My Hope Fulfilled

I Still Choose You

2012-02-28T23:30:00.004-05:00

Remember when I fell in love with the Civil Wars? I went ahead and bought their entire album (only $8 on iTunes, and there is also a free EP on their website).

Don't they look like The Nester and Johnny Depp together? Hahaha, what a funny combination that would be.

Their breakout hit, Poison and Wine, was featured on Grey's Anatomy. The song is intriguing. Apparently, a few people with marriage experience got together in a room and hashed out all the painfully honest truths of marriage, and out of that time, Poison and Wine was birthed (read the story here). As I watched the Poison and Wine music video over and over again, one line kept sticking out to me.

I don't have a choice, but I still choose you.

To me, this is one of the most encapsulating lyrics that summarizes the beauty and struggle of marriage.

It reminds me of the first married fight Herb and I had. As we talked things through, I found myself thinking, "This is great, we're married now, so we'll have to fix this!" The security that marriage brought gave me so much hope and confidence.

However, by the next time a situation arose between us, my attitude had grown slightly more sarcastic, "This is just great, we have to fix this."

I used to feel like "choosing to love" seemed so unromantic.

Now I know we are human. We are flawed. We are prone to wander. We will sin.

But ultimately, we made a commitment. It is a covenant between Herb, God, and I. I do not have the option of opting out of this. I have no choice in the matter. I must do everything in my power to honor my husband and my God.

But yet, everyday, I am still choosing Herb. Choosing to work through issues. Choosing to put each other's needs above our own. To stand together in riches and poverty. Walking hand in hand in sickness and health.

Everyday choosing that for better or worse, it's us.

And still, years later, deliriously happy with my decision.

Heard Around Our Parts

2012-02-28T22:21:00.000-05:00

I'm not purposely on a blogging hiatus, but somehow it's happened. So, in a last ditch effort to just blog about SOMETHING, I've come up with some of the funnier things that have happened around here lately. Enjoy.

*************************************************************

Herb (while picking music for church): I think I'm going to do "I Could Sing of Your Love Forever..."
Me: Eh, really?
Herb: ...but do it, really, forever.

*************************************************************

Me: Levi, you peed on the potty! Next time we'll try to get it actually in the potty.

(Preposition confusion comes easily for 18 month olds.)

*************************************************************

Herb (in his sleep) starts punching the crap out of his pillow.
Me: Babe, what are you doing?
Herb (in a sleepy, grunty voice): Struggles!

Cue my hysterical middle of the night laughing.

*************************************************************

Me: Levi, what does a cow say?
Levi: Moo. Moo.
Me: Levi, what does Mommy say?
Levi: Moo. Moo.
Me: Point taken. Diet starts tomorrow.

*************************************************************

Me (reading Tickle Monster to Levi before bed): "...I love you so much, I just want you to know."

Followed by crying. For some reason, I can't get through this book without tearing up at the end!!

One Point Five

2012-02-19T00:31:00.003-05:00

Today marks Levi's half birthday - one and half - eighteen months - definite toddler hood.

Half birthdays aren't a huge deal around here, but Herb and I both got to do some special activities with him in the last two days (Herb took him to a hockey game, I took him to an indoor pool, both of which he loved). This morning we had some very hard to come by family time and all went out for breakfast.

I have been pretty terrible taking pictures, writing in his baby book, and making videos in general, which is a shame because this is a really exciting time in the little dude's life. Thank goodness for this blog, where I can keep myself updated on his benchmarks and milestones, share that with our family, and have it recorded for later when I get to catch up in his scrapbook. So, if you're not into "this is what Levi's up to lately" blog posts, check ya later!

Zebra through the months.

Mealtime: Levi is back to his normal eating whatever we offer him phase. He went through a picky stage around Christmas, but I think he is back to his usual inhaling self. It seems like if he is having a picky spell at a meal, if we offer him the spoon so he can feed himself, he jumps on it. Another thing he loves to do is to dip things. Apples in yogurt. Pretzels in yogurt. Veggies in ranch. Pasta in sauce. Apples in ketchup. If it dips, it works.

Giving kisses

Sleep: He started fighting the afternoon nap, especially on the days he took a two or three hour morning nap (no surprise). So after refusing naps for a few days, we are purposefully keeping him awake until after lunch for one nap. Typically, he goes to bed at 8pm and gets up at 7:30am.

Other Developments: Levi loves climbing stairs, ottomans, chairs, and toilets. He's learning about jumping, and still loves great splashing session in the bathtub. Last week he started telling us when he soiled his diaper with one single p word that ends in oopie. He will sit on his mini toilet, but doesn't really want to do anything on it. Although, in his defense, he does hiss at the toilet, as if he knows what sounds he should be making on the pot. Haha. He has also learned how to hug and kiss in the last month, which his momma loves.

