My Grubby Halo

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, STITCH

2013-09-25T17:09:00.001-05:00

Well, I really don't call him Stitch too much anymore. He's still My Mason, though.

I was working at the preschool, still in the classroom then, with a couple of awesome ladies. I had one monstrous cycle in November-Decemberish, and was pretty sure I was having another round of bursting cysts (ever experienced that crap? Not fun). My friend Sherronda was driving one of our students home about a month later, and the little girl fell asleep. When her mother got her from Sherronda, she opened her sleepy little eyes and said, "Ms. Angie's having a baby."

Cue Twilight Zone theme.

We laughed it off, just like we laughed off my bloated belly ("I can't poop!"), my constant hunger and exhaustion, and my concurrent bad moods. Then came the night I was online trying to find stretchy-waisted pants to get me through that awkward non-poopy period, when every search brought up maternity pants. Again and again, maternity pants, no matter what key words I used.

Do do do do. . .

So, I peed on a stick and BAM, instant blue lines. Like, I wasn't even finished peeing and it was showing positive.

8 months later, we finally got our boy. Our beautiful, brilliant little boy, with the gorgeous dimples and big chocolatey eyes. This is Mason Austin, named for the line of bricklayers and Freemasons on my mother's side of the family, and for my little brother Austin.

Today, Mason is 6. He's still a baby to me, although he's in kindergarten, and his teachers all brag about his smart he is, how helpful and mannerly and sweet. I know better. He's a mama's boy and a rotten little brother who hides in his sisters' rooms and tattles daily. He cries and whines and screams. He laughs and sings and dances and loves Power Rangers, Spiderman, Doctor Who, and Supernatural. He's already reading chapter books and he can recall whole conversations that I wish we hadn't had. He's My Mason and I wouldn't change a thing about him.

TURN AND FACE THE STRANGE

2013-07-24T15:40:00.001-05:00

Been a while, ain't it?

I've been thinking, and apparently, this whole "be yourself" and "say what you're thinking" and "nevermind what others think of you" deal just doesn't work for me. Seriously, it has gotten me pretty much no where. Changes need to be made, and the easiest place to start would be here, where no one really goes anyway.

Maybe it's a sign of maturity (doubt it) but looking back on old posts I'm a little blushy about all the "language" I used. I still think words are words and that people who get offended by cuss words are kinda idiotic (really, there are worse things out there), but I do tend to overuse.

I also fuss a lot about stupid people. Can they really help it? Does it really need to be pointed out? It doesn't do anything but 1. make them feel bad, or 2. make them angry, or 3. set them up to deny it and put them on a defensive strike to try and make me/others feel bad/angry. So there's no point. In most cases, just let stupid people be stupid.

Man, about 3 this morning I was writing this in my head and had so much more to say. I knew I should've gotten up then.

Now, I'm not committing figurative suicide here--I'm still me, I'm not letting another persona take over, nothing like that. I'm just trying out a few new things in simple attempts to live better. At work, this includes keeping quiet AT ALL TIMES (since giving advice when prompted has before gotten me in trouble), having a more positive goal-setting method (with the kids as well as myself and the program), and socializing less (yep, that'll be a good thing, according to superiors). Outside of work, it entails cleanliness by way of thinking, speaking, and living. . .but, you know, with dirty jokes and Netflix and occasional junk food binges and beer.

I can't give up everything at once, get real.

HARRY POTTER PARTY PT.3--HONEYDUKES BUFFET

2013-05-28T23:05:00.000-05:00

It ain't a Harry party without Honeydukes!

Gummi Worms--these went quicker than anything else

Mini candy bars=Dementor Relief

Take Home Bags--plain white paper sacks, with the
Honeydukes tags
printed on large sticky labels and cut to size

Dumbledore's favorite---oh, my poor little fangirl heart, DUMBLEDOOOOOOOORE!

