My Daily Silver Lining

I'm Having the Best Year EVERRRR!

2017-01-06T11:15:00.001-08:00

Every year around this time I begin to look both backwards and forwards at once, and I somehow find myself feeling more aware of where I am now. Before the year ends I ask the same questions:

What have I done this year and what did I never manage to tick off my to do list?

What do I want to do next year, and more importantly, how can I set myself up to actually do it?

Last year I did this by going through my manifesting manifesto and starting the year off where I was, with the intention to bring in more of the goodness. This year as I was taking inventory on the intense feelings brought up by 2016, I had a new thought... What if I made 2017 the best year ever?

Sounds pretty good, right? I mean regardless of how last year was, having an even better one is always a great option.

So, what exactly does the best entail?

best: adjective ~ of the most excellent, effective, or desirable type or quality.

This year I commit to choosing all the things that are the most excellent, effective, or desirable for me. I am curating the most epic 365 days I can. I will continuously choose the things that are the best for me and the greatest good of this epic planet.

Not sure why I've never thought of this before, but pretty sure it is the best idea ever! I will wake up every morning like it is my very first Christmas and I can't wait to see how many mermaid treasures Santa left me under my rainbow. And on the days I don't feel like that when my alarm goes off, I will do whatever feels best at that moment.

I am actively choosing ALL of the best things I can (especially thoughts!)... Going to the places that make me the happiest. Spending time with the people I love doing things that make us laugh until it hurts. Making the most effective choices, even if they aren't the easiest. Taking care of my body by feeding it the most nourishing foods and working out so that it feels as excellent as it can. Using my fancy dishes… All. Year. Long. Wearing only my favorite clothes, even to bed. Putting a note in my car that says: "Reminder: Listening to Beyoncé > Road Rage.” (Just so we are all on the same page during the moments where traffic is the worst.) Paying attention to what I purchase and where it comes from to ensure it had the most desirable journey to me and came from a responsible place. Contributing to my community and supporting my tribe on the regular. Spending more time exploring and learning from this stunning earth we get to inhabit. Saying the nice things I feel inside about people, out loud to them, encouraging them, LOVING THEM. Saying yes to love. (I love love. Love is the best.)

And from moment to moment as the best changes? I will allow it to and say thank you as it keeps getting better. I figure, why not spend at least one entire year devoting my time to doing, being and becoming the very best in every way I can? Seriously, why not do all the very best things right now? What have I been waiting for? Who knows? Who cares? I am doing them NOW!

What about when something happens that isn't the most excellent, effective or desirable? In the moments that things feel shitty… I will make the best of shit. I will upgrade all of my silver linings to platinum. On my worst days, I will call in sick to work and wear my silky robe and order whatever I want from a delivery app, even though it costs more than it should when the place is next door, then I will eat it in bed while feeling whatever I need to feel to have the best, worst day ever. When I cry, I will allow myself to release the ugliest, deepest and most earth shattering sobs ever! Literally anytime something feels off, or unpleasant, I will do the best thing I can in that moment. I will honor it without identifying to it... And with that simple awareness it will already be better.

Those challenges, setbacks and things that make me sad, mad or feel bad, will simply be a part of what is collectively the best year of my life and I will find the best ways of overcoming them. And the best part is - all of these things will eventually make me even better than my best! I mean, can I get a YAS QWEEN?! Will there be times that I will want to give up because this decision feels like the worst? I'm sure there will, but for this year, I will keep doing my best.

There is a quote by Henry Ford that I often remind myself of: “Whether you think you can or you think you can't - you're right.” The mind is a powerful thing, and for this year mine is made up. I don't commit often. Contrary to popular belief it is not because I have a fear of it, but because I have a deep respect for it and when I do make a commitment I plan to honor it. I choose my choice. So when I say that I am going to do the best thing I can in each and every moment, you better believe I mean it whole heartedly!

My dearest 2017, thank you in advance. 7 has always been my favorite number, and 2+0+1+7= 10 which is the completion of a cycle and then 1+0 = 1, which is the beginning. Meaning it's even the best time to have the best year ever. (Look at this already being the best!) I look forward to living you up, embracing you and loving you more than I ever thought it was possible to love a year.

This time next year, I very well may be looking back at you with a heart full of gratitude for how amazing you have been and also ahead to 2018, as I begin crafting my plan for whatever is bound to be even better than my best year. That's the best thing about the best, when put into action it becomes better.

Better: verb ~ improve on or surpass

So here's to making 2017 the best year ever. And getting even better, together.

All my best,

Laura

Silver Lining

"The best is yet to come, and won't that be fine. You think you've seen the sun, but you ain't seen it shine." - The Best Is Yet To Come lyrics by Carolyn Leigh

My Secret Angel

2014-12-16T07:41:00.003-08:00

I was in Paris, feeling especially grateful as I walked amongst the most gorgeous churches in the world. People didn't need to know God to experience what he must be like through the majestic structures that towered before them. As I strolled the city streets, I too was in awe of the intricate details of these gorgeous labors of love. If only everything in life had been so eloquently created to result in as much awe inspiring beauty as these sacred structures, we might spend more time to stop and enjoy things. As I looked for my next cafe, I suddenly saw a church that called to me. I knew I needed to go pray there immediately.

I walked inside, sat down and my heart instantly felt connected. As I looked up, trying to take in the overwhelming magnitude of this place I notice the stained glass windows in front of me. It took me a moment to make out through the colorful designs adorning them, but there were two candle shaped windows that housed a pink heart in between its two flames. I had never seen anything like it. The rest of the church looked so regal, so elegant... These shapes reminded me of stencils from a Lisa Frank set. They were so random, yet so perfect. This church was obviously made for me. I wanted to pray, but I had no clue what to say. I decided to go old school and put some of the prayers I had learned during my Catholic School days to use. As I sat there and began to pray, I realized I had forgotten how. The countless Hail Marys and our fathers from my confessions of breaking my mothers plate when I took it out of the dishwasher and being mean to my brother had apparently finally been lost. I sat there defeated. Tears welled up in my eyes. "Just help me." I pleaded. "Sil vous plais. Merci."

However, as I continued to sit there trying to be open to any kind of miracle or any answer that would come solve the mystery of my life, I thought of my Nonna. My sweet Nonna who I hadn't seen in 4 years. My loving grandmother, Giuseppina who refused to let my mother name me after her because she hated the name. My Nonna who was about to turn 97. I thought of her often when visiting churches. In fact, I had lit candles in churches all over the world for her, but it now dawned on me that perhaps she had been lighting her own candles for me. It suddenly occurred to me that for every prayer I had said for her well being, for peace and joy to fill every fiber of her soul - she had said countless more for me. I wondered if maybe it was the power of her prayers that had gotten me this far. How much of my life had been taken care of by the love that she sent me from a distance?

Now I was crying. How had I never realized how important the role her prayers must have played in my life before? I had the sudden epiphany that my Nonna had been consciously sending love into every detail of mine and my family's lives. Like those who created this massive church, she was helping us build our beautiful lives prayer by prayer leaving no detail out. I was 30... How had I just stopped to appreciate this? How come I had never learned Italian so I could call her and talk to her about all the things happening in her life? How come I had never made more of an effort to go see her and let her know how special she was to me? I knew exactly why. And it broke my heart. I had never been able to give her the gratitude or love I now longed to, because I was too busy worrying about myself. Praying for myself. Trying to figure out my life. I was too busy putting those things off until tomorrow or until they were more convenient. It occurred to me that I had missed out on a lot of things in my life for this reason, perhaps especially taking the time to love.

I picked myself up from the seat and walked over to the candles. As I scrounged through my purse a heart sticker exactly like those in the stained glass stuck to my hand. It was from one of the young girls I had befriended in Nepal. The girl who spoke no english, but played with me day after day and gestured our hearts together as I left. More tears ran down my face. I managed to pull together the last of my euros, which turned out to be 1.10€, and put them in the offering bin. I picked one of the long white candles from the box and with every bit of love and gratitude I could manage to spark within my heart, I lit the candle. I prayed for my Nonna. I gave thanks for my Nonna. And I asked God if there was anyway I could go ahead and cash in all those silly prayers I prayed for who knows what to happen to me, and send them all to this woman who had been my lifelong secret angel. To the woman who I was sure without me ever knowing until now, had managed to pray for me more than I had prayed for myself... And that was a lot.

From now on I decided anytime I worried about something, felt the need to call to God for help, I would instead just send a thank you to my Nonna who had already made sure I was covered for life. And in that moment, I realized I had remembered how to pray.

Silver Lining

"You were there for me when I couldn't find myself, Opened a door for me when there seemed no way out, And you were there with me when I was too young to see bringing music through with your wisdom and peace." - Mystery Angel by Xavier Rudd

Treasure Hunt

2014-02-24T06:44:00.001-08:00

I had a whole blog written and ready to post yesterday evening... And then I had an hour long Skype session with my mom. I won't get into all the details, but it basically included her in tears because I seemed so utterly lost in my blog posts.

