raevenfea.com

For those of you who don’t follow my stitchery adventures, nothing has changed in your world.

For those of you who subscribe to the Omnibus RSS feed and do like reading about my sewing stuff, unfortunately you’re going to have to add another feed to your reader for the time being: raevenfea.com/feed/.

I hope to somehow integrate the two back together in the future, but no ETA on that any time soon.

Sartorial Stitchery was not only misnamed, but had outgrown this shared space, so it was time to give it its own home (I already owned the domain, with nothing on it).

The design is still rough, and a few more articles need to be moved over, but it’ll be growing over the next few months!

Freedom Edition: Do you qualify?

• Your AGI is under $31,000 (same as last year)
• You are/were active duty military in 2010 with an AGI under $58,000 (up from last year)
• You qualify for the Earned Income Credit (EIC) Find out if you qualify at IRS.gov

If any of these are true for you, try the TurboTax Freedom edition.

If you do qualify, you can also file for free in these states: AL, AR, AZ, GA, IA, ID, KY, MI, MN, MO, MS, NY, NC, ND, OK, OR, RI, SC, VA, VT, WV.

What are you waiting for? Head over to the IRS Free File portal today!

The IRS Free File program

TurboTax Federal Free is not associated with the IRS’ Free File program, which allows anyone with an Adjusted Gross Income (AGI) of $58,000 or less e-file for free, including some state returns. TurboTax Freedom is.

TurboTax Freedom has stricter limits than the Free File program, so you may want to explore your options and choose another online preparer if your AGI is over $31,000.

The Free File page can help you choose the preparer that is right for you. Make sure to check if your chosen preparer will allow you to file your state income taxes as well.

More good news: because the normal deadline falls on Emancipation Day, meaning gov’t offices are closed to receiving mail and processing returns, you have until April 18 this year to file your taxes.

What’s the real difference?

For the most part, both programs step you through the process of filing, helping you make sure that you claim all the credits and deductions that you qualify for. Freedom Edition, since it isn’t restricted to Form 1040-EZ, has many more options and will allow you to itemize deductions, claim small business income, and capital gains or losses. Federal Free edition is very limited in what it will allow you to claim beyond the standard exemptions. You can’t itemize deductions at all.

What made me notice the difference is the cost of filing for state income taxes: Freedom Edition allows you to file states for free, so long as they also participate in the Free File program. Federal Free edition charges you $27.95 for each state.

Freedom edition does not have as nice of an interface, though, so if you want to be wowed by pretty graphics (at the expense of not filing for free), it’s not the program for you.

I am not a licensed tax preparer or financial professional of any kind. If you have questions about your taxes, you should consult a qualified tax professional. This is simply my observation based on my own research for filing my own taxes. This is also in no way sponsored by the IRS or Free File program. I just want everyone to be as educated as possible.

I’m not a resolution-maker. In the past, I’ve never made resolutions that lasted beyond 00:01 on January 1. But, as I approach the quarter-century mark in June, I’ve realized I have a problem I need to solve. Or re-solve, as it’s only been problematic in the past few years. So, I don’t think of these as resolutions so much as problem-solving strategies.

The problem? Sloth.

Lately, I seem to be leading a rather lethargic life. My motivation went on vacation some time back in 2007, and I’m having trouble convincing it that it needs to earn a living.

So I’m going on a sloth hunt.

I resolve to re-solve this issue of motivation.

My approach? Routine social exercise and breaking a binge-reading habit.

The former will force routine activity—motivation or no, while the latter will compel me to evaluate why I’m in a bingeing mood and accomplish something other than reading a string of crappy romance novels when I’m burnt out, stressed and depressed. If I don’t allow myself to binge, I’ll have to get motivated to do something else.

Getting things done

Of course, no new year is complete without a list of to-dos, and I’ve made mine. Some are short-term spring-cleaning, others are long-term projects to consider for the fall, but with my routine motivation back, I hope I can start crossing them off one-by-one for a prosperous, interesting, productive new year.

