MY COLLECTIONZZZ

THE FONOMANIA...

2012-08-20T08:03:00.002-07:00

We live in a world where the degree of fake-ness of your glares (read Raj-ban, not Ray-ban) can decide a persons coolness quotient. A phone can say a lot about you. There are actual research papers on this topic that are used by recruiters for behavioral studies of potential candidates.
1. The iPhone: You are rich! Theres no way you can justify the functionality for that price. There are phones that are available for half the price. Consider yourself among the sensible sub-type if you did not run out to buy the new iPhone 4s even though you already had the previous edition! Apple has successfully sucked you into its addictive world of trans-human philosophy. Accept it, you are an Apple fanboy. (Apple fanboys will probably sue this post)
2. Samsung Galaxy: You adore asian perfection (limited only to technology, other domains are not covered in this study) You like wearing skinny jeans and skinny shirts just to show how thin (read: skinny) your phone is! You are rich too, not as much as the iPhone people, but a close second.
3. Maxx/Spice/Karbonn/Lemon, Orange, Mango and the works..: The new breed of people phones! They include everything, right from the humble blackcherry to the high end oPhone. You like to have every possible feature out there in your phone and more. Projector, Radio, WIFI, messenger, Can opener you name it and your phone has it. Patenting issues or the phones life don’t worry you. Don’t let anyone ridicule you for having a projector or a salt tester in your phone. Rock On!
4. Blackberry: The most rapidly expanding group of people out there. You like to chat – A lot! When you are not updating your next status message on Facebook, you are typing away furiously on the minuscule keys of your Blackberry. They would gladly buy the iPhone if it had a physical keyboard, dedicated messenger and a trackball in the middle of the touchscreen. Your conversations include a lot of Mwaahzzz and Lolzzzz. The number of smileys supersedes the number of normal characters in a sentence.
P.S. They sometimes forget that a blackberry is an actual fruit.
5. An Android: The smart ones. Why pay for something when its available for free – Legally! Android coders consider themselves as the messiahs of the technology world. You love the good old iPhone vs Android debates and tell off iPhone users with a cool “Does your phone do this?”
You just might be reading this on your android, right?
6. The Galaxy Note: You deserve to be socially outcasted. (hence a different category all together) A phone that doesn’t fit into your pocket is not technically a phone. If you own this, you probably own a Mens Bra, which is as unnecessary as the Galaxy Note. You are rich too… and stupid!
7. Nokia: Lets just say you’d like your phone to work even after a nuclear apocalypse. Still considered by many as the pinnacle in robustness. If you still use this, you
a) are too lazy to buy a flashlight (1100!!)
or b) Still think Apple, Lemon and Blackberry are things we eat.
The average Nokia user is a woman (87% according to a recent study)
The name of the town of Nokia originated from the river which flowed through the town. The river itself, Nokianvirta, was named after the old Finnish word originally meaning sable, later pine marten. A species of this small, black-furred predatory animal was once found in the region, but it is now extinct… Just like the phones will be very soon!

IT HAPPENS ONLY IN INDIA

2012-08-20T08:00:00.003-07:00

It Happens Only in India

“Aapko hui asuvidha ke liye hame khed hai!”, its a line most of you would have heard, even if you have visited New Delhi Railway Station even once in your life time. And though this announcement is made when trains are running late, but we might as well go through some other asuvidha’s as well. Just to clarify- I am not going to rant about how useless our Railway Ministry is (because i bet we all can do a thesis on efficiency of most of the ministries, where common man is concerned!). I would rather enlist some peculiar person and ridiculous situations that we encounter on these journeys:
Number 1: The people behind the ticket counters. One encounter with them, and you had think it was You who forced them to do this job. They never have any Change, besides even if they know how to, they never talk politely. If you want to know what a “slow motion” would look like, do come and take a look.
Number 2: Have you ever come across the beggars! No, I am not saying that we should not be sympathetic towards the needy. But these particular beggars will force you to “need” to run away. Just give one of them a packet of biscuit (only if you know how to dodge them!). And out of no where about ten small children will surround you with cries of “de do, de do.” I still haven’t mastered the art of avoiding them…. do tell me if you get to know :p
P.S. I quite forgot to mention the beggar who was telling\begging a guy ,that I don’t buy tiger biscuits, I only buy Good day…so five rupees won’t do!
Number 3: And have you seen the Policemen stationed for people’s security. I guess you would not. Because they can only be seen in a shadowy and cool place. Security comes into play only when some high ranking official is supposed to visit.
Number 4: The rats and Dogs. They can definitely give Jerry and Scooby doo a run for their money! Looking at those fat, ugly rats, who can make any mortal shout at the highest pitch..you can not imagine why so much of our “human” population is malnutritioned.

