My Life as a First-Time Mom

Single Mommy Warrior and Stinkbutt Ninja!!!!

2012-03-08T13:56:00.001-06:00

Disclaimer: This post is very rushed. You'll have to excuse me. There was so much to condense into one post. Lol

Wow, so I suck. I have not posted in, like, a year. Well, eight months, but come on Tiffany. Such a slacker. Lol. How to describe life since my last update? Exciting. Challenging. Awesome. Frustrating. Unbelievable. If anything this period of time has taught me:

1. God is definitely real and is working in my life in big ways. I never doubted His existence and have always been a Christian. But I never had a real testimony of His greatness. Well, now I do. Despite being chronically unemployed and not having any true source of income, I was always able to pay my bills for my car, my house (though I did end up having to move out of my apartment to a much nicer yet cheaper HOUSE), and utilities. At one point I had no clue where I was going to live. Then the people across the street from my parent moved out and I went over there and asked if it was going to be rented. He said yes. I asked how much (and was nervous about the answer), and when he said $350 a month for a 2 bedroom/2 bath house with a big backyard I jumped on it! lol. When I was at a point where I NEEDED a job, somehow I always found one and was always hired on the spot. When I couldn't take my last job any longer, I realized that I had been sitting on an amazing business opportunity (Pure Romance) for several months not realizing what a gold mine it was (I had joined the company in November, but didn't start doing anything until January. I have since added 5 people to my team and am working on getting my sales up)Now I am able to be a stay at home mom and STILL pay the bills. And all because God has my life in his hands. I definitely give Him the credit and glory for my survival and happiness.

2. Tears are only temporary. Despite me being able to pull through as far as finances, there have been some huge hurdles. Basically I did someone a favor involving money. I didn't realize that the money was not deducted from my account immediately, so when I checked my balance I assumed that that was money I had to spend. Then when they FINALLY deducted the money from my account, I overdrafted. I (without ever planning on utilizing it) had enrolled for a $500 overdraft limit when I opened my bank account. I knew how it worked. What I didn't know was that if you overdrafted, you would not receive any notice that you had. So here I am using my card for regular things. Toiletries. Food . Diapers. Not even anything big. And EVERY time I swiped my card, they charged that amount PLUS a $35 fee to my bank account. It took me two days to notice it. I had an order to place from a party I had done and was checking to make sure I had enough in my account to cover it. My bank statement was several HUNDRED dollars in the negative. WTF?

Heart racing I rushed to the bank. The lady at the window pulled up my account and told me that all of my money was gone. I was just like "How?" WHen she explained it to me and I came to realize that it was not a fluke, I broke down crying in the drive thru. All I could think about was the fact that I had NO MONEY but my rent and car note were due soon. And when I say I was crying, I mean I was crying. Tears flowing, eyes bloodshot, hands raised to God asking "What do I do"? The lady at the window started crying too. She credited $200 back to my account but that was the most she could do. At the time Christian had nearly $400 in his savings account. This was something that I was very proud of. That I was able to even begin investing in his future. I ended up having to use up nearly all of his savings just to get my balance back out of the negative. All of my hard work...gone in 10 seconds. Just thinking about that day makes me cry all over agian. That sense of complete and utter helplessness and failure. *sigh*

Then there was the day my electricity got cut off. Now, this was more to do with my lack of memory. I forgot when my bill was due. I came back home after being gone for a week to find my lights off, the house freezing, the food in the fridge spoiled and the food in the freezer in danger of spoiling. My house is all electric so I could not even cook or take a hot bath. I immediately got on the phone with the electric company to pay the bill and have them come out. They could not come until the next day. In the meantime, Christian is sitting there shivering so hard is teeth are chattering while he keeps repeating "Mama mama mama". Of course, I broke down then. Fail. Again.