Some tasks are still vague, but the list includes things like:

1. Complete 3 quilts
2. Launch a redesign of this site (you’re getting a preview with this post, but it’ll be a couple of months until the final launch is complete)
3. Grow the readership of the Student Loan Facts Page, a project I launched a couple of months ago
4. Complete my Devil in a Blue Dress outfit (2 years in the making)

Comments are coming soon… I haven’t completed that part of the redesign yet. In the mean time, you can contact me by e-mail: rae.arnold@gmail.com or use the contact form on raearnold.com.

Updates

Week 1 (1/2–1/8)

On the health front, I already failed. I was only planning on doing the Thursday activity, as I don’t yet have membership to the gym (it was partially set up on Sat 1/8, but final setup must wait until next week). Then, I caught a bug that had me bedridden on Thursday.

Book limitations were failed as well. I read four books. Mostly because I was sick on Thursday, unable to do nothing else when I wasn’t asleep. However, it is important to note that I wasn’t in a binge, just intrigued by a new series that I didn’t realize I was starting on book 10 rather than book 1.

Week 2 (1/9–1/15)

I still hadn’t gotten my gym membership squared away for yoga, but I did do the cycling!

Reading-wise, I’m still failing. I just can’t limit myself to one book a week of the Arcane Series (another review). However, I don’t feel like a failure, because this is not depressed binge reading. In fact, I made crazy progress on my current quilt project, so all in all, it was a good week.

Week 6 (2/6–2/12)

Gym membership? Check. Bicycle? Nope. Finished quilt? Check.

I’m both successful and not, at the moment. I have not been going to yoga, because it’s just impossible to get out of work by 5pm on Tuesdays. I did attend one Sunday morning, but it is more advanced than I am. So, yoga and I are at an impasse at the moment.

Also, I sold my bike. It has never really fit me correctly. So that means Thursday cycling is also out for two or three weeks. But, only until my new bike comes in, which is being ordered on 2/10 (had to sell the old one to afford the new one).

I have been doing some dance stuff though. Every Wednesday is belly dance for bikers—sort of a Cliff-notes version of authentic Egyptian belly dancing to help stretch and relax the muscles that get bunched up when cycling (neck, shoulders, back). This week I also had a Fandango (traditional Spanish dance, sort of like flamenco) lesson and an Indian dance lesson. So, there are three group exercise things, just no real cardio.

Lastly, I’ve pinpointed a binge-reading trigger. Unfortunately it has to deal with work-related stuff, which I’m not sure how to resolve. However, I’m doing good so far this week about not bingeing—even if I’ve really wanted to. In fact, I haven’t been reading at all the past couple of weeks—I’ve been too busy with dancing, sewing and trying to find a new bike that actually fits.

The payroll tax, more commonly known as the Social Security tax, is normally 6.2% of your gross income. Everyone who earns money by legal, non-tax-avoiding ways pays this, no ifs-ands-or-buts, although if you make more than $106,800, your maximum tax is $6,621. For 2011, the tax for employees is reduced to 4.2% (a max savings of $2,136). If you’re self-employed, you’ll still have to pay the full employer-side 6.2% for a total of 10.4% instead of 12.4%. And if you’re an employer, you still have to pay 6.2% for each of your employees.

So, that begs the question: what are you going to do with it?

I’ve already made my decision—it’s going straight into my retirement account. I figure I might as well save for my own retirement while I’m getting a reprieve from paying for someone else’s. The proper paperwork has been signed, sealed and delivered. I waffled about this or paying off debt faster, but I’ll have my over-5%-interest consumer debt all taken care of by the end of January, and I expect that my retirement returns will be higher than that in the long run. It just makes financial sense. After all, thanks to compounding interest, your early 20s is a great time to start saving for retirement.

What’s your plan, Stan?

One note of import: since it’s all very last minute, your employer has until Jan. 31 to fix their payroll system so that the money goes in your check instead of to the government. This means you may not see an increase until February. Then, your employer has until Mar. 31 to give you whatever they owe you from not having the system set up correctly in January.

Fact: the median annual salary for full-time workers ages 25-34 shows a significant disparity between women and men at every educational level. [source: US Department of Education]

Fallacy: the above statistic logically shows that “women make less money than men” working the same jobs.

The variables aren’t even. That statistic says that women have a lower median annual salary than men have: a median salary for every possible full-time job out there, with no reference to work experience, exact job type, or location. This statistic means very little.

Fact: some women are less likely to ask for a raise.

