My Artificial Rainbow

Rise and Fall of Happy

2014-05-05T19:14:00.001+04:00

Strange, isn't it? Each man's life touches so many other lives. When he isn't around he leaves an awful hole, doesn't he?

That's a line from the F. Capra's movie

Have you ever wonder how would it look life if you was never... ?

Or if you had never... ?

Life is made of rise and fall and no matter how deep you fall, it's not just about yourself.

I think that our value in this world can be expressed only in relations to what we are to others.

Do you think I am a happy person? Yes I do.

Do you think I have always been like this? Unfortunately for me, no I didn't.

You may be in a hard phase of your life and believe me, I had some tough situations happening, too.

If you think that you're unhappy and the others are happy, you're wrong.

No one gets what he has for free. This applies both ways. All the shit it happens is there for some reason.

If you're hard enough to survive, keeping your integrity, you may exit from the fire hardened in spirit.

Who can manage to stay him/herself in joy and in sorrow aren't likely to be bad people.

Who can love him/herself no matter it happens, either in good or bad fortune, can love the others and be loved for what they are.

We're all born pure and innocent, but we come to the world and first we get is slapping. We are told from the beginning what it will look later...

So it's in our hands how we stand this war, if we start throwing grenades back to the enemies, of we dig our own hole, or we start killing weaker brothers in arms.

The choice is yours. And it's not univoque. We need to adapt as the battlefield changes and different strategies might be needed to survive. You only have to clearly see your target and get there.

What I am trying to say with those metaphors is that you have to choose carefully your path, there are easy ways and hard ways. No one can really tell you what is right and what is wrong, you do your choices and they can be good or bad for you. But also for others.

We don't live in segregated worlds, our boundaries are intersecating with others' in a continuos interaction.

Once I've heard: my liberty ends where the liberty of someone else begins.

To me this simple statement could be the one and only law to have in mind and live forever without fear. Happy.

So when you consider doing every kind of action, please try to think to the consequence it could have to you, but also to your family, friends, nature and yes, also on the random guy in the alley.

You may never know what you can potentially start, in positive and negative terms.

Our life can truly change the lives of the others.

(Words Credit to Profile of L.R - Kickass Torrent)

Surprise me Not! ...umm Yes Please

2014-01-07T17:26:00.000+04:00

Yesterday, out of the blue, I thought I would get dinner ready nothing elaborate steamed veggies and chilly-fry.

It was a simple gesture...

but it reminded me how any moment has the potential to surprise us into a bigger vision of life.

How our minds cannot foreseen the future and yet we have this one eye on the future... not body wants to foreseen unfortunate events whether like it or not stuff does happen and its such a Human thing for us to keep redefining ourselves and our relationships with the people around us.

We are often surprised by pain and adversity as much as by pleasure. We can never be prepared for everything. We cannot anticipate the startling or the stunning that the very next hour might bring, much less control it.

In fact, trying to stay safe, to maintain the status quo, goes against the very nature of life itself.
It's just another way to wall ourselves in. Instead, we can only reflect on how we might respond if the unforeseen rolls in on us swifter and with more force than a wave crashing onto the shore.

When dealing with the gift of surprise (Good or Bad or unwelcomed), the key is to maintain the belief that no matter what, all is well. Good or bad, all is well. The beach doesn't resist the ocean, and neither should we resist what we cannot control.

Life is dynamic and love is surprising. So Keep Meditating. Be. Awesome.

Thank goodness for that, because growth lurks in the unexpected.

Let. There. Be. Faith.

2013-09-20T12:53:00.001+04:00

In life, oftentimes we are waiting for something; waiting for a dream to come to pass, waiting to meet the right person, waiting for a problem to turn around. When things aren’t happening as fast as we would like, it’s easy to get frustrated.

But you have to realize that the moment you prayed,God/universe/the divine (whatever mighty power you believe in has established a set time to bring the promise to pass.

There is always a set time for your opportunity.

There is a set time for that problem to turn around, a set time for your healing, your promotion, your breakthrough.

It may be tomorrow, or next week, or five years from now. But when you understand the time has already been set, it takes all the pressure off.

You won’t live worried, wondering when this is ever going to happen.

You’ll relax and enjoy your life knowing that the promise has already been scheduled and your answer is on the way!

Affirmation for today:

I choose to trust in the right timing. I trust that this life has my best in mind. I believe that It is working behind the scenes on my behalf. Thank You for all the blessing I already have and for ordering my steps in the future and leading me in the life of blessing that is in store for me. Amen.

Let.There.Be.Light

2013-09-18T18:48:00.001+04:00

"Light shines in the darkness for the godly…" (Psalms 112:4a, NLT)

Everyone goes through times in life that seem dark or heavy. You may be going through something right now, and you don’t see how it could ever work out. You don’t have the funds. The problems look insurmountable. But if you will stay breakthrough–minded and focused on what God can do, His Word promises that the light will come bursting in. Notice, it’s not going to trickle in. It’s not going to barely get there. No, like a flood, like the breaking forth of waters, it will come bursting in. That means, suddenly, things will change in your favor.