Chex's "Muddy Buddies" recipe
labeled as "Sirius Black's Puppy Chow"
This was 2 batches, roughly 20oz of cereal, plus all the yum
The kids barely touched it. That night, the Big Munky found Tater and I had
dug into it

. . .and consequently passed out on the comedown

Got froggy molds from Amazon.com for, like, $6
LeNell Chandler made them with melting chocolates and candy eyes

These were a pain in the ass to find out of season--again, it was Amazon to the rescue
Candy Apple, or Fall Flavors candy corn, for "Werewolf Fangs"

Another Amazon find--a box of 48 for less than $12

A buttload of different jelly beans, with a couple of boxes of real
Bertie Botts' thrown in for "flavor"

Ran out of time to do this right--Dum Dum suckers and Pop Rocks
for the "Acid Pops"

Cupcake cake, made by the awesome Carrie Sestina (fresh out of the hospital and STILL
MADE A CRAPTON OF CUPCAKES--what a woman, right?!) who also did the cake last year

Printable/editable labels, recipes, and great ideas can be found here
Printable signs can be found at this site
This page has a ton of ideas as well.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, PRINCESS!

2013-05-22T22:18:00.002-05:00

I was 18 when I found out I was 3 months pregnant with the Princess. Things didn't start off too great, but we'll skip all the drama and get right to the day she was born, in May of 2002. It was hours before dawn when we checked into the hospital, and I was there all day afterwards hooked up to a Morphine pump, so I don't remember what kind of day it was.

What I do remember, besides blurred faces of visitors in and out of the room and begging them to take me off the pump and pull out the evil catheter, was that Anistyn was so tiny, so dark, and already so alert. . .her eyes wandered and focused over and over again, like she was silently taking it all in.

She was the perfect baby, I thought, having had no previous exposure to babies. She got fat quick, got smart even quicker, and laughed all the stinkin time.

We'll skip over more drama, that of her toddler-grade school years. I had many proud mama moments, and she made me so happy, but the biggest memories of that time have to deal with her "issues" coming to a head and running rampant.

Tomorrow, she will be 11. ELEVEN. She's half grown. She's an inch shorter than me. She's wearing bras. She's shaving her legs (well, no--I'm shaving her legs. I'm crazy, but not crazy enough to give her a freakin razor) and doing her nails and gettin all girly and crap. She's made friends and draws a lot and makes her own comic books. She sings, and plays piano and soccer. She does daily chores to earn phone minutes every night. She's so damn grown. I get so sad thinking about it, and her going to middle school in August. . .crap. Here, let's just go to pictures.

The purple-haired Princess

First day of preschool
"I'm too cool for this crap"

Attempting a "Care Bear Stare" to get out of trouble

The first time she scared the hell out of me--fell out of her "big girl bed" the very first night she slept in it,
3 stitches. The scar and consequent bald spot remain.

Santa was not very bright that year

Using my fabric scraps to make her own Barbie clothes.

With the awesome Ms. Rachel

First day of fifth grade--seems like forever ago.

I think she may be a little excited about this.

5th grade graduation and awards ceremony. She was the only kid in her class to get straight A's all year, and had the most Accelerated Reader points (thanks mainly to the Harry Potter books).

I hate that my computer is jacked up--that's where a crapload of pictures are. These are just the ones on the Big Munky's laptop.

Oh well.

Happy Birthday, munky-butt, you drive me nuts--but, I guess that's your job. I love you and am amazed at all you're able to do.

HARRY POTTER PARTY, PT 2--THE SIGNS

2013-05-22T18:36:00.000-05:00

FREEEEEEEE, YEAH.

This still makes me giggle.

Had to get an 11-yr-old to get these so I didn't feel weird putting up signs and taking pictures in a boys' bathroom.

Anyway, it says "Entrance to the Ministry of Magic."
Side note: boys are gross.

The "Platform." I taped gray butcher paper to a cinder-block wall and used a Sharpie to trace the lines. The 9 and 10 were simply printed out with Word, cut into ovals, and laminated. This is the entrance to the rink itself, where everyone hid for the surprise.

"Password?"

"Myrtle was here" written with a dry-erase marker in the girls' bathroom. I'm not sure if anyone got it.
And DANG, that shirt is NOT flattering.

To download free fonts like Lumos and Harry P, among others, check out http://www.mugglenet.com/downloads/fonts/index.shtml

To print out ready-made signs, books, and other fun stuffs, click
http://dirtandsunshine.com/harry-potter-party.html

HARRY POTTER PARTY, PT 1--INVITATIONS

2013-05-21T07:56:00.000-05:00

So the Princess is turning 11 this month, and is a huge Harry fan (hehheh). Since birthday 11 is such a big part of the Potterverse, I wanted to do something special. Somewhere along the line, I got a wild hair up my ass to throw her a surprise party.

It turned out freakin awesome.