If a woman and a man work the same job with the same pay and same proficiency, and only the man asks for (and receives) a raise, the woman then makes less than the man. Prove that if she asks for a raise, she definitely won’t again be making the same salary as the man.

Fact: more women than men take time off from work to raise children, resulting in less work experience (in their chosen career) during their lifetime.

Work experience is a pay rate variable. More work experience generally results in higher pay. If all other variables are even, a person with 25 years’ experience will likely make less than a person with 30 years’ experience. A person who made the same amount at every experience point for 25 years will earn less during their lifetime than the person who worked for 30 years. There is no inherent gender bias in this.

Fact: many of the top paying jobs are male-dominated fields.

Many women work in fields that don’t pay as well as fields like engineering, which means they make less over the course of their career than men working in engineering. If you compare salary across all fields, and more men work in higher paying fields, the median pay for men will be higher. A teacher does not make as much as an engineer. There is no inherent gender bias in this.

Do I doubt that most women are paid less than men doing the same work with the same amount of experience? Not particularly. But, hysteric reports full of dubious statistics claiming that we need to STOP UNBALANCED PAY FOR WOMEN NOW! with no clear suggestion for effectual action accomplish nothing. If we want to work toward equal pay, we need to start promoting valid statistics that show the actual disparity—and determine why it exists. Only then can we begin to correct the cause.

Prove: that women in every field make less than men in that same field.

Prove: that if women were to request raises as often as men in their fields that they would still make less.

Prove: that if a man took the same time off to raise children as a woman, he wouldn’t have the exact same disadvantage in pay and experience when returning to the workforce.

Start proving some of those “facts” and your reporting might be persuasive.

And please, for all that is holy, stop saying that women make less over their lifetime than men while blatantly ignoring the fact that “lifetime” is a meaningless comparison when it comes to salary. Of course someone who works for 20 years will earn less during their lifetime than someone at the same pay who works for 30 years. Of course someone who works for 20 years as a server will make less than someone who works for 20 years as a doctor.

If you can provide a study that makes meaningful comparisons between pay for women and men, please pass it on. I appreciate reading meaningful statistics.

How different is it from modern pronunciation? Well, that depends on what English you speak.

Meier said audiences will hear word play and rhymes that “haven’t worked for several hundred years (love/prove, eyes/qualities, etc.) magically restored, as Bottom, Puck and company wind the language clock back to 1595.”

“The audience will hear rough and surprisingly vernacular diction, they will hear echoes of Irish, New England and Cockney that survive to this day as ‘dialect fossils.’ And they will be delighted by how very understandable the language is, despite the intervening centuries.”

The production is going on during November, so I’m sad that I can’t see it, but evidently they plan on recording it in radio-drama form that will be available online in the future. Here’s a little preview to get your blood rushing:

For the super-nerds out there (like me), Professor Meier has provided a free e-book with links to sound files that explain the pronunciation differences. And if you are in the Kansas City/Lawrence area, lucky you!

Thanks to The History Blog and Jason Kottke for the heads up.

* For those of you outside of the Kansas/Missouri area, this is just a warning that said lust could get me disowned from my family. See, despite the civil war having ended almost 150 years ago, the border war is very much alive in MO-KAN: the border war between KU and MU, that is (and K State when they’re feeling feisty). I’m pretty “meh” about it all, seeing as I went to some hoity-toity lib arts college up here in NY, but since most my family is from the Missouri side of Kansas City, I’m expected to be a die-hard Mizzou fan. But MU is going to have to step up their seduction if they want to keep me, is all I’m saying. My grandpa was a K State alum and my sister is currently an MU student—well, MU’s redheaded step-child down in Rolla, MO—so in theory I should have a deeply ingrained dislike for KU. My bad.

For many years—as long as I can remember, actually—I’ve had the hoarding-lite habit of saving certain items that I really like with the idea that they’re too good for every day use, so I keep them for a “special day,” whatever that is. Like, the beautiful correspondence paper that my host family in Japan gave me; I’ve only used it for one or two seemingly special letters. In college, I’d save the last application or two of my rare bottle of Aveeno lotion for months while I used cheaper stuff. I’d save certain blank paper stock for just the case when I needed to print on that type of fancy media. The list goes on.