When things seem dark, don’t start complaining. Don’t get negative and sour. Remember, God likes to do things suddenly. Keep reminding yourself that the light is about to come bursting in! It may be today, may be tomorrow, next week, next month, next year. But know this: your breakthrough is on the way!

Mustard Seed Grows

2013-04-17T14:18:00.000+04:00

I watch. I wait. I Pray.

Some call it courage. Some foolish and some unbelievable!

I call it faith.

The unknown is always difficult, not knowing what plans will be full filled and what will never see the light is even more disheartening.

Even months before, I knew I was going to lose my job, I had an impending fear that unemployment was on the horizon, the abnormal working hours the constant threats, unending bills and debt from when I had cared for my ailing mother hang over me like a guillotine.

But I was and I feel blessed of having that knowledge in advance.

Assuring, unwavering and matter of fact!

I had to find ' the key' to my financial plan.

I have x amount as salary, and xx amounts goes out for payment which leave me a total of ‘0’ as saving, simply said I live like... lord give me today my daily bread - salary to salary.

So throughout my anticipation of the D-day - I have no back plan or financial aid.

If there’s one thing I've been reminded of is that God’s timing is never our own.

Employment loss - I : I honestly thought I would have only 4-6 months of unemployment, yet it ended up being almost one year and a half after my mother passed away in September 2010, that I landed a job with 60% cut in pay and benefits that was no coincidence.

Employment Loss - II - It was all part of my story.

The 2nd job came at the right time.

It paid for my pending debt, my rent and food. I lost many friends and gained and lost even more. From age 30 – I jumped the scale to 60 ;) in emotional roller coaster ride.

I can even say I became passionate about living below my means and was hard pressed to find areas in my budget to cut, yet as time went on I felt my daily manna was provided for and my life got streamlined and I honed my saving skills. (i.e. gather all the coins around the house and finally put then in one tin can)

And yet I did not feel I was lacking in anything, I knew and know I was and am living large than most of the people.

It was a time of growth. A time of hard lessons and forced wisdom!

Because whether you’re in the midst of financial uncertainty or not, dealing with the long term unknown is one of the hardest lessons I’ve wrestled with in a short time.

So this brings me to Gods Watch over us… and how do you keep cheerful and wait for it… CALM DOWN and CARRY ON!

For all those who do not believe in God then call it Higher power or illuminating Tree or the shining apple! As long as you have something to believe in, hoping that something is just around the corner and you point out and say hey! Surprise me!

When someone is unemployed they talk in hushed tones like it’s a crime you have committed. You know what no matter how much ever you have done, given your bestest, you will or may still get laid off or maybe you are one those who will win the longest employment award.

Al I can say is that the thoughts and emotions surrounding a job loss are so intense that it can feel as if you've been kicked in the ribs.

So as a catholic, I am lucky to have a book (survival kit) to emotional stability to say that I am/ you are not alone in this (psalm 23)… simply put, how to overcome the stigma of unemployment, maintain the right state of mind, apply for unemployment benefits, thrive while unemployed, and find new job opportunities 1:1

Even though I right now am unemployed and sound like a cherry on top of a cake, I wish I could say that I've always kept the faith. But there were times when I had lost my hope.

I wish I could say that I am more prepared for "the next time" should it happen again. But I am still learning to walk this long, and often lonely road.

It's been a long, hard journey. But despite the valley:

I know that God is good.

I know that He never leaves our side.

I know that He will bring me through as I continue to walk forward together, putting my trust in Him.

My situation rocked me to the core not only once but many times, but in Christ I put my hope, for without Him there is no hope.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope. (Romans 15:13)

I had plans and dreams, and some of it might never come to be.

I need encouragement more than, ever it had contributed to stress, sleepless nights, weight loss, fear, doubt and uncertainty.

But Praise God! I have learnt

I am my own cheer leader

I give affirmation to myself daily, and multiple times a day.

I never thought I would do some things just to scrap by and I did and not I am back to pavilion but all is not lost.

Do I get angry with God?

No! But there are days now where I carry so much tension that I get headaches. I can almost feel the anxiety oozing out of me before it leaps from my heart to quench the joy that is buried deep inside.

I tell myself and anyone with a listening ear I am not angry at God. This is the hardest lesson I've learned. Dealing with my own anger my own humbling experience as to why I push Him aside and be determined to deal with things my way. But since my mom is gone, every day is battle just to surrender it all back into His hands. There is nothing I can do to change our circumstances. He promises to take care of me. He feeds the birds of the air. How much more is His love for us!

Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? (Matthew 6:26)

I thank all who have been my un-named angels, my guides, my shield, my rocks, my whiners my put on your party shoes. (each in their own style)

So I press on, putting one foot in front of the other, running to the rock Christ Jesus for strength every day! Amen.

The Fact of Existance

2013-01-07T15:39:00.003+04:00

Last few days upto the New Years the papers were full of news on Murder, Rape, Injustice, War, Calamities... it becomes very difficult to give 'Baba' or Hallucinatory'' Talks... Karisa have you been Sm*king... Well! no!

