My Bottom Smarts

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for July 19

2009-07-19T20:00:00.001-07:00

This was a somewhat unusual week for brunch. Rather than our traditional question, we considered a psychological model created by our friend, D. Here are your reactions.

Anon VII: As far as it goes, I largely agree with it. I'd add another dimension to include implements (hand, paddle, cane, strap, etc.).

Hermione: I must confess that I find it puzzling, and would be interested in knowing D's definition of each of the four quadrants.

I wouldn't think that for play and erotic, speed would have anything to do with it, but then that depends on what the individuals choose to do.

I do agree that punishment would be harder than play and erotic, although fewer versus more surely isn't always the case. And I don't know what ritual means.

I think that what really distinguishes the type of spanking is the mindset of both participants. There's so much more involved than numbers and speed.

Dante d'Amore: For me, the main difference between punishment and erotic is the mental aspect. Both forms can be fast or slow and hard (though punishment would rarely be soft), but one is done for pleasure and the other for "non-pleasure."

The most important difference for me is in my own attitude and bearing. Erotic is playful and play is erotic. Punishment is neither.

As for "ritual," I have an idea what he is getting at but as I've said, a spanking is either for her pleasure or for the exact opposite.

There are many different ways to accomplish either one, but the end result I am going for is how it is defined.

A "ritual" spanking, if I am getting what he means, would be for pleasure. Therefore erotic.

If it was done to cause her mental discomfort, it would be for punishment.

Sting Me: I find the graph a bit puzzling and agree that there are other dimensions that should be included.

I too would like definitions of terms as they can be generic or very specific. strength of swats varies throughout my punishment session and depends on implement(s) used and whether he wants to build a real fire or just get my attention. He has a different rhythm with each implement and always uses at least three besides his big hard hand.

MySir has a ritual to precede or begin a punishment with questions and answers followed by a specific number of swats tied to each ritual question before punishment begins in earnest.

Irelynn: As a budding psychologist, I love diagrams and I love how D. has tried to create one that reflects his idea of various types of spankings. I think it's impossible to create a diagram that is representative of the general kinky population because our likes, dislikes and opinions and ways vary so much. I think he's had a good go at it though, and I think overall it makes sense. It may not be complete but it's a good place to start.

Ashley J: I don't think a simple four quadrant diagram can do justice to the various modes of spanking and as someone else mentioned. A lot of this is very personal to the people involved in the spanking. I also agree that the mindset of the spankee has more to do with the type of spanking than anything else. Even discipline can be fun if you think of it that way (I'm not admitting anything here!).

Dr. Ken: I'm not sure I agree with the diagram. More, less intense strokes (which could also be called "a proper warm-up") means the spankee can take more, harder strokes later on, regardless of the category. And speed, again, regardless of the category, has nothing to do with it. Just because you give someone twelve intense strokes that are well-spaced out timewise doesn't automatically mean it's an "erotic" or "ritual" spanking. I just don't really see the correlations.

Ally: As someone new to spanking, on a basic level, this makes sense to me. There are other variables as others have mentioned. Also, the way Brad and I do things, the way I experience things, and our preferences are always changing.

Jean Marie: I understand the motivation to classify, but spanking goes beyond the rational and precise. My evidence is my sexual response. I become aroused whether the spanking is playful or punishing. No dividing line can be drawn.

Kate: Why have classifications in the first place!? Everybody has their own way of doing things,and classifying, at least to me, is a waste of spanking time. :)

OTK Rob: As a newbie, punishment spankings did not work. I tried it with one partner and it definitely did not work for either of us. When I tried with another partner later on, we both just laughed and thought it was silly for us. It obviously works for some.

I do enjoy serious funishment and to some, it might seem like punishment, but with the emphasis being on make-believe "transgressions."

The best part is that the funishment usually ended up in even more erotic spankings as we went along.

Thomas_III: I think that the graph and system oversimplifies the actual reality. Yes, discipline and punishment are almost always harder, and usually faster, but those faster swats add up pretty quick, so I don't know if there would be less swats. More than likely, there would be more swats, just packed into a smaller timeframe. Plus, I differentiate between discipline and punishment. Discipline is hard, but not as hard as punishment. Discipline is also over faster.

Perhaps he should separate the graph into three dimensions, with x, y, and z axes. One could represent the intensity of the spanking, one for the speed, and one for the duration. The combination of speed and duration will ultimately determine how many strokes are given, not the intensity. I've given several LONG punishment spankings. Plus, erotic spankings tend to be on the short side, at least for me, while sensual (not the same as erotic) go longer.

I am intrigued by his ideas, though, and think that I'll look into my own interests to see what my own graph would look like. Ultimately, I think that it's a personal thing. Different people have different tastes. For some, harder is more erotic than love pats.

RPT (Fred Bloggs): Ritual and Erotic for me, BUT I think you would need a three dimensional model as it's more complex than this graphic suggests.

Our Bottoms Burn: I thought about how to reply as long as my wee brain would allow. I did not come close to figuring out how the classification system would work in my little world...

So I say what Kate said.

Sara: We mostly have erotic spankings although we have tried punishment spanking. We haven't been very successful with that yet, but I think how hard/fast/what implement/how many etc all depend on the mood and emotions of the people involved at the time and not necessarily on what type of spanking it is supposed to be. An erotic spanking for me can be slow and relatively gentle one day and another time can be very intense and hard, but both have the desired effect.

Bonnie: When D. asked me if I would be willing to share his model, I wondered whether anyone would be interested. I guess I got my answer!

I think the model could benefit from some refinement, but I believe there is value in trying to better understand TTWD. I doubt any institution of higher learning is likely to fund research in this area, so I suppose it's up to us. My hope in this case, and in all other regards, is that the more we comprehend, the more we will be able to help people become comfortable with their kink.

Thanks, everyone, for sharing your insights!

MBS Spanko Brunch #183

2009-07-19T06:00:00.000-07:00

Welcome to our Midsummer Morning's spanko brunch. I'm glad you chose to spend some time with us talking about this thing we do.

This week's topic arises from a conversation I had with a regular reader. D is interested in the psychology of spanking and the many variations in spanking preferences. He developed a model to classify spanking techniques and I created a diagram that summarizes his system. D asked if I would share his ideas at brunch and solicit your reactions. So here you are...

As you see, speed and intensity are two dimensions on the diagram. The labels within each quadrant (such as Play or Discipline) should be considered as representative examples.

Does this classification make sense? Have you preferences in terms of which types of spanking best fit specific situations?

To participate in our conversation, just leave a comment below. Once everyone has had their say, I will post an edited summary here on the blog.

Poll: MBS Links

2009-07-17T12:00:00.003-07:00

As of the time of this writing, this blog has 282 links. That's a lot by any measure. In the past, MBS readers indicated that they value the links and want me me to continue finding and adding new blogs. As you see, I have done so. Now I wonder if I have gone too far.

Top Twenty Social Networking Gaffes (or How Not to be My Friend)

2009-07-14T18:00:00.014-07:00

I’ve been wandering around places like MySpace long enough to begin to get a feel for what works and what doesn’t. A lot of people want to friend me and I appreciate that. I enjoy having a circle of friends. But many of these potential friends manage, apparently unknowingly, to alienate me right out of the gate. In response, I have some thoughts and impressions I would like to share. These are, of course, my opinion only and therefore are probably not universally applicable.

Even on social networking sites, language still matters. If you communicate solely in cryptic IM-speak, many people will think that you are uneducated, lazy, or both. If you’re messaging your close friends and you all get it, that’s fine. But if you seek to reach a broader audience, do yourself a favor and check your grammar and spelling.

Narrow-mindedness of any stripe is offensive. If you want to be a racist, I can’t stop you. Nor will I try. But don’t bother trying to friend me. That also goes for attacking any large group you don’t know simply based upon who they are. You cannot build yourself up by putting other people down.

You might think that dark purple text on a black background looks cool, but I can’t read that. Chances are, most other people will pass your page and not return.

I have a name. If you use it, I will be a lot more likely to respond. If you choose instead a term like, “Babe,” “Honey,” or “Sweet-ass,” it's very unlikely I will read any farther.

I’m a person. If you think I am some sort of goddess because I publish a busy blog, that’s not the case. I live a regular life. I have a normal job. I am no different than anybody else. The whole Wayne and Garth, “We’re not worthy!” routine is simply unnecessary. If you have something to tell me, then by all means, please do.

On the flip side, just because I am submissive doesn’t make me your submissive. I have no intention of following orders from people I don’t even know.

I don’t want you to think that I’m not interested in your life story because that sounds cold and unfeeling. But I ask that you understand that my time is precious and I must allocate it wisely. If you can be concise, that will be greatly appreciated.

The person you know from this blog is me, but it’s not all of me. I’ve said many times that I am selective about which parts of life I choose to share. In some ways, dedicated readers know more about me than my real world friends. And yet, please don’t assume you know everything.

If you feel compelled to inquire about my sex life, I am willing to discuss certain aspects of what Randy and I do together. But not before you say hello and introduce yourself!

