My Journey of Faith

Letter to the Father of my Youngest Son

2011-05-05T07:39:00.000+03:00

Over the last 10 years you have put me through an emotional roller coaster like I never imagined possible. And then…over the past few months you have proved me wrong and elevated the emotional turmoil to a level that was way beyond what I ever imagined…. But through it all, you did not manage to break me. Yes you hurt me, but you also made me stronger as I turned to be closer to Allah to understand all you have put me and my sons through in our life.

In 2002, when I came to Qatar, I came with a heart full of hope and dreams, and although from the moment I arrived here I was certain I was to face some difficulties, I did not let this break me. I never gave up on the belief that deep down in your heart that you were a good person that you would never hurt me as you have. When our son was born in 2003, although our life was less than perfect, I believed that Allah wanted this for us to keep us together.. and trusting in Allah gave me the strength to keep believing that in the end good would prevail.

Unfortunately, I was not strong enough to keep enduring the sadness in our life and yes, I did walk away in 2003 because nobody deserved to live the life of sadness and mistrust that we were living. Further to this, I had endured 4 years of your family treating me and my children badly without you ever standing up for me and defending me. You stood there once and watched your brother tell me I had to find a better job to help you in your financial needs and when I chose to leave the room you were angry at me for leaving and not sitting there to listen to your brother’s disrespect. Although it has been over 6 years since this day, I will never forget how I felt less worthy than a cockroach on this day. I felt like I was doing nothing to help in our family, when in reality I was the only one of your brother’s wives to even contribute financially to the matters of the family.

I am not here to bring back all the past incidences that have brought me to ask for divorce. There are too many to share. I am here to ask what have I done to you or your family to deserve how you keep treating me.

For seven years since our son was born, I have always taken the best care of him that I possibly could. Even in hard times, I took on extra jobs to make sure I took care of my family and I never once asked you for any money.

Yes, when I divorced you I did not insist from the Court that you be forced to pay child support. As Allah is my witness, I clearly remember telling the judge that “a man should not be forced to support his child because of a court order”. This responsibility is bestowed on him by Allah Almighty, and although the court never forced you to pay child support, nothing stopped you from offering any kind of financial support for your son. When I denied the court from ordering the payments, I knew I was helping you and your family as I knew you were facing financial hardships and I did not want to be the cause for further hardships. Allah had blessed me with allowing me to take care of my sons, so I felt no need to want to hurt you or your family by making you suffer.

Unfortunately, you have wanted nothing but suffering for me and my sons. You have emotionally tormented us, threatened us, disrespected us and refuse to let us find any happiness.

Regardless of what your ego tells you, regardless of how you have treated me, I have never treated you in any way close to how you have treated me…and I ask you why??? Why do you hate me so much that you just want to hurt me over and over again? I beg of you… for once in your life… be a man….and look at your actions…. See what you are doing?? You have never given me the respect I deserve for being your son’s mother…. for taking care of your son the best way I could….. for not turning my back on Islam after all the hardships you have put me through…for giving your son a better life than what you could give him.

I was a very new Muslimah when I came to this country. I trusted you completely. I believed in you completely. I also soon learned to dislike the Islam you and your family were teaching me…. But again…. Allah kept giving me strength to not give up. Allah kept showing me that Islam was more than being constantly unhappy. It is truly by the Grace of Allah that my sons and I are still Muslim and getting stronger day by day.

I will not deny that I am so scared to lose custody of my son. I cannot imagine him not living with us and us not being involved in all aspects of his life…. But I do know…that no matter what, if I lose custody, I will NEVER lose my son. I have raised him well and done all I can for him…and I trust that if you succeed in winning this custody, you will fail at wining your son. You will never truly understand the bond a mother has with her children. You will never truly understand the trust we have in ALLAH. As I stated earlier, you may have tried to break me but you failed to do so. You only made me stronger. You only made me turn to ALLAH even more…so for this I say “Jazak’Allah kheir”.

Allah's approval is all I need

2010-11-17T11:51:00.001+03:00

I used to believe that it was important and essential to be liked by all. I could never truly understand why anyone would not accept me or like me since I always treated people with kindness and respect. I spent years of my life trying to reach out to people who treated me badly without really knowing why. I judged myself because of those who showed their dislike of anything I did, anything I thought, everything I was.

Because of this, I spent my life doubting myself and every decision I made. Always searching for other's approval had lead me to be a yes person regardless of what I was feeling inside. Now I am not saying there is anything wrong in trying to make people happy but the problem comes when this quality of mine turns into an obsession and affects how I see and treat myself.

In my life, the word failure has always been on the tip on my tongue whenever I failed to achieve any goal. The more I learned about Islam, the deeper my faith grew, the more I realized that sometimes we need to fail before we can succeed. I also learned that sometimes people do not like you because jealousy and being sad themselves rule their lives... so by understanding this, I have come to accept that I do not need to be liked by all. As long as I keep treating people with kindness and respect then I should proud of the person I am today. In Christianity I was taught "Do unto others as you want others to do unto you." This valuable lesson is also enforced in Islam by the quote "Love for thy brother/sister what you love for thyself." The unfortunate thing for me is that I have not loved myself as I should. I have not treated myself as I would treat others... so how can I expect everybody to like me when often I don't like myself.

For years I have struggled with my inner thoughts about myself. Unfortunately my low self-esteem has caused me to stop believing in myself at times and it has affected some of my relationships.

Islam has taught me that I do not need the approval of people to feel good. Islam has taught me that, although I should always treat people with kindness and respect, I should not seek their approval but rather only seek the approval of ALLAH Almighty. I used to worry about how people judged me regardless of my intentions or actions. Now I truly understand and live my life knowing the only and true judge is no other but ALLAH.

I am far from being perfect but I do know the value that is found in my heart. As I get closer to Allah, that value can only increase.

I am truly blessed that Allah has blessed me in allowing me to get closer to Him and find this inner peace I was seeking. Although I am still just in the beginning stages of my journey, I look forward to what tomorrow will throw at me because I am better and stronger today just for having Allah in my life.

I do not need to be liked or approved by all.... ALLAH's approval is what counts.

Zain Bhikha - Never Alone - 2009 - From the new album 1415 The Beginning

2010-11-13T09:06:00.000+03:00

Thank You ALLAH

2010-11-05T21:23:00.000+03:00

Before I open my eyes

I thank Allah for all He has given me

All around me are His blessings

Deep inside me is His love

The smell of the morning fresh air

The sound of the singing birds

The feeling of peace and tranquility

Bring a smile to my face

Bring love to my heart

I feel as though a new period in my life has begun

And with this excess energy

I am ready to run

Muslims go home!!

2010-10-26T21:11:00.001+03:00

More often than I care to admit, I have seen comments posted on facebook or other blogs about how Canadians are tired of bending over to please Muslims and how Muslims should leave their country and go back home. I take offence to these comments because I am a true Canadian who happens to be Muslim. I wear my red and white with pride and, although we do not live in Canada, I have passed on my patriotism and pride to my children who are also proud Canadians so when I hear people telling Muslims to go home, it lights a fire within me.

Just because I dress differently does not mean I am not a proud Canadian. I wonder if all those people who comment on how a Muslim woman dresses would criticize a nun for wearing her habit. Is a nun deemed to be less of a Canadian because she devotes her life to God?

Muslims are blamed because public politics have suggested it is better to say Season’s Greetings rather than Merry Christmas in order not to offend anyone. As far as I know Muslims had nothing to do with this. I agree it is respectful to not offend others but I do not agree that if you chose to adapt these new ways that Muslims should be blamed. Muslims didn’t ask you to change how you greet each other. This is a choice that people have made. I am also convinced that the suggestion to say Season’s Greetings is to accommodate the fact that Christmas, Hanukkah and Kwanza which all fall during the same season. Islam has nothing to do with this fact.

When I try to understand the mentality of why people chose to blame Islam and Muslims, I cannot help but remember how happy many people were when religion was removed from the schools. Unless you went to a private catholic school, religion was not to be taught in the public schools. I remember begging my parents to let me attend the public high school rather than my Catholic school because it was not cool to be taught by nuns. Amazingly, it is mostly those who have chosen to go the route of no religion who complain about the suggestion of saying Season’s Greetings.

After living in the Middle East for over 8 years, I have seen a lot of changes in this little country. Eight years ago, the Muslim population of the country was in shock when Christmas made its very loud appearance in the local malls. Up until that point, I was told that Christmas was not seen or heard of in these surroundings.

The irony when I hear westerners blame Muslims for the lack of religion in their country is that, here I am in a Muslim country who is trying to respect all by building a church and providing many other services to the non-Muslim population. Regardless of what is being done for those who are not Muslim, it will never seem to be enough.

Recently a water park opened its doors in Qatar. Although this should have been welcomed with opened-arms, I was astonished to hear the complaints about the dress code. What?? No 2 piece swimsuits???? What??? I have to cover my skin??? Is this too much to ask for? Will covering remove the fun you will experience in this park? I just do not understand it. As the saying goes “When in Rome, do as the Romans.”

I have even heard complaints to the extent that the country is being accused of expecting non-Muslims to behave as Muslims…. HUH????

Qatar has built a church. Qatar has permitted the establishment of night clubs and restaurant that serve alcohol which I need to add that Muslims are forbidden to enter. Qatar allows Non-Muslims to purchase alcohol for their home personal use. Regardless of the fact that I would never drink, even if I wanted to go to a club to listen to music, I am forbidden at the door. I have known people who were asked to leave restaurants because of the fact that the woman wore a hejab and the restaurant refused to let them stay because they serve alcohol. Although I would never chose to go anywhere that serves alcohol, my personal choice to decide if I want to go or not is not mine to make because Muslims are forbidden to enter clubs or similar establishment. So with this in mind, I ask myself how some can say that Muslims are the cause for not respecting another’s rights or giving extra privileges to non-Muslims?

As it seems, anytime somebody’s rights are taken away, Muslims everywhere are being blamed. If the so-called injustice happens in a non-muslim country, Muslims are told to go home regardless of where they are originally from. When the injustice happens in a Muslim country, then the Muslims are accused of being too strict and need to “get with the groove”.

In brief, we will never make everybody happy all the time. When I am in Canada, I do not expect for the world to stop around me during Ramadan. Unlike in a Muslim country, where the country changes dramatically during Ramadan to respect the fasting people, I would not ask or expect the same when fasting in Canada. I would never ask the people around me not to eat because I am fasting. I chose to follow my religion regardless of where I am. I will wish you a Happy Eid and not Season’s Greetings because I am free to do so. I will not put the blame on anybody else if I chose not to live my life true to my beliefs as long as I am not hurting anyone. Although I do not celebrate Christmas, I will never frown upon somebody who wishes me a Merry Christmas…. So stop blaming me… or Muslims… for the lack of conviction you may have. Stop telling me to leave your country because Canada is my country and will always be my country.

Apologies in advance if any of the words or feelings I have expressed have annoyed or insulted anybody. My intention is not to offend but to open hearts and minds to the reality of what some people are saying.

Where do I belong?

2010-10-21T07:36:00.002+03:00

I am having one of those days where I am asking myself where do I belong? Over the last 8 years of living in Qatar, I have often asked myself this. I don’t only ask myself this because I sometimes feel like a fish out of water because of living in another country but my own but I ask myself this more when I return to my homeland of Canada and really feel like a fish drowning out of water.

When I am in Canada, I feel like I have changed too much to be there. Although I am the same person in and out, people do not treat me the same. I can deal with the stares and whispers but I have trouble adapting to the life. I am constantly checking food contents to make sure there are no pork products. I am constantly worried that my sons will fall prey to all the pressures the kids face in Canada. I do say pressure because, as I see it, being a teenager is not an easy thing. Regardless of what you believe sex, alcohol, smoking… these are all very heavy temptations for the youth of Canada.

When in Canada, I often get teased… or I should say that my sons often get teased because they are so innocent… more precisely…. “so green around the gills”. I am actually quite proud of this because I am happy that my sons got to grow up and still maintain their youth and innocence. Kids are forced to grow up way to fast. They are forced to face pressures way too early. So… if it is cause for people to laugh because I still have an innocent 17 year old son… laugh away. I did my job. I allowed my kids to be kids and not grow up too fast. I allowed my kids to stay away from temptation which may cause them to have to grow up too fast. I allowed my kids to just be kids. Even with the fact of having gone through major changes in our life, my sons have managed to gain the sense of responsibility without losing their youth.

The irony me saying that my kids have kept their youth is that here in the Middle East my kids are seen as knowing too much…. Being too old for their age….and why??? Because they come from the West!!! I can recall a few years back when I was angered and surprised when someone dare to admit she didn’t want her daughters to be around my sons because she didn’t want the boys to do anything to them because “they know too much”. I was deeply insulted as she let her daughters be with other boys the same age but had chosen to discriminate against my sons. It didn’t take me long to realize this was because no matter how well behaved a person is, the fact you are from the West automatically means you are corrupted.

I have faced similar discrimination on many counts. One particular one I can recall was when I was about to deliver my 4^th son. During rounds, there was a group of about 8 doctors in my room (7 women and 1 man). When it came to examine me, the male doctor stepped up and I requested to have a female doctor as I have always had a female doctor. I was astonished when his immediate reply was… ‘Well you are Canadian!!!!” Huh???? Did he insinuate that because I was Canadian that I felt comfortable in letting any man check out my privates? Although it was plain as daylight that I was Muslim, this fact was completely forgotten as he assumed because I was Canadian that I would not care if he examined me…. I DID CARE!! …and I know he would have never made this assumption with a woman of any other nationality who was not westerner.

Over the years, I have encountered many experiences that have made have to define myself as a woman and a muslim. On a few occasions I was told that “You are not a real Muslim”. Whenever this happened I would be thrown backwards wondering what was meant by it. In the beginning, this type of comment would bring me to tears. No matter how hard I tried, the deeper I got involved in Islam… the bigger my faith grew… the more knowledge I gained… the more I was told… YOU ARE NOT A REAL MUSLIM. You were not born muslim so you are not a real muslim. Then 1 day, I was suddenly hit with a brain wave… who is a real muslim????? The greatest people who followed the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) must not have been real muslims neither then… as they were all reverts… just like me…. Right?????? Or maybe.. I was not a real muslim because I was this white faced westerner who was learning more about their religion and they were intimated by me. Who knows?? Although I tried not to let it affect me, it did because no matter how hard I tried, I realized it would never be good enough to be accepted amongst some of these people. No matter how long it has been since I have been muslim, I will always be seen as the convert from Canada and not the Muslimah that I am…… and all this causing me to ask myself yet again…. “Where do I belong?”