First, the invitations. I looked around, hit up Pinterest, and got some ideas, but nothing I found was "just right." So, I made up this masterpiece:

For text:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1aRWdsEhPFqlE3qdaDR1qPSfT5YqS0ufhUNgnlks87q4/edit

This was done in green Blackadder font, centered, with the Hogwarts crest at the top, and printed on old-lookin paper (http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B004XG64ZW/ref=oh_details_o03_s00_i00?ie=UTF8&psc=1)

Then I folded them using this nifty little tutorial:
http://www.wikihow.com/Make-a-Note-into-an-Envelope

and sealed them with a pretty red H, made by a friend on her Silhouette cutter. I tried to use a stamp and wax, but the results suuuuuucked. The vinyl H's were much easier and quicker.

I asked the Princess' homeroom and chorus teachers to sneak them to the kids, and to threaten them with their lives if they let the secret slip.

I also mailed invites to the cast of the movies, and J.K. Rowling, with this letter included:

"Anistyn is my daughter, an extremely smart little girl with autism. Her condition is pretty fascinating, and includes severe emotional melt-downs, self-centered ideals, and an intense focus on books—including the Harry Potter series.

Anistyn and I don’t always get along so well—we have very few interests in common, and there’s little room for negotiation when it comes to her own interests. When she began reading Harry Potter, I read each book right after her. This opened up a subject we could both lose ourselves in, and it gave us something we could finally talk about, something we could connect with. We’ve read all the books, seen all the movies, and can finally have actual discussions, instead of our usual one-of-us-speaks-and-the-other-pretends-to-be-interested charade.

Anistyn is my oldest child, and I hate that we have such a difficult relationship. I will be forever grateful for all of those involved with the Harry Potter franchise for giving me a way to reach my child, for giving us this stepping stone that has led to other small victories (she now listens to my book suggestions—it may not seem like a big thing, but to us, it’s pretty awesome). Every little bit of growth is amazing, and you can’t imagine the difference a story like HP can make in a family.

Anistyn is turning 11 this May. Pretty big birthday, right? I’m planning a surprise party for her, and, of course, it’s Harry Potter themed. If you could, Anistyn would be tickled absolutely pink to receive a little piece of Hogwarts. As much as you’ve been a part of something that’s helped our relationship immensely, I hate to ask for more, but, hey—we’re kinda on a roll here. I figured I’d try my luck a little more."

Ms. Rowling's assistant or somethin replied with a nice letter--and not an instant, generic reply, either, but one addressing what I'd written about--with pictures and bookmarks. I was pretty impressed.

Part 2 of this little series thingy will be the signs I made. Hopefully it'll be up tomorrow.

HAPPY BIRFDAY, TATER!!!

2013-02-17T19:14:00.000-06:00

Tater was born in the midst of tragedy. In April of 2005 the Big Munky and I tried for Baby #2, really hoping for a boy. In May, the night before the Princess' 3rd birthday party, I grabbed part of an extension cord that had the wires exposed and was laying in wet grass. Ouch.

The next few days I bled, but nothing hurt so I wasn't worried--all the forums and message boards and whatnot said that some bleeding early on in pregnancy is normal, so we went on with life. My first doctor's visit came, and I got all excited to see our little munky on the ultrasound monitor. . .but there was nothing there. Absolutely nothing.

My bloodwork still showed the hormones, but over the next couple of days it was checked again and again to find that it was dropping dramatically. I was told that the hormone would show up in small amounts for the next 6 weeks or so.

A couple of months later, my baby cousin (well, not so much a baby at 19, but always a baby to us) Mischa Jo passed away. She'd fought a long, hard battle with cystic fibrosis. That was a hard shot to our family,

Then the Big Munky's closest cousin committed suicide. Though I didn't know him well, it hit Munky pretty hard and seeing him try to move forward and be stoic

I started working at the preschool that August.

So it turned out that I was pregnant the whole time. Except for a week, I was preggers for a year. Nuts. This time, the pregnancy was great. I craved potatoes every day, and my friend Des would often call local eateries to see who had tater soup ready to deliver for lunch. Thus, we called her Tater and have ever since.

In January, my little brother Austin Lavelle passed away from Wilson's Disease--something he'd had since birth that no one had ever caught.

