it down a bit next time), in place of the agave.
It was very good, although a bit fluffier than i expected, a bit closer to a nice dense, moist cake. In fact, i ended up serving it with whipped cream and a drizzle of some quick, easy, creamy chocolate syrup.

since i changed it a bit, here is my recipe, so i can make it again (and i won't have to make luke calculate the conversion from agave to Truvia again ;) )

Freeze coconut flakes, put in blender and pulverize into flour. (i pulse for a few moments, stir, pulse, scrape sides, etc, until it is fairly powdery.)

in a saucepan over medium heat, melt 3/4 cup butter (that's 1 1/2 sticks. i usually think in sticks.). when melted, add in 1/4 cup chocolate chips, let sit a moment, then stir until mixed. set aside to cool.

preheat oven to 350 degrees f, and prepare a 8 or 9 inch baking pan with parchment paper (i sprayed the paper, too..... that might not be necessary, but i was desperate for a good baked good, and was taking no chances!)

measure out a cup of coconut flour (if you've got extra, just freeze it for using later)
mix in 2/3 cup cocoa powder (i use Hershey's for everything i make), 1 TBS of baking powder (will cut that almost in half next time), and a pinch of salt. Sift together.

beat 3 eggs, add in (less than) 1/8 cup truvia (or 3/4 cup agave, or equivalent sweetener), beat, then add 1/4 cup of olive oil. add 1 tsp-1 TBS of vanilla extract, (i need more vanilla, so i only did a wee drop!)
and a couple TBS of strong brewed coffee (i keep a little bottle of strong cold brew in my fridge. this is optional though, you could also use rum as the original recipe suggests, or milk, or just water. I could not, btw, TASTE the coffee, but i think it added a richness to the chocolate. if i wanted more coffee flavor, i'd sub the water below for more coffee, but luke doesn't like coffee very much.)

mix chocolate/butter mixture into the egg mixture, and then slowly add to the flour mixture.
The mixture might get a little clumpy, i added just a few teaspoons of water (the original calls for a LOT more! but i think that's due to the storebought flour...), and waited a few moments to see how much liquid would be soaked up. it didn't seem to soak up much. I just used my baker's sense here, and made sure the batter was about the consistency of....batter. My baker's sense turned out right, for once :D

pour/scrape into pan, bake (mine took about 20 minutes, but my oven is strangely fast...)

we topped ours with some homemade whip cream (sweetened with a touch of agave, and whipped by Aiden), and a bit of a chocolate syrup, rather like ganache, made by melting a small fistful of chocolate chips with a little pour of cream, in the still-dirty chocolate/butter pan.
mmmmm, good!
there is, true, a bit of that stevia aftertaste, but one gets used to it.
And there is a ton of fat. but fat is our FRIEND!
there is, of course, unhealthy refined sugar in the chocolate chips, but we are trusting that to be balanced out by all the fat ;)
yeah, I know, the chocolate chips are still refined sugar, but to borrow the famous words of Rhett Butler, 'Frankly, my dear, i don't give a hoot.'
(wait, that's not how it goes? )
These wheat-free brownies (or, this cake, if you want to call it a deliciously fudgy cake!), were a hit with my family it is likely to make a return to our table in the future, perhaps even as a birthday dessert (Kieron certainly enjoyed it!)

now, i know, or at least hope, that the above explanations are helpful in describing the ingredients and the steps, but for your baking pleasure (and for my ease when i use this recipe again), here is the recipe in brief

in a saucepan on medium heat, melt 3/4 cup butter
add in 1/4 cup chocolate chips, when they soften, stir in. set aside to cool

preheat oven to 350 degrees f, and prepare a 8 or 9 inch baking pan with parchment paper

sift together:
1 cup coconut flour
2/3 cup cocoa powder
1 TBS of baking powder
a pinch of salt.

beat 3 eggs,
add in (approx) 1/8 cup truvia (or equivalent sweetener),
then beat in
1/4 cup of olive oil.
1 tsp-1 TBS of vanilla extract,
and a couple TBS of strong brewed coffee (or other liquid, as described above)

mix chocolate/butter mixture into the egg mixture,
then slowly add liquids to the flour mixture.

add around 1-2 TBS of water, as needed

pour/scrape into pan, bake until firm - 15-30 minutes.

