My Hot-Air Balloon Journey

Crying out of my soul

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 14:08:00 +0000

Recently I read a pray by John Wesley in "Becoming a Woman of Prayer" by Cynthia Heald that its been pivotal in prayer times.

Take the full possession of my heart, raise there your throne, and command there as you do in heaven. Being created by you, let me live to you. Being created for you, let me ever act for your glory. Being redeemed by you, let me render unto you what is yours and let my spirit ever cleave to you alone.

Often my prayers are about me, what it is that I want, what I need and what I think the people I care for need. But when I read prayers like this, I must stop and remember that prayer isn't just a task that gets me what I want when I want it and I shouldn't approach my time in prayer with an arrogant and demanding stance.

Through this bible study by Cynthia Heald, I've come to see how many prayers throughout the Bible especially Matthew 6:9-13, where Jesus modeled prayer for us, are focused on the Father rather than oneself.

So this morning as I picked up my daily reading in Jeremiah, I was struck once again by how passionately Jeremiah pours out his heart to the Lord. Jeremiah 12:1-4 shows him acknowledging who God is and yet pleading with God about how long His judgement will be on the people of Israel. In Jeremiah 20:7-18, you see that Jeremiah praise the Lord, share about the persecution he is receiving from his people and declare that we will always speak the words the Lord gives him. But what I have learned most so far from Jeremiah is how honest he is about his care for his people but keeps it focused on the Lords will for them. He understands that they have given themselves to other gods and longs to see Israel turn from their ways but Jeremiah is still willing to stand in the gap, pass along the words of the Lord and receive any push back that might come with it.

To me, Jeremiah is a wonderful example of someone who lives out John Wesley's prayer. The Lord has full possession of his heart and in turn Jeremiah lives for Him, acts for His glory, renders to Him what is already His and cleaves to Him alone.

Lord, remind me over and over that my life is not my own. I want you to have full possession of my heart. Impress upon me through the day that it is for You that I do my work and it is You alone that I cling to.

Filling my reserves

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 14:38:00 +0000

Yesterday, I read a blog by John Ortberg about being consistent in filling up my reserves. You know, those spiritual tanks that we pull from throughout the day. It's when those tanks get low that we start to do things on our own strength, we become discontent with the things we're doing and we are more easily tempted to sin. These tanks are very important and quality time (not just quantity) with God on a daily basis will keep these tanks overflowing.

I've been pondering this concept for the last 24 hours and it seems like every where I turn things remind me of this post. God, are you trying to tell me something? Recently life has become quite busy and I've had to be VERY disciplined in order to be sure that I'm still getting time with God in the mornings.

(Insert sidenote: Now some of you know that I'm not really a morning person but I've found after living with several morning people that it's one of the best times of the day for me. While I do hate having to get out of that warm, cozy bed, I am able to get quality with God before all the other mental distractions cloud my thoughts. Close sidenote.)

All that said, this morning I really needed to hear from God. I wanted to experience Him and be filled up again. I occasionally read from Morning and Evening, a devotional by Charles H. Spurgeon, and a portion of the devo centered around the verse "I will pour water on the thirsty land." (Isaiah 44:3) went like this: Water refreshes the thirsty: you shall be refreshed; your desires shall be gratified. Water awakens sleeping vegetable life: your life shall be quickened by fresh grace. Water swells the buds and makes the fruits ripen; you shall have fructifying grace: you shall be made fruitful in the ways of God. Whatever good quality there is in divine grace, you shall enjoy it to the full. All the riches of divine grace you shall receive in plenty; you shall be, as it were, drenched with it: and as sometimes the meadows become flooded by the bursting rivers, and the fields are turned into pools, so shall you be - the thirst land shall be springs of water.

Exactly what I needed to hear. And at that point, God reminded me of a section of scripture that my grandmother, probably my hero spiritually, has memorized and quotes regularly - Isaiah 43. After reading this, my heart is full.