Then, in February, Tater was born--this beautiful, chunky little munky that couldn't've been more perfect. We named her Ashby Joelle, her middle name a combination of my cousin and brother's. She nursed without a problem, slept just fine, and loved being swaddled and cuddled and loved. With her arrival, things started coming back together. She was our family's saving grace and I cannot imagine how things would've turned out had she not come along.

She's always been my "mini-me." In appearance, temper, personality, humor, empathy, and the dirty looks we give idiots, she is like my clone. That's pretty cool.

Today, Tater is 7. That's hard to fathom, because she will always be that chunky little baby with the curly pigtails and hilarious Muppet laugh. Happy Birthday, baby girl, you are more special than you will ever realize.

AGAIN WITH THE BAD PICTURES

2012-11-27T18:09:00.000-06:00

This time, it's mainly my fault for being lazy and not putting too much effort into setting up--it was a "hey, y'all stand right there and freakin smile" kind of thing.

INAPPROPRIATE AND AWESOME

2012-09-14T20:55:00.000-05:00

So I was eating lunch with some co-workers the other day, and one (we'll refer to as Chim Chim because that's just cute) was stressing over her mother's diagnosis of dementia and what they're going through. Other ladies began to tell horrid stories of their own families' struggles with different relatives and such. It was sad as hell. Chim Chim was quietly listening, her head lowered, and I was getting desperate to make her smile, to lighten things up, to just stop the sad.

So I did what I do best, and got inappropriate.

"When I was a kid, my mom took a part-time job at a nursing home. She used to take me as punishment. Then she quit and I took her position." I left out the part about my first day, when I locked myself in the back office and bawled my ass off. I couldn't deal with shit like that, so I decided to make it awesome. "I had soooo much fun with those folks. One dude thought he was a mobster, and some lady thought I was sleeping with her husband. It was like the ultimate pretend game."

Chim Chim looked up and said, "Angie, I wish I could do that." Before I could ask, "What? Play pretend? We can, dude--you be Luke and I'll be Yoda and you can give me piggyback rides down the hall to the potty" she said, "I wish I could just . . . embrace life like you do."

I nearly choked. I've never had anyone put my lack of social graces in such a kind light before. And I've never thought of myself as one to embrace anything besides the toilet after too much drinky drink.

And she smiled again.

That felt awesome.

So I leave you with this: Be kind, be happy, be crazy, be inappropriate, be awesome.
It ain't that hard.

That's what she said.

WE ARE JUST NOT A PHOTOGENIC BUNCH

2012-09-08T20:09:00.004-05:00

So Stitch has an "All About Me" assignment due Monday, which requires a family picture. Pretty sadly, I realized we don't freakin have one. So. . .we tried.

The Big Munky looks like a big tard.

I look confuzzled.

Stitch looks terrified.

Princess looks derpy.

Tater looks like she wants to eat your soul. I look like I'd let her.

Again with the Big Munky

I give up.

Good enough.

BLUEBERRY BUCKLE

2012-06-30T17:50:00.000-05:00

AKA, "ginormous muffin with streusel topping."

So last week we took the brood on a little field trip to a local orchard and set em to work in the fields.

And I did a lil pickin myself

So we went home with an assload of peaches and blueberries.

What the hell is a girl supposed to do with an assload of peaches and blueberries?!

Well, there's homemade granola with the berries, and sweet tea with the peaches. . .hmmm. . .on to Facebook and Foodgawker!

The Big Munky's wonderfully good-natured and humorous cousin (whom I share my name with, which makes her doubly awesome) gave a recipe for peach cobbler. I've never actually seen cobbler up close, and was initially pretty against cooked fruit, but I thought what the hell. But, since I can't follow any directions (I'm a rebel, yo) I did some other crap to it that I can't really remember--and it still turned out pretty damn good. Good enough that all 3 of the kids and Big Munky ate it, and that it didn't last a day.

Sweet.

Then I found a recipe for Blueberry Buckle. I'd never heard of it, so it registered as "weird as hell," and I was, of course, intrigued.

Again, Angified the snot out of the thing, but kept notes as I did so. It was awesome, too, and tasted just like a blueberry muffin.

And, again, it didn't last a day.

Sugar--1 cup white
1/2 cup brown
Shortening--1/4 cup
Egg
Flour--2 cups
Baking powder
Salt
Blueberries
Cinnamon
Butter
Vanilla

Mix 3/4 cup sugar, 1/4 cup shortenin, and 1 egg.