Top with whipped cream, chocolate ganache, mocha frosting, or other frosting as desired, or eat plain.

these razorbacks are made for walking....*

2011-12-29T19:50:00.001-06:00

I'm planning to write some sort of year-in-brief post, but maybe I'll just wait until the year is completely over, because then nothing new can happen for me to write about.
Because, well, you didn't hear this from me, and see, I ain't really saying anything about it, but there just might possibly be a fourth mobile biped around here, before the time two thousand eleven closes.
Maybe.
Seems far fetched, but the individual in question is possessed of some strange, crazed determination.

yes, indeed, Kieron Tyler, celebrated his tenth birthday by taking steps, unassisted.
i think he took up to four at a time.
Then he got so pleased with himself that he kept dancing in celebration and losing his balance, or he would forget to move his feet, and simply lunge forward towards whatever goal.
He is definitely a motivated mover!
Aiden clapped and tried to teach kieron to jump and twirl,
but i think we better stay on the walking stage for a bit longer, first.

*Kieron likes when we do 'this little piggy' on his toes, especially when Aiden does it. Aiden has never really had the rhyme down right, plus he takes after his mom and his pop-poppy, changing lyrics and words whenever it suits him. It suited the little hog fan to change the lyrics last week:
'...dese wazobacks go wee wee wee, pig sooiee!!'

today I....

2011-12-22T20:52:00.001-06:00

...did not have a food-related meltdown. Or any meltdown of any kind. Hurrah for me!
Lunch was omelets, which we eat quite often now. We are going through the eggs quite quickly. We all enjoy omelets, and they are a great way to get the kids to eat spinach.
For dinner, we had, as mom recommended (and as i already wanted!), burgers for dinner, and oven fries, with veggies. Put some spices in sour cream for an onion dip - yummmm!
I painted several more peg doll nativity pieces today, for putting in the hanukkah calendar. Today i made the three wise men, and also painted three sheep. Mary, Joseph, the angel, an old and a young shepherd, and baby jesus, were all already done, except for a clearcoats, which i did today, and which were definitely necessary. (i gave the first two to the boys without a clearcoat, and i had to touch up the paint. Mary had to be nearly repainted, after she went into kieron's mouth.)
I am happy with my cute sheep :)
I am going to try to make a camel out of an egg shaped piece of wood (the sheep were wooden balls with flat bottoms.). The camel might be beyond my skill, though...
Luke had to buy the beef for dinner after work. So we worked in the kitchen together, him cleaning while i cooked, and we all jammed out to the chanukkah music channel on Pandora. I love working next to Luke :)
at dinner, we played with our dreidel. Aiden won all the marshmallows, and really got into the game. He liked spinning the dreidel, but once he realized we were taking turns, he made sure we all shared and took turns properly :)
when he won the last of the pot, he laughed so hard :)
it was aiden's first time to play a game like that. maybe hi ho cherry o is in our future? (i hate that game. i alway lose!)

Daddy visited today, and brought by the presents from my grandparents. Luke and both boys are playing with Aiden's new radio controlled cars, right now - they love them! Kieron loves his musical alphabet toy, too (thanks, gramma!)

Got some more christmas prep work to do.
Tomorrow luke and i are shopping! I'm so excited! better finish making my list...
Today i am happier, i think upping my fat intake is helping,
I think i can stick with this diet (though the exact parameters might need adjusting), it's just taking some getting used to. But today was encouraging.
I made some almond free, grain free crackers that turned out well, and yummy, and that makes me happier. I am already thinking how i can make faux matzo, and what flavor variations would be yummy. Edible success and a full tummy make me cheerful, and much more resolved.

diet grumps

2011-12-21T23:18:00.002-06:00

We are holding off wheat and grains, keeping carb count low, and i discovered i am allergic to almonds. I don't have a lot of the ingredients that a grain-free, low carb whole foods diet requires. grouch grouch grouch!
We've always been all about the wheat, here. We don't live by bread alone, but we sure do live on it.
or did.
before i read things about wheat making me think i should try cutting it out...
And to be frank, i feel a bit grumpy about it. Especially since i can't have the almond-flour chocolate cupcakes i keep making for my men.
I do think it is helping me, but it's so hard to say. it's not like an instant turnaround: oh, she's off wheat, let's be healed!
frankly, i am tired of this constant journeying and second guessing, trying to adjust diet for wellness, as though if i just hit on the right diet, i can be well. I've been ill, off and on, for years now. And i'm tired of that too.
I really hate studying so much on food. Food is nourishment, eat it and get on with life (except on special days), is how I would RATHER treat the subject.