Number 5: The T.T.E. is one amazing creature too. Get in your compartment, and you will invariably find eight peole occupying a seat meant for six. As soon as the T.T.E. will approach, they will reach him, and what follows quite often seems like a round table conference, where some issue as serious as World Peace is being discussed. When the meeting breaks over, you can detect the smile on the face of the extras..and an even bigger grin plastered on the T.T.E.’s face. And if I have to tell you the reason for it, well you might not be an Indian! :p
Number 6: In the huge compound of New Delhi Station, you can encounter a train called the “Jan Sadharan” if you are lucky enough. What you witness there is nothing short of a miracle. Passengers throw their 3-5 year old children inside through windows, in a bid to secure a seat. The train I presume must carry approx three times the people it was meant to accomodate. It does seem like our ministers take Darwin’s theories about origin and evolution too seriously- beacuse they don’t seem to know how to arrange for people’s commuting.
Number 7: If you wish to do any research on what would be the effect of aliens descending among people on Earth, so again the railway station is probably the best place. Follow any foreigner (from west) and see how more than half the people on stations behave! In my opinion this is what people’s reaction will be if koi mil gaya’s jaadu comes down. And i don’t blame them…maybe all these “fair-skinned” travel loving people are coated in fevicol. That would explain the eyes glued to them. :p
Number 8: And this is the one which really celebrates our Indian culture and ethos. Whenever some family visits or is about to leave, a group of about 15 people will follow the family of three. If they are leaving, the farewells and tears seem like the family is departing for the heaven. And if it be a Coming home, well then the hugs and kisses remind me of kumbh ke mele me bichre hue bhai! :p
Number 9: And if you think that this is the end, think again! The package is not complete until you get out and meet the taxi and autowallas. They will descend upon you like a swarm of bees, and if you take more than five minutes to get in (and pay such high prices that you could possibly have ordered a limo) they will all but drag you with your luggage inside their vehicles.
But all said and done, if nothing else, still travelling in Indian Railways is always eventful and memorable. Don’t you think so? So, do have a safe Journey. Hum aapke sukhad yaatra ki kaamna karte hain

HASYA KAVITA

2012-08-20T07:23:00.000-07:00

Last week I read a nice small hasya kavita in a magzine. I then added something from my side to it and soon it was hit with my friend. It was quite funny as it talked about regular life. It was of a person who had trouble with his eye which keeps on winking.

So here goes the kavita:

Waise to mai ek sharif insaan hoon.
Magar apni bayi(left) ankh se pareshan hoon.
Apne aap chalti hai,
log samajhte hai chalayi gayi hai,
Jaan booch kar milaye gayi hai.

Bachpan mai class mai,
Ek ladki baithi thi paas mai.
Uska naam tha chitralekha,
Usne mujhe dekha, maine use dekha.
Ankh bayi chal gayi,
Ladki class chor de chal di.

Kuch samay baad, hamay hai yaad.
Principle ne bulaya, lamba lecture pilaya.
Hamne kaha bhool ho gayi,
Unhone kaha,
aisa bhi hota hai bhool mai?
Sharam nahi aati ankh chalate school hai.

Isse pehle ki sacchai batate, zuban hilate.
Ankh bayi chal gai…

Hua hai parinaan, kat gaya school se hamare naan.
Ba-mushkil tamaan, mila hai ek kaam.
Khade they interview ke que hai.
Saamne ek ladki khadi thi,
Uski nazar hampar padi
Ankh bayi chal gai, ladki uchal gayi.
Anye umeedwaar chonke, uska paksh lekar bhonke.
Maar maar kar joote chappal, tod diya hama bakkal.

Bhayankar peeda hui sar mai,
Ghus gaye ek ghar mai.
Gharwali ne poocha kaun,
hum reh gaye maon.
Usne kaha batate ho ya police ko bulau…
Isse pehle ki zuban hilau, ankh bayi chal gayi.
Mahila cheekhi, saakshat durga si dikhi.
Ekatthe ho gaya adosi-padosi, mama-mosi.
Mach gaya hungama,
chaddi ban gaya hamare pajama.

