My Life of Mortal and Pestle

I WANT TO MAKE MYSELF CLEAR

2012-06-18T12:53:00.001-07:00

in stead of blocking us from viewing your facebook status update and everything, why dont you just remove us from your friend list?? why?? why??? ok... i've been keeping my anger towards you since u admitted that for this WHOLE THREE YEAR you HAVE TO pretend when you're with us... what a big surprise u got there buddy!!! and yeah when i was the last to know that you had blocked me from viewing your facebook account..

i USED TO look high on you... proud of calling you friend... you matured when making decision, someone that i thought would be a good example and a friend that i could count on... and i feel so damn stupid right now for telling you that 'saya anggap kau mcm kakak sy'... so that person that i called sister, so she just someone that does not exist?? now, after all of this thing get ugly, i really really REALLY dont know who you are...

i am not mad because you blocked me.. i am mad because you blocked me WITHOUT ANY FUCKING VALID REASON... and what?? you're asking for our apology?? for what??? wat did i do?? fyi, i dont really let the wind 'whisper' you my apology like you claim... i am actually waiting for a very good time to confront you and ask for a valid reason... but now, as you wish that we never cross our path... dont worry, i promise you, when i see you i'll run away... or i'll pretend that i dont know you.. i dont really mind if you did that to me as things had already get ugly... so yeah im gonna removed you from my friend list... not because i hate you or what, it's just that i dont think u treat us as friend..so, apa guna kan... xpa, i think this will help you to forget us and to stop making your life miserable... sad huh... (for me..) but i really making you a favor now...

now im looking on wat you wrote on that album that y'all gave to me on my bday, i couldnt help to feel sad and wonder whether you really meant what you wrote on that thing.. and a bit sad to know that it was also your idea to do that thing... cm'mon la... ko final year sdh... why dont you leave this place with beautiful memory in stead of this... people are going to remember you for the bad thing you do.. not for the good thing..

again i repeat i dont hate you... is just that i dont really like when in front of us, you can be lovey dovey, smile and behind us you're actually mad at us... and this thing you do, really affect me.. for quite some time already... so yeah, im gonna let you go so that you can live your life happier perhaps without us as your friend... and i will not hold any grudge against you... but i cannot apologize for things that i don't know why.. i am not gonna admit that im wrong coz i dont know...

before i end this, i wish you all the best in your life and God bless... thanks for teaching me the true meaning of true friend... and may you find good friendS in your future where you can be your true self with them and they are not gonna make your life miserable like us.... so yeah this is it... the end of our short interesting but ended so badly friendship... god bless you and i cant say 'till we meet again' bcoz you dont want to... so bye bye for now...

2012..

2011-12-31T01:01:00.001-08:00

a quick entry before 2012.... hahaha

i wanna be more wiser, more mature, more responsible and more happy....

be a good Christian... and Catholics...

i wanna be blessed with good health for my family and myself, happy with them, away from all bad things, any harm, any danger....

i know that i always said that i wanna grow old as eligible bachelor who will still look good and enjoy my single life forever but now i dunno.... we wait n see.... pray for God's guidance for this part... duwanna make mistake...

then, i wanna enjoy life to the fullest, do things i never do and get good results for my exam...

i noe people might say that u no need to do resolution this year as 'end of the world' is predicted to come in 2012 but i dont care...

on rainy evening...

2011-11-02T01:57:00.000-07:00

i suppose to be happy coz im literally on holiday for my Uni's mid sem break... but i am not happy right now....

a bit sad to think that this is the first mid sem i didnt go back home... i miss home... SOO DAMN MUCH...... and it hurt to see people going back... my classmate talking about going back home... i wanna go home so bad....

i noe i am a bit crying baby... but with weather like this, and people start talking about going home, it really become the catalyst of my homesickness....

its not that i dont have plan for this break.. i do... i am going to explore the historical place in the Melaka... and i get to see my bestest best friend that i miss so damn much.. and Jiman too... but i dun feel the excitement... the thrill...

i feel tired... tired of all the work that i hv, tired of study, tired with all around me.. i need a break and sleep at my own bed..

i miss my parent the most... my dad, my mum... being away from them really2 test my emotion... mum, dad i miss you guys... i love you guys so much...

i miss my siblings too... miss bullying my bro, fighting with him... joking around with my sisters... and playing around with them... i miss home... i miss the food, i miss the atmosphere, i miss not having to walk when u have car to drive around.. i miss tv... most of all i miss them...

i might become sumbody that irritate others if i didnt start feeling ok with myself, not feeling down....

thanks to airasia, mas, firefly and all the airlines in malaysia... for making me feel like this.. i could go home if there's cheaper air ticket...

i guess my family here, my CUS family have to bear with my annoyingness for a while till i become sane and myself back...

on one rainy evening, i feel that i wanna cry... i feel sad... and really hope that this feeling is only temporary... coz i need to be myself back.... so, till then....

they are my family here....

2011-10-28T10:19:00.000-07:00

... in campus... a group of friends that i always hang out together... this sem, we travel a lot together... play together, bising together, eat together, go to church together, work out together and most excitingly explore the world together...

some had already left us here, they got their own dream to be fulfill... i wish them best of luck and my prayers will always have their name in it..

some broke their heart... because of love... because of family prob. because of friends.. we're helped them to build back their life, supporting them and giving them comfort...

some wish to keep things to themselves... all their difficulties, all their pain... we're understand.. not all things need to be told.. some things are best kept as secret and private...

some faced difficulties, trials from God, and we're also there... helping each other... facing those trials..

one of us had unite back with his love one, believing that this special girl is his true love.. i wish him the best and do remind to invite us to your big day...

one found new love.... and i can see that she is happy with it... and im glad that God gave her this man to cure her broken-hearted... wish both of them the best and may it last long...

one is getting busier until we never even go out with him.. may God give good time management and strength to him...

we also welcome new people... glad to have them....

i really hope that this relationship, this bond we share together may last for eternity... i know, one day, each of us will take our own way, facing life full of challenge... we may forgot the past... heading for future makes us forget the past.. but do please remember all the moment we share here... the love, trust, and fun we share....

until that day arrived, lets all have our moment to the fullest and enjoy our campus life together... till then...

is this coincident or there's a hidden message behind it??

2011-10-19T03:50:00.000-07:00

for three days i went out because of some 'URUSAN SRI PADUKA BAGINDA', there's always mother and her child in the bus that i took.. and both of them show a very close and lovely gesture that shake the little me inside....

three days in a row, three different mothers with their child.... WTF??

i am far away from my mum and i need her the most right now and all i see and notice is the image of mother and child everywhere....

Ma, i miss u.. abah i miss u too... huhuhu... i miss home....

i guess this gloomy weather for three days has make me more homesick than ever......

till then...

Graduation oh graduation....

