I write to you this time while flying several thousand feet above Lebanon and on my way back to the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia. I feel the need to share my thoughts and feelings as they rush through me at full velocity, and might as well while I have the time (something I rarely have these days). Though my first time visiting this beautiful country, it is of great sentimental value to me for many reasons of which I will not elaborate further upon.

I felt her (Lebanon) as I drove and walked through her streets, I fell more curious as I explored and wandered through her alley ways, and fell in love with her more with every passing day. I was overwhelmed by the immediate ‘connection’ I established the moment I breathed my first breath and set my eyes upon the surrounding hills as I stepped out of the airport. What is it about this land that rooted my feet deep within?

Although I ask myself this question, I know the answers to it, however it helps me gather my thoughts to type it regardless. Perhaps if my persona was not that of an anonymous one, I may have delved further into why I fell in love with Lebanon.

I have heard of it being called the ‘Paris of the Middle East’, the ‘Pearl of the Middle East’, amongst other names. What surprised me most was that despite all the political chaos I felt a sense of comfort being there. From the shores of Raouche, to the walkways of Solidaire, to the skiing slopes of Faraya you cannot help but admire the efforts of the Lebanese people to build a country continuously ravished by wars.

I recommend a visit at least once in your life, and wish the best for the brothers and sisters I leave behind.

Until I see you again,

Your brother – Scribbler.

To not feel fear, to not be afraid of anything or anyone, how must that feel? Some of you may recall the audio recording of myself which I uploaded a few months ago, and how I stated that due to fearlessness I am no longer afraid of hiding my identity should anyone recognize my voice. Do not think that the reason I removed that audio recording was due to fear of any particular person, it was purely due to conflict of interest and personal reasons which led me to feel that it was not appropriate at the time.

However with regards to the fearlessness I speak of, it is fearlessness in general, to not be afraid of anyone or anything. What would it be like to not process fear when a ferocious beast attacks you, to not feel fear when a man points a gun point blank at you, to not feel afraid when hanging off the edge of a roof? Apparently for the first time it has been discovered that there is a fellow human walking this earth who has never felt or experienced fear in her life.

I relate this gift, this curse, to my own life. Thoughts shot in every direction. Not fearing being alone, not fearing losing those I love, not fearing anything that has caused sleepless nights. To not fear however, is to not feel that emotion. To not feel an emotion? Allah has created everything in moderation and equilibrium, to not feel fear is to not be in balance. Just as we love Allah and hope for His mercy, we must fear Him and the punishment of hell fire. This reflection has caused me to fear not feeling fear; to not be afraid of loneliness might cause me to fall short in the efforts of pursuing its cure. The fearless woman in the news article is not able to process fear due to a problem in her brain’s structure, this phenomena resulted in a lead researcher stating that

It is quite remarkable that she is still alive.

With that said I thank Allah for the blessing of feeling sadness, happiness, passion, frustration, denial, courage, pride, confusion, anger, love, fear, and everything else in the umbrella of emotion.

And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour. (Al-Isra 17:23)

And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy, and say: “My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was small.” (Al-Isra 17:24)

Your brother,

Scribbler.

I am the first to acknowledge that I have probably been the worst Scribbler known to man, however I do believe that I have some justification when I say that LIFE was the primary reason for my disappearance. I have recently felt my right hand aching for its return to the ink and decided to start off fresh. You will have noticed that the appearance of my humble abode has changed, and in addition I will be cleaning house (i.e. removing posts that seem irrelevant to my current journey or simply not what I would like to leave behind as a writer) before continuing to write. With the start of a new hijri year I ask Allah to bless us all and to aide us in all our endeavors… Ameen.

Till then children…

Scribbler

Truly in the body there is a morsel of flesh which, if it be whole, all the body is whole and which, if it be diseased, all of it is diseased. Truly it is the heart!

Late last night, I sat alone, pondering on my past, my present, and my unknown future. My past – my history – will always be the largest and most personal resource of experiences, thoughts, and emotions for self-realization. As I look back I see with complete clarity my evolution through the different phases of my life; every person, trial, and experience has touched me in one way or another and helped form the man I am today. Although I am proud of who I am, I could be better. Greater men before me have always striven for more despite their recognized accomplishments. Through time we attain power; power comes with knowledge and experience. However, coupled with knowledge and power comes responsibility, responsibility to do what is right. In His name I testify that we must do whatever is in our power to make things right.

That brings me to my present; given what I know and believe dictates how I live – or should live – in the present. In the present we are always faced with challenges in life, challenges to the heart and mind. At times the heart and mind are difficult to separate, they function in sync with each other, and other times – particularly with clear matters – it is noticeable as to what one MUST do despite the internal struggle between heart and mind. I am currently facing struggles which weigh heavily on my chest, simply due to the responsibility I feel based on my past experiences and the knowledge I possess. There are those I wish to warn, and those I wish to guide, however I could face negative consequences as a result.