Separately mix 1 2/3 cup flour, 2 tsp baking powder, and 1/2 tsp salt

Grab 3/4 cup milk.

Alternating the milk and first mix, add into the flour mix and stir well.

Stir in 2 cups of blueberries.

Pour into pan.

Topping:
1/4 white sugar
1/2 cup brown sugar
1/3 cup flour
1/4 cup melted butter
1 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp vanilla

Mix and pour over top of cake.
Bake at 375 for 25-30 minutes.

Freakin YUM.

PINTEREST WINS AND FAILS

2012-06-21T19:44:00.000-05:00

Source: foodgal.com via Angie on Pinterest

Microwaving potato slices to make chips? Yep. It was pretty good, too.
WIN.

Source: lifecraftsandwhatever.blogspot.com via Angie on Pinterest

Hot vinegar mixed with Dawn blue, sprayed onto bathtub. Leave for 30-45 minutes, then wipe off. THIS TOTALLY WORKED. No scrubbing required.
FREAKIN WIN.

Source: onegoodthingbyjillee.com via Angie on Pinterest

Using oils to wash your face--I tried, I did, but damn, that crap takes too long. I don't have time to spread this junk on, and then just sit with a rag on my face, every freakin night.
MEH.

Source: onegoodthingbyjillee.com via Angie on Pinterest

Make a paste of peroxide and baking soda, let sit, and everything magically wipes off. I call bullshit on this one. I let it sit for an hour, then 2 hours, then overnight. . .this "magic" paste did absolutely nothing.
FAIL.

Source: thesmallthingsblog.com via Angie on Pinterest

Faux shellac nails--I don't usually paint my nails, because they pretty much automatically start chipping and look like crap. But this shit? 5 days, yo. 5 days before the first little chip showed.
WIN.

NO 'POO? NO, THANKS.

2012-06-21T19:19:00.000-05:00

So I've seen all this hype about how natural shampoo is soooo much better than commercial brands. You know what? It's crap.

And I don't really get why they call it "no 'poo." I mean, it's still shampoo, it's just not store-bought, sooo. . .yeah.

Anyway.

I tried

this one http://bathnbody.craftgossip.com/diy-homemade-shampoo-2/2011/02/07/

and this one http://budgetsavingmom.com/2011/04/11/cheap-easy-diy-shampoo-and-conditioner/

and this one, too http://onjustacoupleacres.blogspot.com/2011/04/all-natural-hair-care.html

And they all suck.

Every one said to give it a couple of weeks. I gave it 5 before I got fed up. My hair (longish, thick as hell, and wavy/curly) was nasty from day 1.

There's no lather, so I really didn't feel like I was washing a damn thing.

It doesn't smell good.

It left a funky film/residue covering my hair and head, no matter how many rinses I gave it.

I couldn't freakin comb my wet hair.

I couldn't freakin brush my dry hair.

I kept it pulled up all the time because leaving it down made it look like I'd doused myself with bacon grease.

When I pulled it down, it stayed in place.

NASTY.

So I went back to my trusty ole cheapy Tresemme. The first time I washed, my knees went weak. The lather! The smell! The awesome way the comb went through my hair! I LOVE CHEMICALS AND I AIN'T ASHAMED TO SAY IT!

Screw you, no 'poo.

BOOKSTEPS

2012-06-18T00:59:00.001-05:00

If I had steps--and one day I will, dammit--this would definitely be a must-do. My stairs would have:

The Neverending Story
Go the Fuck to Sleep
Good Omens
The Thief of Always
Catch-22
Wicked
Peter Pan
Through the Looking Glass
Harvest Home
Jane Eyre
The Oz Chronicles
Miss Peregine's Home for Peculiar Children
The Season of Passage
Triggerfish Twist
Catching Fire
Lady

What would yours have?

SUPER HEALTHY, SUPER YUMMY, SUPER EASY HOMEMADE GRANOLA

2012-06-06T01:58:00.002-05:00

You heard me.

Preheat oven to 325.

In bigass bowl, mix:

4 cups instant or quick oats
1/4 c unsalted sunflower seeds
1/4 c slivered almonds
1/4 c flax seed
1 tbsp cinnamon

In seperate bowl, mix:

3/4 c olive oil
3/4 c honey
2 teaspoons blue agave (opt)
2 teaspoons vanilla

Pour wet mix over dry mix and. . .well, mix. Make sure everything gets coated well.