Like others, I can post news clips or join and sign petitions and stand and hold candles in the Vigil... There is so much I want to do but I am far away from the situation... and the moment.

All I can do is Prayer my small prayer and hold on to the ever lasting Hope of a Change in this World.

{Imagine this the time there are people shedding tears for a lose of a loved one... there are others shedding tears for the birth of some}

Just a few days ago I came across a blog last night called The Lost Art of Self Preservation (for Women). In a sidebar statement, the writer (Grerp), a librarian and stay-at-home-mom writes:

"The Truth: Life isn't fair. Being alive doesn't entitle you to anything. Women are ensuring their own downfall with their selfish behavior and short-term outlook. Men are bigger than women, stronger than women, and more violent than women. For the past half century our legal system has acted outside their interest, and men have taken the vast share of economic hits in this most recent recession. A backlash is coming. The pendelum is starting to swing back. What are you going to do to prepare for it?"

I found this negative and overly demeaning... While all have taken the toll of recession in our day to day life... and most particularly when I read about the comments given by prominent members of the political parties or Self acclaimed God Men! There is only one thought that jumps to my mind ..while the world is progressing forwards i think some sections from my side of town where hidden in a world hole and it just skipped a few generations the amount of illiterate, unjustified, over the top and plain 'Are you Stupid' and "what the H*ll escaped from your mouth'.

I think we are programmed to self -preserve since birth... its contradicting sometimes... we are taught that Hatred and injustice is caused by difference in religion or color or caste and silently we ignore that as a girl you are dependent and you cannot live on! and be yourself! not to sound feminist but can you as a women walk free in the middle of the night? no! can you wear shorts just cause you want them to? or should you think twice as to what picture are you protraying and are you going to attract unwanted attention to your self?

So say this is western influence. I say if I was Eve and had a choice of wear Red! leaf to cover myself than the usual green to look and feel good. rather than just so that ADAM can notice me... then Adam can go F*ck himself!

I am not Blaming anybody MEN or WOMEN.

Period.

We are all to blame for our own mistakes. You made your bed now lie in it. RAPE! Murder! is Wrong. You did it You pay for it!

This is where our system comes into picture while we are now vigorously working on new rules and fast track what not. These are welcomed, a society is ever evolving and I for one am all for giving it a chance and raising my hand up! if it pinches me.

In my country our culture is founded on oppression and especially for women majority of them come from a patriarchal society where ... we are numb to what is being said or done. but now I see an awakening thank you to social media... this brings to light all the thing that have been sitting comfortably in the closet... all the mouths that have been shut seal due to hopelessness... its better to raise your hand now and shout help! than wait till the waves runth over and this phase is over.

Time Flies... and in this age and time people get bored and move on... from I gotta feeling to gimme everything tonight and landing on Gangnum Style... Stupid! Stupider! to Stupidiest!

Welcome 2013

I learned much about attachment and aversion, excitement to highest high and lowest low and how everything is perfect, things happen for a reason, the universe imposes some beautiful order on our existence.

I held all these beliefs before, but now I look at them differently, more clearly than I did previously. I've found that to be true of many things in my life: through many eyes I can see how hopelessly and bitterly hatred shaped my world, how love could change everything. How it does change everything. How I can change my everything through love and open mind.

Circle of Life.

Sadly, we are not born with manuals then how technical life would be! but we make our life as we go.. with the choices we make and the path be create for ourselves some out of clear focus and choice and some just happen.

Image courtesy: http://oppressioninvisibleshackles.blogspot.com/

LENT: Finale

2012-04-04T16:47:00.000+04:00

Quite a GAP from the 1^st day of LENT till now the Holy Week begins… I started off with LENT: To give Up or Not to Give Up...is the question. Answer?

So God knows me intimately, even from my first moments. He has a plan for me; whatever talents I have, he can put to use.

I asked myself, do I stand in the Lord’s way, with my own plan? I worked hard, I tried my best but now I have nothing left to give. Is this now the lord’s time when my way seems blocked?… and then do you even know what you want said someone once close to me… its seems to be that I may have projected that I have hidden demons that I need to take care of… but you know what… this year was a year of exploration… from a cheerful to others but secretive person I decided why not… open that mouth don’t analyze everything, be open and most of all be trusting… “if you don’t trust someone how will you know if you can trust them… dummy testing I know! Lol.

So… as the 40 days come to an end; I wasn’t very sacrificial as I would usually be… given up this and that... And go out of my way to do anything or sometimes everything, I went with the flow broke all my rules. Met amazing people, let them into my life, let me not get very hunky dory I even manage to betray trust and break it, a lesson I will never forget and hope that If I ever had a chance to do it all over again, I would and if not then if this is ever read by them, hope they do believe I am ‘sorry’ and I have thought long and hard about my actions and every-day yes! Every day I think about it I burn in shame and I want to apologize and ask if they could take me back and if things would go back to being the same.

