Experiences of Life

Caring ! Have I lost my real self In process to self-love ?

2020-11-09T14:23:00.004+05:30

What makes someone hard-hearted? Maybe they grew up with “hard” parents who never showed love or affection. They could've had difficult circumstances throughout life and developed a shell to avoid any further hurt or critique. Perhaps they feel unloved and unwanted and therefore need to shield themselves from anything that could be hurtful. Or they could be brainwashed—i.e., affiliated with a religious group or political party that teaches people not to think for themselves, and instead adopt and continually validate a certain viewpoint.

Being the soft-hearted one can be a difficult burden to bear. In many cases, the harder person is also a narcissist; very self-involved and self-interested. You might try and get them to care somehow by crying, or ranting, or yelling or threatening, and they will merely say, “Stop attacking me” or “Stop your haranguing." They are masterful at deflecting, and in your vain attempts to get them to care, you will often find that they turn it on you and make you the difficult one.

You have probably heard or read the research on the different roles people can play in relationships: a giver, taker, or matcher. Givers, well, they give a lot. Takers take a lot, and matchers try and keep score of the give and take.

When it comes to caring, the people most likely to be there for you when you need them are, of course, the givers. They are the ones in life who can never do enough for those in need. Unfortunately, in many cases, they are attracted to takers: “That person really needs me,” so they get stuck in a relationship where all they do is give to their own emotional and physical exhaustion.

But what I am trying to explain here is in regards to myself. I am not the one who just gives or just takes but someone who does care but cares in a way which probably to many just might not sound or feel caring enough. I am not the one who will call you and ask to find out are you back home
, unless the time I think you should be back you are not. Does it makes sense ?.

Let me try another way. There are three types of people in this world. One: Who absolutely does not care. Two: Who do a lot. Three (my type): We Love you. We care for you but we will probably won't show the way the 2nd type actually feels we should. It's not that we do not try but it is something that is based on trust, a little carefree attitude and not building a little cage.

Is it wrong for a Person of TYPE 2 to go out with TYPE 3, probably NOT . I am just trying to analyze myself in regards to my encounter with TYPE 2 . Before that I was with TYPE 1 who actually did not bother after a while and when I started to become TYPE 2 , I was told things. Example - A) Stop being possessive. B) Do not treat me like a child . C) You never did this before. D) It's just too much of information to give.

On one hand I was confused as what I am doing was wrong but on the other, I had little idea as what exactly she meant. All I wanted to know was,"how is she as I cared about her well-being." What can you do if you have found yourself in a relationship where you have done everything you think you can to make your partner care and they just simply don’t respond, or worse, they accuse you of being the problem because you “won’t leave them alone?"

Your giving nature is admirable and has probably helped more people than you can count, but you need to take care of yourself and stop trying to change someone who doesn’t want to change. Leopards are born leopards and won’t change their spots. You can ignore their behaviour, stop being hurt by their actions, and turn your attention to something that really matters. But what actually happened to me in the process is that I feel I have lost my real self who cared and have become who cares less anyway. It is absolutely something I don't want about myself and trying each day to become the same as I was.

Please Consider this When dealing with me :

1) If you choose to stay, forgive me as a person for being so hard-hearted and see that I am missing out on the best part of life: the love of others, and compassion. Try and see what sadness and emptiness have led me to this. Do consider the hurt this person must have had to be so angry and empty toward others. I am aware of who I am and I am working on myself each day to be a better version of myself and with each second of our relationship.

2) Being with me initially in this phase you might get hurt. So, find support elsewhere. The wonderful thing about being a soft-hearted giver is that other people usually want to be around you. They know your friendly spirit and your genuine care for others. My family and friend is where you can pour out your soft heart and have people who appreciate you and support you for it. I will join the gang eventually. Please do wait for a little!

3) Embrace your soft heart. A soft-hearted giver can often be left feeling they are the weak one, or the stupid one. In fact, the hard-hearted seem to enjoy treating the soft-hearted like they have no smarts. Know that you are smart. You are probably very intuitive and sincere. These are the qualities that, if all human beings espoused them, would make this world a very different place to live in!

I will be with you in all this and accept all that has happened in this due course. To all the plans and all the moments which we believe we can have, I will make it happen. Hopefully, you will be the one who understands and have this level of patience. The last one changed me a lot and took away my smile and jokes and in-return gave this shield on heart. But I assure you , a little effort and love will pierce it through .

Am I scared .....

2020-10-27T02:50:00.006+05:30

Its 1:30 AM and I have somehow managed to calm it down but it really is not the way.

Am I scared? Scared to be in a new relationship. To be with someone again. To love someone the way I did in the past by literally dancing each day as it going to be no tomorrow.

I really don't know if I am scared. But am I worried! Maybe I am. I am a little worried that my own self will jeopardize this new seed I have sown even before it has become into a small little plant. Growing it into a giant tree who will give me lifelong of riped fruit will be nothing but just a distant dream. I am worried about that.

I lost myself earlier because I loved someone more than myself and today when I learned to love myself back, I just completely forgot the balance in a relationship which needs to be maintained. I know her likes, I know her dislikes but still, somehow I say it and realise in that swift second back that I have made a mistake but the point is, what you have said, it cannot be taken back. I remember I was never like this and even in my work, I am still not like this but what has started happening to me is something I just cannot figure out.