Spread out into roasting pan, or two baking sheets, and bake for 10 minutes. Stir and bake for 10 more minutes. Remove from heat and allow to cool completely. Throw some dried fruit in that bitch and you got some good shit for breakfast or snackin.

*Play with it, mix and match--sub in any nuts or spice, throw in some brown sugar, use different oils, whatever. Let me know how it turns out for ya.

WE'RE ALL MAD HERE

2012-05-30T20:55:00.000-05:00

So I've always harbored this little crush on teapots, but never really acted on it. When I was little, I had a small wicker table and chairs set, with a glass top, that always had a mini porcelain tea service set up. I loved that shit.

I prefer tea to any other non-alcoholic drink. Out here when you say "tea" everyone hears "iced tea" or "sweet tea," and that's partly what I mean. But I love some good old fashioned tea tea.

The kind that comes from this stuff:

Wait, what? No. That's nasty. Who can drink from someone's nose?! That ain't tea, that's snot.

THIS stuff:

And y'all know "I'm A Little Teapot" was written about me, right?

But all I've got to work with is a cheapy kettle from Wal-Mart and an awesomely aesthetic plum teapot from Amazon. That's all fine and good, I guess, but I like things to match and coordinate.

Also, I have yet to have "real" tea. But that's not really an issue. I'm perfectly content with Starbucks inexpensive Tazo line. Throw some honey in that shiznit and it is yummy.

But really I love the pots (heh). Some I'd love to have:

WHAT THE UTTER FUCK?!

No, I wouldn't be able to use her, but C'MON, it's MRS. FREAKIN POTTS!

WHY I LOVE JACK BLACK

2012-05-29T03:10:00.001-05:00

He's humble.

He's good with kids.

He totally "gets" autism.

He's patriotic.

He's romantic.

He makes sense.

He looks out for the little people.

He's very wise.

He's a freakin panda.

Really, who doesn't love pandas?

I could go on, but it's three in the mo'nin and I'm startin to feel a bit lay-downish, so here's one last reason:

HE'S STINKIN HILARIOUS.

BRAAAAAAAAINS

2012-05-14T15:57:00.000-05:00

Of which I have little.

Having run low on options to combat the Princess' steady tantrums and general attitude problem, I carted her off to the neurologist again today. On our first couple of visits over a year ago, as well as hearing the Doc speak at an autism conference last spring, I was a bit uncomfortable with her. She seemed to be too sure of herself, and a bit condescending, and quick to say (after 5 minutes of seeing my child), "She doesn't have autism."

Something has changed, though. When we spoke today, she seemed to listen more, and asked more questions, and was pretty eager to try something new. She went through what we could do, and laid out a timeline of treatments and such. She also drew me diagrams and charts on the exam table paper and didn't tease or anything when I tore the paper off to keep.

And this may not sit well with most parents, and it may not make sense to a lot of you, but I loved that she spoke to me, and not to the Princess. It's like she already knew that that line of questioning would be pointless. Oh, she didn't ignore her by any means---the Doc was very side-eyed observant, if that makes sense. But for the most part, the Princess was allowed to explore the room and sit and tic all she wanted.

Previously, we've tried Fluoxetine to try to calm her tics, and Strattera to help her focus. Neither did shit. Now we're onto a Ritalin-like stimulant, since she showcases so many ADHD symptoms (and, apparently, so do I, as the Doc subtly suggested I get myself tested and treated as well). She also referred us to a psychologist for a more in-depth evaluation. That's awesome. I love evaluations. Big ole packets of paper with lists and scores and assessments and stuff? I live for that shit.

I'm always eager to find what professionals think of my kids. I don't know why. Maybe it's confirmation? All 3 are just so interesting to me, with their huge personalities and funny quirks. Teachers must dread IEP meetings with me---I've been known to attend hours-long meetings over the Princess. There's always something to be said.

I know, I'm weird. No need to say it, everyone's told me before. But this weirdo makes awesome kids.

DIY SALT SCRUB

2012-05-08T23:04:00.001-05:00

1 cup salt (or sugar for a less abrasive scrub, for you softies) Dead Sea salt is supposed to be the miracle, all-healing salt, but I haven't been to Israel in a minute so I had to settle
1/2 cup coconut oil
scented oil of your choice (I used a fragrance oil Moonlight Path-type, because that's the best smell on freakin earth)

Melt the oil in the microwave for about 20 seconds and give it a good stirrin. Mix it up with the salt or sugar in a bowl, then add your oil. I don't know how much, I just poured it real quick, but I'd say about a teaspoon or so. Less, of course, if you don't like big smells. Once I was out of oil and used a few squeezes of lotion. I imagine you could use shower gel, too.