It is during these times where I do not know which to follow, do I follow my heart, or do I follow the logical processing of my mind? The mind surely paves an easier path before me, but the heart, well, seems should be the correct way to go. If you are familiar with me through recent posts and specifically posts I have removed from my past, you will know my fascination with the heart; in His name I follow my heart.

On the authority of Wabisa bin Mabad, may Allah be pleased with him said:

I came to the messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) and he said: “You have come to ask about righteousness ?” . I said:” Yes.” He said: “Consult your heart. Righteousness is that about which the soul feels tranquil and the heart feels tranquil, and wrongdoing is that which wavers in the soul and moves to and from in the breast even though people again and again have given you their legal opinion [in its favor].”

Hadith Hasan transmitted from the Musnads of the two Imams, Ahmed bin Hanbal and Al-Darimi, with a good chain of narration.

Pay attention dear brothers and sisters, “Consult your heart. Righteousness is that about which the soul feels tranquil and the heart feels tranquil, and wrongdoing is that which wavers in the soul and moves to and from in the breast even though people again and again have given you their legal opinion [in its favor].”

With this knowledge, and with the lack of tranquility in our breasts, our soul rages for change. How do I go about changing that which I’m currently facing?

On the authority of Abu Saeed Al-Khudari, who said: I heard the messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) say:

“Whosoever of you sees an evil action, let him change it with his hand; and if he is not able to do so, then with his tongue; and if he is not able to do so, then with his heart; and that is the weakest of faith.”

Related by Muslim.

Though I could be weak and change only in my heart that which has caused a stir within me, I would be lying to myself about it being satisfactory. This leads me to my future. Allah has given us all the choice to live freely as we will, every path we choose has a different outcome. I suppose I should always remember that as a general rule, in His name it would always be more rewarding for me to influence change with my hand (i.e. to take action), then in lower rank to make change with my words, and finally within my heart. I ask Allah to give us all the strength to be righteous regardless of the consequences, and to reward us for the good choices we make in this life. In His name Ameen… Allahoma Ameen.

May Allah bless all my brothers & sisters during this holy month of fast practiced by those before us, and may Allah make us of al-muttaqoon (those who are pious)… Ameen. I would like to remind us all of some relevant sayings of Allah (the all Mighty), and His beloved Prophet Muhammed (peace be upon him):

“Verily, the number of months with Allaah is twelve months (in a year), so was it ordained by Allaah on the Day when He created the heavens and the earth; of them four are Sacred, (i.e. the 1st, the 7th, the 11th and the 12th months of the Islaamic calendar). That is the right religion, so wrong not yourselves therein, and fight against the Mushrikoon (polytheists, pagans, idolaters, disbelievers in the Oneness of Allaah) collectively, as they fight against you collectively. But know that Allaah is with those who are Al-Muttaqoon).”
[Sooratut-Tawbah, 9:36]

And,

“The month of ramadaan in which was revealed the Qur’aan, a guidance for mankind and clear proofs for the guidance and the criterion (between right and wrong). So whoever of you sights (the crescent on the first night of) the month (of ramadaan i.e. is present at his home), he must observe Saum (fasts) that month, and whoever is ill or on a journey, the same number [of days which one did not observe Saum (fasts) must be made up] from other days. Allaah intends for you ease, and He does not want to make things difficult for you. (He wants that you) must complete the same number (of days), and that you must magnify Allaah [i.e. to say Takbeer (Allaahu Akbar; Allaah is the Most Great) on seeing the crescent of the months of ramadaan and Shawwal]for having guided you so that you may be grateful to Him.” [Sooratul-Baqarah 2:185]

Also,

“O you who believe! Observing As-Saum (the fasting) is prescribed for you as it was prescribed for those before you, that you may become Al-Muttaqoon.”
[Sooratul-Baqarah 2:183]

Aboo Hurayrah narrated that the Prophet (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said, “Whoever does not give up forged speech and evil actions, Allah is not in need of his leaving his food and drink (i.e. Allah will not accept his fasting.)” [1]
Aboo Hurayrah narrated that the Prophet (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said, “Whoever established prayers on the night of Qadr out of sincere faith and hoping for a reward from Allaah, then all his previous sins will be forgiven; and whoever fasts in the month of Ramadan out of sincere faith, and hoping for a reward from Allaah, then all his previous sins will be forgiven.”[2]

Aboo Hurayrah narrated that the Prophet (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said,”Allaah said, ‘All the deeds of Adam’s sons (people) are for them, except fasting which is for Me, and I will give the reward for it.’ Fasting is a shield or protection from the fire and from committing sins. If one of you is fasting, he should avoid sexual relation with his wife and quarrelling, and if somebody should fight or quarrel with him, he should say, ‘I am fasting.’ By Him in Whose Hands my soul is’ The unpleasant smell coming out from the mouth of a fasting person is better in the sight of Allah than the smell of musk. There are two pleasures for the fasting person, one at the time of breaking his fast, and the other at the time when he will meet his Lord; then he will be pleased because of his fasting.”[3]

May Allah reward us all… Ameen!