God, You are so good! It is because of Your Son that I am able to be called Your child and receive the peace which only comes from being washed clean from sin. Help me to remember today the words which You said through Isaiah, "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; You are Mine," and help me to live today as one who is filled up because of who you say I am.

Delighting in God

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 13:21:00 +0000

"Delight yourself in the LORD;

And He will give you the desires of your heart."

Psalm 37:4

In Wiktionary, delight is defined as joy or pleasure. In Wikipedia, delight is said to mean "happiness and may refer to someone or something that brings such a state, such as good-tasting food."

As I looked up other verses in efforts to learn what delighting myself in the LORD might look like.

Nehemiah 1:11-"desire to fear Your name"(NKJ), "who delight to revere Your name"(NRSV, NASB)
Psalm 1:1-3-"his delight is in the law of the Lord and in His law he meditates day and night."
Psalm 111:2-"The works of the Lord are great, studied by all who have pleasure in them."
Jeremiah 15:16-"Your word was to me the joy and rejoicing of my heart."

His law is on the hearts of and studied by those who delight in the Lord and then becomes the joy and rejoicing of their hearts. So then I must ask the question: Does this describe me?

I really do want to delight solely in the Lord but often I find myself delighting in His many blessings than in the giver of those blessings. I guess He does give us those blessings for us to enjoy but isn't the enjoyment of those blessings greater when you're delighting in the Giver more than the blessing.

Guess this leads to the second part of that verse - "and He will give you the desires of Your heart." Many people manipulate this verse to justify asking for just about anything and thinking God will give it to us. I can say for myself that I've done this before but have come to the conclusion that the desires of my heart can't be trusted. It could be partly because I'm a girl and we all know that girls change their minds often. (we know its true)

I wonder what God thinks sometimes when we ask for things. I'm sure He has laughed at my requests many times and said "Erin, that's not really what you want." Its usually at these points when I get frustrated that God hasn't "answered" my prayer when really what's happened is that He knows that my true desires weren't spoken and He uses time to refine them.

I love this prayer by Charles Spurgeon taken from The Power of a Believers Prayer:

Lord, if what I ask for does not please You, neither would it please me. My desired are put into Your hands to be corrected. Strike the pen through every petition that I offer that is not right. And put in whatever I have omitted, even though I might not have desired it had I considered it...'Not as I will, but as Thou wilt.'"

Lord, I want to delight You in the things that I pray for. Help me to see where my desires must die in order for Your will to be done. Just as Spurgeon prayed - my desires are put into Your hands to be corrected. You are the loving, merciful Father that I need so desperately and I'm so thankful for your gentleness in reshaping the deep desires of my heart. Place this new heart of yours in me and make it beat forever for you!

"Daughter, be of good cheer. Your faith has made you well."

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 12:49:00 +0000

A little over a year ago, I was diagnosed with MS and found myself at the lowest point in my life. The months following my diagnosis were like a roller coaster of fear, sadness, hopelessness and anger. I wonder if these feelings were anywhere close to what the woman in Mark 5: 25-34 was feeling the day that Jesus passed by. For months, I had been questioning God about why I had lost my eyesight and been meeting with many physicians who couldn't answer that question either. I was frustrated but I hadn't been sick for 12 years like this woman. So when Jesus was passing by, she did the only thing left to do - she reached out and touched the garment of Jesus. I wonder if she had one of those moments where time seemed to move in slow motion. I can imagine that she watched her arm reach out so slowly that maybe she thought she wouldn't make it. Maybe she strained to grab on to just the hem of his garment hoping with everything she had left that this would be the last time she'd have to attempt to be healed. And when she finally touched His clothes, she must have been in awe that it was The Healer who had made her well.(Luke 8:43-44)

In all the chaos of the crowd, Jesus said, "Who touched me?" I probably would have acted just as she did as she tried to hide herself in fear that He might be angry. Oh but wouldn't you just want to shout out for joy that you had finally been healed. No one in the crowd that day besides Jesus and this woman could fully understand what had just taken place. She must have been overcome with joy. I felt only a fraction of this when gazed into the sky last 4th of July and reveled in His goodness - He had reached out to me and healed my body.

