My Counselling World

From Blogger to WordPress

noreply@blogger.com (Neil) — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 19:51:00 +0000

Decided today to migrate the “My Counselling World” blog to WordPress. Went exceedingly smoothly. WordPress had a great import tool. All posts prior to today (24th June 2009) have been moved to http://mycounsellingworld.wordpress.com/

I’m hoping anyone who was following me here will come and follow me here:

http://mycounsellingworld.wordpress.com/

Thanks

Review of "Gift of Tears" by Susan Lendrum and Gabrielle Syme

noreply@blogger.com (Neil) — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 10:36:00 +0000

One Cruse assignment was to review a book dealong with some aspect of bereavement. Read on for the review and why I choose the book.

Why did I choose this book? It seemed a practical book. Whilst it does contain theory there is more application of that theory that pure theory alone. It looked like a book that would be useful in being with clients, rather than just one to increase my theoretical knowledge. This seems borne out by the contents. The book in divided into five parts - Loss and nurture, Death as a particular form of loss, Working with the grieving, Anger and guilt, concluding with Professional implications. There are also lengthy appendices (nearly 40 pages worth), giving further resources, websites, books and other helps to further develop an understanding of loss and grief. There are also 17 "exercises" spread throughout the book, where the reader is asked to engage more with the material to check understanding, both of the written material but also to gain insight into losses experienced oneself. Each chapter concludes with a "Summary" where the main points covered are listed as bullet points. There is also reference back to previous chapters where a concept or scenario has been introduced.

All in all, a very practical book. A very readable book too. There is occasional "jargon", but only where introducing concepts, such as with Bowlby's attachment theory. It is not filled with jargon, just for the sake of it, as some counselling books appear to be. However, where there is any, it is explained clearly. An example of this on page 73 is "reactive attachment disorder (RAD). This is explained in relation to children who experience "neglectful and dysfunctional parents, endure the circumstantial loss of going into foster care, changing foster parent or being adopted" who then having "been severely neglected, are unable to form normal relationships with others. Their capacity to attach has been damaged".

Chapter 7 points out the need to be aware of cultural differences, more so now in Britain than in previous generations, with the "cultural variety" now present in our society. Help is provided with an outline of mourning customs in the main cultural and religious groups present in the UK - including Judaism, Christianity, Islam, Hinduism, Sikhism, Buddhism and Humanists.

Part III - Working with the grieving is excellent. Chapters 10, 11 and 12 are very practical. Chapter 10 "Basic counselling skills" is perhaps summarised by the following quotes from the first two paragraphs: "...our role is to observer, accept and value the experiences of others, trying to understand this experience at many levels yet without wishing to change it in any way", along with "attitudes of care, nurture and non-judgemental acceptance" enabling clients to tell "their stores and memories of the person who has died bit also their feelings". The several exercises in this chapter help to bring a great understanding of how the reader can become this kind of counsellor. Chapters 11 and 12 expand this basic level of being, adding further skills, such as boundaries, including starting and ending sessions and relationships, giving some examples of difficult openings and endings. There is also a brief discussion of time-limited counselling.

Chapter 13 "Ways of helping children" is again very practical. The 'faces' and 'boxes' games detailed, both seem excellent ways of getting younger clients to recognise and come to terms with their feelings.

The penultimate chapter on "Supervision" is worthwhile too. Supervision is seen as three fold:

Restorative - helping the counsellor to "remain receptive to [the] experience of others".
Formative - providing training in the early stages of counselling, looking at skills used in sessions, being "aware of responses and ... reactions to clients".
Normative - concerning the counsellors ethical conduct.

An insight mentioned in various places through the book, not previously considered by myself, is that the process of grieving for a person who has died is the same for other losses in life. The skills, the way of being, in helping a client work through their grief for someone who has died are in many ways the same for helping a client work through a loss experienced by divorce, redundancy, loss of health and so forth.

