My life My perceptions

Why does life move so quickly?

2012-01-11T15:27:00.000-08:00

Wow I truly can not believe it has taken me a week to get back to this. Then again when I look back at this past week I can.
The first stumbling block was not having a laptop or computer at my beck and call. You see while I am here in Ohio I literally have to go down to the lobby to use a computer I can blog at. Then there are all the distractions of many people coming and going. Some see you at the computer and ask what you are doing. Hello, what if I am typing something business related that is highly sensitive? Oh well my bad I am in a public spot. But acn I have my space anyway?
So what has happened since I last blogged? Not a heck of a lot. I guess. My farm in Missouri is now officially being sold. We will be closing on or around Feb 25. This has me tearing up as I really wanted that place. I could so see myself breaking ground and growing my own food. Having some real live chickens. Laying naked (ok topless) out by the pond. Having a horse or two out there. I hope this really does mean something better is coming.
The training for the new job is going well, to an extent. Two of the accounts out here cancelled yesterday and today so I am out here with nothing to do and no computer to do it with. *sigh* I do miss my game. I will fly back out here next week then to MA the week after. Look out Uncle Jerry I am coming to visit.
I did spend most of yesterday working on my book. Yes I am actually writing my life story. I have had several titles for it but have finally decided that the title of this blog makes the best title for my book. Since it really is my perception of how my life has gone. I do believe we all see these days we live in different from how those we spend time with see it. From how my mother perceived me growing up, to my friends, to my husbands and children. I have not decided yet whether I will keep everyone's names the same or change a few to protect myself from being harassed.
I guess that is all for tonight I am not brimming with details of anything I feel the need to write. Guess the book is taking a lot of my creative stuff.

Moving forward

2012-01-04T14:43:00.000-08:00

Monday was amazing.
After I finished my blog, as advertized I went and swam in the pool. How awesome that it was snowing these big huge fat flakes right outside the huge windows of the pool house. I spent about 30 to 45 min working out in the water. Did some crunches. Gazed at the falling snow from the warm water of the pool. Afterwards I went up to my room and soaked in a tub full of hot bubbly (shampoo as I had no bubble bath) water. And read until I fell asleep. Just marvelous!
I did not get much sleep as I kept worrying about the fact that I had not heard from the girl I was training with. I finally got up at 5 and started getting ready for the day. At 6 I finally got the call from Kellie. Yes I could not remember her name and had actually just picked up the phone to call Kris my supervisor when my phone rang. Now Kellie will be picking me up at 6:45. Good thing I was up and dressed. I put some make up on and went down for my free breakfast.
I had already decided knowing what the breakfasts were like that I would eat big in the morning. Then grab some yogurt and fruit for lunch and eat a small dinner. It ended up that that was exactly what I did.
Kellie is just one of the nicest most energetic women. She not only is a Stereotactic Specialist but owns a 50% partnership in a Fitness studio. Teaches 5 classes a week and has 2 children, 17 and 11years old. Just listening to her made me tired. However watching her work and understanding so much of what she was telling me made the day go by fast. There were only 3 cases however by the end of the day I was pretty sure I would have no problems doing this in 3 weeks or less.
Oh and it snowed almost all day. The ride out to the hospital it snowed and the drive back as well. I loved it.
Then we found out that Wednesdays schedule was cancelled. So I got a free day off. Well that just made me very lazy. I went to Walmart grabbed a foot long sub, chips, a soda and a candy bar. I planned this well for it was to be dinner tonight and lunch Wednesday.

Today I am pretty proud of myself. I was up out of bed by 7am and had a good sized breakfast. Including fresh fruit and a bran muffin. Okay, I had those as a snack later. I had eggs, a Belgian waffle and coffee for breakfast. And I still have yogurt for my desert tonight. I had part of my Hoagie from last night for lunch and still have some left for dinner.
I have not exercised yet today. Nor did I last night. However I have completed filling out applications for licenses to 10 states across the country. What a pain. I need to get 6 more photos to attach to said applications as well as make 10 copies of my ARRT card, and fax off State verification of licensure from 5 different states to 5 different states. Also get 5 notarized before sending them all up to Gwen so she can cut checks and send them off for my licenses. When all is said and done I will hold 12 state licenses. Now I wish there was a national license for people like me. Not to mention I still need to find a part time position in the Virginia, Maryland area to keep my mammogram numbers up.

Other then that it has been a very laid back day and a chance to get myself organized at least when it comes to work.

