Mindful Serenity

Of Iron Rods and Liahonas

2012-02-10T06:07:00.000-09:00

In the Book of Mormon, Nephi tells of two ways of following God's direction.

In the early chapters of his book (1 Nephi 8 and 11), he writes of a dream about an iron rod. The rod was alongside a "straight and narrow" path, and led to a tree which offered the fruit of eternal life. The rod is interpreted as being the word of God. All about the rod and path were "mists of darkness" and those who did not hold fast to the rod "lost their way" and "wandered off and were lost."

art by Jerry Thompson [source link]

Later, (in chapter 16), Nephi and his family are given a Liahona, or director. It is something like a compass, being a ball with spindles, but rather than pointing just north instead it points the way they should go. It does not make a path for them, but points in a general direction and then they must choose their specific route. The ball works according to their faithfulness and responsiveness to it, and will give new directions in response to prayer.

~♥~

In the early books of the Bible, the Mosaic law is laid out. It is elaborate, with minute details about which punishments should be doled out for each of the numerous infractions listed.

When Christ came, He fulfilled the law of Moses and replaced it with a new law. A much simpler and yet equally encompassing law: love one another. It is a law which requires personal interpretation (because the individual must determine which behaviors constitute "love" and which do not, rather than simply relying on a checklist as the Mosaic law had given).

~♥~

Little children need detailed and specific rules. They need constant oversight and frequent direction. As they get older, the parent can step back and be less directive. Fewer rules and more self-guidence helps the young person develop their own internal ethical system. They learn to make independent decisions (and experience the consequences), rather than merely to follow orders. Direction is good for someone just starting, but ultimately "it is not meet that [anyone] should command in all things; for he that is compelled in all things, the same is a slothful and not a wise servant" (Doctrine & Covenants 58:26).

~♥~

As a child, I remember learning that certain movie ratings were unacceptable. When I was in college, new guidelines were issued by the church with a different guideline: rather than draw a line for us, they asked us to use our own wisdom and perceptions about things ("if there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report, or praiseworthy, seek after these things" cited in For the Strength of Youth). I believe this is the higher law.
Checklists and many specific rules can be helpful in the beginning, but ultimately they will restrain a person from developing to their full potential. As children, we are taught to fold our hands, bow our heads, and close our eyes when we pray. As we age, hopefully we learn to commune with God, regardless of our physical position, and we realize that prayers do not have to be verbalized to be real.

~♥~

I have sometimes heard people talk about "Iron Rod Mormons" and "Liahona Mormons," meaning those who are strict rule-adherents as opposed to those who take things as general guidelines; the letter of the law folks and the spirit of the law folks; 'checklisters' or 'intuition-followers.' One group may refer to the other as 'stodgy,' while the others may refer back to them as 'lax.' I think that neither is true.
They are simply stages in the development of discipleship.
I was very much an Iron Rodder in my younger years, and I'm not any more. I've become a Liahona Mormon.The one naturally precedes the other. We all develop and change in our own ways and on our own timetables, so the differences in our faith styles should not be a reason for anyone to look down their noses at anyone else. But I would be lying if I didn't say that, based on scriptural examples as well as the study of human development, I believe that the liahona method is a later stage of development.
I realize that while holding to the security of that rod of iron, it can be intimidating to let go of it in order to trust tiny spindles on a little ball...to set out knowing only a general direction, but without a marked path. It is overwhelming, truly. However, I have come to the conclusion that letting go of the rod to follow the ball is NOT a form of getting lost, but rather a natural and totally appropriate form of development.
I don't think there is necessarily something wrong with staying with the Rod if it is working for you...but it must be acknowledged that it is a childlike form of discipleship. Yes, Christ called us to be like a little child...but then He also called us to be like Him. And Christ was no checklister. He broke the letter of the law left and right while teaching the spirit of the law. Jesus lived a Liahona life, and I'm trying to do the same.

Interview with a Wolf

2012-02-09T06:13:00.011-09:00

(with thanks to The Road Less Traveled for coming up with the question list)

1. What is something mom always says to do?
get up off my duff

2. What makes mom happy?
when I do [get up off my duff]

3. What makes mom sad?
when I don't [get up off my duff]

4. How does your mom make you laugh?
she tells me the joke about the guy and the oscar meyer weiner truck
(what, you don't know that joke? A guy finds a genie. It gives him three wishes. He wishes for a fancy car *poof* there is a porche. He wishes for a million dollars *poof* there is a deposit slip in his hand. Then, as he sits there thinking of what he wants for his final wish, the oscar meyer truck drives by in the distance, and he begins to sing along "Oh I wish I were an oscar meyer weiner!")

5. What was your mom like as a child?
explorational (His word, I swear)

6. How old is your mom?
30

7. How tall is your mom?
6 ft (*snort!*)

8. What is her favorite thing to do?
knit

9. What does your mom do when you’re not around?
watch movies with dad

10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?
cuz of your knitting

11. What is your mom really good at?
knitting

12. What is your mom not very good at?
making me mad

13. What does your mom do for a job?
babysit

14.What is your mom’s favorite food?
strawberry cake (he said he meant strawberry shortcake)

15.What makes you proud of your mom?
her knitting (wow, I had no idea he cared so much!)

16. What do you and your mom do together?
talk about stuff

17. How are you and your mom the same?
we like science

18. How are you and your mom different?
she can stand the kids all yelling at the same time

19. How do you know your mom loves you?
she gives me stuff

20. Where is your mom’s favorite place to go?
the hotel restaurant (it is the nicest place in town, there are only about 4 options)

My final paper on Benedict Arnold (long)

2012-02-08T15:18:00.000-09:00

This is my final paper from my Lifespan Development class. Our assignment was to choose a person who had made a significant impact, read their biography, and then apply the things we had studied about development to that person. Maybe I'm crazy, but I immediately thought of Benedict Arnold--there has to be something interesting going on in the mind of a person who can switch from being a patriot hero to a notorious traitor, right? Of course, the biography I found was over 500 pages...thank heavens I read fast huh?
In any case, when it all came down to it, the professor said something about this being the finest paper he'd ever seen written at this level (really, this is extraordinary for a 600 level class? Well ok then!). I worked my tail off for that class, but I also really enjoyed it.

In any case, this is long. Like 11 pages long. But I think it's interesting. And you know what? It's a darn sight shorter than the biography I read!

A traitor made or a traitor born?

A developmental consideration of Benedict Arnold

Behaviorism and Ecological Systems Theory would both agree that a person’s environment significantly influences their development. Arnold grew up amid significant social unrest which affected him both directly (the deaths of all but one of his siblings in an epidemic), and indirectly (religious fervor among the citizens of the region led them to be less accepting of his drunken father, and therefore of Arnold as well). Biographer Martin (1997) explains that

As a youngster, Benedict Arnold learned about the realities of life from many different sources. Three sets of childhood experiences helped shape his views of the world around him: the incessant warfare of the eighteenth century; the religious turmoil of the first Great Awakening; and the killer epidemics that besieged portions of New England. The overall effect was to introduce Benedict to the contentious, brutal, and tragic aspects of human existence. He learned that pain and suffering were as much a part of life as the happiness and personal contentment of growing to adulthood in a mutually supportive family environment. (p. 19.)

In his youth and young adulthood, Arnold was daring and foolhardy. Fritz says that “at school he was known for his hot temper and his loud voice” (1997, p. 8), and there is no shortage of stories of his “physical agility” and “feats of athletic prowess” in his adolescence (Martin, p. 13). Some might argue that he was attempting to make up for his lack of height—many descriptions refer to him as short—but the consensus is that he was an attractive fellow regardless (Martin, p. 2), so it seems unlikely that the reasons for his behavior were that simplistic. Arnold was typically upbeat, rarely appearing down or depressed (Martin), and though “he characterized his courage as an ‘acquired’ trait” (Martin p. 21), he certainly had an excess of either courage or bravado. Maybe it was some of both.
Even before his time in the army, Arnold frequently engaged in risk-taking behaviors which ranged from climbing millwheels and offering to fistfight a constable in his youth (Fritz, 1997, p. 11) to dueling (Martin, 1997, p. 53) and trusting sketchy merchants with valuable cargoes (Martin, p. 54). Sometimes his risks paid off (he won the duel and regained his slighted honor), but sometimes they did not (when the merchant absconded with a large shipment of mahogany). Alberts, Elkind and Ginsberg (2007) explain that young people engage in risk-taking behaviors because of the personal fable, or the belief that they are unique, special, and/or invulnerable. Specifically, “the young adolescent believes that his or her feelings and emotions are different, more intense and excruciating, than those of others” (p. 72). Arnold seemed to maintain a personal fable throughout his life, often behaving in ways that indicated that he saw himself as indestructible (such as riding his horse boldly through the middle of a battlefield), or as special (such as taking it personally when he was not promoted to the rank of general on the timetable that he thought he should have been). Studies show that “specifically, the invulnerability dimension of the personal fable [is] significantly associated with patterns of risk-taking behavior” (Alberts, Elkind, & Ginsberg, p. 72).
Benedict Arnold was born in January of 1741. His father had married well and worked hard to build up wealth out of poverty (Fritz, 1997). Although Arnold’s youth may have been comfortable, during his teens the family fortune changed. Two of his three sisters died in a diphtheria epidemic in 1753, leading his father to turn to drinking. In 1754 Arnold was withdrawn from boarding school because his family could no longer afford the tuition, and he was placed as an apprentice to an apothecary instead. His mother seems to have never recovered from the loss of her children and disgrace of her husband, and she died in 1759, at which point Arnold’s father completely lost touch with life, and soon followed his wife to the grave. By the time Arnold was twenty, he had no one left but his sister Hannah, and he was the head of the house (Martin, 1997).