I realized that my reasons for doing this often fell under the same few reasons, over and over again.

Scarcity

If I use it now, I won’t be able to get the same thing in the future. The great thing about our consumerist world is that there are billions of products. Millions of these products are almost exactly like at least one other product, except for perhaps packaging or name. Even if you’re am unable to find that exact product in the future, surely you can find a similar—and probably better—one. But what if…? No, there are no what ifs in a decluttered, happy life.

The wonderful thing about the Internet is you can find almost anything for sale. Even if you live in the middle of nowhere, as long as you can receive mail, you can buy things. So, that beautiful Japanese paper isn’t really that scarce after all.

Cost

This is expensive, and I can’t afford to buy it all the time, so I just use it for special occasions. Part of being decluttered and happy is being smart with money. You need money to buy stuff, and when you aren’t buying random stuff, you have more money to spend on other stuff. Take that Aveeno lotion that I hoarded in college. Yes, it’s more expensive than some other types, but it does work better for my skin. But so does the similar formula store brand (see Scarcity). If you can’t afford the nice version, see if the cheaper version is just as good. A lot of times it is. Then maybe you don’t need the more expensive version.

Of course, the cheaper version might not even matter, because if you’re being financially smart, maybe you can afford the expensive version all the time, or even half the time. And if you’re not hoarding it, you are using it all, meaning you’re buying that type of product less often. Unused product socked away means you’re spending more money buying stuff you don’t actually need. (Or shop smart and use coupons when all else fails.)

Sentimentality

So-and-so gave this to me, so I don’t want to use it because it reminds me of them. This is the bane of declutterers the world over. If someone gives you a gift that is a consumable product, they intend for you to use it. (And if they don’t, well, it’s probably time to explore why you allow them to give you “gifts” instead of gifts.) You’ll be reminded of them while you’re using it. You’ll be reminded of them when you think about how happy you were when you used it. You’ll be reminded of them when you buy more for yourself because you liked it. The list goes on.

When you’re hoarding things away for a rainy day, they’re taking up room both physically and mentally. Sooner or later, you end up with all these “special” things and not enough special days. Or maybe too many special days and not enough “special” things. What will you do then, huh?

So, for the optimists in the crowd: why are you saving it? Every day can be a special day.

For the pessimists: why are you saving it? There might never be a special day.

For the realists out there: why are you saving it? It’s just taking up space and isn’t really all that special anyway.

I’m making progress. For instance, Carl’s awesome cousin gave me this amazing bath salt and lotion set last Christmas. Rather than saving it for a day that was “special,” I used it almost every day until I ran out. I was happy when I used it, not regretful. Of course, the empty bottle sat around cluttering up the bathroom for a while because I kept wanting to look up how to get more. Then I took a picture of the label (digital clutter, but less than physical) and threw out the bottle. That also made me happy, because I had less clutter. Now I just need to figure out how to buy more of it (it’s a local that produces it near his cousin, I think. I’ll follow up with her when we visit for Thanksgiving).

So, my friends who share this problem, I bestow on you this task: go use something special today. Then, come tell us about how happy it makes you, and how relieved you are that it’s been put to good use, and how it decluttered your life. And work on it every day until you break the habit, just like I’m trying to do.

Carl came in fourth place and I was able to buy some awesome organic soap from the farmer’s market, so I’d say all in all it was a pretty good trip.

What is left

I’m breaking the list down into casual, professional, and special occasion. Currently, most of the casual doubles as professional thanks to a Developer’s dress code, but I want to dress more professionally. More on that later.

Casual

• 6 solid-color fitted t-shirts: (purple, black, white, gray, yellow, blue)
• 2 fitted t-shirts with a design (ivory, green)
• 3 long sleeved shirts, one green, two black, one with a design on the left breast
• 2 v-neck sweaters (cranberry* and pale green)
• 1 cowl-neck sweater (beige)†
• 2 hooded sweaters (1 green, 1 white zip-up)†
• 3 pairs jeans
• 1 pair denim shorts
• 1 pair black knit wide-leg capri-length pants
• 1 white linen button-up

Professional

Here are all seven items of professional clothing that I own. The browns look like they match a bit better here than they do in real life.