"The whole point is that there's a silver lining" I reminded her, "I'm trying to just write from where I am, and I guess I'm kind of documenting the process of going through this point in my life."

"I know I just wish there was a little more happiness, some kind of a better ending. You're a good writer, you just seem so... lost." She said through tears, "It just hurts my heart to see you like that." (Ugh, that hurt my heart!)

"Well, I maybe am a bit lost. I'm not sad, I'm just expressing what's happening and the things I'm learning as I go," and just to hype the happy part, " and there's always a silver lining (smile)!"

"It's not much of a silver lining. I just think sometimes you don't need to be so deep about everything."

She had me there. We hung up and I felt a bit... (I may as well just say it)... lost.

So, I did what anyone in my situation with wifi would do: I googled it. Anything can be found online these days... Even you when you're lost. So without further adieu, here is what I found during my Google search:

The first thing I did was research "what to do when you're lost." My, oh my are there lots of helpful articles out there these days! I can't believe I hadn't found my way there sooner! (get it? Because I was lost...) Here's a link to all the results if you're interested: https://www.google.com/#q=what+do+you+do+when+you're+lost

These are two of the things that stood out to me.

1. A #quote that sums up what most of the articles said: “Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves.” ~Henry David Thoreau

2. One of the websites that catered to those literally lost in a place, advised: "Unless you are in immediate danger the most important thing you can do is help the searchers... Clues can provide positive identification of who you are and how to find you. "

What I took from this information was that when you're lost, you're supposed to understand yourself not find yourself. This is not the time to search for a way out, (unless you're in immediate danger!) it's the time to leave clues! So your job is to get your understanding on, then use what you learn to leave clues for other people so they can find you.

So now what I needed were clues. Which means... I'd have to do some understanding to gather those. I first sought out an explanation of why the things I write appear so depressing to others, yet make me feel good. And came up with yet another #quote:

"If you do not breathe through writing, if you do not cry out in writing, or sing in writing, then don’t write, because our culture has no use for it."- Anaïs Nin.

Well, check, check, check, to all of those things: a. obviously I'm breathing, because that's just a requirement. b. I cry out, and apparently make other people cry too. c. sing, umm, helllloooo, there's a song at the end of every post. Not sure if I get bonus points for having all three, but let's just say it seemed like a great clue. Writing is a matter of heart for me... Which means I can't entirely control what I feel like venting about, I can only choose how many run-on sentences I write about those things. It just feels good to express myself this way, our culture may have no use for it, but I do. And finishing a piece is my happy ending. So that's settled.

Without even leaving the page I found my next deeply sought after piece of understanding via one of my all time favorite quotes:

"I must be a mermaid, Rango. I have no fear of depths and a great fear of shallow living."- Anaïs Nin.

Oh so true for me, in so many ways. Trust me, I WISH I didn't think so deeply about everything sometimes. I make a conscious effort to watch Jimmy Fallon clips and not analyze the meaning behind the lyrics of EVERY song. (Sometimes, the guy just likes big butts and he cannot lie.) However, my little mermaid mind cannot help but swim down deep to search for the answers to mostly everything. I know this about myself and embrace it, because you can find some pretty cool creatures down deep, lots of fish are bottom dwellers. Plus swimming is said to be the best form of exercise, so there's that.

And then there was the question of if I'm actually lost, because come to think of it, I may not have an exact direction I'm headed at the moment, but I'm okay with that. And then came some understanding.

"Not all those who wander are lost."- J.R.R. Tolkien

I was pretty sure I was wandering. In order to be lost you have to be looking for somewhere else, right? I wasn't in search of any place, just happily exploring the many hidden alleys in sweet little towns I've never been to before. I was looking at the options, seeing what was out there and just learning how to deal with things as they happened. I wasn't trapped, or in danger or afraid... So, pretty sure I'm a wanderer.

And for my last bit of understanding I'd like to alter a pre-existing saying to make up my own #quote, because I feel that addendum could really come in handy.

"Wherever you go there you are, and wherever you were, there you aren't."- me

You see just because we were picked on, or the popular kid, or heartbroken or married or traveling through New Zealand at some point in our lives... Doesn't mean we are there anymore. It may mean many of those things have contributed to the insight we have where we are now. It could mean we still have the acne, ring, scars or amazing mix tapes that came alongside those things... But those days are gone. We are no longer there. We are here. It is good for us, as well as our searchers, to remember that so they don't look in the wrong places and we don't get stuck heading backwards. If we learned how to pitch a tent near the Mississippi River in girl scouts, we can use that lesson to pitch one anywhere, even here, we don't need to be there . What I mean by that horrible analogy is that I may write based on where I've been, or even what I'm going through... But often, that's how I get through it. By the time the period lands after the last word (finally) completing a sentence, I've moved on to the next thing, hopefully with a lesson in the form of a silver lining, however un sunshiny it may be.

With that, here are my clues...

1. Being able to express something fully = happy ending

2. Swim deep, all the way down where it's easiest to get to the bottom of things

3. Drowning is to scuba diving, what lost is to wandering

4. I'm not there anymore, I'm here now.

Now I'm gonna just go ahead and be really honest here. While finding myself, I lost track of time and almost missed my bus to Uluwatu. So basically... By the time I found myself, I had to leave. In fact I almost missed out by looking so much, but luckily I made it. By the time I got here I was exhausted, so I took a nap. Now that I've reopened this, I'm no longer in the zone, and it doesn't feel as relevant as it did earlier... So I don't feel like going back through to tweak it or even finish it. But that's the beautiful thing about creating for the sake of creating... When you feel done, you are.

I will add one last thing though, for my mom and because it's the truth.

Current status: Happy. The end.

Silver Lining:

"Because I'm happy, Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof, Because I'm happy, Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth, Because I'm happy, Clap along if you know what happiness is to you, Because I'm happy, Clap along if you feel like that's what you wanna do."- 'Happy'- Pharrell Williams

http://youtu.be/(null)

Where the Green Grass Goes

2014-02-22T15:06:00.001-08:00

Since I've been traveling it's baffling to me how many people have randomly messaged me: "I wish I were there right now!" or "I envy you for living the dream." The baffling part to them may be how many times I've thought the same thing about where they are, while sitting in paradise scrolling through my social media feeds. I would like to share a dirty little secret that is perhaps also blindingly obvious... The grass is always greener when you look at the best patch of it filtered and cropped on Instagram.

I was talking to a friend the other day when something came up about my trip and I mentioned to her that the grass is always greener. She instantly came back at me with a stubborn sureness that there was no possible way her grass could be greener than mine. "Of course your grass is greener!" She informed me in hysterical laughter, "There's no way the grass isn't greener there." I wasn't in the mood to argue with her, and technically, yes the grass probably was greener here, so I just let it go... but that couldn't have been further from the truth.

You see, I'd been traveling in between places both literally and figuratively. Literally, I was traveling alone, so everyday I had to plan my route, food, lodging, transportation etc. Those of you who have done this know how time consuming it can be, and due to my open schedule, it became a daily necessity. Because it was so expensive in New Zealand and Australia, I ended up moving around more than I would've liked. I kept relocating cars to get cheaper rates, so I was constantly on the go from place to place. Secondly, I had no clue what I wanted to do next. My original plan was to move to Australia and work there, but after being on the road and having time to think, I began to question if that was what my heart truly wanted. I didn't want to keep taking jobs because they were safe and I was afraid, I wanted to do something that I loved. So you see, ironically so many people that wanted to be where I was, were actually already there: in the field of confusion having an intense game of tug-o-war between their head and their heart. And for those of you who have been lucky enough to avoid this place, the grass is pretty much destroyed.

Don't get me wrong, I had chosen to take this trip and was enjoying countless adventures and blessings along the way. I was truly grateful to have this opportunity and aware of what an amazing experience this was. I share these things now not to complain, but rather to expose an honest truth about the reality of what I was often going through despite these things. And to just put it all out there and be completely blunt, the humbling fact is that I was often times in a pit of despair where I felt painfully lonely and like I would never figure things out. #nofilter

Luckily, between my amazing friends, family and the relentless little optimist that lives in my soul, I always managed to find my way out, but I'd be lying if I told you I hadn't become a regular there. Another one of my friends, who always had a way of making even an actually horrible situation truly feel like a festive affair, reminded me when I had arrived in Bali, "You don't need to think about planning what you're gonna do next, you've done enough of that. You have plenty of options, that is all you need to know right now." I could feel her energetically grabbing me up from my slump through the phone as she smiled and continued on in her authentic giddiness, "Come on, there are fabulous pools there, pull out your ponytail and go jump in!" And the woman had a point! I mean what was I doing sulking over things that I didn't need to worry about yet, when I currently had my freedom, the time to enjoy it, and a beautiful pool waiting for me?