Benedict Arnold emerged from his childhood days as a person of wounded pride but determined ambition. Born to comfort, that comfort had been taken from him. Raised to magnify the family name that he bore, he had seen that name lose its community respectability. Expecting a handsome monetary inheritance on which to carry forward his father’s dreams, he now had none. What he did have was his sister Hannah and a treasury of once-happy childhood days—the times of contentment before everything had gone so terribly wrong” (Martin, p. 32).

Berk (2019) cites Cui & Vaillant (1996) in explaining that “exposure to multiple negative life events—family conflict,…academic or employment difficulties, and financial strain—undermines development, even in emerging adults whose childhood and adolescence prepared them well for this transition” (p. 467). Perhaps then Arnold’s early life, in particular his difficult adolescence, caused him to become cognitively and emotionally stuck in this developmental stage, and not mature into a state of greater balance or maturity.
Resilience is the ability to adapt positively in spite of difficult circumstances (Berk, 2010). Arnold certainly faced difficult situations in his youth, but did he overcome them or was he brought down by them? Berk writes that “A child’s biologically endowed characteristics can reduce exposure to risk or lead to experiences that compensate for early stressful events” and mentioned “high intelligence” as one of those characteristics (p. 10). While it is difficult to say for sure how intelligent Benedict Arnold may have been, he was a savvy businessman and probably had average or higher intelligence. Where biology seems to have let him down was his temperament. As Berk explains,

Temperament is particularly powerful. Children who have easygoing, sociable dispositions and who can readily inhibit negative emotions and impulses tend to have an optimistic outlook on life and a special capacity to adapt to change—qualities that elicit positive responses from others. In contrast, emotionally reactive and irritable children often tax the patience of people around them (p. 10, citing Mathiesen & Prior, 2006; Werner, 2005; and Wong et al., 2006).

An individual’s environment also has an impact on their resilience. Social support, from parents, extended family, neighbors, or other members or organizations of the larger community can all affect a young person in this regard (Berk). Arnold attended boarding school, and while we do not know the specifics about his experiences there, one might make an educated guess based on what was typical for the time, and say that it was probably not a very loving or supportive environment. The Arnolds were not in touch with their extended family on the paternal side, but they did have some contact with the maternal side, notably the Lathrop brothers, who were cousins of Arnold’s mother, and with whom he apprenticed (Martin, 1997). There is some indication that the Lathrop brothers thought highly of Arnold, at least that they liked him as an apprentice because he did well for the business (Martin). Prior to his time with the Lathrops though, Arnold seems to have had very little social support either in or out of his home. The lack of support, combined with a “reactive and irritable” temperament, left him with low resiliency for his difficult early life experiences.
Erickson’s theory of psychosocial development says that in adolescence an individual faces the crisis of identity verses role confusion. “If young people’s earlier conflicts were resolved negatively or if society limits their choices to ones that do not match their abilities and desires, they may appear shallow, directionless, and unprepared for the challenges of adulthood” (Berk, 2010, p. 402). Arnold’s choices were certainly limited by his poverty, lack of family, and obligation to care for his unmarried sister. He was not able to explore options or experiment with his dreams, indeed, he hardly had time to dream. He threw himself wholly into his work as an apprentice, soon earning himself the right to his own shop. Martin (1997) describes Arnold as having “the energy to transpose personal adversity into a wide pathway of opportunity” (p. 30), and in business as with everything else in his life, “as was usual, Arnold did more than just consider seizing the initiative; he embraced it” (p. 74).
Benedict Arnold was “never easily dissuaded” (Martin, 1997, p. 147) and was always “inspired by the impossible” (Fritz, 1997, p. 71). He approached the apothecary business with the same gusto that he later showed as a military leader, and he did very well at it. Unfortunately, in spite of being a good salesman, he was not a good accountant. He incurred debts easily and then took his time about paying them back, always taking it as a personal affront to his honor if someone called him for payment when he was not ready or able to pay (Fritz). Perhaps it was his meager youth, or perhaps his father’s tarnished reputation, but Arnold seemed to want to show the world how competent he was, how he could provide for his family, and how much respect he deserved. He cared about his appearance, both of his home and his person, perhaps because it was an outward representation of his perception of himself. He preferred to dress in expensive and stylish clothing (Fritz), and when he brought the New Haven militia to join the Continental Army they did not all have weapons but they did all have new matching uniforms (Martin). This showiness bothered some people, even George Washington noted that Arnold had a “tincture of vanity” (quoted in Fritz p. 39). Others were not so diplomatic. John Brown, a fellow soldier who always seemed to object to Arnold, once made the accusation that “money is this man’s god, and to get enough of it he would sacrifice his country” (quoted in Fritz, p. 166). It is true that Arnold always cared about money, how much he had, where it was coming from, and showing it off; but it seems shallow to suggest that he switched sides solely for the money. It is true that he was virtually broke at the time, many people were, and he had never dealt very well with poverty, but Benedict Arnold was an idealist, and it seems unlikely that money alone would have motivated him sufficiently to act as he did. A more probable explanation is that his ideals changed, or even (most likely), that his ideals did not change, but his ideas about how to achieve them shifted.

Benedict Arnold’s parents had been actively involved with the religious revival of their time, and his mother in particular was deeply religious. She wrote letters to him at boarding school admonishing him to be a good student and an upright Christian (Martin, 1997). In spite of her apparent high expectations for him though, there is little to suggest that the Arnolds were very involved parents, though that may be a product of their culture and time. Baumrind (2005) discusses how the adjustment patterns of adolescents vary according to how they were parented. She says that “parenting style has proven power to predict children’s competence” (p. 63), and while there is not a lot of information to prove just what the Arnolds’ parenting style was, it is possible that some degree of Arnold’s social maladjustment throughout his life was due to parents who exhibited low or non-responsiveness. As Susskind explains, “children raised by authoritative parents tend to have better social skills than those raised by authoritarian or uninvolved parents…They tend to have better perspective-taking skills than their peers.” On the other hand, “hostile, impulsive children tend to be poor perspective takers and often interpret other children as having a hostile intent. Because of this perspective, they are more likely than others to respond to other children's behavior with aggression” (2005). Fritz (1997) states that Arnold “never thought of himself as being tactless or imprudent” (p. 8), but that he “had difficulty understanding any but his own point of view” (p. 68), and these traits were prominent throughout his life. Arnold often seemed to assume that others were out to get him, out to tarnish his honor, out to impeach his reputation, out to bring him down. “All his life he picked up enemies wherever he went” (Fritz, p. 20), most probably because he didn’t know how to understand people, or how to be a real friend. “Research confirms that—as Erikson emphasized—a secure identity fosters attainment of intimacy” (Berk, 2010, p. 468, citing Kroger, 2007). It seems probable that Arnold’s lifelong social struggles were a product of both a lack of social skills and a lack of secure identity.
Due to the tarnished familial reputation—particularly his father’s—many neighbors would never respect Benedict Arnold, no matter what he accomplished. “Above all else, he desired, at a minimum, to become a highly respected member of the…community” and “they kept dismissing him as an upstart nobody; but no matter how hard they tried, they could not ignore him” (Martin, 1997, p. 38). Perhaps it was his impulsive and ego-centric nature combined with his poor social skills, or perhaps it was just circumstantially-acquired hypersensitivity about his honor, but in spite of “never [showing] great respect for higher authority, he demanded respect from others” (Fritz, 1997, p. 35). Martin explains it similarly, saying that Arnold “was a man of energy, purpose, and direct action” and that “although he craved respect, he would not pander himself or grovel for favors. Nor would he exercise tolerance toward those who…in some way seemed bent on discrediting his reputation and good name” (Martin, p. 38-9).
In spite of his difficulty in developing close relationships with anyone else, he did have a long and apparently affectionate relationship with his spinster sister, Hannah. She lived with his family to care for his children after his first wife died, but in fact she had been living with the family from the beginning, even when he was a newlywed (Martin, 1997). She ran Arnold’s business when he was away on military campaigns or at sea with his merchant ships. Martin writes that Hannah “would do whatever she could to support her brother, since she of all people full appreciated the reasons for his relentless pursuit of respect for himself and the Arnold family name ” (p. 102). Their relationship was based on more than just understanding though. Of the five children born to the Arnold family, Benedict and Hannah were the only ones to survive to adulthood. Susskind (2005) points out that “people’s longest-lasting relationships are with their siblings” and that siblings “provide social support [and] emotional support when their…siblings are dealing with uncertain situations.” Susskind also differentiates between relationships with brothers and those with sisters, explaining that “the positive impact of relationships with sisters is probably due to the high levels of intimacy in these relationships.”
Arnold did marry twice: Peggy Mansfield (who died) in 1767, and Peggy Shippen in 1779. The true nature of even those relationships could be questioned however. In both cases, he married a young lady from a respectable and financially stable family, and in both cases he was quite poor at the time (Martin, 1997). Might financial security have been a factor in both cases? It seems probable. Arnold was not without a heart of course. Martin writes that Peggy Mansfield was “a partner whom he dearly loved” (p. 49), however Arnold was rarely at home during their marriage, and though he wrote often, he also complained that she did not write back often enough, claiming flamboyantly that her lack of letters led him to fear she had died (Fritz, 1997). By the time Arnold met and married Peggy Shippen, he may have been motivated by any number of things. She was attractive and young (nearly twenty years his junior), and her family had solid social standing as well as many connections in the community. His marriage to Peggy may have been indicative of his declining faith in the revolution, as she and her family were Tories, and it seems improbable that the Arnold of ten years earlier would have considered such a match. But marry her he did, and within months of the marriage he was actively communicating with the British about a plan whereby he would hand over West Point, a significant and strategically located fort.
Throughout the course of the revolutionary war, Arnold felt that he had been slighted by the continental congress. Following campaigns he often asked them for reimbursement of extensive expenses which he had personally incurred during the campaign. However he kept poor records, and so congress (who didn’t have a lot of money to spare anyway), usually only reimbursed him for things he had receipts for. He took this as a personal insult to both his person and his integrity and honor (Martin, 1997). Arnold was a dedicated soldier and a concerned leader. Martin asserts that “the welfare of his troops was Arnold’s dominant concern” (p. 139), which probably accounts for why he so often spent his own money on them. Martin further declares that Arnold “would give his all for the cause that he represented” (p. 266). It makes some sense, then, that he was upset when he perceived that congress did not really appreciate him or his efforts. While many historians would agree that Arnold made some poor decisions over the course of his career, it is also arguable that he was doing what seemed the best to him at the time. Over the years several accusations were leveled against him however, including one early on which resulted in a full court marshal. Due to war events, the court marshal was delayed twice, which frustrated Arnold greatly. In life, as on the battlefield, Arnold generally “concluded in advocating decisive action” (Martin, p. 145), and in his own words, “delay is worse than death” (quoted in Fritz, 1997, p. 115). He was acquitted at the court marshal, but felt that his honor had been impugned, and was determined to re-demonstrate his valor and loyalty, which he arguably did over the course of subsequent campaigns.
Benedict Arnold repeatedly felt let down by the country for whom he had given his time, his money, and even the use of his leg. In spite of years of service, he watched several junior officers be promoted to the rank of general before he was, and, as always, he took it personally. In 1777 he wrote to congress that he felt that they “had deprived of his rank in the army a person who since the commencement of the present war, has strenuously endeavored to act the part of a faithful soldier, and who is not conscious of having committed any offense or neglect of duty, which should induce your honorable body to pass an implied censure on his conduct” (Martin, 1997, p. 333, citing Arnold, 1777, June 13). Shortly thereafter, Arnold submitted a letter of resignation to congress. He felt that his honor had been impeached in congress’ refusal to promote him, and therefore he resigned with “a real conviction that it is not in my power to serve my country in the present rank I hold” (Martin, 1997, p. 340, citing Arnold, 1777, July 11). Fortunately—or unfortunately—General George Washington was at this time embarking on a new campaign, and he requested Arnold specifically to help him with it, so Arnold went with Washington rather than actually resigning (Martin).

