My Daily Walks

And Great Shall be The Peace of Your Children........

2014-11-04T05:36:00.001-05:00

Isaiah 54:13New King James Version (NKJV)

13 All your children shall be taught by the Lord,
And great shall be the peace of your children.

I remember the day Callie was born, my heart overflowed with love for this new little person that Kenneth and I were blessed with.   Then God blessed us with Kayla and I had the same feeling again.  And then came Nicholas my only boy that I had prayed for non-stop and yet I had that same feeling of overflowing love.  I pray peace over my children and I give them up to the Lord to be who He has called them to be.  When you love someone, especially our children, their spiritual well being becomes your responsibility.  You can speak joy into their lives or sadness.  

Too many times I have seen little children who are not taught by the Lord and you can see no peace in their little lives.  My heart has always broke.  As adults we are responsible to the Lord to allow Him to raise our children the way He would have it.  It says, "He knew them before they were formed."  He already had a plan for their lives and it is our responsibility to let them be whatever that plan is.  It is not our job to steer them to be doctors or lawyers.  If that is God's purpose He will let you as the parent know.  But if it isn't, we are doing a disservice to our children.  I want my children to be taught by the Lord and I want that peace He brings to them.  I want them to be whatever it is He has called them to be for His purpose.  I pray His will be done in their lives.  I pray that for all children.  May our eyes be opened and our hearts be opened to whatever it is our babies are called to be. We want the best them.  Imagine how much more God wants the best for them.

Love and Friendships......

2014-11-02T19:39:00.001-05:00

One of the hardest things for so many people is to understand that not all people are meant to be our best friends. I have to admit I was one of them. Had I known now what I can see and realize now I would have never taken for granted all the friendships that God has brought into my life. The thing is those friendships were made for a certain time and not for the rest of my life. I spent my entire life looking for something that was missing in my life from people who became friends with me that I couldn't understand why all of sudden it was gone. It was very hard to deal with up until the last 6 months or more. I wondered why things had to be so hard and why I was alone. I came to realize that the Lord wanted me to learn to depend on Him. Yes, we can be friends with people and help them and show them Love but that doesn't mean they are always going to be there. Take time to appreciate them. Take time to show them the same Love God shows you. Number 1 thing is not to allow the devil to play with your mind and let you blame yourself if a friendship has changed in a way you don't understand. Seek after the Lord, He is a friend that never leaves and sticks closer than a brother. He left us the comforter, what more of a better friend can you have then that? Take the energy you may spend feeling sad over a friend and use it for God's Glory. Reach out to someone in need. Or use that time to see what it is the Lord wishes you to learn during that time. There are always learning opportunities in our walk with the Lord. God is an amazing God and one of my favorite sayings is He will never NEVER leave us orphans. His love is always there and ever enduring. Praise be to the Lord.

Dear Lord,
I will praise you Lord my God,
even in my desperation.
Even in my brokenness, I will praise you Lord.

My life is in your hands,
I chose to trust you.

Even when my heart is torn.
I will praise you Lord.
Even when I feel deserted.
I will praise you Lord.
Even in my darkest valley,
I will praise you Lord.
When my world is shattered,
it seems hope is gone.
Yet, I will praise you Lord.

I love you Lord, with all of me. I life up everyone I know and pray many blessings over their lives.

My Heart..........

2014-10-23T21:32:00.000-04:00

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dy9nwe9_xzw

For two years I secluded myself from the world. I didn't want to be hurt by making friends or by meeting people. I was full of fear and hurt from previous experiences. God uses those moments in our lives to help others but we have to step out of that darkness and into the beautiful bright light that is that of the Lord!! We can't hide who we have been called to be. We also have to right our wrongs and ask for forgiveness and also forgive those who have hurt us. Holding on to bitterness and fear brings nothing but more sin into our lives. Our God is greater than that. He loves us despite our wrongs but He wants us to strive to become more like Him. There is no better friend then that of the Lord. May the Lord use me and use any mistakes I have made to bless others. I want all of me to belong to Him and Him alone.

"Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)"

You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now

So I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

[6x]
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

I will call upon Your name
Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in Your embrace
I am Yours and You are mine

The Smile of a Child.....

2014-10-20T20:00:00.002-04:00

Today the following verse came to my attention while in prayer: Then were there brought unto him little children, that he should put his hands on them, and pray: and the disciples rebuked them. 14But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven. 15And he laid his hands on them, and departed thence. Matthew 19:13-15.

Today I was in awe watching my two youngest learn and even teach me some things. I don't think I have had so much fun and smiled so much as I have today. I got to see why Jesus said for us to suffer the little children and forbid them not to come unto Him, for such is the kingdom of heaven.

As we grow up into adulthood, I feel like we lose track of what it means to be a child. To smile, to laugh, to talk so freely about how we feel, to love on others. I had the picture of the Lord placing His hands on each of my children. My heart was so touched. Today was our first day of In His Hands Home School. I realized how much I have missed being a full-time part of my children's lives. Teaching them today God's word and watching them soak it up and even add to was such a gift from the Lord to me. I can't really express how much of an impact today had on me and on them. The decision to bring them home was confirmed without a doubt. We do not want our children being taught things that go against our beliefs. We were getting tired of hearing well I just slept in class today or watched a movie. So the decision to home school after seeing them laugh and have such a good time learning and talk about God in ways I have never heard was so amazing to me.

I give all the praise to the Lord and thank Him for bringing us to a spot where we can be a huge part of what our children are taught. I praise the Lord for placing His hands upon my babies today and bringing life to our little class. I can't wait to learn more myself and take this walk with them.

I imagine Heaven full of laughter and joy just as the Lord said for such is the kingdom of Heaven. It don't get any better than that.

Healing of The Heart......Thankfulness to The Lord!!!!!!