Speaking of which, no, you may not f**k me, no matter which clever euphemism you choose to employ. I am happily married, mated for life, and 100% monogamous. I’ve said this over and over again, but I still get lewd propositions.

Your profile is your introduction. It is the basis of first, and sometimes last, impressions. It’s great that you have the ability to feature topics that appeal to you. That is as it should be. However, if you seek friends of the opposite gender, you might want to think about what might appeal to them as well. I am not offended by that bikini girl bending over, but neither am I fascinated by her. What does offend me are pictures that depict indiscriminate or gory violence. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t express your individuality, but it’s important to remember the function of a profile page. To say it a different way, guys, imagine visiting a woman’s profile page for the first time and finding it filled with references to decorating, recipes, and fashion. How long would you stick around?

Please don’t friend me just because you’re trying to collect a huge number of friends. This may be a fun competition, but I’m not playing. If I see you have thousands of friends already, I am going to figure that you don’t need me. I’m not going to suggest that I have an active ongoing conversation with everyone listed as my friend. With a fulltime job, a husband, and a busy blog, that’s not practical for me. But I at least have some sense of who they are.

Speaking of playing, enough already with those dopey MySpace applications. I don’t want to be a pirate, a gangster, a hot babe, or anyone’s pet. And if I want to be kissed, I know where to go for that too. If you’re spending your days playing these games, perhaps it’s time to shut off the computer and interact with real people.

I would advise anyone to be honest in their dealings, but this issue is not quite as black and white as it might appear at first glance. It’s wrong to present yourself as someone you are not. However, that doesn’t mean that you have to share the details of your recent abdominal surgery with someone you just met. That would be simply too much information. There is a delicate balance between being candid and being too candid. Use your instincts here and when in doubt, leave it out.

The same can be said for personally identifiable information like full names, addresses, phone numbers, schools, employers, face photos, and the like. I am amazed by how often I see people knowingly or unknowingly out themselves. If you are completely comfortable with your kink, then I salute you. But when you share it with the entire world, you run the risk of upsetting family members, turning off future employers, and telling a potential future partner more than you’re ready for them to know. Remember that on the internet, nothing is ever definitively gone, even after you think you’ve deleted it. For females and teenagers in particular, personally identifiable information can be a safety issue. Please be careful.

As in the blogging world, it’s appropriate and desirable to give proper credit when quoting other sources. When you cite, this simple act will be seen as a compliment by the original source. If you don’t credit them, they will feel as though you ripped off their material.

If you want to send me a message, that’s perfectly fine. I particularly enjoy hearing from MBS readers. However, I would prefer that you have something to say. “You are hot!” is a nice gesture, I guess, but it doesn’t tell me anything about you or why you might think that. Other times, I read long rambling messages and wonder why they were sent at all. If I cannot figure out the point, then you haven’t communicated successfully. As I learned back in J-school, you need to place the most important information at the front.

When you initiate an IM conversation, the first question should always be, “Are you free to talk?” Maybe I am and maybe I’m not and I will tell you if you are polite enough to ask. If you instead launch into a series of creepy prying questions, you can bet I will quickly find somewhere else to be. Just a little basic courtesy goes a long way.

I don’t have a webcam and I’m not going to send you naked photographs. There are lots of sites that feature beautiful young women in various stages of undress. If that’s not good enough, you might want to go find a woman of the real life variety. I have it on good authority that there are several who live right in your town!

When people place their own advertising in public comments to me, I delete them as quickly as I can. They are, in effect, spamming my readers. Not good.

I know I sound bitchy and I really didn’t mean for this post to go that way, but this is a topic that has bugged me for quite a while. When I visit social networking sites, I encounter a whole different dynamic. MBS readers are almost always pleasant and civil, and I thank you for that. I know it’s probably unrealistic to expect similar treatment elsewhere, but that doesn’t stop me from wishing.

I hope some of these suggestions will register with friends and would-be friends on social networking sites. My aim is not to criticize, but rather to inform and offer some gentle guidance. My advice, summed up in one simple statement, is to be nice, use common sense, and keep your hands (virtual and otherwise) to yourself.

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for July 11

2009-07-12T19:00:00.000-07:00

Our topic of the week was timed spankings. Here are your reactions.

Hermione: No, we haven't, and I'm not quite sure what the procedure is so I'll read the other comments with interest.

Our spankings are scheduled, so we always start at the same time, and despite the variations we introduce, we usually manage to finish about the same number of minutes later each time. Just call us organized!

Angie: Yes, I have, for both punishment and good girl kinds.

For good girl ones, it's fine, even though you have a tendency to go, “I have how many minutes left!?” Timed bad girl spankings just suck! That’s because you go “Oh gawd! I have how many minutes left?! No, please, something must be wrong!”

This Girl: I've been at spanking parties where they had a “three minute challenge.” The girl was OTK and the dom had to spank as hard as he could for three minutes. It tends to be harder for the top than the bottom!

Bitski: As for timed spankings, I never have, but I want to. It seems like there would be something comforting in knowing how long it's going to last. And to be honest, mine are usually too short. I'm not one to look at the clock, so I don't know how long (timewise) too short is. It’s just that it's usually over before I feel I've gotten somewhere. But then, my honey and I are pretty new at this, and I think he's still afraid of hurting me. When I found your blog, I immediately printed some things out for him to read. And it must be helping, because that was two days ago, and he gave me a spanking that night AND the next. Two days in a row is a first for us! So when your readers respond, I'd love to know a good time limit to set for newbies. Five minutes? Ten? Thirty with lots of play mixed in? I can't wait to add a timer just for fun.

Welcome, Bitski! It’s a pleasure to meet you and I’m glad you stopped by. As for newbie advice, I am inclined to suggest that you start slowly and work your way up as you become more comfortable with spanking and with each other in your new roles. Please feel free to write me anytime.

Daisy: No, we haven't done this. Davey always tells me how many swats/stings I am going to get with whatever implement. But as for timing instead of counting, I guess that depends on how fast the swats come, as to how many you get in a certain time!
Davey likes to vary the space between each swat. Sometimes, it’s fast and furious. Sometimes, it’s slow and calculated, often with a lecture between each one! I suppose if it is a timed spanking, the spanker tends to go faster to fit in more swats?

When we are together, maybe he will try that out as an experiment, especially if I sound reluctant! Therefore, I can say here and now, I look forward to it. LOL

JWLR: Timing is something we were just talking about. My wife, who gives the spankings, just can’t wait to find one of those hourglass timers to go with her hairbrush.

I hope, JWLR, for your sake, that’s she’s talking about an egg timer and not a true hourglass!

Our Bottoms Burn: I think that a timed spanking might be OK as a lark once in awhile. We have never done it. We don't count licks either. Spankings just go on until the spanker judges the spankee has had just the right amount. We have never had timed sex either. We will be interested in reading the responses to this question.

Dante d'Amore: We have only tried this once. It was this year when I foolishly gave Tiggr a Valentine’s Day gift of being able to spank me.

As someone who hates pain even more than I hate giving up control, there was no way I was giving her carte blanche.

I said she could use her hand only and had 60 seconds. It turned out that was about 45 seconds too much as anyone who has listened to either of the audio clips I have on my site from that ugly event will surely attest. In that case, timing it was good. It was very good, even if the chosen time wasn't so good.

When I am spanking, timing = BAD. A specific time equates to giving up some control. Me no likey. :)

Tiggs: How apropos, to be listed in the comments right after my dearest Dante's remarks here.

I didn't like having to time myself spanking Dante at all... Not at all. I'd much rather have all the control to do it the way I want, take as long as I want, use what I want, make it hurt or tingle or tickle as I want. You get the idea!

From the bottom's up point of view, I'd also hate a timed spanking... It’s no fun at all for either person, watching the clock!

Jean Marie: When I first read the topic for this week I cringed. Timed punishment is horrendous. You cannot believe how long five minutes can last when you are getting blasted with a paddle. In my household, timed punishment is only for when I'm really naughty, thank goodness! But I'm so sorry that you brought it up because now all these tops, mine especially, will have it in mind. I bet my bottom will be sorry about it by Sunday morning when my lover reads the brunch postings. Let's just say that they are effective but uncalled-for except in extreme circumstances.

For the nice newbie who asked how long they should go for; I'd suggest just half a minute for starters.

Publikk: I have done a few timed spankings. Mainly for fun. For instance, one time my girlfriend at the time and another local spankee friend recreated a video. It was one of the Raven Hills videos where they do a 5-minute hand spanking followed by two 5-minute spankings with an implement picked out of a hat. It was interesting and fun and it helped eliminate the awkwardness of us all playing together for the first time. It gave us an activity.

I don't think I'd use it for a real punishment unless I knew the person pretty well. You can go too far if you're focused on a timer rather than the person being spanked. But it was fun in this scenario.

Ashley J: Timed spankings are a paradox for me. On the one hand, they are nice because you have a fixed target to focus on for when it will be over. It can help me to get through the sting, knowing it’s just x seconds more and I can rely on that. On the bad side, it leaves me focusing on the time and not anything else. So if I'm supposed to be learning something because I messed up, all I'm really learning is how to count seconds in my head. I suppose it might work better if I didn't know how long but it's never been that way for me. I guess overall I have to say “no thanks” to them, but I know at least one spanker who really likes the concept.