I guess I should go eat my dinner. Then maybe I will get the energy up to go swim in the pool for a while. No snow falling tonight but not much else I want to do either. I guess the only thing I really wish I had here was someone to enjoy it all with. Ah well somethings in my life are meant for me to experience solo I guess.

So far for me 2012 is starting out well. Love to all my family and friends!

Happy New Year!

2012-01-02T15:07:00.000-08:00

As promised I am starting my new life.
I am tonight in an awesome Hampton Inn in Youngstown Ohio. As I did on Jan. 2, 2000 this Jan 2, 2012 I am on the road with a new job. The last time I landed in St. Paul Minnesota. I was working as a traveling x-ray/mammography tech. Now I am a Floating Stereotactic Specialist.
There are still many things in my old life that I face everyday. From my messed up colon to my husband calling at odd times. I still have questions that need answering about who I am and where my life is going. But I am looking forward to finding who this complicated person is and what will make her happy not just drive her insane.
Believe it or not I had someone the other day say I was just too nice for them to hang out with. Lord all I wanted was someone to laugh and joke with. I guess baking a pineapple upside down cake after they had said it was thier favorite was way too much. Whatever. Hell it is one of my favorite cakes. So I got to eat some too!
I do not want people trying to "set me up" with their friends, after all I am still married. I want friends to hang out with and people to have fun with. Anyone wanna play pool when I get back to NOVA. Or when I get the apartment ready I want tons of peeps coming to my party. (Probably Saturday Feb 18th). Wow do I miss a social life :-)
I did spend some time with my darling daughter Joy today. She made me some awesome crepes.
The flight here was uneventful as was getting my rental car.
I guess that is it for now. I can not put down here just how excited and stoked I am. I am going to go get my swim suit on and go relax in the pool. Sweet dreams everyone. Have a fabulous year!

Restarting my life

2011-11-16T08:27:00.000-08:00

I have decided it is time for my life to be my own. I am going to take charge and change things.
In the past I have made some effort in that direction today I am going to go the whole 9 yards. No ifs ands or buts. No excuses. I am the only one who can change me. The beginning of that is this blog. I will be opening my heart and soul here. I may say things that make people uncomfortable and even angry. I have been told the Internet is no place to put your feelings. I learned from reading both my daughter in law's and my step daughter's blogs that sometimes it is the best place to vent those feelings. This is a new age and time. I do not want to bury myself anymore.

Where to start? There are so many things running in my brain. I think I will start with the journey I just finished to get to the physical place I am at now. The emotional one is still a long way away. Although I am beginning to see and realize where I am supposed to be.