2014-10-16T20:15:00.002-04:00

I only try to write in my blog when the Lord gives me something but tonight I just feel the need to praise the Lord. He has placed people in our lives over the years that have been true blessings. Even more recently people who have really impacted our lives in a positive way. God is truly amazing. My husband, Kenneth, preached his first sermon last night since he got diagnosed with AML. It was truly amazing, to see all the healing of hearts and bodies and minds. Seeing my handsome husband following is calling was so wonderful. I am so blessed to have such an amazing God that I get to home school my two youngest children and I have only had to spend 100 dollars to do that because of wonderful friends that He placed in my life. Women I feel truly blessed to know and who I love dearly. He has mended old friendships this week. He has helped us with our finances this week. There are so many things in just this week that the Lord has done I could write a book. But even though this isn't going to be a long blog, I truly just want it dedicated to the Lord. He is the beginning and the end and He is all knowing. I love Him with all my heart and I pray that love for everyone. I give my life to Him to be used however He needs me. Many Blessings and much love to all. Melissa

If God Be For Us.......

2014-10-11T14:00:00.000-04:00

What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? Romans 8:31

I have been focusing on this verse much more than I ever have. It may seem so elementary to many people but I started thinking about all that it means then just what is on the surface.

I use to be embarrassed to say that I was not popular growing up. I was constantly picked on and bullied even in my high school years. I never really had friends or was never part of a click so I found myself finding comfort in being alone and letting people control my life by their teasing or bullying. I would come home at night and cry myself to sleep because I so dreaded going back to school the next morning. People I had as friends always had that other friend that they hung with, leaving me alone. Some of them who I thought were close friends would even take part in the teasing at times until they thought I could be a part of their friendship again. This cycle has repeated through out my life and I allowed it. God was calling me to a higher purpose but I was more focused on having friends. I have wasted so much time trying to get people to love me because I didn't know what that was. So this verse to me has much more meaning.

If we just took the first part and added our ending according to what the Lord wants from us. Example; If God is for us.....we are made over comers according to His word. What would the endings really be? How much more would God's love become relevant in our lives? Would our eyes be opened to newer levels with the Lord? Would we focus more on God than on seeking acceptance of man? I believe we would.

I am learning that the only individual who can show me what true acceptance and love is, is the Lord. It's when we don't see that, that we allow a door open to satan to attack us, unfortunately by using people we love. So if God is for me.....I am loved and accepted for who He actually created me to be!!   That walk may separate me for a season from individuals or maybe forever but I am strong in the Lord to walk it. To be honest, most people are only meant to be in our lives for a season, a lesson I have found very hard to learn. So this blog is speaking in a spiritual sense. Individuals are not the reason for my separation and loneliness in the past, it was a door I left open in the spiritual realm to be attacked. When we realize what our ending is to verses like above we begin shutting those doors on Satan and demonic attacks. It's not always easy but I know that I know the Lord is there giving us a way out like what 1 Corinthians 10:13 says. There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.

Dear Father, I thank you for giving me the opportunity of growing further in your love. I thank you that you accepted me before I was even born. Allow us all to find our ways according to your purpose and the doors of the enemy be shut tight, to never be opened again. Let us always feel your love and acceptance. In everything we do may it be for your Glory and not our own. With so much love for you, I praise you always and forever and thank you for who you have been, for who you are and for who you are gonna be in our lives. AMEN!!

Battling the Spirit of Depression.....

2014-10-07T23:00:00.002-04:00

John 14:18, I will not leave you orphans; I will come to you.

This verse has always touched my heart. It's just one of those verses that can take a bad day and turn it into the most beautiful day.

Tonight God laid upon my heart to talk about depression and how the lies of the enemy trick us into thinking the worse. It's not a subject that most want to talk about and to be honest even myself because when I shared what was going on with me with others I was told I was being selfish and the stigma began to come upon me from people I was very close to.

I have battled this spirit since I can remember, which was around 5 years old. I don't think my mom and dad understood the true extent of what I was feeling. I myself didn't understand, I just knew that I didn't want to be sad. I had a hard time throughout my life making and keeping friends, because this spirit had me secluded from the world and to others I wasn't someone they wanted to be friends with. As I got older I tried hiding what I was feeling but people obviously could tell something wasn't good with me. So they naturally stayed away from me. Since Kenneth got sick it got worse because one minute life was great and the next everything was falling apart and we were losing everything in our lives that we had including people we loved.

Now, I am learning to not walk backwards but to walk forwards. God has brought healing to me personally and to my family over the past few years. Cleansing me from the inside out. It's very hard to feel different and try to be normal at the same time. Especially when it comes to people you are close to and they make comments like you are being selfish or they label you as being like someone they know and tell you they don't want to be around you. It's very hurtful. But I am realizing everyday that what people say or do doesn't matter. It's what God wants of you. I believe that my Father is full of love and understanding. Even in those moments sometimes when you want to break down. He said He will come to me and not leave me as an orphan. How much better is that? For me it brings me comfort because I know He has healed me. But for so many others, Christian and Non-Christian, sometimes it's hard to grasp that healing. I honestly can't imagine someone who doesn't know the Lord trying to deal with this terrible spirit. I pray for them because the pain for me at times was almost unbearable and for someone who doesn't know that the Lord is there for them it must be even more horrible. I am blessed in the fact that I have a supportive husband that the Lord blessed me with and an amazing God who loves no matter what comes. God can heal!! He can restore broken friendships if He so pleases. For me personally, I can look back and see why I was different than most people and why they shied away from me, but only from the flesh can I see why. For me in the Spirit of God I can see why He places people in our lives to help us along the way, if even for a season. I try to not judge someone who is different because I know what that feels like and it doesn't show who the Lord really is. Maybe just that hug and planting that seed of healing from the Lord is all that is needed for someone. We must remind ourselves that just because someone is a little different doesn't make them a bad person or someone you should avoid. God gives us discernment and the ability to show love beyond all measure. Even I need to use it especially knowing where I came from and where I am now.

Dear Father,

I thank you for my healing. I thank you for the restoration of peace, love and joy in the lives of all your people. Use us dear Lord as examples of how to be over comers through you. Bless those who are dealing with depression and bring in your army to help them fight. Bring people into their lives if they are not saved so that they too can come to know you and your healing power. Let us share the fact that you will never leave us nor forsake us but will come to us always. I praise you in everything I do dear Father and I love you with all of me. Amen

Always tell someone how you feel.......