2011-09-24T10:15:00.000-07:00

btw its not mine... its my seniors and my friends.... bnyk perasaan bercampur within this week... at first i was kinda excited... tgk org grad while i still hv another 2 years to go.... then when those close friends graduated, proud sgt tgk durg pkai smart2... then i feel sad... up until now...

sedih bkn apa.. it's just that i dunno when we'll meet again.... nobody knows wats gonna happen in the future.... so the feeling of u lost sumting is there....

im happy and proud for them... they've made it and boleh digelar, para graduan keluaran USM, universiti No 1 d Malaysia... smart la tgk durg... guys with their suits, girls looking beautiful and graceful... mmg berseri2 la...

dengki pun ada jg... sy lama lg mo grad... at least sy grad kira muda la.. 23 nnt mula cari duit sendiri da... hahah... so, knapa now sy blm grad?? sbb its not my time yet.. ada bnyk bnda lg blm sy blajar... and perlu sy perbaiki sblm melangkah ke dunia pekerjaan... so, Joe let people hv their moment.. and urs will com without you even notice it....

sedih sgt2 coz lpas ni kakak mulau from Persis sdh tinggal 4... tp yg akan ada cni dis sem, 3 org ja... c Miow2 pg Kelantan.... trus next sem 2 ja... si Putintan grad jg sdh.... si Ikin pla ganti c cath pg klantan....

dith and nad masing2 sdh melangkah ke dunia working...

then, family CUS pla, step xlg menceriakan suasana... tgl sy sorg2 lebih gula d CUS... trus xda da org mo update sy psal korean song or drama pasni.... psal bigbang... psal TOP.... yg lain still be here bcoz they continue with their Master pla... so, xbrapa affected...

kalau this year sdh bt sy sedih, next year lg la.. My noona, Claire, honey bun monday couple, helen pun xda da, claire su, bebeth, vera and lots more... yg lebih sedih, si Lia, my niece, msti confirm x jmpa lg... she's going back to indon.... trus my kakak Mulau pun suma xda sdh.. tgl ka sy adik durg cni sorg.... si kim pun grad awal dri kmi....

i know, maybe im a bit emo in this post tp mmg sy btl2 trasa.... xda da org mo bw pg pasal mlm ari sabtu... mo mkn kluar kdg2.. trus mo hang out d tepi jln rst.... kakak paus, gonna miss u so much...

so, for all my seniors who are graduating, CONGRATES once more.... may bright future awaits u... pgla cari kj coz sy mo minta blanja when sy jmpa kmu lg... hahah... moga2 kita dpt lg jmpa and hang out mcm kita slalu bt... really2 gonna miss all of you.... Step, Dith, Nad.

thank you so much bcos all of you had make my days in USM colourful and meaningful... bnyk sweet memories we shared together... so, i really hope kmu igt sy d cni....

till we meet again in the future and jaga diri baik2.... i'll always remember kmu suma...

note to self: next year lg la sedih....T.T so, next year tgk apa pla sy post during graduation...

song for a fool!!

2011-05-17T23:13:00.000-07:00

I must be like this because I’m a fool

It seems alright even when I’m hurt

Even when I’m teased about my pitiful love

Because I’m a fool beyond help

I was good to her because I wanted to be

I was happy with just that

If she smiles just once

I’m happy with that smile

Thinking “This girl doesn’t have a person she likes”

I simply stay by her side like this

Because this is a love where I’m happy to be giving

I don’t expect anything in return

A place from where I can reach her any time she holds out her hand

A place from where I can visit her any time she calls for me

I’ll stay there without changing

Because I love her

Because she was the one I chose

Even the pain made me happy

If she looks back at me just once

I’m happy with that

Thinking “This girl doesn’t have a person she likes”

I simply stay by her side like this

Because this is a love where I’m happy to be giving

I don’t expect anything in return

A place from where I can reach her any time she holds out her hand

A place from where I can visit her any time she calls for me

I’ll stay there without changing

Because I love her

Until someone else to watch over her in my place arrives

I’ll stay by her side for the time being

Because this is a love where I’m just happy to gaze at her

I don’t need anything in return

So that she can lean on me and rest any time

I’ll always appear the same

Even if she leaves me without saying goodbye

I’ll let her go saying thanks

Because I’m a

had u ever watched korean drama 'you're beautiful' before??? i watched it twice already and among the ost for the drama this song catches my attention..... why??? i also dunno...

am i ever been a fool before?? no... had i ever fall into a one side's love where i am the only one that falls head over heels for the girl.... dunno.... had i ever been a dumb guy who truly love the girl who didnt love me back and do everything and anything for her e/t i know she would never love me or she has somebody in her heart??? nope.... that is just ridiculous... have a ball(or two balls) and find somebody else...

fall in love with someone's girl?? yes... i have to admit it... tp i didnt approach her coz im not a guy that like to snatch somebody's belonging... and i didnt know that she owned by somebody else when i first lay eyes on her... only knew it on weeks(or a month?? cant remember...) we got to know each other where i joke with her 'ppuan mcm ko msti ada bf sdh kan?? tell me.. did u??' and she said yes which did cause my heart to crack but not broken.... once a friend of mine who HAS a big crush on this girl who already own a bf and you know what he said to us 'selagi dia blm kawin, apa salahnya sy try to win her over'... oh please... desperate sgt ka?? as if there's no other girl out there kan...

for me, if u're somebody's girl then i would stay out and will wait till u become single again before trying to win you over... so, what happen to me and the girl?? we stay as friend where i try to be there for her ONLY when she need me just just like wat Shin Woo did to Mi Nam in this movie as 1) she's younger than me.... 2) her bf is far from her.... but we stay as friend and only friend... sad huh??

when i watched this drama back, i guess im more to Jeremy compare to other member of A.N.Jell... but i do have a bit of Shin Woo warm and soft side... defitnitely didnt share any in common with Tae Kyung characteristic beside his good look(hahah)...

well i guess sometime love make us become a fool, crazy and do things that we shouldnt do... we tend to protect those who we love from being hurt and let ourselves hurt. sacrifice.. but what makes the cut more wounded is when we know that that person has somebody else in their heart and still we stick by her side to protect her.. like in this song, th fool guy will always be at his lover's side until she realize about him or things between the girl and the other guy work out. then, he will step out from the duty as knight.. fool isnt it....

people, dont get me wrong here, this post is just to tell you out there that

1) i like this song

2) friends im alive and bored to death this 4 months hols... but still im enjoying it...

3) i am single and is anyone out there need somebody to love do text me.. jk...

is life so complicated like the drama we watch.. sometime it does... yang penting, we enjoy our life no matter what... i wana continue my drama... so people, till then.....

tolong ingatkan aku......

2011-04-30T04:15:00.000-07:00

untuk make sure that i got friends going back with me next sem.... i am sooo damn boring right now... i dunno what to do.... got another one hour b4 my flight... luckily i got a seat at McD which nearer to the plug... bole jg aku online skejap..... waaaaaaaaaaaaaagh!!!!!! booooooooriiiiiiiiinnnnnnnggggg!!!!!

i need companionship right now...

but above aloo the boredom i am still excited that im gonna reach home soon..... hahahha... misss my bed ody.... pas ni im gonna be the potato couch everyday... tgk tv and catch up with world of entertainment yg aku tinggal kan apabila di usm... home wait for me.....

however, i am a bit sad to leave penang right now... mcm x balik pla lg... hahahah..... i guess its bcoz of the warm love that i get from people around me these whole session.... a feww thing that i really gonna miss is......

1) hangin' out with my coursemate at mcD...... we talked and talked and talked..... hahahah... rindu sdh sma diorang...

2)going to school and study(not!!!!).... hahaha.....

3)jog around USM....... just so u know, i did bring my running shoe back.... hahha

4)the USMsecure line yg super laju klo tgk korean drama and korean tv show... for certain la... hahaha.. and u get to watch w/o paying....

5)keluar tgh malam pg khaleel 2k makan.... then tension tgh mlm, kluar ja jln2 around USM.....

6)rapid bus yg slalu bt kamu sakit hati but in the end saved us yesterday.....

but what i really gonna miss is my CUS family...... all of you keeps me going and moving these past semester... really gonna miss hangin out with you guys.... huhuhu.... i love u guys so damn much.....

time right now is 7.30pm... so i better stop typing and be prepare to fly high.... please guys keep in touch and see you in 4 months time,.... love and hugs from me always..... till then.....

another year in university went by......