Well I'll tell you what I was doing (past tense referring to 2 days ago). I was judging myself based on what everyone else was doing and letting things from my past consume my time. It only took a wifi connection and fifteen minutes to see: bedroom sets people are selling to make way for baby, engagement announcements reading "I was beginning to think it would never happen to me, but finally at 24... I'm engaged!", people who were starting new and amazing projects, not to mention the probing message sent to me from an exes new girlfriend, and a play by play in pictures of all the epic things they were up to. I would rate this travel activity negative 5 stars on Tripadvisor: avoid at all costs. Seeing everyone else who seemingly had it "figured out" while I didn't even know where I would sleep tomorrow made it tough not to wonder what the heck a 30 year old girl was even thinking taking this trip in the first place.

As so perfectly vented to me in divine timing, by the gal that I swear shares my brain: "I can't handle social media right now, I just really think that too much of it is not healthy for me. I keep looking at all these pictures feeling worse and worse! It's like keeping up with the Jones on crack! I mean how am I ever supposed to live up to that? We're bombarded with the best of everyone's lives from their angles, with their filters, and what they want us to see. Everyone's life looks so fucking wonderful and I can't even get out of bed in the morning." And might I add that if you saw this chick's life on Instagram you would envy her and have some serious FOMO. (Fear Of Missing Out... Another condition that social media has given birth to)

To make it clear, I have nothing against social media, that is how I've made a living the past 3 years. I myself post many "Hey look at me I'm on vacation pics" at the request of my parents, inspiring quotes (#sorrynotsorry) and I'm sure if I'm ever fortunate enough to have a family of my own someday, I will saturate my timelines with every moment of that journey. What I have found though, is that everyone else's highlights can easily become the scale against which we measure our very different circumstances. It makes it harder to respect and enjoy our own incredible journey, when we're constantly fact checking it against everyone else's. Especially because despite that our routes in life are all incredibly unique, so are the modes of transportation we use to travel them. Some of us are traveling by boat and others by plane or train or helicopter, Segway, roller skates, roller coaster etc. So, as you can gather, if you're on a boat headed through the pacific, wondering why that guy on the lawn mower in Texas has such green grass when you don't have any in sight... Well, perhaps you're on a cruise to paradise, and he's mowing his lawn on his day off. The moral of the story is, we won't always know exactly what to expect where we're going until we get there, but we can't expect it to look like where everyone else is... We can only trust our that our divine travel guide has it all booked and our internal gps will help keep us on track towards our destination as we enjoy the ride.

It is also helpful to realize how fantastic each of our journeys are in their own way, and that there are always gonna be some rough spots to get through! There is a Corona add that so brilliantly uses the slogan "From where you'd rather be." alongside some gorgeous photo of the beach. Well, as I sat on an even more gorgeous beach, looking at it thinking, "Seriously, I wanna be there!"... Something hit me. Often times, we wanna be far away from where we are to distance us from what we're feeling or going through. However, those things I can assure you exist in moments, not locations, so they will end up with you until they have made their point, no matter how beautiful the beach is. And those are the things that happen along the way to teach us to learn weather patterns and be aware of road conditions and and avoid drinking the water in certain places. They are important because they grant us the wisdom, compassion and appreciation for the rest of our journey, wherever it may take us.

And presently my journey consits of walking around by foot due to my fear of riding a scooter on the sketchy Bali roads, sitting in an adorable vegan cafe, laying on a cozy lounger drinking a green juice and writing this. And after finally realizing how much time I've squandered away planning, and dreaming and comparing my other options, when I could've been in paradise, Ive decided to spend any future free time looking at the grassy options on my own map. Because regardless of what hidden places I'll learn about as I go or adventures that may happen along the way, I will get where I'm going next via what I choose to do here. It's up to me to enjoy this journey with all it's quirks and tend to my own grass. Big Sean raps it best in a Justin Bieber song: "The grass aint't always greener on the other side, it's green where you water it." And let's not forget, it also gets greener after some rain. Well, after having quite a bit of rain myself, and finally taking the time to notice how beautifully green and lush the grass here has become, I realize that there is nowhere else I would rather be spending my time... At least until the next boat arrives ;)

Silver Lining:

"Be here now, no other place to be, Or just sit there dreaming of how life would be, If we were somewhere better, Somewhere far away from all all worries, Well, here we are."- 'Be Here Now"~ Mason Jennings

http://youtu.be/wa_4wV2GDfQ

Let. It. Grow.

2014-02-20T20:17:00.001-08:00

It must be said, because I have nothing else left to to say at this point, that I finally took action and now somehow I feel like I am being cruely punished. Ok, so that's a little dramatic, but I feel uninspired, blank, blah, bland. If I were a food I would be soggy white bread. I showed up ready for action again against all odds, but now I'm stuck with nothing to write, and even the things I am jotting down bore me. I just keep writing junk, opening a new page, staring at butterflies, checking out yoga times, writing more garbage, closing out of the stupid thing I tried writing and opening another page, staring at grass etc. How can it be that just yesterday I felt unstoppable, inspired, ready to conquer the world, I even went to yoga twice and today I am left feeling empty and back to square one?

The way I feel can best be described with a shopping analogy, (Hey, girl, hey): So you go shopping and you're broke, but you find so much cute stuff, and it's all in your size! Shoes, and yoga pants and t-shirts galore... Oh, and the most gorgeous dress with the perfect cut in a style you've always wanted! There's just that one set back... You really can't afford it, (even though it is on clearance), so you hold off because you're a responsible adult. Then you finally get some extra cash and you are ready to shop! You go to 3 malls, 2 outlets and even that pricey boutique you don't usually let yourself step inside... And nothing! Where did all the adorable flowy dresses that have been inhabiting your dreams suddenly go... In fact where did anything even mediocre go? You just wanted to buy something! Why, people, why?!? You head home, empty handed, defeated and mad at yourself for not splurging when the stuff was there. Who were you kidding? The responsible adult stuff just doesn't work for you. You'd rather be in debt then dressless.

Well, I have finally decided to show up ready to do my art and just shopped through every corner of my brain, and found nothing I want.

So now what? Well, to start with you have to be doing something to get to this point, so remember to high five your frustrated self for that. Then I guess you just keep going with that blahness anyways. Fight through your judgement, ignore it and keep doing stuff. Many times if we have an expectation or vision of what our ideas are supposed to look like it's tough letting that go. When what we are now feeling doesn't match that initial idea we tend to either give up completely or struggle to fit a circle into a now heart shaped hole. Maybe the key is to be aware of this and reassess our plan of action as things evolve along the way. For instance, today as soon as I stopped trying to write about issues that were no longer relevant to me in the moment, and rather just allow myself to start ranting about how horrible this disconnect felt, I instantly felt more connected, and wouldn't ya know I haven't looked up from writing this once!

Does that mean the work itself is any better? Nope, not necessarily... But it feels better. And when I say "feels better" I don't necessarily mean 'happy sunshine' better. I just mean sometimes it feels better to actually allow yourself to feel like total shit, than it does to struggle to get happy. One of the things I've tried to live by, is that you cannot expect to be happy all the time, but you can do everything in your power to always put yourself in the position to be. And sometimes that means letting yourself have an off day just to get it over with. As the wise bumper sticker from 'Forest Gump' reminds us: "Shit happens." And when it does, we will feel how we feel eventually no matter how much we try to fight it. So perhaps it is in our best interest to acknowledge and embrace our feelings as we feel them. Shit happens, change happens... That's life.

Things are always in constant flux... The world is spinning, flowers are blooming, stars are shooting, glaciers are melting, children are being born and and turning into teenagers who continue questioning life and so on. Just like everything else, our creative ideas are subject to their own life cycle and need room to grow and evolve. Let's say a 5 year old decides they want to be an astronaut or a doctor or a mermaid or a teacher. Well, maybe they will turn out to be... But chances are they will learn other things along the way and change their mind multiple times. Can you imagine how frustrating it would be if your parents would not let you give up on your childhood dream of being an astronaut?

"But mom, I want an easel for my birthday!"

"Honey, astronauts need to know about space not art."

"But I'm 12 now! I haven't wanted to be an astronaut since I was 5, it was my Buzz Lightyear phase! My last painting won the school art contest."

"You're grounded, go to your room and look in your telescope."

"I hate you mom!"

It seems crazy, but that's what I often find myself doing to my creative ideas... I expect them to remain in their juvenile form, to never change direction, to show up on time and look the way I think they should and to never grow up. But the fact is, they do... And when they do, that should be celebrated, not punished! Growth is a good thing, a natural thing, a necessary thing. These sweet young ideas want to thrive and allow you to take them to their full potential. By showing up without judgement and then trusting your ideas to flow organically, not how you hoped, dreamed, expected or planned them to, is perhaps the best thing we can do for everyone involved. Otherwise they will never be able to fully become what they are capable of... Which in turn, means we would have no way to authentically express whatever it is we feel the need to put out into the world. Which would mean there would be nothing new created, including any dresses. And to have nothing to shop for at all... well, that is indeed a very cruel punishment.