At first, the boys were thrilled by the meat and cheese and fats (kieron would eat a whole avocado if i let him!), but now i think the joy of that is starting to wear off. Yesterday, Aiden's morning thankfulness prayer included 'da pazzi (pizza) we donna hab'. the Meatzah was good, but he wanted pizza. Now he cries for cake, and won't accept the almond chocolate cupcakes. Cake has always been an ambiguous term, with aiden. Tonight, a bowl of puffed rice cereal fits the bill, and he is happily eating. Yes, it's way late. but he has a late nap, and was crying and crying for food, who could sleep like that? Obviously our healthy, low carb dinner did not hold him over long enough. after the cereal, he's much happier.

I have noticed that i get less hungry between meals - they say going on a low carb diet should have that effect. I don't snack every day and I just eat a bit before lunch most days. but in the evening, after a meal that leaves me satisfied and even full (although i don't feel truly full that often, just not hungry either. make sense? it's not so much that i don't get hungry between meals, it's more that i don't get that hypoglycemic crash and don't feel a need to eat), i still feel hungry well before bedtime. not hypoglycemic, but 'my tummy hurts' hungry.
Luke eats less, and is losing weight, but says he does feel hungry between meals, even so.
I wonder if red meat would help? i've been going wheat free for ten days, and very low wheat for a few days before that, and have only eaten beef once. I just can't eat much beef because it makes me sick....will try again though... I wish grass fed beef wasn't so pricey... We'll probably get some, anyways, and it might help. i HOPE it helps. Or maybe i hope it doesn't, and then i wouldn't have to buy it again ;) (of course, then what would i eat?)
I do think i have a wheat sensitivity, and that makes it a little easier to keep to the diet, but i wish i didn't get so hungry every evening, and i wish i was seeing more real benefits.
And chicken and veggies just don't give you the same pleasant fullness that a bowl of chicken and nice plump dumplings do... mmmm, and lentil burritos... black bean soup. ... this is NOT helping me, haha :D
I hope i discover that i don't need to be grain free, only wheat free (well, except i don't think i can eat rice, either, how many negative reactions before i decide it's not coincidence?...).
Even if we CAN do other grains, it's a whole different way of cooking, and it is SO frustrating figuring it out during the holidays... I had a total meltdown over the lack of donuts at hanukkah, yesterday night. cried cried cried. feeling stressed and hungry did not help. Why is it i get so hungry at night??

feeling sorry for my boys and their breadless christmas. I almost decided to make them bread and just not eat any myself, but i don't know if i am that selfless, or self controlled enough. plus, i keep reading about how the body doesn't properly digest wheat AND it's VERRRRRY high in natural sugars, and i'm not sure if they should be eating it even if i'm the only one with a major issue with wheat. which i'm not positive about.

*sigh* sorry for the diet ramble, it's just that, trying to figure out how to cook, how to shop, what foods i can eat, and researching to see whether i should feed grain to the rest of my family, and what the very best for them is, is consuming most of my spare time. So it's what i have to write about.

Seriously contemplating running out for a hamburger with a big fat white flour bun, and if i don't feel miserable afterwards, just dropping the diet altogether. That seems unwise, but it is VERY tempting :-)
and if i DO feel miserable, well, that would help with the cravings! If i KNEW wheat was making me sick, i wouldn't miss it... as much. well, i still might miss a few things.

I'm thankful for food, hopeful that i'm on a path to healing, and prayerful regarding how best to feed and nurture these kiddos, and Luke, and myself.

...i always thought food was a simple thing. Why is it coming so hard? maybe that is what bothers me more than anything...

DIY two minute menorah

2011-12-20T14:10:00.005-06:00

My two year old, Aiden, the pyromaniac, LOVED hanukkah last year. And ever since he learned it involved lighting candles (which he calls keeny, for reasons beyond my comprehension), he cannot wait for it to start. It starts tonight, but the evening is so distant for a toddler.
So i decided to light a few birthday candles for him. But what to stick them in??

Think, think, think....
Aha!
I had a brilliant idea, inspired by a few much more complicated and/or expensive ideas i had seen on pinterest.

I went to the wood pile, grabbed a thin, curvy log. I came back in and pulled out my drill and went through drill bits. For our birthday candles, i used a 13/64.
then i drilled 8 holes along the curvy part, and one more hole for the shamash (the helper candle that you light the others with) nearer the bottom of the log.
We put candles in every hole, and then i lit the shamash and used it to light the rest of the candles. Aiden sang 'Happy Shamash to you' :). budding lyricist. Kieron watched all the commotion very happily. Kieron (9 months) is wavering between watcher and participator. I'm happy he's still content to watch :)

as i was snapping the picture, i noticed the hand, trying to relit the used match i had set down in order to take the picture, and I threw the camera aside..... no harm done to hand, house, or even camera.

So there you go, an easy, cheap, two minute menorah, great for a rustic decoration, or just for fun :D

of soggy christmases and stew days.