It was her faith, Jesus said, that made her well. (Luke 8:48; Mark 8:34) She sought out Jesus in faith. In my case, Jesus sought me out in faithfulness and mercy. During those dark days, I knew in head that I should turn to God but I didn't know how I could with all the fear and confusion I was feeling. I wonder if the woman would have reached out to Jesus right when she got sick (if He had been been passing by). Or did God use those 12 years in her life to bring her to a point where she was long past any efforts she could muster?

I'm blessed. God gave me sight back after only a few days and He has surrounded me with friends and family who intercede for me when I can't. He has provided medicine to keep me from having to experience any relapses for over a year! Praise be to God!

Lord, give me faith to reach out to You when I feel hopeless and fearful. I want to have faith like this woman who will squeeze through a moving crowd at the chance to touch just the hem of your garment. You are so good. It's for Your glory that I share my story.

Walker

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 20:49:00 +0000

I love my dog and today I got to spend some extra time with him while working from home. As I have sat here on the couch typing away, he has moved from one place to the other sleeping. Occasionally he will notice that I've started snacking on something and it's at that point when I see some I wish I was better at: patience.

I love how Walker nuzzles himself right up next to me and waits until I'm done eating. I know this isn't something a good dog trainer would allow - I believe some call it begging - but I love it. He watches intently in case I just happen to drop something that he can quickly snatch. But then sometimes he does that same thing when I'm not eating. I can just hear him asking me when I'll take him out for a w-a-l-k or when I'll give him a t-r-e-a-t. Oh how patient he is. Ever waiting. Ever watching. Ever anticipating my next move.

So this leaves me wondering if God wants this kind of attention from me. I know God doesn't think of us as his little pets like I have just described but I'm sure he would like us to give him a little more attention sometimes. Or at least watch what he is doing. I want to be more like that.

We are Art

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 23:09:00 +0000

There are many times that I find myself defending Art. As a culture, we have many different ways of participating in art but we don't always acknowledge it as such. I've heard people say before that they aren't very interested in art but I would have them answer the following questions:

Do you watch movies?
Do you decorate your house or landscape?
Do you enjoy listening to music?
Do you like to shop for clothes?

If you have answered 'yes' to any of these questions then you participate in art. Of course there are other forms of art such as dance or painting but these are only two of the many forms that we see around us.

In Refractions by NavPress, Makoto Fujimura talks about art in a way that I have never heard of before. He talks about how it has impacted his life and the lives of those around him. What is also very interesting is that he talks about having lived through 9/11 since he lives a few blocks from Ground Zero. He shares how his art has become even more of a source of self expression after that event.

If you are even remotely interested in art, this is definitely a great book.

Peace

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 04:01:00 +0000

My name means 'peace' and I had a friend once say that she really feels like the meaning of a persons name plays a role in who people become. I would say that in my life, peace has been a BIG part of who I have become. I often make major choices after feeling the peace of God. I have longed for the peace of God through troubled times. Peace -- there is nothing like it.

Lately, I have felt a different kind of peace. Usually peace in my life is more of an "okay" about a decision but right now I'm feeling a peace that is more like contentment. I'm at peace with where I am in life, who God has made me to be, and where He is leading me.

While I don't know all the details about where He's taking me, I am at peace with whatever He has for me as long as it is what He wants. He knows way more than me and I trust Him because He only has His best for me.

Word of Promise: The Gift of Psalms

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 23:44:00 +0000

I was familiar with the Word of Promise because of the New Testament CDs so I was very excited when I got the chance to review The Gift of Psalms. This devotional comes with a very nice book with a few selected Psalms and the brief devotional for each day. But what makes this book so special are the CDs with each Psalm read completely. I know that there is a lot of publicity around the actors that participated in making it and I was pleasantly surprised that it wasn't cheesy.