One final note concerning the book is how it mirrors in many ways the Cruse course material. It almost makes me wonder, not that it matters, which came first, the book or the Cruse material. They certainly complement each other. I would, therefore, recommend this book, "Gift of Tears" to all who enrol on the Cruse foundation course.

Catch up time

noreply@blogger.com (Neil) — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 15:35:00 +0000

Having completed the Cruse course (successful, I might add :) ) feel time to update where I am.

The Cruse course was great. Though as they were keen to let us know, it was not a "counselling" course. I am now officially known as a "Cruse bereavement volunteer". Quite rightly, they feel their course is not of sufficient depth for someone to counsel clients in the full sense of how that is usually taken. When I complete the diploma in counselling only then can I call myself a bereavement counsellor. Do I though want to call myself anything apart from"me"? Or is that too philosophical for now?

The course covered listening skills. It was great to refresh my approach in listening, in being present for the other. Loss, grief and bereavement were discussed at some length.

Practical sessions were engaged in. One caught me off guard. We were given two department store catalogues, large sheet of paper, some crayons. We then had to make a collage of someone we knew well who had died. Aunty Ivy came to mind. Why her? She had died when I was about
10, over 40 years ago. The only connection to recent events was that over the previous day I had seen one of the many YouTube videos of Susan Boyle (pre any make-over), who actually looked very much like Aunty Ivy. As I started cutting out images and drawing, so emotions
began to rise, until tears freely flowed. It was like experiencing, acknowledging her death for the first time. Surprisingly powerful.

Cruse course journal, feeling's and thoughts

noreply@blogger.com (Neil) — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 14:03:00 +0000

Couple of weeks back started a counselling course with Cruse, the bereavement charity in the UK.

As I think back to last Wednesday evening during a presentation a comment was made by one of the tutors reference the book "Counselling for Toads", that "Neil, has read it and thinks it's good". Now I recognise these are my feelings and have been examining myself to see where they come from. I was a bit concerned at hearing that remark. It made me think, why do or should the others care that I think it's good? And then there is the bit that I haven't even actually read it. I made a comment earlier in the evening that I'd looked through it and heard it was good, but not that I myself actually thought it was good. I have actually put this book on my birthday wish list, so in a week's time may have my own copy :)

Have I been speaking too much again? I say again, not so much in a derogatory sense, but that when on a course while some people may find it hard to speak up it doesn't seem to take me long to feel comfortable speaking up or out. I have a concern though that on occasions I speak too much and this may, instead of encouraging others to speak, actually hinder them doing so?

There was also a comment earlier in the evening made when I was about to make a comment on a question or something that been had said, when the tutor said "Neil, wants to argue with me", then she quickly retract the "argue" word and replaced it something else.

I hope I am not being seen as someone being awkward? It is very interesting for me to write that last sentence as in most cases I don't really care too much what others think about me. I don't go out of my way to offend or upset but if people don't like what I do or the way "I am", then I consider that interesting and will look at myself to see why and then decide whether any change or alteration is needed.

Frustration ...

noreply@blogger.com (Neil) — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 20:14:00 +0000

Got involved with a problem at work and time was getting close to when I might have my first appointment at the youth counselling agency where I'm doing my placement. Phoned to check if I had a client booked in. Yes, there was a new client coming at 19:00. So I left work at 18:40 and finally got to the agency at 18:55. Ran the door bell to get let in and asked if anyone else had run the bell to be let in. Apparently no-one had. Came to 19:15 and no one had turned up. Phoned the number left, to contact the client on, but it was a dead number. Maybe it was transcribed wrong? Anyway could not get in contact to check if I'd missed her or not. Also, my 20:00 client had canceled again saying he was away for the time being. Perhaps it's Christmas?

So a little frustrated at turning up in a hurry to find no one here. Things happen. As this will be the last Thursday before the 8th January 2009, hope all will return to normal sessions after the holidays.