2014-10-05T19:56:00.001-04:00

I saw this a few minutes ago on a friends Facebook page, "Always tell someone how you feel because opportunities are lost in the blink of an eye but regrets can last for a lifetime." I remember when the love of my life was sitting in a hospital bed and we were being told he had 7 days at most to live without treatment being started immediately. I remember seeing tears come from his eyes and I remember trying to be strong for him but inside absolutely being shattered into a million pieces and not knowing how to respond. Questions, of, "How am I going to live without my husband? What about our children, one whose birthday was the very next day?" I remember having wonderful friends come that night to sit by our sides and making sacrifices from their own lives. I remember some friends taking our children and making sure that Nicholas had a good birthday. Sacrifice after sacrifice was made for us and we never ever forgot it.

God calls us to love one another. To be kind to each other as we are all members of one working body. We should love unconditionally. Christ shed His blood for us. God sacrificed His only begotten Son for us, both done unconditionally out of LOVE for us. God healed my husband and he is now 3 years in remission. I have not always been perfect in my walk but one thing I am grateful for is that I have the LOVE of my Savior and God. How easy it is to look on the outside of people and judge them immediately? Or how easy is it sometimes to get aggravated with a person and turn our backs? I look at the above statement to be about LOVE, unconditional Agape LOVE. It's what I felt when I saw it. I want my life to be filled with love. I want people to feel love all the time. Sometimes that's an almost impossible task because of the worlds standards and ways but with God it is. He places us here to share His LOVE. That's what I want my heart filled with and I want to share that with whomever I come into contact with. I want it to radiate all over me and my family so when people are in need or down or just having a rough moment they feel it. Never have regrets for not sharing the very thing the Lord blessed us ALL with, LOVE!!

1 Corinthians 13:13, And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is LOVE.

My Dear Father in Heaven, thank you for showing me and my family and people all over the world love. Let us have no regrets in not doing so. But let us walk boldly spreading your love however we can, whether it be by a hug, words or just a smile at a passing stranger. I give you all the glory my Precious Father and thank you for showing me your unconditional LOVE.

Changes Are Here!!

2014-10-04T21:24:00.000-04:00

Okay, so when I started my blog back I was very dark in my talking. I was in a state of depression. I will admit I was mad at the Lord because I felt I was alone and had no one. However, I have since asked God for His forgiveness and I plan to do all I can to be pleasing to the Lord. I have done many things wrong and have brought most of the mess and fear upon myself by not being obedient to the Lord.

My number one issue, my entire life is that I have hidden myself from God's true purpose for my life. I have done so by only wanting and seeking the approval of man. I have not always stayed in God's word. I have blamed the Lord for my misgivings. I WILL no longer do that. I know where the Lord has brought me from and I also know that I should never ever seek the approval of anyone but Him. I will no longer be a people pleaser. I will no longer try to be friends with those who don't want to be friends. I was finally able today to feel honestly free for the first time in my life. I cleaned up my Facebook page today not out of being mean but out of obedience to the Lord. I have not been able to let go of people and things for two years. I have held tight to the things that were needing to be let go. Old friends that I love dearly I let go because I want them to grow in the Lord more and more. It truly has been a hard decision but it wasn't fair of me to hold on to people who don't want to be around me. They can't grow and I can't grow.

Life is changing for the better. I lift up everyone who has ever been or will be in my life to the Lord and I pray many blessings over them. I am saying goodbye to my past and Praise the Lord to my future. I place all my fears and insecurities in the Lord's hands and only He will be my guide. I will learn to be submissive to my husband. I want to be the mother God called me to be. I want to be whatever it is He wants. I know He is leading me down new paths and I am thankful for that. I am thankful for the Godly people that He is placing in my life to guide me and give me wisdom. Praise be to the Lord!!!

A New Strength........

2012-03-05T05:22:00.000-05:00

But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. (Isaiah 40:31)

It's 5:10am and I have been up for at least 2 hours. This weekend was a moment of complete trials and weakness. Not weakness because of what the Lord wasn't doing but because of my view of life. It seems lately that every time something good happens it is followed by something bad and the battles get worse and worse and worse. I wanted to have a pity party and say, "oh poor me" but the truth of the matter is the battles are not the results of things I am doing wrong or failing at but the result of things I am doing right. If it could have went wrong this weekend it did and I spent much time on my pillow boo hooing because I couldn't understand why when I was doing the best I could it wasn't good enough. Thing of it is, if I had half done something or just bypassed something the Lord wanted done then I would not have done my best. The devil wants us to think we have failed because when he can do that we become weaker and his attacks grow in strength. I was reminded of the verse , "but they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint." I am so thankful to the Lord and I love Him with all my heart. I praise Him for even placing a husband in my life that helps me understand things when I can't see them. I am strong, I will not faint because I wait upon the Lord.

Dear Heavenly Father,
I lift up this day to you. I thank you for trials and tribulations because they allow me to be stretched and to grow just how you want me to. I lift up those around me precious Father and ask that they be blessed and have a renewed sense of hope and faith. I lift up those who don't know you yet Father that they too will come to understand what Isaiah was saying. I ask that you be with us all today precious Father, go before each step that we take and let those steps be for your glory. AMEN.

Commitment.... Where Is It?

2012-02-15T22:41:00.000-05:00

And whatsoever you do, do it heartily as to the Lord and not to men.....Colossians 3:23

Commitment means 1. an act of committing to a charge or trust: 2. an agreement or pledge to do something in the future; 3. the state or an instance of being obligated or emotionally.

On March 8th, 1997, I pledged myself to my Husband. My commitment to Him has been tried and tested but it has never waned. But in my study tonight it was about committing myself to the Lord. I have to ask myself, "Am I committed to you Lord?" "Have I been there for you like I have tried to be there for my husband in our marriage?" My answer would have to be no.