Silver Lining:

"Everything is everything. What is meant to be, will be. After winter, must come spring. Change, it comes eventually. I wrote these words for everyone, Who struggles in their youth. Who won't accept deception, Instead of what is truth. It seems we lose the game, Before we even start to play. Who made these rules? We're so confused. Easily led astray."- 'Everything is Everything." ~ Lauryn Hill

http://youtu.be/(null)

Starting Now

2014-02-19T17:20:00.001-08:00

I've been meaning to start writing more... And also to take more photos, do more yoga and plan the rest of my life.

But even in my couple months of solo travel I haven't seemed to find time to write anything that felt inspiring along my incredibly eventful journey or been able to consistently photograph the many breathtaking places I've traveled, (how many beaches and landscapes does one need?) or felt motivated to go to the world caliber yoga classes a mere 5 minute walk away from my bungalow, much less come up with any inkling about what the next step I take toward the rest of my life should be.

So instead I am starting here... From this totally random, vulnerable, unshowered, frustrating, mediocre moment on my humble terrace in Ubud, that couldn't be further from how I hoped things would feel when I started writing again from my new and improved, hyper aware, life changing, mind riveting, tear jerking, soul churning, viral in 60 seconds perspective. (Those may be some of the overwhelmingly hefty expectations that kept me from starting.)

I started anyways, because I realized maybe that is the lesson. Just STARTING. Writing the first ordinary word, snapping any old photo, doing what one can do in whatever the circumstances happen to be at the moment... And most importantly letting go of all these expectations that we spend our precious nows anxiously waiting for. After all, it is as the unavoidable banner at one of the countless acting schools in LA constantly reminded me: "If not now, when?" It sounds cliche, maybe even annoying if you're feeling stuck in that non-doing space, (it definitely still sounds irritating to me), but as annoying as it may be, it is also annoyingly accurate.

The only thing it takes to become a doer of anything is not timing, skill, talent, funds or passion even... It is the sheer willingness to turn that thought that inhabits your mind into a verb existing out in the world... it is simply to do it. Before you're ready, before you have enough money, before it all makes sense, before you are 100% sure, before it's brilliant enough to be proud of it, before you feel at all good enough; Start. Right. Now.

The key is not to overthink it, as I have learned after spending the past 2 months with the most time consuming and clingy travel partner one can have, my thoughts. I have found that one courageous movement towards doing is often all it takes to get rid of the major thought that comes in some form or another... "I can't". I remember when I was younger going to the big bridge for the first time to jump off. (I'm already regretting this analogy, but bear with me.) It didn't look that high from the bottom, but as soon as I started climbing it, it suddenly seemed to keep getting more and more ginormous. As I climbed onto the platform, now nervous to even approach the edge, one of the boys yelled out to me: "Don't look down, just jump!" And being the good student that I was, I followed directions and just jumped blindly off the platform. I remember thinking, as I was already flailing through the air at an increasing speed, "It's too high, I don't want to jump!" Of course by that time it was too late, I was already bouncing up from the water, gasping for air, all smiles, feeling empowered and ready to go again from the even higher spot next time. Ya see, that's the thing about doing, it puts you in motion, it often breaks through the fears your mind creates with a dose of reality and proves that it's not so scary after all... and even if it is, it's doable. (Okay, I know jumping off bridges isn't the safest thing, but hey, neither is driving in a car, or walking down the street or certainly not taking any risks we are brave enough to make the leap for in life. And I will have you know that we survived, and dare I say, even benefited from, many brilliant summer days jumping off that bridge. Which is why I have always been under the belief that maybe when grownups asked us: "If everyone else jumped off a bridge would you?" We should have been encouraged to roar back with a mighty: "Heck. YES!")

Which brings me to the next part, the part that seems to be the hardest for this moody, flighty, indecisive, non committal little Cancer soul... To do it again AND (gulp) to keep doing it. For those like me who have trouble with that concept, what this basically means is you do it again, and then again, and more still, sometimes 4 times in one day, then believe it or not... another time and even when you don't feel inspired or motivated or happy or sad or rich or like you're making progress quick enough or even when you're not getting nearly as good as you should be by now so maybe it's time to try that other thing you were reading about... to show up and do it anyway. Because apparently... Wait for it... that's how incredible things get done. Imagine?!! And it gets more shocking! Apparently, for us creative types, (which I like to think every single human is in some way), we will NEVER be satisfied with our work! As so eloquently put by Martha Graham while speaking to Agnes De Mille:

"There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep yourself open and aware to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open. ... No artist is pleased. [There is] no satisfaction whatever at any time. There is only a queer divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others."

So there ya have it. Well, almost... Because the good news is once it is done, the doingness in itself feels like the result. I believe it is that sensation of doing that inspires us and keeps us marching onward regardless of the resulting work itself. Even now, as I sit here unimpressed, thinking of how silly this may sound to many people (including my future self when I judge it even more critically tomorrow), how many run on sentences I've used and how many basic rules of grammar I've butchered, how unimportant this feeble addition feels compared to the great big collection of brilliant and even decent ramblings on the World Wide Web (well, unimportant to anyone but my lovely parents), even as I debate whether I'm ready to press publish and expose my flaws to any random person who is bored enough online to read this... I take comfort in the feeling that I have now allowed this energy to be translated through me and released by this action, that I have kept my channel unapologetically open despite the lackluster results and maybe, just maybe, I will give in to the urge to jump again from even higher next time.

Silver Lining:

"Well some say life will beat you down. Break your heart, steal your crown. So I've started out, for God knows where, I guess I'll know when I get there. I'm learning to fly, around the clouds, But what goes up must come down. I'm learning to fly, but I ain't got wings, Coming down is the hardest thing."- Tom Petty~ 'Learning To Fly'

http://youtu.be/s5BJXwNeKsQ

All Right

2013-02-11T23:20:00.000-08:00

I am approaching 30. Funny how just typing that brings up certain ideas about what that means. The thing is, for most of my growing up life, I have measured things in finite terms. I should be doing this by a certain age, I should be doing that a year after college, or I should have acquired ______ by this time. When I was younger I would have bet money that by the time I was 30 I'd be married with kids, living in a magical house by the ocean with my flying car hovering in the driveway. That is not the case. However, I could have also never dreamt up most of the amazing things that have happened through the highs and lows of my life.

As I was sitting here alone in my comfy little bungalow in Hollywood tonight, thinking about too many things… As I often do… I had one of those 'Aha…hahaha' moments. I realized the best things in my life have come from plans I never made, thoughts I'd never imagined, people I'd never hoped to meet, places I didn't want to go, times when I lost control and accidents along the way. The funny part is, it was all the plans I've made, people I've sought out, dreams I've chased, expensive ideas and perfectly thought up scenarios I felt had failed, that got me there. AND it was always the way I felt in the end that made the best things so absolutely unforgettable.

You see, it's good to have goals, dreams, plans, ideas… as long as you are okay with the fact that they just might lead you to something that may not be what you have pictured in that very stubborn little mind of yours.

1+1 may = friends

x & y may lead to the beginning

Doe ray me may bring you back to you…

The one you want may be taken, and you're left with the one you never knew you wanted
You may feel totally lazy, but only to remind you how much you've been doing

It could be hard, but only to make things easier

It might make you cry, but only because it makes you smile

It may be late, but only because it's waiting on you

It may bring you down, but only so you can go back up

You may feel weak, but only so you can be strong

It may seem that all the wrong things keep coming at the right time or that you keep getting all the right things at the very wrong time…

BUT you can only be doing, getting, being, knowing, wanting, learning, or attracting ALL the right things at the right time to show you what's wrong or what's right. ALWAYS. And how do you know? By the way you feel. Does it feel good or bad? That's how you can figure out why that experience is happening and act accordingly... Which may then change the way you feel and thus change your mind. That's okay too. The feelings will stick with you as long as you need them to in order to understand what they're showing you, that's how they roll.

I am almost 30. I had a plan, I had visions, I had goals, I had expectations of how things would look in my life by this age. I had strict rules for how much I should have accomplished in each area of life. I had boundaries on what I would and wouldn't still do at this age. I had deadlines. I had judgments and excuses all ready to go if those deadlines weren't met. I decided it's time to free myself of those.

I now have experiences that have given me strength, friends that bring me joy, scars that grant me compassion, failures that have brought me hope, awareness that creates gratitude, and am working on the faith to allow things to happen right on time, just when I least expect them. And that makes everything feel all right... at least right now.

Today's Silver Lining

"Take the road we take, Then we improvise, When the road it breaks, There will be surprises, Live to grow with fate, Wake to see your Time, Catch your heart with mine, You and I decide, Where to take our journey, how high to fly, love to love our turning, You and I, you and I." Garden- by Sean Hayes

Fantasies of Fear

2013-01-29T12:54:00.000-08:00

"Be careful what you wish for because you just might get it." I was always told that as a child. My, oh my how it’s meaning has changed. Although, so has the meaning of a wish. As a child I thought wishes were all those magical things you wanted when you blew on a dandelion puff. Now I realize we make all kinds of wishes we don't even realize. I wish I didn't have to work today... fired! Just kidding... kind of! The thing is, we often neglect taking the time to be grateful for all the things that make us smile everyday and spend more time figuring out what to change, what sucks, and the worst... what could happen that would suck.

