My Diet and Other Random Tales

I Hate Poppy Cock! Yea, whatever.

2011-11-22T13:27:00.003-05:00

I am not dead. Nor am I missing. I haven’t blogged in over a month due to my extreme lack of self-motivation. Why beat around the bush? Let’s just get to the root of it. Sometimes I’m lazy…end of story.

Let’s begin with a diet update. I’m still holding at a 16 pound loss. I’ve been working at maintaining for a period of time since that seems to be where I have had the least amount of success in the past. Let’s face it….it ain’t a life style change if you go back to your old eating habits and gain it all back! I’m feeling better than I have in a long time and that is worth its weight in gold (or doughnuts)! I really need to lose 5 or 6 pounds in the next couple of weeks just to leave some wiggle room for acting like an idiot as all the holiday foods begin to show up. That’s something I will have to really think on long and hard, as it is not for the faint of heart. Going back on my diet during Thanksgiving week is shear madness!

Woody Allen once said “The only thing standing between me and greatness is…me.” It’s true! My biggest problem is in fact….me! The fight I have with myself every day is a chore at best and a battle at worse. I want what I want when I want it and nothing else is going to work. I battle myself to drink enough water (which I don’t) and I battle myself to not over eat (which I do). I’ve made some really amazing strides in making good food choices and have learned to live quite happily with them. My desire to snack at night is still my biggest issue, but I’m getting better at it every day.

I have a dear friend who has the most interesting “me battle” I’ve heard of in a while. She has given me permission to share her story and to even use her name! I love it when people allow others to see them being real!

My good buddy Beth has some pretty serious sleep issues so she has to take a medication to even think about getting a good night of sleep. The problem is the medication has a pretty crazy side effect……sleep eating. You read right dear friends! My friend is a first rate sleep eater!!!! You have no idea how entertaining this is for me. I’m practically on pins and needles waiting for the next episode of “Guess what I ate last night”!

Most recently she regaled me with a tale of Poppy Cock! Poppy Cock is a delicious snack that has caramel popcorn and nuts and I personally love it. Funny thing is…Beth doesn’t. But the funnier thing is…apparently sleeping Beth enjoys it quite heartily! What makes this tale of unconscious eating most entertaining is: A) Her husband purchased the Poppy Cock and hid it (not sure why he hides food yet) B) it was hidden deep in his walk in closet. She got up, rummaged around in a closet (not her own) found the large can of Poppy Cock, took it back to bed and made a pig of herself! She said when she woke up the bed was full of caramel popcorn and her teeth were stuck together. It was a mess!

Every time I think of this I get tickled all over again! I just love it! Why can’t I be that interesting?! But alas….poor Beth has another problem. She has worked really hard for about a year and has lost 30 pounds! She has been my biggest source of weight loss inspiration. Can you just imagine being oh so careful all day with your eating and then you go to bed feeling successful , just to wake up and find out that the part of you that enjoys a good snack had been wide awake and up to no good! What do you do with that? I just don’t know…..I just don’t know.

Truth is, we all have our “me” battles. You know what yours are and I know mine. As long as we running at them head long every day and not running away, there is a pretty decent chance we are going to eventually rise up a winner!

Chocolate or Jail...It's Your Choice

2011-10-18T22:46:00.000-04:00

I have been under extraordinary food temptations for about a week now. Foods that don’t normally call out to me with their sweet alluring siren songs have become the things of my top 10 list! Such as (and you may find this shocking) CHOCOLATE! It’s true, as a rule, I am not particularly drawn to chocolate. I never, and I repeat NEVER eat candy bars of any kind. I think that makes me a freak of sorts. I’m surrounded by people who love candy bars and chocolate tid bits of all sorts, but I’m not a fan. In fact, no one living in this house is a fan of any sort of candy bar. To the best of my memory the last chocolate bar I ate was one mini dark chocolate square towards the end of summer. But lately, I’ve caught myself standing in the candy isles of convenience stores, grocery stores, and movie counters, just starring, not really focused on anything. Frozen there like an idiot, unable to speak or move. Chocolate has suddenly become my own personal kryptonite!

I think I may have some hormone issues going on, because frankly nothing else makes sense to me. And let’s face it; it’s always easier to blame any sudden physical or mental change on hormones. It super easy to throw the poor little defenseless hormone under the bus. It amazes me how many ailments you can blame on them. The list is endless! Our prisons are full of women who snapped under the sheer weight of them! These little demons can turn any sweet little, Jesus lovin’ Sunday school teacher into a full blown homicidal maniac!!!

At this very moment I have two giant Cadbury milk chocolate bars in my freezer. I also have one extra-large Lindt dark chocolate bar with sea salt in there with them. I’m not really sure what’s going on with me right now. I’m storing this stuff away like some crazy squirrel with PMS! I’m a little frightened of where all this madness could lead.

Sunday afternoon my thoughts were completely preoccupied with thoughts of chocolate hot fudge cake! I don’t even know if any place sells that any more. The last restaurant that had it was Shoney’s and they have been out of business for a few years now. My husband suggested Sonic. I was pretty sure they didn’t have it, but I was certain they had something that would hit the spot just as nicely. He wasn’t hungry, but he was perfectly willing to drive me to Sonic and sit with me while I ate. It was not unlike all those late night runs for pregnancy craving foods. I ate….he watched. What a dear.

Earlier today I drove by Baskin Robins and noticed that the sign read “$1 Scoop Tuesday’s”!!! Whose crazy idea was this? I almost had a wreck trying to read the sign! I looked at my son Mitch and said (with a very bossy tone) “we’re coming back over here later because I need chocolate fudge ice cream.” I just dragged him down with me. He’s a health nut. He runs cross country, watches what he eats, and only drinks water. But a mom with a kid (no matter the age) getting ice cream, paints a prettier picture than a sad, pathetic, middle aged, pre-menopausal looser out for an ice cream, hands down any day of the week! Wisely, he didn’t put up a fight. To struggle would be unwise.

