My Downloadable Contents

MDLCritique: The Dark Knight Rises

2012-07-20T09:32:00.001+10:00

Hey, you! SPOILERS!

I saw Christopher Nolan's latest and final addition to the Batman franchise; The Dark Knight Rises, last night, opening night, and left feeling more let down than anything else. This is not to say that the film was bad or unenjoyable, I certainly enjoyed watching it and look forward to doing so again but, put into perspective by it's older and oldest brother, this film lacks something. I couldn't quite work out which vital ingredient was missing until somewhere within the final hour of the film; the story is set in Gotham, Catwoman is present, as is Bane, Commissioner Gordon, Alfred the Butler and other franchise alumni, but your titular comic-book hero, Batman, is almost entirely absent from most of the film.

TDKR tells a story more akin to that of Batman Begins, the film's oldest brother in that there is a whole lot of screen time involving Bruce Wayne. The film begins with Bruce Wayne as a hermit within his palatial mansion, following him through various enterprises and encounters with Tom Hardy's Bane and, just as in Knightfall (the comic story-arc used as the films basis), we see Bruce Wayne struggle with his helplessness as his back is broken, sidelining him as hero of Gotham until he can fully recuperate. So what you see as your remain seated through TDKR is a whole lot of Wayne and a lot less of Batman, not a huge problem on it's lonesome.

The larger problem that I found was in Nolan's realistic depiction of the Batman universe, something I thought I wanted more of, just like everyone else. Everyone (including myself) loved Ledger's Joker, a Joker that remained less comic, more psychotic, more frightening. However, Leger portrayed Joker as he was always meant to be in the comics. Catwoman, in TDKR is a highly skilled thief occasionally seen wearing cat ears and Bane is a masked mercenary with a vocoder, not the fantastic entities seen and read within the comics. The plot revolves around Bruce Wayne and his corporate and law enforcement affiliates taking down a terrorist group that is holding a city at ransom through brandishing an atom bomb, something entirely plausible in today's world. The infinite search for realism waters down the comic book fantasy, shrinking the larger-than-life characters into the roles of mere people.

While a terrorist cell ruling over a city with the help of a powerful weapon may be somewhat unlikely in the real world, it's a plot-point seen countless times in military/spy fiction. This is not to say it wasn't compelling and I wouldn't recommend it; Hardy's Bane provides a haunting spin on the luchador-behemoth of the comics (his voice perhaps the most memorable feature of the film) and I thrust my fist in the air, Judd Nelson-style, when the film confirmed that yes, that was Robin, I just didn't leave the cinema feeling like I'd seen a Batman film. Hence why I felt let down after TDKR; replace Batman with Bond, Fox with Q, Commissioner Gordon with Felix Leiter or M and Catwoman/Bane with whichever female lead/villian and you have the latest 007 film, not another dark night in Gotham.

I love you, whoever you are.

Me.

Internet Superheroes - #4 - Exact Calculus

2011-06-08T18:37:00.001+10:00

In which our heroes apologise for the mid-length hiatus and attempt to make up for it with double the fanfic. We'll probably apologise for that next week.

If you feel like skipping the first fanfic (which is awful and required Yakety Sax to fix), scrub from whenever it starts to 1:18.

Me & My Tinfoil Hat: Osama Bin Laden's Death Edition

2011-05-05T00:14:00.002+10:00

I named the post thusly because I'm going to sound an awful lot like one of those conspiracy theorist assholes that makes unfounded claims based on evidence as flimsy and hole-filled as a piece of Jarlsberg, or, alternatively, a higher-quality blow up sex doll. Filled with lies.

Also, I apologise for coming across like one of said assholes, I hate them as much as you do.

We all heard the news, some of us streamed President Obama's (in my opinion) harrowing speech over the intersplat, Osama Bin Laden, America's most wanted terrorist has been killed by a small group of Navy SEALs. Operation Geronimo had the members of SEAL Team Six storm Bin Laden's million dollar Abbottabad mansion in order to apprehend the al-Qaeda founder. Evidently the group of elite soldiers encountered heavy resistance and subsequently engaged in a firefight that would lead to Bin Laden being shot twice and killed.

Firstly, I'd like to point out that Geronimo was the leader of the Chiricahua Apache who fought against the US (and the Mexican) government for land rights regarding the expansion of Apache tribal land in the mid-late 19th century. It almost goes without saying how offensive equating an unwavering, extremist, mass-murderer with a Native American is, the latter being a group of people subject to at the very least extreme frontier violence, if not clean-cut genocide by the US government. Although the similarity may be drawn in that they're both leaders of a construed US opposition, fighting for their own (possibly radical/extreme) means, it shouldn't be.

The US Government has typically had a worse relationship with the native peoples it subjugated than any other British colony (maybe equal to Australia). Something like this could be interpreted as extremely offensive to a minority that's already suffered a great deal and already has popular sympathy, which is not something a political party wants. Maybe try operation Adolf or operation Hirohito (or maybe not because, you know, the whole earthquake/tsunami/nuclear meltdown thing) next time.

Returning to Bin Laden's death and my suspicions as to it's falsity, what struck me initially as being suspect was the lack of pictures of the body and, following this, the way the entire situation was handled.

Most will remember the capture, trial and ensuing execution of Saddam Hussein in late 2006 as being a highly public and televised event. The whole world was able to watch the events associated with Saddam Hussein's three-and-a-half years in US custody ultimately ending with his well broadcast death. Hussein was arguably the last "big" US capture (the latest being Bin Laden) but the way that the US government dealt with his incarceration, mainly that he was incarcerated, was entirely different to what purportedly occurred with Bin Laden. This is what makes me unsure about the "death" of Osama Bin Laden.