Playing: Levi's top five favorite things to do right now (yes, they are in order):

5. Playing with (crashing) cars

4. Building (mostly throwing or knocking over) blocks and legos

3. Watching Sesame Street (thank you Netflix and SesameStreet.org)

2. Playing outside, with his coupe or swinging/sliding board

1. Reading books

Words words words: I'm thinking his hard core love of books is really helping his language explode. It seems like every day there are 10 new words and he's really good at repeating things we tell him to say. Just for fun, and baby book prosterity, Herb and I made a list of all the words Levi has been saying these days (things that he actually knows, not just repeats):

Apple (bapple) Go Peacock (key-cock)

Baby (be-be) Grandma (Ma’am-ma) Play (flay)

Ball Grandpa (Bam-pa) Poppie

Beep Guitar (shar) Pray (fay)

Belly Hello? Puppy

Bert Hi Shakey

Boo Hockey Shoe

Burp sound Horsie Sock

Bye Hot (ha-ha-aht) Splashie (shashy)

Car Joelle (shell) Teeth

Cheese Josh (chosh) Thank you (dane too)

Choo choo (chooch) Juice Three (tree)

Cookie Jumpy Tooshie

Crash (chash) Knock knock Trash (chash)

Daddy Levi (e-i) Tree

Dah (like boo) Michelle (shell) Uh oh

Dip Mommy Welcome

Elmo (mel-mo) Night night What?

Ernie No

Eye Nookie

Giraffe (chaff)

So, I know I say it at every phase, but this REALLY REALLY is my favorite season of childhood so far. Happy birthday, little buddy. I'll save the sappy stuff for bedtime. We love you!

The Civil Wars

2012-02-13T10:33:00.001-05:00

You know for being a musician, and music teacher, I really stink at staying current with music. This morning my facebook feed was exploding with status' (stati?) about the Civil Wars, so I did some You Tube research.

So far, I am loving it. To me, this is musical perfection.

To Whom It May Concern is the first song I listened to, and it reminds me so much of the heartache I felt in the seasons of my life when I was waiting for Herb and waiting for Levi to come into my life. Songs like this remind me to look back and thank God for His faithfulness.

To Whom It May Concern - The Civil Wars

Why are you so far from me? In my arms is where you ought to be

How long will you make me wait? I don't know how much more I can take

I missed you, but I haven't met you

Oh, but I want to, how I do

Slowly counting down the days till I finally know your name

Oh, the way your hand feels round my waist

The way you laugh, the way your kisses taste

I missed you, but I haven't met you

Oh, but I want to, how I do, how I do

I missed you, but I haven't met you

Oh, but I want to, how I do

Dear whoever you might be, I'm still waiting patiently

What did you think of the Grammy's? Have you heard of the Civil Wars? If so, what other songs should I check out?? I really really really really really need this CD!!

I Love the Number 12: February

2012-02-12T23:31:00.001-05:00

As you may or may not remember, this year I am doing a twelve part series on things I love about the number twelve. Last month was about January 12, the day Herb and I became "we."

Today I'm going to stick with the date theme, and address another great date in history, February 12. Sure, it's two days before the day of love and ten days after the day of groundhogs, but more importantly, it marks the birth of one very special dude.

Source

Today, Isaac would have turned 27; later this month he'll celebrate his second anniversary of meeting Jesus face to face. A childhood friend of Herb's, they shared a love for music and theology, and later in life swapped hospital stories after Isaac was diagnosed with cancer during college. Soon after Herb and I moved back to York, the boys got reconnected, and much to my delight, this time around, Isaac had a special girl by his side.

Jess and I quickly bonded over sickly hubbies, being teachers, and a love for crafts. Isaac and Jess's wedding was one of the happiest and most joyful events I've ever attended; by far the most excitement I've ever felt at any wedding for two people about to start a life together.

Isaac is so missed, but I love how God has been glorified in his life, and in his death. I love that whenever people talk about Isaac, there is an underlying feeling of hope, followed by a silly story or "Isaacism." I love that Herb's long time buddy introduced me one of the best friends I will ever know. I love that God is using Jess (and Isaac's) testimony constantly, especially at Girlfriend Getaway.

I love seeing the transformation and healing that Jesus is doing in Jess's life throughout this season.

Jess is my inspiration for strength, she demonstrates what choosing joy really looks like, she has proved time and again that Jesus is enough. She is praising God in all circumstances and is truly stronger because of it - physically, emotionally, spiritually.

So today, February 12, I will be extra thankful for two people who have impacted me to the core, and the One who brought them into my life.

(Jess has an awesome blog, Get Busy Living. Stop by and show her some blog love! To read Isaac's story, click here.)

The Craft Room That Turned Into A Cabinet

2012-02-01T23:48:00.000-05:00

Wow, the weather was beautiful here today!! Yes, it was February 1, and I was outside, barefoot, in short sleeves, spray painting. Perfection.

We recently moved into a tiny two bedroom apartment. I used to have five bedrooms in an 1800 square foot house, so I had one large sized bedroom devoted solely to crafts/office space.

In our new, much smaller, yet closer to everything, and cheaper house, the living room now has five functions: living room, play room, music room, office, craft room. I'm super grateful for our affordable housing, but I really hate the look of so many pieces of furniture crammed into one space and pushed up against walls. And there is just really no way around clutter. I'm fighting the battle, but losing.