On November 4th, my 49th birthday, I left Campbell, CA. in a 16' moving truck, towing my car to head cross country to the Metro Washington DC area. In the truck with me was my husband Richard. In the car were my two birds, Tweety and Cheeky, two cats, Esmerelda and Ezekial, and my dog Athena. We started the drive at 10:30am, 5 and 1/2 hours after our scheduled departure time. Packing and loading took way longer then anticipated. I ended up discarding a number of things I had not initially planned on discarding. But none of it was anything I could not live without.
The traffic was light and there were no issues there. We had been told that the gas gauge had been acting up on the truck before we left, but that it was nothing to worry about. The weather was sunny and clear all the way through Donner Pass. We got the first 285 miles down without a hitch. When we stopped to gas up and grab some food it had snowed before we got to this spot. Snow on the ground but not on the roads. I got Esmerelda and Rich grabbed Athena out for a walk. Essie loved the snow. Athena just did her thing. One of the truckers took a picture of my cat on a leash in the snow.
After about 20 min we got back in the truck and headed down the road. It was about 20 miles outside of Reno when we realized that the gas gauge was seriously messed up. It was ready almost empty and the low fuel light was on. We talked about it and decided to try just to gauge the miles using the odometer. Fill up every 200 to 250 miles. No worries. So I got my pen and notebook out to write down the mileage. I asked Rich for the numbers and he was like, "Uh, I can't." What do you mean you can't? "There are no numbers just the words 'low fuel'." Oh, oh, that is not good.
The girl where we picked up the truck said we should call her if we had any problems so I did. She told me that we needed to reset the reader and to stop somewhere for like 20 min so it would reset. Isn't that what we did after gassing up? Okay we will do it. We pulled of the road shut it all off. With her still on the phone we turned it on again. No change. So we hung up with her. It was 3:30pm only 5 hours into my cross country trip. Only 80 hours to go, right? After about 15 minutes we tried restarting the truck again, yeah, no change.
So I called roadside assistance. I got them on the phone and explained what the problem was. She asked if we were in a safe place. I said we were, that we were now about 12 miles west of Reno. She said that it did not sound like we had a problem that roadside could fix by the side of the road. I asked if that meant we needed to get a motel for the night. She said that would be the best choice. All I could think of was that I did not budget for a nights stay tonight.
When I asked her whether Budget would pay for the stay she said I would have to talk to customer service. I said fine let me talk to customer service about it. So she transferred me. After being on hold for about 15 min I finally got a customer service person and explained everything again to her. She asked for the truck number again. Apparently the roadside person never entered it into the system. Or at the least did not save it. So the customer service person was like, "I am sorry but until it is in the system I can't authorize anything. I will reconnect you with roadside." And I am on hold again.
At least this wait was less then 5 min. The girl I got this time was all apologies. She entered my information in the system. Asked me if we wanted to wait by the side of the road or go to the hotel? Oh My God, so I explained my situation to her about trying to get customer service to help and getting transferred back and forth. She said that she would stay on the phone with me while she got ahold of customer service and explain the situation to them. Back on hold again. I glance at the clock and realize its 4:50pm. I have been at the side of the road dealing with these people for almost 1 and 1/2 hours.
Several minutes pass and a new voice comes on the line. "I am sorry ma'am but there is nothing we can do for you tonight about the hotel. It is 2 minutes until we close the office." You have got to be kidding me. I am on the side of the road and you are worried about getting off work. So I asked her name , Lori, and what should I do. "Go to the hotel see if roadside can get someone to you. Call customer service in the morning and I am sure they will reimburse you for the stay." So I will get reimbursed tomorrow? "No ma'am. In 3 to 5 working days. I am transferring you back to roadside." And I am back on hold. *Sigh*
At this point I am in tears with frustration and exhaustion. I slept only about 45 min the night before, finishing the packing. Roadside comes back on the line and explains that there is no service available at this time and that I need to stay in a hotel for the night. Really? I had that figured out already. Happy Birthday to me! She wanted me to call roadside back and give them the hotel information once I checked in.
I was very thankful I had a motel 6 directory at my fingertips. I looked up Reno, Nevada and called one of the motels. The desk person that answered was Susan. She was awesome gave us directions on how to find her and everything. Within 45 min we had our room and the animals, except the birds in a room. On our way in I saw a Denny's so I knew where I wanted to eat dinner. Yea, free for my birthday!

To Be Continued.

Turning over a New Leaf

2010-12-22T08:35:00.000-08:00

Well, It has been almost a year since my last blog. I will attempt at doing this again. There has been so much happening in my life and yet I am still at the same place I was before. So I need to change.

Change starts on the inside. I must rethink my normal daily habits and figure out which things I need to change in order to make the most of my life.

One of those things is playing a computer game for 3 hours a day. I get plugged into World of Warcraft every morning and allow myself to be sucked in almost until I go to work. I need to use it as a reward rather then a main staple of my life.
In that regard I will be blogging (I HOPE) every morning including adding my goals for the day month and year. I have so much I want to accomplish in the next 3-6 months.

Having said this here are my current goals for today:
Personal
1. Blog and Set Goals
2. Be off the computer by 9am
3. Get out of the house and get some serious exercise in.
Business
1. Talk to people and get at least 5 names and numbers
2. Make phone calls and set appointments
3. Make a plan of action for prospecting.

Goals for January:
Personal
1. Have finished reading at least 2 Self improvement books.
2. Have finished organizing my office.
3. Have blogged and written goals at least once a day everyday!
Business
1. Helped protect at least 10 families
2. Gotten at least 5 personal recruits into the business
3 Got my Securities paperwork in and studying for my exams

Goals for 2011:
Personal
1. Move to Virginia
2. Get my weight to 200 by Feb 1st and 160 by Sept 1st
3. Be financial stable and able to work business full time
Business
1. Gotten Securities License
2. Have a team of at least 50 active members
3. Bi-coastal offices and make RVP

Feel free to ask questions is you don't know what I am talking about I will attempt to answer any questions.
Sweet it is 8:56 am and I am getting off the computer :)

Paranormal

2010-01-25T14:34:00.001-08:00

I was reading my daughter-in-laws blog today and just had to put down my own experiences. I try to read her blog about every 3 or 4 days. It helps me be closer to my grand children. I actually find most of her posts funny or just plain real. Even learn a few things that I did not get from my son, like Parker having some breathing issues.
Well today I read her post from about three or four days ago about Holden and a guy in his room. Boy can I relate to that.
I think Thomas has heard these stories before. These are my real experiences.