Lets cross examine the cases here, point by point.

I'd first like to note that since the Nuremberg trials of 1945-6 any person incarcerated for crimes against humanity and other major crimes has had to face (although there are instances where this hasn't occurred) an international criminal tribunal, in the past headed by the United Nations Security Council, now lead by the International Criminal Court (in cooperation with the UNSC). The US government and the UNSC applied this to the captured perpetrators of the Nazi regime, one of the perpetrators (as well as others) of the Rwandan genocide, Jean-Paul Akyesu (the first person to be successfully prosecuted for the crime of genocide) as well as Saddam Hussein, all arguably greater criminals than Bin Laden. This is what should have occurred in Bin Laden's case, the bottom line is that, despite the crime, the perpetrator has the right to a trial however single-sided it may be, not death on site.
This brings me to my second point, why was Bin Laden shot in the first place? Hussein was captured by a team of US forces in Operation Red Dawn (A much cooler name. America, fuck yeah) and, although no resistance was encountered, they didn't shoot him on-site. There are three main variables that make this part of the story unbelievable. Firstly, the compound was stormed by a 20+ soldier team of highly trained, expert forces (US Navy SEALs), secondly; including Bin Laden, five people were killed (no SEAL casualties) in the ensuing firefight while three women survived (two of Bin Laden's wives said to have been used as human shields and a third wife that rushed the team (possibly armed) but was wounded in the leg) and lastly; it has been officially reported that, although he resisted, Bin Laden was unarmed when he was shot. I can't believe that a special forces team facing eight people, four of each gender, at least three unarmed, couldn't capture one unarmed man. With 20+ people attempting to capture one man in a confined space I fail to see both how he could have escaped and why it was necessary to shoot him twice if he was unarmed and could thus pose no threat to the armed soldiers.
This is also the reason given as to why we haven't seen any images of the dead Osama Bin Laden, because it was too "gruesome", having been shot above his face and in the chest. Apparently the CIA are "reviewing the situation" pertaining to whether or not a photo should be released to the world. Maybe they're getting the best photoshop extraordinaire on staff to fix up an image, I don't know, but personally an image would help quell mine and anyone else's doubts regarding what happened. Type in "Saddam Hussein dead" into Google and this is what you get, a surfeit of dead dictator, complete with corpse degradation and a bloody neck wound indicating poor work on the execution. That's gruesome, but it was shown anyway, there's no line to draw.
Lastly, a DNA test performed by the US forces has confirmed that the body was Bin Laden's albeit the body is now unavailable. In accordance with Islamic rite, the body was buried within 24 hours of death, in the North Arabian Sea.

With holes like these it's hard to believe that we've been told the truth. Obama (along with the US Government) may have seen this as a good morale booster in spite of heavy unemployment (a 4.4% growth since 2008) and a bombing economy but if Osama Bin Laden shows up again, it'll be something the world and, more importantly, the US voters won't forget. The fact that Bin Laden was shot dead instead of being apprehended and tried isn't something the US government nee US Democratic Party would be associated with nor are the arguably insubordinate actions of SEAL Team Six.

Then again, I'm most definitely speaking out of my ass. If the president was confirming me dead, I'd be on camera asking him to check his facts in seconds. I'm not saying what happened wasn't just, wasn't right in the eyes of the world, the victims and families of the people that have been directly effected by this murderer deserve justice, albeit justice involving a trial before the execution. It's mostly for those people that I hope that we were fed the truth.

I love you, whoever you are.

Me.

Internet Superheroes - #3 - Shrek's Wonder Paste

2011-05-01T00:28:00.001+10:00

In which our heroes discuss the virtues of Serbian Film, the vast and failing network of the PlayStation, Easter and (as per usual) unwrap the foil on a sickening new FanFic.

We apologise in advance for the visual cues. We're new to this and one half of the troop had rum for breakfast.

Happy Chocolatemas

2011-04-25T01:26:00.002+10:00

I feel no Easter *ahem* Choclatemas could be a genuine event without the posting of my favourite, very related image...

...because who doesn't want to see the easter bunny shitting sanguinous Jesus eggs out of it's bloody bunny anus? No one, that's who. If this was the type of iconography that came standard with any religion, I'd probably be at an anti-abortion rally right now.

There must be at least one extremist Christian that gets pissed at people like myself who get a day off to not celebrate the resurrection of their main dude, The Dude, if you will. I think that's who I dedicate the above picture to this year. Hats off to you Garry, I'm having a Jesus free day filled with abortions, chocolate (lots of) and excessive masturbation (which is, however you look at it, always a little bit gay).

Also, there will be a new Net Heroes this week.

Furthermore, Sony should probably pop that PSN up before hackers hack the PSN for being down for too long due to hacking. I want my Portal 2 Sony, I know I can play it, but I want my Steam achievements along with my PS3 trophies. I'm doing weird things to compensate for the destinct lack of Portal 2, a game which I own, want to play but can't, in my life.

Shit is getting compulsive.

I love you, whoever you are.

Me.

OH! By the way, a friend of mine would like to be the voice associated with Niel Gaiman's American Gods. To get this rolling she needs your votes. Let's make this happen, in my opinion she truly deserves the gig.

Internet Superheroes - #2 - It's My Cool

2011-04-03T19:43:00.001+10:00

In which our heroes discuss Japan, the Japan 3 car rule, Super Moon, Dome Houses, Sam Neil and read (and re-read) some terrible FanFic. Also, a nice story to cap things off.

