I was born without a hip socket on the right side and have short-term memory loss…not a lot but enough to make a difference (I also have dyslexia but that doesn’t bother me a whole lot). My hip has caused me-still to this day, in fact-a lot of pain. My life has been restricted because of it. I am the type of person that naturally has a lot of energy but because of my hip I can’t get rid of it most days. …it has caused many panic/anxiety attacks. When I was a little girl I decided I wouldn’t let this bother me. I have never known I day where I am not restricted in my movements nor have I known I day that is not filled with pain. I told myself I could push through this that I could find a way to live a happy life.
Along with having more energy than I know what to do with I also have an incredible curiosity for things. Anything and everything interest me…but the one thing that has consumed my mind is people. I love people (I don’t mean it in a creepy way I just find human behavior interesting) I wanted to explore the world to see other countries. I wanted to see the world and the people in it. I wanted to know who they were and how they lived. I wanted to see it for myself… it’s a hard thing to do if you don’t have tons of money laying around so I decided to go to college. I thought that I could see the world, or at least part of it, if I had a good job. Maybe, if I was lucky, I could even find a job that required me to move around to different places. I knew it would take years and a lot of hard work for that to happen but it was something I desired with everything in me so it was more than worth the effort. …in my excitement I had forgotten about my short-term memory loss (it’s kind of funny to think that :]).. I struggled in school but kept going. I wanted this. I’ve never wanted something so bad. In my second year I had a hard time passing a history course. I was on the third attempt when it hit me. I was spending all this money-my parent’s money-and I was struggling to pass the basics. THE BASICS! I felt so guilty. I was putting my family in a stressful situation because of my selfishness. I dropped out. I couldn’t keep doing that to them. It was a waste of time. It was a bad idea.
That was over a year ago and since then I have been severally depressed. I feel trapped in my own body. I hate the person that I am. I feel useless. I am useless.
I have thought of suicide. I have planed it out. I have written notes…but I can’t do it. I can’t because of my parents. My older sister isn’t the nicest towards them so they look to me for help when they need it. Always me. They always say ‘thank God we have another daughter that actually loves us’! How can I end my pain when they say things like that?
It may seem silly to want death because of this…but I am so tired. I’m tired of having to pick myself up all the time.
When I first thought of suicide as an option I pushed everyone I could out of my life. Now I have no friends. I don’t speak to anyone that isn’t related to me. …I can’t speak to them about my pain, either. My parents are old fashion so I would only get yelled and we would just argue. I would end up feeling guilty and…Just worse. Talking to them would be a bad idea. I tried talking to my sister but she doesn’t want to hear me. She ignores me…and then when she’s in a somewhat playful mood she tells me to commit suicide. …it’s like she really wants me to do it. I don’t know if she really does…but sometimes I wonder. The point is I am completely alone in this. I am left to drown in my sorrow. I feel like I’ve lost everything and now I don’t know what to do. I don’t have any direction and have no one to ask. I can’t do everything on my own.
I don’t know if I should take my life. My sister says that there is no point to life. No one has a reason to live. We all do because we are alive…so if this is true why should I drag on? Why suffer?
If I choose against suicide I have to do something to help with the pain I feel inside. I have always tried to hide my pain from others so they wouldn’t worry about me and now I can’t really let my emotions out. …the only way I can is when I cut. I have stopped twice in the past (after being caught by my family) and I haven’t cut since the last time I quit (that was a year and one month ago) but it’s always on my mind. If I decide against suicide than I will start to cut again. I can’t go throw this shitty life I’ve created for myself without it.
The problem is I have to choose soon. My parents are thinking of moving back to Mexico. I have a choice to either stay here or go with them. I don’t want to die in Mexico (I don’t know why). If I cut I will not attempt suicide ….I want to be able to tell me mother (in a note of course) that I kept my promise this time and didn’t cut.
…I don’t know what to do. I’m scared. I’m alone.
I don’t know what to do.