Before you worry that I have fallen off the diet wagon, fear not, for I have recently secured a walking buddy! It’s true…misery loves company! I guess it’s easier to assist someone else in their struggle, than it is to stay focused on mine. We walked 4 miles today! We walked right past the 31 flavors and I didn’t even look back (mostly because I started thinking about Lot’s wife looking back and turning into a pillar of salt and it wigged me out)! I’m quite at peace with myself right now. I’m proud that I had the courage to resist the fudge ice cream, but if I ever find that eating chocolate is all that stands between me remaining calm or snapping, then give me chocolate! It’s certainly a better choice than prison.

Running Hither and Yon

2011-10-11T15:47:00.004-04:00

Exercise versus dieting or exercise and dieting? I have been on the “one versus the other” band wagon for quite some time (years in fact). But it’s starting to make more sense to me now. Well, maybe it’s not making more sense as much as I’m just finally embracing the truth of it all.

I know I can lose weight and not exercise, but let’s face it, it’s better for our health to do both. Some folks exercise to keep their weight at healthy levels. That’s fine and good for them, but I will never do that! No way! My fear would be that something would happen (sickness etc.) that would slow down or stop my work out plan and then where would I be? I tell you where I would be - gaining the weight I’ve lost, back! But the idea I do embrace is what I like to call “the tradeoff”. If I want to have a cheese burger or some dessert when eating out, I will be sure to get some sort of exercise in before or after. I can buy my treats (or diet failures) with a brisk 2 mile walk. I try to walk 3 or 4 times a week, but when I need to “pay up” I just turn the heat up a bit with my walk (dare I say JOG). It’s working so far

This past weekend I went to visit my sweet little granddaughter, daughter-in-law and my oldest son. We always have a great time! The one thing we all enjoy when I’m there is eating out. Oh my! We know well the horrible guilt laden road this can lead to! Have mercy! Between Friday evening and Sunday afternoon we ate out 4 times! I loved every second of it, but it took some doing for me to not just go bonkers! I threw caution to the wind and ate what I wanted the first night. I ordered a big bowl of chunky guacamole and just had at it!!! I introduced my little 15 month old grand to the glory and wonder of this amazing treat and we both made pigs of ourselves! It was fantastic! But I didn’t stop there, I had other things…..you know what I’m talking about. Let’s all say it together! CHIPS!!! But not to worry! We took the baby for a walk at a local park and at least worked off some of those calories. The eating was fun and the walking was even better! Perfect!

The next day we had lunch at a neat little spot called the Amazon Café’. The weather was amazing so I suggested we eat on the screened porch. My mistake. Those of you who know me, know that I am fan to all animals and although I’m only in possession of a couple of cats, I love to be surrounded by pets of any kind! When we were being seated we notice a young cat running around. The waiter told us the kitty belonged to the owner and to just shoo her away if she started getting on our nerves. Well, there is no possible way a kitten could get on my nerves, but my family is a whole other ball game. My daughter – in – law looks at cats like some horrible disease that needs to be eradicated (she’s a dog person). I don’t try to force my love of cats on her. She’s pretty tolerant of them when she’s at my house. But when you are sitting at your table sipping your soda and the afore mentioned beast climbs your leg to sit in your lap….all hell breaks lose! She had this look on her face like Satan himself had showed up for lunch. NOT GOOD. I jumped up to save them both (from each other), but not before it made the baby cry. Again, NOT GOOD. This sort of set the pace for the rest of our lunch. Unfortunately, we had no sooner eased our nerves from the random cat attack when two chickens wandered through! Again, if you know me…you know I was loving this! But the baby was completely freaked out! This lunch was getting stranger all the time. After lunch we decided to visit another park to walk off our lunch, but not before we discovered an area where we could pet rabbits! This place was a regular petting zoo!!! The point is; all this eating and exercise added up to a fun (for me) weekend!

I was telling a friend the other day I had attempted to jog a bit while I was walking. I told him it was as close to running as I would probably ever get. He said, “now wait a minute…I’ve seen you run before!” Before I could get a word in, he amended his statement with “But every time I‘ve seen you run, you were either chasing someone or being chased by someone”. It’s true, I save running for emergency situations only. It’s usually my last defense. One time, we were staying at a cabin in North Carolina when my love of animals and my emergency use of running combined to create one of my odder moments. I heard this coming from the direction of the neighboring cabin; “watch out! It’s a bear!” I grabbed my video camera and took off in hot pursuit! I was running after this bear like an escapee from an enigma factory! As this poor bear was running for his life he was turning around looking at me as if to say, “PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE CRAZY LADY!” Bears are always a good reason to run. I would love to tell you I had video proof of this escapade but, when I grabbed the camera, I accidentally turned it on. So my only footage is three minutes of my feet running! At least I can prove that I can, in fact, run.

So far I have lost 14 pounds. I have a LONG way to go, but it’s a respectable start and I am learning to live with my “Lifestyle Change”. I’m not giving it a great big bear hug yet….but I’m not running away either.

Skunks, Excercise and Why I Can't Have a Gun

2011-10-04T22:41:00.002-04:00

Last night for the first time in years, I felt the urge (I might even use the word desire) to exercise! For the life of me I can’t imagine what on earth snapped inside my head to cause the idea of making such an effort! It’s truly beyond me.

I would love to report that I followed through with this maddening idea, but alas, I merely peered out the window and starred at the very street I needed to be running up and down. I nursed this idea for some time actually, it wasn’t simply a fleeting thought. But I never acted on it. I’m just as confused by the mystery of why I didn’t do it, as I am by the very fact that I considered it in the first place. The whole episode was odd at best.