In the same way that stories were told of George Washington as examples of how to properly bring up a child, Benedict Arnold’s life became a source for morality tales to warn young parents of how not to raise their children (Martin, 1997). But Arnold wasn’t predestined to be a traitor. He was dealt a hard hand in his youth, and was not very resilient. He had difficulty creating an identity for himself in adolescence—probably because there was so much upheaval in his life and in what was expected of him—and so his developmental process seems to have gotten stuck in some ways in adolescence. Throughout his life, he engaged in risk-taking and ego-centric behaviors. He was careless in mundane things like record keeping and impatient when others did not have the same priorities he did. Fritz ( 1997) says that he “had difficulty understanding any but his own point of view” (p. 68), and so his ultimate decision to betray the united states was most likely a simple product of him genuinely believing that it was the best thing to do. Benedict Arnold never had to stop and question his decisions, because in his mind it was not possible for him to be wrong. As he watched the revolutionary war stretch longer and longer, and watched death and destruction affect the land and people he loved, he came to believe that the best choice was to bring the war to a close. Whether or to what degree his wife influenced him we may never know, but ultimately he reach a conclusion about a way to facilitate that end of the war which he so desired. “Benedict Arnold never seemed to grasp the enormity of what he’d done” writes Fritz, (p. 167-8), and why should he? He did not perceive it as treachery (although he certainly knew that technically it was). He saw frustration and exhaustion spreading among the colonists and he believed that he, by helping to end the war, was in fact the truest of American patriots. What he did not foresee was that rather than causing the revolutionaries to lose heart and dissolve into disorganization as he had expected, Arnold’s actions unified them for the home stretch (Fritz). In fact, Arnold and his treachery—or, rather, his failed attempt at treachery—may indeed have determined the outcome of the war and also hastened its arrival; just not the outcome he had anticipated. It is perhaps a final manifestation of his perpetual adolescence that he did not consider any possibility outside his own perspective, for if he had, he might not have acted so quickly or so rashly, and things might have turned out differently.

References

Alberts, A., Elkind, D., & Ginsberg, S. (2007). The Personal Fable and Risk-Taking in Early
Adolescence. Journal of Youth & Adolescence, 36(1), 71-76. doi:10.1007/s10964-006- 9144-4

Arnett, J. J. (2000). Emerging adulthood: A theory of development from the late teens through the twenties. American Psychologist, 55, 469–480.

Arnett, J. J. (2006). Emerging adulthood: Understanding the new way of coming of age. In J. J. Arnett & J. L. Tanner (Eds.), Emerging adults in America: Coming of age in the 21st century (pp. 3–19). Washington, DC: American Psychological Association.

Arnold. B. (1777, June 13). [letter to John Hancock, president of congress] Philadelphia. Papers of the continental congress, microfilm reel 179, item 162: 92-94. National Archives, Washington DC.

Arnold, B. (1777, July 11). [letter to John Hancock, president of congress] Philadelphia. Papers of the continental congress, microfilm reel 179, item 162: 106-7. National Archives, Washington DC.

Baumrind, D. (2005), Patterns of parental authority and adolescent autonomy. New Directions for Child and Adolescent Development, 2005: 61–69. doi: 10.1002/cd.128

Berk, L. E. (2010). Development through the lifespan (5th ed.). Boston, MA: Allyn & Bacon.

Cui, X., & Vaillant, G. E. (1996). Antecedents and consequences of negative life events in adulthood: A longitudinal study. American Journal of Psychiatry, 153, 21–26.

Darling, N. (1999). Parenting style and its correlates. Clearinghouse on Elementary and Early Childhood Education.

Darling, N. (2007). Ecological systems theory: The person in the center of the circles. Research
in Human Development, Vol 4(3-4), Nov. pp. 203-217.

Elkind, D. (1967). EGOCENTRISM IN ADOLESCENCE. Child Development, 38(4), 1025

Fritz, J (1997). Traitor: The Case of Benedict Arnold. New York: Puffin.

Kroger, J. (2007). Identity development: Adolescence through adulthood (2nd ed.). Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage.

Levinson, D. J. (1986). A conception of adult development. American Psychologist, 41, 3–13.

Martin, J. K. (1997). Benedict Arnold, Revolutionary Hero: An American Warrior Reconsidered. New York: NYU Press.

Mathiesen, K. S., & Prior, M. (2006). The impact of temperament factors and family functioning on resilience processes from infancy to school age. European Journal of Developmental Psychology, 3, 357–387.

Pinker, S. (2004). Why nature & nurture won’t go away. Daedalus, 133(4), 5–13.

Susskind, J. (2005). Social development. Encyclopedia of Human Development.

Werner, E. E. (2005). What can we learn about resilience from large-scale longitudinal studies? In S.
Goldstein & R. B. Brooks (Eds.), Handbook of resilience in children (pp. 91–105). New York: Kluwer Academic.

Hand of Love

2012-02-03T15:51:00.000-09:00

I have a bracelet, custom made by a friend of mine, with charms of specific symbols that are meaningful to me. I have shared here about some of those symbols, such as the bee and the ruby, and I thought I would share about the other symbols, so that when I share the bracelet itself you'll be able to appreciate just how cool (and incredibly personal) it is. ☺

The spiral is a symbol of eternity (found both in Native American cave art and also in ancient Celtic carvings, such as at Newgrange). In some traditions, it is a symbol for "Spirit" (or Deity).

When the spiral is placed within a hand shape, as is found in many places in the southwestern USA, it is believed to be emitting energy, and is called a Shaman's Hand, or Healer's Hand. The hand with a spiral on the palm is now most often seen as a symbol of reiki, or energy healing. [source]

A similar symbol, the Jain hand, represents nonviolence (the main tenant of the religion). Jains strive to "halt the cycle of reincarnation through the practice of Jain asceticism, the avoidance of harm to any living creature."

In fact, another symbol I have seen in recent years is a hand with a heart in it being used to represent gentle discipline or nonviolent parenting. (I first saw it in conjunction with mention of the book "Hands are Not for Hitting.")

When I was looking for charms for my bracelet, I found myself drawn to this bead. I first liked it because it reminded me of henna--the drawing on the hand--but as I see the other things this symbol relates to I feel it is even more fitting. I strive to live a nonviolent life. I try to use my hands for healing, in giving care to my children, in holding them while I pray for them, and soon beyond my home as a doula.
This charm on my bracelet symbolizes peace, healing, gentleness, and using my hands (or taking physical action) to spread those things to the world around me.

Now I'm a Homeschooling Mom

2012-01-31T01:59:00.007-09:00

I'm an eclectic homeschooler, as I was raised to be. I use some professional resources, but I don't let anyone dictate curriculum to me. I use a wide variety of things, and if something isn't working I don't' hesitate to drop it on its ear. I make up a lot of things too. I trust my gut, and I observe my child and adapt on the fly on a regular basis.
I get bored with doing the same thing every day. The first thing Wolf learned about homeschooling was that he had a list of assignments for the day, but that he could do them in any order--he was delighted. On the second day of homeschool he commented that they should give public school kids that option, and they might do better.
Yes dear, they might. But academic freedom doesn't work very well when you've got 30 kids per teacher...

