My cat loves Daiya!

Trader Joe's Savory Squares

2025-01-30T10:49:00.000-08:00

SLC does not have Aldi or Grocery Outlet sadly. I really miss those stores. I see on social media that Aldi has recently become very vegan friendly! So the best bang for my buck is Trader Joe's. Unfortunately I had stopped going there for a few years because the store here is so small and so packed all the time I just gave up. The good prices and great selection just weren't worth it. Fortunately a new store opened that's a bit larger with wider aisles. 2025 is going to be better!

These crackers weren't around when I used to shop there regularly. They taste like a cheeze-it or nip. Are cheese nips even still a thing or did the its take over? These are made with almond flour and other nutty seedy things. They're gluten free in addition to vegan. I highly recommend. They taste like a well toasted cheese cracker. They don't have the weird fake almost daiya like flavor some vegan cheese crackers have. They have a nice crunchy texture too. Highly recommend! !0/10

Becoming Functional Again

2025-01-29T08:20:00.000-08:00

I've lived with depression for almost my whole life. I've always considered myself a functioning depressed person. It's always been something I've been able to control somewhat. This last bout has really scared me. I haven't been functioning for a very long time. I can see how I've lost myself bit by bit. It isn't something that just happens overnight. I can see how I've been an active participant in this happening. My soul feels dead because I haven't fed it or cared for it. Part of how I've always functioned is doing things I enjoy. Going to the library, reading, cooking. I've slowly stopped doing all of those things. I mean I still cook to an extent but I lost the joy of it. I stopped trying or creating new recipes. I remember I used to love it when I would get an idea for a meal and it would be a success! It was an accomplishment, and a way to care for and nurture myself.

I also really enjoyed blogging. It was something I was proud of, and something I didn't give up on in the beginning like I can do when I start a new thing. I enjoyed the little community I had, and I enjoyed it as a creative outlet.

The thought of blogging again, cooking recipes and just having something to look forward to makes me feel alive. Yesterday I made this delicious, creamy pasta sauce with red lentils, cauliflower, roasted garlic and onions all blended with silken tofu. It was creamy and dreamy. I'm out of practice so I didn't take a picture or write anything down. But it was a start.

As I said before, Feb. 1st. is going to be my new year start. I'm gong to commit to myself as corny as that might sound.

I am still depressed and lonely and processing a lot of dark feelings I've been having. I just want to warn anyone who might be interested in reading further posts. I will talk about mental health and feeling like why go on. I will also talk about cats and vegan food. So there will be light and dark.

I'll be back soon with a recipe and thoughts on a new year new me.

Success!

2025-01-26T10:22:00.000-08:00

I wanted to give an update. I'm actually still in shock and feel hazy and almost drunk. On Friday morning I was at the store getting cat food. An Instagram friend messaged me and told me to check the gfm. An anonymous person donated the amount remaining. Over five thousand dollars. One person! I started crying right in the store! Honestly I still can't believe it. Anyone here who shared or supported thank you.

I am not going to take this for granted. I am going to find some kind of way to make my life better in some kind of way. I need to have a more secure life. I need some kind of support system and I need to be more financially secure. Living under the poverty line has taken a toll and sucked my soul.

I got some new pens and a notebook. I'm going to not so much make plans but organize my goals and dreams. The things I need to do to get out of this rut. Live a healthier, happier, more fulfilled life. My brain has been muddled and cloudy. I've been worried, sad, lonely, despondent, grieving, stressed. So many draining feelings. I don't love planning, but I do love a good list. I love a good checking off of an accomplishment.

Since moving to SLC I've always had goals and plans to improve my life. As a matter of fact that's why I moved here. Somewhere along the way I kept stumbling and stumbling and one day decided to never get back up.

I'm going to start blogging again. This will still be a vegan blog, but I'm gong to write about my trials and tribulations. Blogging was something I enjoyed, and I just slowly stopped doing things I enjoyed. This will be a way to hold myself accountable since I don't have a life coach, or friend or family member to do this with.

2025 started out horribly for me. Makes me scared of what's to come. So, Feb. 1st I'm going to celebrate the new year. I'm going to launch into self improvement mode so I never end up here again.

Hello Take Two

2025-01-20T08:44:00.000-08:00

I have all but given up on everything. I have gone through my share of hard times, but I always had hope that I would be able to make things better in some way. I had dreams and beliefs that at some point they would have to. As long as I kept trying. Trying to do better, be better. In my life I had an eating disorder for over fifteen years but eventually overcame. I smoked cigarettes for many years, it took like a million tries but I quit. I went through a good decade of heavy drinking. Like I'm talking a case or more of beer a day. Every single day of the week. Quit, cold turkey. I've admitted toxic traits I have to myself and worked hard to stop those and improve. I'm still very much a work in progress, I'm just saying that I have been able to overcome and accomplish some things in my life. But Poverty is just something that I have never been able to escape.

