Muslim Mummy

Silent Sunday 19/05/13

2013-05-19T19:23:00.001+01:00

Project 365 - Days 132 to 138

2013-05-18T20:00:00.001+01:00

Day 132 - I was craving cake, so hubby got me these along with some other goodies.

Day 133 - Just had to take a pic of this gorgeous rainbow.

Day 134 - My meerkat is here!

Day 135 - Hubby, bro and dad had to go Birmingham and they brought home some of my favourite desi sweets.

Day 136 - Took Bee to baby group for the first time. She totally loved it.

Day 137 - Bee is determined to conquer the stairs. She spends practically all day at the bottom of them!

Day 138 - Weather didn't look too good first thing in the morning so put the washing indoors. This is Bee 'helping' by removing the wet clothes that I had put on the stand.

Friday Wisdom 17/05/13

2013-05-17T09:49:00.002+01:00

No one has yet realized the wealth of sympathy, the kindness and generosity hidden in the soul of a child. The effort of every true education should be to unlock that treasure.

Emma Goldman

We finally went to baby group!

2013-05-16T12:51:00.002+01:00

So today we ventured out into the scary world of baby groups, where kids run around shouting, mums have their little groups which you find impossible to become part of, and messy play makes me nervous.

But I decided it was time for Bee to socialise..not that its a problem, shes a pretty friendly child already. I have been saying for months how I need to take her....and today I gave myself the kick up the backside I needed and went.

And it wasn't bad.

One of the group leaders recognised me! After about 4 years!!

Am I that memorable?!

She even remembered Munchkin and how I was having problems with her when she temporarily went to a childminders.

Wow what a memory!

Seeing someone I knew put me at ease and I started to relax.

There were no such issues with Bee. She initially looked a bit shell shocked but then off she went. She couldn't care less where I was.

The group was fun for kids. Bee was the youngest there but it didn't seem to phase her. There was 30 minutes of free play, then some snacks and then 30 mins of singing.

She got involved and was shouting away at everyone. She was happy to sit with the others during snack time and munched away on grapes and bananas. However, she wasn't quite sure about the singing but when the bubble machine came out she screamed in glee.

I must admit, I hardly knew any of the songs!! I'm not big on singing so I only know the basics such as the original Twinkle Twinkle Little Star etc.

Bee is SO different to Munchkin. Munchkin was a nervous, shy child who would cry when someone gave her attention. Bee however, was smiling away mashAllah and babbling away to anyone who spoke to her. During snack time I thought she may make another child cry as she grabbed her leg. Ooops.

Well seeing as Bee enjoyed it so much, I guess we will be venturing out more to all the different groups. I even managed to chat to a few friendly mums so got some adult conversation! It will be good to get to know them better.

A win win all around.

The only negative is that I wish the toys were a bit cleaner. The mat she is sitting on in the picture above was filthy and could do with a wash. Some of the toys looked abit battered and as Bee is at that stage where EVERYTHING goes in her mouth, I did worry abit.

Review: Walkers Hoops and Crosses

2013-05-12T17:14:00.003+01:00

I love crisps, and so does Munchkin.

Yes I know they may not always be the healthiest of snacks but hey, they are fine now and then.

So I was pretty happy to be able to review the new Walkers Hoops and Crosses.

AND we got a monkey!

Although the less said about the fate of the monkey the better:

We were sent the roast beef flavour. In all my years of munching on crisps, I have NEVER tried beef crisps. So I had to decide if I actually wanted to try them; Munchkin point blank refused to eat them. The other issue is that nowhere on the pack does it say that they are suitable for vegetarians. Not that I am a vegetarian, but whatever I eat must be halaal. However, other bloggers in the blogging community had queried this and received confirmation that the crisps are suitable for vegetarians.

So I was brave and tried them.

And I must admit they weren't too bad, although I would prefer to try the other flavours which are prawn cocktail and salt and vinegar. Bee decided to snatch one off me and she quite happily munched away and didn't choke; she sure is a greedy guts. And speaking of munching, these are very similar to Monster Munch texture wise!