The earliest memory I have of seeing something others could not was when I was about 4 or 5. Probably closer to 5 since I was in school at the time. I went to stay with a friend over night, it was my first overnight ever. She lived in a very large old house near our swimming pool. It had a Hedge maze in the back yard. We had fun hiding from each other in that maze.
That night I slept on pillows and blankets on the floor between her bed and a wall. There was a picture hanging on an jutting part of the wall down at our feet. Something woke me up in the middle of the night and there was a boy there. He was wearing clothes like I had not seen before. When I started talking to him he was surprised. We talked until I fell asleep about family. How big was mine? How big his was. That type of thing. He never scared me and I never really thought it was strange.
I look back and wonder why did I not think it was strange. I believe because it was not my first time. I had probably been seeing them for most of my 5 years. He looked so normal just wearing weird clothes.
The next morning I mentioned it to the family and the thought I was crazy. He appeared in the door and told me that they could not see him. When I pointed him out to the family no one could see him. They called my mom and I never was allowed there again.
Many, Many times until I was about 16 I saw ghosts, spirits, whatever names you want to attached to the essences that do not move to whatever is next. I would talk to them and sometimes something I would say would make them nod their head and go away. Sometimes they came back to me time after time. Never mad or angry just wanting to talk.
When I was 16 I had an experience that caused me to "wall off" whatever was letting me see them. I can feel things if they are strong, now and then. But I can no longer talk to them, help them move on. I miss that crazy connection.

Looking Forward

2009-12-28T14:13:00.000-08:00

Well, it seems this year went by way too fast and is ending on a sour note for me. I believe that means that things can only get better.

So what can I do to change these things that are wrong in my life? My weight, my income, my location? DO SOMETHING. Yes, that's what I said, I need to do something with my life. I believe I have found it to. I am stepping out of my comfort zone and into a more active role in my own life. It is way to easy to sit around and complain about how we do not have this or that. How we have too much weight or not enough time, as we sit on the couch watching hours of TV or play our computer games. I am not saying everyone does this, however me and my husband do.

I started this morning with a schedule that I am building to get me off the couch, out of the computer chair, and out of the house and into the life I want. I started by getting up at 6:30 this morning when I got out of bed. I grabbed the dog and took her for a walk. Then I fed the animals. Spent about 1 and 1/2 hours playing my game. Then I got up and did 4 of the chores that needed to be done around the house. I took the dog for another long walk. Then left the house and went to the mall in search of prospects for the business I want to get going.

I ended up at work an hour before I needed to be there. But I got out of the house. I brought with me some things I needed to read and do for my business. So tomorrow I will continue on. I am planning on making 2010 a huge financial and personal success year. It starts TODAY!

I am also reading Deepak Chopra's new book and a Joel Olstein book to get me motivated and moving.

“Whatever relationships you have attracted in your life at this moment, are precisely the ones you need in your life at this moment. There is a hidden meaning behind all events, and this hidden meaning is serving your own evolution.” Deepak Chopra.

To Work or not To Work

2009-12-24T10:32:00.000-08:00

Oh my this day is going to stretch on forever and ever. I arrived at work hoping for a cool day and my machine is not working. Guess it wanted a day off today. Almost 2 hours and service is only 15 min away now. So now nothing to do but see if patients show and wait for the machine to be fixed.

Meanwhile I forgot my patterns for the crocheting I am doing. I also finished the book I was reading last night.

What to do.

Season of Cheer?

2009-12-23T18:41:00.000-08:00

Okay, so originally I started this blog as I was trying to lose weight. I figured if I spent time typing it out I would stick to it. So nope did not follow through that way. But then I have since gotten a total hip replacement. As well as a bunch of other life crazy stuff.

Now, I am just going top blog what is on my mind.