And, though I hate to admit it, I cried when Tyrell's first "baby mama" contacted me to tell me that not only was he having sex with one of the same girls that he had cheated on me with while I was pregnant (and who he probably met up with when he took a week vacation to go back home not too long before he left for good), but that she was living with him (in his mom's basement, the loser), had gotten her pregnant, AND was engaged to her. Now, I don't love him. In the least. Sometimes I have the horrible thought that my life would be so much simpler if he were dead (Bad Tiffany!). But that sh!t hurt. Mind you, he has not been in contact with us since I told him that there was absolutely no way that I was moving to Baltimore. That was in June of last year. He has not called/texted/emailed me AT ALL to even ask if Christian was ok. Not even on his birthday. No presents. No monetary assistance. Nothing. To have him move on so quickly, with no regrets apparently hurt. For him to get away without any responsibilities while I struggle made me mad. To have him act as though my son does not matter or even exist pissed me the fuck off. So now I am making the moves to preserve me and my son's happiness. And that's all I will say about that on here. :)

3. So many other strong, smart, beautiful women go through the same thing. I have so many friends who end forced into Single Mommydom. Men suck. I am learning that that is more reality than exaggeration. How someone can hurt the ones they love (be it through physical or emotional abuse, infidelity, or abandonment/neglect) I will NEVER understand. But what I do know is that it is not us who are the weak ones. It's you "men". The ones who give in to temptation. Who don't know a fanfrickingtastic thing when you have it sitting right in front of you. The ones who create life and then toss it aside as though it does not matter. Who walk out on your wives, fiances, sons, and daughters without looking back. Who live your lives in a carefree manner while WE raise your children, and then decide to pop up out of nowhere several years down the road to reap the benefits of what we have put out blood, sweat, and tears into. You little boys are pathetic and, honestly, the best thing you have done with your lives is to provide us with our children. You serve no other purpose. Just thought I would share that.

Ok, lol. I feel myself getting riled up. Ugh! Where have all the good men gone?

Anyways, life is great. Not perfect. Still not where I need to be financially, but I'm getting there. More importantly, my son is truly the best thing that I could have asked for. I am sooooooooooooooVERY blessed to be his mommy. :D

The ups and downs of single mommydom

2011-06-16T17:32:00.000-05:00

Life as a single mom...is hard. All of a sudden I am the only breadwinner. I am playing the role of two parents, and I admit that I don't do a perfect job. I get frustrated and annoyed. I let him cry it out because "mommy needs to do her work" or "mommy needs to cook and clean". The house is often messy. The laundry is piling up. Sometimes I feel like screaming at the top of my lungs "WHY ME?!" And it doesn't make things any easier that, at the same time, I am still trying to finish my Master's. My life is a whirlwind and at times I feel like I just am not equipped to do this.

But then Christian smiles. Or gives me a kiss. Or I will come out of my room and see him sitting there waiting patiently for me to come back. Or he will start kicking and squealing in excitement when I walk in the door. Or he will put his hands on my face and give me a huge grin and babble like he is telling me "Smile, because I love you". And I feel bolstered with energy and hope. Energy to do what needs to be done, and hope that everything will work out better than I could ever imagine. And trust me, at times I just can't imagine how I will survive.

Like right now. I have very little money to my name. Not nearly enough to even begin to cover my expenses. I am facing losing my apartment (and we all know the damage that can do later on) and my car. I have several assignments due tomorrow. I have bills that are probably past due. .But I'll be damned if I'm going to let us go down without a fight.

Right now I am stressed beyond belief. But I am also blessed beyond belief. I have family and friends who love me. I have a God who...loves me isn't even the way to describe it. He just...is. I have strength and I have dedication. Being a single mom is the most challenging role that I have ever had to play. One that I had never imagined that I would be forced to take on. But if this is what God has in store for me right now, then I'm gonna be the best single mom that I can be. And I'm going to thank Him everyday for the opportunity. Because at least I have Christian. And that is worth everything to me.

:| Four months later

2011-06-14T17:51:00.001-05:00

Lord! I just checked my blog and my last one was when Christian was FOUR MONTHS!!!!! DAYUMMMM!!!! He is nearly 9 months old now and I have written nothing. But that doesn't mean that nothing has been happening. I like to think that I have been too busy being a mom, student, and business owner to blog much. But that's no excuse. *Sigh* I had wanted so much for this to be a great, detailed chronicle of my life as a first-time mom. But, you know...I guess this fits. I have my plate overfilling with things. Not only am I chasing around a baby (who is crawling and "walking" all over the place), but I am doing it alone (unfortunately Christian's father has left us and has been away for over a month), working hard to try to pay the bills, and still working on my Master's. Life is tough. But my baby boy makes it all worth it. :D

It's amazing to think of how much he is changed over the past few months. He is eating solids like a champ. He is crawling like crazy and learning how to walk. He is starting to talk (already he has said "Hi", "All done", and "I did it"). He laughs all the time and loves to play and explore. He has a great personality and is just an awesome little dude. I am LOVING being a mom.