Earlier this week my hubby informed me he was going to a gun show (insert sound of loud snoring). I don’t care anything at all about guns (mostly because no one will let me near one). But it was an opportunity to spend time with Jim, so off we went. It wasn’t a large show, just a small one at the National Guard Armory in Dayton, Tennessee. But this man loves all things “gun”, no matter the venue.

I was surprised that we were asked if we had any weapons on us as we entered the show. A smiling man was ready to take our firearms and “check “them, just like you might “check” your overcoat at a nice restaurant. That was a first for me. Why would you carry your gun to a gun show anyway? And why do they want my gun if indeed I'm packing. Is it a safety issue? You give up your gun to go into a room full of guns. Why should I be the only one without a gun? I’m still trying to figure this one out.


Pretty!!!

We perused the 20 or so gun and knife vendors for about 45 minutes. Jim was in hog heaven and I was bored stupid. If he had any real money to spend, his pockets would have been empty in 10 minutes! He looked like me when I’m at the Mall of Georgia! He was downright giddy! He was indeed in his happy place! Well, I decided that a shopping opportunity is in fact a “shopping opportunity”, so surely there is something at this gun show that would interest me.
I found a couple of pink hand guns that were really cool! But, let’s face it; no one is going to let me own a gun, ever. So I kept looking and to my surprise I found a container of pepper spray nestled in a really cute pink leather case! That’s for me! I’m not being stalked(as far as I know) and I don’t wonder around alone in unsafe environments, so I’m not sure why I thought I could use this. I really just wanted to get my “shop” on.

Maybe that cute can of pepper spray is what got me to thinking about exercise. If and when I do walk, I usually walk at night. It’s just more peaceful. I was chased and bitten by a dog several years ago, so you never know what you are going to come in contact with. Actually, when I first started on my diet, I was trying to walk 3 or 4 times a week. But every time I went out, I crossed paths with a skunk! It really started to freak me out! Our dog got sprayed by a skunk once and I thought we would have to move to a new house because the smell was so dreadful and so difficult to clean up! I kept imagining what sort of horror awaited me if I got sprayed by one of those skunks. Not sure what good this pepper spray will do against a skunk. Maybe I could spray him back, just to get even. Yeah, that’s a good idea. Revenge. And that’s why I’m not allowed to have a gun.

Snarky, Rude and Opinionated!

2011-09-28T20:36:00.003-04:00

This week I was de-friended on Facebook! Can you believe it? I can. I can be a tad opinionated and snarky. Ok, maybe it’s a bit more than “tad”. At any rate, some people just can’t take me in large doses (or small for that matter). But that’s ok. It’s not like this is a new development in my life. I didn’t suddenly wake up one day and decide to be annoying. In fact, I don't think I could change if I wanted. I am what I am and that will have to be good enough!

My only regret in getting de-friended is that I didn’t really deserve it. I wish I could say I had been booted from someone’s precious friend list because I made some rogue political or religious statement, or I told somebody they were fat or stupid (or fat and stupid). Now that’s a fine reason indeed to remove me! But it was one of those situations where someone just read something that simply “wasn’t”’, into a statement that I made. What’s even crazier, I didn’t even know this person! Why do we accept friend request from people we don’t know? Maybe you don’t do this, but if I see that we have several friends in common, I assume they are a safe bet and I go for it! I’ve had some really good conversations with just such folks! Well, lesson learned here people! If I don’t know you….don‘t ask me to be your friend! !!! I will hit the “ignore” button.

To those of you who “understand” me and make the choice to still call me friend…kudos!! I love you! You’re the best! If I do offend you in some way, just message me politely and we will have a frank and honest discussion. It would be just lovely I bet! But if you call me out in front of God and everybody, I will get nasty! I just won’t be able to stop myself! It’s my worst character trait and I work really hard to keep it reeled in, but a public smack down will make my horns pop out!

We all want people to like us, but honestly it’s just not possible. We can’t be people pleasers, no one will respect us. We have to be honest in the most loving manner possible and weigh the actions and attitudes of others fairly (especially if we want them to do the same for us!).

A co-worker called me out this week for grabbing a piece of bubble gum out of a bag of candy. She ask if I really wanted to waste calories on something so ridiculous. She was right, I didn’t. Did I enjoy being told I didn’t need it? No, I didn’t. Was I happy she said it? Yes I was! I wish she would follow me around all day doing that! Imagine the trouble she would help me to avoid!!! That’s the kind of “call out” we can use. If it isn’t helpful, do us all a favor…keep it to your grouchy self.

Touch Downs, Tacos and Tiaras

2011-09-24T11:04:00.002-04:00

Friday night lights!!!! Football in the south is BIG!!! Pretty much everyone I know is a football fan on some level (whether they admit to it or not). I am no exception. My husband and I are season ticket holding Vols fans! You might think we don’t miss a game. You would be dreadfully wrong. I haven’t been to a game in over 6 years! The last time Jim went was at least a year ago, and that was only because our youngest child that wanted to go wasn’t old enough to drive himself! But high school football is a different colored horse all together. We don’t always make the games, but we listen on the radio and stay up late to watch the side line wrap ups on the local news. It’s what makes autumn so fantastic! Aahhh, the sound of crunching leaves underfoot and the pop of football helmets colliding! It’s the best!

Last night was the homecoming game at our sons’ high school and the only reason I went was because the daughter of our dear friends would be part of the homecoming court. Her mom looked at me and said “You gave up “Mexican” for Kaley? Wow, that really put it into perspective for me. Even my friends know how devoted I am to my Friday night fiesta! The look on her face was almost shock and awe.

