tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-81831950745060623622012-01-12T12:43:13.157-06:00You'll find no pretty ribbons here.Sugarmouth O'Riordanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11854359806220332036noreply@blogger.comBlogger307125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8183195074506062362.post-39458442140606104072010-07-06T14:59:00.002-05:002010-07-06T15:17:21.615-05:002010-07-06T15:17:21.615-05:00

I am doing well. Really, surprisingly well. I don't think about The Troubles or The Troubles II (aka the whole waste of time known as the exercise in futility fertility) much at all, and when I do, I only break down in tears about 10% of the time.The latest and greatest in Brigita's Busted Body is that I'm seeing a physical therapist to address relatively recent knee pain that may be a result

Sugarmouth O'Riordanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11854359806220332036noreply@blogger.com1http://mycancerdeployment.blogspot.com/2010/07/things-i-want-you-guys-to-know.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8183195074506062362.post-20678083122268976032010-05-13T15:07:00.003-05:002010-05-13T15:56:24.097-05:002010-05-13T15:56:24.097-05:00

More than six months later, here's the deal: I am officially barren.After several months of talks, tests, and the requisite ramp-up hormones, my ovaries refused to play ball. My fertility doctor was even baffled by the fact that I am (was?) still having my monthlies.While this isn't exactly news, I am still incredibly disappointed, and possibly even depressed. I desperately wanted to be the

Sugarmouth O'Riordanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11854359806220332036noreply@blogger.com2http://mycancerdeployment.blogspot.com/2010/05/pulling-off-bandaid-or-ripping-off-scab.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8183195074506062362.post-90444323961412450922009-10-25T14:27:00.004-05:002009-10-25T15:04:37.115-05:002009-10-25T15:04:37.115-05:00

Channeling my two-year-old here for a second, my life is "mine." And I will lead it as I see fit [dammit].So this is the occasional check-in where I let you know how I am doing--really doing, really feeling--in all of this.I feel pretty fucking great. For the most part, anyhow. Yesterday I got a wild hair1 and went for a run for the first time in I don't know how long. The last time I remember

Sugarmouth O'Riordanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11854359806220332036noreply@blogger.com3http://mycancerdeployment.blogspot.com/2009/10/to-quote-rage-against-machine.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8183195074506062362.post-40085156948971019292009-09-30T15:33:00.002-05:002009-09-30T15:42:26.536-05:002009-09-30T15:42:26.536-05:00

Thanks to therapy, I have identified and am working through not one, not two, but at least THREE separate identity crises. I always have been something of a misdirected overachiever.I think I know what I want to be when I grown up, but I have to make a concerted effort to get off my ass to do something about it. It seems as though my various side-effects are easing somewhat, just in time for

Sugarmouth O'Riordanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11854359806220332036noreply@blogger.com0http://mycancerdeployment.blogspot.com/2009/09/latestgreatest.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8183195074506062362.post-83198112844961084892009-09-03T18:02:00.002-05:002009-09-03T18:06:59.792-05:002009-09-03T18:06:59.792-05:00

Remember the bullshit of my last CT scan? Where the radiologist tried to read my films with their head up their ass? Well, I wish I could say it didn't happen again this time, because it did, BUT I can say that my ever-stellar oncologist caught their mistake before it did any damage, with the upshot being that my 1 year [since the end of chemo] scan came back CLEAR! HOORAY!One tip to all of my

Sugarmouth O'Riordanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11854359806220332036noreply@blogger.com2http://mycancerdeployment.blogspot.com/2009/09/more-straightforward-scan.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8183195074506062362.post-3979637108908591942009-08-26T15:37:00.003-05:002009-08-26T16:15:24.588-05:002009-08-26T16:15:24.588-05:00

I feel like I am coming apart.I seriously think I have been having a low-grade anxiety attack for the last six hours or so. I know I didn't double up on my thyroid meds in an attempt to get more pep (learned that lesson the first time) and am pretty sure I didn't over do it with the coffee this morning, so what's the cause?I have a feeling it's short-term scanxiety coupled with longer-term

Sugarmouth O'Riordanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11854359806220332036noreply@blogger.com6http://mycancerdeployment.blogspot.com/2009/08/out-of-phase.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8183195074506062362.post-69000174407712925872009-08-13T21:42:00.003-05:002009-08-13T21:53:02.616-05:002009-08-13T21:53:02.616-05:00

I did not do everything right.Sure, I exercised, maintained a [mostly] healthy weight, did yoga, didn't eat red meat.But I drank too much, really didn't eat all that well, slept irregularly, would fire my car's keyless remote at my pelvis to improve its range, and got a navel ring, which I learned today can potentially have a negative effect on one's digestive system.So, did I do everything right

Sugarmouth O'Riordanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11854359806220332036noreply@blogger.com2http://mycancerdeployment.blogspot.com/2009/08/i-need-to-stop-kidding-myself.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8183195074506062362.post-17773514034924243722009-07-13T21:43:00.002-05:002009-07-13T21:48:10.417-05:002009-07-13T21:48:10.417-05:00

A recent study found that swearing makes pain more tolerable.I had very nearly given up swearing before my diagnosis. Ah well.