PSA: The Death of the Handheld

2011-03-20T10:05:00.001+10:00

I know I haven't uploaded any downloadable contents of mine on the recent but have no fear, little birds, I've come to regurgitate small annelids into your gaping internet maws.

I want to talk about handheld consoles.

Specifically, I want to talk about why Nintendo and Sony and, hell, maybe even Microsoft (or not), the big three developers, need to fix their handheld strategy to comply with a new market of consumer. I assume, at this point, that every exec meeting at any of "the big three" begins with a hearty "fucking Apple, man... shit."

The problem with these big handheld gaming platforms is that they're big, increasingly so. With systems like the NGP and 3DS catching up to consoles in terms of visual fidelity and production values, developers are spending more money, time and resources on the development of "AAA" handheld games. Granted, we've seen that the closer manufacturers get to system parity between the handheld and home console, the easier it is to port console games directly to the handheld, but at what cost?

With console manufacturers cramming better tech into their portable systems, prices go up on the consumer end (as well as the developer end), requiring a significant buy-in on the consumer side. Traditionally, the gaming handheld has been a "casual" platform, one for people just getting their hooks into gaming and, more significantly, children. I know I truly began my gaming crusade with a gameboy. As handhelds begin to command RRP's higher than the average home console, casual gamers and parents will seek entertainment elsewhere.

Apple, and their iPhone/iTouch, have the handheld market cornered. What Apple has done with the App Store has revolutionised the way handheld games are made, distributed and consumed. The App Store provides an increasingly accessible platform for indie developers to distribute their games. Since the market on the store is so huge, it commands a degree of simplicity, intuitiveness and innovation for a developer's game to sell well, this is why we're seeing so many new interesting, innovative game concepts come out of this market.

More to the point, what makes the games on the app store so inherently consumable is that they're playable on a device everyone owns and almost universally command a price of less than ten, if not five dollars. What makes iDevice development so potable to the game developer is the wide distribution and low cost coupled with a short development time and chance to sell millions.

This is a major problem for the big consoles. Not only do the consoles come with a premium price, their games do as well. This is an immediate turn-off for the casual gamer, indeed, any gamer, when you could purchase ten equally as interesting, well developed games on an iDevice or one on a handheld console, which choice do you make every time? As well, while iApps are available from anywhere with accessible internet, handheld games often require a store purchase.

Unless the big games companies change up their handheld strategy to comply with the new standards set by the app store i.e. lower price, easier to consume, they'll reach a point where their "big" handhelds, simply aren't viable anymore. Sony, Nintendo and Miscrosoft need to realise that handhelds are meant to be played differently to console games, in short and/or accessible bursts. Speaking from personal experience, when I'm commuting I'd much rather play a few rounds of Tilt to Live than sit through one of Peace Walker's infinite cut-scenes (despite that fact that it's a great game).

Also, Angry Birds is neither innovative or interesting and I don't understand why people are so enamored. Fuck that game. Tilt to Live reppin'.

Also, EA should focus more on keeping their sinking (however slowly it may be) ship afloat instead of taking shots at the king. WoW reppin'.

I love you, whoever you are.

Me.

iTunes is very hard to work with - here is the podcast art because it won't work elsewhere.

2011-03-18T00:07:00.003+10:00

Internet Superheroes - #1

2011-03-13T22:54:00.002+10:00

Internet Superheroes podcast #1: In which our heroes explain why the original podcast was too racist for the internet, talk about games and read some terrible, terrible fanfic.

Safer Internet Day

2011-02-09T22:56:00.000+10:00

Yesterday I was spending my precious minutes browsing the annals of human degradation only to be found within YahooAnswers. I do this frequently. Anyway, up the top of their homepage they were advertising "Safer Internet Day." The part that caught my eye wasn't the bit about net safety, it was the fantastic picture they chose as their (from what I discerned) 'mascot.' This -

What about this says safe internet to you? I guess that hot-dog shaped object gripping the earth by the hips is the internet. Why? What is that meant to be? More importantly, why is it having it's terrible way with the earth? Maybe the people who organised whatever this day is have more insight into how the net works than I gave them credit for. Anyway happy 'safer internet day' please take care to avoid being raped by the internet hot dog.

I love you, whoever you are.

Me.

A Picture

2011-02-07T13:14:00.000+10:00

Here is a picture of me pouring wine down the toilet in France wearing my underwear 'Super-Man' style with a toothbrush in my mouth. Why not?

Welcome back folks, I'm finally ready to blog again. Anyway, I'm not kicking things off just yet but there should be a few posts incoming, possibly one regarding my missing the fucking superbowl because of the poorly implemented clock on the NFL site. I'm also doing a podcast on the soon so keep things in tune (I'm a poet and I didn't even realize).

I love you, whoever you are.

Me.

I Will Return...

2010-11-24T21:57:00.000+10:00

This whole deal right here is about to get 'hella' dusty. Tomorrow morning, oh-nine-hundred hours, I shall depart my girlfriend's abode, Mel in tow, and set out for the snowy northern continent of Europe. Yes friends, I shall be apart from my wonderful internets for a long snowy winter.

At least until I can get thee to an internet cafe or find a decent Wi-Fi network. If I get a spare half hour, which I probably won't, I'll do a progress update via blog but I'm going to be busy. Six countries (Germany, England, Sweden, Netherlands, France, Austria, Germany) in six weeks is going to be an effort, albeit a life defining effort. Mel and I have been planning this trip for over a year now so it's going to be incredible to finally feel the plane lurch onto the runway tomorrow around mid-day.