I live in a country that does not allow us to stay here without a job as you need a sponsor to be here. No matter how hard I try to make this home, at any moment, we can be told sorry you have to leave. Where do I go after this? Where do I belong?

I will always be Canadian at heart. I miss Canada. I miss my family.. but the person I am today could not live in Canada now as the way I live, the way I think has changed. I cannot see myself putting my sons through the pressures of being a teenager in Canada. I love going to visit my parents who have been more than supportive but in the end, I am a visitor and I look forward to coming home. I look forward to being somewhere where I will hear the athan (call to prayer) 5 times a day to remind me to pray. I look forward to going out wearing my hejab and not being stared at because I look different. I look forward to just living without trying to avoid pork or alcohol.

Although I look forward to coming back to Qatar… where I am trying to make it feel like it is home, I cannot deny that I am often made to feel like I do not belong here neither.

So again I ask…. Where do I belong?

About 20 years ago I recall very vividly as I stated I would NEVER leave Canada and I would never change my religion. I can actually eat my words now and I will never say that I will never do anything again.

So… to answer where do I belong? I will trust in Allah and allow Him to guide me. I will go where my road takes me and try to fit in the best I can. I am blessed with great sons and a supportive husband so I can only answer that I belong wherever they are.

Home is where the heart is… so I will follow my heart which is filled with eeman (faith) and love and follow it wherever it will have to go.

All Thanks be to ALLAH (Alhamdolellah)

Beauty or the Beast

2010-09-29T20:39:00.000+03:00

When a harsh school experience made guest writer Sundus Alsharif self-conscious and miserable, another of life’s difficulties taught her many lessons.

What is beauty?
To a model, beauty may be having a certain body type. Beauty from a doctor’s point of view could be to the ability to help other people in their time of need. To a writer, beauty can be the crafting of words to convey a message. To a painter, beauty might mean the ability to convey a feeling through an image. From a reader’s perspective, beauty may be the way writing captivates imagination.
There are many different ways human beings view beauty. What way is the best way to view beauty, you ask? I can’t answer that question – that is a question you have to answer for yourself. One thing I can tell you is how to not view beauty. We all face struggles in life – and it was through one of these struggles that I learned what beauty really is.
I know for a fact that I am not the only human that endures hardship in life. That being said, I am not writing this to be praised or recognized. I am writing this for the sake of Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala, in the hopes of bringing light to a topic that is not really discussed. I also know that I am not alone in what I faced. I hope that I am the voice for everyone that has never had the courage to say anything about it. I debated for many days whether or not I should make this story anonymous – I decided not to. I want everyone who reads this to know that this story is real. And what better way to do that than to reveal my identity?
I remember it like it was yesterday.
I was at a square desk all to myself, as the rest of my classmates arranged their desks in a circle. I got up from my desk to move it into the circle because we were about to read a chapter in American History. As I was moving my desk, someone yelped, “Oh my goodness, Sundus, your nose is so big! Hahaha, you look just like Toucan Sam!” My heartbeat raced and my hands started to shake. What could I possibly answer back to such a statement? My nose certainly is not small, so I could not tell this person that he or she was lying.
I decided I would just ignore the statement. As I ignored the hurtful comments, they only got worse. Now, I had almost everyone in the class making fun of my nose in some way. This was no longer a joke – I went home everyday crying. I hated the way I looked, and I wanted nothing more than for people to accept me. But they never did. The teasing got so bad that I finally decided to stick up for myself. I remember saying, “What you are saying to me is not nice, please stop.” Little did I know that by saying this, I would get made fun of even more. The people that made fun of me said in a very sarcastic tone, “Oh Sundus says it’s not nice, like we care!”
I was very young when this happened to me, and it was extremely difficult for me to deal with. It’s one thing to be made fun of by a couple of class bullies occasionally, but it wasn’t like that for me. Practically everyone in the class made fun of me, every day. I heard that I was ugly because of my nose so often that I started to believe it. For two years straight, I was made fun of by more than half of the class. When I looked in the mirror, I would examine my nose for long periods of time, asking myself whether or not something really was wrong with the way I looked. My thoughts were consumed with the so-called “flaw” my peers pointed out to me. As I got older, the teasing stopped. People were still pointing out others “flaws,” but I guess they didn’t bother pointing out mine anymore because they had done it so much that it was an old story.
Even though the bullying had stopped, I was still self-conscious about my nose and image in general. And how could I not be? I was teased about it for two years straight everyday! Many life experiences helped me see past what my peers said were my “flaws.” The experience that helped me the most was when my sister Layla had to have brain surgery in the middle of the night. Her shunt was no longer working properly, and she had to have a new shunt put in.
I stayed up all night with my family in the waiting room, awaiting the results. As I sat in the waiting room, I thought about my life. I thought about how my sister might not survive. I thought about how close death is to everyone, even though I was not the one having the surgery. Death is not always expected, just as my sister’s surgery was not planned.
As everyone sat in the waiting room, I walked into the bathroom. I looked in the mirror like always, but this time, something was different. Tears started to flow from my eyes as I stared into my reflection. Why would I spend one more second thinking about the way I looked when it would never benefit me? How could I criticize my nose when there are some people who wish they even had a nose because they were born without one? This time, when I looked in the mirror, I didn’t see myself as an ugly girl with a messed up nose. I saw a servant of Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala, and it was then and only then then that I was truly happy to look in the mirror. I saw my physical features as the creation of Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala, and I could never be upset with the way He had created me. From that day on, it never bothered me in the slightest when someone made an offensive comment towards my appearance.
When I was younger and had been made fun of often, I wanted nothing more than to change who I was so that the people who made fun of me would accept me. I remember making du’aa to Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala, asking Him why He had given me a different nose, and why so many of the people I thought were my friends would make fun of me. It wasn’t until many years later that I got the answer to my du’aa: that this life is not about being accepted by other people; it’is about gaining acceptance from Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala.
At the time I was being teased, I thought it would be the greatest thing in the world to get plastic surgery to change my nose so I would be accepted. But Allah knew what was best for me, and He didn’t give me plastic surgery. Allah did not give me the acceptance I had longed to have for so long. What Allah gave me was so much better than what I wanted. Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala gave me the ability to see beauty in all of His creation. He gave me the wisdom to realize that no one is worth pleasing except Him.
Many people have had to deal with bullying – even in the Muslim community. What happened to me is not a unique story. If you are being teased or you know someone who is being teased, then please do something about it. We don’t realize how much demeaning statements can hurt someone until we are victims of them. As for the people that made fun of me, I have nothing against any of them. I know that when this happened, they were young and unaware that what they did would hurt me. Many of them apologized to me years later, and I accepted the apology. If I made a similar mistake, I would want someone to forgive me as well. I don’t blame any of them, because I know they didn’t intentionally hurt my feelings.
I didn’t write this piece to receive praise, sympathy, empathy or recognition. Please, hold your “You are such a good person” comments. I wrote this with the intention of pleasing Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala. Without Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala guiding me, I would have never realized all of the beauties of life that cannot be seen. It would be wrong for me to say that I realized all of these things on my own, because I didn’t.
If we want to find beauty, we must remember the simple things that we sometimes overlook. This is a reminder to myself before anyone else.
For myself, beauty is the love for Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala that fills my heart when I am making sujood. Beauty is the laughter I share with my father when he tells me a funny joke. Beauty is when my sister shows me how to be content with little. Beauty is serving Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala. Beauty is when my little brother whispers in my ear that he loves having me as a sister. Beauty is when I chase Sara Samaha down the beach with a sand-ball in my hand prepared to throw it at her. Beauty is when my mother hugs me tightly before I leave to class. Beauty is strong character. Beauty is the recitation of the Quran. Beauty is the Masjid on Eid.
Beauty is modesty, and modesty is covering ourselves for the sake of Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala. As much as a blessing hijab is, I realize how much of a struggle it can be. We live in a society that tells us every day what we should wear, and how we should wear it. We have to deal with growing up, going to school, and getting married one day. We worry about our friendships, our family, and that paper we have to write. But in the grand scheme of life, we have to realize how short our time here really is. No matter what path we choose, life goes on and struggles will always somehow find us. If you want to make a change in your life, whether it’s to start wearing hijab, or to simply appreciate the way Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala created you, go for it . We all have everything to gain by struggling in the way of Allah ta’ala.
I know from personal experience that it is not easy to see beauty beyond appearance. But it is possible. Once you find beauty beyond what your eyes can see, you will never look at things the same again.
Literally.
_______________
Sundus Alsharif is a contributor to the Muslim Youth for Truth blog, run by a MAS Media chapter in Tampa, Florida. The purpose of MAS Media is to bring light to misconceptions targeted towards Muslim communities via the media, while also engaging in Islamic outreach efforts to clean up our own backyard.
This piece, “Beauty or the Beast,” originally appeared on the Muslim Youth for Truth blog, and is reposted here with permission from the author.

Kindness to Parents (part 3 of 3): Even After Death

2010-09-24T14:39:00.000+03:00

Description: How one can show appreciation to their parents even after their death.
By Aisha Stacey (© 2008 IslamReligion.com)
Published on 04 Aug 2008 - Last modified on 12 Aug 2008

Islam is a religion of justice and compassion. It teaches morality and forbids bad conduct. Special status has been afforded to the elderly; they are treated with respect and dignity. Muslims are urged to honour them and this is especially true when it comes to the treatment of parents. Although death may take us at any age, parents are often elderly and as such require special care and attention. Even though the rigours of old age may cause parents to be demanding , impatient or petulant, a Muslim is still obligated to treat then with kindness and to look after them lovingly. God linked honouring parents to the command to believe in Him Alone.

“Worship God and join none with Him (in worship); and do good to parents…” (Quran 4:36)

One of Prophet Muhammad’s companions asked about the deeds God loved most. The Prophet replied, the prayer offered on time and honouring parents... (Saheeh Bukhari)

The sayings of Prophet Muhammad abound with words of wisdom about the obligation to be dutiful and kind to parents. He was once heard to say:

“May he perish, May he perish, may he perish”. Those around him immediately asked whom he was referring. Prophet Muhammad replied, “He whose parents (one or both) attain old age in his life and he does not enter Paradise (because of his goodness towards them).” (Saheeh Muslim)

Respect for parents is a key to the gates of Paradise. By upholding the commands of God and giving parents the affection and love due to them, we receive the reward of eternal bliss.

Beneficial Actions

There are many ways a Muslim can continue to honour and respect his or her parents after their death. He may pray and make supplications for God to show mercy towards them; he may pay any worldly debts they may have accumulated or debts owed to God such as fasting or making the pilgrimage (Hajj); and he may also give charity in their name. Keeping the ties of kinship and friendship are also ways of continuing to show love and respect to parents after their death, and Islam carefully explains what actions on the part of the living may be beneficial. The Prophet said,

“When a person dies, all his deeds come to an end except three: ongoing charity, beneficial knowledge (which he has left behind), or a righteous child who will pray for him.” (At Tirmidhi)

A man from among the companions asked Prophet Muhammad,

“Is there anything left from the goodness I owe my parents I should present to them after their death?” He replied, “Yes, four things: Pray and ask forgiveness for them. Fulfil their pledges. Be kind to their friends. And maintain the ties of kinship that come from only their direction”. (Ahmad, Abu Dawood &ibn Majah)

Thus, it is understood that the kindness and gratitude we are obliged to show our parents should be continued even after their death. Prophet Muhammad also told us about a man raised to a very high station in Paradise. The man was surprised and asked how he achieved such a noble position. He was informed,

“Because your son prayed for your forgiveness”. (Ibn Majah)

The Keys to Paradise

Life in the 21^st century is hectic, and we are often overwhelmed by worldly concerns; so much so, we tend forget that morals and manners are a large part of this way of life that is Islam. Kindness to parents is an obligation and we would do well to remember and to emulate the behaviour of the first Muslims. They held their parents in high esteem, they loved and cherished them by following the commandments of God and knew that paradise really did lie at the feet of mothers. These were not just words to our predecessors; they were the keys to paradise.

In the narrations of Prophet Muhammad, we are able to observe the behaviour of Abdullah, the son of Omar ibn al Khattab. On the road to Mecca, Abdullah met a Bedouin. He greeted him with peace, had him ride the mount that he was riding and gave him the turban that he had been wearing on his head. One of Abdullah companions commented, “May God guide you, they are just bedouin and they are content with something simple.” Abdullah answered, “The father of this man was a close friend of my father, and I heard the Messenger of God say, “The best way of honouring one’s parents is for the son to keep in touch with his father’s friends.”

Islam recognises the importance of the family unit, and a good and loving relationship between parents and children is essential. After God, our parents deserve our gratitude and obedience. A Muslim is obligated to show goodness and mercy to his or her parents. There is only one exception to this, if parents expect their children to associate anything with God or to do something regarded impermissible in Islam, then the child must not obey, however nothing removes the obligation to be kind and respectful.

Kindness to Parents (part 2 of 3): The Value of Motherhood: Paradise is at Her Feet

2010-09-24T14:37:00.000+03:00

Description: The great respect Islam gives to mothers.
By Aisha Stacey (© 2008 IslamReligion.com)
Published on 28 Jul 2008 - Last modified on 28 Jul 2008

In several verses of the Quran, God makes clear that duty, kindness and gratitude towards parents is an essential part of Islam. However, women in Islam, particularly mothers, have been singled out for the upmost respect and devotion. God Himself tells of the hardships involved in motherhood.

“And we have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and good) to his parents. His mother bore him in weakness and hardship upon weakness and hardship...” (Quran 31:14)

In the time of Prophet Muhammad, a man asked permission to go on a military expedition. The Prophet asked the man if he had a mother, when he replied yes, Prophet Muhammad said, “Stay with her because Paradise lies beneath her feet”. (Ahmad, Al-Nasai) What wonderful imagery these words invoke: Mothers and children gazing at each other with love and gratitude. Tiny hands closed within larger hands. A touch to the face in times of stress and illness, or the warmth of a loving mother’s voice. Images of mothers nurturing and caring for their children, in health or sickness, in good times, or trying times. Paradise lies at the feet of mothers; but what exactly do these words mean? Simply, the gates of Paradise are open for those who cherish and respect their mothers.