I guess, the fear to not make old mistakes of losing myself is leading me to commit all the new ones and ruining my chances to be with this new girl by the hour. God knows, how honest I am and have been with her but this just might cripple it and eventually, kill it. It will be as suicide but unless she has the patience and I work on myself to keep her the priority as she has done with me, it just might happen.

I will have nobody but myself to blame but how fast can I make my self better. Will she wait long enough?

Its been 5 months, she has been dealing with my crap and has been a big influence in getting my sanity back but am I doing justice with her ??. Why will and how long a girl will wait for a man to be normal. I try each day to do it and to fall head over heels for her but I just somehow stop myself from doing it. It's a self-defence mechanism maybe which makes me do these little things to annoy her and make us fight. Until I am like 100% sure that she is the one now and I it's all done and dusted in an official way, maybe that is what is holding me back. I am worried to not get hurt again. Not Love again and fall down in the vale of shadows.

I remember her things but I still sometimes mess up :

LIKES: CHILLY CHICKEN, PIZZA

DRINKS: VODKA

HATES: BANANA , WHISKEY

GREAT CHEF, SUPER HARD WORKER and has WEDNESDAY as the worst day of the week IN HER OFFICE.

Apart from this, I remember a whole lot more but I just skip it sometimes and the love for football has also come into shooting range. I have skipped the entire prioritizing factor and this actually will hit any girl hard unless she loves football as well. Not just game, other times as well it just skips my mind. Am I careless - USUALLY. Do I do it forever - NO. How did it start - I REALLY FUCKING DONT KNOW.

I hope she understands and sees the good person in me who can love her like crazy and care about her little things in time. I hope she stays, I hope she gets it . The logic is less but its some special shit in brain to which I cannot explain. I am really not. a bad guy but yes, I do get carried away when I am having fun these days and balancing the act to someone on phone, just finding it a little difficult. I do realise it and even send whatever I can but sometimes, the timing ruins it.

But on the flip side, remembering the person you desire in the middle of your football game and when you are out, is also because she is in your thought. Calling and texting back consistently also counts in my dictionary. I guess, maybe I am just too difficult one to be loved the way I do it with little coming back.

Will my habit to forget things which are really a problem to sensitive people ever get fine . I do not know. Sometimes, I remember things from centuries-old and sometimes I forget things from yesterday. Is it me or is it with every man? For that .....

YES, I am scared. Maybe I still need time to recover. Maybe I just don't seem serious enough to many.

Rage

2020-10-22T13:47:00.006+05:30

Just another angry rant to release my anger. Written in Oct2019. This all actually came true on 1st Nov. approx. time was 10:40AM. One of the biggest mistakes I made was to believe that I will fill the void she has from her past relationships and Childhood. Some people just fear when they see too much love around and just can't accept that it's all true.

This is also the time when I was diagnosed with "situational depression". The term I had never heard before. It took months of self-healing and sessions before I became normal. From Aug2019-Nov2019, I went through several therapy sessions to move from it. I can never forget the amazing people who helped me understand the situation and the person I was dealing with. They made me even better than I was before I met her. It was only through this, I could open to my parents and people around me to talk and find a way to end it. Toxic people have toxicity all around them. Them having similar friends, similar parents is not a big deal. The only way to win with a Toxic Person is to not play at all.

As I sit in my corner and think about your lies,

I have nothing else to do but break down and cry.

You knew it would end,

You knew it would die,

You knew one day we'd have to say goodbye.

You told me you loved me,

You told me you cared,

But the rage inside has slowly flared.

The moments we shared replay in my head,

Along with all the sweet lies you said.

You thought it was a game,

You thought you'd win,

But in the end, you felt nothing within.

Deep down inside there was a big empty space

That I now realize you couldn't replace.

Something about you helped me see

That without love I'm finally free.

Free from pain,

Free from lies,

Free from having tear-filled eyes.

Without your love I finally see

All the horrid things you've come to be.

Love you More than my Hometown

2020-10-20T13:52:00.009+05:30

First attempt at writing a song . Its a message to the girl who /if will come next .

The way you have a best friend, I want us to be,

Our families will be routing for us like we are a home team

Most likely to say, "yes" and settle down.

Listen and don't frown.

Make a Family and grow some Plants around

But we can't stop hearing all those strange world sounds

And livin' our real lives is what we are really bound.

This will sound fair

I know that you are scared and nervous for all people and lights

I don't blame you for your immediate stress up and literally loss of sight

At the same time your bags are packed up and you are ready to go

But I just need you to know

I promise to love you more than I do my Favorite Football Club,

Love you more than the chilled beer at the pub,

Love you more than any other thing I have it around.

How does that sound ?

Will Love you more than I do to my bed

or Mark Walberg does to TED

More than you love Beer when you aren't 21 yet

I love you more than I do anything around

Will love you more than I do my hometown.

I want you to do.

But Promise you will stay till the end of the time

And tell me each day I am yours and You are mine.

Baby , Cuz' I can't do this again

This will be one last and last time

Cuz my head won't stop spinnin' around

I am an old school and can't run away or change like that

My heart still aches and sometimes I still cry lying flat

The Last one was a liar and a cheater

Hang on these words and help me forget 'em

If you still not in it then Pick your keys and get leavin'

But in case you stay, I want you to know

Love you more than a Chef loves to cook

Love you more than the Guy loves the Girl at the end of the book

Love you more than any other thing I have it around.