Ok...so I'm not the perfect mom. I don't make all of his baby food myself. I don't breastfeed him all day. My house is not picture perfect. But I do what needs to be done. I am a single mom. I am a stay at home mom. I am a business owner. I am a student. I sing to him, play with him, read to him, feed him, teach him, cuddle him, dress him, bathe him, and love him better than anyone. I make his baby food as often as I can. I breastfeed him 3 times a day. I hold him when he cries, hold his hands while he walks, get on the ground with him to play, zoom him through the air like a plane, make noises and faces just to make him laugh. I am his teacher, his chef, his masseuse, his playmate, his best friend, his chauffeur, his personal musician and comedian. I am Super Mom. How about you?

I Can Do It Myself!

2011-02-27T00:44:00.000-06:00

Yesterday Christian finally held his bottle for an entire feeding. He has been working towards this point for about a month and a half. He could hold the bottle, but if it fell he wouldn't even attempt to put it back in his mouth. Well, yesterday it was like something just clicked in his mind, and he just...did it. Now he is feeding himself like a pro. :D Next on the agenda: sitting without support. WOOHOO PROGRESS!!!!

Paci...GET! IN! MY! MOUTH!

2011-02-18T07:00:00.000-06:00

I just had the best time watching Christian trying to put the pacifier in his mouth. I held it out for him and he grabbed it. He tried to put it in his mouth but got the side of it in there instead. So he held it back away from and was looking at it and tried again. Close but no cigar. Then it was like he had a brain flash -- he grabbed it with both hands to get better control and tried again, looking at it to make sure it was in the right position aaaaaand....Success! It was the funniest and cutest thing. He was so determined to figure it out and it was amazing to see him using his brain and spatial awareness skills to do so. I love my little Einstein. :D Now to get him to be able to keep the bottle in his mouth. He can hold it, but if it falls he can't really get it back in there all the time.

Christian has teeth!!!!

2011-02-18T06:54:00.000-06:00

Omg! Christian has been drooling excessively since...shoot, since he was a month old. Everyone told us that it was because he was teething. I would check all the time, and it would feel hard, but it never seemed like there was anything coming up. And he never seemed really fussy (except when hungry or sleepy). SO imagine my surprise when my mom called and was like, "Hey, Tiffany, I forgot to tell you. Christian has teeth" Whaaaaaat? I put my finger in his mouth and pulled them out, squealing. OHMIGOSH, CHRISTIAAAAAN!!!! YOU HAVE TEETH!

I don't know how I didn't notice. Maybe because I was so used to nothing being there whenever I did check. But there they are -- two teeth poking through the gums at the bottom. You can't see them yet, because they are just breaking through, but they are DEFINITELY there. Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!! TEETH! :D My babies gonna be eating steak pretty soon. Lol! I'm excited, surprised, and wary all at the same time. I'm super excited because it's such a huge milestone. I'm surprised because he's only 4 months (though I know that it happens early for some babies). I'm wary because I don't know what this is going to mean for nursing. But I am going to stick it out for as long as I possibly can. I'm really hoping to make it to the on year mark. Wish me luck! :)

Bathtime!

2011-02-15T07:03:00.000-06:00

This morning I did something I swore I would never be able to do -- take a bath with Christian. All by myself. I remember when Christian was first born and I had a discussion about this. I swore that I would NEVER do this because it was wayyyy too scary. What if I dropped hi? What if he slipped under the water? Well, 4.5 months down the line, I am more secure in my parenting skills. Never once did I feel as though Christian was less than perfectly secure, even when I was letting him float on his back (while I was holding him of course). He LOVED it and it was actually less unnerving than giving him a bath in his baby tub (it's much higher up than our tub so it still makes me nervous). I had fun and so did he. I don't know how often I would do that. Today was sort of an emergency situation (I was trying to take a bath and he started crying) but I'm no longer scared stiff to do it. Yayyyy progress!!! :D

Bedtime!