Here's hoping that all goes well. Drop a comment in if you have any suggestions regarding things that we must do/see, we have a substantial list but it would be great to hear what other people have done. I hope everyone who reads this (I know there are at least a few [WOO STATS]) has a great Christmas and a hangover of a New Years. Just relax guys, don't over-do it.

Now I need to whinge. I'M GOING TO MISS OUT ON GAAAAMES! I get back January 4th, you'll then be able to find me on the PSN playing Gran Turismo 5, Dead Rising 2, Pac-Man CE DX and Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood and on WoW, all over WoW. Dammit the new patch is interesting. I want to shattering.

I'll make sure to post some pictures and epic fables when I return. I plan to flaunt my GiantBomb member shirt all over Europe so I'll definitely have some pictures of that. Lastly, here's hoping North Korea hasn't started some shit, no-one needs another war.

TLDR: I'm going away for a while. Here is a mediocre goodbye post. I hope you have a safe and relaxed holiday. ARGH I'M MISSING GAMES. I shall return with qualitative and pictorial evidence of my adventures.

Where in the world is Max Jackman?

I love you, whoever you are. Have an amazing next six weeks.

Me.

Gran Turismo 5 - A Response to Reviews/Feedback

2010-11-24T19:43:00.002+10:00

So it's out. The game that all of the car nuts and, like me, the people who are thoroughly not car nuts but PS3/GT fans have been waiting for. Delay after delay after delay has done nothing but hurt this game, as is reflected in the reviews, which are good but no 10/10.

Now, PS3 fans, I know this is your game but give the reviewers a break, please. Every time a first party Playstation game is given any less than a nine, the fans assemble and bitch en mass. It's disgusting to see idiots who haven't played the game for themselves piss on reviewers because they didn't give a game a ten. These people work hard and, ninety-nine percent of the time give the game they're in charge of reviewing a very fastidious working over, as can be seen in reviews like Joystiq's and IGN's.

The whole point comes down to the fact that a person has or is definitely going to spend $AU100/$US60 on an entertainment medium and wishes to justify their purchase. I'm going to drop knowledge now, you may have not considered this before you posted "FUCK U GT5 IS CLEERLY 10/10, I PLAYED THE DEMO AND I NOW U RUINED THIS SITE U ARE FANBOYZ".

A reviewer, while hired to give us gamers the general down-low on the situation, is entitled to their own opinion, when you read a review, consider that the person writing it may not have found the game to have fitted them well. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, a professional reviewer is part of that group. As well, when a reviewer's score/comments match the other reviews across the board, you're just being ignorant. If you'd prefer a reviewer to sugar-coat a review just so you can say that the game you've shelled-out for is "well reviewed", you're missing the point of the review. I'd be beyond pissed if a game was given a ten and then had myriad bugs and problems, hence why a reviewer has to be critical of said flaws.

IGN and Joystiq gave the game above 80%, that's a great score. The problems given were outlined clearly and, while I haven't at all had any hands-on experience with the game, I've noticed said problems in other iterations of the series and, frankly, saw these coming. The constancy of the delays built hype and ultimately didn't help, since, in my opinion, the game is obviously lacking polish, seriously, 200/1000 fully modeled cars? You (Polyphony) had six years, what were you doing? Having tickle-fights?

I'm going to buy this game. Why? Because it looks amazing and is basically exactly what anyone would be looking for in a driving simulator. Nothing is perfect, if you're really interested in a game, a review (good or bad) shouldn't matter. Shit, I LOVE Enter The Matrix and I'm not afraid to say so.

I love you, whoever you are.

Me.

A Reply to A Tweet

2010-11-21T19:06:00.003+10:00

I spoke about my "OMG JUSTIN BIEBER IS DEAD BUT I'M TRICKING YOU AND HERE IS A VIDEO OF SOME DUDE LICKING ANOTHER DUDE'S NIPPLE, THEY ARE DRESSED IN A CHRISTMAS THEME!" tweet spam the other day. Anyway, two days ago I was greeted with this awesome reply via twitter -

@TheAmandaaa16 - @RerunAway Okay, how can Justin be "Dead" when I saw him LIVE in concert to weeks ago in San Antonio??

I would like to pick this apart in the same way as I would a knitted jumper with a loose thread. Firstly, I tweeted my fantastical, very obvious lie on the 15th of November, I have proof here. Now, I know that after seeing the J. BIEBS in all his whatever he presents-ness, that your concept of time and reality can be no less than obliterated with raw pre-teen awesomeness but shit ma'am, fo' days ain't two weeks, yo!

There also remains the possibility that two weeks wasn't exactly what she was going for in spelling it "to". Maybe this is new street-grammar, where "to weeks" represents four days. If this is true however, I'm out guys, straight up. Cheque please. I'll be hiding in an attic somewhere, overwrought and clutching my dictionary.

I'm honestly worried with regards to whatever generation she presents' skills in perceiving context. Bottom line here guys, keeping no secrets, I posted that with a video of a man, dressed as Santa standing to the right of another man, dressed as an elf who proceeds to lick Santa's nipple. If that says "Justin Bieber is Dead" to you then I'm scared for you but I'm also going to have fun with you. Mostly because you should be at home finger-painting and far, far away from the internet.

I love you, whoever you are.

Me.

EDITORS NOTE: This post was sponsored by Girl Talk's new album - All Day. Evidently, Blitzkrieg Bop provides a nice back beat to Get Ur Freak On.