I have about a five minute drive to work each day so I thought it would be a great time to listen to the devotionals. I spend a couple minutes before I left to read the cooresponding section in the book and then I headed off to work. As I started the CD, I was first drawn in by the voice. I love hearing the Psalms read by a man (which most of them are with this product). I could hear the emotion behind Davids words and I loved the Psalms that they chose to include. After the Psalm was read, a different voice shared the devotional which was word for word from the book. I was a little disappointed in this because I was hoping to hear something more than what I had just read. But one great thing about hearing the devotional again was that I picked up on different things the second time through. I walked away feeling like I had had a completely different devotional experience than before.

Overall, I really enjoyed this book. I was shocked to see that it was so well made. This would make a great gift since the wrap is what contains most of the advertising. I felt as though I had received a gift when I opened got this in a mail and I will definitely think of this again when I'm shopping for someone.

I was touched. I wished that all the Psalms were used but there are a lot of them so I can understand. This product was great. I encourage you to check it out.

The Update Post

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Sun, 18 Jan 2009 17:31:00 +0000

Lets see, how can I update everyone about what happened last year? I'll give you the shortened version because some of these events I don't feel like digging up again. Here it goes.....

I went to New York City for work and saw a play on Broadway (a dream of mine).
Went to Michigan to see my friend Ann with a cute pregnant belly.
I decided to start looking at buying a house (mostly because I hate moving every 6-12 months).
Went to Michigan again to see Pete, my now favorite baby boy.
I met a boy.
I bought an 1898 Victorian style home. I love it!
My parents brought me all the rest of my stuff that they've been trying to get out of their house. Fun to show them the new place.
I lost all sight in my right eye.
My mom came out to take care of me for a week. What a blessing it was!
The boy and I broke up.
I lost feeling from the waist down on my right side.
I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis and started on drugs to slow down the disease.
I went to Dallas for Thanksgiving with my parents, my brother and his wife, Kendra, and of course, Walker (my dog).
Stayed here for Christmas and my parents joined me. First Christmas in my new house.

What a crazy year. I can't believe all that has happened. But it's done and God was faithful through it all! I have learned so much about being and trusting. Being weak, being strong, being angry and being sad. Trusting God, trusting nothing, learning to trust again and leaning only on trust in God.

So that has been my year and I'm more of who God wants me to be because of it.

Want to review books for NavPress?

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Sun, 18 Jan 2009 17:24:00 +0000

Because of my lack of posts in the last year (sorry, life was too crazy to post) I've probably lost most of the people who were following me. BUT in case there are a few faithful people out there, I thought I would let you know about a blogging program that NavPress just started. After being part of Thomas Nelson's Blogger Review program, we decided to start one of our own.

Here is what you get: Free Books!!!!

And then all you have to do is write a short review about the book (good or bad) and post it on your blog, on NavPress.com and one other retail website. It's that simple!!!

So check it out!

Holding Fast: The Untold Story of the Mount Hood Tragedy

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 21:39:00 +0000

Since I live in Colorado, I often hear of tragic stories around climbing expeditions but I've never heard one that impacted my life as greatly as this one. Back in 2006, Kelly James and two of his close climbing buddies attempted to summit Mount Hood during one of the worst storms of the winter season. Karen James, Kelly's wife, was left waiting to hear back from her husband to contact her about their progress but little did she know that her last phone call from him as he was in a snow cave would be the last time she would hear his voice.

Many of us vaguely remember seeing this story on television but as I learned more of Karen's story of faith, I was struck by how much she leaned on the Lord during this time of waiting. Karen, along with many others, waited for days as the rescue teams attempted to find the three men. As the reports bombarded each of the family members with questions, all of them kept praying and believing that God could give them the Christmas miracle that they were looking for.

Even though that Christmas miracle wasn't given to them, Karen was able to grow in her faith in a way that many of us don't get to experience every day. It's during those moments when we don't think that we can make it any further that we find ourselves in the palm of His hand, which is where Karen stayed for many months following. I've found myself in that same place recently when I found out that I was diagnosed with MS. And the most beautiful thing about being in that place is that God's comfort, peace and love flow freely to those that are will to trust Him enough to let Him have control.