2011-04-28T07:56:00.000-07:00

setelah kaki ini melangkah keluar dari Dewan Peperiksaan E41-PHS II, maka berakhirlah sudah penat-lelah kehidupan sebagai salah seorang pelajar jurusan Sains Farmasi tahun kedua.. meskipun terdapat beberapa kesukaran yang dihadapi dalam menjawab kertas soalan dalam masa dua minggu ini namun hati tetap tenang menjawab dan minda tetap terus positif. dan akhirnya tanpa disedari kini ku berdiri di akhiran peringkat kedua di dalam perjuangan suci sebagai bakal farmasi yang masih menuntut di universiti tercinta ini....

nah amik kamurang... hahaha... makanya LKM40 yang diambil itu harus dipraktikkan selalu termasuklah di dalam entry2 di blog... ni bahasa pasar, abc pula jadi pilihan.,....

so, today after i finished my pharmacognosy paper, i declare myself that im in holiday already.. 4 months!!! gila... nnt sebesar pintu da aku dtg balik usm ni....

well tidak kita perasan yang now sidang 2010/2011 sdh abis and most mo us r going back to our hometown by this week or next week... its been a blast... this session... i gained mush experience, friends come and go, love??, the ups and downs... sgt best bila ingat balik..... do you know that i managed more than five events this session ja... 3 jadi project manager satu jadi assistant pm and another sbgi pembantu sipi2... wah... bangga jg... not forgetting those unofficial project yg sy bt... hehehe.... then sgt best this session i get to know all of the people in CUS much better.. the family thingy, was great... really feel the love from all of you.... then kwan2 dkat skul pla smakin menjadi2.... geng bananas and coconuts k... miss going roller-blading with all of you..... should do it again.... then kakak2 mulau yang telah banyak memanjakan sy... terima kasih sy ucapkan.... i love you, you love me.... hahah

this sem, honestly sy kurang merasa homesick.... kurang merengek mau pulang.... tidak tau knapa... maybe bcoz i was surrounded by people that love me and i love whenever i go... so, kurang la mo minta perhatian dari parent di rumah... hahaha.... but really... thanks guys for making me feel accepted and accept me the way i am... e/t sy kdg2 terlalu gila untuk di-control...

this sem shj, it start so well as we, the G6, won the pharmacy idol.... sy pun x tau sy pndai menari.... then, perform dkat dinner.. omg... malu jg la.. but xkesahla.. ko menang... seriously, at 1st mmg sy xmo menang and hope that we were eliminated during semi final... penat ba practice... hahah... but when we entered final.. bru i put my heart and soul to it... hahah.. tgk menang trus kan...

then, a lot.... MCB yang memenatkan tapi realy give me a one life time experience... dinner CUS pun... xmakan coz terlalu nervous.. but when it ends i feel like shouting and jumping high as i had achieved another thing in my life...

then when my 2oth bday came, i was celebrated not once but 3X!!!! satu ngan CUS, satu ngan kwn2 dkat skul satu lg kakak mulau... thanks for the gifts everyone... so damn touch....

cerita crush yang blm reda2 lagi.... haha.. wannna know who are them?? xperlu la.. let it stay as my own secret...

wah... really am going to miss all of that in this 4 months....

i a bit sad btw that it has come to the end.... mcm baru smlm say daftar masuk as students usm and now i am soon to be in my 3rd year sdh.... apa yang lebih membuatkan sy sedih ialah pemergian some for our friends slepas ini.... Step ko tidak sambung master kan??? sy sedih oh... xda sdh org mo gila2 sma sy pas ni.... then half of my kakak2 mulau pun akan xda da.. intan, dith, nad... c gwen pun maybe satu sem ja pastu say bye2... diorang cath sma ikin pla mo pg kelantan sdh... huhuhu... sedih jg la...

and i spend less time with the tekun guy... sedih o.. masing2 busy dgn hidup masing2 da... xda da chatting dkat dlm blik smpi tgh mlm... stay up d bilik tv and all those crazy thing that we did in 1st year...

well aku cuma post nie atas rasa bosan... and sakit hati... sedih bila tym exam line laju gila, tgk drama mcm bkn streaming and bnyk temptation but now when exam abis, nah xda pula mood mo tgk korean drama, line mcm taecyeon yg taik...

really2 gonna miss everyone... do keep in touch k... 4 months... lama tu jo!!! ble kawin and dpt anak sdh(????? ) heheh.. pd yang masih ada exam, goodluck, pd yg xda da... mari bergumbira....

and everyone... love you.... till then...

its a goose dream....

2011-04-25T02:06:00.000-07:00

I have a dream,

Even if I'm thrown away or ripped to shreds

Deep in my heart

I have a dream as precious as gem

If by chance, without a reason,

Somebody ridicules me behind my back

I should be patient

I would wait just for that day.

As you always worry,

You say that foolish dreams are poisonous.

Just like a book that tells us about the end of the world

There's the reality that we can't turn back already

Yes I have a dream.

I believe in that dream

Please watch over me

Standing in front of that cold wall called fate

I can firmly face it

One day I will pass over that wall

And be able to fly

As high as the sky

This heavy thing called life can't tie me down

At the end of my life, on the other day that I can smile, let's be together

Yes I have a dream.

I believe in that dream

Please watch over me

Standing in front of that cold wall called fate

I can firmly face it

One day I will pass over that wall

And be able to fly

As high as the sky

This heavy thing called life can't tie me down

At the end of my life, on the other day that I can smile, let's be together

Yes I, I have a dream

I believe in that dream.

Please watch over me

Standing in front of that cold wall called fate.

I can firmly face it

One day I will pass over that wall

And be able to fly

As high as the sky

This heavy thing called life can't tie me down

At the end of my life, on the other day that I can smile, let's be together

*an english transalation of korean song with the title 'Goose Dream'.. this song had made my day... it appear in Beethoven's Virus Drama as well as Dream High... it's all about aiming high and achieving your dream. All of us is a gem (not germ).. all you need to do is to polish it up so that you can shine... so, take your time polishing up coz you will know how great it is to shine.... dont let our past, all the rocky roads and bump you face in your life brings you down... just shine and aim high in life...

why??????

2011-04-24T06:50:00.000-07:00

studying org chem rite now.... thankfully otak absorbing banyak compare to yesterday.... study with lagu OST DREAM HIGH menemani malam sunyi ini..... then hati masih lagi bertanya.......

NAPA TIADA KIRIN HIGH SCHOOL OR SIMILAR SCHOOL DI BUMI MALAYSIA INI??????

SY MO MASUK KIRIN HIGH SCHOOL, sama2 IU.... and Suzy.....

ok balik pada org chem.....

till then u guys.. good luck for those that having their exam this week and have a blessed EASTER!!! fyi, in 1991 pny Easter, i was born!!!! *proud*

ost for this drama best!!!!!

2011-04-23T06:36:00.000-07:00

baru tgk a few early episodes and the ending (blm tgk ep yg lain k...) of DREAM HIGH... tu pun td msa makan... huhu... blm abis org chem lg... mlm ni tido lmbt la study benda nie... (tp ada msa pla mo bt entry kedua 2k mlm nie...)

well the reason why i wanna watch movie nie sbb ada......

IU!!! isnt she cute...... *drooling........* (dream #1: marry her....)

this is her in the movie.. they make her fat just bcos they jeles of her beautiful look.... trus she kurus makes me drool more whenever looking at her......

then another reason bcoz ada.....

suzy (missA).... innocentnya dia dlm missA skali dlm movie nie jadi 'pantai' yg xsdr diri.... hahaha

(dream #2: mo kawin dia jg....)

tp reason plg meletup kerana ostnya yg best2... (go and google it....) when i say best it means BEST GILA!!!!!

antaranya

1)IU- Someday (lagu pertama sy dgr from this drama ost coz sy google lagu iu...)

2)Dream high casts- Dream High

3)Kim Soo Hyun - Dreaming...