Pac-Man Pops Pills

2010-11-21T09:47:00.002+10:00

With the release of Pac-Man Championship Edition DX (as well as Pac-Man's 30th birthday) I found myself wandering around yesterday, thinking about the game as it presents itself. You're Pac-Man and you wander around a maze trying to eat all the pellets, the big pellets allowing you to defeat the ghosts following in your wake and behind every corner. Isn't this an analog to drug addiction? Think about it, Pac-Man's only purpose in life is to amble around an endless series of mazes and pop pills to stave off ghosts. I think this lends itself to an abhorrently stupid remake.

I feel that if Pac-Man was remade by the likes of Visceral Games or Ninja Theory what you'd have would be something akin to the following.

Pac-Man is a brooding drug-addicted orphan, driven to insanity in a dystopian future exhibiting fascist rule and government sponsored drug addiction. Haunted by the ghosts of his loved ones and an addiction so great he'll die should he cease imbibing the chemicals that merely offer a reminder of his failure to save his parents, Pac-Man embarks on a mission to find a cure to his people's unwanted dependency. On his way, dodging military patrols and occasionally consuming near overdose levels of Amphetamine 4 (which the drug would most definitely be called) and all the while defeating the ghosts of his disturbed past, he unravels a government plot involving forced labour, genocide and sterilisation. Only Pac-Man can save his people, those living in the unending, maze-like slums of Neo-Tokyo (of course Neo Tokyo, where else would this be set?).

It'll be a third-person stealth/action game with parkour and some mild puzzle solving. Should be released next year. Also, it can only be called PAC-MAN: A Prequel to Children of Men. If anyone should be interested in creating this game, I'll make it available to you for $1.50 and a writer's credit.

Anyway, new Pac-Man game that inspired what ever that was. Sounds great, comes out on the 23rd of this month (on PSN, it's already out on XBL) which is roughly two days away. From what I gather, it seems like an easier, vastly more entertaining version of Pac-Man of old, a game I loved but was never very skilled at. Getting to the third level of Pac-Man classic is maybe a feat I've managed to aspire to once in my 19 years. This version, which features flashy lights and colours and a-MAZE-ing (nailed it) looking Ghost kill-trains seems to provide what I crave for in a simple game, easy to pick up/hard to master gameplay which merely acts as a base mechanic for what is really a high-score machine.

Like I said, I was no good at the original so I'm anticipating mucho love for this. Hook me up to some Tetris or Galaga though and I'll finish it so don't step up and throw old-school arcade challenges down as I don't take them lightly. And never call me a nerd, otherwise I will nerd rage at you.

I love you, whoever you are.

Me.

Procrastabatman, Also, An Apology

2010-11-19T08:16:00.001+10:00

So I've been missing from my own blog for a while. Dust has settled and formed a thin layer on it's outer edges. What doing have I been, Yoda asks? Not much at all really.

I haven't posted for a bit because my last two weeks have been almost pure assessment. I don't know if you know, but a while back I had corrective surgery on my right wrist to fix my carpal tunnel syndrome. The necessary recovery period involved with said surgery resulted in many annoying things -

All my assessment was pushed back to the end of semester
I had to switch from chef to cashier to maintain my career (I also became a rapper after realising I could drop the dopest rhymes just like the one in that sentence. I have wicked flow, yo)
Exercise dropped way off because I can't lift anything anymore

So anyway, this meant that due to my unmatched ability to leave everything to the last minute, I had about three assignments and four exams in the space of a week and a half. Shit was hard. I swear, at some point, provided I have a difficult enough task, I'll probably develop some latent super powers and become some form of greater being. The only reason I'm studying criminology anyway is so I can be Batman. Mel's going to be pissed when I rock off to Tibet for training purposes.

I'm really, really interested in seeing 127 hours, it doesn't come out in Australia till February sometime. Please refer to this post for my thoughts on the topic.

Lastly, I decided half way through completing my final assessment piece (this would have been circa the 4th cup of coffee, at five AM, having been awake for over 24 hours), that it'd be just a fantastic idea to tweet that Justin Bieber was dead in the hope of getting gullible yet lovely people to watch some fantastic video I found. I apologise for the spam and next time, should my brain be all "hey, you know what'll be really funny?", I will fail to comply to the ol' grey matter and instead pour the rest of my coffee on my pants and lobotomize myself with a toothpick.

I love you, whoever you are.

Me.

Game Cry - Batman: AAAARGHam Asylum

2010-11-05T11:38:00.001+10:00

Sometimes I like to rant, this is one of those times.

So I finished Batman:Arkham Asylum, on hard, having found all the collectibles last night. Most people would say that, Batman being a third-person kind-of open world game, this constitutes a completion percentage of around 100%. Nope.

For 100% in this game, you have to finish all of the combat challenges as well. "This is fine", I said, "I'll pound through those challenges tomorrow." Now, I would have to say that after completing the main game and then finding every collectible, I was a little Batman'd out. No, damn, I was way Batman'd out, I just wanted that goddamn platinum trophy.

Then, just then, I started and finished the combat challenges. I didn't complete them, I just gave up. The combat in the game is shitty and then, basing a score-based challenge mode on said shitty combat is even shittier. I have no problems with completing the challenges, that's easy, even without being hit. The problem is that, because of the fact that Batman hard-locks onto the friendly thugs that you're beating the shit out of, you can't get a decent combo up because, in the middle of a solid combo, you'll knock someone out or get to far from the action and then fail to continue the streak because of some bullshit technical fault.

This kind of killed the game for me. I could probably get those challenges done if I wanted to spend an hour or two on all eight of them but I really really don't and probably shouldn't have to.