All the festivities took place before the game began, so it didn’t take me long to start thinking about quesadillas, tacos, and crack coated tortilla chips! The whining started somewhere around the beginning of the second quarter. It started out harmless enough, but quickly turned ugly. Our friends suggested we all get something to eat after the game. WHAAAATTT!? The game hadn’t started until 8PM and we all know how they can drag on and on! Panic set in. I started the mental math game. You know what I mean. You start adding it up in your head. The actual time of each quarter, plus half time, plus time outs, plus all the other nine million reasons they stop a football game and that equals only one thing. All the good restaurants are CLOSED!!!!!

I suggested we leave at half time since it would be really late when it was over and besides, it’s starting to get cold (anything to gather the troops around me). At first it worked. Then the ball game started to get exciting. Even if you are completely disinterested and you aren’t even paying attention to the game, you know when this happens…..EVERYONE STANDS UP. Oh no!!!! My dreams of warm chips started to slip through my fingers. So I turned up the whining (mostly directed at my husband). Over and over I repeated the same phrase. “I’m just soooo hungry!”

My friend Tammy just laughed at me (she was cold and my whining was only helping her in getting out of there quicker). The guys tried be nice about it, but finally gave in. They really should have tried harder, because by the time we were done eating, I was so full, I felt like a tick about to pop, and I began blaming them for ever agreeing to this venture in the first place. Philip looked at me like he wanted me dead. Jim just looked at the floor and shook his head. The folks around me are too nice to me. I need a personal handler and someone in my life needs to step up to the plate! Don’t let me get my way!


Just look at how happy I am!!!!

All of this power play and homecoming tiaras got me to thinking about a conversation that took place this week with some co-workers. I’m not sure how it all began, but somehow the subject of tiaras came up. I stated that I love tiaras and I think it would be awesome to wear one to work at least once a week. I don’t want one of those small classy numbers like Miss America wears. No, I want one of those huge, dreadfully heavy numbers like you see on the cable show “Toddlers and Tiaras”! That would be the best! TACKY!!! One of my work pals said of my tiara wearing suggestion, “Oh no! You are already on a power trip and that would just push you right over the edge!” Excuse me? Off with your head!!!!

Imagine how much better Mondays would be if you could do it in a tiara? It just feels right, doesn’t it?

Don’t answer that please. Just let me have my moment.

Bob Cats, Snakes and Quiches, Oh My!

2011-09-20T16:47:00.004-04:00

I spent this past weekend with 4 of my most precious treasures! These four ladies lives have intertwined mine for over 30 years. We met at the river home owned by one these girls and did what we like to do best: laugh and eat!

I did my utmost to not obsess about what I was eating, because honestly, it just didn’t matter. These times are so rare and so perfect that I wouldn’t even consider messing it up with diet worries. We ate breakfast casseroles, BBQ, corn on the cob, mac and cheese, quiches, s'mores and who knows what else! All naughty and all fabulous!!!! All made perfect by the mere presence of these wonderful friends!

We couldn’t help but compare ourselves to the movie “The Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood”! It was that kind of weekend! We stayed up late, gathered around a fire, awoke earlier than we would have liked (because that’s what you do when you get older), showered when we felt like it and sat until our legs went numb.

The first morning we made much ado about bob cat tracks near the house and decided it was best to not wander far. So we did another thing we do well,….nothing. It couldn’t have been more amazing.

Sunday morning, Laura and I decide to take a quick nature walk down one of the trails that leads to the river. I wasn’t dressed for any serious adventure with yoga pants and flip flops. Laura's clothing choice was the same except for boots. We were really cute. We made our way to the river and spent a few minutes contemplating the meaning of life (or maybe she talked on the phone and I threw sticks in the river). At any rate, it was most peaceful.

After a few minutes we decide to return to the house. As we were exiting the trail, I noticed a rather large snake lying on the ground. I don’t remember exactly what I said, but it was something profound like, “Hey look! A snake!” She whirled around and yells toward the house “Krystal, did you put a fake snake out here!” No answer of course. Then we realized it was indeed real! I was 100% sure this snake was dead. Laura was 100% sure this snake was alive! She began screeching at me to move back! My response was to continue my firm stand on the “dead snake” theory. In fact, I bent down a couple of times to get a closer look and continued to state “looks dead to me”. “Step back NOW!!!” turned into “That’s a rattle snake!” and “Someone get the 9mm!” Now I’m yelling “where am I supposed to go?!” Because a gun is about to enter the picture and I wanted out of there yesterday! Let me add that I am also in possession of a 5 foot piece of drift wood that for reasons still unknown to me, I refuse to put down. I finally make my way around the snake and come up from behind to give it a poke so that I can prove that this snake is indeed "dead". The only thing I prove is that this is definitely not a dead snake!

To quote another movie, "Twanda the avenger!"

While all of this mess is unfolding, Mindy is sitting quietly reading the newspaper. She later tells us that it was not unlike the sound of your children playing outside and all is well, then the sound changes and you know something is amiss! When she hears “9mm” and “snake”, she decides her aim would be better with a shovel so she runs to the garage, but only finds a sledge hammer.

As I high tail to the house (leaving Laura to fend for herself apparently), Mindy runs past me with the hammer and charges head long into the woods and makes quick work of one large snake! Wow! Don’t mess with Mindy.

I ask you, "Does it get any better than this?" All of this added up to the most perfect weekend one could ever imagine! Can’t wait to do it again!

What Happened to My Fishsticks?