The good thing about Walkers Hoops and Crosses is that each bag only has 85 calories. They are also made from wholegrains and have no artificial colours or preservatives.

So if you are a crisp fan like me, then these are worth trying; I will definitely be trying out the other flavours.

Disclaimer: I was sent a free packets of crisps and was compensated for my time. However all thoughts and opinions are my own.

Silent Sunday 12/05/2013

2013-05-12T08:42:00.001+01:00

Project 365 - Days 125 to 131

2013-05-11T20:06:00.000+01:00

So this week the photos are pretty boring. Munchkin had the vomiting bug and then I had a cold, so we did absolutely nothing.

Day 125 - This is my favourite tulip in the garden, totally love this colour.

Day 126 - Feeling totally sorry for myself as spent most of the night awake with a vomiting Munchkin and a restless Bee, so breakfast was chocolate.

Day 127 - Decided it was time to start catching up with blog reviews, but then started feeling rough myself, so back to bed.

Day 128 - Hubby came home early from work and did the cooking. He made me a chickpea salad which I had been meaning to make for days!

Day 129 - My tomato plants I'm growing for my mum are doing very well.

Day 130 - I have a feeling Monty the monkey we got with some crisps to review won't survive for long in the hands of Bee.

Day 131 - A regular sight, she wants to sleep... But also doesn't want to sleep. Daily battles!

Peter Rabbit Organics Review

2013-05-10T10:16:00.000+01:00

I remember Peter Rabbit from my childhood days, and it seems Peter Rabbit is making a comeback! Peter Rabbit has a new organic food and drink range and we were recently invited to try it. Although I'm making most of Bee's food at home, I do keep a stock of some pouches at home for days out or simply when I haven't had a chance to cook.

We were sent a fruit purée, 2 sauces and a juice.

Sadly the sauces are only suitable from 9 months so we have stored them away in the cupboard as Bee is only just about to turn 8 months.

However there was nothing to stop us trying the purée and the juice drink as both are suitable from 6 months.

Although you can eat the purée straight from the pouch, Bee isn't capable of managing that yet so we squeezed it out into her bowl.

Although Bee does love her fruit purées she did seem slightly unsure at first of this but after some cajoling she finished it off. The portion for her at 8 months is quite small but it would be fine as a fruit snack or dessert after her main meal.

Up to this day Bee has only ever had water so I was unsure if she would take to the juice. I was happy for her to try some as the juice contains no added sugar, salt or artificial ingredients. It is has added vitamin C and is 100% organic.

I tried some first to make sure it wasn't too strong and was happy with the taste as it wasn't overpowering or too sweet. We used her sippy cup as she is too young to use the straw and she was surprised initially at the taste but quite happily drank it.

I can't wait to use the sauces as Bee has moved onto textures and already eats pasta and sauce.

Disclaimer: I was sent Peter Rabbit Baby Food for free for the purposes of review. However, all thoughts and opinions are my own.

Friday Wisdom 10/05/13

2013-05-10T09:38:00.001+01:00

When it is obvious that the goals cannot be reached, don't adjust the goals, adjust the action steps.

Confucius

Matilda Mae; an auction in her memory.

2013-05-09T17:22:00.000+01:00

I recently dedicated a Friday Wisdom post to Jennie of Edspire after the loss of her 9 month daughter Matilda Mae to Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.

Since her loss, Jennie has been working closely with 'The Lullaby Trust', and in Matilda Mae's memory, is running an online auction. All money raised will go direct to 'The Lullaby Trust'.

The auction will run from 11th to 20th May. You can get further information about the auction by clicking on the picture below.

I do hope you can support this auction and help raise some money for a worthwhile charity. The 2nd May would have been Matilda Mae's 1st birthday; please help raise funds for a charity that researches into SIDS, and supports the families that sadly experience it. Please help the research that could save babies in the future.

Polygyny Series: Effects of Bodily Changes upon a Marriage

2013-05-09T16:56:00.001+01:00

The next post by Sister H in our polygyny series. I must apologise for the delay in publishing it.