I have absolutely always loved this time of year. When my kids were small we had no money and it was a major challenge just to get them the ONE perfect gift that they wanted. It became a key thing for me to make sure that there where presents under the tree no matter who they came from, but that the one special gift was from me. I will never forget the year I tricked Richie. He wanted a CD player, just a small personal one. That was back when they first came out and even a small one was like $40 or $50 bucks, high end of our gift budget. A friend of ours had gotten a CD player stereo and I asked for the box. I then placed the sheet and quilt set that Richie had wanted in it. Wrapped it and placed it under the tree. Then I took the way smaller CD player, wrapped it and hid it way in the back under the tree as far as I could get it. Yes I am a mean mommy. He unwrapped that big box and freaked out thinking he got the big stereo system, only to be dashed when he realized that was not inside the box. Then after all the gifts were opened and he did not get the CD player he was moping around. We were picking up the wrappings and I kicked a ball of wrapping paper under the tree. I sent Richie under to find it to throw it away and he found the small box with his name on it. He was ecstatic, the one thing he truly wanted.

I remember spending hours upon hours making breads and cookies for my friends and their families. I loved to bake, and still do. My kids can probably remember the gingerbread houses and cookies. The homemade cinnamon rolls and breads. Even my crocheting for months to have gifts for my mom and grandmothers.

Guess what I am doing this year.......yep back to baking and crocheting. I am poor this year financially. So I am stepping back and doing a more traditional Christmas. No one, except Holden and my dad, is getting a store bought gift. Most gifts will be late as I am still working on them. I had not realized I would be doing this until two weeks ago. Tomorrow night I will be making a new recipe to take to a friends family Christmas dinner which I am going to. Believe it or not it is a Chocolate Orange cake.

For all this I still feel so alone this year. My normal sense of Cheer is gone. My children are grown and gone. My grandchildren are a continent away. My husband is 1/2 a continent away. I only put up 1/2 of my lights, which a neighbor said were beautiful. I have my tree up, the fiber-optic one, with no ornaments on it. I just do not have the energy to do it just for me. I had a co-worker comment that I was not singing all my Christmas songs. I usually get people asking me to sing something once I get started. Not this year. Where oh where has all my cheer gone. Tears leaking out the corners of my eyes at the least little provocation. I guess I just miss my family.

Oh yea almost forgot without trying, just from walking the dog am down 7 lbs since August.

Addictions versus Choices

2009-07-12T10:59:00.000-07:00

Question: Is an addiction a personal choice or a chemical/physiological uncontrollable impulse?

For me this is a seriously difficult question. I know some people out there believe that addictions can be easily overcome by nothing more then willpower.

Yet everyday in the ER I work in I see meth users and alcoholics. They stand on street corners getting handouts "for food" and spend that money getting drunk or high. Never eating , or caring for themselves. I know some alcoholics that binge drink on the weekends. Never drinking at all when they have to be ready for work. It is ruining there lives and yet they still choose to do it. Is it by choice? Or is it a compulsion that overrides their thought processes to where there is no choice any longer? Why are some people able to overcome this compulsion and others can not?

To me an addiction is something you can not controlled by ordinary means. In other words, a person can not simply say I will not smoke anymore, and walk away. It takes using a method of some sort to rewire yourself to no longer crave or desire the bad substance or activity you find so pleasing.

Most addictions create higher levels of hormones in the pleasure center of the brain. These increased levels create the feeling similar to those found after and exceptionally good round of sex. When we have an orgasm hormones flood the brain create an enormous feeling of happiness and well being. We get these feelings from eating foods, drinking, taking drugs, looking at pornography. It is found that most addicts need to keep those levels high to fight their own personal lowered production of hormones. That is what makes it harder for them to quit. They have a hard time functioning without those huge releases. Just ask any 2 pack a day smoker how bad they feel without their cigarettes.

Sex addicts and porn addicts I think have it the worst. Our society finds nothing "wrong" with someone that enjoys a lot of sex. As long as its within certain limits. As for porn, few men or women feel its wrong to spend hours looking at strange men and women naked on the Internet. I would even go as far as saying, at least from a female perspective, that men encourage other men to look at it. Personally, I know very few women that enjoy watching it and masturbating to it, like men do.

I guess my feeling is that their are some people out there that can not control the urges due to physiologic changes. As well as others that can control it and choose not too.

How do we know which one our loved one is? So, how do we go about helping our family and friends? Do we take the hard line and tell them they must change or leave? Do we suggest therapy or hospitalization? What if everything we try does not work? What then?

What if the addiction is one that your life partner finds particularly repugnant? Like a porn addiction. How should that partner feel when they walk in on them masturbating to the computer, yet have not had sex with you in weeks? What should their final straw be?

Two days in a row!