Judgemental thoughts ...

noreply@blogger.com (Neil) — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 16:43:00 +0000

Read a blog entry of a friend over the weekend which posed the question whether we judge others, in particular by the books they read, or at least display on their book shelves? Having prepared a talk on the subject of judging recently, that gave me impetus to provide an answer. Well, I type the word "answer" but isn't my providing an answer judgemental in itself? If I provide an answer to a problem you have, is that not in some way judging you, that you are unable to resolve an issue yourself? Of course, there are many times when we ask another for advise or help. That I think is the difference. If i just look at you and seeing something I disagree with, then say to you: "you should stop doing that... or start doing this..." that is not really being very helpful. The best and most helpful answers or solutions usually come from within us. Such answers though do come at a price - of struggle and discomfort and pain - while we wrestle with the problems or challenges we face. You can ask me for a solution and I could give you one, but it would be my solution for the way I see the situation. So the answer would really only be of value to myself. I need rather to offer you support and perhaps minimal direction to assist you in finding the solution from within yourself. It is then your solution for yourself. The end, at the end, sometimes only at the end, is worth the price. Along the way it may not seem worth it. This relates more to one on one relationship.

What though of the one to many? I think of this in relation to my earlier political leanings. I am now more central in my views. At times though I do not like to be pigeon holed as left-wing, right-wing, or centrist. I hold or have formulated views over a period of time. They are where I am now, borne of my experiences - not where you might be thinking I am. The problem with defining political views is that one view tends to hold differing views as anathema. When a lot younger I was quite right-wing in my opinions, viewing all left-wing causes as extreme stupidity. Now I have much more, what some would view, left-wing thoughts. The problem with holding such views, though, is that the extremes are not just views about a subject but they also have an effect on the way you may end up treating and being with others.

As an example - thee are certain amoung the more wealthy, who tend to say the following:

"The man has brought upon himself his misery; therefore I will not give him of my food, nor give him of my substance that he may not suffer, for his punishments are just - "

should they not rather:

"... help those that stand in need of their help; administer of their substance to him that stands in
need; and not suffer that the beggar puts up his petition in vain, and turn him out to perish."

Then there are the poor, who have not and yet have sufficient, that manage to survive daily; all those who deny the beggar, because they have not:

"should they not say in their hearts that: I give not because I have not, but if I had I would give."

I kind of have thought of the above for many, many years. Yet, it is only recently being involved in counselling through a youth charity that those thoughts have become more meaningful and impeded within me. I can now see somewhat of the consequence of both opposing views. We all suffer if we seek only to help ourselves and do not seek to help others, whatever our circumstances might be.

In the end, there is no one to many, all relationships eventually come down to being one to one. We judge each other that way or we help and support each other that way. There is no real middle ground here.

Ready or not ... here I come

noreply@blogger.com (Neil) — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 18:53:00 +0000

Well, I've not made an entry here for several months now. I wonder if there has been some avoidance? In early October did another goldfish bowl at BCUC. It was very much a make or break situation. Either I would be approved by the community and tutors or not. If not then the only option was to leave the course. I say leave, but really asked to leasve or thorown off in reailty. After I completed the goldfish session, the community appeared to be divided. Of those that spoke half were for me to go out and see clients, while half were not. The tutors also went with the not ready side. So where and how did that leave me? The reason given for not being ready was that I "was not there enough", or "not present enough" with the client, having no relational depth. This I did not agree with. The client herself was very happy with the session and thought that I should be allowed to go out and see clients. With the client feeling OK about things, this left me feeling very confused. Surely the person there with me should be able to determine if I was present with her or not? I did not say too much then. As this was about half way though the usual course day I then left for home. I met up with another student who had also been rejected earlier in day. She seemed very surprised I had not been accepted.

So the question running through me, both feelings and mind, am I ready or not? I sat with this for several days. Spoke to my counsellor concerning everything. Spewed out a lot of anger. Firstly toward the tutor, then toward myself for not being "good enough", then back to the tutor. Kind of see-sawed these feelings for a while, both with the counsellor and when on my own. Slowly though as the days passed came to feel that I was indeed ready. We had been taught again and again to go with what we were feeling. I felt ready.