4)2AM - Can't i love you

and termasuk la lagu birthday dri si Suzy yg tgh sy dgr skrg nie... best....(she sing it to Taecyoen during diorang kecil and msa some singing test.... (dream #3: she sing it to me during my bday... xmola... sy DEMAND iu yg nyanyi.... saranghaeyo iu.....)

bila tgk drama nie terfikir pla napa Msia tiada school mcm nie ah??? Sekolah sukan ada di bkt Jalil... kalau la ada school mcm nie sy pun mo masuk... (dream #4: masuk dream high) trus xlah sy jadi mcm skrg nie... study for exams... life full of practices nyanyi la, dancing la, acting la.. pg shooting la, bt MV trus popular... (dream terbesar: buat consert perform atas pentas besar!!!! ada MV sendiri.... and life as a star.... a pop star.... bukan porn star k...) hahaha kan best.... hahahahahaha

apa-apa pun biar suma tu kekal jadi my dream bcoz i am proud of what i am doing rite now... jadi pharmacist pun ok apa mskipun x famous.... tapi at least i can go whenever i go w/t kena kacau paparazzi and fans... (dream #5: kena kejar paparazzi and fans.... mesti x best kan...) kan...... hahaha... till then... aku mi study balik my org chem...

p/s igt ka lyric lagu Adam Lambert 'If I Had You'.... He said 'if i had you, money fame and fortune never could compete....' kalau sy to choose between LOVE and MONEY FAME FORTUNE of cos ku pilih........

MONEY FAME FORTUNE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

best apa??(dream #6: kaya and famous....)

eonjengan......

2011-04-23T04:54:00.000-07:00

I hope this tears will stop running someday

Someday after this darkness clear up

I hope the warm sunshine dries these tears

When I feel that I’m getting tired of looking me exhausted,

I want to give all my dreams I’ve kept hard

Every time I feel that I’m lacking in many things more than I have

I lost strength in my legs and drop down

I hope this tears will stop running someday

Someday after this darkness clear up

I hope the warm sunshine dries these tears

Everyday I hold out comforting myself “it’ll be alright”

But it makes me afraid little by little

I tell myself to believe in myself, but I don’t

Now I don’t know how longer I can hold out

But wait it’ll come

Although the night is long, the sun comes up

Someday my painful heart will get well

I hope it helps me now.

I hope the God will help me

I don’t have enough confidence more and more to overcome myself

I hope this tears will stop running someday

Someday after this darkness clear up

I hope the warm sunshine dries these tears

But wait it’ll come

Although the night is long, the sun comes up

Someday my painful heart will get well

Someday… Someday…

marry me please iu.....

life full of drama... korean drama!!

2011-04-18T21:35:00.000-07:00

hahah...

i know its exam week and tomorrow i still got paper and the day after tomorrow and the next day but still my heart wont let me settle if i didnt do this post....

disclaimer

post ini dibuat oleh orang yang hatinya bagai mu meletup kerana cinta.... sebarang ganguan emosi, perasaan wujud selepas membaca entry ini bukanlah disebabkan oleh si penulis entry yang gila ini....

oh please, mcmla this entry will affect you kan... hahah... actually what i wanna talk about satu drama yg sgt affect me, my emotion and my heart... have you ever watch any drama, movie or anything that makes you cry, laugh like orang putus wire otak, then cry then when it finish you wanna watch it over and over and over and over and over and over again.. and still after i dunno how many round of that say drama/movie/anything, it still gives you the same effect that it gave during the 1st tym you watch it???? and you cry, laugh, cry, laugh summore... ok.. i maybe sound a bit too much and over-react.. but yeah dis drama really affect jiwa tenaga batin perasaan hati jantung limpa yang ada dlm diri sy....

it all started when step ahjumma mempostkan one entry yang best... well all of her entry mmg gempak2.... xpernah boring baca blog kekasih TOP nie... well this one entry, telah mengusik jiwa dan kalbu diri ini.. yeah.. it reminds me of the drama yg telah membuat hati ini bagaikan dibom nuclear dan dicabut dan dicincang2 sehingga lumat... the drama is '1st shop of coffee prince'...

((summary taken from dramawiki))

The life of Go Eun Chan (Yoon Eun Hye) is not easy; she works many jobs to pay off debts and even gave up her feminine image. Choi Han Kyul (Gong Yoo) is the heir of a big food company, but his grandmother wants him to settle down, so she arranged many dates for him. After Eun Chan bumped into Han Kyul and was mistaken for a boy, Han Kyul decided to hire Eun Chan to be his gay lover in order to avoid the arranged dates. Desperately in need of money, Eun Chan had no choice but to accept. Han Kyul's grandmother also made Han Kyul in charge of a filthy coffee shop in danger of being bankrupt. Eun Chan begged to work at the coffee shop, and not long after, feelings start to spark, except, how would Han Kyul accept his "homosexuality"?

yeah i know its an old drama (was aired in Malaysia in 2008, Korea 2007).. i got to know about this movie from my 1st Noona actually... she, just lyk me, also a big fan of korean drama but she's not that into it lyk me... in fact my parents pun skrg tgh gila with korean drama thanks to channel oneHD yang ada pada astro...

so back to this drama, lyk i comment in step's post.. i knew about it so long ago, from bestie kesayangan, from friends and also from ayie, my 1st noona.... but still i dun hv the thrill to watcg it during that year... its been aired in 8tv during that time.. but i dont watch it... i remember one time, my noona watch this drama on tv.. so, sy tny soalan bnyk... then, there was part Han Kyul was kissing Eun Chan, and i didnt realize that time she,Eun Hye, aka my lovely crush was Eun Chan, so sy tny, 'movie gay ka?? they allow it in msia ody.... gila...' then, my sister told me that the tiny guy was actually a girl... so, sy still x pay attention to that movie just walk away coz i dont understand... but i do ask a lot of Q;s to my sisters.. then dia malas kali mo jwp sy, 'i got the dvd.. ko tgk la dr mula...'

still xda juga msa mo tgk... and i just ignore the dvd dkat rumah.. xkesah.. explanation pun dlm cina so, mnala sy phm... up until matric still i havent watch the movie... then there's one nite i was studying in matric listening to radio brunei(haha... mp4 sy dlu dpt radio brunei... tu ja penghibur sy.... hahaha) they played one of the ost from this drama...

White Love Story- As One

my heart was moved by the song, so i asked noona to download the song for me... for about a year the movie was aired in M'sia baru tergerak hati mo tgk.. but masa betul2 x bagi... but after abis matric, cuti 1 month, i decided to watch it.. e/t the dvd was covered with dust (telah menjadi pengumpul habuk setia rumah) dia still bole main... so, mula2 mo tgk one episode ja, then, another, then, another and another.. so, that one night i finished whole drama..every episode is a page turner.. you never know what will happen... so, dgn jiwa remaja yg still curious and kurang berpengalaman tentang dunia cinta ini menyebabkan drama ini senang untuk mencuri jiwa sy... so, when the movie ends(smpila tengok special episode belakang tabir....) the next day sy tgk lg... then, again... the feeling was still the same.. part sedih ko rasa mcm mo menangis... when they fight ko marah, part emo sy ikut emo and lovey dovey xperlu explainla... sy ja over-excited sorg... hahah... as if i was part of the drama and the drama is part of my life... so, every cuti ,i would definitely watch it again...

so, bila si step post psal the movie, i was like jumping off my seats!!! it was from a novel?? sy pula excited to read but sadly it was study week... so, kna study... but last saturday, hati sudah tidak tahan and my obsession towards this movie bagai mo gila making me x ble study and mo teriak ja, i watch that drama... yeah i know i wasnt suppose to do that but my heart wont let me... jiwa sdh memberontak and start to make their own pasukan pemberontak... but in steadt of watching the movie from start, i only watch the part where it affect me the most... gila.. wrong move coz now look what it has done to me... sy semakin obsess and every nite White love story tlah menjadi lullaby 2k sy tido...