2011-12-16T19:36:00.001-06:00

Kids frequently get phrases and song lyrics mixed up - sometimes with adorable results.

Tony used to think that Woody from Toy Story said "somebody's toys in the water hole!" (instead of 'poison', although in the context of the movie, both seem perilous.)
One kid I used to baby sit thought that Rudolph saved the day on a soggy Christmas Eve. (very likely around here, actually...)
My little sister Lily tells my husband Luke 'your my bwother in lawl, because Lana is your life' (ha, actually that works!)
...But some of them don't make so much sense.
Tony also used to sing, instead of 'angels among us' from a christmas song, something that sounded like 'angels abungus' (I remember it clearly b/c I was probably 9, and too young to think it was cute and old enough to care about precision - when I wanted to. I could not understand Mom oohing and awing over someone saying words that made no sense...)
Then there was a (probably VERY dumb) contemporary Christian song several years back, about not staying angry, and forgiveness... I don't know. All I remember is most of the words were unintelligible and one line repeated over and over was 'Don't let the sun go down on us today' (only he said to.day, with a breath there, truly awful). We used to sing 'don't let the sun go down on a stew day'. Stew is yummy.

... What I never realized was that sometimes those confused words stick around in your subconscious for YEARS.
Oh Holy Night, for example, is often used as an exhibition of a singer's ability to project their voice and add in random flourishes; it's not one we usually sing all the verses of when caroling.
That's probably why it wasn't until last year, when we sang the whole song at church during December, that I finally realized that the end of the last verse goes 'Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we/ let all within us praise his holy name.'
I have gotta say, that makes a lot more sense than 'a grateful chorus rages.'

Hanukkah calendar

2011-12-16T11:58:00.001-06:00

Isn't it cute :D

This is what i used/will use to finish it.
Fabric, pockets from old jeans (cargo preferably, there are more pocket), scissors, and hot glue, fabric scraps, index cards, ribbon, and a dowel rod.

For the numbers, i used pieces of fabric glued (with gluesticks) onto index cards that i had traced big numbers on. Then I cut them out. With the gluestick i used, I could've taken the fabric off of the cards, but i thought the number 'patches' looked better with the cardstock underneath.

I cut out pockets, and layed them out on my fabric. i cut (ripped, actually, then trimmed the frays) it to an appropriate size.
I made the numbers
I hot glued the pockets to the fabric and then hot glued the numbers to the pockets. I'm not going to need to wash it, and now i don't have to sew through denim or buy fusible interfacing. (thanks to momma for the hot glue idea!)

To hang it, i am gonna sew loops of ribbon onto the top, and run a dowel rod through the loops.
Then i'll tie a ribbon around the ends of the dowel rod and hang it on a picture hook (i have a large framed puzzle in the living room that i will probably tuck behind the couch, and steal its hook for hanukkah).

I had the jeans and scraps and the fabric and the tools and glues. in fact, i've even got the dowel rod. all i need to buy is ribbon for hanging it :)

Once I finish it, the fun part comes - filling the pockets!

In each pocket will be the evening's candles for the menorah and perhaps a small treat.
Because hanukkah overlaps with christmas and i haven't made our new wood peg people nativity yet (another reason to hit Hobby Lobby), there will also be a new peg person each day.
I plan to give them pegs in order they'd likely appear in a simple drama - starting with Mary on tuesday (first night), then the Angel, Joseph, a shepherd or two and a sheep if i can make them (some days will have more than one peg), baby Jesus on Christmas day (probably the only day we'll get the peg out in the morning), and the wise Men and maybe more animals on the remaining nights of hanukkah.

I also bought a dreidel that will go in the first pocket.

I am very excited!

advent ponderings

2011-12-14T15:46:00.002-06:00

I posted our holiday plans recently, and our Christmas plans included doing just stockings, not regular presents,and nothing big. my plan was a few things and then shove the rest of each stocking full of treats :)

but a sudden and drastic diet change (experiment, really) has me cutting, as mom said, over half the grocery store out of our diet.

So i am kissing goodbye my visions of snickerdoodles, suckers, fruit snacks and peanut butter crackers bulging out of stockings on Christmas morning.
Goodbye to thoughts of little boys' eyes lighting up at all the yummies peeking out of the stocking, and Luke surprised by the perfect, chewy cookies (well, in my daydreams they were perfect, however unlikely the prospect was.)

And I have no clue what to replace those special treats with.
(makes me a little sad, honestly. and don't even get me started on our traditional cinnabon clones for breakfast and pepper beef sandwiches for lunch!)

Then i see something like this and wonder why we do even stockings?