I moved to SLC to try and find a way out. Unfortunately my rent has just about doubled. Wages have not. So, now I'm in a city I hate and haven't been able to pull myself out of anything. As a matter of fact, I'm in worse condition. Each year that's gone by I've gotten more and more hopeless. When you lose hope, you don't just wake up one day with no hope. It chips and cracks away over time. Each day a small amount of your light gets blown out. Until one day you wake up feeling like the most dead inside version of yourself. In my case I've just let everything go. I can't live with this much loneliness and financial insecurity anymore. So, I stopped living. I've now put my cats in jeopardy. They are seniors, I don't want them to rot in a shelter. I watched them being born. They don't deserve this. I hate myself.

If anyone out there reads this and can donate or even share the link to my gofundme it would mean the world. I have nothing of value to sell, I have reached out to any social service and church, estranged family everything. Thank you.

https://gofund.me/5dc50b25

Hello

2025-01-13T09:40:00.000-08:00

I can't believe I stopped blogging. Blogging was something that I enjoyed doing. It was a commitment I was proud to keep. It also got me through some very lonely times when I lived in Erie,Pa.

Moving from Seattle to SLC UT has really taken a toll on me. I tried to continue blogging, but my life became so unhappy I simply didn't have the energy to put on a happy face. I also didn't want to post nothing but negative, complaining content.

I'm not sure if I'll ever come back to blogging regularly. My life is still extremely unhappy. My soul is pretty crushed. I used to be someone who woke up pretty happy, as the day progressed that would usually change. But I treasured those early morning moments of happiness. Now as soon as I open my eyes unhappiness hits me like a strong slap in the face,

2024 was a very bad year for me. I had fibroids that were so bad they blocked my bladder. The doctor said one of them was one of the biggest he's seen. I had to have a full hysterectomy shortly after. I was laid off of my job right before the surgery, and fell into a massive depression. I've lived with depression for my whole life. This was one like I've never seen. I lost all sense of reality. I just shifted into a numb feeling of existence. I've fallen behind on rent and need to get caught up fast. In the whole time I've lived here I have made zero friends. I gave up about two years ago. Whatever job I have I'm friendly with coworkers but that's it. I have no couch to surf on. I don't want my cats to go to a shelter.

My friend from Seattle started a gofundme as a last and only resort. I have zero relationship with my family so reaching out to them as fallen on deaf ears. I'm so unhappy. I don't care about myself, i want my cats to not rot in a shelter. My friend stated the gfm because a couple of months ago I lost my wallet and I've been too poor to get a replacement. It's that bad. Like I said, I have just lost my mind. I'm trying to get my life back together.

If anyone reads this and can donate or even share it would mean the world. I have been able to oversome drinking, smoking cigarettes, eating disorder. But financial ruin is something that always follows me.

Thank you for reading and here is a link if anyone can help.

https://gofund.me/60aa07fc

Turning Nothing into Something

2022-07-10T12:33:00.004-07:00

I had half an onion and a red pepper that needed to be used, so I decided to roast them along with some garlic and half a can of white beans I've had in my freezer for a looooooong time. I also had a handful of raw cashews so I threw all of this in a blender with some nooch, salt and pepper.

Tossed with some noodles. I needed to make some kind of homemade, thoughtful food. I'm struggling with cooking anything after work. It's been so hot and by the time I get home I feel dead. So, I'm trying to be kind to myself and be okay with having bean quesadillas or random cheap frozen pizzas from Winco. Life is about balance, so I try to have homemade food on the weekend, even if it is simple.

Like the batch of lentil soup I make to have for breakfast and to take for lunch. This always tastes so, so good on Saturday morning. Not just taste-wise, but it's like my body is just so happy. I think it's less about nutrients and maybe more about feeling some self love. Homemade food is better for the soul I think. It's just an added bonus that it's also healthier for the body.

I haven't forgotten about my commitment to myself to get some help, firstly with therapy. It isn't in the old budget yet, I'm still struggling to play catch up but I have been struggling with some very bad dark thoughts and anxiety. I saw a poster in the back offering some kind of therapy for employees, but it seemed to be work related like maybe if your coworkers are driving you crazy or something. So, I asked the HR person about it, and she is checking on this and other resources for me. That's definitely a big step for me, but I have to try something.

I'll be back next weekend, I hope everyone has a good week!

Brave Robot + CoolHaus Vegan Ice Cream Sandwiches

2022-07-09T14:17:00.000-07:00

It's been in the high nineties for awhile, and now we're hitting one hundred plus here in SLC. I hate it so, s much. Yesterday after work I decided to treat myself to whatever ice cold dessert that was on sale and sounded good. These were on sale and cheaper than any other vegan frozen treat. I've been uninterested in trying Brave Robot ice cream, because it's always really expensive, and also they use vegan whey and it seems unnecessary and weirds me out. Plus, I think vegan ice cream has always been pretty good, even way back in the day so again, unnecessary.But since I am a gal on a budget I try what the sales are.

The ice cream is pretty creamy, but no creamier than any other vegan ice cream I've tried. The cookies are nice and chocolate-y, but the mint ice cream is really, really lacking in flavor. It's like essence of mint. I like really strong minty things. I give them a six out of ten. I definitely wouldn't go out of my way to buy these again, but if on sale I would.