2009-07-10T08:51:00.000-07:00

Not sure if I can keep to an everyday blog but will try.

Question: What do you consider being materialistic?

Having never had much money in my entire life I can not help but feel I am not materialistic in anyway shape or form. I do not want the trophy car. As my husband will tell you it is difficult for me to look at getting a second vehicle. Why do we need it when the one we got is hardly used?

Yes, I like my sparkly things. All my jewelry is the real thing now. It is not for the bling factor but because I finally had the money to get something I saw and I liked. Do I go out of my way to get something everyone else has or wants? NO.

I enjoy giving gifts to family and friends when I know there is something that would be useful or helpful. I try to keep random gifts under $50. Especially if it happens to benefit my grandson in anyway.

I guess if you look around my apartment and see the 50" plasma with 2 computers below it, the laptop and third base computers in the next room, as well as the huge select number bed, you might think that it shows I am materialistic. Wow I bought my last TV in 2002, a small 17 inch one. I was at best buy and this plasma was on sale for $600.00 what was I supposed to do? My husband and I play World of Warcraft to relax, again I found at Best Buy a gaming computer for $1200. We were like OMG usually they cost like $3000. So I bought one one payday and the next the next payday. So we relegated the Laptop and Base to the other room.

If these make me materialistic I guess I am.

I do not see myself as such. I much prefer to shop the thrift store for treasures. Guess I got into that habit when my kids were small and it was the cheapest way to go. Drove them nuts to go get school clothes there. The last time I bought a new dress from a store? For my daughter's wedding, a $300 dress that I got at an outlet store for less the $70. Shoes and purse to go along with it for $12 a piece. That was what 3 years almost.

Homemade bread, when I have time, is one of my favorite things to do. I sew a lot of my uniforms for work. Not to mention my costumes for Ren Faires.

I personally believe we as a nation are in the financial situation we are because people do not follow basic money saving measures. If more people stopped looking at the labels and started looking at the cost, not just monetary but evnvironmentally, things will change. Our society is extremely wasteful. It is a shop and toss society.

At this point in my life I have more money in my pocket then ever before. My bank account is still payday to payday. Not because I spend a lot on things as much as I spend more on bills, I maintain a farm in MO as well as my apartment in California. If I could find a job in MO I would sooo be there. Then I would grow my own food, cook my own meals, make my own clothes, basically live off my farm.

What do you consider being materialistic?

Life takes strange turns

2009-07-09T11:23:00.000-07:00

As anyone who has been following this blog knows it has been a while since I have been on.

I started this initially to cover my renewed hope of losing weight. While I am slowly shifting the weight around, lost 1% of my body fat, the ponds seem to be staying. Yes, muscle weighs more then fat. I got that a long time ago. Just hate stepping on the scale after a month to only see 5 lbs gone. While other friends on other programs loose 10+. My diet issues are hard to over come. Not being able to eat the free calorie foods stinks.

Add to that stress associated with family issues. I would think the pounds would be dropping off. Alas no.

One of the big reasons I have not blogged in a while is because I did not want to spread my feelings out there on the personal things going on. It has been mentioned to me that it bothers people to read about themselves even when names are not mentioned. Interesting double standard that allows one person to blog whatever they feel but others can not.

Question: Just because I am over a certain age, have had my children, and am making money I never thought I would ever earn, does that mean I think and react to situations the same as others my age?

I never intended to start my adult life at the age of 17, but I did. First by joining the Navy right out of high school, then getting pregnant. When I got pregnant is was during the era of no pregnant women in the military. I was forced out of the service. The father of my baby chose to beat me when I was pregnant with his child. After I had left the service and relocated with him to his family in NY state. I immediately called my mother and took a 27 hour bus ride, 5 months pregnant, down to be with her in SC.

While staying at my mother's an old friend called. He convinced me he loved me. We married 2 weeks after the baby was born. Moved to Florida, had two more children, moved to California and then lost a 4th child before ending up divorced.

I remarried again, too soon after the divorce to find my way.

During all this I was a stay at home mom learning to make do with $1000 worth of monthly bills and only $600 coming in. I learned how to make 1lb. of hamburger last for 6 meals for my three children. I learned how to use coupons to get most of my groceries for free. I learned that just because we had limited means we were still ineligible for WIC or Food stamps. I learned that everyone has an opinion on how I should raise my kids, and that I would never be a good enough mother in there eyes because I was so young. I had all three of my children before I was 21. I had several people tell me to my face that I was raising my children wrong. Yes, including a family member.