All devs, go see Assassin's Creed Two's trophies for a list of trophies that are fun to obtain and actually attainable within a decent amount of time. Please please please let me 100% your next entry into this series Rocksteady.

End rant. TLDR: I tried sucking less, it didn't work, here is a tear soaked blog post.

Changing topic briefly. Crytek is trying to get Timesplitters 4 developed. If this notion is buried by the publishers, I will freak out. Straight up, publishers will be receiving pieces of their relatives in the mail.

I love you, whoever you are.

Me.

Why the Extended, Medium-Length Hiatus?

2010-11-02T20:58:00.001+10:00

What's up my Nazgûl? I was going to incorporate my reasons for not posting into my last post, the one about that movie, but doing so would have required me to paginate and chapter that post so I declined my brain's offer to do so.

Mostly, I was snowed in with uni work. Essays and such. Now, this meant that I still had time to post but just didn't want to. Too much typing/time on the computer-machine makes Max shift into procrastination mode i.e.

"Okay, done the post, I think I'll take a short break and then get back to work. Lets just check Joystiq, oh and I gots to get all up in that Screened news, maybe I'll see if my auctions have gone through now then I'll get back to that essay. Actually, I wonder what'll happen if I type in 'List of Unusual Deaths' into googleHOLY SHIT IT'S FOUR AM TWO DAYS FROM WHEN I STARTED DOING THIS!"

As an aside, this is what happens when you type 'List of Unusual Deaths' into google. Beware that link, awesome as it is, it will follow your time as it walks to its car at night and murder it in a back alley. Anyway, while studying, I learned a few new things -

Energy drinks give you energy to engage in activities of interest to you, when studying they merely allow you to be increasingly alert of the fact that you are monumentally tired. By the way, energy drinks are filth and the only reason I chose to imbibe them the other night is because coffee was made unavailable to me. In case you were wondering, I take my coffee black, no sugar.
Uni work is significantly easier if you start it before the day before it is due. I chose to follow this reasoning for my first essay and then start my second the night before it was due at around 11:30. Mainly because I had an energy drink.
Microsoft Word: Mac 2008 would rather me capitalise the word 'Internet'.
The first step is always the hardest and, for me, I hit the wall about three seconds in. There are just other things I'd rather be doing.

Other than uni work I finally got around to moving my pee-ess-three into mine and Mel's bedroom and thus decided to finish older games I haven't managed to complete. At present I've downed Killzone 2 and I'm about halfway through Batman:Arkham Asylum. This occurred because Mel decided that she'd help me buy a sexy new TV as a birthday present. My girlfriend is very accepting of my inherent gamerism. Speaking of, I have now accurately discerned that Mel is some kind of Peggle genius, she's managed to finish a level with one ball, without requiring internet assistance. This blows my mind. If I was a cruder person I'd make a joke about balls and holes here but that's just not what I'm about.

I managed to incorporate her into my love of MBMBaM and the McElroy brothers so much so that's she's going through all the back episodes and has, on at least one occasion relayed to me plans to submit a question. Speaking of, my name is dropped about 15 minutes before the end of the latest episode, apparently Max Jackman requires a pause when said, this is either vastly cool or uncool and I can't decide which. We're also now firmly hooked on The Walking Dead TV adaptation, this show now joins the ranks of Boardwalk Empire as shows we are currently required to pay attention to as soon as they are released. You should too.

Lastly, one of my friends and cousin of Mel, James Tedder is really good at making music and, with my encouragement, has released his first track to the world. I'd probably class his current track as one of the 'ominous, drum and bass' variety. I don't know if you know, but JT's music has been proven to increase productivity and muscle-tone 10-fold, so go listen to it and show some love.

I love you, whoever you are.

Me.

The Social Network, A Review

2010-11-01T23:30:00.002+10:00

So it's been a while, a whole lot of a while. Roughly twelve days, which is a little bit of a while. Last time I decided to blog I think the entire processes life-cycle endured all of twelve days. Also, the content was terrible, really appalling, the opposite of good. So be thankful for what you have and please don't sop reading because I write like an asshole. I love all of my readers with the utmost sincerity so I hope you enjoy this post Kristi and Mel.

Anyway, straight up with the on topic business. I finally had the opportunity to escape to the movies to attend The Social Network, which was released in Australia last Thursday. My opinion as directed at the mad-untimely release of this movie within my fair country isn't exactly an unknown quantity but yeah, shit took ages.

I suggested in that previous post linked for your ease of access up there (^) that the time I've spent waiting has allowed for the film to reach full, monumental, statuesque hard-on capacity which would probably set me up for a let down. It also doesn't help that I've been staring at Jesse Eisenberg's face all up and down metacritic's "New and Notable" section for the better part of a month now. I needed to see this, the wait was uncivilised and difficult.

Damn it was good. I read things about accuracy or inaccuracy, as it were, pertaining to the story but damn, it was just a great film. I think that Fincher's vision for this particular film really amounts to what the story of Facebook was and is, the right idea at the right time. The writing, very Fincher-ian, was punchy and unnervingly funny. Also, Jesse Eisenberg, wow. I think I have a new man crush on yet another actor (I have many). His line delivery and characteristic tics and articulation really made the role.

Justin Timberlake was also great again, something that I stand to hate because I don't like the guy but he forces me to do so anyway. This is Fincher's best work to date, there's no doubt in mine, or anyone's mind, the cinematography is unrivaled, it's captivating to watch, beautiful to look at and it's the best film of this year, unless you really really like horror films from 2008, in which case it's Martyrs. Also, Inception.