Kiki is still Betty's biggest stalker. She's gotten a bit better, and a bit less angry but she still chases Betty any chance she can get. Here, she's trying to stalk Betty out of the box, when she doesn't even like boxes to begin with.

What I Ate and Will Eat

2022-07-03T13:34:00.002-07:00

My first smoothie in well over a year! I still make a juice almost every day, but smoothies haven't been my thing. But something about the heat in the morning has changed that. I made this with some mango, an avocado, strawberries and pineapple. The avocado and mango made it really smooth and creamy. I'll definitely make this combo again. Summer is here, and we are starting the day out at eighty plus degrees and rising. Blech.

After I cleaned and had my smoothie, I threw these potatoes in the oven for breakfast after yoga. I really wanted ketchup but only had veganaise. Still very delicious.

Awhile ago I bought these instant noodles with curry flavor. The brand has a sesame flavor which I've had and are vegan, so I assumed these were too. But of course not. The noodles are vegan, the seasoning packet has milk. So, last night I used the noodles cold sesame noodles and added baked tofu, cucumber and radish. This was so easy, but it felt like I made myself something fancier.

Bread, strawberries, watermelon, green grapes, green onion, tortillas, tofurky slices, chocolate covered quinoa, Bitchen sauce, avocado,chocolate, baby cucumbers,garlic hummus, peanut butter,Chao slices, tofu

My haul for the week. Turns out Independence day weekend is a great weekend for cheap produce! Smith's has personal watermelons on sale for $.99 each! Green grapes and strawberries were also on a great sale!

The Quinoa crisps and bitchen sauce were on a woohoo last chance sale, so that helped a lot. I did regret buying two watermelons about halfway on my walk home. Although I'm happy they are only personal watermelons!

Today I'm going to prep my homemade frozen burritos for work next week. I have some rice cooling down, and I'm going to assemble and individually wrap them in foil so they're ready to go. I feel content and happy doing this little task. I've never really had a job where I get an actual calm lunch break. So thinking of stuff to eat has been fun. This weekend has been calming in that way. I've been puttering around doing little deep cleaning tasks and I find it soothing. And it's a good release of emotion. You can cry and scrub really hard and it's therapy and a Ms. Clean level scrub!

and creamy. I will defin

Week Two Done and Dusted!

2022-07-02T14:22:00.004-07:00

I made it through week two! I was actually doing work too, not just training. I was entering order numbers with instructions into two or three different programs, all while using two monitors!! I can't believe these words are even coming from me! I'm sure next week they'll up the difficulty a bit, but I'm not as anxious as I was, because I never thought I would be able to figure out what I was doing last week, but I did. I really surprised myself to be honest.

The biggest accomplishment for me is that I didn't give up before I even had a chance to fail. I've done that so many times in my life. I'm really grateful that everyone in the office is so nice, and I guess I feel safe. I've felt a lot of things at other jobs, safe isn't really a normal one for me. It feels nice.

I'm still struggling with meals. Even though my job is only two and a half miles from where I live, I have to either walk or take two buses, so my commute is close to an hour. Isn't that dumb/ If I had a car it would be ten minutes, fifteen tops.

I made a cold potato salad with white beans for protein last week to take for lunches, but it is so freaking cold in that building I struggled with a cold meal. I need warm lunches!

I didn't know these existed until I stumbled across them at Winco at a really great price. So far Amy's are the best and least soggy frozen burrito.

I'm going to make my own frozen burritos this weekend. One of the many perks of an office job is a three day weekend! Even though I don't really feel the Independence vibe as a woman this year. So, my celebration will be trying to cook some delicious food for myself.

The only bad thing about working Monday through Friday is that I don't see a trip to Trader Joe's in my future. Luckily Smith's/Kroger?Fred Meyer has gotten really vegan friendly over the years.

I'll be back tomorrow with a little Smith's haul. Hopefully some deeper thoughts too. This week has been pretty great, but I did have someone hurt my feelings and the loneliness and needing a hug or something was strong for a few days. I'm still a little foggy today, but feeling better.

Thanks again for reading and all the kind words!

Small Smith's Haul

2022-06-26T09:36:00.002-07:00


Red lentils, baby red potatoes, vegan deli slices, salsa, green onion, English muffins, vegan yogurt, onions, Impossible sausage, vegan oyster sauce, strawberries, oranges, white beans, taco style beans, soy sauce, soymilk, hokkien noodles, hot and sour soup (both clearance)

I went to Smith's this morning for a few groceries. Last week I was unprepared or I should say I just didn't prep anything because it was my first week and I was too nervous to think about food. I relied on microwave frozen burritos that I found on sale. Most of them tasted okay, but I don't like that soggy texture. Dare I say moist? (cringe) Since meal prepping never works for me, I'm going to make a few things for easy lunches, and I'm going to prep a few things for easier cooking. If I don't have to dice an onion and mince garlic I'm more likely to make an actual meal for dinner. I think making meals for myself, and having tastier food will help with my overall mood and mental state for my second week.