so, wanna know which part?? heheh...

last part of episode 10 to end of episode 12... cikit ja... kalau combine dua2 x sampai pun 1 jam 30 min... but that part memang makes my emotion gone wild... hahahah

part apa ka itu??? it was the part where Han Kyul(HK) confess to Eun Chan(EC) that he love her e/t she's a guy... (this time HK still xtau that EC is actually girl) up until HK said that he glad that EC adalah perempuan....

see??? baru dua episodes but he knows that EC is a girl, felt betray, mad at her, while she was trying her best to seek for his forgiveness... siap halau EC from kedai kopi tu until lah diorang berbaik di taman permainan setelah main pungut2 some kinda buah along the way dri rumah HK to i dunno where....

hahaha... why this part?? this is where it really makes my emotion goes for a roller coaster ride... at 1st happy sdh... smpi HK ckp 'this is the good this to hv a lover... you can share your feeling... but why la ko nie lelaki...' skali x sampai 30 min pastu he knows that EC tu ppuan... trus perasaan marah yg membuak2... then ko tgk c EC nangis.. sedih pla balik... marah sedih marah sedih kesian.. then smpai part both of them pungut that fruits mo happy sdh tp blm smpi treshold lvl... then when they makes up happy mcm org gila... as if kau pula yg baru make up with ur girlfriends... haha....

i know tha my post ada berbunyi obsession tahap gaban... tapi really of all the dramas marathon (really aku gila drama korea.....) and movies that i'd watch ever in my life, none of them had makes me experience this kinda feeling... and when i finish the drama, there's this feeling of sadness inside me.. xtau knapa... and to heal it sy akan tgk lagi... so u can guess how many times da i've repeated this drama... haha... and i am not the only one felt that way... after reading some comment from some websites (im looking for good webpage for the drama and yeah i hv so many time to do it smpi xstudy.. joe i hate you!!!) and found out bnyk lg org felt the same way as i am....

i guess its bcoz the drama was different from any other story ever being produced by Korean's entertainment production... seriously, it all start with the guy being ever rich/come from rich family/artis terkenal/ all of it... the guys will always get the life u've dream of... coffee prince pun.. and the girl must be ever miskin.. hidup susah an such... trus jatuh cinta tanpa disedari.. dua2 declare.. tp ada ja halangan such as ada org ketiga (dlm bf ntah berapa orang ketiga dtg menganggu their love..), ppuan tu sakit... (again why dont the guy yg sakit...), parent lelaki yg kaya tu x setuju la.. and in the end the endure all and buktikan cinta diorang kuat... or kakalu sakit kalau bukan mati and dua2 mati or baik and lagi live happily ever after...

ok maybe coffee prince pun ada ciri2 juga but there's a twist to that... 1st, he didnt know that EC is a girl padahal c EC x pnah pun mngaku.. cuma she never denied it... terus, masing2 suka masing2 start when he padi her to be his fake gay bf (isnt that sound stupid) to avoid from all this arrangement date with some other girls which arranged b his granma and mum... then start suka.. kerja pun sama2... he's the bos la.. trus he's fighting with himself.. xmo jatuh cinta ngan lelaki coz it against nature... but he loses and confess but still EC xmo bgtau that she's a girl.. but the next day pakai baju ppuan pg kj.. its not that the outfit that pecahkan rahsia but one of the prince in the coffee shop coz xmo hyung dia anggap diri abnormal.. then gaduh besar then couple balik.... the rest, tgk sendiri...

i know entry sy a bit tergantung.. coz it mmg belum fin pun... but life goes on.. papers to be answered... so i end my entry here... and again sy tahu all of you may think 'joe gila sdh obses dgn wyg... but once you feel wat i feel then u know.... up until now i can still feel 'that' indescribable feeling... and lyk i mention b4 it makes my heart wanna burst into pieces... is this thing call love?? hahahaa..... k la... happy study everyone and bye bye...

will update bout dis in friday/ after exam....

My heart is calling....

2011-04-13T09:34:00.000-07:00

hahah.... just now, sambil membuat past year FAR 242, lappy kesayangan ini memutarkan lagu-lagu dri tanah airku, korea agar sy tidak lupa bagaimana untuk berbahasa hangul setelah lama di bumi malaysia ini.... (ignore self-called korean aku nie...) hhahhaahah.... then a song from OST COFFEE PRINCE was played...

kalau anda pernah melhat drama ini, ingat x scene, where my beloved Eun Hye mo terbang jadi barista terkemuka di luar negara(x igt dimana...), her boyfriend called her and sing a song to her through phone..... tajuk lagu tu adalah

'Nuhreul Saranghae'

or I love you dalam bahasa english.. sgt-sgt best lagu ini.... sapa nyanyi?? HAN DONG JOON.. ntah sapa tp best la... ahahhaah...

then, it strikes my brain??? joe, ko xmau ada somebody special ka??? (monolog dalaman... cikgu fari aku still igt ajaran cg... hahah'....) do you really-really wanna grow old by yourself? dont you want to feel what it feels like to be love by someone special???

terus terberhenti menjawap soalan Endo... if you say im still young 2k all this thing.. yeah... mmg la... baru 20... nnt2 lepas grad (lyk my beloved ohma said) baru cari... now focus la sma study ko... mmg betul la.. i still have long way to go in this journey of life.. but what if tilikan orang putih saying that 2012 end of world tu betul?? and wat if i die young mcm lagu the band perry tu??? sedihnya hidup sy xpernah merasa what is love from a girl... kalau mo ckp love from family, mmg la puas.... friends lg la.... but someone special?? your other half?? bila..

memangla skrg ni enjoy hidup single ngan kwan2 yg bnyk single.. but dont u think sy a bit jeles jg to see ayi and harry, glen with zeno(which i see every week now... jadi lalat menemani psangan ini.... ) brian with sze yi?? claire and mr.Jnya, Mel ngan Jay chou(biar betul???) step ngan abg TOP(?????) ramai lg.. tengok drama korea kdg2 sy jeles... sy pun mo jg tau mcmana mo propose perempuan, mo jalan pegang2 tangan and....... lol....

well if i ever fall in love maybe sy berubah gaya kot... x sdh too childish playful playboy(????) gila-gila mcm skrg... mature kali.. then, i do think i might be a romantic guy... coz bila i have gf i would really want the world to know.... bkn mcm certain org skrg nie.. couple pun mo sembunyi2 dari kwn, dari family... bila tym mo propose to, it has to be a memorable event.. mcm my friend satu nie... He propose dekat pantai.... siap berlutut and bawa bunga lg.... msa tue petang, with sunset, angin bertiup, bertemankan music ombak memukul pantai... ayat jiwangnya 'if you want to spent the rest of your life loving me, do accept this flower and be mine forever'... lol... ofkos ku ada tambah garam dan gula untuk menyedapkan cerita... mo tau sapa?? xperlula...

if mine, i want it to be on top of tall building... trus saya akan berdiri di tepi building tu and said 'your love makes me do stupid stuff like right now... and only you is the antidote to all this craziness... i gotta have you or i rather jump right now... say yes to my love plz....' then bila sdh declare, i will shout '(sila letak nama perempuan itu), i love you!!!!'... wah, ble jadi satu scene drama korea sdh... hahhaha.. paling sadis klo terjatuh betul2... nah kotoh... hahaha...