The role of the mother in the Islamic family is as equally important if not more as the role of the father, who is the provider and protector of his family. Not only does she go through both the joys and difficulties of pregnancy and giving birth, she dedicates the whole of her life to nurturing and caring for her children. It is her responsibility to raise and to educate them to be righteous and pious human beings. She cooks, cleans, nurtures and educates, she is also responsible for their spiritual, emotional and physical health and well-being. In return, children owe their mothers care, love, affection, respect and dutifulness. The task God assigned to mothers is large and sometimes overwhelming. Accordingly, the reward for a righteous mother is nothing less than Paradise and in this life, she is esteemed and honoured.

Who is Most Worthy of Good Companionship?

In a hadeeth of Prophet Muhammad, a man came to the Prophet asking, ‘Who among the people is the most worthy of my good companionship? The Prophet said, your mother. The man said, ‘Then who?’ The Prophet said, then your mother. The man further asked, ‘Then who?’ The Prophet said, then your mother. The man asked again, ‘Then who?’ The Prophet replied, then your father. (Saheeh Al-Bukhari, Saheeh Muslim)

From only these two sayings of Prophet Muhammad, we are able to understand the importance of mothers in Islam. However, in these days of materialism it is easy to forget that God obligated us to honour our parents, especially our mothers. Sometimes we find ourselves uttering words of contempt or complaining about our parents. This sort of behaviour is not from Islam.

God reminds us that Prophet John (known as the Baptist) was dutiful towards his parents both loving them and obeying them[1]. He said:

“O John! Hold fast the Scripture. And We gave him wisdom while yet a child. And (made him) sympathetic to men as a mercy (or a grant) from Us, and pure from sins and he was righteous. And dutiful towards his parents, and he was neither an arrogant nor disobedient (to God or to his parents).” (Quran 19:12-14)

Additionally, in the Quran, we are able to hear the words of Jesus; he describes himself by coupling his obedience to God with his duties towards his mother Mary.

“Verily! I am a slave of God. He has given me the Scripture and made me a Prophet; and He has made me blessed wheresoever I be, and has enjoined on me prayer, and alms, as long as I live, and dutiful to my mother, and made me not arrogant, unblest.” (Quran 19:30-32)

As busy as our lives may be it is of great benefit to look back at the lives of the Prophets, and our righteous predecessors, to see how they treated their parents, particularly their mothers.

The Companions’ Behaviour

Abdullah ibn Omar, a leading scholar from among Prophet Muhammad’s companions once saw a man carrying his mother on his back and going around the Holy House in Mecca[2]. He did not complain or show any signs of annoyance; rather he kept repeating a line of poetry comparing himself to a camel. He looked at Abdullah ibn Omar and asked him whether by so doing he discharged his debt to his mother. Ibn Omar said, “No. You have not even paid back one twinge of the pain she felt when giving birth to you”.

Another companion from the early days of Islam, Dhibyan ibn Ali ath-Thowree also used to travel with his mother to Mecca. The journey was long and very hot; on the side of the road during their travels, he would dig a little pool and fill it with cool water. He would then turn to his mother and say, “Mother, sit in this water to cool yourself.”

Muslims who are obedient to God can never be unmindful or unkind to their parents. Great reward is offered to those who treat their parents, especially their mothers, with affection and gentleness, but a stern warning is also given. The danger of disrespect is illustrated in the following saying of Prophet Muhammad.

A man came to Prophet Muhammad and said, “A young man is dying and people are asking him to say there is no god but God, but he is unable to do so. “The Prophet then asked, "Did this man offer prayers?” The answer was yes. The Prophet then went to see the man and tried to encourage him to say there is no god but God. Still he was unable to pronounce the words. Prophet Muhammad then called for the dying man’s mother. The mother he had persistently disobeyed.

When she appeared, the Prophet asked, 'Respected lady, is he your son?” She replied yes. He then asked, “O respected lady, if we threaten to throw your son into a raging fire, would you recommend him to be forgiven?” The lady replied that she would definitely ask him to be forgiven. The Prophet then said to her, “Then declare, making God and me your witnesses, that you are now pleased with him.” The old woman readily declared, "O God, you and your Prophet are my witnesses that I am pleased with this beloved son of mine.” Then Prophet then turned to the dying man and asked him to recite, "There is no god but God, He is the One and has no partners and I witness that Muhammad is His Servant and Messenger.” (At Tabarani, Ahmad)

Because of his mother’s forgiveness, the dying man was able to recite the words that, by the Grace and Mercy of God, may have allowed him to enter Paradise. The good treatment of parents can be the key to Paradise, on the other hand, bad behaviour towards them may result in a punishment in hellfire.

Footnotes:

[1] Ibn Jareer al-Tabari

[2] One of the rites preformed during the Pilgrimage (Hajj) is circling the Holy House (Kaba)

Kindness to Parents (part 1 of 3): Duty and Devotion

2010-09-24T14:34:00.001+03:00

Description: Quranic injunctions on parents.
By Aisha Stacey (© 2008 IslamReligion.com)
Published on 21 Jul 2008 - Last modified on 14 Dec 2008

If you type the words, “kindness to parents” in Google ,six of the first ten results are Islamic articles stressing the importance of being dutiful and kind to parents. Why is this so? Islam is a religion that stresses the qualities of mercy, tolerance and respect. God has ordained the good treatment of parents and warned us against treating them with disrespect. There are several verses in the Quran where kindness to parents is even coupled with the most important aspect of Islam, worshipping God alone. This indicates that being kind to parents, honouring and respecting them, is extremely important in the way of life that is Islam.

“And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour.” (Quran 17:23)

No word of disrespect should be uttered toward a parent, nor even a look of resentment or contempt. Honouring parents can be considered a form of worship if the intention is to please Almighty God by respecting His commands.

God continues this verse by reminding us that parents are deserving of kindness because they raised their children with gentleness and often made great sacrifices for their wellbeing. His use of the word wing invokes the image of a mother bird tenderly shielding her young and calls to mind the gentleness that parents have for their children.

“And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy, and say: ‘My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was small.’” (Quran 17:24)

The love and mercy that emanates from the Most Merciful God is manifest in the kind treatment existing between parents and their children. God clearly prohibits the bad treatment of parents, and in another verse of the Quran He enjoins on us the need to show gratitude to Him, our Creator, as well as our parents. Again, God clearly links the rights owed to Him to the rights owed to parents.

“And We have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and good) to his parents. His mother bore him in weakness and hardship upon weakness and hardship, and his weaning is in two years give thanks to Me and to your parents, unto Me is the final destination.” (Quran 31:14)

Prophet Muhammad reinforced the duty to be kind to parents. A companion of the Prophet once asked him which of the many good deeds a man can do is the most loved by God. Prophet Muhammad answered him by saying, “To offer the prayer in its proper time”. The companion then asked, “And what is next?” to which Prophet Muhammad replied, “To be good and dutiful to your parents…”[1]. The responsibility to be kind and good to parents comes right after the greatest duty in Islam, the prayer.

More than Goodness

The Arabic word that is used in the Quran and the narrations of Prophet Muhammad to denote this kindness to parents as bir, and more often than not, it is translated as goodness. However, as is the case with most Arabic words, a direct translation into English often fails to explain the true depth of meaning. Bir does not only mean goodness; it contains shades of meaning that indicate kindness, compassion, respect and even patience. Islam, the way of life, encompasses all these qualities, and Muslims must strive to model this behaviour in all dealings, particularly in the relationship between parents and children.

Parents care for and nurture their children their entire lives, but at one point this duty reverses, parents become old and feeble and in need of this care and nurturing themselves. The child is obligated to care for the parents by displaying all the qualities of bir and knowing that the reward for this is with God. The Prophet Muhammad said, “If anyone possesses these three characteristics God will give him an easy death and bring him into His Paradise: gentleness towards the weak, affection towards parents, and kindness to slaves.”[2]

One Man’s Devotion

Abu Hurairah was a close companion of Prophet Muhammad; he is credited with remembering and transmitting many of the Prophets’ sayings. The life of Abu Hurairah also contains many demonstrations of his love and devotion to his mother. When he first embraced Islam, no amount of pleading could convince his mother to do the same. Weeping and afraid, Abu Hurairah approached the Prophet and begged him to make supplication to God asking that his mother be guided. Prophet Muhammad complied with this request and within a very short period of time Abu Hurairah’s mother uttered the words, “There is no God but God and Muhammad is his slave and Messenger”, thus embracing Islam.

Throughout his life, Abu Hurairah remained kind and courteous to his mother. Whenever he wanted to leave home, he would stand at the door of her room and say, “Peace be on you mother, and the mercy and blessings of God.” She would reply, “And on you be peace, my son, and the mercy and blessings of God.” He would also say, “May God have mercy on you as you cared for me when I was small,” to which she would reply, “May God have mercy on you as you delivered me from error when I was old.”

Abu Hurairah always encouraged other people to be kind and good to their parents. One day he saw two men walking together and enquired of the younger one, “Who is this man to you?” to which the young man replied, “He is my father”. Abu Hurairah advised him by saying, “Do not call him by his name, do not walk in front of him, and do not seat yourself before he does”.

This gentleness and affection between Abu Hurairah and his mother teaches us that mutual respect and love is a duty. A Muslim is obliged to show respect towards parents even if they are non-Muslim, and the greatest love he can show towards them is to supplicate to God in hope that they will be guided to Islam. At the time of the Prophet, many of those who embraced Islam found that it conflicted with the beliefs and requests of their parents, but they were taught to be kind and to obey their parents, except if the parents demanded they disobey God.

“But if they (both) strive with you to make you join in worship with Me others that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not, but behave with them in the world kindly, and follow the path of him who turns to Me in repentance and in obedience. Then to Me will be your return, and I shall tell you what you used to do.” (Quran 31:15)

Being dutiful to parents, obeying them and treating them with kindness is embedded in the teachings of Islam, however obedience to God is always the first and foremost duty in Islam.

Footnotes:

[1] Saheeh Al-Bukhari

[2] Tirmidhi

How to convert to Islam and become a Muslim

2010-09-24T14:30:00.000+03:00

The word “Muslim” means one who submits to the will of God, regardless of their race, nationality or ethnic background. Becoming a Muslim is a simple and easy process that requires no pre-requisites. One may convert alone in privacy, or he/she may do so in the presence of others.

If anyone has a real desire to be a Muslim and has full conviction and strong belief that Islam is the true religion of God, then, all one needs to do is pronounce the “Shahada”, the testimony of faith, without further delay. The “Shahada” is the first and most important of the five pillars of Islam.

With the pronunciation of this testimony, or “Shahada”, with sincere belief and conviction, one enters the fold of Islam.

Upon entering the fold of Islam purely for the Pleasure of God, all of one’s previous sins are forgiven, and one starts a new life of piety and righteousness. The Prophet said to a person who had placed the condition upon the Prophet in accepting Islam that God would forgive his sins:

“Do you not know that accepting Islam destroys all sins which come before it?” (Saheeh Muslim)

When one accepts Islam, they in essence repent from the ways and beliefs of their previous life. One need not be overburdened by sins committed before their acceptance. The person’s record is clean, and it is as if he was just born from his mother’s womb. One should try as much as possible to keep his records clean and strive to do as many good deeds as possible.

The Holy Quran and Hadeeth (prophetic sayings) both stress the importance of following Islam. God states:

“...The only religion in the sight of God is Islam...” (Quran 3:19)

In another verse of the Holy Quran, God states:

“If anyone desires a religion other than Islam, never will it be accepted of him; and in the Hereafter, he will be in the ranks of those who have lost (their selves in the Hellfire).” (Quran 3:85)

In another saying, Muhammad, the Prophet of God, said:

“Whoever testifies that there in none worthy of being worshipped but God, Who has no partner, and that Muhammad is His slave and Prophet, and that Jesus is the Slave of God, His Prophet, and His word[1] which He bestowed in Mary and a spirit created from Him; and that Paradise (Heaven) is true, and that the Hellfire is true, God will eventually admit him into Paradise, according to his deeds.” (Saheeh Al-Bukhari)

The Prophet of God, may the blessing and mercy of God be upon him, also reported:

“Indeed God has forbidden to reside eternally in Hell the person who says: “I testify that none has the right to worship except Allah (God),’ seeking thereby the Face of God.” (Saheeh Al-Bukhari)

The Declaration of the Testimony (Shahada)

To convert to Islam and become a Muslim a person needs to pronounce the below testimony with conviction and understanding its meaning:

I testify “La ilah illa Allah, Muhammad rasoolu Allah.”

The translation of which is:

“I testify that there is no true god (deity) but God (Allah), and that Muhammad is a Messenger (Prophet) of God.”

When someone pronounces the testimony with conviction, then he/she has become a Muslim. It can be done alone, but it is much better to be done with another Muslim with you to assure you say the testimony of faith correctly.

The first part of the testimony consists of the most important truth that God revealed to mankind: that there is nothing divine or worthy of being worshipped except for Almighty God. God states in the Holy Quran:

“We did not send the Messenger before you without revealing to him: ‘none has the right to be worshipped except I, therefore worship Me.’” (Quran 21:25)

This conveys that all forms of worship, whether it be praying, fasting, invoking, seeking refuge in, and offering an animal as sacrifice, must be directed to God and to God alone. Directing any form of worship to other than God (whether it be an angel, a messenger, Jesus, Muhammad, a saint, an idol, the sun, the moon, a tree) is seen as a contradiction to the fundamental message of Islam, and it is an unforgivable sin unless it is repented from before one dies. All forms of worship must be directed to God only.

Worship means the performance of deeds and sayings that please God, things which He commanded or encouraged to be performed, either by direct textual proof or by analogy. Thus, worship is not restricted to the implementation of the five pillars of Islam, but also includes every aspect of life. Providing food for one’s family, and saying something pleasant to cheer a person up are also considered acts of worship, if such is done with the intention of pleasing God. This means that, to be accepted, all acts of worship must be carried out sincerely for the Sake of God alone.

The second part of the testimony means that Prophet Muhammad is the servant and chosen messenger of God. This implies that one obeys and follows the commands of the Prophet. One must believe in what he has said, practice his teachings and avoid what he has forbidden. One must therefore worship God only according to his teaching alone, for all the teachings of the Prophet were in fact revelations and inspirations conveyed to him by God.

One must try to mold their lives and character and emulate the Prophet, as he was a living example for humans to follow. God says:

“And indeed you are upon a high standard of moral character.” (Quran 68:4)

God also said:

“And in deed you have a good and upright example in the Messenger of God, for those who hope in the meeting of God and the Hereafter, and mentions God much.” (Quran 33:21)

He was sent in order to practically implement the Quran, in his saying, deeds, legislation as well as all other facets of life. Aisha, the wife of the Prophet, when asked about the character of the Prophet, replied:

“His character was that of the Quran.” (As-Suyooti)

To truly adhere to the second part of the Shahada is to follow his example in all walks of life. God says:

“Say (O Muhammad to mankind): ‘If you (really) love God, then follow me.’” (Quran 3:31)

It also means that Muhammad is the Final Prophet and Messenger of God, and that no (true) Prophet can come after him.