So he has been reviewing times tables by skip counting on the trampoline (miss a beat/bounce and you have to start the set over). He also does math with a dry-erase marker on various windows or mirrors around the house...(after showing it to me) he washes the mirror/window when he's done, and he's just done school work AND one of his chores in one go.
We made a 1 1/2 batch of muffins the other day. Multiplying fractions. (Hubby, as a special ed teacher, works part of the day in the math classroom where Wolf used to be, and he said that all the kids there are struggling with multiplying fractions right now. Wolf started off slow, but he's not struggling, especially when he knows muffins are coming.)
We measured the basketball court next door (at the church building) and then calculated how many times he would need to run around it to get 1/4 mile (because he needs to do timed 1/4 mile runs for boy scouts).
We calculated the external area of a grain silo, so that we could paint it neon green. We also calculated the volume of the freezer, so we know how much food will fit in it. We also calculated what size of cylinder it would take to hold his little brother.
Apparently math can be interesting, and word problems don't have to involve buying 32 watermelons...

He has been reading The Hunger Games trilogy (and this next bit won't make sense unless you're familiar with them). For his writing assignments, he has been detailing new arena concepts, or strategies that he would employ if he were a tribute in one of those arenas. He comes up with some pretty intense things, and he seems to like it a lot more than "what I did over christmas break..."
He's been practicing handwriting by copying hymns and other songs (the ones he's supposed to be learning at church this year). He's practicing typing by being email pen-pals with his grandparents.

His math mixes with his social studies. His history mixes with his reading. His occupational education overlaps with his physical education which overlaps with his math. His writing mixes with his science. We watch documentaries. We read historical fiction. We cook. We clean. We talk about things...
We live real life.
And we learn.

I don't know how long Wolf will be homeschooling, but it is definitely the right thing right now.
(Bear is still going to preschool. He loves it. He has an entirely different personality from Wolf, and thrives in the sociality of school, so he may well continue there. Who knows. We evaluate each child each year. There is no default for education. We just do what works.)

Introducing...

2012-01-27T13:35:00.000-09:00

Shortly after we moved to Kotzebue, I was asked to be the leader for primary (the children's sunday school). In the LDS church, these things are not volunteer positions, they are assigned by the local leadership. I was not surprised that they called me to do this, because in this tiny congregation there are 5 children of primary age, and three of them are my own sons.

'like' our facebook page for updates each time we post

The first week that I taught a primary lesson, I had the thought that I wished there were a place where primary teachers could share resources--not the kind with cute clip-art and fluff--but real, scripture-based, substantive support and ideas. I knew it was too big an undertaking for me to do alone (especially considering my mental/physical/emotional state lately), but the idea still nagged at me. I knew I wanted to help make it happen.
Apparently, the idea was growing in other minds as well. And around new years, we found each other (oh how the internet can be a tool for wonderful things!). So we have created this blog "It's Time for Sharing" (incidentally, there was already a similar one for Young Womens, it's called Beginnings New).

I am very excited about this project. I am grateful for the other people involved with it, and also for the 'guest contributors' who thus far include my mother and sister (who are both involved in primary in their respective congregations, and who frankly have more experience with it than I do!)
This week the regular contributors of the blog were chatting about our purpose and desire for this blog. I thought I would share here what I wrote for them.

I feel like a lot of teachers (not just in primary, at other levels too, but especially in primary) try to dumb down the doctrine. In their minds, they are making it 'simple' or 'accessible for the kids' or things like that. They believe that children can't understand. But I believe that children can understand, and that they WANT to KNOW! I believe that teaching truth and inspiring faith is worth more than following manuals or teaching obedience. I would rather teach a child how to seek personal revelation than teach him how to just always follow the leader. So my first purpose is to teach straight doctrine, without fluffing things up or leaving things out.

A second consideration for me is that I don't want them to learn things one way now, and then in 10 or 20 years be blindsided by the bigger picture. There are some issues in doctrine and history that are complicated and confusing. In the old testament God told people to kill people when they sinned--it's pretty harsh stuff. There is more than one first vision story, and they have significant differences between them. Joseph Smith married over 30 women, some of whom who were married to other men already... (not that I would bring this up to a 4 year old--it's not in their manuals anyway--but I would not shy away from explaining the basics of polygamy to an 8 or 9 year old, and I would explain the full polyandry to a teenager). I think it's appropriate to introduce the complex stuff line by line, as we introduce everything else. I look on it as inoculation. I first learned about polyandry when I was 12, and when I learned more about it as an adult, it did not trouble me to the degree that it does so many others. I already knew the basics, so the details didn't shake my testimony. So my second purpose is to be de-correlated enough to inoculate the children.

My third desire is to share my testimony. I have a testimony of a balanced theology, and a gospel of love. So I will teach the children that they have a Father AND Mother in Heaven, and that we can grow up to be like our heavenly parents, just as we can grow up to be like our earthly parents. I will teach the balance of men and women in God's eyes and god's plan (even though people don't always remember to treat each other equally, God does). I will teach love for everyone, including--or especially--those who are different from ourselves.

I feel that an unfortunate portion of primary materials focus on obey, obey, obey, follow, follow, follow...and basically discount a child's ability to receive revelation. Following is a good way to practice righteousness, but it is also necessary to gain skills in discernment, because for each person the day will come when there is no one to follow, and they have to make their own choices. I would rather teach a child to consider the options and make a choice (and live with the consequences), rather than to simply blindly obey. I have taught my children this way, and they are definitely capable of doing this at 3 and 4.

Finally, I have some experience with teaching, and with children. I've trained in education and studied psychology and development, and I feel like I have something to offer in the way of practical teaching suggestions. I hope that perhaps I can offer some ideas to those who do not have the training/experience in these areas, and who might feel overwhelmed or lost with a primary calling.

The way we approach all of this is important. "You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar" and so on... I very much want to be constructive, positive, and helpful. I don't want to be negative, bashing (on manuals or people), or raise conflict. As I have pondered the best way to do this, I think we need to consider why we are teaching/posting things (ie, am I teaching about Heavenly Mother because I think she's important, or because I want to ruffle feathers). Be genuine, don't make waves solely for the purpose of making waves. But don't hide your light under a bushel either--if something is really important in your testimony, don't gloss over it just because it's not in the manual. Finally, I think we need to be unapologetic and non-defensive when we post. That ties into why we post these things, but is an important note. I'm not going to say "I know the lesson was about obedience, but I'm going to adapt it and talk about choices instead..." I will simply say "I have adapted this lesson to talk about choices, rather than solely about obedience, because even obedience is a choice we make..."

So there you have it, It's Time for Sharing, my latest endeavor to "Be the change [I] want to see in the world."-Gandhi

Romantical little things

2012-01-23T07:43:00.018-09:00

I was chatting with a friend recently. She and her husband have been struggling a bit, and she was trying to find ways to draw closer together again. Life can get in the way for anyone, and I think we each have periods where we feel distance between our self and our spouse. So, with that in mind, here are a list of things I have done or seen to help make sparks when the embers are burning low.

Celebrate your "monthiversaries" every month. If you were married on the 8th, then every month on the 8th have a little celebration, whether it's a gift, getting flowers, going out to dinner, making a cake, or sending the kids to a babysitter's house so you can have a romantic evening together.
Create and share a "couple's journal"--a notebook with a question at the top of each page. Maybe put a fancy pen with it. Then take turns writing answers back and forth to each other in the book.
Buy a pad of post-it notes. Write a note to your spouse on every single one, and leave them all over the house: in their sock drawer, on the steering wheel, in the glove compartment, in kitchen drawers and cupboards, in a briefcase or backpack, in the book they are reading, on the mirror, on the wall, on their pillow... The notes may be as short as "♥" or maybe fill it up with a tiny love letter.
Write the alphabet down one side of the page, and for each letter, write a word or phrase that is a reason why you love your spouse. (This is also fun to do as a series of 26 notes or emails, one at a time, letter by letter...)
The same as the alphabet one, only with their name, or your names combined.
Tell your spouse a list of things you love about them (or ask them to tell you). Don't worry how big or small each thing is, just start talking, and keep going as long as you can think of things. Especially if you've been struggling, this might be hard at first, but just do it...the more you say, the more come to mind, and it gets easier as you list more things. ☺ (If you think this sounds goofy, just TRY IT, I promise, it's pretty awesome.)
Never underestimate the value of conversation. Pillow talk; discuss your dreams, concerns, and fears; talk about recent news topics, political issues, spiritual ideas, or philosophies; debate with each other; make plans; make dreams.
For those on tight budgets or with very small children, date nights may be rare or non-existent. Try some of these ideas.

What have you thought of or done? Please share!

Frugal Friday: Dates for under $10

2012-01-20T07:59:00.048-09:00

Spending time with your spouse is good for the relationship, but sometimes the budget makes it hard to go on dates very often. We spent about 5 years where, no matter how cheap a date we went on, the babysitter was cost-prohibitive! So here are a bunch of ideas of dates that are under about $10 (many are free), and also a few ideas for how to afford a babysitter.

BABYSITTING

find a free sitter--grandmas are famous for this, but they're not the only ones!
barter--perhaps a neighbor or friend would be willing to watch your kids periodically in exchange for something...Last year a friend babysat for us in exchange for some of the fish Hubby had caught that summer. This year, our neighbor has agreed to babysit once a week in exchange for us letting her dog out to potty (since she is not able to come home midday and she is usually gone for 9-10 hours).
create a co-op with other parents. Once a month you have all the kids at your house on a friday night, but the other weeks of the month you take your kids to one of their houses, and they babysit for you. It's especially workable if you have it just with one other family (ideally neighbors), and maybe one parent stays home with their kids and one comes over to be with yours. Alternate weeks.