Billy: The Untold Story of a Young Billy Graham

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Sun, 09 Nov 2008 22:58:00 +0000

"Billy" by William Paul McKay & Ken Abraham is a biography about Billy Graham and I was expecting just that, a boring biography. I was completely mistaken. Though the book did a great job of retelling a series of life-altering moments in Billy's life, I was not expecting such a dramatic novelistic approach.

The book begins with Charles Templeton, one of Billy Graham's best friends, who is being interviewed by a lady named Deborah who's looking for any dirt she can find on Billy in order to boost her career as a journalist. Right off the bat, Templeton makes it known that there is absolutely no dirt to be found when it comes to Billy Graham. "He's the genuine article. He actually believe all that stuff he preaches," as Templeton says it. But as you continue on, you begin to see that while Templeton who has left his beliefs in Christianity long ago, he deeply admires Billy even though he often makes comments that he has "committed intellectual suicide."

Templeton takes us through many events in Billy's life such as the moment he began to believe in Christ to the dark woods when he was filled with doubts about his faith and on the verge of giving up. As we make this journey through Billy's life, we are also given a glimpse into the life of Charles Templeton and how he began to doubt his beliefs in Christianity which eventually lead him to leaving his ministry to pursue a degree and declaring himself agnostic.

It was Templeton's doubts in God that brought Billy to that tree stump in the middle of the woods in CA one dark night. In those moments, Billy was on his knees before God pleading for answers. "Oh God, there are many things in [the Bible] that I don't understand. There are questions in this book that I just can't answer. There are some areas that don't seem to correlate with modern science. So give me something. Anything! Where are you?" Then Billy remembered his mother reminding him that Jesus will never leave you nor forsake you. Billy looked back at his Bible and declared, "You said in Your Word that the just shall live by faith," and he never looked back. Billy knew in that moment that he would believe in faith that in the Bible was the truly inspired Word of God. It was after this test of faith that Billy Graham's ministry grew into what we all know of today.

I would definitely recommend this book anyone who has had doubts about their faith. As Billy says early on in his life, it is okay to question. It's those questions that will lead you to the Truth if you choose to pursue it.

I promise I'll start blogging again....

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Sun, 09 Nov 2008 22:51:00 +0000

So I've been really bad about blogging for the past.....well, almost a year. But I've just joined a blogging review program through Thomas Nelson. (http://brb.thomasnelson.com/) All you have to do is sign up with your blog address, pick a book that you would like to review and then review it. Basically, I'm getting to read and share my opinion for free!!! I love it! Anyway, this will help me to start blogging more and hopefully get my creative juices flowing again.

Sorry it's been so long!

Part 3: The source of my joy

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 04:52:00 +0000

Hello Friends!! It's me again!

This time I'm writing you with a few answers to what has been going on with my vision. But more than just answers, I'm writing with great joy! While I still haven't seen a complete improvement in my sight, my doctor said last week that he believes I will see much more improvement over the next 6 months. I'm sure some of you are asking this question: Why so much joy if there is still such a long time to wait? I can't really explain why other than that God has been so close to me during this time and I'm completely content (right now) with just that.

So here are the details of my visit with the neurologist last week: I got a chance to look at my MRI which did show 2 white cell legions on my brain. The doctor explained that these legions are more than 2 months old and are no longer active. This is good news. He also explained that I may never have even noticed when those first two legions happened. He asked if I had ever noticed any other sort of odd things such as tingling in my hands that would go away after a couple days or numbness below the waits. Since I haven't had any of these things, he concluded that I have experiences a Clinically Isolated Syndrome (CIS) of Optic Neuritis. This where the patient will have a one time occurence and might never experience it again. Then the doctor started to inform me about a couple studies that have been done on patients with Optic Neuritis and CIS. This is what he said:

Patients with Optic Neuritis w/ No legions on their brain were tracked over 10 years and 38% developed MS.
Patients with Optic Neuritis w/ 1 legion on their brain were tracked over 10 years and 56% developed MS.
Patients with a CIS were tracked over 14 years and 85% developed MS.