I have not given the Lord the best of me. Yet He has called me to be a voice because He still trust me and loves me unconditionally. My commitment has been toward work and my family and I have only given the Lord a small portion of me. What have I done with His Love and His Trust??? Do things unto the Lord and not for man!! Such a powerful statement and yet I have read it so many times but tonight it hit me heart to the core. God has given me such a wonderful opportunity in life. I work in His house and I get to come home and be with my family. Yet at night I watch a movie, read some from the bible (Just enough to make my flesh feel good.) and then fall to sleep. I want to make a new commitment to the Lord and give Him all that I can give Him. I need to be accountable to Him. My work and my calling in life is from Him and for His purpose. I committed to my husband 15 years ago and I am committing my life and all that I do to the Lord. It's never too late to start over and ask for forgiveness. I don't want to stand before the Lord and have to say, "sorry Lord but I was tired so I had to watch a movie or sorry Lord I couldn't speak to that person today when they came in for help because I was too busy." My life I give to the Lord!

Prayer: Dear Heavenly Father, I thank You for trusting me and Loving me, like no other person can. Forgive me Lord where I have failed you. Renew in me my commitment to You. Let me about your business Lord and not that of man. Let all that do from home and work and my entire life be for you and you only. I love You and Praise Your Holy Name. AMEN

Life.....

2012-02-12T02:08:00.000-05:00

I was sitting here in my bed and felt the urge to write in my blog, which I haven't done in some time. Much has happened to me and changed for me since October 2011. I find myself loving life and the meaning of Life. Life to me is God. It's following His lead, His will. How easy it is to find yourself caught up in things that don't matter. I have been a huge people pleaser my entire life. My very first memories are those of me trying to please my mom and dad. I didn't want to color out of the lines because that was not what made them happy. In the end life doesn't stay within lines of boundaries. Every day we color outside the lines looking for things that we deep down know we will never find. God is always there with His eraser fixing those misguided lines. He doesn't do it because He has to but He does it because He loves us unconditionally, even when I find my own self doing things just to please people. Sad fact is those people we try most to please are the ones we need to let go of so God can start erasing those pains associated with those individuals. We are fully aware of the consequences of being a people pleaser yet it is the one thing alot of us strive for. I want to strive for the Lord now. My eyes are opening and my heart is overflowing with His love and I no longer want to be held back because of being a people pleaser. Letting go of that issue and only living to please the Lord will without a doubt, help me to be who He has called me to be. Praise be to the Lord!!!

This came from Proverbs 31......

2011-10-01T11:59:00.001-04:00

September 30, 2011

Why Am I in Such a Hurry?
Lynn Cowell

“This is how the lampstand was made: It was made of hammered gold—from its base to its blossoms. The lampstand was made exactly like the pattern the LORD had shown Moses.” Numbers 8:4 (NIV)

During the thirty-minute drive downtown, I felt nothing but irritation. Who has time for driving school? Yes, I had received two tickets in the past three years, but I was going to change. Slowing down was on my agenda!
As soon as I found a seat, my computer-like brain turned on, allowing me to multi-task while sitting in the tiny classroom. Three “mental windows” were running: my to-do list for the day; my to-do list for the upcoming holiday; and my to-do list for a home project.
Honestly, that class could not end fast enough. Finally, when I was free to leave, I rushed out of the building. Looking down at my watch, I realized I had one hour to run to the carpet store, pick out the right color and get to the bus stop before my kids did. The store was almost 30 minutes away, but I knew I could do it.
I found the perfect color carpet and was on my way home in no time. Threw the car into reverse and…BOOM! Looking in my rearview mirror, I discovered my bumper curved around a 15-foot cement store sign. All I could do was lay my head on my steering wheel and cry, “Lord, this can’t be the way You want my days to go!”
I was exhausted from the mental and physical pace I’d set for myself. I knew God had a better plan. Around that same time I was reading in Numbers 8:4, and was amazed at how God took time to attend to the details of a simple lampstand. The Bible tells us it was created out of gold with blossoms at the top. God wasn’t just concerned about the function of the lampstand but also its beauty.
I knew then that if God cared about these types of details, He cared about the details of my life, too. I also realized I needed to slow down enough to seek His plans for my days, instead of cramming them with everything on my own hurried agenda.
I decided that each morning I would start praying through my schedule. Sometimes He’d show me I had too much I was trying to accomplish in too little time. Other days He’d show me I needed to say “no” to some things so I could enjoy what He had called me to say “yes” to, instead of just flying through it.
Perhaps you too are caught in the frenzy of trying to get everything done. Do you ever lay awake at night wondering if you’ll finish the tasks on your list? I want to encourage you to try something that has helped me. Tomorrow, before your feet hit the ground, tell the Lord: “This is Your day, not mine. Whatever You want me to do, I will do. Whatever You don’t want me to do, I won’t.”
Throughout the day, as your desire to get more done in less time moves in, and stress tries to take over, repeat your prayer. Soon you’ll discover that handing the details of your day over to God will lead you out of chaos and into His plans for peace and purpose in your life!
By no means is my life perfect now, but most of my days are surrendered to the Lord’s plans rather than the busyness of my own. And, I’m learning more and more how to live according to God’s beautiful timing and pattern for my life each day.

Dear Lord, every day there seems to be so much that has to get done and so little time. I know that living life stressed and frustrated is not what You created me for. Please help me each day to only do what You want me to do and not try to do more. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

New Walk.......