GO OUT

go on a picnic
go on a hike
go for a walk
go to a matinee of a movie (if you live in Utah you can catch the dollar theater and do an evening movie for cheap)
go give blood at a blood drive. Chat for an hour over the sandwiches and cookies and juice.
go somewhere local and get ice cream or milkshakes or malts
go to a cafe or restaurant, order one item, and share it
get happy meals, take them to the park and have a picnic. Swing on the swings, play on the teeter-totter, go down the slides
volunteer at a soup kitchen
if your kids are a little older, set up a baby monitor and go to the neighbor's house (next door) and just bring the receiver end with you. Most of them are good for across the street or one house over. Play board games or watch a movie with the other couple
go stargazing
if you live near a college, go to a lecture or special event of some sort (they are often free or cheap)

STAY HOME

have a picnic dinner in the living room
have a picnic in the backyard
play games together (board games, card games, question/guessing games about each other, etc)
have another couple over, and play games with them
borrow a new movie from a friend or neighbor or the library and watch it together
bake something scrumptious together and feed it to each other
stargaze from your own yard
once the kids are in bed, watch a movie together. Make popcorn, make it a special night
listen to a podcast, broadcast, or other audio something together (we like listening to the Intelligence Squared debates for example)
give each other massages
take a bath together
talk

And here is another blog post (not one I wrote) that has a whole bunch of ideas for romantic or sexy dates with your spouse. http://loveactually-blog-ideas.blogspot.com/2010/03/date-nights.html

Art Imitates Life (as we know it)

2012-01-19T06:21:00.002-09:00

Remember how all the buildings in Kotzebue are built on stilts, rather than on foundations (so that the snow can blow through under them rather than piling up)?

Bear has reached the stage where he likes to draw pictures. LOTS of pictures. And he always draws houses on stilts.
He also makes people with ears--they look a bit like monkeys. It's very cute.

Shift

2012-01-18T14:19:00.000-09:00

In the middle of December I broke down. I had a total emotional and mental crash. Depression is not new for me, but it's something I sometimes forget for months or years at a time. I don't suffer from it in the postpartum period, interestingly enough, but I do experience strong depression during my pregnancies (in spite of my excitement), and it seems that as soon as my menses return post-baby, the depression hits hard again. I wrote about my crash post-Bear, and this fall I should have anticipated another crash as my post-Eagle fertility returned. But I was busy and stressed and didn't think about it.
So, I've crashed. This is why I only wrote for the first two weeks of advent. This is why I have only written three posts in the last month. I enlisted family and friends to advise and support me, and intend to enlist a professional or two as well. In the meantime, I have made several significant adjustments in my life.
The combination of grad school with full time babysitting was wiping me out. I had never really planned to do both, it was an either/or plan...but I signed up for grad school and then the babysitting became availableSo am taking a quarter off of school. When that was not enough, I made arrangements to babysit part time rather than full time, so a couple of days a week I have a break from that. The money was hard to let go of, but I know this is more important.
On a physical front, I have weaned Eagle. That was emotionally draining for a few days but he has adjusted and I know my body appreciates that it is no longer supporting an extra person. I'm taking huge doses of vitamin D and have begun a regimen with iodine (and associated supplements) as well. We'll see how that goes. I don't feel a huge difference there yet, but then again, I'm not crashing the way I was, so maybe that's enough. I believe my depression is hormonally-linked, so I want to go in and have some bloodwork done and see if there is anything to be learned from that. I am also looking into counseling, simply because I believe that the discussion form of support will probably be helpful for me.
I do love grad school, and may return to it for spring quarter (with the lightened babysitting load and my improved physical condition I think it will be more workable). I have not decided for sure, but am considering it.

On a separate but related note, three days before Christmas break started, we decided to pull Wolf (age 11) out of 6th grade and homeschool him.
Two and a half weeks later, we jumped in with both feet.
He had been struggling with school here, both the teaching style of instructors and also the way that certain topics were taught (very book-based) and the homework load. His feelings about learning and schoolwork were becoming very negative, and getting him to do his homework was a battle almost every day. Negativity was flowing out into our home and family through it all, and we knew something had to change. So now it has.
Due to my own struggles and stresses, I felt some trepidation over bringing him home, thinking that it might add stress to our home life...but it did not. Part of me had wondered, even suspected, that bringing him home might lower the stress levels, and indeed it has. Sure, some days there are frustrations, but overall he is happier and more at ease, and so are we all. He feels that he is learning more, he is not being tied down to busywork on things he already knows, he is able to help me with all the little ones, and he feels positive about school in general.
And I must go. We're watching a movie about mummification. Did you know they stuffed peppercorns in Ramses' nose to make sure it kept his shape after he was dehydrated? and they would put little onions in the eye sockets to keep them rounded instead of sunken in (because eyes are mostly water...)

Harry Potter goodness

2012-01-06T10:02:00.001-09:00

I didn't know anything about Harry Potter (had not even heard of the character or the books actually) when a group of my college friends got together for opening night of the first movie, and invited me to come along. That first movie was magical, and I enjoyed it.
Some of my younger siblings' friends were reading the books, and my siblings wanted to as well, so my mother previewed them and said they were great books. Half of my family started reading them.
In the summer of 2003 (having seen movies 1 and 2), I read the first four books. In one week. And then five came out and my whole family spent a week swiping the book from each other--there were multiple bookmarks in it and we all were keeping track of who was how far into the book and which scenes we could discuss with whom.
I bought books six and seven on the days they were released. Six I had to wait around a bit for my husband to finish reading it before I could have it (I spent my time re-reading half of five). Seven came out on my birthday though, so I told him I got first dibs on it. I read faster anyway. I finished it in under a week.

My son, Wolf, has wanted to see the movies as all his friends have watched them. But our family's rule is that you have to read the books before you're allowed to see the movies. We figure that reading the book demonstrates sufficient maturity to deal with the content of the film...some kids are ready at 9, some not until 15. We have that same rule for Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, and others.
Wolf started the first book when he was 9, but got bogged down. He listened to the audiobooks of one and two, but we told him that didn't count as reading, and that he'd have to actually read the books. At 10 1/2, he finally did. He read all seven books in about 4 months (which is quite impressive as he's not a very fast reader, and it is 3363 pages). Book by book, as he finished them, he got to see the movies, all except the last one, which Hubby and I had not seen either.

For Christmas, we found the box set of all 8 movies on sale, so we got it. On Christmas night we started a marathon...a movie a night (sometimes more). On New Year's Eve, we watched the final movie.

I enjoyed the books when I read them. I have generally liked the movies but after the first two was always frustrated by something in the adaptation. Watching them back to back though, I found the magic was rekindled. Now I want to read all the books again.

I leave you with a couple of youtube movies that I really enjoyed this week amidst our Pottermania.

"Marching On" by OneRepublic
Montage of the ongoing friendships, fairly warm and fuzzy in spite of the ups and downs

"This is War" by 30 Seconds to Mars
Montage of the ongoing battle...a little more intense

Heavenly Mother in Young Women's: What you hadn't noticed about the personal progress program

2011-12-29T06:42:00.002-09:00

The LDS young women's organization (for girls aged 12-18) has something called Personal Progress, which is a program in which the girls complete a series of experiences (small) and projects (larger) designed to help them increase their faith and skills. The experiences and projects are in 'values' (categories) such as faith, individual worth, good works, and integrity. The booklet has a list of suggestions, but girls can also design their own experiences. When a girl has completed the designated things, she is awarded a medallion.

When I was a young woman, there were 42 experiences and 4 big projects (20-30 hours each), and it had to be completed over the course of all six years, because the girl could not start on the next portion until her next birthday. At the end of every two years, if a girl had completed everything for those years she could earn one of the class medallions. If she completed everything, she could earn this "Young Womanhood" medallion --->
A pretty lady standing by some flowers. (Here I could make all sorts of comments about symbolism of juxtaposing a girl with flowers, or the apparent focus on the outward appearance of the girl depicted...but I don't really want to. I will just note that this is the old medallion, the one I got, but which very few of my peers did.)

A few years ago they revamped the program, and now there are 48 experiences and 8 (10 hr) projects--6 experiences and 1 project in each of the 8 value areas. They also took out the timetable, so girls are able to work through all of the goals at their own pace, no waiting for birthdays (and losing momentum). They have done away with the intermediate medallions, and changed the final medallion (more on that in a moment!) and they have now added honor bees.

An honor bee is a charm which the girl can earn after she has earned her medallion. She can actually earn as many as three bees, and does so by doing more goals, or helping other girls complete their experiences and projects.
It's a lovely idea, the extra charms for going the extra mile, but what I particularly noticed was that it's a BEE. You know, a symbol of Mother Goddess.

Better still is the new medallion. It is a combination of several symbols: the temple, the beehive, the laurel wreath, the rose, and the ruby. Young women are divided into three classes: Beehives (12-13), Mia Maids (14-15) and Laurels (16-17). Bees and beehives are a symbol often found in the church as a symbol of industry. The symbol for Mia Maids is a rose (something about purity or beauty I suspect, though I'm not certain). Laurels are named for laurel wreaths, as the ancient greeks used to crown champions. The temple is where a young woman wants to go, and a ruby reminds her of Proverbs 31, which says that a virtuous woman's worth is far above rubies.