Ally: I’ve never received a timed spanking, just a certain number of swats is announced, and that happens only rarely. Would I consider it? If it was up to me, I would only want timed spankings for fun. Even then, I probably wouldn't pay much attention to the time. It would just nice to have a basic idea of what to expect. That is IF I wanted to know. I don't know.

Prefectdt: No, I have never received a timed spanking. Yes, I will try it one day. There is always something new to try. Variety is the spice of life. :)

Penfold: Bear and I are also one of those that haven’t experimented with timed spankings, but our spankings are often around the same amount of time. Bear loves timing things, so maybe this would be a good one for us to explore!

Ronnie: I'm told when I'm going to get spanked and with what, but not timed. Our spankings are always different. That's what I like. Would I try it? Mmmm, I think so, but I’m not sure how it would work for us. I don't think I'd like it.

Missy H: En route to Charleston/Myrtle Beach, I made a slight detour to Jamestown, North Carolina to test drive a Robospanker at the manufacturers. They were very accommodating and set the timer (which has increments from 2 to 15 minutes) for a nice four minute (on the low setting) session.

I tipped it $20 and afterward seriously considered transferring to nearby UNC/Chapel Hill.

It may be too 'impersonal' for some, but it was nice for once not having to worry that a top's arm was getting tired.

Irelynn: I haven't, no. There was a threat of it once, during a roleplay I did a few years ago. But I don't remember it actually being done.

I would definitely be interested though! As I don't do discipline type spankings, it would be in a roleplay or just a fun, spur-of-the-moment spanking. I think there's a certain attraction in seeing the seconds pass by, knowing exactly when it's going to stop and how long you have yet to go. It might turn out that I don't like it at all once I actually try it, but it sure sounds like a nice variation on "normal" spankings to me!

Scunge: I think at a spanking party or in roleplay, My Sir would be up for it, but not otherwise. We ALWAYS run out of time as it is! Things will be better once we are able to be 24/7. Until then, I just enjoy (or endure for discipline) what I get when I get it!

Anon: It's good to have a variety of ways to do this. It keeps it fresh and always new. I am in favor of mutual consent first novelty in this, as in other areas of intimacy.

Loki: The first time I ever saw a timed spanking was when I purchased a RavenHill Beach Girl spanking video. There were three five-minute long spankings with various implements and I fell in love right then and there with the whole concept.

I have used timed spankings every so often, and for my birthday, my fiancé bought me an hourglass. Trust me when I say that it is hilarious to spank or be spanked while watching the sands flow. Time itself seems to slow down!

Cowgirl: We have done timed spankings before, when I was a bit "bratty." Chase would give me one to five minute spankings, depending on the "offense," and he would spank as fast (and hard) as he could for that amount of time. Sometimes, it was a bit much, as the time increased. It was my job to tell him when to start and finish. LOL We had fun with it!

Bonnie: Yes, we have tried timed spankings. There’s nothing wrong with the concept, but the implementation can sometimes be problematic. Randy knows that my bottom can tolerate at least as much hand-spanking as his hand can. Therefore, he likes to choose a stout wooden implement instead. This is where things get a bit dicey. The natural inclination of the male mind is to interpret such activities as a competition. Randy tries, therefore, to spank as hard and fast as humanly possible. From my perspective (staring at the carpet), this takes a lot of the fun out of the game. Three minutes may sound like a very brief spanking, but at full power and top speed, it can be absolutely all I want.

For those just getting started, I must urge caution when experimenting with timed spankings. Specifically, the presence of a timer does not eliminate the spanker’s responsibility to monitor the spankee’s safety. Likewise, it does not remove the expectation that the spankee will call her safeword if she feels overwhelmed or endangered. On the other hand, if you know each other well and you’re familiar with spanking, I say synchronize your watches and go for it!

Thank you to everyone who added their insights to our brunch. This discussion gives a whole new meaning to the phrase, "Beat the clock!" I hope to see you again next weekend.

MBS Spanko Brunch #182

2009-07-12T06:00:00.000-07:00

Tick tock. Tick tock. Even when we aren't thinking about it, time marches ever forward. One day, I'm a newlywed. The next thing I know, I'm a grandmother. Sometimes, I wonder about how all of those years got behind me? Our brunch this week considers the passage of time, though in somewhat shorter durations.

Have you participated in timed spankings? If so, what were your impressions? Is this a practice you would like to repeat? Would you find a timed spanking to be particularly helpful for any particular type of session? If you have yet to experiment with timed spankings, would you consider doing so?

If you would like to join our conversation, and I really hope you will, all you need to do is enter a comment below. Once everyone has had a fair chance to share their thoughts, I will post an edited summary.

Poll: Blogging

2009-07-10T18:00:00.002-07:00

The 2009 Spanking Tube Challenge

2009-07-08T06:00:00.002-07:00

Many MBS readers tell me that they love watching spanking videos. If you are a spanko videophile, then Richard Windsor has a special treat. He recently began a competition known as the Spanking Tube Challenge. The basic idea is that couples (or individuals) produce their own amateur spanking videos and then visitors to Richard's blog select their favorites in a head-to-head elimination format.

Even if video is not your favorite medium, the hard work that went into these filmed sessions is quite evident. I encourage you to stop by and demonstrate your support by voting!

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for July 5

2009-07-05T18:00:00.003-07:00

Our topic of the week was diet spankings. Here are your reactions.

Todd: I have used spanking to help motivate diet efforts with Suzy and a few close spankee friends... and have found quite a bit of success. I've also seen friends have success in our Diet Group (both on the blog and the Yahoo Group). I know two people who lost one hundred pounds and several more who lost fifty... and kept it off.

I think that starting with an established "vanilla" diet plan and then using spanking to motivate sticking to that plan is a good start. Staying consistent is a big key, so picking something that will work long term is important. It’s worthwhile to take some time and figure out exactly how spankings will work (there are several options). I steer well clear of spankings/scoldings that might touch on body issues. Breaking a rule is what earns a spanking... and *not* being overweight.

It's certainly not for everyone though. Weight comes with lots of emotional baggage which can impact the spanker or spankee. I've seen enough success though that I do think it's worth trying for those that are motivated by discipline spankings elsewhere in their life (or strongly suspect they would be). It can also do things to help a spanker (who doesn't get spanked) too.

Hermione: We haven't tried it, but I think being spanked would be a great reward for having stuck to a sensible eating plan all week. Maybe I could get extra swats for each time I chose carrots instead of chips?

This could be fun!

Meow: So far, we've used spanking to punish the breaking of diet and exercise rules, but not for lack of progress at weigh-in time. We need to be more consistent, me with reporting and Lash with punishment. As with anything, consistency is the key!

Missy H: Only indirectly. When I'm sorely tempted by some rich dessert, I try to picture how that tiramisu might show up on my body the next time one of those wonderfully forgiving flowy, swirly skirts is flung over my head.

Curtis: I’m not much into punishment and discipline spankings, but I would use sensual spankings as a reward for good behavior – diet or otherwise.

Greenwoman: Nope. I've never tried it, though I’m with Hermione. It could be a fun way to reward for a lot of things that require discipline, not just healthy eating.

Jay: Well I definitely don't need to lose weight, so on that side it’s a no. However, my weight is an issue and therefore my Dom is helping me to put on weight. One of my rules now is that I have to eat at least three meals a day with a view to reach the target goal of 10 stone by Christmas.

I have asked my Dom to help me with this, and actually as I write this, he is downstairs waiting to punish me for not eating breakfast five times this week and lunch only three times. Yikes.

It is scary, but it helps to know that I have consequences should I not eat. I won’t be punished for losing weight, but we will look at my daily diet and see if there is anything we can do to fix it.

PK: I came out to Nick by asking him to help me with my diet through spanking. It has evolved over the years. I never thought of him spanking as a punishment for gaining. Sometimes, though, it is as discipline for not sticking to a healthy diet and blowing off the gym.
But more and more, I realize that when he loses interesting in my diet, I do too. His being involved and knowing I might be spanked if I didn't work hard fed my imagination and kept me wanting to work to get to a healthier weight. When he doesn't ask about whether I've gained or lost each week and when I gain for several weeks and he seems to ignore it, then the diet becomes just drudgery.

So whether we use it as discipline when I fall off the diet wagon, or as motivation to work harder, or to reward a job well done doesn’t really matter. Just having him involved – asking, caring, spanking – has kept me either losing or maintaining for three years.

Sara: Spanking is used in our relationship to remind me that making unhealthy choices is not acceptable. It's never been linked directly to the scale, but definitely to food choices, failure to exercise, missing taking vitamins, etc. I have lost quite a bit of weight in the past four years since we started DD in our marriage, and I am sure the focus and discipline is a big part of that.

Anon #1: As a reward, yes. The chant was, "Trade sex for food." The spanking was absolutely meant as a prelude. This was a powerful motivator. Combined with sensible eating and long walks, it worked.