It's not like it's our birthday, anyways.

Not that presents are evil, or selfish. (or even that we spent very much on them)

It's just that i look through a worldvision catalog or a compassion international catalog, and i am reminded that a little money for chickens, or sheep, or seeds, or a mosquito net; it could save lives.

I can't find the catalog now, but I think it was 15 bucks, for mosquito nets for one family, to help protect them from getting malaria.

Sure Luke is gonna like the things i got him, sure the kids will like their new dvd's, and the small toys i got.

and i'm not saying we should never buy anything we don't 'NEED' to survive. i do love to give gifts.

But there is the part of my heart that just wants to give and give to Christ - by giving to people who need it.

Because after all, HE is the one whose birthday we claim to be celebrating.

I think you could say, and people do say, that Christmas is a day for

celebrating love, or generosity, or even family.

But more than that, i think it is

(or should be)

a day that we celebrate grace and compassion and humility.

While we were still sinners (undeserving, defiled, idolaters who did not observe the law, who did not care about God, selfish people),Christ came to be with us, to dwell among the people he had made, who were lost and living in darkness.

He, being in the very nature God,

did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,

but made himself nothing,

taking the very nature of a servant,

being made in human likeness

and being found in appearance as a man.

he humbled himself, and became obedient to death

even death on a cross.

For a righteous man, someone might die. Who would die for an evil man, or an enemy?

But while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

That's what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown.

That is the Gift we celebrate.

That is the life we remember on Christmas Day.

The birth for death, for humility and sorrows and sacrifice,

all for the sake of people who did not deserve it.

I am one of those that didn't deserve it.

I am the one to gain, in this strange hero's tale.

And when i meditate on that

I feel ashamed for worrying about buns for my pepper beef,

but even more than the shame for a straying focus,

(because real love doesn't leave you ashamed or afraid)

i find myself longing to do something

I don't even know what

something to honor the birth and the sacrifice.

not that we earn salvation, but love like that demands a response.

My soul needs to respond, or else I think it will get sick.

And singing a few Christmas carols

and reading Luke chapter two

before celebrating on Christmas morning is

not enough of a response.

How can we honor such incredible grace and humility,

other than by wearing humility and

handing out grace and compassion

ourselves?

Not because we have to, but because we love to.

share the precious gift

How can we really love, for Christmas?

What will we do?

I honestly don't know.

some of our holiday plans

2011-12-06T14:13:00.001-06:00

Here's what our season is looking like:

Advent
For Advent we are going through the Jesse Tree Advent Family Devotional by Ann Voskamp, that we never got around to last year http://www.aholyexperience.com/2011/11/free-jesse-tree-advent-family-devotional/

And we also have a pot of dirt, that we plant seeds (wheat) in whenever we do something kind. Aiden loves this - he plants beans in my aloe vera plants sometimes, so he knows what happens when you plant and water - eventually, something will grow :D
we will harvest the 'hay' to pad a manger for baby Jesus, on Christmas Eve.

Aiden plays with our nativity, but it is not as sturdy as one would have hoped :/ .... so, i'm going to make something like this peg people nativity set.

(from theLittleGiftBox on etsy: http://www.etsy.com/listing/82749288/nativity-set-of-14-pieces-hand-painted?ref=v1_other_2 )

We also gave the boys Advent presents on Sunday morning - in an effort to make devotions time and church go more smoothly, and to bring big smiles to their faces. We succeeded on all counts :D - we gave them each a new copy of the Jesus Storybook Bible.

We could have saved the books for Christmas presents, but since we aren't wanting Christmas to be about gifts anyways, I figured we might as well give them to the boys to help them prepare for Christmas :)

We wrapped them up in fun Christmas paper, and they were so excited to open a present! Aiden looked at it wrapped and said 'it's a book!' but he never guessed it was a new 'Jesus book!'

It is so sweet to watch Aiden helping Kieron turn pages in their matching books.

Christmas Gifts
We aren't doing many presents for Christmas, just stockings. And we wonder even about whether we should do that. Still, the excitement of a surprise is such a wonderful thing. Maybe it doesn't have to be on Christmas DAY, but for this year we are going to go ahead. Nothing big, just some special goodies, some Veggietales bought cheap, a few other little things to bring smiles or be useful :)
We are going to all hang our stockings on Christmas eve (we'll talk about Saint Nicholas and what Jesus said about giving in secret and doing good deeds). When we get up in the morning, our stockings will be full! Not by saint nicholas, but by US. Because we are blessed by God and we can give nice things to each other.
I don't think there is a universal balance that works for everyone, for how to observe Christmas traditionally without being too commercial. For us, we figure, we don't need more *stuff*, and we don't want a day set aside for remembering Christ's birthday to become about *stuff*,and we don't want to set a precedent for giving lots of stuff every 25th of December. Even so, we all like surprises, and it seems okay to give some gifts to each other and to our children as one thing to do on a special, festive day.