2011-09-15T00:02:00.002-04:00

We had new flooring put down in our kitchen today and it looks marvelous darling! But before you can put down a new floor you must move everything off the old floor. So at 6 am this morning we started moving everything out and into the living room. This makes for a mess that is strait up tragic! I understand it is necessary, but it is testing every ounce of patience I have. This is a list of everything in my living room at this very moment: dining room table, china cabinet, one couch, one oversized chair, one entertainment center, a computer desk, piano, kitchen table, 4 kitchen chairs, an electric fire place, ottoman, side table, my great grandmothers sewing table, baby high chair, and last but not least-our refrigerator. We can’t even see the TV, we just listen to it like it's 1945 and the “Little Orphan Annie “ show is on! Did I mention that this room is only 260 square feet?

I understand that this problem is temporary, but the real tragedy in all of this is that I had to share my living space with the fridge all day and all evening. As I sat curled up in the oversized chair working at my lap top, I realized I was only about 2 feet away from my arch nemesis the afore mentioned fridge! This would not be a problem for any normal person, but I am not normal. I began to feel its magnetic pull. You know what I mean, the part of you that opens the fridge door 20 times a day expecting to discover some new treasure that wasn’t in there previously. It was calling out with its siren song, and I was close enough that I could have reached it without ever leaving the comfort of the chair. This is not good. I’m pretty sure I felt it staring at me at least once.

It is not healthy to share a close space with a large appliance that holds so many delightful things! This is like asking my cat to keep an eye on my fish sticks. Not a good idea.

Needless to say, I have not done well on my diet today. I didn’t eat any of the list "no no’s”, just ate too many of the list “yes yeses”. In case you didn’t realize, you can get fat on healthy food too. Too much of anything, is still too much. I’m more than a little bummed out right now, but as I’ve said before, I’m just not going to waste time on the worry of it. Tomorrow is a new day and one way or another that fridge is going back to the kitchen!

This weekend will be spent at the river with 4 of my dearest friends! I’m crazy excited about it! But we all know that food will be one of the main sources of entertainment. So alas, I will have to be on my A game lest I undo 4 weeks of intense life style changing torture. At any rate, I’m sure I will have some crazy stories to share when I return! If you think about it….say a pray for me. Not kidding.

Value Meal Values

2011-09-13T08:44:00.000-04:00

Is there any true value in value menus? According to dictionary.com –Value- The worth of something in terms of the amount of other things for which it can be exchanged or in terms of some medium of exchange. Based on this assessment of the word, I believe we can safely assume that we should be able to place some sort of real worth on the food items on these menus. I know the worth in it is the cheapness of the price, but wouldn't it be just grand if they had some nutritional value as well? Wouldn't that be fantastic!? The reality of this idea is a stretch at best. To date, the only food I have found that is nutritionally sound and low in calories is the small chili at Wendy’s. It is low in fat and calories (210); it has 17 grams of protein and is high on my tasty scale! You can get a side salad if you like, but don't dare put the dressing on it or you will go from 210 calories to 500!

In our fast paced and busy lives we sometimes need these quick, yet cost effective options. But I have to admit that when I pull up to that menu, I am not focused on the nutritional end of the spectrum. I am thinking about a single burger with everything and a big ole sleeve of fries! YUM! I would also love to take a frosty for a spin around the block whilst I'm at it. But we all know that is A) not on the list and B) so high in fat and calories that if I did eat it, the next thing I would be hearing is, "CLEAR!" Ok, that may be over the top, but I'm sure you're picking up what I'm laying down.

I've been practicing being grateful this week, so I will be grateful and say that I am just happy there is something on that value menu that won't kick me to the curb. Yes, I wanted the burgers and fries and I guess I always will want them. But, I must come to terms with living healthy every day, and being grateful that I have the option of being in a position to live healthy. Because we all know eating healthy can be expensive! But with some excellent planning and savvy shopping, it can be done!

Speaking of being grateful…I want to take a moment to say to all of you who are reading my blog “Thanks!” I know you have plenty of other things you could be doing (like lying on the couch staring at the ceiling)! So I am grateful for each of you! If you have something you want to share with me or a subject you would like me to talk about, just let me know! I love feed back :-)

I would also like to mention that as far as the life style change is going, I’m happy to report that I have lost 12 pounds and made some really great strides in my relationship with food! As I enter week 5 of this adventure I’m grateful that God is showing me so much about myself and even more grateful about what else He will reveal! Most of it is not so nice things, but it is all for the greater good, and for that, I am….what’s that word? Oh yes, GRATEFUL!

Cheater Cheater Biscuit Eater!

2011-09-09T10:45:00.000-04:00

No, I did not eat a biscuit. I did, however eat an egg McMuffin. I saw that commercial about how it only has 300 calories and I was sucked in just like a super nova getting sucked into a celestial black hole (I don't know if that is even possible). Actually the calorie count was completely respectable, but it left me feeling draggy and tired.

This proves what I've been thinking all along. It is not just about calories! Let's face it, if it was, then I could eat 1200 calories worth of marshmallows! I don't even have to try that one to know that I would feel like I had been hit by a freight train! Besides, I don't even like marshmallows.

Some would have me believe that it's just consumed calories verses burned calories. Eat fewer calories than you burn and you lose weight. I'm sure that's true, but you are not going to be healthy or feel good if you don't put good things into your body, period. That trip to McDonalds also sent me into a downward spiral of eating in an unhealthy fashion the rest of the day.

It's a good thing that I had a brand new opportunity to eat right the next day, or else I would have been so depressed I wouldn’t have been able to stand myself. New opportunity comes in many forms. It would be easy for me to get all tore up about the food mistake I made and allow it to get the best of me. But instead I’ll look at it as a new opportunity, the opportunity to learn from my mistake and an opportunity to be a better eater the next day. I love new chances! They are like a clean burst of air in my lungs or the amazing feeling of a huge burden being lifted off ones shoulders. It’s the best! And I love it when it comes my way!