This has been my life. This has always been my life. This will always be my life. Hell. I could end it…but I would be a useless coward who, in the end, only hurt her family. I could go on…and continue my useless existence until my natural end…always hating myself and wishing I was dead.
I was born without a hip socket on the right side and have short-term memory loss…not a lot but enough to make a difference (I also have dyslexia but that doesn’t bother me a whole lot). My hip has caused me-still to this day, in fact-a lot of pain. My life has been restricted because of it. I am the type of person that naturally has a lot of energy but because of my hip I can’t get rid of it most days. …it has caused many panic/anxiety attacks. When I was a little girl I decided I wouldn’t let this bother me. I have never known I day where I am not restricted in my movements nor have I known I day that is not filled with pain. I told myself I could push through this that I could find a way to live a happy life.
Along with having more energy than I know what to do with I also have an incredible curiosity for things. Anything and everything interest me…but the one thing that has consumed my mind is people. I love people (I don’t mean it in a creepy way I just find human behavior interesting) I wanted to explore the world to see other countries. I wanted to see the world and the people in it. I wanted to know who they were and how they lived. I wanted to see it for myself… it’s a hard thing to do if you don’t have tons of money laying around so I decided to go to college. I thought that I could see the world, or at least part of it, if I had a good job. Maybe, if I was lucky, I could even find a job that required me to move around to different places. I knew it would take years and a lot of hard work for that to happen but it was something I desired with everything in me so it was more than worth the effort. …in my excitement I had forgotten about my short-term memory loss (it’s kind of funny to think that :]).. I struggled in school but kept going. I wanted this. I’ve never wanted something so bad. In my second year I had a hard time passing a history course. I was on the third attempt when it hit me. I was spending all this money-my parent’s money-and I was struggling to pass the basics. THE BASICS! I felt so guilty. I was putting my family in a stressful situation because of my selfishness. I dropped out. I couldn’t keep doing that to them. It was a waste of time. It was a bad idea.
That was over a year ago and since then I have been severally depressed. I feel trapped in my own body. I hate the person that I am. I feel useless. I am useless.
I have thought of suicide. I have planed it out. I have written notes…but I can’t do it. I can’t because of my parents. My older sister isn’t the nicest towards them so they look to me for help when they need it. Always me. They always say ‘thank God we have another daughter that actually loves us’! How can I end my pain when they say things like that?
It may seem silly to want death because of this…but I am so tired. I’m tired of having to pick myself up all the time.
When I first thought of suicide as an option I pushed everyone I could out of my life. Now I have no friends. I don’t speak to anyone that isn’t related to me. …I can’t speak to them about my pain, either. My parents are old fashion so I would only get yelled and we would just argue. I would end up feeling guilty and…Just worse. Talking to them would be a bad idea. I tried talking to my sister but she doesn’t want to hear me. She ignores me…and then when she’s in a somewhat playful mood she tells me to commit suicide. …it’s like she really wants me to do it. I don’t know if she really does…but sometimes I wonder. The point is I am completely alone in this. I am left to drown in my sorrow. I feel like I’ve lost everything and now I don’t know what to do. I don’t have any direction and have no one to ask. I can’t do everything on my own.
I don’t know if I should take my life. My sister says that there is no point to life. No one has a reason to live. We all do because we are alive…so if this is true why should I drag on? Why suffer?
If I choose against suicide I have to do something to help with the pain I feel inside. I have always tried to hide my pain from others so they wouldn’t worry about me and now I can’t really let my emotions out. …the only way I can is when I cut. I have stopped twice in the past (after being caught by my family) and I haven’t cut since the last time I quit (that was a year and one month ago) but it’s always on my mind. If I decide against suicide than I will start to cut again. I can’t go throw this shitty life I’ve created for myself without it.
The problem is I have to choose soon. My parents are thinking of moving back to Mexico. I have a choice to either stay here or go with them. I don’t want to die in Mexico (I don’t know why). If I cut I will not attempt suicide ….I want to be able to tell me mother (in a note of course) that I kept my promise this time and didn’t cut.