imagination gone wild... i know.... then, lepas luahan perasaan ni mesti all of you will ask me.. perviously ckp ada crush la... why dont you approach her??? her??? why her???? it suppose to be them.... hahaha... memangla msa sy post ari tu ditujukan pada the 1st girl.... then, nampak pula perempuan lain.... she also make my heart stop beating... (ayat jiwang...) why i didnt approach?? i do think i am not prepare msa tu.... when i did, i know that both of them are taken... so buat apa jadi perosak hubungan orang for youself kan... both lagi tu... and i dont see myself in a realtionship that time.. busy gila... urus 2 club, join ntah papa... study lg... so, buat ada couple dgn orang when u dont have time for yourself... msa tu yg sorang ja la... yg satu tu blm lg... just know that she's taken this sem... heartbreak.... and its just a crush la... well two crushes... hahaha... and it will stay as crush forever... hahaha.... btw i just bumped into one of my crush just now.... huahuahua.. glad that she's happy with her life now...

when talking about these crushes, a lot of people would really want to know who is she/them... why would i tell you.. let it stay as my secret forever.... only a few people know.. termasukla bestie kesayangan... but she oso didnt know about the other girl (tamaknya joe....) lol... after i did a stupid thing of posting that entry about my crush, rahsia pecah and i even got a called from my sisters about this.. parent pun tau.. matai... suicide btl... so, when this new girl came, i kept quiet.. hahah... biar sy sorg ja lyn perasaan...

back to my topic... memang i do say to all of you that i have no intention of getting married in the future... mo tgl di penthouse, rumah mcm si Gong Yoo own in coffee prince... kereta mini copper convertible lyk the one he use in this drama too... smpi sekarang still sy berpegang teguh pada pendirian itu, but that doesnt mean i cannot fall in love kan... well, actually tgk flow la.. if mmg takdir sy kawin, jgn risau... tunggu 10-20 years from now... then, everybody will be invited... but skrg calon pun xda, duit pun masih guna jpa, umur pun masih muda, bgus jadi eligible bachelor kan.. hahah....

love, and to be love.. haha... wat it feels like?? to have someone to accept you the way you are, to love you her whole-hearted and to promise each other to be together till death separates you??hahah... if i ever met someone, then i know.... now, back to answering past year and study... till then everyone...

p/s: tajuk entry pun lagu juga... ost you're beautiful... pun best gak...

p/p/s: video dibawah sy amik from vimeo... best nie...

how do i look???

2011-03-31T07:06:00.000-07:00

pimped my blog to make it interesting... do u guys like it... give comment k... till then...

just wanna add one picture from yesterday outing.. we had fun and did a lot of activity.. on top of all its my bday!!!!!

last day berumur kepala satu....

2011-03-29T01:57:00.000-07:00

hooooraaay!!!! it 30th March tomorrow.... and 20 years back a cute little boy was born in Hospital Tenom, Sabah.... hahahh... it was Easter Day... So, in stead of going to church, me mummy gave birth to me!!!! love you mum.... it was their 1st son so they were very happy to have me.. and i was kinda the 1st grandson jg to my mother's side... and i just realize that... (e/t yg sebenarnya sy bknla 1st grandson pun.. ada org lain.... Abg Xavier....)

So tomorrow is a very important day for me.... im going to be 20... 2.0. kepala dua sdh... sedih nie.. im getting older.... wrinkle dkat dahi pun ada sdh... wish i could be 18 forever.... lol....

my last day of being 19 is not that good.... 1stly ada quiz hanjeng aku kna jwp... dua g tu... both pun mcm babi salai tepi jln aku jwp... at least for nogcy i dun feel that bad coz i didnt study at all but ORGANIC CHEM was a disaster!!!!!!! i xdtg dinner TOT just to study for that babi.. skali kluar mcm anjing soalan dia... i never felt so dumb in my life.... bangang.... but as soon as both quizzes finish, i do think my luck is coming.. coz for 1st tym dpt hang out with brian, wong and jasper in my room... siap exercise lg konon...haha.. now, mo pg dinner.. I WANT GRAND DINNER TO CELEBRATE MY LAST DAY OF BEING 19.... tgu la di mana...

so, as i enjoy my last day of being 19, i realise that i changed a lot these past few years back... mature(i mean my mind not my wellbeing.... i know that im always act like budak kecik terlebih gula all the time.. but that just me....), wiser and more better.... i could say that coz theres a lot of things i achieved a long the year... a promising future, better relationship with my family, able to accept criticize from other people, can do a lot of job and above all, wiser mind to choose... hahah...

actually i myself forgot that my birthday is coming... but thanks to my CUS family for celebrating my birthday earlier... then perasan that my birthday is just around the corner.... i can sense kepelikan when i was at Mel's house and during Outreach... at first i dunno why, but now i know... hahaha.... and the present from them is beautiful!!!! memorable.. part yg paling best adalah tulisan on the frame(stickers actually) wrote "WE LOVE JOE".. for real!!!! i love each and everyone you too.... group hugs!!!!

then at the same night my mulau sisters gave me their present.... a box of chocs.... but hv to open according to days.... wow... lg touching.... i never receive present lyk this before... so, everyday i am loking forward to open wat choc that im gonna eat that day.. hahaha.... love you guys too!!!! ni mo kasih gumuk sy ka?? xpa.. sama2 kita exercise nnt.... really touch yg kmu pun igt bday sy.... oh ya.. together with the present ada poster of 'PERSIS ROUNDISLAND 10/11" which i was the director... it makes me think that i can do anything and i managed a project at young age... bangga nie... sedihnya next year some of the kakak2 xda sdh.. kmu grad i promise bw Rafflesia.. lol...

i really thank God for giving me chance to live and to enjoy life again.. not forgetting that He bless me with these wonderful people around me... so i am really2 am thankful for that... i love you guys so much!!!!!!!

skrg tgu my bff pla to wish me... and to all my besties yg scattered around the world.. hahah.. frens... family members yg lain.... hahaha.. mangharap??? NOT!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

now, i real family pla blm ada khabar... here are wishlist for them so that they know wat to buy.... hahahaha......

(btw ni hny 2k diorang... xperlu baca......)

DADDY terchenta: sy mau 1phone!!!!! daddy mesti beli.... hahah... xla... your love and care to me is enough for me.. for my birthday i wish that you will be healthy sentiasa... tapi if you want kasi beli sy iphone sy ok ja...lol.. thank you sbab kasi besar sy... smpi gumuk mcm nie daddy tetap support kasi makan... kasi skul and tanggung everything... i noe masa kecil sy nakal, jahat lagi sma dady, sorry sgt2... i love you.....

MUMMYku sayang: mamy sy mau rm2000 shopping spree.... heheh and permission to go jalan2 Thai, Singapore and Swak!!!! hahah.. xpa.... mcm daddy ur love to me is enough to make me stronger each day.... thank you for giving birth to me, kasi besar, duit mamy bnyk goes to kami... i noe that... sorry sometime sy nie pain in the ass... anak yg suka kasi sakit hati mumy dady and kdg2 act w/t thinking... but mamy bnyk ajar sy 2k jadi org yg berguna... i am wat i am now becoz of you and dad... i love you... mummy mesti sentiasa sihat.... if both of you happy, sy happy sdh... (mo nangis oh sy type ni benda... hahahaha....)

ayi noona: ko sy mau bungee jumping pny tiket.. dgn tiket masuk sunway trus.... hahah.. ni its a must.. ko mesti belanja sy!!!!!!! hahahah.... ko pun kna sentiasa sihat.... call me often.. nie sy ja kna call kau...at least glen ma sy cni y tau lg dia mcmana.. ko sna..... love u too noona... and i noe u love me too... tp ko malu ma admit...lol.... hahaha....

glen noona: as u're here sy mau ko blanja sy makan!!!! yg mahal2 pny kedai!!! hahah... cake mesti from secret recipe... kita tiga (termasuk bf ko tu) mesti pg celbrate dis coming sunday k... its a must!!!! i love u too... mcm ayi i noe u love me too tp kmu dua ego xmo admit.... hahahah...

calvin: my one and only dungseng... abg akan sgt happy klo tgk ko berjaya dlm hidup ko.... ko adik sy satu2nya and i owes wish the best for you.... abg slalu marah ko bkn abang benci ko... sayang.... baby, as ko sorg ja sna ko mesti jaga mum and dad dgn baik... make sure durg sentiasa happy and healthy... igt study k... wat abg want from you is just a good result for you study... that's all an that is a must!!!...

i love all of you so much... so, be well always.. and i owes pray for your wellbeing and good health... not forgotten protected from any danger.. that is all i wish for my birthday...