Even my Jesus is the God of second chances! How awesome is that?! He picks me up every time I stumble (which is all the time). He dusts me off and stands me back up and sends me on my way once again. I usually have no idea where He is sending me, but I will just trust that He knows best! He does know best, and that is the best part of this whole Christ following adventure that I am on!

Beer cans from 1973 when the house was built. Found in wall by plumber.

Life is full of challenges, day in and day out and I can’t allow myself to be tossed around like a plastic bag on the interstate. Today, even as I sit here typing, I have a plumber in my house who tells me the only way to repair our water issues will be with all new plumbing. Not just the shower or the sink, but the entire house! My heart is about to beat out of my chest! And I’m pretty sure I feel a full blown panic attack coming on. I’m also pretty sure this will be big money. Big money we don’t have. But, I am trusting Him. He has never abandoned us, not even once. I don’t have the answers, but He does! I have no idea how this “new opportunity” will pan out, but in the end, it will all be good, because He is good. End of story.

A Tale of Two Tilapias

2011-09-06T23:43:00.000-04:00

I love to cook like no body's business! But as you may have guessed, there is very little that I cook that is on "The List". So painfully I have attempted to come up with dishes composed of allowed foods that are tasty, and actually resemble something that a human would consume. Truthfully, I have had very little luck.

I spent about 30 minutes one afternoon talking to a couple of ChristWay students that had dropped by my office to chat. During our conversation they ask to see the list. I was happy to oblige, as any suggestions they might have would be highly welcomed. They had some really great ideas! But this conversation took place during the first week of the list and I was really too busy wallowing in self-pity to be bothered with any idea that took more than five minutes effort. So I am just now starting to seriously consider their "think tank madness".

One of the food items they pointed out was the tilapia. The problem with this food is; I only eat fish at restaurants. I have this hang up about fish. I just can't stand the sight of it raw. Let me jump in here for a second and say that I love sushi! For some reason raw fish wrapped up in rice and seaweed is very appealing! But throwing a slab of it in front of me and asking me to cook it, will just about suck the Jesus right out of me. I just couldn't do it!

After much wringing of my hands, I decided to give it a try. I had no idea what to do with fish! I went to the grocery store and perused the isles for some hint of what one does with (gulp) fish. While standing in the baking section of the store I noticed this nifty little product call "fish fry". Really? Could it be this simple? Had I been avoiding cooking fish for twenty years, when all I needed was this two dollar bag of corn meal concoction?

I decided that I would grill my fish and fry the rest of it for the family (I knew my hubby would have no interest in grilled fish). The grilled fish was quite good, but the fried fish was AMAZING!! Well, now I'm just really mad. I can't have the fried fish! It's not on the bloody list!!! I just can't win. I have wasted a great deal of time over the past week or so just thinking about that delicious fish and how I have missed out on eating it for at least two decades. It has over taken my thoughts both day and night. I can't escape its pull! I may need professional help. I'm not kidding.

I think I'm going to fry up some this week and just have a small serving. I would rather have a little bit of something I love, than a plate full of something that bores me to tears. So I am going to declare that Wednesday will be “Fish Fry Day”! Yippee! I’m so excited! I don’t think I’ll sleep tonight!

Food Food Everywhere and Not a Bite to Eat

2011-09-04T19:41:00.000-04:00

Most of Saturday was spent at our family reunion. Five of my grandmothers’ siblings and their families descended on the tiny town of Monteagle, Tennessee for an afternoon of hugging, laughing, eating and me thinking, “Who are these people?” There were many that I knew because (all be it sporadic) we do see each other from time to time. Then there was this whole group that I hadn’t seen in 35 or more years! And they brought children and grandchildren that I didn’t even know existed. Even with name tags stuck to everyone, I still had to dig deep into the recesses of my mind for even the faintest glimmer of remembrance! That trip into my memory was like digging through one of those homes you see on an episode of “Hoarders”! It was kind of scary in there.

The main source of entertainment at any social event (for me anyway) is the FOOD. Otherwise, I may resort to playing with my IPhone or just disappear outside. I am not naturally a social person. I can just hear some of you laughing right now. Let me just say that I do a top notch job of hiding this little tidbit about myself. In fact, I would say that I have elevated this to an art form.

Finally the time arrived, and with plate in hand, I began the ritualistic trip around the kitchen. Had I the mental fortitude to bring something I could eat (the list)? No. I brought what I bring to everything…..mac and cheese. This isn’t just any mac and cheese. It’s made with real butter (not margarine), heavy whipping cream, eggs and about 40 pounds of cheese. Oh yeah, there are noodles in there somewhere. So that was out. I still can’t believe I didn’t eat it. I began to look around, and everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, was a food not on the list! I should have started praying right then and there.

I decided not to venture too deep into the kitchen, as it seemed the further in I got, the more naughty the food became. So I stopped on the edge of this madness and had a spoonful of each of the following: coleslaw, pea salad and ramen noodle salad. I have no idea how you turn a bag of ramen noodles into a cold salad, and frankly I don’t want to know. However, all three of these tasty little side items were delicious! I even managed to only eat a two inch square of cake for dessert. I was feeling pretty good about myself.

We visited for a few of more hours where I endured a snide comment or two and a nasty look from a girl who I still haven’t been able to identify. Not the sort of thing that makes you want to go to the next reunion (if, in fact there ever is one). Then we (my children and parents) went for a quick tour of Sewanee and a quick stop to eat supper. None of us were terribly hungry, but there is a really great Italian eatery that we just couldn’t pass up. I knew I didn’t need to eat another bite of anything, but anytime I see bruschetta on a menu, I just about lose my mind! I love it so much! I had a feeling it would be fantastic at this“happening” little joint and I wasn’t disappointed. The balsamic reduction sauce alone would make me want to make the drive again! Happily, I didn’t finish it! I have found that if I’m pretty sure I want to finish something because it is so tasty; I share it with others at the table. That is a sure fire way to get rid of a plate of food you don’t need. And your friends and family love you! Win, win.