Hanukkah
Christmas falls in the middle of hanukkah, this year, which is exciting.
For hanukkah, i don't have all my plans ready. i have candles, some recipes picked out, the blessings saved...somewhere.... we'll read the story, but i haven't found a copy yet to print - it shouldn't be too difficult, though. This year i am trying to do it in better style, last year it snuck up on me. I think it was almost as early as it gets! and i did not realize it, i lost track of the days in my mind...
But this year i am determined to do better. I am making some decorations, planning some ideas, wondering how best to observe both Hanukkah and Christmas together. Two separate winter time holidays of light, that have both gotten so far from what they once were...
Both commercialized in modern time, both, at their core, a time for celebrating God's miraculous provision. One (Hanukkah) celebrating God's provision to the faithful followers, and the other celebrating God's grace to the faithful and unfaithful alike.

I think we can do both :)

first world problems

2011-12-01T16:16:00.000-06:00

I was writing a post this morning and then somehow posted just half the title and lost the rest of the post.
huh? grrrr!
Aiden (using one of our three spigots allowing access to our indoor plumbing...) flooded the bathroom just a minute ago.
I had to wet a whole towel to clean up the mess!
grrrrr!
My computer is sluggish, it freezes when i open too many things at one time!

*sigh* it's such a hard life in america!

.... thank-you Lord, for all our blessings, for providing daily bread and so much more every day ....

another post soon to come on this topic, Lord willing and assuming i can remember my train of thought...

love

2011-11-30T18:33:00.001-06:00

I saw these lines of a poem on pinterest yesterday, and it was love at first sight :)
i have no clue who 'Hafiz' was, but he seemed to know some stuff...

Even after all this time

the sun never says to the earth,

"You owe Me."

Look what happens

with a love like that,

it lights the Whole Sky.

~from The Gift by Hafiz

I have no clue who 'Hafiz' was, but he seemed to know some stuff...
I want to make a pretty print of this poem, to hang up in the living room, as a reminder of what real, love-filled giving is like.

a Garland of Gifts - easy Thanksgiving craft

2011-11-20T20:52:00.002-06:00

We (read, Lana got Luke to do it ;) ), decided to try a new thing for thanksgiving and Christmas this year.
I punched out a couple hundred circles from scrapbook paper, and then we spent time this week writing things we were thankful for on each circle. Aiden (two years old) drew on a few, and also dictated a few (some things he has been thankful for this week: toothbrush, water, Bobs (veggietales), mom, dad, burritos, and pizza. also he drew Larry the Cucumber).

this is Larry, by Aiden.

Kieron (8 1/2 mos) tried to eat a few. Aiden only pretended to eat them, then threw them on the floor; he said he was Cookie Monster....
Kieron's best contribution was being adorable and giving us more fodder for 'thank-you notes'.

After we had quite a few written, i sat down at the sewing machine and got busy. I sewed them all into a garland, which we plan to hang on our Christmas Tree, when we put it up this weekend. It is a very L-O-N-G garland!

a very small portion of our gratefulness garland!

We have plenty more circles, too; we'll spend some more time this week counting even more of our blessings. We might keep writing down gifts all through december :D

As we wrote on each piece of paper, we gave thanks aloud for each thing we were writing down, and we thanked the Lord for all the gifts he has given us.
It's good to sit down with the boys, and Luke when he's here, and give thanks, but I have also kept a stack of papers and some pens where i could write down gifts throughout the day, whenever the thought occured to me 'i should be grateful for this'. It's good to acknowledge the Lord throughout my day.

This would be a neat family activity to do on Thanksgiving Day, it's so simple and once it's done, it's a great visual reminder of how much we have to be thankful for, and how much God loves us!
Not to mention, sewn paper looks so artistic :D

If you don't have a sewing machine, you could paper clip, or even glue, the papers onto ribbons.

the thing i really love about this craft is that it's for thanksgiving, but it makes a CHRISTMAS decoration!

I can't wait until this weekend, when we can put up our tree and hang our garland. and oh yeah, there's that little matter of Thankgiving Day and the Razorback/LSU game watching tradition first...

(a sad 'by the way' - pray for the family, friends, and teammates of Arkansas tight end, Garret Uekman, who died today. very unexpected.... I can't imagine the pain and shock they are feeling... )

Look who's talking!