• 1 pair of black pants
• 1 pair of brown pants*
• 1 pair of khaki slacks*
• 1 brown knit 3/4 sleeve shirt*
• 1 light gray v-neck sweater*
• 1 brown half-button-up shirt†
• 1 gray striped button-up shirt*

Special Occasion

• 1 magenta shirt
• 1 black dressy tank top shirt
• 1 LBD
• 1 black silk georgette shrug
• 1 brown dress with pink dots that is my go-to wedding guest dress
• 1 white dress with brown and salmon flower design

Other (sports, outerwear, etc…)

I thought about leaving out my cycling clothes and things like that, but for full disclosure, I feel like I should include them as well. So, here’s the other stuff. Wardrobe minimalists are cringing at this point.

• 5 camis (black, gray, brown, tan, ivory)—required under some of my sweaters, but not exactly intimates.
• 2 pair cycling shorts
• 2 short sleeve cycling jerseys
• 1 long sleeve cycling jersey
• 2 hoodies
• 2 fleece pullovers
• 2 pair sweatpants
• 3 pair pj pants (this may be a bit overkill, yes)
• 1 black wool winter coat

* items that I would like to replace
† items I wear but that fall into a category that I could do without. These may or may not be replaced once they’re worn out.

What will join

A new trend on blogs I read is the “six item challenge” where participants choose six clothing items (generally excluding intimates) and wear only those six items for 30 days. I’m not willing to be that drastic, but the  concept is very much in line with the decluttered lifestyle: have the basics; you don’t need anything else. So, as I begin to rebuild, that is the goal I’m aiming for: basics that all work together. From here on, if it is joining my wardrobe, it has to fit these guidelines.

• I have to like it, maybe even love it. I can’t just be lukewarm about it.
  

  In the past, I ended up with things I didn’t like because I was forced to go buy something for a specific need, usually with short notice. One goal of this wardrobe revamp is to have the basics that will suit pretty much any occasion, removing the need for last minute “I have nothing to wear” shopping.

• It has to fit correctly.
  

  I vowed not to wear clothing that is ill fitting. I will allow myself to buy things that need slight tailoring, like say, shortening pants legs or skirt hems, but I have to tailor as soon as I buy it. No “I’ll get around to it.” It enters the house, it gets tailored right then. If I change weight or body shape, clothing needs to be tailored or tossed.

• It has to be quality.
  

  Not that decent quality can’t come from cheaper stores, but if I’m buying it, it needs to last. That means things like a suit, if I buy one, likely won’t be from a discount store. If I can’t afford it, I can probably make it. Sure, that will still be more expensive than a discount store, but I know the quality will be better. In the long run, quality items will last, whereas I will spend just as much money having to repeatedly replace cheap trendy ones.

• It has to match multiple items that are already in my wardrobe.
  

  I once bought a dressy/professional jacket that I loved and fit well, but never wore it because it clashed with all the bottoms I owned. Even if it matched one pair of pants, it would still be a waste because it would be limited. The idea of having a small wardrobe requires that things can be mixed and matched. Creating that requires not buying things that don’t already match things you own.

Other goals:

1. Treat my clothing better. I have a bad habit of tossing stuff on the floor of the bedroom when I take it off. It will lay there for days, then get thrown into a large load with no paying attention to like colors, special needs, or whether it should be dried or not. A merino wool sweater that I loved got dried, making it about the right size for a ten year old. And that’s only one example of many. I vow to treat my clothes with the respect they deserve so that they’ll last.
2. Dress more professionally. By day, I’m a web developer for a local small company. Our office dress code is basically “don’t look like a slob, and try not to wear jeans when we have clients coming to the office.” Most days, I wear jeans and fitted tees to work. But, I think that puts me at a disadvantage. It makes me look like a developer. Sure, that’s what I am now, but I don’t plan on being a code monkey forever. I have management experience and the desire to do something with that. I have the want and competence to do something that doesn’t mean sitting in a cube all day. Dressing like I am in a position like that now, and being comfortable with it means I’ll be that much more comfortable and ready to take on what I aspire to.
3. Look more put together. This is kind of a mashup of the first two items on this list. I have a habit of leaving the house in clothes that have stains or tears that I don’t notice until I get to work. If I took better care of my clothing, I would realize this and get them cleaned properly or repair them. And looking like a slob doesn’t look professional.