Padme: I was a part of Todd and Suzy's diet group a few years ago and didn't find that it worked very well for me. I'm too much of a spanko and enjoy it too much for it to be discipline for me. I would often lose a pound or two and then would gain it back.

Master Anakin also told me he didn't like me being so focused on the scale each week also. My weight would go up because of my period and then I'd be upset thinking I had gained weight and I hadn't. I've done a better job with keeping my weight consistent through walking and I don't look at the scale all the time now. I know my body well enough to know when I need to walk a bit extra or work more on my diet.

He found it too much work also to be monitoring my diet all the time. I do get disciplined with hard spankings, but not for diet issues anymore.

Saffron: I have an issue whereby I need to lose about five stone (that’s about 65 pounds, I think) Weight is an emotional issue for me, but I was told by my doctor that I need to lose weight. When I told my Dom, he said he already knew this was something I would have to work on, as I am young (27) and it’s a health issue for me. To be honest it also makes me insecure.

After my holiday to Germany (not the best way to start a diet), we will concentrate on this issue of mine. I need to lose weight, and if I don't, my arse will pay. I think this will work because I had my first discipline spanking and caning today. Boy, did it drive home a point. I'm going to need them. And it worked. It’s a different headspace. I think there has been some insecurity in me that he wants me to lose weight because he does not like my looks, but I don't think that is the main issue. My health is, and yes, let’s be honest, my looks will improve!

I'm interested how this pans out. I get rewards if I do well, and get punished if I don't lose. I think I would only have an issue with getting punished for not losing weight if he and I had used every weight loss method we know. Maybe that would mean that we need to step up something. But my Dom is incredible, and not unreasonable.

In Germany, I have committed to lots of exercise. I may ask to have that as a temporary rule, whilst with food, I will have to TRY to be sensible. I will do an hour’s exercise at least every day! Wait until he reads this! (grins) Oh, BTW, no matter what happens in Germany, I am to lose two stone by Christmas. It’s fully doable!

Mija: I'm not supposed to eat very much sugar (it makes me ill), so we have a rule that I can only have sweets if I ask first. When I've been trying to get into a gym routine, he'll enforce that schedule too.

But I'd be very uncomfortable with P monitoring my weight loss progress at the scale with punishments. I suspect it would be a squick for him too.

Still, Todd and Suzy, whatever works!

Prefectdt: Yes, I have used self-administration, which I do not enjoy and do not talk about much, but it does have a certain level of success. I'm in agreement with those here saying that a reward or good boy/girl spanking would be a good thing to try, but the opportunity has never been available for me.

Anon #2: Yes, It started the whole DD in our house with my wife and me. We had always used spanking in the bedroom before that, but never anything else. She had been dieting for six months with some success, but she had been stalled for a while. I decided that I needed to loose weight to get off so many meds. After two weeks of going no place, I searched the net and discovered DD for weight loss at a couple of sites. I sheepishly asked my wife if she could spank to help me with reminders, eating, and exercise. She took to it like a duck to water! That was six months ago. I have lost 52 pounds and learned to cook healthy. I never cooked a day in my life and now do almost every day. My wife has lost 35 pounds since we started. She gives me reminders every week. We have a weekly weigh in and track our weekly goals and progress on a grease board.

Our reward to each other is an eight-day cruise in October. I have not yet been spanked for not reaching a goal although I have not made it many times. I have been told to get out of bed and bend over for not working out or NOT eating enough or forgetting to encourage her to work out. I have received many reward (good boy) spankings and related very hot sexual encounters. Since we have added DD to our whole lifestyle and things could not be better. I am seven pounds from my final goal. This is a commitment to each other.

Zille: There are some ginger cookies which I have simply no control over consuming – they are just too good! So after I'd tried for some months to maintain a healthy relationship with these cookies, I had to ask my Master if we could have a rule that I must ask permission before I can eat one of those wicked ginger cookies.

I've never needed to be punished for breaking the rule (as it's my ass on the line in more than one sense – i.e. that my ass is a reasonable size and doesn't need to get much bigger!) and it has helped me get in control with regards to those cookies. I think I wouldn't even need the rule now, but it's fun to have to ask!

The thing I need to get punished for is skipping yoga. If I do yoga two or three times a week, my body and emotional well-being really show the results. But it's just so easy to get caught up with something, put it off and off all day long, and end up saying, "Oh, I'll do it tomorrow." And of course, it's always today, isn't it?! So he and I have been talking about setting up punishments for that. It can only end in happiness either way: either I am lookin' good and feelin' fine or he gets to punish me for a real infraction, which he really, um, gets off on! (And so do I, just not while it's happening!).

Anon VII: What a coincidence that you should post that question! Meg and I began that aspect of our now very long, exclusive relationship back in our college days when she was fretting about being a choc-a-holic who was also into fitness. I teasingly (well, mostly teasingly, but admittedly with a tiny bit of hope) told her that I could keep her in line with my fraternity paddle. To my surprise, she immediately took me up on the offer, then admitted cheating on her diet a couple of evenings later and insisted that I had to do what we'd agreed upon. She was perfectly dressed for the occasion, in a cute short skirt, a blouse with puffy sleeves, heels, and (best of all) panties with the college logo across the seat. She was more than a little surprised at how much the swats stung, but she still pounced on me and took me down afterward, even though I made at least two of her! Soon enough, we were getting out the board of education for no reason except pure fun.

Bonnie: Randy and I don’t employ diet spankings, but probably not for the reason you might think. I don’t do diets. At least for me, the only safe and effective way to attain and maintain a healthy body is through permanent lifestyle choices. Short term changes cannot achieve long term results.

With that said, Randy and I have no shortage of reasons to share a good spanking. He often compliments my “nicely curved posterior.” I want to be attractive for him, especially when we are intimate. So, perhaps in this roundabout manner, spankings do motivate me to watch what I eat.

Angie: This has never been an issue for me (I have plenty of other issues, though...), but I've had quite a few friends who have tried DD to help with their weight loss. What most seem to have found echoes what the others here already wrote. In most cases, they didn't worry so much about X lbs lost per week, but whether basic diet rules and exercise rules have been followed. If not, well, there were unpleasant consequences.

And for those who like spankings as rewards, what they found was to not wait until the end of the week, but to reward frequently, such as when a goal was reached or when she had been good that day.

Katia: We have used spanking when I have cheated on my diet or skipped my exercise. I have never been spanked because of not losing weight. One thing I do is journal what I eat and Luke looks over it. It also makes you think about what you stick in your mouth when the calorie content in staring back at you. There are a few free sites such as fitday.com, and I use Lose it, which is a free application on my phone.

Val: How about this, diet spanking-wise? After a serious spanking, if all went right, one feels so high floating that appetite for eating anything is just not there. I know this because it happened to me many times. Afterward, when I am all done and still in sub space, I could skip dinner or any food or drink for that matter. The glow is plenty enough for me. Even the next morning, I wouldn't really feel like eating, being still high. So there you go. A good quality spanking before table time will cut down the food appetite, hence a reliable diet aid.

Kyle: How about fiscal responsibility through spankings? My girlfriend doesn't need to diet, but most of her bottom warmings are inspired by her spending habits.

Thanks to everyone who joined in our discussion this week!

MBS Spanko Brunch #181

2009-07-05T06:00:00.000-07:00

It's time again for our spanko brunch. This week's topic was suggested by an MBS reader. It concerns the use of spanking as a motivator for weight loss. Todd and Suzy have a regular feature focusing on spanking and diets. Some of their participants seem to enjoy considerable success. But this week, we're interested in what you think.

Have you or your partner used spanking to reinforce a diet and/or weight loss program? If so, how effective was it? Why do you think it was successful or unsuccessful? If you haven't tried this technique, would you consider doing so?

If you would like to answer our question, I invite you to leave a comment below. Once everyone has had their turn, I will post an edited summary of our conversation.

Happy Independence Day

2009-07-04T06:00:00.004-07:00

What's that? Another holiday so soon after Consensual Spanking Day?

Yes, for those of us in the United States, it's Independence Day. This is a holiday to commemorate the founding of our republic. It's also a fine day for a parade, a picnic, and a fireworks show.

On this Independence Day, we celebrate freedom of many sorts. Freedom of speech, religion, press, and association are all pillars of our democracy. We also salute the many contributions and sacrifices of citizens who established and protected these freedoms.

But there are other, more individual freedoms that we spankos can recognize. It's great, for example, to be free from inhibitions that might otherwise prevent us from enjoying this favorite pastime. We can also celebrate freedom from the belief that in order to be equal, women must always be strong. I am particularly proud to be free to explore my sexuality at home with Randy and, in a somewhat different fashion, here on this blog.

It's an exquisite irony that I should use my precious freedom to choose to be submissive. But having the ability to choose makes the choice itself all the more meaningful.

Happy July 4th!

Happy Consensual Spanking Day!

2009-07-03T06:00:00.002-07:00

Our friends, Todd and Suzy over at the American Spanking Society, have declared July 3 to be Consensual Spanking Day. Today is our opportunity to celebrate everything that is positive and beneficial about adult recreational spanking. I could write dozens of posts describing all of the good things that spankings have brought to our lives. Oh, wait, I already have...