Will Love you more than I do my hometown.

Dreamin' - New Love

2020-10-19T16:15:00.002+05:30

You can call

, you can call on me,

You can fall, you can fall on me,

A little bit annoying but make everything going,

It's just the way I am and I am what I am doing.

Thirty Four, spinning all through town.

Sometimes windows up, sometimes down.

It is a sure fun ride with me on your right,

Not worried about nothin' nor worried about daylight

Soon we will hit the Hills,

The drive will be an absolute Thrill

And you look great in your dress of frills

The long days and long nights,

we will sit by and watch fireflies,

Music playlist playin' through Bluetooth

And stars above as our roof

I can pretty much get used to this

Dreamin each day of nothin' and soaking up the summer

Only & Only if you are Up for it from Moonlight to Sunshine

Fraud, Liar , Cheater

2020-10-17T15:13:00.002+05:30

Would you care if we quit talking?

Would you care if I went walking?

I need to know how you feel

So I know how to deal.

I like it when you're by my side.

I hate it when you try to hide

All the cheating and the lies

Bring me one step closer to saying goodbye.

I know fraud is a fact

because I've caught you and family in the act.

I wish did not have trust in you,

but it's kinda hard when I busted you.

Seems to me you wouldn't care

even if I weren't there.

I always wonder who you're with,

maybe friends or searching for another dick.

I'm not saying I don't believe you.

Too many people have told me to leave you,

but you were everything to me,

which is why

I always wanted us to be.

Believing you may be a mistake,

but it's a risk I was willing to take.

You lied from 1st day to the last,

I got to know 4 days into marriage but I did not cast.

I gave all I could but you were the one who was stuck in the past

Never let the air come and help our relationship mast.

I blame you and you all alone, you can frown

You are the only one who did not care and the reason our ship drowned.

Thinking

2020-10-15T15:54:00.002+05:30

I have been thinking about this lately

Old Memories drive me crazy

How Morning Kiss and Hug kept me going all-day

Working great and Making Hay

Wishing you were here to stay

Smiling having your LIT each day

How we did what we did and looked Cool

People thought we are doing it just right

Nobody knew how each day we did internal fight

This would lead to something big I had an insight

But I was pretty much unaware of your might

Knowing and still being played

You Tried to made me leave but I stayed

The times were hard , making me crazy

But I dint wanted to give-up on us baby

But each day you were enjoying and I was barely breathing

Praying to someone I never did before

Your good days were my worst

I stayed awake and you had no trouble sleeping

Things happen for a reason I told myself

Don't devote to someone unless you love yourself

They say they Love you but move out

Lie , cheat and eventually knock you down .

I am happy it ended and ended quickly

Suffering was too much and it wasn't melancholy

You could not move from past lover nor accept me

I thought you have and added you to our family tree

Good its over , life would have been ruined

I can find love again and be whole soon .

Difficult People

2020-10-07T16:11:00.002+05:30

Team play has come a long way and is here to stay. The management gurus all over the world would have you forever pretense that getting along with your colleagues and bosses runs in your blood. But let's be honest honey, how congenial can you be with everyone around at the workplace? There tend to be those whom you find difficult, and where despite your best intentions, you simply can't get along. Your problem could be a client frequently using foul language, a constantly monitoring boss, a lazy team-member, or even an accurately depressed coworker. So, how do you tackle the difficulty?

Step One, Change your perception. Don't call these people difficult, call them a challenge; your grave situation will suddenly become invigorating. You tune your mind positively and find a solution.

Now, prepare to listen to your challenges. Seek to understand their personality traits like why they want to work to be done in a particular manner, how they visualize a project etc. If you truly understand the other person, often you will see a solution in the challenge or will have empathy for them and not feel as threatened. Check yourself from saying a revolting"NO". As you understand their intentions better, try being fair to their judgments and ask yourself what is actually stopping you from doing things the way they want it. If you can't come up with a great rationale, try following their course of actions, you might just happen to like it.

Still, find it tough? Relax. Question yourself what is that you do not like in the situation. Be specific. Focus on the problem and not the person. Don't fret the small stuff. It is not a crime to have a constant running nose or slurp tea loudly, even if that irritates you no end. Just for fun, try accepting people around you the way they are. Resign from being the general manager of the world, let people be as get are. Stop controlling and your life will become much easier and simpler. If you can come this far, the rest of the march should be much easier for you since you have already broken initial resistance. Ask"what about this person or situation is good".

There will always be something about everyone and every situation that is positive and you can be pleasantly surprised. Try to find out how could you solve this challenge or how could dealing with this person be good.

However, when everything fails, avoid the situation. Often someone might tough for you to communicate with or be challenging to deal with but someone else might deal with them easily. Can it be better if somebody else was dealing with it? If your answer is yes, perhaps you can spend your time and energy somewhere else.

I dealt with very similar personality in my personal life . No Matter what you do , in their eyes you always did wrong and can never be good enough . I kept trying as the "Be Positive" approach kept me going but after 11 months of absolute insanity , I decided one day with a very heavy heart that enough is enough and its going to be much better to stay alone and walk-away than being together and feeling miserable. Some individuals are scared of people getting close to them due to self in-securities from past relationships or sad no parent listening to them childhoods. You can try but can't help them if they aren't willing to help themselves. Cried, felt sad but in the end , head held high and did the right thing rather than being in it getting used for good.