After we got settled in and I realized that I needed some craft storage in the living room, but had no money to spend. Within a week, I found this beaut on the side of the road! (It's the cabinet squeezed between the desk and the armoire, behind the little Elmo lover.) Don't you just love its plum color?

Not.

So country, so horrible.

But so incredibly freeeeeee!

Today, my little craft corner got a makeover!! For $8 I picked up two cans of Krylon Satin Ivory spray paint (although I probably should have had three cans). The sun came out and I hauled this road side piece of country junk out to the patio.

I used the method of spraying that my Mama taught me - short and quick strokes, several thin layers. I did 3.5 layers, but honestly should have done 4. This is after the first coat, obviously before I got my groove going.

The simple wooden knobs were given two coats of oil rubbed bronze spray paint. I love the way they glisten in the sun - too bad my cave of a house doesn't get sunshine like this!

After the paint dried, I scuffed up the edges, and some of the plum showed through. Not exactly what i was going for, but I kind of like it!

I think I'd like to replace the o.r.b. knobs with some teal glass or ceramic ones from Hobby Lobby. I didn't paint the interior part of the open section because I'd like to put contact paper on the back and sides.

One of the benefits of the craft cabinet being squeezed in between two other pieces of (major) furniture is that even though I ran out of spray paint, who cares! I conserved the majority of the paint for the front and tops that are actually visable. If we ever move and this piece of furniture is more prominent, I will just grab another can of spray paint and touch it up. Can you see how the bottom half of the side could use another coat or two?

Levi loves getting in this cabinet, so I invested in some really high end baby-proofing.

And here are some gratuitous shots of the inside of my craft cabinet.

The drawer - tools, vinyl, cricut cartridges

The bottom - ribbon, stamps, stickers, etc

I attached a 3M hook to the left side of the cabinet to hang extra wreath forms and other things that don't fit inside the cabinet that can be hung, like my quilter's cutting mat and plastic guide (what are they really called, mom?).

And that's the story of how I shrunk all my crafts from a bedroom space to a cabinet.

Well, let's be fair, some of my fabric and sewing notions live on top of the TV cabinet. See, I told you, clutter everywhere! Boy, this looks way worse in the picture than it feel in real life.

Oh, and notice the parson desk chair? I think I promised you the 25 part saga - let's get to that this week, mmmkay?

The Anthro (Mug) Inspired Wreath

2012-02-01T23:36:00.000-05:00

Oh, so many stereotypical blogger things on that title. Have you seen this video?

The back story here is that Jess gave me a mug from Anthropology with an S on it. It was Aqua and Red, and you know I love that color combo. Then I picked up a few of them for Christmas gifts; one of them being a B for Becker.

I am so in love with these mugs.

Apparently so is Hollywood. Look, the M mug debuted on ABC last week in the hands of Snow White on Once Upon A Time. (I also spotted this monogrammed mug on Snow's nightstand a few episodes back.)

Image Source

Anyway, as much as I really loved my S mug, and the M that Melody gifted me, the color combo of the B mug was just so striking to me. Teal and mustard. A total win.

When craft night with Jess came along, I picked up some mug inspired teal yarn from the Dollar Tree. Did you know you could get yarn for $1? I also found a small straw wreath form that I got from Salvation Army for $0.50.

Lucky for me, Jess had mustard colored startched felt on hand - and so graciously let me hack away at it. I wrapped the straw wreath form in teal yarn (this step takes forever, by the way). I used the felt to create startched flowers and rosettes, using the tutorials linked below.

Startched Flower Tutorial

Rolled Flower Tutorial

My only issue now is the wreath is a bit petite to be hanging on a door. I'm not sure where to hang it. Any suggestions?

Ships Passing in the Night...and Day...

2012-01-29T22:17:00.002-05:00

Remember the days when the weekend meant you got to spend 48 hours of uninterrupted time together - watching TV, going out to eat, wearing pjs till noon?

Now, I'd just settle for 48 minutes!

That new job I have, although wildly wonderful, helpful, and actually kind of fun, is robbing me of all my Herb time. I would say it's affecting my marriage, but honestly, I haven't seen Herb enough in the last week to know if it is or not.

Ideally, it seemed like we'd have a few hours after my shift to still spend together, but we're both so tired from having jobs and then playing single parent while the other one is at work, that any conversation beyond, "How was your day," is just too physically taxing.

This weekend was especially bad. Herb was doing work at church all day Saturday, and then in between church and his Sunday night radio shift, I took a lunch shift at the restaurant. All told, I saw Herb for maybe 2 hours of awake time in the last 48.

I know this is probably coming off as very complainy. But what I'm hoping, no praying, is that this is the stuff that lifelong marriages are made out of. This is the season of our life that makes us better teammates, companions, lovers, and parents in the end. This is one of those trials that makes the future that much sweeter.

Am I being idealistic?