So speaking of treachery there were two treacheries. Judas went out to grab his money, betrayed Jesus, and then killed himself in despair. Peter, despite his protests, would deny his Lord; he faced his own appalling guilt, and then wept bitterly. His failure was not the end of the mission, but the beginning.

What did I learn from my treachery … what I do with my failures…? I was very kindly advised you need to know who to trust and you need to be smart…since 1979 I never came across such an experience then what happened to me…logic and reason left the table or did I want to taste a big dollop of ‘rich cream fool’ so I ask and beg …Teach me to trust in love and forgiveness… no matter what I have done, and to learn from my mistakes and even from treachery.

John's gospel describes the Last Supper without mentioning the Eucharist. Instead, it describes Jesus washing his friend's feet.

A reference “On his knees like a servant, Jesus turned human status upside down.”

Do I celebrate servitude or am I nice to strangers and ignore people closest to me? So now I think what was at the heart of Jesus’ mission: to suffer appallingly and to die without faltering in his love for us. Is this is where the gospel begins and ends. It is hard to contemplate. We shy away from the pain and injustice in our daily lives, be it at work or at home or friends or even community, as a catholic we have been thought the servitude, love and forgiveness should be core of our belief …. How much of that is collecting dust on our arterial shelves and how much do we even acknowledge it… personally, distrust, uncertainty, revenge and sympathy for self is the center of life

I carry the nail marks in my hands from baptism. I may wander far from the cross, but at the end I am drawn back to it. That’s just me … I have read many books and met many people but I am sure that this is all I know and it makes me happy makes me want to look forward to another day, learn from my mistakes and if the gross mistake is from my side them I want to apologize and ask for a second or as Jesus said ask and give forgiveness seventy times seven

Tonight I affirm my ancient faith: Christ has robbed death of its ultimate sting and has invigorated this sweet, precious, precarious, once-only life that is slipping away from us with every hour and day and year.

When I go home and stand on my balcony as I breathe the evening air, when I catch the sweet smells of the new season, I hope to have hints of a day that knows no ending, a light that will not yield to darkness, and a life in these weary bodies that even creeping death will not be able to frustrate or despoil. I yearn for new life.

Jesus has risen, and we have risen with him to new life.

Happy Easter in Advance. God Bless!

Sing Song

2012-03-07T15:41:00.003+04:00

I face the world with a smile, no one knows what is hid inside.
They see only happiness, they cant see the tears I've cried.

When I am alone I hurt, because here I do it well.
In front of all the watchful eyes my heaven turns to hell.

The judge and jury awaits me, everyone has a say.
In a life that hangs suspended for yet another day.

Who are they to judge if what I have done is right or wrong?
In the end I gave Her up, but inside still sing Her song.
I don't know how to find the strength I thought I had.
If only I could play tough it wouldn't be so bad.

They say that life goes on and someday I'll smile again.
But, how do they know my pain without being where I've been?

I've traveled so far from home, and can't find my way back.
Somewhere along the way I must have jumped the track.

I saw her just few days back and Her smile is still the same.
She looked at me so sweetly, but never spoke my name.
I wonder if she remembers me, It hasn't been that long.

She may have forgotten me, but I still sing Her song.

Forgive them even if they are not sorry.

2012-03-01T14:31:00.000+04:00

"Forgive them even if they are not sorry."

When you are able to forgive others, even if they are unapologetic for the wrongs that they have committed against you, only then will your mind truly be free. Those who are willing to hold grudges against those who trespass against them are only doing their own selves a disservice. Being unforgiving to someone doesn't benefit any person at all. It causes pain to be experienced over and over again that just doesn't need to be thought about on such a high level.

Being unforgiving also tends to distort a person's viewpoint on life as a whole. Instead of being able to take risks, and see opportunities for what they really are, those who are unforgiving take less risks, and only see what life is from their own point of view, since they are less willing to trust in others and their experiences. So forgive, forgive when they apologize, and when they are not sorry, doing so will free your soul, and let you live to reach your greatest potential.

There are blessings hidden in misfortunes, hidden in curses,my inauthenticity became my guilt..then i remembered that even poisons can be used as medicine and tehy can become life-enhancing..

I felt guilty, and tried to see why I was feeling guilty. Yes, felt helpless. Right! And my actions made me feel ignorant -- In my ignorance I have done many things which were not as they should be -- that, too, is right.

So I acccept this helplessness, this ignorance, and pray. Let your tears come down, confess, repent, say to God/ or anyone / or some higher power, "I was helpless, I was ignorant, and I could not do better. And I still cannot do better, unless you help.

As I am, I will again go wrong. As I am, I will again betray you. I cannot rely on myself. Help me. Only your grace can save me."

so would i forgive if I was wronged? cause I am weak and i'd feel bad after looking at the effort they made to ask forgiveness or would i forgive when i would know that people make mistakes...I know every thing happens for a reason... but lately have no reason why it happened the way it happened... man! sometimes i think my world would have been a happier place if i practiced a little bit of psychology i studied in college... but come to think of it...