2011-10-01T01:10:00.002-04:00

I hadn't posted in a month because I was working on how vines work and how they relate to different fears. How you can be standing there and slowly the vine grows up out of the ground wrapping itself around your legs and moving up till it has consumed your entire being. Each leaf is a fear that feeds off the next and so on and so on. But ...... God is about clipping vines. He is doing away with all sorts of stuff in my life. The things being removed have been very hard because its been people I love very much and even some things such as certain works I had been doing for Him. Accepting change in my life has never been something I have just been able to accept but I am learning to follow my favorite verse which is Proverbs 3:5,6, Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart and lean not upon your OWN understandings. In ALL my ways acknowledge HIM and HE WILL DIRECT MY PATHS. Sometimes, we have to learn to accept God's ways. The road of life is not easy but with God it is filled with love, peace, joy, long suffering and all the things that make up our Beautiful Heavenly Father. We can't close our eyes and expect to open them to everything perfect. We have to strive for the Lord. We have to push through the difficult times even when we feel we can't go another step or can't take another breath. In the Experiencing God study which I am so very blessed by, it tells us that God wants a love relationship with us. That we come to a point of a "Crisis of Belief" and we have to be prepared to move for God. I have been asking the Lord, what do you want, what am I suppose to be doing and then getting upset because I thought He wasn't answering me but the truth was I wasn't willing to move. I haven't been willing to make adjustments to my life because I didn't want to let go. I didn't want to let go of people and I didn't want to let go of certain things that God needed me to let go. It's one of the hardest things I think to love people and to love certain things of God but to have to let go. If you don't know what it is, He shows us. We have to open our eyes up and see what is going on around us. Letting go doesn't mean you can't still love whatever it is but it does mean that if you don't do what is being asked of you by God you could be holding that person up or that ministry up and even yourself up because God has a work for us all. True love is coming to that crossroads with the Lord and saying ok God, I will go. YES LORD, I will, even if its the hardest thing in the world to do. People and things come and go but the Lord is always there!!!! So.... I am saying YES LORD!!! I will go and do whatever it is that I know the Lord is wanting!! I only want to please Him, not man! My prayer is this: Dear Father, you are my deliverer and my help! You have brought me from the depths of despair and loved me beyond comprehension. My Father, I want that Love relationship with You, that You are wanting with me. I ask that You help me in this new walk as I do the things You are asking of me and I ask that You help others as well as You are molding them. I ask that You forgive me when I have failed You. Help me to be strong in You! Help me to treat everyone with love and that any hindering spirits lingering within me be banished in the name of Your Son Jesus Christ. They will not have dominion over me or my family. Father I ask that I be filled with Your love and that I share that Love with others. The spirit of depression and rejection shall have no part in my life, in the name of Your Son, Jesus Christ. Father I ask that everyone be lifted up high and that they achieve all greatness for Your Glory. Let us not be stumbling blocks but let us all be helpmates to whatever You need. I lift up those who do not know You and thank You that laborers will be sent to them so that they will come to know Your love and Your salvation and freedom of sin. Let us be humble and do all things for Your Glory my dear Father. I love You always! Melissa

Fear of the wrong step can stop us from taking any step at all........

2011-09-01T23:58:00.000-04:00

Ok so a dear friend told me about this book by Stormie Omartian. It is called, "Just Enough Light For the Step I'm On." Can I say WOW and WOW again. I haven't even gotten through the first paragraph and God is speaking to me. What a revelation that, "we will never know the joy of true freedom until we understand we cannot take a single step without His help." Ok so my issue has been my need to control. It's odd to me that I know in my heart it is my issue, controlling. But I haven't been able to truly understand why if i know this I haven't made progress in letting go and letting God. Until now...."Fear of the wrong step can stop us taking any step at all." Fear is so much deeper then just the word fear itself. I have been so afraid of so many things that I think I can control the outcomes. My dad passed when I was 7 and I am realizing the torture I have placed upon myself and my entire life because my prayer has always been, "do not allow me to experience that again." You put yourself in a position that every decision you make is wrapped around that one fear, of not wanting to experience that again. That fear grows like a vine around your heart, each leaf with its own new fear that continues to grow. Fear of making the wrong step, as if I was the cause of my dad's death, that I could have prevented it, has molded my life. It has kept me from becoming what the Lord has planned for me. The other night someone said to me, "No more writing in sorrow but write the words God has placed on my heart, words of hope and love." God is so amazing. One paragraph of a book that someone has recommended I read has been so profound. I cannot wait to read the rest of this book. I recommend it highly. Fear cannot be the reason we do things or the how we do things. God needs to be that reason. My title should not be the above it really should be "Living Our Life With the Love of God can take us to great places." The Spirit of the Lord has placed on my heart to trace my fears like the vine I mentioned, to find that root and get rid of it. I will do so and post it here on my blog in the next few days as I pray about it and search only with Him. My prayer is for my life to be God's will. I pray that for everyone, when fear of making the wrong step stops us from moving completely that we can see it for what it is. That we can stop, rebuke and pray, knowing that the Lord is always there waiting for us to take His Hand.

New Opportunities......

2011-08-25T01:49:00.000-04:00

Every moment we have is a new opportunity to do something great for the Lord. So many times I have sat back and let those moments just pass me by thinking that I will have that opportunity again. The thing is its not about getting the opportunity again. It's about learning to look past whatever the excuse is of not doing and just go for it. My weight.....gosh how I can't stand being overweight. It effects every bit of my being. I don't take pictures because I don't like seeing what I have become. I sit and I watch my husband and I am just in awe at how strong of a man he is and not just in the physical sense but in his love for the Lord. The integrity that he has is beyond words. I am blessed by God that he is in my life. After the past few months of his sickness and the things we are still dealing with but overcoming, I have learned more then ever the meaning of new opportunities. I don't want to waste moments out of laziness or out of fear of failure or whatever the excuses may be because God is truly all encompassing. He gives me just what I need to overcome whatever comes my way. He has been showing my family that since March 25th of this year. Life is gonna be hard but life is beautiful. The lessons we learn help to make us who we are. I am an over comer because the Lord says I am. My faith and hope is in Him. So all these excuses really need to be gone. He gives me exactly what I need to conquer whatever it is. When I don't think I am loved, all I need to do is look around me. His presence is there waiting for me to take His hand and walk through my trails. I told someone today I am a major control freak. Even in all this we have had experiences I have tried to control down to the smallest of details. Every single time I have done that, something happens and I hear deep in my heart, "Let go and give it to me!" You would think that after the thousandth time I would have listened and let go. With me, I am seeing that trying to be in control of things in life only brings fears, sadness, and a very huge sense of failure. God doesn't want me to control, He loves me enough to say, "Let Me!" I truly with all my heart want to let Him. My weight, is a product of my needing to control. I felt like I needed to control my entire life from the time I was 7. Every time I failed, I was reminded of it and being a child and now an adult I strive, I control so much just to do everything perfect. NEWSFLASH TO ME.....I am so not perfect. I haven't been able to accept my failures and move on from them. I have held them close to me and all the time God was saying "Let Me!" God has revealed to me that every time I try to control whatever it is that is going on, I am setting myself up for that same failure. I am bringing on more and more stress and drowning my pain and fears out with whatever I can. NO MORE!! God knew me before I was born and this is not what He planned for me! I am going to do my very very best to release control and "Let Him." The wonderful part about God's love is that He hasn't left me because I failed so many times but He has embraced me even more. Helping me along the way to this very moment to see things when I was ready to see them, gentle, nuturing and loving is what He is!! I can do all things with God, losing my weight is one of them. My husband is gaining ground now and his white blood cells that were over 30,000 on March 25th are now 4,000 and staying there. He is still getting over some humps but nothing that God doesn't have under control. How funny, God's control!!! As I lay here to go to sleep, I pray that the Lord helps me to always see His way and not mine. That I can be obedient no matter how hard the situation is and just let Him do what He has willed. That I will not find comfort in being in control because in the end that disappears and the false sense of comfort that was brought brings things not of God. That in being obedient and following Him, I will lose my weight and the new moments, the new opportunities He has for me I will take for His glory! I thank the Lord for all He does. I thank Him for His love for me and for everyone and for new opportunities!