Bottom Line: If you find it hard to tackle difficult people then there is no need to stay disturbed. Keep your Mental peace and walk away.

DIL SAB JAANTA THA MERA

2020-09-30T15:06:00.002+05:30

Dil sab jaanta tha mera ,

Mohabbat karta tha isliye khamosh rehta tha.

Jo bina darr haath thama karti thi ,

Woh phone ab duur ja akele sunti hai

Muhjse sach kehna keh k ,khud jhooth bola karti hai

Andha nai chup tha , shayad samaj jaaye yehi khud ko kehta tha.

Uska waqt hi mera tohfa tha

Par woh hoke bhi naa tha

Kyunki meri tarah Dil se nai woh sirf dimag se chalta tha.

Fir maine toka,roka aur samjhaya bhi

Apne pyaar ka waasta deh manaya bhi

Lekin woh nikal chuka tha apni duniya ki aur

Manah k mera mazak woh muskuriya bhi.

Beizzat sehte sehte maan liya maine ek din

Shayad aadat daalne padegi rehne tumbin

Ussdin maine sab chohd diya

Sirf Khud se hi naata johd liya

Woh khush hokar darwaze tak aaya , aage kar haath milaya

Uss muskaan ko dekh muhje bot rona aaya ,

Teri gali nai aaunga yeh waada kiya khudse

Tohd diye woh bandhan joh baandhe the usse

Fir bhi umeed thi woh bulayega

Samaj aate hi muhjpe haq jatayega

Fir khaya dhoka iss dil ne, dimag ki kahi naa sunke

Dekh k bhi undekha kiya

Dil sab jaanta tha mera ,

Mohabbat karta tha isliye khamosh rehta tha.

Milan without You

2020-09-22T13:52:00.001+05:30

I remember writing this in Last December. Dec2019 when I got to know that I will be heading to Europe and will be visiting France, Switzerland, and Italy on a Business trip. This is just 3 months after I took a call to walk away from a toxic relationship. Milan was so desired to be visited by her, so some lines describing my feelings when I heard that I would be visiting it .....without her.

It's been 3 months since I saw you

Just Insta feeds here and there

No chance to tell you what I got dear

The chance to do the things from our bucket list

For you and me which I knew you just can't resist

I know you would get super angry after hearing this

But I am going to Europe in the Jan winter Mist

Roaming the Tourist shops around the ancient town

Drinking Beer and eating Gelato will make you frown

I know you would die to be here

So I won't be posting pictures just to be clear

I feel so guilty for not sharing

But the steps you took and have gone so far away

I am sad but I would like to say

I will be seeing Milan without you

Everything there will make me miss you

Seeing Lovers holding Hands in the alley

To Couple Retreats in the higher Valley

Your desire to ride through the Euro Rail

Will have to do it and also take the Mountain Trail

If you find out I know you will pray for it to derail

I feel so guilty for not sharing

But the steps you took and have gone so far away

I am sad but I would like to say

I will be seeing Milan without you

Hold Me .

2020-09-02T22:50:00.011+05:30

Isn't it strange I still long to call you,

Isn't it strange I feel that I need you,

How much I have missed love,

How farther it has gone away.

Since you came I have started breathing again

The way you wait for me each night

I wish I could run to you.

You know we can't be far, for too long .

You from me and Me from You.

Heart don't fail me now

Cause there is no time to waste

Don't shut me out, we shouldn't wait another day

I've waited for this way too long with my heart on a high-speed chase,

Hear me out, hear me out loud,

This might be my last chance to say,

Hold me hold me now, I have said in every possible way

Got Looted

2020-08-28T23:58:00.003+05:30

She came into my life like a streak of bright light

A bad day would turn into good with just her sight

I would talk all evening and she would listen to the random plans I made

This was all done in the evening walk we took every day by the lake

I thought I have found the one as I was so happy

Found the love I thought I never will

Saved me from this arranged marriage drill

Then I asked her the question and she said YES

I remember looking at the heaven and feeling God Blessed

Soon the parents met and agreed

The date and time was decided of our creed

We married and I thought I have my love

Only to realize it was not and we are not two doves.

8th day into marriage I cried

I knew the mistake has been made and it can't be undone no matter how hard I tried

I still told myself it's ok, Make your Love to feel her better this way

I had an idea her past fears and love for the past lover has awakened

When she did not share feelings and looked at me with eyes distend

I tried to love her to the best I could

she tried to stay away from all that she would

Her Planning must have started 8 months or so into it

As that is when I started feeling the hit of it

Slowly she drifted away and pretended during intimacy

I know that was all her need and kept intricacy

Then one day even that stopped

I knew the day is getting closer to our final resort

She then one day said it and knew I would not accept it

I tried, cried, begged tried reasoning but nothing I did could make it right

She wanted me to leave as she had made the mistake of getting married

She was not meant for it and could not bare someone asking her,"what time is it ?"

She rubbed the salt by saying I am a great guy

But not meant for her and the only way to be with her was to be a boy toy.

I then decided to step up and leave the house

As I had enough playing cat and mouse.