Anyhow, this is a day for sharing our love of percussive persuasion with our partner, with our friends, and where practical, with the world. I can proudly report that I have a date tonight with my husband, Randy, and with the smooth back of a solid wooden brush. I'm wearing a certain pair of white capri pants that I happen to know drive him wild. I plan to make sure he sees me give him that little hip shake and I might have to bend over and pick an item I accidentally drop right in front of his chair. If I don't deserve it now, I definitely will by this evening!

So how can you celebrate Consensual Spanking Day? Well, the best way, of course, is to spank and/or be spanked. I want to hope that many of us will go to bed tonight with a warm bottom. But that's not always possible for a variety of reasons. You could alternately buy a new implement for your partner, your future partner, or even for yourself. There's something wonderful about owning an object whose sole function is as a spanking implement. One can easily daydream about how, where, when, why, and by whom it might be applied.

Another way to celebrate might be to start a spanking blog. If you're anything like me, you've always had lots of thoughts, stories, and ideas, and the best of them seem to relate to someone going OTK. Perhaps it's time to share a little bit of your kink, whether real, waiting to be real, or imagined.

Or maybe it's enough to just smile and remind yourself how much you love getting (or giving or wanting or watching) a good, hard bare bottom spanking.

Regardless of how you choose to mark this occasion, I wish you a day filled with spanko happiness.

Keyword Chaos: Revisionist Edition

2009-06-30T06:00:00.002-07:00

Let’s try some Keyword Chaos. For those who haven’t seen this feature before, it’s an attempt to have a little fun with the weird and wonderful search terms that people use to find MBS. Never ones to leave well enough alone, Randy and I add our comments to each. I hope you enjoy the results as much as we enjoy assembling them.

adult hair brush paddles - At Tanner Groves, we harvest only fully mature paddles

adult spanking comebacks - Yeah, and your strap is one too!

are you spanked? - Uh huh

bonnie sexy - Thank you!

bubble butt skiny - Is that anything like Fatboy Slim?

do massages include spanking - Only if you’re very fortunate

duck tape blowjob download - PETA isn’t going to like this

embarrassing situations porn - Do you mean embarrassing situations depicted in porn or those caused by porn?

errotic spanking - In this case, eroticism might have been erroneous

four glasses wine mages me wet pantswhile sleeping - You need to stay away from search engines late at night

goatlist - It’s sort of like Craigslist for the barnyard set

googd reasons to spank your wife - Well, what did you find when you googd it?

how about using a flyswatter for spanking? - Our rule is one for pesky insects and a separate one for naughty bottoms

humping your womans leg during a spanking - Down boy!

I make my husband wear pantyhose as a punishment - On a hot day, I could totally see that

jigsaw puzzles>spanking - That might be the silliest implement ever

kinky spanking technique - Is there an unkinky technique?

ladies that like`s spanking - I like’s it

loving couples spank - Yes, we do

majority male spanking relationships - Just how many people are involved?

mammy spanked my bottom - I think you’ve watched Gone with the Wind too many times

my bottom is too - Yes, I suppose it is

nude woman wearing butt plug - If she’s wearing something, she can’t be nude, right?

picture of clowns spanking! - There’s no way I’m getting into that car

punished for wearing panties - I could be in big trouble!

pure spanking - Well, 99.44% that is

renaissance faire spanking - Beware of the sadistic friar behind ye olde turkey leg stand

rules to be an old fashioned wife - (1) Be born a long time ago

scottish spanking - You have to admit that those kilts make things mighty convenient

sex stories boat fucked her - I hope it was a really, really small boat

shoe salesman panties confession - Ah, a multi-fetish extravaganza

slovakia spanking films - I Left My Heart in Bratislava

sotires of spankings - Snow tires? So tired? Sot ire?

spank bare bottom memory - How could one forget?

spank my thong - I prefer my spanks on either side

spank that fat butt - Who you callin’ fat?

spank your amateur girl - As opposed to a professional girl?

spank? - Yes, please

spanked buttplug footed jimmies - OK, to each his own

spanked for not wearing sensible shoes - I have to think that’s its own punishment

spankie spank time - Does anybody know what time it is?

spanking a pisces woman - Get one fresh fifteen pound cod…

spanking addict - Hey, I’m trying to cut back!

spanking inocent looking girls - Looks can be deceiving

spanking my girlfriend diapered - It works much better if you take that bulky thing off

spanking shame - It’s a shame when it doesn’t happen

spanking that arouses - For me, that would be all of them

spanking with a belt side effects - Side effects may include redness, bruising, discomfort, difficulty sitting, and increased sexual appetite; If you experience a spanking that lasts longer than four hours, see your doctor immediately as it may be a symptom of a more serious condition

what else goes with birthday spankings - Scented massage oil, candles, vibrator, scarves…

who likes spanking - I do! I do!

why practice domestic discipline - Because practice makes perfect

In with the New: Backyard Fireworks Edition

2009-06-29T06:00:00.001-07:00

It's summertime and the spanking is easy. Or at least writing about it must be. We have for your viewing pleasure another splendid crop of eighteen new spanking-oriented blogs. I invite all MBS readers to check these out. If you find something you like, I hope you will share your words of praise and support with the blogger.

A Good Girl, Bad
Ally Steps Forward
Away with the Fairies
Complicated Kitten
Florida Dom's Corner
Girls Pyjama Spankings
Honor and Obey
Lash Le Roux's Spanking Primer
Mistress Switch
My Journey into Being an HOH
My Journey into Loving Domestic Discipline
Not My Original Vows
Red Plum Press
Shelly's World
Spank this Girl Hard
Spanked and Put to Bed
Spankstories
The Torture Room

We happily welcome all of you to our community! I hope your blogging experience will be beneficial and fun.

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for June 28

2009-06-28T18:00:00.001-07:00

Our topic of the week was strategies for cleaning computer to eliminate telltale evidence of spanking interests. Here are your ideas.

RPT (Fred Bloggs): I have an Apple Mac, so I log friends into the Guest account which is quite safe. Keeping your own account password protected is a good idea. I have naughty stuff, pictures etcetera on an external drive that can be disconnected and removed. I also use an online bookmark service so I don't have bookmarks on the main browser.

Meow: All of these apply when I'm traveling with my laptop or when my kids might borrow it.

Erase my browsing history after every use

Abbreviate the titles of kinky blogs in my bookmarks

Minimize my GMail and Google Reader so that kinky stuff doesn't show up.

Bury kinky files deep in the library (Mac) where all the application preferences, etc. are stored.

Anon VII: I have downloaded and installed the Pareto Logic Privacy Protector. Googling Pareto should get you to the download site. Once you have it installed, use it at the end of EVERY session. It also helps protect against remote hackers taking over your computer, snooping into your banking records, getting into a recycling bin, or recording your keystrokes. There are several privacy protectors available, but I like this one because it can be set to do up to a sevenfold shredding, which I understand is the approved military / national security level.

The best thing to do with bookmarks for sites that could cause you trouble is not to use them, period. Offline bookmarks would be my second choice. But what I do instead is memorize the URLs and type them in each time. To tell the truth, I mostly come to this site and then follow the links given here. Remember, though, that the URL of any site to which you go will be on your hard drive unless you scour it with a reliable privacy protector.

You also can set your browser to erase records of sites visited whenever you power down your computer. That alone, however, would not be enough if someone really wanted to dig up your records. I'd definitely recommend backing it up with Pareto Logic or something similar.

Cookie: I don’t have any ideas since I never really thought about it and don’t really hide my interests from friends. I would be interested in learning though how I could just in case.

Angie: I never use bookmarks, ever. I have my few play places, and once there, I link from there. I also have a separate play account, and everything I do is by password. I never do any search by typing in to the main search thingy at the top, where you get that drag down of everything you go to.

That’s about it, really. And remembering to log out, of course.

Todd and Suzy: We have two PCs and two laptops (home business). We keep one of each completely vanilla-safe. That makes it easy for us. Back when we only had one computer though, we 'buried' links. If you wanted to get to the pervy links, for example, you had to open a folder called "politics" then "1980 election" then "Walter Mondale"... and bingo, it's spanky time! LOL... From there, our links pointed to lots of different spanko sites.

We employ the same idea with picture files. There’s basically zero protection against anyone snooping, but it worked when family wanted to check their e-mail on our computer. We also always have used 'spanko' e-mail addresses. Family has a vanilla e-mail and that's all they know. That's obviously all we check when they're around. Plus, we have a vanilla blog... which explains our "blogging" hobby (when it comes up).

There is no 100% safe way to hide your spanko side though. We don't push it on anyone and we do some common sense things to avoid making others uncomfortable. But ultimately, we don't live our lives based on what others might think (most especially those that would snoop through our computer).

Brambleberry Blush: I rename anything that says spanking into "speaking." This is a great topic. I will use many of the things I learned here today. Thanks everyone!

Ms. Betty: I just keep a guest account on my machine and have them use that.