Now I know these statistics are not encouraging at all. But what the doctor did say is that he would like to see me in at least 6 months for another MRI to see if there are any more legions. He also mentioned that I have the option of taking MS drugs as a type of preventative action but I've decided against it since they can be up to $14k a year. I will continue to work with him as I move forward and keep having him monitor how things are developing.

But what is the real message I cling to and the true source of my joy? God is so much bigger than these statistics. And I don't need to worry about 10-14 years from now. If I do, I will miss all the blessing for today and I would hate miss out on those. My joy rests in the fact that God is truly in control and I won't need to worry about a thing.

Thanks again for all your prayers!

Part 2

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 04:49:00 +0000

"So do not fear, for I am with you, do not be dismayed, for I am your God...."

Since I finished my last dose of Prednisone, I haven't seen much improvement in my vision. There is still a cloudiness that blocks everything in my direct line of sight but the doctor was still hopeful given that I had seen such an improvement during those first 2 weeks. On Friday morning, I noticed that the vision was getting worse again -- I was seeing the same cloudiness in the top part of my vision as well as feeling a sharp pain when I looked up, down or to the sides. So this morning I went in to see the ophthalmologist and after consulting with the neurologist that I'm seeing next week, they decided to give me three more doses of Solu-Medrol and a tapering dosage of Prednisone for 6 days following. I just got home from my first of three treatments -- there were some pretty good cooking shows on to keep my attention for the 2 1/2 hours.

I'd be lying if I said that I'm not scared. I am. I guess at this point I'm just trying really hard to take it easy. I was probably pushing myself too hard to get back into my regular routine. Patience....it's hard.

"...I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

While I was sitting in the waiting room this morning, there was a father with his six year old son who must have been having some problems with his left eye. He was trying to play in the waiting room but he was having to use his hang to cover up his eye in order to see what he was doing. After some frustration at his inabilities, he went over to his daddy, climbed up onto his lap and curled up into a ball before falling asleep. As I watched this boy seek out the comfort of his father, I was reminded that my heavenly Father is doing the same for me right now. So today I'm climbing back into his arms -- a place where I can find rest as I set aside the schedule I wish I could keep, comfort from all the "what ifs" of going through all this again and healing that only the Great Physician can provide.

Thank you for all your prayers. I couldn't make it through this without them. This time has been especially hard since I had hoped to be further along at this point.

Part 1 of what has been happening with me since my last post.

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 04:43:00 +0000

Some of you have heard through the grapevine that I've been sick and other may have not but I wanted to give you all an update on what has been going on with me. All of this has happened in the last 4 days so I apologize that I haven't been able to followup with everyone personally.

A couple days ago, I started to lose sight in my right eye and went to visit my eye doctor who refered me to an ophthalmologist who wanted to run an MRI to make sure that there wasn't something wrong with my nerves or my brain. You can imagine how scared I felt when he started talking about my brain. Anyway, I had an MRI today and below I have attached an email that my father sent out that explains all the results.

Thanks so much for your thoughts and prayers. Surprisingly, I'm doing quite well and am still able to find the humor in some of this. Last night I was meditating on the verse below and the translation I was meditating on said "and He will make your paths straight". The first thought that went through my head was "Thank goodness he is making this path straight because without my right eye I'd be running into walls otherwise." But seriously, I'm being challenged to trust Him in huge ways and I've been amazed at how He has been faithful to me.