Am I the kind of person who loves playing mind games no! in the whirlwind of what was going on i felt like i was facing a multiple choice question and the choices were confusing ... the question was pretty straight forward... all i know is that ... i wish ... after knowing how I made that person feel bad and they will know in their heart to make things up... coz i am not someone who is very very good with the word sorry ... i truly feel it! so Forgive me for my mistakes, i am still a kid learning the responsibility of being an adult

LENT: To Give Up or Not to Give Up...is the question..answer?

2012-02-22T16:44:00.001+04:00

Here comes 'LENT' most popular items to 'give up' on lent are , smoking, drinking avoid meats, clubbing some grow a beard... and what nots...Me! How should I do things differently to win my spot in Heaven...
Well lets see.. Should my lent Program be to 'SAVE' Myself or to realize that 'I' have been SAVED by his Sacrifice...

Lets get way back...in time **imagines some background music...I sometimes catch myself saying am so happy being a catholic what would I be if i was born in another household... would it different?...Well I don't know ...the only things I remember are catechism classes, learning prayers (By Heart)...wearing a white dress for the communion and yes... hilarious episode where i got an allergic reaction a day before my confirmation and I was to stand next to my then crush...looking like "Hitch- part II" ...lol!

but as I grew older... and was out of my so called 'Honeymoon' period of life... i realized what it means to have a religion... and the simple power of faith... not to anyone or anything... but that invisible thought that keeps you going...

We live in so much negativity that we we surround ourselves in darkness... this is when our expectations limit raise more than our giving limit... **Giving in realistic terms...

I wish sometimes what if we were connected via iChat or BBM to Jesus or this higher being who guarantee eternal life... (lets get to 'what is eternal life in a bit... please am on a roll :D)

and say...I know there is darkness around me and within me... and I keep making up my mind in a second and change it again in the next... the world is constantly changing... but somehow I always feel I am not in the same speed lane or maybe I am running in the opposite Direction...How can I change this..? do i record every act of generosity or every sacrifice? or every prayer i make before i go to sleep... how do i calculate what is my bit i need to do to get to that final resting place ... the promised to be the highest selling spot..ah! H.E.A.V.E.N

yes! yes! ...now you will day simple dahling...K... its a tough choice...not only between good and evil but choices about what is for the greater good..

so... am so sure I am going to see my FB wall and page filled with wallpapers with quotes from the bible, some very interesting thoughts... but hey..what to do with them... oh! that's nice... and forget about it the moment I close my page...?!?

Or do I get inspired by them..since to easy to be caught up in the day to day of my life...and make simple points to follow.. which as per me are not too cheesy...

so this time its not going to be me...giving up... drinking, eating meat, sacrificing (i don't even know what)...but... more in the lines of... let me be 'happy' for no reason...be my authentic self...accept my flaws ...practice wholeness in everything...be it work, friends,lovers,neighbors or even with a stranger...

I wish finally I could BBM HIM and say...Hey there Bro J, I know how much you love me... coz its difficult to take someone else s blame..and take a beating for it... and at the end of it say...they know not what they are doing but I love then anyways...Bro J... its hard for me to feel that love sometimes... but I know you do anyways... Let me not take that LOVE for granted like I do everything... my job, my friends,family..simple luxuries in life, happy moments and not so happy moments...Let me wake up every morning with a Smile and grateful heart... and thing how I can spread what blessing that I have received to another.. and when they say... K is so smiley and happy and when she walks into the room the room lights up! ... I smile within me and say.... bro J "I am Wearing the SMILE you GAVE me TODAY!!

Dreams are my Escape

2012-02-16T18:00:00.000+04:00

Dreams are my escape - but I have to realize they are just a dream - NOT Reality.

lets talk of things that are forbidden... everything.. and I mean everything which is unapproachable create a deep desire unconscious to acquire it... to possess it becomes ur un-willed nature... because as history has knocked us like how an apple fell on Newton's head! lol... we Human take for granted what is in front of our eyes and easily accessible..no!

A friend of mine posted her status on FB on her sons V-day **who is months old or years..OK! I cant remember.. apologies...

ok here's the v-day story...He held a girl's hand. He tried to kiss her. She resisted. He turned and walked away. She chased, held on to him and refused to let go. He screamed to be released... So toddler love stories are the same as adult ones?

haha!! cute right..! but in reality not!

so how often do you go in a state of randomness...

see ... if u are reading this .. its has no chronological order**now i understand my lit prof. would kind of deduct my marks all da tyme... **yea and modern lingo or shall I say BBM talk does not count!

chatter! chatter! ... I think I have cultivated a habit of constant chattering.. and me thinks it continues in my sleep too... its almost autonomous..so now I am going to tame myself to go in grace and go slow... and stop with the randomness...

its a habit... right **wink! wink!

The honeymoon never ends

2012-02-14T11:52:00.000+04:00

Came across this OSHO write-up and it struck a cord and put into words exactly what state of mind i am at when people do not understand why... i do not prefer tags or words that define people... why cannot two people be free flowing...