“Muhammad is not the father of any man among you but he is the Messenger of God and the last (end) of the Prophets and God is Ever All-Aware of everything.” (Quran 33:40)

All who claim to be prophets or receive revelation after Muhammad are imposters, and to acknowledge them would be tantamount to disbelief.

We welcome you to Islam, congratulate you for your decision, and will try to help you in any way we can.

Women in Islam - Misconceptions about their Rights

2010-09-24T10:31:00.000+03:00

Women in Islam
Misconceptions About Their Rights By Sharrifa Carlo

For years, misconceptions about the roles which Muslim women play have abounded. Many people believe that Muslim women are slaves to their husbands, beaten by their husbands, forced by their husbands to cover or that they are completely devoid of rights. In essence, none of this is true. There may be individual cases where these actions may occur, but the same can be stated about any religion or culture. In Islam, however, it is very easy to differentiate between the action of the individual, and the teachings of Islam.

Islam is based upon the teachings of the Glorious Quran and the tradition of the prophet, may the peace and blessings of Allah be upon him. The tradition of the prophet (PBUH) is collected in a series of narrations, collectively know as the Hadiths. Through the Quran and the Hadiths, we, as Muslims can identify our roles, rights and duties.

These sources have some passages which are meant for all Muslims, male or female. There are some which have been dedicated to men, while others speak only to women. With the help of these sources, we, as Muslims, learn our freedoms and our limitations.

In reference to women, the Quran and the Hadiths have mandated various rules in regard to behavior, appearance and rights. Some of these may seem constricting to western women, causing them to pity Muslim women, but these women fail to realize that Muslim women do not feel constricted by these rules; we feel liberated, and in fact, as Muslim women we should pity western women. The Muslim woman is not forced to display herself to find a husband. She does not lower herself into competition with other women, using her body as a lure. Secondly, the Muslim women supports no man. Her property is off limits to her husband. It is his duty to provide for her and her children, regardless of her personal wealth. Thirdly, the man has no right to physically harm his wife. While some western scholars negate this by quoting from the Quran that a man is allowed to beat his wife, they fail to mention that the only condoned instrument for this beating is a siwak. (A siwak is a piece of wood, used as a toothbrush, about as thick as a pencil, and about half the length.) It is highly doubtful that this instrument could cause a child any damage, much less a woman. Yet, in the United States, there are still states which have no laws against a man beating his wife. Even, I once read an article where a man beat his girlfriend and killed her pet rabbit. This man was to six months for beating the woman but six years for killing the rabbit. What kind of society values the life of a rabbit more than the welfare of its women. Allah is the Just, the Supreme. Furthermore, Islam gave women the right to own property, work, inherit, and divorce long before the West had even decided that women were human and that they had souls.

Therefore, Western women should not preach to Muslim women about equal rights, because not only have Muslim woman had these rights, we have also had rights and privileges about which western women have not even thought.

Past Postings from an old blog

2010-09-19T19:32:00.001+03:00

Entry for June 19, 2007

Looking back always hurts!! Now that is an understatement if i ever heard one. So how do we stop looking back?

In 7 days I am taking 1 big jump back into a past life... the one i left 5 years ago when i came to the Middle East with all the new dreams and goals. I remember it like it was yesterday as i faced so many people telling me I was about to make the biggest mistake of my life.

So were they right? I dont think so. Actually I dont regret any of the decision I have made even though the outcome was far from what I expected. For the first time in my life, I jumped out of the bubble i was living in and ran after a dream.... so how can i regret that? But my family back home won't see it that way... so i must prepare myself for "i told you so's" and "when are u coming back to your senses and coming home?"
Every day I face mental and spiritual preparations as i prepare myself to face them...and to face alot of the hurt i left behind.
Yes.... looking back may hurt.... but also.... it may help us prevent future hurt as well. I wish i had a fairy god mother to wave her magic wand or look in her crystal ball to guide me in the right way. However, I have much better... I have GOD and...i trust in the path He has for me although i will admit, I am scared of the unknown.... scared to live without what my heart desires.... but more so.... scared to let my heart live to love again. I know... I am contradicting myself. I want to love... but i am too scared to love. Maybe Dr. Phil can help me on this one.
Anyhow, even if nobody is reading this... thank you yahoo for letting me express myself freely.
Peace and Blessing of ALLAH (God) to all

Lynn

Entry for April 12, 2010

To stop dreaming is to stop living... this was my motto...and I was about to stop dreaming.

Just when I thought I could not take anymore disappointments, I was faced with yet more obstacles and heartache. I had truly felt like I hit my all time low but then I quickly learned the real meaning of the phrase : "After hardship comes Ease"

For the past few years confusion was my best friend. Although I knew what I was aiming for, I was thrown so many curve balls that I had no idea what direction to take. The answers came to me after I feel and fractured my elbow. For a single mom of 4, living in a foreign country with no family, this was enough to break me... but it didnt. It made me finally see what was happening around me...and what i needed to do.

As they say you truly learn alot about people around you when you face troubles...and that i did. I quickly learned about others and about myself. I also learned that sometimes what we are searching for is right under our own noses. I looked deep within myself to find just what i had been seeking all my life. I found myself... I found that unless I loved myself for who I am then I could never accept the love of another.

Alhamdolellah (all praise be to God) I found myself...and then I found the love I had been seeking. I never truly realized that the 1 person who was always there listening to me talk about my dreams... offering words of wisdom when I was crying over another heartache ... the one who just sat there quietly hoping I would notice him would be the answer to all my dreams....and he was... he is.

I was blessed to finally realize this after praying to God and asking HIM to guide me. I am sure I have hurt others by my sudden decision and more then sudden disappearance but this was out of my control. I ask forgiveness for the hurt I may have caused but at the same time, I know I did the right decision as in the end... until I loved myself, I could have never loved another....and now I do love myself... I love the person my best friend has allowed me to get to know in myself... I love the person I see in myself when I look at myself through his eyes... and loving myself only makes me love him more.

I thank God Almighty for everything... the hardships.... the triumphs..... but most of all.... for allowing me to live and grow as a person.

The Muslim Woman: Her Status in the Ummah (Muslim Nation)

2010-09-19T17:29:00.000+03:00

Monday, January 18, 2010

An enlightening piece of advice from the Muftee of the Ummah, regarding the great status and rank afforded to women in Islaam. The Shaykh also adds a personal touch to this reply by speaking of his own mother and what she did for him as a child.

"The secret of her importance lies in the tremendous burden and responsibility that is placed upon her, and the difficulties she has to shoulder – responsibilities and difficilties some of which not even a man bears."

The status of the Muslim woman in Islaam is a very noble and lofty one, and her effect is very great in the life of every Muslim. Indeed the Muslim woman is the initial teacher in building a righteous society, providing she follows the guidance from the Book of Allaah and the Sunnah of the Messenger (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam). Since adherence to the Qur`aan and the Sunnah distances every Muslim – male or female – from being misguided in any matter. The misguidance that the various nations suffer from, and their being deviated does not come about except by being far away from the path of Allaah – the Most Perfect, the Most High – and from what His Prophets and Messngers - may Allaah’s Peace and Prayers be upon them all – came with. The Prophet (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said:

"I am leaving behind you two matters, you will not go astray as long as you cling to them both, the Book of Allaah and my Sunnah." [2]

The great importance of the Muslim woman’s role – whether as wife, sister, or daughter, and the rights that are due to her and the rights that are due from her – have been explained in the noble Qur`aan, and further detailed of this have been explained in the purified Sunnah.

The secret of her importance lies in the tremendous burden and responsibility that is placed upon her, and the difficulties she has to shoulder – responsibilities and difficilties some of which not even a man bears. This is why from the most important obligations upon a person is to show gratitude to the mother, and kindness and good companionship with her. And in this matter, she is to be given precedence over and above the father. Allaah the Exalted says:

"And We have enjoined upon man to be good and dutiful to his parents. His mother bore him in weakness upon weakness and hardship upon hardship, and his weaning is in two years. Show gratitude and thanks to Me and to your parents. Unto Me is the final destination." [Soorah Luqmaan 31:14]

Allaah the Exalted said:

"And We have enjoined upon man to be dutiful and kind to his parents. His mother bears him with hardship, and she brings him forth with hardship. And the bearing and weaning of him is thirty months." [Sooratul Ahqaaf 41:15]

A man came to the Messenger of Allaah (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) and said: "O Messenger of Allaah! Who from amongst mankind warrents the best companionship from me?" He replied:

"Your mother."

The man asked, "Then who?" So he replied:

"Your mother."

The man then asked, "Then who?" So the Prophet replied again:

"Your mother."

Then the man asked, "Then who?" So he replied:

"Your father." [3]

So this necessitates that the mother is given three times the likes of kindness and good treatment than the father.

As regards the wife, then her status and her effect in making the soul tranquil and serene has been clearly shown in the noble aayah (statement of Allaah), in His – the Exalted – saying:

"And from His signs is this: That He created for you wives amongst yourselves, so that you may find serentiy and tranquility in them. And He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in this are signs for those who reflect." [Sooratur Room 30:21]

Al-Haafidh Ibn Katheer (d.774H) – rahimahullaah – said whilst explaining the terms muwaddah and rahmah which occur in the above aayah:

"Al-muwaddah means love and affection and ar-rahmah means compassion and pity – since a man takes a woman either due to his love for her, or because of compassion and pity for her; by giving to her a child from himself…" [4]

And the unique stance that the Prophet’s (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) wife Khadeejah – radiyallaahu ‘anhaa – took, had a huge effect in calming and reassuring the Messenger of Allaah (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam), when the angel Jibreel (‘alayhis salaam) first came to the cave of Hiraa. So the Prophet (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) returned to Khadeejah (radiyallaahu ‘anhaa) with the first Revelation and with his heart beating and trembling severely, and he said to her:

"Cover me! Cover me!"

So she covered him until his fear was over, after which he told Khadeejah (radiyallaahu ‘anhaa) everything that happened and said:

"I fear that something may happen to me."

So she said to him:

"Never! By Allaah! Allaah will never disgrace you. You keep good ties with the relations, you help the poor and the destitute, you serve your guests generously and assist those who have been afflicted with calamities." [5]

And do not forget about ‘Aa`ishah (radiyallaahu ‘anhaa) and her great effect. Since even the great Companions used to take the knowledge of Hadeeth from her, and many of the Sahaabiyaat (female Companions) learned the various rulings pertaining to women’s issues from her.

And I have no doubt that my mother – may Allaah shower His mercy upon her – had a tremendous effect upon me, in encouraging me to study; and she assisted me in it. May Allaah greatly increase her reward and reward her with the best of rewards for what she did for me.

And there is no doubt also, that the house in which there is kindness, gentleness, love and care, along with the correct Islaamic tarbiyah (education and cultivation) will greatly effect the man. So he will become – if Allaah wills – successful in his affairs and in any matter – whether it be seeking knowledge, trading, earning a living, or other than this. So it is Allaah alone that I ask to grant success and to guide us all to that which He loves and is pleased with. And may the Prayers and Peace of Allaah be upon our Prophet Muhammad and upon his Family, his Companions and his followers.

By Shaykh ‘Abdul ‘Azeez Ibn Baaz (d.1420H) (rahimahullaah)
Source: troid.org

Footnotes:

[1] He is the exemplary Scholar: Abu ‘Abdullaah, ‘Abdul ‘Azeez Ibn ‘Abdullaah Ibn Baaz. He was born in the city of Riyaadh (Saudi Arabia) on the 12th of Dhul-Hijjah in the year 1330H. He began seeking knowledge by first memorizing the Qur`aan before reaching the age of puberty. After this, He began to study noble sciences such as ‘Aqeedah (beliefs), Fiqh (Islaamic Jurisprudence), Hadeeth (Prophetic Narrations), Usoolul-Fiqh (fundamentals of jurisprudence), Faraa`id (Laws of inheritance), Nahw (Grammar) and Sarf (morphology) – even though the Shaykh became permanently blind at the age of nineteen. He studied these sciences under some of the most prominent scholars of Riyaadh and Makkah of his time, including Shaykh Muhammad Ibn ‘Abdul Lateef Ibn ‘Abdur Rahmaan Ibn Hasan and also the former Grand Muftee and noble scholar, Shaykh Muhammad Ibn Ibraaheem – whom he studied under for ten years. He lived to be eighty-nine years old, he was mild, generous and forbearing in nature, yet firm, whilst wise while speaking the truth. He was a zaahid (one who abstains) with respect to this world and he was one of the foremost scholars of Ahlus-Sunnah wal-Jamaa’ah in his age. The noble Shaykh – by Allaah’s grace – devoted his whole life to Islaam and it’s people, authoring many books and booklets, teaching and serving the masses, along with being very active in the field of Da’wah. May Allaah forgive our noble father and Shaykh.

This article was a response to a particular question concerning the position and status of Muslim women and has been taken from his Majmoo’ul Fataawaa wa Maqaalaatil Mutanawwi`ah (3/348-350).

[2] Hasan: Related by Maalik in al-Muwattaa (2/899) and al-Haakim (1/93), from Ibn ‘Abbaas (radiyallaahu ‘anhu). It was authenticated by Shaykh al-Albaanee in as-Saheehah (no. 1871).

[3] Related by al-Bukhaaree (no. 5971) and Muslim (7/2), from Abu Hurayrah (radiyallaahu ‘anhu).

[4] Tafseer Qur`aanil A’dtheem (3/439) of al-Haafidh Ibn Katheer.

[5] Related by al-Bukhaaree (1/22) and Muslim (1/139), from the lengthy narration of ‘Aa`ishah (radiyallaahu ‘anhaa).

Women Rights in Islam – Modernising or Outdated?