Ok, so “what will join” still hasn’t been answered. That’s because I don’t entirely know. To start with, I’ll pinpoint problem areas.

What is currently wrong

True minimalists out there are probably thinking that I still have too many clothes. They might be right. But it seems like I don’t have enough to wear, because there’s a major issue with my professional clothes: the black/brown clash.

I can’t argue that I’m set for casual clothes. But if you take a look at my professional clothes, it turns out that I really only have 5 outfits, rather than 12 if all the tops and bottoms matched. And what’s worse is that of those five, I only consider two of them to be on the more business end of business casual.

This issue isn’t restricted to the professional clothes either; it extends to special occasion. My two non-LBD dresses are both non-sleeved and brown-based, but my only dressy jacket/shrug is black. Part of the reason I have so much brown-based stuff is that I like brown. But brown doesn’t match black very well. Also, brown has a bad habit of not matching other browns. My brown shirts and pants are all different shades. Some of them go okay together, but others don’t. That is severely limiting. I need to either stick to wearing browns just casually (they go great with jeans), or find shades that don’t clash with black pants. They do exist, they’re just rare.

Another issue is that with the exception of my black pants, the truly professional clothes I have I don’t like, and the others are pretty casual. So everything new for the next little while will be professional. The goal: tops that will work with black, gray, brown and khaki pants. That way, I can mix up the pant styles, but not be limited to a specific shirt and pant combination.

What’s on the shopping^* list

I have two lists: high-priority and low priority. The first is short, simple and rounds out my wardrobe basics. The second is icing on the cake or replacing things in the non-professional section that I’m not entirely happy with.

High Priority

• 1 pair of pants. I’m not sure if they’ll be black, brown, gray or khaki.
• 2 non-sweater dress shirts (preferably that can be worn with or without a jacket), that will work in any season (if layered with jacket or cardigan).
• 1 v-neck sweater

The pale green sweater I listed under casual can be professional with professional bottoms. Between that, my existing black pants and the four items on the shopping list, I will have eight professional outfits. While that’s only three more than I currently have, it is accomplished with two fewer clothing items. The four purchased items will replace six other items, only one of which I actually like–and it needs to be replaced because of wear.

Low Priority

• 1 more night-on-the-town shirt. I kind of want to sew up the one in this image. This would be new, not replacement, and slightly dressier than the magenta shirt I have.
• 1 more casual/business casual sweater to replace the cranberry one I have.
• 1 cardigan that matches all the business tops, or at least any that could be worn with a cardigan (will replace one of the hooded sweaters in the casual list, likely the green.) Extra points if it can go with the two brown dresses as well.
• 1 pair of comfortable, non-jean casual pants to replace the black knit ones. I’m thinking linen with a drawstring waist. In fact, I have the linen and pattern, I just need to get my butt in gear.
• 1 shirt in the exact style of the brown knit one listed under professional. I want to copy it, because I love it. It’d be a casual shirt though, and replace one of the fitted tees. It’s perfect for fall/spring.
• Replacing undies and bras. I have enough that fit, but some are showing their age.

I also want to get a suit, but it’s not top priority. I’ll probably save the money and look around until I find one that I really like in a classic style. I’m thinking jacket, pants and pencil skirt. For now, black pants, dressy shirts and sweaters will suffice for professional use.

*At least for the low priority list, if it’s not a sweater, it may be made instead of purchased, so not exactly “shopping.”

What’s on your list?

So, enough about me… are you working on minimizing your wardrobe? Amazed that someone can exist with so few clothes? Think I’m redefining “few” with something closer to “too many”? What do you define as basics?

My next project? Getting Carl to let me do the same thing to his wardrobe. He has few enough clothes, but most of his pants need replacing due to wear or being too large. (Have you ever tried to find 30/31″ x 34″ pants? I’m starting to think it’s not possible. If you know where they’re hiding, please let me know!) Injecting some professional into his wardrobe wouldn’t hurt, either. It really all hinges on pants that fit and are a style he likes. I’m in love with a sartorially-picky beanpole.