Love relates, but it is not a relationship. A relationship is something finished. A relationship is a noun; the full stop has come, the honeymoon is over. Now there is no joy, no enthusiasm, now all is finished. You can carry on with it, just to keep your promises. To do so is comfortable, convenient, and cosy. Perhaps you do it because there is nothing else to do. Perhaps you think that if you disrupt it, it is going to create much trouble for you… Relationship means something complete, finished, and closed.

Love is never a relationship; love is relating. It is always a river, flowing, unending. Love knows no full stop; the honeymoon begins but never ends. It is not a novel that starts at a certain point and ends at a certain point. It is ongoing. Lovers end, love continues. It’s a continuum. It’s a verb, not a noun.

And why do we reduce the beauty of relating to relationship? Because to relate is insecure, and relationship is a security. Relationship has a certainty; relating is just a meeting of two strangers, maybe in the morning we say goodbye. Who knows what the morrow brings? We would like tomorrow to be according to our ideas; so we reduce verbs to nouns.

You are in love and immediately you start thinking of getting married. Make it a legal contract. The law comes
into love because love is not there. It is only a fantasy, and you know the fantasy will disappear.
If you enjoy being with somebody, you would like to enjoy it more and more. If you enjoy the intimacy, you would like to explore the intimacy more and more. And there are a few flowers of love that bloom only after long intimacies. There are seasonal flowers too: within six weeks they are there, in the sun, but another six weeks and they are gone forever. There are flowers that take years to come… The longer it takes, the deeper it goes. But it has to be a commitment from one heart to another. It has not even to be verbalised, because to verbalise it is to profane it. It has to be a silent commitment, eye-to-eye, heart-to-heart, being-to-being. It has to be understood, not said. Forget relationships and learn how to relate.

Relating means you are always starting, you are continuously trying to become acquainted. Again and again, you are introducing yourself to each other. You are trying to see the many facets of the other’s personality.
You are trying to unravel a mystery that cannot be unravelled. That is the joy of love: the exploration of consciousness.

Its a Sacrifice

2012-01-25T11:21:00.000+04:00

Lesson for Today Learn to sacrifice...

Most often people walk out of your life because its easier to do that then take courage have faith and work things out they hide behind oh! its practical no!

I hate being lied to... i rather sob.. and finish a box of tissues and end up listening to sob songs rather than being lied to!...me thinks...well people lie because its easier than to tell the truth its sad that they don't even try since its not easy to lower their pride

People don't know how to sacrifice... people profess their love through words... yes..why do relationships fail... because words,words stupid poetry and verses, dialogue from movies..have built this expectation that oh! everyone is now a master of impeccable dictions and and knowledge of everything love... i was born with the don juan gene so i can flatter everything that beautiful..what happened to the good old days of hand written cards, flowers and yes mix-tapes... we are so conditioned to think its so lame and close psycho behavior.... so we use words... emails,forwards,BBM;s .... because its easier than showing their love in actions..

I know that sometimes it can be hard to know if you are making a healthy sacrifice in a relationship or settling for something you shouldn’t. Everyone has differences and every relationship requires sacrifice.

It is good to know yourself to figure out whether you can make a change in yourself to make the relationship better or whether you should look for someone who doesn’t need you to change.

so all you silly romantics... like me.. who love sappy love songs and still go oohh at chessy words and believe in flowers and romantic walks ... may the power of love be yours....

Are You Happy?

2012-01-24T11:39:00.000+04:00

Are you Happy?

“You created this moment …what are you going to do with it love?”

If you cannot say you are happy…then you have already chosen to be unhappy… sounds pretty optimistic..? Well you need to be …ever heard people say life is short! Live life kind size… blah! Blah! And even if we never admit it… we would absolutely love it… if ‘Life’ came with a manual! Or a FAQ column…:D

No because this isn't about just starting your day choosing to be happy.

The point is you choose everything!

You have so much control over your life and you just give it away to misery every time!

Why do you do that?

If life has you down, if traffic has you down, if work stinks, if your marriage/relationship stinks, if you just aren't happy then you need to be responsible for how you feel!

You need to take control of how you feel and MAKE yours choices so you are happy. Yes, your choices do have consequences.

Sometimes you may lose something you cherished in order to be happy…. Seem easy to say… but man! It’s difficult to let got! But that's when you need to get your scale out and do some weighing.

What is more important to you, your overall happiness and sanity, or the other thing you need to let go of that more than likely has its own lessons to learn and has nothing to do with you. Got it!

I didn’t get it then either… and had pretty choice words towards everyone and everything… at the end… I felt I was sitting on those rotaty thingy that we have in most of the gardens in India**with handles and you gotta use your legs for full-power!! Yea that one! … And watch people move one…continue with their happy, sad and mundane life… where do I fit into that equation… no-where…

So picked up ‘monk who sold the ferrari’ tried to meditate and failed… thoughts kept wondering to what to cook…will I get a call for that job I applied…need to lose weight…so on so forth…

What to do… right! Progressive / vocal house to the rescue… download some nice **hot voices and plugged them into my ears… the moment I felt a tingle in the front of my forehead… I realized… I was doing the right thing…that is let go of guilt, Sorrow and Envy..