The Hardest Parts of Life Make Us Stronger......

2011-08-12T02:18:00.000-04:00

The past week has been really tough. I miss having my husband home. Just typing it makes me want to cry. I haven't been able to sleep all week, so I am very very tired. I can't remember ever being so worn out. I do believe this week has been the hardest period of this whole walk with Acute Myeloid Leukemia. My precious husband has hit a spot where he has been sick and very tired. Every night I have to leave him to come home really makes it harder. All I can do is cry all the way home. His mouth is severely sore with blisters and so forth from the chemo. His body is weak from no blood and platelets and he is in pain. He is pale with no colors in his lips and all I can do is just sit and watch. He has constant severe headaches from the anti rejection medicine. I can't help him and I can't take away his pain. So I just lay in the bed next to him, praying over him and rubbing his head because it helps him sleep. It is one of those moments that I want to just belt out crying like never before but I can't do that because I have to stay strong for our children. I am counting down the days till his brothers cells begin to take root in his body. Today is day 9. We were told it would take 10 to 16 days to see what they are doing. I am believing with all of me that they will begin to see them taking root. We received a call earlier in the week from a dear dear friend who was telling us of a vision that was received about Kenneth. This guy who he knows and cares for dearly said he saw white stars all around Kenneth coming from his body. All of this symbolizing purity.
Webster Definition :

1. the quality or state of being pure

2. saturation

God's love is pure and I know that He is encompassing every single one of us with that love. He is making that which was not pure, pure! I have questioned this walk from the beginning of why it has to be so hard and why everything around us is changing and disappearing. I mean, I am not talking just one thing, I am talking every single thing in our lives is changing. I have to say there is no real answer that I can personally give to this. Only God can answer it and I have to trust God, which I do, that He is there. I have learned so many things about myself that I don't think I would have learned otherwise because I was soooo involved in myself and my issues. Issues that to be honest, are such a waste of time when it comes to my walk with God. They have only served as distractions that have kept me from growing the way God wanted. I am stronger and will be stronger when this is all over. My husband as weak as he is at this very moment will be made whole and new and stronger then ever. My children, all I can say is WOW! They may have grew up a little bit more then I would have liked in the past few months but their knowledge and wisdom that is only a gift from God has grew in ways I would have ever imagined. There is going to be that day when this walk is going to be much clearer. When my husband will be fulfilling his calling upon his life and with a greater love and greater wisdom and knowledge then he ever had. Until then, I am moving onward, knowing that God is wiping away our tears, and God is delivering us of our fears and one day because of this walk, we will be made stronger and because of that, so will others for His glory.

3:06am....

2011-08-09T03:21:00.000-04:00

So I can't sleep. I have my babies back home now and I am happy about it but at the same time I am so sad that I am not with my husband who has been sick today. It's very hard to be in every place you feel like you are suppose to be. I don't know why it is like that for me. I look at some people and they are just so matter of fact and know that they know where they are suppose to be and just do it but I am always feeling overwhelmed wondering where am I suppose to be. My husband needs me, my children need me, life needs me. I was laying in the bed a few ago talking with God and just thinking and seriously it was like my head was spinning. I literally felt dizzy and sick to my stomach like i was on one of those super fast spinning rides. So, I am up now. NOW WHAT....... God brought to my heart the statement, " I am made an over comer by the word." Also, its one of those stop, rebuke and pray moments. I have alot of those.

The positive of my evening.... we received a call of a vision that was seen about my hubby and it was very uplifting and inspiring. It brought a spark of light in my husbands eyes tonight. I praise God for those moments. I mean my husband is always very positive for so many others but I can see when he is tired. It really lifted him up to have another confirmation from the Lord of his healing. Today was a hard day for him and so it truly was a blessing. Praise God for His word.

So now its 3:20am, sorry if this blog doesn't make alot of sense but I so love that the Lord has gave me this blog as a gift as in my way of releasing, no my way of stopping, rebuking and praying, hahaha. I love you Lord.

God's gifting.....

2011-08-03T22:24:00.004-04:00

Life is defined in the Webster as spiritual existence transcending physical death. This is the one definition that stands out the most to me at this very moment.

Love is defined in the Webster as an unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another: as (1) : the fatherly concern of God for humankind (2) : brotherly concern for others.