Most importantly I learned that we are all individuals with individual styles of raising our children. That every mother and father out there deserves our respect. I know I respect each persons choices. I defer to a mother's knowledge before my own thoughts or feelings. If I express an opinion it is nothing more then a suggestion. I do NOT expect them to take it if it does not fit with their style.

All three of my children have turned out fabulous. There are times I wonder how with all the other stuff going on in our lives this happened. Then I remember the biggest lesson I learned from my mom and hope my children learned. Allow everyone to be who they are.

Regardless of which direction you feel your children should go in allow them to find their path and be there to hold their hand if they want or need it.

I love you all, Richard, Joy, Thomas. As well as your families, Samantha, Josh, Jenny, Holden and the newest yet to be born little man. And last but certainly not least my stepdaughter Megan, her husband Aaron and her step-son.

2009-06-15T07:42:00.000-07:00

I guess once a week is about what you guys can expect from me.

I have been making my sessions with my trainer 3 days a week. Not keeping strictly to the diet yet. However work has been kicking my rear on a daily basis. So I believe that my activity level is like twice what it used to be.

I'm Here

2009-06-04T10:26:00.000-07:00

Sorry to everyone for taking so long getting back to this. I think I warned that I was not so good at the whole daily writing thing.
So I have lost 2 pounds. Nope have not stuck very well to the diet plan. I think I like follow the plan about 2 or 3 days then cheat then back again.However, I have been doing exercises and working with my personal trainer. So I have increased my activities.
Today I was cleaning my patio and thinking about life and people. So I am going to share my thoughts with you all.
It all started with someone who had a preconceived idea of what I was going to be like before they ever met me. Why do people do that. It has always been a pet peeve of mine for someone to decide or tell me what I am thinking or feeling. After all sometimes I do not even know what I think or feel about something until it has come to my attention. I have always prided myself on not making judgements about people before I have gotten to know them. Although I have occasionally not followed my gut and regretted it. Most of the time though I have been glad to know the person better.
It is my feeling that preconceived ideas about people are often based on past life experiences. An example of this would be that all teachers are boring because my history teacher droned on and on. Or that people 20 years older then "I" am are going to not like me because I do not fit their idea of what I should have done with my life. I never have fit into any ones mold. I never plan on fitting into some one's idea of what I am or should be.
How can someone who has never met me know that when I was 16 I was singing in bars? Or that I dreamed of being an actress? That I chose to go in the Navy at 17 because my dream was shattered by a self important nimrod who told me I had no talent. What about my favorite 2 holidays being Halloween or Christmas. That family means almost everything to me? I never even tried to go back to my dream, not because I did not believe I had talent, but because I did not want to give up even I day with my precious children. And my fear of never seeing my children finish growing up when I found out I had cancer.
I wish I had the money to never work again so I could be close enough to my grandchildren to see them grow and flourish. To be there to help my son and daughter-in-law in whatever way I could help. Like babysitting so they could go out to dinner alone. That whatever rules and restrictions they have would be followed to the letter. Because they are their children not mine.
I am an avid Researcher in my families Genealogy and I want to see my grandchildren graduate school, get married and have their own children. I want to see my blood going forward.
What are my religious beliefs, eclectic. I have spent many years trying to understand what it is I believe in. I have looked at most religions and found something missing in the religion. Yet all have basic parts of what I believe. When it comes right down to it I believe that every one's faith is unique to themselves. It is the belief in something greater then oneself that is important not what religion you practice. Just looking at the definitions of the words faith and religion help make my point.
Religion-noun

1.	a set of beliefs concerning the cause, nature, and purpose of the universe, esp. when considered as the creation of a superhuman agency or agencies, usually involving devotional and ritual observances, and often containing a moral code governing the conduct of human affairs.

2.	a specific fundamental set of beliefs and practices generally agreed upon by a number of persons or sects: the Christian religion; the Buddhist religion.

3.	the body of persons adhering to a particular set of beliefs and practices: a world council of religions.

4.	the life or state of a monk, nun, etc.: to enter religion.

5.	the practice of religious beliefs; ritual observance of faith.

6.	something one believes in and follows devotedly; a point or matter of ethics or conscience: to make a religion of fighting prejudice.

7.	religions, Archaic. religious rites.

8.	Archaic. strict faithfulness; devotion: a religion to one's vow.

Faith–noun

1.	confidence or trust in a person or thing: faith in another's ability.