Grandma Edie

Though I called her just “Grandma,” Grandma Edie was actually my great-grandmother. She passed away this June. She was my last living grandparent that I was very close to. Growing up, I spent a lot of time at her house and even stayed there some times during college breaks. Without her, chances are that all my posts about sewing wouldn’t exist. She taught me a lot about sewing, and I logged many hours on her machine while visiting. Her stash was always open to me, as were her wise words and helping hands.

Sewing wasn’t the only skill she tried to teach me, although it’s one of the few that took. She constantly baked, and would show me how to make whatever she was working on at the time—delicious cinnamon rolls, wonderful cookies, moist cakes—but my baking skills are still sub-par. She was an expert at the art of letter writing, constantly corresponding with numerous acquaintances, but she often called my penmanship horrible, complaining that I never wrote in cursive, just chicken scratch.  Her garden was always full of beautiful flowers and tasty vegetables, and I spent many a summer day helping harvest, but I can’t keep a cactus alive. Regardless of all that, every time I work on a sewing project, I remember sitting in the spare bed room, setting up her sewing machine, and sewing away at whatever I could think of to make out of the scraps I dug out of the depths of her fabric dresser. It’s a wonderful memory, and a defining skill.

Pee-paw

Although I didn’t consciously meet him until I was 10 years old or so, I’m glad that I was able to develop a close relationship with my paternal grandfather before he passed away this January. He taught me a lot about classic cars and history. He also taught me that there’s nothing wrong with reading a pulpy romance novel for the historical setting (*wink*). He might have stuck to the historicals more than the paranormal, but my willingness to be entertained by these non-literary masterpieces is thanks to him and his his paperback collection.

Granny

Granny, Pee-paw’s wife, was a defining part of my late teenage years. Again, although I didn’t know her for most of my young childhood, we established a wonderful bond before she passed away my senior year of college. Her years-long fight with cancer (surviving well past most of the expiration dates her doctors tried to give her) was an inspiration; gumption and plain ol’ stubbornness can get you a long way. She expected great things out of me, and made sure that I planned on staying on path for college and graduation. Not to say she wouldn’t have loved another great-grandkid (there are quite a few), she always reminded me that she would be sublimely happy if I didn’t get married or have a kid before she died; just to be sure that I’d get through school and be successful in a career before I started a family. While she may not have been a CEO, she was nothing if not successful. Successful in raising four boys. Successful in being a matriarch of a huge family. Successful in all the work she did for Eastern Star and the town she lived in. She taught me that you have to want success, work for it, and balance the fine line between strong-willed and obstinate.

Grandma Faye

We lived with my Grandma Faye for many years, throughout her long decline from Alzheimer’s. She fought the disease for many years before passing away my sophomore year of college. It is a terrible disease that changes a person’s personality immensely—especially when someone battles it for a decade—but I still remember my Grandma before the disease advanced. From her, I learned a lot about compassion and that family isn’t necessarily just about blood. All her life, she took in strays (of the human, kind, not so much the animal), giving them a sense of family. She was always willing to help with whatever was needed. She taught me cursive (not that I use it), religion and tried to teach me how to cook. She taught me to play the piano. I can still bang out “When the Saints Go Marching In” and “Amazing Grace” by heart (though not any better than I could at five years old). When my cousins and I were young, she took hundreds of photos of us (this was before digital), and encouraged me to take them as well. I’m not a great photographer, but I do enjoy heading out to Carl’s races with my camera in hand. Her encouragement of all my projects pushed me to be as creative as I could be, something I endeavor to continue.

Grandpas Joe

I have three grandpas Joe, one of whom is still living. The others, my maternal grandfather (husband of Faye) and a great-grandfather (husband of Edie) passed away 20 and 10 years ago, respectively. While I was still quite young when they died, I’ve found that they’ve both taught me many lessons posthumously. Both men were the breadwinners of the home, career men for their companies. They also both died rather unexpectedly. Luckily for my grandmothers, who both outlived their husbands by a decade or more, both men were also frugal, smart investors who left enough money behind to make sure their wives could get by without too much of a difference in quality of life. At 3 and 13, the concept of retirement planning, pensions, and investments was a nebulous concept, but now that I’m grown and saving for myself, I credit these two men with teaching me the lesson that the future matters: be prepared for it (and the living Grandpa Joe’s pretty smart about it all too).

What is your favorite or most useful lesson from a grandparent (or grandparent-ly figure)?