I keep reminding myself this is only a season, this is only a season, this is only a season. And I'm trying to limit the "I miss my husband" meltdowns to one a week, and preferably not at work in front of people I hardly know, which may have happened yesterday.

In the meantime, I'm just really grateful I don't work EVERY night, Herb doesn't have to install new speakers at church every weekend, and my son is so clever and smart and loveable, making all of this totally worth it.

Last Night At Dinner

2012-01-27T10:17:00.000-05:00

Random things from dinner last night. It's one of the few times in the day when Levi has both mine and Herb's full attention, and it's at this time when he usually does his best tricks.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Herb and I talk about expanding our family, but that's where it ends for now, just talking. In the meantime, Levi has explored the idea of being an only child.

Case in point: He has been practicing giving himself high fives and pounding his own fists.

[Video Here]

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After making the Solo Pound It Video, Levi was sitting in this ridiculously cheesy pose. He's practicing for his school pictures.

Have a great weekend!

Aqua - Red Loving

2012-01-25T13:01:00.000-05:00

Recently, I whipped up a couple of these Little Guy ties. I got the pattern from etsy, and the fabric from one of Herb's old dress shirts. I made one for Levi, Roman, and Liam. I just wish I could have the three of them together for a matching picture! Unfortunately, Liam and Roman live in Hawaii. That's okay though, matching ties on our boys somehow makes me feel a little closer to Lauren!

Anyway, I made Levi the aqua tie and then realized I didn't actually have a shirt to match it. I went out on a limb and tried it with the red striped Christmas shirt, and I loved it! Here is Levi posing with the coordinating aqua and red Roman shade in our kitchen. I think I'm on an aqua and red kick.

I know the jury is still out for some people. This color combo may not be your cup of tea, and that's okay! But, in my defense, even Target is recognizing it's awesomeness. Check out this chevron dish towel! The dish dowel and coordinating pasta were a gift from Jess - doesn't she know me so well? I just wish that I had the aqua pasta for my wedding. My little color-loving heart is just going to explode when I serve it up with a side of red sauce.

So, there you have it. I just wrote an entire post about loving my favorite color, aqua, and it's accent friend, red.

And speaking of loving aqua, recently I found a couple blogs devoted just to the color aqua. I am so angry I didn't think of creating this myself!

House of Turquoise - http://www.houseofturquoise.com/

Everything Turquoise - http://www.everythingturquoise.com/

What's your favorite color combo?

Patience At Target Pays Off Again!

2012-01-24T12:45:00.003-05:00

Target deals strike again. Try not to be too jealous though, because these are all items I refrained from buying Levi in the last few months. Even though they were adorable and reasonably priced, I knew I would be happier if I waited till they went on clearance. There are sizable 70% off racks at my local Target this week.

I'm especially excited for the 4 pc Christmas outfit - $26, down to $7.80. I bought it in a 3t - hopefully that was a good guess for next year. If not, we'll be having some snazzy fall church clothes.

The corduroy pants and stripped thermal tee are also buy-aheads - a 5t and 3t. I know, even if I fight it with all my might, Levi will grow into those sizes some day!

The little rocker jammies were originally $9, marked down to $2.68, and on the Target website, you can print off a coupon for 20% off a J.O.Y. children's apparel item. Double score!

So to recap, successful Target shopping has three parts:

1. Wait for things to go on clearance.

Patience, patience, patience.

2. Buy ahead for future seasons.

3. Match coupons with clearance items.

Also, I get weekly emails from Money Saving Mom about great Target Deals.

And no, I am not paid or perked by Target to shop there and blog about it, but seriously, this one-income mom wouldn't survive without it, and it breaks my heart to see other people wasting money on full price things!

Hope

2012-01-24T08:17:00.000-05:00

[Image Source]

Bear with me, I'm processing the simple word hope.

For the first time, this morning I realized that hope has two connotations. Most of the time when I use the word, I'm referring to something I "hope will happen."

I hope I will find a husband.
I hope we can adopt a baby.
I hope Isaac will get healed.
I hope we can move.
I hope we get good tenants in our house.

These hopes aren't guaranteed to have the positive outcome, and in fact, some of them have not.

I remember one time at a funeral, my mom was upset because the pastor kept saying, "We have a hope..." She was frustrated because she had more than hope that Fred was in heaven. She knew him well, knew he trusted and followed Jesus, and felt he already had assurance that he would be spending eternity in heaven.

But maybe that pastor wasn't saying "we hope Fred is in heaven." Maybe he was using the second connotation of the word hope.

Ephesians 1:18 says, "I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you..."

This verse addresses the hope that is assurance of the work Jesus has already done. It says we can KNOW the hope. Jesus has already conquered death, providing a way to eternal life for those who believe in him. Who put their hope in him.

So the eternal hope we have isn't that "I hope I get to go to heaven when I die," no, that I am assured of because I have trusted Jesus with my life. But rather,

"Life totally sucks sometimes, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I have a hope to look forward to; eternity in heaven with Jesus."