Thanks again for your continued prayers and that I can get through the next 10 days smoothly and maybe gain a few muscles along the way :-)
(6/25/08)

===================================================

Sorry that it's been a little while since I've sent out an update but a little later is better than never, right? This past weekend, I finished my last dose of Solu Medrol and I've begun to see some improvement already. Although I will miss having access to cable TV at the hospital, it is nice to not have to make that trip every day. With each day, I have seen slight improvements in my right eye. For the last couple of days, I have been seeing shadows in the lower portion of my right eye. I'm thrilled that my vision is coming back so quickly but I didn't expect it to be as tough as it has been. With my vision only partially back, most things on my right side of very blury and my right eye is trying very hard to focus which has been causing me quite a few headaches. Hopefully these headaches will lessen as my vision improves but please continue to pray that I would remain patient during this process.

Today is my second day on Prednisone and I have been feeling pretty good. I'm so thankful that I haven't had many of the side effects (knock on wood) which has made this time much easier. Please continue to pray that I won't have many side effects from the drugs (increased appetite, mood changes and trouble sleeping) so that I will be able to get back into the normal routine of life. Although I'm still not driving yet, I've had many friends as well as my mom help me out in many ways. I'm so humbled by this process and have been amazed -- this is how the body of Christ was designed to function. God is so good!

It's so crazy to me to think that only a week ago this journey was just beginning. And now I sit here at my desk full of gratitude for the things that I've been given and even the things that have been taken away. With the loss of my sight, God has opened my eyes to a new understand of how He provides for me at just the right moments and in just the right ways. He has shown me areas where I wasn't giving Him everything and has allowed me to lean more heavily on Him in the process of letting those things go. I'm eager to see again and what a glorious day that will be! But in the meantime, God is being very faithful.

Thanks again for all of your prayers and emails. They have been very encouraging to me and my entire family.
(6/30/08)

What if there were no more excuses?

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Sun, 09 Mar 2008 01:31:00 +0000

I'm left speechless.

it's what's in the eyes

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Sat, 26 Jan 2008 02:21:00 +0000

I see warmth, compassion and an innate ability to give of himself.
Is he smiling? I think so. But not out of laughter - out of joy.
What strains were put on this man to give him the deep lines in his forehead? I want to hear the stories that those eyes long to tell.

Has he found true love? I hope so.
Has he been rejected or judged? Probably so.
I wish it was possible to keep people from experiencing all the hardships of life. I picked this picture along with the two below to answer the question, "Who is so precious to you that you would fight to protect them from harm?"

I wish that we could protect innocence. I wish family was always close.

Hands of God

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Sat, 26 Jan 2008 02:18:00 +0000

Grimy and calloused while still gentle and loving.

Being cradled in the palm of these hands would be the safest place to be.

Imagine the eyes that peer down on these hands. They gaze as if they are holding the most precious thing in the world.

How long did those hands labor to produce a crop? How many seasons did they have to endure? Creation in the hands of the creator.

Powerful and humble. Loving and harsh. Just and kind. No contradiction.

simplicity of faith

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Thu, 29 Nov 2007 17:42:00 +0000

I need to hear things in simple terms especially when it comes to my faith. When reading through the Bible, I often get overwhelmed with the number of lessons that I can take from one particular passage. How am I supposed to keep up with all the values I need to learn while still avoiding all the temptations I face? How did Jesus keep everything straight? His answer is simple - He is God. But I fall so far short that it causes me to get frustrated and stop dead in my tracks.

I was sharing this with a lady that I've been meeting with lately and she mentioned this while we were talking about spending daily times with God - "Don't feel like you have to get everything you can from every passage. I'm planning on reading the Bible for the rest of my life and when I finish, I'll start again. The next time I read it, I'll learn more things. Let God impress upon your heart what He needs you to know now. He'll show you those other things when you're ready." Ahhhh! I can't tell you how freeing that was for me.

So when I'm trying to read the Bible each day, I don't feel so overwhelmed. I can read and trust that God is revealing what I need to know now. Wonderful. This makes me want to read even more.

incoherent thoughts

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Sun, 25 Nov 2007 23:16:00 +0000

There are many reasons why I haven't been blogging lately but the main reason is because I've been overwhelmed mentally and coming up with a coherent post was completely out of my mental ability. There have been many ideas going around in my head but nothing that seemed to come together completely. Here are a few things I've been thinking through:

~~do I have any authority to be blogging? what is it that keeps someone coming back to read my blog? does it really encourage/challenge anyone or am I just shouting into the dark nothingness of the world wide web?