2010-09-19T17:18:00.000+03:00

Posted by iloveAllaah.com Team • November 8, 2009 •

Taken from a Lecture by Dr Zakir Naik

Definition

According to the Oxford dictionary, ‘Women’s Rights are the rights, that promote a position of social and legal equality, of women to men’
According to the Oxford dictionary, ‘they are the rights, claimed for the women, equal to those of men, as regards to suffrage that right to vote, as regards to property, etc’.
‘Modernising’, according to the Oxford dictionary means, ‘to make modern, to adapt to modern needs or habits’.
And according to the Webster’s dictionary it means… ‘To make modern, or to give a new character or appearance - e.g., to modernise ones ideas’.
In short, modernising is a process of updating or opting for the betterment of the present status itself - It is not the present modern status itself.
Can we modernise ourselves, to master our problems, and to realize a new way of life, for the whole human race?
I am not concerned about the modern ideas, the conclusions and the categorical statements made by scientists and inexperienced armchair experts, as how a life should be lived by a woman.
I am going to base my conclusions and considerations on truth, which can be proved by experience.
Experience and unbiased factual holistic analysis, are the sure test, between the gold of truth, and the glitter of theory.
We have to check our thinking against reality, otherwise many a times, our mental process will go astray - Indeed the great brains of one time, believed that the world was flat.

Women Rights in the West

If we agree with the ‘Women’s rights in Islam’, as portrayed by the Western media, you have no option, but to agree that the ‘Women’s rights in Islam’ are outdated.
The Western talk of women’s liberation, is actually a disguised form of exploitation of her body, deprivation of her honour and degradation of her soul.
The Western society which speaks of upgrading the status of women in Islam, have actually reduced her status to concubines, to mistresses, to society butterflies, which are mere tools in the hands of sex marketers and pleasure seekers, which are disguised behind the colorful screen of art and culture.

Women Rights in Islam

Islam’s radical revolutionary support, gave women their due right and status in the days of ignorance… 1,400 years ago.
Islam’s objective was and continues to be, to modernise our thinking, our living, our seeing, our hearing, our feeling and striving for the women’s upliftment and emancipation in the society.
Before I dwell further with the topic, I would like you to make note of a few points.

Approximately one fifth of the world’s population, consists of Muslims. There are different Muslim societies - Some may be close to Islam, some may be far away from Islam.
The ‘Women’s rights in Islam’ should judged according to the authentic sources, and not what individual Muslims do, or what the Muslim society does.
The authentic sources of Islam, are the Qur’an, which is the word of God, and the authentic Sunnah, and the traditions of our beloved Prophet (peace be upon him).
Qur’an will never contradict itself, nor will the authentic Hadith contradict itself… neither will these two authentic sources, contradict each other.
Sometimes the scholars differ, and many a times, these differences can be removed by analyzing the Qur’an as a whole, and not just by quoting one particular Verse. Because if one particular verse of the Qur’an is ambiguous many a times the answer is given somewhere else in the Qur’an - Some people quote one source and neglect all the other sources.
It is the duty of every Muslim, male or female, to seek the pleasure of God, and to act as His trustee on this world, and not to try and gain fame or satisfy one’s own ego.

Islam believes in equality of men and women – ‘Equality’ does not mean ‘identicality’.
In Islam, the role of a man and woman is complimentary, it is not conflicting. It is that of a partnership, it is not contradictory, so as to strive for supremacy.
Where ‘Women’s rights in Islam’ is concerned, I have divided it into 6 broad categories.

Six Categories of Women Rights in Islam

The first are ‘the Spiritual rights’, second are ‘the Economical rights’, third are ‘the Social rights’, fourth are ‘the Educational rights’, fifth are ‘the Legal rights’, and last are ‘the Political rights’.
Sex is Not the Criteria to Enter Paradise:
The greatest misconception that the West has about Islam, is that they think… ‘Paradise in Islam, is only meant for the male - it is not meant for the female’.
This misconception can be removed by quoting from Surah Nisa, Ch. No. 4, Verse No 124, which says, ‘If any of you do deeds of righteousness, whether it be male or a female and has faith, they shall surely enter Paradise and not the least injustice shall be done to them’
A similar thing is repeated in Surah Nahl, Ch.16, Verse No.97 which says… ‘If any of you perform good deeds, be it a man or a woman and is a believer, We shall give you good life and We should reward you for all your good works’.
Just because in Islam, sex is not the criteria to enter Paradise, will you call such rights in Islam as modernising or outdated?

A. Spiritual Rights of Women in Islam

Another misconception is that, which the Western media has, that, ‘The woman has no soul’.
In fact, it was in the seventeenth century, when the Council of wise men, when they gathered at Rome, and they unanimously agreed that the woman had no soul.
In Islam, man and woman have the same spiritual nature. It is mentioned in Quran, Ch.4, Verse No.1, which says that, ‘O humankind reverence your Guardian Lord, who has created you from a single person and created like nature his mate’.
A similar thing is mentioned in Surah Nahl, Ch.16, Verse No.72, which says that, ‘We have made for you companions and mates of your own nature’.
In Surah Al-Shura, Ch.42, Verse No.11, it says, ‘He is the one who has created the heavens and the earth and has made for you pairs from among yourselves’.
Just because the spiritual nature of a man and woman is the same in Islam, will you call such rights in Islam, as modernizing or outdated?
The Qur’an clearly mentions that, ‘God has breathed somewhat of His spirit into the human beings’.
If you read Surah Hijr, Ch.15, Verse No.29, it says, ‘When I have fashioned you in due proportion and have breathed into you something of my spirit, fall you down in obeisance’.
A similar thing is repeated in the Qur’an, in Surah Sajdah, Ch. 32, Verse No.9, which says, ‘Then He fashioned him and breathed into him of His Spirit...’.
Here, when God refers to as ‘Something of My Spirit, is breathed into the human beings’ - it does not mean, a sort of incarnation or a pantheistic form.
It means that Allah has given to every human being something of His spiritual Nature, and the Knowledge of God Almighty, and coming closer towards Him.
Here it refers to both Adam and Eve (may peace be upon them) - Both were breathed something of God's Spirit.
Again we read in the Qur’an, that Allah has appointed the human being as His vicegerent, as His trustee, as is mentioned in Surah Isra, Ch.17, Verse No.70, which says, ‘We have honoured the children of Adam and bestowed on them special favours’.
Note, here all the children of Adam have been honoured, male as well as female.
There are some Religious scriptures, for example the Bible, which puts the blame on Eve for the downfall of humanity.
In fact if you read the Qur’an in Surah Araf, Ch.7, Verse No.19 to 27, Adam and Eve (may peace be upon them both) are addressed, more than a dozen of times.
Both disobeyed God, both asked for forgiveness, both repented, and both were forgiven.
In the Bible, if you read Genesis, Ch. 3, only Eve is held responsible (May peace be upon her) for the downfall of humanity.
And according to the doctrine of ‘Original Sin’, because of Eve (may peace be upon her) the whole of humanity is born in sin.
Does Pregnancy Uplift the Women or Degrade?
If you read the Bible in Genesis, Ch. 3, Verse No.16, it says that, 'To the woman He (God) said, "I will greatly multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children, yet your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you."'
That means, pregnancy and child birth has been said in the Bible to degrade the women and the labour pain is a sort of punishment.
In fact if you read the Qur’an, pregnancy and child birth have uplifted the women.
If you read Surah Nisa, Ch.4, Verse No.1, it says, ‘Respect the womb that bore you’.
Its mentioned in Surah Luqman, Ch.31, Verse No.14, it says, ‘We have enjoined on the human being to be kind to the parents, in travail upon travail did their mother bore them and in years twain was their weaning’.
A similar thing is mentioned in Surah Ahqaf, Ch.46, Verse No.15, it again repeats, which says, ‘We have enjoined on the human beings to be kind to his parents’.
To be kind to the parents - in pain did their mother bore them, and in pain did she give them birth - Pregnancy in the Qur’an has uplifted the women not degraded her.
Just because pregnancy has uplifted the women in Islam will you call such rights in Islam as modernizing or outdated?
Criteria in the Sight of God to Judge Male and Female:
The only criteria for judgment in the sight of Allah is ‘Taqwa’, ‘God consciousness’ or ‘righteousness’.
It is mentioned in Surah Hujurat, Ch.49, Verse No.13 ‘O humankind, We have created you from a single pair of male and female and have divided you into nations and tribes, so that you shall recognize each other not that you despise each other and the most honored in the sight of God, is the one who is the most righteous’.
Sex, colour, caste, wealth has got no criteria in Islam - The only criteria in the sight of God is ‘righteousness’, neither is sex the criteria for God to reward or to punish a person.
If you read Surah Imran Ch.3 Verse No.195 it says ‘I will never suffer the loss of any of you, be it male or female, you are companions unto each other’.
Equal Moral Duties for Men and Women:
I had started my talk by quoting a verse from the Qur’an from Surah Al Ahzab, Ch.33, Verse No.35, which says,
‘For Muslim men and Muslim women,
for believing men and women,
for devout men and women,
for true men and women,
for men and women who are patient and constant,
for men and women who give in charity,
for men and women who fast and deny themselves,
for men and women who guard their chastity,
for men and women who engage much in God's praise,
God has prepared for them forgiveness and a vast reward.’
This verse indicates that the spiritual duties, the moral duties, for the men and women in Islam are the same - Both have to believe, both have to pray, both have to fast, both have to give in charity, etc, etc.
But the women has been given certain concession in Islam.
If she is undergoing her menstrual period or pregnancy, she does not have to fast - She can keep those fasts later on, when she is more healthy.
During the menstrual period and during the postnatal period, she needs not pray also - she has been given the concession, and neither does she have to compensate it later on.
Just because the moral duties of the men and women are equal in Islam will you call such rights in Islam as modernizing or outdated?

B. Economical Rights to the Women

Islam gave economical rights to the women 1,300 years before the West. An adult Muslim woman can own, she can dispose or disown any of her property without consulting any one, irrespective whether she is married or she is single.
In 1870, it was the first time in England, that the West recognized the rights of the married woman, where she was allowed to own or dispose any of her property without consultation.
I do agree that the women were given their economical rights 1300 years ago - these are ancient rights - but the question is – ‘are they modernizing or outdated?’
Women on Job:
A women in Islam, if she wishes to work she can work - There is no text in the Qur’an or the authentic Hadith which prevents or makes it prohibited for a woman to do any work, as long as it is not unlawful, as long as it is within the preview of the Islamic Shariah, as long as she maintains her Islamic dress code.
But natural, she cannot take up jobs, which exhibit her beauty and body - Like for example, modeling and film acting, and such kind of jobs.
Many of the professions and jobs which are prohibited for the woman are also prohibited for the man, for example serving alcohol, working in gambling dens, doing any unethical or dishonest business. All these jobs are prohibited for both men and women.
A true Islamic society requires women to take up profession such as doctors.
We do require female Gynecologists, we do require female nurses, we do require female teachers.
But, a woman in Islam has got no financial obligations - The financial obligation is laid on the shoulders of the man in the family - Therefore she need not work for her livelihood.
But in genuine cases, where there are financial crisis in which both the ends do not meet, she has the option of working.
Here too, no one can force her to work - She works out of her own, absolute free will.
Financial Security for Women:
A woman in Islam has been given more financial security, as compared to the man.
As I told you earlier, the financial obligation is not put on her shoulder - It is put on the shoulder of the man in the family. It is the duty of the father or the brother, before she is married and the duty of the husband or the son, after she is married to look after her lodging, boarding, clothing and financial aspects of her.
Compulsory Marital Gift for a Woman:
When she gets married, she is on the receiving end.
She receives a gift - she receives a dower or a marital gift, which is called as ‘Meher’.
And it is mentioned in the Qur’an in Surah Nisa, Ch.4 Verse No.4 which says, ‘Give to the woman in dower, a marital gift’.
For a marriage to solemnize in Islam, ‘Meher’ is compulsory.
But unfortunately in our Muslim society here, we just keep a nominal ‘Meher’ to satisfy the Qur’an, say 151 Rupees, or some people give 786 Rupees and they spend lakhs and lakhs of Rupees on the reception, on the decoration, on the flowers, on the lunch parties, on the dinner parties.
In Islam, there is no lower-limit, nor is there an upper limit for ‘Meher’ - But when a person can spend lakhs of Rupees on the reception, surely the ‘Meher ’ should be much more.
There are various cultures which have crept into the Muslim societies, specially in the Indo-Pak area.
They give a small amount of ‘Meher’ and they expect the wife to give a fridge, to give a T.V set, they expect the wife to give an apartment, to give a car, etc., and a large sum of dowry, depending upon the status of the husband.
If he is a graduate, they may expect 1 lakh - If he is an engineer they may expect 3 lakhs - If he is a doctor they may expect 5 lakhs.
Demanding dowry from the wife, directly or indirectly is prohibited in Islam.
If the parents of the girl give the girl something out of their own free will, it is accepted - But demanding or forcing directly or indirectly, it is prohibited in Islam.
No Financial Liabilities:
If a Woman works, which she does not have to - whatever earning she gets, it is absolutely her property.
She need not spend on the household - if she wants to spend it is her free will.
Irrespective how rich the wife is, it is the duty of the husband to give lodging, boarding, clothing and look after the financial aspects of the wife.
In case of divorce or if a wife gets widowed, she is given financial support for the period of ‘Iddah’ - and if she has children, she is also given child support.
Right to Inherit:
Islam gave the right to the women to inherit, centuries ago.
If you read the Qur’an - in several verses, in Surah Nisa, in Surah Baqarah and in Surah Maidah, it is mentioned that a woman, irrespective she is a wife or she is a mother, or a sister, or a daughter, she has a right to inherit. And it has been fixed by God Almighty in the Qur’an.

C. Social Rights of Women in Islam

Broadly it can be categorized into four sub-headings. Social rights given to a daughter, to a wife, to a mother and to a sister.