Effects of Bodily Changes upon a Marriage.

You may wonder what the following has to do with polygyny, but bear with me, you will see the connection by the end of this piece.

There are may potential changes which a woman's body goes through as she ages, and more so, after pregnancy and child birth. But may of them are swept under the carpet, despite the fact that statistics show that they are normal occurrences and not unheard of. I presume that most women prefer to not discuss these issues because they are personal and embarrassing however should women not be able to discuss their experiences and feelings with their spouses? Should men not be supportive of their wives? Should women not warn other women that this is what you may face after you have children? Apparently this is not the case. I am unconventional and go against the norms, so today I am going to tell you about situations which you may want to consider.

Once you have children, your body can potentially permanently change. We all know about stretch marks and diastatis recti, but what about the development of a panniculus (which happens to even some thin women) or pelvic floor weakness? Incontinence of all types and prolapses are common side effects of child bearing. These issues can cause embarrassment of the wife in front of her husband, but what can she do?

After a woman has given up the best years of her life to a man, having his children, breastfeeding them and more, and she eventually decides that she is done having children, and finally gets to a point where they are all old enough to sleep through the night, are out of diapers, etc. and she finally has the time to put the effort into looking and feeling like a woman again, she looks in the mirror and realizes that she no longer looks the way that she did as a newlywed. Her boobs are saggy, her tummy is jiggly and perhaps saggy too, her feet are a size bigger, she has dark circles and/or bags under her eyes from years of sleepless nights as she sat up comforting colicky and teething babies, her hair is thinner, she has issues with incontinence and a prolapse. She can't stand how she looks but hopes that her husband would understand that having his children caused this and not hold it against her. But instead, he no longer wants to be intimate with her, as he can't handle the fact that she passes gas or leaks urine when he tries, and for him it is a turn off, while she is in tears about it as she has no control over it. He avoids touching her because he doesn't like the soft jigglyness of her abdomen or that gravity has taken a toll on her bust, and she no longer enjoys intimacy because he is not making the effort to stimulate her or help her along. Nobody wants to look at her privates because she's got episiotomy scars, she is loose after having expanded wide enough to push out a few heads and bodies, and her insides which should be invisible are quiet visible if she was to open her legs.

How do women who have these issues move on and salvage their marriages? Many times, the only way to fix a body after child birth is by surgery. Many women are willing to go through with it, but sometimes factors beyond their control prevent them from being able to do so, including, but not limited to, a husband who refuses to allow it. Both parties are upset. Sometimes this leads to the wife stressing out and even gaining weight, which does not help at all.

Then, those husbands realize that they now have an old woman, but they want to enjoy the body of someone young and virginesque, so they go out and find someone. In the case of Muslims, it would be a 2nd wife. Second wife has no children, so she and husband are living a honey moon life. She texts him naughty sayings, while first wife texts him a grocery list. First wife is sharing her time with her husband with their children, and second wife has him all to herself for quality one-on-one time. Husband won't necessarily leave first wife, as he feels a sense of loyalty towards her, especially because of the children, but the newness and excitemet of a new woman makes him look forward to his days with second wife.

How do us first wives who have physical issues get past them when our husbands ignore us and get smitten with other women? What about the psychological effects and the depression we feel? How do we move past it when our husbands refuse to even engage in conversations about the issues?

Project 365 - Days 118 to 124

2013-05-04T21:49:00.001+01:00

Day 118 - Bee is taking after her mum.....she got hold of my wallet and I assume she wants to go shopping!

Day 119 - I love these pink tulips!

Day 120 - I stupidly left the sunflowers on the floor, ready to plant out.....they got eaten....

Day 121 - my parents are back after 2 months! Lots of presents!! But obviously more for the girls....

Day 122 - Chasing bubbles in the garden.

Day 123 - Enjoying the sun

Day 124 - This daisy looks tasty!

Friday Wisdom 03-05-13

2013-05-03T12:07:00.000+01:00

Let me say this loud and clear. There is a world of difference between terrorist acts and the Islamic Shari'a. Islam is not only a religion, but a way of life. And at its heart lie the sacred principles of tolerance and dialogue.