Betty's first cuddle!!

Out of all the girls, Floofy has been the most receptive to Betty, but this was a first! I'm not sure who was there first, but they were like this when I got home from the store! Progress happening all over here, as we regress as a country!

Whew, My First Week!

2022-06-25T10:11:00.002-07:00

Well, I made it thorough my first week at my new job! This sweet boy belongs to someone who I work with, and his name is Otis. He brought me a lot of comfort on a day when I really needed it!

The good news is that everyone is really, really nice. I work in a department with three ladies who are really, really great. I lucked into a job with like minded people which I've really never had. It's a very nice and supportive work environment.

This is my little office space and also the bad news. You guys, two monitors? I didn't know this was a thing people did. I guess other than gamers and super computer-y people. So, it's been overwhelming learning the programs and all the things. I mean, I haven't even come close to learning all the things. I have come home and cried every night of the week, but I haven't cried at work and I haven't given up. By nature I'm a crier, so it really isn't that big of a deal. I'd rather be crying because I'm learning something new from nice people than crying because I'm miserable around toxic people.

Someone who designs the tags and signs is really good at puns. Noah Zark, Kent Swim. There are a lot on the website too.

I was hoping to share some food, but I have lived on sad, soggy ass microwave burritos for lunch, and various whatevers for dinner. Tomorrow I'm going to prep some things like onions and garlic and press some tofu so that it's easier to cook when I come home. Also, prep some lunches because frozen burritos aren't the best.

This was the best of the bunch that I tried. The tortilla didn't really sog up, and the flavor was really, really good. But my problem with all of Amy's products is always the price. I found this somewhere on sale, so I would buy again if on sale. But it's pretty small so it's not worth the full price in my budget life opinion.

Joan being the sleepiest girl!

Monday Monday

2022-06-19T13:50:00.001-07:00

Today I've been reflecting on the past month and a half and how emotional and chaotic it's been. Somehow I've come out on the other end, and tomorrow I start my new job and hopefully a fresh start.

I'm scared of how low I let myself go. And I'm scared of it happening again. That's why my mental health is my number one priority. As soon as I'm caught up and have a budget I will be seeking therapy. It feels so strange to say those two words. When you live paycheck to paycheck there's no budgeting, there's only hoping you'll get by another month.

As I mentioned in previous posts I'm going to use this blog to hold myself accountable. I want to continue to move forward. That means mental health and also more education. Even though this job is customer service but different, it's still customer service which I couldn't be more sick of. So, I need to better myself in some way so I can do more.

I'm hoping to blog maybe once during the week and then on weekends. Talking about the highs and lows and struggles and victories. And of course cats and vegan food.

Thanks for being there and being supportive. Loneliness is something that weighs on you and gets worse over time. It's scary and incredibly sad.

Wish me luck tomorrow!

Roxy wanted to remind everyone she's the cutest!

The Highs and Lows

2022-06-12T14:09:00.000-07:00

I saw the signs from last week this morning on my walk and had to take a picture. I wonder how many other people these signs have helped? I know it might sound silly, but when you have no cheerleaders in your life, random signs really make a difference.

I have had some highs and lows over the past twenty four hours. I got the job I wanted yesterday. I went in telling myself this job is mine and I'm taking it! The interview must have gone as great as I felt it did because they offered me the job right away! I start next week. It's called Coller Industries, they make name tags and things like that. So, while it is customer service, it's mostly phone and online. And we mostly deal with businesses not so much the public at large. It's a small business, and I get the sense that it is a very nice and supportive work environment. It also pays what is a livable wage for me, maybe not for someone with more expenses, but for me I will be comfortable. I'm honestly most excited about working in a non toxic work environment. I've never had a job that is non toxic and pays me enough to live without having to dig in my couch for rent change. I'm so grateful. I decided to walk home from the interview because it wasn't super hot yet, and I had that excited energy that i needed to burn. The place is a little more than two miles from my apartment, and I think I had a goofy grin the whole time! It's been awhile since I've had a goofy grin so I'm not complaining!

Things are mostly looking up for me, my landlord however has decided not to work with me, and I have until Thursday to pay my rent. I was hoping she would work out some easier solution, but I've lived her a long time and she's never been reasonable. I can complain about her all I want, but ultimately I know how she is and what the hell did I expect?

Berating myself doesn't help, and I can't let myself go backwards because that's what got me here. It can only get worse. I have to share my GoFundMe again. I have to do what I can to get out of this jam and I just don't know what else to do.

It's like I'm almost there, there's just this huge hurdle in my way. I hope I can make it over the hurdle and become a success story. It can be a modest success story, but I need life to be more than it has.