So I approached the youth agency where I had been volunteering as receptionist for over 8 months. I explained the situation, that I had been thought not ready by the tutor and half the community but that I felt ready. They said to start, so start I have. This is not the place to discuss clients, that stays with my supervisor. I'll just say, so far I've had sessions with one 20 year old young man, who has come back repeatedly for 6 sessions so far. He seems OK with me. I've also had one 24 year old who was 20 minutes late for his first session and who did not return the following week. In the scheme of things this is early days. So again the question, am I ready or not? Yes, I still feel ready, though there is a whole world to learn, develop and growth with.

Further Mindfulness

noreply@blogger.com (Neil) — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 13:06:00 +0000

Have been making attempts at meditation most nights before bed, leading to the question: does it make a difference? Hard to put a definitive answer, but will say that did have a couple of great walks with Debbie while on holiday. Walking along the beach with my shoes off, feeling the sand in my feet and the wind blowing. Just being more aware of all around me.

Spending 10 -20 minutes being still is interesting. Being physically still and also mentally still too. Not being blank in mind as that is not vipassana meditation.

Being and mindfulness

noreply@blogger.com (Neil) — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 08:05:00 +0000

As we are on summer break form the course will just write a few thoughts of my own - in writing that should not and are not all thoughts I have my own anyway? Or is it true that there is really nothing new under the sun - rather just new ways of saying things?

Life is good - well I am feeling good, which makes life good. There is a saying from somewhere - do not ask how life is treating you today, but rather ask how are you treating life today? Have been reading some books on mindfulness recently (The Miracle of Mindfulnes). Just ordered a new one this week (Mindfulness in Plain English). A concept coming from Buddhism. The idea being to be more aware of your self and all that is occurring in the now. Not to be concerned about yesterday or even the last minute, but to be in the now, the present. Nor to be concerned too much with the future. Certainly make plans but do not get obsessed with them. Live and be in the moment.

Continuing the process

noreply@blogger.com (Neil) — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 09:52:00 +0000

Over the past couple of months have been seeing my own therapist. The progress has been great. I feel so much different inside - a lot more relaxed, clam and at peace with myself. Sure a particular day can bring a problem or two, but my capacity to cope and not get wound up by things has increased - I think tremendously - others may not see if so obviously but I do feel it myself. So you may ask is it a real change? I say, yes it is, even if you only take the view of Anais Nin that "We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are."

Becoming different...

noreply@blogger.com (Neil) — Thu, 22 May 2008 15:35:00 +0000

This is where the challenge is - becoming different. The question is, am I really becoming a different person or just awakening bits of me that may have been dormant or hidden for some time? Another question, is why the need for change? Cannot I not function as a person-centred counsellor as I am? My own answer to that now, is no, I cannot. A couple of months back the answer would have been different, but as I become more aware of myself and my changes I feel I would have only been going through the motions.

Been a while...

noreply@blogger.com (Neil) — Thu, 22 May 2008 11:26:00 +0000

Hi again - as the title of this post says, it's been a while since I posted here. 17th October 2007 was the last post and today is the 22nd May 2008. That's 7 months!! Didn't realise it was quite so long. I shall make an effort to keep more up to date. Why though? Mainly been too involved in the BCUC Person-Centred counselling diploma, to have enough time. I said BCUC, which stood for Buckinghamshire Chilterns University college. It is now known as BNU - Buckingham New University.

The journey has been continuing...

The course is a challenge. Not so much intellectually - more in terms of the personal development expected and required. Well, expected is not the exact word to use, as that would imply absolute necessity and that you would not succeed in the course without personal development and while the word does not seem right, actually that is the case. But still the word expected does not sit right with me - it does not feel the right word to describe the process. Part of that reason is personal development and growth cannot be forced. It is like a lot of things the more you try to force it the further away it ends up.

You need to be ready to be different.