King Hussein I

Project 365 - Days 111 to 117

2013-04-27T21:05:00.000+01:00

Day 111 - Went to the river to feed the ducks and swans. I think a lot of people had the same idea as the birds seemed stuffed. However one solitary swan came over....and was eventually followed by a couple of others.

Day 112 - Bee is attempting the stairs now. I really must start putting the stair gates up!!

Day 113 - My tulips are finally flowering.

Day 114 - Did some gardening and the Robin watched and waited for worms!

Day 115 - Sitting and chilling in the garden and the rabbit comes for a stroke..but gets a slap from Bee!

Day 116 - Munchkin was being presented with certificates at school assembly. I wasn't going to go as little children aren't allowed to go. However one mother said to just go as there are other babies there. SO glad I did now.

Day 117 - In between the rain we got a bit of sun so had a play with the football that munchkin also got at her special assembly.

Friday Wisdom 26/04/13

2013-04-26T11:02:00.000+01:00

Even after all this time,

The sun never says to the earth,
'You owe me.'

Look what happens with

A love like that.

It lights the whole sky.

Hafiz of Persia

Day out to Woburn Safari Park

2013-04-25T16:00:00.000+01:00

During the recent Easter holidays, I must confess we did not do much even though it was almost 3 weeks holiday. I was initially recovering from a severe cold, then I decided I should chop my finger with a vegetable peeler so struggled to do anything!

But we decided we had to take munchkin somewhere as it wasn't really fair on her.

As we had some Tesco vouchers we decided to use them to exchange for tockens to Woburn Safari Park. I absolutely love the Tesco Clubcard reward system as we have had numerous days out using them. Day's out aren't cheap, and the vouchers take the edge off the cost. The reward scheme meant we used just £18 of vouchers for entry for the 3 of us (Bee was free).

We had been to Woburn before with the local children's centre when Munchkin was about 3, so it was still all exciting for her as she couldn't remember much about it.

She found it exciting when we drove around the road safari as we could get up close with the animals. I must admit I did find the rhino slightly scary as s/he was right next to our car. The monkeys were walking all over the place and we saw one on sitting on the roof of a car playing with the car aerial. Hubby was happy that none decided to play on his car.

It was amazing getting close to the tigers and the lions; the lions were just sitting and chilling and didn't seem bothered by all the cars next to them.

Once you have finished with the road safari ( you can go around it as many times as you want), you can park the car to walk about the rest of the zoo and see the remainder of the animals. They have many shows, such as a sea lion show and an elephant meet and greet.

I think Munchkin's favourite part was being able to touch the elephant.

You can see the rest of our photos in our video.

I am also linking up this post with Coombe Mill's Country Kids, outdoor fun.

I am not ungrateful!

2013-04-25T11:14:00.000+01:00

I love my girls.

Unconditionally.

But every now and then, when my hormones turn me into a monster, the lack of sleep makes me feel like a zombie, and being stuck at home just doing the cooking and cleaning makes me feel brain dead, I sometimes say I am fed up.

I sometimes say the girls are tiring me out.

I sometimes say they are doing my head in.

Does that make me ungrateful?

Unthankful? ( <--- is that actually a word?)

A selfish cow?

I haven't had a decent nights sleep since the end of my final trimester. Bee just doesn't sleep well and at 7 months is still waking for a feed at 3am (ish). And any other mum knows how exhausting that is. So that's pretty much a whole year without a full nights sleep.

You learn to get used to it and function, but your body seems to be tired all the time.

And every now and then I do get upset.

I KNOW how lucky I am that I have 2 gorgeous healthy girls.

But why can't I moan now and then that I'm tired, drained, without people reminding me I should be grateful! I AM grateful.

Why remind me about how my sister is desperate for children after 2 miscarriages and struggling to conceive again. And I should be grateful.

No-one knows how much I felt guilty that I had conceived immediately when I hadn't even wanted a child, when my sister couldn't and was desperate for a child.