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habes sdh note to family... now, changes that you expected from me as now i am soon to be 20??

wiser,definitely.. mature: boleh... thinner and muscular: i can try... in relationship: should i??? rather be single... but if she comes to my life then why not kan.... better man (mcm lagu robbie william..: mestila... but i wont get rid of my bubbliness... i am wat i am.. im gonna post about this in the future... now, wat i really need is to be on my bed and sleep... till then people and joe, say goodbye to umur belasan tahun and welcome to the 20- group in just a few hours more!!!( i dunno whether i should be sad or happy... hahah... )

insomnia!!!!!

2011-03-17T11:59:00.000-07:00

kelas bm esok pukul 8am but still i cant sleep... the clock right now is 2.45am... so, better update blog yg kian bersawang da nie.... kepada kwn2 yg keep on complaining that i didnt update blog, sory i hv no free time to post any entry this past few month... now as most of my assignment da siap so, i can update la a bit..

insomnia nie bcoz bnyk benda mo di fikirkan.. bila mo balik Sabah, assignment nogcy nie vaiva takut pla, bm esok hrp2 cikgu x tny kenapa x pg kelas last week, dinner persis mo bt game apa, dinner TOT mo pkai bju apa.. dan lain lain lg...

so, i end up baring-baring on my bed for 3 hours... huhuhu... esok bangun confirm orang ingat panda sesat dibawa tsunami jepun...

talking about that. i just receive a good nes from claire marie telling us that she had received text from mr Japan telling her that he survived from the tsunami.. alah, tempat dia bkn kena tsunami pun... but the scary part is the the nuclear power plant which can demolish Japan in a blink of eye... dah tu the radiation which can be carry by the cloud may bring harm to other people in other countries... kesian kan...

we in Malaysia should buat kenduri coz we are protected from some natural disaster due to its geographic position.. sy lupa sdh knapa... paling2 pun kita kena tempias from other country.. tu pun teruk jg...

talking bout today, its my mom's birthday!!! wish her already.. btw, my parents and my baby bro are in Kuching right now... i was planning to join them but thanks to Cikgu BM ku terchenta dan Miss Diabetic Monitoring td, i cancel my plan...its a good think jg la coz still hv a lot of things to be done here... i miss her and my dad.. wsih i was there with them... a perfert gateway from this hole of devil that i am in right now... hahah... tu la.. b4 this ada hati pula mo amik medic, skrg baru pharmacy pun kepala mau pecah... well, its not that the syllabus is hard, sy yg xda masa mo study.. ada msa pula mo sibuk2 with others activities... xpa.. last da.. next sidang, i'll let go of everything and focus more on study....

baby bro got is temp tattoo in Kuching just now..... out of marker pen... lol.... he though that the tattoo yg tampal pny which can last for a week... nie guna marker ja dia lukis... mandi ja boleh hilang sdh... but it was nice la.... there's go RM5 from his wallet...

my mum ask whether she should buy kek lapis for us or not... well i say no coz by the time kami balik sabah, benda tu da tumbuh fungi and cendawan... boleh makan terus... kek lapis swak perisa cendawan... xpala.. in kk got one mf my aunt( from swak) pandai buat jg...

now perut ku buat konsert jazz band di bilik.. stok makanan pula kering.. mau jg keluar tp takut apa yg berlaku sma syafiq happens to me... so tahan ja la... one of the factor i cant sleep...

ok now i try all my best to sleep.. at least i got a few hours of NAP... tomorrow mau berforum lagi kami... why oh why u didnt just cancel the class macam kelas yg lain... takpala cikgu, demi cikgu saya dtg kelas meskipun mata macam kena tumbuk... hahaha... till then...

thank you for loving me...

2011-03-17T09:20:00.000-07:00

i am not thin enough to be a model

i am not handsome enough to be Prince Willian

i am not tall enough to be John Wayne

i am not buff enough to be hugh jackman

my voice not good enough to beat Justin Timberlake

my dance are not good enough to beat Mario lopez

my jokes are not funny enough to beat Russell Peter

yet you choose me..

as your Prince William

as your John Wayne

as your Hugh jackman

as your Justin Timberlake

as your Mario Lopez

as your Russell Peter

there's nothing i could offer you more

than my sincere heart and timeless love

forever we grew strong

in love and lust

and as we look to our future

kids and grandchildren will we raise together

full with happiness and joy

cause i love you and you love me too...

so not in the mood....

2010-12-28T05:44:00.000-08:00

exhausted, sad and homesick is what i feel right now.... im back in penang even though my heart's still in kk.... tomorrow class at 8am... and i dunno where??? then bnyk urusan g mo diurus... bilik, pendaftaran, mo jmpa my PA, then ada meeting CUS on thursday nite.... so not ready for this new sem to starts... but life goes on as usual...

now, mo tido dulu... hopefully bsuk dpt bgn awal......

leavin' on a jet plane......

2010-11-19T00:01:00.000-08:00

mcm xrasa lgsg yg sy bru ja abis paper just now..... now, here in coffee bean airport penang n my flight to kl is gonna aboard less than an hour...

how i feel right now??? abc!!!!

everything....

happy coz gonna go back to my family.....

sad to leave my frens

worry exam kali nie susa...

another sad coz my noona, glen is not with us d whole week we gonna spend in kl...

pejam celik pejam celik, here we are... at the end of sem 3 ody.... how time fly......

to all my friends in tekun iwan, ash, abul vimal... sory i cant go and meet y'all b4 i go... its kinda rushing jg la.... coz pagi tadi exam 2pm i ody leave usm.....

to my girls... yk, dith, pink, d, kim, sya... gonna miss u guys.... next sem we go jln2 lg... yk thanks for being such a good friend to us.... u're like a guardian angel to us.... always there when we need you.....

to my pharm friends... gonna miss u guys!!!! next sem no mo fooling around ya... we have to work our ass up next sem!!! see you guys in sem4.... brian, jasper, wong, shafiq, gaiya, thanu... and everyone....

to my CUS family, i love you guys!!!!! never feel like im away from home when im with you guys... i received your letters ody.... T_T..... touch.... mau, jgn harap snow white akan muncul g k... ganti rapunzel sdh... hahahaha....

apa2 pun.... just wanna say bye2 to everyone in usm... and hello people in kk!!!! joe is back!!! be ready!!!! hahahahahahahaha... till then everyone... happy hols!!!!

Dad,my hero... Mum, my comfort...

2010-11-02T07:22:00.000-07:00

dari tajuk entry saja sudah tahu betapa homesick and rindunya sy pada my parents... i miss both of you so much.....

actually the reasons why i wanna write this entry is to tell how sad i feel today... For Catholics, we today, we celebrate our dearly departed who had leave us behind and go with God. All Souls Day... the ritual is to go to the cemetery and pray to the souls of all your family members who had passed away.... in mine, there's two...

1) Uncle saya yang paling good looking, Mr Robby Sharif, who died in a car accident on 2007 in Johor...