Social Rights to a Daughter:
Islam prohibits, female infanticide. The killing of female children is forbidden in Islam. It is mentioned in Surah Taqveem, Ch. 81, Verse No. 8 and 9, ‘when the female child is buried alive and when she questions you, for what crime was she killed’. Not only female infanticide has been prohibited, all sorts of infanticides has been prohibited in Islam, whether it be a male child or a female child. It is mention in the Qur’an in Surah A’nam Ch.6, Verse No.151 that, ‘Kill not your children for want of sustenance for it is God that will provide sustenance for you and for children’. A similar thing is mentioned in Surah Isra, Ch.17 Verse No.31 which says… ‘Kill not your children for want of sustenance, for it is God that will provide sustenance to you and your children, for killing of children is a major sin’. In the pre-Islamic Arabia, whenever a female child was born mostly she was buried alive. Alhamdullillah, after the spread of Islam this evil practice has been discontinued. But unfortunately it still continues in India - According to a BBC report, in the programe assignment the title of which was ‘Let Her Die’, there was a British reporter by the name of Emily Beckenen, who came all the way from Britain to India to give us the statistics of the female infanticide. In that programe, it gives the statistics, that every day more than 3,000 fetuses are being aborted on being identified that they are females. If you multiply this figure by the number of days, that is multiplied by 365, you get a figure of more than one million female fetuses are being aborted every year in our country. And there are big hoarding and posters in states like Tamil Nadu and Rajasthan, which says spend 500 Rupees and save 5 lakh Rupees. What does it mean? - That spend Rupees 500 on medical examination like Aminocententus or Ultra Sonography, and identify the gender of child. If it is a female you can abort it and you’ll save 5 lakh Rupees - How? The couple of lakhs you spend on upbringing her and the remaining lakhs of Rupees you spend on giving dowry to the man who will marry her (a custom in India). According to the report of the Government Hospital of Tamil Nadu – ‘out of every 10 female children that are born, four are put to death’ - No wonder the female population in India is less than the male population. Female infanticide was continuing in India since centuries - If you analyze the statistics of the 1901 census, for every 1000 males there were 972 females. According to the 1981 statistics and census, it tells you for every 1000 males you have 934 females. And the latest statistics of 1991 tells you that for every 1000 males you have 927 females. You can analyze that the female ratio is dropping every year - And since science and medicine has advanced, it has helped in this evil practice. Just because Islam tells you that you should not kill any children whether it be male or female will you call these rights in Islam as modernizing or outdated? Qur’an not only prohibits female infanticide, it rebukes at the thought of you rejoicing at the birth of a male child and getting saddened at the birth of a female child. In Islam, a daughter should be brought up correctly. In Islam, there should be no partiality in upbringing of the daughter or the son. According to a Hadith, ‘In the presence of the Prophet Muhammad, once a man kissed his son and placed him on his lap but did not do the same to his daughter. The Prophet immediately objected and said that you are unjust - You should have even kissed your daughter and placed her on the other lap’.
Social Rights to Wife:
All the previous civilizations, they have considered the women to be an ‘instrument of the devil’.
The Qur’an refers to the women as ‘Mohsana’, that is a ‘fortress against the devil’.
And if a woman, who’s good, marries a man, she prevents him from going on the wrong path.
There’s a Hadith in which Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) he said that, ‘there is no monasticism in Islam’ .
And again according to Sahih Bukhari, Volume No. 7, Ch. No. 3 Hadith No 4 it says that ‘the Prophet Muhammad ordained the young men, all those who have the means to marry, they should marry - For it will help them to guard their gaze and guard their modesty.
The Qur’an say’s that, ‘We have put love into the hearts of the husband and wife’.
If you read Surah Rum, Ch. 30, Verse No. 21 it says that, ‘And amongst our signs We have created for you mates or companions, so that you may dwell in them in tranquillity and we have put love and mercy between your hearts’.
According to Surah Nisa, Ch.4, Verse No.21, marriage is considered as a strong agreement, a strong contract.
According to Surah Nisa, Ch.4, Verse No.19, it says, ‘You are prohibited to inherit women against their will’ - Means, to marry the permission of both the parties are required.
It is compulsory that the man and women both should agree to marry. No one - not even the father can force their daughter to marry against her wishes.
There’s a Hadith in Sahih Bukhari, Volume 7, Book 62, Number 69, which says ‘that a lady she was forced by her father to marry against her wishes’ - And she went to the Prophet and the Prophet invalidated the marriage’.
Another Hadith in Ibn-e-Humbal, Hadith No. 2469, it says ‘that a daughter was forced by her father to get married - And when the daughter approached the Prophet, the Prophet said you can either continue, or if you wish you can invalidate the marriage.
That means, the consent of both the male and the female is required.
In Islam, a women is considered as a homemaker - She is not considered as a housewife, because she is not married to the house.
Many people use terminology, without understanding what it means – ‘Housewife’ means ‘you are the wife of the house’.
So I believe, from now onwards the sisters would prefer calling themselves ‘homemakers’, than ‘house wives’, if they are occupied more in the home.
In Islam, a woman, she is not married to a master that she should be treated like a slave - She is married to it is equal.
And there is a Hadith which says in Ibn-Hambal - Hadith No 736, 7396. It says that, ‘the most perfect of the believers are those that are best in character and behavior, and those that are best to their family and their wives’.
Islam gives equal rights to the man and woman. Qur’an clearly mentions that men and women, husband and wife have equal rights in all aspects, except leadership in the family.
It is mentioned in the Qur’an in Surah Baqarah Ch.2, Verse No.228. It says that, ‘...the women have been given rights similar against them (men) on equitable terms but the men have a degree higher...’.
Most of the Muslims have misunderstood this verse, when it says ‘a men have a degree higher’ - As I said we should analyze the Qur’an as a whole. And its mentioned in Surah Nisa, Ch. 4, Verse No.34 which says, ‘The men are the protectors and maintainers of the women, for God has given one of them more strength than the other and they give them their means’.
People say the word ‘Kawwam’ means, ‘one degree higher in superiority’ - But actually the word ‘Kawwam’ comes from the root word ‘Ikamah’. ‘Ikamah’ means for example ‘when you give the Ikamah before prayers - You stand up’.
So ‘Ikamah’ means to standup - so the word ‘Kawwam’ means one degree higher in responsibility, not one degree higher in superiority.
Even if you read the commentary of ‘Ibne-Kathir’ - He says that the word ‘Kawwam’ means one degree higher in responsibility, not one degree higher in superiority.
And this responsibility, should be carried out by mutual consent of both husband and wife.
It is mentioned in Surah Baqarah, Ch.2, Verse No.187, which says, Which means… ‘Your wives are your garments, and you are their garments’.
What’s the objective of garments - It is used to conceal and to beautify.
The husband and wife, should conceal each others faults, and they should beautify each other - Its a relationship of hands and gloves.
The Qur’an mentions that, ‘even if you do not like your wife, you should treat her kindly’.
It is mentioned in Surah Nisa, Ch.4, Verse No.19, that, ‘...consort with them (your wives) in kindness, for if you hate them it may happen that you hate a thing wherein God has placed much good.
Even if you dislike your wife you have to treat her kindly and with equity
Just because the rights of a wife are equal to those of the husband in Islam, will you call such rights in Islam as modernizing or outdated?
Social Rights to a Mother:
The only thing above respect to Mother, is the worship of God - It is mentioned in: Ch.17, Verse No.28-29, It says that… ‘God has ordained for you, that you worship none but Him, and to be kind to your parents. And if any one or both of them reach old age do not say a word of contempt or repel them but address them with honour, and speak to them with kindness, and lower your wing of humility and pray to God - ‘My Lord! bless them as they have cherished me in childhood’. Surah Nisa, Ch. No. 4, Verse No. 1 says, ‘Respect the womb that bore you’. Surah A’nam, Ch.6, Verse No.151, says that, ‘You have to be kind to your parents’. Surah Luqman Ch.31, Verse No.14, says that, ‘We have enjoined on the human beings to be kind to his parents. In travail upon travail, did their mother bore them and in years twain was their weaning’. A similar thing is repeated again in Surah Ahqaf, Ch.46, Verse No.15, that… ‘We have enjoined on the human beings to be kind to his parents. In pain did their mother bore them and in pain did she give them birth’. Another Hadith related in Sahih Bukhari in Volume 8, Ch. No. 2 Hadith No. 2, as well as in Sahih-Muslim - It says that a man asked the Prophet Muhammad… ‘Who requires the maximum love and respect and my companionship in this world? The Prophet replied – ‘your mother’ ‘Who is next’? – ‘your mother’ ‘Who is next?’ – ‘your mother’ The man asked for the fourth time, - ‘Who is next’ The Prophet replied ‘your father’. So 75% of the love and respect goes to the mother and 25% of the love and respect goes to the father. Three fourth of the better part of the love and respect goes to the mother – One fourth of the remaining part of the love and respect goes to the father.
Social Rights to a Sister:
According to Surah Tawbah, Ch. 9, Verse No.71, it says that, ‘The men and the women they are friends of each other’.
Prophet Muhammed (may peace be upon him) he said, ‘The women are the ‘Shakat’ -‘Shakat’ means sister’.

D. Educational Rights to a Woman

The first 5 verses which were revealed in the Qur’an were from Surah Alaq, or Surah Iqra, Verse No. 1 to 5 which says:
‘Read, recite or proclaim in the name of your Lord, Who has created the human beings from a congealed clot of blood (a leech like substance).
Read, your Lord is most bountiful.
Who has taught the use of the pen.
Who has taught the human beings that which he knew-not’.
The first guidance given in the Qur’an to the humankind was not to pray, was not to fast, was not to give charity - It was read - Islam pays utmost importance to education.
Education is Compulsory in Islam:
According to Quran:

God will exalt those of you who believe and those who are given knowledge to high degrees. (58:11)
And say, O my Lord! increase me in knowledge. (20:114)
And whoever is is given knowledge is given indeed abundant wealth. (2:269)
According to a saying of Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) “It is obligatory for every Muslim, male or female, to acquire knowledge (Al-Bayhaqi).

E. Legal Rights to a Woman

According to the Islamic law, men and women are equal - The Islamic Law protects the life and property of a man and woman both. If a man murders a woman he too will receive the capital punishment of ‘Kisaas’. According to the Islamic law of ‘Kisaas’, men and women - irrespective the injury be of the eye, of the nose, of the ear, of the body - both receive equal punishment. And if the guardian of the murderer, even it be a woman - If she says, that forgive the murderer and she accepts ‘Dia’, that is compensation - her opinion cannot be rejected - they have to accept it. And if there’s difference of opinion between the relatives of the person whose murdered - And some say that the murderer should be killed and some say that he should be forgiven and ‘Dia’ should be accepted - people should prevent the relatives from killing that murderer. And irrespective whether the witness or the opinion is given by a man or woman, it has same weight. According to Surah Maida, Ch.5, Verse No.30 - It says… ‘As to the thief, whether he be man or a woman, cut off his or her hand as a punishment for his crime, an example from God’. Means, if a person robs, irrespective whether he is a man or a woman his or her hands should be chopped - The punishment is the same. According to Surah Nur, Ch.24, Verse No.2, it says ‘If any commits fornication, be it a man or a woman, flog them with 100 stripes’. The punishment for fornication in Islam irrespective whether it is a man or a woman, it is the same - Flogging with 100 stripes. The punishment for men and women, is the same in Islam. In Islam a woman is allowed to give witness Imagine, Islam gave right to a woman to be a witness, 14 centuries ago. Even now in as late as 1980, the Jewish Rabai, they were considering that whether the women should be given a right to act as a witness or not - And Islam gave that right 1400 years ago. Accord ing to Surah Nur, Ch.24, Verse No.4, it is said ‘If any of you put a charge against the chastity of a woman, produce 4 witnesses, and if they falter, flog them with 80 stripes’. In Islam for a small crime, you require 2 witness - for a big crime you require 4 witnesses. Accusing a woman falsely is a big crime in Islam, therefore you require 4 witnesses. Now a days you see in the modern society, you find men abusing women and calling them all sorts of name. They call them prostitutes etc, and nothing is done. In an Islamic state, if a man calls her a ‘prostitute’ in public or anywhere else, and if she takes that man to court - And if that man cannot produce 4 witnesses or even if he produces 4 witnesses and any one of them falter, all of them will receive 80 lashes each, and in future all their evidence will be rejected. Islam gives utmost importance to the chastity of the woman. When a lady marries, she normally adopts the name of her husband. In Islam she has the option of either keeping her husband’s name, either adopting the name of the husband, or maintaining her maiden name. And maintaining the maiden name is recommended in Islam - And we find in several Muslim societies that women, even after they get married they maintain their maiden name, because according to the Islamic law men and women are equal.Will you call such rights in Islam modernizing or outdated?

F. Political Rights of a Woman

Women have even taken part in the battle fields

Women in USA are Not Safe

USA Has One of the Highest Rates of Rape

Islamic Law Let's Women Breathe Easily

Conclusion

On the other extreme, some of the Muslim societies turned to the Western culture, and followed their culture. I want to tell the Western society that if you analyze the women’s rights in Islam according to the Qur’an and the Sunnah - you will realize it is modernizing and not outdated.

HEART FIND PEACE IN THE REMEMBRANCE OF ALLAH

2010-09-19T17:07:00.000+03:00

Posted by iloveAllaah.com Team • July 27, 2010 •

According to research by David B. Larson, of the American National Health Research Center, and his team, comparisons of devout and non-religious Americans have given very surprising results. For instance, religious people suffer 60% less heart disease than those with little or no religious belief, the suicide rate among them is 100% lower, they suffer far lower levels of high blood pressure, and this ratio is 7:1 among smokers. 1
It was reported in one study published in the International Journal of Psychiatry in Medicine, an important scientific source in the world of medicine, that people who describe themselves as having no religious beliefs become ill more frequently and have shorter life spans. According to the results of the research, those with no beliefs are twice as likely to suffer stomach-intestine diseases than believers, and their mortality rate from respiratory diseases is 66% times higher than that of believers.
Secular psychologists tend to refer to similar figures as “psychological effects.” This means that belief raises peoples’ spirits, and this contributes to health. This explanation may indeed be reasonable, but a more striking conclusion emerges when the subject is examined.
Belief in Allah is much stronger than any other psychological influence. The wide-ranging research into the connection between religious belief and physical health carried out by Dr. Herbert Benson of the Harvard Medical Faculty has produced surprising conclusions in this area.
Despite not being a believer himself, Dr. Benson has concluded that worship and belief in Allah have a more positive effect on human health than that observed in anything else. Benson states that he has concluded that no belief provides as much mental peace as belief in Allah. 2
What is the reason for this connection between belief and the human soul and body? The conclusion reached by the secular researcher Benson is, in his own words, that the human body and mind are regulated to believe in Allah. 3

The reason why those who believe in Allah, who pray to and trust in Him, are psychologically and physically healthier is that they behave in accordance with the purpose of their creation. Philosophies and systems which contradict human creation always lead to pain and unhappiness.
Modern medicine is now tending towards the realization of this truth. As Patrick Glynn put it: “[S]cientific research in psychology over the past twenty-five years has demonstrated that,… religious belief is one of the most consistent correlates of overall mental health and happiness.” 4
1- Patrick Glynn, God: The Evidence, The Reconciliation of Faith and Reason in a Postsecular World (California: Prima Publishing: 1997), 80-81.
2- Herbert Benson, and Mark Stark, Timeless Healing (New York: Simon & Schuster: 1996), 203.
3- Ibid., 193.
4- Glynn, God: The Evidence, The Reconciliation of Faith and Reason in a Postsecular World, 60-61.