[1] Related by al-Bukhaaree, (31/1789).
[2] Related by al-Bukhaaree, (31/1787).
[3] Related by al-Bukhaaree, (31/1790).

Some facts. I am in love with someone who is not able to love me back. I am in love with someone set to wed another man. I have a child who needs the type of love that only a nurturing woman can give. I am lonely. I need to love and be loved.

I can hurt now, or I can hurt later. Why not now? Indeed, why not now? She is on her way towards a life of happiness (insha’Allah) with a man who loves her, and whom she loves, and I ask Allah to bless them both. It is time I do the same. But naturally one asks why? What was the point? What purpose did our love serve? Why experience years of hardship to make ‘us’ happen only to let go in the end? After a little time of reflection simplicity arose; life.

Our persons are formed by a bundle of events and emotions experienced through out our lives, and naturally some experiences are pleasant and others extremely difficult to face. However, it is typically the difficult experiences that make us stronger. So why not now? Why don’t I hurt now, only to become stronger for the next time around? I think I will (insha’Allah).

It truly is strange though Subhan Allah, how despite my efforts to orchestrate our love to be all it can be, it was not to happen in this life. As a Muslim I will have faith in what Allah wills for me. However what is important is that we exert our efforts in everything we do in this life to be all we can be. Be all you can be, never lose faith in Allah’s decree no matter how difficult life may seem, and pray for Allah’s aid; as weak slaves we are in need of Him. I ask Allah to ease our suffering, and to replace it with sweetness… Ameen. Ameen. Ameen.

We need Him (subhanaho wa ta’ala). I need Him.

Reminds me from a scene in “The Last Samurai”, where Captain Nathan Algren (Tom Cruise) was practicing the art of the sword with the Samurai Ujio and losing to him repetitively. During the scene Katsumoto’s son Nobutada approaches Captain Algren -with what little English he knows – before the final draw and says “Too many mind”, before further explanation Captain Algren responds with a confused look when Nobutada says:

“Too many mind. Mind the sword. Mind the people watch. Mind the enemy. Too many mind. No mind.”

“Too many mind. No mind.” Wow. So simple, yet so effective; No Mind. Here Nobutada was referring to Captain Algren’s over occupied mind; by running multiple threads of thought it prevented him from focusing on what mattered during the situation. This simple concept can be applied to any decision-making process; in order to ensure avoiding your mind being clouded by emotions, stress, and biased influence, we must avoid “too many mind” (i.e. irrelevant distractions) and aim for “no mind” (i.e. clear and focused mind).

Of late I have been troubled by “too many mind”, but now I must practice the skill of attaining “no mind”.

I have never felt like wanting to be a little boy held close to the chest of a loving woman. To feel safe, secure, and loved is a peaceful state I wish to experience tonight, if only for a moment.

Oh night, will you let me sleep tonight?

Some works of art last through the tests of time, others however have crumbled and faded away into a vague mosaic of bits and pieces. It is the former we all aim to achieve as artists of Love; an artistic relationship of Love. If we approach loving the one we hold so dear to our hearts as artists, you will find that just like art, our hearts and minds function as one to form a blend of creative, beautiful, and loving experiences.

Though skeptical at first, I do believe that an eternal love is possible – though difficult – if truly desired by one of the partners (and not both), however some level of appreciation should exist for each other. Similar to art, it is the artist that inspires his audience, and in a few cases builds solid loyalty, appreciation, and love for him as the maker of his work. As an individual aspiring to become an artist of love, I have personally achieved a level of appreciation from another, but failed however to build the master piece for her. Although I have failed in forming the ultimate blend of loving artwork for her, I know that not every piece will be a Mona Lisa.

But we try, we never give up as artists of Love to aim for that one master piece of our life’s contribution. For those already married to someone, put effort into loving her, think hard about what makes her happy, causes her stomach to flip, and her heart to skip a beat. Make every word mean something, every touch build a craving anticipation of what’s to come next, and every moment in life with you a memorable one.

Will you join me on this movement of artistic Love?