~~If the original point of putting my thoughts out there was to keep people updated about my journey toward missions, what happens if I feel like God is calling me to stay right now? (All the events that brought me to this question are so lengthy and I haven't had the time to type them all out.)

~~what do I make of the pains of this world? It's not that I've been going through anything super hard but seen people around me hurting. I'm tired of the darkness, pain and grief around me. I want Jesus to come back and take us home.

~~if I've been walking this christian life for 18 years, why is it so hard to spend time reading the Bible? And when I do, why am I so uncomfortable there? I'm working through this one but I'm not sure how to share it here.

~~balance. I want to learn how to balance. I've changed my job again and I'm much happier now but the problem has become that I don't want to stop working. Resting has become more of an issue that it's ever been before. And traveling so much this last month hasn't helped.

So these are things that you might see blogs about soon but then again you may not. Is there a theme to my life right now? Can I put a name to this season that I find myself in? That's a good question and I'm not sure I can answer it very well other than saying that I'm learning. I'm learning that I need family, that I'm not an extreme extrovert anymore, and that the changes that are taking place aren't always leading me in the most obvious direction.

In the last 11 days....

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Sat, 17 Nov 2007 20:51:00 +0000

I have spent 5 days and 4 nights in St Louis, 3 days and 2 nights in Las Vegas, 4 days and 3 nights (so far) in Atlanta. I lost $4 in a slot machine in an airport. I've been on 10 United Airline flights totaling 4,684 miles. I've stayed in the MGM Grand room 9-202, the Hilton at the Ballpark room 2303 and the Westin Peachtree Plaza room 4112. I've packed my suitcase three times and done 4 loads of laundry. BUT in the next week, I have 6 more flights totaling 2,617 miles, two more nights in the Westin Peachtree Plaza hotel room 4112, 4 days and 3 nights in Phoenix, AZ and probably 2 more loads of laundry. Sadly, for the entire month of Nov, I will have spent 12 days and 16 nights in own bed and 8 days in the office.

I'm tired physically and at some points mentally but once Wed comes I will be with family. I'm thankful for a break from this lifestyle and even more thankful for the people I will get to spend it with.

Thank you to all my friends for enduring this crazy month of my life with me and for the entertaining text messages that I get like "Which state are you in now?" Love you all!

GQ (short for "Great Quote")

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Tue, 06 Nov 2007 16:09:00 +0000

"We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be." C.S. Lewis

more thoughts on change

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Mon, 05 Nov 2007 19:09:00 +0000

When the pain of staying the same exceeds the pain of change, you change.
~Pastor Sal Sberna - Metropolitan Baptist Church, Houston,TX

The year 2006 was a hard year and last year at this time I was wondering when it would be over. I did infact endure the final two months of the year but it was painful. But when I look back, I am glad that I went through those painful seasons because of two things - they forced me to change because staying was so uncomfortable and they made me grateful for where I am today. I know it's not quite the end of the year and I haven't accomplished all my goals for 2007 (yet) but I would never have guessed a year ago that I would be where I am today. Now some of you may be wondering what I'm talking about - has her job changed? is she moving soon? No and no. Not much has changed other than my walk with God. He has become my friend and my comforter. His words are refreshing to me and His plan for my life has played out beautifully so far. I can't wait to look back on this year.

a wise man's mother once said...

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Wed, 31 Oct 2007 21:06:00 +0000

"Be who you is, cause if you be who you ain't than you ain't who you is."

The people-pleaser in me finds this to be quite difficult sometimes. But over the past year, I have learned to love who I am instead of trying to be someone that I'm not. And now when I feel the pressure to be someone that I'm not I am able to recognize the difference. I don't want to be someone I'm not because I like who I am. Good thing I do because God made me to be that way. I can rest assured that I'm doing something right.