The funny thing is, at this moment in time life is good. I am financially stable, I feel good in my skin, I have amazing people in my life & an apartment that is slowly coming together... with the exception of my ghetto couch! I am happy. I like waking up in the morning. I like staying up and just being with myself. Things are all happening as I had been wanting for so long... The funny thing is now I am afraid of this goodness. Afraid, because I know how temporary it can be. I'm afraid that any moment now, I won’t feel this way. Afraid that for all of this goodness, I will also experience the crashing down of it… and the higher I soar, the further I’ll fall. I start creating all of these horrible and frightening 'what if's' that end up being what I focus my energy on, and accidentally manifesting into my life. Tonight, I became aware of this thinking pattern I have developed. This fantasy of fear, if you will…. And I decided that with my newfound sense of reality, it is time to let go of my fantasy world.

You see fantasy, for most of us, isn’t what we envision when the word pops up. It’s not rainbows and unicorns with laser horns… (okay it’s that too.) Many of the fantasies we create and actually believe in, ARE NOT THAT MUCH FUN OR AMAZEBALLS! They are the fantasies we create from a place of fear. The fantasy that we are not good enough, that we are not enough in general. That we are not lovable, let alone loved. The fantasy that we are too old, too fat, or too broke to do what we want. We create these elaborate fantasies around all of these fears, and we don’t look at the reality of our amazing lives! Why do we do that? I have no clue. I should Google it, I’m sure someone has figured out some sort of smart explanation… but frankly I don’t really care at the moment. What I do care about is that I’ve totally been doing that. I've created many elaborate and frightening fantasies that have began to play a part in the choices I make. Ooops.

So, now that I’m aware of it, I plan to monitor my fantasy world and spend less time letting fear be my factor and instead stay grounded in a place of love. A place where my heart is my guide, not what other people are doing, or think I should be doing. A place where I feel empowered and magical. A place where everyone wins. Love is the safest place to be ya see. If you get to love, you are totally safe. No one can touch you there. No way, no how… because love and fear don’t coexist. That’s like having a hot ice cube… if an ice cube gets hot… laters ice, hello water. Fear cubes are melted by love and what are you left with? Truth, peace and reality… really lovely reality… The kind you thought was only possible in your wildest fantasies.

Heat melts ice

Paper beats rock

Love conquers fear.

Today's Silver Lining

"Oh I will become what I deserve. I been worryin', I been worryin', I will become what I deserve. I been worryin' that my time is a little unclear. I been worryin' that I'm losing the one's I hold dear. I been worryin' that we all live our lives in the confines of fear." The Fear- by Ben Howard

Wherever You Are

2012-04-13T09:45:00.004-07:00

For those who know me, you know that I tend to move around a lot. I love to explore, adventure and learn. While most are afraid of change, I live for it. However, as I get older, I do start to wonder if I'll ever grow roots. I have started to doubt my constant craving to go where the wind blows me, and wonder if I'd be better off staying put for a while. I question why I'm always so quick to follow my heart to new places on nothing more than a feeling. And, have even done something one should NEVER do... compare myself to others. Yet, here I am again, despite those things, playing with the idea of following my heart into the unknown.

Tonight I was at a coffee shop, sitting outside, drinking a coffee, reading, happy as a clam. I was thinking about how many reasons I have to love Los Angeles. So many, and counting. As I was packing up to leave, a man commented on my backpack. He and his friend actually asked me where I go to school, lol. (Mind you it is a bright blue backpack with dinosaur looking spikes all over it!) We got to chatting, and before long we were talking about life. I won't get into details, but at one point his friend said to me out of the blue, "I can tell already that you're not one who is afraid of change, but don't be afraid of change. Always go with your heart. It will always bring you where you need to be. And this is coming from a stranger, but I can just tell you need to hear that for some reason." Angels people, they don't always have wings, or float in on clouds... So pay attention.

"Always go with your heart. It will always bring you to where you need to be." There is no chance of getting lost. Always. In fact, wherever you are, is exactly where you need to be. How can you be sure? Because you are there. Oh, it's not where you want to be? Even better, move. Go to somewhere you DO want to be. Not that easy? Well, when you are needed somewhere else, it will be. Believe me on that. Just remember to trust how you feel, not where you are. Your heart will always be more accurate than the picture in your mind of what it should look like.

I was in Vegas earlier this week and I came home to a book from my mommy and daddy, as I still call them, titled, Wherever You Are My Love Will Find You. It's a children's book, but it was more informative to me than any book I had read in a while, and there have been quite a few. I love the whole book, in fact I cried from the first page to the second time I flipped to the last one, but my favorite passage is this: "So hold your head high and don't be afraid to march to the front of your own parade. If you're still my small babe or you're all the way grown, my promise to you is you're never alone. You are my angel, my darling, my star... and my love will find you, wherever you are." And trust me, I read very carefully just to be sure, and this love will find you, ah-ny-where.

Which brings me to where I am now. Here. On this page, in this place, writing these thoughts, grateful to feel this loved. Not only by my amazing parents, but by my amazing self. Because I realized that it was me who got me here, and it is me who will get me there and I have me to thank for where I have been... BUT no matter where I go, no matter where I am, that love will also guide me and remind me that home is ALWAYS where the heart is. And the heart is where the love is.

Today's Silver Lining:

"Darling you're with me, always around me. Only love, only love. Darling I feel you, under my body. Only love, only love. Give me shelter, or show me heart Come on love, Come on love. Watch me fall apart, watch me fall apart." Only Love- by Ben Howard

Just For Today

2011-09-11T15:12:00.000-07:00

I had one heck of a morning all before 10am. Missed my exit on the way to work. Had to deal with silly drama... forgot to pay my meter because of that and got a ticket... Then slammed my already cut hand in the door causing it to burst open yet again. Needless to say, my day was not off to the best start. So first I cried for a minute... at work... then decided I needed to pull it together! I remembered 5 principals of Reiki, which are:

Just for today, I release all worry.

Just for today, I release all anger.

Just for today, I shall earn my living with integrity.

Just for today, I will be kind to every living thing.

Just for today, I will give thanks for all my many blessings.

So I figured just for today, I could do that... Just for today... And tomorrow I could see how I felt and go from there. You see, I feel like just for a day, I can handle that... And when you start each day with that... one day turns in 2, which turns into a week... etc, until you're perfect... Ha, just kidding, but you get closer to that! The idea behind this philosophy, is to get people to live in the moment, but for me, it helps me to feel like I can do it, so I can come back to the moment. I have this little trick I do on the stair machine when I'm getting tired... where I look at how much time I have left and decide that I can do anything for a few minutes. Fifteen minutes? That's nothing, I can do anything that long. This kind of does the same thing for me. One day? Ok, I can do anything for one day... even though at many points during that day, I may feel like I can't, I remind myself, "Just one day Laura, that's it!"

So now I feel much better. I'm enjoying the cool ocean air, listening to the water, and smiling... because after all, I may as well enjoy all of these things while I'm practicing this, since it is for just one day ;)

Today's Silver Lining

"Some day somebody's gonna make you want to, Turn around and say goodbye, Until then baby are you going to let them, Hold you down and make you cry, Don't you know? Don't you know things can change, Things'll go your way, If you hold on for one more day. Can you hold on for one more day? Things'll go your way, Hold on for one more day." Hold On- by Wilson Phillips

What's Going On

2011-09-07T18:53:00.000-07:00

So, it seems that things have been a bit messy lately for most people I've talked to, including myself. Everyone seems to feel a bit of a disconnect, a bit off track or a bit frustrated. A few people are searching for ways to change, sensing the need for it. I've heard a few people blame it on Mercury retrograde, because this all started around then... but I can assure you that's not to blame this time. There is a change going on, a shift... and according to what I've witnessed and been told, a major phase in that shift just happened. So for those who wish to get a little clarity, here is a brief explanation in Laura talk of what just happened ;)

The best way I've come up with in words to describe it is by using a yin and yang symbol. Picture the symbol in your mind. This is how we all viewed the world. Things were black and white, but there was no separation. They all existed as a unit... though we saw good and bad, black and white, right and wrong... they were a part of one whole that our perception could decipher. We looked at the whole, and saw what we perceived in that moment. What happened is that the symbol has now separated, so rather than being able to look at this whole, we now see things more as they are, and also the space between them. So even though the balance is still there between the yin and yang, our perception of it has been heightened and we are now adjusting to that change. It's like we just zoomed in on the symbol and now we notice a space between the two main parts which we didn't see before. While it seemed easier to deal with things in the past because we had just this one thing to look at with no awareness of the space between, it will become easier once we adjust to this new awareness and realize that the same space that exists there, is all that exists between us and everything... And that space is actually still a part of what completes the whole. I know this seems kind of esoteric and hard to understand in words, but as you start to see it in your experience, it makes more sense... kind of :)

It's taking a while for me to really wrap my head around, some days it makes total sense, and others I just want to stop the world and get off for a lil break... but I can already notice a greater understanding and acceptance of this new reality. So be gentle with yourself, and breathe. Your breath is the space between your past and your future... it is what keeps you balanced. It is always happening whether we are trying or not. It keeps us alive, and yet we rarely worry about if and how we will breathe, because we trust that it will happen. So as we face this new space, it is good to remember that you can always come to your breath and use it as a reminder that everything necessary for our highest and best good will happen without any worry on our part if we just allow it to. Just as we participate in breathing without getting frustrated or worried about if it's going the way we planned... we can participate in life and allow it to flow through us, and know that things will come and go, as air does, but the next breath will always be there when we need it... no matter what's going on in the space between :)

Today's Silver Lining

"25 years of my life and still, Trying to get up that great big hill of hope, For a destination. I realized quickly when I knew I should, That the world was made for this, Brotherhood of man, For whatever that means. And so I cry sometimes when I'm lying in bed, Just to get it all out, what's in my head
And I, I'm feeling a little peculiar, And so I wake in the morning and I step, Outside and I take deep breath, And I get real high, And I scream to the top of my lungs, 'What's goin' on?" What's Up- by 4 Non Blondes

What's the Big Idea?