2011-11-18T23:01:00.001-06:00

Kieron Tyler H!

in between the vomit he's been producing prolifically for the past 24 (25?) hours, he has said several new words today! he also said his first sentence!
'here dat, bub' - it's even better in context. he was playing with a ball (just small enough to hold in one hand), and aiden tried to take it (aiden wanted it, but only when kieron had it, you know the type...).i wouldn't let aiden take it from kieron;i tried to interest him in another ball. after a minute kieron grabbed onto me, pulled himself up to standing, and held the ball toward Aiden: 'here dat, bub!' :D SWEET!!!
Kieron shares food too, sometimes.
he also said 'hello' today. 'huh-ho', when he pretended to answer the phone. i don't know if aiden pretended on the phone so much at this age.

other words:
dadda,
bubba/brudda/Aiden, also he uses aiden as a, well, as an expletive almost. when he's mad at me b/c he wants something he can't have, sometimes he says with a growl 'aiden!'. oops :/
hey (as a greeting, not as a protest)
yeah!
dank oo (thank-you)
bite
bah! ('bye' - such a southerner.)

Kieron LOVES hats and hoodies like no baby I have seen. This little sweater makes him smile every time he sees himself in it! i am happy to have a boy who likes something i can make :D

he usually says 'mama' only when crying, but i think i've heard it a few other times recently.

Oddly enough, aside from family names, kieron doesn't really say any nouns like 'ball' or 'car', which are common for little boys. funny that he can say thank-you before he can say 'ball'. Aiden taught him thank-you, by the way. I mean, luke and i helped, but any time aiden hands him anything, Aiden says 'thank-you, brother!' or sometimes 'thank-you, [for the] cookie'

Kieron's apparent favorite word (though it does seem to be losing it's favored place this week,now that he's adding more words to his repertoire) is,wait for iiiiiiiit,
'poop'
(erm,maybe that's a noun, but maybe a verb. not sure.) come to think of it, one of aiden's current fave words is also poop.
contrast that with Aiden's most used early word: 'iluboo' (translation: i love you.)
.... that just goes to show the difference an older brother can make :D

Aiden has started napping with Kieron regularly - Glory Hallelujah!

such a meaningful season

2011-11-17T15:48:00.002-06:00

Around this time every year, people begin their yearly crusade to make sure we keep 'Christ' in 'Christmas'.

It seems to be a pretty well-manned without my help. Sometimes I wonder if it's too well-manned....

But there is another issue that is sorely neglected.

That ends today.

Welcome to the new crusade to:

And remember: It's okay to say 'Han shot first'.*

p.s. no offense meant to Christians, Jews, Nerds, or Geeks.

* - credit for the second slogan goes to my husband, Luke.

how would I live, if i believed?

2011-11-16T11:08:00.001-06:00

Paul wrote in first Corinthians, chapter 15, that if there is no resurrection, then 'we are of all people to be most pitied'.
"If the dead are not raised, 'let us eat and drink, for tomorrow we die'."
If there is no heaven, no resurrection, no promise in the world to come, then we might as well live for ourselves, and anyone who is denying himself on earth and 'storing up treasure in heaven' - as Jesus said to do - is pitiable and pathetic, wasting his one chance at a good life.
If the dead are not raised.
If.
but... Christ is risen and reigns, and will raise up his people; 'The last enemy to be defeated is death'.
At least, that's what the Bible says.

Do I believe it?
What of my decisions would I pitied for, if the resurrection turned out to be a cosmic hoax?
Does the value of my life depend on the resurrection, or am I hedging my bets?

I think... I think we're hedging our bets. I think a whole lot of us are hedging our bets.
What would we do, if we were going all in, on the eternal bet that the Word is truth and Christ is truth?

Do I really believe what Jesus said about treasures in heaven?

Just a thought that keeps coming back to me

'without faith, it is impossible to please God, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him.' - Hebrews 11:6

I

2011-11-15T18:09:00.001-06:00

my friend posted some 'I's and I thought I'd do likewise.

I am...

very glad my blog is back after it disappeared from my dashboard, in the aftermath (i suppose) of my email account being hacked by spammers. though hectic during the afternoon,when i was sorting out email stuff and panicking about my blog, but it is turning out to be a good day. Mrs. Gwen from church came by just to visit, and brought dinner (which will eat tomorrow) and it was very nice to talk with her.

Aiden is...

trying to carry his brother around

Kieron is...

satisfied with a good dinner of crockpotted breakfast casserole.

Luke is...

at the city board meeting as a reporter for The City Wire; it should be an interesting meeting.