Thank you all for your support in whatever way. I appreciate the kind comments. I appreciate people believing in me. I'm trying to believe in myself, but it isn't something I've really ever done, and life has been so sad and chaotic it's not the easiest.

https://gofund.me/fd79a459

Moving Forward

2022-06-08T13:45:00.000-07:00

I wanted to share some good news. This past Sunday I was feeling very alone, scared and hopeless. I felt like nothing matters. later in the day, I got a GoFundMe donation, which made me work on telling myself that I matter to someone, someone who doesn't even know me. It was enough to pull me out of that dark place. The next morning I was coming home from my walk and there were two signs in someone's lawn. One said You Matter and the other said Don't Give Up. I started crying believe it or not. I got home and felt more motivated, chipper and energetic than I have in a very, very long time. I think for me the most important feeling that I felt was hope. No matter how down on my luck I've been in the past, I've always had a glimmer of hope for brighter days. That glimmer has been gone for so long and it was killing me.

So, later that same day I scheduled an interview for a job that pays a livable wage for me. It also is still in the customer service realm, but it's not retail or restaurant or any of those things. The company makes name tags and things like that so I think it's more dealing with companies on the phone and on the webz. It's not too far from where I live so transportation is doable. I think this can be a job that doesn't make me dread life, and pays me enough to pay bills and have a bit extra. Where every cent I have to spend isn't so scary because I don't have enough cents to go around.

I am going to give this interview my ALL. I still feel a slight glimmer of hope and I am protecting it.

Moving forward, I hope to start Blogging again. But it isn't going to only be about food. Veganism is a huge part of my life and always will be so this will be food forward I guess? But I also want to talk about my struggles and what I am doing to help myself with those struggles. I want to do this for a couple of reasons. The first being to hold myself accountable. It case I hate this job, I still want to be working on myself. I want to get mental health help, and I want to get some further education so I can have more choices and get some financial stability in my life. It can be easy for me to get lost in my depression, and just kind of go to work and other than that not move forward. So I think this will help. I never want to be in a low place like this again. The second reason is because I know I'm not the only person who struggles financially, with mental health and maybe even health issues. So I'm hoping maybe I'll figure something out and be able to pass that along, or even if I do actually make myself aa success maybe that can give someone else hope. Loneliness and hopelessness are two of the worst and most dangerous ways to feel.

I guess I have a third reason to share. I want anyone who has donated to see where their donation is going. Getting to keep my home and ensure a better future are number one to me right now.

My interview is Friday morning, so wish me luck! I will definitely report back, and hopefully this is the first of many positive changes.

My GoFundMe is here if anyone is interested. https://gofund.me/fd79a459

Betty!

2022-06-04T12:49:00.012-07:00

This is the newest member of the family! Her name is Betty, named after my favorite grandma. I don't know if you guys remember Bubba, the grumpy alley cat I adopted? Unfortunately in February he very suddenly got sick and passed. Betty is one of the many neighborhood homeless kitties I feed, and she was very small and skinny. She also has very short hair so I worried for her in the winter. I worry for all of them, but Betty was very friendly, and would sit on the rail of the balcony looking longingly in my window.

Toy Box Nappin!

Most of the girls have accepted her, or just choose to ignore her. Joan sometimes gets weird, but like with Bubba, Kiki has all the problems. But where Bubba was happy avoiding kiki or running away, Betty is feisty and chases and punches back. Luckily it's not serious fighting. Betty has the sweetest little personality and I'm so glad she's safe.

I want to thank everyone for even checking for my post, and thanks to anyone who donated to my GoFundMe. The support means more than anything. When I first had my falling out with my family, I thought not having any family wouldn't be a big deal since I wasn't close to them in the first place. In Seattle where I had more friends it was a bit easier. But moving to Utah has been very isolating for me. I don't love it or even like it here, and everything has just been one struggle after one struggle and feeling so bitterly alone has taken a toll.

But I'm looking towards the future that I if I work hard might be bright and pull me out of this darkness I've been in for years if I'm really honest.

https://gofund.me/fd79a459

It's Been So Long

2022-06-01T10:31:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it's been almost a year since I've blogged. Not only have I not blogged, I've kind of just fallen off from the community. I've started and deleted so many posts over the months.

My mental health has been rapidly declining and I haven't really been cooking anything new or exciting. I also just don't have the energy to kind of act happy I guess. But I also didn't want this to be a place where I cry and bring others down.

With groceries getting more expensive, and then my creativity totally zapped, I guess I feel like I don't have much to add to the community right now. I don't even have any budget tips to share because my mind is just muddled.

I feel like an ass because I've fallen off the face of the earth, and now I'm coming on here asking for help. I am in a jam and I have started a GoFundMe to try and help. I desperately want to better my life so that I don't get into these pickles anymore. Between my mental health and my inability to get paid a livable wage this always happens to me.

I have tried to reach out to my family and beg them for help regarding mental health help and also taking classes to gain a skill but I have been ghosted.

I don't know what else to do, I am scared, alone and desperate and it has come to this.

I am going to post my gofundme link here. https://gofund.me/fd79a459 If you are so inclined and able I would love anyone to take a glance. I have had several job interviews so I am working on getting out of this funk, it's just that I need help to get out of this immediate jam, and I desperately need to be able to better my life. It feels pointless to keep trying if I can't get my head right, and if I can't find a more fulfilling in every way job.