Real Happiness and Inner Peace

2010-09-19T17:04:00.000+03:00

Posted by iloveAllaah.com Team • July 21, 2010 •

Real happiness and peace can be found in submitting to the commands of the Creator and the Sustainer of this world. God has said in the Quran: Truly, in remembering God do hearts find rest. (Quran, 13:28)
On the other hand, the one who turns away from the Quran will have a life of hardship in this world. God has said:

But whoever turns away from the Quran, he will have a hard life, and We will raise him up blind on the Day of Judgment. (Quran, 20:124)

This may explain why some people commit suicide while they enjoy the material comfort money can buy. For example, look at Cat Stevens (now Yusuf Islam), formerly a famous pop singer who used to earn sometimes more than $150,000 a night. After he converted to Islam, he found true happiness and peace, which he had not found in material success.

Cultural Chameleons

2010-09-19T16:56:00.000+03:00

Posted by iloveAllaah.com Team • August 17, 2010 •

By Shahla Ahmed
Praying at home or the masjid, and then sneaking out to party at a nightclub. Wearing hijaab around family, and then turning into a fashion diva at school.One person, two worlds, and a desperate struggle to juggle them both. This is the reality which many Muslim youth in the West are living in. We can call them "cultural chameleons," or describe them as having "split personalities. " Whatever the label, the situation is the same… with often tragic consequences. We are not just referring to your community brother or sisters devastating death, but rather we refer to the many grievous examples of teens running away from home, getting into drugs, and much more -the worst of which is turning away totally from Islam, rejecting it completely. We are not exaggerating. Its a reality, and those who deny it are either willfully blind or pitifully naive. It is time that we addressed the situation seriously. First there must be awareness of the reality and knowledge of its causes. The next step is to know what to do when faced with it directly (hint: it does NOT involve killing anyone). And finally, we need to know how to nip the problem in the bud - an ounce of prevention is better than a pound of cure.
Causes :
Although each situation is different, there is a general list of what can cause this worst nightmare of any Muslim parent.
1. Lack of personal understanding/ conviction of Islam:
As with most things, it begins in your own backyard. If you arent raising your children as Muslims with a strong understanding of what it meansto be a Muslim, then you cant expect them to be happy about having to follow strict rules all the time. Its also important to note the difference between Islam and culture. If you dont pray five times a day, or encourage your kids to pray, yet freak out if a female family member walks out with her head uncovered, then you really need to straighten out your priorities.
2. Double standards:
Related to the first point, here we are talking about when parents are setting a double standard for themselves and their children: in public they seek to ingratiate themselves within Western society, to achieve the Western societies dream of big house, fancy car, and being best friends with the Joneses next door; yet at home they are obsessed with their children following cultural practices that arent even necessarily Islamic. It should be no surprise, then, when the children follow in their parents footsteps and start living a double life themselves.
3. Lack of personal understanding/ conviction of Islam:
This is another major factor in youth straying from Islam. Again related to the first point - if you dont have a strong Islamic foundation in the home, then there will be most likely a lack of understanding of what exactly it means to be a Muslim. If you dont know the reason behind something, how likely are you to do something if you view it as restrictive and interfering? If you tell your children to pray because if they dont they will burn in Hell, then trust me, they wont be doing it out of love for Allah - they will be doing it out fear… and not even fear of Allah, but fear of you. Similarly, if you tell a girl she has to wear hijaab because otherwise she will "stain the family's honour" or some-such rubbish like that, then once shes exposed to the Western mentality of freedom (and total lack of anything resembling honour) she wont give two hoots about the hijaab or your notions of honour. On the other hand, if your child has a personal relationship with Allah and knows exactly why we do some things and stay away from others, they will be far more willing to tough it out and continue to obey Allah.
4. General teen rebellion:
Sometimes, teens can just be idiots. Common sense is a rare thing amongst youth these days, and it shows… sadly, some take it too far - beyond the streaked hair (hey, as long as its covered up by hijaab, be cool with it!) - and make some really bad choices. The Messenger of Allah[pbuh] said: "Youth is a kind of madness"[Hadith].Being intoxicated by the passions of youth we never ponder for a moment that we shall we questioned by Allah.
5. Insecurity:
This is something which affects people everywhere, regardless of their race, religion, or even age. The desire to want to "fit in" and become an accepted member of the crowd is human nature - sometimes it can be a good thing; other times it can be so harmful and detrimental. For girls, the issue is often about body image and beauty, which is why hijaab becomes such a struggle. For guys, it can be about proving their "manliness" (by pursuing other girls, or getting involved in 'tough guy' activities like drinking alcohol, drugs etc.). Build your childs self-esteem at home and let them know that they don't need to seek approval from anyone except Allah. Compliment your children, praise them, let them be confident in their faith and in themselves. Tell your son that he is cool. Tell your daughter that shes beautiful. Dont demean them or belittle them; honour them as the Prophet (sallallaahu alaihi wa sallam) honoured his daughter Fatimah (radhiAllahu anha) by giving her his sitting place.
6. Bad companions:
The Prophet (sallallaahu alaihi wa sallam) said: "The example of a good companion and a bad one is the bearer of musk and the worker on the bellows. A bearer of musk would give you some, you might buy some from him, or you might enjoy the fragrance of his musk. The worker on the bellows, on the other hand, might spoil your clothes with sparks from his bellows, or you get a bad smell from him." (Hadith-Al-Bukhari and Muslim). Undoubtedly, the kind of people your kids hang out with will have a huge influence on them - especially at school, which is what a teens life pretty much revolves around. Non-Muslims (and even so-called "Muslims") who have totally different standards morality-wise will definitely make life difficult for your kid: challenging Islam and belittling all that it stands for. While we know that many will say its a great Dawah opportunity, or that it builds character and can be a way to strengthenemaan, the reality is that not all youth are strong enough to emerge the company of such people unscathed. Sadly, we have lost too many of the younger generations to Shaytaans misguided lifestyle, and we cant use a minority of successful young Muslims to deny that reality. The Messenger ofAllah[obuh]informed us that: "A man follows his friends religion, you should be careful whom you make friends with."[Hadith Abu Dawud/Tirmidhi]
7. The "Adolescent" Myth:
This mentality is one of "I am young, let me have fun and then I will be religious when I am older!" Its an attitude of irresponsibility, immaturity, and misunderstanding of Islam and the purpose of our lives. By absolving oneself of responsibility, its easier for teens to indulge in the haraam without feeling so guilty about it. Thus, its obviously very important to instill a sense of responsibility and dutifulness to Allah in our youth - basically, to abolish this kind of mentality. The Prophet (sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam) said: " An intelligent person is the one who calls himself to account and and does deeds to benefit him after death and a foolish person is he who follows his desires and hopes from Allah"[Hadith-Tirmidhi]
Symptoms:
How do you know if your child, your sibling, or your friend is a "cultural chameleon"? It can be difficult to spot it, but however much a kid can try to sneak around, those closest to them can usually figure out what's going on. Here are some of the symptoms of the double-life syndrome.
1. Change of attitude :
Increased rebellion, aggression, and disrespect are major red flags. If they are behaving like that towards you, do you think they wont behave like that towards Allah? In fact, if they are acting like that with you, then already they are showing their defiance of Allah! Taqwa and good behaviour to parents go hand-in-hand: "And your Lord has commanded that you worship none but Him, and that you be kind to your parents." (Quran-Surah al-Israa, verse 23)
2. Shows dislike of Islamic practices:
("Yuck, hijaab is so old-fashioned, " "What's the point of praying? It's stupid!" etc.) This is particularly obvious in a household that is generally religious, or has more than just a tentative connection to the Deen.
3. Secretive, sneaky:
It is important for parents to keep an eye on their kids and know where they are and what they are doing. If you notice that your child is being secretive, sneaky, and generally deceptive about their activities, then its a major red flag that your son or daughter isnt doing the right thing. This goes for pretty much all families, Muslim and non-Muslim alike, but for us Muslims it means more than just that your kid is with bad company or doing bad things: it means that they are losing their connection to Allah and to Islam, and this in itself is far worse than whatever sinful activities they are engaged in.
Solutions
An ounce of prevention is worth more than a pound of cure. Educate your child from a young age, build a strong (but loving) Islamic environment within the home. Make them aware of their identity as Muslims, emphasize pride in their Muslim identity. However, we cant say that prevention is the only thing that we can do - the reality is that even children who were raised in a strong Islamic environment can be "lost" in the Dunya… and this is the reality we have to deal with, not deny. Having said that, here are some practical solutions on dealing with such situations.
1. Do not react angrily or violently:
If you find out your kid is lying to you and is leading a double life, do NOT freak out at them, scream at them, hit them, etc. This will : 1) scare them, 2) reinforce their false belief that "Islam/ Muslims are evil/ violent", and 3) not be productive in any way, shape, or form.
2. Take some time to cool off after you find out:
Pray a naafilah (voluntary salaah), and make lots of dua i.e. ask Allah to grant you the patience and strength to deal with the situation.
3. Talk to them:
Ask them what has led them to do the things they have done, what their state of belief is (cases differ drastically: some teens still have emaan and are just confused; others go to the point where they deny Islam completely), and how they feel about their situation in general. Try not to judge them; the key is to listen to them and know where theyare coming from. This will give you information on how to best approach them when the time comes to try and "fix" things.
4. Serious counselling may be needed:
If you feel as though you are unable to deal with the situation correctly yourself, contact a trustworthy, knowledgeable, and understanding Imam,Moulana or Shaykh in your area (or use the Muslim Youth Helpline). It is best to have someone involved who not only knows the Islamic perspective of things, but can also relate to and understand your child. There must be someone whom your child can feel comfortable enough to work with/ talk to if they don't feel they can open up to you (the parents). In this stage, there has to be a lot of give-and-take, questions-and- answers. If you already had a long talk with your child previously and asked them all those questions, then now is the time to bring forth your feelings. If you havent had the talk, then now is the time to initiate it. Counselling is a long and sometimes painful process, and only one step forward towards healing. One cannot expect things to change overnight, and it will be very difficult - all I can say is, trust in Allah and look to the Sunnah for help. Have emaan, taqwa, and lots of patience and forbearance. Constantly turn to Allah in dua, especially the last third of the night. Indeed, this is something that should be done at all times… it is a means of prevention, as well as part of the path to the cure. Allah Most Wise and Most Merciful says: "No one despairs of solace from Allah except for those who are unbelievers"[Quran12:87] --

Love in Islam

2010-09-18T19:40:00.000+03:00

Love in Islam

by Aisha Stacey

.
First published at www.islamonline.net (2004)

Coming from a Western or European background, we often equate love with the stereotypical images that we see in all forms of media. The pouting woman waiting breathlessly at home for husband to appear to "love her," alternatively the career woman who throws off the shackles of the workforce to return breathlessly home to her waiting husband. Sex sells, and the print and visual media take advantage of this fact. Sex sells, and businesses in all corners of the world will do anything to make an extra dollar. Sex is not love, and the word ‘love’ has, unfortunately, lost much of its true meaning.

We drive to work past the giant billboards selling cars and clothes and laundry detergent. The billboards all have one thing in common a pouting woman who says with smoldering eyes "drive this car and attract women like me"; "wear this brand of clothes and women will want you more then the clothes." We open the newspaper to see advertisements for exotic destinations; the people appear to be happy and "in love." The television and movie screens tell us that if you consume this product you will be desirable, your husband or wife will "love you." Drink brand X and fall in love, wear brand Y and have all fall in love with you.

This is not love, this is an advertising ploy. Marriages fall by the wayside because husbands and wives find that they cannot live up to the expectations that they impose on themselves and each other. The images are impossible to emulate simply because they are not real; they come from the minds of advertising executives, not from the natural order of our lives. Our senses are assaulted almost every waking moment by images of what the media feeds to us as a normal lifestyle. These images are not normal, and the lifestyles that they portray are in no way a reflection of how men and woman should live together in a normal, healthy relationship.

Islam, on the other hand, being the natural way for human beings to live, employs no trickery or gimmicks. Love in Islam brings men and woman together with strong bonds that tie couples together with the rope of Islam.

[And hold fast all of you together, to the rope of Allah (i.e., this Qur'an), and be not divided among your selves, and remember Allah’s favour on you ] (Aal `Imran 3:103).

A marriage based firmly and soundly on the Qur’an and the Sunnah should suffer none of the pangs of insecurity and subterfuge that abound in marriages whose role models are the pouting woman and muscle bound man found in all forms of media. Marriage in Islam is a contract between two people, a man and a woman, by which they agree to enter into a [halal ] relationship for the sake of Allah Most High.
It is a relationship that binds them to each other through all the tests and trials of this life, through hardship and ease.

[Verily along with every hardship is relief] (Ash-Sharh 94:6). It should be a relationship whose sole purpose is to worship, praise, and thank Allah Most High. If love, the tender blissful feeling of being in love, is present in this relationship, then it is an extra blessing from Allah.
Marriage in Islam is not based on whether we find our partner desirable or whether he or she contributes a great deal of money to the family. Marriage in Islam is a partnership. Two people, working as one unit. One unit striving for Jannah, longing to secure themselves a place in the shade of Allah. Love in Islam is a marriage secure in the knowledge that the wealth and adornments of this world are but illusions and that it is in the Hereafter that our real lives will begin.

[And the life of this world is nothing but play and amusement. But far better is the house in the hereafter for those that are al-muttaqun (the pious). Will you not then understand?] (Al-An`Am 6:32)

If we examine our thoughts on love and marriage and endeavor to renew our intentions to have a marriage for the sake of Allah Most High, we will, (in sha' Allah), find that we are no longer blinded by the subtle advertising that invades our lives and eats away at our iman. Shaytan (Satan) works in devious and treacherous ways and loves nothing more then to put enmity between a husband and wife. His work is made easier by the fact that we are so easily deceived. Before we realize what is happening, the seeds of destruction have grown into an evil tree.

We begin to think and worry because our marriages are not what we see on the television or read about in the latest release novels. Our minds are invaded with thoughts that are contrary to the natural order of Islam and the universe, and our insecurities lead us to long for unattainable and unnecessary ideals in our lives and marriages. We have grown complacent in our commitment to our marriages and to our Islam, where as Shaytan is ever watchful and eager to guide us to the path that leads to nowhere but eternal Hellfire.

A marriage in Islam is about more than love; love in Islam is about more than tender feelings and smouldering sexual desires.