2) My Grandpa that i love the most, he always has my back in everything.. Andrew@Sharif Tambi who was taken away from us on 2008 because of lung cancer...

oh how i miss both of you right now.... before that let me share with all of you what they were like... my uncle bibi, xpernah marah saya... owes fool around with us, his nephews and nieces... suka betul ejek orang... the first one in the family to go to university (we so damn proud of you and really want to be just like you...) saya ingat lagi when he got back from kl for the first time he bought my sibings and me (only us) hadiah... he is very good looking. sayang i dont have your pic uncle with me rite now... he was a teacher... first posting di Johor... it was not even 3 years he work and God ody took him away from us... He and his friends accident at Pasir Gudang... jatuh laut with his car... i still remember it was midnite that my mum got the call from kampung.... we're already asleep.. my dad was sumwhere in Penisular... then my mum called my dad to go and check.. pagi tu bangun my mum bengkak sudah mata.. told us that uncle bibi accident.. 'uncle bibi kamu tiada sudah...' i was speechless... and xtau apa mau react... all i can do is diam masuk bilik and pray that it was not him... malam tu suma berkampung di airport kargo pny bahagian.... we waited for him to arrived... then out of nowhere, ada coffin being brought to us.. with a big writing on it 'JENAZAH ROBBY SHARIF'.. the saddest moment in my life... punyalah sakit tengok tu tulisan.... what makes me sad is tat he left his wife yg tgh pregnant dat tym and his son... so, he left two of his sons... the 2nd one xpernah jumpa dia pun....

my grandpa... orang yg sangat tenang and easy to hang out with.. dulu masa kecil2 selalu ikut dia pg kebun... when kena marah my parents he was the one that pujuk me and back me up... i love him so much.... dia pun kuat main juga... selalu ejek orang.... but dia betul2 kena hormat di kampung... suma org sayang dia... sangat baik... sangat penyayang.... i do think i di post about how he passed away to y'all in my previous post....

what makes me sad today is i cant go to their cemetery today... i tried to google earth it tp i cant get it... bodoh punya google earth.... So, all i can do now is pray for them... i miss you uncle bibi and mohing... really wish that both of you never leave us.... mesti our family happy ja.... hope that both of you are happy up there with God...

balik pada my tajuk entry... haha... i miss my parents so bad... boleh ka saya balik kk skrg??

hahahaha........ oh ya to my bestie, all the best!!! till then....

presentation..

2010-10-18T19:19:00.001-07:00

Another presentation that will be evaluated by Dr. Aisyah......She must really like me that she assign two assignments under her... HAHAHAHA,....

Wish me luck........

coz after this........

BLOND HAIR joe will appear!!!!
yeah blond!!!

hahahaha....... till then everyone....

i want to hold your hand....

2010-10-17T22:30:00.000-07:00

have u watch Glee s2 the episode where kurt's father was hospitalized and is in coma?? well im not... hehehe... i'd just watched the trailer from FB and i know it is going to make me wanna cry... T_T ok joe, quit being a crying baby.....

ok back to the story.. the real reason why i wanna post this entry is to say how i can't never imagine being in Kurt's place... where your day starts like normal, go to school, play with friends, having fun, then suddenly you got a call telling you that your father (the only family members he got left... his mother died when she little btw....) is in the hospital and in coma...

OMG!! if i were him (thankfully im not and thankfully it was just a drama....) i dont know how to react.. really... it feels like your time had stop moving and a big piano crashes on you.... or somebody stab your in your heart...

well actually i've been in this situation before in matriculation.. and it was my beloved granpa who passed away.. He lost his fight to lung cancer... in stead of having a good day like Kurt did, everything went wrong during that day.. woke up late for the first time, lost my tutorial paper which i had to hand-in the next day, everything... then, around 8pm, i got a call from my father. He asked me how i am doing, the usual question to start of the conversation... i told him i was fine, and i was in the library doing my tutorial. the he said to me "go back to your room and pack up your back... you need to go back home now"... i was like "huh???" then he started to cry and told me that Mohing(my grandpa) had just passed away... i'd just ended the call and ran outside. i dont know what i was thinking but i pack all things and go back to my room... but on my way back, i stopped at the playground and called my bestfriend (she was there at the same matriculation) i told her, then start crying like crazy... luckily there's no one there...

so, after around 10 min of crying i got back on my feet and went back to my room, pack my bags and wait for my aunt to take me.. really i could not think much on that time... it hurts so much that i can still feel the pain until now... what makes it worst is that all of my siblings were there to take care of him (as grandpa was staying at our house on his last days so that it easier for him to go to the hospital...) and i was not... teruk rite....

now, studying far from my family, i really hope that i would never faced the same situation ever again... my dad and my mum, both of them are still young but my dad already have some problem with his health, high cholesterol level and uric acid level.. mum have mild hypertension.. so, i always worry about them.... i really dont know whether i can survived without them or not... so God please dont take them away from me... i really need them....

the lesson that we can get here is that, life is always unexpected... there's always ups and downs.. and you really cannot predict life.... and please people, appreciate your parent.... tell them that you love them everyday... and please don't hurts their feeling.... so, mumy and dady, if you reading this, i love you so much.. and there is no one can replace you in my heart.... oh how i miss both of you so much right now.... really wish that im a rich kid that have my own jet so that i can go back everyday just to see you... hehe... again life is really unexpected.. so, till then.....

to Shakinna with love.....

2010-10-15T01:28:00.001-07:00

today, 15 october 2010, is my best friend's birthday... So, i would like to dedicate the entry for her... So, gut, happy birthday, or in my native language, seng-il chukae!!!! hahahaha...

on my last birthday, she gave me a pic which she made of her own by photoshop... but im no good at that thing so i just wanna recap my life with her....

i've known her since ages... Her mother was my mother's nurse when she(my mother) was pregnant with me and delivered me... So, our family known each other before we even met.. but it was only on primary school that we known each others. Becoming friend and classmate... So, life went on and we entered the same secondary school but in different classes and our relationship drifted apart from being classmate to friend-from-primary-school... We hanged out with different group of people and just said hi when we bumped into each others..

then, in Form 4 we got selected to enter the same class.. that's when we became close to each others... We realised that we have same interest and similarities... So, during Form 5 we declared ourselves as bestfriend and always hang out together...

We entered the same Matriculation after SPM and that's when our friendship become stronger. we were there for each others to support, motivate and share everything... i always got myself into few crushes and she will always give me advise and encourage

me. We promised each other to enter the same university so that we can always be with each other and support one another..

But, sadly She got into UMK and me in USM... but that won't drift our relationship apart.. we call, text, chatt and update each other with our life... She is the one that i call when i need to make decision and when im stressed... we help each other with our life even though we are at two different places... we've grown with each other and face the world with each other...

there's this one time when i got admitted into hospital in Penang from rock climbing activity that i'd joined and i made the biggest mistake of my life by not tell

ing my family... but she took the courage of calling my sister to go and checked on me even though she was in Kelantan and was worried sick about me... If she didn't make that call, i wouldn't be fully recovered in time right now.. So, thanks gut...

there was time when she make me proud by doing all this things that i myself would never think of achieving it... Her picture was printed on newspapers a few times. She lead a lot of programs

and now had inspired a lot of people to be just like her... She make me want to be active in Club activity and enjoy my university life to the fullest...

She is my motivator, my shoulder to cry on, my counselor, m

y advisor, my balloon and sunshine... She will always be there for me when i need her and she would never replace me even though both of us make friends with others too... She is so special to me that i never found nobody like her in my life... my one and only bestest bestfriend...

in the future, both of us may live our life, busy with works and family.. she may be getting married, have children, and grow old with someone else and i wanted to be a hot, stunning bachelor forever(hahaha) but i know our friendship last forever..

So, here's to you my dear friend.. HAPPY 20TH BIRTHDAY!!! may all your wishes come true... and to all the memories that we shared and still yet to come... Have a blast birthday which i know you will.... hahaha..... till then......