2011-08-24T19:09:00.000-07:00

I was listening to a Deepak Chopra CD this morning and he was speaking about intention. He says it doesn't matter what we say or do, but our intention in doing it. I started thinking about how a lot of times this affects not only what we say and do, but also how we interpret what others say and do. Many times when we listen to people, we are not able to hear what they are saying because we only hear what we want. Of course there's a great quote for that:

"We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are." ~Anais Nin

It seems like everyone has their two cents for any given situation, and often it can be something that has more to do with them than you... And just knowing that is half the battle. When people do or say things it is good to think of their intention, rather than your interpretation of it... What is their big idea?

For example, let's take my mom. The woman loves me eternally, and so I know that her intention in telling me something or giving me advice is always coming from a place of love. So lets pretend she tells me, "Laura, you really need to start working out more." Now it would be easy for me to think many things depending on how fat I feel that day, or how lazy I am. Some possible thoughts based on my own stuff could be, "She thinks I'm fat," or "Who is she to tell me to work out?!" Now what happens when I do that, is rather than getting the big idea from her, I am instead making myself angry. And even though I will say it's her that's making me angry, rest assured that it's me. Now, if I take a look at the big idea, based on her intention... I would realize it's something more along the lines of, "Laura, I love you and I feel better when I work out, so I want to make sure you feel as good as you can and also ensure you're taking care of yourself so you can live a long, healthy, marvelous life!"

We could also look at the classic, "Do these jeans make me look fat?" Why a person asks has everything to do with how your answer will affect them. So first think, what is the big idea behind this question for them? Are they buying a new pair of jeans and looking for a pair that flatter them? Are they having a rough day and in need of a little positive affirmation? Are they putting you to the test? If you look at the intention first, you realize that the question itself will change accordingly. "Should I buy these?" "Do you think I look pretty?" "Are you a liar?"

Now this is, as most things are, easier said than done... especially when we're going through a tough situation, feeling vulnerable and everyone seems to keep telling us the same things we already know, yet can't seem to apply at the moment. This has been happening to me lately. At first my thoughts were something like this, "No shit Sherlock! Do you think I'm stupid?! Ooooooh, You're so wise because you figured out the obvious. Take a look in the mirror, I could tell you a few things about your own life that you don't seem to know... I gotta go, BYE!" Then I took a step back and realized, ya know what... those thoughts are not based on the big idea this person is trying to tell me, they are based on how I feel. While I am frustrated with the situation, this person seeks to offer me some help because they care. So now, I just try to listen as they tell me all the things they think I don't already know... because I know that their big idea (most of the time), is to make me feel better. When I remember this my thoughts become, "Thank you for caring about how I feel and offering me your time and energy to help me through this challenge." Sometimes just this little step can help us to see those big ideas that actually make us feel better than any words ever could, and If you see their intention as something a little more fabulous than it actually is, that's okay too... And that's my two cents ;)

Today's Silver Lining

"What's the big idea? Yo Mika! I said sucking too hard on your lollipop, Oh loves gonna get you down
I said sucking too hard on your lollipop, Oh, loves gonna get you down. I went walking with my momma one day, When she warned me what people say, Live your life until love is found, 'Cause loves gonna get you down. Take a look at the girl next door, She's a player and a downright bore
Jesus loves her but she wants more, Oh, bad girls get you down." Lollipop- by Mika

Permanently Temporary

2011-07-13T16:23:00.001-07:00

These days, it seems harder than ever to keep up with people, even though we're more connected than ever. You have your digital friends, your work ones, your real ones, your family... all seeing "you" based on the combo of them. All the while, everyone's trying to ask so many questions, and figure out "the answer"... so that they can have happiness ever after. Happiness seems to be all the rage lately, and I'm learning more that this trend seems to be depleting happiness more than it enhances it! I know people mean well, but there is no way someone else can answer your question... there is no way you can just learn happiness... you must experience it. Happiness is not a place you get to, it is a habit... a daily practice. It's great for people to spread it... but only you can make it happ(y)en.

So, who are you? What is the answer? Where I am going with this?... Well here. You may read a quote today that inspires you and totally relates to where you are... or hear a song, or eat a hot dog, or hug a friend, or walk into a 7-11 and overhear 3 words that let you know what's up. You may find "the answer" in any or all of these things... but the answer is relative to your question... and your question is in constant evolution... and so are you! So be the change! Allow yourself to be totally okay with whatever it is you feel now, and then when it changes... be that! Be who you are... say what you feel... go where you choose, because there's a reason you want, think and feel all the things you do right now... and there's a reason everyone else does too! So be patient with people and their brilliant ideas, and hopes, and quotes, and lessons, and changes in these things... because that is who they are now... and there is a reason you are a part of them now whether it registers or not... because now is as permanent as it is temporary :-)

Today's Silver Lining

"There was a time when my world was filled with darkness, darkness, darkness. And I stopped dreaming now I'm supposed to fill it up with something, something , something. In your eyes I see the eyes of somebody I knew before long long long ago, But I'm still trying to make my mind up, Am I free or am I tied up? I change shapes just to hide in this place but I'm still, I'm still an animal, Nobody knows it but me when I slip yeah I slip I'm still an animal." Animal- by Mike Snow

Seen As Is

2011-06-04T22:52:00.000-07:00

I feel like I am in my own little Groundhog Day... A part of something that keeps happening over and over again... and I'm stuck until I get it right. The thing is, I'm having a hard time changing anything in order for that to happen. It's strange really. I know what's happening... I see the truth of the situation, but then I choose to keep responding the same way over and over, knowing I'm going to get the same result. So the logical question would be, why don't I just do what needs to be done to change this cycle and move forward... to which I would answer, I don't know. One of the million quotes I call my favorite is, "The heart has reasons that reason cannot know." -- Pascal... And boy is my heart stubborn with it's unreasonable reasons.

In my head, when I'm thinking, planning and remembering the facts... it all seems to make sense. I know what's been happening, what I need to do, why I need to do it, what will happen if I don't... but then, once the time comes and I'm in the moment, I can't help but feel again, and my heart comes in and does it's thing, and it's back to square one. The beautiful thing of it all, is that right now, when I can write it all down, get it all out of my head, and see how it feels... it's absolutely perfect. All the pain and repetition has it's place and has brought me here. Every move my heart has made, has taught me something, and made it easier for my head to understand it. Right now, it seems silly that I ever thought that I could possibly do anything wrong... that I could make a move that wouldn't somehow lead me here... that anything could ever happen that isn't part of the master plan of my existence and evolution... right now it all seems the stars are perfectly aligned. And it is right now, that I've realized the reason... because I can see them as they are, and not how I expect them to be ;-)

Today's Silver Lining

"Well hey, well that's the way it is. We gotta make a change... It's time for us as a people to start makin' some changes. Let's change the way we eat, let's change the way we live and let's change the way we treat each other. You see the old way wasn't working so it's on us to do what we gotta do, to survive." Changes- by Tupac

Perfect Timing

2011-03-31T11:22:00.000-07:00

I look at some of the things in my life and think, "Wow, that happened at the perfect time." I also look at somethings and wonder what would happen now if I was to do that again. They say timing is everything... but I think everything is on time. We may wish things could just happen now, or that we could put life on hold sometimes... but as the saying goes,

"Life can only be understood backward, but it must be lived forward."

Things may seem to happen at the worst time or the best time, but the fact of the matter is, they always happen at the perfect time. Think back to some of the best stories you tell... they probably involve some unforeseen circumstance that at the time seemed like the end of the world, but now has all worked out. If you look at the thing in your life that you would classify as the biggest disaster, disappointment, or heartbreak... you could probably stem 3 or more great things from that... Because it's all necessary.