This medallion is also available in the girl's choice of gold or silver, which is just nice, because some of us prefer silver (also, aside from my personal preference, silver carries female energy while gold carries male, so silver is more appropriate than gold anyway).

However
The temple is a symbol of Heavenly Mother.
So is the bee.
So is the ruby.
And trees (like laurels) and flowers (like roses) are often seen as symbols of the Divine Feminine as well.
In other words, this new medallion positively GLOWS with Heavenly Mother. It is FULL of Her. She is everywhere. When these girls earn and wear this medallion, it is not just a symbol that they have completed a set of projects (though that is notable): it is a symbol of their potential to become like their Heavenly Mother. To become goddesses like She is.

Now we just need to teach the girls what it is that they are wearing.

Ruby

2011-12-19T14:03:00.001-09:00

My birthday is in July, so my birthstone is the ruby. It's a pretty gem, intense and dark, and very expensive (more expensive than diamonds actually, last I heard). It is a very sturdy stone, second hardest on the rating scale after diamonds.
And it's red. My favorite color is pink. I almost never wear red. So I never really wanted anything with my birthstone on it...
And then I learned that the ruby and the sapphire are actually the same stone on a molecular level, they just come out in different colors. Actually they come in a wide variety of colors, but for some reasons the red (or sometimes pinkish) ones get called "rubies" and all the other colors are called "sapphires"...the blue ones are plain "sapphires" and the others are "green sapphires" or "orange sapphires" and so on.

these colors are all sapphires/rubies

This year I was reading about the properties of various gemstones. I have never really believed that a rock could have power, but the more I learn about the universe, the more I believe that the whole energy field notion actually has some merit. And so I decided to read up on the ruby, and see if I could make friends with it.
I found some interesting things.
The ruby

brings integrity, devotion and happiness
brings and increases love
very protective of home and children
is a stone of high energy and power that promotes healing on all levels [link]
is a stone of nobility
brings love, confidence, loyalty, and courage
instills stamina, vitality and strength
re-energizes one after exhaustion
helps to reduce negative thought patterns
is a good stone of protection.
helps you feel more like giving to others and doing so with love and joy in your heart. There is no room for resentment in ones heart who is being of service to others and this stone does not allow that to be a part of your heart. it helps you relax as you caretake others because you can trust you will not be trapped in any way in that role. It helps all to be warm, caring and help out with the needs of others. it also helps one with devotion to others. [link]
considered to be the most powerful gem in the universe
the symbol of vitality and royalty
contentment and peace [link]

I most frequently found the ruby associated with motherhood, home, service and healing. For these and other reasons, I and others have come to feel that the ruby's energy field is a reflection of mother, or, more accurately, of Mother.
I thought also of the fact that ruby is also the most expensive gemstone--more than diamonds--which puts me in mind of Proverbs where it asks "who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is above rubies." I have thought much on that, and about the idea that equating virtuous women (us) with rubies is actually equating us to Heavenly Mother and our potential to be like her.
Making this connection has been powerful for me, because of the ruby being MY birthstone, I now feel an additional connection to the Divine Feminine that I hadn't before. Not just a connection in terms of being more interested in Her, but a connection in terms of seeing Her in myself.

star ruby

You know something else interesting? The ruby (aka sapphire) is the only stone which may have a star in it. I haven't reached any conclusions about deep meanings in that, except I bet that there is one. (What do you think?)

Depending upon which type of gold you have the ring set in, (yellows or silvers) the ruby would bring with it these healing properties as well. The yellows carry the energy of the Sun or a masculine energy, while the silvers carry the energy of the Moon or a feminine energy. [link] Ruby rings should be worn on the left hand so as to receive the life force and have protection. [link]
It seems that I should be in the market for a left-hand, silver-set ruby ring. Don't you think?

Second Week of Advent: GRACE

2011-12-05T00:11:00.000-09:00

[image source]

This week I am considering grace.
This is a virtue that gets a lot of air time in most Christian faiths, but not so much with Mormons. I think this is unfortunate, but I also think I know why it is. In the Book of Mormon, there is a verse which says

For we labor diligently to write, to persuade our children, and also our brethren, to believe in Christ, and to be reconciled to God; for we know that it is by grace that we are saved, after all we can do. (2 Nephi 25:23)

I usually hear it read this way:

we know that it is by grace that we are saved, AFTER ALL WE CAN DO.

I think it should be read this way:

we know that IT IS BY GRACE THAT WE ARE SAVED, after all we can do.

Works are important, I don't doubt that for a second. James wrote that faith without works is dead (James 2:25). But the simple fact is that we are still saved by grace. Works do matter, and we should do good works, in fact we should do all that we can do...but we should never forget that no matter how much we do, it will not be sufficient on its own. We still need Saving Grace, even after all we can do.

Christ says "my grace is sufficient for all men" (Ether 12:27) and so it is. We should not stop doing our best, but we also should not forget that grace is personal (just as "our best" is personal and will vary from one person to another), and that Christ's Grace will fill up the parts we cannot fill, so long as we invite Him in.

Meditating on Hope

2011-12-03T00:40:00.000-09:00

On Sunday night, I lit some candles in a darkened room, and made my quiet space for pondering and meditating on hope. As I've mentioned before, I need to find something to focus on if I want to think without distraction...I cannot just "empty my mind." I like to use a candle for this purpose, as looking into a candle flame helps keep me centered and mindful.

As I thought about hope, a phrase came to me repeatedly, the "perfect brightness of hope" mentioned in scripture. I also thought about hope as a virtue, large enough to be worthy of combining with faith and love (or charity as the KJV states). It's something significant. We use the word 'hope' in a flip way so often, and yet the true meaning of hope is anything but flippant.
Hope is the belief, anticipation, or expectation of something...but not just of anything. Hope is the expectation of something good. In other words, I think that hope is inherently positive, and might even be a fair synonym for "optimism." It is the expectation that goodness will come to us, the belief that people are good, the trust that God will fulfill his promises. If faith is the belief in things which are not seen, then I think hope (the next virtue in the sequence) is the expectation of goodness which is not yet realized.

I have always been a fairly optimistic person. It is interesting to consider this trait in light of being not just a happy habit, but an actual virtue.
What do you think about hope?

First Sunday of Advent: HOPE

2011-11-27T21:02:00.000-09:00

Mormons don't typically celebrate Advent, but I frankly don't know why. Perhaps it was an effort to set ourselves apart from other churches (since Catholics and many Protestants do observe it). When he came home from his mission in Norway, my husband brought an advent wreath, which is a round candleholder which holds 4 candles. Our family has always lit the advent candles, one on the first sunday, two on the second, and so on until Christmas. (This year, since Christmas falls on a sunday, Advent begins earlier than usual.)

In some traditions, each week is marked with a virtue, most commonly (from what I understand) are faith, hope, love, and peace. This year, I am choosing to observe Advent with my own adaptation of that. Each week I am choosing a virtue (not necessarily the traditional ones), and during that week I will study, ponder, and strive to practice that virtue. Since I am in charge of the children's primary at church here, I am also doing our "sharing time" lesson based on the virtue of the week.

This week, the theme is HOPE.

I showed the primary kids this picture, and we talked about prophets foretelling Christ's coming, and about how believers had to have hope that He would come. We talked about us now having hope for His return.

hope

the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best

a person or thing in which expectations are centered

to look forward to with desire and reasonable confidence.

to believe, desire, or trust

to feel that something desired may happen

As I said, I'll be putting some study, pondering, meditation, and so forth in this week. Theoretically I will write something about my thoughts in a few days. But for now, I invite you to join me in celebrating Advent.

WIPs and FOs

2011-11-17T20:12:00.000-09:00

Yeah, I've written a "discussion post" (3-4 paragraphs, with full citations) and also an "application paper" (3-4 pages, full citations) every week, and this week I'm finishing a 10+ page research paper about Benedict Arnold (and my--referenced and cited--reasons for why he did what he did)...and I have 5 kids under 5 full time. We've also had a couple of rounds of sickies in the last couple of weeks, so I suppose that's why I haven't posted anything HERE in a while!
With all that said, in the last month or two I HAVE gotten some other things done. These things--and the excitement and feeling of fulfillment that comes along with completing a project--have been contributing factors in my decision to put grad school on hold. I want to be present with my kids, I want to make things for them (and for me and for my home). Babysitting is not my favorite passtime and never was, but it pays well and if I don't have assignments to worry about then it's not stressful.
In the meantime, here's what I've made lately (if you have ravelry and like to see details about knitty things, I'm putting those links too)
First, the FOs Finished Objects:

Sweater (vest) for Bear. Rav link. The yellow and red yarn came in a box full of leftovers from a friend, I bought the blue to make enough for a sweater...he picked the style, kept changing his mind (asked for buttons then asked for a zipper just after I'd done the last buttonhole) and so on. I had to entirely invent the thing because I couldn't find a pattern at all. When it came down to it, I was thrilled when he wanted it to be a vest instead of a sweater...I was getting tired of the color. I like smaller projects and/or variegated yarn.

Rav link Bear wanted a hat like Wolf's, one that would keep his face warm when he's on the 4-wheeler with the carpool to school (oh yes that's how things are up here! even at -2 degrees folks). This time he asked for yellow, so I redistributed the remaining yarn from the sweater and turned this out in just a couple of weeks. I love how fast hats go.