Isaac's word was hope. Often times I thought it just referred to hoping he would get better or hoping his sickness and death wasn't all in vain, that it served a bigger purpose. Now I think that Isaac must have also had the other version of hope in his head. He knew he may or may not be healed, but regardless, his hope was in the fact that either way, at the end of his life he would be running on golden streets, taking a 200 year tour of the world, and meeting Jesus face to face. And I think he was pretty excited about that.

Because Jesus has granted my eternal hope, how can I not trust him with my worldly ones? He knows me best - he created me, he chose me - what have I to fear?

And that is the ultimate hope fulfilled.

So am I way off here? I'd love to hear some feedback about hope - did you ever realize we use the word in two different ways?

His Daddy's Eyes

2012-01-18T18:05:00.000-05:00

This week I went to a mommy group for the first time at a local church - what fun! Ironically, I knew more faces there than Melody, a regular, who had invited me along! Leave it to being back in Lancaster County and the good old Mennonite game.

That being said, I ran into an acquaintance from college who I hadn't seen or talked to in 6 years, and she obviously had not heard our adoption story. Upon meeting Levi, she remarked,

"Oh my goodness what a cutie! Does he have his daddy's eyes, or what?!"

Um, no, actually he doesn't. Thanks anyway. But I couldn't bring myself to correct her in front of all those people; that would have not helped anyone. Instead, I politely thanked her and commented on her cutie of a baby.

Later, Melody and I chuckled about the awkwardness of that comment. Melody told me that as crazy as it is, she knows several adoptive families where the children and parents' features favor each other. And truly, it's not the first time someone has said Levi looks like Herb or I. A time or two I have heard,

"Man, if I didn't know Levi was adopted, I would have thought he was yours."

To which, if I'm feeling soap-boxy, I reply,

"He is ours."

And then they usually correct themselves and say,

"I mean, he looks just like you/Herb."

Herb's aunt sent me some old pictures out of the blue this week, and if you look at Herb and Levi side by side at the same age, yes, I think I do see some similarities. What a coincidence!

Herb, Levi, Herb

Coming full circle, as Melody and I talked about God, adoption, and grace, we realized, just as we're adopted by God, isn't our goal to look more and more like him? I hope as people get to know me they say,

"Wow, she really has her Father's hands/ eyes/ heart."

The Couch Jump

2012-01-16T23:49:00.003-05:00

This little stunt made us say, "Yup, he's a boy."

**No babies were persuaded to participate or harmed in the making of this video.**

(If the embedded video doesn't work, check out The Couch Jump video here.)

Chosen

2012-01-16T10:04:00.001-05:00

In the weeks and months before my two biggest life events - marriage and motherhood - I prayed that God would use these life-changers to teach me more about Him and His character. In marriage, He has given me an amazingly loving, generous, sacrificial husband who is doing his best to follow Jesus' example. Because I know Herb is seeking God's will for our family, I know I can trust his leadership, the way the church clings to Jesus. As a mother, God is showing me that the unconditional love I have for Levi doesn't even compare to the unconditional love God has for me. God is teaching me that love is the foundation for discipline.

One learning opportunity I never previously considered, though probably obvious to everyone else, was the testimony that our adoption story would give as a real life example of God's adoption of us. I know I've touched on it before; it really hit home the day the Levi's birth certificate arrived in the mail. Now as I'm reading through Ephesians as part of the Good Morning Girls Bible study, Levi's adoption and my spiritual adoption are really on my mind again!

Ephesians 1:3-6
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will - to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves.

(Underlining added by me.)

It makes me think about how we chose to adopt before Levi was even conceived. When Levi was created, God knew he would be our son. It reminds me that in the same way Levi's name has been changed (even to the extent of his birth certificate and the fact that as far as legality is concerned, the person under his former name has never existed), my life before Jesus is gone too - I am a new creation!

I can see His hands so clearly orchestrating the construction of our family - how can I do anything else but trust Him with every other detail of my life? And I'm so thankful that God has taken the time to give me real life, living, breathing, loving examples, in Herb and Levi, of His incredible love for me.

My Proverbial Tentmaking

2012-01-14T23:35:00.002-05:00

If you think this is goign to be a post about how to DIY a tent, then you're wrong. But it's a good guess!

I had to get a job this week. But my work options were pretty limited, as in I could only work after 5 pm, when Herb gets home from work. Of course I'd love to get more piano/clarinet/guitar students, but until more come along, waitressing was pretty much my only other option.

I applied for a couple of jobs on New Years Eve, but the job I really wanted was at our favorite restaurant here in town. Coincidently, earlier that day a server position at said restaurant became open! One thing led to another, I was hired, and I started on Tuesday.The people were incredibly friendly, helpful, and nice. The food and beer is so delicious that I want to tell everyone in the world to eat there. The food is priced at a point that makes a server's tips quite nice. And it is precisely one mile from my house. Awesome, awesome, awesome, and awesome.

God had provided a job within days of deciding I needed one and a way for Herb to be home in time to watch Levi so I could get to work.

And yet I was still feeling sorry for myself.

