tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-59509586996637966022025-09-25T02:01:13.084-05:00by "Trauma Mama T"Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09376339735923531053noreply@blogger.comBlogger105125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5950958699663796602.post-21078465727495923542016-02-05T10:10:00.001-06:002016-02-05T17:56:24.447-06:00

My personal work is copyrighted and trademarked.  Just because this blog is no longer active does NOT mean my work is up for grabs and that anyone can use it without first asking for my permission, and then getting my permission in writing.For example, the TMT Logo I use here and for my Google ID as Trauma Mama T is my own personal design.  I created this simple logo specifically for

Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09376339735923531053noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5950958699663796602.post-9756000892677615102016-01-29T16:36:00.004-06:002016-01-29T16:36:48.881-06:00

We've begun a new journey and I started writing a new blog in January 2016.  Please visit The Detached Parent: An Alternative Journey in Parenting Adopted Attachment Disordered Teens & Young Adults at thedetachedparent.com.

Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09376339735923531053noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5950958699663796602.post-49157806135801879412015-07-08T09:52:00.002-05:002015-07-08T09:55:10.967-05:00

I haven't written anything here in a long time.  (I know.  I write that whenever I write here.)  I did post this as my Facebook status this morning though: "I am 55 years, 10 months, 3 weeks and 1 day old today.  My mother died at 66.  Both grandmothers at 68.  Lord knows if I have 10 minutes or 10 years or more left to live on this earth, but I know this for certain

Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09376339735923531053noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5950958699663796602.post-14631245558853563792014-12-09T12:37:00.002-06:002015-07-08T10:17:47.188-05:00

Fair warning: This post is directed at Evangelical Christians (for lack of a better term – because really it's about so many Christians in various denominations). This is for Christians who know James 1:27 by heart and use it as a slogan to promote adoption. This is for the local church with an adoption ministry. This is for anyone who preaches the Gospel of adoption and promotes its popular

Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09376339735923531053noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5950958699663796602.post-54611630399950480352014-07-23T19:59:00.001-05:002014-07-24T07:45:48.348-05:00

Yesterday, I wrote about the very real need to make connection with other parents who are walking this walk, raising kids who are diagnosed with PTSD, RAD, ADD/ADHD, etc. (a.k.a. kids with traumatic pasts).  I wrote how important it is to find others who get it.  Today, I want to swing in the opposite direction and talk about setting boundaries - setting limits - even removing ourselves

Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09376339735923531053noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5950958699663796602.post-20923421743469978922014-07-18T10:38:00.002-05:002014-07-18T21:26:54.021-05:00

Almost a year. That's how long it's been since I last wrote anything here. A lot can happen in that amount of time and, well, it has. Frankly, I don't know where to begin. Even following my freshman English comp teacher's advise to “pick one thing and tell us everything” isn't working very well. How do I pick ONE thing? I am scattered. I've fought depression this year. I am t.i.r.e.d.

Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09376339735923531053noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5950958699663796602.post-77677133241763865272013-08-12T11:49:00.002-05:002013-08-12T12:27:23.614-05:00

The Princess goes back to school in ten days.  Ten.  1 – 0.  10!  I cannot wait. She, on the other hand, is as anxious as anxious can be.  Poor thing.  I know in my head what it’s all about.  Starting high school for any neuro-typical kid is hard enough.  Add trauma and developmental / social delays (a.k.a. immaturity beyond the immaturity of a NT kid)

Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09376339735923531053noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5950958699663796602.post-51556451583205699532013-07-11T09:57:00.001-05:002013-07-11T09:57:04.592-05:00

I am humbled by the recent attention to this blog.  Thank you, dear reader.I hope you'll enjoy the new look.  I just went to a basic blogger layout.  There was some criticism about the template I used earlier because the background made the text hard to read.  I agree.  I hope this simple layout will be easier on your eyes.  It certainly is on mine!Much has happened

Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09376339735923531053noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5950958699663796602.post-85814226617985039402013-04-24T10:24:00.000-05:002013-07-11T15:15:42.549-05:00