It's hard to judge the smell at this point. The first time I made this, I was all, "Crap, this just smells like hot coconut." Even in the shower, that's all I could smell. But when I dried off. . . it was alllll Moonlight Path and it was awesome.

Have at it. Let me know if there's a certain scent you prefer.

TEA TANNING AND COCOA STAINING

2012-04-16T22:04:00.000-05:00

. . .otherwise known as, "Pinterest Makes Us Think We Don't Need Wal-Mart anymore."

The Pin: "Healthy tea tan- steep 4 bags black tea in 2 cups water for 15 minutes. Shower and exfoliate, then spray or sponge mixture onto dry skin. Repeat for darker shades. Lasts 3-4 days."

Alright, let's try that shit.

My pasty ass legs, before

After 2 "coats." I used a spray bottle to apply.

2 more coats, and another towel, 'cause that first one's pretty much ruined

Okay, so after an hour and some minutes of this junk, there ain't much of a difference in color. I had a space heater on me the whole time, but still, that crap was COLD. On the upside, it did even out my skin tone quite a bit, and my legs feel a bit firmer. I think.

The same pin linked to a blog that also had instructions for a bronzer---mixing cocoa powder with lotion and applying. That was streaky as hell, buuuuuut

Hey, lookie there---somewhat of a tan!

And you know what? I SMELL FREAKIN DELICIOUS.

So, if I try this again, I'm using way more tea and the sponge method. And more towels, because this is a big honkin mess.

UPCYCLED COAT HANGER THINGY

2012-04-01T12:51:00.000-05:00

So we had this little 3-hook hangy thing that we never hanged.

And then the kids busted out that middle frame.

But it was too handy to get rid of, so I glued a cute file folder and some pictures onto it and made it into the kids' dropoff station, right by the front door and under a calendar.

I also added some oversized thumbtacks for jackets. Mama likey.

WISDOM TEEFS

2012-03-31T21:40:00.002-05:00

GONE.

I've been under full sedation twice in my life. The first time, I was about 4 years old, and had to have my front teeth removed. The 2nd was Wednesday and I had to have all 4 wisdom teefs cut and pulled and broken and yanked out.

Not cool.

One thing that is cool, though?--realizing I could be a stand-in for David Della Rocco. As ugly as I was leaving the dentist, this made me snort:

Yeah, not pretty at all. And anemic-pasty to boot.

Then, the next day, this:

My busted-ass face and blood vessels, because I'm a genius and put ice-packs directly on my skin. But, hey, see how the swelling's gone down? Yeah. Like a boss.

Easy Curls for Super Straight Hair

2012-03-10T00:17:00.000-06:00

I've tried just about every method for curling my girls' hair--which is straight and baby fine, almost the total opposite of my own nappy locks--and nothing held longer than a few minutes.

Until. . .

http://punkynmunky.blogspot.com/2008/08/curly-hair-for-day.html

AND IT FREAKIN WORKED.

Check it:

Take damp hair, divide into sections, and twist the hell out of each section. Twist the hair around itself, tuck the ends in at the scalp, and secure loosely with little elastics. Sleep on it, and, in the mornin--TA HONKIN DA Y'ALL:

This method did what no heat style, or even a hairdresser, has ever been able to accomplish. I scrunched it up and spritzed on some curl-enhancing hairspray, and that shit held allllll day.

Mommy likey.

GOOFY X3

2012-02-28T16:08:00.001-06:00

Anyone else out there get this much entertainment at the carwash?

Another Take on Hummus

2012-02-20T16:09:00.000-06:00

This is more a traditional recipe, with an Angie kick.

1 can chickpeas/garbanzo beans, drained and rinsed, keeping 1/4 cup juice set aside
2 tablespoons tahini paste (Kroger, y'all)
2 tablespoons lemon juice

Throw all that in a processor, sprinkle with a bit of chili powder, garlic salt, and cumin, and blend well. Scoop it our into a bowl and drizzle with generous amount of honey. Tastes awesome with blue corn tortillas.