Jab aaya hosh,
haspatal mai pade thay khamosh.
Bagal mai nurse khadi thi,
Poocha dara kahan kaha hai.
Kaha kaha dard batate, isse pehle ki zuban hilate.
Ankh bayi chal gayi…

Nurse to muskari magar doctor ko khal gayi.
Kuch der baad, hame hai yaad.
Wardboy aaya, kaha
Baad bad gayi hai, doctor ko khal gayi hai.
Tumhara case bigarwa dega,
Ya murda kehkar gadwadega.

Isse pehle ki tooti hamari hadiya..
Ham bhaag gaye pehne pattiya.

So how was it?

DESI TRAITS OF AN INDIAN !!!!

2012-08-20T07:16:00.000-07:00

THE DESI TRAITS

44 Ways to Know whether U R a Indian or Not - Facts
Pretty amusing...but mostly true and interesting.
Guess at least some of
them are common globally also though...
Read this it's really cool , dont be suprised if you
can picture some
friends and relations when you read these .
You are Indian if...
1. Everything you eat is savored In garlic, onion
and tomatoes.
2. You try and reuse gift wrappers, gift boxes, and
of course aluminum foil.
3. You try to eject food particles from between your
teeth by pressing
your tongue against them and making a peculiar noise
like, tshick,
tshick, tschick, tschick.
4. You are standing next to the two largest size
suitcases at the Airport.
5. You arrive one or two hours late to a party - and
think its normal.
6. You peel the stamps off letters that the Postal
Service missed to mark up.
7. You recycle Wedding Gifts.
8. You name your children in rhythms (example, Honey
Money, madhu, wadhu, Sita &Gita, Ram & Shyam.
9. All your children have pet names, which sound
nowhere close to their
real names.
10. You take Indian snacks anywhere it says "No Food
Allowed"
11. You talk for an hour at the front door when
leaving someone's house.
12. You load up the family car with as many people
as possible.
13. You use plastic to cover anything new in your
house whether it's the
remote control, VCR, carpet or new couch.
14. Your parents tell you to not care what your
friends think but they
won't let you do certain things because of what the
other "Uncles And
Aunties" will think.
15. You buy and display crockery, which is for
special occasions, which
never happen.
16. You have a vinyl tablecloth on your kitchen
table.
17. You use grocery bags to hold garbage.
18. You keep leftover food in your fridge in as many
numbers of bowls as possible.
19. Your kitchen shelf is full of jam jars,
varieties of bowls and
plastic utensils (got free with some household
items).
20. You carry a stash of your own food whenever you
travel (and travel means any car ride longer than 15 minutes).
21. You own a rice cooker or a pressure cooker.
22. You fight over who pays the dinner bill.
23. You majored in engineering, medicine or law and
now........are after
Software and only Software no matter which field you
belong to.
24. You live with your parents and you are 40 years
old. (And they prefer it that way).
25. You don't use measuring cups when cooking.
26. You feel like you've gotten a good deal if you
didn't pay tax.
27. You never learnt how to stand in a queue.
28. You can only travel if there are 5 persons at
least to see you off
or receive you whether you are traveling by bus,
train or plane.
29. If she is NOT your daughter, you always take
interest in knowing
whose daughter has run with whose son and feel proud
to spread it at the
velocity of more than the speed of light.
30. You only make long distance calls after 11 p.m.
31. If you don't live at home, when your parents
call, they ask if
you've eaten, even if it's midnight.
32. You call an older person you never met before
"uncle."
33. When your parents meet strangers and talk for a
few minutes, you
discover you're talking to a distant cousin.
34. Your parents don't realise phone connections to
foreign countries
have improved in the last two decades, and still
scream at the top of
their lungs when making foreign calls.
35. You have bed sheets on your sofas so as to keep
them away from getting dirty.
36. When dining out, you think Rs 10 is enough of a
tip.
37. It's embarrassing if your wedding has less than
600 people.
38. You list your daughter as "fair and slim" in
the matrimonial no matter what she looks like.
39. You treat the NRI persons (especially from
America) as if they are
the only persons living in this world (including YOU).
40. You've seen the ground while inside the lavatory
of a train.(This one really got me!! You too huh??)
41. All your tupperware is stained with food color.
42. You have drinking glasses made of steel.
43. You have mastered the art of bargaining in shopping.
44. You have really enjoyed reading this mail.
45 .indians always do mistake's b4 knowing it...coz
they think they r big braine fellow's in the world ..but they
not.........