…I don’t know what to do. I’m scared. I’m alone.
I don’t know what to do.
This has been my life. This has always been my life. This will always be my life. Hell. I could end it…but I would be a useless coward who, in the end, only hurt her family. I could go on…and continue my useless existence until my natural end…always hating myself and wishing I was dead.
I was born without a hip socket on the right side and have short-term memory loss…not a lot but enough to make a difference (I also have dyslexia but that doesn’t bother me a whole lot). My hip has caused me-still to this day, in fact-a lot of pain. My life has been restricted because of it. I am the type of person that naturally has a lot of energy but because of my hip I can’t get rid of it most days. …it has caused many panic/anxiety attacks. When I was a little girl I decided I wouldn’t let this bother me. I have never known I day where I am not restricted in my movements nor have I known I day that is not filled with pain. I told myself I could push through this that I could find a way to live a happy life.
Along with having more energy than I know what to do with I also have an incredible curiosity for things. Anything and everything interest me…but the one thing that has consumed my mind is people. I love people (I don’t mean it in a creepy way I just find human behavior interesting) I wanted to explore the world to see other countries. I wanted to see the world and the people in it. I wanted to know who they were and how they lived. I wanted to see it for myself… it’s a hard thing to do if you don’t have tons of money laying around so I decided to go to college. I thought that I could see the world, or at least part of it, if I had a good job. Maybe, if I was lucky, I could even find a job that required me to move around to different places. I knew it would take years and a lot of hard work for that to happen but it was something I desired with everything in me so it was more than worth the effort. …in my excitement I had forgotten about my short-term memory loss (it’s kind of funny to think that :]).. I struggled in school but kept going. I wanted this. I’ve never wanted something so bad. In my second year I had a hard time passing a history course. I was on the third attempt when it hit me. I was spending all this money-my parent’s money-and I was struggling to pass the basics. THE BASICS! I felt so guilty. I was putting my family in a stressful situation because of my selfishness. I dropped out. I couldn’t keep doing that to them. It was a waste of time. It was a bad idea.
That was over a year ago and since then I have been severally depressed. I feel trapped in my own body. I hate the person that I am. I feel useless. I am useless.
I have thought of suicide. I have planed it out. I have written notes…but I can’t do it. I can’t because of my parents. My older sister isn’t the nicest towards them so they look to me for help when they need it. Always me. They always say ‘thank God we have another daughter that actually loves us’! How can I end my pain when they say things like that?
It may seem silly to want death because of this…but I am so tired. I’m tired of having to pick myself up all the time.
When I first thought of suicide as an option I pushed everyone I could out of my life. Now I have no friends. I don’t speak to anyone that isn’t related to me. …I can’t speak to them about my pain, either. My parents are old fashion so I would only get yelled and we would just argue. I would end up feeling guilty and…Just worse. Talking to them would be a bad idea. I tried talking to my sister but she doesn’t want to hear me. She ignores me…and then when she’s in a somewhat playful mood she tells me to commit suicide. …it’s like she really wants me to do it. I don’t know if she really does…but sometimes I wonder. The point is I am completely alone in this. I am left to drown in my sorrow. I feel like I’ve lost everything and now I don’t know what to do. I don’t have any direction and have no one to ask. I can’t do everything on my own.
I don’t know if I should take my life. My sister says that there is no point to life. No one has a reason to live. We all do because we are alive…so if this is true why should I drag on? Why suffer?
If I choose against suicide I have to do something to help with the pain I feel inside. I have always tried to hide my pain from others so they wouldn’t worry about me and now I can’t really let my emotions out. …the only way I can is when I cut. I have stopped twice in the past (after being caught by my family) and I haven’t cut since the last time I quit (that was a year and one month ago) but it’s always on my mind. If I decide against suicide than I will start to cut again. I can’t go throw this shitty life I’ve created for myself without it.