Thank you and I hope one day I'll be better and back to blogging. I'm also going to turn comments off which I know some might consider a wimp move, and I guess it is but I am very sad, ashamed, scared and fragile so I just can't handle being told what a loser I am.

Time To Really Think

2021-07-28T08:48:00.003-07:00

I've been really hating my blog posts recently. I started this blog as an outlet to express myself. People in my life didn't give any shits about veganism, or animal rights or anything. Blogging has always been something I enjoyed, a very positive outlet for me. Especially as I was walking away from so many unhealthy outlets like drinking and smoking.

Lately I just haven't felt like I can express myself here. Mainly because I am extremely unhappy, some of it is my depression which is just always there, but some of it is real unhappiness with my life. I'm miserable in Utah. I miss Seattle so much, but more than that I'm just not happy here. I feel stuck and hopeless and I just don't have the energy to come on here and be inauthentic. But I also don't want this blog to turn into Days of Our Depression or anything like that. So, I'm just kind of stuck.

I'm also in a rut in the kitchen. My hauls are all the same no matter where I shop because I've been sticking to simple foods. I haven't had a huge appetite or desire for trying new recipes. And I've pretty much given up on trying new vegan foods. Each one is more expensive than the last and I can't do it. My rent has been raised twice in the past year and I'm not making more money so the newest vegan whatever isn't even on my radar.

I don't know how long I'll be gone. Maybe something amazing will happen tomorrow and I'll be zapped back to life. Since life is unfortunately not like a feel good movie I doubt that will happen. But either way I'll be back either when I feel better or if I decide blogging isn't for me I'll be back to say goodbye.

I've been out of the blog world for awhile. I just feel bad seeing things I can't afford, or recipes I wish I could feel like making. But I'll shake it off and be back. How can I expect to feel inspired if I don't peruse things to inspire me?

See you guys in the future.

Trying Some Trader Joe's Vegan Thangs!

2021-07-23T12:52:00.000-07:00

Years ago I had tried a scallion pancake when I was having takeout. Like so many years ago. Anyway, I remember loving the onion-y flakiness of it. I tried to make scallion pancakes myself at some point, but mine were just a greasy, oily mess and they kind of hurt my stomach. I've been dreaming of them ever since.

Trader Joe's has scallion pancakes in their main freezer section, but they aren't vegan. Every few months I forget that I know they aren't vegan, get excited, read the ingredients and then feel sad. Well, on my last trip I noticed they have a tiny little frozen "What's New" by the ice cream, and they have Taiwanese scallion pancakes that say vegan right on the package!

They're so good, and easy to heat up. You just throw it in a pan for a few minutes each side, and bam you have a flaky delicious pancake!

Yellow curry soup with a pancake on the side. Better than takeout!

You guys, this stuff is so freaking good! I've been dipping lots of pita bread, and this morning I made a little breakfast wrap with seasoned soy curls, lettuce and lots of this humus slathered on a flatbread. It's $1.99 which makes it even better! Ten out of ten!

I finally tried these Lightlife smart tenders. I've been looking at these for years at Trader Joe's! They're basically a "chicken " tender with no breading. I just cooked mine in a pan on the stove top, but if you are a griller I bet these would be great for that! At Trader Joe's these were $2.99 for six. Not the best or worst price. For me, I'll just stick with tofu!

I Tried Meghan Markle's Zucchini Pasta

2021-07-19T11:42:00.000-07:00

Yesterday morning I went on a four plus mile walk. Walking has become a kind of therapy for me. I really hash out and think about things. Sometimes I even talk to myself. I've been busted by people sitting on their porches having morning tea or coffee. Pretty embarrassing!

By the time I got home I was drenched in sweat and beyond hangry, so I made a refreshing smoothie while I figured out what I wanted for my actual first meal.

Frozen mango, banana, avocado,spinach, flax powder

This is so ugly, but boy was it tasty. So tasty I had the same thing today. I picked up the Mideast feast from Trader Joe's. It was a splurge, I've always wanted to try it! It has hummus, stuffed grape leaves, lentil salad and this bulgur tomato salad. So I slathered my pita with the hummus, and added the lentils and some of the bulgur. The lentil salad is so tasty I have to figure out how to season my lentils like this!!

A very long time ago I came across Meghan Markle's zucchini pasta. It's a very simple recipe, you basically cook zucchini and onion slow and low for four hours, then serve the sauce with pasta. I don't love zucchini, but I always like to find a way to love a vegetable since I struggle. Anyway, I finally got around to trying it. I used this recipe. (No Parm of course)

I can tell you that my apartment smelled INCREDIBLE!!! Now, I didn't love this recipe but it's my own fault. When you really cook something down, you're concentrating the flavors so I don't know why I thought this would be life changing for me. The sauce is very, very earthy and squash-y. If you love zucchini, this is for you. It's very inexpensive to make, especially in the summer, and especially if you have a garden because I know zucchini like to grow!! You could easily throw in some white beans or a little tofu for extra protein. So, even though I didn't love this, I recommend this recipe to anyone who loves zucchini, on a budget or not!