* Guilt – That it’s not your fault and nor is it anyone else’s … its life things happen for a reason …

* Sorrow – Mom passing away… had to change to grief to grace…

* Envy – where do I begin… life begins at 30 and I was hitting the slumps… so had to take the 1^st ladder to success which meant it begins with me…

So began the journey of power of intent! … yes intent…

I will win! Attitude… The concept of the secret is if someone believes they "will" get a million dollars it will come to them. If I send out to the universe to send me my soul mate before I am 35 then it will happen. If I create a board with all the things I want the universe will know I want them and give them to me. It I believe it will happen it will. Is this true? Yes and No.

So for now… I don’t know what tomorrow brings ... I am happy… which who is with and without me… I still stick to Life Minus Expectations Equals Unconditional Love... I would imagine life for one hour out of our day where you had no expectations of anyone! now I aspire to increase that hour or two to more…

Painless

2011-10-09T12:40:00.001+04:00

Though it may sound simple, Ajahn Chah’s advice speaks volumes:

"If you let go a little, you will have a little peace. If you let go alot, you will have a lot of peace"

Our brain is marvelous piece of technology! yes I call it so coz nothing and noone has been able to recreate what god has so uniquely made for FREE!!

Why I say this..? I have been emotionally drained and yet I feel a unsaid hope a feeling I cannot explain that tells me to smile without any reason and look at the lighter side of life, sometimes i think is it my belief in a supernatural power? or just the way I have been brought up i.e. to look at life as half full.

Often we replay past mistakes over and over again in our head, allowing feelings of shame or regret to take shape in our actions in the present.

The last 2 years have been very eventful for me, from losing my job, good friends, lovers and what not..but most of all my mother. I considered myself to be a very emotionally damaged person or somebody who would push or procrastinate feeling by saying for now this goes to my basement and I will deal with it later..

But the most amazing thing about this is that LIFE just kept revealing to me the side of me that I was never aware of... that is; we often cling to frustrations and worry about the future... I wondered how would I look after my mom how will I manage the sick leaves I took from work and yes the loan, the credit cards the rent...oh god how I pay it off. and I wasn't alone in all this ...you know what on one hand the person closest to me understood that I was going down the road to emotional and physical roller coaster there were others who just didn't bother.

I don't want to name names but there were unsung heroes in my life that made me feel much better than what i felt at that moment... you know when your spirit is weak all weird thoughts come into your head ... but at the same time my life took a uncluttered mode.. fake friends just fell off! poof gone.. and true ones just got stronger.

I am a simpleton at heart really am... I cant take hints and even if I give out a strong exterior I am sensitive and easily offended.. in the age of technology its easy to keep in touch with people... but most often we take people for granted... especially our family... when was the last time I said hello to an estranged or distant cousin...haha yes! yes! practice what you preach did i mention I was emotionally damages that included tell someone you love you true feeling... i'd rather sit next to you or buy you a gift or even patiently wait for you to come to meet me or my favorite I always burn a music CD for the ones I love rather than say it..

well enough for now more when I feel I should pour out... all the gibberish in my head..

take cre
Corti

Worthy or Not

2011-09-05T10:12:00.001+04:00

People ordinarily think that forgiveness is for those who are worthy of it, who deserve it. But if somebody deserves, is worthy of forgiveness, it is not much of a forgiveness. You are not doing anything on your part; he deserves it. You are not really being love and compassion. Your forgiveness will be authentic only when even those who don't deserve it receive it.

It is not a question of whether a person is worthy or not.

The question is whether your heart is ready or not.

I can forgive the whole world for the simple reason that my forgiveness is absolute; it is nonjudgmental.

I will tell you a small Tibetan story which will make the point absolutely clear to you.

A great old master, worshiped by millions of people, refused to initiate anyone into disciplehood. His whole life, consistently, he was asked by kings, he was asked by very rich people, he was asked by great ascetics, saints, to be initiated as his disciples, and he went on refusing. He would always say, "Unless I find a man who deserves it, unless I find a man who is worthy of it...I am not going to initiate any Tom, Dick, Harry."

He had a small young boy who used to cook food for him, wash his clothes, fetch vegetables from the market. The boy himself had become slowly, slowly old and for his whole life he had been listening to the old man, who had lived almost one hundred years, and without exception the denial: nobody is worthy! "I will die," he said, "without initiating anyone, but I will not initiate anyone who is nondeserving."

People became tired, frustrated. They loved the man, the man had immense qualities, but they could not understand his very stubborn attitude — no kindness, no compassion.

But one morning the old man woke up his companion, who himself had become old, and said to him, "Run immediately down the hills to the marketplace and tell everybody that whoever wants to be initiated must come soon, because this evening as the sun sets I am going to die."