It's just like baking a cake... the flour, raw eggs, salt, butter, sugar, baking soda, etc. don't taste so great on their own, nor would you want to indulge in many of them as they were... but... once they're all mixed up and popped in the oven for a while, they come out tasting like a dream!

Such is life my friends. Cakes need a lot of boring flour to make up the consistency... we need a lot of seemingly boring stuff to make up our fluffy, yummy life. When things seem to take to long, we have to trust that they're still not quite cooked yet. When we put things into perspective like that, and think of the universe, God, whatever you wanna call that force, as our baker... we have to trust that anything that's added into our lives is necessary for our recipe, that today's icky baking powder, is just a small ingredient in our delicious life... and that everything is being mixed, beaten and baked at the perfect time ;-)

Today's Silver Lining

"And in the daylight we can hitchhike to Maine, I hope that someday I’ll see without these frames, And in the daylight I don’t pick up my phone, ‘Cause in the daylight anywhere feels like home, I have five clocks in my life, And only one has the time right, I’ll just unplug it for today, I’ll just unplug it for today." Daylight- by Matt and Kim

What Would You Do?

2011-03-28T15:46:00.000-07:00

If I wrote a blog each hour, I would have a crazy spectrum of feelings, thoughts and beliefs... because in each moment things can change so much. However, there are those certain things that seem to be consistent. It is the core of your belief structure that the others stem from, so what's at your core? I read a great quote by Wallace D. Wattles that says:

"Whatever you habitually think yourself to be, that you are. You must form, now, a greater and better habit; you must form a conception of yourself as a being of limitless power, and habitually think that you are that being. It is the habitual, not the periodical thought that decides your destiny."

So if thoughts become things... it's those thoughts that you're always thinking, even without thinking, not the ones that just pop in for a quick visit. It's those thoughts, because you believe them... and chances are you believe them because of some experience. We have thoughts all the time that come and go, but when something happens that affects us, we tend to remember it more. When we do things, and begin to see results, good or bad, we tend to believe them. So, while you may have some thoughts that are silly at the time... it's what you do with them, that becomes believable.

Today's Silver Lining

"Ghosts in the photograph never lied to me. I'd be all of that. I'd be all of that. A false memory would be everything. A denial my eliminent." Take Me Somewhere Nice- by Mogwai

What Do You Think?

2011-03-26T16:08:00.000-07:00

It's amazing, the power of the mind. The things it remembers, creates and destroys. If we don't control it, it consumes us. It makes up our world by what it thinks about... so it is up to us to make up our mind.

Everything we see, smell, touch, read, drive by, do... everything... goes straight to our head. It is stored there with everything else, and filed away according to what else is up there. So while sometimes we may not understand where thoughts come from, or how feelings can be so strong... we can be sure that it's something we put in our head at some point. The good news is, we can all choose what we think.

Yes, it may be extremely difficult at times, but it is always entirely possible. When we are feeling off track, out of whack, or in a rut, we can put good things into our mind. Now it may take some time for them to process through... the other hopeless thoughts may linger for a while, but when you are filling your head with how you want to be... well, you are.

Inspirational quotes, or sayings may seem silly at first, or awkward and hard to hear, but after a while... they start to become a part of your thoughts. They start to become what you believe, so that who you are can keep on keepin on. When you try to make a conscious effort to put good things into your head everyday, good thoughts are sure to follow .. At least that's what I think ;-)

Today's Silver Lining

"You know you're gold, you don't gotta worry none, Oasis child, born and so wild, Don't I know you better than the rest, All deception, all deception from you." Zebra- by Beach House

Head of Your Class

2011-03-22T11:36:00.000-07:00

It is challenging to be alive. I don't care who you are, what you have or do, there is always something to overcome... but that's what reminds us we're still actively living . It always seems that just when you start to feel like you've got it all figured out, something inevitably comes along that changes that... but that's a good thing.

Life is like school, once you learn something, you move on to the next. First you learn numbers, then addition, then multiplication, then algebra... and so on. Looking back from your algebra homework, the numbers seem so obvious. If I was to point at the number 8 and ask you what number it is, you wouldn't think twice. However, at one point, that would've been a tough one for you. Now imagine if I tried to teach you that that was the #8. You'd probably get annoyed, and bored... because you already know that. Life is no different. We all have to start with the basics and keep learning and working our way to the harder stuff, and no matter how hard it gets... there's always harder stuff! We all learn different lessons, at different speeds, but we're always learning. Somethings may be harder for one person than the next... somethings may take years to fully understand... and there may be some lessons you never even make it to, in this lifetime anyway. The point is, it's all part of the lesson plan we are assigned to.

I was talking to a friend today who is feeling lost, frustrated, and hopeless... like things aren't getting better, that after all this time, life is still hard. I myself have struggled with these same feelings. Why do I feel like no matter what I do I'm still here? Why is it that every time I feel like I finally get where I need to be, something happens? What is it that will make me happy? How do I get there? Well... I am here, and so are you.

Wherever you are at this moment is exactly where you are supposed to be. If you think someone else's plan is any easier... maybe they're still in 2nd grade and you're in college, but you can trust they're having to do their homework too! Whether you're struggling through a tough equation, or feeling good about an essay you just got an A+ on, you are in the middle of your lesson plan at all times. I know it's hard to accept, especially when you feel like whatever lesson you're working on is one you've tried over and over and are about to give up on... but that's the thing about life's lessons... you can't give up until you get it... and you can't look at anyone else to compare notes, because we're all in our own class.

What you can do, is just know that you will get it eventually, and go easy on yourself... and others. You can tackle a little at a time, knowing that with each try, be it a failure or success, you're still learning. You can take a break if you're tired of working on something, and clear your head by going on to something that you enjoy. The difficult lesson will be there waiting, whether you like it or not ;-) You can also be compassionate to others by accepting whatever lesson they're working on, rather than judging them... and helping them if you can. After all, even though our lessons are very different, we're all still learning!

Today's Silver Lining

"You went to school to learn girl, Things you never, never knew before, Like "I" before "E" except after "C", And why 2 plus 2 makes 4, Now, now, now, I'm gonna teach you, Teach you, teach you

All about love girl, All about love, Sit yourself down, take a seat, All you gotta do is repeat after me, A B C, It's easy as, 1 2 3, As simple as, do re mi." ABC- by The Jackson 5

The Falling of Love

2011-03-21T16:19:00.000-07:00

Sometimes in life love seems so strong, that there is no way we can imagine ever seeing it fall apart. Then things change, time passes and intentions fail. Before you know it, that which was once strong and new is weak and falling.

I experienced this over the weekend. The sign I have in my apartment, made up of the letters "L-O-V-E," kept falling down. It had been happening before, but I somehow managed to get the sticky part to stick again. Now however, I had lost the "L,O, & E" so all that was left was the V. That's when it hit me. Though I could restick the letters temporarily, they kept falling faster each time, and more frequently... if I wanted a different result I had to try something new. So I did. I went to the store and got new adhesives and replaced the old ones. Simple. And it worked. The thing is... It's up to us to pick up the pieces and find a new way to make them stick, rather than to keep trying what isn't working anymore. I don't know why it took me so long to just do what now seems so obvious. Maybe because it was easier to just re-stick the letters real quick... Maybe because I didn't care enough to go and get something new... Or maybe because I thought that love isn't supposed to fall apart.

That's something I've learned more and more lately... often, it is only our old beliefs that keep us from new opportunities, or from making old ones last. We are so determined to keep trying to restick our love together over and over regardless of how many times we watch it fall, rather than take a new approach with something that works. Things sometimes lose their stickiness, but if we care enough to do what it takes to make them stay put, and can simply try something different... we'll never have to lose hope when we see love fall apart.

Today's Silver Lining

"Say you gotta put the good with the bad, happy and the sad, So will u bring a better future than I had in the past, Oh Cause, I don't wanna make the same mistakes I did, I don't wanna fall back on my face again, Whoa, whoa, I'll admit it, I was scared to answer love's call, Whoa, whoa, and if it hits better make it worth the fall, (When it comes around), Sometimes love comes around, (Love comes around)

And it knocks you down, Just get back up, When it knocks you down."

Today Was Tomorrow Yesterday

2011-03-09T11:51:00.000-08:00

"If not now, when?"

A quote that sounds all high and mighty, too profound for it's own good... but yet is oh so true. I've been a procrastinator for most of my life, so I know how easy it is to put things off for the right moment, or until tomorrow... I also know that tomorrow never comes. I look at so many things in my life that I have put in the hands of tomorrow, to realize they are now dreams of yesterday.

When I look at all the things we dream of in our tomorrows however, I realize what tomorrow is... hope. Knowing that the sun can come out tomorrow, can give us the hope we need to get through today. It gives us the inspiration to keep going, to get to that ray of hope we seek ... the thing is, what if the sun doesn't come out? Then what?