Heavy Trader Joe's Haul

2021-07-17T08:05:00.001-07:00

I knew someone in Seattle who was a hoarder. Like the tv show, no exaggeration hoarder. She had both an insane amount of things,but she also really never cleaned because one, how could you with all the stuff in the way, and I don't think it was important to her. I asked her one time how it all started, and she said she got depressed, and then one day her house was like this. I know all to well how depression can kind of make time stand still in a way, and then suddenly it's next year. Ever since hearing her explanation, I've made a rule for myself for when I get depressed. Three days maximum of losing it and letting things go like cleaning, self care, etc. That includes shopping for food! I really wanted to order from Whole Foods again, but I also knew a lot of things I needed are cheaper at Trader Joe's. I filled my cart at Whole Foods with my budget, and I just knew I could get more for my bucks at Trader Joe's. So, I forced myself on that bus and went to Trader Joe's! One point for frugality, zero depression!

Ginger, coconut milk, vegan caramelized onion dip, cilantro, shredded cabbage, dill pickle chips(not vegan), sriracha tofu, romaine lettuce, pita bread, potato, nectarines, plum, green pepper, tabbouleh style hummus, lightlife Chicken strips, frozen mango, spinach, kombucha

I got to the store right when they opened and at first they weren't busy, but by the time I got to the chip aisle it was picking up so I guess I didn't read the chip ingredients. I assumed since Lay's pickle chips are vegan these would be too. But sadly they have whey powder. I didn't notice till after I took the picture. I really wanted to snack on these yesterday too!! :(

Vegan drumsticks, tofurky slices, frozen strawberries, tofu, bananas, Mideast style feast,spicy lentil wrap, vegan gummies, Thai green chili sauce, fruit frenzy bars, spiced chai concentrate, garbanzo beans, red chili flakes, turmeric, lemons, fizzy water

You know how sometimes you're just in a bad way and a kind word or gesture from a stranger can make a difference? Well, my cashier was so freaking sweet, and I mentioned something about the bus and he was so worried about me getting home, he took extra care packing my fizzy water and said he would give me a ride if he weren't working. And he also thanked me for being so nice to talk to! I can't remember the last time anyone has said that to me! It really made my day, and it made the bus trip home easier. He was so nice I pulled a reverse Karen and called to compliment him and the store!

Joan is like me, she likes her alone time and seeks out safe places. It always makes me laugh when she tucks herself away but leaves her tail or a little tootsie hanging out!

Kind of Homemade

2021-07-14T09:15:00.002-07:00

I found this on sale at Smith's last week. I've tried a few jarred curry sauces that I haven't loved, but I've also had a lot of Private Selection products that I have loved. I like to have little shortcuts like this so you can kind of half a half homemade meal. Does anyone remember Semi Homemade with Sandra Dee on the food network?

I simmered some red lentils and baked tofu in this sauce. It was a little sharp, like maybe too much citrus for my liking, so I added a little extra coconut milk. It was pretty tasty, and it was nice having the help on a day when I barely felt like cooking.

Seven out of ten, would buy again if on sale.

I made Singapore noodles the other night, but I didn't have enough curry powder so they were very mild. I can't believe I've let myself run out of curry powder! I hate cooked bell pepper, so I had mine raw on the side instead of in the noodles.

Last night I baked some tofu and threw it in some flour tortillas with jalapeno, cilantro, radish and a spicy peanut sauce. This hit the spot, and reminded me that I need to think outside of the taco box more often!

I hope to try another seitan recipe today or tomorrow. It's this recipe, and I think it looks like it could be the one! I still haven't found a go to seitan recipe, so fingers crossed!

Vegan Haul and Pizza

2021-07-11T09:19:00.000-07:00

I really wanted to go to Trader Joe's this week to stock up on some things, but between depression and triple digit temperatures, I just couldn't make myself do it. So, I got a small Whole Foods delivery, and thankfully a friend gave me a ride to Sprouts for some desperately needed fruits and veggies. I struggle with public transportation when I'm feeling this way. If I can just run into a store I can handle it, but when I have to walk in the blazing sun, wait for a bus in the blazing sun, deal with the people on the bus and then walk home in the blazing sun with heavy bags, it can really just be too much. I'm struggling with living in Utah in general to be honest, but what can I do other than do my best to stay hydrated and moisturized so I don't turn into a raisin. Utah raisin?

Red lentils, oatly, avocados, tomato, fizzy water, celery, strawberries,citrus pop ups, coconut milk, bath salts, parsley, garlic

Grapes, rice noodles, BBQ corn chips(not very good), live booch soda, tofu. strawberries, spring rolls, carrot,oranges, potato, kombucha, Jalfrezi curry sauce, watermelon, mini peppers, cherry plums, red onion, yellow and white nectarine, garlic

If you see cherry plums anywhere, do yourself a favor and grab some! They taste like a plum with just a little extra pizazz. I've eaten half the bag in a day and a half!

Last night my friend and I split a vegan pizza from a very vegan friendly place called The Pie Pizzeria.