No-one knows how much my heart breaks for her when I see the love she has for my girls, a love that should be for her own children.

InshAllah she will have a child before it is too late.

It's human nature to moan, especially when hormonal, and sometimes I just want a moan. Doesn't mean I am not grateful and know how lucky I am.

Alhamdulillah.

Silent Sunday 21-04-13

2013-04-21T14:33:00.001+01:00

Project 365 - Days 104 to 110

2013-04-20T20:00:00.002+01:00

Day 104 - Told Munchkin she needed to tidy her room - this is her version of tidy!

Day 105 - Final day of the Easter hols so decided to go to the zoo. Munchkin wasn't too impressed by the bird landing on her head. After this was taken a second one decided to join the fun.

Day 106 - School time!! No point hiding under the duvet!

Day 107 - Forgot to take a pic, but here's one of Bee fighting sleep.

Day 108 - Re-potted the sunflower seeds into bigger pots - hope they survive.

Day 109 - First daffodil of the year.

Day 110 - The budgies are enjoying the improved weather - put them on the grass and gave them some water for bath time!

Friday Wisdom 19-04-13

2013-04-19T07:02:00.000+01:00

I am opening up the linky again, feel free to join in.

“Your children are the greatest gift God will give to you, and their souls the heaviest responsibility He will place in your hands. Take time with them, teach them to have faith in God. Be a person in whom they can have faith. When you are old, nothing else you've done will have mattered as much.”

Lisa Wingate

March Muslimah Blogger Round Up

2013-04-18T16:09:00.001+01:00

Asalaam Alaikum,

I am starting a new monthly feature in which I will do a round of some posts by fellow muslimah bloggers. If you would like to be included then contact me with the details of the post you would like to be shared next month inshAllah. I am a bit late this month, but next months round up will be in the first week of the month. This is a great way of getting your blog out there and potentially more readers inshAllah.

One of the first posts I would like to share is from my favourite crafts muslimah blogger. She has such inspirational ideas - I wish I was more crafty like her. Her post is about turning a dress into a bag. Click on the picture to read more.

My next post to share is by Paris who started her blog in an attempt to help others with their struggles. Read her post talking about seeking attention.

Finally, Glowing Pearl shares her tips regarding time management.

Gardening: Making up the hanging baskets

2013-04-18T11:43:00.002+01:00

Although I love gardening and generally do well, I can never seem to get my hanging baskets right. The one in the front of the house does OK but the ones in the back garden generally die. My garden is south facing and gets a heck of a lot of sun, (when we get any), and I always used to forget to water them.

I almost cheated this year and got the baskets already made.....but then thought it would be a waste of money if I end up killing them again.

While at the local garden centre I got tempted by some trailing Begonia bulbs. I have never planted them but my mum has some and they are gorgeous. It said suitable for hanging baskets and 5 bulbs were on offer so I thought why not?

A couple of weeks ago, with munchkins help, we started 'Mission: keep hanging baskets alive'.

The compost in the baskets was looking a bit sorry for itself so we decided to put in fresh compost and put in 2 bulbs to a basket.

Munchkin helped water them in and we hung them up.

While Bee sat and watched with curiosity.

I had also purchased some Sweet Williams, so we planted them in the final hanging basket with the final begonia bulb.

And as we still had some Sweet Williams left we planted them in another pot that was looking sorry for itself.

Let's see if we can keep these ones alive. So far they are doing OK!

Polygyny Series - When Polygyny goes wrong (post 5)

2013-04-17T22:24:00.000+01:00

The 5th post in the series by Sister H

When Polygymy Goes Wrong

When polygyny is practised as it should be according to the Qur'aan and the Sunnah, then it is a beautiful thing. Whenever we hear polygyny horror stories, it is because at least one of the involved parties failed to follow shari'ah prescribed guidelines, or behaved in a discourteous manner.