That is when true colors showed up

She took everything from Gold, Bed to Tabletop

I had married a narcissist and a gold digger

And every move I made only did her trigger

She took all I had and left me with nothing

Even kept my favorite Bluetooth speaker

I am ashamed of myself I picked her

Picked her to be my better half

If I knew, I wouldn't even keep her in my staff

The Bitch looted my mind, money, heart, and soul.

EMPATHY with the NARCISSIT

2020-07-12T14:02:00.000+05:30

This word is pretty much which sums my emotional state. And I can actually go on to admit that I am slightly above average empathetic person and a little less than over empathetic. Is it the right balance ?.

Yes for all and absolutely no if you are with a narcissistic individual. Somehow, I have always felt that everyone in life deserves a second chance and if you love them, care for them enough; they will change and will become better and will be responsive to your efforts.

But sadly, this is not the case with the narcissist. On one hand, you being empathetic and want to make the other feel free and set absolutely no boundaries for them to see, "Look, love is not that bad and you can be as you always wanted. And someone is there for you, who will not leave you. Everrr". They think the other way around. They will become that bad toddler and will make you cry and push every single boundary line you thought they will never. It's not them, it's you who is at fault because THEY will never change.

I as an individual have always thought that GIVING, FEELING, and being PRESENT is the crux of any relationship and I believe I am right if you are in a relationship with a normal healthy person but not to a Narcissist. I have been guilty of giving 2nd,3rd,4th,5th,50th chance and still giving myself an excuse on the basis of some back-up story she narrated or I thought it might have happened. Trying to use my love and care to heal the narcissist and make it better.

I could have never believed before this that Love, Care, Compassion, feelings cannot make an individual change and get in love with you or with people in general. Once she saw this, I will do whatever it takes and she just kept hurting me more, more and more with each passing day. I will not lie that I did not see the red flags but I would say that I ignore them thinking I can make her alright and get this relationship back on track. I was trying day-in-day-out without thinking about myself as I only had one thing in my mind but then the dynamic changed when she started doing the same to my family members. This action of hers made me realize and question myself as to what the hell I am doing and what was she doing to me.

Her negative behavior towards my family shook me and only seeing them getting hurt, opened my eyes. I used to have a feeling of guilt but then I did all I could to save it. But this was far beyond the point of healthy. Someone as empathetic as me which I realized after this incident, will get attracted to such broken individuals just like a moth does it to the flame without realizing the damage it can cause to self.

My knowledge was learned over a period of time and accepting that yes, she is like that and she will remain like that and you cannot do anything about it. If you have the power to change anyone, it's just yourself and nobody else. I got wisen up and finally, I rested my case and stood up for my own self-respect and walked away forever. I still remember the day when I asked her for the last time that if we can work on it again and if she thinks we have even a 1% chance. She straight away said, 'NO" and to make it worse forwarded her right hand to shake hands. It was like, the deal is done, thanks for participating and all this with a smile on her face.

I walked down from the floor to my car and I remember how I burst into tears that, 'whom the **** did I marry?." That is the moment when I told myself, this is it and now you will not turn back. I blocked her from all my social media handles and left that house never to return to her or to that place. She knew what it will do to me, how it will affect my health but she did not call or message that day, week, or even month. I hope she learns it as what she has done and what she has lost.

For the one reading this, I hope you never meet such a person.

Life taught me a lesson and all this activity has made me stronger, wiser and most importantly I have improved and worked on my personal development. The Guy who hated reading reads. The guy who hated writing, writes his journal, The Guy who never knew about savings, invests. The day she said to my face "you don't exist for me anymore and I do not love you ." killed something inside of me or should I say, a part of me died. And for someone who has been scarred, weathered and even died a little came back to life , there is absolutely nothing that can scare him off .

For the new girl who will come one day, I hope she has a heart. I hope she can love me back and I am a far more interesting guy than I was before. So, she will definitely have an awesome time and tales to hear .

Feel Like I Am

2020-06-10T00:33:00.001+05:30

Hey, just need to tell you something that just can't wait
Maybe you'll leave or maybe you'll stay
But hey, I have been hurting badly for many days
How to say

Where is the time when our love did not care about anything

Be it the world affairs or boring office tinglings
With you, said, you feel like I am

I felt the same you made me feel I am

Hey, won't you come with me from New Delhi to Mumbai?
Hey, we'll play aga bai and dance from moonlight to sunrise
And maybe we'll stream Lucy million times in one day
Be on our way

But, how things change
And how the days keep ticking away
And how I wish that you were with me today
'Cause I'd give anything to do it again
Oh, how you changed

Forgot the promises you made

Even to be there when the light fades

I felt nice even in your shadow's shade

But Love for Money was the trade you made.

With you, said, you feel like I am

I felt the same you made me feel I am

Finding My Way

2020-06-09T23:57:00.001+05:30

I thought I have been spending my time
Lost and wasting precious life
But when I looked into your eyes
I thought I am found and found my way
Yeah, we both messed up a little too much
But since when small fights led to a loss of touch
I thought marriage makes you find your ways

Being a Couple one never get strays

You cheated, lied said no love no more

I tried all I could but you had drifted into the sea and I was on the shore

I finally learned from the mistake I made

Giving you love and asking same was not a fair trade

You wanted more than that

Rupees, dollars, pounds whichever is fat

I was lost once but now I am back to my senses

Leaving you behind and moving forward is a newfound Intelligence.