2011-02-14T07:44:00.000-06:00

Christian slept in his all night. For the first time. Ever. Yayyyyy!!! I finally feel like it is the right time, although I will still steal him away to snuggle up with me some nights. I love waking up to my little man's smiles and laughter. :D

Jam Session!

2011-02-14T07:41:00.000-06:00

Ok, so this morning I am feeling extra pumped. I got up at 6 something, got energized by listening to some Soca then Zumba'd until I felt like dropping. As could be expected, as soon as I was about to pass out, Christian woke up (which brings me to another great milestone which I will write about in a separate post). So, I turned on my music, pumped up the volume and Christian and I had a Michael Jackson jam session. :D FUN!!!!!

My Life as a First-Time Mom: Dreading Wednesday

2011-02-13T20:04:00.001-06:00

My Life as a First-Time Mom: Dreading Wednesday: "Soooo...Wednesday we will FINALLY get Christian in for his 4 month shots. He was supposed to have them on the first (when he actually turned..."

Dreading Wednesday

2011-02-13T20:04:00.000-06:00

Soooo...Wednesday we will FINALLY get Christian in for his 4 month shots. He was supposed to have them on the first (when he actually turned 4 months), but I was just getting over the flu and didn't want to go infecting an office full of kids (not to mention the bf had to work and I would have had to deal with shot time all alone). We rescheduled for this past Wednesday but then we got hit by snow and the doctor's office canceled on us. Now we are trying AGAIN. Hopefully this time we make it in there. I'm so anxious for him to get his immunizations (especially since he has been sick TWICE and that absolutely broke my heart). What I'm not looking forward to are the actual shots. When he got his two month shots it was traumatizing. For both of us. For one, I am TERRIFIED of needles. Secondly, I hate seeing him in pain (even if I know it will help him in the long run). So having to hold him down while the nurse hurt him was heartbreaking. He cried so much and so hard. And she had to stick him three times. I would have passed out if I hadn't been so worried about soothing him. *Sigh* Now we have to do it all over again. Poor Christian. :(

My Life as a First-Time Mom: Mama'a Big Boy

2011-02-13T18:58:00.000-06:00

My Life as a First-Time Mom: Mama'a Big Boy: "This isn't really all that post-worthy, but I just realized today just how big Christian is. He is sooooo tall and thick. He's not fat, by a..."

Mama's Big Boy!

2011-02-13T18:57:00.003-06:00

This isn't really all that post-worthy, but I just realized today just how big Christian is. He is sooooo tall and thick. He's not fat, by any means. But he is definitely a chubby baby. With the most kissable, pinchable cheeks. I love my little linebacker. :D I never really realize how big he has gotten until I go to the doctor for a checkup, have to buy new clothes, or until (like today) I see him next to another baby. I guess that us moms are around them so much that it's harder to see how much they have grown. I think that we tend to notice milestones more than anything else. The first non-gassy smile. Their first laugh. The first time they rolled over. People who don't see them that often are focused more on how they look.

Oh, and today was a BEAUTIFUL day, so I took Christian out to enjoy the sunshine and the cool breeze. This is the first time he has really been outside (beside running to and from the car) since November. I can't wait until Spring makes an official appearance. We will definitely be going on more outings then. :)

My Life as a First-Time Mom: Christian Falls! :|

2011-02-10T14:59:00.000-06:00

My Life as a First-Time Mom: Christian Falls! :|: "So yesterday we had a big scare. I was getting ready to cook my part of dinner so I did what we have normally been able to do with Christian..."

Christian Falls! :|

2011-02-10T14:58:00.001-06:00

So yesterday we had a big scare. I was getting ready to cook my part of dinner so I did what we have normally been able to do with Christian (when he isn't in his boppy or swing or having tummy time) which was to prop him up on the couch in the corner. He abhors having to lie on his back and usually makes himself vomit by trying to sit up on his own, so I try to let him sit up as much as I can. Yesterday this went horribly wrong. Because Christian also has a habit of trying to take things too far. I guess he was extra determined to grab his toes because I happened to glance up and see him trying to lean forward. His dad, Tyrell, was sitting nearby so I told him to get Christian and rearrange him.