Greenwoman: I have more than one browser. My two favorites are Google Chrome and Mozilla Firefox. I save the Internet Explorer for others as I hate the way the safety features work with Wordpress. But really, no one uses my PC unless they know me pretty well and if I can't trust them to stay out of private business on my PC, then I just don't let them use my PC.

ComeHere: I only use Google Chrome as my web browser. It has a tool called "New Incognito Window" that opens an incognito window! (Duh..., right?) The incognito window stores no cookies or other data after the window is closed. (There are limits to the protection - read the disclaimer - i.e., don't try this at work!)

I don't bookmark "interesting" sites. I use a free program called "Password Safe" and have a special group under a ho-hum boring name for all the titillating sites. Someone would have to hack into my Password Safe account to see these websites (BTW, I use PW Safe to store the URLs for sites that do not even require passwords. It works great for that. I also use it to store passwords for all of my e-mail accounts, blogs, financial sites, etc. It is a great program!).

Anon #1: Delete browsing history after each session. Do not favorite any porn sites. Instead, save their URL's in a document somewhere on your hard drive. Preferably, use a name like "Statistical Analysis of Norwegian Economy doc 4."

Speaking of hiding stuff on my hard drive, I do the same for spanking stories that I write and/or copy from web sites. I hide them in My Documents, under names like "Folder Options Doc."

Keagen: I have a Mac, and, for the most part, I don't let people use it. :-D I do, however, have two browsers. One is MINE, with all of my settings, sites, and bookmarks. The other is completely vanilla and links to nothing. I keep all of my work related stuff on an external hard drive (pictures, movies, and potential blog posts). :-)

Curtis: I have two ways to protect. No one can get into my computer unless they know the password and no one knows that. In addition, I have two e-mail accounts. One is kinky and the other is vanilla. Both need a password.

I do, however, have a lot stored on my disk and external hard drive. I suppose when I kick the bucket, one will be able to find what's stored despite the fact that it's all stored under the password protected account. I'm sure an intrepid hacker could find my non-vanilla account as well. But I am too old to worry about all that.

PK: We are all pretty respectful of each other’s privacy around here. My children usually leave their journals in plain view. It would never occur to me to read it. It’s theirs, period. I expect the same consideration from them and to my knowledge I have always gotten it. Mollie know I write ‘stories’ and since I have not shared any of them with her, I assume she knows they are of an adult nature.

Now we take the usual precautions on the computer. I have everything that I want to keep private on password protection, but I am a realist and I know my children are more computer savvy than I am. So I have told them if they go poking in my private work then they deserve every trauma they get from it. LOL! My son it too wrapped up in his own life to care what I read or write and my daughter is probably scared of what she might find so she stays far away.

Anon #2: I have a different slant than what's been shared. We have no kids and no one shares my computer or my boyfriend's laptop. You'd think then that there would be no problem. But he is a jealous and controlling top. I delete the history every time after browsing, but he has some way of searching the hard drive. He's much more techno-savvy than I am. I'm not very, obviously. Most of what's been shared here has gone right over my head. But if he doesn't like where I've gone on the Internet, or the content of e-mails, I'm spanked very hard for it.

Dave: Wow, LOTS of fantastic ideas and suggestions here...

Thank you all very much, and thank you kindly to Bonnie for featuring my query!

Daisy: I was so excited to see this question, but unfortunately, I have no idea what anyone was talking about! The only thing I understood was the guest account solution, which I already have. My computer is password protected. No one can get into my account without the password, and every e-mail account AND my blogger have different passwords. Sheesh, sometimes I can't remember which is which. Ha ha!

But, I AM a little anxious, because when I was on my blog the other week, my son walked in and may well have seen the name of my blog. Surprised, he said, "I didn't know you had a blog?" just as I quickly minimised it! I blushed and said, “It’s just for Davey and me..." kind of feebly. I'm now worried that he may look it up and I have no idea whether I can stop him.

Prefectdt: Like many others here, I have two accounts. Also I use two different web browsers, Flock on my account and Internet Explorer on the guest account. I have disabled the "list sharing" functions on both, to help hide the browsing history.

No matter what techy measures you take, there is always human error to be taken into account. An acquaintance of mine once left her computer to tend to some pans on the cooker, for less than one minute. When she returned to her computer, she had a conversation with her seven year old daughter that started with, "Mommy, why has the lady got a stripy bottom?" (except in Flemish). Their solution was to get a new computer for family use and keep the old one for mom and dad alone, in the bedroom and away from prying little eyes.

Ronnie: We have our own laptops. I password protected mine, rarely have any bookmarks and delete history. I also have three different e-mail addresses and have a guest account, but I still worry in case something goes wrong.

Hermione: I don't keep any files on my computer. All my posts and any pictures and links that accompany them are stored on a memory stick so I can transfer them to Blogger as time permits. This is mainly for my convenience. I can work on posts on any computer and it keeps all my work in one place. But it's also safe since I can encrypt the info on the stick so no one else can read it.

I also give all pictures and files short vanilla names that are meaningful to me but wouldn't arouse suspicion if the names appear in a "recent files" list in Notepad or Paint. For sites where I logon, I never select the option to "remember me." I type in my ID and password each time. That way, no one else can accidentally gain access. I also don't have kinky bookmarks. I get to other sites from links on my blog, via Blogger.

Ron and I share a computer at home, and I have no secrets to hide, but if I knew someone else would be using the computer, I would use the browser option to clear all private data – history, cache, and the rest.

If you find yourself in need of a spanko fix while traveling or visiting, the best option is to have your own laptop and a high-speed wireless internet stick that plugs in to a USB port. That way, you won't leave traces of your activity on someone else's machine. Make sure the laptop is password-protected.

Recidavist: Firefox can automatically clear your browsing history after each session, much better than Internet Explorer.

A simple clean-up like Window Washer or CCcleaner will tidy temporary files, etc. and should be used regularly. Both available at Download.com. Store pictures on Flickr or Picassa web albums instead of on your computer. Store useful inks on your blog or in a e-mail, not in browser bookmarks.

Have a spanko e-mail account that doesn't require personal details to be stored in the account and doesn't use an e-mail client on your PC. Gmail is one example.

If you download stuff, make sure to check your download manager and know where on your computer it is putting the files. Having a dedicated download folder helps so you can ensure that nothing has been downloaded you weren't expecting.

Make sure all "remember me" settings are turned off and watch out for applications that try regardless to remember the name of the last person who logged in. Picassa's upload to web albums have a habit of doing that and need to be cleared each time.

Never check you blog or spanko e-mail a at work. Even if it’s encrypted, the contents can be identified and traced back to you if anyone checks.

If you draft posts in Word before uploading them to your blog, use the facility in Word to password them, even if you put them on a memory stick.

Dr. Ken: The situation has never come up, but if it did, I have a simple solution. I have another computer that is "perv free." I'd let them use that one.

The fact that they're both about ten years old is probably enough to keep anyone from asking to use them, though... :-)

Bonnie: I really need to take some of this excellent advice. My computer is littered with four years of spanko blog remnants and who knows what all else. When I leave this world, I’ve told Randy to burn my PC in a campfire and then bury what’s left in the desert!

Seriously, when our daughter left home, we converted her bedroom into a guest room. Her old computer is still in there and has internet connectivity. Any guest who really wants to check their e-mail is welcome to use that one.

Missy H: I liked what PK said about “My daughter stays away because she's afraid of what she might find.” That's always been my attitude too. It's like that whole "peeking in the medicine chest" mystique. I have no interest in my friends' rashes and blotches.

Several of the Brits used the term “memory stick.” Is that the same as a flash drive? I'm not very techno-savvy, but I have tried a couple of these suggestions, such as the no 'remember my password', and the two e-mail accounts. It’s like an accounting double-booking. I wish I could help that lady hide her blog from her son.

Do you know that dodgy website use plummets every Thanksgiving because everyone has family wandering all over their house?

I believe that a memory stick and a flash drive are two terms for the same device. I don’t know whether MBS qualifies as dodgy, but traffic here does dip during those traditional family holidays.

So there you have it. Thanks, everyone, for a very informative brunch.

MBS Spanko Brunch #180

2009-06-28T06:00:00.000-07:00

Welcome back, dear brunchers! We've been around the spanking world in 180 weeks, and we're not nearly done yet.

This question was contributed by our good friend, Dave from The Cherry Red Report.

Have you any advice for spankos on how to keep computers, well, "vanilla-safe," so to speak? What techniques do you use to "de-perv" a computer? In other words, if a friend or family member comes over and wants to use your computer, how do you "cloak" the naughty bookmarks, and make sure no kinky files are stumbled across?

Now there's some practical advice we can all use, right? I invite you to share your PC scrubbing secrets with us. You can do so by simply leaving a comment below. Once everyone has spoken, I will post an edited summary of our conversation.

Heart Warming

2009-06-25T18:00:00.001-07:00

Poll: Switching Roles?

2009-06-23T18:00:00.002-07:00

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for June 21

2009-06-21T19:00:00.001-07:00

Our topic was three things about spanking or your spanking interest that you would want your partner to know. Here are your ideas.