She wants money

2020-05-31T12:39:00.001+05:30

She is or will soon see another and will act so sweet
You wanna try, wallet is her only treat.
She wants money,
She wants money, she wants money
Yeah, just money

She shows shes independent and walks all alone
She acts so sweet, she makes it known
She wants company but stays all alone

She wants money
She wants money,
She wants money

She wants money, quick change
She wants money, you just might be in her range.
She has it all planned,You wont feel it
She will lie and you still want to believe it
She has her clan in this scheme
She will stab and swim in your bloodstream

She wants money, oh she
She wants money, she wants money
She wants money . In the end she just wanted money....

Narc Lover

2020-05-31T10:55:00.002+05:30

The girl was so shy when I met her

made me go gaga and she said my smile melted her

Taking one step at a time the journey began

with love bombing feeling divine

every morning I promised myself it has to be her and only her as my sunshine.

From dates to kisses to fogging mirrors in my car

I felt I am the moon and she is my only star

Then I decided to push the bar

married her and brought her home so that we are never ever far

Few months into it I started feeling it

when she accused me of not treating her right

I asked her to sit and talk to me straight

she refused and led her father through

The man who made everything worse

both of them treated me so bad and had no remorse

soon it became a silent treatment for the crime unknown

Death of relationship became inevitably known

Then came the time when she said love is no more

Leave the house and shut the door

I tried tried but love cant be forced

So accepted it after 8 months when I could not take it no more

One day I got a call from the guard , she vacated the house

Everything is gone and taken by your spouse

Down to furniture , my clothes my underwear

When you don't want me stay, why did you dare

Even then she was not happy and put it all on me

Shaming, insulting and throwing me in more misery

Finally, they all came to talk at my home

Thinking we will break him and take him back to our dome

But this time it was not meant to be

The lover had got back to his normal be

It took them by surprise how he is not on his knees

Crying , weeping , begging saying please

He held his head high and said it out loud

I only gave her what was she desired and I have no doubt

Let me be free from this toxic soul

Who has weathered , cracked ,broken and made me crawl

They left with crocodile tears

As the plan failed and it was the fear

But then the real them came out

Nobody knew they were this ego stout

Give us the money give us the money

Its all they desired

I have to buy my freedom or stay undesired

Pain is not knowing her family is this way

The list came from her and that left me in dismay

Hurt

2020-05-04T13:30:00.002+05:30

And it all comes down, like the tumbling blocks,
killing me softly everyday by doing silent talk,
All that we are falls to a thousand pieces
Caving in my lungs, when you do this to me.
And I don't know why you seem so distance and anxious
After what you've done, all that we've been through
Seems your wandering heart drifted to foreign places
Caving in my lungs as you almost take some name
I don't understand, tell me am I dreaming?

And as we meet the end, you sing me a silent song,again.
It echoes in my head, screams I'm not the one anymore or never,
I lived for you and I
Is this how we say goodbye

Hurt me most when you lied & cheated
Felt joy when hurting the one loved you
Each day plan to get away and hurt the one
To be with one , unknown
I lived for you and I
Is this how we say goodbye

One Thing Right . ( wrong)

2020-05-01T16:49:00.000+05:30

I've have been cheated and I've been lied
I've have been broken down and I've cried
I've got nothing to hide no more
I've loved and got hurt
Broken and broken down with words
More grace than I deserved, for sure

Known to be crazy, known to be wild
Mama had to suffer a little devilish child
Ain't no stranger to the troubles at my door

I've been at the wrong place at the wrong time
Chasin' all the wrong things most of my life
Been every kinda lost that you can't find
But thought I got one thing right
One thing right, you.

I've been wrong about a million times
But I got one thing right, I really thought I got one thing right.You ! (wrong again)

What's done is done

2020-04-25T14:19:00.001+05:30

I can hear it in the silence In a world that’s chaotic, 'Cause I cant Live without the one, And I’d die if I had to It’s taking me over.
Like rain in the sun I don’t understand it But what’s done is done.
So I run to potion when the tears won’t stop Nothing else to do when I’m falling in deep depths It’s taking me over And my war is won
As now I cant and
wont undone .
'Cause What’s done is done .

It’s like your heart is an ocean
In the waves I am floating,
'Cause your voice is the echo
In the valleys of my soul
It’s taking me over
Like rain in the sun
I don’t understand it
But what’s done is done
So I run to potion when the tears won’t stop Nothing else to do when I’m falling in deep depths It’s taking me over And my war is won
As now I cant and wont undone What’s done is done

The Abusive Women .

2019-09-25T00:36:00.001+05:30

Why does she act this way? Why does she treat me like this? Why did she say that? Why can’t she be nice? Why? Why? Why?

The short answer is: Because she’s crazy. You’ll makeyourself crazy if you try to find meaning in her meaningless and casually cruel behaviors. Most of us try to understand the world in which we live to varying degrees. It’s human nature to search for meaning, particularly when there’s no ready explanation for certain phenomena.

Its been over good 2 long years , I am trying just to be friends with this girl I love and married but sometimes I think she knows I am trying to hard and is good for a day but then next she behaves like that ultra bitch. How hard it can be to be nice to somebody who is nice to you ?? This is why this article is here.