Next thing I knew Christian is rolling forwards, HEAD FIRST towards the floor. I yelled out "OH MY GOD!" and ran to catch him, but I was too far away. Tyrell did some kind of ninja move, leaping sideways and catching Christian by the head so he could guide him to the floor. The rocking chair (which Tyrell was sitting in) fell over (with him in it) and I heard an ominous crack. Forunately this crack was not a rib, leg, or even the chair. It was a toy. Even more fortunately, Christian was completely fine. He cried for maybe 10 seconds (he was probably more startled than anything). I can't say the same for mommy. I was shaking and just sat there squeezing Christian, who began laughing and smiling. Thank God I happened to look up when I did. And thank God for Tyrell's super awesome ninja moves. :) I hope we never have to go through anything like that again. However, according to other moms, that's probably an empty dream. *sigh* Being a parent is an experience.

Slumber Parties by Tiffany

2011-02-09T15:12:00.000-06:00

I recently took the plunge and finally started my own business. I am officially a consultant for Slumber Parties, Inc. Slumber Parties is dedicated to educating and empowering women about their sexuality through fabulous, fun home parties. I am sooooo BEYOND excited about this venture and the financial freedom that it will provide for me and my family. If you would like to learn more about my life as a Slumber Parties consultant, check out my blog at http://slumberpartiesbytiffany.blogspot.com/

My Life as a First-Time Mom: Christian crawls!

2011-02-08T15:56:00.000-06:00

My Life as a First-Time Mom: Christian crawls!: "A few days ago (February 6th to be exact) Christian (who is 18 weeks old) started crawling! Soooo funny and exciting. My mom gave him a stuf..."

Christian crawls!

2011-02-08T15:55:00.000-06:00

A few days ago (February 6th to be exact) Christian (who is 18 weeks old) started crawling! Soooo funny and exciting. My mom gave him a stuffed cat of hers to play with (it was a gift from my little sister). He loved it so much that she let him keep it. He LOVES that cat. He is ALWAYS wrestling with it. Lol. Anyways, today he was having tummy time, and the cat was 2 or so feet away from him. I guess he really wanted it because he started doing a little scoot crawl towards it. He was very determined and got to it. Three times! The 4th time I guess he got mad at us for taking it away every time he got it so he started crying halfway there. Lol! we tried to get a video of it. Unfortunatelt the first three times we just sat there watching him all excited, so by the time we thought to get the camera, he was getting cranky. Next time, though, buddy I'm gonna getcha :)

An Exciting New Development

2011-02-03T10:43:00.000-06:00

Soooo guys...this past 4 months with my little one have been great. I have thoroughly enjoyed having unlimited time for us to get to know each other. What hasn't been so fun is not having money to do what I want and struggling to get my bills paid. I'm used to having a sizable and (more importantly) stable cash flow and I am pretty lost without it. Actually, I hate it. I hate having to be dependent on someone else. I hate not being able to buy even the simplest of things or being unable to treat myself every once in a while. For a while now I've been looking for viable opportunities for me to work from home. I considered selling Mary Kay and I actually tried selling Avon. Fail! I just don't have what it takes to sell beauty products, Mainly because I have no interest in them. Without passion for what you do, I think it's hard to succeed. That's why I'm sooo excited about a business opportunity that a friend/former housemate of mine shared with me while I was still in the early stages of my pregnancy.

My friend told me that she was a consultant for a company called Slumber Parties that was all about enhancing relationships, educating women, and (best of all) empowering women. I was immediately interested, but did not have the startup money. Since she introduced me to the company I have done a ton of research (visiting the main website as well as the sites of numerous consultants, checking out what consultants and clients alike had to say about the company, reviewing the numerous and exciting perks and incentives, etc.) Let me tell you: I LOVE what I have seen. I have read numerous testimonials about how women have been able to quit their jobs and make MORE money with Slumber Parties. They are able to do what I dream of doing: making enough money to live comfortably without having to work a 9 to 5. I'm excited about being my own boss and being able to do things like take care of my bills, pay off my debt, and do fun, exciting things with my new family.

Ok...I just wanted to share this with you guys. I'm really, really pumped about this. Wish me luck! Better yet, become a client. :P

Live, Love, Laugh, and Love Some More (I know I will)

Tiffany

My Life as a First-Time Mom: Christian is 4 months old!!!!