Hey, while I'm at it, A note on The Walking Dead (the TV series [based on the comic]), it premiered last night and it's looking to be brilliant. I can't wait to see the next episode, I haven't felt this excited about something involving zombies since Dawn of The Dead (the remake, the original and also, necessary inclusion, Shaun of the Dead). So obtain that shit in a legal fashion.

I'll probably do another post tomorrow, I feel I need to explain why I've been absent and I'm sick of staring at my unpublished blog notes. Those assholes seek only to judge and evaluate my commitment level.

I love you, whoever you are.

Me.

Test

2010-10-20T18:00:00.003+10:00

Test

Dates, Delays and Development

2010-10-18T22:10:00.001+10:00

I've been waiting to see The Social Network for a long damn time. Fun fact: This film was released on the 1st of October in the US, I won't get to see it till October 28. This is a full 27 days. Why? I know I live in Australia and I know it's hard for studios to translate films into Australian, I'm also familiar with the concept that Australia is an unmapped landmass that can only be attributed the title of terra-nullius due it being an uncharted wasteland far far away. Oh shit, wait, it's not the late 1700's, it's late 2010. Why on earth does it take a studio a full 27 days to get a critically lauded, money printer of a film here? Have Sony Pictures not heard of a P2P network? Seriously, seed that shit, get someone to download and distribute it in Australia and give it to me. It cannot be that hard.

I thought studios liked money.

The Hobbit has finally been dated to start filming in February. Now, this film has been in the works since the Lord of The Rings trilogy wrapped, it has had it's fair share of set-backs and problems (read the wiki article) but it will print freaking money. In case you don't read the above linked BBC article regarding The Hobbit's filming date, it states that The Lord of The Rings trilogy made approximately $US3 billion at the box office, at the box office damn it, that's excluding the VHS and DVD releases, the games, the merchandise and other promotions that would have added to the revenue. No wonder they're splitting it in two, just like the latest Harry Potter film. Evidently, they do enjoy money.

In all seriousness though, I don't quite understand why these people are so reluctant to make these products that people want and are vocal about wanting. Especially when said people will gladly pay big cash for the film, the game, the burger and the action figure that says three phrases from the film and interacts with the other figures in the collectible series. I'm kind of explicitly thinking of the Halo and WoW films as well as the Final Fantasy VII remake when I think of this.

All of these products are in some form of developmental stasis and people are asking for them daily. The Square Enix guys and the various studios involved with the on/off Halo film have all spoken about the cost of developing these titles. It breaks my brain when these people say this. They'll make it back in box office sales and merchandising easily and, in the case of Square Enix, if they came out tomorrow and told me they'd updated Final Fantasy VII in no other area than the graphics, I'd pay a full $100 for it. In the case of the WoW film, it seems Sam Raimi, who has signed on to direct, is doing another project first because the script writers can't get a final script together. How long do the fans (myself being one of them) need to wait? Everything is only valid for a certain amount of time. If something's popular and bound to lend to a great experience people will go and see it, I know for sure that I'll see the WoW movie on day one.

I think the wait for The Social Network is going to kill the film for me, my expectations are way too high. Maybe I'll do a belated review.

I love you, whoever you are.

Me.

Mel: My Girlfriend

2010-10-18T21:44:00.002+10:00

I wake up most days and throw my arm to the left because that's where she is. I come home from uni, work or some other daily outing and as soon as I get in the door I hear hurried footsteps, more often than not at a running pace. Then she slips around the corner and jumps at me, pulling me to her with her arms, one around my neck, one my waist. Then I know I'm home.

I've had a few medical issues over the course of this year, nothing serious, a few follow ups, an operation on my lip and surgery on my right hand for carpal tunnel syndrome. She's driven me to each major appointment and waited for me at the hospital and driven me home. I often wonder what she does while she waits for me and I know that, in any case, I'd do the same as her but always I think that there is no-one else on earth who'd be willing to do this for me. We're both saving every coin we earn for a trip to Europe in a month, we've been doing so since the start of the year. As soon as she heard I needed wrist surgery took one of the few shifts she could get (five fortnightly) to drive me to the hospital and back.

At the moment she's sitting next to me, completing an assessment task for her nursing degree. She's using my Razer mouse because she doesn't like using the track pad on her Toshiba laptop, she's wearing my Ben Sherman cardigan because it reminds her of me. Just to her left she has her copy of Pride and Prejudice that I gave her for our anniversary, she's reading my message in the inside cover. She bought a cupcake at uni for me today, it was probably average in taste in reality but delicious to me because it was from her. She leaves me notes on my iPod and on my phone, she sends me text messages all day, emails as well whenever she can't speak to me just so I know she's there. Mostly because we both want to tell each other everything, just as it happens.

Before I met Mel, if I did well at something, if I aced an exam or got a job I'd tell my ma or someone else in my family about it. They don't hear from me as much anymore. I don't think they mind, everyone I know knows that I'm happy to have her.

She studies almost constantly and then she works. She does really well. She'll sit the GAMSAT exam for Australian med school entry this year and she'll pass. She'll go to some Australian University, possibly one outside of Brisbane where we currently live and she'll do really well their as well. She'll graduate and then work as an intern at one of the hospitals in Australia, I don't know which. I do know that I'll be with her all the way though, I don't care what I have to do to follow her where she goes. I'll move jobs, I'll accelerate my degree, I'll pay double the rent to make sure I can be with her.

I'm in love with this girl, I have been for quite some time and I intend to be for a long time to come.

I love you Mel, wherever you are.