Through our commitment to Islam we should be able to return to an era where love and marriage are synonymous. Where a marriage is a partnership, a bonding of two people that, like ripples on water, moves ever steadily outwards to encompass the ideals of an Islamic community. The bonds of marriage should tie us to each other, to our families and children, to our brothers and sisters in Islam, to the worldwide Ummah. If we put our love for Allah first and our own desires last, then we should find ourselves in a relationship that no longer falls prey to the subterfuge of Shaytan. We should cling tightly to the rope of Islam and recognize the fact that life is not always sunshine and roses but that this (dunya) is a place of testing and tribulations.

[Do people think they will be left alone because they say: "We believe," and will not be tested] (Al-Ankabut 29:2).

We should bear our tests with patience and gratitude, take refuge with Allah, and take comfort in the arms of our spouses.

[And We will most certainly try you with somewhat of fear and hunger and loss of property and lives and fruits; and give good news to the patient, Who, when a misfortune befalls them, say: Surely we are Allah's and to Him we shall surely return. Those are they on whom are blessings and mercy from their Lord, and those are the followers of the right course.] (Al-Baqarah 2:155–157)

The bonds of marriage should tie us to each other, to our families and children, to our brothers and sisters in Islam, to the worldwide Ummah.

My Road to Islam

2010-09-16T20:16:00.000+03:00

Bismillahi Rahmani Raheem

I accepted Islam on February 5^th 2002 at the age of 32 although my introduction to this perfect religion was in 1989 at the tender age of 19.

I was raised in a practicing Roman Catholic family. My parents sent me to a private catholic school run by nuns and priests. I was very much involved in my church as I taught choir at the young age of 13 and was always involved in many organizations run by the church.

When it came time for my university studies, I moved away to the big city and was no longer sheltered from the world I grew up in. I met so many different people from different walks of life, different races and most influential, different religions.

Up until that time, I had never heard of the term Muslim and the religion of Islam. During my first week in the big city, I was introduced to many people of this faith. On my first trip back to my parent's home, I went to the church in hopes of asking my well-trusted priest for information about Islam.

His answer : " You know this war going on between Iran and Iraq? This is Islam."

I was confused as all my life I was taught there was only 1 God, so how can our 1 God be the cause of a war? I did not accept my priest's explanation but at the same time I did not search for more details until the following year when I met and agreed to marry a Muslim man.

As I was fully aware that there had to be some differences in our religions, I set out to learn more about Islam as I did not want to offend anybody, and the only way I could guarantee I would not offend anybody was to study Islam in more details.

It soon became apparent to me that my new husband was not a practicing Muslim which for me was more than perfect as I had no intention of ever changing religion and my goal was to raise my children in the Catholic faith. My new husband was not a threat to my religion or my beliefs.

Over 7 years, I continued to learn bits and pieces about Islam. The more I learned, the more I saw myself in my beliefs and actions. There were many times when I felt I was more of a Muslim than my husband. His lack of belief and worship of God really made me mad. We had children and I wanted him to set the right example for them.

During this last year, his lifestyle turned to alcohol and gambling. His greed caused him to get addicted to gambling and then his addiction to gambling brought him to the constant consumption of alcohol. Although I was brought up in a culture where alcohol was a social way of life, this was not the life I wanted for my children.

The day our 3^rd son was born, as our newborn son struggled for his life while his father was out gambling and drinking, this was when I felt I had to make changes in my life and that of my children. I had decided on this day when God had blessed me with my newest miracle that I wanted a divorce.

Although it was my decision to end my marriage, the next few years threw me into a web of problems and depression. I turned myself away from God as I felt so abandoned by him. All my life I had been a good daughter, good student, good wife and good mother. I could not accept and see why God was punishing me so at this time I chose to abandon God as I felt he had abandoned me. I stopped going to church. I stopped praying. I stopped believing that if you are a good person that you will have a good life. I not only lost faith in God but in people.

During this time, in order to support myself and my family, I was a nurse in the local children's hospital. Little did I know during this troubled time that a dying little girl would save me from the disaster I was making of my life.

I will never forget the small body of my little angel. She was a Somali child who had been born with a congenital disease and her life expectancy was to be less than 1 year. As I cared for her, it was her father's courage and beliefs who touched me so deeply. He was a very strong, dedicated Muslim man who faced ridicule and some harsh comments as he tried to teach those who were around about his religion.

At the time, I did not want to hear about God, but as I felt this father was simply trying to reach out to talk about his dying daughter, I opened my mind to listen to his stories. I thought I was simply being sympathetic towards a man who was about to lose a child. Having 3 sons who were healthy and active, I felt sorry for this man and I felt he needed a friend. Now, I know better. Now, I know that he did not need me but Allah sent him to me because I needed him.

Every day he brought me short literature about Islam and increased my knowledge slowly. But, it was his behavior and his examples that really gave me the best knowledge. As I would give treatments and care for his daughter, I could not avoid seeing him make wudu or pray. During Ramadan, he explained to me the virtues of fasting.

For 9 months, this family made a deep impact on my life. During these 9 months, I would care for this baby and then return to my own family and not thinking about what others were living, I was still living the life of self pity for all I was missing and did not have around me, instead of seeing all the blessings I had in my life.

My awakening came on a calm night when Allah chose it was time to take this little girl back to His Kingdom. I was very close to this little angel by now, so to know she was moments away from death was truly a heart wrenching time for me. As I sat back and watched her family around her, it suddenly hit me that in the 9 months since this little girl had been born I had never heard her father or mother asked why God was doing this to them.

Here they were, facing the death of their innocent child and all I could hear was ALHAMDOLELAH (All praise be to God) we had her… ALHAMDOLELAH Allah gave her to us for this short time…. ALHAMDOLELAH her pain was for a reason. It was at this time, I realized her pain, her suffering all she had lived was her da'wa for me. Without her life, without her death, I would still be angry at God for what He seemed to take away from me.

On this night, when I returned home from my work, for the first time since my son was born and since I chose to divorce my husband, I looked around and truly felt God had not abandoned me, He had blessed me. I was blessed by 3 perfect, healthy sons. I was blessed by being strong enough to walk away from a bad marriage. I was blessed by a job that enabled me to feed, shelter and clothe my family.

This heart touching day was in the summer of 2000, still 2 years before I was finally able to declare my Shehada.

The 2 years following my acceptance of God back into my life were filled with changes and self-discovery. I submerged myself onto the internet where I was seeking more knowledge and advice about Islam. Slowly I was learning the rituals and basic daily requirements of every Muslim. Through the help of few online friends, I learned how to pray, fast and other ways of living my life.

All my life, I had felt like I did not belong. I felt like I did not fit into the life I was living. After learning more about Islam, I soon realized I did not belong where I was as I truly felt and believed I was a Muslim living amongst Christians.

Although I felt in my heart that Islam was the best religion and that Islam was ME, I still was unable to accept it freely in fear of the reaction I would face from my family, especially from my father. When I married my husband back in 1991, I can remember the whispers as my family warned me that I was facing a life of brainwashing and harsh treatment. Weeks before my wedding, when my father suffered a heart attack, I was accused of being the cause because God was punishing me and the family for my betrayal by marrying a muslim man. I was even asked to not marry this man and was explained it would be better to just live with him in sin rather than marry a muslim man.

When I had announced my divorce from this man, I remember the sighs of relief as they were so relieved I had managed to hold on to my true Catholic roots. So, at this time, I was not ready to face my family with the news that I wanted to accept Islam. My dedication to satisfy oiubmand obey my parents kept me from following my true path.

So, when did I change my mind and find the strength to follow my path?

September 11^th, 2001

I will never forget this day as it was so close to home. On September 10^th, I had made the decision that I would come visit Qatar in the hopes of making a life here. I had taken my parents out for breakfast that morning to announce my news. We had just started our meal when the frantic news of what was happening in the US was all over the morning TV news. The echoes of disbelief rang through the restaurant and then the defamation of Islam and Muslims started. This was obviously not the time to announce to my family my plans to become a Muslim and leave Canada.

At the time, I chose to postpone my plans in hopes the assassination attempt on Islam would stop. It was a difficult time in this little community as one of the local member's son was lost amongst the missing people from the 9-11 tragedy. This small community did not want to hear anything about Islam or Muslims.

Then, one night, as I was working a night shift, I was amongst co-workers who were yet again attacking the virtues of Islam and Muslims. I have no idea where my strength came but I objected to what they were saying. I could hear myself speaking and I wanted to stop myself, but my inner voice kept talking. That night I took out books and explained to them what Islam was to the best of my knowledge. That night, I decided that I was not going to keep hiding my beliefs and that I was not going to be afraid to live and seek out my true destiny.

Within 1 month of that night, I was in Qatar taking my official Shehada. The moment I said the words that allowed me to call myself a Muslim, I felt a weight fly off my shoulders. I felt like I could fly. Aside from giving birth to my precious sons, this was the most memorable moment of my life…. Well the 2^nd most memorable… because, almost 1 year after I accepted Islam, I watched in tears as my 2 older sons proclaimed their testimony of faith accepting Islam into their lives.

All the struggles I had faced, all the obstacles I had overcome, this was why. From the moment Allah blessed me with children I had vowed to give them the best life possible and as they became Muslims, I felt I had given them the best gift I could ever give by bringing them into a Muslim community.

The road ahead will still face so many challenges and problems but I know without a doubt that it is all for a very special reason. I no longer feel like Allah abandoned me those years after my first divorce. I now know Allah was preparing me for my new road, my new life.

Inshallah, I will keep growing as a Muslim. Inshallah, I can help or guide a lost soul as the dying child, her family and even my former husband guided me to Islam.

Hijab

2010-09-16T20:07:00.001+03:00

People say not to judge a book by its cover,
Yet when you see me on the streets you judge me instantly and cross over.
You judge my loose garments as a sign of oppression,
It’s time to realise this is my choice of fashion,
I wear the scarf on my head to seek my Lords protection,
For He has ordered me to fulfill this simple obligation.
In the media you make up my personality,
I’ll now reveal my true identity;
Wearing my hijaab to honour myself
Not revealing my beauty for anyone else
Lowering my gaze to preserve my dignity,
A Part of my faith to focus on my piety.
You find it difficult to communicate with me behind my veil,
Let me ask you, does my face behind a phone prevail?
Behind this veil I let myself free,
Free into a sea of spiritual discovery.
My journey as a Muslimah only to please my lord,
As my priorities in life differ from yours.
So next time you see me stop and ask
I’ll try my best to accomplish my dawah task!

I am a Muslim Woman

2010-09-16T19:54:00.000+03:00

I am a Muslim woman
by Jenn Zaghloul

I am a Muslim woman

Feel free to ask me why

When I walk, I walk with dignity

When I speak I do not lie

I am a Muslim woman

Not all of me you'll see

But what you should appreciate

Is that the choice I make is free

I'm not plagued with depression

I'm neither cheated nor abused

I don't envy other women

And I'm certainly not confused Note,

I speak perfect English

Et un petit peu de Francais aussi

I'm majoring in Linguistics

So you need not speak slowly

I run my own small business

Every cent I earn is mine

I drive my Chevy to school & work

And no, that's not a crime!

You often stare as I walk by

You don't understand my veil

But peace and power I have found

As I am equal to any male!

I am a Muslim woman

So please don't pity me

For God has guided me to truth

And now I'm finally free!

A little bit of this and that....... different quotes to help us in our life

2010-09-16T11:43:00.000+03:00

‎"We have to be the best to our spouses. We have to be the best to our parents. These are fundamentals in relationships, & by the way all the other relationships get fixed - if these two are fixed. And these two - the only way they will get fixed - is if your relationship with ALLAH is fixed. So if you have marriage problems & parental problems, you know what the real problem is - TAQWA & IMAAN!"

Abu Huraira reported that a person said: Allah's Messenger, who amongst the people is most deserving of my good treatment? He said: Your mother, again your mother, again your mother, then your father, then your nearest relatives according to the order (of nearness).( Muslin )

Prophet Muhammad [peace and blessings of Allah be upon him] said, "Those who are nearest to Allah are they who are first to give a salutation." (Abu Dawud Book 41 #5178) ~ AsSalamu Alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu Everyone! : )

When you put your hope for love, praise, success, happiness, and recognition in the people, you will walk away disappointed with a broken heart. It is only when you put this hope in Allaah will your heart and soul find peace, relief, and pleasure. Indeed Allaah speaks the truth in the Qur'aan: "Verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest. (13:28)"

" Acknowledging your shortcomings is one of the first steps in disciplining yourself. Whoever acknowledges that he has shortcomings has started on the path to self-discipline. It is a sign of Allaah’s care when a person tries to change himself and develop." [ Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid ]

All that glitters is not gold

2010-09-16T11:21:00.000+03:00

Life and people are not always what we dream they will be. Sometimes things we may want or wish for could in reality be harmful to us without our realizing it. Sometimes things that appear bad to us will be a blessing in disguise.

This life is full of surprises. It will bring us on adventures, bring us to meet new people with unique characters, and bring us on wild experiences... But always look at the bright side of everything as it says in the Quran "things will happen to us which we dislike but actually they may be good for us "as Allah(God)knows what is best.

Often I find myself defending Islam to people who hear comments and experience bad treatments of Muslims towards non-muslims... or worst towards themselves. As I look over at the many disagreements I have faced related to the virtues of Islam, I recall when I came to Qatar 8 years ago and found myself struggling with how some Muslims were behaving.

I came to the land of the Muslims as a baby... very fresh and with so many dreams and ideas about what my new life would be. I soon learned that what I read in books was not always the reality of things because people are not perfect and books teach us Muslims of how we should behave... now whether or not a person actually behaves properly is a personal choice and not one that should reflect what the REAL ISLAM is.

I recall the words I often use to defend Islam.... ISLAM IS A RELIGION OF PEACE.... it has so many great virtues and values but unfortunately MANKIND (men and women) who do not practice the true Islam give bad examples and create disbelief and anger amongst the rest of the world who do not have time or the means to study what the REAL ISLAM is.

There are bad seeds in all cultures and religions whose actions will affect the judgement of others. As humans we are imperfect and full of faults. Before we point the finger at another, we should look deep within ourselves to fix our own imperfections and faults.

Regardless of what faith we follow, the bottom line is ALLAH (GOD) Almighty is the only perfect being in this life and the hereafter. With Allah in our life, we can overcome some of the most difficult challenges that we could ever face. As Muslims, it is our responsibility to show the world the correct examples of what Islam is.

I am not a preacher and I am not here to try to drag anybody into believing what I believe. I am simply sharing what is in my heart. If you a non-muslim, I simply ask you to have an open mind. Do not judge me for what you may have read or heard. I welcome you to ask me any question and although I know I will not have all the answers, I will do my best to seek the answer for you.

Please and Blessings of Allah be with You