2011-02-01T14:49:00.000-06:00

My Life as a First-Time Mom: Christian is 4 months old!!!!: "AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!! Where did the time go? My little one is not so little anymore and I'm sooo upset. The whole purpose of this blog was for m..."

Christian is 4 months old!!!!

2011-02-01T14:46:00.001-06:00

AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!! Where did the time go? My little one is not so little anymore and I'm sooo upset. The whole purpose of this blog was for me to be able to record all of the amazing things that happen in my life with Christian on a regular basis. You know: his first non-gas smile, his first laugh, the first time he tried solid food, the first time he rolled over, the first time he peed on Daddy (lol). All of those firsts have come and gone. I can't be TOO upset, though. I was here for them, after all. But it would have been nice to be able to look back and see exactly when they happened. Oh well...the best laid plans and all.

Anyways, today is February 1st. Which means that my beautiful bundle of spitty joy is 4 months old today. WOOHOO!!! Go Christian, GO Christian, it's your unbirthday, shake yo bootay! Lol! I'm so excited to reach this milestone, even though I am more than a bit under the weather right now. DAMN YOU FLU MONSTER! Grrrrr!!! Christian is now 26 inches and 17.4 lbs. That is a whopping 6 inches and nearly 10 lbs more than when he was born. He is now the height and weight of the average 6 month old. Big boy! And he is so much work. When he starts crawling and walking, he is going to be all over the place. But I love it! He brings me sooo much joy. His smile lights up my day in a way that I didn't think possible.

Right now we are both recovering from the flu (he is doing much better at this than I am, thank God), but he never lost his sunny disposition during the entire ordeal. Pretty soon we will both be 100% again and the fun can resume. Right now, though, he is asleep so I will take this time to do some much needed catching up on my schoolwork. Did I forget to mention that I'm a fulltime student again? Yep. I have resumed my studies at Capella University after a short hiatus to adjust to mommydom. Hopefully, around this time next year (or not TOO long afterwards), I will have my Master's in Counseling Psychology. Wooh! It has been yet another adjustment getting used to studying and taking care of Christian. Usually I have to lull him to sleep in his swing (Fisher-Price, you are a godsend) before I can make any real progress. But I'm hoping that as he gets older and is able to do more things on his own, he won't need Mommy to entertain him quite as much.

Ah well, people. Tis time for me to take advantage of the quiet and hit the books. (Must not watch South Park. Must NOT watch South Park). Hopefully I will do a better job of getting on here and documenting the awesomeness that is mommyhood. Until then...Live, Love, Laugh, and Love Some More. :)

Tiffany, out!

Breastfeeding Battles

2010-10-25T20:25:00.002-05:00

I decided long ago that I was gonna be a loving, responsive, natural mama. You know: a natural-birth-giving, Moby-wrap-wearing, breastfeeding mama. I had no idea how difficult it is to be “natural”. Let me tell, you: natural does not mean easy (look at my hair, lol). Breastfeeding Christian requires tons of patience and tough skin. When the lactation consultant first showed me how to breastfeed, it seemed easy. Probably because SHE physically latched him on. Boy was that misleading.

First of all, when my milk finally “got in”, I became engorged. If you don’t know what that means, it means I went from having largish-but-still-normal breasts (44DD) to ridiculously-huge-bazoongas. I swear, I fell asleep Tiffany and woke up a few hours later like Pamela Anderson. Only I didn’t feel sexy. At all. They were red. They hurt, And they leaked like crazy. Worse yet, they had swollen soooo much that my nipples were flat and Christian couldn’t latch on at all. We ended up having to supplement his diet with formula, which made me sad. So… I had to go back to the lactation consultant and use a super expensive pump to express the milk. That was so awkward. Having a woman looking at and feeling your breast. Pinching your now non-existent nipples. In front of your boyfriend. Awkwaaaaard. But it definitely helped. As did the various tricks that she has since taught me to help make breast feeding easier (such as nipple shields and syringes).