The majority of the success in a polygynous marriage lies on the husband's shoulders. It is up to him to appease and comfort existing wives, and to choose future wives who are compatilbe with his deen, lifestyle and already existing families. Should he do that, then even the hardest, anti-polygyny first wife can eventually come around, calm down, be at peace with and even enjoy being a part of a plural marriage. However when ego and nafs get involved, openess and transparency disappear, secrecy and suspicious behaviour come into play, then the door for discord opens widely. Yes, a husband doesn't need his wife's consent to marry again, and he also does not need to tell her that he's married again, however, if you have only 1 wife and stop coming home every night, and start showing up looking and smelling as though you've showered and dressed elsewhere and start behaving like a reborn man in the bed, then that approach can lead you to have problems in your previous marriage. When first wives don't know about second wives, second wives don't know about third wives, second wives think that they are the first wife, not knowing about the existence of a first wife (and children), sometimes in another country, etc. then things can and do get messy. When husbands are unjust and unfair in their treatement of wives, with respect to division of finances and time, then problems and hurt feelings grow.

New wives often create problems in already existing marriages. Many feel that there are deficiencies with previous wives, hence the reason that the husband remarries. This attitude can wreak havoc. It is not any new wife's business to speculate, or to entertain negative talk about the ongoings on other wive's households with anyone. Remember that this husband is an ammanah and meant to be a wali. If he can disclose another wife's secrets to you, then he can do the same to you with someone else. And for the record, never enter a marriage with the expectation that he is going to divorce previous wives and remain with only you.

First wives also need to remember to fear Allaah! Feeling anger, jealousy, pain and sadness is normal. Acting out trying to take revenge or cause the others to feel what you feel is not. Losing your Islaamic morals and conduct is not the solution. Hurtful and spiteful words and actions serve no beneficial purpose and do more damage in the long run. Trust that Allaah would not give you this test if He did not think that you could handle it, and pray. More tahajjud, more sawm, more Qur'aan, more of everything which brings you closer to Him! And know that Allaah will reward you on yaw mul qiyyamah if any injustices are perpetrated against you.

Any spouse who feels wronged could and should make use of your imaam and whatever other marital services which are offered by your masjid and community. Though hard, we should all try out best not to stray from the shari'ah in our conduct when facing the trials which polygyny brings.

Project 365 - Days 97 - 103

2013-04-13T21:26:00.000+01:00

Day 97 - Decided it was time to sort out my 3 hanging baskets, planted begonias and sweet williams.

Day 98 - Popped into town for lunch with friends and decided to treat myself to a massage bar from Lush.

Day 99 - This is a regular scene now, Bee disappearing into various rooms.

Day 100 - Munchkin and I made some cake pops.

Day 101 - Noticed my tomatos and peppers I planted last week are already growing.

Day 102 - Popped to the shops and stopped at the local fish shop. Think this tank is just beautiful so had to take a pic.

Day 103 - My little girl racer in her walker!

Friday Wisdom 12/04/13 - The Lullaby Trust

2013-04-12T19:19:00.000+01:00

"When someone you love becomes a memory, the memory

becomes a treasure."

Author Unknown

I am dedicating this weeks Friday Wisdom to Jennie at Edspire. Tragically Jennie lost her 9 month old gorgeous Matilda Mae to SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) in February.

I hadn't known Jennie or her blog until this tragedy happened but I have been reading her posts since then and her tweets. No mother should have to go through what she currently is.

Sadly SIDS affects many babies. I always thought once you passed the 6 month stage you were safe but I have now been hearing about older babies going up over 18 months who have died.

Since the loss of Matilda Mae, Jennie has started to work with FSID charity. And this post is all about their relaunch as 'The Lullaby Trust'.

'We have chosen our new identity to help us raise our voice, to ensure that sudden infant death is not ignored or considered to be an issue of the past.

Across the country, over 600 apparently healthy babies continue to die suddenly and unexpectedly every year. This is unacceptable and we want to do all we can to prevent these deaths. We believe that our new identity will help us to reach even more parents with our expert advice on safer sleep for babies. Through greater engagement with families and also with policy makers we hope to achieve our ambition to halve the number of babies dying by 2020'.

Please join the linky at Jennie's blog, Edspire, to help spread the word about the relaunch of The Lullaby Trust.