We go to therapy, we pray, we meditate and we conduct scientific research to try to understand why. I believe a life without meaning isn’t worth living but, sometimes, in certain situations and with certain people, there is no greater meaning to be found other than they just. . . suck.

When your wife or girlfriend treats you badly, you want to understand why. You ask yourself:

Is she having a bad day?
Did you do something wrong?
What can you do differently?
Maybe she doesn’t realize the way she’s treating you is hurtful and if you tell her she’ll stop?

These are good questions to ask if you’re involved with an emotionally healthy and grounded woman. However, if you’re involved with an emotionally abusive bully/professional victim, aNarcissist a Borderline or another abuse prone personality type, asking the above questions will get you nowhere. In fact, if you try to discuss these matters with her, she’ll probably blame you and become more abusive, which will make you feel more confused and a little nuts.

The bottom line is YOU CAN’T REASON WITH A CRAZY PERSON. Emotionally abusive women want to control you and they do it by making you feel bad. That’s all the “meaning” there is to be found.

Psychology has created diagnostic labels to identify and make sense of the full spectrum of crazy behaviors of emotionally abusive people. Some explanations for their behavior include biological bases, early childhood trauma/abuse or that their behavior is learned.

At best, these explanations are inadequate. At their worst, these explanations give bullies and emotional predators a free pass to treat others like crap, usually without any consequences. She had a tough childhood, so you have to be patient with her. She was abused by a family member, so you have to forgive, tolerate and learn how NOT to trigger her crazy and hurtful side. Give me a break.

I have a tremendous amount of sympathy for children who are actively being abused. However, I’ve zero sympathy for adults with abuse histories who have grown up to abuse other adults, their children and won’t take responsibility for their behaviors because “they have problems.” That “why” just doesn’t fly.

There are lots of men who had troubled childhoods and don’t believe the rules of society apply to them. Many of them end up in jail. Women with similarly bad childhoods and equally bad adult behaviors are generally protected, enabled, and occasionally rewarded by Psychology and the legal system. It’s a double standard.

For example, your wife goes off on a tear, screaming obscenities at you and your children. Instead of saying, “that’s not ok,” you and your kids feel bad about upsetting her and try to figure out how to make her happy—often with the help of a therapist. * This is a separate topic, but if there are child(ren) involved, what are you teaching them about adult relationships? That it’s ok to abuse others to get your rocks off, because you’re upset or to get what you want?

Instead of protecting yourself from the crazy person, the emotional predator, and the bully; you protect her and serve yourself up on a platter. You can try to understand this. You can try to make meaning out of it, but what does it solve? She’s still crazy and hurtful. Do the reasons “why” really matter?

Instead, ask yourself WHY you’re compelled to understand this woman and her crazy behavior. Why are you compelled to stay in this relationship? What does it mean about you if you can’t get this woman to be kind to you? Understand your own reasons for being in this relationship and then decide if this is how you want to spend the rest of your life .

I WISH SHE READS THIS ...

--- perfect words

2013-12-16T13:15:00.002+05:30

Down in the dirt,
With your blood on my hands.
I blacked out,
But now I do understand,
That you were too good,
For this world so you left it.
Everything turned red,
And then you made an exit.
I don't even know,

If it was your time.

But like all good things,
That pass you by,
Just like a lost soul,
In the time of need.
It made me grow up fast,
And put some blood on my knees.
And you don't even know
It's beyond you.
Thinking you could never die,
Like you're bulletproof.
So I guess you had to leave,
You were born with wings.
But you were never happy,
'Til the angels sing.

Hanged

2011-08-02T13:28:00.002+05:30

I cannot hold this anymore . This is such stupid feeling.I feel,I am sick; emotionally handicapped.My hands are tired of only waiting to let go,
And I am waiting...still . Knowing its over, you are not here,not in this world.But,what is one suppose to do when he had thought of nothing but that 1 in you.
I used to know which way to turn, You were a light inside a tunnel in my head .You taught and stood by me at every fall. I try to follow...still

It's not hard to see you even now. All I do is close my eyes and you are right in front of me. And when I find you, you just turn around .This is a black and white of you I've found, You hang me up and then pull down .In dream that day you said,let go now.But you know, We would have been older now.And I think you are right and this time I have decided and cemented the thought inside.

No more apologies from me,My arms are tired of picking up what I put down,You're all I think of...still.I'm gonna miss you everyday and I miss now but I will turn my back on anyone who won't believe. And it gets lonely...still .

I get lost sometimes though,in our world.Memories still brings smile on my face when I am walking alone or lonely. Another year flies by,But I know if I want to see you ,memories of the light in your eyes even in dream can take me back in time .
I don't hear our music anymore or even the CD's you gave. My ears are tired of all the pictures in the words, Cause you are in them...still . I still don't understand why you asked to let go,hanged me up and left.

Friends for life-NO MARRIAGE

2011-07-22T11:54:00.003+05:30

A man and a women can understand each other and be friends for life without relationship culminating into marriage. This what I feel and I read in this new research . Can men and women be only good friends ? or is Every cross gender super close friendship a potential sexual relationship ? The answer is not'they can' but they must ! If men and women work together,party,play and travel and generally co-exist together then they must learn to understand each other.