Trying to get him to latch on by myself was an entirely different story. CHRISTIAN IS IMPATIENT. I guess I should have figured that out while he was still hanging out in my belly. I remember when I was pregnant I would go from having absolutely no appetite to “If I do not have something en route to my belly NOW, I swear I will die” in a matter of nanoseconds. That’s EXACTLY how Christian is. I’ll present my breast to him and he will latch on briefly, but he’ll be so excited that he unlatches (I don’t know if that’s the right term, but it’s my blog and I’m gonna use it). This results in a freakout of epic proportions in which Christians claws at my boobehs (ha) with his razor sharp baby claws, trying to get it back in his mouth, while I try to simultaneously loosen his death grip from my skin and get him to latch on. The entire time I’m talking to him (with an occasional cry of pain from either his claws or his latching): “It’s right there Christian” Calm down, Christian” “Good job, Christian”. Thanks to practice, patience, and my lactation consultant (Ms Marsha), breastfeeding is much easier (though not easy). I have mastered several positions (including feeding while standing up) and don't get frustrated when Christian doesn't latch on right away (there was nothing worse for me as a brand new mom to not be able to provide natural nourishment for my child; it was heartbreaking to say the least).

Now Christian seems to be going through a growth spurt because he eats SO MUCH. He will breastfeed for an hour and still put away a couple of ounces of formula after my nipples yell at me : “ENOUGH!” Anyways, breastfeeding has been a lot more challenging than I expected. They make it seem so much easier on the Discovery Channel. :| But, I love it. I love bonding with Christian in that way. I love the feeling of being able to provide for him something that no one else can. I will suffer through the 4am feeding sessions, the nail-gouging, and the perpetually sore nipples (you try having an overeager baby devouring your nipples for several hours a day), because I am providing Christian with something that will nourish him now and later. Yay me!

P.S. I have also enjoyed the moments when Christian has attempted to breastfeed from Tyrell. The look of sheer panic on Tyrell's face is priceless. Lol!

Christian's Arrival

2010-10-12T18:54:00.001-05:00

September 30th was marked by several huge events. First, Tyrell FINALLY transferred down here and arrived in the morning. It was great to finally have him with me again. Second, we officially moved into our very first apartment. Yayyy!!! He's lived "on his own" before, but this was a first for me. Before this I was either living in a dorm or working as a live-in nanny. This is my first time staying somewhere where I have to pay rent and buy groceries and all of that. I guess I am officially an adult now.

The third momentous event was that I went into labor. The contractions actually started right after Tyrell arrived (great timing, right?) and we were going around town buying things for the house. I started having pretty painful, semi regular contractions) . But I was still functional, so we kept going. We got most of our things moved in. We even got most of the big things put away (thanks, mama!). Very fortunately, my mom also stayed long enough to braid my hair (something that has been needed for a while). Thank god we got all of this done when we did, because not too long after my mom left I started having SUPER DUPER STRONG contractions (little did I know that this was only a taste of what was to come). Around 11pm, we measured my contractions and I was about 5 minutes apart for more than an hour. After making a call to my doctor I was told to make my way to labor and delivery to check.

After struggling to remain upright (that crap HURT), we made it to the hospital where they quickly confirmed that I was 4 centimeters dilated and was going to be admitted. It was really happening! And I can’t say that I was ready. Let me tell you…contractions are a BITCH. No amount of reading books/magazines, watching videos, or talking to other moms could have prepared me for the sheer torture that is childbirth. I decided long ago to give birth as naturally as possible. I rethought that decision several times in the 8 hours that I was in labor. This pain was indescribably horrible. And it came in waves. Waves of pain that pulled me under and kept me under for 2 minutes at a time with only a few minutes in between to semi-recover. A lot of the times I would lose consciousness just to be brought out of it by a new surge of pain.

I tried to recall my many hours of preparation for birth by practicing breathing techniques, but that was easier said then done. “Focus, Tiffany”. “I’M TRYING!” It’s really hard to focus on anything but the pain when you are in the midst of it. Several times I felt like I was successful, but then, just when I felt like the pain was about to be over, it would intensify and I would lose my focus and be sucked into The Abyss. Several times I remember calling out to my mom: “Help me”. I felt like giving up and like I wasn’t going to make it. I couldn’t even move because if I made the mistake of moving during a contraction, the pain was intensified. My mom and Tyrell (when he finally woke up; narrowly escaping some random object being thrown at him out of anger) did a lot to help me calm down and focus, but I definitely didn’t feel like the strong birther that I had hoped to be. I felt like a baby that just didn’t understand how I could be hurting so much and why no one was stopping it.