All in all it was a good day! Having family around me always feels good. Especially if they bring food.

Crack Coated Tortilla Chips

2011-09-02T21:39:00.001-04:00

Today has been a remarkably interesting food day. Apparently there is no end to the many ways one can prepare chicken. Do eggs count as chicken? I think they do in a sideways sort of way. At any rate, I had eggs for breakfast, chicken (grilled, no skin) for lunch, and buffalo chicken wings (mild, with skin) for dinner. I know that is the most depressing line up of meals you may have ever heard, but you know, I did say I was going to have a better attitude about my meals. So I ate the chicken with a smile on my face!

The wings were consumed at a local Mexican restaurant that we regularly grace with our presence. The problem with these sorts of establishments is that they plop down that bowl of FREE chips just as you begin to peruse the menu. Let's just park here for a moment, and discuss these chips. They are not normal chips. They are some sort of crack coated chip from the planet Melmac! Wait, I think Melmac is where Alf ate cats. If this makes no sense to you, you may need to Google “Alf”. As I was saying, once you start eating them, you cannot stop! I don’t do this with any other chip, or any other snack for that matter! I just know there is some sort of secret ingredient that they put in them or sprinkle on them. There simply is no other explanation!!! And don’t try to trick me with the false advertising you see on other tortilla chips at the grocery store. You know the ones I’m talking about, they say “Restaurant Style”. LIES, LIES, LIES!!!! There is no way this is true. If it were, I wouldn’t even make it to the check out line without eating the whole bag! There should be a law that punishes companies to the fullest extent of the law when they brazenly lie about something so important! Ok, it’s time for me to count to 10 and take a deep breath, or I may blow out an artery in my brain.

Tomorrow we are having a family reunion in Monteagle, Tennessee. This will be a test of super human strength for me. Tables lined with the home made fare of 80 years of recipes passed down from one daughter to the next. YUMMY!!!! May God have mercy on my soul. I will let you know how it goes.

Guilt Wrapped Up in White Bread

2011-09-01T19:55:00.000-04:00

Guilt. We all wrestle with it. I’ve spent half my life pinned to the wrestling mat of life by its strong grip. I’m exhausted emotionally like you wouldn’t believe! In fact, sometimes I think I look for things to feel guilty about. Occasionally when I’m having a good day I find myself feeling a little more carefree than I really am. Then, before you know it, I’ve eaten something I shouldn’t or said something I shouldn’t and then boom, I’m back on the mat…face first. The worst part about it is that I am not only the victim, but more importantly, I’m the perpetrator!

My diet approved food list feels like it is growing smaller every day. It really isn’t, it’s that I’m growing weary of many of the choices, one bite at a time. Today, I took 2 oranges and 3 ounces of turkey for my lunch. Boring, boring, and boring (especially since I’ve eaten that about 24 times already). Slowly but surely I am beginning to hate many of the foods I once loved, much the way the Accelerated Reading programs in our primary and middle schools have turned book loving children into kids who would rather have their heads nailed to the wall than read another book! I don’t want to eat from a list any more that they want to read from a list. I have foods I love and the thought of never eating them again (as this diet suggest) is simply too much to bare. Today as I nibbled on my 3 ounces of carefully measured turkey I thought “This would be so much better if it was surrounded by miracle whip and white bread”. I really thought I had moved past this thought until I started my drive home tonight and this whole crazy idea of eating white bread popped back into my head. After a small personal battle, I decided one slice of bread with a little MW would be just what I needed to find my happy place. Well, as I am sure you can guess, the happiness lasted about 28.4 seconds and then guilt had me on the mat in a half nelson.

Why do I do this to myself? Why? In reality, I ate so little today, that lousy slice of bread couldn’t possibly have done any harm. However, the mental battle that I allowed myself to be dragged into can be harmful. Pardon me while I get a little serious for moment. God did not design us to wallow around in a pit of guilt! Jesus says in John 10:10 “The thief comes only to steal, kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life and have it to the full.” A full life as Jesus would have it, does not include a daily guilt fest! I need to make the necessary changes with my eating tomorrow so that I don’t find myself overly hungry, putting myself in a position to make a poor food choice, which in turn spirals me into needless guilt. I can have foods I love as long as I plan carefully.

Satan would keep me in that circle of madness if I allowed it. But I will not allow it! Not this girl!

Lessons on How to Behave Around Food

2011-08-31T22:28:00.001-04:00

I have noticed that there may be a relative amount of truth to the saying "attitude is everything". My attitude about this diet - is - not - good. It's not even on the same planet as "good". I have done a bit of soul searching this evening and I have come to the realization that if my mind set doesn't change for the good, I may find myself completely friendless. I am fortune to work with some amazing folks who love me unconditionally (for the most part) and have been kind enough to be my own personal diet cheer leaders over the past couple of weeks. However, the most tolerant human being can only take so much. I realized that I have not sat down to one lunch with a good attitude since this adventure in horror began. If you work with me and you happen to be reading this, you have my profound apologies. I'm embarrassed to say that I have elevated whining to Olympic levels. So starting tomorrow I am going to have a good attitude about food even if I have lie through my teeth!

When I came home from work today my cat, "Snakes" came running in the house and sat on top of her food bin. Yes, I have a cat named "Snakes". I would like to say that it is a good thing that my neighbors know enough about me to know they are better off ignoring me. Otherwise, when I stand on my front porch and scream "Snakes, Snakes, Snakes!" over and over, they know that I'm not sounding some kind of crazy reptile alarm! Sorry, I digress. But in fact, bin lid sitting is what she does when she is hungry. If she sat next to her empty bowl, she would accomplish the same task, but she chooses to perch on top of the bin and stare a hole through my skull. For a quick moment I entertained the idea of what that would look like if I did that every time I was hungry. The truth is you wouldn’t be able to blast me off the top of that fridge with a 1/2 ton truck of napalm!