Life can change in the blink of an eye, literally!! November 25, 1995 I met the love of my life. We were married in March of 1997 and had our first beautiful daughter in September of that year. In December 2000 we had our next beautiful baby girl and in March of 2002 we completed our family with the birth of our handsome son. Off and on for many years I missed seeing the miracle of life because I had a closed mind of thinking of life in the natural. I remember when all three of my babies were born I just felt this wonderful feeling of God and how great He really was. I thought when my son was born and to be honest, my hubby was done, I would never ever experience that again. How so terribly wrong have I been. One of the biggest things that Kenneth and I have talked about so many times is how we have had this world perspective. We measure our value by what we see around us. We see things one-sided, meaning, the miracle of life isn't in the birth of God's children only but the miracle of life really lies in God's love. God's love isn't wrapped up one way and we don't get it in just one way. God isn't a one way street that dead ends. His love is never ending and life is just one form of that and life itself with God is not a dead end.

Love today for us came in so many forms. It started with my husband's brother showing up this morning and laying in a bed for over 6 hours giving of himself and not just physically but spiritually because of love. It showed up with all the prayers of people we know and those we don't know that took time out of their day to bring us comfort. Love showed up today in a cake that read "Happy New Birthday Ken"! Love showed up in the eyes of my husbands parents as they stood by both their sons. Love showed up today in those who came to be here with us when they could have been in other places. Love showed up in a nurse who was with us the very night we found out Kenneth had cancer and made sure she was with us tonight to pray before the transplant started. Love was in watching the very last drop of stem cell enter my husband and feeling that same feeling i felt the day my children were born. God's gifting is life made by love. The miracle of life can be seen in so many things because where there is life there is love! Where there is love, there is God!!! God has never left us and never will. We celebrated the miracle of a new life tonight, that happened because of love. Love that only God gives!!!

On August 3rd from 7pm till 8:42pm, a healed and now healthy man was born. His parents named him Kenneth Wayne Cook 40 years ago!! Praise to the Lord!!

Praising the Lord....

2011-08-02T23:24:00.000-04:00

Somewhere between noon and 6pm, Kenneth will be celebrating his new birthday thanks to his brothers love. I know I hadn't posted the past couple of days but we have been in deep discussion about our life and in prayer about the new life we know that the Lord is providing. This walk has not been the best walk if you look at it with world eyes but I have to say that I have learned so much. Spiritually speaking, it has been the best walk. God has opened our eyes and changed our hearts for the better. I praise you Lord for all you have done and will do. I praise you for your healing and for walking us through this trial. We don't know what the future holds but we do know that you will be there with us. I love you so very much and I pray for all those who have helped us through this time. I ask that you bless them for all their kindness and for especially their love. We thank you for your love.

Psalm 36:5 -7
Your love, O LORD, reaches to the heavens,
your faithfulness to the skies.
Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains,
your justice like the great deep.
O LORD, you preserve both man and beast.
How priceless is your unfailing love!
Both high and low among men
find refuge in the shadow of your wings.”

Update......

2011-07-30T10:43:00.000-04:00

So I couldn't write in my blog for a couple of days. I don't want to write here just to be writing because I want the Lord to be in everything that I do and say. I want my Father to receive all the honor and glory, so I had to sit back and just wait to hear from Him.
1st I will start with Kenneth and his update. Today is the 4th day for his chemo. At first he was getting headaches and the second day his vision was very blurry. They originally thought it was due to his medicine he is taking to prevent him from seizuring and then they came back and said no it was possibly precursor to a seizure and to make sure his eyes didn't start going all over the place and finally they came back with the answer that I felt peace about. The steroids he takes and along with being on a sugar water IV has caused his sugar to skyrocket. Because his sugar does fluctuate in extreme numbers it caused his headaches and his vision issue, which I must praise the Lord in saying is sooooo much better. They really crack me up here because they seem so surprised that Kenneth doesn't throw up or have any other side effects but in hindsight I suppose that is where our faith is different from a doctor's knowledge. We know that God is a healer.
Okay so now to the nitty gritty (not sure this is legally a word or words) of what has been going on here the past couple of days. This blog only exists because it is truly what i feel the Lord wants me to do. I do not ever want to be in myself typing away and talking because that would not be for the Lord's glory. I think this is my gift from the Lord, to be able to vent and to share and to show how He works. So honestly speaking I don't even really know where God is going to take this blog as I write it but I do know He is saying to write it.
So I keep saying I have felt completely alone and I have not said it to be dismissive of anyone at all. However, the power of life and death lies in the tongue (Proverbs 18:21). But where do those words come from that bring life or death, they come from our heart. But why does our heart have so many mixed emotions, which I am going to call confusion? I don't know how many times I have heard that the Lord is not the author of confusion but I never really understood that until now. The verse says this, "For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace, as in all churches of the saints." (1 Cor.14:33) I am realizing that I am getting confused in my heart because I am allowing lies of the enemy to infiltrate my heart and push out all that the Lord is putting in. I have always been a very emotional person. From as far back as I could remember as a child, I cried over every little thing. My feelings have always been easy to hurt and over the slightest of things. As a child I wasn't allowed to express myself. I wasn't allowed to cry because I was viewed as a baby or weak. Please understand this isn't to put anyone down because its hard to understand an overly emotional person when you aren't an emotional person yourself. However, in saying this it doesn't make it right to make someone who is emotional to surpress what they are feeling because you can. I learned to cry silently in my room or wait till everyone was in the bed so no one would see. I would pull the covers over my head and cry. I don't ever remember sleeping through and entire night and was always afraid to speak or even look at people sometimes because I didn't feel worthy enough. I mean I was an emotional person which meant to others I was the weak one. This has carried with me through out my entire life. I have always felt like this and therefore I have been this way with my husband and people who have loved me. But.... it stops here. It's a lie from the devil that because we cry we are weak. It's a lie from the devil because we can't deal with the things the way others do that we are weak and not worthy. God makes us all different, and we tend to look at these differences through our flesh and not our spiritual self. God knew how He was making me. He knew I would be emotional but that emotion can be used for His glory. I have spent so much of my life thinking something was wrong with me because I am this way but it's just the opposite. Gosh, what a revelation. It's time for a purging. I spend alot of time putting myself down. I had a friend tell me recently that it's like I try to make people mad at me so that I don't have to have friends. I told them I didn't believe that but you know the past two days I am realizing wow, I do do that. I push people away so that I don't have to feel pain. I felt it all my life and I am not going to give the devil credit because he can't make us do anything. If we do it, its because we choose to do it. We choose to believe this lie or that lie or choose to read into other people's actions. Yes, my name is Melissa Cook and I am an emotional person. I am not unworthy of love, I am not weak but I am strong and loving and ready to receive the Love the Lord has been trying to give me all my life. I don't want to sound like a broken record but my goodness, once again, I understand why God has told me to Stop, Rebuke and Pray. Stop the lie, rebuke the lie, and pray. Pray and purge your heart of anything that is not of God. How do I know if it's from God or not? Go to His word, better yet learn who He is. Understand His love and what it's truly about. I can assure you it's not confusing, it's not demeaning, it's not hurtful and it doesn't try to change who He created you to be in the first place. It does however, purge out the things that are not part of who He has made us to be. Are you feeling unloved? That's not God. Do you feel like you don't belong? That's not God. Do you feel like you can't cry? That's not God. Do you feel like something is wrong because you don't cry? That's not God. We are all different but we are all loved and created just for His purpose.