Tuesday night after my shift, I walked in the door, kicked off my shoes, threw my balled up apron on the stairs, and began my pity party. Tears were welling in my eyes, my pockets were empty (since I was just training), feet were aching (when was the last time I literally didn't sit for 5 hours?), I was smelling restauranty, and feeling like I had toilet germs everywhere. Herb was here hanging out with our pastor, and when they asked me how work was, the sobs poured out.

I can see now it was totally my pride, but all I could say was, "I practically have a master's degree, and here I am cleaning toilets?! This is so not fair."

And Dennis, bless his heart, had just the right encouragement. He reminded me that by making this career sacrifice I am blessed to be able to be with Levi all day. He commended Herb and I for "sticking it out" and figuring out ways to take care of Levi and our financial obligations. Sure I could go back to teaching, but then I would lose all those precious moments.

He pointed out that in the New Testament, Paul "labored over tent making as not to be a burden" to anyone he was ministering to. (1 Thessalonians 2:9)

Waiting tables, serving food, and cleaning toilets at the end of the night is my proverbial tent making. This part time job enables me to maintaining my "daytime ministry" in motherhood. Which is seriously my favorite thing ever.

I am so thankful for my little boy, and the time we get to spend together. I am so happy that Herb is willing to make sacrifices so I can stay home with Levi, and even after working three jobs, is still willing to spend quality time with Levi in the evening while I work. I am delighted that God pretty much dropped a great job into my lap.

And I'm really grateful for Dennis inspiring my new "tent making perspective."

What tents are you making?

I Love the Number 12: January

2012-01-12T22:40:00.000-05:00

I love the number twelve. I'm not superstitious, but whenever I play any number guessing game, I always pick the number twelve. (Sometimes I even win.) I was really, quite dorkily, excited about this year being 2012. In honor of the year of 12, I am going to do a monthly series on all the reasons 12 is special to me and all the things it represents.

There are plenty of weird idiosyncratic things I have concerning the number, but for now, I'll address today's date.

January 12

The year was 2004. It was the first day of my fourth semester of college. It was a Monday.

It was the day Herb and I became "us."

You can read the whole story of January 12, 2004 right here (or check out the entire love story from the beginning, here).

Though this is no new content, today, January 12, is an awesome reminder of the last eight years and the blessing that Herb is in my life. He is my best friend, my favorite musician, my supporter and helper, the coolest person in the world, and the love of my life! I am so thankful for January 12.

Happy January 12th to you!

31 and still so fun

2012-01-09T23:28:00.000-05:00

Today my dear Herb turned 31. That's 31 more years than predicted!

No, but seriously, every year on his birthday I'm reminded what a gift his life is, and what a privileged it is that he choose ME to spend it with!

The PA Farm Show always falls around the time of his birthday. Two years ago we went on a Saturday, his 29th birthday. Deep in the throws of {impatiently} waiting for a baby, we were especially in tune to all the strollers around us and hoped that next year we could bring our own baby to the farm show.

2010 Farm Show

Last year, we did indeed have our own little baby to bring to the farm show, but at 5 months old, Levi wasn't all that into it. But he was still cute in his bibs! Last year we said, "Oh next year the farm show will be so much more fun with a one year old!"

2011 Farm Show

And we were right. Levi was full of words like duck, chicken, and cow. He liked getting on the goose's eye level, but wasn't so sure about petting a huge horse. He sucked down half of my maple frozen yogurt and an order of chicken nuggets.

It's also my sister in law, Jocelyn's birthday. For all the years that we were friends, I could never remember her exact birth date, so conveniently, I found a husband who has the same birthday so I can always remember it.

My brother and niece at the farm show. Joelle is saying "cheese."

Not sure why Herb loves the farm show so much (you know, cause we are soooo farmy with our yard that we don't even mow oursevles), but it's a fun birthday tradition and something to look forward too after the holidays.

I love you, Herb! Happy birthday.

(Don't worry, I saved all the super cheesy lovey stuff for his card.)

We Have {No} Explaining To Do

2012-01-07T21:48:00.001-05:00

So often I feel like I try to squeeze open adoption relationships into a framework of something else - something more explainable, more common. Step family relationships, extended family, family friend, etc. But really it's none of those things.

Open adoption is completely its own unique amazing experience.

Levi's sister, Savannah, demonstrates this perfectly. She often calls Levi her little brother or baby brother, which he is. When she helps him during dinner, protects him from a fall, teaches him things like screaming and hide and seek, or hugs his guts out, I can see that she definitely gets the brother-sister thing! She is an awesome big sister.

But then with her next breath, rather than baby brother, she'll refer to him as "your baby."

I love the way that in her precious, innocent mind this needs no explaining. He is my little baby; he is her baby brother.

And that's just the way it is.

The Baby Monster

2012-01-06T14:23:00.001-05:00

Jess's post about the Green Monster was PERFECT timing today, because I've been meaning to write about my version, the Baby Monster.