The problem is I have to choose soon. My parents are thinking of moving back to Mexico. I have a choice to either stay here or go with them. I don’t want to die in Mexico (I don’t know why). If I cut I will not attempt suicide ….I want to be able to tell me mother (in a note of course) that I kept my promise this time and didn’t cut.
…I don’t know what to do. I’m scared. I’m alone.
I don’t know what to do.
This has been my life. This has always been my life. This will always be my life. Hell. I could end it…but I would be a useless coward who, in the end, only hurt her family. I could go on…and continue my useless existence until my natural end…always hating myself and wishing I was dead.
Find rest and peace in Jesus, who suffered more than any man so that all men could be forgiven, and given eternal life. But not only that, a relationship through Jesus with the Father.
“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life”. John 3:16
Isaiah 53:5
“But he was wounded for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his stripes we are healed.”
As Christians around the world celebrate his death and resurrection. Let me say this unto you who suffers, you are not forgotten by God, he knows your suffering and can relate to the suffering of man. He suffered more than we can imagine, he was beat until he was unrecognizable, and then nailed to the cross. He went through it all for you, because he loves you and wants you to be his child, he is a loving father, who is not unwilling to give good gifts to his children. Have your burdens relieved by Jesus, come and taste the living water.
“I am the door. If anyone enters by me, he will be saved and will go in and out and find pasture. The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep”. John 10:9-11
Pray and he will hear you, ask to be forgiven of your sin and he will surely forgive you. “Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded” James 4:8. “Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.” James 4:10
He is your father, pray to Him as a child prays to his father.
He loves us despite our transgressions.”But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” Romans 5:8.
“Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends”. John 15:13
Isaiah 53:5
“But he was wounded for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his stripes we are healed”.
Don’t wait any longer, come to Jesus who sacrificed his life for you! Don’t deny his love for you any longer, accept Him, he wants you as His child. Come, know that the lord is good!
God Bless you all, even those who mock and dont listen, may Jesus come and and destroy the lies. May he lift you up and give you peace and blessing those who suffer. Do not give up hope there is hope for those who trust in Christ! 28 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28
I invite any who reads this to reach out to a local church, christians in the church are not lacking in being generous to the hurting and those are in need. It is what Jesus commands us to do. I pray for you everyday, that you may know Gods great unfailing love for you. Life may be hard and the thought of ending it all may seem comforting, but instead give your life to the God who controls all things!
God bless you! I love you, I know personally the suffering one can encounter, but take heart, Jesus is there for you, always.
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because this i can know how life, suddenly missed my past life without darknesss and decided back to home. by this time now i tring awake with what i did is wrong, now im trying to get up of sucks. have been for 6 months i didnt hangout with friends, stoped drunk, and focus on my study. I dont want to be weak for that, i must be strong to face the real life without do wrong life anymore. sorry my english is bad. :)hehe
]]>no friends, no social life. no jobs, no skills, no… go on, everything that comes to your mind goes there.
i am depressed, abusive father, stupid mother, gold digger slut sister.
i also take some medication, doc told me i have to take it for a couple of years.
I LIVE IN ONE OF THE WORST COUNTRIES IN THE WORLD, so i do not even have the advantages of living in a decent country.
my father died of cancer, also my parents were not a really good one, i took care of him, i do not know why, he thought for his heritage, so did my mother…
i have no purpose in my life, nothing interests me.
i am not just complaining, i tried to help myself but was no good.
i was bullied in school,.. a lot.
they use to make fun of me, cause i was shy, stupid, lazy, …
i really never had a girlfriend ( for those of you who think we live in tents, having a gf is pretty normal here)
hell i do not even have male friends.
yes and i am a virgin, honestly i do not care about it that much compared to other problems.
my asshole of a father left us with a lot of troubles.
hell… i am living in a fucked up country where even you can not even wear what you want.
and America wants to bomb us
i am sure even if they throw a bomb, it will hit me first.
i do not even have friends over the internet.
i wish i could get away from here, but i can not, too many problems,.
thanks for reading.
just wanted to talk about my life.
life sucks very much.