Both Genders have identical fears but do differ in perspective and outlook. Some of the Points I have come across from researches I read are :

-I was recently reading this article,SAPADIN wrote against a study in 1988. He asked 150 Men and women what they liked and disliked in cross sex friendship.While 62 percent of both sexes said,sexual tension was present,most men replied that sexual attraction was the prime reason for initiating friendship .Women on the other hand completely disliked sexual tension.

-This is a mans world,you agree or don't agree. Even in today's culture where men have been more equal to women,male dominance,prestige and dominance is something both have to deal with.

-In a culture not yet fully ready for cross gender friendship,the friendly couple maybe barraged with teasing,nudging,winking,scepticism and disbelief.This brings unnecessary controversy into play and even possible break up or distance.

-There are distinct differences,no doubt but men seem to benefit far more then cross gender friendships.Women spend most of the time discussing thoughts and feelings. men on the other hand discuss shares,cricket,investments.Rarely,do men friends share personal feelings.This is clear plus that men gain from women friends.

-Male Female friendship is women type of friendship.It largely involves one-on-one talking and sharing,and men never or hardly enjoy this with male counterparts. This is one of the prime reasons why men prefer more sharing with women.

We also feel scared inside to share with our close mates. As crying or bringing out emotions to some is not manly,but its nothing like that. Friends are friends,few stand by while others will just curse more and give you that extra drink. Women can only understand women is also the reason why discussing with them is easier,better and it feels nice when one women abuse other with such adjectives and simplicity.

Shave

2011-06-20T13:37:00.003+05:30

Sorry ladies, I know you guys love to shave but this tip isn’t for you, unless of course you have a hairy face… or you’ve ever dreamt of getting out of a hot steamy shower with your man and shaving his face for him. In that case… read on (and try to resemble the woman on the right – and by that I mean be standing in front of tiles)!

I have noticed lately, after struggling for years with pimples and facial acne that one quick, easy, daily routine has led to much healthier skin in general and seems to be preventing large outbreaks like I used to have. That thing?

Shaving Every Day!

That’s right. I never used to shave every day. In fact, I would go as long as I possibly could NOT shaving. I would do this for a few reasons: shaving is a pain in the ass (I mean to do it right you have to shower, then prep, have shaving cream, a nice razor, and then a good aftershave lotion, and then cuddle afterwards – pain in the ass I know!), it takes time (and I can be lazy), and I like a scruffy look (I do have a baby face – but I don’t write songs).

So I wouldn’t shave. And I noticed, every time I DID shave, it would irritate my skin, and enhance any puss mountains on my mug.

But, for whatever reason over the last couple of months, I decided that I would shave every day. After the jog every evening I take a shower, step out, and immediately lather up and slowly shave my face. And guess what? My skin problems quickly went away. No more skin irritation, far fewer pimples, and a generally healthier extra white EDWARD CULLEN complexion. So before we get to the tips let me explain:

Why Shaving Every Day Is The Way to Go:

You Grow Your Hair Back Much Faster (and I measure my personal self-worth through the speed in which my stubble stumbles back)
Your Face Skin Feels Nicer – The abrasive action of the razor against your skin sloughs off dead skin, causing healthier, battle-ready skin to the surface. I know what you’re thinking slough is a term that is only used when writing about skin care. I agree.

It Looks & Feels Good – A 5 o’clock shadow, or Executive Close Beard (as I like to call it) is nice once in a while, but it could scrape your love interest(s) as you go in for a kiss.For GF issues...other articles are down below.

It Reminds You of Babies – I constantly need to be reminded of what a baby’s bottom feels like (ohh not you?) well, if you want that fresh baby butt feeling, shave your cheeks more often – your top cheeks that is.
Shaving Tips

Shave Every Day (see list above if you MUST be convinced)
Shave Immediately After a Shower – There is no better time, the water and steam has softened your skin and facial hair and mowing that garden will be much easier if the grass ain’t too stiff

Use a Good Shaving Cream – Get that shit lathered up nicely with hot water. I use the sensitive skin stuff – because I’m strong AND sensitive! But seriously, it does help to relieve razor burn.Don't buy creams which gets you girls in ads.Bad stuff.

Use a Good Post Shave Gel – Again, helps alleviate razor burn and restore your skin’s natural luster. That sounds good doesn’t it… but isn’t luster usually used to describe coins and metal objects?

Only Shave Down – This is a personal choice, but for me, my razor shaves close enough with one or two swoops DOWN. No need to go against the grain and anger the facial beard gods.

Keep Your Blade Clean and Dry – After every stroke, rinse your blade in hot water and repeat. When you’re done dry the blade and put it in the little carrying case they come in. This helps further dry it out. All of this combined works to make the blade last longer,I feel it does.

If The Blade Pulls Your Hair Toss It – Much like women, if it gets in your way, you need to punch it in the razor neck and throw it’s body in the trash can. In all seriousness, do not struggle with an old blade, it’s time to move on, cut your losses, accept your differences, and throw it out (I’m crying as I write this) and grab a new blade if it doesn’t smoothly cut your man lawn (aka stubble). Speaking of “mowing your man lawn“:

Manscape Your Man Lawn – AKA Mow The Lawn – use your own blade and your own way to mow your own beard garden. We can once in a while go 2 beard gardner but its nice if you learn all the techniques and mow it yourself. You know,home gardens are best gardens .

Enough now, Go and Shave !!