To catch up, basically The Green Monster is this amazingly delicious and super healthy smoothie created by a really healthy runner over at Oh She Glows. I learned about these powerful energy packing smoothies from my friend Samantha. When I started making them for myself, my simple recipe went like this:

Michelle's Green Monster

2 Handfuls of Fresh Spinach (sometimes I use frozen, too)
8oz skim or coconut milk
3 ice cubes
1 banana
1 tbsp flax seed
1 tsp peanut butter
1 tsp vanilla

And I drink one several times a week - the only reason I don't do it every day is that I can't seem to keep enough spinach and bananas on hand!

Anyway, a few months ago, when Levi saw me drinking one, he got jealous. Well of course I jumped on the opportunity to make one for him - can you just imagine getting all those good things in a little baby!!

The main adaption I had to make was skim to whole milk and dropping out the peanut butter for my then under one year old.

The Baby Monster

1-2 Handfuls of Fresh Spinach

6-8oz whole milk

1 ice cube

1 banana

5 tbsp baby cereal (flavored is good, too) - wheat, rice, oatmeal, etc

1 tsp vanilla

And just like Jess promised, you really cannot taste the spinach! Now that Levi is older and we have established that there is no peanut allergy, I also throw in about 1 tsp of peanut butter into his smoothie.

As you can see, he LOOOOOVES it. Now, if I could just get Herb to eat them, too!

Fighting Fear, Testing Vows, and a Lullabye

2012-01-03T21:20:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was a rough one. Herb woke up with some concerns about his kidney. I started the day feeling like it was no big deal - we have been there and done that. But soon the weight of what-could-be was heavy. Just because this is old hat doesn't mean it's welcome hat.

For the majority of the day, I was absent. Sure, I was there with Levi, we were at home together all day, but I wasn't really THERE. My mind was in a hospital room sitting reliving walking beside someone through dialysis. It traveled to dark places that test the part of our marriage vows that I cried through at our wedding. When I said "in sickness and in health," I knew the reality of "in sickness." But we have been so fortunate to be "in health" for 6 years. I started thinking about "for richer or poorer." Knowing how "poor" we are now, what would happen if Herb got too sick to work? Well, poorer, I guess. And last night we went though medical ordeals, it was just the two of us - how in the world would we handle hospital visits and whatnot as a family of three?

The irony is in the middle of the night phone call I had with my dear friend Lauren two nights ago. Her brand spankin' new baby has been in the NICU, learning how to breath on his own. Covered in prayer and trusting in God's sovereignty, Lauren has no fear. Fear is so useless - what will be will be, and at the end of the day God is still bigger than everything else and still on His throne.

And there I was, just mere hours later, fighting a raging battle with fear itself.

It will not win.

Praise God, the bloodwork and testing he had done today are coming back clear for my dear Herb; probably just a little hiccup on the post-transplant road.

And in the meantime, I will put on my big girl panties. The result of my mental absence yesterday lead to way too many falls, cuts, scrapes, and goose eggs. In fact, poor little Levi may or may not have a bruise on his forehead that looks like he is sprouting a unicorn horn. {I don't want to talk about it, I'm embarrassed.}

Finally, as yesterday drew to a close, and I rocked my little goose egg baby to sleep, a lullaby came to mind. I loved to dream about singing this lullaby to my future baby, but now that I think of it, I don't know if I ever actually remembered to sing it to him. How timely that God laid this tune on my heart last night - last night it was my promise and apology to Levi, but it also served as a reminder to me from my Papa.

JJ Heller - Keep You Safe (listen here)

Quiet your heart, it's just a dream, go back to sleep

I'll be right here, I'll stay awake as long as you need me

To slay all the dragons and keep out the monsters, I'm watching over you

My love is a light driving away all of your fear

So don't be afraid, remember I made a promise to keep you safe

You'll have your own battles to fight when you are older

You'll find yourself frozen inside, but always remember

If you feel alone, facing the giants, and you don't know what to do

My love is a light driving away all of your fear

So don't be afraid, remember I made a promise to keep you safe

2011 Countdown

2011-12-29T21:09:00.003-05:00

The presents are organzied, the tree is packed away, and the ball is ready to drop. You know what that means, right? New Year's Reflection Time!! I'll be back before the end of the year to do an actual year in review kind of reflection.

In the meantime, my stats tell me that these are the top 10 posts written in 2011 that were the most visited. I guess scientifically it's unfair to the posts that were written later in the year, but oh well.

10. New Year's Revelation

Part 5 in the saga of Herb and Michelle; it was this time of year 8 years ago that we made it official.
{If there were a soundtrack to the story, this song would be on it.}

9. Finally Finale

The day my son almost didn't get named on the stand because I was crying too hard.

8. Super Cheap Diapers

My secret weapon? Amazon Mom!

7. My Son't First Mom

The closer we become, the more real it is.

6. Birthday Pennant Banner

The first project in my Necessarily Creative gifts line - a birthday banner for Levi.

5. Sideline Guy

Cue the "Romeo and Juliet" theme, Chapter 1 of our story was about love at first sight.

4. Don't Judge Me

Cupcakes, pool baths, and naked baby dancing...