I have...

a bunch of teeny rolls of cookie dough in the freezer, to pull out whenever we want a cookie or two for a snack. i have figured out that the tollhouse cookie recipe just doesn't have enough flour in it, and that is why my cookies always spread out so flat. so i have to thaw each roll and add a bit of flour and a pinch of baking powder to the dough before baking. it's worth it though, to have cookies that actually LOOK like cookies instead of like chocolate chip CDs.

I need...

to write daily. this was actually my first day of scheduled afternoon writing time, and i didn't end up doing it b/c of the whole gmail debacle, which was made more frustrating by a sluggish computer that had to be restarted, and a bad internet connection.

I may not blog any more often though. i've been journaling and working on other stuff... i just need to write!

Le Guin vs. L'Engle

2011-10-31T01:00:00.000-05:00

Naming. I have long considered naming things to be an act of control, of authority, of exercising power and dominion. I don't know that i could have put it in those terms until I studied this famous short story in an American Literature class with Mrs. Winters my freshman year of college.
She Unnames Them is a postmodern mythological short (very short) story by Ursula Le Guin- the basic theme is that whoever controls language, and controls what things are called, is in control. the story comes out of the idea that naming is power. Adam named them. for the animals and Eve to be free, she unnames them, essentially creating a 'classless society' (credit). Obviously this is a a feminist idea that any 'good conservative christian' will reject, and anyone who loves order and hierarchy (i organize my closet by season, then clothing type and then color, when I can), will be appalled at the idea of things going without names and classes. They might then scoff at 'ridiculous and dangerous liberal educations'.

But no matter how you feel about a woman unnaming herself, there is still the root of the story, which is that naming is power. That naming is an act of dominion, of control.

if i were to say 'women should reject taking men's names; it's all about control' (which i am not saying, just so we're clear), well then you could perhaps blame it on my liberal arts college education. But to say 'it's about control' - well, blame that on a hundred books and sermons and sunday school lessons, all hinting, or sometimes saying explicitly that Adam named the animals because he was the ruler of them. That Jesus renamed Peter (and later Paul) because Jesus was in control, was commanding him to do and be different than what he had been. That the ruler is the namer is the ruler. That a wife takes on a husband's name because the husband is the head, the leader, the boss.

That being named is being controlled, whether you think that control is good or bad.

Which is why this quote by Madeleine L'Engle surprised me a little.

“I love the rare moments when I am permitted to offer my name to someone … to be given a name is an act of intimacy as powerful as any act of love.”

Madeleine L’Engle, Walking on Water

(quoted from day 24 of chatting at the sky's '31 days to change the world').
to look at it mathematically
IF Naming= Intimacy (L'Engle)
AND: Naming=Control (Le Guin and everything i've believed)
THEN: Intimacy=Control. (well, we're looking at this mathematically and logically)
however it certainly seems that: Intimacy ≠ Control.
so there is somewhere a problem in the equation.

It would, perhaps, be simplest to just scrap Mrs. L'Engle's part.
however i think she's a brilliant writer, and a christian writer, who skyrocketed to a level right alongside C.S. Lewis in my esteem, as soon as i had read one of her books.
If you are a christian lover of science fiction fairy tales, and you have read 'A Wrinkle in Time', then you will probably understand this.

So i can't scrap the beautiful quote, or the strange new idea of naming being an act of love

I put it away for awhile,and after reading the rest of The Time Quartet, have brought the idea of naming back up to digest it some more. It's kinda like chewing the cud, really. (as if nursing and carrying pregnancy weight didn't make me feel enough like a cow already, haha).

I am thinking there may be something to it. What if, originally naming was about love, and not about power?
what if that's something that has gotten twisted? like abuse is called love and lust sometimes replaces love, like so many good and pure things get twisted?
You can't deny that naming is used hatefully (who hasn't absorbed unkind labels into themselves?), and it's certainly also used controllingly, to exert power over something. but what if it wasn't this way and doesn't have be that way, and what if we should stop seeing it that way all the time? what if maybe the love is mixed there into the power and authority that God exerted in naming, and we'd see it if we knew to look?

If I thought about naming as loving, how would that affect how I understand the Bible? Or how i relate to other people, or to HaShem (btw, that's a name for God, literally 'The Name')? .... How would it affect how i view myself?
I might try to dig up and type a passage from 'A Wind in the Door', and post it later. or i might not.
Certainly I'll keep thinking about naming, even if i don't come back to it on the blog again. i'm not exactly a star blogger these days, if you didn't notice ;) (i'd change the name of my blog to 'lana's monthly musings', but then i'd have pressure to post monthly....)