His companion said, "But what about worthiness? I don't know who is worthy and who is not worthy. Who have I to bring?"

The old man said, "Don't worry at all. It was only a device, because I myself was not worthy to initiate anyone, but it was against my dignity to say so. So I chose the other way round.

I was saying, 'Unless I find somebody worthy enough, deserving enough, I am not going to initiate.' The truth is, I was not worthy to be a master. Now I am, but the time is very short. Only this morning as the sun was rising, my own consciousness has also risen to the ultimate peak. Now I am ready. Now it does not matter who is worthy and who is unworthy. What matters now is that I am worthy.

Just go and fetch anybody! Just go and make the whole village aware that this is the last day of my life, and anybody who wants to be initiated should come immediately. Bring as many people as you can."

Simple Plan

2011-04-24T14:05:00.000+04:00

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

No you don't know what it's like,When nothing feels all right,You don't know what it's like
To be like me!

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life!

Things to do to be happy in the next 90 mins

2011-04-16T13:14:00.000+04:00

There are mornings when we rush out of bed in a vague fog. Days that seem to spiral progressively down the drain.

But sometimes, all we need to do is stop.And firmly smash that notion... 'I got out of the wrong side of the bed!

I can start by being 'Grumpy' or... Take a breath. And re-discover ourselves in the moment...with little things, like taking a walk outside, doing a good deed, ridding yourself of a nagging task, or even just acting happy can radically transform our moods, boost morale, and energize us for the rest of the day.

There are days when its all SNAFU (State Normal - All F@#$ked Up!)... like... pretend to be happy! sounds so blah... but .. all the books that i have read and advice i have heard these old tales do hold water... 'Thinking'' happy does get you out of your funk!

I just hope my thinking happy help! me too ...

I am lost..??!!? or Found..?

2011-04-12T23:59:00.000+04:00

Am I lost? or have I found myself in the bargain...? I really dnt know... . .

Then i get to thinking do we or do i do or act on the basis off award or punishment... what is the driving force behind my exisistance... Why do i base myself worth or understanding on these images in my head...!?!.... it is important to understand, not intellectually but actually in your daily life, how you have built images about your wife, your husband, your neighbor, your child, your country, your leaders, your politicians, your gods--you have nothing but images....

So what is my belief! My principals or am i just running around in circles or following some else...?
I am not denying God - it would be foolish to do so....Belief is a denial of truth, belief hinders truth; to believe in God is not to find God...

...There are many people who believe; millions believe in God and take consolation. First of all, why do we believe? we believe because it gives us satisfaction, consolation, hope, and it gives significance to life....
So when we are lost we find that we have lost permanance... And what is it that we call permanent? What is it that we are seeking, which will, or which we hope will give us permanency?
Are we not seeking lasting happiness, lasting gratification, lasting certainty?
We want something that will endure everlastingly, which will gratify us. If we strip ourselves of all the words and phrases, and actually look at it, this is what we want.

We want permanent pleasure, permanent gratification - which we call truth, God or what you will. ....

With the rumours of end of the world at hand... will it effect out so called principals and urge us to make the 11th hour decision to convert for the last minute save by the saviour... :) Who knows... yep ! God !

Everyone wants to be in love!

2011-04-12T23:57:00.000+04:00

Everyone wants to be in love!

Everyday people wander in an out of my life and in course of time ....their lives reveal what leads the cogs of my thought process.... its amazing to see how many of us seek love and benefits that we hope it will bring to our lives..... or how much of love we are lacking.

After a bit of observation and a great deal of experience it seems to me that person has to know for sure what they want, rather than who they want.

They need to know the qualities they want in another....

...To me high on that list is goodness:

It is a great quality to insist upon in a loved one...I don't know how many people think of this, but it is extremely important...It covers a whole group of things like kindness, truthfulness, politeness, graciousness, unselfishness, generosity, and wholesomeness.

'To be good is more than following the rules.' It is a sincere and essential quality of the heart.' It lasts.so for now .... I THINK OUT LOUD - Not everyone is in love, as we think of it....That is, in love with another.... But it is possible to be in love with the idea of being in love and stay there until that loved one shows up. ;D

The 1st Rays

2010-05-17T22:04:00.000+04:00

Its a warm afternoon and I just realise that that there is nothing that I need to do ... no deadlines, no bills, no phonecall and yes even on a core level no commitments... Its every persons dream and my reality. Then I come around login on to the net and speak i.e convert my thoughts to words and speak to my imaginary friend who offers me no advice or emotional and no shoulder to cry on.... I only have a blank space where in to write my random thoughts in plain or sometimes filled with mistakes english....

I look and at the same time not look forward to my travel... a journy that will seal my fate .. something I had been avoiding for many years to come... I have had a many advice for friends,family and well wishers but it all comes down to what I decide... I can see all falling into place for everyone around me where they all have future plans and dream.... and then I glaze over at me in second person ... and I see no ... nothing!

Is it true?! Or am I in denial... well I will sleep over it and speak to you my Silent Friend.... Bye for now
- K