Hospital stay...

noreply@blogger.com (Neil) — Wed, 17 Oct 2007 07:15:00 +0000

Wasn't going to mention this, but as the technology is available might as well use it. Today is Wednesday, so will recount what has happened since being admitted Monday evening. Had been experiencing chest pain most of the day. Beth drove me to a DIY store, when the pain started getting worse, coupled with breathlessness. We decided to see if Heatherwood minor injuries would be able to help. They were. Was seen straight away and admitted to the Assessment ward. Nurses, Doctors and other staff all wonderful. Will add more later - only 8:50 but feel worn out. Its now 14:20 so will add some more. Had a blood test and an x-ray. Results came Tuesday morning. Apparently my heart is okay, but there is a possibility of a blood clot on a lung. So am having a CT lung scan. It was hoped to have it Tuesday but turned out no availability. Having it today (Wednesday) at 14:30. Tuesday was spent sitting, well, laying on the bed reading. Just back from the CT scan. Weird feeling as they pump the liquid through your veins - a warm feeling flowing around your body, culminating with a feeling that I had just wet myself. The scan operator was quick to point out its only a feeling, not reality. Earlier today had more blood taken - this time from an artery. First attempt did not succeed - was quite painful and nearly passed out. Second attempt was much better for me - no pain,just a little uncomfortable. Shortly the cannula was put in ready for the scan.

BCUC course continues

noreply@blogger.com (Neil) — Fri, 05 Oct 2007 13:04:00 +0000

We've been having a mixture of lectures, which I've been recording on my phone (with permission from the course tutor) and listening triads. The listening triads are quite a different experience to the triads we had at BCC in Wokingham. We don't role play at all but are encouraged to use real stuff. So it gets quite personal at times. We start off with then idea of doing say 10 minutes each, and changing roles, but sometimes it's difficult, if not actually wrong (even dangerous?), to stop someone in the middle of personal stuff and it can end up half an hour for one person. I was listening to someone for that long the other week. It's quite humbling to have someone share so much personal stuff after only knowing you for a few weeks and then only seeing you one day each week.

Had one experience when another course member and I were being observed by the whole group (22 others). We had volunteered. After a few minutes it was almost like everyone else was not there really. Just was able to get on with everything. That's only been done the once, so I'm not too sure that maybe we did something not quite right :)

Our first assignment is to listen to another person who is on the course for 15 minutes, recording the session, then transcribe it word for word and comment on what was happening. The second assignment is an essay for what counselling is, or what we see it as. We have to do a recording assignment each term. This time it's 15 minutes, next term it's 30 minutes. We've been told the transcribing is the worst part, as it takes so long.

All in all, I'm enjoying and feeling good about the course.

First day at BCUC Counselling course

noreply@blogger.com (Neil) — Thu, 13 Sep 2007 12:28:00 +0000

Well, it was great - thoroughly enjoyed the day. All in all gave me further emphasis to carry on with the progress towards work as full-time counsellor. We did each sign a confidentiality agreement, that we would not reveal anything dicussed in the community. So I'm not sure that much can be related here about the day, expect the type of events and activities that took place.

A good portion of the day was taken with what would be termed administrative details. Needed to be done, but did seem to take an inordinate amount of time. Still, next week there should be nothing of that nature to interfere with the learning and experiencing. But the question perhaps is why did I find the administration stuff such an interference with the day? Why was I so keen to get on with things? At the end of the day there was to be a second community meeting that didn't really happen as we ended up talking about lifts for those who had to catch buses and trains home and some other "housekeeping" bits. Everyone one was catered for, so no one had to travel home on public transport. We concluded at 20:00 as per the schedule, so I got home just after 21:00 after dropping off someone who also lives in the same town as myself. Yet I left wanting more - I could have stayed for another hour!!

We were discouraged, strongly so, from taking up any placement offers until next Easter. So will need to contact No 5 and offer to stay on reception duty until then.

Until next week...