I had this idea about making a sort of beret/snood/hairnet thing, (rav link) that I could use to pull my hair back when I didn't feel like doing anything with it, but which could also keep me warm when going out... I'm not sure if this entirely is what I had hoped for it to be, but I think it's pretty regardless. I love the extra room that leaves space to pull it down to my eyebrows and over my ears (it's not as chic looking when I do that, but it is warm). It was a pattern written to be done on a hat loom, and I adapted it for needles, so they featured me on the pattern homepage in ravelry (anyone can see this link). I feel very special now. ☺

Also, on a non-knitting front, I've sewn two new pairs of fleece pants for Bear. The boy grew about 3 inches since spring I think, and all in his legs, his pants were crazy short! I have two more cut out too... (black and green) which I plan to get to hopefully next week before I start focusing on Christmassy things.

And this one is a WIP Work In Progress... (Rav link) A couple of weeks ago I saw a friend's long scarf (long enough to go around 2-3 times) and I thought, yeah, I need to make something like that for me. The coldness here really calls for something over the face, and I like scarves better than toasty hats... I knew I wanted to do it with bulky yarn though, because 6 ft of scarf would take a looooooong time with skinny yarn!
Then literally days later I received a box in the mail from a friend, and she had tucked in a sweater. She had come by it for free, it didn't fit her, she thought I might be able to use it. It was gorgeous, and so soft, but when I put it on it fit about like a potato sack... so I carefully picked out the side seams, and then pulled on the corner and thub-thub-thub-thub-thb-thb-thb-thb-thb-thb-thb-thb-thb-thb-thb-thb-thb-thb-thb-thb... Now I have four HUGE balls of awesome bulky yarn! So then I needed a pattern. I found one I liked, with the thought that perhaps I could finally learn how to do cables (the rav pattern page promised that it was an easy pattern). Sure enough, there were 19 rows of cabling to start it off, and by row 15 I had intuitively grasped how it worked and didn't need to look at the pattern anymore. And then of course my normal nature kicked in, and so rather than knit the middle 5 1/2 feet in plain rows, I did some more crisses and crosses... and then some more, and then a crazy lot, and then fewer, but never stopping...I'm 18" into it and I have no idea what will criss or cross next. Except that I'm pretty sure it will always be symmetrical... I don't know if I know how to let loose THAT much!

Everything is Holy Now

2011-11-07T08:13:00.002-09:00

I heard this song recently, and it has struck a resonating chord with me.

(and if you are the sort who doesn't want to watch a 5 minute video, in spite of the powerful message that I promise is in it, the lyrics are the italicized parts throughout this post.)

Of course I have always known that sacredness, and communion with the Divine can be found in nature; that was one of the things that drew me to paganism.Prophets throughout the ages have gone into the wilderness, upon the mountaintops, or into the forests to talk with God. Obviously assorted locations and objects have been deemed holy or sacred by various religions over the centuries too.

When I was a boy, each week

On Sunday, we would go to church
And pay attention to the priest
He would read the holy word
And consecrate the holy bread
And everyone would kneel and bow
Today the only difference is
Everything is holy now
Everything, everything
Everything is holy now

I asked my 11 year old son how much of the world he thought was holy. He thought about it for a few minutes, and said "well, there are a lot of shrines in Japan and stuff, so maybe 0.05%"
I told him about how trees are an ancient symbol of the Feminine Divine. He thought for another minute, and then said "so maybe 10-15%, because they have cut down a lot of trees, plus there are deserts and stuff."
I asked him if he thought God could be in the ocean. If he thought God could be in the mountains. If he thought God could be in the wind.
"Oooh," he said "holiness can be everywhere huh."

When I was in Sunday school
We would learn about the time
Moses split the sea in two
Jesus made the water wine
And I remember feeling sad
That miracles don’t happen still
But now I can’t keep track
‘Cause everything’s a miracle
Everything, Everything
Everything’s a miracle

Indeed, I believe so.

Wine from water is not so small
But an even better magic trick
Is that anything is here at all
So the challenging thing becomes
Not to look for miracles
But finding where there isn’t one

My son has been studying biology this year in school. He loves to chatter on to me about mitosis and photosynthesis and the other things he is learning about. I have always found these things impressive, but when they are presented in a textbook they seem mundane...just another vocabulary word to learn for the test. But take a step back and think about what they really are. Indeed, they are miracles.

When holy water was rare at best
It barely wet my fingertips
But now I have to hold my breath
Like I’m swimming in a sea of it
It used to be a world half there
Heaven’s second rate hand-me-down
But I walk it with a reverent air
‘Cause everything is holy now
Everything, everything
Everything is holy now

It is not just that we can sense the holiness of Deity when we see that glorious sunset. The sunset itself can be holy. It is not just that we can feel a closeness to Deity when we sit in the forest, listening to the birds and streams and smelling the dirt and pine needles. The birds and water and dirt and pine needles themselves are holy. It is not just feeling a closeness to heaven when we look at a new baby, but the baby himself is holy. In fact it is not just nature and babies and "good people," but we are all holy. We all have a godseed in us, the potential to become like our Heavenly Father and Heavenly Mother. For small times (or lifetimes) we may not live up to that potential, we may not let that holy spark shine, or we may not know how to let it shine (some of us may not even realize that it is there), but that does not change the fact that it is there.
The sunset is holy.
The sea is holy.
The trees are holy.
The animals are holy.
Our children are holy.
We are holy.

Everything is holy now

Read a questioning child’s face
And say it’s not a testament
That’d be very hard to say
See another new morning come
And say it’s not a sacrament
I tell you that it can’t be done

Obviously this is probably a bit of a paradigm shift for you, it was for me. But to perceive everything as inherently holy, everything as inherently a miracle, that adds a whole new richness to my life and to my spirituality. When holiness and sacredness were things that had to be found, or sought, they seemed "too special," like the china that my Mother in law keeps in the cupboard 363 days a year, and only gets out for Christmas and Easter. But when sacredness surrounds me every day, it does not cheapen the holy, rather it raises my everyday to a higher plane.

This morning, outside I stood
And saw a little red-winged bird
Shining like a burning bush
Singing like a scripture verse
It made me want to bow my head
I remember when church let out
How things have changed since then
Everything is holy now
It used to be a world half-there
Heaven’s second rate hand-me-down
But I walk it with a reverent air
‘Cause everything is holy now

Our Samhain

2011-11-05T08:40:00.001-08:00

One of the things I love about living in Alaska is the wild meat we're able to hunt and butcher ourselves. It was actually on Mabon that we got a call from a neighbor who had some caribou they had shot but could not fit it all in their freezer, and they asked if we wanted some. So we spent our Mabon evening butchering and freezing caribou.
Since Samhain is a time of giving thanks for the harvest of meat (and showing gratitude for the animals' gift of their lives for our sustenance), I thought it was appropriate to eat some of our caribou tonight.
We had actually had a caribou roast just a few days ago, so instead of cooking another one, I chopped up the leftover meat, added in carrots, potatoes, broccoli, and peas, and poured over the leftover gravy to make a savory caribou pie.

Samhain is also a time to ponder on death, and to remember our loved ones or others who have died. I had planned to make "dead bread" but we had a last minute shuffle (something came up and with very little notice we ended up celebrating a night earlier than planned), so that fell through and it was just the pie.

The boys drawing their pictures
you can see our element candles and the remainder of the caribou pie...

However, we did do something to remember our departed loved ones, and that was to write messages or draw pictures for them, and put them in the fire so that the smoke could carry our love and thoughts to them. My husband wrote to his granddad who passed away this last year. I wrote to my babies who died before I was ever able to meet them. My sons all drew pictures.

Embracing Faith Transition

2011-10-28T06:47:00.000-08:00

Thank you Joanna Brooks for putting words to something I have felt often of late.
(This is an excerpt from a piece she wrote for the latest Exponent II magazine, called "Embracing Faith Transition" )

Here are the last few paragraphs.

My faith is not the same faith I had when I was sixteen years old. It isn’t without wrinkles, puckers, and scars. It isn’t perfect now, but really, it wasn’t perfect then either. It is not effortless, and it never has been. If I stood my faith naked before a crowd, some might say it isn’t very pretty. Not pretty at all. But it is my faith. It is hardworking, scarred, and muscular. It has been cut, pierced, torn, and reorganized beyond recognition. It has been fed, and it has fed others.

My faith is strong in the way a survivor’s body is strong. To survive, I let go of some once-precious parts of myself, parts of myself that others may have thought were special and beautiful. But these parts were not healthy any more. They were making me sick. And my survival was more important than holding onto them. They have gone, and my faith has a new silhouette.

My faith has been through some major transitions, and it continues to change. It may not be pretty, but just look how many miles my faith has carried me. I can say: I have lived, I have lived, and my spirit is stronger still.

Of late my faith is changing, is transitioning. I don't know precisely how it all will come out. Part of me has feared to say anything, lest I make others uncomfortable or worried about me, yet honesty and authenticity demand that I speak. Know that I am not doing anything rashly. I am studying with my mind and my heart, seeking the Spirit, searching the scriptures, and trying to follow as I feel led. "A mind, once stretched, can never return to its original dimensions" said Oliver Wendell Holmes, and so too with spirituality and faith. I learn things, I experience things, I understand things in new ways, and I cannot return to the simple faith I had when I was younger. I share my journey with you here both for the sake of honesty, and also because I know that I am not the only one who journeys. I have updated the "My Faith" tab here on the blog. I have added a section at the end for the series of posts which traces my journey. I claim Mormonism as my heritage, my culture, and my center, but I am no longer the vanilla mormon that I was. I'm butter brickle, or strawberry swirl, or cookie dough fudge crunch, or perhaps all of them all mixed up. I'm more complicated than I was--as is appropriate for one who is no longer a child--and my faith is more complicated as well. This is part of why I wrote about being a Big Tent Mormon--because I think that the time is coming--or has come--when it will take a big tent to hold this mormon.