Sugarmouth O'Riordanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11854359806220332036noreply@blogger.com3http://mycancerdeployment.blogspot.com/2009/07/no-fucking-shit.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8183195074506062362.post-68933034962718116772009-07-08T22:10:00.003-05:002009-07-09T08:06:11.678-05:002009-07-09T08:06:11.678-05:00

Ass cancer hats off to my stage III CRC compadre, JdB, who completed his twelfth and final FOLFOX treatment today. This is no mean feat, considering I was thisclose to throwing in the towel before finishing out at eight.Congrats, John!! I am absolutely thrilled for you and your family. Try to rest so you're good and healed for your takedown.

Sugarmouth O'Riordanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11854359806220332036noreply@blogger.com2http://mycancerdeployment.blogspot.com/2009/07/happy-graduation-chemosabe.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8183195074506062362.post-60723938290149784012009-06-26T20:15:00.002-05:002009-06-26T20:17:05.624-05:002009-06-26T20:17:05.624-05:00

And they are two:I am physically unable to and simply cannot eat more than a cup of raw veg at a time.My digestive tract is exactly 26 hours long.

Sugarmouth O'Riordanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11854359806220332036noreply@blogger.com0http://mycancerdeployment.blogspot.com/2009/06/lessons-learned.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8183195074506062362.post-81149744104354455922009-06-17T15:38:00.000-05:002009-06-17T15:39:04.027-05:002009-06-17T15:39:04.027-05:00

Great news from the guts front: I got my drivers license renewal form in the mail the other day and along with it came a set of orange dot DONOR stickers. I (and everyone else in my GI support group) had been under the impression that we cancer veterans had to keep our spare parts to ourselves.Rather than languish under flawed assumptions, I thought I should give a call to the authorities on the

Sugarmouth O'Riordanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11854359806220332036noreply@blogger.com1http://mycancerdeployment.blogspot.com/2009/06/pieces-of-me.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8183195074506062362.post-13537909092358077562009-06-10T19:52:00.003-05:002009-06-10T20:33:01.631-05:002009-06-10T20:33:01.631-05:00

I now understand why parents think their children are brilliant because when I was looked into my daughter's eyes and saw the wheels turning as she tried to figure out how to dress her dolly, I thought to myself:She could actually find the cure.

Sugarmouth O'Riordanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11854359806220332036noreply@blogger.com0http://mycancerdeployment.blogspot.com/2009/06/not-just-wanting-best-but-everything.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8183195074506062362.post-61506629830330302782009-05-31T15:42:00.000-05:002009-05-31T15:43:39.190-05:002009-05-31T15:43:39.190-05:00

Is it morbid or just weird to keep dead people in my blogroll?

Sugarmouth O'Riordanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11854359806220332036noreply@blogger.com4http://mycancerdeployment.blogspot.com/2009/05/cancer-blog-rules.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8183195074506062362.post-64903106315738837392009-05-20T11:07:00.002-05:002009-05-20T11:39:13.163-05:002009-05-20T11:39:13.163-05:00

Dried vomit in the bathroom sink.And I wasn't even on the side of the clinic where they administer the chemo.

Sugarmouth O'Riordanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11854359806220332036noreply@blogger.com1http://mycancerdeployment.blogspot.com/2009/05/scenes-from-cancer-center.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8183195074506062362.post-78959689150558794492009-05-15T23:09:00.003-05:002009-05-15T23:17:37.633-05:002009-05-15T23:17:37.633-05:00

When you're a mom that lost her fertility to her cancer treatment, every ultrasound looks like an empty womb, even if they're just scanning an enlarged lymph node in your neck.

Sugarmouth O'Riordanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11854359806220332036noreply@blogger.com0http://mycancerdeployment.blogspot.com/2009/05/needles-arent-so-bad.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8183195074506062362.post-52044312178702334842009-05-12T22:17:00.002-05:002009-05-12T22:22:54.138-05:002009-05-12T22:22:54.138-05:00

...or as I like to say, it's a petty fucking victory, but my fingernails are longer now than they have ever been, even longer than that one summer in college I painted houses for all of a month before the company went under and I got a job at a coffee shop and proceeded to drink my weight in espresso, whipped cream, and caramel.One more sign that chemo is slowly, slowly washing its way out of my

Sugarmouth O'Riordanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11854359806220332036noreply@blogger.com2http://mycancerdeployment.blogspot.com/2009/05/its-little-things.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8183195074506062362.post-58111107091764549692009-05-06T15:46:00.005-05:002009-05-06T15:58:41.761-05:002009-05-06T15:58:41.761-05:00

I have had it up to FUCKING HERE with this peripheral neuropathy bullshit, never mind my stupid bowels.Ok, end of rant.For now.