No 5

noreply@blogger.com (Neil) — Thu, 06 Sep 2007 12:56:00 +0000

Had an interview at No 5 Youth Counselling agency yesterday, for a placement - seemed to go well - once I got there! The journey was, well, everything just seemed to go wrong. The journey was supposed to be 8 minutes from start to end, but it took me over 30 minutes to get there. Once I had finally parked was hurrying to get there and tripped up, falling flat on my face, gouging my hand, ripping my trousers at the knee and grazing my leg. Nothing serious but going into an interview with a bleeding hand and torn trousers doesn't look too good :)

It was a group interview setting. Three women and two men. At one point we were split into two groups for role playing. Made me appreciate more the role playing we did at BCC :) Apparently they already have people from BCUC and Roehampton on placements. The other man today is doing a diploma at Metonia in Gestalt therapy. No 5 also do offer supervision. It is Person-Centred, which is good, but only group supervision. So may need some one to one supervision arranged in the future.

Have to fill out a CRB check now and wait for that to get processed. While that is being done there will be opportunity to work on the reception for a bit. They want you to do 18 hours on reception first to get used to how things run there. Then start the counselling later.

Invitation to Person-Centred Psychology started

noreply@blogger.com (Neil) — Fri, 24 Aug 2007 15:04:00 +0000

Have started the above book. Before commenting on it though must again praise "Learning and Being". Chapter 10 on Resources is a wonderful help towards going further in ones knowledge, detailing places to visit, books, journals to study in order to help expand understanding of the Person-Centred approach (PCA).

Invitation to Person-Centred Psychology is a shorter book (150 pages total) though it seems concise in it's approach to the subject. Divided into 4 sections, 17 chapters in all, varying between 5 and 10 pages. This appeals to me. Sometimes long chapters are hard to get through. But that is just me. It confronts the age old question posed of nature or nurture in our development.

"Learning and Being" completed

noreply@blogger.com (Neil) — Tue, 21 Aug 2007 11:46:00 +0000

Completed "Learning and Being" this lunch time. Overall an amazing book. Relatively speaking consider myself still fairly new to the Person-Centred Approach (PCA). Found this book a great help in clarifying the concepts. Had read several other books about the PCA, and this one seemed to bring them all together. Maybe it would have been different if the books had been read in reverse order. For example, if I'd read this book first and was now reading "Person-Centred Counselling in Action" perhaps that book would be bringing all things into better perspective for me now?

Isn't life is like that in all ways? Our experiences help determine our thoughts, feelings and emotions. Not that they fix our thoughts, etc. but rather give us leanings toward certain ways of viewing the world. We can though change, if we have a desire to do so. That is what person-centred counselling (indeed all counselling) is about - changing, developing and growing - the actualizing tendency as Carl Rogers termed it.

No 5 counselling agency

noreply@blogger.com (Neil) — Tue, 14 Aug 2007 12:21:00 +0000

Back on the 27th June made contact with No 5, a youth counselling service based in Berkshire, to apply for a placement as a volunteer counsellor. Exchanged a few emails and phone calls. Yesterday, having not heard anything for just over a month, sent an email asking how the application was progressing. Imagine my surprise (plus a little embarrassment) when I get home and find a letter from them inviting me to interview in September.

So progress continues. Still working through "Learning and Being". Took it to YM camp last week to read in any spare moments. There weren't many, but any there were found me too tired to concentrate. On the few occasions reading was attempted ended up almost falling asleep. Late nights and early mornings do not suit me :)

Accessibility

noreply@blogger.com (Neil) — Thu, 02 Aug 2007 12:25:00 +0000

Wondering how to make this blog more accessible? I suppose it is accessible, but the number of hits is quite low. Question then to ask is why would I want to have a high readership? Would it change the content? It may well, particularly, if people made comments. I suppose without others reading this, the value seems to diminish? But, perhaps the interest is not there in the material. Maybe it's not personal enough to gain attention of passers by?

Facing the darkness

noreply@blogger.com (Neil) — Fri, 27 Jul 2007 20:56:00 +0000

Been reading "Learning and Being" chapter 5 whiie having a bath. It wasn't mentioned but since getting out the thought came that as I persue the PCA there will come a period of darkness as I discover more about myself, who I am, who I am becoming. I don't really want to be different from who I am now, except more patient, more accepting of others, more loving. Perhaps the darkness is passed through to get to the light of being as I desire?