Prayer: My dearest Dad, I thank you for your walk. I know that I cannot change myself but you can change me and help me to be who it is you called and created me for. I ask that you be with all of us and help us to purge those things from our heart that cause confusion and hurtful feelings. We know these things are not of You. Please help us to be understanding of each other and know that we are compliments of one another. Forgive me for pushing people who loved me away. For making them feel like they are unworthy of love. We all serve the purpose of bringing You glory. What an honor my heavenly Father that you love me despite my weaknesses and understand me and know exactly how to cleanse me. You knew the moment I was born what trials would encompass me but you also knew that I would be here at this very moment seeking you and loving you even more. I thank you that you will continue to walk with me as I give you all that I have to purge out these lies that have been planted deep within me. Thank you for your deliverance and for your greatness. Thank you for being there, ALWAYS...... I love you!

My Natural versus My Spiritual!!!!!!!!

2011-07-27T06:36:00.003-04:00

      Kenneth just took his first 10 pills of Busulfan. I got up this morning and played worship music in this room and I have been praying. At the exact same time of him taking his pills I am looking out the window and the sky is lit up orange in the distance. A new beginning for a new day!!
     Kenneth and I have both been talking and learning that if you step back for just a moment and make a true effort to see what is going on you will see it for what it is in the spiritual. Example for me there are and have been many times I deal with feeling like I have no one and in the flesh that may be so because of work or business of life or even just a new season and it's not time for me to have someone there but in the flesh it feels horrible and lonely and you begin creating these scenarios that really serve no purpose but to make you feel horrible. It's a snowball effect, in the flesh, the reason why they are not there gets bigger and bigger and bigger until you truly have yourself convinced that you just aren't loved and you cry and your stomach is upset. However, in the spiritual, you know that God's word says,

¹⁵ “If you love Me, keep^[d] My commandments. ¹⁶ And I will pray the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may abide with you forever— ¹⁷ the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees Him nor knows Him; but you know Him, for He dwells with you and will be in you. ¹⁸ I will not leave you orphans; I will come to you. (John 14)

     I am so thankful to the Lord because I am watching my husband start his new life and I am blessed that I get to be a part of it. I don't mean a new life in the flesh, even though we are believing he is healed but a new life in the spiritual. He is a new creature in Christ. Many people are and will be new creatures in Christ. We go through trials in this life and in the flesh they hurt sometimes tremendously but our spiritual side is being molded for God's use. Yes, we may feel alone but we are truly not alone. I am learning with the Lord, that things happen but don't let yourself, that flesh to formulate what is going on because it will lie to you. It's how the enemy works but allow the spirit within you to show you a different side, a side of hope and love. With me, this is where I am learning to use the Stop, Rebuke and Pray.   If something comes to me or happens to me that really just begins to tear me up, whether it be about a person or an event. I stop immediately, I remember God's word to me, and I rebuke the lie of the enemy. I call it out for what it is, whether it be loneliness or fear. Then I pray if it involves an individual, I pray for them because I want them to be blessed and uplifted and I want them to feel God's love, if its the situation I let go of it. Don't forget to Stop.... Rebuke..... and Pray. I cannot CONTROL life nor does God want me to. That is where the peace that surpasses all understanding comes from. God is the guide we just have to let Him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He is there to take that stress away, that fear away. I love you my dear Father.

Hillsong - You Are My Strength w/ lyrics

2011-07-27T06:10:00.000-04:00

So far today!!

2011-07-26T17:08:00.001-04:00

Well we have arrived at the "Hotel Markey" as my hubby likes to refer to it. He is currently having a Lumbar Puncture done. One reason is to draw spinal fluid to make sure there is no cancer in his spine or in his brain. Second reason is to insert his first round of chemo directly into that area. He was so dreading it and I was dreading it for him. It's odd because he is grown man but my heart aches for him just like it does when my babies have something done that hurts or when they were little and got shots and you had to hold them down. So I am sitting here in the corner typing so that I don't cry and praying for him at the same time. We have seen all his doctors today and they have told us this last round (notice I am saying LAST) round of chemo will be the harshest he has received. He will receive Busulfan every 6 hours from Tomorrow, Wednesday till Saturday. Then Sunday and Monday he will receive Cylcophosphamide for two days straight. Then on Tuesday, August 2nd, he will receive Tacrolimus for 24hrs. This particular drug is not chemo but is a medication they use to people who will be receiving a transplant of any form to help prevent rejection. Then Wednesday, August 3rd, 2011 is transplant day. So we are believing he is healed but also understand that we have this walk to take to get there. The things God has showed us in the walk and the lessons we have learned has helped us to become closer to the Lord. We are truly blessed even in the middle of all this and yes times have and are rough but I love the Lord so much and all we want is for His Glory to shine!!!

Switchfoot - Your Love Is A Song Lyrics :)

2011-07-25T15:23:00.000-04:00