I'm so used to places maybe having vegan cheese if you're lucky, it was a bit overwhelming to see all the vegan meats and such as options. I've always been a cheese or veggies kind of pizza person, so we went with just a vegan veggie no green peppers, sub banana peppers.

This had onion, black olives, mushrooms, banana pepper, vegan mozzarella and cheddar, and topped with fresh tomato. It was pretty tasty although honestly it had too much cheese. You know how it has to be just the right amount of vegan cheese? But the cold leftovers were great for breakfast!

Stuff I've Tried

2021-07-08T13:37:00.001-07:00

I've been kind of absent around the blogosphere lately. This summer so far has been a struggle for me. I feel like Pigpen but instead of a cloud of a dirt cloud I'm just dragging around a cloud of funk. I haven't been eating the most exciting food and I struggle with what to say. I don't want to be fake positive, but I also don't want to moan and groan all the time. I know a lot of us struggle with mental health and it can be so hard to try and be "normal" whatever that is.

I have tried a few new to me things in the past week or so, so I guess that gives me something to say right?

I try to make my own cold brew coffee, but I have a lot of learning to do. I think Dunkin makes great coffee. The hype is true!

This tempeh is so freaking good! I don't love tempeh, I will always choose tofu but this stuff is pretty great. I don't even fry it, I just take it out of the package for sandwiches. Chef's kiss!

This little dinner of red lentil coconut curry, flat bread and spinach pakoras include two new to me things!

The pakoras are from the Indian market and are really, really tasty. The bouillon cubes are from Sprouts. I used one cube in place of my usual curry powder and it worked out great!

I found this little kit at Smith's. They have several flavors, but Korean BBQ sounded best to me! It comes with rice, spices and sauce. It's accidentally vegan, and I had just gotten some soy curls so it seemed meant to be.

It's really easy to make, and I was pleasantly surprised that the sauce has a little kick! This was a nice, quick and easy dish. The rice was the most time consuming element and that's hands off. I would definitely buy this again!

Hauls, Free Apricots plus Bubba!

2021-07-04T11:39:00.001-07:00

I have a tiny Smith's and Natural Grocers haul this week. I really need to do a bigger shop at Trader Joe's or Sprouts, but I couldn't handle any type of crowd this week. I bought more candy than I should have, but sometimes Natural Grocers has good candy for a nice sale and I just can't resist!


Fizzy water, nectarines, Asian salad mix, lemons, popsicles, Korean beef meal kit

These were brand new and on sale. The sauce packet is accidentally vegan, so I'm just going to use soy curls! I've watches some Tasty videos, so I have high hopes!

My favorite salad at my favorite price!

Green onions, strawberries, kale, seasoned tofu, unreal peanut m&m candies,Ocho chocolate peanut butter bars, Little Secrets chocolates, Treeline cheese (clearance!) Epsom salts, soy curls, avocado, vitamin c packs, nag champa, Udon noodles, kombucha

This random mish mash is what happens when I just can't focus on the smallest thing like making a freaking grocery list! Hopefully I'll feel up to a busier store this week so I can stock up a bit more.

I discovered this apricot tree on my morning walk! It's in the parking lot of this abandoned building so I think that means free apricots when they're ripe! I've never had an apricot fresh off of a tree so this should be a treat!

Bubba has taken custody of the pink sweater mid morning till sometime in the afternoon. It all depends on his mood!

Clearing Out and Trying New Things

2021-06-30T13:10:00.001-07:00

The condiment section of my fridge has gotten a bit out of control. I'm trying to go through the various sauces and dressings to use them before they go bad. I'm a sucker for a sauce, especially on sale!

I found this on sale awhile ago, and I don't love it. It's okay, but I'm not reaching for it all the time. The other day I wanted to make a noodle dish, and I decided to make some kimchi slaw to go on the side.

I just tossed the noodles in some garlic chili oil, added some baked tofu and had the slaw on the side. I probably won't buy the mayo again, but it's fun to try new things!

Awhile ago I was watching someone make pizza, and their crust had such a crunch that mine never gets. I noticed they were using bread flour so I picked up a bag and made this roasted garlic and broccoli pizza. What a difference the bread flour made! The crust had a nice crunchy outside, but it was still soft on the inside. I don't think I'll ever go back to all purpose again! Apparently bread flour has more protein than all purpose, so I think if I ever decide to try the Tik Tok washed flour seitan, I'll try with bread flour.

This pizza was so good, I really should have tried to get a better picture, but my nerves were frazzled from renovation noises plus more handy men having to come in for the never ending drain issues. Yes, that's still happening.

A few weeks ago I grabbed these as a treat/impulse buy at Sprouts. I wish I could say that I loved them, I really, really wanted to love them but they were just okay. They were very, very sweet. Like sweet is all you taste. It took me three days to eat one, and the other two are in the freezer for a rainy day when I need a serious sugar rush!

Last summer I discovered this peach tree down an alley near my apartment, and the other morning I saw some little baby peaches! I can't wait till they're ripe and falling off the tree. "Millions of peaches, peaches for me, millions of peaches, peaches for free!"