Mack. (Me)

PSA: This post was delayed because we needed to get up, hug and then dance while she hummed the music. I did a terrible impression of John Travolta in Pulp Fiction and then we danced.

Firefox... Sigh

2010-10-18T09:12:00.000+10:00

I hate Firefox but I use it anyway. Why? Because I hate all the browsers, just this one the least. Almost everything kills Firefox over time. The Internet, in itself, is the most powerful DoT against the browser. For example, I used to have around 20-30 tabs open at one given time. Now, I know this isn't how browsers are meant to be used, but, in fact, it is, otherwise the feature wouldn't be there.

That huge amount of tabs enabled internet ease as I could have what i wanted there and ready to go and just refresh the page when I needed it. I stopped doing this after a while because, after a certain amount of time, the flash portions of the page would make scrolling a function time-scaled to that of a Lord of The Rings film, extended edition. Even now with my minuscule ten-ish tabs I've had to annex Joystiq and WoW Insider just because they absolutely ruin my internet experience. Now if I want to read the latest gaming headlines without scrolling through an RSS I need to manually open a new tab and then open a new page.

The process is WAY too exhaustive.

I love you, whoever you are.

Me.

Gran Turismo Never

2010-10-15T13:01:00.003+10:00

So Gran Turismo 5 was delayed yet again. Fucker has been in development for over 5 years. I think that every time someone has a new idea at Polyphony Digital everyone in the company is legally required to go home, light some candles and take a nice long bath. I know that the GT series has some level of prestige corresponding to the name and I know that I want the end product of their development cycle but it's a racing game.

What do you do in a racing game? You race other cars along a linear track. There is no free-roam, there is no deep character development or a story with an intricate, twisting plot analogous to some metaphysical journey. I don't care how complex the weather system is, that's a cool feature but if the audience is never going to get a hold of it because it just isn't perfect enough (and nothing is, you can always add and add) maybe we'll just go play Forza, a game that's had three full and well-recieved installments within GT5's development cycle.

In a world where we have the game boat, I think we should be able to have GT5 on time.

I love you, whoever you are.

Me.

Phil The #1 MDLC Groupie

2010-10-15T12:05:00.000+10:00

I have fan feedback. From Phil.Who is the mdlc groupie and super fan, despite anything he says negating this. His feedback reads;

@RerunAway hey guy I see you're back on the twitterers. Your blog bg is enough to give a dog an epileptic seisure. #anddogsarecolourblind

My blog is homogeneous to a pinata. Mainly due to it's ridiculous strobing fit of a colour. Speaking seriously, hit this shit up and you'll be rewarded with delicious delicious contents for brain OMNOMS. Don't judge MDLC just because of it's colour, that's racist.

I spent most of my American Literature lecture yesterday secretively doodling in my note pad, looking up in unsubtly fake recognition at my lecturer every time she wandered past, spouting Ginsberg-ian poetry. I assume I must have looked like some suspicious examinee, covering their work so that no-one else can copy. Anyway, for some reason I decided that I want to make a comic for the web (i.e. a webcomic) revolving around Phil, Eddy and I. As a trio, we are constantly creating ideas for things that won't come to fruition, mostly because of Valve and Blizzard but also for RL reasons like we won't be sharing a house again for at least a few months, also, work.

I hope to do a podcast as well, I have for a long time. I'm a host on the MMGN podcast (I'm a site mod over there) but I have no idea what's going on with that at present. I had an idea a while back for an advice podcast where the questions are taken from yahoo answers, mainly because yahoo answers is almost exclusively a pit of poor grammar, spelling and stupidity. For example: "Im on a problem this two girls are asking me out i seem to prom i only possible accepted the second girl?" Anyway, I'm a long-time listener of the Joystiq Podcast, one of the hosts, Justin McElroy (whom I love like stone fruit) was pimping his other podcast, My Brother, My Brother and Me, which he does with his brothers Travis and Griffin a while back. So naturally, I checked it out (AS SHOULD YOU). Turns out it's exactly my idea but I still want to do it, good things come in twos.

I bought Mel the iPhone version of Peggle yesterday and she's better at it than I am and also addicted. She's at that 'Just one more' stage of game addiction, I love this. Apparently Julie and Julia did more than instill me with blogitude because we cooked Boef Bourguignon and Coq Au Vin just then for dinner tonight. She was in charge of the beef, myself the chicken, mostly because I refuse to ingest red meat (fake-a-tarian). The fun in cooking Coq Au Vin is in the name. She asked me to fix up the mushrooms while she was witnessing a simulation resuscitation at uni. I told her to suck my Coq Au Vin.

I love you, whoever you are.

Me.

My Downloadable Contents

MDLCritique: The Dark Knight Rises

Internet Superheroes - #4 - Exact Calculus

Me & My Tinfoil Hat: Osama Bin Laden's Death Edition

Internet Superheroes - #3 - Shrek's Wonder Paste

Happy Chocolatemas

Internet Superheroes - #2 - It's My Cool

PSA: The Death of the Handheld

iTunes is very hard to work with - here is the podcast art because it won't work elsewhere.

Internet Superheroes - #1

Safer Internet Day

A Picture

I Will Return...

Gran Turismo 5 - A Response to Reviews/Feedback

A Reply to A Tweet

Pac-Man Pops Pills

Procrastabatman, Also, An Apology

Game Cry - Batman: AAAARGHam Asylum

Why the Extended, Medium-Length Hiatus?

The Social Network, A Review

Test

Dates, Delays and Development

Mel: My Girlfriend

Firefox... *Sigh*

Gran Turismo Never

Phil The #1 MDLC Groupie

Firefox... Sigh