The gardener and the counseller

noreply@blogger.com (Neil) — Sat, 21 Jul 2007 09:19:00 +0000

"What both the gardener and the counseller try to do is create the conditions in which the inherent capacities for growth and development can come to fruition"; so writes Tony Merry, using the same analogy as Janet Tolan I mentioned previously, yet for me adding greater clarity. A counsellor cannot and should not force growth but can and should provide the right conditions, of congruence, empathy and acceptance, along with the other conditions Rogers speaks of as detailed in the previous post here.

Learning and Being continued...

noreply@blogger.com (Neil) — Fri, 20 Jul 2007 12:46:00 +0000

Seem to be taking longer to read through Learning and Being, than other counselling books previously studied. Why so? Following some thought, feel the answer is, it is one of the better person-centred books I've come across. Not that the others I've studied and read are bad, just that this one covers everything in a more appealing way for me. Perhaps, though, the other books helped lay a foundation and this book is cementing together all the previous thoughts and concepts, so it all makes greater sense and purpose. If I'd come across this book first then maybe another book would take it's place in brining everything together? For me, I'm glad to have encountered things in this order. In time, I shall go through the previously studied books again, hoping that an even greater depth of understanding will be achieved. On surface reading the person-centred approach seems very simple and perhaps it is, but the underlying theory involves depth. Rogers, "The necessary and sufficient conditions of therapeutic personality change" seem simple enough:

Two persons are in psychological contact.
The first, whom we shall term the client, is in a state of incongruence, bring vulnerable or anxious.
The second person, whom we shall term the counsellor, is congruent or integrated in the relationship.
The counsellor experiences unconditional positive regard for the client.
The counsellor experiences an empathic understanding of the client's internal frame of reference and endeavours to communicate this experience to the client.
The communication to the client of the counsellor's empathic understanding and unconditional positive regard is to a minimal degree achieved.

No other conditions are necessary. If these six conditions exist, and continue over a period of time, this is sufficient. The process of personality change will follow. (Quoting Rogers in Learning and Being, pg 49)

Yet, there are books written on each step, particularly steps 3 to 5. My comprehension of each step is evolving but, perhaps, with still a long way to go?

A Powerful Day

noreply@blogger.com (Neil) — Mon, 16 Jul 2007 14:52:00 +0000

A powerful day and it's not over yet. Sitting in the car writing this on my phone, while waiting for D to finish teaching for the day.

I've not mentioned much regarding my faith and membership of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints previously. Why not? Not sure. Partly as initially thought it has little or no direct relationship to counselling. But as that all forms part of who I am, I suppose it does.

Today the relevance is towards emotions and feelings. Just after 11am this morning left our son M at Heathrow airport, catching a flight to the Missionary Training Centre in Provo, Utah. He's there to learn Cantonese before travelling to Hong Kong, where he'll serve as a missionary for the church. This means we won't see him for approx. 2 years. A great mixture of sadness and joy in all this. Sadness at missing him, but joy in the opportunity it gives him to serve others and to render that service in another culture, where he will learn so much.

Then during the afternoon attended a production of "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat", put on by D's primary school class. It was indeed amazing - seeing 10 year olds singing and performing so well. Shed quite a few tears. Both for the children performing so well and being reminded of Joseph of old and our relationship to him through Ephraim.

Learning & Being - chapter 2

noreply@blogger.com (Neil) — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 12:49:00 +0000

Here Tony Merry begins to outline the person-centred concept of human personality. What makes us what we are? Do we have any choice over who we are? Are we completely determined by our past? Are we basically destructive in our natures or constructive?

There is not the time to do full justice to the chapter, but the basic premise is that our natures are constructive, not determined by our past, though past experiences may influence us to some extent and that we have the responsibility for who we are and can become, because we can choose and to a significant degree have the freedom to make those choices. This is a very simplistic outline and should not be taken as is, without further reading.