So, I am choosing to have a better attitude. But not tonight. Tomorrow.

Birthday Cake and Blue Bell Ice-Cream

2011-08-31T09:39:00.000-04:00

My diet over the past two weeks has consisted of VERY LOW carbs, no dairy, very lean proteins, all the vegetables I hate and none of the ones I love. Absolutely NO breads or cereals (more food that I love)! Jesus said it all in a nut shell “Man cannot live on bread alone.”(Matthew 4:4) When I read this I hear, “I know bread is your favorite! But for cryin’ out loud, you cannot survive on it forever. You will get fat and die.” This personal translation may be a tad over the line (ok, it’s so far over the line than I can no longer see the line.) But I’m fairly sure you get the gist. If not reined in, my love affair with simple carbs will be the reason I have to dig a hole and stay close to it.

I have days where I simply cannot eat another salad, and on those days I begin my previously mentioned (check last blog) rationalization wrestling match. For instance, my birthday was this past Saturday and my husband, who is the beacon of hope and light for all things birthday, asked me what flavor of cake I wanted. My first instinct was to say “Thanks babe, but let’s not do birthday cake this year.” But what I heard myself say was “White cake with almond icing!” I suddenly felt like Charlie McCarthy with someone’s hand shoved up my back controlling my every word! Well, I quickly surmised that with a house full of birthday guest (my cake loving family) one must consider their needs and not my own. I can just hear someone saying, “Hey! How about you get off the cross, we need the wood!”

Later that day I called the afore mentioned husband and requested Blue Bell Dutch Chocolate ice-cream (to go with the cake). To what sort of sick level had I sunk? In my defense I will tell you that I was VERY careful with what I ate that day and was counting every calorie so that I would have “left over” calories to spend on cake and ice –cream. With all that said, I can report that I still lost a pound that day! Hooray! Allison 1 – Cake 0.

Before we all begin to celebrate my small victory, let me remind you of one small birthday cake detail….there is almost always leftovers. I had managed to avoid being tempted by that simple white bakery box sitting on the counter, until yesterday. The event that ultimately brought about my knee buckling down fall was twofold. I had just finished laundering two sets of 1000 thread count pillow cases (That I had purchased CHEAP from Tuesday Mornings. Insert sound of joy and mirth.) and it was way past my lunch time. Now, if you know anything at all about high thread count textiles, then you know that when you pull them out of the dryer, they look as if you have balled them up and carried them around in your purse for a week! I would like to stop here for a second and say that I am by no stretch of the imagination an “uppity” person. I don’t feel that I deserve or need high thread count sheets and pillow cases….I just want them. I love them. However, I hate to iron them! Combine my hatred of ironing with feeling incredibly hungry and you get diet disaster!!!! Ironing pillow cases for 15 minutes had somehow earned me the right to eat cake and ice-cream for lunch. Is it just me or did you just hear the sound of the needle being dragged across the record? Yes, I did it. I admit it.

I must accept that I will have days where I crash and burn, but I’m going to go ahead and let myself off the hook. It’s not worth wasting time on.

I drove past a church marquee today. Usually these little boogers are so cheesy and stupid that they are downright embarrassing. But this one summed it all up for me today. It read, “Jesus understands how you feel.” Yes He does understand! There is nothing that I might suffer that He hasn’t already suffered. He knows how I feel. He is with me on this crazy journey and for that, I am grateful beyond measure. “He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.” (Psalm 62:6)

My Diet, or as my doctor likes to call it "MyLife Style Change". Whatever.

2011-08-30T11:50:00.001-04:00

   I have decided to blog about my "weight loss journey" (I hear people call it that all the time, so it must be the correct thing to do). Honestly, I really don't know why I'm doing this other than I'm at home with nothing to do except laundry, and this seems exponentially more interesting.

   I started this whole mess a little more than 2 weeks ago and for reasons I cannot explain, it has taken on a life of its own. Apparently, if I'm not being controlled by food, I'm being controlled by the lack of it. Either way, it just keeps kicking me around.

Food and I have had a strange relationship for pretty much my entire life. I can remember holding a Moon Pie in my hand at the age of 11 or 12 and desperately trying to rationalize eating it. I knew I didn't need it, but I was bored and it was more fun than staring out the window. Seems this odd pattern of food rationalization has followed me for decades. In fact, I rarely choose to eat anything without a mental struggle equivalent to mud wrestling an anaconda. Quite frankly, I'm over it.

I have gained and lost the same 50 or 60 pounds over and over again in the span of 16 years. That is so messed up; it shocks me to see it in print! I don't know of a diet that I haven't tried. Here's the short list: LA Weight Loss, Atkins, Weight Watchers, First Place, The Monkey Diet (I might explain this one at another time. Then again, maybe not.) , South Beach, Cabbage Soup Diet, Organic Food Diet. I'll stop, as I'm sure you get the point. I heard of a diet called the Israeli Army Diet. I didn't actually check into it....but I thought about it.

It goes without really saying, I'm searching for something. So maybe this is more about me coming to grips with what God knows is best for ME, plain and simple. I know He is showing me some things about myself that aren't very pretty. I also know He has a plan, which unlike all my other weight loss plans, works perfectly for ME.

I am trusting Him each day to give me a new appreciation for food that I would normally dismiss without much thought, a new understanding of why some foods are just not good choices for ME, and a desire to have a heart like His through all of it.