Sugarmouth O'Riordanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11854359806220332036noreply@blogger.com2http://mycancerdeployment.blogspot.com/2009/05/my-new-normal-can-go-and-suck-it.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8183195074506062362.post-14469207526864476782009-04-24T14:08:00.000-05:002009-04-24T14:09:28.791-05:002009-04-24T14:09:28.791-05:00

I started chemo a year ago today.So, you know, there's that.

Sugarmouth O'Riordanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11854359806220332036noreply@blogger.com0http://mycancerdeployment.blogspot.com/2009/04/pretty-blah-as-anniversaries-go.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8183195074506062362.post-20803101591264594662009-04-11T14:55:00.002-05:002009-04-11T14:59:37.287-05:002009-04-11T14:59:37.287-05:00

I recently found out that my mom's cousin (aka my mom's mom's sister's daughter--clear as mud, no?) was recently diagnosed with colorectal cancer (colon, to be specific). At 57 she wasn't quite as young as me at diagnosis, but it's one more family member than the previous zero family members I'd had with colon cancer, so I am going to go ahead with genetic counseling.My understanding is that

Sugarmouth O'Riordanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11854359806220332036noreply@blogger.com2http://mycancerdeployment.blogspot.com/2009/04/hot-in-them-jeans-genes.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8183195074506062362.post-9410564360388676882009-03-27T14:22:00.003-05:002009-03-27T14:23:53.434-05:002009-03-27T14:23:53.434-05:00

The only thing worse than feeling pain and sadness so deeply that it seems like it's going to split you in two is feeling nothing at all.

Sugarmouth O'Riordanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11854359806220332036noreply@blogger.com0http://mycancerdeployment.blogspot.com/2009/03/this-or-that.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8183195074506062362.post-89441754444681522562009-03-18T08:04:00.003-05:002009-03-18T08:09:36.497-05:002009-03-18T08:09:36.497-05:00

Whether it's claimed a person from my GI support group at the hospital or someone I only knew from an online distance, it's always at the periphery, milling around, clearing its throat, ensuring that I don't forget.

Sugarmouth O'Riordanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11854359806220332036noreply@blogger.com2http://mycancerdeployment.blogspot.com/2009/03/death.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8183195074506062362.post-55646009811323545502009-03-13T21:16:00.001-05:002009-03-13T21:18:12.371-05:002009-03-13T21:18:12.371-05:00

A clean CT scan.A clean colonoscopy.So why can't I stop copping a feel at the lymph node in my neck?

Sugarmouth O'Riordanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11854359806220332036noreply@blogger.com2http://mycancerdeployment.blogspot.com/2009/03/making-second-job-out-of-second.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8183195074506062362.post-70003463824659777992009-03-10T21:59:00.004-05:002009-03-10T22:09:27.087-05:002009-03-10T22:09:27.087-05:00

Stupid. FUCKING. BOWEL PREP!Didn't want to be a quitter. Didn't want to let down my doctor. Conjured all manner of motivation--particularly my daughter's face--to choke all of the damn liquid down.With only 6 oz. (of 64 total) to go, I had to go and FUCKING VOMIT.Vomit. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!Currently: Waiting to hear back from the GI doc on call to see if I should even bother showing up

Sugarmouth O'Riordanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11854359806220332036noreply@blogger.com0http://mycancerdeployment.blogspot.com/2009/03/beware-salty-language-ahead.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8183195074506062362.post-52346422744211474922009-03-06T13:31:00.001-06:002009-03-06T13:31:17.377-06:002009-03-06T13:31:17.377-06:00

Yesterday I had my six-month follow-up CT scan. I hadn't been thinking much about it before the actual day, mostly because I knew that the only thing worrying would accomplish is steal precious sleep.I was a little on edge yesterday since I had to fast prior to the scan and I am not one to skip meals. Ever. The first appointment was 9am labs, which went relatively ok, except for the fact that

Sugarmouth O'Riordanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11854359806220332036noreply@blogger.com2http://mycancerdeployment.blogspot.com/2009/03/worst-15-minutes-of-last-year.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8183195074506062362.post-24930589164915232602009-03-03T15:04:00.000-06:002009-03-03T15:05:50.549-06:002009-03-03T15:05:50.549-06:00

I've got something of import coming up in a few days but I wanted to post a quick note pertaining to a subject very close to my heart.Well, not so much my heart as it is my butt. Yes, we're going there.We are now in the month of ides, Guinness, lions and lambs but also awareness. March is coloRECTAL (sing it!) cancer awareness month. You all know my story by now, so I will spare a rerun, but

Sugarmouth O'Riordanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11854359806220332036noreply@blogger.com1http://mycancerdeployment.blogspot.com/2009/03/poster-child-for-early-screening.html