2.	belief that is not based on proof.

3.	belief in God or in the doctrines or teachings of religion.

4.	belief in anything, as a code of ethics, standards of merit, etc.

5.	a system of religious belief: the Christian faith; the Jewish faith.

6.	the obligation of loyalty or fidelity to a person, promise, engagement, etc.: Failure to appear would be breaking faith.

7.	the observance of this obligation; fidelity to one's promise, oath, allegiance, etc.

8.	Christian Theology. the trust in God and in His promises as made through Christ and the Scriptures by which humans are justified or saved.

My personal faith is a combination of a lot of religions. It is my feeling that people that need to "study" faith to understand it have lost the basic concept of faith. I love the whole let go and let god have it.
OK, that is enough for today. My husband called and interrupted my thoughts. Hopefully more tomorrow.

Day 2

2009-05-22T11:05:00.000-07:00

Okay, so far not too bad. I went to the gym yesterday and got my membership. Hurray!!!! I also did something I feel is important for me, I spent the money to get a personal trainer for 16 sessions. That is 3 days a week for 5 weeks, starting next Tuesday. I hope it will lead to a more motivated start as I am paying for these sessions.
Overall I have been really keeping an eye on what I eat. I did have Wendy's yesterday after my workout, bad slip I know. However I ate a healthier dinner. I have not gone to the store for the smoothie stuff so I limited breakfast to 2 eggs. I have already drank about 25oz of water. I had about 1/4 cup of pistachios for a snack. I did have 2 cups of coffee, can't keep away from the stuff. I do hope to switch to green tee though as that is a fat burner.
I am not going to push myself too fast. That will only cause frustration and more cheating. I really wanted the frosty yesterday but did not buy it. Yea me.
This morning I got on my WII and did some yoga exercises for about 20 min. I am currently cleaning the house with this being a short break. I was bad and played Hatchlings (a game on Facebook) for about an hour earlier. Cutting back my time on the computer while increasing activity should go a long way to helping me regain a more healthy body.
Back to cleaning, then to the store before taking the kitties back to the vet this afternoon.

Interesting

2009-05-21T07:30:00.000-07:00

As my first blog here I need to say I am not wholly comfortable with getting my thoughts and feelings out for everyone to share. So this will most likely on touch the surface.
I started this today after reading both my step-daughters blog and my daughter-in-laws blog. It was after reading both that I realized just how different every on perceives the world around them. There are people that look at adversity and pout and say why me, and others that face the challenge and say to themselves, this stinks just let me make it through.
I guess it depends for me what the situation is as to which way I go. It was not to long ago that I was told I am a doer. If it comes to getting things done I would rather do it and get it over with then not. I believe that is super true when it comes to work. Not so much at home. However, I am hoping to change that a bit.
Today is the first day of my goal to lose 25 pounds by September. As most of my family and friends know I have certain dietary issues. I am prone to small bowel obstructions. The works stop up at the smell of fresh fruits and vegetables. So traditional dieting is out. I can not fill up on those healthy diet supplements.
That leaves exercise. Yea a bad back and bad hip will make even that a challenge. So whats a girls to do? Here is my plan....

Wake up around 7a everyday, drink a full glass of water immediately after sitting up.
Get out of the house and walk for 1/2 mile or so. Thats for the first week hopefully more in future weeks until I am walking 3-5 miles a day.
Come back and make a smoothie with fresh fruits and veggies, using my super expensive blender that breaks down the fiber in the freshies.
A banana for a snack (I can eat these no problem, short fiber in them) or maybe applesauce.
I full lunch meat, and potatoes.
A snack...not sure what yet maybe yogurt.
Dinner will be soup.
Throughout the day I will attempt to drink 5 20oz bottles of water. And I will admit to drinking at least 2 cups of coffee a day, no milk but 2 tsp sugar.
One last snack 3 hours before bed...applesauce or a small treat.
I am off soon to try to join 24 hour fitness....So I will add in a work out at least once a day.

Now the hard part do not look if you feel sickened by fat women...I am adding my picture here so I can track my progress.

Scary

So I am also posting my measurements...now and goal

Bust 50" 40"
waist 43" 30"
Hips 50" 36"
Arms 15" 12"
Thighs 27" 17"

Not sure how realistic those future inches are.... but those are the short term goals.

I also am going to try to WII at least 3o min a day.....we will see what happens.