That's what I've been trying to figure out lately. When I was so excited yesterday because the sun was finally gonna come out tomorrow, and then today I'm still left in the grey, then what? Well, what I discovered, is that while we can use tomorrow to inspire us... we cant have any expectations from it. While tomorrow can supply hope for today, yesterday can supply wisdom for today, so you know how to handle any weather. Rather than waiting for the sun to come out, take what you learned yesterday, and dance in the rain... with hope for tomorrow, but because it's today :-)

Today's Silver Lining

"Just thinkin' about tomorrow, Clears away the cobwebs, And the sorrow, 'Til there's none! When I'm stuck with a day, That's gray, And lonely, I just stick out my chin, And Grin, And Say, Oh! The sun'll come out tomorrow, So ya gotta hang on 'til tomorrow, Come what may."

Something Fishy

2011-03-07T11:27:00.000-08:00

In life there are those dream jobs, places to live and people that we spend so much time drooling over and building up in our minds. We think, "Once I get a new job, life will be paradise," or "If I could become famous, all the things I would do." The thing I've learned, over and over again... is that often when those dreams become reality, we are not satisfied. We are left looking to those things, waiting for the joy they are supposed to bring, and that is where the disappointment begins.

I had a recent reminder of this. I had gotten what I thought was my dream job. From my title, to my coworkers, to the job itself, there was nothing in this world I could think of that was more perfect. I was so excited! "This is it," I thought, "I have manifested my perfect life, and now I get to enjoy the fruits of my labor." As I began my new job, I was still me, but as I began to look to it to make me happy and meet my expectations, I became less and less connected to me, and more and more disappointed. Pretty soon, I was frustrated, and rather than doing MY best, I was doing the best I could in those circumstances. Rather than staying true to myself, and my beliefs, I followed the crowd and did what they did at a detriment to my own well being. Rather than stepping up and thinking outside of the box, I did what I needed each day... all the while waiting for my dream to step in and change things for the better.. By the end of it, I was disconnected and disappointed. As I sat there looking at the ruins of my dream, I wondered, "Where did I go wrong?"

As I was reading a quote by Russell Simmons, it finally hit me.

"Your purpose is to act on the resources God gives you. If God gives you a bucket of fish, you have to distribute those fish. If you don't, they're going to rot, attract a bunch of flies, and start stinking up your soul."

God had given me the fish, but rather than distributing them, I was busy celebrating them. I kept staring hopefully at the bucket of fish waiting for them to do their job, when they were actually there for me to do mine. Eventually, they did smell, and attract flies, then I had to get rid of them because they were only making things worse. Rather than loving what I had by using it, I admired it and waited for it to love me... oppsie!

It is often easy to blame the things in our life for not making us happy, but when you look at it from this perspective, it is hard to blame the fish, for my lack of action. Yes, the fish smelled, and attracted flies, but I kept the fish and watched as they rot, rather than putting them to use. There is another quote from Russell Simmons that summed up what I took away from this:

"The key ingredient to any kind of happiness or success is to never give less than your best."

One of the four agreements as well, it's the simple act of giving your best, that feels good. Your best, is not my best, or his best, or what something says is best... it's your natural state, and when you're doing it, you love it! In fact, that's what love is, doing... not waiting. When life gives you lemons, take em and do your thing with em. Whether it's lemonade, a margarita, or a pie... use em up your way... but use them for something you love!

So if something's getting a little fishy in your life, don't forget that it's up to you to do something to keep things fresh! God can send us a bus, but it's up to us to get on it... And when you do get on the bus, don't forget to enjoy the ride on your way to the fish market! ;-)

Today's Silver Lining

"Sometimes I feel like throwing my hands up in the air, I know I can count on you, Sometimes I feel like saying, 'Lord I just don't care' But you've got the love I need to see me through, Sometimes it seems that the going is just too rough, And things go wrong no matter what I do, Now and then it seems that life is just too much, But you've got the love I need to see me through." You've Got the Love- by Florence and the Machine

Sweeter Than a Spoonful of Sugar

2011-03-02T15:10:00.000-08:00

According to Mary Poppins, "Just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down." Well in my life I've certainly found things are much easier to handle with a little something good to accompany them. A song, a friend, a cupcake, a silver lining, (hehe) ... adding a little sweetness to anything always makes it easier to swallow. Yet somehow, in todays busy world, we often forget the power of a spoonful of sugar.

Amy Martin hasn't forgotten though... the founder of Digital Royalty is doing a cartwheel a day for 365 days as her daily dose of fun.

Alana Golob's daily sweetness is a heel click. Taking the time everyday to do something to make you smile can really help with those tough times... So what's your daily dose?

There's a great quote by Aristotle that says, "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit."

When we make it a habit to treat ourselves to a dose of joy everyday, we become joyful! So give it a shot, have a daily dance, moment of thanks, or high five... the options are endless, and so are the benefits... and that is sweeter than sugar! (What's my daily dose? Come back tomorrow and find out, yayuh!)

Today's Silver Lining

"Pick me up, oh, from the bottom, Up to the top, love, everyday, Pay no mind to taunts or advances, I take my chances on everyday, Left to right, Up and down, love, I push up love, love everyday, Jump in the mud,

Get your hands dirty with, Love it up on everyday." Everyday- by The Dave Matthews Band

This video is pretty awesome if you have time!

Do What You Do

2011-03-01T23:45:00.000-08:00

I read a great article today on how finding your passion is sometimes not the best practice in finding your career. It says that rather than stressing on trying to figure out a deep answer to the question of passion, look at what you do now. Wow, what a simple, yet overlooked practice! Here's the article if you're so inclined...

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/finance/comment/8349119/Think-Tank-Ever-felt-like-your-job-isnt-what-you-were-born-to-do-Youre-not-alone.html

It's so often we are told to find our passion, look for a calling... but seldom are we ever reminded to take a look in the mirror. I find this to be one of the most beneficial things one can do. I remember when I graduated college, I got a bookmark that read, "Happiness is not getting what you want, happiness is wanting what you've got." It always stuck with me. If I wanted to be happy, I'd have to utilize whatever was given to me at the moment. Whatever you have now, do now or see now, is everything you need... for now. The way you view these things, use these things and invest these things will create what you have next. Walking as far as we can today, will give us a better head-start for tomorrow... but there is no place you'll end up without taking steps to get there. So where are you headed right now?

Sometimes it's easy to get caught looking only to the future, but when we stop to look at where we are now, it gives us a better idea of how to get there from here. And when you look at what you do, it helps you to see how you got where you are... by doin that thing you do!

Today's Silver Lining

"You, Doin' that thing you do, Breaking my heart into a million pieces, Like you always do, And you, Don't mean to be cruel, You never even knew about the heartache, I've been going through

Well I try and try to forget you girl, But it's just so hard to do, Every time you do that thing you do." That Thing You Do - by The Wonders

When the Stars Align

2011-02-24T10:23:00.001-08:00

Sometimes I can think so much, plan so much and work so hard to get to what I think I want... but then other times, I can just be... in the right place, at the right time, with everything I need. It's times like that I realize that it's not that the stars suddenly aligned... but that I did.

Mental note... The stars are ALWAYS aligned... act accordingly.

Today's Silver Lining

"See the stars align, And you know it’s all for you, Down were you before, Now you come alive for this, There’s calm inside the storm, If you know just what you’re trying for, See what you could be, And you know you shine for me, why not now." Stars Align- by Kaskade

Blah, Blah, Ah ha...

2011-02-23T11:19:00.000-08:00

I was thinking about all the things people will tell you these days... from the president, to advertisers, to your friends. It's so easy to tell people what you think they want to hear. "This product will change your life," or, "I can change this country for the better," or the classic, "I'm so busy, next time for sure." It's rare however, that those things said are proven to be true.

I find myself doing that often times with life, the difference is, life is no sucker... it's not gonna buy the dreams I'm selling... life isn't listening, it's happening... based on what I DO. I can talk about going to the gym as much as I want, but the only thing that is gonna get me in shape, is going. There's a great story about a man who went to church everyday and prayed to win the lottery. "Please God, Please, just let me win this week!" He did this for years, and finally God replied, "Please, Please buy a ticket."

We want things to happen, to change, to amaze us, but at the end of the day, it is up to us to listen to what we are saying... and then do it! We can't rely on words alone, the proof is in the pudding. If I was to tell you that I could do 5 backflips in a row, you'd want to see me do it... otherwise, you wouldn't believe me... I hope! It's the action that gives words value. One of my favorite lessons from The Four Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz, is, "Be impeccable with your word." Doing what you say creates trust. Like the little boy who cried wolf... after so many times, no one believed him when there was a wolf, because his previous actions proved otherwise.

When we start listening to what we're saying and compare that to what we are doing... it's easy to see why things are or are not happening. If there are things you keep telling yourself, or others, make them happen! Like the old saying goes, "Don't just talk the talk, walk the walk." And if you're enjoying the walk, why not run every now and again?!

Today's Silver Lining

"Saying "I love you", Is not the words I want to hear from you, It's not that I want you, Not to say, but if you, only knew how easy, It would be to show me how you feel, More than words, Is all you have to do to make it real, Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me, Cause I'd already know." More Than Words- by Extreme