My reply was that I don’t particularly care for people in the public eye who glorify violence and crime to our younger generation. Following that a few people in the room got very offended when I said that Tupac was ‘a cunt’. A girl opposite me looked at me as if to say ‘who do you think you are?’ and laughed at me to her friend,
I went to to say that I’ve experienced more heartache than 90% of these people who seem to think that it’s okay to turn to crime just because ‘theyve had a tough life’.
I’ll tell you what a tough life is
I have never met my biological father. I never even new I had two dads until last year. My biological dad is dead from excessive use of crack and heroine which caused him to develop cancer. He died four years ago and I have never met him, I don’t even know his fucking name.
Upon learning this I also gained knowledge relating to my ‘alter families’ lifestyle. Put simply, they are heroine addicts and my mum took me away from that on purpose to raise me in a better environment.
To give you an idea of the environment I would have been raised in : my step brother was stabbed to death over a drug dispute. My biological fathers best friend was also murdered for similar reasons. Half my family is either dead from drugs, on drugs or has been killed over drugs.
I’m so sheltered right?
But that’s not really the half of it.
My mum has been in and out of mental hospitals for the last decade. She’s tried to kill herself from overdosing in prescription medicine and has been addicted to Valium. She’s been diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder, biopolar and having a personality disorder, seems like the doctors can’t make up their minds. Ever walked through the corridors of a mental institute at twelve to find your mum amongst people who arent even allowed metal cutlery so they don’t stab themselves or other people.
I’ve contemplated suicide many times and have put myself in hospital due to excessive alcohol consumption after being depressed.
Dealing with this sort of thing might seem like hell as an adult, but try dealing with it before you’ve hit 18.
Now I’m not some fucked up sociopath because of it, I consider myself a calm individual who can manage stress with ease. But what really winds me up is being judged as some spoilt rich kid because I happen to speak the English language how it was meant to be spoken, not replacing every other word in a sentence with slang and thinking its reasonable to mug innocent people and incite violence for the sole fact that your family struggle for money.
I’m now studying for a law degree at university and hope to become a solicitor. My life has turned out fine and I’ve never had to hurt someone to get here. SO FUCK TUPAC AND ALL YOU OTHER IMMORAL SACKS OF SHIT.
]]>My dad’s van broke down half an hour away.
I don’t know how to get out of here.
I need to move out.
This is dumb and I want to punch someone. ]]>
My dad’s van broke down half an hour away.
I don’t know how to get out of here.
I need to move out.
This is dumb and I want to punch someone. ]]>
My dad’s van broke down half an hour away.
I don’t know how to get out of here.
I need to move out.
This is dumb and I want to punch someone. ]]>
-got a engineering degree, but still cant able to find job,
-lives in the worst 3rd world country :Pakistan,
-got no reference for any job,
-become isolated from friends due to the fact that i am a big failure,
-even after doing great in high school and college have no future,
-doesnt have any confidence anymore,
-feels sorry for myself and my mom and younger siblings,
-my father and my elder brother are couple of assholes,
-cant stand my mother`s tears,
-cant able do anything,
-worst luck everywhere, and whenever i hope that something might happen then it never does,
-cant able to find peace
-every day after waking up and before going to bed, I cry alot,
-want to suicide so badly,
-once attempted suicide too with a bottle full of sleeping pills but i guess i wasnt lucky anywhere ]]>
no social life
no skills
no job
no money
no looks
no mind
the only thing i’ve got going for me is that i live in a country that isnt the 3rd world
i have a computer that barely works that i try to play online games to forget that i exist, and even that fails, i spend every moment i can playing to forget everything, wasted hours on it and even that, the only thing i have fails aswell
hope things get better maybe one day, all i have now is hope, thats the worst part, because deep down I know nothing will ever change
]]>