After several hours, I started feeling the strong urge to push. But apparently I was only 9.5 centimeters apart and still had a “tiny bit of cervix to lose”. I felt like screaming “JUST RIP IT OUT! (the tiny bit of cervix that was holding me back). Then, to make matters worse, my doctor got held up with another patient and so my pushing was put on hold even longer. But I couldn’t fight it. My body was pushing on its own.

Finally the time came when I was actually allowed to push. It was so hard. I was exhausted. But I wanted it to be over and to finally have Christian in my arms. So I pushed. I felt it when Christian’s head crowned. It burned. It hurt. Then the doctor had the gall to suggest that I wait until the next contraction to push one more time. !!!! HELL NO, DOC! I asked if I could push anyway (not that my body was giving me much choice) and when he said to go ahead, I gathered up as much strength as I could and I PUSHED. Next thing I know they are laying Christian on my abdomen. Despite his alien appearance (he was covered in white goo), I couldn’t help but to touch him. It was so surreal. I couldn’t believe that he had just come out of me. He was much bigger than I expected. And I remember feeling surprised that he was actually a baby (it was that surreal). I was truly in awe. I just stared at him until they took him away. Then I stared around the room seeking confirmation that this was real. “I just had a baby.”

When they brought him back to me all cleaned up, I was surprised to see how swollen he was, but he was still the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. My little gummy bear. Our little ninja. He was really here. I had done it. Loving him was instant. I had loved him in the womb, but seeing him made that love even more…there. Christian was born at 8:04 am on October 1^st, 2010. He weighed 7 lbs 15.8 oz and was 20 inches long.The process that it took to get Christian here was very painful, but the result was so worth it (even having to endure more than 10 injections of anesthesia into my vagina in order to be sewn up from a pretty nasty tear). I LOVE MY SON!

Since that day a lot has happened. I’ve been really busy and really tired. But I wanted to get this down while I had the energy. This was the day that changed my life forever.

WHAT THE FRAGGLE ROCK?!

2010-09-27T12:27:00.000-05:00

Soooooo... Tyrell and I are scheduled to move into our apartment (my first time living "on my own") on Thursday. Which means I should probably start packing my things in preparation. I'm all gung ho about this plan. "I'm going to pack up everything! Yay packing! Industrious powers...ACTIVATE!" Then I look around the room and what do I see? A MILLION THINGS TO PACK!!! Christian has just about as many clothes as I do, a pretty sizable library, a ton of toys, and a bunch of other big space-taker-uppers (swing, stroller, bouncer, exersaucer, etc.). Where the fraggle rock is all of this gonna go? Seriously. And that's just Christian's things. That doesn't include my 10 bags of clothes, hundreds of books that I absolutely refuse to part with, electronics, and random crap that I hold dear to some part of my heart. You know what I just realized? I'm a hoarder. I should be on tv so that people can shame me into cutting down on things. This is beyond ridiculous. I'm thinking I'm going to be posting a lot of things on Craigslist. Starting with my clothes.

I, Tiffany, do hereby vow to go through my clothes and get rid of everything that I do not wear, cannot wear, and do not plan on wearing in the foreseeable future. No longer will I hold on to things in the hopes of being able to one day fit into them again (with the exception of my prom gown).

No more time to waste on this post. Must. Purge. Now.

My Psuedo False Labor Scare

2010-09-24T16:10:00.000-05:00

So...this morning I noticed that I was spotting (tmi, right?). I know that at this point it's probably nothing to worry about, but I decided to call my doctor's office just to be sure. They told me to go to labor and delivery to get everything checked out. I get there and they hook me up to a machine so that they can monitor Christian's heartbeats and my contractions. The machine allows me to hear Christian's heartbeat while it's being measured. At one point, Christian's heartbeat just stopped. Lord! I nearly died. But I could still feel him moving so I was able to control my panic enough to call for the nurse. She told me that everything was fine. Woooh! That was the most frightening 10 seconds of my life. Anyways, it tuns out that I have started dilating, but only 2 centimeters. Also, contractions were 20 minutes apart so it doesn't seem likely that I will be going into labor in the very near future. But it's definitely on it's way. Maybe I should really pack my bags now. :| Oh well...off to soak in the tub. Spending an hour on that gurney whatsit did a number on my back.