3. Jen's Story

Levi's birthmom, Jen, shares her side of the story.

2. Fall Wreath Under $5

In all fairness, the only reason this wreath got so many hits is because I linked up to Nester's wreath link party. It has also been pinned by four people I don't know in real life. This is the big time folks. Ha ha!

1. The Groveling Fool Says Thanks

I'm glad this is the number one read post this year. If I learned anything this year, it is about how amazing open adoption can be, but how we really both have to work at the relationship. When I wrote this post, Jen and I hadn't actually spent any time together yet, and had merely exchanged letters. Looking back on the 2011, Jen's friendship is one of the things for which I am most thankful.

And if that doesn't accurately sum up my year of blogging, maybe this will...

Merry Christmas!!

2011-12-25T08:00:00.000-05:00

We are celebrating Griswold style and are having several days of relaxing, family loving, food munching, movie watching, nothingness.

It is awesome.

Peppermint Streamers:Lightest Turquoise Ornament Cards
Check out our collection of Christmas cards and holiday cards.

Christmas Cards, Vol 2: The Outtakes

2011-12-24T01:15:00.000-05:00

My friends Joan and Jon are notorious for having amazingly awesome and hilarious Christmas cards. Do yourself a favor and check them out...

2011

2010 & 2009

After I blogged about my free Christmas cards from Tinyprints, Joan emailed me to volunteer her hubby/photographer extraordinaire to take our Christmas pictures. Armed with a great photographer, magnificent assistant, and a camera that pretty much would cost a year's salary, where do you think we took the pictures? Here of all places (I can't even bring myself to actually write the word.)

Joan, the brains behind the plan, suggested that Levi could eat a cookie (in focus), while Herb (dressed in a Santa hat) and I kissed by a tree (out of focus). To set it up, Levi was standing in a cart, we kissed by the tree. We couldn't stop gigglin (I guess PDA isn't our thing), and it was almost impossible to capture Levi eating a cookie while Herb and I were kissing, no customers were trying to get by, and all the stars were aligned.

This was as close as we got.

In the meantime, Jon and Joan managed to capture several other adorable pictures of my kiddo!

Check back tomorrow to see the final product...

The Necessarily Creative Christmas: The Fishy Purse

2011-12-15T11:27:00.000-05:00

Last week, I began sharing my homemade Christmas gifts with you. I'm calling it the Necessarily Creative Christmas line because my creativity comes out of financial necessity. Well, and the fact that I just looooove a good craft.

One of my absolutely favorite new websites is called Make It Love It. She does all kinds of amazing sewing projects which are usually way out of my league (I can hardly sew a straight line). But when she posted a tutorial for a fabric fishy purse, somehow I mustered up the courage to give it a go. And I'm so glad I did. This project was incredibly fun, rewarding, and actually pretty cheap, too!

My nieces, Ellie and Cora, love animals, especially fish. Some of my favorite memories with the girls have happened at the Baltimore Aquarium and Pittsburgh Zoo, not to mention all the beach trips we've taken together! Their daddy (Herb's brother) is somewhat of a fish aficionado, too, and they have a 6 foot tank in their house. And since they are little girls, I'm hoping they will appreciate having a cute purse. I wanted their purses to be similar, but a little unique to each girl, too. Cora LOVES anything yellow, and Ellie is more inclined to pink.

I'm not going to reinvent the wheel and write down the directions, because they are all right here. All you need is a variety of fabrics (less than a yard, total, and you can probably use up a lot of scraps), 1/2 yard of fusible interfacing, 2 buttons, thread, a needle, a scissors, and a sewing machine. Oh, and a lot of free time. I am guessing I spent about 10 hours to make two purses. But again, I have a toddler who sleeps a lot and a husband who works three jobs.

Oh, and did I mention how amazingly detailed the tutorial is?

Here's what the purses look like all stretched out.

And here they are ready to swim in the ocean.

Now, please excuse me, I need to go find all kinds of fish accessories (crackers, stickers, candy) to put in their purses so they are ready to go to the aquarium!!

Apple (bapple)	Go	Peacock (key-cock)
Baby (be-be)	Grandma (Ma’am-ma)	Play (flay)
Ball	Grandpa (Bam-pa)	Poppie
Beep	Guitar (shar)	Pray (fay)
Belly	Hello?	Puppy
Bert	Hi	Shakey
Boo	Hockey	Shoe
Burp sound	Horsie	Sock
Bye	Hot (ha-ha-aht)	Splashie (shashy)
Car	Joelle (shell)	Teeth
Cheese	Josh (chosh)	Thank you (dane too)
Choo choo (chooch)	Juice	Three (tree)
Cookie	Jumpy	Tooshie
Crash (chash)	Knock knock	Trash (chash)
Daddy	Levi (e-i)	Tree
Dah (like boo)	Michelle (shell)	Uh oh
Dip	Mommy	Welcome
Elmo (mel-mo)	Night night	What?
Ernie	No
Eye	Nookie
Giraffe (chaff)