(PS, are you suddenly craving ice cream? Because I totally am. mmmmm.)

Mother's Necklace

2011-10-24T06:53:00.002-08:00

I have a new mother's necklace. (I ordered the beads and made it myself too.) It's different from any other mother's necklace I've ever seen (and, actually, there is a charm for my husband too, so it's more of a "family necklace" I suppose). In any case, I thought I would share:

Dragon ~ Wolf ~ Bear ~ Eagle

Bee

2011-10-21T09:29:00.010-08:00

Somewhere in my late teens I started signing my name as "jenni b" because there were always multiple Jennies. Due to the pronunciation, that naturally morphed into "jennibee." After I married, my new last name still started with a B, so "Jennibee" remained. When I opened an etsy shop to sell cloth diapers and other baby things, I settled on the name "lilbees," making myself the mama bee. Readers who have been here more than a few months know that for a couple of years my blog title was "Musings of Mommy Bee."

And so the bee became my inadvertent symbol. I wasn't particularly drawn to bees, didn't even particularly like them, but it's what I ended up with. (My sons are the Wolf, Bear, and Eagle, my husband is the Dragon...and I'm a little Bee...yeah...one of these things is not like the others!)

In the Book of Mormon, the honeybee is called "deseret." Before Utah was a state, the mormon settlers named their territory "Deseret" and their motto was (and still is) "industry." In thinking on that, I concluded that, in spite of my 'totem' not fitting in with the rest of my family's, it did seem appropriate for me. A few months ago I was feeling disgruntled about it though, and decided to do a little reading about bee symbolism and meanings.

Oh wow.

The Bee is a symbol of the Goddess/Feminine Divine and of female warrior energy.
In addition to industry and productivity, it represents achieving the impossible, making or bringing order, royalty, wisdom, celebration, fertility and the honey of life, sweetness of truth, community, concentration, organization, planning and saving, working with the spirits of the deceased, industry, prosperity, purity, birth, death, resurrection and reincarnation, communication with spirit(s), helping earth-bound spirits move on to their proper place, luck, misfortune and Otherworld wisdom.
The bee is connected to *Bridgid, Ra, Vishnu, Krishna, Indra, Aphrodite, Demeter, Cybele, Artemis, Diana, Rhea, Zeus, Dionysus, Pan and Priapus.
(see The Bee Goddess, The Bee, Wyldcat's Animal Guide, and OneSpiritX) (and if you don't know what all those gods/goddess represent, well, you should study up, some of them are pretty cool. I helped you out--see the end of the post)

Recently I listened to an interview at Daughters of Mormonism, and the interviewee was talking about Hugh Nibley's book Abraham in Egypt and a section called "The Deseret Connection." She explained how the book told of the things the bee symbolized in ancient Egypt: power, life, fertility... it was a symbol of the royal line. When Joseph married Asenath, she (as the daughter of a priest and part of the royal house) brought the bee into union with the House of Israel. Most mormons believe we are part of the house of Ephraim, which means that the bee is part of our birthright.

So I've made friends with my bee self. I've decided I like her after all. In fact, she's pretty much awesome. Which is why on my new charm bracelet (filled with symbols which are meaningful to me), there is a bright, shiny, bee.

*Bridgid--threefold goddess of hearth and fire (Celtic)
Ra--the sun god (Egypt)
Vishnu--preserver of the universe (Hindu)
Krishna--an avatar of Vishnu, the embodiment of love and supreme joy (Hindu)
Indra--lord of heaven, god of war, storms, and rainfall (Hindu)
Aphrodite--goddess of love, beauty, and sexual rapture (Greek)
Demeter--goddess of harvest and growing things (Greek)
Cybele/Sybil / Rhea--earth mother goddess/mother of the gods (Phrygian/Roman)
Artemis / Diana--goddess of nature, wild animals, fertility, and childbirth (Greek)

Zeus--king of the gods, god of sky and thunder (Greek)
Dionysus--god of wine, agriculture, fertility, theater, spiritual intoxication, secret rites (Greek)
Pan--god of nature, shepherds and flocks (Greek)
Priapus--god of gardens and fruitfulness (Greek, imported from Asia Minor)

The Next Stage

2011-10-20T06:37:00.012-08:00

Eagle is now 23 months old; just weeks away from the age Bear was when I got pregnant with Eagle.
But I'm not pregnant. Yes, I am fertile (it took 22 months this time instead of 20), but we're not trying to get pregnant; actually we are actively preventing pregnancy. Maybe forever.

If you had asked me a year ago (as my husband did), I would have said no way was I ready to be done having kids. Ever since my teens I had been planning on 5 kids at least... Even with my slow start and wider-than-anticipated spacing I was 28 when Eagle was born, so I could certainly have another child or two before 35! But when Eagle was just a couple of weeks old, Hubby said something about how we were outnumbered now (more kids than parents), and he thought maybe we should be done having kids. I figured he was tired and stressed with the newborn, and brushed it off. When he brought it up again a few months later, I began to think about it.

Initially I hated the thought of being done. Only three children? But I have so much to give! I'm pretty good at this mommy thing, I know how to handle lots of kids, shouldn't I give a good home to as many kids as I can? Pregnancy is not that hard for me physically--I don't get that sick and my body doesn't fall apart. Birth isn't hard on me either--in fact it's exhilarating.

And then a friend gave me a piece of very sound wisdom. Some kids need more than others (and I do have a couple of high-needs kids). If a mother has a finite amount of energy (which I think she does!), then no matter how much love she has, it makes sense to go with a family size that is appropriate to her energy. Sometimes that might mean 9 children, and sometimes it might mean 3. As I considered the possibility that I might actually have my quiver full with [only] three children, I began to accept that it was probably true.

So we made the decision to be done with having babies. I admit I made it more mentally than emotionally--part of me keep thinking "we're just done for now, in a few years we'll have another one or two." But I set it in my head and then let it marinate... and it took a while. Some days I would think "ok, I can wait 3 or 4 or 5 years, but I want at least one more" and other days I would think "how nice would it be to have no kids in diapers?!" or "we'll never have to buy a bigger van!"

And then, one day last winter, my sister called and told me she was pregnant. And for the first time, instead of thinking "I wish I were" I thought "I am so glad I'm not." And that was a massive turning point. I had never experienced not wanting to be pregnant in a particular moment. It was weird, and also it helped me realize that maybe I could make this transition.

I don't know precisely what the future holds, but I do know that it does not hold pregnancy for me--not for several years at least, and very probably not ever again. Some days I still struggle with the finality of it, but I also feel confident that this is the right choice for us at this time.

I have an IUD now (because breastfeeding was messing with my charting, and we did not want to allow the possibility of an 'oopsie'). Even though I intellectually knew that I wanted to do this (Hubby and I discussed at length and agreed on this option), it was still hard emotionally. I felt as though I had voluntarily given up my "full bloom" of fertility, as it were, in trade for a forced infertility. Like I had handed in the fullness of my womanhood for premature old age. I appreciate that that probably sounds like hyperbole, but I really felt it keenly. It didn't hit me until I was in the CNM's office getting ready to have the IUD put in, and then I bawled and gushed to her (a veritable stranger) about it. I suppose she doesn't get that very often! I cried much of the day after I came home too. I had not expected to react that way--after all, an IUD can be removed! But the next day I calmed down enough to do a closure ritual for myself, and felt much better for it. It was shortly after this time that I had my epiphany about the three phases of womanhood which I wrote about here.

I may be finishing with one stage of my life, but I still have many stages to live and enjoy. Perhaps I am done with pregnancy and birthing (for myself), but of course motherhood goes on. My children are young, there is much to do with them. As I exit the baby stage, I can enter another stage--a stage I have been thinking about (but putting on hold for six years)--a stage where I can reach out to other women and teach and support them as a doula and a childbirth educator. It's actually pretty exciting.

"...or whether I speak of myself"

2011-10-17T06:18:00.004-08:00

I think I ruffled some feathers recently when I said I disagreed with something that an apostle had said over the pulpit at general conference.

Allow me to clarify.

When I said I am a Big Tent Mormon, I was not saying that the church can't set standards for membership, or that temples should be opened to the public, or that policies should be changed. What I did say was that I think the title of Mormon should be self-selected, and that we should accept it for those (all those) who select it.

All of us--including leaders at every level--are human, and potentially make mistakes. We have been counseled again and again to seek personal confirmation on the things our leaders tell us. In the early days of the restored church there were disagreements, even heated arguments between various members and leaders. Ultimately, we have been given a simple method for determining if something--anything--is from God, or simply the teaching of a man.

study ~ measure it against the gospel as found in the scriptures
ponder ~ think it through logically, determine if it makes sense, and fits in with other things you know to be true
pray ~ ask for a personal verification of the validity (or falsity) of the matter

If it does not measure up, then it is opinion, not gospel.

"Scriptures are like packets of light

that illuminate our minds

and give place to guidance and inspiration from on high.

They can become the key

to open the channel to communion

with [Heaven]."

--Richard G Scott

I cannot guarantee that everyone will find the same answers. But I can guarantee that this process will bring valid answers. I generally believe in the good intentions of people. I generally give the benefit of the doubt when something sounds off to me. And then I go through the process. But I will always claim the right to differentiate between Truth and opinion, and I do not hold myself subject to the latter.

Wave of Light

2011-10-15T09:34:00.000-08:00

Join us tonight in lighting candles from 7-8pm (in your time zone),

in remembrance of infants lost before or after birth,

and of their families who miss them still.