I’ve heard from several moms lately who think they have “failed” as a therapeutic parent because they’re tired and they’ve reacted to one of their children’s many, repeated over and over again behaviors.  There is such a pervasive culture among adoptive parents to be the perfect, non-reactive parent because this supposedly is what truly demonstrates unconditional love.  The ideas that

Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09376339735923531053noreply@blogger.com25tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5950958699663796602.post-72854185190903789662013-04-18T13:25:00.001-05:002013-04-18T13:27:54.289-05:00

The following list of often-experienced behaviors of traumatized adopted children was developed by Dr. Arthur Becker Weidman, Ph.d.  He has studied attachment and complex trauma especially in children who were adopted after the age of 18 months.  If you are an adoptive parent and you can check off more than a few of the characteristics on this list, you may have a child with

Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09376339735923531053noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5950958699663796602.post-2512040166777682902013-04-14T17:05:00.001-05:002013-04-14T17:18:35.688-05:00

I forgot to tell you!  I got away in March.  It was lovely – the getting away.  I didn’t think I’d ever be able to do it – just GET AWAY – just for me – not because I had to go take care of something for someone or fix a challenge – but for ME.  Since before the adoption, I cannot think of another time I got away or got to BE just for me.  I was long over due for some

Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09376339735923531053noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5950958699663796602.post-22435092100693168222013-04-11T14:59:00.001-05:002013-09-13T21:13:44.021-05:00

Four or five years ago, I was in a discussion with some other adoptive moms who were gung-ho about a parenting method for traumatized kids written by Heather Forbes and Bryan Post called Beyond Consequences, Logic & Control.  Frankly, I had some problems with this theory from the get-go.  I come from an academic background.  I like peer-reviewed research and outcomes based

Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09376339735923531053noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5950958699663796602.post-71460356655091158742013-04-09T11:45:00.001-05:002013-04-13T13:43:19.021-05:00

I’ve had Sheltie dogs for the last 15 years of my life.  My first was a four-year-old named Simba.  He was a rescue who’d been beaten horribly by his first owner and he had seizures – scary seizures.  At the time we got him, we lived in a big old Victorian home.  It didn’t have a fence around the yard.  I had to keep him on a leash when he needed to go outside. 

Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09376339735923531053noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5950958699663796602.post-50022682636166376372013-02-22T16:38:00.002-06:002013-02-22T16:58:16.267-06:00

I created a card on someecards.com today.  It was a joke for another trauma mama who does the best she can as a therapeutic parent -- just like any one of us.  Today she was tired of being therapeutic.  Today she didn't like her child.  Today she was done. I totally get that.  I've been "done" a lot lately. There are days I get tired of thinking.  There are

Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09376339735923531053noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5950958699663796602.post-71075004020023325972013-02-20T11:27:00.001-06:002013-02-20T11:29:35.514-06:00

The social worker who checks on me from time to time just left.  She was here for about an hour.  Seems Youngest Son has had some issues with me -- things he's blaming me for, but things he's been told he needs to do and hasn't.  For example, track practices begin on Monday.  He was told last week by me that he needed to go to the athletic office at the high school and get the

Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09376339735923531053noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5950958699663796602.post-15736019980729127642013-02-14T12:27:00.000-06:002013-02-14T12:40:18.095-06:00

Happily, Youngest Son is still working.  Still plugging along.  Still serving fish and busy as ever now that Lent is here.  He worked 5:30-8:00 last night for Ash Wednesday.  Of course, while so many things do not merit his attention, the ethnicity of people other than those of Caucasian European descent does not escape my boy.  His first comment to me when he got home

Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09376339735923531053noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5950958699663796602.post-20388338102837428452013-01-11T13:38:00.002-06:002013-01-11T13:39:59.560-06:00

Youngest Son got a call from one of the places he applied to for a job.  (As I wrote earlier, Hubby took him around to several places over the last holiday weekend.)  It's a fast food place that serves fish.  If you've read my blog for a while, you know Youngest Son is triggered by the smell of fish. Figures. I never would have taken him there to apply for a job.  Hubby

Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09376339735923531053noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5950958699663796602.post-55756637920192474592013-01-10T12:13:00.002-06:002013-01-10T12:20:52.470-06:00

. . . but there's always trauma drama.  The GOOD NEWS for me is through all the tests and procedures, my heart was proven healthy.  This is great news, since my Dad and all of my brothers have heart issues.  And since I am older than my brothers, I feel it a particular blessing.  I had a dangerous blood clot in my neck and a few in my right arm, but they are gone!  (Yay

Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09376339735923531053noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5950958699663796602.post-2879938578872351962012-11-29T10:04:00.001-06:002013-01-10T19:45:35.363-06:00

No!  Not literally! I'm typing this raw - right into the format frame on blogger.  No first run using Word off line today.  I'm feeling pretty raw, so why not?  So what if my grammar isn't quite right or if there are a couple of typos.  I'm learning that "so what" is OKAY.  "So what" is okay when parenting traumatized kids, too.  As long as they're safe and

Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09376339735923531053noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5950958699663796602.post-49567878265828645152012-11-26T13:03:00.000-06:002012-11-27T16:46:01.161-06:00

I like the way my friend, Diana puts things sometimes.  Recently, she described us both as a “couple of hot messes.”  I can’t think of a better way to put it.  I’ve been a hot mess for quite some time; I just didn’t know how much of a mess I was in until about two weeks ago.  The kids are still the kids.  Youngest Son is still doing well, but it is the holidays and

Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09376339735923531053noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5950958699663796602.post-71179379659761106412012-10-22T18:14:00.000-05:002012-10-24T18:30:24.388-05:00

Well, that was quite a hiatus.  It’s been too long.  There were many times I wanted to write.  Many things built up inside I thought I needed to get out and onto paper – or onto a computer screen, but those things didn’t want to come.  There were fleeting thoughts as I fought insomnia, full topics on therapeutic technique that were never quite strong enough to pull me to the

Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09376339735923531053noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5950958699663796602.post-44122653399405820642012-05-15T11:56:00.004-05:002012-05-16T13:23:16.888-05:00

There are SO MANY blog post topics floating around in my head.  It’s been like this for quite some time.  Yet, I’ve been scattered, and physically not up to writing.  Still, when I think of all those topics, they really just boil down to is a sense of immense gratitude. I am so very blessed. I finished teaching a parenting class at our county jail today.  One woman

Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09376339735923531053noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5950958699663796602.post-72399861679473940522012-05-10T10:37:00.000-05:002012-05-10T13:19:19.600-05:00

When people ask me if I know “what happened to my kids’ ‘real’ parents,” I tell them that yes, I know what happened to their birth parents.  Sometimes, I smile and say, “Hubby and I are real.”  Mostly though, I let it go and just use proper adoption language in hopes they’ll get it.  Often, people will press for details.  I only share details on a need-to-know basis  (

Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09376339735923531053noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5950958699663796602.post-90841215416532539402012-05-09T10:48:00.003-05:002012-05-09T10:50:43.895-05:00

I am relearning to take care of myself, to like myself whether some other individual likes me or not.  Getting beat up often and over and over again can take its toll.  It took its toll.  But in the basic nature of "flight or fight," I lean most firmly toward the fight.  So, I'm fighting back -- reclaiming me.  It is a process.  It is two steps forward, and sometimes

Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09376339735923531053noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5950958699663796602.post-69787748507646754722012-05-06T16:14:00.000-05:002012-05-08T14:59:29.279-05:00

“Dear TMT - I am wondering if you have any advice to give about dealing with one of our children who "borrows" things from siblings without asking.  The siblings are really becoming annoyed because the "taker" does not share her own things but feels that everyone should share with her.  We have talked about how she would not like it, how it is wrong, and she grudgingly admits this,

Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09376339735923531053noreply@blogger.com0