Hermione:

Those special words and phrases are so important, and using them before and especially during a spanking makes the experience more exciting.

Spanking is a great stress reliever, mood alterer, and smile generator, and should be applied as often as needed.

Reading blogs together ensures that we are both on the same page, and provides a constant source of new and creative ideas.

Angie: I puzzled over this at first, because after all these years, I really think he knows everything about me concerning spanking.

But it's been a long time, too long, since I've been over a woman's lap. So, here is what I'd like her to know.

How I react to what you say, or do, or have me do, depends upon whether this is punishment. Because what is still fun or exciting for non-punishment play, can really get my attention when used for punishment. This can be corner time, pulling my panties down, treating me like a little girl, or making me do the walk of shame to bring back whatever you intend to spank me with.

While play is embarrassing, it’s embarrassing in a good way. An example is when you say things like “fat little fanny,” “plump little rump,” or “chubby cheeks,” etc. The same things, however, said when I'm being punished, will make me feel very young, and submissive, embarrassed and compliant.

I understand that you will correct me, as much as you think I have earned by my misbehavior. However, no matter how bad I was, after it’s done, I need to be comforted and for you to let me know I'm your good girl again. I don't expect sex. If you wish that, that is fine, but at least a hug, a cuddle and a kiss is needed, or I would be emotionally devastated, and wonder what I did wrong.

Anon #1: After reading the question, I feel very, very lucky. We only ventured past play spankings six months ago when I asked my wife to help me with weight loss. It worked so well that we now enjoy a complete DD lifestyle. I can not think of a single thing that I wished she knew about spanking or our interest in it that she doesn’t already know! I read here and many other blogs. She never does, yet she seems to know all of the tricks of the trade!

TTGU: I wish my husband cared that spanking me helped. Since he stopped he stays mad at me for a long time and ignores me. He thinks the silent treatment is better than spanking me because I started to bruise, but only after I started working two jobs and have a low iron high junk food diet. I feel unloved when he goes an entire day without talking or touching me.

He still spanks me during fun which is great. He is supposed to help me break a habit and ignoring me isn’t working, so hopefully he will catch on.

Anna: The three things I would hope for in a future partner would be:

He will understand when I need to be spanked without me having to ask for or suggest it.

He will understand it's about being emotionally invested in the relationship and not just about pain.

He will talk, talk, talk with me about it, even when I don't want to talk.

Prefectdt: Being my normal, annoying (bratty) self, I would like to split this into two lots of answers, for potential future partners.

To an experienced Top:

Spank me hard

Spank me often

Use your imagination, I love to try new scenes/toys/things.

To a less experienced Top:

This is not abuse, just because I want you to spank me

It doesn't always have to be about sex. If you want, it can be just spanking and nothing else

No matter how long you end up doing this thing that we do, there is always something new to learn. So stay open minded

Daisy: He knows me too well already. However, little reminders are always good...

It is not so much the spanking itself I enjoy as the feeling of being helpless and held to account for my actions

I like to be NOT in control, therefore ASKING for a spanking ruins the mood completely. So, instead of asking, I simply DO something worthy of being spanked. Being "let off" or warned will not result in improved behaviour, but worse, in order to prompt the spanking I need! And since you wish me to behave, acting on the first prompt from me will mean less irritation to you in the long run!

If I brat again soon after a spanking, it means you ended it too soon!

Penfold: For Bear, I think that there’s nothing so far that he doesn’t already know about me and our spankings, If there is, it’s because I’m unaware of it too and we haven’t realized it together. So, as issues or situations come up about our spankings, both DD and play, then we will learn together.

Jean Marie:

Spanking isn't a minor hobby or passing fancy for me. It's an integral part of who I am.

Playful spankings are THE BEST foreplay for me. Yes, licking me down there feels great, fingering is fun, but nine times out of ten, I prefer that you turn me over your knee to turn me on.

I need to be disciplined at times, and that entails hard punishment that may bruise or mark my bottom. It is well padded and already cracked back there. You can't do it too hard. I need it. I might whine about how I hate the hairbrush, but I really crave it at least once a week. I'll fuss that a caning is too severe, but unless you administer it as needed, I'll lose respect for you.

Meow: I'm totally with Daisy on this one:

The feeling of helplessness is very important!

YOU are in control, so let me feel it.

If at first you don't succeed, spank harder and longer.

Ronnie: Because we've been together for a lot of years, there’s really nothing that P doesn't know regarding spanking as it applies to me. He might not know everything about spanking per se, and neither do I, but hopefully there's room for both of us to be inspired and inventive to keep things lively.

One thing, I would like, and I don't think P knows how much, would be more punishment spankings. I've mentioned it a few times but always subtly because if I say it too starkly it would burst the bubble. When they do happen, which isn't often, they have to be natural to work for me.

Bonnie: This was a hard question for me too because Randy and I basically learned what we know together. Here are my thoughts:

There’s a time and place for the hard and fast “shock and awe” assault, but it isn’t at the beginning of a spanking. I think of a long spanking session like a marathon. If you wear me out at the beginning, I won’t have anything left for the last mile.

My body always responds to spankings with signals of sexual arousal. If you wish to interpret that as affirmation of your excellent technique, be my guest. But even a mediocre spanking turns me on. It’s just the way I’m wired.

I like it when you rub, swat, or squeeze my bottom the day after a hard spanking to gauge its residual sensitivity. It’s fun to be a little bit sore afterward and even more fun to be reminded of that fact.

Thank you to everyone who joined us for brunch this week! I hope you’ll stop again next time.

MBS Spanko Brunch #179

2009-06-21T06:00:00.000-07:00

Another weekend is upon us, so it's time to talk about spanking. Our topic of the week was suggested by a blogger friend.

Please name three things you wish your partner (or future partner) knew about spanking in general or about your spanking interest.

To join in the fun, all you have to do is write your response in the form of a comment below. Once everyone has had a chance to speak, I will post an edited summary of our discussion.

Don't Mind Us...

2009-06-18T18:00:00.001-07:00

Spanking Blogs by the Numbers

2009-06-17T19:32:00.017-07:00

Every so often I want to present something absolutely unlike anything else ever published on this blog. After a thousand posts, this is not trivial. However, with some inspiration from Randy, I believe we have succeeded.

I love hearing from readers, especially when they say that the blog has been helpful for them. Two different readers recently told me that they think that MBS is the biggest spanking blog around. While I appreciate their generous praise, I had good reason to believe this is not the case. But I couldn't quantify that feeling. Until now, that is.

I asked Randy if there was a way I could compare my blog's traffic with others in our community. Resourceful geek that he is, he showed me how. Here's what I found.

	Blog	Visitors*	% Male**
1.	Spanking Blog	41,120	75%
2.	Michael Masterson's Spanking Blog	19,245	64%
3.	My Bottom Smarts	12,282	57%
4.	All Things Spanking	10,716	72%
5.	Spank My Bottom	8,900	60%
6.	Vintage Spanking Photos	8,732	83%
7.	Chross	8,638	81%
8.	Aunty Agony	8,268	66%
9.	The Cherry Red Report	7,937	80%
10.	Adele Haze's Spanking Model Speaks	7,249	71%

*Source: compete.com **Source: quantcast.com

As Randy explains it, these numbers represent a only rough approximation. Nevertheless, we can infer quite a bit about about visitors to spanking blogs and their preferences.

The visitor counts reflect the average number of unique users per month over the past three months. MBS finished a respectable third behind Dan and Michael. I don't mind being beaten by them (Heaven knows, they're good at it!). All of the others on this list are blogs I greatly respect. This is a group with whom I am honored be associated.

I think the statistic I like best is the 57%/43% male-to-female ratio. No other blog I examined was as close to achieving gender parity. I strive to make MBS a place where women feel comfortable and I believe those efforts have been validated. Our discussions are better when the participants are diverse in terms of age, gender, role, and orientation. But that can only happen when readers feel their presence is welcome and valued.

Thank you to everyone who supports My Bottom Smarts and all of our other wonderful spanking blogs. Without you, we would be just talking to ourselves.

In with the New: Back Again So Soon Edition

2009-06-15T06:00:00.006-07:00

Yes, we have another excellent collection of fourteen spanking-oriented blogs to explore and enjoy! I invite all MBS readers to check these out. If you find something you like, please be sure to share your compliments and words of support with the blogger.

Amateur OTK Spanking Blog
Bend Over Jessica
BerryBlack Spanks
Erotic Spanking by Starla Kaye
F/M Spanking World
Life as Fizz
Masterful Strokes - Love, Discipline & Growth
Midnight Delicacies
My Journey into Spanking
OTK Girl
Story of D
Submissive Husband
Supplicium Post Mortem
The Spanking Report

Welcome to all of you! I hope your blogging experience will be beneficial and fun.

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for June 14

2009-06-14T19:00:00.008-07:00

Our topic of the week was the ritual of fetching spanking implements. Here are your thoughts.

Jean Marie: It's an oft-observed ritual in our household. More times than I'd like to recall, just after my bum has been prepared with a hand-spanking warm-up, I'll hear, "Please go bring me your hairbrush, young lady." It puts me all the deeper in that sub-space to have to fetch the implement I detest so that it can thrash my derriere. But I've learned from experience not to complain. The only thing I hate hearing more is, "Bring me the cane while you're up, that'll be act III."

Sara: I rarely touch implements at all, thus the few times I have been asked to fetch one stand out. I think it definitely heightens anticipation... and not always in a good way!

Penfold: Bear has often asked me to go and collect the hairbrush from the drawer or the cane from the wardrobe, especially for domestic discipline. It gives me the jelly wobbles. But for a good long, sexy spanking when I get to pick out my "toy of choice," I love the anticipation. I know it does add something to the fun that is about to happen.

Anon #1: To me, there is nothing sexier than giving a beautiful young woman a long and thorough hand spanking and then seeing the look on her face when I ask her to go get the wooden spoon. The little moaning sounds she makes and the sight of her naked, already reddened ass jiggling as she reluctantly leaves the room to get the spoon are just incredible.

Sadly, I've never been put in that position myself. I keep ending up with submissives. Someday, I'll hopefully find myself in the company of a dominant bedmate who will turn the tables.

Ms. Betty: This little ritual happens to be a favorite of mine. I think it adds a certain formality to the proceedings. I don't always ask him to fetch the implement, but when I do, it makes a big impact.

I sent Terry out to cut a switch the other day. I think he went to pieces instantly.

I use a couple of other variations on the same theme, such as placing several implements on the table and making the boy choose one and bring it to me. They hate that.

My very favorite, though, is using the boy's own belt, including making him take it off and place it in my outstretched waiting hand. That deliberate act of surrender tends to make them much more submissive.

There is definitely more anticipation waiting for an implement to be fetched. I find it exciting. The boys tend to dread it a bit.

Dr. Ken: The majority of the time, I spank by hand, hence there's no need for the spankee to go get it – well, unless she wants to hold hands as we walk to the chair or sofa or bed where the spanking will take place.

There have been a couple of instances where it's happened, though. I was giving a lovely lady a very thorough spanking, but she felt like she needed something more. So I told her to get off of my lap and go into the other room and open the middle drawer of the dresser. I had three implements in there, and I told her to pick one out and bring it back with her.

She surprised me by picking a very stout hairbrush! I think I may have even looked at her and said, "Really?" It's what she thought she needed, though, so she got the brush applied vigorously to her bottom – and she was right, it did the trick!

Months later, the same lady and I were together again, and the same situation arose. I sent her into the other room to pick out an implement. This time, rather than pick one, she actually brought them all back – not because she wanted them all used, just that she couldn't decide! While she was mulling it over, I remembered that weeks earlier I had promised her a good spanking with the hairbrush, so I picked it up and said, "I think I promised you this." She agreed, and once again brush met bottom for a good long time.

It definitely changes the dynamic by adding another layer to the scene. I don't know that I would want to do it every time. It might lose it's effectiveness that way. But used sparingly, it definitely adds a certain something...

Anon #2: I always like to ask her how many whacks she thinks she should get. She chooses the number and the paddle or belt. I will write down on a paper how many I think she should get. If she is too low, she gets my number plus the difference. When she is fetching the belt, she has just given me the number and hasn’t found out the results. If she gives me a higher number, that is what she gets. It is all about the risks, the thoughts, and all that is in her head when she is getting the paddle. We both love the game. We rarely spank serious numbers or too hard because it’s for sexy fun.

Daisy: Davey often expects me to go fetch the implements. It adds a quiver of apprehension to the proceedings. Once, I tried to tell him I couldn't find what he wanted, because I hated it so much. He turned the tables on me by using an even WORSE tool!

And then I got extra because he KNEW I was trying to cheat. And after THAT he ordered me to fetch the original tool whereupon he spanked me with THAT as well for my disobedience and for being disrespectful enough to think he wouldn't know what I was up to. Damn, that man reads me like a child’s comic book. I don't try to outwit him like that any more!

Hermione: Our implements are usually close at hand before we start. Ron will have chosen what he wants to use, or he may ask me what I would prefer from what's available.

His motto is "tried and true" while mine is "try something new." When I have a new implement that I think it's time to try, I get it out ahead of time and put it on Ron's bedside table. It does make me think carefully as I bring whatever I have chosen out of its hiding place, and I imagine how it will make its impact. Then I usually leave quickly, before I can change my mind, and spend the remaining time until the spanking in a mixture of excitement, anticipation and dread.

Abby: Every now and again, Mr. W has asked me to fetch an implement, but for the most part, he takes them to hand himself. My reaction when asked, though, is usually one of defiance, even if it's not expressed externally. I don't want to have to bring the implement to him. I want to have it brought to me.

I think what I don't like about it is that it adds a level of consent by obeying and bringing the correct implement. (Obviously, consent is a must, but for play purposes, one doesn't always want to say, "Go ahead, spank me!") For me, it feels like saying, "Yes, that was an excellent choice, here you go," even if I am dreading the object at hand. I prefer to at least pretend that I'm not anxiously awaiting each toy's touch, and I like the feeling of being completely surrendered to whatever he picks up.

Mike (aka Ireland): As the spankee I find it humbling to have to fetch an implement and hand it over. It certainly adds to the experience.

As the spanker, I hope it adds the same excitement for my spankee. Sometimes, I make it interesting though. Like moving an implement. Then I have the spankee find it, with the spanking proportional to the length of time it took to find it.

Meow: My two most hated orders from Lash were, "Bring the strap" and "Bring the spoon."

Jay: Nope. I’ve never had to fetch an implement for a spanking. I have been told to return a few though... from where I hid them.

I think it would be nice to try that though, and I am totally safe saying that here because Worzel doesn’t read this blog. Ha ha ha ha ha ha hah!

S: My bare bottom is upwards over the chair back, and a stingy hair brush is whacking away at it. My poor old bottom is getting very hot and sore. At last it stops. Wow, I think that was a spanking and a half, but that's that. I’m about to get up when I hear, "Now Susan, go and get the paddle." Oh no, but there’s no use arguing with David. I straighten up, waddle over to the drawer, knickers round my knees, skirt around my waist, and collect that big paddle. I hand it humbly to David before bending over again tightening the skin of my already sore bottom for his further attention. I can take quite a bit spankwise, but this pause in the middle, and having to assist with the next bit, really increases its effect!

Michelle: Once in a while, we go a step further, and my husband will have me lay out all of our implements so that just what he wants is right at hand.

Laying them out or fetching them heightens the excitement. I like the anticipation of knowing that I'll soon be bent over feeling the sting or thud or thwack of whatever I've brought/put out.

Zille: When we were first dating, my Master was bringing his very well-filled toy bag over to my place for our, um, assignations, and one time, he told me to choose three items that he would use on me. What a quandary! I didn't want to choose the ones that were obviously the "wimpiest," because that would be possibly grounds for using the worst one on me! But I didn't want to accidentally choose the worst of the lot... But I wasn't sure which the "middle ground" ones were! So I tentatively made my choices, while he looked on with an evil grin, enjoying my dilemma all too much! When I'd picked the three, he said, "Are you sure...?" and I gulped, "Um, are these *bad* choices?" "Well, I certainly wouldn't have picked them!" he replied with a wicked laugh, and set about to using them on me!

I think the worst though is that when we are going to do figging, he'll order me to go peel and prepare and prepare the ginger that will shortly be shoved up my bottom, burning and tormenting me! Let me tell you, that does put a person in a strange head-space!

The same goes with birch rods, but we've only done those once. Still, being ordered to go make the birch rods that he will then beat me with... Well, it's really just a strange sort of foreplay, isn't it?

Bonnie: Randy is fond of this ritual because it adds an emotional edge to the proceedings. He knows that for me, having to retrieve an implement crosses the line between compliance and complicity. As Abby suggests, the spanking is no longer something he does to me, but rather an act in which I am an active and approving participant.

The spanko mind being what it is, this request for explicit endorsement is a tremendous turn-on for me. I can’t just lie there passively and take my swats. I must invite them. The tension created by that moment of indecision and its inevitable resolution lie at the very core of my submission. Each time I choose to place my body in Randy’s loving hands, I reaffirm our bond. Each time he rewards my commitment, our relationship grows stronger.

Thanks to everyone who joined us this week!

MBS Spanko Brunch #178

2009-06-14T06:00:00.000-07:00

Ah, summer. Whether you're drinking it in or wiping it off, I hope your summer activities are enjoyable and rewarding. Our topic this week is a classic that somehow we've never discussed. Thanks go to D for reminding me of this fact.

Asking a spankee to retrieve an implement is a well-known and often celebrated ritual. There is something unnerving about having to locate, pick up, examine, carry, and deliver the very object that will soon be applied harshly to one's bottom. Have you or your partner engaged in this ritual? If so, does it change the dynamic between spanker and spankee? How do you feel about fetching spanking toys as preparation?

If you have some thoughts about our subject, I invite you to join the conversation. All you need to do is enter a comment below. Once everyone has had a chance to speak, I will post an edited summary of the proceedings.